If I Were You - 584: Near Death Experience

Episode Date: March 20, 2023

In this episode we discuss feeling bad, feeling better, and making pizza. Get your tickets for the next New York Headgum Happy Hour show here! Advertise on If I Were You via Gumball.fm.See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

This is a hip-gum original. I hope it's coming back in with another verse. The fake out. Oh, tease me with it. Damn, I really wanted that chorus to drop one more time. Well, actually, Matthew Pope Herotis says, My theme song Monday High is condensed, so if anyone wants a longer version,

hit me up on my YouTube channel, Matt Pope, and I'll post it. Yes, fuck yeah. I love that. I don't know how you hit someone up on their YouTube channel, though. Right, I think you just go to the page and you click it. Yeah. Unless there's actually a contact on YouTube, I doubt it.

I feel like it was just a casual way on YouTube of saying he'd post it later. Right, right. He also says, Shout out to Amir who donated $50 to my Christmas fundraiser. Oh, sick. Was this the one where he did a cold plunge every day? Who gives a shit? What I'm trying to say is that I gave him my money.

Whatever he paid for that is like... I got the notification. You paid that with one of my credit cards that I guess you stole when I was in LA. It was a gift card. It was a gift card somebody gave you. This was a gift. Right.

So I used that as a gift to him. It was an AmEx gift card, actually. That's not a gift card. That's just my AmEx. It's a gift. I was a gift to see it. It was a gift to you because you stole it and gave him a gift. Yeah.

Well, thank you, Matt Pope. Respect. Absolutely respect. We're back in the Zoom room. I feel like it's been a minute. Yeah. Yeah. We recorded so many in person.

Yeah, we batched, recorded, and now we're running out. Right. It's cool to be... It's also kind of like the three-year anniversary of remote recordings in general back when we didn't really know how to do these at all. Oh, yeah. Wow.

Yeah, it's coming up on that three-year anniversary of when I went inside and never left. Yeah, and we did a full podcast episode by recording a phone call. I should listen to that again. Everyone's COVID predictions. I'm sure it aged well. Yeah, I think we nailed it.

I remember bringing up the XBB variant at one point. And I remember theorizing it was a lab leak. Right. You were sort of ahead of the curve on that. Yeah. Yeah. At the end of that episode, I cut it out, but you said your pronouns were prosecute fouchy,

which I thought was so low key ahead of the curve. And then Musk must have found or heard the raw file because he tweeted that a couple months ago. Did he? Wow. Yeah. That was so messed up. He didn't even give you any quote.

Good for Musk. He didn't quote you at all. He just sort of... Yeah, I'm off Twitter, so I didn't see that he stole my line. Right. Speaking of health, we were supposed to record yesterday, but you almost died. Right.

Yeah, I almost died yesterday. Well, I guess I didn't actually... Knowing or thinking I know what actually happened, I guess I probably wasn't going to die, but it really felt like... To me, I thought that that could be death. I was like, this could be I'm going to die. I'm not entirely sure.

Because it's hard after however you're 38, right, to feel a new level of... Wait, no, I'm 37. You're 37. A piece of shit. Yeah, 37. To feel a new style of pain at this age seems rare. So you're like, I guess this is what it feels like

when one dies and that this is going to happen now. Right. Like this feels so different than anything I've ever felt before. Maybe this could be something that people feel when their bodies are shutting down. Right, but there's no way to know. Yeah, and there's no way to know. And like part of...

And then you're thinking like maybe I'm overreacting and then you're also thinking, but maybe everyone that dies, one of their thoughts before that happens is that they're overreacting. Right. You don't know if you're being a hero or kind of a zero. Yeah, exactly.

So what happened? But so, okay. So I got a vaccine, a Tdap vaccine. That's your tetanus shot. Right. I believe Jeff has broken the news that Jill's pregnant and I'm going to be a dad. Yes, so...

Okay, that's good. In order... Let's get that out in the open. Yeah, I think it's out in the ether, but this is my official podcast announcement, which comes in the form of me telling a story about how I almost died. So...

Out with the old and with the new, I guess. Yeah, so I get this vaccine that you're supposed to get before having a baby and you're supposed to get your tetanus shot every 10 years. And I didn't know if I had one. I went to the doctor and they said they didn't think I had. So I got my vaccine. Everything is normal.

They say it's going to... Maybe my arm's going to hurt. He said, if you have an allergic reaction, just keep it out for like hives or anything. I'm like, okay. And I've gotten like... I had no reaction to the COVID vaccine. I really don't have much reactions to these things.

But then the next day, I'm in the office. I'm there with Dingo. I brought the dog to work. I drove my car to work. And I started feeling... You got the shot on Wednesday. This is on Thursday. And we're recording on Friday.

Right. So I start feeling lightheaded. Just a little bit like out of it. Kind of the feeling like maybe when you... You haven't eaten or you didn't drink enough water that day. Like that feeling. But I had done all those things. And I was like, maybe it's just like hot in here.

I'm going to go outside. So I took Dingo to the dog park near the office. When I'm at the dog park, my back kind of starts like spazzing. I just have like shooting pains in my lower back and then my neck like soreness in my joints everywhere really. But like kind of a sharp pain in my back, neck, my biceps. And then like my hands just like...

Are you putting together that it's a vaccine thing? Or you're like, oh, something is weird right now. At that point, I think I was just like, I wonder like why am I so sore? And I worked out with Rosie that morning. So I was like, maybe at like, and we had done deadlifts. So I was like, maybe I just like pushed myself too hard. And then I started getting really cold.

And it's kind of funny. It's not that cold. It's like 45 degrees. I'm like, all right, I'm going to go back to the office. I went there and I started feeling just like frazzled. So I texted Jill and I just said, I feel kind of weird. And then I went into the studio. I took my laptop, like I had a call or something

because there were a couple of people there. I went into the studio and I just like lied down. And I started like shivering a little bit. And I was like, this is whatever's happening. It didn't feel that crazy. It just felt like it was a feeling like, I think I just need to go home. I think I just need to go home.

Flu like symptom. This is sort of what I feel like when I get the COVID vaccine. I feel like kind of cold a little bit and like sore for like a day. Yeah. Yeah. And I was, so I was kind of like, I was like where, I had the wherewithal to kind of go out and be like, all right, I have to head home.

Nobody's suspecting that I'm like, I don't think. And then as I'm, as I'm driving, I just start like shivering. All right. This is, this is weird. The kind of like the heat up to 85, the seat warmers on. And I'm just like shivering. Yeah. And then as I'm going over the Williamsburg bridge,

I start like shaking like this. Like, yeah. Yeah. Like just like anybody watching at home can see it's like, it's not like shivering. Cold. It was like, yeah. Like you're holding a camera.

Yeah. Like literally if I was holding, yeah, it could not. Yeah. And just like heavy breathing. And I kept on saying to myself, it's okay. It's okay. Oh boy. All right.

Just like talking to myself. Then finally I got home. How did you park? There's like a church near my house where you're not supposed to park in front of. And there's always parking there. So I just pulled, pulled right into that, walked up the stairs, couldn't get the keys into the door because I'm shaking so hard. Yeah. Jesus.

As soon as Jill saw me, she was like, I have, we have to call 911. We have to go to the hospital. We have to go to the hospital. And I was just like, and that, at that point, I was like, I, part of me thought that I did have to go to the hospital and part of me was like, I'm too cold to do anything. Yeah. So I wanted to stay here. Yeah.

So it was like just, so I laid down on the couch. She put our comforter on me and a wool blanket and my jacket, like wrapped over my feet and then like a wool scarf around my head. And I'm just like shaking so hard. And this one I texted you because we're supposed to record. And I said, let's see, when do you want to record today? Sort of like in a jovial fashion. Yeah. And what did I respond?

Cause I didn't respond. Jill, I think Jill responded. Yeah. Well, you, according to me said, not feeling well, don't think I'll make a recording today, which is like, this isn't like, I love, I'm not feeling too hot. Ha ha. Sorry. This is random AF. It's like a very like impersonal, not feeling well.

Yeah. Don't think I'll make a recording today. At this point, I knew you were dead. Yeah, that's not me. It's Jillian. And I said, COVID question mark because you just went to Australia. You know, this is what happens when you travel abroad. And then Jill finally confesses, it's Jill.

Jake got a TDAP shot yesterday. So we think he's having chills slash a fever reaction. Did you know that she was texting me or are you like in such a deep fog that you're like, just do whatever you want. After like half an hour of just like shiver shaking on the couch and Jill, I called my doctor and we talked to him and he, he was the one that told us it was probably a reaction. And also like, but as we were waiting to talk to him, I was like, contemplating telling Jill to call 911 because like that was, it felt like my body was going offline. Right. It just, that's what you might pass out. Basically.

Yeah. Yeah. It was like, maybe I can shiver so hard that like everything just shuts off. And I was like, vague. And, and I kept on having these like really dark thoughts of like telling, telling Jill I loved her, but I was like, if I do that, then she'll freak out. Right. Yeah. Then she'll actually freak out.

So I just kept on pretending that, that everything was normal and not a big deal. While internally I was like, this is a coin toss to me that it could be the end. But then eventually when we talked to the doctor, he was like, it's, he had her take my temperature. He had me take a COVID test and the COVID test was negative. I had a, like a low grade fever and he was like, it's probably the Tdap. And he was just like, keep an eye. Basically. And he's like, if, if you start like vomiting or if there's any abdominal pains, then, you know, call 911 or something.

But this is like, this is going to subside in like 12 hours. And I remember being like, fucking 12 hours. I'll be dead by then. Yeah. Cause that was when I started warming up a little bit. Um, and as soon as I started warming up, it was just like aches and pains all over. Like I couldn't lie in a comfortable position. I think your muscles were sore from shivering.

It's like a, a workout, a full body like tension basically. Yeah. It was high tension. And then when you got the release of intensity pain all over your body where the tension was. Yeah. And that was around when I asked Jill if there was any, if any texts had come in that I needed to respond to because I knew that NAD pod was coming out that day. And sometimes Murph needs pickups. And I knew that we had to record.

And I was like, I need to tell people that I can't do stuff if they're waiting on me. Um, so yeah. Then you texted me at two 10, two hours later, bro, I thought I was dead. And I said, is this still Jill? I've never felt like that. So was it just a gradual slightly feeling a little bit better every hour for 12 hours until you went to bed? Um, it was, it was not gradual because when I stopped shivering, that was like, you know, everything. I was like, now I'm normal sick.

I'm like a normal way of feeling it felt like I, I was just kind of exhausted or something like I had, had a cold. But I think the shaking and the shivering and the, that was making me freak out. Yeah. So as soon as that stopped, it, it was kind of like the hangover from that. Um, and then I like nap for an hour. But even before I went to sleep, I was like, I, if I fall asleep, I was telling Jill, I was like, if I fall asleep, just like, um, monitor my breathing to make sure that I'm alive. So then my last words to Jill were, if I fall asleep, make sure I don't die.

Thanks babe. And then did you sleep normal, a normal night of sleep or were you like scared and sore for 12 hours? I could not get out of bed. So on the couch until I stopped shivering and then I was able to go up to the bed. And this was it like, I mean, maybe two my time. And then I laid there for a few hours, texted you, I never got out of bed. Um, I started, I think at one point I, I read a book on my Kindle. I texted some people.

Did you eat dinner dead or you didn't have an appetite because you were thought you were dead. I didn't have an appetite. But then I started, I was like, I'm hungry, but I don't know what I want. I don't have an appetite, but I had like, there's like a, a pang of hunger. And I had a plate of fruit and a piece of toast. So that was dinner. And then I went, oh, and then I had buttered noodles at like nine. And then, yeah, then I slept from nine until maybe seven 30 this morning.

Wow. And how'd you feel when you woke up? I felt a million bucks. Never better. Went on a 12-miler. I felt like I came online like slower, but I did. I went to the dog park with Dingo and I threw the ball around. Oh, wow.

And I like walked around the neighborhood. I couldn't have like gone to the gym, but I feel like right now I could maybe go climbing if I needed to. Wow. But you probably don't need to. I don't need to. Yeah. But if, yeah, I can't, I woke up and I felt completely fine except for just a little like tired from the intensity before. I wonder why it affected you in an extreme version and rarely anybody else.

Yeah. I mean, it sounds like it happens rarely, but I've gotten a tetanus shot before. So I don't know why this time it happened. I wonder if you had tetanus because I think tetanus is like when every muscle in your body contracts at the same time and you die like your bones break under the weight of the tension. Jesus Christ. So thank God you didn't have that. Yeah. Yeah.

It was a, it was a harrowing day. At least one, you survived and two, you won't have whooping cough for a decade. Yeah. It's nice to not have whooping cough. And if yesterday, I mean, God, I almost think that it'd be worth it. No, no, no. Everyone should get vaccinated against tetanus. That being said, if it lasted for 45 more minutes, it would not have been worth it.

You were an anti-vaxxer for an hour. For an hour and afterwards. Now I'm glad I have it. Did you respond to people on Slack that were reaching out to you? No. No, I didn't. As far as they know, you're still passed out. Well, I think I, I went on, I checked Slack and I saw that you told everybody that we

weren't going to record. That's good. So yeah, I made sure that no, there was nothing like pressing that I was missing. That's good. And, and then aside from that, I let all communication fall by the wayside. You deserve it. You've earned it. Yeah.

Yeah. This is your Michael Jordan flu game. That's right. Cause we, they did want us to record two this week. Yeah. But we're going to get one in the can, but now John's going to edit this and understand my plate and, and forgive me. I'll be your, I'll be your Scotty Pippin sort of carrying you to every ad break and then

you sort of pass out in your chair, drink Gatorade. You put that like little cold compress on your neck while I read ads and then smelling Gatorade actually sounds. Gatorade sounds so good. You're back into it. All right. Let's take a break. Think some sponsors come back and maybe you can get Gatorade or something.

Yeah. I'm doing the break. All right. BRB everybody. Bye. Thank you to Helix sleep for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hell yes. Thank you for making the sleep test, the sleep exam and letting me ace it and become the

doctor of the mattress. Yes. Yeah. So Helix makes a really great mattress line and you take a little sleep quiz to see what mattress is right for you. Yeah. Right. Jake's been bragging about completing this two minute honestly like Buzzfeed light quiz.

I don't, I don't sleep for the better part of it. Excuse me. I do not. I do not brag. I don't brag about completing it. I brag about acing it. Because you got the mattress and it was great or. Yeah.

I got the perfect mattress. Thank God. I took that test. That's right. And if you want the perfect mattress, you can go to helixsleep.com slash if I were you for 20% off all mattress orders and two free pillows. Amazing. Free pillows.

Come on. Yes. This is their best offer yet. And no, it won't last long with Helix. The better sleep starts now. Now. So regardless of how you sleep, whether you like it soft, medium or firm, Helix has 20 unique mattresses just ready to go based on how you fill up that sleep preference and

they'll send you the best one. And if you go to helixsleep.com slash if I were you, that's 20% off. Amazing. Thank you Helix. Sleep well. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show. Wow. For years and years and years, we've been ranting and raving about Squarespace because

it's the best way for dummies like me and potentially you that don't necessarily know how to code or design to create a professional looking website. So if you're building an online portfolio for yourself or a loved one or you want to sell stuff online, you can do an online store. They have 24 seven live customer support, email campaigns, data. You can even purchase a domain name through Squarespace. For example, I didn't even look this up, but there's no way you can't buy a mere Blumenfeld is a good dude.com.

I bet that's available and you can have it today and you can buy it through Squarespace and build an awesome website dedicated to me or I guess dedicated to anyone else in your life. I'm going to give somebody a gift this season, a summer birthday coming up. Who doesn't want a website? So the best way to do that is to go to Squarespace.com slash if I were you for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, just use that offer code if I were you to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain again, Squarespace.com slash if I were you free trial, everything

looks good. Let's launch it. Just use that offer code if I were you to save 10% off that first purchase. Thank you, Squarespace. And we're back. Hey, Jake, do you have any? Oh, it's a letter. Yes.

Yes, I do, aside from getting your Tdap vaccine. Okay, two things that I did recently that I believe have markedly improved my life. Wow. Okay. This is before you got ill. Yeah. As I was going to work yesterday, I said to Jill that I felt better than I've ever felt. Wow.

Okay. This is huge. Let's hear it. It crashed really hard, but it wasn't because of this other stuff that I'm doing. External factors. It was just the Tdap. Okay. Yeah.

Can I guess? Can I guess? Can I get back to this peak? Yeah. Okay. Does it have something to do with hydration? No. Does it have something to do with?

Kind of. Okay. Does it have something to do with food? Not really. No. Okay. Does it have something to do with sleep? No.

Does it have something to do with cleanliness? A brush? A wash? A lavage? No. Yes. I'm doing a three times a day lavage. An anal lavage.

An anal lavage. Yes. We both knew. We both knew you're sticky and netty pot in your ass and it's making you feel ten times better. All right. What is it? I'm curious.

I'm curious. Okay. Stopped drinking alcohol and deleted Instagram. Wow. Okay. There's... Yeah. Is this related to Micah?

There's nothing like it. There's nothing like it. He and I are stopping alcohol pretty much on the... Yes. Yes, it's related. I don't know... I guess... I don't know who started it.

Maybe he did. But maybe we heard it somewhere else. Okay. But yeah. We are off the sauce. Did something cause that sauce to staws or was it just like, I'm hungover. I don't want to drink for a month. Yeah.

I think he was doing it because he didn't want... He wanted to sleep better. I sleep fine, but I felt like it wasn't really adding anything to my life and there would just be like times where I'd have like a drink or two and then just like be a little foggy and I didn't want that. And then I was like, oh, well, I'm only going to drink two days a week, but then I kind of heard that it stays in your system longer than that. Like, so if I'm drinking two or three days a week, it's kind of just always there.

Yeah. So then I was like, well, I wonder what it would feel like if I just didn't drink at all. Right. And then I tried that and it felt really good. So what's the... What do you feel now versus a year ago? I guess it feels, I feel a little more, it's hard to say now because I feel so frazzled

from yesterday. But I was feeling... But I was feeling... I think either gone or here, whichever one is good. It's really bad. I've never felt... The brain... I'm starting to shake again.

I think it's withdrawal. It cracked open a cider. I think I've been... I wake up with more energy and... Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Waking up with more energy, feeling more focused and I guess just a sense of holier

than now attitude about like drinking. Oh, you're drinking? Yes. I gave that up. It's a poison. So I figured... Oh, that's a disgusting habit. My body is a temple.

Yeah. Yeah. Do you think you'll end up going back to like, I'll have wine with dinner level? Or are you like, no, I prefer the way I'm feeling to ever feeling drunk ever again. Yeah. I specifically was like, I'm not going to actually give up alcohol. I'm just going to stop drinking, but like, I'll happily start at any point. Like, I don't think I would...

If there was an event or something that I felt like it would be fun for me to get drunk for, I probably... I mean, I definitely would. Well, what about the Australian tour, don't you guys drink on that? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't drink...

I guess I had like one whiskey on show nights there. Yeah. But normally I'd have like three whiskies on a show night, a drink every other night. So like... You drink less. I'm still... Yeah. I'll drink...

The Australian tour was like, definitely an outlier. Normally I wouldn't have drank at all. Right. But like also, it's hard... I don't know how to do a show without having a drink in my hand. I need it as like a nervous comfort thing. Yes. Social lubrication slash performance juice.

Right. So I think I didn't drink for like two weeks leading up to that tour and I was like, I know when I'm in Australia, I'm going to have a drink on the night of the show. And at the end of the show, we all went out and I got like a couple whiskies that night to celebrate. So I don't... I definitely don't have a problem with drinking. I think it's fun sometimes.

Yeah. But drinking as like the default and you've been doing this for your whole last life. What makes you have fun not drinking? Well, the few things that I was thinking about when you were talking is like one, it makes sense because alcohol is... It is poison, but it's really fun to have. But I... Right.

Since the pandemic, I basically haven't been drinking. So which brings me to my other point. I'm kind of jealous that you had something you could take out and feel better because I think I feel fine now, but like I want something to be like, do this thing and you'll feel even better. I'm like, now I crave the desire to improve, like give me something that I can do. So like I'm already there. I'm already not drinking.

So like, okay, now what? Yeah. Well, I think heat exposure and cold exposure would be the next thing for you. Yeah. Have you seen this guy? Cold one. Actually, this brings us to your other point on Instagram. You deleted Instagram, but have you...

Yes. I've been seeing more and more of this like science sort of bro podcast Instagrammer Huberman, the Huberman lab, which is like some guy who's like Stanford, neuro, whatever. And he has like a podcast episodes designed to like, this is what you should do to help hydration. This is what you should do to help sleep. This is what you should do to help fertility. This is what you should do to help health or whatever.

So I've been listening to like some of those just to like hear if like there's a certain thing that I could be adding or doing or changing to make myself feel better. But one of his, one of his core beliefs is that zero alcohol is the best amount. He's big as a cold punch. Yes. Right. Yeah. He says that like literally the best amount of alcohol for you is zero.

Right. That makes sense. Yeah. I mean, we know that, but like socially, that's not necessarily true. Yeah. And I mean, some people have a problem. Emotionally. They have to avoid it entirely.

But yeah, there's alcohol, it doesn't make me, for me right now, the feeling of drinking it after is not worth the, the feeling that I get from drinking it. I basically like seeing a full glass and I like that first sip, but even after I've had like a beer, I don't like wandering around kind of bust. I don't actually like being drunk anymore. Yeah. So, so yeah. And then I definitely don't like being hungover.

It feels like not having it in my system is great. Yeah. I think you should try cold plunge, bro. Yeah. That's, that's the one that I keep hearing about as well, where it's like doing, like just lunging into cold water every morning is like a natural antidepressant slash upper slash exhilaration, like mood enhancer and it has other benefits potentially as well. That's right.

But what if it's terrible for you and I just didn't read those studies? Right. There probably are studies that say that. And actually when I was shaking, shivering, convulsing yesterday, I was like, I wonder if I shouldn't do cold plunges. Right. Is this because of that? But now I'm, now I'm normal and I'm back and I think they're fun.

Another Huberminism is drinking eight ounces of water for every hour you're awake for the first 10 hours you're awake, I should say. Okay. I think I kind of do that automatically. Yeah. Sometimes I think I drink too much water. Yeah. I'm sort of like a guy that drinks water with meals, but like at three to five PM, I'm not

drinking water. Mm. Yeah. Do you have a, do you have a water bottle? Well now I've been using this gumball bottle. See, that's nice. You just, you gotta just get a water bottle that you carry around. I carry my bottle around all the time.

What was the deal? I don't go anywhere without my baba. Yeah. I don't, I don't want to have to have a baba, but I do want to drink my water baba. Why did you delete Instagram then? I deleted Instagram when I was in Australia and I was kind of like trying to go to bed and I think I just realized that there were times where I would like be on Instagram, close it out, lift up my phone, open it again, compulsive, pure addiction

behavior. Yeah. Yeah. And then I realized I was looking at my, like on my discover page, there was this dude who, my discover page was like fitness, interior design, travel, like he's kind of like lifestyle videos. And one of them was there, I was, I was constantly getting like jacked guys cleaning their apartments. They really nailed you.

Yeah. There was this one dude who was like five, like these are the five essentials that I bring every time I travel so I can keep a clear head. And then it's like, I'm watching him go through his apartment and he's like, I think he was like a budget influencer. Like he opened, he opened one of the things he brings was chargers for his devices and he opened a drawer with a bunch of chargers. And I was like, this looks awful.

What are you doing, dude? Like, of course, everyone, five things and you're including a charger, a Mophie. Like, yeah, what are you talking about? And that was when I realized that I'm letting like these nothing influencers influence me. Like I'm the one sitting in Australia looking at this guy's dumb video and it's, you know, the 15th time I've looked on my Instagram discover page, just, just, hey, show me anything, show me anything that will make me feel some kind of sense of

longing and then I was like, an Instagram story. Yeah. Maybe I was like, let's just see what happens when I delete it. Let's just see what happens if I don't have it on my phone. Okay. And sure enough, I haven't thought about it at all. Oh, interesting. So it was, it was an addition because it's there.

Yeah. It was just because it was there. I, I just, I don't, I truly don't miss it. There's now, and now I think like the nice thing that's happened is when I use my phone, I don't know what to do with it. Yeah. You know, like sometimes you're on your phone and you're like, can you take it out? Okay.

I'm going to go Twitter, Instagram, text, email, Slack. Like you just have the rotation. Yeah. And now when I look at my phone, I'm like, there's no email. There's no Slack. There's no text. What do I do? Oh, no, I put it down.

There's nothing else here. Yeah. Nothing here for me. Yeah. But do you still, you know, just like out of habit, just like, I'm in line or I'm walking and it's a red light. I'm just like, all right, I'll check my phone. Nothing 30 seconds later.

All right. I'll check. Oh, right. I already remembered. I, I already forgot that it's like when your power goes out and you walk into a room and you turn on the light and you're like, Oh, right. I forgot. There's no light.

Yeah. Right. I think when I'm in line, I sometimes will like look at, I'll like read articles on ESPN now news. Yeah. I mean, not really new. It's still, it's still kind of nothing because it's just me reading like bullshit, but it's at least, it's at least me reading something.

And now I see people sometimes on insta, like when I'm in the line, I see someone on their Instagram just scrolling mindlessly. And I'm like, wow, that looks so sad. Yeah. This is kind of like to be me, the alcohol thing. You have a holier than now attitude. Yeah. But I'm watching their Instagram.

Wait, go back. Let's like that. Holy shit. It's a really nice cabin. Give me your, let me see your ex discover page. Are you on Tik Tok? I could show you a guy got Tik Tok. I went the opposite way from Tik Tok.

I, there, I feel like a, a couple of months ago, I was like, my unsolicited advice was follow me on Tik Tok. Yeah. You've, you've been all over the place with Tik Tok. You're in, you're out, you're in, you're out. I'm just constantly trying to find a way to feel better than find a way to feel worse than find a way to feel better again. I mean, the alcohol is a great thing.

Yeah. The alcohol, uh, it's, it has been, it has been great. I'll tell you when it's greatest is on the weekend because I, I didn't drink that much during the week anyway, really. Yeah. But on the weekends, I felt like I was, I was probably having like three or four drinks a night on maybe if not both Fridays, Saturday, at least one of those nights I would go kind of

to my ham and just waking up and not being hung over feels so good. Yeah. I'm, see, again, I'm already used to that list. I give me that next thing. Like what else you got? You know, like I already didn't wake up feeling hung over, but like, okay, now what? I think you need, then I, you needed an endorphin dump from exercise or heater, cold exposure.

That's what you need. You know what I do? Like I realized I have certain days of the week with activities that I look forward to, like playing tennis on Wednesdays, basketball on Sundays. Um, I'm like, every day of the week should have something. There's no reason for me to find like five other things that I should be doing. That's true. What, let's, let's, all right.

So Sunday is taking care of. So is Wednesday. Yeah. What do you want to do on Thursday? I don't know. Should I try blow? Like is cocaine fun? I feel like there's something to like having like acid or blow or like, yeah,

cocaine or something like that, or like whiskey vodka or something, or MDMA Fridays or something like that. Coke is super fun. And I've started doing just, so I deleted Instagram doing, I'm doing Coke. And that's every night as, as a real workplace. Yeah. Cause you're doing intermittent fasting, except for Coke. Right.

Right. Cause you, well, you don't eat the Coke. You snort the Coke. Yeah. So that's sort of curbs your appetite. I'd like to see you riding a bike, man. I think that'd be really fun. Yeah.

You can get back out there, back out, literally on the saddle or whatever the bike seat is called. Saddle. But yeah, I have to wait for it to start. It's been raining in LA for fucking three months now. This is ridiculous. I need some indoor activities to keep my endorphins up. Cooking.

You like cooking? Yeah. Cooking is fine, I guess, but you know, yeah, to what extent that's not, it's not the outdoor, like tennis is great because it's outdoor. I hang out with a buddy and it's exercise. It's like the big three. These are the three things that you eat. Sunlight.

Right. This is social. This is why you would love, you should definitely get into cycling. I've been pushing on you for years. I think it'd be really fun. We could go on some bike trips. Yeah. Great.

Yeah. But I, it's going to take a while for me to go from barely knowing how to ride a bike to, um, doing bike trips through like treacherous terrain. But that's why you go on a Tuesday, Thursday bike ride. Yeah. Okay. That's two more days. Great.

Monday. What do you got? Sensory deprivation chamber. Aaron Rodgers style. It's just you a fleshlight in a sensory deprivation chamber. So I'm sitting on a fucking what, and I'm playing with what, and it's absolutely what out. Exactly.

Exactly. Did you hear about the Aaron Rodgers thing where he went into a cabin and there's no, there's, it's just no electricity, no light for four days. I didn't know. I didn't know that it was a cabin. I knew he was doing some kind of like will, I didn't know it was like a, a wilderness thing. I thought he was doing something like God, what is it called?

It's doing like a vision quest or a spiritual thing. I didn't know exactly how it was. Okay. Um, and that was going to be telling him to retire or not, or stay with Green Bay or go to the Jets. Yes, exactly. He was going to just sort of lose himself and figure out where he wants to play football next year, if at all.

Yeah. What did he decide? I think he's leaning towards the Jets, but it hasn't been confirmed yet. Wow. I mean, I would do it. Like I would do the sensory deprivation thing. I'm just really fucking terrified that like if I do that, I'll end up on the Jets. Yeah, dude, that's actually a really good tweet.

Yeah, let's fire that off because I need to do that now. I need to do that yesterday and I actually might cross post it to Instagram and then I'll say it on my Tik Tok for a maximum exposure notifications, the red circle, the numbers going up and up and up, all get to my veins and then I get fried tennis. On Friday, it's a social media glutton factory. All right, those are two good unsolicited advices and a good compliment to the first third of the episode where you were feeling really sick.

Now it's like, okay, this is how I'm feeling better. Yeah. I felt like I didn't do it justice with my pitch because I'm a shell of a man, but trust me, everybody, it's been feeling really nice. Okay, I'll start fucking futzing around with some sort of food or maybe water and electrolyte, something or other to make myself feel a little better. So I have something to contribute next week. Okay, but you have the perfect yard for a sauna and a cold plunge.

It wouldn't be hard. Yeah. Have you been, wait, you don't have a cold plunge. Do you just have a sauna? Yeah, I just have the sauna. God damn. But I want the cold plunge. Isn't the cold plunge just any bucket?

Like what makes it a specific plunge of cold? Yeah, no, some people just use a bucket and that's what I want to do. I'm thinking I'm just going to build one with Jeff over the, it's kind of, you can't really do it over the summer because then, well, no, you can. You just pour ice in there. Never mind. As soon as the weather gets a little bit warmer and I want to spend more time in the yard, we'll build the cold plunge.

That's awesome. Thanks. I needed to hear that. I'll come visit and sort of. But it's just any, yeah, it's any bucket. You actually, uh, we'll do it when you come out in March. We'll do, uh, we'll run into the ocean. The ocean.

Yeah, it'll be safe. Will you do it? Will you run into the ocean with me in March? I'd rather do like the bucket one. So there's like a, no shower nearby. Let's do, let's do an ocean one because like, no, you would like it. Yeah. What if I end up on the jets?

Nice. Forget it. Um, holy shit. I want the jets. Let's everyone hold them accountable. I think you should do it. Holding account. I never said I would do it.

This is your, your gaslighting me. This is an ambulance. I never said it. Can I just do the cold one? Can I take a cold shower or some shit? I need to have access to hot water right after. Yeah. There are benefits to just a cold shower.

That's what Huberman says. Thank you. Get on that Hube tip. Uh, all right. Let's take another break. Thanks. Some more sponsors have come back. Maybe we'll even answer a question.

Fuck it. God. Yeah. Jeez, we need to. Oh, I was going to say this is if I were you, the only advice podcast on the internet hosted by us. Yeah. Christ.

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Thank you to Aura Frames for sponsoring this head gum podcast. You know, Aura Frames is sponsoring not just this episode, but the entire head gum network, Jake. Wow. That's correct. I mean, this might be the goat father's day gift. I think it actually is. Yeah.

Yeah. Not just father's day, but if for any, uh, not so tech savvy family member that you need a gift for soon, these digital photo frames might be the best of all time. Yeah. For me personally, these things are perfect. I'll tell you why. As you know, I am expecting.

Yeah. Uh, my first child, we got one for Jill's parents. Oh wow. We got one for Jill's grandma. Holy smokes. We got one for my parents. So there are three of these bad boys, uh, in our family right now, but they're, they're great, really easy way to like stay in touch with your family.

You can upload as many photos as you want directly into my parents kitchen. It's really nice. Oh, that's cool. So you take a photo of anything, perhaps a baby, and then it goes to their digital photo frame. This is actually how we, how we told Jill's grandma, she was pregnant. We got her the Aura frame. We plugged it in.

Jill's grandma was pregnant. Really nice asshole. This was actually a really sweet moment for me and my wife. And you're trying to make a joke of it. I was just being goofy a little bit like, uh, this is how I told my grandma. She was pregnant. Yeah. Yeah.

Kind of like a, she misheard it or something like that. Or the way you said it was kind of like, could go either way. By the way, Jill's, Jill's grandma is pregnant. Oh my God. Jill's grandma is 90 and pregnant. It's pretty cool. And you told me with a digital photo frame, holy smokes. And we let her know with an Aura.

Yeah. Thank you. The Aura announcement. So you can instantly frame photos from any device anywhere and invite the whole family in on the fun through the Aura app. Admit to your Aura app. I'd love to upload just a picture of me, like at a pool or something. That could be funny.

Yeah. Like your banana or your dog alongside pictures of my daughter. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. You deserve that. You can even preload photos and add a personal video message that will display as soon as your dad or anybody connects to the frame.

Yeah. It's a great gift. A really, really iconic gift. And right now you can save on the perfect Father's Day gift and visit Aura Frames. That's A U R A Frames dot com. And our listeners can use code head gum to get up to $30 off plus free shipping on the best selling frames. There it is.

Oh wow. This is timely. The deal ends on June 18th. So don't wait terms and conditions apply. That's Aura Frames A U R A Frames dot com. Okay. Go get your parents something. All right.

And use the code head gum for $30 off plus free shipping. Thank you, Aura. And now back to the head gum podcast you were listening to. And we're back. All right. We really got to answer a question at this point. We have a streak to maintain. Have we ever not answered a question?

Probably right. I think so. Yeah. For sure. Yeah. We definitely get sidetracked. All right. Uh, here we go.

I'll cut to it. I'm a 19 year old lady. So we'll call this lady lady and I've started casually seeing this guy for my work. I like him and he likes me and everything is casual and nice. But here's the thing. I can't stop laughing when we kiss. I haven't kissed a lot of people mostly because I've never really had a desire

to, but he likes making out. So I'm like, okay, sure. Why not? But for some reason I just can't stop laughing. He's not doing anything wrong. There's nothing causing me to laugh. I feel bad because when he asked me why I'm laughing and then I have to come up with something he doesn't think I'm laughing at him and I'm not.

I just keep laughing and I don't know what to do. How do I stop doing this? Has this ever happened to you guys? Probably not all the time, but I still don't know what's going on and why it keeps happening. Any advice would help. Wow. I really don't know.

I, I feel like it's happened to me where someone was laughing when I was kissing them, like, and it being basically I feel for this guy. So just, just concerning. You're making out with someone and they're cracking up. Yeah. I think like when you're getting laughed at, when you're the other person in the laughing kiss, it feels kind of demoralizing slash emasculating. Like that person is laughing at you because that's what right.

It happens in normal life, but I think what's actually happening is the other person's really nervous or anxious about the kissing. Right. Yeah. So sometimes people, she did kind of say that she was like, yeah, she didn't say she was nervous, but she said she hasn't kissed a lot of people. So maybe, maybe you are nervous. Yeah.

I think it's like a jitters thing. Like you'll get over it. Yeah. It's going to go away. It can't, literally cannot last forever. You can't giggle until you die. There's no time for that. Can you giggle so hard you die?

I was shaking so hard that I was going to die. Anything's possible. And I was cracking up when Jill was texting me that and I almost passed the fuck out. I had a friend once that laughed so hard he fainted. I guess, yeah, it's hard to breathe when you're laughing really. All right. He like, he blacked out a friend of mine.

I don't want to name names, but just know that the first person laughs so hard. Actually overmade the joke that made the person almost die. Wow. Do you remember the kind of scary? Yeah. I do remember the good joke. The joke was we were talking about different strains of weed, you know, somewhere like Indica's and Sativa's or something.

Yeah. And like one way to remember is like in the couch, like Indica's make you like mellow, so it's like Indica couch. And then we were talking about how they're like, they're e-cigarettes that like you can charge with Bluetooth. And then Oprah says, yeah, an easy way to remember that is into computer. And then my other friend laughed so hard at that pun that he fainted. In the computer, he's like, you know, like the thing is like, I'm dying.

I'm dying. He actually was dying. Like he passed out. We were afraid. Like, do I, do I have to give the Heimlich to this place? Were you guys stoned? I mean, the joke. The joke was fine.

But yeah, it didn't, it made us laugh, but nobody died from it. But this guy laughed so hard. He was just like slumped over in his chair. I'm like, holy shit. Like, are you, are you fucking with us? Cause like, you know, you're laughing. You can't go straight to serious. And then as Oprah was going over to like potentially give this guy the Heimlich,

like maybe he was choking while he was laughing, like on a food. Oh my God. He like, just like sort of like woke up. Like if I've, I've ever passed out. Oh my God, that's so funny. It was just like temporary. You fainted. We talked about on the podcast, you fainted once, right?

Yeah. I worked out so hard with Billy at a 24 hour fitness. We were doing a sled, like pushing a sled and it ended and I felt like kind of nauseous, kind of like, like feverish, like pale. Like I wasn't getting enough oxygen while I was doing the exercise. Then after the gym, we went to get a smoothie or I went to get a smoothie by myself and I felt so lightheaded that I like collapsed at this smoothie place. Terrifying.

God, I love it. God, I love it. Anyway, you can tell this person that you're nervous slash excited and that's why you're laughing. Yeah. I think you can't keep on saying that you're laughing at something else. Cause even if you're one, I think that reads as a lie. I believe that he knows you're lying.

And two, even if he doesn't, it's like, why do you keep on thinking of other funny stuff while we're making out? I think you have to just be like, I'm sorry, I'm nervous. And that's, that's at the very least you're going to tell him the truth. Maybe sharing that will make you feel more comfortable and you'll start laughing less. This happened at a, uh, on friends, right? Like Ross and Rachel Ross was, or Rachel was always laughing when Ross finally kissed her and then they like sounds familiar.

They finally like made out and Ross was like, you're not laughing in Rachel's like, it's not funny anymore or something like that. Yeah. I remember, I do remember that. And then they rolled over a juice box at a, a natural history museum. I remember that one too. So maybe there's something about a juice box or something. There's something about a juice box for you too.

You can't quite put your fingers on how it's juice box related, but it has to be. All right. Let's answer one more question really quick. So people aren't fucking upset with us. Yeah. Even though we poured our heart and soul for the first 40 minutes of the pot. Sorry, Jake almost died last night. We wanted to catch up and talk about it.

I could barely be here for this. This is, we should say the last episode ever, maybe if you start shivering again. So let's treat it with a little bit of a gobbett toss. Yeah. Long time listener, first time email. This is from a guy. I'll get straight to it. My girlfriend and I broke up a month ago.

We'll call this guy guy. Uh, we'd been together for almost three years. So my single gears are pretty rusty, but I have noticed this cute girl that works at my local supermarket and we say hi to each other. And yesterday I did a double take back at her and she was doing the same thing to me while she was serving another customer. It sounds great. But my only problem is I don't know what to do from here.

What's the most seamless way of building momentum with this quest to go on a date with her? How do I, how do I go about this without potentially embarrassing myself or having to go to a different grocery store? Yeah, that is tough. It's tough. We've, we've covered questions like asking someone out at your gym, asking your barista out at like, if it doesn't go well, you do not shop.

There anymore. I think you owe you owe her that courtesy. Yeah, but I think grocery store is easier than like barista or something because, or Jim, because like you have to like sort of show her what you're buying and she'll have to make some small talk with you and you could sort of gauge where she's like, whoa, cool. What are you making? Or she's just like swiping and not saying anything to you.

So it's like, I'm going to buy dough and cheese and pizza sauce. Let's see if she takes the bait where it's like, oh, this is exciting. Are you making pizza? Yeah, I make a really good pie. You should come over or whatever. And if she's like, no, I already have a boyfriend. You're like, that's fine.

I was going to go to Whole Foods anyway. Do you guys accept Jack? I don't have apple pie. Who should I make out with you? Or sorry, make this out too. Fuck. I'm gluten free. I should, I had a cheese sample.

You could try the end of computer joke or some shit like that. It's a computer. Oh man, that's good. Imagine if my friend died and that was the last joke you heard a pun about we and a good way to go out. A good way to go out really to laugh yourself to death. I think that's sweet. Yeah, that's like between that and sex.

You're probably like the two best ways. I would write your number on an apple and on an apple iPhone. That's good. That's good. That's very good. Yeah, I honestly, I don't think I can beat by by the ingredients for a pizza and try to go to her into asking for dinner every day you come back. Oh, I forgot.

Top eggs. Yeah. Anyway, that'll be four ninety five. Are these pepperoni again? I am making a pizza. That's nice. I don't like you. Well, I don't like pizza.

All right. Anyway, just this giant tub of Vaseline in a Maxon magazine. Can I have a Juergens and a stuff? That's the hottest poker players of ninety ninety eight. How's that? Yeah. Yeah, I don't even know where the day old pastries after all. Do you guys throw the bagels to go with my job?

You guys throw away the bagels after a day or how does that work? All right, good luck. Let us know how it goes. Yeah. Oh, this guy says, big fan of the show. Congrats to Jake for yet another golden mic. You're on an absolute roll. Thanks.

Yeah, I do feel like I got the golden mic today because. Anybody like I was doing a lot of that heavy lifting. Yeah, I know you definitely were. But I think I just get one for I get like a sympathy golden mic. I get the man of the match for this one just for showing up after my hardship. But I don't think you take that away from me, would you? No, but if we're talking about sympathy, maybe I can get. Like last week, you probably didn't even say who got it.

You might as well just be like, fine, you get one for the last day. I got it last week. Yeah, you think so. I just feel I'm shaking again. She is the show. Let's just give you the mic. You're totally. Give me the mic.

You can't even hold it. You're too weak. All right, that's it. That's our time. Thanks for watching. Thanks for listening. If you got your own questions or theme songs, send them on down to if I were you show at gmail.com.

Correct. We're also watching Jake and Amir episodes on our Patreon, patreon.com. Slash J A. Yeah, so thanks. Thanks to you guys for supporting us over there and watching those videos. Thanks for listening and watching these videos. And of course, we'll be back next week. We're also making Jake and Amir videos.

I believe I believe a March Madness is out either this week or next week. If all goes well, there will be a new Jake and Amir March Madness episode very, very, very soon. Those are debuting on the Head Gum YouTube. So yeah, check us out on the Head Gums YouTube. All right, that's it. That's our time. We'll be back next week and thank you to Matt Pope for writing this theme song.

Let's play it again, Sam. That's my middle name. OK. Sometimes I wonder what I'm doing with my life. I couldn't handle having a child or even a wife. I make all of my choices out of here. And on Mondays, I listen to Jake and Amir. I don't pay taxes because I don't earn enough.

I refake stories from fake ghosts who like it rough. My mother says I need to make it rough to do. And so I sneak in fast from jail in my ear. Maybe tomorrow I will cut it with this crap. Maybe next week I'll have a day when I don't fall. And in a few years, I'll grow up and sell it down. And by my wife and daughter matching dressing gowns. But now it's time to hand it to the two class clowns.

Because if I were you, the show is starting now. I was coming back in with another verse. No, they're out. That was a Head Gum Original.