If I Were You - 487: Naptime

Episode Date: May 10, 2021

In this episode we discuss Formula 1 racing, Instagram flirting, and what we think about when we think about sleeping.Advertise on If I Were You via Gumball.fm.See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

This is a headgum original. Load! I said she's 19, you have got me sayin' it. I think I impressed her with my shirtless pick. She took me for a thousand bucks, I don't know what to do. I think I'll email too when I were you. Stick! Awesome.

Yeah. That was actually a Green Day parody of Time of Your Life, if you could believe it. Green Day's still got it. I wanted to play that one because it's rare that we are actually better singers than the musicians that send in their theme songs. Really? It's rare, but I think we got this guy beat. You wanted to air that one for our bragging rights.

I actually, when the very first line where he says load, I thought that was my voice. I thought so too. I think he's at worst as bad as me. And at best, as bad as me. Let's see, he said he had sent it before, but it got lost in our inboxes, so he's updating your brilliant new dating app. Shout out to Orion, shout out to Avital's show Antisocial Distance, and shout out to a LeBron James rookie card from 2003 that recently sold for five and a half million dollars.

Five and a half million. At least it's an actual card. Yeah, it's not just an NFT, but that was Luke Pottage from England. So thank you Luke from England for that epic. You think he was playing the guitar or you can just download the guitar only and then sing over it? I mean, you can definitely get a karaoke track of that song, but I like to imagine. I think it sounded pretty well mixed. It didn't sound like he was doing that.

I'm going to go on a limb and say that he played the guitar on that. Oh, wow. So he's a really good guitarist. I think what I'm going to try to do one time is submit a theme song and see if you recognize that it's me. Do you think you will? Yeah. Yeah, I do. You think you'll definitely know my voice?

Especially now that the call has been thrown. Yeah, I think I would definitely know your voice. 100%. I've heard you sing. What if I told you? What if I told you that song was me? Interesting. I would accuse you of coming up with this hypothetical after the fact.

And it feels like you're trying to shoehorn it in. Reverse engineer, I got you a moment. Okay. And I'm not going to buy it. I'm not buying it. All right. All right, all right. You can relax.

You're on edge. Because I'm right. Maybe you are. Maybe you're not. And I just don't want to give it away yet. But yeah, that wasn't. That actually wasn't me. It wasn't you.

No, I wasn't actually. But sometime in the next 100 theme song, I'm going to go for it. And I'm going to disguise my singing voice long enough, hard enough. Actually, I'll give you a taste right now just to show you my fucking range. I'd rather you didn't. It's fine. I feel like. Why are there so many pods about advice and what's on the other side?

You were telling me you would know that that's me singing it. That is there. No fucking way. Your Kermit meets Anthony Kiedis. Impression is a very familiar voice to me. I would have instantly picked that up. I like it like it like a podcast. There's advice in the mother podcast.

Can I get another golden mic? Something like that. Yeah. Yeah. You're saying that you would know that. I would definitely know that. Yeah. You want to try you want to try another theme song?

Yeah. Yes. Okay. I'm trying to think of a singing voice that doesn't sound like my own. Like a pop. Yeah. How about like a pop? Like Justin Timberlake.

Dirty pop. Oh yeah. That's good. Yeah. Why you got to talk about a podcast about these Jews? They're just two koi guys and they give advice to you. That's not bad. Really?

Yeah. All right. Okay. So that's good. Now I know like the genre to live in. Yeah. But I don't want to give. Give me like a Broadway.

No. I don't want to like give too much away. I just want to see if you can pull that off. Yeah. I mean I guess like a famous show tune like would be like like a song from a musical basically. And then I would just like figure out. Yeah. Exactly.

Yeah. And it could be anything. It could be any musical. Right. Anyone goes. Yeah. So like super famous musical that I know and could sing would be like a Book of Mormon song or something like that.

Okay. Yeah. Yeah. It would be like, have you heard of the All American podcast? It's nice. It's hosted by these two guys. It's not about a lot of stuff, but it's pretty good to hear. Yeah.

They give good advice or like, yeah, that one wasn't like I think the pop song is probably the closest that you can get away with. Or I could do like a rap or something like, you know, my, my, my really good Drake impression, like I could sneak that in there about like, yeah, like it could be like a Drake song or something like that. But yeah, I don't want to give that away, but like it could be like something like, I know when that advice show, you can only be one thing these days, all I do is wonder if I get a drink for the pot.

Well, it doesn't sound good without the music, obviously. Like even if you took, it doesn't sound good period. No. Yeah. But I'm saying if you took Drake's voice out of the song, out of the music, it also wouldn't sound good. Auto-tuned to death. I guess.

I don't know. Yeah. I think he has a lot more natural talent than you. Yeah. Right. Man. Hey, you're my wallet now. Yeah.

That's closer to your Drake impression. Yo, dude, like you're my toilet. You're in my posse, man. Hey, dude, you're my toilet and you're my wallet now. All right. We've had fun, but it's time to get serious. Whoa. Is that milk in your swell?

I just took a sip and when it came out, dribbled a lot of like, was that milk that came down your mouth? It's not milk. It's cream. Yeah. That's like half and half. That's a liter. It's a liter of half and half or something.

The milkman stopped by this afternoon, so I'm just trying to, you know, guzzle down the cream. Jesus. You have to refrigerate it first, I assume. If you don't have room in the fridge, you just kind of chug it so it doesn't go to waste. Okay. I guess I'm going to tell you.

Milkman, please. Nice. Milkman, please. That could be your song from when you do it. A glass of your least expired pod. I have advice show here. That's good. That's good.

So funny. I remember. I know this song so much better than the videos to the point where I feel like we scripted the song. Like in the, I feel like I remember watching that video one time and you just like, Milkman, please. I'm like, what? He's not singing.

That's bizarre. Yeah. We know this song more than the actual video now. Same with yams. Yeah. Definitely same with yams. All right. This is, if I were you, the only advice pod on the web hosted by these two guys, I'm

Amir. I'm Jake. We got some interesting questions today, always real questions from real people. Send them on down to, yeah. These were sent to, and you can too, if I were you, show at gmail.com. We got emails. We got songs. And why don't we start with this kind of innocuous one?

Okay. Hi, boys. The other day, oh wait, fake guy's name, we'll call this guy Ricky Martin. Cool. The other day, you boys were talking about the power of naps and I took your advice. I was pretty gacked up at five PM and I decided to lay my head down to rest. I closed my eyes and nothing. I just lay there dead awake for 15 minutes until my alarm went up and I got up more tired

than ever. I didn't even get close. What do you boys think about when you're trying to fall asleep? I've tried loads of things from counting sheep to folding a piece of paper origami style or otherwise. And in my mind, nothing works. I'd give anything to be able to nap. Thanks boys.

Love. Ricky Martin. Ricky. He's in a good nap podcast. Why goes to koi juice? They talk about a money or something like that. Would you know that that was me? At this point?

Yeah. Right. I mean, it's you. There's so much a mere interference in every genre. Livin' La Vida Turdy is Livin' La Vida Turdy. You suck the air out of the room. You made Ricky Martin you. How fucked up is that?

Ricky Martin, the hottest guy is now not because of that impression. When Jill was a kid, she met Ricky Martin. How funny is that? That was the peak of Ricky Martin. Actually, he's making kind of a comeback. I don't know if you've been seeing some photos of him. Ricky Martin, Mark Anthony, Jay Inglisius, Carlos Santana. Are you kidding me?

It was just the summer of Portugal. Ronaldo's still the goat. Really? All right. Sorry about that. I mean, still plays. When you're tired, do you have to think of something? Do you actively think?

Let me think about something or do you just sort of drift to wherever your mind leads you? There's definitely a different strategy for napping than there is going to bed. I don't really need to think about anything. I usually read a little bit. I like to think about some ethereal event some time far in the future that I'm hopeful for as I'm falling asleep. Interesting.

It's a little tranquil and you're not thinking about the next day where your brain's turning and planning and stuff. I just think about some make-believe vacation with my family or something and I sort of fall asleep. Interesting. I always think about. I usually try to think about the past, so it's the exact opposite. It's not the future.

What's a carefree time in my past and you could just sort of choose a snapshot? Me driving to Las Vegas when I was 19, me playing in a pool when I was 12, me doing whatever, playing basketball when I was 23, and by the time I finished that thought, I'm usually so tired I fall asleep. It's interesting that there are different directions in time, but a very similar ethos and you and I have never discussed it. We try to conjure happiness absolutely. Exactly.

I don't want to think about, oh no, I haven't submitted my tax information yet. What's the opposite of that? It's playing in a pool in elementary school and then I wake up disappointed. Here I am, a 38-year-old that didn't write down what my expenses were against this income and my accountant's breathing down my fucking neck. I'm sorry. What about naps? Naps I only take when I feel like a very specific type of tired that I know I'm going

to fall asleep. If I'm just kind of tired, I can't force myself to fall asleep, but if I'm dozing off, they're the heavy type of tired where something went terribly wrong last night and now I'm literally almost passing out in my seat, then I could do the same thing. I'm thinking about some nice day or moment or snapshot flash bulb memory in my past and I can usually pass out. For naps, for me, it's not a two-hour thing. It's as long as I can doze off and it's almost like on a hot day when you pour cold water

on your face. That quick for me. It's a quick reboot. It's not a full power down. It's a restart. Yeah, it's a restart. You really only need enough to get you going to the end of the day. You're not getting a full night's sleep in a nap.

You can't make up four hours in a nap. No. I feel like I use naps more when I'm traveling, when you and I are on the road. Sometimes if I know I have to do something in the evening or at night, even if I'm not that tired, that's when I try to force myself to take a nap. I'm just like, I'm a little sleepy. The idea of staying up till midnight is not that exciting to me right now. I think that means I need a little power nap, power down.

The way I nap is I usually think about being really, really heavy and really, really tired and that's it. Oh, interesting. You're actively thinking about your exhaustion. Yeah. Yeah. And are you doing it in a bed or on a couch? Usually in a bed.

Usually in a bed. I've done couch before. I can fuck with couch. That's kind of key. I also don't think that you really need to fall asleep. If you lie down for 20 minutes and sometimes it does take me the entire time to fall asleep at the end, I basically just blink and I'm like, oh, did I fall asleep? I guess it's 15 minutes later, so I must have.

You drift off. That's really all that. I feel like that's all that matters to me. Also, I think of a big nap, no, no, is going to falling asleep in the light and waking up when it's dark. That really fucks me up. Then I'm just like. Yeah, we've all done.

We've overnapped. Yeah. Overnapped. Disorienting. You fall into REM and you're like, oh, I'm waking up. It's 7.30 and I'm dead tired, like I'm like stumbling across. Stretch and sweat. Yeah.

Because your body's convinced like you're just waking up at 2.15 AM to pee, but it's actually like 8 PM and you have to go eat dinner. It's really disorienting. Yeah, so your body's like, keep the eyes on blurry. Keep the eyes on blurry. You're not up. You're not up. It's okay.

Yeah. You're not up a squad on the toilet. Are you standing for the middle of the night PNAPs? Are you sitting? Sorry, middle of the night PP sessions, not PNAPs. The middle of the night PNAPs, that's a sit down. That's a sit down for sure. Yeah.

Yeah, same. I mean, I'm being sitting down most of the time just because I think I've spoken about this before. I don't want to stand over or miss, move the toilet seat up, down. I'm just going to take a seat, look at my phone, piss, and then get up. But in the middle of the night, what are you going to turn on the light? Make sure you're aiming correctly. It's not worth it, I don't think.

No, not in the dark. I mean, sometimes, I feel like I've gone into a bathroom that was light in the middle of the night and stood to pee, but that's not a common occurrence for sure. Well, I was listening to a podcast recently, shout out to the No Dunks podcast, and one of the guys there, Lee, sits on the toilet AC Slater style when he's peeing in the middle of the night. It's almost like he has his elbows on the septic tank. It's almost like a secondary bed.

And he's like, it's good because you don't have to turn around, you just walk into it. That's really interesting. It seems like you have to hit more of a crouch, though. I feel like that would make my legs, the muscles in my leg, activate and kind of wake up. You're like doing a squat. Yeah. Also, if you're, I don't pee naked because if you're peeing in the middle of the night, I can't pee and then walk back naked.

There's going to be invariable drops that just hit the floor on the way to the bed. I sleep naked. So what do you do? You just make sure you shake it out to 100% completion. You can't afford a random stray drop or two in the bed or on the way to the back? Yeah. I mean, you give it, I think, pardon the graphic nature of this, but you give it one firm flick at the end.

That's probably pretty good. You should not sleep naked. You need to sleep in underwear. I've been talking to Jill about that. It's just too much because it's, yeah, you have to make sure that some part of you is tucked away. In the winter, I do. I think, yeah, summertime, I don't like to wear clothes.

It's too hot. I think you should wear it. Let me see what you look like. Why have you been talking to Jill about this? Why have you been talking to Jill about this? Did she initiate that conversation? She did not. Is she even responding?

She's not. She doesn't have to respond because I'm saying if you agree with me, just ignore me and let me wax. Let me vamp a little bit. Lose my wife's number. Lose her cell phone number. I'd appreciate that. I couldn't.

I could delete the contact, but it would still be in the phone. It's like that. I've committed it to memory. You realize how difficult it'll take? It's long term. I won't just forget that. It's like my childhood phone number. It's just in my brain forever.

Yeah. Great. All right. So, Jake says, think of the future. I say, think of the past. The answer is always somewhere in between. Think about the exact present. Three different options for you.

I'm sure you'll kill it next nap. Let us know how it goes. All right. Let's take a break. Thanks to sponsors. Come back and answer some more questions after these messages. Yeah. Thank you to Stamps.com for sponsoring this episode of our show, Visiting the Post Office

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Wow. That's correct. I mean, this might be the Goat Father's Day gift. I think it actually is. Yeah. Yeah, not just Father's Day, but if for any not-so-tech, savvy family member that you need a gift for soon, these digital photo frames might be the best of all time. Yeah.

For me, personally, these things are perfect. I'll tell you why. As you know, I am expecting my first child. We got one for Jill's parents. Oh, wow. We got one for Jill's grandma. Holy smokes. My parents.

There are three of these bad boys in our family right now, but they're a great, really easy way to stay in touch with your family. You can upload as many photos as you want directly into my parents' kitchen. It's really nice. Oh, that's cool. You take a photo of anything, perhaps a baby, and then it goes to their digital photo frame. This is actually how we told Jill's grandma she was pregnant. We got her the Aura frame.

We plugged it in. Jill's grandma was pregnant. Really nice, asshole. This was actually a really sweet moment for me and my wife, and you're trying to make a joke of it. I was just being goofy a little bit like, this is how I told my grandma she was pregnant. Yeah. Yeah, kind of like she misheard it or something like that, or the way you said it was kind

of like, could go either way. By the way, Jill's grandma is pregnant. Oh my God. Jill's grandma is 90 and pregnant. It's pretty cool. And you told me with a digital photo frame? Holy smokes. Let me let her know with an Aura.

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Yeah. Like your banana or your dog alongside pictures of my daughter. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. You deserve that. You can even preload photos and add a personal video message that will display as soon as your dad or anybody connects to the frame. Yeah.

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Right on. Thank you, Aura. And now back to the HEADGUM podcast you were listening to. And we're back. Jake, do you have any? Oh, it's the left side of the fight. Mom, I'm coming. Gross.

Yeah. You know what? I think I do. At the very least, I'm going to recommend watching the Formula One documentary series that I've been watching on Netflix called Drive to Survive. Formula One, Drive to Survive. Second piece of unsolicited advice. And I've only done this for one week now.

But I watched a Formula One race. I watched car racing on ESPN. Okay. How's that for weird? Now there's NASCAR, which is like stock car going around in a track over and over in a loop. And then there's like one that goes through city streets on those really long cars, right? Yeah.

That's Formula One. So Formula One is literally they shut down a city and they rate, is it those really long like thin cars that are racing or am I thinking of something else? Yeah. Yeah. The Formula One car is like the weird little Batmobile looking like thing. And they make, they build tracks like in these cities. And it, I don't know that much about Formula One because I've only watched the documentary

in one race. But of course, like every week they're in a new city. Like they were in, or yeah, they're in like, they go to seven continents or five continents in a season. I think there's something like 21 races there every week. So like there's the Bahrain Grand Prix and last week I watched the Portugal Grand Prix. Next week is the Spanish Grand Prix. Wow.

I believe you and I one time were at JFL just for laughs in Montreal for the Montreal Grand Prix. We were there was doing a comedy festival and a Formula One race at the same time. Yeah. And I remember like walking, I remember like being stranded on one side of the Formula One track and not being able to get back to the hotel. And then, okay, so, so yeah. How long are these races?

Like, is it laps throughout a city street or is it like a 41 mile route that takes like 20 minutes? It's laps around a city street. Like I think the race I watched was 66 laps. Wow. But it's not just like the circle track, like each, each circuit, it's like Mario Kart. Each one is like a different layout. And they're actually like making left and rights at intersections, but there's no traffic

lights. Like it's that level of actual streets. From what I saw, like they're completely like barricaded. They like close down all these streets. It's not like they just have like, it's not like a parade route. These cars are going like 200 miles per hour. So they like, they build the NASCAR style like walls and tracks and stuff. Right.

So it doesn't like. Going down streets in the city. Wow. And okay. And who's considered like the GOAT F1 driver? Is that like Michael Schumacher and Lewis Hamilton or something? Lewis Hamilton is, is I think the number one guy. He's the one that won the race on Sunday.

I think he's like the best guy out there. He also drives for Mercedes, which is like the best car. There's like Mercedes and Ferrari are the two top ones. And then everybody else is just sort of trying to keep up Red Bulls up there though. I think I, I remember once driving around, it was either like New York or New Jersey and I accidentally entered one of these races with like a, I think I had a Jetta and I finished, I want to say third, if that's even possible. Third?

Like I, I made a wrong turn. No, I made a wrong turn and I was like, holy shit. And I was like, and then you decided to start. Then there was a Passat, actually, your competitive drive kicked in and you decided to race. Yeah. And I was so, and then decided that you wanted to place and then you raised your heart out and you got third place in Jetta. I didn't win, but yeah, I finished third or fourth and Jetta or a Passat or something

like that. You got on a podium and I don't think that's possible. I really think I spilled milk all over myself in some sort of weird celebration. So the, the documentary was so good and inspired you to watch the race. And now do you think you're all in or do you think that was like, that was enough for you? I want to watch this Sunday. It combines a lot of things that I like, like I like international travel. So it's, you know, it's, it's fun to like see shots of different cities.

You did that thing like that hard knocks does when you like watch the documentary of like whatever NFL team HBO chooses and you like start to know the people and like them. So just did really nice profiles on people and, and you're like, oh, now I'm like familiar with this guy and I am rooting for him. So I'm going to watch the race and normally that's like, you have no concept of who's in the car, but I like to recognize the names and I was picturing them. So do you have a favorite? I don't think so.

It's too, it's too early. I like Daniel Riccardo, Riccardo though. He's an Australian dude from Perth and I just have a soft spot in my heart for Perth. And then how long did it take? Like what channel was it on and how long are you watching this thing? It was on ESPN. It was on for like an hour. Wow.

And it was over in an hour. You just watched an hour is worse. Yeah, over. It was over in an hour. There's like a bunch of, I think there's like in the weekend, there's like qualifying and there's all that stuff. I can't imagine that I would really get into that. Maybe I would, but yeah, then it's over in an hour.

Wow. I wonder if we can gamble on this kind of stuff. Do you have like, I know you haven't been watching long, but do you have any feel like if I pull up some of the odds for the Spanish Grand Prix, I can look up maybe you have an edge over the house. Is that possible? Yeah, you know, I think that Max Verstappen from Red Bull. Yeah.

He has a competitor's heart. He's not going to lose. Shit. Okay. I just put, I just put $1,000 on Sergio Perez. He's plus five 50. So that would get us $5,500 if he either wins or finished seconds in the. God, I want to say it's the twenty twenty one and he'll be a Romagna.

He's not racing this weekend. So he pulled out. So you can, if you refresh the page, that money will be that money. It's gone. That one is gone. I can shift it over to Lando Norris, but I'm kind of worried. He's kind of like a long shot. I've heard good things about Norris.

What car is he in? It doesn't say, but I could put my last five thousand on him. And if it hits, it's thirty three to one. So that's a pretty good odds. Awesome. All right. I did it. Push in.

Oh, cool. Oh, God, now I'm nervous about the race on Saturday. What if he doesn't, he was, he was disqualified. So I don't think he's going to be, yeah, they got, they got him for like fucking with the engine. Why was he on the thing then? If he was fucking with the engine, I shouldn't be able to put some refresh and see if you lost that.

It's gone. It says I was a loss, a DQ, an instant loss for that. This is so fucking insane. I guess I'll put my last hundred bucks on this 500 to one. Do you know Mick Schumacher? I guess he's related to Michael Schumacher or something, but I'm kind of worried. Yeah. His uncle or his dad was a famous and now they sort of gave him a car.

Yeah. He died in a crash in 2018. Did you already put the money on him? I don't know what site you're on. Yeah. Oh, shit. I'm on a site called guys who fucked with their engines and died. You get to like kind of throw your money away, throwing bad money after good.

So according to this, Lewis Hamilton has a 50% chance of winning. He's that much better than the, than the rest of the field. Yeah, there's, I think there's basically two or three guys that win every single time and like everyone else is trying so hard to keep up with the best drivers and the best cars and they just like really can't come close. The documentary is a little like heartbreaking. You're just watching everybody like try their fucking best. And it's just like, no, Mercedes, Mercedes, Mercedes.

It's probably not fair that he gets the best car. Like I bet if Lewis, Lewis Hamilton drove my car, he wouldn't be able to win. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. But if you like rolled in with a fucking. I think that that's part of the formula, like there, everyone is like building their own car. That's so weird. I wonder like how much of it has to do with the equipment. I think a fuck ton.

Like there are. Mercedes and Ferrari have like the most money and have the best cars. That's so weird. So it's like, yeah, I wonder if it's 50% guy, 50% car. Like if you gave his car to somebody else, they'd do a lot better. Yeah, I mean, I think that the those those like top drivers are at the top cars for a reason, I bet. But again, I've only been into it for a week, so I don't entirely know.

Do you know how old to learn? Do you know how old Lewis Hamilton is? I think they're all pretty young. I'm going to guess twenty six. He's thirty six. Oh, wow, that's older than I thought. Yeah, I wonder if you can first happen is like twenty three. Jesus, I wonder how much of it is physical, too.

Like once you turn thirty six, is it hard to drive faster? It's like they're all in good enough shape. Is Lewis Hamilton just going to continue to be the best because he's thirty six? Yeah, I guess I mean, there must be things that break down as you get older that aren't just like your physical strength, like your eyesight, your reflection, your reflexes, probably your like risk tolerance as you like get married, have children and stuff. You don't want to hurt yourself. Wow, Lewis Hamilton looks pretty cool, too.

Yeah, it's kind of hot. Did you see did you see Ford versus Ferrari? I did, yeah. I'll see anything that Damon does. Is it this? Is it Formula One? Not quite. I think Ford versus Ferrari is about that's one of those like super long road races. That's like Le Monde in France, which actually Marika is into.

She she and I were texting about Formula One the other day. She was watching. How? Oh, I don't know. I don't know what is what has happened and like why it's in the ether. But me and Marika are both getting into racing. That's so funny. There's a Formula One race in Texas, actually, in October. So really, if we can plan like an Austin show, I'd be able to go.

Not really Formula One, but yeah, I've been playing Mario Kart. I wonder if there's like some correlation between how good I am at that versus like you don't think it translates in any way. Because like drifting and like when I'm on, I'm not Wario Lewis. Hamilton is like only two years younger than you. I was just thinking because I'm 38, right? And he's 36 or some shit. I bet he can't like navigate Rainbow Road like I can.

And I feel like if I'm if I can kill he honestly, Wario, then I get because he like knows how to navigate like the Grand Prix in Monaco. So I don't know how to hold a steering wheel. But like if we can get it as like this power controller. You dropped it. Oh, fuck, I stubbed my toe. You think there's brakes in the car, too? Yes. Or is it just like a gas situation?

This is why you shouldn't compete. I just can't drive stick. You're already in the jumps. I have a helmet, but I don't know how to use a clutch in the clutch. I can sort of fake it on the day if you have an automatic. This is this should be the next iteration of Jake in a mirror. Just you in like really grand, dumb situations. And I'm not there.

I wear a leather fucking jumpsuit. I kind of want to watch this now. It says there's a Portugal race recap seven minutes long. Maybe I'll I'll try to get into it, too. What's the what's the documentary called? Formula one drive to survive. All right, cool. I actually have heard that that's good, regardless of whether you

like car racing or not. Yeah, that was I mean, that was why we like Joe watched it. Wow, that's cool. Yeah, I don't know. I just I have the need for speed and I'm wondering if it's innate within me. I don't know how to park. Yeah, you don't. Do they park at the end?

They I mean, they have to park going like 90 miles per hour between 20 people to, you know, to pit and get the tires changed. Like, yeah, yeah, there's a parking is precision is involved. You don't have that. I don't have it yet. But I could change my middle name to Carl, like Louis. So Louis, Carl, because it's a car. Oh, yeah, that's really good, actually.

I didn't even think about that. OK. All right, I have you gave me a lot of food for thought. And I appreciate that. Let's let's take one more break, because I want to answer more questions on the other side of these messages. Tight. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Thank you, BetterHelp.

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Slash, if I were you, check them out. Thanks, BetterHelp. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show. Wow. For years and years and years, we've been ranting and raving about Squarespace because it's the best way for dummies like me and potentially you that don't necessarily know how to code or design to create a professional looking website. So if you're building an online portfolio for yourself or a loved one

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Thank you, Squarespace. And we're back. All right, we got a question a little more salacious than about fucking napping. Let's turn this shit up to NC 17 rated. Wow. Wow. OK. Yeah, let's do it. What's the name of your formula one racer? Not Louis Hamilton, the other guy.

Oh, Daniel Ricardo. Yeah, Daniel Ricardo, let's call this guy Daniel Ricardo writes. What's up, Josh and Amir? Long time listener, first time typer for the past 18 months. I've been working in the same department with this married lady. Eight years, my junior. We've both been both married, but sharing lots of common and lots in common due to how close we grew up.

She has been an easy girl to get along with. We both share a bus route to work and spent most of this time either talking work, life or the flavor of the day. This led to me a few months back explaining my confusion to her of being added to a close friend story on Instagram of a new acquaintance. I remember her saying that she didn't have this set up. And we move on to tonight when I open the IG and see the green circle of trust surrounded her profile picture.

As I clicked on this, I was greeted with a black lace pushup booby pick with a bitten lip. This came as a surprise, although we have been friendly and flirted previously, I never got the impression of lust from her. And considering the lack of contact over the last month due to remote working, I'm confused on how to react. My first thoughts are this was not intended for me and I have been accidentally added to a close friend's list.

And should I tell her that she sent me that? Do I react at all and see if something like this happens again? What would you do in my situation? Regards, Daniel Ricardo. Oh, wow. So, Dan, on Instagram stories, you can post and have everybody who wants to see it can see it, or you can post with a close friends only. It shows a little green circle around your profile pic

and only people that you deem to be close friends can view it. And it's always, you know, exciting when I see a green circle. It's like, oh, somebody trusted me to view this. And sometimes it's just like a normal story. And it's like, oh, you didn't have to make it so secretive to do that. But this lady put a sexy photo up right after they had discussed what close friends only meant. And he doesn't know how many close friends she has.

It could only be him. Yeah, I feel like at the very least that. This should be framed in your mind as she did it by on purpose. Like, it's it's not like that much of a slip of the finger to add you to a close friends list and take a sexy photo and and send that. Yeah, I mean, the most the most innocuous version of this is she said, oh, what's close friends only? He explained it to her.

And then she's like, oh, that's cool. I'll try it myself. And then she posted a sexy photo and either added him by accident or as on purpose as part of the whoever is close friends with me can see the sexy photo, but it's probably not the case. Yeah, it seems like she came on to you. Yeah, but I mean, what can you what do you do about that? It's not his fault.

I swear, I just clicked on the green circle. You can't get mad at me. I think so. While you're confused, there's not like there's not really any benefit to clearing it up, right? Like if it was a mistake, then talking to her is going to be embarrassing. If she did it on purpose, then she's trying to have an extramarital affair with you.

So either way, as long as you're being a good spouse and you're not planning on cheating on your wife, I think just ignore it and pretend it never happened. OK, so you ignore it. You want to be a good person. Let's pretend for a second the next day that green circle comes back. If you are a true man and an honest lover, do you click on the green circle again?

If it. Yes, I would if it please you. If it happens again, if it happens again, then you can kind of be like, we should talk about this or we should not do this or that's not how I want the relationship or whatever. But I also kind of have a theory that he's a little into it. Yeah, of course, even if you'd never thought of her like that, it's an exciting thing to see the green circle at all. And then it's like a racy photo and then it appears again.

You have to look again just to see if the first one was an accident, right? And if it's not an accident, then the third time you have to watch again just to confirm that the first two were true. You're horny. And if it should be a fourth time, I mean, like this is the final mill in the coffin to make absolutely sure. Sixth time is the charm, they say. That's why I had to click on it.

But at a certain point, you're playing with fire and you have to. Yeah, you have to know that. I think right now there's just there's a little bit of smoke and you don't have to like stoke the flames. You don't have to be like, what was that? You know, you don't have like just air on the side of like maybe it was a mistake. She doesn't know or maybe she noticed and doesn't want to talk about it. I don't know.

I think that's just that's just what I would do. Let it lie and we wait and collect more information. I mean, there's nothing that will ruin this moment faster than bringing it up IRL in the morning on the way to work on a bus. A bus in a mask. I don't know if you know, but I pretty much saw your close friend's thing with the laziness and you're fighting your lip. You drop your phone.

Oh, we shouldn't sit right above the tire is all. But yeah, basically, I got to see. As my lace, your grace. This is impracticing on an old lady. It's not even the girl that she has a crush on, not as a crush on. I don't have a crush on her. She's whatever. She's just a work friend. Eight years, my junior also married.

It's fine. We just get along and talk about the flavors of the week. Yeah, we get along because we both grew up and we just we grew up near each other and we just get each other. That's all not like my fucking wife. Your flirtations with her and you secretly love her, I think. Yeah, so I mean, if you want to nip it in the bud, you can unfollow. You can just not watch the close friends. It's hard to resist the urge of the green circle.

I'll watch a green circle of somebody I barely even know, just because it's like, ooh, what sort of information does this person trust me with? Yes, have you ever posted? Have you ever used it on close friends? Yeah. Yeah, you're you didn't you never saw mine? I don't when I click on yours, it just says you don't have anything. You know, it says you don't post. Actually, it says I don't even I can't even see your account right now.

I don't know. You want private? I posted my close friends all the time. I actually I was posting a little bit during the podcast, just like cheeky little, you know, screenshots of you like this sucks. Can't play after a court with this guy. LOL, that type of shit. It's funny. People say that people. It says this person has not allowed you to view your close friends

because he's not a close friend. I didn't say that. It says if you want, you could see his Wikipedia page, but he'd preferred if you didn't because he's not a close friend. Oh, I think I I did something. I edited my profile in the settings just so kind of you would get a specific hurtful message or lack of a better word. Yeah, shit.

This has been a I see one. It has a red circle around it. This is unique. Oh, yeah, that one's that one's only for you. Yeah. Yeah, it's you flipping me off, giving me the bird. So they added a feature you have. You have like post to everyone, post your story, post your close friends or post to somebody you hate. My own only my enemies.

You have an only enemies for me, and I have to pay you five dollars a month to see your vitriol and hate. That's right. This is so fucked up. All right, that's it. Don't play with fire. Proceed lightly. Tread with caution. We need to follow.

We truly need to follow up, pup. We need that we have not had enough information on this. As I say, my advice is do nothing, collect more info, collect more data, but then share it with us and let us know. Yeah, I can say, like, take a take a screen grab. We want to see, like, what these pictures even look like, because he might not even be describing it. Could have said it's Lacey. OK, he said it's Ray's helmet.

You're but you're horny for a close friend's photo. Actually, hold on a second, there's so much. There's a little thumbnail of him in the email. And maybe he's looking at it and maybe he's holding his phone open in the photo. I don't think so. Oh, it's kind of it's low res, but it's kind of hot. Let me send this shit to you. Stop it. No, he's playing Pokemon Go in it.

But you can sort of see his phone in the background. You can only imagine that he has access to the close friend. I remember tweeting or maybe asking jokingly, what's the smallest thumbnail anyone's ever gotten off to? So, like, a picture, an Instagram biopic or maybe a search on a different website where it shows it to you like 50 pixels, 50 pixels, small enough, but you could just make out just enough. Yeah, I'm I'm certain I'm only fans.

Biopic people have gotten up to some banner ads before, for sure. Yeah, I mean, banner ads ready to become gifts. That was a that was a real game changer. HD gifts, too. Born banner ads are basically 10 times hotter than porn was 20 years ago. Just the ads. Absolutely. Actually, I might be able to put one of those banner ads on our website, jaconymere.com. I wouldn't. We can make some.

I wouldn't. This one's pretty tasteful. I actually don't think we would make that much money, by the way. Jaconymere.com is not a highly trafficked website. So please don't put a banner out on it for porn. Well, what if we make five cents per click? That's nothing. I guess it's the only way anyone's going to click banner ads on our website. So, you know, if I could go for it.

Thank you. I needed that. Go ahead. All right, cool. If you have your own questions, your own theme songs, please send them on down to if I were you show at gmail.com. We're still making weekly videos on our Patreon, patreon.com. We just made our first animated sketch on there. Fucking right, we did. It's an animated series we're calling stuck

about two blokes who are stuck together in different scenarios. Yeah, the first episode was Jake climbing Mount Everest and I stroll into his tent so we're stuck in that capacity. But who knows what the future will hold. We're going to be writing and making a lot of these and shout out to the goat, Jacob Strunk, who's animated our podcast. In the past, we commissioned him to animate these short little sketches. So thanks for everyone.

Let's check that out as well. Yeah, check it out. The opening theme song was Luke from England, not me. And this closing one is also not me. But, you know, just know that I'm starting to percolate and think about what my theme song could be. This one was by Patrick in the next two years. It might happen.

This one was written and performed and sent to us back in 2013. But the attachment didn't go through. So he re sent it three hours ago. It's insane. Yeah. He says the references are a little bit older, but he would resend it. He's serving overseas in Israel, Shalom, and it's been a longtime fan and give a shout out to my brothers, Michael and Ryan, who are Day One listeners, evidently Day One listeners.

If you sent a theme song in 2013. Hell, yeah, Todah, eight years ago. Yes. So thank you, Patrick. Thank you, Luke. Thanks to you guys for listening. And of course, we'll be back next week. Ciao, everybody. Hello, mama. Let me whisper in your ear.

It's the podcast show with Jake and Amir. Sticky situation. Tell them how you feel. You like this episode. It's kind of got real. So you do you. Listen to what they say. Just don't put Jake on blast on a Wednesday. Wait, do you see my cheese?

Just wait, do you see my cheese? Wait, do you see my cheese? Just wait, do you see my cheese? That was a hit gum original.