If I Were You - 58: Weird

Episode Date: December 9, 2024

In this episode we discuss dead celebrities, live ad reads, and whether it’s normal to order cereal at a diner.Advertise on Segments via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HITGUM original. there. Now here's one more effort for only positive motivations they swear. Second. Another podcast. Second. Each app different from the last. Second. It's the Swiss Army Knife of Shoes. Now let's meet you to empathic hopes. Just a second. Ahem. What was going on with your arms?

What was- I was doing like sort of the chicken dance, but without the clucking part. Don't say like I was doing like, like it was anything that could be known or have like an example set by modern society. Like you were not doing anything that was like anything

I've ever seen. You had your elbows. Thank you. Not in a good way. I think it hasn't been done because no one should do it. I appreciate it. I am a one of one. It was unique. And it's awesome to have it. Un appreciate it. I am a one of one. It was unique.

And it's awesome to have it. Uniquely bad. Uniquely uncomfortable to see. Anything unique is good. Like if it's rare, it's there. Actually that brings us to our first segment. Wow, we're really moving right into it. You didn't even introduce the show.

Yeah, sorry. This is segments, a podcast with segments in it. And the first segment is something I thought of, also very unique. In fact, uniqueness is sort of the theme. The name of the game is, how weird is this? Okay.

How weird is this? So I'm gonna give you some options as to how weird something is. And you have to tell me on a scale of zero to 100, how weird is this? All right? So like the dance you would give like a 90 or something. Well, I mean, now that I know that it's a game

and we're gonna be playing, and you're probably gonna come up with really weird examples, the dance is probably like a 30. Honestly, it wasn't that weird. Well, don't grade it on a curve. Everything could be, that could be 100 and something else could be 100.

Okay. It could all be weird. All right. Let's hear what you got. How weird is this? A wife driving and the husband sits shotgun. How weird is that? How weird is that?

I think it would be pretty low, honestly, because I know in my relationship, it'd be pretty weird. Like I usually drive. I would say 80, 20. Do you ever not drive? It's pretty rare. It's pretty rare. but sometimes, especially now,

because there's like another job, which is like not just Navigator, you have to sit in back and entertain the baby. So interesting. So there's no shotgun. There's driver and then there's back with the baby. Well, it depends, because sometimes the baby's gonna nap.

So then the person gets the shotgun, but then if it's a long car ride, there's gonna be somebody in back with baby. So it's, you know, it's in flux, but I also like Micah and his girlfriend, they'll like go on a road trip and she'll, you know, she'll drive and she'll drive into our driveway. And I'll be like, wow, you didn't drive? It just seems like you would, you know, she'll drive and she'll drive into our driveway. And I'll be like, wow, you didn't drive?

It just seems like you would, you know? But I would- Which means you do think it's kind of weird. I guess I think it, yeah. The man should be driving. I'm gonna say it's- It's not 50-50. It's like, Tim the Toolman Taylor, very good.

It's actually gonna come back later. All right, but wait, what's, so 50-50 is like, it's, or no, it's really like zero is it's not weird at all. Zero is like how weird is it to eat a meal in a day? I think it's not weird. It's 20 weird. 20% weird. It's pretty good.

Okay, number two. A person attends a film by himself in the theater within reason. What do you mean within reason? Huh? Like once a day. Yeah, okay. Yeah, not like anything crazy.

Right. But he's still going by himself or herself. I think that is, that's pretty, there's a lot of people that do that. Bringing it back to me yet again, I tried to do it I believe twice actually. I saw Guardians of the Galaxy by myself. By yourself, solo-dolo. We were Guardians of the Galaxy by myself. By yourself, solo dolo.

We were living in LA at the time. And then I think we were living in LA, unless it was when I was living in LA by myself. No, I think you and I were living in LA. And then the other time was, I saw Benjamin Button in a theater by myself. You were just a 24 year old living in New York. Yeah.

You walked in to see it by yourself. That's the weirder one. Cause I was, I think I like, Pat was like, yeah, I go to movies by myself. And I was like, oh, that's kind of interesting. I'm single. I have nothing going on. I have nothing to do on like a Sunday. I guess I'll just go to the theater and see Benjamin Button.

And I found it to be such an out of body, jarring experience. I wasn't able to relax. I was just like, does anybody, do people think I'm saving the seat next to me? Should I go to the bathroom? Is that weird? Yeah.

And then it ends and you just leave. You have no one to discuss anything with. Yeah. So I think that like, but I also think, I think it's normal, but I also think that people that go to the movies by themselves, they think it's unique. They're like, it's a quirk. They don't think that this is absolutely normal.

So I'm gonna say actually 15 weird. Oh, so less than the driving, the lady driving. Yeah, well, I'm not grading these on a curb, curb like you said. I wish I could take it back because now that I'm saying it, well, maybe it's, I don't know. We're not talking about the curve though, okay?

Yeah. We're not. But it is, you are saying that it's less weird than the wife driving. I didn't know what you were gonna ask me before. It doesn't matter, I'm asking out of 100. You gave one a 20 and one a 15. Yeah, but now I feel like I'm finding. I'm not asking you to rank them.

Yeah, but I feel like I didn't really know where the line was gonna be. If you ask, if I get through all of these and then I could rank them, then maybe everything changes. I don't know, this is new territory. Of course, it's weird, it's unique. A sandwich for dinner.

Oh. Look, it's not weird because I've done it. Okay? Sometimes that's- And you would never do anything weird. Well, do you think a hamburger is a sandwich? I don't. Okay.

Okay. I think that then I think it's a little, I wouldn't call it, it's interesting. It's an interesting movie. It's interesting. It's an odd. It's a cool, yeah.'t call it, it's interesting. It's an interesting movie. It's interesting. It's an odd movie. It's a cool, yeah. Yeah, no, you're right.

There's seemingly no reason why you can't have it for dinner. Right, it's a great meal. It is just in the ingredients, yeah. If you can eat it for lunch, in theory you should have it for dinner, but you rarely do. Lunch and dinner are really not that dissimilar. They're both kind of like later meals.

Do you know that about this too? I guess I never thought of it that wayimilar. They're both kind of like later meals. Do you know that about this too? I guess I never thought of it that way. Yeah. You can't have lunch at like one in the morning or dinner at eight a.m. That's kind of fun. I think sandwich for dinner, I would call it, I'll call it, it's not, it's not weirder

than going to the movies alone, but now I'm talking about this curve thing. I really messed you up with the curve. It's 18 weird. Oh, right in the middle there. Yeah. All right, let's see if we can get a little weirder because we're all like in the same kind of normalish,

but a little unique zone. Driving with both feet. Oh, that's not just, that's dangerous. That's a no-no. If you drive with both feet. Oh, that's not just, that's dangerous. That's a no-no. If you drive with both feet, you have to, you gotta knock that off. My grandma used to drive with both feet. Left for brakes, right for gas.

Yeah, exactly. Really bad for your brake pads. Cause you can press both at the same time by accident. Yeah, you just don't want to do that. So I'll say that's 75 weird. Yeah. Have you ever done it just to add on a lark? I think maybe when I was like learning to drive, I like, like, you know, my mom was like, you know,

your grandma drives with both feet or something like that. And I was like, oh my God, that seems, that seems crazy. And maybe I tested it out. It's oddly hard, even doing anything with your left foot after like driving for 20 years with just one foot. Totally. I mean, that's why I- Using your left is all weird.

That's why I'm putting it up high on the weird scale. Cause basically this is behavior that if you do it, you have to stop. Yeah. It's too dangerous. That's right. Reading a book while walking. 75.

We have a guy in my neighborhood that does that. Yeah, that's another dangerous bad habit. I've only ever seen it done to success in Beauty and the Beast. Yeah. When Belle is kind of walking around, she has her nose in a book, her head in the clouds, that type of thing. Yeah. When Belle is kind of walking around, she has her nose in a book or head in the clouds, that type of thing.

Yeah, yeah. And she lives in a friendly enough neighborhood that like, you know, the ox carts will go out of her way. The guy selling the baguettes will like avoid her and they're all whimsical and they're singing and her dad's a kook. So they're gonna give her a pass. Yeah.

And they like that about her. but I think we live in a society that doesn't reward that type of behavior like it does in France or wherever the fuck Belle lives. Yeah, France for sure. Bonjour, bonjour. Yeah, exactly. To you and you and you. Yeah.

Is that from Beauty and the Beast? Bonjour, no, not that specifically, that song, but there are French undertones in their song. Yeah, okay. Gaston and all that. Right, for sure. Okay, so you're putting that really damn high. Yeah.

Using an aura ring to track your physical fitness and sleep. Mm, I don't think that's, did you know I had an aura ring? I tested it out. No. Jill got me one for my birthday. And it was- It's a ballsy gift.

It was a bust. It was a bust. Because you have to wear a ring. Yeah, yeah. And she knew that I didn't- And you already wear a ring. Yeah, I've got one ring. You'd have to wear two rings.

Yeah. Because I wasn't gonna have it replace my wedding ring. That was a bridge too far. But she was like, I know you don't, you're not gonna, she got me other stuff. She was like, you're not gonna like this, but you can try it in case you do. And sure enough, we gave it a shot.

It just never gave me any useful information. I would be like, wow, I got rest last night. Who cares? Who cares? Don't you wanna know your sleep score? I know if I slept well or not because I feel like I slept or not. The ring was telling me nothing that I didn't already know.

It's like, yeah, there was one night where I woke up and I was tired. It's like, yeah, look at this. I didn't sleep last night. My fucking index finger said so. Now I have to wear a ring about it. And I know that I didn't sleep. I was fucking awake.

I was there. So I think they suck, but I don't think it's weird to wear one. I would put it at like 10. Oh, even lower than everything else. Probably. Talking on the phone at a restaurant. I don't think it's weird, I think it's rude.

Yeah. Do I think it's weird? But why? Everybody's just talking, what does it matter if one of them is talking on the phone? I think, well, cause you end up like projecting, so you're almost, when you're on the phone, you're trying to talk over what's around you.

So you're almost talking too loudly, louder than you would if the person is there. Right, so I would, I don't think it's, yeah, it's hard to put that on a weird scale, because it's not that, it's like, I feel like the person who does it knows what they're doing and it's just rude. It's unfortunately common common you're saying.

I mean, not crazy common. I don't see it a ton. Do you see it a lot? No, no, not really. But if I saw it, I wouldn't be like, wow, you're being so weird. I would be like, wow, you're being so inconsiderate. Would you say that at a person at a different table

or just somebody like at your table, there's a party of six and somebody's on the phone? I guess it would depend on what the conversation was. If they were like checking on the welfare of a loved one who was in the hospital or something. That's okay. That's okay. But if you're just like,

But just checking in. How was your Wednesday? I don't think, I think I would be like, what are you doing? Yeah, exactly. So it's, but again, I don't, I just, weird 25, it's not that weird. I could see it happen, but it's like much higher on the rude scale.

Homeschooling a child for elementary school. I think, I mean, it's almost intentionally weird by the person that's doing it. You are going against the grain. You're like- But you think they're doing it to be weird? No, but I think they're doing it to signal that they have like a unique ability

to educate their child better than the public education system. Or like- Or a distrust in school. Right, but I guess that they might be like, well, no, I think sending your kid to school is weird. And then if I have a conversation where somebody says that to me, I'd be like,

all right, now you're being 80 weird. But on its own, I think it's like 40, 40 weird. It's like, oh wow. It's pretty weird. That's not that weird. No, it's not that weird. It depends who's doing it. It's pretty weird. That's not that weird. No, it's not that weird. It depends who's doing it. Yeah.

Honestly, I think the more my friends have kids, the more I realize that school is just like a welcome break from needing to take care of your kids. So for you to be like, nope, not even that. Give me the kid from eight to three as well. Like that's almost weirder than everything else. This is weird. There's a guy at my dad's office

who is homeschooling his kid while he's working at my dad's office. You can't do that. You can't do that. That's not a thing. You're definitely doing one of those bad. Yeah. When do you go to school?

I guess you can work at night or something. So he brings the kid to work? No, I think he works from home. So he's just like, educate, you know, you never know what he's doing. Are you educating your kid? Are you working? Are you maybe doing neither?

Your kid is only learning property tax law. You have to teach him English. Which actually would probably be good. That'd be great for the kids. How old is the kid? I don't know anything about this situation. Homeschooling while working from home. That's weird.

Working from homeschooling. Yeah, I think that's weird. I think that's illegal. Just I'll fucking do two for one, it doesn't matter. I have a Zoom meeting and I'm also teaching my kid art. It's a really good teacher salary, tell you what, because I'm making my work salary. Okay, what about this one?

Keeping score at a baseball game. Oh, I think that's fucking cute. I think that's charming. It's old school. You can't say things that are old school are weird. If you're doing it. You don't see it often anymore. But I think if you're doing it now,

there's just like that's, yeah. I guess I don't think that it's weird to have, to be passionate about a hobby like that. Yeah. So I would put that at like, it'd be unique if I saw it in the wild. Have you ever done it? I don't, I think I was,

I went to a game with my uncle once where he was doing it and I kind of, and he and I did it together. He was kind of trying to show me how to do it. Yeah, that's nice. It's more than just keeping score. You're like keeping track of every batter did and how every pitch went and stuff like that.

Right, and like who made the throw. It's like, oh, that's a one, five, two, double play or whatever. Right. You're making your own box score by the end. Yeah, which is such a weird, like, it is, what do you do with that? You have one from one game that you went to.

I guess it's like a nice way to remember the game. Right, or like a journal of everyone you went to in the 70s is kinda cool. Yeah. Definitely. Would it be kind of sad to like, have gone to like the, like the Dodgers Yankee World Series final game.

As a Yankee fan, you're keeping your box score and you have to like, just every once in a while, look at that fifth inning. Wow. Yeah, error. Error. And then there was another error. Scoring fielder's mistake.

An E1. What is it called? What is it called when he won't cover first? How did you guys score the last one? So no earned runs that five run in it? How did you guys have it? That's an error. It seems like an intentional error. Graffiti or a confetti falling on you.

That was a, it was a fuck you to the fans is what it was. I wonder why he didn't leg it out is all. What did you give that one? to fuck you to the fans is what it was. I wonder why he didn't leg it out is all. What did you give that one? I think I gave it a 10 or something or five. It's not, yeah, it's pretty low. It's cute to me, yeah. Okay, last one, ready? Right.

You go to a diner and you order. Whoa, 75, I would never go to a diner. I haven't said it what you order yet. All right, yeah, go ahead. Pasta? You order cereal. You know, like some diners have like cornflakes. Yeah.

I could honestly see getting that at, like if I'm at a hotel buffet, I've gotten cereal. Continental, yeah. Yeah, but not even like when I, I've been to a place that had like the omelet bar, the hot breakfast and then you're, you know what? I just want two bites of cereal. I'm gonna get some cereal too.

The cranks? Yeah. The cranks? I like that. But I guess going to a diner to get the cereal would- The mini box, they give you the mini box. Yeah. I think it's like 30 weird.

If I sat down with somebody and they were like, I got an omelet, pancakes for the table, and a little bowl of cereal, I'd be like, that's weird, 45. Yeah, not even the other stuff I'm saying. You sit down and you're like, can I get the corn flakes? If somebody just gets the cereal, that's like 80 weird, I think.

Cause it's cereal. Why did you want to go to the diner? To meet you, I wanted to have breakfast with you. We could have gotten coffee. But I really just want honey nut Cheerios. Yeah, I would have liked to take a walk. I don't want to be here and watch you eat cereal. I think that happened in Seinfeld a lot,

like when they went to the diner, like Jerry would just get like Cheerios or Froot Loops or something. That makes sense. If you're going, you know, that's like, if that's where your friends hang out and you're like, you know what? I don't wanna eat diner food every single day.

Maybe I'm gonna have, I'll get some oatmeal every once in a while. I get that. Oatmeal is fine, because you have to prepare it. It's the cereal that's just like, that's, you're going to a restaurant and ordering a bag of chips. It's not a restaurant.

You're not doing it right. They probably just, you know, Jerry just wanted to be there to meet his friends. He just wanted to get out of the house, but he didn't want to spend the money. It was a social thing. In that case, it's not as weird, now that I think about it like that.

So what was the weirdest thing I brought up today? I think it was, it might have been ordering cereal. No, it was reading while walking, I think. I think I gave that like an 80. Oh yeah. So reading while walking into a diner, you order a cereal, then homeschool your kid at work. That's as weird as it gets.

Yeah, and then if you get picked up at the diner by your freaking wife and a girl drives you home. Sick shotgun. Even if it's a female Uber driver, I'm fucking kicking her out. I'm driving. And you better be careful because I got two lead feet. There should be an Uber where you drive.

Like a guy picks you up and then you get to drive. Called the Uber. Yeah. I want just an Uber for shotgun. So I just, I do want like a random man driving with me. Don't get me wrong. I just want to be behind the wheel. You want an on-road.

Do you ever have on-roads? Yes. Did you get on-roads when you were a kid, when you were getting your license? No, like is that just like a designated adult so that you can drive with a permit? That's right, yeah, you would have, in Connecticut, you could get your permit at 15, I believe,

unless it was 16, right, you could get your permit as soon as you turned 16 and you had to be 16 and a half, I think, to get your license. And it included that you needed to go to driving school and you needed to complete like four to eight hours of on-road driving where you would just drive. And that's what teenage boys used to drive

with a random adult. I wonder why we don't do that anymore. Some places might, some places might. I wanna sign up to be an on-road, so I'll just sit there and they can drive me around. No notes, just drive me. They had like their own steering wheel that they could take over the car.

Yes. And they were, even if they were on steering wheel, they had their own like. Like pedals. Pedals, yeah, so they could stop if you were fucking anything up. I might get that for my car actually. And the other set of pedals,

just in case Abhi Tal ever makes you sit shotgun. You wanna still be able to drive with both feet. And I hit the gas hard just to kind of troll her. Yeah. Have you ever driven in a Waymo, the driverless car? No, no I have not. But- Yeah, neither have I. It seemed kind of fun.

I think I'd be fine with it. Yeah. You kind of like put your hand in the life of a stranger. It's not that different. Yeah. If anything, it's better. This is a computer designed to drive. I feel like I trust it more than a tire do driver.

I wonder if it would make you as car sick or if it would be smoother. That's a good question. I rarely get car sick, but I got car sick today because this guy was just going like, you know, the real stop and start, the zoom, and it was like a hybrid car. And I think that the acceleration

in a hybrid car makes me, yeah. And were you in the back? I was in the back. I was on a VR headset. Looking at my phone, doing a roller coaster sim. Yeah, facing backwards. And I had just had a bag of puke. Yeah. So my stomach was already kind of upset. And the heat just had a bag of puke. Yeah.

So like my stomach was already kind of upset. And the heat was way up in the car. I never don't get car sick. When I go to LAX, I'm like, I'm just going to arrive really, really ill. There's no, yeah, there's no way around it. That's right. Okay, let's take a break.

We've fully conquered. How weird is this? Great game. Thank you to Rocket Money for sponsoring this episode of our show. That's right. Jake, you used Rocket Money to find an unwanted subscription, did you not? Yeah, Rocket Money actually saved me cash. Yes, especially if you live with a loved one now that you didn't before. Sometimes people are doubling up for no reason whatsoever.

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Save some cash this holiday season. Right. Thank you Rocket Money. Thanks. Dot com slash segments. Thank you to BetterHelp for sponsoring this episode of our show. Exactly.

The holidays can actually be stressful for some Jake. I don't know if you know this. I've heard. I've't know if you know this. I've heard, I've heard. A lot of family drama, work issues that were laying dormant within you start bubbling to the surface. And the best way to deal with that stressful anxiety

is by talking to a professionally licensed therapist. Yes, yes, exactly. And the best way to start therapy is by giving BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online. It's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suitable to your schedule. Easy.

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I'm sorry to hear that and see that. Yeah, you don't know how to do it. Yeah. Well, maybe I could talk to my therapist about it. Maybe. I've actually tried therapy and I do find it very, very useful to sort of get ahead of any underlying, stressing, anxiety inducing things in my life.

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And we're back. And now it's time for my game. How'd you like to play a game called Celeb or Dead? And that's where- I'm okay. Okay, let's do how weird is this? Let's do something else. Yes!

Using a flashlight on your phone to find the keys at that fell down in a movie. Oh, rude. A lot of these things are just rude. All right, now I have a list of celebrities that I'm gonna ask you if they're alive or dead. Okay. Starting with Clint Eastwood.

Alive, he just made a movie. He just made a He just made a movie. He just made a juror two starring Nicholas Holt. Very good. Congratulations. You are correct. These will get progressively harder. Betty White.

These will get progressively deader. Betty White. Dead. She died either at a hundred or right before her hundredth birthday. I believe it was right before cause there was all those, there was like a magazine cover

that was like Betty White Turns 100, and she was 90. Yeah. Okay, December 31st, 2021. Devin Sawa. Idle hands own Devin Sawa? One of those teenage heartthrobs died. Was it Jonathan Brandis or was it Devon Sawa?

I'll say Sawa is alive, but I'm not sure. Stan himself, you know Devon Sawa was Stan in the Stan Music video? Oh, that's right. Michael Clar Clark Duncan. Yes, Clark Duncan, I believe, passed recently after and he was remembered fondly actually by the cast and crew of The Green Mile.

Very good, very good. Died September 3rd, 2012, if you can believe it. Damn. Wanna feel old? Diana Ross. Mm, music one I'm less sure of. It's definitely an old person. If they're not dead, which I hope they're not.

I hope Diana Ross is alive, so I'll say alive. Fingers crossed she's're not. I hope Diana Ross is alive. So I'll say alive. Fingers crossed she's alive. She's 80 and she is alive. That's right. Yes, good job. Bob. Good job Diana. Ross.

Bob Ross. The artist? Diana's husband, Bob? We're going with a Ross based pair. Two Rosses for the Pross of Ross. All sauce that Bob Ross is among us. Still alive. Still alive, he died in 1995, Bob Ross.

Jesus. That's right. That seems young. Maybe he was old in those 70s paintings things. It's possible. How old was he when he passed? I'll find out for you. Sorry, when he passed.

When he passed, it looks like he was young, 52. Yeah, wow, holy smokes. Olivia Newton John. I know that Olivia Newton John sadly passed away recently. Yes, August 8th, 2022. Willie Nelson. Wow. Another old country star.

I guess Diana Ross is in country, but another old musician. I'll say Willie Nelson's still alive because I don't remember him passing at any time. Alive, alive and thriving. But how about Sidney Poitier? Ah, Sidney Poitier. One of the greatest actors of our generation. And I say that as somebody who is alive.

Unfortunately, Sidney Poitier has passed away. That's correct. At the ripe old day of 78. I don't know how old he was, but I do know that he died on insurrection day, January 6th, 2022 actually. So two year, the two year anniversary. to your anniversary. Oh, here we go. Tim the Toolman Taylor's son, Zachary Ty Bryan. Zachary, I think I would have found out if Bryan from Home Improvement was dead. So I'm gonna say the eldest son

from home improvement is still alive. Indeed he is, indeed he is. Okay, good. How about Angela Lansbury? Murder she wrote? Murder she wrote. Murder she wrote. Murder she wrote.

Murder has been murdered, I think she's passed. Lansbury is gone, she is long gone since 2022. How about Tara Reade? How interesting. I'm thinking Brittany Murphy, but it's not. That's a different person. That's right. Murphy has unfortunately passed away.

Tara Reade, much to my my joy is still with us today. She is alive, she is alive, good. Yes, I think the entire cast of American Pie is still with us, fortunately. Interesting, interesting, even Stifler's mom. Oh yeah, no, she's doing great actually. Jennifer Coolidge, yeah. Dick Van Dyke.

Dick Van Dyke is a sprightly like 98 and there's videos of him on Twitter Just fucking still walking around dancing down the red carpet. So he's still alive and well. Yes indeed He is how about Elizabeth Taylor? Elizabeth Taylor Famous daughter of Judy Garland Really think yeah, daughter of Judy Garland. I think. Yeah, I think Judy Garland. So famous that you think she's the daughter.

Yeah, it's kind of confusing because Judy Garland is like a famous child actor and Elizabeth Taylor was kind of, you know, a famous older person. So it's weird to imagine that this child birthed an old person. So her parents are named Sarah Southern so it's weird to imagine that this child birthed an old person. But I guess that's how time works. Sarah Southern and Frances Len Taylor.

Okay, okay, so I must be confused there. Search Judy Garland, Elizabeth Taylor. There's some sort of connection. There has to be. I didn't just make it up. But I believe Elizabeth Taylor. Okay, so AI from Google Gemini says, Judy Garland and Elizabeth Taylor were friends

and supported each other, though Garland once said she didn't like Taylor very much. Okay, someone will correct me. So you must have been thinking of that famous drama between them. Yeah, I'll say, and again, I don't wanna turn this into a Google thing, but you have to tell me if Judy Garland had a famous daughter

that I think is Elizabeth Taylor, but it's actually somebody else. But I'll say Elizabeth Taylor has passed. Voice of Maggie Simpson. She is passed, she passed. And I believe, and I actually get these two people confused kind of a lot myself, you're thinking of Liza Minnelli. Liza Minnelli is Judy Garland's daughter.

That's correct, that is correct. And it's the Liz of it all, Liz Taylor, Liz Minnelli, and it's still like the older lady's mom is a young child act. What? Liza Minnelli, alive, is she with us? Oh, that's a good guess. I think she recently passed.

I think she was recently alive. Oh, good for Liza. Okay, so have you gotten two wrong? Yeah, two wrong. I got Liza Minnelli was wrong, and then who else did I get wrong? Bob Ross. Oh yeah, Bob Ross I thought was still alive.

Keith Richards. Rock and Roller. Yeah. Keith Richards will never die. Keith Richards forever. Keith Richards still alive today. Yes he is. Ryan Felipe.

Oh, definitely alive. I mean, come on. He's thriving. He's still as hot as ever. Is he? I haven't seen him in anything. He's just a good looking guy. Interesting.

Let's see what he's up to these days. Barbara Walters. Dead, next. Yes, that's correct. She is dead. Reginald Vel Johnson. The father from family matters. I think Reginald Vel Johnson, who was also in Die Hard,

I remember Reginald Bell Johnson was one of my original Who's 58 correct guesses back in like 2014. And I believe he hasn't yet passed. Do you want to guess his age? I'll guess 10 years older than that, 58 I guess, 68. He's 72. Wow, good on him. Is he also openly gay?

Did I make that up? I'm not sure, but I'll search. I guess- He was such a famous sitcom dad. And I thought I saw that like, he was actually, he was gay the whole time. Yeah, it's hard for me to nail that down, but I think maybe, I'm not sure.

I'll just go on record and say that he is. I don't need to look it up. We'll, we'll fact check it later. So here's an article from Newsweek. Family Matters stars. Judy Garland once called him a homo. Family Matters stars surprising message to Diddy amid viral rumors actor attended freak offs.

Okay, so that's not related to that. Oh, okay, so no, wait, no, he said that he didn't. So that's the most recent news of Reginald Bell Johnson. Sexuality. Saying that it was bullshit that he attended any of Diddy's freak-offs. Yeah. Robert Duvall. Because he's gay

or sort of unrelated. Robert Duvall. That's a really good one. And I'm quite unsure. I know he was in The Apostle. I know he was in the apostle and I believe he was in the Godfather. And he was definitely alive when he did that. He was definitely alive during those things.

And what I've heard news of Robert Duvall's passing, I want to say, I would have, and I don't recall, so I'll say alive. Alive, alive indeed. Prince Philip. Prince, prince, prince passed away. Prince Philip, I don't know who that is. The husband of the late queen.

Oh, which would kind of, shouldn't he be the king? I don't really know how the royalty thing works. I'll say he's alive, because the queen is dead and maybe he's still alive. He's dead. He died in 2021 and she lingered on without him. That's right. She was a widow.

Jeremy, yeah. Jeremy Irons. I love Jeremy Irons. And I want to believe, and I almost know with great certainty that he's still alive. Why do you love him so much? The voice of Scar. Yes, alive.

And the bad guy and die hard with a vengeance. Alive and fine. And lastly, but not leastly, but maybe leastly, Misha Barton. Misha Barton. Misha Barton. From the OC? That's right. She's gotta be alive.

She's too young. She's too young to die. She's alive. She doesn't deserve it. She's alive. She doesn't deserve the death. She is. She died in the show.

Spoilers for the OC. God, yeah, that's what it was. Have you seen the Hot the hot rabbi, the Netflix show with Adam Brody? No. He plays a hot rabbi. Yeah, no, I have not. Adam Brody is still very charming and cool.

Yeah. Star of the OC, still got it. I saw a movie with him in it a few years ago. I guess that was- Oh, he plays like a detective or something? Yeah, yeah, I remember, I saw that and I thought it was bad to find, but it was nice to see him. Speaking of movie reviews, you should watch Gladiator 2

and we can talk about it. We could do a movie review segment. Maybe I'll go to the movies by myself. Exactly, after everyone's gone to sleep. Did you like it? I'll save it for the fucking podcast. When was the last time you saw Gladiator One? Probably close to when it came out.

I would imagine sometime near 2000. Right, I saw it in theaters as well. And then I rewatched it and then watched Gladiator Two. Does it hold up? So if you want to do a double feature, you have to wait and hear offline or online on the pod. All right, I'll watch it. I'll do it this week. A Gladiator 2 recap episode.

I love it. Okay, let's take another break and we'll be back after these messages. That's right. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our program. Oh yeah, baby, come on. Jake, you've used Squarespace to build a website.

Many websites. And you don't know how to code or design, do you? I do, I just don't have the time, but I know how to code and design. Well, if you didn't know how to code or design, or were honest with people about how little you do know how to code or design. I know how to code and design, I don't have the time,

I'm busy. Squarespace has templates for you to drag and drop and create professional-looking portfolios. You don't know how to code and design. You don't know how to code and design. You don't know how to code and design. Online stores. You absolutely have no fucking clue. I do.

You can sell content, you can build your online presence with Squarespace. That's correct. You can even buy a domain name on Squarespace. Did you know that you could buy a domain name through Squarespace? I sure did. And I'm about to purchase poisonhoisen.com. So it's the sauce hoisen sauce, but it's poison.

Yeah, exactly. Interesting. Poison hoisen. It's kind of like a cool, like new age hip counter culture name for your own hoisen sauce, you know, it's like we're not making hot sauce. We're not making like flaming fucking red or whatever death but hoisin Yeah, exactly. But for hoisin. Yeah, it's for liquid death drinkers to put on Their meat boy dudes.com boy dudes thoughts. It's fine It's no poison, hoisin. Well, if you want to buy boy dudes.com or poison, hoisin, both are still available.

That's right. At the time of recording. But if you want to buy your own situation, then you can do so through Squarespace. And if you go to squarespace.com slash segments, you can save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using that coupon code segments. Exactly. So you can try a free trial at squarespace.com slash segments. And when you're ready to launch that website of your dreams, whether it's boydudes.com or poison, hoisin, you can save an extra 10% off their low,

low prices by using coupon code segments. Yeah. So check them out. If you're looking to get online ASAP. Thank you, Squarespace. check them out if you're looking to get online ASAP. Thank you Squarespace. Thank you to Uncommon Goods for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hey, oh, Uncommon Goods.

Tis the season, which means tis the season to give lots of people lots of gifts. Mm-hmm, that's true. And if you're running out of ideas, Uncommon Goods is perfect for you. Right. They have a vast array of products that are homemade. You support artists, small independent businesses,

their prices are low, and that stuff that you can't find anywhere else, there's a wooden foot massager on here. Ooh. That looks so good, I might give it as a gift to myself. Yeah, you should, those are great. You're watching TV and you just roll your feet on those wooden nubs. It's true. I found one of those, you should. Those are great. You're watching TV and you just roll your feet on those wooden nubs.

It's true. I found one of those, you ever go to a baseball game and you get the like the ice cream and the little baseball hat? Oh, the helmet you mean? Yeah, yeah, the little helmet ice cream cup. Well, they have a MLB Sunday slug or ceramic ice cream bowl sets.

Wow. It's kind of very nostalgic for me. So it's like you're at the ballpark in the winter. Yeah. Yeah. And can you get it for any team or is it sort of a generic helmet? It looks like you can get it for any team. Even the Cincinnati Reds? Cincinnati Reds. They're not more expensive than the New York Yankees, surprisingly. Unrelated to their payroll, I guess. Though hurry up because it looks like the Mariners and the Rangers are out of stock. These things could be going soon.

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That's right. Uncommon goods, we're all out of the ordinary. ["Handsome"] Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back. Yeah. Real quick, I sold a few ads. Like I wanna say. I, like I wanna say. They're pretty tame.

Yeah, I was gonna say they're pretty tame. So that's kind of an admission that they're usually not. They're usually pretty messed up. They're usually bizarre. Yeah, they're kind of random. But these two are kind of standard par for the course. I didn't wanna go through the normal channels because I'm keeping most of the revenue myself.

Yeah. But they have to be baked in, non-dynamically inserted advertising. And they are not run. Yeah, they're not run. They're not run of network. These are located specifically in this episode, baked in, you'll never hear them again.

So like if you're upset, it's a one and done thing. No big deal. You can skip them. But for now, Jake's gonna have a nice cold read of these ads that I worked pretty hard on selling, but didn't have any hand in writing. Right, you did not write these. Okay, I guess let's get started. And trying to stick to the copy.

I always do. Sometimes they wanna put you in your own voice. Right. These are not that. Yeah, these are baked in. These are tailor made. They're not dynamic. They're not going. These will be here in perpetuity.

These will always be here. These aren't going anywhere. Okay. Correct. Here we go. Who likes games? You already messed up. See, this is like the kind of stuff that they're gonna be really, really on top of.

And I won't stop you at all like the times, but we had just started, so I have to like cut and we'll send them, cause we have to send them the ad read. It's such a small mistake. When I say the next, when I say the sentence correctly, everybody is gonna be like, wow, why did Amir derail this?

It was identical, but it wasn't, cause I'm sort of on top of this shit. Who here likes games? I like board games. I like sex games. What? I was told to do a mocking voice. Anyway, I'm actually obsessed

with various Dutch brand sex games, which brings us to our sponsor today. Dutch brand sex games, which brings us to our sponsor today. Dutch brand sex games? Stop, you're making me wet. What is a Dutch brand sex game? Fry the chum, French a wench, bury the feast, Adrienus in the anus, in an anus, excuse me.

Let's fry the chum. Oh, that one's funny. You basically slapped the shit out of an Uber driver and when they attack you back, you cry foul. Tell them you're bipolar. What is this an ad for? Neon. They do like centralized e-commerce data

and create custom reports for B2B brands as well as web three SaaS solutions. Got it. What's Adrianus in an anus? Why do you get to play like the guy that just- Honestly, they write it as is. Sometimes I'm the weird one and sometimes you are. You've never been the weird one once.

You get nine really thick grandparents in a boat. What's Barry the Feast? You slap the shit out of it out of an Uber driver and when he attacks you back. What's Web3 SaaS solutions? SaaS is software as a service. So basically you sign up for Vortex and it's like a monthly fee

to get an all-in-one logistics team But the power is entirely in your hands Okay, is there a coupon code There is not one yet, but a custom URL will be found in my fansly and in my girl bio What is fansly and in my girl? basically only fans but completely decentralized so you can show smut. Like porn?

Worse, much worse. Live deaths are illegal. So check them out. That's polar, P-O-L-E-R.com. You said it was called neon. Yeah, well I'm deaf in one ear on account of an Uber driver who punched me in the side of the head until I bled and I will bury the feast with the first 10 years

to sign up. That's the one where you get old people on a boat? That's Adriana's. Bury the one where you get old people on a boat? That's Adrianus. Barry the Feast is the Uber one. Fine. Thanks, Neon. Thanks, Neon. Good Lord.

Random as shit, but thank you. Yeah, I can't believe there's another one. Yeah, I'll send them that. Okay, let's go just straight into the second ad read because I feel like people get annoyed when it's like, we go back to the podcast and go back to the ads. They get annoyed then? Oh, I guess that actually makes sense.

It makes them harder to skip or whatever. Yeah, okay. Anyway. Well, these ones are harder to skip because they're baked in and they're spanning several minutes. Exactly. So yeah. Okay, thank you to Sven

for sponsoring this episode of our program. Thanks Sven. And I think that's it. No, there's a little more. So Sven is one of the septuagenarians I met by Adrianus in an anus last week. Oh my God. And he has this like SaaS brand that connects managers

to outsourced employees or something. Or something? This is an ad for the product. You're scolding me in the script. This is insane. It's so weird. Yeah, I'm just not sure what he does, but he was pretty insistent.

I pay him back for how everything went down on the canoe. That's the boat everyone gets on a canoe? Okay, here. So Sven is a SaaS brand that connects managers to outsourced employees or something. You already said that. I basically owe him $5,000 in crypto or ad reads. So pay him.

Because this probably won't count as an ad read. You barely know what he does or what the product is at all. I feel like this reflects really poorly on me. I'm just gonna read it real quick, okay. Hey dude, Sven here. Last night was ecstasy at first, then illegal as you know. What went down wouldn't even fly on fansly and they can show live death.

You owe me 5,000 minimum in crypto or ad reads and it needs to be you and that Jewish co-host talking glowingly about my business. We do like SaaS brand that connects managers to employees or something, question mark. So he doesn't know what it is either. Okay, here we do. Okay, here we go.

Hey dude, Sven here. Yeah, you already read that. Right, so you scripted me reading it badly several times. Here we do. Okay, here we go. Hey dude, Sven here. Yeah, you already read that. Right. So you scripted me reading it badly several times. I didn't script anything. This is all fucking Sven. Okay, just email me, I guess. Maybe reach out to Jill.

Don't, because I'm busy this week with holiday shit. 10% off, use her phone number, 203- S- S- We'll have to bleep that I'm sure. Great. Great. Great. Great. All right. Thank you.

That wasn't too hard. Like I don't know why you, you make a meal out of everything. I know it's the holiday season. I feel like I can get clips anywhere in there and be taken vastly out of context. No, no, it was very much so in context. You obviously had some sort of weird sexcapade

on a boat with an old man. You scripted this. You wrote all of it. I just sold all of it for pennies on the dollar. We're getting Venmo'd $40 for those, so thank you so much. Amazing. You get 10.

Amazing. Okay, 10. Amazing. Okay, that's it. We've run out of time. That's our episode. Thanks for listening. Thanks for watching if you are. All these episodes are on YouTube, so you can check those out as well. Correct.

And we're also on Patreon. Still, patreon.com slash J.A. Ja. Watching classic episodes of Jake and Amir, and seeing do they hold up and playing is this weird because some of them are really weird. Exactly. And we'll be back of course next Monday as always.

Always. So see you guys soon. Bye. Bye. That was a Hidgum original.