If I Were You - 543: Parking Ticket

Episode Date: June 6, 2022

In this episode we discuss old jobs, old email addresses, and new beginnings. Advertise on If I Were You via Gumball.fm.See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

This is a hip-gum original. Whoa! Absolutely epic goat. That's Gareth O'Connor Dude DM'd me on Instagram. He said not sure if you read DMs, but I wrote a sincere pop-punk version of the other side of hard Sent it into the show, but I thought I would message you as I think you'll dig it Specifically and he was correct absolutely correct he he

He back channeled Okay, we would have gotten to it. We would have gotten to it and I regret ever ever playing it Well me and Gareth are starting a band. There's no way I started writing I started writing a pop-punk song when that dude Dustin wrote in and it's about halfway done I think we're gonna go hard pivot to Gareth now It's Gareth. You're not even saying right as I am Gareth me and Gareth I'll send you the lyrics that pop-punk song had it all it had it all it had the riff

Yeah, you know that like that last epic palm mute riff incredible It had kind of that like the the computerized under singing towards the end. I can't find my guitar, you know Yeah, it was it was great and and I think is he from Dublin? Is that right? Yes, he is from Dublin an Irish submission Yeah, so you can kind of hear it when he says hard Yeah, which is which is really great talk to my heart strings indeed is is pop punk specifically an American thing Like are there any British pop punk bands like Kind of like how we took some music from Europe. Did they ever get that sort of like an Irish pop punk band?

I mean there must be I'm sure was vlogging Molly from Dublin or did they just play Irish music? But they were from Boston or some shit. Hmm. Yeah, that's it could definitely be either one Boston, yeah, for sure either Ireland or Boston Either I are either are Simple plan was a Canadian pop punk band. So it doesn't one actually count. Oh, really? They were Canadian Yep, bunch of Canucks Well, if if like, you know rock and roll was like rebelling against the mainstream the the government the war What are pop punks?

Ethos like rebelling. They were also rebelling mom and dad. It's just it's mom and dad. Yeah, it's school. It's bullies It's the jocks. It's the preppies Mom and dad they quite don't understand it Yeah, so that's so we went from being like that's one of them part to Unnecessary war in Vietnam to like mom will make me do my dishes Exactly or like you're a hot Senior guy and you're dating my crush and you play football and wear a collared shirt. So you're bad That's how that's how fun the 90s were that the biggest issues the one that created full music

Genres were people just mad at their parents. Everything else was fine. It was just they didn't want to do homework that decade Yeah, homework was bad parents not cool parents fighting even worse Parents ganging up on you when they actually don't even like each other. That's the ultimate sin brother Yeah, parents are always kind of the nerds in music. There's no like songs about cool parents Yeah That's correct. Actually wonder why that is note for my song that I'm writing. Maybe I'll Um It's yours should be for the pop punk parents. So like the kids who were like yeah, well

We already are halfway done with the original idea, which was the the We're seniors now We're seniors in high school because like the senior guy is a freshman, you know in college. So his status changed So yeah, yeah, we discussed that before right? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I got it Okay, so song two is about how mom and dad ain't so bad because they are actually trying pretty hard Right the music that's sort of creating the chaos and making things not right. That's not bad. Okay All right, I'll mom and dad. We ain't so bad. We think we're pretty neat Yeah, kind of I feel like you could start a different band being Gareth might take that song in another direction, but

your idea is Noted considered ultimately rejected and denied duly considered though duly considered it is under advisement It is under consideration and now it is out of advisement and out of consideration shit-canned and Forgotten I think I would the fresh the high school senior thing was my idea. I Don't remember it being exactly your idea But I was definitely a co-writer Yeah, a broken clock a broken clock is actually still right. I think a few times a day at least once

Maybe even twice depending on what type of clock it is right if it's like army time or not Yeah, exactly. So it might only be once although if it's broken in a way where it's like still working, but set to the wrong time It's actually never right. Yeah, it's off. Yeah It has to be broken in a specific way. It has to be blinking 12 Yeah, that doesn't mean that it's noon That just it has to be completely right. It has to be completely stopped for it to be right Yeah, it's it actually yeah, I guess it's more of a broken regular clock not a digital clock It has to be like a

Face what are those called like the kind with like the little hand the big hand? That's when it's like that's when a broken clock an hour unless it's so fucking broken It doesn't even it only has the minute hand, right? What if it's so fucking broken that it has like just one spinning ass Like second hand and the springs are falling out then that clock is right never never Or like so many times because it's like oh, it's right there. It's right there. It's right there It's actually right more often than a yet a non-broken clock because a non-broken clock is just right Once if you think about it because it's like set to the correct time. Oh, we have to take a break

really No, we're not a real break just from this conversation. No, it's only been four minutes. I'm down to thank a sponsor Yeah All right, this is if I were you at the only advice pod on the web hosted by us. I'm a mirror after all I am Jake after all and that was Gareth She's pop punk version of the other side of hard is sincere and unironic as he can make it Incredible it kind of reminded me of May 16th by lag wagon if you remember that one. Hmm. I don't think I do I'll send it to you. Listen to it offline. Yeah. All right. We love that

We had a question sent to us with a fun follow-up pup. Let me see if I can pull it up It'll be okay on the other side Here we go. That was good. That was really good. Thank you, Gareth This lady actually sent in a follow-up pup so we can use her real name. It's Molly. No, flogging Molly That's right. Flogging Molly writes. What's up? I'm a junior in high school. I'm so stressed out after cross-country practice I'm up till all hours doing homework and now that I'm doing all this ACT prep stuff. I have absolutely no free time to just relax I'm always tired and cranky and I have no time to do anything. I want anymore Is there any way to stop the madness where you guys ever this stressed in high school? Is it even worth it?

Thank you so much. I love the show sees the cheese Love and that that came to us in like 2013. Isn't that right? That's right So I found that by like searching like ACT prep or something like that or maybe cross-country and I'm like, oh, this was sent to us Almost a decade ago. Literally nine years ago. Yeah, and so I replied Literally in 2022 this was sent in 2013. I replied to Molly and said hey, do you remember writing this? How'd you turn out nine years later? Hoping to got you a remembers who we are B is still alive and see like maybe can shed some light on like even Remembering that this was a thing for her. That's stress. Yeah, high school Incredible. What does she say? Hi guys. Wow reading this email is an absolute blast from the fucking past you opened a time capsule

Has your inbox been that flooded? How on earth did you dig this up? Sheesh, I remember writing you this email because you were the source of all the best goofy advice Life was getting tough and I needed some goofballs to turn my stressors into side-splitting laughs Or at least toss out a few carpe diem sort of positivity It was a tough time the ironic thing is nine years later I'm teaching in a Chicago public high school and coaching cross-country Whoa, so she's teaching at a high school that she was stressed about and coaching the sport that she was playing Wow, I genuinely try to take my hardships as a high schooler and use them as a massive learning experience

No student of mine should ever have to be as stressed and distraught as I was thank you For being so bad at reading emails. This has been quite enlightening and oddly charming to read an email from past me Reminds me how far I've come. Thank you both. Oh, she's all you made of my day. Wow. How nice is that? Incredible. That's the ideal response. That's what I would have hoped that she would have written Yeah, and it's sort of it just goes to show you that the stresses that you have I think it probably even extends into college and adulthood is Stuff that feels so stressful and difficult now like you barely remember nine years. Yeah, it's all relative. It's funny I was actually I was very stressed out today and I was thinking

No, it was yesterday so I was really stressed out yesterday and I was walking home and I was walking by the old college humor office and I looked at it and I was like, I don't think I was ever like Doing that thing where you're so frantic where you're like, oh, I have to leave But I have to send this email but I have to answer this text But I have to do this thing and this person's calling me and I have to you know Juggle nine different things as I'm trying to go home and I just feel like frazzled and dazed almost and that's what I was feeling yesterday But and then a guy I guess I got out of the window of that 17th war landed in front

Wow, I really put everything in perspective brother. Thank you, but I also bet that I was I think that I Don't know you always you always do romanticize the old times and you're like, oh Things were so easy then but yeah those rose colored glasses. They ain't the truth Yeah, that's that's a good question because I don't even know if I was ever stressed out at age 22 Now that I am trying to think about like what did I even have to worry about? Yeah, I was definitely I Think I had stresses. I don't think any of them were work-related. I Don't have work stresses my biggest work-related stress was that my first salary was

$36,000 and I'm like I have to ask for a raise. That's not enough money. I can't just make $36,000 it's nine hundred dollars a paycheck in New York City is too expensive. I'm gonna ask for like $75,000 just like go for and ask for what you want like me and Streeter were like let's negotiate together We're underpaid. This is ridiculous and we like asked for this huge raise and they were like, all right We'll give you $40,000 a four thousand percent four thousand dollar raise and we're both like, all right. We'll take it Instantly gave up on our dream of making double the salary Man, I mean that's incredible. I think my first salary was twenty four thousand dollars. Yeah, not enough No, not enough not not nearly

Although adjusting for inflation 36,000 is it says it's two hundred and ninety thousand today. So it's pretty good. Oh, it's pretty solid. Yeah for Because you yeah, you and Streeter lived in that like That six-story brownstone together, right? Yeah, it was like eight hundred dollars a month and rent. It was so cheap We got to split it and we threw parties and we made a profit on every party Um, but yeah High school is stressful. I'm sure because those are the biggest problems in the world to you right now but ultimately

You'll be getting an email nine years later and thinking I guess it wasn't so bad and Fortunately, this lady is not only teaching at a high school But she's actually coaching cross-country the two things that she was stressing out about and she was able to impart that wisdom Hopefully every day to her students incredible kind of makes me want to try to figure out a way to Either be an algebra teacher or a driving school instructor Um, how how did you find her email?

I must have searched like one of the like almost gameboy style but just by myself like Tired and cranky and like oh this has come up because I've searched like unread emails and this that we just never opened it Right. It's also kind of crazy that she has the same email address nine years later Like if somebody replied to our email addresses of like jakeitconnectadventures.com you would just never get it, right? Yeah, that's true. That is true. Do you remember your email before? Um, your current email address or before that college humor like what was your email address in high school? Oh, I think I had before

Think I had a hotmail address. It was like jake 2013 2013 maybe At hotmail.com or something like that. Yeah, I had an aol email address That I would like use aol to check Hmm, that's crazy And then after that you can use aol.com to check and then in college they gave you like a college email But like oh, yeah, that only works for four years Right, I think that's a that's a bizarre system to me. I think it's like if they get used to using this

Like apply to internships with this email like whatever whatever and then and then it's all the sudden It's like oh in a year. This will be defunct Change everything all of your contacts that you've made for four years Or do they do they leave it open and we just stop using it? Like was a blooming fell that berkeley.edu. Is that just like always there? No, because they pay for it. So I doubt they just leave it open forever And and at the very least southern kind of get uh closed mine. I remember getting the email. Well, that's because you were Dishonorably discharged from the school. So they wanted to make some more room. That's true. If you graduate

Yeah, while I had while I worked at college, you remember my my login was like j. Herwitz 5591 at southern kinetic southern ct.edu or something like that Yeah, the edu email addresses. I wonder if kids are still using that I guess if you ever want to see me young just write says somebody with a dot edu Did you have to sign up for classes on the phone or was that before your time? I don't know. I think it was I think it was done online But we found but we got little books with the classes. Yeah, like the classes that you can choose Yeah

So yeah, let us know the update. Are you choosing classes online and do you get to keep the edu? Like if it's harvard at harvard.edu. Are you keeping that in post grad solid? That's solid. That's you want to keep that for sure Actually harvard should almost sell that access like I don't even need to go to school there I'll pay 10,000 a year just for the email addy. Give me the ivy league email. That's kind of goatly That's an interesting little life hack. That's good unsolicited advice Yeah, just even if you have to make your email address like jakeherwitz Yale at gmail.com What uh, that's a very it's obvious that you're lying at that

That's an open At gmail.com I was gonna say like buy cornell with one l.edu, but I don't think you can even buy an edu You have to like be an actual university. I wonder how that works. Oh interesting Uh, all right, let us know I guess if you uh work for a school or something. Uh, otherwise Yeah, let's take a break answer some more questions that were sent to us this decade after these messages Thank you to helix sleep for sponsoring this episode of our show hell. Yes. Thank you for making the sleep test The sleep exam and letting me ace it and become the doctor of the mattress

Yes, uh Yeah, so helix makes a really great mattress line and you take a little sleep quiz to see what mattress is right for you Yeah, right jake's been bragging about completing this two minute Honestly like buzzfeed light quiz. I don't how you sleep for the better part of it. I do not I do not brag I don't brag about completing it. I brag about acing it Because you got the mattress and it was great or yeah, I got the perfect mattress. Thank god Thank god. I took that test. That's right. And if you want the perfect mattress So you can go to helix sleep comm slash if I were you for 20 off all mattress orders and two free pillows

Amazing free pillows. Come on. Yes. This is their best offer yet And no it won't last long with helix the better sleep starts now So regardless of how you sleep whether you like it soft medium or firm helix is 20 unique mattresses Just ready to go uh based on how you fill up that sleep preference And they'll send you the best one and if you go to helix sleep comm slash if I were you that's 20 off Amazing. Thank you helix sleep. Well, thank you to stamps.com for sponsoring this episode of our show Visiting the post office and dealing with shipping and handling is probably one of the most stressful parts of owning a business But with stamps.com all you need is a computer and a printer and they can bring the post office in your office

So if you need a package pickup, you can easily schedule it if you need to sell products online stamps.com Seamlessly connects with every major marketplace and shopping cart running a business isn't cheap So stamps.com has huge carrier discounts. We're talking up to 84 off usps and ups rates Holy smokes and for 25 years stamps.com has been indispensable for over 1 million businesses So if 1 million businesses can trust stamps.com, certainly you can too Set your business up for success with stamps.com today Just sign up with promo code if I were you for a special offer that includes a four week trial plus free postage And a free digital scale. Wow

No long-term commitments or contracts. Just go to stamps.com You click the microphone at the top of the page and enter code if I were you And that gets you a free four week trial free postage and a digital scale. That sounds pretty good Thank you stamps.com for sponsoring this show And we have returned Jake. Do you have any? You know kind of kind of I just bought a new dop kit today people are traveling people are exploring the world again I was just in I was in Europe. I was in Ireland in the UK. I'm going to Italy next month. Wow and um And I needed a new dop kit. I didn't feel like the one I had was cutting it and I feel like dop kits are

Or something that people get when they first start traveling and they don't necessarily upgrade them They don't get a new one. For instance, how long have you had your toiletry bag? Oh 10 years. I mean it was like a gift decades ago. You're talking about a toiletry bag It's like this fanny pack exactly stuff it with stuff Right and use it when you travel your soap your deodorants your toothbrush. What was wrong with your well? I'll tell you the problem with mine is that it gets too small. It can't fit the um electric stuff anymore Yeah, well, and I mentioned actually the The uh the travel water pick which I got and I have and I've actually loved it. It's incredible

It's very small. It's compact. It takes up enough space. I've also taken to I was carrying you know that the electric toothbrush it comes with the like the big pill plastic thing. Yeah, the charger Not the charger. It's like there's the cord, but then there's also just the travel case It's just a big plastic case Okay, and I for I was hardwired to just do that to just put it in the travel case when you're traveling But you don't need to it's good. No, it's kind of useless. You don't need it at all But mine is a charging thing. Are you bringing the charger? Then it's like I'm taking the charger from home Are you using a battery operated one?

I use a battery operated one, but it that charge that'll go for like three weeks So I just make sure that it's charged before I leave Yeah, I'm carrying it in uh when I was over when I was overseas. I did loose no case um And the dock kit was fine the size was okay But I didn't like having to dig through it every time I needed something and the new one that I got Unzips and opens and it can slide. I see so it's kind of nice. It's almost like a nail file thing What is it called like a little manicuring?

Yes, fold right. Yeah, it's like a folio and it gives me access and it gives me control Do you remember the time where you tried to travel without any bags because we were doing a show for one night? That's correct. Yes. So you walked to the airport. You had no bag On your person once so not even a backpack, right? You just know about the toothbrush. I had a toothbrush in my pocket And that was it. I said this is all I could possibly need. We're staying in a hotel. They have shampoo and soap I'm wearing the clothes that I'll perform in I'll wake up and I'll wear this home. It's not going to be that dirty I have the toothbrush in my pocket And what did you do for in-flight entertainment?

I had my phone. I think I think we're flying to We're flying from new york to utah salt lake city And I believe we had in flight. We had like the you know the little tv in front of us They handed out they handed out the um the earphones. Yeah, so you were able to imagine I do remember like at one point you're like, can you hold this for me? And I was like just out of principle It's like no, this is what you decided to do You have to have it all on your right person. Do you remember what that was? I already forget There's a chance that it was like a Hudson news like bottle of water or something and like peanuts. I don't know like snacks

They put in a bag. Yeah, and I didn't want to I wanted to have absolutely nothing The funniest thing was I remember It being a debate because I was tell I was like talking to people. It's like I think I'm not going to bring anything How cool would that be to just walk into the airport with nothing and people are like, well, you're going to bring your phone charger And I was like, I don't even want to put that Maybe it was that maybe it was the phone charger or something. Well, yeah, because I asked I asked to use your phone charger when we were at the venue doing the show. I was like, can I charge my phone?

Like, oh, you didn't bring a phone charger. You didn't need anything, right? Yeah Yeah, you gave me a hard time, but you did let me use it Oh, that's nice. And I remember like people being suspicious like when I was walking in they're like, are you picking someone up? I was like, nope Yeah, it's just such a weird feeling to just get out of a car like you're meeting a friend for dinner It's like I'm walking into an airport. I don't even have a backpack. I'm walking through security I'm not putting anything on the conveyor belt Just give me the metal too much and I'll keep walking and if you're tsa free you don't take your shoes off You just walk through like a metal detector. Yeah, goddamn. That's my I mean, that's my dream

I hope that I can travel like that someday just have all of my stuff waiting for me somewhere You know, is that how rich people do it? I feel like you can at the very least have like a nice backpack or something Yeah, I think a light backpack It would be Necessary just because you'd have like your your computer your phone for the for the flight. Yeah But what if you're so fucking sleek that you just have a ipad mini and it's a little tablet That's a handheld thing. You can walk in. That's it. That's all you need. What if you have a pack? That's a Dob kit so you're actually you have the fanny pack, but it has your toiletries in it

Hmm interesting phone charger toothbrush ipad mini Yeah, really you just need a a backpack that has a fanny pack strap So it seems like a fanny pack, but it's actually a full backpack Just get luggage at this point. You're not lying and you're wearing it underneath your shirt Like a money belt in Europe so nobody knows what you're actually wearing slash hiding Perfect a fanny pack under that goes across your chest underneath your jacket So everyone thinks you're wearing a bomb to the airport

God All right Oh Sorry, my pillow I didn't wear that came from You're dying No way you're going green Can't green

Uh, all right, let's answer another question. Yeah I have a parking problem that I need help with rights, um, I don't know park Parker posey Last week I offered to drive me and my friends to a dinner because I didn't feel like drinking that night So we took my car instead of an uber I parked at a lot which we thought was free on the weekends went to have dinner to celebrate my friend's bday Came back and there was a $50 parking ticket on my car

Ouch I was bummed about it and said how that sucks and my friend said hey, it's not at least it's not that expensive Well, 50 bucks is 50 bucks I was hoping they would offer to offer to pay a portion of it since I did do them a favor and drove us But then they said nothing I wanted to bring it up But since it's my friend's birthday, I didn't actually want to put a damper on the night What do you think I should do should I reach out and get them to pay me for a bit for my ticket? I feel like a dick

But if my friend drove me somewhere and we got a ticket I feel like I would offer to pay a portion of it Yeah Did was it just one friend and it was their birthday taking out Taking them out to I don't think it was that the birthday friend I imagine he was going with a friend to me okay to like a birthday party So he's like you're going to a birthday party you drive a friend. Yeah, you get a ticket The friend is saving cash on the uber Yeah, I've been in this situation where like

We all I was with a group of like 12 people and we all drove to Catterskill Falls in upstate, New York bunch of people went Swimming and stuff one car got a ticket And that ticket was added as a group expense for all 12 people Even the even the car that had nothing to do with it. It's one thing if you're like In the car. It's like, oh, can we park here? I'm not sure. Let's

You know, whatever, but it's like that car actually split that with everybody almost like it's gas like this is the cost of doing business and I guess I'm I guess I'm still thinking about it. I disagreed with it in principle, but it's It is fine Here's what I would say. I think You're perfectly definitely in this situation now my situation was different a little bit in this situation Very normal to ask for money you drove You made a collective decision to stay in the in the lot and you got the ticket. I think that should be split

Here's the thing though. Oh, am I boring you? a little bit actually, yeah, I mean This is really long winded. I just they're yonned. Yeah, I was bored. Do I have your attention? Yeah, okay barely But like I'm trying to like yeah, it's like drifting away and I was like focus is back on you. Yeah Okay, yeah, sorry. Actually, let's take a little I was I'm broke. I feel like well I thought I was gonna be like am I boring you and you were gonna say no and paul No, it's really boring. Yeah, it's really boring right because I was kind of talking about just like tickets and parking

I'm gonna put my headphones off and just sort of daydream. I think about something fun Like bowling at two tickets. Yeah, I could that's cool. I'll keep on talking in that case. Amira's headphones are off um I think you can ask for the money. I think you can say I deserve some money and your friend will give it to you, but they will talk about this They will ask they will they will be annoyed. I think but that's fine because I think you're in the right Well, would you offer to pay if somebody does this to you? Yes? Yes I would offer to pay

I think it matters about like the conversation that was had like Is it the friend like oh you can park here or is the friend like I wouldn't park here They might give you a ticket or was it just like not addressed and like the friend was on his phone And then you parked there and then you got a ticket. I think at that point I'd be like oh that sucks that you chose to park there friend, but like it wasn't my idea I wouldn't suggest that also like that science has no parking and now I have to pay for that transgression I feel like I wouldn't necessarily offer to pay unless it was a group decision or my idea that like caused that thing to happen

Kind of like if you get into an accident, I'm not paying for Any of the damages because I didn't do that Yeah, I think it depends it depends on the what the parking situation was like Did you guys debate it or did you just pull in like you thought you could park there and then you got a ticket? I think if the parking was difficult and it was discussed and agreed on the spot Yeah, like take the we need to park. It's risky, but you know what if there's a ticket I'll split it with you obviously that didn't happen

But that's like I've been in situations where we had where people agreed to split a ticket even before It's like I'm not sure we can park here, but if we get a ticket I will split it Yes, exactly Um, I think there's a there's a way that you can do this without it being that Aggressive which is just requested on VEMO. Wow. That's pretty passive aggressive. I would say. Yeah. What is this? Oh, I parked in that uh The the lot and uh, there was a parking ticket. So I figured we'd go dutch. Yeah, why right? I explained that in a note there

I feel like I wouldn't ask for I wouldn't ask but it would be nice to get that like The offer Yeah, basically, I guess I think your friend should have offered it is what I would have done but Having had him not offer requesting While it's fine

It's just gonna feel weird. There's not a world where it doesn't feel a little weird Yeah, and it's not it's not fortunate. There's also like money at play if your friend is super rich and you're struggling then It would be nice if you chipped in but if like 50 dollars, sorry, are you boring you? Now that was sort of a burp. Yeah Sorry, I don't know why I'm like don't I'm really watching you like I feel like you're like Ready to pounce on every like time my mouth opens. Yeah, that one was not a that one was not beyond I think I have

It's like other shit that I'm dealing with. I think I have foam over some shit I don't even know what's happening or what I'm missing But I feel like a pull to go somewhere else. Yes anytime you open your mouth. I get sort of offended That's right. Somebody called me boring yesterday and it's been sort of festering. It's the real real issue. Exactly Uh, so yeah, sorry am I coughing you? Am I COVID you? Do I go to COVID University? That's good. That's good.

Lot of lot of variables here. Was there a discussion beforehand? Is there a money in balance? Is it like he wanted to take an uber anyway? I could see where there are cases where he wouldn't necessarily ever offer um, yeah But as a default rule, I don't think he owes you that place because you drove you parked you chose that place Yeah, I do think the right thing to do is offer. I think the right thing to do is offer But you can't really control your friend doing the right thing or not. It's definitely nice to offer Yeah, like sometimes I'll go out to dinner with a friend and I'll be like, oh, shit. I don't have my wallet when I do

I obviously do and he's like, I'll just pay and you can Venmo me Yeah, we did this. Sure. Yeah, let's Yeah, we Venmo you later Last time I came into LA, this is exactly what happened. So you did have your wallet? Of course. Yeah, I had my wallet I said I would Venmo you but it's like annoying to for you to like constantly follow up and it's like at a certain point You feel like the dickling we're like, you still haven't Venmoed me. You still haven't Venmo me and I'm just now I'm not going to Venmo you. Yeah, I'm not gonna do that

So and that's what you if you go into that type of situation The thing that you can do is you keep a running tally in your head and you start siphoning money off Like Amir and I have a shared bank account and I'm able to siphon funds back Unbeknownst to you. I'll write myself a check for office expenses, but I'll pad that a little bit I thought you bought a chair. Yeah, there are car payments But I say, oh, you know what actually this month the payment was You know $300 more and then Um, and then I'm actually car like what is that? Yeah, exactly

Are you open it? Don't open the yeah, the eyes here. Let's not open 900. Okay. Yes. What is this one? You're a member of five gyms because you don't necessarily don't you just go to one gym or you want access to all? Well, I need access to one in every borough just in case I ever travel to statin island This one's an ox. Yeah a local statin island fitness. There's no way A hundred and one dollars a month So this is for the lunch that I took for you Yeah We can't afford taxes now. We're gonna go to debtor's prison for you

All right, let us know let us know what happened here, but I I would assume he's not gonna offer And it's kind of weird to bring it up. Unfortunately That's the risk you take when you like what if you got a speeding ticket? Are you splitting the speeding ticket? No, not the speeding ticket those that that's a driver The lines the parking is a driver's decision It's but it's it can it depends I think it can yeah It's like if I told you to park there and there's a ticket that's different than I'm not paying attention at all And you choose to park you pay somebody for some gas, you know, that's that's fine

If if it were a parking lot, let's think about that. Yeah, if it costs $10 to park there, obviously that's a split That's our expenses incurred while driving somewhere. This one is It's it's haphazard for sure Um, I don't know Really don't know I think we need more context D not enough information Yeah, uh, all right. Let's take a break. Thanks and sponsor come back answer some more cues after this Mm-hmm

Thank you to aura frames for sponsoring this headgum podcast You know aura frames is sponsoring not just this episode, but the entire headgum network jake. Wow. That's correct I mean, this might be the goat father's day gift. I think it actually is Yeah, yeah, not just father's day But if for any uh, not so tech savvy family member that you need a gift for soon These digital photo frames might be the best of all time. Yeah for me personally these things are perfect I'll tell you why as you know, I am expecting. Yeah, uh, my first child We got one for Jill's parents. Oh, wow. We got one for Jill's grandma. Holy smokes. We got one for my parents

So there are three of these bad boys Uh in our family right now, but they are They're great really easy way to like stay in touch with your family You can upload as many photos as you want directly into my parents kitchen. It's really nice. Oh, that's cool So you take a photo of anything perhaps a baby and then it goes to their digital photo. Yeah frame This is actually how we how we told Jill's grandma. She was pregnant. We Got her the aura frame. We plugged it in. Jill's grandma was pregnant Really nice asshole. This was actually a really sweet moment for me and my wife and you're trying to make a joke of it

I was just being goofy a little bit like uh, this is how I told my grandma. She was pregnant. Yeah Yeah, kind of like a she misheard it or something like that or the way you said it was kind of like Could go either way by the way. Jill's grandma is pregnant. Oh my god. Jill's grandma is 90 and pregnant It's pretty cool. And you told me with a digital photo frame. Holy smokes and we let her know with an aura. Yeah Thank you the aura announcement Uh, so you can instantly frame photos from any device anywhere and invite the whole family in on the fun through the aura app Add me to your aura app. I'd love to upload just a picture of me like at a pool or something That could be funny. Yeah, like your banana or your dog alongside pictures of my daughter. Yeah

Yeah, exactly. You can even preload photos and add a personal video message that will display As soon as your dad or anybody connects to the frame. Yeah, it's a great gift a really really iconic gift And right now you can save on the perfect father's day gift and visit aura frames. That's a you are a frames.com And our listeners can use code head gum to get up to 30 dollars off plus free shipping On the best selling frames. There it is. Oh, wow. This is timely. The deal ends on june 18th So don't wait terms and conditions apply. That's aura frames a u r a frames dot com Okay, go get your parents something. All right and use the code head gum for 30 dollars off plus free shipping Thank you, aura and now back to the headgum podcast you were listening to

This show is sponsored by better help. Thank you. Better help if you're finding yourself in a difficult anxious stressful situation talking to a professional license therapist is the best way to navigate yourself out of that Difficult place and it's not necessarily easy to find a therapist Especially one in your area But better help makes that all easy because it's online therapy designed to be convenient flexible and suitable to your schedule You just fill out a brief questionnaire and get matched with a licensed therapist And you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge

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And it's extra affordable. That's better help HELP.com slash if I were you check them out. Thanks better help All right, Jake. We're back One last question to rule them all Yes, please. Let's go. Hmm. Hmm. What do we think? Here's one about the gym Okay, I like the gym. We'll call this guy Arnold Schwarzenegger Good. He likes the gym

There's a woman at the gym whom I've crushed on for years now And I noticed her for the first time during the pandemic and she's only gotten cuter once the masks came off Call me a gentleman or a coward, but I know Better than to approach a woman at the gym Mm-hmm Earlier this week. I saw her car in the parking lot and thought maybe I could initiate a conversation by parking next to her Uh, then I decided this was stupid and hurriedly backed out, but I scraped her bumper of her car I've been to the gym a couple times since she's there and her car is still there the scratch is still there

So my question is can I use this as an excuse to strike up a conversation? Or do I just leave on note on her car hoping she hasn't seen the scratch yet? What should I do much love? Um Would use this as an excuse you have to That you have you have a responsibility to well if he's a little coy and shy He can maybe turn this into a hit-and-run situation It sounds like you already did you're you did a hit and hide I like how you park next to her. He's like, this is dumb. Let me get out of

Oh Oh my god, she's in the fucking car It's like an episode of lowly and horny. It's so funny Just backing up over and over and she'll shit airbag deploys It's a fire hydrant flooding his car Can I get your number? Or at least that of your insurance Or are you one of those lesbian types airbag goes off burns my face

I mean, that's that's the lowly and horny cold open right there. It's perfect. God It writes itself somebody give me cash to make another season. They can't be that much Yeah, I know I think I think scratching and talking not that you should have scratched her car to talk to her But it's a very obvious way to talk to somebody and you owe her an explanation anyway Yeah, this really could have been a meet cute, but at this stage it's kind of a confession cute Which isn't quite as cute. I think you have to say something um Yeah, and I don't think you can get away with a note like a it's been days, right? It's been several days

In a ways in a ways. Yes. It's been days Yeah, no, I think I mean, I don't even know how you can like Get out of it. I think you can You could be like, hey, I bumped your car and I just noticed that I saw again in the parking lot and Yeah, uh, I've been talking to the surveillance people here. We found your number I'm making a citizen the rest Whoa, whoa, take me to dinner for 300 Oh

Jesus I was just trying to do a meet cute is all Yeah, I think you can just approach her and and say that you didn't know who the car belonged to But then you just saw her get out of the car today or whatever Have you ever approached someone at a gym? It is a very difficult place because you know, everybody's sort of Hot too hot to trot and I bet ladies get on all the time They're all like, you know, you're wearing music you're wearing headphones. You're not necessarily there to meet anybody Yeah, I've met people at the climbing gym

Which feels like a little a bit more of a social activity because there's kind of like rest in between people work on the same things Yeah, it's communal chat people give you some beta. That's kind of nice people clap for you when you're when you do well So I've met people and I've like talked to people at the climbing gym. I don't think I've ever Just like talked to someone at the actual gym except to be like, are you done with this or whatever I had a similar situation not necessarily hitting on someone But I saw an old laker basketball player at a gym once in like a 24 hour fitness in glendale And it was robber to worry and he's like six foot 10 and you know, awesome And yeah, one of my heroes he actually played with rick fox. So I was like, oh, maybe I could say well

I work with rick fox he played with rick fox But I was like too scared to like approach him and like, you know, other people are approaching him Like this is stupid. I don't want to say anything and then I was working out and he came up to me and was like Are you still like using this machine and I was like listening to a podcast like Barbell falls on your neck Like, oh, yeah, no, you got that like even if I was still using like yeah for sure, man Big man, like just you say that to him. No, I just like, yeah, no, it's yours. Bye. No, no, totally. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you

Not my stay Backing up over a kettlebell. Can you come with me to sunday basketball? I want to show up with you sir Sort of as a ringer. I'll say my friend robber's coming and then it's just well you Yeah, my god Um, so that's as close as I've gotten to unsuccessfully. I should have really I should have hit back my car into his car That's what I should have done sort of struck up a conversation with big shot himself But unfortunately, I didn't know which which tesla the rick fox in yeah, jeez The rick fox would have been a solid in

Yeah, oh, you know my friend rick fox I hate rick fox. He would never say that their best friend. He throws you Uh, all right. Let us uh, know how the uh, the note goes the hit and run Um, apology you really owe her an apology slash explanation chat slash insurance information trade you need more than her number you need her Um, insurance provider I think so I think so it's beyond it. It's nice that you'll get to talk to your crush But you actually do need to fix her car. So that's yeah

Yeah, the responsibility kind of transcends the I'm nervous to to approach you Can I get you a drink or an estimate of the damage? Please don't take it to the dealership that body shop is really expensive I can actually probably get this out with a little white out. Oh, I'm sorry the entire bumper collapses Shit my ass for that Shit my ass Uh, all right, thank you. Thank you for writing in if you have your own questions your own theme song Send them all down to if I were you show at gmail.com

That's right. Uh, and we're still making videos on um, our patreon patreon.com slash j a watching Jake and Amir videos commenting remembering Enjoying or hating depending on the episode and there's a couple new Jake and Amir's out there if you still haven't seen them Those are on our youtube channel boy, and this one's also being recorded. This podcast Is being recorded and uploaded as a video as well. So plenty of content to go around Look at that So thank you guys all for watching listening supporting in any way shape or form and of course we'll be back next week

Let's hear that you know it goat theme song We usually leave early, but I want to hear this I want to hear this this unironic pop punk cover by garret the other side of art ready Three two one My guitar is broken So is my heart But it'll be okay on the other side of heart I can't park my car

And I can't play my guitar But it'll be okay on the other side of heart If I were you If I were you Know the truth that it'll be okay on the other side of heart Incredible That was a hit dumb original