If I Were You - 528: Failed Projects
Episode Date: February 21, 2022This week we're answering as many questions as possible about movies we wrote, Wordle's we played, and everything in between.See omny.fm/listener for privacy information....
Transcript
Discussion (0)
This is a headgum original.
Jake is the happiest person that you'll ever know
Yes, he is the happiest person you'll ever know
Cause he's won the golden mic over 500 times
The dirty is the worst achievement you could ever do
Jake's just that good sense of me
One is first dirty, stepping out of line
Because dirty is the worst achievement that a man will ever do
A mirror is the loneliest hose that one ought dirty
Cause dirty is the worst achievement that you'll ever do
Cause dirty is the worst achievement that a man will ever do
You can see it on our YouTube channel
Shout out to John Grim and Grace for helping us
Shout out to the Lawn Boys podcast
Did they do that as a collab with Paul and Ringo?
He just took the song
All I'm trying to say is that I feel like Beedle knows about this show
Knows about you giving yourself a fake trophy every fucking week
You don't give a three minutes of telling me to fuck off
And then I say you make up a fake award and you're getting more upset than I am
Real mature
Your skin is rice thin
Rice thin, like rice in
I want to know when I get my tries in
My buys in, my buys in
I mean lots of buys in
Super Bowl commercial for I don't know
Bison meat or something like that
Really good
Did you watch the Super Bowl? We didn't make a Super Bowl bet
Yeah we didn't but I tried to make a bet and you didn't take it
So you could have won cause I wanted the bangles
Well first you wanted the bangles and I wanted the bangles
And then you said that stakes should be shaving our head
I'll take the bangles, loser shapes their head
You said that you also wanted the bangles and your hair
And then I said I'll take the Rams, loser shapes their beard
Which that'd be really nice bet for you to take cause you've had a beard
Basically non-stop for five years right?
That's right yeah I haven't bicked it down to the skin
Yeah I mean that's crazy to me
I just feel like don't you just wonder aren't you just curious
And it'll grow back so fast
Yeah well I've gotten short and I didn't like it so I'm like
I definitely don't want to go the shortest
And I don't I really I've never even used a straight edge on my beard
Like I grew up being afraid of the razor so I only did electric
And then electric got better and better with the Norelco
Which I don't even have anymore I don't even have a Norelco
What do you have? A better just man-scape
Gotta be a man-scape but like a straight edge
And I have the fucking ball deodorant behind my ears too
I'm a fucking I'm a company man through and through
But yeah I'm afraid to go all the way down to the skin
Yeah yeah I like going down there every once in a while
Yeah just to see what's going on and I'm like it's good for your skin too
But were you ready to shave your head?
Kind of I would have
I would have not been happy about it
But I have been thinking about getting my hair is pretty long again
It was obvious you remember it was it was really long
Yeah double that right?
Yeah and then I got a haircut and now it's like medium long again
And I kind of I feel like I just
Sorry car drove by
I feel like I want to resist the urge of growing it long
For the summer again which I'm on the cusp of doing
So I need to just I need to cut it cut it back real far
Full reset
Yeah full reset that's what I need
Okay did you like the Super Bowl?
Were you excited about the game? Were you rooting for a Sin C or you didn't have a really big deal?
Didn't have a dog in the fight
I was rooting for Cincinnati I wanted the Bengals
But at the same time I was not like I feel like Los Angeles has enough going for it
That I was like I won't be upset if if the Rams won
And now that I think about it I'm like oh there's some like you know Matt Stafford Odell Beckham Jr.
I feel like there and Aaron Donald I feel like there's older players on that team that I like to see win
I like I like people to win before they leave the NFL and it feels like the it feels like Borough still has some shots
Oh yeah he's still he's a youngster but yeah the the older statesman won and then Odell Beckham was crying
So I'm like I guess this is nice he really wanted to win and tore his ACL during the Super Bowl
So it'd been really sad if he didn't lost in the Super Bowl
Definitely so yeah ultimately I'm happy also that um there's a real dirty face max play on the Bengals touchdown
Yeah that was pretty blatant you're not supposed to be able to sort of touch the cornerback let alone grab his face mask and pull his yank his head so that he falls to the ground
So that would have felt a little weird like if if the Bengals won by three that would have been like well damn I guess they shouldn't have had that score
It's also funny that like that guy like celebrates in the end zone he's like woo yeah nobody touched me
Yeah you have to otherwise somebody's gonna somebody's like why aren't you celebrating because you know you have someone's face mask
You whipped my neck so I fell down yes
Did I then?
First score the game for us
Go Bengals
Six points
Go Bengals
But even the game was good it was so good that the halftime show was entertaining and the commercials were pretty funny it was like some weird throwback
Yeah I don't have any recollection of the commercials I never do I'm sure they were fine but the halftime show put me in such a great mood
Just like seeing Snoop Dogg and Dr. Dre smile at each other I was like thinking of everything that they've been through together and yeah
How good that must have felt for them to be like you know they were like I don't know they were like everybody tried to shut them up for such a long time
They're so controversial and then here they are like they won they're just performing at the halftime show
And then 50 Cent and Eminem Mary J Blige and Kendrick Lamar good times had by all
Yeah oh my dude Kendrick's segment was so good the dancers that was wild that was so good
Yeah the camera work was awesome
Yeah I guess this is how 60 year olds feel like when the who is performing at the halftime show and I'm like I don't really know this band but older white people seem to be happy so that's fine
Yeah now us middle-aged white people are really happy
Did I tell you about my Snoop Dogg bet that I made?
Oh yes you did that he was not going to smoke during the halftime show
Right so one of the prop bets on a gambling website said will Snoop Dogg smoke during the halftime show and I thought like it would be heavily skewed towards no
Cause like you can't really smoke weed on TV let alone during the halftime show of a Super Bowl
But it was even money it was like they're like 50-50 whatever you bet you'll win
So I'm like wow this is great like I guess so many people are like yeah Snoop he's gonna have to smoke he's got a smoking
That's his whole thing
Yeah exactly so like I bet against that I assume he wouldn't smoke even though I understand he likes weed
Right you weren't taking the bet cause you forgot that Snoop liked weed
I felt so confident and then he started rapping like I could just see him taking out like a fake whatever a little cigar and start puffing away
And then he didn't smoke for the first song and then they like cut back to him and he's on a couch
I'm like oh no this is when he's gonna fucking do it now he's on a couch and he's just chilling
And then at the end they're like all like on top of the house singing and dancing
I'm like okay this is it he's gonna take out a fucking spliff I know it he doesn't give a shit
Fortunately Snoop did not smoke during the halftime show but it recently came out that he was smoking seconds before it started
There's like shots of him puffing on a joint
Oh my god
So how much money did you bet?
That was 50k and then I parlayed that with the Rams adjusted line
They just had to cover 10 and a half and under 57 and a half that was 150k
And then I parlayed all of that with orange Gatorade so I ended up losing everything
Too bad
It was blue at the end
Yeah close though
Fuck
They were I think didn't Drake win like $800,000 on Odell Beckham Junior's touchdown
Yes I think he bet over a million dollars with Bitcoin that the Rams would win and Odell Beckham would square a touchdown
Wow
I think he also bet that he was gonna have like some amount of yards that he didn't have
But I'm sure Drake did fine
I was at a buddy's house and Carnell and our friend River made a bet on the length of the national anthem
Yeah you could do that too
It was gonna be over a minute and 50 seconds
Uh huh
And it ended up being like 152
Wow
It was the loudest anyone cheered in the entire
All the anticipation of the game and you win the bet in the opening fucking song
It was so good
You could bet so much stuff that it's like you could bet the national anthem length
Then the coin toss and then whether the opening kick will be returned for a touch back or not
So like before the game even starts you could have lost three bets
Yeah that's insane
It's the super bowl of gambling as they say
Right
I guess none of us have to shave our heads so I consider myself a winner
I do think you should shave your beard in good faith because I proposed that bet
What?
Because you proposed it?
That means nothing
You wanted the Rams
I didn't accept the bet
You wanted the Rams
I wanted the bangles
Sorry you wanted the bangles I mean you wanted the bangles
I wanted the Rams
I proposed the bet
I feel like that the gauntlet is thrown at that stage
Okay how about faith?
You should shave your beard
Or I'll shave my beard if you shave your head
Fine
But it's gonna be the same length
Okay
So whatever length you do to your head I'll do to my beard
Okay
I'll pick my head
Sort of a lose-lose situation
Yeah
I'm gonna get a straight razor shave on the dome
That's right
And you have to go to the barber shop that sort of ruined my trip to New York last time
Oh my god
Have you been there recently?
No I have any
I mean I walk by there every once in a while
Okay that's good
It's nice that they're still in business
I thought I was responsible for their fucking demise or some shit
I think they are
Delusion of grandeur
Okay we asked for lightning round questions
This is if I were you
The only advice pod on the web hosted by us
I am Amir
I am Jake
Um these are questions that we asked for on Twitter
If you can believe it
That's right that is correct
You deleted Twitter from your phone
Yes I did
Is this just so you wouldn't be at a line on a toilet on the subway
Yeah
Floating it on your phone
I wanna live less on my phone
Especially in public spaces
Especially when I'm out and about in the world
So
Yeah
Twitter is gone
I didn't find that it was fulfilling or a good place for me to be
To have
To have
Yeah
It's still on my
My Twitter exists
It's on my desktop
I'll like look at the mentions every once in a while
But I think gone are the days where I would like scroll through forever
Right
Sometimes I'm like in line at a coffee shop or a whole foods or something like that
There's like a line of 10 people and I'm on my phone
Then I look up and most people are not on their phone
I'm like what the hell are you guys doing
You're just standing in line
Interesting
I applaud them
I don't have that same experience here
I mean so many times when I'm in a line everyone's on their phone
When people are walking they're just looking at their phones
Yeah walking is the last
That's like the real dystopian
Like when everyone's just outside and still staring at their phone
Staring and walking down
Like vaguely bumping into each other
But it's all fine because we're too distracted to even realize that's happening
Yeah you get hit by a cab but you're too distracted because you're on Twitter
Yeah I was just so deep on Twitter
Like I think it was especially during like the election cycle
Where I would just be like it was just such a reflex
I would look at Twitter
Close my phone
I was like what was I doing
I'd open it
Look at Twitter
Refresh
There's no new tweet
So it just sort of shows you somebody that you
You might be interested in a tweet that they tweeted six weeks ago
And you're like this isn't
I'm not getting anything anymore
No god no
But are you still just using your phone but with a different app?
I definitely
I don't know if I use Instagram more
But I use Instagram as much
And that was also a big time suck
My overall like screen time is down
Below like four hours
It's like three hours ish a day
A lot of that's also navigation based
I think it's excuse because of navigation
They shouldn't count that
It's not right
You should be able to erase navigation from like
And you shouldn't count TikTok
You shouldn't count TikTok
I'm learning shit
There is a new trend that I've seen on Instagram
Or an old one that has just been getting
You know targeted at me
But it's like these kind of like day in the life
50 day challenge
Some kind of like little snippet of somebody's
Somebody's 24 hours
And
Oh like day in the life of a 41 year old investment banker in New York or something
But it's a little more like aspirational
Like it's like it's always like
A dude or a girl that like
Wakes up makes their bed
Makes a healthy breakfast
Does exercise
Makes a really nice looking coffee
Works
And I shut down my phone
And I work for three hours
And I go for a run
It's quite aspirational
And I'm like
I don't know I'm enthralled by it
Yeah
Just a shot of you sort of like
Slack-jawed drooling over your phone
Watching it
9.15 a.m. because you haven't left
I just got home
I was in a rush to record this podcast
Oil leftover thing of salmon
Just ate it cold in my hands
In a huge hunk
Like the opposite of making
A slow cooked egg
An espresso
Then I do meditation twice a day
It's important for me to unwind
Ran upstairs through my jacket
On the banister
Jumped in and recorded a podcast
That'd be funny you do a fake
A one like a day in your life
And it's just like everything is
Terrible
I wake up in a cold sweat at 6.15
And I try to go back to sleep
But I have diarrhea
It made me think of
Like doing one of these for Ruby Jade
Where it's like you wake up
Make the bed perfectly
Fried egg
And a cup of coffee
Morning newspaper and then it's just like
One cut to you sitting on a stool
Perking off with your laptop
Just blocking it
I did it for the clout
Slash likes
Yeah
Alright let's try to answer some questions
Here's a quickie
When was the last time you had a grilled cheese
Asks
L's giving
Or Merle on Twitter
Okay good question
Definitely recently
Definitely recently
I don't
I can't remember I don't really like
Just a grilled cheese
What's the last time you had a grilled jizz
A grilled jizz sandwich
That's when your dad
Hits you over the head with a skillet
I actually don't
Have that either
It's funny
It's a reference from our old web series
I thought you'd be interested
You wrote it
I'm allergic to jizz you know that
And I'm trying to be more gluten free
I feel like it was over the holidays
Christmas
Thanksgiving
I feel like I was in Connecticut
At my parents house
It always smells good
And it tastes good
But I never want to make it
Whenever there's an option to get a grilled cheese
I'll probably get something else
It's definitely more of a home cooked
Thing for me
It's like a comfort food
I wouldn't get a lot of joy of
Going out and getting a grilled cheese
Do you consider it a snack or a lunch
Like do you have a grilled cheese for lunch
Or like it's just 4.15
And I'm hungry and it's too early for dinner
It's less than a lunch more than a snack
It's a real
It's a meal replacement I'd say
I feel like you would
It's almost like if you
I wouldn't be like oh it's lunch time
I'll have a grilled cheese
But you could be like I had a late breakfast
And I didn't have lunch
What do I want to tide me over until dinner
I'll have a grilled cheese
Or a grilled cheese for that matter
I'm not going to have a grilled cheese
It's when your dad hits you over the head
Back of your head actually
One last one before we have to get to break
Wow this is funny
What is the worst or best bet you've ever made
There you go
Right into the Super Bowl
Worst bet I ever made
I bet on Hillary Clinton
That was pretty bad
That's unfortunate
It sucks to lose a bet
That you really wanted to win
Aside from the monetary thing
It's like you lost twice
You have a bad president
And you lost cash
I usually don't bet
For or against the Lakers because of that
I'm already emotionally invested
I don't want to root for them to lose
I'm already rooting for them to win
Have you ever bet on the Lakers?
Yeah
Cool
I remember
You know it was the first time I ever went to Vegas
I think it was the first time I went to Vegas
Maybe it was this
Anyway, I don't remember the specific bet
But I remember
Losing $200
Which was a ton of money to me at the time
Yeah it's almost like you're
Styping for the weekend that you give yourself
It's like $200 or $300
Yeah I was like
I don't want to lose more than $200 this weekend
That's the max and I was there for
I think two or three days
So first night very quickly lost $200
And I was like
Well I can't just go to bed down $200
I'm going to just get back to even
Get it back to even, reset for the weekend
It took me
30 seconds
To lose another $200
It happens fast
It happens so fast
You sit down at a blackjack table
It's like oh I thought this was
$10 bets it's $15 that's okay
I'll make you just like lose a bunch of hands
Four or five in a row
Double down
It's just bye bye
So
It was something like
Something like that and then where I like
Tried to get more money out the next day
It wouldn't let me I had to call my bank
They said we took out $500
That didn't last Vegas
I want to take more
Yes mom
I'll make it back
Good times
I love betting
I really do it's my favorite vice
I think one of our best bets
was
One of our best bets was on the
Road trip with John and John Carlo
We got to New Orleans
And we went to a casino
Did we put $100
In red or black?
We all put $100 on a single color
And it hit
And then we went out to Emeril's restaurant
We're like we're eating
Not for free but very close
To it
We acted like we all won a million and a half
Dollars like jumping around
You won it so bad
It feels so good
And then there was another time when we did that
On the CH on tour road trip
We were like
Let's pull over here
We'll place a bet and we'll get back on there
I believe there's a story of it on your Instagram
Or mine
And we pull over, go to a random casino
In Illinois
Walk in
Lose the cash, go home
We all just pulled over
On the side of the road and shredded $100
For no reason
Let's take a break real quick
Come back and answer more questions
After these messages
Thank you to Helix Sleep
For sponsoring this episode of our show
Hell yes
Thank you for making the sleep test
The sleep exam
And letting me ace it
And become the doctor
Of the mattress
Yes sir
Yeah so Helix makes a really
Great mattress line
And you take a little sleep quiz
To see what mattress is right
For you
Jake's been bragging about
Completing this two minute
Honestly like
Buzzfeed light quiz
I don't sleep for the better part
Excuse me I do not brag
I don't brag about completing it
I brag about acing it
Because you got the mattress and it was great
Yeah I got the perfect mattress
Thank God I took that test
That's right and if you want the perfect mattress
You can go to helixsleep.com
If I were you for 20% off
Free pillows
Amazing free pillows come on
Yes this is their best offer yet
And no it won't last long with Helix
The better sleep starts now
So regardless of how you sleep
Whether you like it soft, medium or firm
Helix has 20 unique mattresses
Just ready to go
Based on how you fill up that sleep preference
And they'll send you the best one
And if you go to helixsleep.com
That's 20% off
Amazing
Thank you Helix sleep well
Visiting the post office and dealing
With shipping and handling is probably
One of the most stressful parts of owning a business
But with stamps.com all you need
Is a computer and a printer
And they can bring the post office
In your office
So if you need a package pickup
You can easily schedule it
If you need to sell products online
Stamps.com seamlessly connects with
Every major marketplace and shopping cart
Running a business isn't cheap
So stamps.com has huge
Carrier discounts
We're talking up to 84% off
USPS and UPS rates
Holy smokes
And for 25 years stamps.com
Has been indispensable for over 1 million
Businesses
So if 1 million businesses
Can trust stamps.com
Certainly you can too
Set your business up for success
With stamps.com today
Just sign up with promo code
If I were you
For a special offer
That includes a four week trial
Plus free postage
And a free digital scale
Wow
No long term commitments or contracts
Just go to stamps.com
You click the microphone at the top of the page
And enter code if I were you
And that gets you a free
Four week trial
Free postage
And a digital scale
That sounds pretty good
Thank you stamps.com
For sponsoring this show
And we have returned
No time for unsolicited
We got too many queues to get to
Alright, yeah let's do it
Here's one
Where is it?
It was um
How many, oh yeah
How many movies or TV shows
Have you guys written
And tried to sell?
Meme tour
Interesting
Wow
What a mean question
I feel like it's
It reads to me as just curious
Cause it's like
We've been around for a long time
How many?
I would guesstimate
Two movies and like
Five to ten shows
But like
Maybe not
Wrote the pilot
But like
Wrote an outline
And that took a while
Or something like that
Alright I believe I have
A folder on my computer
Oh wow
And it's filled with gold
Wow
This is so, so funny
I have
It's nineteen movies
And forty one shows
A depressing sum
Okay so there's
There's one from
Two thousand
Wow alright
2012
I think is maybe the earliest one
Where we had us
We had some kind of
Alright
This one's
This one's unrelated I think
But we have
Scoops
Which I believe we've talked about on here
Which
Scoops is a multi-cam
Kind of like cheers
But about an ice cream store
Where some kid inherits it from his dad
Yes
And that was actually
I think the farthest we had ever gotten
We pitched it to a production company
The production company was into it
We pitched it to the network
And we were pitching it to the studio
We were like
We got very far
We wrote the pilot
And
Did not get paid for any of it
No wait Scoops
Never mind
Scoops was a different one
That was just garbage trash
Nobody liked it
Home again
Home again
Home again
That was the one about
Five college roommates
After they graduate
By their original house
That they lived in a college
And move in together
Home again
Which feels like a fine idea still
It's a fine idea
Yeah
And that was the one that got really far
At ABC
Then we also had
The
If I Were You
The scripted If I Were You show
Right
Which was Young Frasier
Right
Young Frasier it was called
About two podcasters
Basically like
Frasier was about a radio show
Young Frasier
Two podcasters
Yeah
Also feels like a
Fine idea
A fine idea
Yeah
We also had the Jake and Amir
Pilot
Which we wrote
Which we did get paid for
And shot
So that's
So maybe that's
I mean that's technically
The farthest we got
But it feels like
Having one almost go at ABC
Is a bigger deal as it
Right
Yeah
We also had
Considered by a larger network
Rather than shot a pilot
For true TV
Back in 2013
We had one called
Working from Home
Do you recall
What
That's just
What is that
Working from Home
Outline
Here it is
I'll just read you the
Logline
What happens when your
Co-workers are also
Your roommates
Yeah
I don't know
The why
This is
In April
Yahoo's CEO
Marissa Mayer
Rocked the tech world
With her controversial decision
To ban employees
From working from home
Why was this such a big deal
Because more Americans
Are working from home
Now than any year
Since the industrial revolution
Pre-COVID
Now when everyone
Works from home
But it was
She's still banning it
If you can believe it
We had the idea that
Like
Friends and roommates
Started a company together
I guess it was
But it was
So it was a workplace
A workplace comedy
Set in someone's apartment
That was the vibe
Because I remember
When we used to come up
With show ideas
Our reps would be like
It has to be based
In either like
A New York Times article
Like about adults
Moving in together
As friends
Slash roommates
Or like something about
Your life
Like cause they'll ask you
Why are you equipped
To write this show
It's never good enough
That you just have an idea
Right you have to
It has to be
You know yours
For a specific reason
Yeah
Oh and then the animated show
The animated
Oh right which was recent
Yeah recent
Oh and then
Alright so there's the
Animated show
Which was called
Can we say what it's called
I guess we can
At this point we're not
I still love this idea though
If this one's too recent to be
For me to like
Think it's bad
Well I guess I thought
The other one's pretty good too
The animated one was called
Jake and Amir for All Time
And it was a story about how
Our ancestors crossed paths
In every single era
Throughout history
So it's like
Right it's like Jake and Amir
But as a school house rocker
Clone high style
Some of it takes place
During Abraham Lincoln's time
Some during ancient Rome or whatever
Right we were
One of our ideas was that we were
The two guards who let the
Trojan horse into
Into Rome
It was Rome right
Yeah
Yeah so that was a great one
And then
Adultette
Our unscripted game show
Yeah
So that's what
Eight
Eight scripts
Plus a few movies
Each one better than the last
Oh and speaking of gambling
One of the movies is about
One of us just putting
Our life savings on
Yeah
A fucking roulette spin
A roulette spin
That's the one that we wrote
That one we wrote just you and I
But it was like
We wrote it as a
Me, you and Ben Schwartz vehicle
Yeah
It was called All In
We wrote that in 2011-2012
Yeah
You write these things
And it's like
You put your heart and soul
And you're like this is really funny
This is really good
And then like
It gets passed on
And four years later
Like what were we thinking
With that piece of garbage
God this is probably so bad
But you never
I never revisit
Never think about these ideas
Ever again
Yeah
I guess I
I don't either
But every once in a while
I think I'm back
I'm like back into the nostalgia
Point where I'm like
Oh home again
That would have been cute
That's a fun idea for a show
And for whatever reason
Like you're not allowed
The system is so messed up
Because you're not allowed
To like pitch ideas
Again
It's like
This idea that would be fine
If I thought of it now
And like pitched it
Yeah
It was like
No
ABC passed on it in 2014
So like
You really should
New idea
And it's always
You don't know if it's new
It's trying to construct
Like
Of an ensemble
Who hang out
And that's it
It's like
Yes
Okay so they work together
They live together
They're old friends
They're new friends
They're like
Why do you have to come up
With a new scenario
And sometimes the conceit lasts
Just the pilot
Like
You gotta think of something new
And exciting
Like the new girl
Where it's like a girl
Moves into a house
It's like okay
Now what do they do
What's episode two
She can't move into a new house again
There's just funny people
There's some ideas that we had
Where we like sent all of them
To our agents
And it was like
I think it was around the time
When they said yes to scoops
We were like
Jake and Amir work in a bike shop
Jake and Amir work at a climbing gym
I just remembered a different show
That we didn't mention
What
The Yosemite one
Oh my god
That one got really far too
That one got very far
Yeah
What was that one
It was called Rangers
And it was just
Yes
We worked at
We worked at Yosemite
We worked at Park Rangers
We should pitch that one again
We should dust that one off
And pitch it again
Yeah
But we always went through
The same problem
Which was like
We know the Amir character
We know the Jake character
It's like
Who else is in the show
And we're like
A neighbor named Paul
Who's
I don't know
Kind of tall
And we just couldn't do anything else
With anybody else
Yeah
And it was always like
There's two characters
You guys are great
Who are the other people
And I remember thinking
Like
Why does it even matter
Why does it matter
Plenty of shows are around two people
It's okay
Yeah
But like
Network shows have to be like
Five
Friends
And like
Cable shows like
Workaholics could be like
Two or three
Right
Or Broad City
Yeah
I don't know who made that rule
But that's one of the rules as well
Yeah
So that's another show
And can you believe
We sold them all
Any execs are listening to this
Please
We're willing to
We'll dust off the script
And everyone wants somebody else's
Dust off
You guys won't even realize
I'm not going to rewrite it
But I will dust
I'll change the date
On the title page
It's
Don't think of it as reused
Think of it as refurbished
Because like
The characters will be new
And they'll occasionally have to zoom
And we'll bring up
COVID if necessary
Twice loved
Yeah
Okay
Let's take another break
And then try to go
Lightning round
Through the rest of these questions
Good
Good
Good
Good
Thank you to Aura Frames
For sponsoring this
Head Gum podcast
You know
Aura Frames is sponsoring
Not just this episode
But the entire
Head Gum network, Jake
Wow
That's correct
I mean
This might be the Goat Father's Day gift
I think it actually is
Yeah
Yeah, not just Father's Day
But if for any
Not so tech-savvy family member
That you need a gift for soon
Mm-hmm
These digital photo frames
Might be the best of all time
Yeah
For me personally
These things are perfect
I'll tell you why
As you know
I am expecting
Yeah
My first child
Uh-huh
We got one for Jill's parents
Oh, wow
We got one for Jill's grandma
Holy smokes
We got one for my parents
So there are three of these bad boys
In our family right now
But they are
They're a great, really easy way to like
Stay in touch with your family
You can upload as many photos as you want
Directly into my parents' kitchen
It's really nice
Oh, that's cool
So you take a photo of anything
Perhaps a baby
And then it goes to their digital photo
Yeah
Frame
How we told Jill's grandma
She was pregnant
We got her the aura frame
We plugged it in
Jill's grandma was pregnant?
Really nice, asshole
This was actually a really sweet moment
For me and my wife
And you're trying to make a joke of it
Oh
I was just being goofy a little bit
Like, uh
This is how I told my grandma
She was pregnant
Yeah
Yeah, kind of like
She misheard it or something like that
Or the way you said it
Was kind of like
Could go either way
By the way, Jill's grandma is pregnant
Oh my god
Jill's grandma is 90 and pregnant
It's pretty cool
And you told me with a digital photo frame
Holy smokes
And we let her know with an aura
Yeah
Thank you
The aura announcement
So you can instantly frame photos
From any device anywhere
And invite the whole family in
On the fun through the aura app
Admit to your aura app
I'd love to upload just a picture of me
Like at a pool or something
That could be funny
Yeah, like your banana
Or your dog
Alongside pictures of my daughter
Yeah
Yeah
Exactly
You can even preload photos
And add a personal video message
That will display
As soon as your dad or anybody
Connects to the frame
Yeah
It's a great gift
A really, really iconic gift
And right now you can save
On the perfect Father's Day gift
And visit Aura Frames
That's A-U-R-A
Frames.com
And our listeners can use code HEADGUM
To get up to $30 off
Plus free shipping
On the best-selling frames
There it is
Oh wow, this is timely
The deal ends on June 18th
So don't wait
Terms and conditions apply
That's Aura Frames
A-U-R-A
Frames.com
Okay
Go get your parent something
Alright
And use the code HEADGUM
For $30 off
Plus free shipping
Right on
Thank you Aura
And now back
To the HEADGUM podcast
You were listening to
This show is sponsored
By BetterHelp
Thank you, BetterHelp
If you're finding yourself
In a difficult, anxious, stressful situation
Talking to a professional license therapist
Is the best way to navigate yourself
Out of that difficult place
And it's not necessarily easy
To find a therapist
Especially one in your area
But BetterHelp makes that all easy
Because it's online therapy
Designed to be convenient, flexible, and suitable
To your schedule
You just fill out a brief questionnaire
And get matched with a licensed therapist
And you can switch therapists at any time
For no additional charge
It's incredibly helpful
Therapy has helped millions of people
Over thousands of years
So give therapy a try
It can give you the tools
To find a more balanced life
I've tried therapy
It's been very helpful
So you can find that balance
Better with BetterHelp
All you gotta do is
Go to betterhelp.com
If I were you
You do that today
You can get 10% off
Your first month
So the prices are already affordable
Because you're not paying rent
For a building somewhere
That you have to drive to
And wait in a waiting room
This is done entirely online
But you're still getting professional
Licensed help
And it's extra affordable
That's betterhelp
H-E-L-P dot com
Slash if I were you
Check him out
Thanks BetterHelp
And we're back
Joey asks
Hey Blumenfeld
Do you actually enjoy playing D&D
When you're on the pod?
You're such a numbers guy
It surprises me
It doesn't get your chipmunk cheeks going
Would you consider playing it seriously?
Do you consider D&D
A mathy game?
I think it's the opposite
Isn't it more of like
A fantasy storytelling thing?
I don't consider it a math game
I think everybody gets
Different things out of it
There are people that love
Like the stats and the odds
And min-maxing their characters
And getting crunchy with the rules
And stuff
I would think that the thing
That would appeal to you about it
Is the gambling aspect of it
Like you roll a dice
To see if what you wanted
To happen happens
And that seems like
Something that's up your alley
That's true
I do like the gambling aspect of it
But I'm just not good
Like I never got into
Anything fantasy related at all
Some people are like
I don't like fantasy
But I like Lord of the Rings
I don't like fantasy good
I like Game of Thrones
I don't know any of that stuff
So it feels like it's too
Rooted in something I'm not familiar with
If I were to DM
Like a basketball one-shot
Where you play a Jewish teenager
In a basketball tournament
At the JCC
Wow, some real escapism
I don't know if I can get there
It's just too exciting
Or you could play an NBA
Like if you could play in a modern day
NBA style thing
So it's not swords and stuff
It's like just straight up basketball
Maybe light magic
Would you be into that?
Like Magic Johnson maybe?
Yeah
He plays for the Orlando Magic
Like Urban
Yeah
Just a little bit of Urban Cast
He's on the wizards
But he's also a wizard
That's good
Yeah
It's Daniel Gandolf
Instead of Daniel Gafford
Yeah, so it'd be like that
You play an NBA
You're a power forward
Playing the Charlotte Hornets
But then actually the mascot
A powerful forward
Yeah, exactly
Then the mascot is
It's a real giant hornet
And it's attacking you
And then you'd be like
Okay, I'm gonna fight this thing
So like
So there would be a little
You know, it's fantastical
Sure
That's magic
And it's role play
But it's set in a world that you like more
Like do you think the world is
What prevents you from doing it?
I think the world is what
Prevents me from
Yeah, eagerly wanting to do it myself
Some time
But like
It's fun to jump in for an episode for sure
Just because it's not anything that I do
Otherwise
Right
So what if it was like a
Succession style world
Like because you can set D&D in any
Right
In any setting
It doesn't have to be like
It could be boring
Your standard fantasy
Yeah, if you want it to
Yeah
A boring D&D about just a guy
At an accounting firm
So it's like
Role to see if he ends up getting a coffee today
Right
Ooh too
He opted for matcha
Yeah
Our role to see the number of dependence
His client is claiming
On a W2
Role to see if he gets audited
Alright
You have to do a 9 or above
That could be funny
D&D but for boring shit
I'll roll it and see if I get audited
That's a 19
Okay
So you've avoided that
You're not going to prison
There we go
We're having a great time already
Okay, here's another question from
The Players Fund
Josh Rothkin
Why don't you guys play Wordle on hard mode?
I read an article that there's like
Basically three types of Wordle players
It's those who play on hard mode
Those who don't play on hard mode
But play on hard mode their own natural way
Because it's a strategy
And then people that don't adhere
To the hard mode rules
I play on hard mode without turning hard mode on
Because I don't understand
Why I would play any other way
I'm trying to get it in the...
There's a way
Not playing hard mode style
Will let you get it in three or four
More relatively
Frequently
Yeah, I used to play not on hard mode
Just because I didn't know how to activate it
But I was playing in a way that is hard mode
Which is basically for those of you who don't know
Hard mode is just the game saying
You have to use a yellow or green letter
That you've gotten
Sometimes if you're stuck on like
There's a Y and an N
And you're like, I don't know any other words that have that
So I'm just going to guess a completely new word
And eliminate five other letters
You can't do that on hard mode
But I don't play like that anyway
So I activated hard mode just to get the haters
Off my back recently
And that's why you get the little asterisk next to the score
I say bringing on the haters
I'm just going to fucking adjust my settings
That's right
And you can tell if somebody did hard
Like if there's a random line of all grays
At like line four
You know somebody's playing an easy mode
Yeah, I don't play like that
But the biggest newest controversy
Did you see today's issue with Wordle?
No, our Wordle Slack
The head gum Wordle Slack
Is the most active channel
Like more active than
Business related things
More active than anything else
That's right
The Wordle one pops off
That's right
And I saw people
There were like three different articles that were sent
And I didn't have time for it today
Let me paraphrase
Okay
The New York Times
Which people were already accusing of giving us harder words already
Like, wait, what the hell
This is not a word that the pre-New York Times
Cynic anyone?
Yeah, cynic
Like double letters twice
Like I had to guess cynic at some point
C-I-V-I-C
And like this is that kind of New York Times
Wordle shit that I'm not into
Is now showing some people
Different words than other people
Why?
The number one rule
I don't know if it was a mistake
I don't know if it was just them trying to
Like start the process of
Splitting up Wordle into a multi
Word per day thing
But some people
Today's word was aroma
Which you got aroma?
I got aroma
Uh, some people got
Oh wow, that's very good
I got it in four
Some people got the word Agora
A-G-O-R-A
What?
Which I think is not a word
But I guess is a popular New York Times
Crossword puzzle word
Or something like that
Oh, that's fucked
That is fucked
Yeah
So the grand divergence is starting to begin
The wordle that we all knew and loved
Four weeks is starting to become a different product
This is why I need my two so bad
I need my two so bad
Because I want out on this shit
I want it, I want it done
I almost had it the other day too
With Robin
The two fucking words
That was also, I'm like is Robin a word
Or is it just a type of bird
And I actually posted to my Instagram story
What is this wordle
Which got a really good feedback
I think a lot of people are upset
Like is Blue J a word?
Like Robin is not a word, is it?
Like it shouldn't be
But I, and that's probably why
I guessed Cabin over Robin
Right
You had those two words
And you were like I know that it's B-I-N
I know that
And I'm going to guess either Robin or Cabin
Would you not have guessed Cabin?
And would you not have expected?
So the fact that it was Robin
That Robin was my two
I got it, after three I like knew there was a
An R and an N and a B
And I'm like it can't be Robin
So like I spent like ten minutes just staring
I'm like brain, no that doesn't fit
Should I guess like a different word?
I'm like I guess I'll just guess Robin
And maybe it'll like help me get there
And then when it actually was Robin
I'm like I don't think this is a word
I don't know
I'm starting to doubt it
And they're saying that they're still using
Like the wordle words
That would have been used anyway
But I can't believe that
Yeah, I don't believe it one bit
I have to have a word
I have to have a word with wordle I think
Because some things
The wheels are falling off
And now the clones are coming
There's quartal, there's worldle
There's nerdle
People are coming for the mantle
And I have been playing worldle
Yeah, you've been really good at worldle
I got the worldle in one
It was just the outline of a map of the Czech Republic
Right?
Yes, and I guessed it
And I got it in one
And I don't
How did you guess like
You either know that that's what the Czech Republic looks like
Or you don't
Like it just looked like a horizontal blob
Yeah, and I knew that the Czech Republic
Is blob-ish like that
Because I went there and I was like
And I remember looking at the map
And I basically think that there are
There are countries that are vertical
There are ones that are horizontal
And then there are some that are square
And that was the Czech Republic
It's always been in my mind as a blobby
Horizontally kind of guy
I guessed Russia
Couldn't it have been Russia?
I guess, yeah
Yeah, it could have been
And then I was like, actually not
Russia is 29-inched kilometers
To the right of this country
And that's pretty close
Well, that's pretty close
Then you kind of know that's like Europe
Right
I don't know if that was Luxembourg
Or what the fuck it was
Yeah, the tough one is
Today's was very hard
I don't know enough of like
The names of countries in South America
It was Guyana
Yeah, Africa
I basically found out that Guyana
Was a country today
And it was the clue
Another quick wordle question
How would you guys react asks Dan Goldstein
If a friend got a two and didn't tell you
If a friend got a two and didn't tell me
That's right
And there's somebody that usually tells me
Like their score
That's right
I would be confused
I would be confused
But I wouldn't be like that upset
I'd be like, why didn't you tell me
Like, whoa, why didn't you tell me
I'd be happy
Abital got a two on Robin
It was brand and then straight to Robin
Wow, that's really good
That's very good
But I guess she didn't have the binge
Hers was just an R and an N
So Robin was the first word that she thought of
That had both of those words in it
An R and an N?
Yeah, starts with an R and ends with an N
Straight to Robin
Yeah, I guess that's fair
That's fair
Damn, that's fucking awesome
I had a very good first guest today
Let me pull it up
As we said, it was a Roma today
At least for me
Oh yeah, my first word was crate
C-R-A-T-E
So what did that yield?
Some greens and some yellows?
I guess it wasn't that great
It gave me the R in the right place
And the A in the wrong place
And then my second guess was groan
And that gave me the O in the right place
The A in the wrong place
But it didn't leave a lot of other spots
For the A
So then you went straight to a Roma
Although if you get it in three
I think you could still be proud of that
Yeah
Yeah
Not bad
I haven't gotten it three in a while actually
H-S-T-S-D-T-S
What's the most perfect flawless TV series or movie
you've ever watched?
Flawless
Without flaw
Damn
I mean, Peaky Blinders is one of my
all-time favorite shows
I love everything about it
There's no flaw
I mean, it's hard
No, I don't think so
You have no notes
Yeah, I don't think I do have any notes
There's some like performances
I don't like
But that's not really a note on the series overall
Right
I think Succession is near perfect as well
Yeah
Though you thought it dragged a little bit
in season three
Yeah
Yeah
Um
Succession for sure for me
I really love Breaking Bad
I know it's kind of like a hacky answer
But
No, it's really
A lot of TV nerds
or like Sopranos and Wire
are much better than Breaking Bad
But Breaking Bad did it for me
More than, I guess I haven't seen the Sopranos
But more than the Wire had
of what I've seen of it
Yeah
I mean, I think that
it's hard
Well
Breaking Bad is old at this point too
I love the Wire
but I was watching it like
as it was coming out still
So it felt very current and it felt very good
and I wonder if it's very
it's a slow-moving show
Yeah
The non-HG shows are hard to
tolerate right now
Quite
Okay, that's it
Let's
maybe we can answer some more
of these questions
Still got a lot
good ones coming in
but we'll stop right here
We definitely should
Thanks to you guys for
submitting, for writing
theme songs and questions all too
if I were to show at gmail.com
Correct
And thanks to you guys for watching this
as well as listening to it
Yeah
Hell yeah
And we're still making videos
weekly videos on our Patreon
Patreon.com
slash J.A.
Watching Jake and Amir videos reacting to them
Kind of like we're watching them for the first time
because some of these stuff we haven't seen in 11 years
It's wild
Alright, the opening theme song
same as the closing theme song
it was the one is the loneliest number
by Sigmund
I believe his name is
Oh right, yeah
Sigmund
Sigmund
And he wanted to shout out his Lawn Boys podcast
So shout that out
Again
Alright, sweet
Thanks for watching
Thanks for listening
We'll be back next week everybody
Ciao
Peace
That was a hit done over J.A.
Jake's just that good sense of me
One is first dirty
Stepping out of line
Because dirty is the worst achievement
You could ever do
Jake's just that good sense of me
One is first dirty
Stepping out of line
Because dirty is the worst achievement
You could ever do
Stepping out of line
Because dirty is the worst achievement
You could ever do