If I Were You - 22: Threesome

Episode Date: September 19, 2013

In this episode we discuss war, religion, and sexuality. You know, light topics.This bonus Thursday episode is made possible by HuluPlus! Check out HuluPlus.com/Amir to show your appreciation... And to see thousands of TV shows and movies.See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

This is the Only Advice podcast by Drake and Amir, so don't be laughed. To subscribe on your podcast feed, they'll teach you how to seize that cheese. Write them about STDs. Drake doesn't care if there's blood when he pees. So if you don't know what to do, they'll tell you what to do if they were you. If I were you. If I were you. Should I care?

Oh yeah. Damn! Two things about that intro really make me laugh. One, imagining a robot singing it, like a robot that's trying to be a human. And two, you playing it for a girl right before you try to hook up with her. Yeah, I can see that. So this is like, I have a podcast and... This is sort of a smooth R&B jam from it.

The part about me not caring if there's blood when I pee is sort of an inside joke. It doesn't reflect... It is rooted in reality, but... Sorry, I'm not clean. Are you not clean? Can we do this? Did you ever get the results of your test back yet? I get them tomorrow. But you're not too concerned because of something that she told you?

Oh, yeah. Well, no, I don't want to say this again. You got me into trouble last time. It came from a doctor. It's the first time I went to a doctor and tried to get an STD test. He was like, what do you think you have? And I said, I mean, I don't have any symptoms. I just want... I guess D, all of the above.

Yeah, just like, test me for everything. He was like, all right, I'll do that. But just so you know, if you have an STD, usually you know. Yeah. And that's why I said, what I said on the podcast, we got people from Planned Parenthood writing me in saying I was completely wrong. I think it's like, there's a chance that you might still have it, but it's not a big one.

Right. I guess it's rare. So yeah, the doctor yesterday was like, are you experiencing any symptoms? And I was like, no. She was like, okay, you're probably fine. But I thought these things sometimes don't have any symptoms. She was like, oh no, STDs are uncomfortable, ugly. You'll know. I was like, I read.

I was lectured. In fact, I was bullied, I think, by a bunch of people on the internet. You see, I have a podcast. Can I play you a slow jam, ma'am? Are we both rolling? So I guess the overall thing is it's still a possibility. If you're sexually active, you should get tested. Right. Always get tested if you're sexually active.

You shouldn't be too concerned unless you see or feel something bad. Then at that point, then it's like, uh-oh, you definitely have to get tested. That said, I do have open sores all over my face and penis. I can't describe them as anything but open. They are just open, open sores. I think I have scabies. I have three open sores, one closed sore, and one that sort of vacillates between the two. It sort of talks like the plant in Little Shop of Horrors.

This is shit. Can you believe I have scurvy? I can't believe it. Am I a pirate? Am I on the Oregon Trail? What is scurvy? I think it's a gum disease. All right. Anyway, this is If I Were You, the only advice podcast on the internet, hosted by us. I'm Amir.

And I'm Jake. And yeah, we talk about old diseases, stuff that may or may not exist anymore. Tuberculosis, you think people get that? I don't know, maybe. I probably haven't. Please test genital tuberculosis. I think I have genital tuberculosis, actually. Do I have somehow smallpox?

I think I got the goddamn bubonic plague from some chick I met at the Panther Room. The Panther Room was at the end of the Oregon Trail, right? She stole three axles from me and a cod, a salted cod. And my heart. So for those of you who have never heard this show before, you can turn it off now. Yep, we, no new friends. No new friends. No new listeners.

No new listeners. We sort of have plateaued, I feel like. Yeah. We've reached more than enough of our listeners. We still ride with our day ones. Yeah. You understand that, right? Is that from the lie?

Is that a lie from the song? Yeah, I still ride with my day ones. Jesus, Lee. No new friends. Jerry King's out with three kids that he met in elementary school. One's a doctor. One's dead. And the other one's some sort of periodontist who knows a lot about scurvy, evidently.

No new friends. What a bad, bad advice. He shouldn't be on our show. It's kind of cool. No new friends is like, you know, a lot of people are trying to like be his buddy now that he's rich and famous. And he's like, no, I still got my old friends. I don't need anybody.

My day ones. My day ones. Still ride with my day ones. Do you still ride with your day ones? I haven't seen my day ones in a long time, actually. In two minutes, actually. So we receive emails to our email address. If I were you, show at gmail.com.

And these are people in difficult places. They really have nowhere to go. They're seeking advice and they're too ashamed, embarrassed, or lame to even ask their parents, loved ones, friends, acquaintances. And easy does it. People are going to stop riding it. And they're so lame and stupid that they really did. They have the audacity, the audacity.

These are my day ones, mind you. So imagine how I feel about new friends. Imagine how low I feel about day twos. So these are people who write into the show. They're seeking advice and we do our best to advise them. You know, not always great advice, but hopefully entertaining to say the least. The very least. So yeah, should we get started?

These are five questions that we chose from a list of literally 12. The top five of 11. You guys are through the looking glass now. You peeled the curtain back. I'm sorry, I shouldn't say 12 because two of them were about you correcting you about your STD thing. So we're down to nine. I'd really like them to talk to my doctor, okay? Who I guess was just a PA in a free clinic in Midtown.

But she knew what was what. She knew how to take my blood, tell you what. Hey, PAs, PAs are doctors too. I think actually they're not. Oh, never mind. All right, here we go. Ready? This is a real email, but we're going to change his name to preserve his anonymity.

Here we go. This is from David Brent. Hey guys, here's the sitch. There's this girl at my school and I'm sure one of you guys knows the phase in which two people like each other. We know and everybody else knows and it's just a short matter of time before I make the move or we hook up at a party or whatever. Here's the problem. I have a lot of uncontrollable gimmicks. One of which is shouting random shit extremely loudly when I see my mates in the halls.

So anyway, I saw her walking down the hall the other day and shouted, Excuse me miss, no fat chicks. Harmless and quirky, right? Wrong. After she looked my way and giggled, she turned and walked face first into an automated swinging door her way. Her face is now messed up. Not permanently though. She'll go back to being a smoke show when the bruising and swelling goes away and her nose brace is taken off.

But here's the thing. She's really cool and doesn't even care about looking messed up for a couple weeks and is even acting the same way around me. I, however, can't reciprocate now because of her face. Do I reveal my inner shallowness and ignore her until she's back to normal? I really like this girl. Can you help an English 18 year old out? Love David Brent. Shut up dude.

You absolute dick. And he sort of knows that he's being a dick, but he doesn't care. He's like, she's really cool. She's acting normal around me even though she's temporarily. Something that's so amazing about this girl, she's like, you know, in high school, a pretty girl gets like her face all fucked up and she's still cool. She sounds awesome and you're such a jerk. You clearly, you don't deserve her at all. This is your fault.

You're the one that slammed the door into her face. No, he didn't. He just said, he yelled. I know, I'm just trying to make him feel guilty. He yelled an insult at her. No fat chicks. And instead of her getting mad at him, she giggled to the point where she walked into a door, broke her nose. And not only does this guy not feel guilty, but he doesn't want to even entertain her, even though she's a cool girl, until she starts looking like she used to so that he can hook up with her.

Right, so for the couple weeks that she's like, she's injured, you want to ignore her so that when she starts looking the way- Like a smoke show again. Yeah, then you want to hook up with her. You don't deserve her. You deserve her, Jake. I deserve her. In fact, ma'am, how'd you like to get scurvy? I'll kiss you broken nose and all.

Her nose is like an open sore. Two open sores that are nostrils. I've got all ten plagues. I think I have boils. I have locusts. The worst part about it is my dead firstborn son. He's sort of attached to my penis like a weird kid herpes. I don't even want to get into the fact that all the water I touch turns into blood, but that's a game changer to say the least.

You try washing that off. Oh wait, you can't because it's blood. There we go. Anyway, what should we tell this A-hole? Be better. Be a better guy. Try to be a better guy. Volunteer.

Volunteer at his soup kitchen. I think you have to volunteer at your local soup kitchen. I think you need perspective. Isn't this what people do at church, like the confession? Say three Hail Marys or whatever. What a terrible system that is. Don't change. Just say this prayer and I think we're GTG.

Say a couple prayers, alright? Hey, I cheated on my husband. Let's kick it up to eleven prayers. You know what? You cheated on him. Twelve prayers. Twelve prayers are evil. Should I come clean?

No, because next time you'll just have to do more prayers. I think I'm just going to up the prayer thing until it's no longer worth it for you. There won't be a next time because I killed the person I was having the affair with. Did you? Alright, let's make it 20 prayers. I think I need to go to jail. No, no, I don't want you to do that. 21 prayers.

How many prayers do you think? Why don't we, let's hash this out. Ten prayers for the murder. Twelve for the... Shit, now I've lost count. Do you have a paper mini golf pen? I want to really figure out how many prayers you owe God. Why would I have a mini golf pen, sir?

I figure you stole it. You are a thief, a murderer, and a liar. You know what? 25 prayers get out of my face. Some religious person is going to tell us how backwards we have this. Yeah, it's probably not true. There's probably another level of remorse or something that you have to do in addition to the prayer system. What are we talking about now, this guy?

We're talking about Yom Kippur, atoning for your sins. Shit. Yeah, a guy. Yes, you should hang out with her. And if that's a challenge or a tall task for you, then you don't deserve this girl. I would advocate just telling her the truth about how you feel because maybe she'll see how shallow you are and dump you before it even gets started. Right. That's my ideal situation.

I'm glad the fake name we came up with for this guy is David Brent because this is the most David Brentian email we've ever gotten. It's like an English guy who thinks he's funny but in actuality is causing harm to the people around him. He's a little self-aware because he at least said that he was being shallow. Yeah, but her face is now messed up. You go back to being a smoke show when the bruising goes away. You coughed. I tried, I tried. You're an asshole.

You did this to her. You A. You A. All right, next question. This one comes from Tim. Tim. Tim Contraberry. So recently a friend of mine asked me to help her make an anniversary for her boyfriend who's away on an army mission.

The thing is she's not even that really good of a friend and she's kind of annoying a lot. Anyway, I reluctantly said yes to spending a whole day with her to film her and edit everything. But now I realized I really don't want to do that. What should I say to her so that I wouldn't have to do this? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You have a hard little day.

Yeah, it's a hard day and then it's cutting the video. You know, time consuming editing. Top day, yeah. You log and capture the footage and piece it together in a timeline and then she's going to want like a first pass. Yeah, that's not. It's tough. It's annoying. You know what else is kind of just like a tough little Sunday is when you're getting shot at in the desert in Iraq or Afghanistan.

Okay. An army mission. This dude gave up like years of his life to be shot at, sir. The least you can do is give her girlfriend a goddamn anniversary video. Holy shit. The man needs to see his fucking girlfriend. You know what? I'm going to take his side.

You're spending... Spending... Traitor. You're a traitor. I think you're al-Qaeda for this. I think spending a day with someone and editing footage is above and beyond. And it's not really a favor for the boyfriend. It's a favor for the lady who's not at war.

That's not true. I don't think you can transfer. I don't think you can transfer the good deed. What do you mean you can't transfer the good deed? I don't think you can transfer the good deed. I really think you're anti-American. I'm sorry. You're anti-American.

So this annoying girl came up to you and said, hey, my boyfriend's at war. This annoying girl. Yeah, she's a war wife, okay? A widow. All right. The second best kind of patriot. Go on. The second best?

Oh, so a soldier's the best and then a wife is the second best? A wife or a husband who stays at home and supports their loved one, even though they're gone for two years. Yeah. Okay, so second best asks you to create a video for her, spending a day with her, and then editing it. You would do it? Regardless of how annoying the girl is? Well, I don't really know how to log and capture footage. Oh, do you not?

I'm sure you can figure it out, right? There are worse things in the world like getting shot at at the desert. Yeah, you know, you're, do you want, even if I wouldn't do this, I would at least lie about it right now. Of course I would do that. Somebody gave their life to... Oh, great. So Tim, if you're still out there listening, if you haven't made the video yet, let her know that you can't do it, but Jake, Jake volunteers. I really will do it.

It really is. It's a voluntary draft. Tell you what, I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this and you're going to join, you're going to join the army, okay? How's that? Why? I think you're going to go to do basic training. I think I'd rather just say 11 prayers and call it a week.

I mean, hey, I appreciate our troops as much as the next guy. No, you don't? Yes, I do. You just... Yes, I do. The thing is, I don't think this guy, I think this girl can give her... You're burning a flag right now. Oh my God.

And you know what, I think this guy does want to make a video for his al-Qaeda. I swear to God, you cut the Osama bin Laden tapes, didn't you? Jesus crap. You fucking scoundrel. You rap scallion trader bastard. You scab. You cut the Osama tapes. No, you cut them.

This is what I would suggest. Speaking of the Osama tapes, this is what I would suggest. I wouldn't show her the Osama tapes as a basis, but let her know that she can make a video that's fairly easy. It wouldn't require a day shoot. Put up your iPhone, talk to your boy. It doesn't have to be a very involved shoot. You don't have to cut something together that's very high production value. Every little bit helps.

So you can suggest to her that maybe she should shoot something that's a little more simple, like her in front of a webcam. Oh, that could be kind of sexy. That could be something. Maybe like a tasteful nude or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you would help her shoot that. Hey, Johnny.

My buddy Tim just helped me shoot this video for you with just her naked the entire time. No. So what's your real advice? If I were you, I'd probably suck it up and do it. That does sound like good advice, not because I'm trying to get out of the work, but that probably is, you know, it's closer to what the guy probably wants, you know, just to see his wife or girlfriend. I hear that I read somewhere that the best thing in a care package are photos and videos

of loved ones and good, thick, durable socks. Oh. So I don't know. Where'd you read that at Al-Qaeda training camp? Of course they want you to say that. Socks are the worst things to give soldiers. They don't need socks? They need rocks.

Happy feet. Happy soldiers. So this is what I would suggest. If I were you, help her out. You know what? Help out the troops. Help out this lady. But pare it down.

You don't have to spend a day with her and then a day editing. Just say you should make a nice simple video that would take an hour or two of your time. Yeah. And the soldier is going to say, hey, I really would love to fight this war abroad. But maybe I'll just angrily tweet at some people who hate America, who hate freedom. How's that? For an hour or two. Can I do that?

Maybe I'll come home a year early from my mission. Is that okay? Oh, wait. It's not because I'm serving my country for people like you. Gee whiz. Thanks, Uncle Sam. We are treading into dangerous territory. Can I just say?

I think we were in religion in this podcast. Yeah, right off the bat. Not even halfway done. If we did offend anyone, we were totally kidding. None of that was actually us. That wasn't us being real. I don't think I came off badly actually. Yeah, because I was the one doing the prayer joke.

And then I was the one suggesting not helping this lady. Yeah, shit. I'm going to... STDs aren't contagious. You can't get them without open sores. I can't. I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. This is devolving into a terrible, terrible advice hour. It's incredibly helpful therapy has helped millions of people over thousands of years. So give therapy a try. It can give you the tools to find a more balanced life. I've tried therapy.

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And it's extra affordable. That's betterhelp.com. If I were you, check them out. Thanks, Better Help. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show. Now, for years and years and years, we've been ranting and raving about Squarespace because it's the best way for dummies like me and potentially you that don't necessarily know how to code or design to create a professional looking website.

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Let's launch it. Just use that offer code if I were you to save 10% off that first purchase. Thank you. Squarespace. All right. Question number three. Yeah. Ready?

This one's from a lady. Ooh. We'll call her Don. Don, I like it. Dear Jake and Amir. Shit, should I have used our real names? No, people know who we are. Right.

Dear Jake and Amir, I've just started dating an actor. He is a great guy and we get along really well. The only thing I'm unsure of is with him kissing girls in acting scenes. Not much of a problem per se, but I feel uneasy and I don't want to get jealous when this does happen. How should I not get jealous or worry? I keep thinking about Jennifer Aniston, Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt DeBaco. Being actor is how do your other halves deal with the awkward scenes that you guys are

in? Todah and much love. Don. Todah. Todah indeed. Todah. Whoa. We've been hanging out not enough together.

We should say everything at the same time. I'd rather not. We might go, actually. Well, first of all, thanks for calling us actors because no one's ever referred to us as that. We're not. Hacks. Yeah, we're not really actors as much as we are. We're anti-American, anti-religion, anti-establishment hacks on camera fartsmiths more than anything

else, but even in our limited acting careers, I don't even want to call it a career, even in our limited acting experience. How self-deprecating can we be? We haven't made 600 videos where we act. I don't know this weird thing we do for a living. It's like, I don't want to call it acting because that's what everyone else calls it. You can call me out on all my bullshit, and I hate it, actually. Get out of my towel cave.

But it has come up even in our limited acting experience where we do have to kiss another person on camera, and the other haves, as she calls it, were of varying degrees of comfortable with it, but never completely comfortable. Yeah, it's weird because I think there's just something about kissing that you always are going to be a little upset by. Right, because even if it's quote unquote fake, it's not actually because you actually are smushing your lips against somebody else. Right.

I will say, from my experience, kissing on screen and having girlfriends who were sometimes cool with it, sometimes upset, sometimes very upset. It really like when you're on the set, when they tell you to kiss the person, it's so non-sexual. So like, yeah, it's like surgical or something. It's just like cold. It's very cold. You have to understand how many on the screen, it's like, oh, that's just my boyfriend and

a girl, and they're kissing. But on that set, there's like lighting, like grips, the director, the assistant director, the producers, the craft service table. Oh, so you can cheat on people as long as there's people watching? So that's what you say? So, oh, babe, don't worry. I fucked this girl, but it was at a party and there were 30 people around. Oh, what?

You don't understand there are people around. Does that make it better? Oh, it makes it worse because everyone was witness to what I did to you. How dare you, sir? How dare you? I don't want to respond. Everybody thinks that I just left mid-rant. I'll add a door closing noise, which I thought about doing.

It is, yeah, it does help to think of it that way. But at the same time, I feel like people are pre-wired to either accept that or not. It's true. I guess there was also times where I found out I was kissing somebody in a script and I was like kind of amped about it. Right. Even if you're a little bit amped, it's like, oh, that's not fair. Why do you get to kiss people?

And I don't because your occupation requires it. Yeah. Yeah. It's his job. Oh. Is he a good actor? Yeah. I think it depends on how good the actor is.

Like if this guy is an amateur actor writing his own online videos. He's just like boning chicks. That doesn't count. So I'm shooting this on my eyesight and I have like a three-way kiss with two chicks. But if it's like a, if it's a TV show cable or better, okay, we're not talking about like some of that public access shit. Honestly, let's, let's cap it at adult swim 15 minute minisodes and up. So anything below that doesn't really count.

And every time he kisses somebody, you get to fuck somebody. Yeah. And if he's like in a movie, let's say it's a, it's a budget of 500,000 or better because at that point, you know, under 500 grand, it's not really going to be seen by anyone. It's just like a little indie thing. That's just for him. That's just porn. He's doing porn.

He's doing porn, I think. So it, you know what? It's tough. This is what my thought is. Yeah. You were in the situation. I was in the situation. It is, it is a difficult place because nobody's comfortable if one of your haves is uncomfortable.

So it's not like you're enjoying it and then she's not enjoying it either. So it's not a good situation. What helps is I think being one completely transparent about what the scene requires beforehand, like you, you want it, you should ask him to like see what the scenes or the scripts call for before you actually do it. That way you're not going into the scene hoping the worst or thinking about the worst and then seeing it for the first time on, you know, whatever it is, television, the big screen, the little screen, or if you're on Hulu Plus, you can watch it on your mobile device.

Oh God, you slipped into advertising mode. So being open and transparent about it is good. And it, like, not that you want, not that you could do this, but I feel like the way I've seen it succeed is when actors are dating other actors, but like... Because then they understand. Yeah, because then they understand. So whatever you're doing in your career, drop it and become an actress. Become an actor.

The problem is actors dating actresses is also incredibly volatile and never works out either. Right. I mean, in our, I guess we do have limited experience because like when we're on set, it's like for the day and you go home and you sleep in your apartment. Right. Like move the actors. They like have to say goodbye for two months. Right, and they're like on set with the person who's playing their love interest.

And like, I mean, that's why so many people... Yeah, that's why like nobody in Hollywood ever remains in a relationship forever. It's a very, it's a terrible place to be. Just make sure your boyfriend does TV not movies. Yeah, that's a good ask. That's an okay ask if you can ask it. Whatever your aspirations are, limit them to the smaller screen, please. But maybe you do get desensitized to it over time.

And I guess it depends on how much you like this actor guy. Like if he's like a famous, legit actor, then it's worth it for him to hook. Is it Joseph Gordon-Levitt? Honestly, if it's Joseph Gordon-Levitt, it's Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Then you're fucking, you should be proud and honored to have him as a boyfriend. Yeah. He should be the fuck whoever the fuck he wants. You're dating Joseph Gordon-Levitt and you're writing a podcast.

Oh, I don't want my boyfriend to kiss people. It's Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Oh my God. We're crying out loud and you're, you're, what, you're complaining because he kissed a girl. Yeah, you know who he kissed? Frickin' Megan Fox. Yeah. He kissed who?

He kissed Frickin' Zoe Deschanel. Zoe Deschanel, dude. You should be honored to kiss the same lips that those A-list Hollywood divas actually got into. It's amazing. You should be fucking honored. I can't believe you date Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Can we have an autograph?

Can we have an autograph? Can we have an autograph? Can we have your autograph? Can we have your autograph, his autograph, Zoe's autograph, and Megan Fox's autograph? Please. I'm begging you. Please just take a picture. Scan it.

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Share it. Share it. Share it. Share it. get into too much detail about your last night but something that you said today that was interesting was that any sex is better than no sex right I said oh yeah so what I said was this isn't to say I had sex last night no just mama it's okay tread lightly keep that keep that hand that finger wavering over the

volume button I said sex is always better than no sex to like varying degrees sometimes sex is way better than no sex and then sometimes sex is just slightly better than no sex right but that's that might be an extreme one end and I might be on the extreme other end which is like most sex is like I would regret it so much that I would rather have no sex what does it feel like to regret sex I guess it would be like wake up you're like I wish that never happened yeah exactly I why because you did something that you're not entirely proud of you went home with someone that you don't really connect with you just did it

because you wanted to like it felt good did it I guess I mean I've had sex that I regret but it's probably happened like twice right so regardless of who this other person is what she looked like how she treated you what her personality was regardless independent of any of that stuff you'd say sleeping with her was still better than going home alone and not sleeping with anyone yeah yeah I wonder if that's normal and abnormal I think I'd like to talk to people I'd like to hear people's thoughts about there's probably somebody in the middle that's normal yeah that I think sort of like a deviant monster sociopath and I'm

like an uptight prude ass yeah we're so perfect for each other we could just we are they into each other's yanks I fucking care about you man if you had sex with me would you regret it I mean I probably wouldn't get to that how dare you how dare you even consider that as a thing that you would regret no I would love to have sex with you man thanks I appreciate it of course all right last question let's bring it home we're coming home we're coming home I'm trying to think okay this one's great this one comes from Gareth hey guys so I've been dating this girl for about 18 months now I'm 22 she's 20 and when we first had

sex about a year ago it was the first for both of us anyway recently the topic of threesomes came up in a conversation initially as a joke but then when we started talking about it I got into it then she said that if we were she were going to have one it'd have to be with two guys I love her but as soon as she said that I lost a lot of respect for her because that just seems like such a promiscuous slutty thing for a girl to want her argument was that it's no different for a to a guy wanting two girls but I disagree what do you guys think thanks Gareth does he think we're gonna agree with him he does he really

does that's the ultimate saddest truth hey just looking for for two guys that got my back who understand that a guy with two chicks is hot and a chick with two dudes is slutty high five who's with me one time you asshole you meanie you meanie meanie sexist I think that sexist I think that's the definition of sexist I think so what you want is hot and what she wants is slutty because of the third person being a guy versus a girl you lost respect for her just like he I bet he brought it up to like joking like oh don't be fun to have a three so I'm don't you think yeah yeah I think it would be cool if it was another guy whoa

whorebag you slut you slut whore you serpent slut bitch how dare you you you speak that to me you you deviant whore you slut whore you girls with that that poison to my ears go to hell all right fine maybe another girl I guess that would be kind of see that that's sexy easy with that that other guy shit though I feel like you're out of 50% respect zone and it'll take more than a three something to get it back it'll take a goddamn 4g it's so weird it's so like he's so wrong he's like her argument is that it's no different but I totally disagree actually I completely disagree with you so now you know you know how it

feels to disagree with someone that's what we feel about you you just feel insecure I think that it's easy to like if the girl is like I want it to be another guy like oh man I can't get you off right but like isn't that what she could be thinking when you say you wanted to there to be another girl I mean this guy this guy is wrong a girl wants to sleep with two guys just like a guy wants to sleep with two girls the question is would you make that trade I don't know I probably wouldn't but I wouldn't be I wouldn't I wouldn't be so rigid in like asking like all right two girls and and nothing else I don't know

I think I probably it's although girls are more sexually promiscuous than guys in terms of homosexuality like you you'll I'll meet girls who are completely straight who'll be like yeah I've kissed girls just right girls who are straight and we're like oh I dated girl yeah that's I don't know guys rarely do that guys rarely kiss other guys for fun at least in America God I met some dude yesterday who said that I mean maybe I'm gonna get people tweeting at me again but he said in England maybe you're just trying to hook up with me he said let's make this British yeah I don't know it's weird what he said in

England guys make out with other guys just as much as girls make out with girls here yeah yeah I mean he said that like everybody is just like it's a lot more sexually free there yeah people experiment when they're younger but I guess I think in terms of threesome's I wouldn't be that interested in having a threesome with somebody I loved I think threesome's are sort of like sexy things that happen with when everybody's attracted to each other but when there's like a relationship involved it just gets a little messy like you don't want to have a you don't be you know you don't want to have a threesome in a

relationship you want to have a threesome one-night stand yeah that that's what I would rather do yeah you know it I'll have one of those two yeah wait tell me about all your threesome's are you crying are you holy shit I made you cry so fast it's cuz I've only had six whoa the worst kinds to all dudes each one that's a Pat Castle's joke actually oh really yeah that's funny so we don't even want to give you advice our advice is to stop being such a meanie you love and respect this girl she was at least honest to you I'm not I shouldn't say at least honest to you she was honest

to you you guys were joking about something and it's a complete double standard what you did it's also funny like I've been with that guy is we're just like oh like we're joking about threesome's and then they're sort of like there's some kind of like glimmer of hope and then he's just like then I got really into it okay when really who gonna get that inviting you can have a pin so you can sign in blood he's opening up his Facebook account please just literally just scroll through at random any girl do for the love of God all right we are we're out of time more than out of time always more than out of

time let's let's end with some apologies okay first of all sorry for offending any religious people I don't know the intricacies of Christianity I don't know if confession is actually that simple and humorous to save prayers would completely atone for your sins that said if it is good joke great joke great joke if that's the case to yes obviously I do I do support our troops I think they're doing the troops by making videos for their girlfriends to send to their boyfriends I would spend a week and a half doing that they fight for something that I'm too afraid or weak or lame to fight for and I have

nothing but all the ultimate love form of respect for them three this guy isn't a sexist he's the one guy who deserves it okay never mind okay oh we still have tickets available for our live podcast taping on November 6 at littlefield in Brooklyn if I reuse show.com to check that out we really still appreciate all the feedback and emails we've been getting every iTunes review helps us out so if you if you are at your computer right now if you can open up the iTunes store go to if I were you and leave us a positive review that helps yep and so what do you say three some guy your little piece of shit your little torp

how's that we're saving face USA USA make fun of you and you leave a five star review yeah I oh do you remember who the name of the guy who wrote the theme song at the beginning mm-hmm Pete Bradford aka bro legit that's a pretty cool screen name whatever that is roll legit yeah and this roll legit to quit the last theme song the outro theme song that we're gonna play is from a guy named melle M E L L E weird name right well turns out it's not because he's from the Netherlands and our names are weird no Jake is weird and melle is normal you will you use xenophobic ass for you so oh melle what a weird name no it's not

weird he's just from a different part of the planet for you from you God forbid I think I'm gonna leave I'm sorry I'm I'm mad about something else it's the three some comment more than anything else and if you guys have any questions of your own or theme song submissions of your own please send them to if I were you show at gmail.com thank you guys good game everyone good game great up yeah later if you don't have insurance and you need to get something off your chest if your STDs resist but you got to get your jewelry if you want to go to advice land but you don't want to get arrested grab a towel and do you if I were you

hashtag dope there it is another solid Thursday bonus episode courtesy of our friends at Hulu Plus thank you guys thank you Hulu Plus and if you guys can check out HuluPlus.com slash Amir it would help us out and ensure that we keep making these extra bonus special fun time episodes thanks guys