If I Were You - 335: Euro Trip Lightning Round

Episode Date: June 18, 2018

In this episode we discuss travel tips, least favorite cities, and bad addresses in another Twitter Q+A lightning round.See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

This is a headgum podcast. Take in a mirror. Headgum. How far are you? With your iPhone, gotta hit the podcast. With your iPhone, gonna put you on blast. And they going on, but it's alright. Yeah, the show is long, but it's alright. I got a long drive. Whoa. Very nice. A nice for what remix by Creme Brulee.

Good rap name. Yeah, it's like a nice- Fiery sugar. That's right. Not unlike headgum. Fiery sugar. Just because head, of course, is a fiery, passionate part of your body. I mean, sugar, gum, obviously, that's- That would work. That one's obvious. The first one's less obvious.

I don't even have to explain. The first one is so unobvious that it might be wrong. It's so clear to me that gum and sugar are the same thing, that it's a waste of time to even clarify that. Well, you are wrong, so we don't have to clarify anything. His Twitter, IG, and SoundCloud are all Creme Brulee PDX. Nice. I guess he's a Portlandian. That makes sense.

I have songs on all music services, and please ask fans to check out my podcast, Adolescents. It's a good name, too, on the Apple Podcast app. Good shit. Adolescents. Welcome back to America, Blumenfeld. Oh, yes, we have returned from our voyage abroad. We were in Iceland. We were in Ireland.

We were in Amsterdam. We were in London. We were in Portugal. Yes, Lisbon. And don't forget the day we were in Bruges. Yes, we spent an hour in Bruges, watching in Bruges. Technically, we were in Brussels and not near Bruges. Oh.

I watched the wrong movie then, of course. Do you think anybody's ever taken a trip to the exact order of countries we did? I don't know. It was pretty random. Yes, a trip from Iceland to Amsterdam to London. I think that's normal so far. Iceland, Amsterdam, London. Yes.

And then to throw in Portugal and Dublin. Yes, it's that last-level hiccup. Yes. Dipping into Lisbon, then shooting back up to Dublin. Yes, nobody would do London, Portugal, Dublin. Right, it makes way more sense to do London, Dublin. Yes, because you're already in the UK. Yes, or Amsterdam.

Yes, I feel like the cheaper flights are usually from London home though. Right, so you want to end in London. Not us. Oh no, not us. We'll go fuck. Well, we had the shows to dictate our schedule. We did give a fuck. So we had the Amsterdam show on Monday, which was great.

It was very fun to be in a new city, doing a show for new fans for once. For one time. Beautiful place, of course. Eight delicious food. Then we had an awesome show that Wednesday in London. Yes, we did. We took a lovely train ride that morning. Yes, that was a six-hour train ride.

We had to go through passport security in Belgium. Yes. The train went from Amsterdam through Belgium, and then at Belgium you get off, and then to get into London, they look at your passport. It feels almost like a dream that we were ever even there, like wandering around the Brussels train station trying to get onto a train to get to London. Trying to find a thing to eat. Then we did a Wednesday show in London, which is great, obviously.

Of course. Fans were the best, as they always are. Then we had three days to kill until our show in Dublin. So we hopped a quick flight to Lisbon. Real quick, two and a half hours. Which we had never been to. Right? But you had a friend there.

My friend Eddie, Eddie Gaga from high school. We didn't know what to expect. No, we had no idea. I don't know if it was going to be like Barcelona, a new modern city on a beach. Is it going to be like Jerusalem, an ancient city that has a lot of character? Sort of a little bit like both. Yeah, it had really hilly vibes. There was a Golden Gate Bridge replica there, it seems.

Sort of like San Francisco meets Rome. Yeah, it was just ancient buildings, and then also a port, and then also beaches, and then also there was a Golden Gate Bridge. I didn't look up to see why there was an identical Golden Gate Bridge. Giant red double arched bridge. Did Eddie say it was the same guy did both of them? Yeah. I don't know, I wonder if that's true.

We didn't question it. Yeah, it's like he did one, and then they asked him to do another one, and he's like, yeah, I have a new plan for you. You're awesome at bridges. Will you make one for us? Wait until you see what I come up with. Shit. It's a big red bridge.

It's the same fucking color and everything. I wonder which one came first. Well, never now, unfortunately. And then a great show in Dublin. It was a great show as well for a Sunday night. People turned up. Yeah, that was a lot of fun. And then we went to Coppers.

We had to go to Coppers. We had joked about it enough that we actually ended up going to Coppers. I guess it's like one of Europe's most famous dance bars. Is it really? And then within Dublin it's like almost the only famous dance bar the entire city goes to. Is that true? Yeah, it won some award for like Europe's best something or other. Wow.

But so many people hate on it. I know because it's like, I guess it's like McDonald's. It's fun to hate on like the number one. Right, but then you find yourself there at midnight and it is fucking good. Well, last, like two years ago we went there. We were floored on how busy it was on a Friday and Saturday. Long line, multiple floors, densely packed, couldn't even breathe. So it was perfect on a Sunday.

Yeah, we went on a Sunday and it seemed like the most popular bar in LA. That's the equivalent. Yeah. But like to Coppers that was a slow night. Yeah. To us this is, it was like perfectly busy, I think. Right. We kind of walked across the dance floor.

We left quote unquote early at like 1.30 in the morning on a Sunday. Yeah. Like what the hell, like it's hard to find something that's that popping and even in a popping city 1.30 in the morning on a Sunday. Yeah. But Coppers brought the heat. They really did. And we sort of joked that during the show like, hey, we'll meet everyone at Coppers.

So like a lot of people came and we hung out with a lot of people at Coppers. Which was great because we'd been hanging out just the two of us basically for, well, actually in Portugal we had Eddie. Yeah. For roughly the good part of a decade. Yes, that's true. But I just wanted to hang out with fans. Coppers, by the way, I guess is a, the local nickname for something called Copperface Jacks.

And the number one question on Google when I searched Copperface Jacks, it has 837 reviews. The most frequently asked question is, is it just farmers that go there? Which I know is a thing that happened. But I guess a lot of farmers go there. Interesting. Well, we didn't see any farmers. Yeah. Or maybe they were.

None that were outwardly farmers. Nobody was wearing overalls on a straw hat. I'm actually looking at pictures of it. There's a fucking banquet room there. Like you can eat at Coppers. It's huge. I mean, it's like three stories and we only were on the first floor in the basement ever. Yeah, look at this.

There's like a whole living room set up upstairs. Oh yeah. What was going on up there when we were there? We didn't end up going to the banquet. Wait, maybe it was closed. I should have my bar mitzvah there or something. Wasn't your bar mitzvah like 20 years ago? Yeah, but you can have another one.

All right. I want to become a man again. There's a fucking buffet at Coppers. We could have had brunch at Coppers. Why did we go out to dinner? We could have just eaten at Coppers. Why did we even do it? Maybe we could do a show at Coppers.

Oh my God. Can you imagine? That'd be so dope. So then there are already at Coppers. All right, but we are back in America. It's so nice to be back in a place where people speak my language, but like... They spoke your language in... Yeah, but it felt like they were struggling to learn the language for me.

Literally everybody in Amsterdam spoke English. I know, but they had a fucking... What's it called? Accent. Yeah, an accent. What is that? Don't say, oh, do you want anything to eat? Say, do you want anything to eat?

You're going to critique people's accents? You know, because like they speak... You understood them. Yeah, I understood them because like the onus is on me to fucking translate. You're a xenophobe. Huh? What is that? I don't know.

I don't know what words are. I just know how to talk good. That's the difference. No, it did felt like every place felt like not too foreign. Even Iceland. Everybody speaks very English very well. Yeah, the only word I learned on the entire trip was obrigado. Obrigado.

Obrigado. Which is how you say thank you in Portuguese. Yes. I also learned that Brazilian Portuguese and Portugal Portuguese are two very different Portuguese's. Your buddy compared it to like dropping someone from Scotland into Staten Island. That's how different their English is. Yeah.

It's like the same language, but... You couldn't understand each other, but the accents are just like crazy. All right. Anyway, this is If I Were You, the only advice podcast on the internet hosted by us. Yeah, yeah. Since we went through so many questions for our live shows, I figured why don't we get some quick hits from the Twits tweeted. Do you have any quick questions for us to answer on our lightning round Twitter episode

of our show? Yep. Yep. We have over 100 questions so far. Holy shit. Wow. Wow. Wow.

Yeah. I do. Okay. What were your favorite cartoons growing up? Oh, who said that? Who said that? Strunk cartoons. Oh, that's the guy that makes our cartoons.

Yeah. That makes sense that he's curious about cartoons. Good shout out. He just made an awesome one with my, turning my moon in, what was it, barn? Oh yeah. A house with a garage. A garage. A garage musical.

He animated it. The clicker's the bad guy. We put it on our Facebook. The moon's the love interest. We put it on firereshow.com so you guys can watch it. It's really funny. Favorite cartoons growing up? I watched a lot of cartoons growing up.

You come home in the afternoon and it's DuckTales, Rescue Rangers, Goof Troop, like those Disney cartoons, After School Style. Oh yeah, big time. Then Saturday morning we got Nick. We got Doug. We got Rugrats. We got Ren and Stimpy. Those are all what you watched?

Yeah. I watched them all. Like growing up then there's like prime time cartoons. We got Simpsons. We got South Park. We got Family Guy to some extent. Oh wow. Yeah.

I watched all of the, I think I grew up loving the Simpsons. That was like the family show. That was what we watched with the family. Family. But did you watch like cartoons as a kid? Like Saturday morning cartoons like Casper? Yeah. I remember watching, like when I was little I watched like, you know, Looney Tunes.

Oh yeah. Then there's all that stuff. Looney Tunes. And then there was like this James Bond cartoon that I was really into. Oh, Scooby Doo too. The James Bond cartoon was the shit. They all used to watch that before school. Is that like the, does it kind of like the Batman cartoon?

Yeah. I think so. Oh, Animaniacs. I never watched Animaniacs. Oh, Tiny Tunes. Did you watch that? No. Those are really funny.

I know. I never, I never got into it. I was too smart for you. I was a little too cerebral for Jake. I was a dog. I was binging the dog dude. I binged a dog. Banging on a trash can.

Drumming on a street light. Yeah, I can see you're wearing a beats shirt right now. Oh, I love the beats. Uh. Doug is probably the goat cartoon, I think. Really? I think Doug is the greatest cartoon of all time. Well, what was the appeal of Doug?

It was just this lost kind of adolescent. Oh, speeder. Patty. Fuckin' mayonnaise. Fuckin' mayonnaise. Yeah. The Lamar Bone. They're all great.

Clots. Mr. Dink. Very expensive. Did you used to watch Ren and Stimpy? I did, yeah. I was big into Ren and Stimpy. Yeah. Uh, Pepper Ann.

It was a Pepper Ann boy. Yeah. Pepper Ann, Pepper Ann. Way too cool for seventh grade. Seventh grade. What about Hey Arnold? Did you ever watch that? Yeah, I loved Hey Arnold.

Yeah, I never watched Hey Arnold. I was just so into cartoons. Yeah. Are kids, kids don't, do they have cartoons anymore? Yes, they do. They probably just don't watch them because they're made for children now. But like, they're not all, I don't know. I just feel like there's like, I guess SpongeBob's.

Yeah, SpongeBob was a little, I was a little too old. And then like, Ed, Ed and Eddie was like another one that I didn't watch or Powerpuff Girls. Yeah. When I was in college, I shifted to Family Guy. And I guess that was the last cartoon I ever watched. Yeah, it's hard to go back. Oh, Duck Man, did you ever watch that? Uh, Duck, is that Darkwing Duck?

Is that the same? No, Darkwing Duck is like a Disney show. Duck Man was like Jason Alexander was kind of a fucked up, like cartoon for adults in USA. All right, we gotta get, this is lightning round, we're fucking taking forever. I love talking about cartoons. Okay, what else we got? You should do a cartoon podcast.

Oh. There's so many cartoons. There is a lot of cartoons. Yeah, an animated podcast about animation. Yeah. All right. We'll think about it. Okay.

Here's a popular question we get, which is also a question we got on the road a lot. This one specifically is from Ajak Tweet. Amir, do you ever plan on going on another D&D podcast? I had that tweet ready to go for my next question, actually. I know. People love it. I'm afraid there's so much pressure on it. What if I'm not good at it?

I like that we're going from, ha ha, I'll never do it, and ha ha, I'll never let Amir be on it, too. Like, maybe you should be on it. I just have to think of a character. Yeah, I think you should, I think you should come on it. But like, where does your thing take place? Is it in Planet Earth at a specific time? Or is it like a magical place in the future past?

Yeah, it's that. It's more like, you know, Middle Earth. It's like a realm called Bahumia. Right. But it's like Earth-like. Yeah. There's just like monsters, dragons. Yeah.

It's like a fantasy. Right. But I would be a human, or I could be like a talking chipmunk or something. You could be some version of a talking chipmunk. We'd have to like ask Amir for what kind of like animal people there are. There might be, I know there's like cat people. There's like lizard people. Right.

Maybe there's a chipmunk. Alright, we'll think about it. Whenever you need a really big episode, I'll make my debut. And then I want to die. I want to die off of it. Oh, you could definitely. I mean, we played with Nathan and we played with Nathan Yaffe and Adam Conover. Yeah, Adam Conover.

And they both survived, but they almost, actually Adam didn't really almost die. Nathan really almost died in his episode. We could probably kill you. Yeah, I want to die. What's better? Here's a travel question from Offshore Eric. What's better, checking a bag or carrying on a small suitcase? Oh, this is actually a great question because I think about how to travel with my luggage

all the time. You guys remember my Twin Innovation episode where I came up with the best idea of all time. Which is shipping luggage to you so you don't have to check it in. Yeah, it's basically checking your luggage a day before you fly and then having me be there when you arrive. Having had the flight. And that sort of, and that is like, I think that exists somewhere. It exists like in Japan.

They do that on like their trains. Yeah, and they're about 70 years ahead. So what can we do now? What was your recent innovation? I got the Osprey Farpoint or Farview, no, Farpoint 55, I think. Now is this your unsolicited advice because you liked it or are you still on the fence about it? I liked it. I think I didn't.

It was an enormous backpack in which you can zip up an even smaller backpack onto. So you have a big backpacking backpack and then oftentimes you have a big backpacking backpack and then what do you do with your small carry-on items? You have to find a little bag. You have to find a daypack somewhere. This thing had a daypack that you could zip onto and attach to the big backpacking bag. But it was still as heavy as a carry-on. Oh yeah, it's huge and it's wrapped to your back.

But I liked it because I liked having both hands whenever we were running around. I could always easily go buy a coffee. You don't have to show my passport. I have to drop that. I think what was tough is that because of all of the different things we did on our trip, it's not ideal for a very, very big variety of trip where you need to have three pairs of shoes in this thing. Oh, I see. So you're saying it was too heavy?

It was too heavy at some points. I gave one pair of shoes to my brother when we left Iceland and then it was good for a few days but then we acquired more stuff along the road. Let's say you're going to New York for a week. I would definitely take this. If I was going to New York for a week and I could wear one pair of sneakers on the plane, put another pair of vans in the bag and if it's nice weather, I don't have to bring a big jacket. So it's good if you don't have to get on and off multiple airplanes

and you don't have to put it on and off and then pack too much because it's too heavy. Right. I think the big thing was just like when it was hard to close, it was a little hard to zip up the smaller backpack onto the thing. It was pretty bulbous. But if you can keep it compact, I think it's the goat travel accessory. It was a learning curve. Now that I know what I'm doing, I'll be able to travel a little bit better.

Did it feel like exercise, like putting it on and taking it off? I guess a little bit, but in a good way. I liked feeling strong. Feeling lean, light that I could travel forever. What's your travel? I hate checking bag. I really like, I think the goat travel situation is you got the carry on and then they tell you it's full.

So then you still check it. You don't have to put it up in the overhand because that's sort of the hardest part. It's like when it's crowded, putting it up, taking it off. So if you can get to the airplane and they're like, actually, we're going to check that for you. Great. I brought it onto the airplane and then I could forget it and pick it up. But even on this like two week trip, I put it all into a carry on.

Yeah. I'm big on carry on, but I like traveling with the carry on, but checking it. There's just something nice about like not having to worry about wheeling some shit around all the time. Yeah. It is kind of annoying when you're like trying to buy something or like hold something and then you have to have one arm on your thing, one with a backpack, one with a fucking sandwich, two bottles of water. And then it's the anxiety of like needing to get onto the plane as soon as possible

because all of the overhead will be taken. Right. But then at that point again, the goat travel, they check it for you. Right. I guess the worst thing is they let you on and there's no space for your bag in any of the overhead except for at the very, very back of the plane. Yeah. You have to like go through everybody and then like come back towards the front for your seat.

Everybody's mad at you. You sit down and then like when it's time to get, yeah, that's the worst. When people are getting on and off an airplane, that's when like all manners go out the window. Like nobody's waiting for somebody else. If there's a stream of people going down the aisle and I'm like waiting to like cut in, it's like, no, they are fucking laser focused on the door. They will drop your body. It doesn't matter.

You can't get in. Do you have a question? Sure. Seuss. Seuss 5. Must have got that early. Whoa. Yeah.

That's a really fucking good name. Seuss 5 says going to Vegas this summer. How can I get my nerd ass friends to have fun there? Oh shit. I guess it depends on what kind of nerd ass they are. Are they math nerds that you can play roulette with? Are they sports nerds that you can gamble on sports with? Are they porn nerds that you can go to a strip club?

Are they food nerds that you can eat a buffet with? Are they massage nerds you can get a fucking spa? Are you on like a visit Vegas? No. I'm just thinking about it a lot. There's a bunch of ways to do Vegas. That's why I love it so much. You do love Vegas.

I love it so much because you can do it one way with one person, another way with a different person. You can spend the entire day in a sports book. You can spend the entire day at a pool, fucking rave, or do whatever the hell you want. There's a lot of ways to do it. My advice is to only go for two nights though. You don't want to spend that third night in Vegas. Yeah.

That's when it starts to get really hard. One of my favorite things to do in Vegas is to spend the day at a pool and then take a really luxurious shower and then go to a very fancy dinner. Like a fucking steakhouse with Kobe beef. It cost $114. Yeah. I'm like, oh, I'm going to lose $200 to $300 tonight. So instead of doing that, I will spend it on a really extravagant dinner.

Yeah. And then I go and I lose $200 after that anyway. Gabers has a good tradition. He says when he goes to Vegas, he gets all of his friends to put $100 on a single roulette spin. So if it's like 10 of them, they each put it $100. They put $1,000 on a color of roulette. If it hits, they eat dinner for free at a really awesome place.

And if it doesn't hit, then they go to in and out and they have an awesome time anyway. So it feels like a win-win situation. That's really, yeah. That's awesome. Cool. I want to go to Vegas with Gabers. Yeah. Fucking I'll pay for the in and out.

You could also get drunk for very, very cheap or free. Like you can buy alcohol on the way to Vegas or in the airport or whatever and then get drunk. There's no open container laws. You can just walk around with alcohol. So you don't need to go and buy drinks at a bar. And then also while you're gambling, you get free drinks. God, it's so fun.

So just try not to spend money on alcohol. It's such an exciting driver flight. Everyone's having a really awesome time on the way to Vegas. Yeah, but the worst is leaving Vegas. Everybody's having such a, you're having the worst time ever on the way back from Vegas. Just sitting in traffic with, it's super hot. Everybody lost money. Of course.

Well, that's the thrill of victory in the agony of defeat. I guess we should go to Vegas. Maybe when Skeets goes to Vegas. That's next week. He's fucking, they're going for summer league and we're going to be in fucking Sarah's wedding like a bunch of idiots. This sucks. That's going to be a great wedding.

Oh my God. I guess I'll try to fucking gamble on the vows. Give me a fucking over under for how many times Carnell's cries. Do you have one last one we could do before break? Yes. Aaron Stein says, what is the best country you have visited? And his Twitter handle is the Icelandic. So I wonder if he's felt my slump.

Favorite country on this trip? I think all time. Oh God. It's too hard. I really like, I liked Amsterdam on this trip a lot. It was very like beautiful, but also fun. Yeah. It had a good like.

It was like sleek, modern, had a lot of history, but also like big wide streets, canals. It was super pretty. Yeah. Cool new things to do. Yeah. So I'll go hauling just for the novelty factor. Or sorry, the Netherlands. Netherlands.

Netherlands. What about you? Canada. Whoa. Just kidding. Fuck those guys. Bruno is weak and dishonest. Favorite country I ever visited?

I'll forget it. Okay. That's fair. No. Iceland. Iceland. That's why I've gone back so many times. Three times.

Trice. That's the question since it's related. And we can do this before break is heart shaped box writes least favorite city. Oh, least favorite city. Yeah. It's hard. Yeah. Like in America.

Sure. It is hard. There's like something about Boston. Fuck it. It is hard because there's so actually fucking Boston is no redeemable fact. Yeah. No, Boston sucks. I don't like Washington DC as a city.

Oh, I like DC. The weather is usually bad and it's very spread out. And then just a lot of people who are immersed in politics and that gets draining. And then it feels like more like a series of museums and monuments than an actual city. I like the big like the openness of Washington. It feels like a city that's like stretched out really like pretty wide because you have all the monuments, the museums and stuff. That being said, we'll still do shows there.

For sure. Oh, don't get me wrong. We'll go anywhere for cash. Money, money, money. All right. Let's take a break. We'll come back. We'll try to answer even more questions right after this.

Thank you to Aura Frames for sponsoring this head gum podcast. You know, Aura Frames is sponsoring not just this episode, but the entire head gum network, Jake. Wow. That's correct. I mean, this might be the Goat Father's Day gift. I think it actually is. Yeah.

Yeah, not just Father's Day, but if for any not so tech savvy family member that you need a gift for soon, these digital photo frames might be the best of all time. For me personally, these things are perfect. I'll tell you why. As you know, I am expecting my first child. Uh-huh. We got one for Jill's parents. Oh, wow.

We got one for Jill's grandma. Holy smokes. We got one for my parents. So, there are three of these bad boys in our family right now, but they're great. Really easy way to like stay in touch with your family. You can upload as many photos as you want directly into my parents kitchen. It's really nice. Oh, that's cool.

So you take a photo of anything, perhaps a baby, and then it goes to their digital photo. Yeah. Frame. That's how we told Jill's grandma she was pregnant. We got her the aura frame. We plugged it in. Jill's grandma was pregnant? Really nice asshole.

This was actually a really sweet moment for me and my wife, and you're trying to make a joke of it. Oh, I was just being goofy a little bit like, uh, this is how I told my grandma she was pregnant. Yeah. Yeah. Kind of like she misheard it or something like that. Or the way you said it was kind of like, could go either way.

By the way, Jill's grandma is pregnant. Oh my God. Jill's grandma is 90 and pregnant. It's pretty cool. And you told me with a digital photo frame? Holy smokes. And we let her know with an aura. Yeah.

Thank you. The aura announcement. So you can instantly frame photos from any device anywhere and invite the whole family in on the fun through the aura app. Add me to your aura app. I'd love to upload just a picture of me like at a pool or something. That could be funny. Yeah.

Like your banana or your dog alongside pictures of my daughter. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. You deserve that. You can even preload photos and add a personal video message that will display as soon as your dad or anybody connects to the frame. Yeah. It's a great gift.

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And now back to the HEADGUM podcast you were listening to. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Thank you, BetterHelp. If you're finding yourself in a difficult, anxious, stressful situation talking to a professional licensed therapist is the best way to navigate yourself out of that difficult place. And it's not necessarily easy to find a therapist, especially one in your area, but BetterHelp makes that all easy because it's online therapy designed to be convenient, flexible and suitable to your schedule.

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Check them out. Thanks, BetterHelp. And we're back, answering as many Twitter questions as possible. What you got? Calvin Yeager. Whom? Calvin Yeager writes, where's the line that you draw for your beard before you decide to trim it down or shave entirely?

Oh, good question. My line is a little before yours. I don't like it when my mustache hair goes into my mouth when I eat. It feels like a little invasive of the hair. Yeah, and then like there's some points where the hair gets so long that it starts like itching my neck and I'm like, this kind of looks and feels gross. So I usually trim. I've never gone completely shaved.

Yeah. How long has it been since you completely shaved or like even just like you used to just do stubble. Yeah. You've had a beard for like years LA, I think that's like that is crazy to me. Yeah. I've never gone all the way down. I just think that like you'd want to have my face, not even like to see it just like

I do all of the different facial hair because I like feeling different. I like changing it up. Yeah. I don't know. I feel naked without it. You've had the same haircut and facial hair for three straight years. Yeah. Well, different variations of it.

But yeah, like I went really short last summer, for example, but not like buzzed all the way around or I'll go long, but not like past my ears. Yeah. So like that's the range. Like tiny. You're like playing on the margins. Yeah. So I went short like trimmed beard and longer beard, but I still always have a beard.

Yeah. When we were in Australia, you had a really long beard. Yeah. I remember that. But you go extreme one way versus the other. Yeah. I'll go like six months beard and then shave it all off to the skin. So you go too far and then go too short.

Well, I don't think it's too much of anything. I like it. But I don't really have a, I don't have a line. I guess sometimes I go based on like feeling, if my beard starts to feel like really ratty, I'll just shave it all off. And then I like kind of grow it. And then sometimes I'll be like, Oh, I wonder what it would feel like to have a mustache and like actually right now, maybe I'll have a mustache tomorrow.

Oh my God. Why not? Can you imagine? Get a fucking goatee. What about, where do you, where do you shave on your, on your chin? That's a guesstimate. I just sort of eyeball it. There's, it starts to get pretty straggly as like the hairs get further and further

from their friends. So I'll trim it up here. Yeah. It's like the really neat like jawline beard. No, I don't. No. Yeah. And I keep it lower.

I like to, I like it to go onto my neck a little bit rather than like completely like clean like that. Sometimes I'll do my neck on like a one or something. So it's sort of like blends into the beard. Oh, that's really nice. Sometimes I'll use a fucking stick, a sharpen stick and I'll just scrape the hair away. Why? And I'll just scrape the hair away.

That's awful. Scrape the hair away. What a burger versus in and outs says grace and jant. Ooh. I guess in and out. I don't really know what a burger. Yeah. I think it's a Texas thing.

We haven't had too much of it. If they have good fries, then I'll choose what a burger actually because in and outs fries are fucking garbage. I guess they're healthy. They're not healthy. Like no fries are actually healthy. Yeah. What makes them healthy if they're still deep fried potatoes?

I think they're just like slightly fresher. They like make them using that potato peeler thing like that day right there. You can like see them making them. Yeah. They're sacrificing, yeah, you're sacrificing a lot of taste for not a huge. It's not cauliflower. Right. They're like, oh, these are healthy and now we're going to put cheese and animal sauce

on them. Yeah. Can I get those healthy fries animal style? Guys, I didn't come to in and out to be healthy. I came to eat good fucking fries. Here's one that only you can answer from Snowboarder 119 is what's your hot sauce of choice? I need a decent sauce. Oh.

I've got a couple. The, my new favorite though is that it's a Louisiana hot sauce. It's just called Louisiana hot sauce. Do I have to find it? Wait, hold on. I'll find it. I'll find it one second. I just don't understand the appeal of hot sauce.

Is it a flavor thing or is it just like the burning sensation? It's a flavor thing. I mean, like there's like the tangy. But like, can't you get that without like needing your mouth to burn? My mouth doesn't burn when I have hot sauce. Then isn't it not hot sauce then? No. No.

I mean, it is. But do you like the thing where it's like, this is really spicy? Like can I get that hot or do you get like medium? I mean, I can go, I don't, I'm not like, hey, so hot. Like I want something that like makes me usually can't stand. Yeah. Like I don't like that. Yeah.

But I can do like pretty hot. So when they're like mild medium or spicy, what do you say? I say spicy, but also that's not like me saying like try to burn my mouth. It's just like spicy probably gives me the same feeling that medium gives you. But what if it's like a Thai restaurant and they're like, trust me, you don't want spicy. Are you like, trust me, I do. It depends on like what that, because there have been plenty of times where like the spicy like careful.

It's like really spicy. Like, okay, then I'll go mild and then it's like mild is nothing and then I try the spicy and it's fine. I see. Have you ever had to like, this is too spicy. The meal is ruined. There have been times when I like accidentally put too much sriracha or something and it's just like sriracha based mush.

Let me see if I can find this hot sauce because it is really good. And for me, nothing beats a glass bottle of that Heinz ketchup. Yeah. It's a little salty. Last bottle. Yeah. You really need to hit that 57. Don't give me any plastic squirters when just the oil comes out for a little bit.

Not interested. Yeah. That does, that'll ruin, that'll ruin a meal for me. Actually, can you imagine a bottle of just the oil, oops, all oil, ketchup? I could see you eating like drinking, like finishing a bottle of ketchup and then filling it with water and being like, it's not that gross. I like a good fucking oil. It's actually just called the Louisiana original hot sauce.

Oh, really? Yeah. And that shit is really good. It takes a little, it takes a little bit like buffalo sauce. It's got, it's got the tangy. I like a tangy sauce. Um, yeah, that's the one. Jeffrey James writes, what's the best address to have?

And we've even had some replies. Somebody suggested one Almond Street, somebody's 69 Boink Street. What about Raven's Nest? Oh, that's pretty cool. Do you have the, do you have a best address to have? There was, I feel like we've talked about this question before, actually. You really just want something that's easy to spell. Yeah.

Like 1000 Park Ave. Yeah. That's a cool address. 88 Future Street. That's really nice. There's a Future Street in Los Angeles that seems really cool. Yeah. Future Street.

It's hard when it's like five digits and then like a quarter or a half, like five, seven, eight, nine, three and a quarter McCoy Merck. The worst is when it, or like East something. Yeah. It's like, and you got to put the East because like North Lafayette where you didn't put North Lafayette and Lafayette was two words and there was like a Y and two T's and it's like, come on, get off of me. Don't make me put that into Uber Eats right now.

I want a ham now. What almond is actually a great address because everybody knows almond and everybody, the fucking number one is, it's, it's one of the best numbers of all time. If not the best. It's definitely the first. The eight is the goat. Eight Goat Street. Eight Goat Street.

Can you imagine? Does that sound too much like goat see though? I guess so. What about 25 Hot Tub Lane? Love that. Love that. There's a street in LA called Avocado. That's a good one.

Oh yeah. Avocado is nice. That's quaint. That's cute. There's an Aloha Street. That's good. But yeah, like you want the swanky address. One almond makes it sound like you're pulling into a mansion.

Yeah. Like 54 Avocado Street is like, oh, you live in the back house there. It's a cute little bungalow. It's nice. But you don't have a nine car garage. That's what you've got at 1414 Raven's Nest. 5483 headache. Hey, Jake, do you have any?

Oh, it's a life through the fire. Mom, I'm coming. Gross. We met the dude that made this song. That's right. He came to our Amsterdam show. He was a fucking cool Norwegian dude. Yeah.

And he's like, I did unsolicited advice. I did, Mom, I'm coming. I'm like, you are part of our podcast history. And he's like, yeah, whatever. Yeah. Not interested. Not interested. Bye.

Do we get a drink? No. Why'd you come to the show? I didn't. What? And then I reached for him and he was gone. I do have some unsolicited advice, actually. Now, you know that we have gotten several free mattresses via this podcast.

Yeah. We don't need to name names, but there have been mattress companies sending us. We've had more than one. Yes. And in the past few months to maybe a year, my back has slowly started to deteriorate. I see that you have some sort of pasty scoliosis. Well, I don't. A sponge back.

Anymore. So here's what happened. So I legitimately was having such bad lower back pain that I didn't know what to do. I was sleeping on my couch, trying everything, sleeping with the pillow between my knees. And what I realized was that I just needed a firmer mattress. And we started working with Helix. I took the sleep, like the mattress quiz, that's sort of just like you tell them about your body type, what you're looking for, if you wake up with pain.

I like a quiz that you can't fail. Yeah. It's all opinion based. Yeah. That's like our podcast, The Quiz. And they recommended a firmer mattress for me. But get this, you can also take the quiz if you sleep with somebody. So Jill took the quiz as well.

Oh, congrats. You guys are sleeping together? Out of wedlock? You son of a bitch. Jill took the quiz as well. So we have like her side of the mattress is like more custom to her. It's a little bit softer. Same mattress.

Same mattress. Yeah. So you like the first question on the quiz is which side of the bed do you sleep on? So my side is firmer and low and behold, in like a day, my back pain is gone. Holy snakies. And that's straight up, we already got paid for the Helix ads. Okay. It's over.

This is just my unsolicited advice. If you have back pain, just check out Helix and see, like take the quiz based on like what kind of mattress you've been sleeping on that has fucked your back. Okay. Cause back pain like just destroys you. I used to, I would like leave dirty dishes in the sink and like not do my laundry for a little while cause it hurts so much to just like stand up and do shit. I thought you were just being lazy.

So did Jill. Yeah. Like actually it really hurts to do the dishes. But when you, when you wake up and you don't have any pain, it just like, it sets your whole day right. Nothing beats being a hundred percent. That's all Helix baby. But we do have it.

We do have a coupon code, I should say. Oh, all right. Let's fine. We can say that then. I'm interested in Helix sleep. You can go to helixsleep.com slash if I were you, you get $125 towards a mattress order. That's awesome actually. Up to $125, I should say that's helixsleep.com slash if I were you for up to $125 off your

mattress order. Their mattresses, their mattresses are not that expensive. So that extra discount goes a long way. And they're better than those other mattresses cause they didn't fuck up Zaddy's back. That's helixsleep.com slash if I were you, what else we got? What? Oh, I think we already answered this. What age do you wish you were and why?

Oh, I think we did. We both said like late twenties or something. Yeah. Twenty seven. It's the goat age. Twenty seven age avenue. Oh yeah. Are we answering this right now?

Yeah. Oh, sorry. Say it again. No, we already answered. Great. Where is LeBron going to play next year? It says T-Covax-E. You probably think Los Angeles.

Of course. Why wouldn't he want to play on my favorite team for me? I guess I hope that he goes to the Rockets. You hope that he goes to Houston. I just want to see like, I understand that him coming to LA would be fun for you because you could like root for LA, but I don't think that they could beat the Warriors. Correct. I just want to see somebody beat the Warriors.

That's all I, that's like all I'm rooting for at this point. Got it. So at that point you need LeBron and then maybe one other player to join the Rockets. If LeBron, Paul George, Chris Paul, James Harden, could they all play for that team? Of course not. Unless they all took a huge pay cut, which they refused to do. What about Kauai? Kauai and LeBron can play with each other in San Antonio or perhaps Los Angeles if the

Lakers trade for Kauai. Why can't they just be like, Kauai and LeBron just talk to each other and be like, Hey, what city would it be fun to live in? Yeah. That's what I'm hoping they do. And they both say LA at the same time in Eskimo, KISS and the side of the Lakers. And then go to the Clippers. Who?

I just, I don't know. It feels like if the Clippers could do it, doesn't it seem like LeBron would be more interested in like revitalizing, like making a franchise his own. The Lakers are like shafts or copies. No, I think he's more, yeah. I think he's more interested in like playing for that big name, having the most fans, selling the most jerseys, joining the most storied franchise. That would happen for the Clippers though.

No, because the Clippers is like, the casual fans doesn't know who the Clippers are. It's like the best base. It's like A-Rod playing for the Mets. It wouldn't have happened that way. That's not how it goes. You are looking at it through Laker colored glasses for sure. Yeah. He would want to join the most storied franchise of all time.

He would. Yeah, well that's not an objective opinion. I guess it is. No, it's not. Yeah. Even when the Lakers are awful, they have like five times the ratings as Clippers. There's just not a lot of Clippers fans. Well, does LeBron really care about what team gets the best ratings?

Whatever team he goes to would get the best ratings. I think he does. I think he's a business comma man. Not a business flag. But then he could go to the Knicks. Yes, that's another option, but the Knicks are even more dysfunctional than the Lakers. All right, enough basketball talk. W. Mayfield writes, where's LeBron going?

Whoa. Yeah. Like just not for basketball, just like for lunch. Yeah. I think he's going to go to CHOPped today. He might fucking summer in Miami. Luke Frott says, things to do in pistol waving, new haven. I hear there's a strong Hurwitz influence in the area.

Really? That's right, man. Where would you go? Perfect day in New Haven. You wake up at an Airbnb on 45 Headache Lane. Oh, very good. And I would go straight to the Starbucks on Chapel and High Street. That's a really nice box.

It's a good box. You're getting what? Suvi egg bites and a cold brew. I would just get a coffee there, and then there's like a new Acai bowl place right next door to the British Museum downtown. That's nice. Very nice. You're getting a coffee.

You're getting the Acai. Then I'd go for a walk around East Rock Park, maybe, to the Eli Whitney Museum up behind the waterfall. That's nice. Or maybe you take a drive to the old H town. You go up for a hike on Sleeping Giant. Why not? Sandwich at Rand Mike's best deli of all time.

Or you could go to Henry's on Whitney. Damn. I could. You know what? Let's go to New Haven together. I'd love to take you around. You mean LeBron starting a new fucking franchise at Hartford. That's such a good feeling to be able to take somebody around your hometown, though.

You don't ever really get that, do you, Blumenfeld? Because you grew up in the valley. Yeah. I mean, I guess I could take somebody to the valley. Yeah, but it's just like you go into different strip malls and stuff. Oh, so you're saying because we all already live in LA, I don't get to take somebody to LA? Yeah.

That's not what I was saying. I mean, I've been in LA and Sino sucked, but yeah. We can eat at the aroma. Actually, that was fun. When I first came to LA, we ate at the aroma. There's a Starbucks there. Oh, but the pizza, you got to hit the pizza and I feel like you can go to bar for the mashed potato and bacon pizza.

Great pizza. This is for nighttime. Yeah. You can go to Frank's, Frank Peppies, you can go to Sally's. But I am a Delania man now. Delania. It's low key, the best pizza in New Haven at Tomloman, I think. Wow.

It's on State Street. People from New Haven love New Haven pizza. They have some sort of fucking weird affinity towards it. And then since you didn't eat pizza at bar, you can just go to bar to dance and party and rage. That's cool. What's your go-to current TV show to watch says you be ultimate bear. What show are you watching now?

Straight up, dude. I am watching Billions. How much? I love Billions. You know what's cool? Billions. I'm a big Billions dude. Are you obsessed?

It's probably my favorite show. Is it like an entourage ballers type show or is it like an actual good show? It's better than entourage and ballers, but it's sort of like, it's definitely like hammy and over the top. Yeah. It's very dramatic. It's very dramatic. Rich.

Yeah, dude's being rich and everybody like big balls like coming after each other, like not taking some shit, vengeance. Like Jill doesn't like this show. She loves it. Oh, really? Yeah. We both love it. That's nice.

I think what's nice about it is like sometimes at the end of the day, I don't want to do, I don't want to watch comedy anymore. It's too much. Too much jokes. Too much jokes all day. But then like, I was watching things like Game of Thrones and just these like shows that were straight up like torturing people and like all the heading and death and like that sort of weighs on you a little bit too.

But Billions is like the perfect middle ground where it's like sometimes a little funny, because it's usually really dramatic, but nobody really gets murdered ever. Right. So there's like, it takes the edge off there. You're not ever like, oh no, I hope this person doesn't die. Like the worst thing that ever happens is somebody gets like fired or loses some money. Yeah. And they're also rich anyway.

That's fine. I'm binge watching for the first time maybe ever, Atlanta. You are binge. You never binge. I never binge. I never watch a random TV show. Are you in season two at the moment? I watched the entire season on our flight from Dublin to LA.

I watched, I watched you do that. Great show. You're talking about kind of funny, kind of dramatic, a little bit of everything, social commentary, well written, well edited, well directed, well shot. It's gorgeous. It looks great. And it's just like a touch silly. It's kind of like Donald Glover's mind.

It's like, you know, he has lots of like important things to say, but then also a lot of like funny things. So like, there'll be like a really tense moment and then he'll be eating flaming hot Cheetos. And he's like, what flavor is flaming hot Cheetos? And some guy's just like, uh, hot. Stuff like that. What season are you on right now? Uh, I started the second season, but there's only been two seasons.

There's only been two. All right. Really easy to get into. All right. Let's get some quick last ones before we run out of time here. Lightning. Uh, we did the hot sauce of course. We did the LeBron question naturally.

Would you rather have a baby with Ben Schwartz or Thomas Middleditch? Oh, I think I'm trying to think about who would be a better dad. They both be really good dads. Yeah. Because they're funny and thoughtful. Yeah. They're both kind of hot. But if you had to choose someone, why don't you choose one person?

I'll choose the other. Um, all right. I'll go with Ben because I mean, he's the man that's erotic enough to like really keep a baby alive. Yeah. That's good. Like he could probably make the baby laugh and do like story time in a very fun and inventive way.

You think Ben could make a baby laugh and destroy time? Ben's like fine when it comes to like voices and stuff, but Thomas is more of a character actor. Fair. Um, sock, sock, shoe, shoe or sock, shoe, sock, shoe, says Robinson Laurel. Huh? You put in sock, sock, shoe, shoe or sock, shoe, sock, shoe. Ooh.

I go, that's such an interesting question. I think I change it up really. I would never have a full shoe on before even putting a sock on the other one that would never happen to me. I would never have shoe and then barefoot. Oh wait. I, that's probably usually what I do. You go full shoe and then sock shoe on the other.

Yeah. My morning routine is I put on pants. I put my socks in the pocket. I walk out, I toss my socks onto my shoes and then I go about my routine and make breakfast. I make coffee and then before work I sit down and I put on a sock and then a shoe and then the other sock and then the other shoe. Are you taking a shower in the morning or are you a nighttime shower? Usually a nighttime shower.

So you wake up, just put on clothes, call it a day. But you know, I, actually this, this goes into another question that I was going to say. Dylan D writes, what's a non extravagant purchase you made that's changed your life for the better that you think everyone should have? Whoa. It's not a water pick. And this one.

Water pick. Oh, sorry. Not a water pick. Right. I was, when I had hurt my feet, I got these like Oofos orthopedic sandals or you could do it with Crocs or you can get like really comfortable slippers. But walking around my house in like my orthopedic really soft sandals is, it's just sublime. And I think that's why I put my shoes on sock than shoe because my left, on my left foot,

it's not completely bare out against the floor. It's still in my sandal. Yeah. And you have very plump little feet, like your feet kind of look like resemble potatoes or something. I wish. I have the tiny little skinny feet. That's probably why they break all the time.

They're bony. Oh, we can, let's end this, end this episode by talking about how you fell. Oh yeah. You fell when we were walking around Lisbon. Yeah. And everybody who listens to the show regularly knows that I'm plagued by foot injuries. Yeah, that's true. So you didn't fall in a way where you trip stumble, stumble, fall.

I was walking next to you and it's if someone shot you and you collapsed or you fell into an open manhole. Just went straight down. Yes. And you were holding a bag and it just like split, it split open. The only thing that I remember is like seeing the bag. Like all of a sudden I was like, I was walking one second and then like I twisted my ankle off a curb and then the bag was at my face and I was like, oh, I'm close to the ground

now. I fell today. You basically rolled your ankle, but instead of putting any weight on it, your body just gave out. Yeah. That was kind of like a good defensive tactic. So it's like instead of like landing on your twisted ankle, you fell into the ground. Yeah.

And actually for the first time, I like should have a hurt ankle or foot and I don't. It feels okay. So it's for the first time your weak ankles and feet actually saved you because a stronger man would have tried to tough it out, bounce on his twisted ankle and made things worse. Yeah. My ankles are made to be twisted or I guess not really made to be twisted, but as soon as they bend in any direction, I fall down. You don't fall very often as an adult.

It's kind of a rush. Yeah. That was the first time I've fallen in a very long time. Yeah. Just like on the ground without necessarily wanting to or needing to. Yeah. I hit my knee. Was it scary a little bit, exhilarating a little bit?

It didn't hurt. I guess it was exhilarating, but then there was like the fear of as soon as I popped up because my ankle didn't feel like normal. Yeah. And I was like, oh no, this could like the adrenaline could wear off and I will have a sprained ankle. So it was like an anxious curiosity. It was like a rush followed by, oh man, is this going to be okay?

Is this going to be okay? Sort of like when you start to get a headache and you're like, do I need like a little bit of liquid or am I getting a debilitating migraine? What's going to happen? If this was Atlanta, it would be like that would be a scene and you would collapse and then it would smash cut to you doing like D&D talking about hard one sure foot and his like how he thick his feet and calves are. That is why I named hard one sure foot, hard one sure foot and that's why I gave him thick

ass legs. He's the man I want to be. All right. That's it. That's our time. Thanks for writing. Thanks for tweeting. Thanks for emailing your theme songs.

We're running low actually. So if you have any theme song submissions, send them to if I were to show at gmail.com. If we missed it, maybe resend it if we haven't used it yet. But if you've been sitting on a Diddy and you've been needing that extra kick in the pants, do that now. Send it to if I were to show at gmail.com. The opening theme song was crumb roulette, PDX remember? I love that.

The nice for what parody and this one is I believe someone who came to our Dublin show, Daniel O'Driscoll, a 20 year old musician from Dublin. Good man. Thanks for coming. Thanks Daniel. Thanks to you guys for listening. We'll be back next week. Maybe we'll release our London show because that one was a blast.

Oh yeah. And a half. Ciao for now. Peace. I just had my triple caramel macchiato and actually you know what? Slit my throat. Can you slit my throat for me? I'm obviously too much of a pussy to do anything ever again.

So I'd like me to do that for you, that one favor. Punch me in the eye. Cause you've already punched me in the heart. I need a bigger cup of iced water. It's all free. God, kill yourself with a Starbucks. That is eulogy ever.