If I Were You - 301: Baby Voice (w/Rob Huebel!)

Episode Date: November 13, 2017

Comedian, friend, and father Rob Huebel joins us to discuss loud sex, celebrity encounters, and his new show, "Do You Want To See a Dead Body?".Check out Rob Huebel in Do You Want to See a Dead Body, 10/21 on YouTube Red.See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

The only advice podcast on the internet that leaves you depressed and filled with regret. Creepy advice, got you stalking like a mantis, gotta give a shout out to my girl Krannis. Amir will tell you to take it nice and slow. Jake's not havin' it, we're all like, cookin' up datings, next greatest ploy, just don't you dare summon the gay boy. I love you so much, I love you so much, I love you so much, I love you so much, I love you so much, I love you so much, I love you so much, I love you so much, I love you so much, I love you so much, I love you so much, I love you so much, I love you so much, I love you so much, I love you so much, I love you so much, I love you so much, I love you so much, I love you so much, I love you so much, I love you so much, I love you so much, I love you so much, I love you so much, I love you so much, I love you so much, I love you so much, I love you so much, I love you so much, I love you so much, I love you so much, I love you so much, I love you so much, I love you so much, I love you so much, I love you so much, I love you so much, I love you so much, I love you so much, I love you so much, I love you so much, I love you so much, I love you so much, I love you so much, I love you

so much, I love you so much, I love you so much, I love you so much, I love you so much, I love you so much, I love you so much, I love you so much thank you beautyه I like the whistling track Like the whistling track Uh, Rob threats. Um, I think it's a nice gesture. Okay that's it.

Like that's it. I think what that represents to me is people with a lot of um, um, uh,OD And yeah, but music actual like harmonizing. Yeah, I'm not positive that that was in no offense I mean no their cruisorily inclined. Yes, unless a lot of producers not a lot of singers Yeah, yeah, yeah, but you know again very nice of them to do it totally and don't want to discourage other other people That actually very diplomatic It's okay, you're you don't have to be nice to them But if you but if you have the jobs keep those jobs

This actually came in from a group of students at Harvard. Oh boy. Never mind what I said They have a band they have a band or a show called regret and would love a shout out to our good friend Cody Johnson Well, that's not gonna happen and our and our inspiration Ben Carson Ben Carson, but and Cody I'm not I'm not I'm not gonna shout out Ben Johnson. No, it's Cody Johnson and Ben Carson Oh, yeah, I'm cool with Ben Carson. All right, good Rob Hubel, thanks for coming on the show for having me. Sorry Harvard people for making fun of you. You went to Yale, right? I did go to Yale You know fight on fight on for all we believe in

Yeah It sounded like an 80s theme song or something like that or like an infomercial No, I didn't even do that was only the first part it goes on Oh other parts. There's more. Yeah, what's going to happen? Nobody knows but me come on over here. Who's me? George Washington What George Washington wrote the Yale theme song I want to say the fight song Yeah, the fight song. Yeah, he said come on over and come on over and look at what we're doing at Yale right now

The internet and we do George Washington knew about the internet. He called it Yeah, he knew well, he came up with the word So it's like he wrote a cheesy theme like college theme song It was like a yeah, I feel like you're shooting on our founding father. I would never absolutely not it's not cool Yeah, I'm gonna stand for this entire podcast actually People watching us on YouTube know that you you were sitting down. That's right. You were sitting down National anthem By the way, am I blocking you on this camera? I don't think so we got a little GoPro in the studio

just for your arrival and Will it work will it not we hope to God it does but you know, you never it's such a small camera We're not gonna bank on that. Yeah. Yeah, I doubt the company GoPro is even gonna be successful It's already been so long, right? It's already is successful. Oh, I don't even know Oh, you thought we just just start yeah This is advice podcast, I don't know if you know but if I were you is a advice show It's the only one on the internet that Jake and I host sometimes. It's just us two in a studio Sometimes we got friends comedians lovers today. We have you are you talking to me? I'm talking to yeah

Oh, I thought you were setting it up for other people. I know what the show is Of course, you know I had to drive down here, right exactly. I wouldn't have found your own parking too Yeah, I wouldn't have come to downtown LA DT LA That's the cool way to say if I hadn't known what I was getting into you got here 39 minutes early boo That's that all if you're earlier on time and you were incredibly on time you're probably our most punctual guest He I like to get to a podcast early and And make people uncomfortable. Did you get to Marin's house a little early? I did get to mark man's house early ring the doorbell and I listened to the stories about Obama

Yeah snipers on the roof. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I loved it I sat in Obama's chair. Whoa, and I smelled it and I was smells very presidential really still Yeah, it's into this day. That was our last president. Oh, come on. Let's not politicize this Oh, we're not supposed to we don't know when this is coming out. We don't know who's in charge of our country at this point That's right. So the way Vladimir Putin. Thank you fucking bow down By the way, can we swear on this podcast? You can yeah, okay? Don't bleep that. Yeah. Yeah. The only thing we'll bleep is Ben Carson's name. Yeah We got emails written to us from all over this globe and they're seeking our guidance our advice

All we need is a fake name because we don't really want to out this person just in case it's a secret Okay, so do you have a fake guy's name? It could be anything really yeah Terry Terry Taggart Terry I like an alliteration. Yeah, Terry tackert writes Terry is one of my favorite fake names Because no one in the real world is named Terry, right except for like Hulk Hogan. Oh shit You know Terry Terry Hogan, I think really isn't it? Which is why you got into wrestling Beat up all the time I might as well just do this for a living

Everybody's beat me up all the time because of my name I might as well get jacked walk around in yellow tidy whiteies. Oh, yeah Did he get a lot of money for for that lawsuit which one? He must have like a hundred and fifteen million dollars bankrupted them. Yeah, I was only tangentially aware Do you know what happened there? He sued a website so much that they had to close the website He beat a website. Yeah, that's never happened. That's never happened before but it was for a sex tape that Right because the sex tape was real. He's not denying that that happened. It was just like you can't put that up Yes, okay, it's like an invasion of his privacy. Yeah, which is that happens all the time

Is that worth a hundred and fifty? I was conflicted because I hated Gawker right but then now I hate Peter Thiel so much and he like helped hope Yeah, I don't know. It's complicated, which is the name of this podcast. Yeah, I'm starting now All right, welcome to it's complicated with Rob. This is Jake and Amir your guest host for today Terry writes in hello, Juman That's I don't like that already. Yeah, right off the bat a little anti-Semitic Amir Gentile a simple goi and I have just entered my senior year as well as a new relationship Ma we started dating officially this summer and there is only one problem so far

My woman is constantly doing a baby voice around me and it makes my skin crawl my blood boil my milk Curdle it doesn't happen all the time and she's held off from saying goo goo gaga But it's bad enough for me to compel compel me to write an email seeking advice from two internet comedians My question is how do I get her to stop? I know the answer will probably Involved be upfront with her But I would like to avoid that option at all costs for two reasons one I think she likes it and two she's a junior and incredibly insecure

And that I don't like her as much as she likes me. I don't want her to feel self-conscious around me But I really don't want to uh Don't want her to sound like a sexy infant in front of my friends or ever for that matter any tips and tricks Would be greatly appreciated Well, there's a lot to unpack here. Yeah, what do you think there's a lot going on first of all She's not your woman. Whoa that one me too, you know, I mean, I don't know how much we I don't know if the purpose of this show is to Actually help people

Down to also to take that task. Yeah to punish them. Well, we did with the harvard kids. It's pretty much that So this guy, you know first of all Um, can you read the part again about how um She's a junior and she says stuff like that in front of his friends. Yeah, she's a junior And she's incredibly insecure that I don't like her that much, but I really are there there. That's the part That's the part. Oh got it. She's insecure that you don't like her that much but The fact that you even bring that up means that you that

That registered with you and you do like that and so You do think that you have this power over her. Whoa, I mean you are digging. I'm gonna go after this this dude I like it. By the way, this is do we at the end of this podcast. Do we give out our home addresses? So that yeah, yeah, so people can come to our homes, right? Okay, well, then I gotta be nice You can always give a fake address. There's no need to give her the real address. Okay. Um Anyway, I didn't like that I didn't like when he said that she's insecure about yibaba, but you know, because first of all, we yeah

We don't know her side of the story. She may be doing you a favor, bro by hanging out with you. Very true But let's just take this at face value if All the other bullshits side She's talking like a baby. I can see how that would be annoying Um, Jake, what would that sound like by the way? Just to just I Yeah, if you did it just to give me a little baby voice to a mirror. Okay. Um Hey, sweetie. Okay. I want you to pick me up from school. That's not even baby. That's oh, I want you to pick me up from uh My nanny's they can't even formulate full sentences. So we're talking pure full baby. Yeah, that's good. Yeah, that's good

You have a baby. Is this about right or not? I do have a baby. I have a one-year-old baby. Yeah Well, that's the girl my daughter does not sound like that I do have a baby and uh, they don't talk like that. No, so that's terrible. No words My daughter goes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah That's what she sounds like when he's fucking her Not cool But yeah, I got trapped talking in a southern accent to a girlfriend for for nearly a year Wait, why why because like we got I think we're watching Friday night

We were watching Friday night lights Big plans. Yeah, and and sometimes when we would fight I would do like a southern accent and it's sort of a way to apologize and she would always she would laugh and it would We it would like smooth over. Yeah It just made us happy to talk in the southern accent and then but we slipped into doing it all the time Because you're fighting all the time or just because yeah, just like it went from like being sort of like the band aid the bomb to the norm To like it just put us in a good mood. Yeah, and then

I couldn't stop move to texas and that was me and I had to get a job as a footballer I wish I knew how y'all listen here Tonight it's an important night. Y'all need to go out there and play your balls off I want y'all to leave everything on the field And then she breaks up with you and you're like, no, I'm a hack. I'm sorry. I'm from connecticut. I don't know how to say this Um So, yeah, so I back to terry and his problem. I could see how this would be annoying um, you can't

He says he doesn't want to be up front with her. Yeah, I respect that. So any and he said any tips or tricks Yeah, so how would you trick? How could how could I trick my woman into talking like I need to talk? Yeah? Yeah, okay. Well, here's a couple tricks like a grown-up contest a grown-up talking contest Okay, here's a here's a good trick. I would say The next time you're with your girlfriend and you see someone like a couple walking by with a baby Yeah, ask if you can hold the baby if you could you know, a lot of people don't let you do that I do do that like with our baby if you're a little stranger Yeah, if someone says if some like college age kids said to me, hey, can I hold your baby?

And even if he's like snickering Yeah, I'd say sure. Yeah, of course have it have my baby you can hold her for how long I mean, I don't know a few minutes 10 10 20 minutes Well, I'm gonna go if if they're gonna hold the baby, I'm gonna go get something to eat So I need to give your baby to a stranger and go into a restaurant. Well, okay 30 minutes That's a lot. I'm not worried about the time I need 30 minutes to get a good salad or sandwich You're gonna get a salad while a stranger holds your baby. It's gonna take some time to make my order

I'm gonna go into the restaurant. I'm gonna sit down. They're not gonna be right there. Sit down restaurant Yeah, they're gonna come over can I take your order not even gonna go to like a grab-and-go restaurant Yeah, not even fast of casual. No, I mean, I'm gonna see if someone's gonna ask if they can hold the baby I would like to take advantage of the opportunity To to go take a little break by yourself. Now. I think even half an hour is under selling Does he have your okay? Do you have your phone or do you have any way to contact? No, but I You know, I'm nearby. I'm not driving away. It's like if I was like in a mall Yeah, well, I don't have to be in visual contact

That's what I was asking. You can see the baby. That's what I was asking No, no, I don't have to be I'm trusting The guy my point is this when this when Terry the next time he's with his girlfriend and see someone with the baby Terry can say may I please hold the baby and they'll they might say sure for a minute, you know They're not like me and they're like here. You can hold it for a minute So Terry can take the baby show the baby to his girlfriend and say Look how stupid you look To the to the girlfriend. This is the trick. Yeah, this is the trick

So the baby hopefully will be around talking age, you know a little more than a year You know between one and two probably. Yeah, and if that baby's like Then he can show his girlfriend and say this is what you look like when you talk to me This is what you look like here and then how do you feel as the parent who's Given the baby to the guy There immediately it's just like you look how stupid you look. Yeah um Yeah, I mean you'll have to

Deal with that situation too, right? No, that gets you out of the way You will you will get out of the baby voice situation You will have a temporary problem with the parents who are insulted and offended you can smooth that out by the way They're strangers So The it doesn't matter. Yeah, it's like, okay. I'm sorry. I made my point. Here's your baby. The problem with the loved one That's more so that's a trick. That's not okay. That's a trick. That's a trick. I'm not sure that that's the best advice Yeah trick though. That's almost a tip. I've got a tip. Okay. If that's a trick

I have my tip would be to not respond in baby voice I think that's how you go down the rabbit hole that you can't go back up. Oh, we don't even know about how he That's a good point. That's okay. You're better at this than I am. I would venture to guess that like When you're talking in baby voice and someone doesn't respond in like in the character Yeah, basically when you start doing a bit and somebody doesn't play along It doesn't last very long. No, no, and he's oxygen I think this girl is doing the baby voice because he's doing something to encourage it or he's gotta Of course he has to be he's behaving like a father. I bet I bet that's what it is

If she goes low in age, he has to go high respond as a senior suit is a 91 year old talking to a baby So it's like and you're like Come here you little creepy little bitch one year old because he's old and senile He doesn't know what the hell's going on. So it's talked. It's looking like it's kind of like do you see up The movie no The tv show up Yeah, that's it come up. Yeah, that's it come up. Yeah. Yeah, of course. I saw the movie teaming up. That's what it sounds like Yeah, that's why it's called up because they team up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah

I thought it's called up because the balloon No, I don't know about the whole balloon thing, but like if you're talking I didn't finish it. Does that happen the house? It happens in the beginning you ruin the movie you got to the miscarriage and you stopped watching right? I thought that was the end. Yeah, I thought that cold open was the end You thought it was a Pixar short. Yeah. Yeah, you left the theater after seven minutes. Oh, yeah, I was with my whole family Uh, there was yeah, there was a little there was like a very sad opening Montage so sad, um, but I think you might have nailed it. So don't respond like a baby That's that's probably the real answer

But um, I like I like you're stealing a baby or picking up at someone else temporarily stealing a baby Showing it to her and go and say that when you talk, this is how dumb This is how dumb you want to tips and tricks. I feel like we gave him a little bit of each. Yeah Uh, all right. Thanks for her. Thanks. Thanks for writing in terry terry. Cheers to terry We got another guy's name. Do you got another guy's name me? Glenn, huh? Glenn Glenn two ends three Whoa, where I think they are

Uh, no, the first one is silent. It's n g l e n n Okay, yeah, you're right. Glenn. Is that where is that where you were thinking? Nope. So people were They pronounced his name ne glenn When they were reading it like it's cool attended. Yeah the first day school. It's glenn every teacher says Ne glenn. Did you guys imagine a lowercase n and a capital g or a capital n and a lowercase g? Oh, which I have both capital to me. Oh really? I imagine a lowercase and all his block letters capital g n glenn uh last name howerton

So similar to a real man's name Now glenn howerton writes The end silent actually so it's just glenn howerton I'm a 14 year old male in school and I would say that I'm pretty confident around the ladies However, the only problem is whenever I have to speak or work with this one particular girl that I like I start to shake uncontrollably and I look like a goomba fool I know this is abnormal as with previous girls. I like this wouldn't be an issue. However, all of a sudden I start to shake I have tried deep breaths and other relaxation techniques, but the shaking only stops

Temporarily help what do I do? Thanks. Love glenn Have you ever experienced such a thing? Have you ever been star struck? Not even ladies struck but star struck. Yeah, I don't I don't get that star struck. Um Um You met some big wigs. I've met some people. I've met I've met a couple people Um, I did I told you about chevy chase that that was oh, I've I've told that story before But uh, I met chevy chase at ucb in new york

And uh, I grew up a very huge chevy chase fan like I just thought he was amazing And so that's like one person that I would be very star struck to meet and most people I don't You know, um, I don't get that excited about but he was like, oh man. I really like this guy Yeah, and he was on backstage at ucb And um, he was going to do this improv show that we were all doing It was like amy polar and manzukas and rob wriggle and I think cordy and sheer and all these people And um, so I went up to him. I was like, well, I was thinking he's going to be in the show I should just say hi and introduce myself. So I was like, hey chevy. I just wanted to introduce myself

I'm rob huble and before I even finished my name He slapped me across the face Very very hard very hard. It's the first time I've ever met this person in my life. Can you slap my hand as he slapped you? It would really hurt your hand here. I'll make I'll make a noise as hard as it was. Okay Wow, let me let me let me do it on the mic Wow, it was like really hard and um A good hand in his a solid connection. Yes, and I just saw red like I immediately saw red

And um, my first instinct was like I I'm gonna hit. I'm gonna punch this man So you went from like he's my hero too. I have to punch you. Yeah, and uh, and then I think he tried to make a joke like Hey, I'm can't you see I'm talking to somebody or something like that I can't remember exactly what it was, but it's some kind of dumb joke like that So he was trying to be funny right, but it was a very interaction and uh Unfortunately, I've now told this story like so many times that not that does Chevy listen to this podcast Do we know? I don't know. I don't know if he listens to every episode. Okay. Maybe he's not caught up

He's starting at the beginning. I think he's only at 200. So yeah, so so that was a time where I was Shaking probably before I met the person and then afterwards shaking twice as hard because I was furious. Yeah, you're mad at him Um, I think I'm still mad. I think I'm still a little mad. Have you talked to him ever since? I don't know him. No, it was the only time I've ever met him. Wow. I wonder if he remembers this story I don't think so. I think he's I think he might be a little a little soft around the brain No offense, jeffie. You're listening. Has he ever talked about it like anybody else that he's slapped? Well, I've talked to dan harman about this, you know, because because dan runs in our comedy world a little bit and uh Here's my community. Yeah, and like joel mccayle. Uh, it was like, oh, yeah, of course he did that

So it's like in his yeah, yeah, yeah, they're like, yeah, that's not surprising. It's in his dna. Jesus. That's amazing But anyway, so um to the kids listening to this, you probably don't know who we're talking about. Nobody's ever been slapped by their hero Yeah, yeah, such a unique experience. Yeah, don't meet your heroes. Someone someone once told me a story too It was a guy. I feel like I'm name dropping a little bit here Um, drop them, but it was uh, it was a guy in the band death cab for cutie and I forgot his name Oh I can't remember maybe but anyway, he was telling us I don't know if it was the main guy or one of the other guys, but

I hope i'm not outing this guy But he he has a great story that he's told before About um meeting bruce willis and I guess bruce willis is not a very cool guy By the way, do a lot of people listen to this podcast. Am I getting myself in trouble? No, no, I think bruce bruce definitely doesn't listen In Chevy. I really don't think it's caught up. Okay, cool It's shaking 14 year olds that listen to the Okay, who don't know who chevy chase or maybe one day. Yeah, but uh, but um, so one of those guys met bruce willis when he was a little kid like um, he would I think he was at like, um

What was the crappy chain restaurant that bruce willis? Um planet hollywood. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah So I think he was like at a planet hollywood in new york when he was like a little kid Maybe and he um, and he saw bruce willis and he was with his parents and they were like, well go over Say hello, it's bruce. Well, you know, so he goes and by the way, I'm not telling this story correctly But but I know that some variation of this happened So he is a little boy goes up to bruce willis to ask him for his autograph And bruce willis like looks him straight in the eye and he goes Fuck you. Oh like the kid into a little boy

Fuck you and he's like because the kid asked for his autograph So the kid like went back to the table where he was with his parents and he was like, you know, very sad and upset So cut to like 20 years later and now the guy's like pretty famous. He's in death cab for cutie They're like on tour somewhere in europe. I can't remember. It was like czechoslovakia or somewhere. Awesome. Hungry Cool cool and um and they're like, uh, they they're somewhere In europe and they see bruce willis and this guy's like, oh my god Like now like he may know me from this band like I feel like I should go and Introduce myself and like tell him this crazy story that happened 20 years ago. So you know where this is going

So he goes up to bruce willis now as an adult man He's like bruce. Sorry to interrupt. I just want to say and bruce willis goes. Fuck you No, like just cuts him off The guy's twice met bruce willis and just been like shunned Do you think willis recognized him and said i'm gonna i'm gonna bring him back or he says you look like a kid I once told the guy Yeah, um, yeah, I don't know what that's about. I don't know why that happened, but uh, so don't meet your heroes What was this kid's question? Oh, he he's shaking around the girl. I think it's excitement

I think it's adrenaline is the what causes you to shake. It's not like nervousness. So I think he must really just like this girl I don't know how to get rid of excitement though. I guess the more you spend more time you spend you got to marry her Yeah, you got to be around her all the time. You got to desensitize yourself shake with rage. Yeah You got it. You got to just be around her all the time Do you ever experience the other side of that like a comedy nerd coming up to you being like, oh my god You have no under you have no idea. I'm a huge huge fan. No people don't do that to me. Okay, cool. Yeah, so there's a couple times No, I mean like it, uh, you know sometimes at like comic con or somewhere like that You know where you'll meet people that are sort of predisposed. No offense to

Comic nerds or now they're listening now. Now we got now Bruce willis was fine. Yeah, yeah But um, you know sometimes at comic con people are um, they are very excited in those situations But um, I actually find that adorable. I think it's great. I think it's nice. You're not telling anybody to fuck off No, no, no. All right. Good man. I should I should pay it forward Fuck you from Bruce willis Whoa, who's Bruce willis? Never mind

Um, wait, I don't know if we solve this kid's problem. So be around her more be around her more be around her more I would also say And now I was gonna make a parkinson's joke. I'm not gonna make it. I was gonna say we could We can edit this out later. I was gonna say he might have childhood Parkinson's onset. So you made the joke. I didn't make it. Oh, yeah. All right. I don't know how I'm going to be Rob found that pretty offensive. Yeah, what's your fucking deal, man? I never said anything. I think that's a fucking joke That's kind of not cool I'm sorry

You guys are watching at home. You guys know who made that joke and gopro. That's live. Oh shit Um, all right. Let's take a break. We'll come back and we'll talk about the the show that you're you just made So that would be that'll be good, right? Um Are you looking at me? No, I'm looking at jake. I didn't make a show. Oh shit. All right. We'll talk about rod's show then We'll be back after these messages This show is sponsored by better help. Thank you better help if you're finding yourself in a difficult anxious

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Just use that offer code if I were you to save 10 off your first purchase of a website or domain Again squarespace.com slash if I were you free trial. Everything looks good. Let's launch it Just use that offer code if I were you to save 10 off that first purchase. Thank you Squarespace All right, we're back with rob. What is this show? What's the youtube red show? What did you what did you make so what did you make for us? Well, I made you guys a television show. Thank you for youtube red. So you have to have youtube red. Okay And uh, it's called do you want to see a dead body? And it sort of presupposes that most people

Have a morbid curiosity and would be interested in going to see a dead body It's not a reality show. It's like a scripted show Where it's me taking a different celebrity Every week it it also presupposes that I know a lot of famous people which I don't But it's it's all of our comedy friends. It's like uh adam scott And uh paul shear and rob cordry all our friends. We're all our we're all friends of my buddy. Well, you guys know them Yeah, but then some people who I don't know very well like terry cruise who's another terry another terry. Yeah That's two terries in the world. They're both jacked. Yeah

Um, and uh, who else randall park john show Um, a lot of people adam palli, uh, alexander didario from baywatch judy greer Michaela wattkins. So how many episodes is this that you did? We did 16. Is it one per episode? Yeah 16 different dead bodies 16 different guests. Wow. Now spoiler. I can't say that We found the body in every episode. There are some that are very different. You gotta watch where it goes off the rails Yeah, but it's all scripted. It's mostly about me trying to get these famous people to hang out with me And they don't want to so then I go well, you know, what do you would you like to see a dead body? Like fuck. Yeah, I mean, I would like to see that

So then they go along with me and then it gets like really fucked up and crazy How long are these episodes five hours long every episode very long. That's a very long No, they're all like they're all like 15 minutes. So they're short. They're like adult swim Like flavored sized things half. I shouldn't plug adults. It's not on adults one. It's on youtube red. When does it come out? It comes out november 15th. Okay. Um, and there's 16 episodes and um Next to I would say it's probably like one of my favorite things I've ever made just because one they Uh They the youtube people were like, yeah anything you want to do like anything you want to do like no no

No, we would turn it in and I was like, well, this is gonna get kicked back, you know, we we because it's too crazy It's too crazy, you know, and we say a lot of fucked up crazy stuff and you know in there They would be like, no, it's great. We love it. That's how it should be, right? They should just give money to people they trust and well, I think that's the idea, you know I think like when you launch a new You know tv thing you have to be like, hey, let's get people to come and make cool stuff And uh, let's not tell them what to do. Yeah, because otherwise people wouldn't do it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah So, uh, so this is one of those new models. Yeah, but um, but yeah

It's just one of those rare situations to get in with the right people at the right time They're just starting this youtube red thing and so they were just like, yeah, whatever you want to do like a total artistic Yeah, yeah, so it was like super fun um, the only thing that was like crazy was we shot at lat this past summer And uh, don't ever film a tv show when you're outside in the woods In the heat in the heat wave like way out in the valley. Oh my god, like forest fire I mean, there's forest fires now too, but like there's just like everywhere we're shooting. There's like fires and like Craziness. Yeah, so that was shit. So you'll in the show you'll notice that I'm very sweaty

Yeah, that may be that may be a bonus. Is there like they're like trying to even put on makeup at that point? I'm kind of One of those people that's like, you know, you don't need to worry about makeup today We're gonna be in the woods Yeah, like in the in the john show episode john show We're walking through the woods and he falls into quicksand and he's like, oh my god, I'm in quicksand And so the whole episode is me trying to get him out of quicksand. So I'm like stay here I'll be right back. I'm gonna run to town and I'm gonna buy some rope

And I'll come back, you know, so it's him sinking lower and lower in quicksand And so, you know, he he didn't know what he was getting into, you know, when we when he agreed to do it And so he was in a giant pit in the in the ground That was filled with mud and water and you know, he's and then eventually he's up to like his mouth And I was like trying to be nice. I was trying to be like, oh man, this is so nice of you to do And he's like, can we just please? Yeah, let's just go. Let's go. Let's We're gonna break our lunch

But like john, we'll be back. We're we're all going to a restaurant. It's a chipotle. We're great ac And we're gonna We'll be back for you. Yeah at one point. I remember he was like, oh god Like I think he has a thing about like bugs and stuff and you know, there's like Fucked up bugs in california. I think I think I vaguely remember him going. Is this a scorpion? Is this a scorpion? Like, yeah, there's like crazy shit out here But uh, but he was a great sport and uh, yeah, so it's Uh, the show is like right in my wheelhouse of just like aggressively dumb stupid stuff happening all the time and like

Yeah, it's like my favorite thing. It kind of reminds me just premise wise of like a funny human giant sketch. Yeah Well, actually we um shot these uh as sketches like five years ago. Um for funny or die they, um, they, um, I came up with this idea with my friend oan burk and uh We shot him we shot like four or five episodes like five years ago and then Like years later. We were like, oh, you know what would be funny? We should just build out that world and like, you know, make that a tv show But yeah way back we shot with like ben stiller. Wow, we shot one down here actually downtown With ben stiller and like we shot. Well, yeah, we shot with deepak. Chopra

Like way back all of our comedy friends. Oh, yeah, all of I mean one of the best comedians is Deepak Chopra But um, John Cho Deepak Chopra But um, but the uh, yeah, so so then we just decided to turn it into this tv show and um, yeah, I think people are gonna dig it That's great. I'm excited. I'm gonna get youtube red. You should I I think that I don't I'm not very good at plugging What their what their thing is, but I think you get a lot of I mean, there's no commercials and then I think you get like music and Oh, like the v-vote. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think you get some kind of crazy music library of like every song ever

I think it's every song ever recorded by any that's not bad actually except for the except for the theme song that these kids recorded from harvard That's not on the youtube. These kids won't give up the licensing. They wouldn't get it. Oh, you mean regret by finney Are we gonna hear it again? I'm gonna press play then he and his friends you can't fucking sing because they're too busy stunning. Thank you Burned you burned you All right, do you want to let's do some more? Yeah. All right. Let's see. Thanks for letting me talk about that. Hell. Yeah Thanks for talking. Can I put my shirt back on? Yeah, why don't you keep it off for now? And then as soon as we get done with this question

We can all pop our shirts back on okay because right now. I'm the only one not wearing a shirt. Yeah, I'll take mine off after this question All right. It just seems weird that like yeah, no, I know you invite people into your podcast studio You make them take their shirts off and put yeah, we had you take baby oil all over and then we keep it on Yeah, and you guys keep but you're wearing rob shirt. Yeah It's kind of like a double standard in that regard. It's weird, but I am bottomless people on watching this on youtube They get it. This is legit. Yeah, open up a new tab and get youtube red folks Yeah, you're there anyway Okay, what's the next one? All right. We need another guy's name. Oh me. Can jake anyone? All right, uh

cred YouTube cred Creed Bratton, that's good. Yeah, that's a real guy. He's from the office. Yeah Oh, yeah, this is brother. Cred Bratton. Okay, cred Bratton, right? 20 Uh sup chode jugglers. I don't understand the greetings that your listeners throw out. They're negative They're very negative These kids need to get a positive attitude. Well, we mostly uh make fun of the people who write the question So I guess it's kind of fair. It's okay that we get it as well as they should out

I see at the beginning of the summer. I met this girl on tinder She seemed cool and we quickly became close The only problem is that she lives in Maine and we met on the last day at my house up there Anyway, fast forward to couple hours. Can I just say this guy's bragging? Oh, yeah, he has a house in Maine, but he's only for the summer. It's only one season house We own the house and we don't use it all the time. Yeah Stephen king lives there most of the time and then when we're here steve, it's time to go Go write your stories from us. Yeah

Only problem is she lives there. All right. Anyway fast forward a couple months Uh, and she keeps laying fucking hints that she wants to be exclusive Even though I go to school in New York and she goes to school in Maine One day I subtly hinted she should send me some more care packages Thinking she wouldn't but then she did she sent me shoes Clothing food the whole nine Anyway, I started to feel bad eventually in this past weekend I drove up from New York to Maine to see her and lay some mad pipe

Oh, I don't like this guy one bit fun of this motherfucker now on my way home. I'm even more conflicted I'm not really into her, but I love the shit. She sends me. Oh, this guy's garbage Do I end it or do I string her along? Am I a shitty person? Does it matter? Yes, donald trump jr. You are Here's truly um cred cred brad brad brad brad Um, do I string her along for the gear? That's a good question. He's also like He's like he's making fun of her for the care packages that she sent him

He's like I said it like not thinking she was gonna do it as a dude. I did give her all of my sizes Yeah, if you sent her your fucking address you will asshole. Yeah, she didn't just have your address as a goof though As a goof. He did that. I didn't think she'd send me shoes and now you're hoping I'm worried that a lot of your listeners are people that we wouldn't like if we met them and well, you guys do live shows Right for the most I I mostly like I mostly like the people that come to the shows Yeah, the uh, and we we find these questions. We got a lot of these are not okay. Okay. You filter Okay, so you're filtering for ass for us. We have an asshole filter. I see. Yeah Yeah, okay, so this guy where does he go to school? Uh, I would assume columbia, but perhaps nyu

And he met a lady at bowdoin or uh, no, he said he's what he goes to school. He didn't say in new york city Yeah, he goes to school in new york and she goes to school in new york though. He's good. He's a sunny genicio or something I swear. I swear to fucking god. This guy's a binghamton I am no doubt in my mind I met this girl on tinder. She seemed cool first, but then she fucking sent me too many shoes, bro They fit me and the shoes are cool and I'd like to make laid pipe with my dick But then the girl is also she Dude, what do I do? Whoa

It's fucking burned you That's what you sound like asshole. That's what you sound like. You sound like a baby. This guy's a road scholar actually He says, yeah, he's studying abroad in sweden right now. Oh, nuclear physics. Oh, I apologize I guess he's helping to come back a little warming and oh cool. Okay um First of all, uh, you're lucky to be getting a care package from a lady like this You're lucky that she's even willing to let you see her nude you piece of shit You fucking dumb motherfucker. You fucking drive up to me. Who drives to me and you take the fucking train

like a man public transportation Yeah, no don't string her along Um, well first of all, let me qualify that what kind of stuff. I mean, how good Let's find out. I mean like it's just like a random assortment of shit. I mean if it's converse. Yeah Yeah, like is he getting adidas or something? Yeah, cool. Is it is it like outfits like entire out like pants and shirts Yeah, and like jackets. Yeah You know, I guess that's true if it's outerwear

It's probably if it's like a north face just fleece or up. Yeah, but if it's like if it's something that wicks away moisture Yeah, yeah, I've got no showing in it. It's like breathable. Yeah, but then if it's just basics, then I think it's not Yeah, if it's like if it's cotton or even a cotton poly blend Yeah, yeah, dumper dumper dumper Why don't we answer a question from a lady? Yeah finally To to end the show with Honestly, ever since you got a daughter you've been getting like real soft on these guys Like I feel like you're you've changed man

Like I know you back in the day used to be this guy. I used to be this bro. I know grab the gear Pump it and dump it. I know driving up and down. That's what they called me. That's what they called me They called me grab the gear pump it and dump it drive in the main Drive in the main. You got a baby. I now had a baby. It's a daughter. She's made me super sensitive to the ladies It's crazy. It's cray. Uh, all right. This is a lady. You got a lady's name. Um The baby boys Goo Goo Gaga. Oh, wow. Goo Goo Gaga. No, I can't do that. I can get why you hated it. Let's call her. Let's call her. Um, Hilary Clinton No, let's not call her. Is that is that your daughter's name? Yeah, my daughter's name is Hilary Clinton

Wow, you wanted to name her after the next president this a year ago. So you didn't know it didn't pan out. Yep I wonder if there will be lots of little hillaries like if people were like, yeah At the very least a rottem. Yeah a rottem middle. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, this person's name will Be and is forever known as Crandy, that's really good. Crandy. Crandy is good. Hey, Crandy. That's nice. It's very close to Crandis Which is something we get shouted at at live shows. Yeah, I named that concept. Yeah What why do people yell Crandis because we we ask people in the audience to

Give us fake names for during live shows And one of the first live shows we ever did somebody screamed Crandis. Wow And ever since the first person that was me, bro. That's nuts. Crandy. Oh Yeah, you were there. Yeah, this is in Maine, right? So this is yeah, it was in Maine All right. So this is Crandy. Well now I feel like I'm ripping off. No, I think it's it's okay It's beautiful. You're part of the family now. Oh boy. Crandis writes. I'm a 26 year old female living in Virginia. Yeah, that's where I grew up Really? Mm-hmm. Charlottesville, Alexandria. Good man in Alexandria. Oh, yeah, yeah Yeah, Fairfax for real. Is that where you guys are from? No, I just went to a wedding where the bride was from Alexandria

Oh, uh, yeah, that's yeah, uh, I was born in Alexandria Hospital. Shout out George Washington. That's where he was born That's true That's true. He was born in uh, uh, or he lived in old town Alexandria, which is where my dad used to live All right, end of podcast I'm a teacher so I'm broke is shit paying off student loans So I live with three other girls when I moved to my apartment. I didn't know any of them But became best friends with one The others I barely see I don't even know what she does for a living. So here's my problem

I've been seeing this guy for a year now, but he lives at his parents' house So if we ever want to do the horizontal hula, this is the same guy from before now writing as a woman I live in Maine It has to be at my place and let me just say the sex is mind blowing body shaking rage screaming omg It's still happening orgasm kind of sex. I've never had sex like this in my life and it's so great But my question is do I moan too loud? My roommate who I never talked to has called me out multiple times saying I didn't want to get water from the kitchen because I heard you guys Don't get me wrong. I'm not sounding like that loud annoying fake porn moans or anything

Yeah, I'm your dirty whore. I know I can get kind of loud But my boyfriend loves the feedback and honestly it makes him feel better not to hold makes me feel better not to hold back So Is this enough? We usually have music or tv on and sometimes I stuff my face in a pillow or cover my mouth Is this enough from other roommate's perspective? Do I really need to hold in all the noises and I can't enjoy the big o fully? Have you ever heard your friends have sex and did it annoy you? Thanks love

Grandi Wow, have you ever heard me have sex? I don't think so. I already have sex once. Thanks. Really? Yeah, where weren't even living together? I was uh last week. I was FaceTiming Where where did you really hear him? Uh it was when we lived in uh bucke house in uh in handcock park Yeah, we shared it was a jack and jill bathroom. So jack and jill. Oh, you had sex in the bathroom No, I was in the I was in the uh the the in your appropriate bed space Yeah, and then I guess the the the audio traveled through the bathroom. Yeah, and what did it sound like jake? Well, this is we don't have to get into that mirror you be quiet

I was sort of like uh a slapping sound bed creaking chevy chase. Were you having sex with chevy chase? I don't think it was because it was the bucke house. He said I didn't fuck chevy until way later You just you were just breathing heavy. Yeah, it wasn't you know Your head was smeared against the table the the door and I was like louder guys. Yeah, I try to get off in here Breathe heavier still you were he was just jerking off and you were jerking off to him jerking off You both thought that you were having sex in an aol chat room. Yeah, it's just a feedback. Yeah Like an echo that never adds a 19 year old female So crandy's question is am I being rude am I too loud? I mean, I don't know how loud she is

Right. Is there a loudness where she's officially being rude? I mean, isn't there isn't there a way to disguise it? I mean, obviously that would solve the problem if instead of like making it sound like sex just It sound like you're hammering. Yeah doing construction in the room Yeah, just like we're mounting a TV. Just always be doing construction when when your boyfriend comes over We're building an IKEA closet. Yeah, it's like Hand me the screwdriver. Yeah This is great. This is like police academy over here all these time effects

What's that guy's name? Michael Clark Duncan. Yeah It's totally not Michael Winslow. Michael Winslow. So what would having sex with Michael Winslow sound like? All right, now now Clark Duncan Hey, I'm the human giant Michael Clark Duncan. That's good. Pretty good. Yeah. Um, r.i.p. It's r.i.p. Yep, that's true. R.i.p Did Michael Winslow die too? What would it sound like when he dies?

Uh No one knows who we're talking about by the way your audience does that. I barely didn't I barely get it. Yeah, I barely get it I don't think you can be too. I think if it's sex, it's happy. It's joyful. No, I don't know man I think it's not three roommates four roommates. I mean, I mean, she does know that it's too loud She's gotten the she's aware of her roommate said I don't want to go in the kitchen because I'm uncomfortable Why can't you why can't you go to his house? Uh, because he loses his parents. What does it mean? I can't Listeners He's like kids

But she can't you can't go and you guys just buy houses and be grown up. Yeah, that's so expensive. Come on That's so she said she's a teacher. She's struggling to make rent Listen, that's a lie. Teachers make Fucking that's all teachers got together and they said let's pretend that we don't make any money teachers are making They make a lot of money. It's like rapper and then teacher That's the So your advice is for her to buy her boyfriend a house. Yeah buy your stupid boyfriend a house Especially in virginia put it put it in a care package

Probably really cheap back there like what your parents your childhood home is probably like 220 000. It's like a nine acre five bedroom Plantation home right in virginia. Yeah. Yeah, you get like a studio apartment in northridge for that much. Yeah Um, no if you can't go to your boyfriend's house. Well, first of all She could go to the the parents. That's only two people. She you'd have to hide from there's like You know a lot of people in her apartment. Maybe they have real jobs. It isn't teacher. You know, yeah, yeah Yeah, let's yeah, let's get the whole summer off too. Yeah, I want to go after teachers more on this podcast I mean, come on. Of course, you don't make a lot of money. It's a selfish profession is all Why do you gotta what do you gotta give kids wisdom? Yeah, you're not smart enough adults all day

Yeah, like real people at work. I'm not smart. You don't think I'm smart Why don't you teach me something if you're so smart? I think I don't know how to read Is this a movie goodwill hunting? It is. This sounds exactly like goodwill hunting. It is a little bit of goodwill hunting Um, uh, so so you guys say you can be as loud as you want. I say that I will also Why not just have sex when your roommates are away? Like right you could try? I think that that's you could try to be a little more sensitive. You could have sex in a car Yeah, I love having sex in a car. Wait a second. Really? I think having sex in a car is one of my favorite places While driving? Uh, yeah while while she's driving

While she's driving you're you're you're in her lap You're you're you're in her lap. So you're a seat of sorts in this situation. No, I'm in her lap. I'm we're missionary You're missionary. So how does she just have to try to see over you? Where's the seat belt guy on top mission? Obviously, no seat belt. No seat belt. He is the seat belt. This isn't even safe. I'm protecting I'm protecting I'll go through the windshield first and then she will land on on my chest Yeah, because I imagine coming as you get a hit in a fucking head on coming as you're flying through the Is that a movie? Isn't that drive? Yeah, that's crash Just come everywhere

Uh, so yeah do that the paramedics are trying to clean it up. Why is there so much come in here? There's car accident. There's so much come Um, so so sex on a car. Yeah, that would work. Uh, yeah sex in the woods, you know Um, there's all kinds of other other places where help your roommate find a boyfriend or a girlfriend or something Yeah, try to hook them up hook them up with with your with your boyfriend's friends So everyone's having sex. I think more people fucking you're you're a lot more lenient towards like sex noises when you're also getting late Yeah, if you're kind of sad and alone, you don't want to get that You hear people have sex. I mean you could try to be a little more sensitive

That's the trade-off is they pay some of your rent and that's gonna happen Like otherwise you can't afford to live in a house crank up the music crank up the stereo Those jock jams. I can't get off unless i'm listening to jock jams. What did she call sex the horizontal hula? The horizontal hula. I didn't like that Yeah, maybe because it's not even accurate if you did if you were on your side And you started doing a that's not how you have sex, you know It's yeah, it's so I got news for you. You're doing it wrong. Well, that's why you're that's why you're so loud Yeah, you're doing it so wrong. It's amazing

And then you're coming extra hard do it the right way and you won't make a pee Yeah, she's doing just like all my ladies never Because they do it properly Where women don't feel pleasure That's the poll quote. There we go episode. That's how you stick a landing. We did it. Uh, Rob Hubel. Great app Thanks for having me you guys. Thank you for coming Um There's cum everywhere. There is cum ever. This is like a scene from crash. It's crazy. I mean, they'll see it on the gopro

They'll see it on the gopro Uh one last time the name of the show. Do you want to see a dead body? Do you want to see a dead body? You tube red November 15th. Thanks guys. Uh, thank you The opening theme song was written by Vinny and his pack of hooligans named regret or maybe the album is called regret From harvard. Uh, this closing one is a john mayer parody from nick So thanks to nick and thanks to Vinny. Thanks to everyone for writing in thanks to rob once again for coming down Go yell university. Hell yeah, we'll be back next week. Bye If you got a problem

Email if I were you Yeah, if you got a problem email if I were you If you're feeling lonely and horny, there's nothing else I would do Oh That was a hit gum podcast