If I Were You - 526: Crawfish Boil

Episode Date: February 7, 2022

In this episode we discuss eating on dates, eating without plates, and having sex with pets in the room.See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

This is a headgum podcast. Damn, that was beautiful. Big ups to me for doing the vocals on that one. And who, I mean, you want to shout out the guitarist right there. We actually know that singer-songwriter. We've used her work before. It was a co-pro. Does the name Audrey Scott ring a bell?

Yes. Oh my God. Blast from the past. Austin's Audrey Scott. Is that right? That's right. And her band, Sick C. Sick C. Is no longer a thing, she says.

So you can mention the new band, Hex Boyfriend, is a Hex BF band on Instagram. I'm going to follow them right fucking now. That's a great name for a band. Hex BF band on Instagram. Do you like Hex Boyfriend instead of Ex Boyfriend? Yeah, that's incredible. It's a great, great name.

And full disclosure, folks, I didn't do the vocals. I feel like I just feel weird robbing Audrey of that honor. It's more something I would do to a one-off theme song submitter. Not a day one friend. And I actually humbly accept the turdy for this episode. Wow. Because I should have done that to Audrey. I will take a posthumous golden mic for coming clean

and for awarding myself the turdy for that act of service. Sorry. You're giving yourself the turdy. Yes. Right? You're getting hot. And it kills me to do so. It kills me to do so, which is why I'm accepting a posthumous golden mic.

It's the least I can do. Posthumous is in like after your death or like after this episode? After my death. So for this episode, you get the turdy. I died and went to heaven. Yeah. And so does anybody get the golden mic? I got the golden mic.

A posthumous golden mic. I don't want to make this about me. It's about a hex boyfriend and the act of bravery that I committed accepting my coming clean really by apologizing by helping myself before the posthumous. Right. Let's move on. Namaste.

Namaste. Let's move on.org indeed. Got a lot of emails letting us know that wordle after all of our hooten and hollerin about how they're indie, they're cool. This guy's not in it for the cash. He's not American. He was sold to the New York Times yesterday. Yeah.

So we timed that up quite interestingly. That's correct. They jumped the carp. If I can be perfectly candid, I believe that wordle has jumped the carp. Really? I'm selling my wordle stock. That's right. That's right.

I'm out. I think the game is toxic. I think we... That's actually a really good starting word. That's right. That's right. But yeah, I think that they're going to try to monetize this thing. And it was beautiful and pure the way it was.

It was beautiful and pure. I don't begrudge wordle for getting his bag. You have to secure the bag. I agree. I don't think... And I think that wordle saw the writing on the wall. He secured the bag. And I commend him for that.

And for that reason, I am out. Wordle and I are both out. You know what I mean? He's handed over the reins to the club. Yeah. And now you're also. Yeah. The question is, is it going to be part of this?

Is there a New York Times gaming app by her? There was other word games and they're getting into the fold or something? I think they said... The New York Times said they're not changing anything for now. Keyword being for now. They don't want there to be an uproar. Like, oh, hi, we just bought everyone's favorite game and now you have to use the New York Times app to...

And it might even be free. They might... But I think they're going to bring it onto their platform. There's no way that they just let it continue to be powerlanguage.co.uk or whatever. It's going to be like download the New York Times app. Wordle is free. And then everything else you click in the app, that's where they want you. Do you have that gaming app, that New York Times gaming app?

There's like a bunch of games that some of my friends play. I don't. Jill has it. Jill loves it. I think I talked about this, but I subscribe to The Times. I get the papers on the weekends, but I don't support their online endeavors. I think it's trash to be perfectly candid. Wow.

So you're down to pay for the journalism. The Edo want to pay for the game. You're not paying for the Wordle. I don't like the New York Times online presence at all. Because they put things behind a paywall? They put things behind a paywall. They've spoiled too many television shows and events for me. I think that their email behavior is suspect.

And yeah, I'm a Trump supporter when it comes to the New York Times. That being said, you are a subscriber. That being said, I do give them my cash and I support journalism. And I like The Times, but I just don't like them being so online about it. So do you continue your Wordling while it's free or do you plant your flag now? I'm the first one out. I'm going to keep it up because I'm going to taper it off. Because right now I'm on some family text threads with us sharing Wordle scores,

and it's cute and I like it. It brings me closer to the family. I would say that our Slack channel has gotten toxic. The Wordle Slack channel. That's not name names, but that's really interesting to hear that. Yeah, it's you for sure. It's you. Interesting.

And when I got my first two, that opened my eyes to what Wordle could be and the people that I wanted to surround myself with. Let me finish. Right. No, go ahead. Following that up with another two put me on this sort of God complex that I couldn't shake for the better part of a week. So yeah.

I'm glad I let you finish. I'm glad I let you finish because you said it yourself that it gave you a God complex. Here you are today at 11.26 a.m. That's 11.26 a.m. my time. So I guess 8.30 for you. I feel like you just woke up feeling hot. Yes. You said everyone should get to experience a two.

I wrote back. And I feel like that. I really do feel that way. And then you said that being said, it would have happened by now. If it were in you to get it. So much of this is caps. You said, I'll repeat and notate where the caps are. It would have all caps happened.

Sorry. Actually it would all caps have happened uncapped by now. If it were all caps in you lower case to all caps, get it. And then all caps does the rest lower case. That makes sense. And then you. You added. Because we're going to respond to that.

I was sort of sub tweeting you and I wanted to let you know that that was about you specifically and not anybody else. I respond, this channel was sweet and supportive once. You've made it a toxic place. You respond. You use that word a lot. Because there's no other way to describe what's happening. You say, later Jake, leave. And then all caps leave Jake.

And I really felt that way that day. But before this, before this, Marika, bless her heart, made a wordal spreadsheet where she tracks everyone's score. So there's a winner week to week, which is not why I play this game. Honestly, I don't think that I love that. Obviously, I obviously love that. I love the spirit of that. I don't like that. It's to quantify everybody's results week over week to see if there is in fact a winner and a loser, which something I would want to do, but wouldn't have the gumption to actually do.

So I'm glad Marika took the reins and made that happen. People share their scores in this Slack channel, but not necessarily. And it's casual. Yeah, it's casual. So it's not necessarily sharing your score to be tallied up for the last several weeks and shown. Oh, she backdated it. She backdated it. Yeah.

So it's like, oh, your score for this week was a minus 13. Yours is a minus. Yeah. So yeah, I think that I think did I win week two? I mean, yes, I won week two. Like I'm not going to apologize for that. It wasn't even my math. Like Marika told me that I won and I was happy to have it that way.

Did I follow that up with a week three victory? Yes, because Grayson took the last day off, so it allowed me to come back. That was fun to have. It was nice to chart my progress and to win a trophy of sorts. Yeah. A golden wordle in a way. So I was happy that Marika did that. Would you be as upset if you got the twos, if you got the weak wins?

We'll never know. Yeah. But do you continue to play the game and send it to the Slack or are you putting your foot down? No, I'm going to continue. I'm just going to loudly complain about it. And I do think at some point it'll, I'll taper off completely. I believe when wordle moves to the New York, actually, no, I can say with certainty. Whoa.

When wordle moves to the New York Times app, if they do so, I will not be making that migration. I will not be downloading the New York Times app. Even if it's free. Especially if it's free. Even if it costs money. It costs money than I want it because that makes it exclusive. And when I post my score, that means that I can afford $3.99 a month. Yeah.

Because I'm bridged like the other way. It's a badge of honor. They said he got over a million dollars for it. They said low six figures, which is... I thought low seven figures. Oh, sorry. Yeah, low seven. No, you're not low seven.

Yeah. So yeah, so it's over a million. I don't think it's just one. I don't think he lets go of it for less than one after taxes. So I feel like he's getting two seven. That's my guess. Which is pretty insane considering it's not like a game he invented. I guess this has been a game show on the game show network called Lingo where it's basically this game exactly.

It's based on a board game that people have been playing for decades called Mastermind. He just made it slightly different. And the Times were like, we'll give you a million dollars for this version of it. But they're not paying him for the game. They're paying him for the users. There's millions of people using it every single day. That's right. Yeah.

I wonder if it would work as a six letter version. We're going to run out of five letter words. No, we're not. You think six letters too much? Yeah. And I don't think we're going to run out of five letter words. All right. I just I think six sort of opens it up to because I've sort of conquered five.

So I'm wondering if there's like a see how many five. Bigger challenge are there. There are more than a hundred and fifty eight thousand five letter words. If we're at all is only once a day. I feel like, you know, even when you start getting in the in the six hundred range, you can circle back. No one's ever going to be like, oh, wait, this was this was an answer two years ago. I can barely remember last week.

And I'll never know. Let's know. Yeah. Let's know. Yeah. What about sharp? It's a pretty solid opening one. Have you changed your strategy at all?

I did start doing like very patriotic ones. I do proud and brave. Just in case the time sort of wants to reward that behavior. I did cucks and Trump. I think together they sound overly patriotic, but individually you could imagine brave being one. I tried Eagle and Golden Eagle. Golden Eagle didn't work.

Yesterday was very funny. I can show you. You did today's right? Yes. So my first guess was often O F T E N. And then I was just like filling in random sounds for the second one. And I accidentally hit enter and it like entered the word. I'm like, no, no, no, I didn't mean to send that.

So my second guess was Toper. Oh my God. The E was in the same place. I obviously didn't mean that. Yeah. Oh man, I hate when that happens. I hate that. I didn't gain anything.

Wow. Unfortunately, I was still able to close in on those. So that basically means like you should have been able to get it in too. Because Toper didn't give you any new letters. I guess. Yeah. All it told me was that the T, it started with a T. Right.

Which was nice. Right. Which is nice. And it shows you that your O had been in enough places that it needed to be. Yeah. It's not going to enter in the O. Yeah. But the E wasn't, the E wasn't a helpful nudge.

It wasn't a good clue. And I didn't mean to actually write. And you also never guess Toper. Like that's not going to be. Right. Toper is an example of a word that they will allow you to guess but would never be the word all of the day. Yeah.

And that's why, I know you're not on Twitter, but I submitted my name to be a Wordle writer. I think I really have my pulse on what would be good words and what would be bad words, you know? Yeah. Cux is pretty fun. Yeah. Cux is good. This is what I submitted to Wardle in case he was looking for writers.

I wonder if he'll still, like he's sort of the mastermind behind it. Right. Will he continue to be the guy that comes up with words? Yeah. We'll take it from here. It feels more like he would be like, yes, you can have this for two million dollars and I'll walk away forever because I don't care. Yeah.

Or he's like, no, you're ruining it. I would never do. Right. Or is it like, you're going to give me two million dollars and I come and I'm going to work at the Times and I'll be a Wordle guy. I want a Wordle team. That's cool. You have some pre-case.

See a Times employee, does Wordle work for the Times? Yeah. Like, does he come up with new games now? All right. This is my list of words that I think would be good Wordle words. Okay. Potentially good guessing words too. Yeah.

Time, T-H-Y-M-E. You know what's funny? I tried time today on today's clue, which is those. Oh, wow. Yeah. So you got green, green, gray, gray, green. I believe I did. Let me look.

Three greens on the first guess? No. Oh, no. It wasn't my first. Sorry. It was not my first guess. Jesus. If it was, that would have been fucking so good.

God damn. Yeah. This, that's what happened. Brave. Brave. Shoot. Yeah. Time.

There you go. Yeah. I was like, oh, there's no way it's not time because those just seems like it's too easy. Yeah. Like when they did could last week, it's like not even a word I think about. Yeah. Actually, with I could in those, those are pretty lame words. I miss null.

I miss crimp. But I like that it's not just always a noun that's five letters. Yeah. Yeah. That's fair. So you're saying time would be a good one. And I proved your point by guessing it, thinking that that would be in line with Wordle. Seven.

Not bad. Not great. Not bad. Zebra. Better. Better. Graph. Pass.

Comet, which I think we've talked about before. Yes. I often guess Comet. Remit. Kind of get people a little upset. What is that word? A little tacky. Four letter.

It's a little tacky. By the way, tacky would be good. And lastly. Handy. Nice. Handy is good. I like handy. Sort of an homage to jumpy, but a little different.

Anyway, why don't if you're listening? I love the opportunity. And he is. And he is. Actually, seven and eight would both be good ones. Numbers. That's why I don't think that numbers are, that it's, it's not, it's not clean. I don't like it.

It's sloppy. It's not in the spirit of the game. You wouldn't understand. You're always trying to bring. Because you've been only playing for. You love fucking numbers. Yeah. Maria calls to share the number one.

What about Quake? Quake's not bad. Yeah. We haven't had a Q one in a while. Have we had a Q one since? I've never seen a Q one. Since I started playing. I think we had query ones, but maybe that was before your time.

We would have been. Yeah. All right. Thanks for the word. I'll catch up everybody. Hope you guys are playing for now. For now. Before this entire thing is over.

Till it's over. Slash canceled. Slash ruined. For selling out. All right. Let's take a break. Come back after these messages and answer some questions. Damn right.

Oh, I should say this is a fiery or the only advice podcast on the internet hosted by us. I'm Josh. I'm Amir. Thank you to Helix Sleep for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hell yes. Thank you for making the sleep test, the sleep exam and letting me ace it and become the doctor of the mattress. Yes.

Yeah. So Helix makes a really great mattress line and you take a little sleep quiz to see what mattress is right for you. Yeah, right. Jake's been bragging about completing this two minute honestly like Buzzfeed light quiz. I don't sleep for the better part. Excuse me. I do not.

I do not brag. I don't brag about completing it. I brag about acing it. Because you got the mattress and it was great or. Yeah. I got the perfect mattress. Thank God. Thank God I took that test.

That's right. And if you want the perfect mattress, you can go to helixsleep.com slash if I were you for 20% off all mattress orders and two free pillows. Amazing. Free pillows. Come on. Yes. This is their best offer yet.

And no, it won't last long with Helix. The better sleep starts now. So regardless of how you sleep, whether you like it soft, medium or firm, Helix has 20 unique mattresses just ready to go based on how you fill up that sleep preference. And they'll send you the best one. And if you go to helixsleep.com slash if I were you, that's 20% off. Amazing. Thank you, Helix.

Sleep well. Thank you to stamps.com for sponsoring this episode of our show. Visiting the post office and dealing with shipping and handling is probably one of the most stressful parts of owning a business, but with stamps.com, all you need is a computer and a printer and they can bring the post office in your office. So if you need a package pickup, you can easily schedule it. If you need to sell products online, stamps.com seamlessly connects with every major marketplace and shopping cart running a business isn't cheap.

So stamps.com has huge carrier discounts. We're talking up to 84% off USPS and UPS rates. Holy smokes. And for 25 years stamps.com has been indispensable for over one million businesses. So if one million businesses can trust stamps.com, certainly you can too. Set your business up for success with stamps.com today. Just sign up with promo code if I were you for a special offer that includes a four week trial plus free postage and a free digital scale.

Wow. No long-term commitments or contracts. Just go to stamps.com. You click the microphone at the top of the page and enter code if I were you. And that gets you a free four week trial, free postage and a digital scale. That sounds pretty good. Thank you stamps.com for sponsoring the show. And we are back.

Jake, do you have any? Oh, it's a left-footed device. Oh, I'm coming. Gross. Yeah. Yeah, I do actually. Visit your local tailor. Taylor?

Mm-hmm. Tinker tailor. Okay. What, like to get clothes hemmed? Whatever. Sorry. Excuse me. Hey, a visit to a local merchant is what I'm saying.

No, you didn't. You said visit your tailor. Taylor is mine. Cobbler will do. So you're saying? No. Here's what I've been doing. Buying clothes on the cheap secondhand and then having them tailored to me rather than

ordering clothes online. What kind of clothes are you buying secondhand and having tailored? Jeans for one. Jeans. A pair of denim jeans. I also went to a store in Brooklyn that like sells, it's almost like workwear. You know how workwear is kind of in right now? But I have skinny little legs.

So the, basically a slim fit pant will look loose enough on me. But I went to the store where I bought a pair of car heart pants and then I had them tapered at the local tailor. Papered meaning to make skinnier? Yeah. Yeah. To make them a little skinnier, a little shorter to fit my legs perfectly. It's not that expensive.

How much was it to tailor versus the price of the pant? It was less to tailor. I think it was $17 to tailor the pants. So you're saving money if the pant is cheaper than that? Yeah. If I bought nice car heart pants on the Car Heart Work in Progress website, they're like $150. Instead, I bought them for $27 and tailored them for $17.

It's funny. Pants have changed styles since I bought a new pair. I don't even know how to begin with pants now. Yeah. Everything is kind of baggy again, right? That's right. So like your tight pants, I'm wearing kind of tight pants right now and I feel self-conscious when I do.

I feel they're out of fashion. Yeah. And now pants are high-waisted and almost like bell-bottomy. Yeah. They can be tight to your knee and they have to go out a little bit. Right. And I'm not going to do that because that's too much. I look weird when I do that, but I'm at least going to...

I think during the winter, it's a weird time to wear the tight jeans. In the summer, you can still pull off tight jeans because you're wearing a T-shirt. You're not wearing a ton of clothes. But I think that tight pants, at least here with a big puffy jacket and the hat and gloves, you look, I don't know, like Humpty Dumpty or something. It's top heavy. Yeah. It's weird.

So anyway, yeah, I would recommend, especially if you're buying the baggy your pants because you still want them to fit your body and not everything just fits your body automatically. Yeah. I haven't been to a dry cleaner in so long. Last time, like I wore nice clothes and had to dry clean them. Yeah. Yeah. I have not been to a dry cleaner in a long time either.

But the tailor's different. They just make your clothes fit better. When was the last time you put on a tie? Hmm. Last time you wore a suit. I think... I... Why did I...

I wore... Oh, for New Year's, I wore a suit, but no tie. Hmm. And then... Has it been years? Three pandemics since the last time you had to put on a tie. I think for the NADPOD finale, which we streamed in like May of 2020, we all got dressed up. And I believe I wore a tuxedo.

But I can't remember. Well, I can't remember if it was a tuxedo or like a suit, but either way, I tied a bow tie. Oh, okay. So yeah, two and a half years ago. Yeah. One and a half years ago. Yeah, I guess so. I guess so.

Yeah. It's been a while. I wonder if that'll have any implications in the world of fashion slash how we feel sociologically putting on nice clothes again when we have to. I think I always liked dressing up when you got to. It's like, it was like a rare treat, but now it's even more of a rare treat. But people are like having weddings again and, you know, you have to go to funerals. There'll be an opportunity to wear a suit soon, whether it's a happy or a sad one.

You'll be in one. Yeah. Thankfully, we're having a lot more funerals now. So we get to like dress up, wear like nice suits and stuff like that. If you miss tying a tie, you'll tie one sad. Here's a question we got, which probably rings very true for you. I can't eat in front of dates. Yes.

Quite. Quite true. This is from, let's say, famous restaurateur Wolfgang Puck. Nice. I have a problem Jake will be able to relate to, right? It's Wolfgang. I cannot eat in front of dates or new people in general. This goes a little further than Jake's thing because I get physically sick with just food

slash the smell of food in front of me. Any help would be greatly appreciated. What are some ways to avoid food dates? PS, do you think Matt Damon ever gets a two in Wordle and doesn't share it in the group chat? Wow. I don't think he plays Wordle. That's, that's really cool. I don't think he's, I think he tried it once and he was like, oh, this is interesting.

All right. Yeah. Got it in three. Okay. What else? That's really cool. Yeah. You see Damon is actually getting flak for seemingly the first time in his career for doing crypto.com

commercials. I think. Everyone's hating on him for doing those. Yeah. He gets flak kind of a lot though, actually. He puts his foot in his mouth that decent amount. The Matt Damon that we talk about on our podcast is different from, I think it's different one from the one that actually exists.

He's a dad now, so he can be slightly embarrassing. Yeah. I mean, it was easy for me for years to avoid food dates. So I think that's, that's, it's no problem. You just, if, if a food date is suggested, you suggest something else. Often just start your dates later. If someone is like, oh yeah, like, should we meet somewhere at seven? You say, I can't, let's meet at like eight 30 or nine and then you'll, you'll arrive

having had, if you just plan your dates to start later, then dinner, it's not, it doesn't even become part of the equation. So. Yeah. It's more of a drink situation. Yeah. You're the, and then also, I mean, the, the not being able to eat because it makes you physically ill in front of people seems like a different issue.

Maybe you could consult your trusted doctor. Yeah. Cause how do you eat? Yeah. Or do you only have meal replacement shakes? Right. Or like, are you not, you're like, okay, eating alone and eating in front of people makes you so nervous that it makes you nauseous.

Yeah. Is this a psychological problem? Something you can solve in therapy or something you have to get through with a, a nutritionist. I think part of the, part of the thing that made me nervous about eating in front of people was that I like, I'm a very wolfish eater. I will eat fast and a lot and I like to put a lot of food in my mouth because I like the way it feels. So.

So you almost can't eat slow and politely and with small bites, mouth closed, often like it taking your time. Yeah. It's very hard for me to do. It's very hard for me to do. And I think to do it, it takes such a, such a level of deep concentration that it made me feel like I was off on the dates because I'm like, I'm thinking too much about eating. So another thing that you could do is basically eat a half meal before you go out.

So when it, this is just if you have the same issue that I do, but you eat a half meal. So that way you're just not that hungry when the food comes out. You can eat only a portion of it. You can eat it very slowly and it's, you know, that's, that's nice. Did your family all grow up like wolfish eaters or everyone's a very polite eater and then there was you and they just couldn't get through to you. Everyone's normal but me. Even Micah's pretty normal.

I'm the only one that eats fast and a lot. Maybe it was because I was such a picky eater when I was young. I'm trying to like make up for lost time now. Try to like shove food into your mouth because there's not a lot of it that you like. Yeah. And I used to like, I would like jokingly blame it on the fact that there were a lot of kids in my family and we all had to like, you know, fight for the food at the table. But the truth is I never, ever ate what everyone else was eating.

I always had my own food and I was so picky. So you had your own trough of penne with butter. Yeah. Right. My mom made pasta. I would have butter noodles on the side. You couldn't even have this red sauce. That's right.

Yeah. I didn't like sauce. I used to, I used to like have, my mom would make pizza and I'd peel off the cheese and wipe off all the sauce with a napkin and then put the cheese back and I used to make sure that she watched me. Oh, mother, you failed yet again. It's saucy. Tisk, tisk, mommy.

I requested a white pie, mommy. Wiping it on your shirt. Uh-oh. Spaghetti-o's. It looks like I have to do the laundry again, mommy. And don't use bleach, mother. You know, my skin gets irritated. So smart for an eight-year-old.

Jesus. How do you know so much about home ec? Devious. Uh, here's another question about food. Okay. A 24-year-old from Utah. Cool. Um, Mormon, Joe Mormon, Tana writes, my birthday is tomorrow.

I'm turning 24 and I'm throwing a crawfish broil tonight with all my buddies. The problem is no one is wanting to pitch in and help me out with the costs. I mean, give me a fucking break. It's my goddamn birthday and I'm having to pay for everything. Should I throw a pussy fit and send out a Venmo request from these fuckers or should I just swallow the costs and have some fun with the boys for my birthday? Also fuck you, Amir. I just figured out all your prank wars were staged anyways.

Much love. Um, do you like crawfish broil? Yeah. Yeah, that sounds great. Now you do. Mm-hmm. But growing up. Oh, no.

Yeah, no. I think actually for some reason, when I was like 10, 11 or 12, I did find out that I liked shrimp. So I ate it a lot. Yeah. You could have that. I would have like crawfish. Shrimp cocktail.

That's like, oh, wow. That's like, that's a pretty intense process. They're gonna have to like break these like fish and suck them eat up. Yeah, yeah. There's some shell cracking, I believe. Yeah. I would not, I'm not into that at all. I don't know if it's because I grew up without eating that stuff, but that stuff kind of

grosses me out now. Right. I think, I mean, in your culture, crawfish, they're looked at as bottom feeders. You think they're. Yeah. I'm not. I didn't grow up eating lobster and shrimp and all that stuff. And like the crawfish is just like, they like just dump it out on the table, right?

Yeah. I mean, I think it depends. I think that's what a crawfish broil is. Let me look at the picture real quick. The core part looks good. It's, I'm seeing crawfish boil, not necessarily broil. Oh, really? He was writing broil.

What is a broil versus a boil? Well, a boil is cooked in a pot. A broil would be cooked, I guess, and a broiling is when the oven is putting the heat down from the top. So it seems kind of crazy that you'd be broiling the crawfish. Yeah. So it is a crawfish boil. That's the one with like the red, the red fish and corn is in there and random potatoes.

Yeah. Lots of seasoning. Oh, hell yeah. I can get into the potatoes and the corn. I don't necessarily care for these giant mollusks. Right. They certainly look like cicada bugs. So you have to, you have to just kind of like steal your mind to not, to not think of them

as insects of the sea, but they are tasty, which, so I'm able to do it. There's always some moment, like the crab ones, that's where, that's where like, we have to like rip off the shell from the top, like hammer it. Yeah. Don't you have to hammer it? Yeah. That always starts to feel a little nasty, but I like the way it tastes. So it's.

Yeah. If somebody can debone it, that would be great for me. Right. If you just had like a plate of crab meat that had been like picked, then you'd be happy. You don't mind the way it tastes. And can I just do the corn? Yeah. I really just want the corn.

And don't bleach my shirt, please, mother. Can you invite people to a birthday dinner and expect them to pay? Yeah. I mean, the thing is, here's why he's turning 24. Yeah. I think people just get more mature as the age. It's like, now if I'm going to someone's birthday dinner, you would be like, oh, you don't pay.

It's your birthday, but it's right to teach a group of 24 year olds manners. I don't, I don't think that it's unreasonable of you to ask. I don't think it's unreasonable of you to throw out a Venmo request, but I think that there's a very real chance that everybody's going to be a little dickling about it. And you're just going to have to wait till your 26, 27th birthday for your friends to be cool. Unless you stipulate beforehand, hey guys, I'm having a crawfish boil for my birthday and it'll be $38 a person.

Are you in? Yeah. I mean, I think anybody find, like anybody being like, fuck you, you can't Venmo request me. And then you just like send us a photo of the receipt and just like, okay, so this was all on me. I just fed you guys. I spent $200 on shrimp.

Yeah. That's, it would be, basically you're so firmly in the right that it'd be crazy if they denied you. That said, they might. So 24 year old guys can be like that. Yeah. But the positive is that you're still 24 and that's cool. So like you have to pay for crawfish, but also you have six more years of your 20s.

So like take the good with the bad. What you can do is as your friends' birthdays come up, you take them out. You say, hey, like it's easier. It's an easier position to convince all your friends like, hey, it's Johnny's birthday. We should all chip in for a nice dinner. And then that way on your 25th birthday, it's been a year of everyone chipping in and it comes back to you. So you might not be able to kick off the theme with your own birthday, but you kick it off

with the next guy's birthday. And then by next year. But that's hard because it's like, they didn't pay for mine and now I got to break the cycle by paying for theirs. That's not that hard. It's just the first, it's the cycle, it doesn't start with you, it ends with you. So it's not the cycle. It's like no one got their 25th, 24th birthday paid for.

We started at 25. Have you been to Red Lobster? Yes. Is it good? I thought it was very, very good when I was 12 and I haven't been back. Yeah. Mass chain restaurant lobster. My brother said that he went relatively recently, like within the last few years and he said

it was very good. I remember that like their bread is kind of special. Yeah. The Cheddar Bait Biscuits. I'm sure it's not as bad as people like joke about it being, but it's probably not that good. Like it's in line with Applebee's or TGI Friday's or Chili's. I'd imagine.

I used to think that Chili's was the best restaurant in the world and I've been to Chili's since and it's not. Yeah. Now I know Applebee's is the best, then TGI Friday's and Chili's is third. Yeah. So it's sort of. Friendly's. You grow up, your taste palette gets refined.

I had dinner at Chili's too because I have high class. All right. Let's take a break. Thanks. Some more sponsors. Answer some more questions after these words. Yeah. Thank you to Aura Frames for sponsoring this Head Gum podcast.

You know, Aura Frames is sponsoring not just this episode, but the entire Head Gum network, Jake. Wow. That's correct. I mean, this might be the Goat Father's Day gift. I think it actually is. Yeah. Yeah.

Not just Father's Day, but if for any not so tech savvy family member that you need a gift for soon, these digital photo frames might be the best of all time. Yeah. For me personally, these things are perfect. I'll tell you why. As you know, I am expecting my first child. We got one for Jill's parents. Oh wow.

We got one for Jill's grandma. Holy smokes. One for my parents. So there are three of these bad boys in our family right now, but they're great. Really easy way to stay in touch with your family. You can upload as many photos as you want directly into my parents kitchen. It's really nice. Oh, that's cool.

So you take a photo of anything, perhaps a baby, and then it goes to their digital photo frame. Yeah. This is actually how we told Jill's grandma she was pregnant. We got her the Aura frame. We plugged it in. Jill's grandma was pregnant. Really nice asshole.

This was actually a really sweet moment for me and my wife, and you're trying to make a joke of it. I was just being goofy a little bit like, this is how I told my grandma she was pregnant. Yeah. Yeah. Kind of like she misheard it or something like that, or the way you said it was kind of like, could go either way. By the way, Jill's grandma is pregnant.

Oh my God. Jill's grandma is 90 and pregnant. It's pretty cool. And you told me with a digital photo frame? Holy smokes. She let her know with an Aura. Yeah. Thank you.

The Aura announcement. So you can instantly frame photos from any device anywhere and invite the whole family in on the fun through the Aura app. Add me to your Aura app. I'd love to upload just a picture of me at a pool or something. That could be funny. Yeah. Like your banana or your dog alongside pictures of my daughter.

Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. You deserve that. You can even preload photos and add a personal video message that will display as soon as your dad or anybody connects to the frame. Yeah. It's a great gift.

A really, really iconic gift. And right now you can save on the perfect Father's Day gift and visit AuraFrames. That's A-U-R-A-Frames.com. And our listeners can use code HEADGUM to get up to $30 off plus free shipping on the best selling frames. There it is. Oh wow. This is timely.

The deal ends on June 18th. So don't wait. Terms and conditions apply. That's AuraFrames. A-U-R-A-Frames.com. Okay. Go get your parents something, all right, and use the code HEADGUM for $30 off plus free shipping.

Right on. Thank you, Aura. And now back to the HEADGUM podcast you were listening to. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Thank you, BetterHelp. If you're finding yourself in a difficult, anxious, stressful situation talking to a professional licensed therapist is the best way to navigate yourself out of that difficult place. And it's not necessarily easy to find a therapist, especially one in your area, but BetterHelp

makes that all easy because it's online therapy designed to be convenient, flexible, and suitable to your schedule. You just fill out a brief questionnaire and get matched with a licensed therapist. And you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. It's incredibly helpful. Therapy has helped millions of people over thousands of years. So give therapy a try. It can give you the tools to find a more balanced life.

I've tried therapy. It's been very helpful. So you can find that balance better with BetterHelp. All you got to do is go to betterhelp.com. If I were you, you do that today, you can get 10% off your first month. So the prices are already affordable because you're not paying rent for a building somewhere that you have to drive to and wait in a waiting room. This is done entirely online, but you're still getting professional licensed help and it's

extra affordable. That's betterhelp.com, if I were you. Check them out. Thanks, BetterHelp. And we are back. Jake, we got one last question. Let's do it. This one is about pets and sex.

Very cool, very cool. So we'll call this person who's a 23 year old going to school in West Virginia, Kevin Pitznoggle. Cool. I remember Pitznoggle. That's right. Kevin Pitznoggle, an old West Virginian basketball player, I think, I'm a 23 year old going to school in West Virginia.

Have you ever been to West Virginia? It's one of the few states I don't think I've ever been to. I haven't. Yeah. I've been there. Road trips. I've never specifically tried to go to West Virginia, but I've been there multiple times. West Virginia is where he's from and I've been with my girlfriend for about a year and

a half now and recently got a cat and one day my girlfriend tried to initiate sex while the kitten was still in the room. I said I was uncomfortable and didn't want to have sex. Fast forward a few months and a few more times of me not wanting to fuck while this animal was in the room. The cat situation was recently brought up in an argument as ammo against me. I guess my question is, do you guys have sex in front of pets and on a scale of one to fun?

How bad is it that my girlfriend uses a time when I didn't consent to having sex against me? She said no to sex and I never bring that up in an argument let alone use it as leverage. Thanks for your help. PS, Jake was one of the few people to ever pronounce my name right on the first try during a miniature painting stream. Wow. And that's golden mic worthy.

Well, wow. I already got the posthumous golden mic today, but I'll shower them on myself. Yeah, I'll take one IRL as well. Thank you. That didn't even happen on our shaft. Yeah, well, tough, yeah, used it. It seems like there's a lot of baggage in this email like she used it against me. I never used this against her.

Can I use it against her? I like the idea of ammo. She waited a year and brought it up. Well, I mean, that just means that it didn't sit well. And I think that that's not necessary. The idea that resentment comes from a place of hurt and shame. So you have to think about it like whether she's right or wrong, that probably was a blow to her ego that made her feel bad.

And she's bringing it up now with as ammo and that makes you mad. If you go to the root of it, it's pain, sadness, hurt. So that should at least allow you to be a little more compassionate. I'm not saying that she is right to bring it up. I'm just telling you where it's coming from. Part number two, I think you can have sex in front of a cat or get the cat out of the room. There had to have been some other reason that you didn't want to have sex, I think.

The cat doesn't need to be in the room unless you live in a studio, in which case you have to have sex in front of the cat. Have you been frisky slash amorous in front of a pet before? Did it bother you? Did it matter? Yes. I've had sex with like a dog fucking trying to kill me because they thought that. I had sex with a dog.

No, no, no. Let's cut that part out. Let's actually clip it out quite frankly. Grayson, if you're listening, let's do it from. I had sex with a dog and then backwards 45 seconds. If you want to get me completely out of context, you can say I had sex with a dog trying to kill me. It's still work.

I'm saying I had sex with a woman while her dog was kind of running a muck being like, you're hurting my owner, which I was not doing. It was normal. I resent the dog's accusation actually. So did she. Yes. I'm saying like, I don't know. Yeah.

I think that you can have sex in front of the animal. Have you not ever had sex in front of an animal? I'm sure I have. It's funny because our dog, for whatever reason, senses when frisky behavior is a foot and leaves the room and he never leaves us alone. I don't know how we trained Luke to feel the quiet shame of needing privacy. He's polite. He.

It's weird. Like he doesn't ever leave us alone and it's like, oh, something is happening. Right. I'm out. And then as soon as it ends, as soon as it's over, runs right back in. He senses. He knows when you climax. He runs back in.

He knows when you're awake. He's like Santa Claus in that regard. I feel like you can kind of make a pet by pet call on this because like if a, I feel like if the pet is engaged like watching, then it's a little weird. But if the pet is like indifferent, it's fine. Yeah. But just. There's different levels of pet in the room.

Is it like a cat in the corner staring at a wall or is it like a dog who's like trying to get in on the action, like humping your leg while humping is happening? Yeah. And that's, you know, also remember you're in charge. Like I guess the question is really about like, was she right to bring this up? But in a way, I don't think she was, I don't think it was right to bring this up in, in a different argument to be like, you know, throwing things in your face. That's never a healthy way to argue.

So you wait till things cool down and you, and just talk about how you guys are going to have arguments and say that you want them to be about the thing that's happening now and to not bring up old stuff, which is fair. And that all that said, you're the boss and your pets, if they're watching you have sex, you have to leave the room. You're in charge. Your behavior shouldn't change for them. You're the alpha.

You're the man, whatever your name is, which I pronounced correctly the first time you asked. Yeah. And as you tell your girlfriend that she's stroking the cat, and they think you can say in front of me, you can say in front of toonces, isn't that right, you sweet little girl? Oh, I hate that. Would you rather have sex in front of a cat or a dog? Cat for sure.

Yeah. Cats are more passive. They seem like they don't give a shit about that kind of stuff. I think there's something very human about a dog's eyes as they stare at you longingly. They want to join in on the action. They want to play too. Grace, and you can cut that out and keep it in actually, actually, I mean, clip it so we can share it.

Okay. Wow. Oh yeah. Yeah. So we can get kicked off of TikTok. Yeah. Thanks so much for listening, everybody. And thanks for watching.

We're still doing these as video episodes. Shout out to John Grimm for editing and Grayson for making the social media assets for those. Tell you what, it's worth watching on YouTube just for us dancing in the beginning because we have to listen to the theme song on video and there's nothing else for us to do except to dance together. That's right. So it starts with the dancing fit and it ends with a little bit of dancing too. Thanks to Audrey Scott for that theme song at the top and bottom of this episode.

Thanks to you guys for writing in the email address. If you want to also send us an email, a question, a theme song is ifIoryoushow atgmail.com. Correct. And there's more videos of us on our Patreon, patreon.com.com. We're watching old episodes. We're posting some Jake and Amir's before they go on YouTube. There's a lot of fun to be had and now's the time to sign up because it's the beginning of the month.

Yes, that's right. It's the beginning of the month and we've been doing this for several years. If you haven't done it yet, there's a long backlog. A very long backlog for you. All right, sweet. We will of course be back next week and one more time, here is Audrey Scott of Hex Boyfriend. Great new name. Thanks, Audrey.

Let's listen to this whole thing and three, two, one. If I were you and Jake and Amir will give you the spin, they've heard it before and they can help in a pinch if I were you, Heidi Mellon.