If I Were You - 2: Bounce

Episode Date: May 16, 2013

In today's episode we discuss long distance relationships, working out, and most importantly, cats.See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

If I were you, If I were you, If I were you, If I were you, If I were you, If I were you, If I were you, The show starts now. Wow. Holy crap, that was better than yours. That was, you know, they were both equally good in their own way, I think. Well, yeah, that one was better at being good than yours was. At being bad. This is If I Were You, the only advice podcast show on the internet, hosted by us. I'm Amir Blumenfeld, and I am Jake Hurwitz. That's right, and today we're gonna do, you know, more of the same.

If you listen to our first episode, thank you so much. The response has been overwhelming. We are so thrilled with how everybody's enjoying it. We love reading the tweets and the emails, and it's going so well. We were gonna do an episode every Monday, but we thought let's keep the momentum going and do a show on Thursday. Holy shit, what a mistake. Can you believe that? And now we've oversaturated the market.

Suddenly, we're not a hot show anymore. We're a piece of crap. We're a piece of garbage trash. Thanks for letting us know, internet. Yes, thank you so much for everything, and as always, we're gonna be reading emails that we receive from you guys that were sent to If I Were You show at gmail.com. Yes, we got many emails, and we're gonna answer as many questions as we can, but, uh, I guess if we don't answer yours, don't feel bad, because it just means we got a lot of email, and we saved all the questions, so hopefully we'll get to as many of them as possible.

That's right. I mean, or your question was so dumb we don't even want to waste anybody's time by repeating it on the show. That was probably it. We wasted our time, and we won't waste anybody else's. Alright, let's get to it. Oh, the intro. Oh, yeah. We totally forgot. That was, uh, the new intro was, um, written by Gabe Wolf in the first episode. Well, the intro was written by Jake Hurwitz. It was covered by Gabe Wolf. Well, in his own haphazard way, I suppose.

He did it so much better than you. I would say it's rewriting. Jake did the intro for the first episode, and we used that as a call to action, trying to get more talented musicians to record their own theme songs. Equally talented musicians. And we got so many great ones. We're gonna try playing a couple during the show. We don't want to commit to one yet, because they're all so good, but, uh, Gabe might have been our favorite. Right. And if you, like always, you know, if you have, um, any music ability similar to my own,

or is it passing my own, though I can't imagine, send them to us as well, and we'll check them out and maybe play them to introduce the show. Um, alright. First question. Are you ready for this one? As always. Actually, no, I might head out. Jesus, man. Yeah, I'm thinking about bouncing. I know we set up the mics, and we needed half an hour of your time. I know, and I'm just like, I took half an hour to kind of set everything up.

He's leaving. I'm, I'm bouncing. Yeah. Oh my God. You asked. I'm gonna bounce. If you call it bouncing, it doesn't sound quite like I'm abandoning you. I really, I'm sorry. I gotta bounce, babe. I know. Yeah, no, like I really, really need you. I know. I want to be there for you, but shoot, I have to bounce. More than anything, I have to bounce right now.

Alright. You have to reply, I, if anybody ever asks. Alright, alright. No, I hate to let you down. Like, I always wanted to be there for you, but I gotta bounce a piece out. At a funeral. Alright, so this is question number one. As always, we're gonna preserve the anonymity of you guys by creating names out of the blue. So this one was written by Cardic Minst.

Cardic Minst writes, Whoa, dude, you used his real name. No, no, no, that was a fake one. I am a male in high school. I recently caught my best friend's girlfriend cheating on him. We have been really close friends for a long time, and I know how upset he would be if he found out. Yeah. Should I tell him about this, or should I let him find out about it on his own eventually?

I already talked to the guy she slept with, and trust me, he got what he deserved. What? Any advice? He got what he deserved. What? Yeah, what did you do? Don't worry about him. His body's rotting in a ditch somewhere.

But do I tell my friend or let him find out on his own? I know I'm going to be arrested soon. Yeah, there's blood under my fingernail, so someone's going to find out. He got what he deserved. I high-fived him and called him a pimp. Yo, man, you are the bum. You just stole my friend's girl. She's a smoke show.

You're a Casanova and a pimp. My question is, how do I befriend this Casanova hero and drop my loser friend who can't keep a girl in line? You already got what he deserved, which is a blue ribbon and a BJ from the most amazing girl at my high school, my friend's ex-girlfriend. Now tell me what I deserve. A friend who's not a loser. Gosh.

So next question. What answers that? Folding the computer, jumping out of the window. I got a bounce. Against the concrete. So any advice, would you, if you saw someone cheating on your friends or on your, yeah, if you saw your friend's girlfriend cheating on him, would you tell your friend? Would I tell my friend?

Geez. Yeah, I think you have to. I think you got to tell your friend. I think you definitely have to tell his friends. If you're worried about his feelings, like, I don't want to tell my friend because it will hurt his feelings. Think about how hurt his feelings will be when he does find out, finds out that you knew and didn't tell him and let him look like a chump dating a girl who is not faithful

to him. Yeah. And also, who's your allegiance to here? It's like you're covering up for the girl to- For this Casanova hero. This amazing guy. I don't want to blow up this dude's spot. He's a freaking king.

I'm going to look like the troll nerd who ruined amazing number one high school guy's life. What makes you think he's in high school? This other guy's the history teacher. Well, it starts with I'm a male in high school. Yeah, I know the other guy, dude. Oh. The guy stealing that girl. You've got to be in college.

Or like, you know, not in college, but not in high school. He's in junior high. Yeah. He still drives a Chrysler LeBaron, though. 13 years old riding a 21-year-old car. I'm in seventh grade, yeah. And I took your girl to my bar mitzvah. So I guess our advice is that if I were you, I would definitely tell your friend.

Because, yeah, he can't get mad at you. He can only be happy that- And if anything, this will bring you guys closer together. Yeah, dude. You're a faithful friend, unlike his girlfriend. Who's an unfaithful friend? Friend of me. All right.

That was good. That was great. Geez. I'm sorry. Don't toot your own horn like that. Yeah, I know. You absolutely have to bounce. I'm sorry.

It's also funny if you're kicking someone out. Yeah, I'm afraid you have to- I'm bouncing you out of here. You know what? Frankly, you've overstayed your welcome, and I'd like you to bounce. I absolutely will not bounce. I'll stay as long as I goddamn well please. He got what he deserved.

I forcibly bounced him out of my life. Ah, question two. This one comes to us from Dejordan molasses. Dejordan molasses. I own a cat. It constantly wants to cuddle with me, but I'm allergic. Help. What do I do?

Well, I'll tell you what you shouldn't have done. You shouldn't have got a cat. I'm allergic? Sorry. You're writing in for advice a little too late. What the email should have said is, Hi, I'm Dejordan molasses, and I'm thinking about getting a cat, but I'm allergic. Is that the stupidest thing I can do?

The answer is obviously yes. Right. Although there's a follow-up. I'm allergic to key lime pie. I just ate an entire slice, and now my throat's swelling. I'm on the way to the hospital, but uh-oh, the ER doctor was a freaking cat. What should I do? I'm having a weird fever dream.

Get rid of the cat. You know what you can do? You can replace them with literally any other cat because all cats are interchangeable. That is coming from a dog person. That's low. Also, try to find a less needy cat, or there's hairless brands. This is all irrelevant, though, because you already have the cat. If you're allergic to cats, you should have...

Oh, I'm going to find a cat that doesn't like cuddling. I'm going to find a cat that doesn't shed. I'm not going to get a cat. There might be medicines for you, but it's too late. You're typing this email with your swollen fingers as you're just slowly dying from inhaling cat fur. Get rid of the cat. Get rid of the cat. Kill the cat.

Kill the cat. Make the cat bounce. Bounce the cat. Question the third comes from a lady named Fence L. Ooh, she sounds like a sexy lady. Hey, Amir and Jake, my brother is thinking about buying a motorcycle, but I think it's too dangerous. He wrecked every single car he's owned and has miraculously survived them all. I think if he gets a Harley, he might be pushing his luck.

Please help me convince him that he has more to live for, or to convince me that I'm just being over-concerned. No, you shouldn't even... It sounds like he might not be fit to drive a car. He's wrecked every single car he's owned. My brother had a Subaru station wagon, but he came too close to death. Now it's broken. Should he get a car with open sides and two wheels? He's wrecked every... How many cars would that be?

You don't say he's wrecked every car he's owned if it happens just once or twice. He's wrecked the two family cars. No, it sounds like he's wrecked every single car. And not just an accident. He's wrecked them, wrapped them around a tree, miraculously survived. Also, that sounds like he's miraculously survived while many other people have been killed. Actually, the advice that I would give is, give him a motorcycle. I don't think he deserves to live anyway.

He's just going to ride it into some sort of grand canyon and kill himself, I guess. Behind the wheel, he's a manslaughterer. He's a demon. He's a demon behind the wheel of any car with a seatbelt, so let's give him one without one. A motorcycle is completely open on two wheels. In a car, you have a seatbelt, airbags, hard roof, a windshield that's designed not to explode. It's pretty crazy that motorcycles are a thing anyway. There's no way those should be legal.

That's so much more dangerous than anything. You have a helmet sometimes on a motorcycle. Or a leather jacket. I've got a leather jacket and a helmet and I'm going 85 miles per hour weaving in between cars and trucks. That's a lot. You can do that. It's click-it-or-ticket. If you're riding in a car, you have to wear a seatbelt. Or the alternative is to strap yourself into a death rocket and just go on the freeway. That's cool too.

That's fine. Either demon rocket or please, please, please buckle up. We love you. We're concerned for your life. It's absolutely nuts. How many more dangerous things are illegal than motorcycles? I guess any drug, right? Well, not all of the drugs are illegal. Smoking is legal in alcohol.

Tobacco and alcohol are both dangerous. It's legal to have two beers and ride on a motorcycle. Is that true? I mean, I guess so, right? If your alcohol level is below the legal limit and motorcycles are legal. Well, let's do it. I want to live. Why are we recording a freaking podcast?

This is the tamest shit we can do. I don't even understand why I'm wearing a helmet as a law on a motorcycle. You're dead, right? Yeah. Like, hey man, you got to wear a helmet if you're on that motorcycle, because when a truck runs over your head, the helmet will protect you. It absolutely will not. There's no other safety precaution on a motorcycle.

Why make them wear a helmet? Because when you fall out of your motorcycle going 85 on the highway, just tumbling down, running into a car, you're going to need a helmet. Yeah, you don't want to bump your noggin on the way down. Oh, I freaking clipped my skull against the freeway, and that was the only major damage that happened to me. So I guess our advice is, if you love your brother and want him to survive, he definitely shouldn't be riding a motorcycle.

If you can't handle something with four wheels, don't give him something with two. Oh, that's a really good little tidbit. You should make that a bumper sticker. If I can't handle something with four wheels, don't give me something with two. It's like a really tame version of Fast and Furious. That is the bumper sticker of the guy who has his girlfriend cheating on him with that Casanova. That Casanova from our first question is definitely riding a motorcycle.

Just pulling people's girlfriends. And the two nerds who are speaking about how dangerous it is into a microphone feeding into a computer are the guys without motorcycles. Our girlfriends are somewhere cheating on us right now with that 13-year-old in seventh grade. Here's a good time to play another awesome intro song that was given to us by Matt Gilroy. This one was also really awesome. Let's hear it. Let's hear it.

If I were you, podcast show. If I were you, podcast show. If I were you, I'd take a break with Amir and Jake. Listen to the podcast show. If I were you, show.com. I like that one because it's got that plug for the website. It's got the Hey Dude at the end. And watch out for those killer cacti.

It's just like the little western side. Hey Dude theme song. I assume that's what he based it on. Of course. There's like the cowbell in there too. It was really nice. He has a cool attitude. In fact, I'd like to hang out with you.

He's currently on a motorcycle right now recording another song. Now he's dead. What was his name? Do we say that? Matt Gilroy. Matt Gilroy. Thank you very much. That was awesome.

The only weird thing about that one is that he called it the podcast show. Right. Listen to the podcast show. That could be any show. It's also the first time he's ever heard of a podcast. What's this new podcast show? What's this confounded podcast show? I guess I'll write a song about it.

She knew the podcast show. Watch out for them jack rabbits. So yeah, keep sending us songs and we'll just make fun of you for 30 seconds. That was that fair. Thanks for sharing your time and talent with us. Time to take a big fat load of dookie on your chest. Now we're going to nitpick the one thing you did wrong. We're small.

We're small losers. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Thank you, BetterHelp. If you're finding yourself in a difficult, anxious, stressful situation talking to a professional licensed therapist, is the best way to navigate yourself out of that difficult place and it's not necessarily easy to find a therapist, especially one in your area. But BetterHelp makes that all easy because it's online therapy designed to be convenient, flexible and suitable to your schedule.

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So you can find that balance better with BetterHelp. All you got to do is go to betterhelp.com. If I were you, you do that today. You can get 10% off your first month. So the prices are already affordable because you're not paying rent for a building somewhere that you have to drive to and wait in a waiting room. This is done entirely online, but you're still getting professional licensed help and it's extra affordable.

That's betterhelp.com. If I were you, check them out. Thanks BetterHelp. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show. Wow. For years and years and years, we've been ranting and raving about Squarespace because it's the best way for dummies like me and potentially you that don't necessarily know how to code or design to create a professional looking website.

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life and maybe you want to give somebody a gift this season, a summer birthday coming up. Who doesn't want a website? So the best way to do that is to go to Squarespace.com slash if I were you for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, just use that offer code if I were you to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Again, Squarespace.com slash if I were you free trial. Everything looks good.

Let's launch it. Just use that offer code if I were you to save 10% off that first purchase. Thank you. Squarespace. All right. Question number four. How are we doing on time? How are we doing on time?

Oh, four hours. Holy sheesh. We're 15 minutes in and we want to keep it to around half an hour. The magic hour. The magic half hour. Yeah. Let's take a mental break and just complete silence so everybody thinks the podcast is kind of broken.

Did my phone die? All right. Question number four. This one comes to us. This question comes to us from Professor Van Strasenberg. Yeah. That was a name that he gave us. This is pretty good.

You can provide your own fake name. Hey, Amir Jake, going on a vacation with a friend and a group of her friends who I have never met. Sounds dangerous so far. Hoping to make a move on my friend whilst we're down there. However, would this be considered a bad first impression upon the ex-boyfriend who is part of the group that I don't know from your long-term admire in England, Professor Van Strasenberg? Sorry.

He's going on vacation with a friend and a group of her friends who he's never met. Yeah. One of these friends includes the ex-boyfriend and he's wondering if it's going to make a bad impression that he makes a move on this girl on this vacation. That's correct. I mean, yeah. I guess yeah, but why do you care? I'm going on vacation.

The last thing I want to do is just make a bad impression of this girl's ex-boyfriend who I've never met. Who's also on this vacation? For some reason. What a terrible vacation this girl is planning. It's actually nine of her ex-boyfriends and there's one dude that's into her. What are you going on? You sadistic ass, you woman.

I've got two questions. Can I sleep in your bed tonight and why did you bring me here? You temptress. You mean, mean woman. That's the weirdest situation I've ever heard. Maybe that's how they do it in England. They just create weird reality show type vacation circumstances. This is a reality show right now.

This is some kind of weird contest. How long can you stay on this horrible vacation but the girl you like and her ex-boyfriend? What a weird, weird time that must be. What's our advice? I guess the advice is who gives a sheesh if you have a bad first impression upon the ex-boyfriend? I like that it's a bad first impression too. You're going to have a long relationship with this guy that you don't want to start off on the wrong foot. Why are you going on this trip?

My advice is to just be like, I don't know if I should come. It sounds like, no, he's definitely going. It's all your friends and your ex. Are you sure you want me there? I haven't met any of them. I am invited. Okay, I'm going to pack my bags. I'm afraid I'm going to want to kiss you and then your ex-boyfriend will see it.

In our long relationship, we'll start off on the wrong foot. Also, maybe examine this through the lens of maybe she doesn't want you to make this move if she's inviting you on vacation with her ex. No, I mean, if she's inviting him on vacation, she's not annoyed by him. I guess that's true. I would think so. So I would say go for it, make the move, or you can wait until you're back from the vacation. You don't have to make the move while you're on vacation.

Right. Yeah, you know, go with your gut, which so far has gotten you into this situation. So let's trust it. Although if I were you, I would not go on the vacation. If I were you, as much as making fun of you, if I were you, I would go on the vacation full on make a move. But then you'd make an enemy out of her ex-boyfriend who, you know, could be your next best friend. He's going to be the best man at the wedding.

That's for sure. All right, moving right along. Question number five. Number five, looking alive. We should do a rhyme like that. No, we don't have to. Okay. That's what a big pushover you are.

Yeah, whatever. I'm editing the podcast myself, throwing it in. It's clearly cut in there after the fact. I just take your laughter from a different joke and splice it in. Number five, keeping alive. I just moved to the middle of Butt F. Nowhere in Ohio for my internship, and I'm extremely bored with nothing to do. This is coming from an Ohio State email account.

So I hate to do some investigative work, but it's coming from Columbus, Ohio. I'm extremely bored with nothing to do. I finished exploring, and the internet here makes an hour's show on Netflix, take four hours to download. What should I do? Don't say masturbate. Shit. He said don't say masturbate.

We can still say it. This is coming from a guy we like to call Skinny Dennis. We thought it would be fun if we could set him up on a friend date. Right. We don't have any actual advice aside from that he's got to meet people, and the way we thought that we could help him is if you go to Ohio State or live in Columbus and you're looking for a friend because you're also bored and tired of masturbating and waiting four hours for your Netflix movies to load, email us at ifiwereyoushow at gmail.com.

That's right. And we will set you up with Skinny Dennis on a friendship date. Just a friend date. I mean, you guys already have something in common. You listen to this podcast. There you go. We'll set you up on a vacation with Skinny Dennis and his ex-boyfriend or girlfriend. Yes.

That'll be fun. And if you do go on a friendship date with him, please email us and let us know how it goes. God, I really hope he doesn't end up murdering someone. I'm going to feel slightly guilty about that. Yeah, we'll have slightly guilty. You would have orchestrated the entire thing. I think you could be tried in that case.

Oh, God. No, I feel really bad. Let's listen to the third good song that we liked. You guys, this is another example of a theme song. We still don't have a theme song, so we're asking smart and talented and musically inclined people to submit their own versions of what you think would be a good theme song. We didn't really give any parameters, but they should be 30 seconds or less, but all of these have been so far.

Right. This is another good one from someone named Sarah Bush. Solid. Was that a ukulele, you think? I think, well, I guess it must have been. Yeah, because girls don't know how to play guitars. Oh, that is your own. What a bounce.

I'm bouncing now. Oh, my God. You dick. You diva prick ass. And you know, I'm going to bounce or you bounce. I feel like you just want to leave. One of us has to bounce. Do you have a doctor's appointment right now?

You're clearly just trying to leave or bounce. I've seen you texting. I'll be there in five minutes. I swear to God, since we sat down, it's clearly something to do with the fact that you just want to bounce. I've got to bounce, unfortunately. That was a really cute song. The one weird part is when you guess what you're going to say where we would make out.

Yeah. If I were you, would we make out? Sort of. Yeah. That's a weird little mind bend right there. If I were you, would you be me too? That's cute. That's cute.

Would we make out? So basically if we traded bodies, would we make out? I guess if we're currently making out, we would. Why would it be any different? If I were you, would we make out? No, probably not. I guess actually maybe though. If I were somebody else and I saw myself, I might want to make out with me just to see

how I kiss. I'm going to flip the script and say I love that part. It's my favorite fucking line because it's more philosophically interesting than anything else we've talked about on the show. We have a couple more minutes, so let's get through a couple more questions. A couple more questions. Burn through them. Question number six.

Number six, stayin' alive. Oh, I see. That's just what you want to do. Stayin' alive is how we move on to the next question. What's the fastest possible way to get a six pack? Don't make this a joke about going to the supermarket. So I'm not fat. I'm really lazy.

And I want to spend as few minutes as possible working out. Maybe you guys have some tips. Your friend. I don't know what you want to call this guy. Portrind. Portrind. What do you got? Dale.

Portrind Dale. Right. How do I get a six pack with working out as few? Dude, I want to look fucking good and I don't want to put any effort in. Yeah, I guess everybody on earth could have emailed us that because that's what we all want. I don't want to work out. I just want to out. I don't want to work.

I want abs without doing anything for them. Yeah. How do I get free abs? That's interesting. Whenever you see someone who's buff out and about, I never think like, oh, this guy spends 20 hours a week working out. But maybe that's what we're attracted to psychologically. I see when I go to the gym, because I'll go to the gym for 25 minutes to half an hour.

A good day is like 45 minutes. I'll walk in, go to the gym, do everything that I came to do, be tired, exhausted, and people that were there when I got there that looked like they'd been there for an hour are just staying another hour after I leave. And they're just jacked. Yeah. So you're like, oh man, how do you get that body, man? You obviously don't work out, right?

How do you do that by spending the fewest amount of time a year? Right. Like you look fucking good, and obviously you didn't do anything, right? Because you're cool. I'm cool. I'm lazy. I'm fucking fun. Not fat.

I just want the abs in physique that you have. Not really the physique, just the abs. The one part people can't see on a day-to-day basis. Just the abs. I also think the abs are like the last, like that's your core muscle. That's like the hardest thing. The hardest thing you have to work out. Yeah.

But no, I'd like to just get it. What would you say is the most efficient thing you can work out? The least amount of time for like the biggest physical difference? I think, well, like curling. You know what you should do is pull-ups. Because pull-ups are really hard to do, but the more you practice them, the better you are at them. And if you can do like 30 to 40 pull-ups in a set, like, you know, three to four sets

of 10. That's really hard. It's hard, but it'll change your body and you'll look much better. But I think what you really should do, this is real advice. Find an exercise that's fun for you because right now you're lazy. You don't like, obviously you don't like going to the gym. Yeah. But there's like, you know, recreational activities that you might be able to get into.

Maybe it's things that you haven't even tried yet. Yeah. And then you'll get fit and be having fun. It won't feel like you're working out. Or have you ever like turned something lazy into a game? Like, oh, I'm going to run during the first quarter of a basketball game and then work out in the second quarter of a basketball game. So like you can turn this podcast into some sort of like workout where you're like doing

push-ups during the unfunny parts and pull-ups. Like right now. Pull-ups during the funny parts. Actually, let's just five minutes to just give this guy a workout. All right, ready, dude? Here you go. You're going to get on the ground. This is a plank.

All right, get in a push-up position. He never listens to it. I'm too lazy to download your second episode. All right, we're almost out of time. Let's do one last question. Question number seven. Wow. We got through more questions this time than we did the first time.

It'll never happen again. Hey, I'm Aaron Jake. Just finished my senior year of high school and I've recently met a girl that I like. We live in Long Island and I'm going to University of Vermont, which is a six-hour drive from my house. The question is, should I get into a full-on relationship with her considering the college is only three months away? If so, do I end the relationship before I go to college or try long distance?

All right, so this is from, what was his name? Can't say his real name. What's his made-up name? Sanny. Sanny. Sanny. Sanny. Sanny.

Let's give, so he wants to know if he should stay in a relationship with his girlfriend when he goes away to college. Yeah. You know, it's a six-hour drive. Let's give advice that he should not follow right now. Oh, that's good. All right, so, you know, you're like 16, 17, maybe 18. Yeah.

I think this girl might be the one. Yeah, it's probably. I mean, what else, you've met everyone that you will. Right. Sure, you're going to go to college, but who's there at college? You don't need new experiences in college. You already had enough of those in high school. Exactly.

You found the girl. I think it's worth this six-hour drive back and forth every weekend. That's nothing. Are you kidding? Even if it's like every weekend. I know for a fact that you can, like, figure out your schedule so you, like, don't have classes on Friday. You can, like, leave Thursday night, get back late, late, late Thursday night or, like, early

Friday morning. Yeah, and just have the weekend together. Yeah. And that, the best thing is that won't get tiresome or exhausting. No. Like, that's a fun thing to do. And you won't be tempted by anybody else in college. And it, you know, it's...

No, wait, what? It's fun. And you're like, want to go to a party? But, like, no, I have to stay home and skype with my girlfriend? That's fun. Exactly. That's fun to do. That's college.

Yeah. It's not going out and meeting new people and experiencing new things. It's about, okay, I know what I like, and I'm going to do that over and over. Stay with her. Stay with her. Stay with her. Because obviously, I mean, honestly, she's probably the one at this point. Right.

If you haven't met the one at age 18. More than anything. I'm sure that this is what she wants, too. Yeah. This is what new experience is. That's why it's actually true. This is what she wants, too. But sarcasm aside, break up with her in the next 30 seconds, or you'll regret it.

You should have already done it. You should have turned off the podcast. Do it over text. I got to bounce, girl. This relationship has been hashtag dope, but I have to bounce. But now it's hashtag nope. Speaking of bouncing, it's time for us to bounce. Again, thank you so much for listening to, if you listened to the last episode or listening

to this episode, we're doing so well, and it's all because of you guys. Yes. Thank you so much. It was crazy. The first night of our podcast, I don't know how iTunes does the algorithm, but we were the number one podcast in their little rank. I think it's probably like a combination of views and how many ratings we have and how often your mom listens to it or something.

So thank you. Thank you, iTunes. Yeah. And screw all of you listeners. All we need is iTunes. No, no, no, no, no. It's not what I was getting at. Go to hell.

And if you want, you can always email us at ifiroshowatgmail.com or you can listen to the show at ifiroshow.com. Is that it? What do you want to do? I guess we play out with the final song. Oh, the original song that we like the most. No, there was another one with the disclaimer in it that we liked. Oh, okay.

So here's the fourth song, and it's by Kevin Hilt. I was about to make up a name, but he's an artist and we should share his real identity. I guess that's it. He's an artist and we should share his real identity. I guess that's fair. So thanks, Kevin. And thanks everybody else for listening. This has been...

If I were you, this is what I'd do, but please don't quote me on anything I say. I only heard it on a podcast by Jake and Amir. If I were you, I'd be somebody, yeah.