If I Were You - 579: Worst Food City

Episode Date: February 13, 2023

In this episode we discuss cereal mascots, blister popping, and skincare routines. Advertise on If I Were You via Gumball.fm.See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

This is a headgum original. Yo Jeff, uh, as per my email, I'm gonna leave this intro in because your Venmo hasn't gone through yet, so I'll just wait on that before sending you the final. Distracts aren't free, man. Nice. Fuck a mere Bloomin' Feld and fuck that dumbass Jake. Bet it you want the thoughts of the headgum podcast fate. High the number one best show that rise to leader.

Get canceled by a duo of ass and nut eaters. This whole show is a turdy. Y'all done Jeffery James dirty. Wildest Mike, it's all mightest. I'm tired of hearing your wordstreet. How you judging this man? Like everything's wrong. Y'all can barely make your own theme song.

Like whoa. And it's true. If I bought, if I bought, if I bought, if I bought you. Yeah. Uh, for real, Jeff, though, please do send me that money. That's fucked up. I keep getting the request, but then it says that they're like, cancel like your account's suspended or something, so just...

In fact, if you guys hear this, maybe you can... Whatever. Yeah, I'll try. What? That was a diss track. It was a diss track, but it was a diss track for hire, I think. I don't know if that person meant any of that. Yeah.

Well, sounds like they were paid off by Jeff. Jeff gave them talking points. Right. And he sort of hit the main beats, which is that you're an ass eater. I'm a nut eater and the headgum podcast is here to stay. There's nothing wrong with being an ass eater, by the way. Yeah, I think he meant it in an insulting way, too. Also, a nut eater is fine, too.

Sure. Yeah. Like, I'll have almonds from time to time. There's no big issue. And I'll do anal ingus on a stranger. Yeah. And I had cashews yesterday. Yeah.

And that's totally fine. And I'm totally into rimming. Yeah. That's not like insulting to me. I'll have pistachios. Yeah. I'll stick my tongue in an asshole. That's right.

Yeah. There's nothing bad with that. Yeah. That felt, it felt, it felt loaded. It was awful. It was mean. It was rude. It was hurtful.

It was spiteful. I call that theme song Herbie because it was fully loaded with all these references. What? Yeah. That theme song was so great. Speaking of references, that was a bad one. Herbie? Yeah.

Herbie fully loaded. Yeah. I guess like a 2002 Lindsay Lohan movie or something. Yeah. Something like that. Something like that. That was actually, he wrote our theme song last week called, and his name was Kevin Ramberman, if you remember that.

Oh yeah. Sorry, Ramberin. Ramberin. Yeah. He's part of a comedy duo segment show of sorts. That's right. So thank you, Kevin, again. Definitely.

But not for that one. That didn't feel good. But I do like the idea of having beef with the headgum podcast. But we're on that one too. I'm not really on that one. I see. Jeff usually texts me day of, says, can you do the headgum podcast today at three? No worries, if not.

Yeah. And that doesn't work for my schedule. You have everything on lock, at least two days in advance. At least. I mean, like the calendar these days, it's stacked. There's not really like, oh, random free hour. No. I don't have that.

No. We're in the New York studio, we should see. Oh yeah. That's. So if you're watching on YouTube, you'll notice we're in a different room this time. I might be. I mean, I'm in a similar room. Yeah.

You're here with me. For the first time ever. Yeah. We're together in New York. For the first time ever, we are together in this room, on this sofa, on this chair. The cameras here light up like when one is the main one. That's a new thing. That doesn't happen in LA.

It doesn't happen in LA? Yeah. Emma, what does it mean that two is lit and then one was lit earlier? That two is the one that I'm watching. Oh, interesting. That's like the main one that's being edited into the feed right now. That's cool. Nicely.

So, Emma, you're sort of live editing this and then Grim will go in and tinker if necessary. I'm not really doing a live edit. Grim's got a lot of work on his hands. All right, John, if you're listening, you're kind of fucked. We're going to be changing positions a bunch too. Yeah. In and out. I'm going to be talking to that microphone.

Yeah. I'm going to try to hide for the second half of the show. That's good. You'll have to find me. Like, where's Waldo? I'm curious to see how the episode where Ben calls in and he like face times. Remember that one? Oh, yeah.

Yeah. He face times you than he phone called me. Yeah. That seems like it'll be a tough edit. All right. For sure. This is easier. This is a lot easier than remote recording.

It's true. I feel dry in New York City. Like everything is like kind of cold and frigid and drier here. I couldn't see that. Yeah. Do you moisturize in New York? Yeah. I have a new skincare routine, actually.

I was going to say, can you drop your skincare routine king? Yeah. I would love to. So every night I wash my face with a gentle rinse, like a cleanser for sensitive skin. Then I do a serum. A serum, which is like an oil-based liquid, almost like a serum or like an oil or something like that. Put it in like a little eye dropper.

It has the consistency of like glue before it dries. And I rub that on my face. Okay. Then I'll do some lotion. Yeah. I'm moisturized. This is after the serum. After the serum.

So it goes wash, serum, lotion. And then I do a derma roller, which is little pinpricks all over my face. It's almost like they call it a vampire facial. I do a cold plunge outside. This is after. After this. Yeah. I go into a hyperbaric chamber.

Okay. Uh-huh. This is before you fall asleep. Yes. Do you sleep? No, I don't need to sleep because I have a skincare routine. Yeah. I put a thousand tiny little seeds on my face.

Little poppy seeds. Almost like poppies. And I have, excuse me, I have a parakeet. And then I have to go off. And then every one is like kind of, kind of like a little microdermabrasion style. Exactly. And then I have a humming, I then I put kind of like a honey on my face. Yeah.

And the hummingbird feed. Yeah. And the hummingbird feeds off my face. Yeah. And then you go to bed. I don't need to go to bed. I don't need to sleep because I have spent the time in the hyperbaric chamber and the cold plunge.

I do a steam. I do a sauna. A wet heat and a dry heat. Yeah. This is before you even wake up. Then I masturbate on an inversion board. Which is what? Yeah.

Your feet in the air. My head, you know, you're upside down. Yeah. But you're masturbating. And then forgive me for being crass. But the ejected. You already are. The semen.

I can tell what you're going to say. But yeah. It'll hit my face like a serum. It falls on your face. Yeah. And then that's the. We're back to the picture. Then there's a badger who will eat that.

So far it involves three things that animals are eating off your head. Yes. One of them is your own. Two facials. That's good. Yeah. Yeah. But it looks great.

Thank you. I was just covered in warts. Covered in warts and cum. I don't need to shower anymore. You do. It's mostly a bird based. Cleansing that I do. A bird based paste.

That you do. Hopefully Kevin was writing that down for the next diss track. But it is exciting to be back in NYC. Yeah. We're in it's a year at least. Right. It was November twenty twenty one that we were here last for the last show show. Which I think was pre this studio.

Yes. It was we had the office but the studio was in the in the midst of being built. So we couldn't we didn't shoot anything last time you were here. Oh my God. Oh yeah. I think we were even still in the old New York office. Right. Or the old Brooklyn office.

Yes. We were back in Bloomsburg. Wow. But now we're here now. This is if I were you. The only advice pod on the web hosted by us. That's true. What better way to kick off New York City than by trying trying to answer as many questions as

humanly possible. We got the lightning round episode. That's correct. So we have questions just flying in from the Twitter sphere. Yeah. I can get us started if you want to look while. Yeah please. While we do that.

These are questions just flung at us. Via Twitter. Yeah. Which is at Jake and Amir. Yeah. Great get by the way. Which we secured fairly early on. And I should say that's also for sale.

You know I'm trying to sell my Instagram. Yeah. So I'm trying to sell Jake and Amir as well on the side. I feel like I should get a piece of that. It's sort of I'm doing like a wholesale garage style estate sale for all my socials. Things aren't going well for you. No. And if anybody wants facebook.com slash Amir dot blumenfeld.

That's yours too. The crypto bubble bursting. In my face. For your 401k. My 401k is 401 not okay. That's really good. If you were to change one thing about the Jake and Amir series what would it be? Should have never ended.

Never ended. We should have done the whole finale. Come back the next week strong. I just am constipated the next week. We don't address the fact that the series ended. That way when we brought it back it wouldn't have been like this weird thing. Where have they been for the last five years? What would you change?

I don't know. I felt like it was good at the time. I mean certain episodes weren't good. Yeah. But ultimately they led us to where we needed to go. Yeah. I actually I felt when we concluded I felt very good. You know.

And now it's been fun to write new ones too. We're also shooting new ones this week. That's why I'm here. Yeah. Yeah. If I think it felt good to end it when we did. And it feels good to bring it back when we are. Because now we own the IP again.

Right. And we can do literally anything we want. We can say like Amir is Spider-Man and then we own that IP too. I think we would get sued for that. I see. Yeah. Jake and Amir is not part of like the DC. You can't just like make Spider-Man.

I see. Like since we own the Jake and Amir thing we could be like Jake and Amir or Disney World and then. Oh and now Jake plays for the Yankees. Right. And now we get a piece of ticket sales moving forward. These are all get rich quick schemes. We sort of envelop other intellectual property into these rights.

I think that's not going to work. But. That entirely works. Yeah. I'm trying to think if I would change anything about the series. Maybe I would have tried to write the pilot differently. Write the television show attempt. Yeah.

Which we only got one of. We only got one of. But at the same time we had to do what the network wanted. Which is what notes did they give us that you thought weren't great. The big one that we got from them and literally from everybody that we pitched it to was like why does why does Jake even put up with Amir. Why does Jake like Amir. Let's we have to see we have to see why they like our friends.

Yeah. So we would always like need to like put in the pilot like alright Amir you're my best friend but you're really ticking me off or something like lame like that. Some expository writing. Yeah. And I kind of wish that the answer to the question was just like Jake hates Amir. Yeah. They like don't.

Amir is obsessed with them. Jake hates it. They don't need to like each other. They have to sit across from each other at work. Right. But everybody was like well they we need to see some kind of like friendship. Right. Otherwise audiences will be confused.

Yeah. I think I think that a lot of the time network people think that audiences will be confused and audiences actually won't be confused. Interesting. Like the most popular show of a year or two ago just being Squid Game after Ted Lasso. Uh huh. I think that audiences continually prove that they like different shit and you should just make whatever you want.

Right. Or is it like maybe the audiences that watched true TV were expecting something whereas on other networks they're a little. Maybe. But like they're those people watch like impractical jokers and I don't think those shows are like necessarily about like you know the impractical jokers week to week aren't like this is why we're best friends. It's just you see them laughing and having a good time and even though they're fucking

with each other you're like they're friends. I've never seen the show but that's what I assume. Yeah. That's fairly accurate. They also wanted us to add you know other characters to you know put out like blow out the universe. Yeah. So it wasn't just me and Jake.

It was like me and Jake plus five others that were trying to scramble to put together. Yeah. Great performers but I don't know if we gave them enough to work with. Yeah. It's hard to just write. It's hard to like do Jake and Amir characters for 10 years and then be like all right who are their coworkers. And I was like well it was Pat and Sarah but they didn't really do anything in the series

either. We'll come up with other people I guess yeah we just like randomly we threw interns in the videos. Yeah. But yeah. That's why White Lotus is so impressive because like every year Mike White comes up with like 17 clearly defined new characters. Yeah.

Yeah. Definitely. So an easy way for us to do that is to just like steal characters from other shows that we like. Right. John Draper was here and then he's also hanging out with whatever grandpa Simpson and he works at Hedcom too and see well I think what Mike White does really well and like what a lot of shows with characters that I love do is they give every single character even if they're

just like seemingly a peripheral character like a really interesting flaw. Yeah. Which is not something we did in Jake and Amir it's just like oh this is like this character is quirk and that's it. Yeah. He's old. Right. This person's nice but he's a nerd.

Yeah. And it was just like everyone's nice but they're this weird little thing. Yeah. And you're weird. So it kind of is just like OK so everybody's weird. Yeah. We should have made Rick Fox nice but he's actually a murderer. Oh that's cool.

Yeah. Something like that. Yeah. The the cast itself was all went on to do bigger and better things so we were good at casting. Yeah. That's true. Not so much the writing part.

Yeah. So I think if we could change anything about the series it would have been writing the pilot better sticking to our guns and knowing what was funny. But also then it still wouldn't have gotten made but maybe we would have felt a little bit better. Yeah. That way we could have leaked it because now people are like post the pilot online and we're like we can't.

When we probably can we would just be a little embarrassed slash ashamed. What ended up happening is that we watered it down to the point where we thought true TV should like it and then they didn't. Yeah. So instead of just being like lose. So we didn't like it and neither did they. Yeah. Instead of we loved it and they didn't that would have been an easier pill to swallow

it. Yeah. Oh wait. I should say who that question came from. Okay. But I won't. I love that. Let's go.

Oh sorry. Tony Montoya. All right. T. Thank you. Conrado B. says as a fan from Brazil how much are you guys aware of your international fan base. I just thought all our fans were in Toronto and America. Yeah.

I assume that you're either in let's say Boston. Yeah. Or Seattle. Yeah. So we're not very aware. Yeah. Of our international fan base. I mean we toured internationally a little bit we went to but only in English speaking

countries. Australia. Australia. England. Canada. Ireland. Actually two ladies recognized me at this coffee shop down the street here. Oh really.

And I'm like this never happens in LA for whatever reason it's more of a New York thing. It definitely happens to me more in New York. Yeah. And I guess you just see more people in New York. That's true but also I think we were like based in New York for a long time. Also LA not that we're famous but I think people in LA are used to seeing people that they recognize on the street or and but I also think it's kind of interesting because our fans now are getting older and they're entering the workforce and I feel like I come

into contact with them or it's like guys that work at my climbing gym will like tell me that they like my old videos. Right because they used to be 17 and now they're 26. And I wouldn't run into them in the wild but now I now I do. Yeah all of our high school fans have come home to roost. Dude I don't like that. What's that? I didn't like that.

It felt creepy even if you didn't mean it like that but you did. And you come on your own face so you get you're the arbiter of what's creepy. That was ten minutes ago. I've shifted gears. Richard. We never we we also did a show in Amsterdam but we've never done a show in like South America and I do every once in a while here that we have fans in Brazil and it's a very populist country.

I would love to do a show in Buenos Aires. Why not? Yes. We never nobody goes. We're never going to do another show in Boise. No. You know. I'm not going back.

No. To St. Louis. Yeah. Denver. It's not happening. Not for us. Not like that. But I'll go to Buenos Aires.

Of course. Yeah. That'd be interesting. San Diego. Chile. Let's try that. Ecuador. Even if we sell nine tickets and we lose a lot of cash.

We'll have. Yes. We'll have. We'll have. We'll have the experience. Yes. Catalan. We can order Barça.

We can order pork. We can order pizza. What kind of fucking swelling. We can go to Dallas. Ladies of the coffee shops. It's poison to you. We can go to San Diego. San Francisco.

Seattle. What's happening to me? All right. Let's take a break. Thanks to the sponsors. Come back and answer more questions. Okay. New York City style.

Nice. Thank you to Helix Sleep for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hell yes. Thank you for making the sleep test. The sleep exam and letting me ace it and become the doctor of the mattress. Yes. Yeah. So Helix makes a really great mattress line and you take a little sleep quiz to see

what mattress is right for you. Yeah. Right. Jake's been bragging about completing this two minute honestly like Buzzfeed light quiz. I don't. How do you sleep for the better part of a decade? Excuse me.

I do not. I do not brag. I don't brag about completing it. I brag about acing it. Yes. Because you got the mattress and it was great or? Yeah. I got the perfect mattress.

Thank God. Thank God I took that test. That's right. And if you want the perfect mattress, you can go to helixsleep.com slash if I were you for 20% off all mattress orders and two free pillows. Amazing. Free pillows. Come on.

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Amazing. Thank you, Helix. Sleep well. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show. Wow. For years and years and years, we've been ranting and raving about Squarespace because it's the best way for dummies like me and potentially you that don't necessarily know how to code or design to create a professional looking website.

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Just use that offer code if I were you to save 10% off that first purchase. Thank you, Squarespace. And we're back. Your unsolicited advice was sort of dropped earlier as the skincare routine. Yeah. Yeah. Wash for sensitive skin, serum, lotion, derma rolling. Have a bird peck at your face with the seeds.

Have a hummingbird peck at your face. Yeah. I think I just said cold press, cold plunge, steam sauna, hang upside down, jerk off on your own face, Badger eats the semen off your face. I think that was everything. Yeah. All right. This is like a memory game.

Just Mo Lawn asks, okay, what's your favorite Simpson side character, talking about side characters from our universe slash white lotus slash Simpsons? I feel like when I, the last time I really like gave a shit about, I mean, I think Simpsons is great, but I feel like I remember when like they were, they made like these Simpsons action figures when I was in like 10th grade or something. I was really into it and the ones that I wanted the most were Lenny and Carl. Oh yeah. Those are good ones.

I thought they were like the funniest. Yeah. I think Lenny is one of my favorites. Lenny is good because he's sort of semi homeless. Yeah. Yeah. Just always around. Yeah.

Eating beans. I'm a millhouse man. Right. Yeah. That makes sense. I'm a thrill hoe, man. You can take me with your baked beans guy. I'm a millhouse man.

Also Ralph Wiggum, pretty good. There's like literally hundreds of Simpson side characters at this point. Yeah. It's pretty insane how much they've grown that. It's really true. It's probably the most impressive part of the show. Yeah. John Garcia asks, what's your favorite?

Sorry. What's the best just because gift for a significant other? I replied to this one with gulp because I realized I don't do a lot of just because gifts. Well, you have different love languages. Yeah. Everyone like my love language is acts of service. Yours is going to the gym.

Yeah. And that's the love language of that's an acts of service for my body. Exactly. Yeah. Your love language is going to Chipotle and then being like, oh shit, I forgot I was going to get you chips, babe. But at this point, it's so late in the game that you don't want me to go back out. My love language is going to Chipotle, turning my phone off, coming home saying, I didn't

get you anything. My phone died and I couldn't get your order. And then Jill's been making a lasagna and be like, that looks so good, babe. And you sort of kiss near her head, but walk past her and you go to the fucking upside-down machine you have and start cranking it. It's disgusting. It's disgusting. Yeah, I agree.

But I don't kiss my wife and I jerk off on my own face or something. Yeah. What about flowers? Flowers is great. Flowers is not a flower. Nobody's mad at flowers. It's a gift for the whole house. You're creating a nice environment at home.

It brightens up the room and it creates a new sort of thing you can see, slash have and enjoy. And they will also die and they'll be thrown away, so it's not like getting someone's stuff all the time. Yes, exactly. Which I don't like to do. It's a ticking time flower of sorts. Yeah.

Yeah. For a long time I was more shy about buying gifts because I was like, well, I don't know what the right... I'm not going to buy Jill a shirt because I don't know if she'll like it or whatever. But now I just buy her stuff all the time and I'm like, if she doesn't like it, she'll return it for something else. Interesting. And the gift is the...

The gift becomes a gift certificate. Yeah. Everything is a gift certificate this day and age. That's really cool. But I do think flowers are really good. That's always a nice surprise. They're beautiful and they don't take up a ton of space. Your favorite just because gift to receive?

I don't want to thank you, but I don't want anything. I think you'll very much enjoy the just because gift that I gave you today. There's something so loaded about it just because gift from you. It's a brooch. Yeah. Because I'd like to brooch this conversation with you. Yeah. I see.

So it's a very... It's like a diamond encrusted gold brooch worth tens of thousands of dollars. And even though it's just because now you kind of expect me to owe you a favor. I don't expect to owe you. You do owe me. Yeah. So it's not just because that's loaded. Herbie.

Herbie style. It's herbie fully loaded. Rachel asks, happy early birthday Amir. Well, this was just before your birthday. I guess that we asked for these questions. How would you describe entering this new chapter of your life? Wow. 40.

This is 40. So far it feels the same. Although I do hear that if you don't eat grains, at least for breakfast and lunch, you'll have improved mood and energy. So maybe I'll try that going into 40 to see if I can reinvigorate and jumpstart my energy and diet. That's cool. Yeah.

I like that. I like praising the idea of solving, I guess, more serious mental issues with diet. And it's not just for people with schizophrenia, it's also just for anybody can try it just to see if it is helpful for you. Right. So what do you mean, not even oatmeal in the morning? Yeah, exactly. The idea is to starve your body of the carbohydrate energy throughout the day so that you feel

lighter. Oh. You try to have it at night when you're trying to go to bed soon anyway. That was my wedding diet. Yeah. And how did it make you feel? It was the best year of my life. But then it tastes good to have bread and rice.

So it's hard to just look at that. Yeah, no. I mean, mealtime was a little bit sad, for sure, but I've never tried a diet. I've tried to eat healthier in general, but I've never been like, I'm not going to have any fruit or breads. This diet is not even about your body, it's about your mental state. Yeah. I'm just out of curiosity.

It's like, okay, like the extreme version is the keto diet where you literally starve yourself of this energy and your body uses your own fat to survive. So isn't a banana, that's correct, no banana. So what do you have? What do you have for breakfast? Eggs. Nice. Did you have that this morning?

I didn't have anything this morning. So skipped breakfast this morning. Yeah. For lunch, you're going to do no grains as well. Eggs. I haven't really committed to the diet yet, but I was just saying. I'm going to be with you every, I'm going to be with you basically for every meal for the rest of the week.

Let's do it. You're not allowed to have grains. I'm not allowed to have grains. You're not allowed to have grains. Just because New York City Peace is pretty good. Well, you can have it for dinner. You can have a piece of cauliflower. Cauliflower and heavy whipping cream.

Cauliflower and heavy whipping cream. And how'd you like some ham and cheese? Lose. See your hand, please. Oh, Dan, oh wait, we didn't talk about the gift you got me for my birthday. Oh yeah. Yeah. I haven't really enjoyed it yet.

Right. But for my big BD, you got me tennis lessons. That's right. I figured you suck at tennis. Not really. And I was like, is there somebody out there, excuse me, is there someone out there that could make this hopeless lunatic just a little bit like, could I get some, could I pay someone enough cash to get you to hit the ball over the net, to hold the rally, to be able to keep

score. Because you know, in tennis, it's different. It's like love. Yeah. I know. And you change sides every time. It's a little confusing. And there's also the court, which you were, you don't understand.

Last time I played with you, you couldn't open the fence to get in to the court. The fence was jammed. It doesn't mean I don't know how to hold a racket. Because there's singles, there's singles lines, and then there's the doubles alley. Yeah. I know the doubles alley. The net has to be high. Yeah.

I don't know how high. It's just fucking there. And I have to hit it over the net. What is it? Three feet or some shit? One bounce. Two bounces. You have to throw the serve up.

One bounce. There's a lot of things that you don't understand about tennis. And you know that you hold the racket, there's, so there's the head of the, there's the head of the racket. I'm telling you, there's the head of the racket where you have the strings. And then you want to hit the ball with the strings, and then you're holding it on the, I'm already so far past that. The lessons would be.

Last time you ate a can of tennis balls. Because I thought it was a soup. I really did think it was soup. That's not because I'm not good at tennis. So yeah, so I texted, so I, I, I texted some guy who hosts like a clinic. How did you find this guy? I think I, I believe I searched on Yelp, like best tennis lessons or 10, I think I just Google searched tennis lessons, Los Angeles, then there was Yelp, then I was like clicking

around, trying to find the courts near, to your house. And then I found there was like a website for this guy that had a bunch of pros that do lessons at the courts that you play at. Interesting. And then is it a, is it a tennis pros and tennis hoes themed lesson or is that just? Yes. Golf pros and tennis hoes. Yeah.

Yeah. Some people are a mini skirt. Right. And you're going to come having had a bottle of kettle one. But it's gluten free. So it's totally fine. Yeah. So I texted this guy, I emailed him, then I, then he emailed me back and he was like

that he responds faster on text. So I started texting him, trying to figure out the time to go. And he's kind of just like, it doesn't seem like communication is his strong suit. Maybe he's a really good tennis player. Got it. But I was trying to find a time for a private lesson and he was, every single time I suggested he was like, well, that's when I have the group lessons. You should just do a group lesson.

I was like, I don't think you, Amir, would like a group lesson. But then I was 12 year olds. Yeah. Then I was also remembering that you said you've only played with Cohen for the last like two years. Two years. I'm like, you know what, maybe he does need to play with strangers with some strangers one time.

Yeah. So I got you one group lesson and one private lesson. The group lesson is happening first. Yeah. And he's was trying to schedule it with me, but I'm here. So when I go to back to LA, you're going to get that group lesson. Yeah. Wow.

That's going to be a real poo poo platter of people that I'm going to be hitting balls with. There's a bunch of people and you play like mini games and like do drills. Yeah. I see them sometimes when I'm playing with Cohen. Do you really? Yeah. A group of like 12, they're going back and forth, King of the Hills.

Yeah. That's awesome. Do they look like they're your age or are they teenagers? They're like in between 20 and 50. Oh, wow. Some older, some younger, some good, some not. So you actually might make some friends. Will you try to get Cohen to take it to?

No, because I want to advance past him. Right. Yeah. If he takes it, then we're both improving at the same rate. I see. Yeah. Exactly. Cool.

Either that or the tips will get in my head and I won't be able to beat him anymore. Yeah. All right. Well, let me know how it goes. I'm very curious. Oh, and also we're playing paddle tennis tonight. Right. So we'll have an update on that too.

Yeah. I might also affect my tennis game. You and I have both never played paddle tennis, but we like racket sports. Right. Paddle tennis, which is different than pickleball. Yeah. Which is different than squash, which is different than racket ball. A lot of racket sports.

Yeah. I had a great time playing squash. I've heard good things about pickleball. I feel like I like paddle tennis. Micah said it's the most fun he's ever had. Interesting. So yeah. High praise.

Yeah. It should be good. Jeff, Jeff, the T, I don't know what his, oh, Jeff, the Twitter says, is Jeff being removed from the company? How did he, how would he know that? I don't know. Yeah. So Jeff is being forcibly removed from headgump.

He's being disbarred. Is that a gradual phase out? Do you imagine or do you imagine it's sort of us quitting him? I think we have to slam the door at some point. Cold turkey. Yeah. We have to just call it. Change the key card.

Yeah. It's a sunk cost, basically. Right. He's been with us since he was 18. Is that true? Yeah. Maybe even earlier, yeah. Wow.

He was young for his grade or whatever. He was basically since the beginning. And he's 25 now. That's crazy. Almost a third of his life has been spent. Proling us. Poisoning our water, as it were. Yeah.

It's funny. Also, like the first, his first summer as an intern, he was just like, you know, a normal, happy, wanted to do anything kid. And then when we like, I think we were like joking around about making sketch videos. And that was when we did like a Jeffrey the dumbass sketch. Yeah. Almost like improvised how dumb he was. He could be.

And then he's like, basically slowly become that character. He's running with it. It's not like me and you working at College Humor. Yeah. It's like Jeff and Riley working at Head Gum. Definitely. Where you kind of like, at a certain point, people are like, is Jeff really like that? Exactly.

Yeah. And is Amir really like that? And we both are. And the answer is, it's, there's somewhere in the middle. Yeah. Everything he says is an earnest. If you're that character all the time, yeah, are you just that person too? Burning nerd.

How do you get in the mood slash zone? Interesting to write something when you aren't feeling it. When you aren't feeling it is the hard part. Yeah. It usually just takes one joke to get us going. Yeah. It's really, it's like, it's just like going to the gym. You don't want to go to the gym, but once you're there, you're there.

And once you've like started working out, you're working out and you can kind of like do it better. I think the hardest part is like, I don't feel like starting to write, but once you like write that first sentence. It's also easier with a partner, much like the gym. If you're meeting somebody there, you're like, okay, now I got to go because he's going to be there at eight and he's going to judge me if I'm not there. That's true.

To go by yourself is a little more harder to self motivate, which is why we're doing that keto thing together. Yeah. You should, if you are worried, like this person should take a spin class because like if they don't want to go to the gym, I feel like just signing up for the class makes them. So what's in that metaphor? What do you imagine the writing part to be?

If you're signing up for a spin class, I thought you said, writing, writing, writing. How do you take a writing class? You could take a course. You should get me a writing tutor. So the first one's a group class and the second one is one on one. Bryn, Brian Wynn asks, what's snack food mascot is the hottest? Hottest? Oh, snack food mascot.

We got tricks. Rabbit pretty hot because they're, because he's naked. Yeah. Tony, the tiger is jacked. Tony, the tiger is jacked. The Kebler elves aren't too unzaddy. That's a menage. Yeah.

Captain. What is the the captain? Oh, Captain Crunch. Yeah. Captain Crunch can get it. Captain Crunch has like authority. Yeah. And that's hot.

And I love a man in uniform service. The least you can do is blow him. Yeah, exactly. He gave a lot for his king and country. Yeah. The honeycomb bee is Zaddy. That's right. But for me, the Wendell and his chefs who are friends on the box of Cinnamon

Toast Crunch have dad bod energy. They definitely, definitely do. And Kuku, the cocoa puff bro. Sonny. I, yeah, Sonny, I like, I kind of think that like sometimes someone who's like a little bit unhinged is like hot because they're good in the sack. That's really nice. They'll toss you around.

If I search Cinnamon Toast Crunch chef's lemon party, do you think that's already been animated? A hundred percent. A hundred percent. I'll say a hundred percent. It might be crude, but I think yes. At the very least a sketch. Yeah.

So let's see. Cinnamon Toast Crunch chefs. That is the three chefs. Oh, it's auto filled. You've searched this before. Wow. A purple link. Uh, what are their names?

The case of the missing Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Chef Wendell. Okay. Oh, so no. Cinnamon Toast Crunch chefs lemon party. You have to search images. Yeah. Nothing.

Uh, let's see if my C safe search is on. If there's nothing, that's a hole in the market. We can fill that void. We can fill those holes. I bet we can find it, but I have to. Oh, save searches on. Do some real. Dark web style.

Wow. I feel like that was a flex just now to say your safe search was on. Or the fact that I don't even know. Right. That you, like that's how infrequently you look at porn. Well, I don't, my porn isn't Google image searching. I see. Yeah.

Do you use Chrome for porn? Um, yeah, I have a different browser. I have a different browser. I use their app and it is proprietary. I'm trying to, are you proud of that cold brew and why ask worst food city? Oh, so what's foods? What city's food is sort of a nothing burger? And can you order a nothing burger?

Um, Boston. Like Chicago has pizza in New York has, you know, international cuisine. LA is like hole in the wall taco places. Yeah. Yeah. What's Boston got? Yeah. Boston.

Beans. I feel like I never, the thing is I'm usually on tour when I'm visiting a city and we're eating like in the green room and then like getting a drink after a show. Right. I really rarely get to be like, Oh, what's like the best restaurant in this town? Yeah. And I'm sure Boston has good stuff, but it doesn't seem like they have their, their own thing.

Yeah. Is there a hipster part of Boston? There probably is, but I have no idea what it would be. Yeah. I mean, I was just there. What's the Brooklyn of Boston? I don't know. I really don't know.

Cambridge. That's really cool. Anything next to a school. Yeah. Boston's like appeal is that it's really old. Not, there's not like a lot of like warehouses converted. I say that as somebody that hasn't been there in 11 years. So I might be wrong.

And I might be too, but to me, it all feels kind of like, uh, the New York's finding financial district down there. Yeah. Exactly. Like after nine PM, it's kind of a ghost town. It's like a TD bank and, uh, and that's it. Uh, peanut butter and fluff or peanut butter and jelly as hurricane is coming. I've never had fluff.

Huh? I've never had fluff, peanut butter and fluff. It's like a marshmallow. I see. I've never had fluff either. Interesting. Yeah. This is a perfect time to try it with our new low carb diet.

I assume there's not much sugar in marshmallow paste, right? Yeah, definitely not. White bread, fluff and skippy peanut butter would they, which they had sugar too. I'm, I didn't, I mean, even peanut butter and jelly, I only think is pretty good. I basically like peanut butter the most. I actually recently started eating on crustables, which is like a very American kid snack because we had some at the headgum office in the freezer. Yeah.

Never had it basically started eating those when I turned 39. Yeah. You take them out of the freezer, let it thaw for 45 minutes, and you eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich without crusts. I had one when you suggested it. It's great. Yeah. It's really great.

This guy, all right. Wait, Asher, Asher writes, who would be better at hosting the others podcast? Example, Amir hosting NADPOD versus Jake hosting buckets. Interesting. Uh, well, you don't host buckets. You host buckets. Sorry, you don't host NADPOD. Right.

I'm one of the hosts. Like, I guess like put me in on buckets or you in on NADPOD. I could easily do what you do. You couldn't touch my jockstrap when it comes to doing what I do. That's the difference. Yeah. Let's take a break. Okay.

And I do want that to, I mean, very cool. Cause when you play on NADPOD, you need Murph to roll your dice for you. Yes. Because my wrist hurts when I hold them too much. And I don't know which one to roll. Yeah. Uh, it would be fun to do a swap one episode. Actually, a whole headgum swap could be fun.

Oh, everybody, we just line up all the podcasts and everyone moves one place to the right. Right. So I used to do that on like NBC Thursday night. Like, whoa, like the cast of suddenly Susan is visiting Carolina City like a mix and match night universe we should expand. Right. So you could host any show like you would host high and mighty instead of

gabris. Yeah. I wonder if I could host any headgum show for a day, what I would want to host. I think I would do dough boys because they get to eat fast food restaurant. Just talk about it. Yeah. That sounds about right. Maybe I'd do newcomers and I would just already know everything about Lord of

the Rings. Right. It would be for a nerd franchise. You haven't really dug into yet. Interesting. I'd be into that. Is there a, is there a nerd thing that you haven't, has escaped you? Um, I guess I've like seen the Star Trek movies, but like, I don't know

anything about the show. Oh, yeah, Star Trek next generation could be a good one for you. Yeah. You should just do that anyway. Maybe, but I feel also, I feel like I host enough podcasts. You should host one more and bring back the goat show. Oh God, I remember. Yeah.

I could host anyone to be my old show. Uh, okay. Let's take another break, take another sponsor, come back and answer more questions. Here's a good one. Have you ever mowed a lawn? Cliffhanger. Whoa.

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Thank you stamps.com for sponsoring this show. Thank you to Aura Frames for sponsoring this head gum podcast. You know, Aura Frames is sponsoring not just this episode, but the entire head gum network, Jake. Wow. That's correct. I mean, this might be the goat father's day gift. I think it actually is.

Yeah. Yeah. Not just father's day, but if for any not so tech, savvy family member that you need a gift for soon, these digital photo frames might be the best of all time. Yeah. For me personally, these things are perfect. I'll tell you why. As you know, I am expecting my first child.

We got one for Jill's parents. Oh, wow. We got one for Jill's grandma. Holy smokes. We got one for my parents. So there are three of these bad boys in our family right now, but they're, they're great, really easy way to like stay in touch with your family. You can upload as many photos as you want directly into my parents kitchen.

It's really nice. Oh, that's cool. So you take a photo of anything, perhaps a baby, and then it goes to their digital photo frame. This is actually how we, how we told Jill's grandma. She was pregnant. We got her the Aura frame. We plugged it in.

Jill's grandma was pregnant. Really nice asshole. This was actually a really sweet moment for me and my wife. And you're trying to make a joke of it. I was just being goofy a little bit like, uh, this is how I told my grandma. She was pregnant. Yeah. Yeah.

Kind of like a, she misheard it or something like that. Or the way you said it was kind of like, could go either way. By the way, Jill's, Jill's grandma is pregnant. Oh my God. Jill's grandma is 90 and pregnant. It's pretty cool. And you told me with a digital photo frame. Holy smokes.

And we let her know with an Aura. Yeah. Thank you. The Aura announcement. So you can instantly frame photos from any device anywhere and invite the whole family in on the fun through the Aura app. Add me to your Aura app. I'd love to upload just a picture of me, like at a pool or something.

That could be funny. Yeah. Like your banana or your dog alongside pictures of my daughter. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. You can even preload photos and add a personal video message that will display as soon as your dad or anybody connects to the frame.

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And use the code head gum for $30 off plus free shipping. Thank you, Aura. And now back to the head gum podcast you were listening to and we're back. Uh, okay. We teased this up earlier and it's finally here. James Gnomes asks, have you ever mowed a lawn million dollar question? We have different answers. I think you have.

And I have not. Yes. Yeah. I've never mowed a lawn. Wow. Yeah. Wow. Yeah.

I guess that's living in the Northeast versus Los Angeles. Yeah. Did people just constantly mow lawns? Um, I think having gardeners is a much more of a thing in LA because it's a 12 month year upkeep. Maybe like, yeah, I just remember like when I moved to LA, most of like the apartments that I was renting were like, and it comes with a gardener that you don't pay for.

Right. Um, so maybe that was just like, hopefully somebody's like, yeah, someone trimmed your lawn and stuff. Right. It just wasn't you. Yes. Exactly. Um, yeah.

And, uh, our neighborhood, we always, we always did it. Did you ever do the thing where it's like, can I mow your lawn for cash? No, but I would like have to mow my grandparents' lawn and they would give me five dollars. It seems dangerous. Um, yeah. I mean, it can be, I guess there's the most like the, the blade is protected. You'd have to like, but like, I've definitely heard stories of like people's

foot getting run over by it or something. Yeah. Did you ever do the sitting down and driving the lawn mower? Um, I've done that before on like somebody else's, uh, grass where they had the ride on mower. That's cool. But yeah, we never had that. I just did the, the push and we had a pretty big yard.

And then what about the edges? Are you using that, uh, that whip thing that no, it wasn't like that. It was just like, yeah, the grass is getting long. You got to, the grass is getting long. You got to go outside and cut it. Um, all right. Yeah. Maybe I'll do that one day.

I also haven't changed a tire. Yeah. I've never done that either. Yeah. I've seen triple A do it and it seems doable in a way. Yeah. I think given, if I were in that scenario, I have faith in my ability to read the instruction manual properly and figure it out.

I could definitely watch a YouTube video and get it done. Yeah. Um, but I feel like oftentimes when it happens, it's like you're stressed. You're in the middle of nowhere. You don't have service. It's raining. You need, you need to have that kind of like, I can do it without, I can do it on the fly.

I can't do that. There's also like different levels of car jacks. There's like really nice ones. And then there's like the easy one that your car comes with. And that one's like, you can't be on a hill. Don't do it this way. Don't do it that way. Your car might fall down and land on you.

So I'm like, I'm just not going to try this. The stakes are really high. Yeah. I've changed my wiper blades. Yeah. Those are easy. Uh, wipers. One, two, three.

Shut up. Yeah. Snap them on. Snap them off. Um, what's a lie you've told your partners in the past that backfired 74 MD a lie that you've told, I guess we could just open it up to anything. I'll lie that you've ever told that backfired. I don't know.

Oh, that a lie that backfired. I mean, I feel like most of my lies I get away with. I would say a lot of my parents more than anybody else. And it's to like, not worry them. Yeah. And do I have any of those ever backfired? Uh, I'm sure they have because it's eroded decades of trust between me and them. But as far as like, I said, I wasn't going to be here.

Now you caught me here. Right. That's never happened to me. I don't think. Yeah. I mean, I'm sure it's just like some kind of cheating thing. Um, definitely cheated on somebody and said that I didn't. Then they found out, or I, or like I cheated on someone of multiple times.

They caught you and they said it was only once. And then it found out it was more than once. Right. That happened for sure. Yeah. So, and did they catch you? They caught me. They saw an email from someone.

Oh, interesting. That was pretty damning. Yeah. Very damning. Evidence wise. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. So that, I guess it's that. Uh, Amir, I want to get into basketball, but never watched a game. When do I start and what do I do? Um, you sort of got into basketball when we were living together and then sort of faded away. Yeah. I mean, I think the playoffs are a good time to do it because they're stakes.

Yeah. It's there's to me, they're like right now, there's just a lot of basketball games on all the time. It just doesn't mean anything. It's a regular season. There's not a, it's a long season. Like they play, how many games they play? 90, 100?

Yeah. 82. Um, so yeah, it doesn't, it's, they're kind of, and they're on different times. It's just like hard to keep track of, but I think playoff basketball is good because then you kind of learn the best teams, you learn the best players. And sometimes you end up falling in love with the team just based on like something fun that happens in the playoffs. And then the next year you can be like, okay, well now I'm an O.K.C.

Thunder fan. I'm going to follow them. Right. Uh, game by game. And it helps to watch with a fan who's like explaining like that guy used to be on this team and now they hate each other. Right. Cause there's a lot of drama.

And I think that also, that definitely helps making emotional stakes. And I think that the, when you learn things like that, when you learn some of the storylines, you kind of find out who your favorite player is. Right. Cause that was what got me into the NBA for a while too. I was just like, I love LeBron. So I'll just like anywhere he goes. Right.

And you were a Cavs fan for a little and then you were a Lakers fan for a little. Yeah. And I'm still, I'll always be a LeBron fan and he's still good. Yeah. I don't know if you know this, but he's been good for 20 years now. Pretty insane, pretty insane. Um, so yeah, choose a favorite team. Choose a favorite player.

A good time to do it is to playoffs. All right. Uh, if there was one thing you could be good at asks, your boobs are big, that you're not good at currently, what would it be? Um, it's really small, but I suck at throwing. It's not really small. Everybody, everybody talks about that. Everybody brings it up.

You're not a good thrower. I don't have good hand-eye coordination and I do think that I'm athletic. I think that I'm strong. I think that I am actually an elite athlete in a lot of regards. Um, how? Truly did just hit the mic. Blood everywhere. Mostly a memeic.

Um, but yeah, I think it would be nice to have, uh, better hand-eye coordination. Catching or throwing? Uh, I'm definitely fine at catching. Uh, and I can throw a football, but like there's something about the act of throwing like around baseball that like my hand like spasms when I throw it. Is that, did that just happen or was that already there? That's your burn. That's my burn.

Yeah. From, uh, last week, it's pretty nasty. Yeah. That's, uh, not close to healing. It doesn't hurt anymore, but I'll tell you what, I, this burn, it had, so like I put, I ran under cold water. Yeah. I put the bandaid on it right away with the newest boron.

Um, and for two days, this blister, it didn't pop, but one day it kind of like raised and I was, and Joe was like, maybe you should pop it. And it's like, I don't think there's any liquid in it. It feels like it's just like, it's all air. Yeah. Um, and then I went to the gym and I was, uh, using, uh, like a dumbbell and it popped it, but like only in the, in the tiniest little corner. And I like realized that it was kind of like leaking.

Yeah. And I was like, Oh shit. Did the blister pop? And I pressed it just a little bit and it sprayed. Sprayed against the mirror. Uh, on, thankfully on me and not on anything else. I was like a leak. Yeah.

I watched the dumbbell, but then I, and then I went, I tried to take a video because I knew it was going to be amazing, but I went to the bathroom. I had to squeeze more out and it was dry. No, I squeezed, it came out like a, yeah. Like a waterfall. No. Cause, um, I couldn't prop my phone against anything. Yeah.

And I was too excited to get it done. Cause I was afraid it was going to leak. Can you hold me? Oh, are you doing a bench press? No, I have to lance this boil. And I think it'll really fucking. Open your mouth. Uh, what do you think you would want to be good at?

It's the tennis thing for me. Yeah. I'd like to be better. I mean, that's so, that's so attainable. Yeah. I guess so it's throwing. Yeah. Throwing is doable.

I think, did you ever play baseball growing up? I did. I did not. And there's, I, I feel like there's a disconnect between me and people who learn how to throw a baseball like at age six. Yeah. They know how to just do it. Definitely.

I feel like I, when I like, when I see somebody and they're like, oh, throw me this thing, I feel like it's a 50, 50 shot that I'll throw it to them or that I, that it will like go such on like a violent, uh, downward, like downward trajectory of the other side of the room that it will be like, I did it on purpose. I'm going to get you a throwing lesson. I would love that. Yeah. I would love for somebody to step.

I would actually really like just to have me on like an indoor football, uh, field, yeah, like just big astroturf completely empty. No one's there. Me with a bunch of balls, tennis ball, the cross ball, golf ball, yeah, different balls and just somebody that will coach me through it. Spend a day, few hours, my teach me how to hook things. I, uh, I'm going to show you this. This is funny.

I follow a, uh, quarterback academy on Instagram. Really? It's my most obscure Instagram follow. This could be my unsolicited advice because they just showed me a random video from it once and so I followed them. It's a guy's throwing different stuff or is it all footballs? It's all footballs, but like the technique and like the slow motion and the way it looks is like, wow, that looks awesome.

How do they do that? Like it looked when I'm watching them do it, it seems easy and fine. But like, I know I can't toss it this way. I want to pull one up just to show you. Yeah. I feel football for whatever reason, I think because it's like such a unique throwing motion. Yeah.

It's meant to be thrown in a very specific way. I'm not good at throwing it, but I can throw that more reliably than like a baseball. Yeah. I mean, this past week at my shows, I tried to throw a blueberry into my mouth. Yeah. And the way that I threw it up was like, it didn't even come as high as my mouth. Like I just have such bad kind of like signaling to my muscles.

Right. What about everything I do is like, hold on to something, you know, like, yeah, like you're secure in that. And then you're like writing it, writing a bike, rock climbing. I think my hands are just like more used to like knowing when to squeeze and grip than to like release. I don't know anything about that. And also juggling, are you good at juggling?

Oh yeah, I can juggle. That's sort of similar. Yeah, it is. But the stakes are of juggling are a lot smaller. I feel like throwing is often like you're throwing it to someone and they're going to see how bad you are at it. That's right. That's my fear.

So these are just cool quarterback throws and they always have like tight spiral, like it's just like a really quick clip of a guy just fucking throwing rockets. Yeah. And it seems easy, but like I can't do that really. Right. No, that's insane. Yeah.

He's whipping it fast. Yeah. And it's big. That's crazy. Yeah. Yeah. My hands are the wrong size. And now I have this blister.

This is you talking to the coach day one. All right. One last one. The ball just disappears so fast and in a tight straight line. Yeah. These guys are also so good that like they're throwing it. They're guys just like standing, getting the ball like chucked over their head. Yeah.

I wouldn't have that level of trust. I'd be like, oh, they're throwing something. I need to walk behind them because, you know, when you throw something, it's, it's a roll of the dice. Well, not for you, not for the other people. Yeah, exactly. Uh, okay. One last question.

Sure. Uh, I saw one. Good one. Uh, okay. Friend Fresco Ernesto asks, what would you recommend to a mid 20s fan who sense of humor has been warped from years of watching your videos? Um, so they like Jake and Amir. Now it's like, what should I watch in addition to that?

I've heard, I think you should leave. Yes. That's very absurdist and funny. Um, Dave, I've heard, I'd never watched comedy, but I think this is good. These are things that I've heard. Dave's a little more like cerebral and weird than strictly funny. I think you should leave as a good one. Okay.

Uh, I would say the British office. It's 12 episodes and there's a lot of like Amir stuff in it. Right. That was an influence of ours. Yes. Exactly. Yeah. And yeah, I guess, uh, the arrest of development is like probably my favorite

comedy of all time. Also, I also imagine this person's already into it, but okay. So those are three options for you. Uh, okay. And then I guess you can watch the NFL playoffs too. Yeah. I think I model a lot of my comedy after Joe Burrow. Yeah.

Yeah. I feel just feel bad for the bills as all. Yeah. They lost at home in a snowy fashion. Yeah. Shouldn't have happened. You never want to lose and it's also snowing. Yeah.

Cause you're like cold and sad. And you're supposed to win in the snow. Exactly. And Buffalo. And then you go home and you're just in Buffalo still. Yeah. But you're not like enjoying the good parts of Buffalo, which is like the AFC championship game.

Yeah. It's just like now I'm in Buffalo and it's late January. Yeah, it's rough. It's rough, but next year is, is there a year? Oh, really? Yeah. So it takes one more year after the university. So who are you rooting for now?

There's four teams left at the time of recording. Potentially the Super Bowl already happened. So you have to choose wisely. Yeah. The Niners, the Eagles, the Bengals and Kansas City Chiefs. I guess probably the Bengals. Yeah, I think so too. Joe Burrow is cool.

Yeah. And, and he didn't win last year. And I think it'd be fun for him to win this year. Yeah. He's a cool dude. But also the 49ers haven't won in a long time either, right? The 49ers. Last time they had a chance was Colin Kaepernick win the Ravens one, right?

Yeah. And they lost to the Chiefs like a few years ago as well. Yeah. Jimmy G lost. Um, so I wouldn't mind a Niners win. Joe Montana style. Yeah. But the Eagles won recently.

And I, I mean, I like that team, but I, I feel like the fans are kind of insufferable and the Kansas City Chiefs, they just won too recently. And they, even though Burrow beat the bills, I, I don't hold it against him as much as, uh, that game where the Chiefs beat the bills in like the last like 38 seconds. That's my home's magic. Yeah. That was tough to watch for me. Okay.

So let us know how we did. Uh, we're hoping the Bengals won the Super Bowl. Hopefully by the time we're watching this, they already have. Oh yeah. And we'll, we'll, we should do a Super Bowl bet this year too. And retroactively post it to Twitter or something. Yeah. Exactly.

Uh, all right. Thank you guys for watching or listening, however you consume this. That's right. Um, thanks to Emma for getting here early and setting this up for us. Thanks Emma. Dominated once again. Uh, and if you have any of your own questions or theme songs, send them to if I were you show at gmail.com.

Exactly. We're obviously running low on theme songs because we're playing diss tracks against us. Yeah, that's true. Uh, and for more of us on video, you can check out our Patreon. Patreon.com slash J.A. Uh, and also thank you to John Grim who's editing. Thank you to Emma for producing.

Thank you to Grim for editing. That's right. Thanks to Jake for being here. I know you didn't want to, you sort of fought not to do this anymore. I don't like you. You don't like me, but let's just get this show posted and done so we can get paid and so we don't have to talk for another week. Uh, yeah.

And, uh, exactly. We will be here next week for sure. Yeah. Let's hear that theme song one more time. Thanks everybody. Thank you. All right. Wow.

Are we done? Yeah. Yo, Jeff. As per my email, I'm going to leave this intro in because your Venmo hasn't gone through yet. So I'll just wait on that before sending you the final. Distracts aren't free, man. Fuck a mere blooming field and fuck that dumb ass Jake better chew on the

thoughts of the heck on podcast fate. Hide a number one best show that roster leader get canceled by a duo of ass and nut eaters. This whole show is a dirty. Y'all done Jeffrey James dirty. Wildest Mike gets all mightest. I'm tired of hearing your word street. How you judging this man?

Like everything's wrong. Y'all can barely make your own theme song. Like, whoa. And it's true. If I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I will you. Yeah. Uh, for real, Jeff, though, please do send me that money. That's fucked up.

I keep getting the requests, but then it says that they're like cancel like your account suspended or something. So just, in fact, if you guys hear this, maybe you can, whatever. That was a hit gum original.