If I Were You - 11: Zero To D (with Allison Williams)

Episode Date: July 15, 2013

In this episode, "Girls" star Allison Williams joins us to discuss sexting, shaving, and dead dogs.See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

Feelin' blue don't have a clue what to do about you We'll sit right down and email Jake and Amir That's a profound wisdom you may hear Like if I were you, kill myself at a Starbucks Bravo! Bravo! He, uh, he recorded that himself, I think. Right? Isn't that how music works?

Probably. Yeah, he definitely did. What's his name? Great question. What's his name? I believe. Are you just buying time? No, what do you mean by that?

He recorded that himself on an instrument and used his voice. I don't need to buy time, I know things. And earlier than that he used his brain to come up with the lyrics. Yeah, innate musical ability. Graham Garcia. There it is. How's that for the name? Knew it the whole time.

Hey, it's Allison Williams, our guest for today. No, that's okay. I was going to wait until you jumped in and then introduced you. We could have been here for half an hour before I even said anything. We've actually lost several guests that way. We had some really big names, too. Yeah, we had, uh... Kobe Bryant was on the show for an hour and a half and he was, like, waiting for his turn.

Just too timid. Yeah, and then we ended the show. That was episode six. He came back twice and he still couldn't get it. Every episode we haven't had a guest. Kobe Bryant was sitting in the room staring at us with the headphones on. Just had nothing to add. Yeah, beats by Dre.

What? Very strange. That's the name of the headphone. I thought there was skull candy. Were they not skull candy? You weren't there. You weren't there. He's here now.

Kobe, come on. Say something. Say something. Nothing. Dry. All right. He's a proud man. He's stoic.

Beats by Dre. Let's do it. So, name of the game is If I Were You. It's an advice podcast. We get email submissions, questions, people in sticky situations, and we try to answer them. Sometimes it's me and Jake. Sometimes we have a cool special guest.

And today it's Allison Williams from the hit TV show Girls. But more importantly, from Jake and Amir. Yes, you guys know her as Cheryl. But she's also on television. You should probably check that out. But mostly just Cheryl. Does anybody ever recognize you and say Cheryl and not Marnie? Yes.

It happens a lot. It's a certain demographic, I believe. I can picture them. 14 to 18-year-old Jewish boys. Are they mostly in Yarmulkes? Mostly. And there's not much overlap between that and girls. But it always makes me happier in a way because the enthusiasm level is higher.

Oh, that's great. Because it's just like very excited, unbridled excitement. That's good to know. We're excited. Yeah, that's us right now. Because we also recognize you from our videos. And it's so awesome to have you. It's got to be a weird experience.

Yeah, the email that you can email is ifiriyusho.com. Keep them coming. They've been great. We were in England and vacationing in Iceland for two weeks. So we had like a thousand emails to get through. So these are high quality. We were very, very selective. I'm really excited.

And now we're back and we're ready to go. Are you ready to answer some questions? Yes. I'm so happy to be here. Oh, my God. I'm a major, major fan. I can't believe it. We're so proud to have you as a fan.

You're actually our only listener. Yeah. Last episode got a, it got one play, which is. I know. I'm sorry. I didn't, I know. Isn't that weird? Yeah.

Usually I listen to it many times. At least tell a friend. Jesus. I did. Thank you. You guys listen to it together. All right. This one comes from let's call them a dude named Nick.

Nick. A dude named Nick. These names are fake, but the emails are real. Nick is not a real name. I just made that up. It's for Nick Lata. I've been flirting with a girl a lot recently and at night she often asks me to send her an exciting picture.

I assume she wants to start sexting, but I'm afraid that if I go first, I might embarrass myself. I've already asked her what exciting means, but she doesn't really give me an answer. Should I give her that D? That's the question. Should I give her that D? Should I give her that? It's like so well thought out and coherent the entire time.

This guy seems nice. He's normal. Should I give her the D? It seems like two different. It seems like he's asking two different questions. So what are the two questions in your mind? One is what is an exciting picture mean and should I send one? And the other one is should I give her the D?

The answer to the second question is absolutely green light. Really? I feel like he has a picture of his throbbing erection on his phone right now. He's listening to this podcast. Do I press send? Do I press send? I'm ready. I think you think he's going to go from zero to a throbbing dick pic?

To D? Zero to D. You don't go zero to D. You've got to pass it. You've got to go like 15. First thing in the year? From now on let's call it TD because it's got to be throbbing dick. There's no way he's sending like a softie.

So it's going to have to be a very short movie though because if you want to capture the throbbing. Sexting out his images. It's going to have to be a gift. A gift of your throbbing D. That's an exciting picture. That's really exciting actually. I asked her what exciting means so it's like what's exciting? She's like I don't know.

Surprise me. And then an animated give of a throbbing dick. Well that did surprise me. That is such a weird adjective. That is such a weird move. No, exciting. Exciting is strange. Send me an exciting picture.

You know what's not exciting is asking what do you mean by exciting? That's where it takes you out of the sexting. You don't go from zero to TD. You got a third gear, fourth gear. I'm just going to put it in drive. I've never sent sexy pictures. Yes you have. I've never sent a dick picture.

Thank you for using the full term. A dick picture. A dick pic. I've never sent that D. So when they want an exciting picture what have you sent? That feels so embarrassing. Actually just get nude right now. Take a picture of yourself.

Allison listens to this so like I've said more embarrassing things. That's true you've gotten really raw. But like now that you're here I'm mortified. I mean in front of Kobe you're just a cool clam. Very collected. Well me and Kobe go way back. He's been here for like three different podcasts. I guess I've taken my shirt off and sent shirtless pictures to girls before.

Does that do anything? As a girl like seeing a shirtless guy? I don't know. Were they asked for or unsolicited? They were always solicited. I mean let me clarify to any lawyer listening. They were of consenting age and they asked for the picture.

You guys have a mostly lawyer audience right? Mostly 14 year old Jewish lawyers. I think I'm trying to think of where I was going with this. Alright so here's my theory. This is a theory. Are you changing my?

Are you not answering my question of what you said? Oh no a shirtless picture. Of me with no shirt on. Flexing in a mirror. Flexing as hard as you can. You popped blood vessels. The sad thing is that I didn't even send them a current picture. It was like a picture from like several months before

when I had like worked out. I remember clearly I sent it to my brother. So I had a picture where I looked strong on my phone and that's what I sent to this girl. But I think when it comes to guys sending exciting pictures it's a little lateral.

I don't think girls get off to a picture of me shirtless. I feel like that picture goes from her cell phone to her friends. Now I've got you. Now I can send you one. So you're just using it to like if you want to embarrass me you can

because you have an embarrassing photo of me. Now send me an embarrassing photo of you and for girls it's a little bit more than just the shirtless picture. She can send a picture of her boobs and she's got one of him compromised. So now it's like if you want to leak it then I'll leak yours. So we're both embarrassing ourselves here.

I don't know. I feel like she's just being strange. I think she's weird. You think she's weird? For asking for it so explicitly is weird and for specifying the kind of picture. Well like if you don't ask for it how do you get there? Just see it in person.

What do you mean see it in person? I know. It's so old fashioned. You mean an email? Yeah, an email. Oh she means video chat. So what's the advice? I say do not send the D. Don't go zero to D.

Exciting picture. Send her a picture of a dinosaur. What's more exciting than an aclea source? Very little. I agree. I think you send her a picture of your face maybe of your body. Maybe not D.

Do not send her the D. I think he means dinosaur by D actually. Oh just send her the D. It's actually a dinosaur's dick though. The double D's. What do you say? I would say don't send the D. Because once you send the D game over

she doesn't have to send anything back. Also I'm not sure how photogenic they are. You have to like oh my god I've tried to take dick pictures. I've never sent one. Your phone is just littered with your own dick pics. Yeah anytime I show someone my phone

do not swipe it left or right. Girls' privates are so much more photogenic than guys' privates I think. Yeah Jesus. An erect throbbing penis is the most unattractive looking thing. It's a pretty aggressive move. Don't send the D.

Send a thumbs up. I would say work up to her. Can you send me an exciting picture? You definitely want your thumbs up in the dick picture so you can see like the reference how big the dick is. Or like you can be gripping the D and by doing so it's a thumbs up.

It's true. So like oh thumbs up to you I'm also holding a D. I don't know I feel like we're venturing back into the D territory. That would have made some good progress getting away from it. Alright we gave Nick some solid advice. Let's move on. The email again is ifiroyoushowatgmail.com

and this one comes from someone named Mike. Fake name. We're not going to expose this person. My neighbors left for a trip two weeks ago and they asked me to feed and walk their dog every day. I've done it before so it's not that big of a deal. Now this dog is really old. He's 12 years old

and on the 7th day I completely forgot about the dog. My parents left with a car so I had no way to get to the house. I went to go feed the dog the very next morning but he was dead. It couldn't have died after one night without food right? Does this make me a bad person

because when I called them for the car they reassured me it would be fine. Sad face. How can I tell the owners and how will I tell my parents and how will I get paid? Love Mike. Wait this is... What are we going to say? It's my favorite question we've ever gotten.

Do you think this is real? I think it's real. I think you can't make up being such a dumb bad person. The last question is how do I get paid? Right and one of them is does this make me a bad person? Yes. Also next door neighbor requires a car?

I'm missing that laundry. They must live very far away from their neighbors. They're very wealthy. Or he's extremely lazy. I mean... He's a bad person for trying to pin this on his parents. They said it was okay. Like in the beginning

he says they ask me to do it all the time so it's no big deal. And then fast forward to I completely forgot. For a whole day. And then you're saying like is it my parents fault? That you forgot for a day and then at night they didn't have the car? I think Mike just wanted to feel a little bit better

but no Mike you have blood on your hands. You have 12 year old loyal faithful. Oh my God. That dog got a personality at this point. Dogs are so... They're the best. Mike you deserve to be dead. Again to the young lawyers listening. That was not a real threat.

I'm sorry Mike. If you're under 14 I'll send you a picture of my dick. I don't know. Amir what do you think? How can I tell the owners? You don't have to tell them. They'll find out. How will I tell my parents? You have to tell the owners.

Oh by the way before you go in Betty she's... On the 7th day he forgot. That's about half of his job. They were gone for two weeks. Can you imagine if the Old Testament went that way? On the 7th day he forgot to feed everything it just created

and it died. But he wanted to get paid. You're not getting paid you ass. How do I get... How do I pass this off on to my parents and then so I can still get the money? I'd love for it to at least get paid 6th, 7th of what I'm owed. I mean if let's say I'm owed $70 give me $60.

Yes this was a loyal service dog. Being raised to deep-blind children. I don't think you will get paid. I think you get paid at the end if services are completed and rendered and judging by the dead dog they weren't. Well to be fair he did it for the first six days so... And wait weren't they gone for two weeks?

Oh that's true. So yeah he did it for six days. On the 7th day it's dead so the dog is presumably... Well actually on the 7th day he wasn't dead on the 8th day he was dead, the 7th day he forgot. So I mean the dog is still alive kind of under his care. And I feel like he's stressed out enough about it so he's just kind of owed payment for that thing.

I feel like... He's just saying that $200 for the two weeks. I say $100 he's owed. But I think he should be liable for cremating the dog which I think is inexpensive. Oh my god. Have you ever had a dog sit down? Yeah I just feel so bad for the family.

They went on vacation. Two weeks is a long time to go on vacation. When I used to go on vacation with my family we'd be so excited to come back to the dog. That was the one thing that was like leaving vacation okay. Well at least we had to go see Bob. Bob!

We had Lucy. What kind of dog was Lucy? She was a little white mutt. She looked like a wolf. Oh fuck yeah dude, Bob was a mutt. And that's our time. Thank you so much. So our advice is give me your address so I can come kick your ass and murder Bob.

Lucy for crying out loud. Remember in Home Alone where he sets up that booby trap where the guy walks in and then the paint can just swings in and hits the person. So I think that's how we should tell the neighbors. You tie up the dead dog on a rope and then they open.

By its service best. And it sort of swings in greets the owners one last time and they'll notice it's dead. You play a fool. You act dumb. 12 year old dog, that's sort of old, right? Six days decomposition. Rigor mortis, this is bad.

Jesus Christ. I keep on thinking. I don't want to think about the dead dog. I guess you have to call the police. On yourself. You have to call the owners. Tell them what happened. Tell them the truth. Can you get arrested for this?

No, I don't think so. If you were a child you could for sure. What if you did it on purpose? Did you get arrested? I don't think so. What animals would you get arrested for killing on purpose? Dogs. Can you?

Michael Vick got arrested for killing dogs. Or did he get arrested for organizing dog fights and torturing dogs? That you can go to jail for? All right, good. You're going to jail, dude. I just dialed 911. Yeah, Mike.

Sorry, my advice is... Does he need advice? No. Also, you've been gone for weeks. He emailed you. It's come to some kind of resolution already. Oh, that's good. That's true. Email us and let us know how it went.

We can do a follow up. Do you want me to add or should we move on to the next question? I'd like to add RIP dogs. This episode is actually now dedicated to you. You just fill out a brief questionnaire and get matched with a licensed therapist. And you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge.

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you have to drive to and wait in a waiting room. This is done entirely online. But you're still getting professional licensed help. And it's extra affordable. That's betterhelp.com if I were you. Check them out. Thanks, BetterHelp.

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first purchase. Thank you Squarespace. Alright, here's another email from I'm trying to think if it's a girl so we'll call her Carrie. I like this guy named Matthew and I'm

seeing and talking to him a lot but my ex Kevin just got a new girlfriend and I am so jealous I know if Kevin is bad for me he just leaves me and comes back and uses me for blowjobs. Any advice to get over him? It's really hard because he's my best friend's uncle

I feel like the amount of dick content in the beginning of this podcast just became so inappropriate oh my god let's not even give her advice let's just laugh for another 30 seconds

it's really hard because he's my best friend's uncle oh this is even the best part p.s. he's younger than my best friend haha so think about that parents

how does that even work? I think your parents have kids that are like 25 years apart and then the older brother has a son when he's 24 so the daughter has a son

before the mom has his last son the uncle is older as you said 25 years apart I just knew I wasn't going to get it there's math involved I checked out my eyes just went in the air

I just started thinking about bob again r.i.p. hashtag bob this is crazy he only ever uses me for blowjays did she say blowjay? no she says blowjobs but let's change it to blowjay blowjay simpson

and it's really hard because he's my best friend's uncle he's younger than my best friend the image of her best friend's uncle was like an old guy but she's 50 I mean it's like in the question how do I get over him he uses me for blowjobs

just think about that that's not a good place to be and you like this guy she loves Kevin and she likes this guy named matthew her and matthew carry matthew they're a good thing

he appreciates her blowjobs it's nice and then kevin who has a girlfriend but he's still getting blowjobs from his old girlfriend so kevin sounds like a shithead kevin's a really bad guy

is kevin an uncle? kevin is a god damn uncle the weirdest part about kevin is that his nephew is 2 years older than him that shouldn't be right he's niece I'm younger than my niece I want a blowjob whenever I want it and I have a new girlfriend

these don't sound like good things nice people say Matthew sounds good you and matthew have a good thing I've always liked him for you matthew is actually her uncle's cousin matthew is her uncle I zoned out again

it's like family math family tree math yeah I would say ditch the person who only likes you for your blowjobs yeah that's not a nice person unless she gives like an amazing blowjob at which point

okay that's your best characteristic hey at least I value something about you you're a monster you just channeled someone that was not you also that's not how kevin sounds there's no way hey

kevin's not that self aware hey Carrie so I love one part of you the most it just happens to be the part of you that S is my D my favorite thing is to listen to you read these teenage girl submissions because you're like I am so jealous yeah

I mean I would have read any question that ends with by the way he's my best friend's uncle so we don't have to go into too much detail I just really love the way that question ended yeah so our advice is to stop blowing kevin I understand being jealous because he's not yours anymore but consider that you don't actually

miss the person it's just that you lost control of him oh my god it's such a girl thing it's such a girl thing so like say that again so that my my troglodyte brain understands it so you break up with a guy and you still get jealous when you see him with another girl wait did she dump kevin in the first place

I'm not even talking about her anymore I'm going to guess that katharine or Carrie was dumped by kevin and is jealous that he has a new girlfriend not because he's a good dude but because he's not hers anymore let's say Carrie dumped kevin would you say that jealousy is still a natural emotion

a little bit because again it's someone whose emotions are no longer at your back and call oh so you're you're done with them but at a weird level you don't want anyone else to have them either I don't understand that it doesn't make any sense

it's completely logical but it happens all the time yeah I've never broken up with someone and then they're with someone else and you're like no oh yeah I do that all the time sorry I'm thinking about my dog again Bob never did that

I'm channeling the person I wish I was instead of the jealous that I actually am I'm jealous shallow small petty the list will and can go on yeah I'm glad you're here to give us some real

interesting advice rather than joking advice that we always come up with dude you're such a sucka holy shit I was talking to you Allison I can give or take I'm sorry you have to hear that Kobe

Kobe sitting Indian style stretching out as recently healed Achilles do you want to take a little break and talk about the show what do you want to do you want to keep trudging through let's take a nice little breather a breather? yeah let's talk email again

oh I was just going to say how was Allison's week or who gives a shit about that you want to remind everyone the goddamn email that they already know if I were your show at gmail.com how was your week you know I'm really glad you asked thank you it was

it was good it was a good week actually this is going to end up on the show is it no god no um really this never ends up in the show anything we've also never had a guess that we cared about we don't give a shit what

Streeter's been up to what can you tell us that you don't mind sharing with 30 to 45,000 people we are shooting season 3 right now of girls and it's really fun is it different we're not shooting the same stuff that we shot last year

oh so it's new episodes really that's really cool that's tight so how does that work are they like are they like a new when they edit it together it will be new

who are these people who are you being we're frat guys who have never heard of tv no even frat guys who have never heard of tv watch entourage they understand it a little bit we think frat guys so it's like median but like separated into a couple movies

I love that shit I am so when they're like it's an all new episode is that like alright is it some new some older what like get a tequila company I actually wrote an episode it was 9 pages long

and I gave it to Vinny fucks the hottest chick ever no that was an actual episode that they produced I'm thinking of a different episode that I wrote a speck now I'm like a completely different character I'm a frat guy who knows about the industry it's you admitting that you wrote a speck

for entourage at some point in the dark moment I know Dan and David wrote an entourage speck script it would be a fun speck script right actually fuck I'm gonna hit stop recording there's a button that says stop recording

yeah yeah there's a button that says entourage speck script oh mercy me alright I'm ready good break great break great break this one comes from abu nizir

abu fucking nizir if you can believe that I can I can't believe it nizir nizir let her go nizir that's pretty good thank you Jess alright dad my name is

let's just do homeland impressions for the rest of the show my name is okay here's the email my name is abu nizir and I'm 17 years old I recently discovered that my lifelong friend stole my ipod two years ago and has been using it without me knowing

once I found out I swore to myself that I would never hang out with him again but he keeps asking me to chill and I feel bad because his mom is sick should I stick to my principles and not hang out with him or hang out with him just to take his mind off his mom's sickness thanks abu nizir this is a no brainer

hang out with your friend the dude stole your ipod we're on different pages right now that was awful the timing was off on that I'm sorry I feel responsible hang out with your friend whose mom is sick

unless it's a cold should we say that flew her better hang out with him flew her better hang out cause also it's an ipod dude I got two year old ipod if this was a zoon I would say okay hang out but an ipod that carries

some cultural cache people I mean I also think the fact that he said should I stick to my principles and not hang out what are your principles that they ban you from hanging out with your fucking best friend and his dying mom two years ago he has such strong morals that he's now not

hanging out with a friend whose mom is dying at this point I think you can get an ipod for free we'll give you our placement ipod I will give you a shuffle a second generate yeah how much do you shuffle the cheapest shuffle 99 I think no I think it's $49

is it $49 for a shuffle I mean you should just like hound your best friend to use like his mom's make a wish foundation thing for like a fucking yeah wasted on an ipod yeah like a 64 gig yeah like an iPad mini or some shit yeah cause you can sort of use that

as like an mp3 player but like also if you wanted to read shit you can take pictures with it in public yeah it's so tight sorry about your mom man but like god the iPad mini this guy's mom is fine Abu's mom is doing just fine yeah she's killing it right now

she raised the son with such strong moral convictions that he won't even relent to a little bit this rule that he made for himself to not hang out with his friend his lifelong friend you're 17 so like your lifelong friend what is that two years ago I guess from 2015 yeah

what I've had friends longer than this guy's been alive yeah totally yeah so this guy's lifelong friends is you know five to eight years but that feels substantial to him it's all relative percentage wise of his life I guess keeping us honest sorry I'm just saying I just like to sometimes I like to tell

17 year olds that they suck I wonder I know I understand that's perfectly natural you think he told his friend that be like I knew I know that you stole my iPod well he didn't include the fact like he didn't say whether or not he confronted his friend right or if he's just being cold for no reason maybe just

suspects it keep the keep the iPod we're not hanging out why you know why I really don't my mom is dying make 100% sure you didn't lose your iPod yeah that's what I would say that'd be so funny imagine years wasted he goes to his mom's funeral

looking for like his tie to wear to this friend's mom's funeral opens the drawer and it's an iPod oh god bought for him and engraved by his friend's mother this was this means so much to you too oh god it's half of a heart his friends his friends iPod as the other half of the heart

clearly evidence that there's like bigger problems in the world your best friend's mom is so sick that she's gonna die and you're you're like jobs you're obsessed this is an apple commercial this is a really long apple commercial this is actually a galaxy commercial

don't buy my products they turned you into monsters I still have one by the way oh yeah in a box in its packaging because I knew better than to take it out in the first place oh somebody gave it to you as a gift yeah somebody give you a zoom as yeah as a gift I think probably

12 years ago it's at my it's at my Connecticut my parents house in Connecticut I still got 203 you still got 203 so do I yeah we don't lose shit no I still have the frickin zoom man

you still use the zoom that's the difference how do you even get those audio files zoom formatted oh yeah they play MP ones stereo level audio sorry you can never hear it again you can only use one earbud

because that's how many are allowed in a zoom my zoom only has one headlight on it do you remember that song oh my god Jacob Dylan the wall flowers yeah the only song on it he says my zoom only has one headlight on it in one headlight he says me and Cinderella we'll keep it all together

we could drive it home with one headlight my zoom has one headlight yeah Jacob Dylan actually has some really great other songs I love Jacob Dylan he's on season three of girls right he's on season three of girls yeah

he's in all of the seasons but he's a featured extra in the first two cobbies in the background silent uncredited it's actually heavily accredited in every episode ends with directed by Jacob Dylan we wanted to

we got time for one more question we wanted to ask one with coming from a sister asking a question about a brother because you're a sister to a brother right that's true so maybe you can give some really intimate interesting advice to

Jess over here fake name real email hey guys my brother's bedroom is next to mine and since I've moved home for the summer I can hear him listening to porn at night before he goes to bed I don't think he realizes that I can hear him

and he thinks I'm asleep since it's late at night or something how do I let him know in the least awkward way possible that I can hear him and I am not okay with listening to him whack off thanks in advance for any advice Jess that's right so wait a second I have one follow up which is

can she hear him actually whack off or does she just hear the porn sound great question let me email her back stay here for a week and she will totes get back to it both are gross but here's what I would say just yell turn that down once and you're done

all you have to do once did you share a wall with your brother yeah he had the good sense never to do this though never came up that was a great answer I think the least awkward thing you can do is confront it head on it's only awkward if you beat around the bush

you're like hey what are you watching the office no I think she should just be like turn that down that's it I'd be mortified if I were the brother I think if you were the brother you might even be able to delude yourself into thinking that she didn't hear that it was actual porn yet

yes and you can preserve some kind of and then it's a rehearsal dinner story yeah oh that's cute everyone's thinking in terms of rehearsal dinner he knows she's gonna do like turn that down he's gonna be like no

you want some more I accidentally turned it up oh god that's so dry sounding think about your brother stop it what are you doing I'm not telling you it's Bob

Jesus Christ I know what do you masturbate with a cloth yeah yeah I masturbate with a cloth I use a cloth I use what can I say I have been caught cloth handed some people use lube

and I squeeze cloth out of a Jurgen's bottle it can never be too dry for me when I'm running out of a cloth I use sandpaper and beyond that I'm sort of SOL I guess I don't know what that means shit out of luck

now you learned something yeah I did we're at the 35 minute mark but why don't we go for one more bonus question since we're having so much fun people always say they want the podcast to be long here it is mother efforts everyone stops listening this is the worst episode ever

call them a mother effort no this one's a very unique he really has to go alright this one is oh Saul long one stay focused

so I recently got into straight razor shaving and I've been giving friends really close shaves with it word got around to the HR ladies at the company I interned for I'm pretty good friends with them and visit them just to talk to them every once in a while this last time I went they said I could

shave another HR ladies legs I was taken aback 21 and she's 24 but pretty hot but she's married and pregnant it barely shows though the other HR ladies the other HR ladies are saying how they're gonna try convincing her to let me

do it I mean I can't just say no to that right who am I to deny her silky smooth legs but I also imagine it wouldn't take much for it to turn into a sexual thing what do I do Namaste Saul whoa Saul thinks pretty highly of himself

it wouldn't take much for it to become a sexual situation like she would have to decide that she doesn't love her husband or the baby growing inside her once he straight edge shaves those legs it's a game over I just caught that the pregnant HR lady hasn't even been convinced yet they said they want to

I don't even think she knows about it she's not trying to fuck you Saul she doesn't know you exist I don't think Saul I say don't do it the more gentlemanly move is to not do it can you imagine leaving a HR ladies why her of all people that's the kind of thing you report to

those people yeah you report that to HR here let me save you some time the person who threw it at you that you should shave this other person's legs has a crush on you so just go for that original person how girls think I think so yeah oh so like you shave her legs but it's like please

shave mine but no don't shave any women's legs yeah is that even that really pulls back the curtain a little too much there's an artery I feel like can get dangerous wants to shave a girl's legs I love this line though she's pregnant it barely shows so

we get it she's super hot and skinny and she's not providing her child with enough nutrition 24 you've made your point she's 24 pregnant you don't get it it's eight months but it's like a small little cute baby bump I would love to shave your legs man how's that I have a straight

edge my reason hobby is straight edge raising and I would love to just recently got into straight edge and I've ever gotten a straight edge shave it's like very intimate they have to put like the cream and like the hot towel I think every time I've seen portrayed someone's been killed

by this yeah he slits her Achilles tendon like a guy like an evil barber and Achilles tendon would just be like a pain in the ass and an outpatient surgery there's a femoral artery in there somewhere well we could talk to Kobe about it if he ever wanted to open

up about his injury unfortunately Mr. Bryant you weak weak man so the go to advice here is if I were you don't shave these don't shave the pregnant woman's legs yeah you know I would I'd agree with that you know what

you know what that is the equivalent of going from zero to D which is exactly why I endorse it you do you you do you you do you you do you that's my new ringtone has anyone remixed that yet

I would love them to so I'll say it a couple more times just in case they want to you do you the first time you did that I shuddered the first time I heard you say that I was like oh god like a cold wind

I was offended by it in no particular way I'll never say it again don't say it when we say it again oh god what is that like a Drake impression Allison just vomited a little bit no new friends

started from the bottom now we're here he's a principled man Drake has a song called seize the cheese well not yet let's see his dat cheese I can definitely see that cool we're gonna end it with yet another theme song

that we get submitted we get theme songs submitted to our show we haven't actually settled on anything yet we just love the fact that every week we start and end with a new theme song and you can make your own try to keep it to 30 seconds or left you're a jump dude

thanks so much for coming on the show is there anything you want to plug not currently I guess just watch girls when it airs again in January oh you should rent coffee town on iTunes

it is climbing the ranks of rentals on iTunes there we go our buddy Ben Schwartz is in it Glen Howerton is in it Adrian Policki, Josh Groban you can get that on iTunes and yeah watch girls not enough people are watching girls

I hope a lot of people are watching girls anyway thanks for coming on the show whenever you want to come back like seriously we're recording another one next so let's go back to back for some shit it's the same questions and we broke the record for the longest episode oh my god

so yeah we had fun right Coby bald bouncing noise alright this last theme song is by Luke Knudsen thanks so much for listening everyone bye bye

bye bye bye bye bye