If I Were You - 61: True or False Winter Break

Episode Date: January 13, 2025

In this episode we discuss our time off and a few movies we saw recently.Advertise on Segments via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HITGUM original. there. Now here's one early effort early. Only positive motivations they swear. Second. Another podcast. Second. Each app different from the last. Second. It's the Swiss Army knife of choice. Now let's meet you to empathic hopes To second Woo! You went way too early

on the hands in the air. Don't do rock and roll fingers. Don't get the light show and the Zoom thing called up. Do not do that. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. In fact, go directly to jail. No way.

For what you did. No. Yes, yes. Your house will be getting swatted tonight, brother. I'm sorry to say. You ruined the intro. I'm calling it a very credible bomb threat to your house as a goof.

That's right. There's nothing you can do. There's nothing you can do to prevent you from getting swatted. And just like say, hey, I know for a fact, there's a bomb in this address, you have to go. Would they have to go? I mean, I think that's what getting swatted was all about.

I feel like if it was that easy, people would do that more and more as a prank. Yeah. Well, I mean you get in a lot of trouble. Yeah. It's super dangerous. They can trace the calls. You know, you can't star six nine your way out of it. Star six seven. You mean caller ID block. Wait, what's star six nine? Is that call back? Yeah, call back. Star six nine was call back the number that just called me. Yes, exactly.

Now that was a good invention. That was great. That was a very good invention. Now nobody needs it because of caller ID. Yeah, which is too bad. Remember when your rich friend got caller ID for his landline, you're like, check this out, I know who's calling me.

Oh yeah. Oh my God. You don't even have to pick up. There's no mystery. Yeah, God. Screening calls. That was just incredible. Now it's just baked into our cell phone DNA. I remember rich friends that had their own phone lines.

Like phone line two is just mine. You can call my number and you don't even have to talk to my mom. Right, like you don't have a cell phone, but you do have your own line in your room where you have a phone. And then friends that had total phone, forget about it. You have friends with total phone?

Unless I'm on America Online, on that line, you can't call, it'll be a busy signal. Yeah, yeah, we had two lines for the, but we got one for the internet, and that was one you could not. All right, well, it's 2025. We don't need to talk about the past anymore. Though I'd love to.

This is second. Happy New Year, by the way. We haven't recorded together since 2025. That's right. We haven't really talked that much either. Yeah, it's true. Do you have any resolutions? No. Or revolutions. But that brings me to my first segment.

True or false winter break edition. Okay. I'm gonna tell you about my winter break but you have to guess whether these things actually happened or are false did not oh okay I love that all right let's go okay true or false I got pneumonia on Christmas Eve and was sick through New Year's, so I missed eight holiday parties in eight days. I'm gonna go ahead and guess that's false, though you are sickly and I wouldn't put it past you. Correct, it's false.

I was sick when we recorded the last episode of 2024, but got better and was able to attend a lot of holiday parties. a lot of holiday parties. A lot of holiday parties. Although there is a lot of illness going around. I don't know if it's happening on the East Coast too, but every other person I know in LA is getting some sort of virus or bacterial infection.

So the days are numbered. Is it a vomiting thing? For some people they're getting the poops, they're getting the pukes, they're getting the shits. Some people are just getting the vid, a good old classic COVID situation. Some people are getting the flu. God, can't wait to come visit.

And I had a cold. Yeah, for sure. True or false? Avital and I tried to make a keto lasagna on Christmas day for a potluck and it was so watery, we blended it into a soup, which was ultimately too disgusting to serve. I just know that is true.

That is false! Absolutely, you guys did. I made that up. Yes, wouldn't that have been a fun, cute, coy story to share? None of it is true. We went to a fine Christmas party, it was normal, there was food served. And you made a normal lasagna?

Yes, I didn't make a lasagna at all. Right, okay. Yes, no issue. Because if you did, it would turn out too watery. Of course, didn't matter. Yes. Because if you did, it would turn out too watery. Of course. Didn't matter. Yeah. Due to high winds, we lost electricity at my house for three days and had to live at my parents' place while they were in Hawaii.

Ooh. This is an interesting one because I do know that your parents were in Hawaii. I know that to be true, but I don't know about the wind of it all. I'm gonna go ahead and say that, oh, God damn it, that seems true. Let's go ahead and say it's true. That is false, I made it up. Are they all false? Yeah, not all of them, but I made that one up.

Our electricity was fine, we didn't have any issues. We stayed at home. It sounds like your break was just insanely boring. Yeah, not much happened. Nothing of events happened. And specifically not the lasagna and not the electricity. Not the soup and not the wind.

It was all okay on the day, ultimately. All right, here's one. Kind of mundane. I got a parking ticket last Thursday because I thought it was Monday and I parked in a no parking on Thursday spot I'm just gonna go with my gut and say false because I think maybe they're all false That one is true. I actually got a parking ticket. God damn it. Cause it was like January 2nd and I'm like, it's probably fine.

I can park here. I'm like, oh yeah, I guess it is Thursday. You know, it's like one of those weeks that doesn't feel like any day. I haven't noticed that. What? Cause I often will park in front of the office out there and not feed the meter and it's fine.

Yeah, it's rare. It's rare to get that ticket, but sometimes they get you. Respect. I touched up my balloon sinoplasty by going back to the ENT doctor who proceeded to yes, inflame a balloon in my sinus passages again because quote, I've been snoring again and much worse than ever.

I guess I'll guess true because I want it to be true. That one is false. Yeah, I thought so. Didn't go back, didn't need to. It was just, yeah, I've had a fine time. There's no issue. That's not really something I can imagine you get touched on because it's like a full on procedure, right?

You'd have known that for sure. For sure, for sure. So far you're 0 for 9, which is really hard to do. Wow. I fell asleep at 11.30 p.m. on New Year's Eve, marking the end of my, I figured it out, 35 year streak of being awake on New Year's. Ooh, ooh.

Okay, well, I don't believe that you, what, did you do something on New Year's? Huh, that's the question. Did you go to a party? You went to eight holiday parties. Maybe I'll be told I bragged you. Huh? That was false. I did two holiday parties. Maybe I'll be told I bragged you. Huh? That was false.

I did two or three. You said you missed eight holiday parties, but you didn't really have pneumonia, so you said you went to many holiday parties. I went to many, I did a good eight. I had a good eight. Okay, but you went to many. That was false.

You went to many. Yes. You went to many parties. So maybe New Year's party is included, but it is like you to have a good time adding up the tallies and the figures of how often you stayed up till midnight and declaring it being 35 years,

which would mean every year since you were seven-ish. Yeah, it's true. False! I stayed up till one, I went to a party. It was New Year's, of course I stayed up as midnight. What a weird thing to figure out. I don't know if I was awake at age nine. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I guess you're right. Right, random, random. You haven't gotten one right yet, okay, let's see. Have I not? I got the first one right. This is the last one. I got the first one right. This is really, really, really fucked up.

I'm sort of in your mind at this point. Ready? Yes. I lost $950 at Hollywood Park Casino, a card club in Inglewood, when I went all in with pocket aces and lost to a guy with pocket kings. The flop came out, king, king, 10, and gave him quads.

If I had won, I would have been up $2,000. Oh, god damn. It's almost like whatever you guess, I'm gonna say you were wrong. Yeah, right? Is that what is happening? Are you just lying to make me lose the game? You love to gamble.

You would do some kind of degenerate gambling around Christmas because you're not really celebrating and everybody else is off and you like to do some kind of anti-Christmas thing, because you're like a reverse anti-Semite about the holidays. I'm a pro-Semite about the holidays. I think, I'll just guess, I'll guess true because I like the idea of you losing cash.

False! I didn't go gambling over the holidays. I was at home, sort of taking care of little things, replacing a bidet that was faulty, outdoor light bulbs that needed switching, things of that nature. This is, oh God, it was so boring. And I also sucked at it.

Well, I sort of had an uneventful winter break, so I thought I'd play a true or false game where I gave you fun, exciting things that could have happened, but did not. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Although I did get a parking ticket.

That was the one true. That was the one true. They were all false other than the parking ticket. Yeah, it was false, false, true, false, false, false, false. You guessed true, true, false, true, true, true. The one thing he didn't believe was the parking ticket. There's no way, there's no way. It was so boring.

I thought you'd want to tell me a story. Did anything boring happen over break for you? Or was it mostly just exciting things like the gambling, the staying with your parents, the electricity going out? It was pretty eventful. We drove to Maine and Jemma threw up all over herself. And that was kind of a fun little adventure. Was she sick or was she just car sick?

Or was she just a nasty little girl at the time? I think, I guess there's a world, I don't, she wasn't sick, she was maybe car sick. I was contending that we had been giving her too many snacks throughout the car ride to placate her into enjoying the car ride. I see. And that was met with,

I guess like some kind of defensiveness. Yeah, like, don't tell me how to entertain Jenna. You're saying I made her sick, etc. etc. But that's fine. I wasn't like that. Sweetheart, I wasn't pointing any fingers. But you did give her all the snacks and she threw up. I just noticed the color of the puke was the color of the muffins is all. I think maybe she was car sick, maybe she was just like bored. You know, it was a long drive,

but like the first two hours, completely uneventful, great. We stopped at the Midway Point, the LL Bean store in Massachusetts. Took a very cute picture. We had a great time in the store, but we got out and it was kind of starting to snow. And then it was just like a real slog the next two hours to get to Portland.

And she was supposed to take a nap and she was just sort of kind of like whining, like maybe about to fall asleep and just like trying to be quiet and playing the same song over and over again on the radio to lull her to sleep. And I happened to look in the rear view mirror and see just at the exact balloon and we just squeezed everything out. It was so much puke. And it just tumbled out of her mouth, all directly onto her, onto the car seat, onto the straps of the car seat, into her lap.

You're far away from a shower or a cleaning device. We're two hours away from where we're going to stay in Portland. We're on the highway in the snow. She has puked more than I've ever seen. Like an adult human amount of puke just came out in one go. Does it go straight into crying or does it like just like, oh, I feel fine now? No, it's, I mean, it's pretty tragic. She, it goes, she's, she's crying before she throws up and the throw up kind of like confuses and subdues her

because she doesn't really know what just happened. And then Jill like climbs into the back seat while you're driving. To comfort her while I'm driving. I get off like immediately on the exit. There's a gas station. I pull in. I like, I think Jill's in the diaper bag

with wipes, but there's so much puke. There's just so much puke. We're beyond wipes at this point. Yeah, we're beyond wipes. I need to like take the car seat out and like shake it out. Yeah, hose it down like in a car wash. I go inside, I'm like, do you have any cleaning supplies? And the guy's like, no.

That makes sense. Solid jerky then. It's a mobile and Worcester, So yeah, I guess you wouldn't. Do you have peanut M&Ms? Fuck it. I might as well be happy myself. My kid just threw up in the car and he's like, oh, and he gave me a bunch of paper towel

from behind the desk. And I had paper towel in the car already. Yeah, but that's a dry rub onto a wet towel. I like wet it in the sink. Yeah. We had the diaper back, but it's snow dry rub onto a wet top. I like wet it in the sink. Yeah. We had the diaper back, but it's snowing, it's freezing. Changing Gemma, she's covered in puke. Changing her where exactly?

In the trunk of the car, like, you know, we popped the trunk so like, you know, the doors are open. We're changing her, we're covered in puke. Is she crying during this part or is she like, this is whatever? No, she's pretty happy to not be in the car seat. It's like, that was what she was aiming for. So she's-

This is great. Yeah, she's not like happy, but she's more like at peace than when we were driving. Yeah. And then yeah, we had to like clean out the car seat as much as we could, but it's just- Dry puke. Still, yeah, we had to clean out the car seat as much as we could, but it's just still, yeah, it's still there.

Changed her, put her back in, and then she threw up two more times on the ride. One of the times was just like while I was holding her, so she just fully threw up into my neck and on my shirt. Yeah, and are you scared at this point? Like are you like, uh-oh, something is wrong? Or are you like, oh, this is crazy, but it's fine? No, she didn't seem sick.

She seemed just kind of, I mean, she seemed car sick and she was just puking. She didn't seem, and every time she threw up, she was like, after the second time she threw up, she was just giggling. She was not upset. She loved it. She loved what was happening.

So that was that. And that's false. I wish. I wish. Oh, and then the other cute thing that happened. That was a cute thing? Oh yeah, I think it's a fun little story. We'll always remember it.

We'll always remember it because the car seat does still smell like puke, even though I deep cleaned it twice. Yeah, it's hard to get it, it's hard to deep clean it. Yeah, you can't steam out. You just have to get a new car seat or something. I think at this point, I maybe, they all have really good warranties.

So maybe I'll just like kind of tear it and be like, hey, this broke. And then they have to send me a new one. Right, because you can't take like a full fucking car seat to a dry cleaner or something. Yeah, I mean not every single piece of it because it's like the straps are really, I've cleaned all of the fabric,

I've cleaned all of the hard surfaces, but the straps are like, you know, attached. Deep baked in. Yeah. But I went, so we went to Dick's Sporting Goods with Jemmook before Christmas. I like was buying people Christmas gifts. And then Micah got her one of those like little,

like a full on car. It's, it was like a baby car that has a push handle for the adult to push it. But it's got like a door, a horn, it plays music. Do you like having such a big thing? I imagine you'd be like, I don't know, I don't want a place to place this thing. Yeah, I'm pretty anti stuff,

but I'm so pro like her joy that it's overcoming my like stuff. So like she currently likes it, we'll find a place for it. Yeah, well I'm putting everything in the garage, or I'm putting everything in the basement. Got it. So I'm able to hide everything. And then I'm also pretty quick to donate it

or get rid of stuff. But I haven't, I don't know, I guess I do a mix, because sometimes I like say she doesn't need stuff, but this was a gift and I wasn't gonna police, who gives her what. Yeah, you did already give it away though. Yeah. Yeah, well I wrote it around for a little bit.

I threw up in it. I drove it to a fucking Goodwill and left it there. But then for the rest of, I mean she still says it now. Anytime she gets in the car I say, where do you want it go? And she says, dicks. Pretty good. She's obsessed with going to dick sporting goods.

And it's like, she just wants to go back to dicks. She wants to buy a tennis racket without strings. Yeah. And then, yeah. That was false. That was false. Again, false. We went to North Carolina.

We saw the family down there. My sister works on a farm, so we got to visit some farm animals. And then on New Year's, I went to a game night. Can you believe that? No, that doesn't strike me as something you'd enjoy. To be fair, it wasn't. Even during the games,

I feel like you don't like the idea of a game night, but once the game started, you could get into it. I think the issue with me for New Year's was I didn't want to go out because I'm tired and I'm like, I'm not gonna party, so I don't wanna stay up late. What's the end of the game here? I have to get up at six,

so what am I gonna be hungover? But then a friend was having a very low key game night because they also have kids and I was like, oh, maybe this will be a good middle ground because I'm not gonna go, I don't wanna rage, but I don't wanna go to sleep at 10 because that'll be too sad. But it turns out staying up till 12.05

wishing you could go home, That's the saddest one. It's actually better to just admit. Worst of both worlds. Yeah, I tried to thread the needle and I missed both. You cut your 35 years awake at midnight streak, I heard. No, I was up. I was up and miserable for it. What were the games?

Anything I've played before? Have you ever played a game called Hughes and Clues? Nope. Oh wait, yeah, where it's like, you have to say Kermit and then like you try to get the exact color of green. I've seen it on TikTok. Exactly, exactly. Yeah.

So we played that and it was, it was good. It's a fun game, but there's a lot of like, people take it really personally if you don't describe the color of a grapefruit. Like I think my green was Celtics and they're like, that's way darker. And I was like, I don't fucking, it's green.

What do you want me to say? Yeah, there's green and then there's green. This is Hughes and clues. Also you said the ideal race earlier, which is really fucked up. Yeah, also someone got my green. So like you, it didn't connect with you, but that's fine.

You were both wrong. Like the process was off. The results were fine. And then that game is also not perfect because some people were like shining their phone flashlights on colors. And I'm like, well, we're not all looking at this in the same light then.

So what are we even doing here? And it was a big group. So there was like 15 people playing. We were in pairs of twos and it was just like, the turns were taking a minute, two minutes each. I was a little bit checked out. two minutes each, I was a little bit checked out. Just like watching the baby cam, seeing Gemma sleeping, like damn, I'm so jealous.

Oh yeah, who's babysitting on New Year's? Our, just our go-to babysitter, a real saint, told us she was around. And I think that was the other reason we went out. Cause we weren't necessarily gonna like try to find a babysitter and go out, but our sitter was like, if you guys wanted to go out, I'm around. And we're like, oh, all right.

That seems like one of the- I guess we have to. I mean, there's lots of hard parts about having children, but like whenever I see my friends with kids out, I'm like, this cost you an extra $125. Like we're just like out at a restaurant. It'll cost me 50, it'll cost you $280. Cause of the- Yeah, it costs you extra money. And'll cost you $280. Cause it's the most.

Yeah, it costs you extra money. And you low key do wanna go home the entire time. Yeah. Cause you're tired. Although. You're tired and you know you have to wake up early. It seems like when the kids are older, they're more annoying and you get excited to leave.

Like you have a sweet baby still. So you're not like, let me get the fuck away from Gemma. But if it's like three boys and you're like, they yell all day long, I'll pay $300 to see a movie. That's true. Though Gemma, she's able to talk now and the things that she says before bed are,

dad, dad, I go away and dad, I close the door and dad, I go by. So you're starting to see glimpses of the teenage years. Yeah I think it's cute right now because she smiles when she says it but I can see like someday when she's telling me to go away I'm like oh wow this will be really sad because I've dedicated my entire life to making you my best friend. Yeah and I've sort of cleaned your ass and now you're mad at me for, I don't know, taking you to Dix. You used to love going to Dix.

I put you in a car. All right, can you just fucking stop telling the Dix car story? Just drop me off at Dix, dad. Story wasn't funny the first time. God, that'll be, I mean, that's my nightmare. Someday she'll, and she will someday say, dad, you're not funny. Like, wow. That's my nightmare. Someday she'll, and she will someday say, dad, you're not funny. Like, wow. That's your nightmare.

Yeah. Well, everyone on the Jake and Amir Patreon disagrees, babe. Slaves the door in her face. All right, let's take a break here. Thanks from sponsors. Come back with more segments after these messages. Thank you to BetterHelp for sponsoring this episode. Exactly.

Jake, what do you want your 2025 to be? You know, every January brings you 365 blank pages waiting to be filled. Ooh, I'm ready to write my story. And you don't necessarily want to give up so quickly. And one of the best resolutions you can have is to take care of your mental health. And one of't necessarily want to give up so quickly and one of the best resolutions you can have is to take care of your mental health and one of the best ways to do that is to talk to a therapist, a professionally licensed

therapist. That's right, get that inner light shining folks. I use therapy and I find it very very helpful. BetterHelp makes that therapy really easy because BetterHelp is fully online, making therapy affordable, convenient, and it serves five million people worldwide. Damn. Yeah, I found that you, I mean, no offense, you used to be like such a piece of shit. I feel like therapy has really helped. You're like, you're not as much of a piece of shit these days. So. Oh, well, I was, I think I've been taking therapy for longer than that So I think for when you thought I was a piece of shit. I was uh, you might have been working on myself

I was trying to give you a compliment Well, you can access a diverse network of more than 30,000 credentialed therapists with a wide range of Specialties so regardless of what's ailing you there's somebody for you and you can easily switch therapists at any time with no additional cost. Exactly. So write your story with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash segments today to get 10% off your first month. Hey, not bad. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash segments.

Segments folks. Thank you again, BetterHelp. Thanks. Thank you to Quip for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hell yeah. Finally, an electric toothbrush that doesn't overcomplicate the most basic daily ritual. Jake, I have here in my hand the Quip 360.

I can see that. Let's see the reveal on this brush. I mean, just the design alone of the holder looks like a gosh darn futuristic Apple product. Look at this. Love to toss that in my dock kit. Oh my God. Are you kidding me?

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All right, we're returned. Time for one of our favorite segments, two jackasses talking about a movie they both saw. Mm-hmm, yeah, a film review. Yeah, a film review podcast segment, not a full show because we don't necessarily know what we're talking about, but sometimes we will have seen the same movies.

And that will happen often because you and I both don't really see seen the same movies. And we, that will happen often, cause we don't, you and I both don't really see a lot of movies. What? Yeah, well, Avital sees every movie. So sometimes I go with her. I see. So you will go to the theater.

She, yes, she has like the AMC pass where she can go like three times a week and she tries to see a bunch of movies. And I'm like, okay, I'll go see this one or two a month. I see, cool. And I prefer watching more mindless entertainment, but every once in a while, I'll view a film in my home. I haven't been to the movies in two years.

When was last, when did The Last Bond come out? 2014. Is that true? Oh my God, holy shit. Oh fuck. Has it been 11? I actually don't know the last movie I saw in theaters. It might've been Megan.

Oh, okay. So that was, yeah. That was definitely two, minimum two years ago. Was it two years ago? Or was it exactly two years ago? I don't know, it was close. Anyhow, it's been a while. I don't go to the C-movies.

But I'll watch them. So we both saw Gladiator 2. I guess it's just streaming on digital now. It's like sort of, there's no real theatrical release anymore without like two weeks later, it's on TV. I don't know how long it was in theater, but I mean, they're making, they're milking the theatrical releases a little bit.

Yeah. But, you know, I see them when they come out for folks like me. When I can pay $20 for it to own it at home. Oh, you're owning, you're not doing the rental? Well, sometimes you're not allowed, I would prefer to do the rental, but sometimes the only option is to own it.

So they made you buy Gladiator 2 digitally. Sometimes you can rent it for 20 bucks or own it for 25. And like the thing about renting it is you only have like 24 or 48 hours to watch it. And I'm like, I do usually need two nights. And it's just safer for me to own Gladiator 2 at that point. So Gladiator 2, you pay $20.

Do you know who you're even paying to? I guess Apple. I think Apple is, I'm doing it all from Apple TV. And you're watching that one solo? No, not dolo, not solo dolo. Jill watched that one too. I'm watching that with my wife, with my beloved. And are you still doing the headphones thing?

Yes, we are rocking. I mean, it's basically a theater experience. We have a hundred inch projector. We have the Apple AirPod Max. I'm getting surround sound. The lights are off, I'm having a Lindor chocolate too on my sofa. I'm on Instagram reels.

Chill is ordering food from Whole Foods. She's in and out of the house. She's at dinner for the first time. Dingos being locked, but it's fine because the Max headphones do reach down the block, so I'm not really missing much. Don't you go to the bathroom at the movies? I was thinking that I saw a movie recently. I'm like, they should give you headphones

to listen to the movie while you're at the bathroom. Especially when you have like a two and a half, three hour runtime on some of these new films. It's too much. Let me listen to it like this. I'm completely flying in the dark. I don't wanna listen to anything. I have no idea.

I have actually, one of the reasons I never liked going to the movies was because of my piss anxiety. Yes, exactly. I'm peeing right when I get there. I'm peeing before the lights go down. Then as soon as the previews are starting, I'm like, I'll piss one last time just so I'm not even thinking about pissing.

And the entire time, midway through the movie, I start getting the inkling. And then I'm like, I wonder how long it's gonna be before I can take my tinkle. And next thing you know, I'm checked out of the movie emotionally. And it's just not worth it. At home, I can pause and piss as I please.

And you do a lot. I do, I do often. I stop and go. Okay, with that being said, Gladiator 2, had you seen Gladiator 1 recently or were you flying kind of blind? I was flying kind of blind. Some people told me that I was supposed to see

Gladiator 1 leading into it, but I was like, I don't have time for that. We're not gonna do- That's two movies. Yeah, it's not that kind of weekend. I barely have time for one movie. Yeah, I'm not gonna's two movies. Yeah, it's not that kind of weekend. I barely have time for one movie. Yeah, I'm not gonna spend two nights watching Gladiator One so I can spend,

it's basically a week for Gladiator. So I went in a little bit blind, but I kind of, I mean, I remember Gladiator pretty well. I really liked it. And Gladiator Two, midway through the opening sequence, I turned to Jill and I was just like, fuck yeah. I was amped. That's my kind of movie.

All right. Okay, let's talk about the next film. Are you like Gladiator 2? What's going on? Well, I thought we would just sort of touch on things. We don't have to like do too much of a deep dive. You seem to like it or something. I liked it a lot.

Yeah, you would, and of course you'll say if you like it. The tigers, you like the sharks, like the cool things like that. I actually thought the sharks were a bit, the sharks were a bit farcical. That was a bit much. It was coming at it a little high for me. But otherwise I thought it was, I thought it was great.

I love a Prince reveal, tell you what. Yeah, like, oh actually that's the boy. That's the boy from the first one. Spoilers for Gladiator abound, I guess. So I'm gonna give people a nice little pause here. If you haven't seen Gladiator, one or two, you're gonna wanna pause. You're gonna wanna skip ahead.

You're gonna wanna skip ahead until I'm talking about the next film. Yeah. I felt like not everybody he loved had to get shot in the heart by an arrow. Oh, interesting. I thought that maybe the third death of kind of his emotional ties to the world,

that one didn't have to happen. One I get, the second one is okay. Well, you have to know that that's the only way people died back then. Yeah, a lot of arrows to the heart. A lot of arrows in general. Swords do, I guess. Yeah, I mean, a lot of the deaths were very cool.

That the last one was just like, come on, did everybody have to die? Did you like Denzel? Oh yeah, he was great. He was great. The villains in that movie were, I mean, it really just didn't, they didn't paint any character how you thought they were going to be painted. Like when Pedro Pascal, the first time you see him, you're like, oh wow, this guy is,

he's going to be the villain. And then you realize he's actually kind of awesome. Denzel, you're like, oh, is this guy, is this guy kind of cool? Is he like the, I don't know, anti, anti the, the crown or the royalty or whatever, but he just wanted it for himself. So he actually wants-

Everybody wants power in these days. I thought the emperors, the two twin emperors were incredible. They were like. Rosenberg twins? Yeah, they were so disturbing. They were so, they were such little freaks. Yeah, kind of actual genetic freaks, I think, a little bit. Interesting, interesting.

And do you like when one got stabbed in the ear? That one was from the, the one from White Lotus. White Lotus season one. Yeah. that's a little bit. Interesting, interesting. And do you like when one got stabbed in the ear? The one from White Lotus, White Lotus season one. Yeah. That was cool. Yeah, God, that was probably the most disturbing death in all of the... It looks like it hurt so much. Yeah. Stabbed in the ear.

And it was so like unceremonious for him too. Like he got barely a death. Like all you see of his death is that it's going into the ear and he makes the tiniest face and then it cuts away. I feel like that's gotta be the worst death. That's worse than burning alive is the stab in the ear. Worst way, worst way to go. It's so painful and acute.

I thought it was pretty impressive that we learned the monkey's name, Dondas. Yeah, the monkey's name. Don. Yeah, the monkey was cute. Yeah. Yeah. But like they they didn't really name him until I think that Denzel just mentions him one time.

Then we hear the name a second time a third time. Then before you know it, it's the co emperor. And you're like, okay, they should have done a Dombus Dondas epilogue. I would have liked to know where he ends up. Well, the third one is just about the monkey, yeah. You didn't like it. Well I had seen Gladiator One in Preparation IV. So like two or three nights before we watched Gladiator One

just because I didn't really remember it much beyond, are you not entertained? So Gladiator One was really, really good. And then this one didn't quite live up to the first Gladiator for me. It was still like a B plus movie, but it wasn't as good as Gladiator. Interesting.

So it's almost like the thing that they tell people to do, like re watch Gladiator one to prep for this is like, well then you're setting yourself up for this. Watch the best movie so you can prepare yourself for a pretty good movie. Watch the Oscar winner so you can watch the sequel. Yeah, no, I should have just seen the sequel semi-blind, but I did like, I had seen like Dune the year before,

I'm like, I don't know what's going on at all. So it was nice to see kind of a throwback action movie where I'm like, good guy, bad guy fighting. It's like pretty clear, it's not a fucking Marvel movie where I'm like, there's so much action, I can't even follow it. It's just like a good guy with a sword versus a bad guy with a sword. I understand what's going on here.

Yeah, yeah, that was cool. So it was simple and enjoyable for me. Yeah, and Paul Miscal is pretty ripped. So that was cool. He's jacked. And did you know he's Irish? I did, yes. So that's cool. He's jacked and did you know he's Irish I Did yes, so that's kind of that's kind of neat and it was nice because for the last couple of years I've been kind of

Using the names Pedro Pascal and Paul mezcal kind of interchangeably and they're both in this right They're both in this so I finally got that kind of closure for myself. Like I knew they were different guys, but I didn't really know that Paul Mezcal's name was Paul Mezcal. I just, every time I heard it, I thought that was Pedro Pascal. Yeah. Well, they don't, they never shot the same scene

at the same time. They still kept them super separate. So they would shoot Mezcal, and then they would shoot Pascal, and they would edit it to make it seem like they were all having a ball. But in terms- Did they do in-camera editing for this?

Did they do in-camera editing for this? What does that mean? In-camera editing, that's kind of where like, if you're gonna, you need to cut, then you actually press stop recording and then you're gonna pick up at the next thing you wanna record. And sometimes if you need to get a new you actually press stop recording and then you're gonna pick up at the next thing you wanna record. And sometimes if you need to get a new take,

you can just rewind. Because I swear I saw Tiger disappear and I'm like, how did they do that unless you do stop motion in camera editing or something? Yeah, exactly, exactly. And at one point, I swear to God, I saw the date at the bottom left corner and it said like July 19th, 2022.

That's wild. So they know when we shot it. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. And then the other movie, A Real Pain. Yeah, you texted me,

have you seen A Real Pain? And I said, yeah, actually that was another movie I had seen, cause I like Jesse Eisberg and I like Kieran Culkin. And this was a movie of Jesse Eisberg and Kieran Culkin going on a Holocaust tour together. Yeah. So it's your favorite actors, your favorite religion.

Yeah. All in one magical place, Poland. Yeah. And it's also, I love, it's like a road trip or a travel travel movie. Yeah. But yeah, so I texted you, asked if you saw it cause I was like, Amir would love this.

You said that you had seen it, and then I was mad that you hadn't texted me that I should watch it, because it's also- It didn't strike me as a movie, like, I have to, Jake has to see this. Well, don't you know that I have some kind of like, Polish ancestry? No.

Okay. Okay. Cool. Well, I think I do. Okay. I think I do. Because I'm not actually sure myself. It might be Lithuania. Well, that's the kind of the issue

because Austria was such a big empire when my great grandparents came over that I'm technically Austrian, but where they are from is in Poland now. Does that make sense? Eastern European chic. Right, so I'm Austrian, but really a little Polish. Like there's a reason I like pierogies

is what I'm trying to say. Right, everybody loves pierogi. They're in my blood. It's Polish or otherwise. But especially me, especially me. Not really, I don't think I've ever seen you eat a pierogi. Well, they're not really my favorite. Yeah, I prefer wontons.

I like fries. I actually love Austrian sausages. So what'd you think of a real paint? I thought it was again, good, but not great. Like I loved the characters because I love Roman Roy from succession. And it just felt like Roman Roy in succession was here talking to Jesse Isenberg character

from any movie Jesse Isenberg's in. So it didn't necessarily, like it didn't really go to the next level for me. Where I'm like, this is incredible. I was just like, yeah. I mean, these are two characters I like talking to each other. I don't really know why this movie was made.

And I don't know why it's getting such like hot Oscar buzz too. I think it's similar to the Holdovers. You know, just like, it's like a small movie that has a heartwarming-ish message, which I actually, I wasn't totally sure what the message was, but it's fun to watch. And-

Yeah, it was fun to watch, cause I liked, it reminded me of other things that I liked more. I love social network more than this, and I like Succession more than this. And it was like literally plucking to those characters. Like, Kieran Culkin is awesome, because he's really good at acting like himself.

Have you seen, like Instagram keeps feeding me like promotional videos of them to like talking about this movie. I don't know if you get fed that kind of stuff. But it's like always like, he's Jesse Isenberg, he's like, yeah, Kieran Culkin is pretty much exactly like that character. He's like, yeah, I'm just this guy.

I'm like, I'm just, I'm just a normal cool guy who was like sort of like, I don't have anxiety. And I'm like, so'm just a normal cool guy who's like, sort of like, I don't have anxiety. And I'm like, so you guys are basically playing yourselves in Poland, which is also what characters you've played before, but Kieran Culkin is winning awards for best actor, which I think is cool because he's a talented guy, but I'm like, is he acting though, or is he just being himself?

He's just being himself. He's so good at being himself. I guess I feel like that's better to reward that. Like I'm just rewarding him for being him, you know? Yeah, I mean, don't get me wrong. I love Roman Royale, I love Ciaran Culkin, and I loved his character in this movie. We're like, are you the best actor of the year though?

Or are you just an awesome dude that I'd want to hang out with? Yeah, it's not Charlize Theron in Monster. He didn't disappear into the world. Yeah, the Penguin. Have you seen the Penguin? I did see the Penguin, actually. Yeah, now that's a guy that doesn't look like himself back.

Now that's acting. Yes, you better believe that's a different guy. I think also best actors, they shouldn't be allowed to use prosthetics. Yeah, that's cheating. Yeah, of course you look like the best actor cause you don't even look like you. I'd like, yeah, you've, you acted so good

that you wore a fucking prosthetic nose and a fat suit and I didn't even know it was you. Right, I guess, yeah, I could wear that suit too. Is that acting or am I just cheating? Yeah, like, and if Kieran Culkin was just him but he was wearing a mask, then maybe that's even better acting, you know But like the subtle changes between this character and the succession character like kind of threw me for a loop I'm like, why is he acting asking to see Jesse Isenberg's son and like getting choked up like this?

This isn't Roman. Why does he want to be at the airport? That does why is he sentimental? Yeah Why is he sort of be at the airport? That doesn't seem like a Roman. Why is he sentimental? Yeah. Why is he sort of crying in this scene? Yeah. I couldn't tell if the message was like, people should be more like, Jesse, you know, Kieran Culkin's character. Like this, where your heart on your sleeve thing is good. Cause I was like, if anything, they're just both on like

the absolute far end of the spectrum. And the best is probably somewhere in the middle. Like, maybe Eisenberg is too repressed, but Kieran is maybe a little too open, like yelling at strangers sometimes. It's like, how do you just share your pain with the people who are close to you, but not kind of projected

onto everybody when they're not asking for it? That's the healthiest way to do it. Like the scene where they were all pretending to be in the statues and they were like, hey, stand here, come on, let's take pictures and Joe Starr is like, no, I feel too shy to do this. And Kieran is like, come on, get it out of your shell, look, everyone's doing it now. And he's like, okay, I feel like too shy to do this. And Kieran's like, come on, get it out of your shell. Look, everyone's doing it now.

And he's like, okay, I'll take the pictures. Yeah, everybody's happy. He's a connector of people. He brings people together. That's right. So again, another movie that I appreciate, I enjoyed, but I'm like, I don't know what this movie was saying or why it needed to be made.

Yeah, I guess it was just pleasant to watch, but not pleasant, it was hard. I mean, I guess they just cover, you know what, maybe it's just that they cover themes that a lot of movies cover and they did it really, really well, I thought. Yeah, well, don't get me wrong. I'm not pro big budget comic book movies,

so I'm excited that movies like this are still getting made. I think that's the other thing. Like a movie like the Holdovers last year, you're just like, wow, this movie seems like it's from 2003. Like they're just not making movies like this anymore. Everything is, it's a gladiator two world that we're living in. Yeah, it has to be a sequel.

It has to be a big budget. It has to have a movie star attached. Right, it has to be a sequel, it has to be a big budget, it has to have a movie star attached. Right, it has to be from Marvel. So that's good. Is there a movie that you saw this year that you really liked? Yes, I saw a movie last week that I thought was my favorite movie of the year,

which I think you should see, which is called September 5th. I don't know if you've heard anything about it. I literally have not. So it's about the news coverage of the 1972 Munich, Israeli wrestler situation slash, you like, assassination. Interesting. So it's not Munich, which was a movie about that.

It was a movie about the American newsroom covering it, which I thought was awesome. It felt very like Aaron Sorkin-y to me and shot almost like a documentary. Like it felt so real even though it was acting. And the acting was great. Yeah, I see that Peter Sarsgaard is in it, so you know that it's gonna be good.

I can't wait for you to see it in three weeks when it comes out on Fubu.tv. That's right, I'm a Fubu head. Is it on Tubi yet? It has to be on Tubi. Okay, that's it, I don't know. Two B plus A minus movies for me, but you loved them both more than me.

I think I loved Gladiator 2, felt like a real movie movie. And A Real Pain, first of all, great title, really great title. The double meaning of that title was incredible. Did you cry? No, no. And I didn't even come close.

Yeah, I think if anything, I was closer to crying in Gladiator 2. When that shark got killed. But no, I've been crying more at a TV show called Main Cabin Builders, where a bunch of main guys. Yeah, it sounds like they build cabins. Cabins on different lakes in Maine.

And sometimes the reveals make me weep. So yeah, that's kind of where I do most of my crying. It's a TV based cry. And when you said a real pain is a double entendre, what's the second meaning? Well, cause Kieran Culkin's character is a real pain. Like is it your pain in the ass? You're a nuisance.

And then a real pain is like, yeah, no, he's experiencing a real, a real deep pain. Yeah. Which actually reminds me of a different movie called Major Pain, which was Damon Waynes as a general, and his name was Major Pain, but he was also a major pain. It actually is a nice spiritual prequel to a real pain. I remember that movie, I remember a joke from it

where somebody hurts their leg or something, and then he like breaks their finger, so they're not thinking about their leg anymore. Yes, yes, that's really good. And that was that from a real pain or a major pain? I can't, now I can't remember. I think Kieran Culkin breaks the tour guides finger in this, in the movie.

Yes. That's right. Who was also from Mike Lotus. When Kieran Culkin went missing for a night, did they ever get into what that was and why? I can't remember now. I don't think they'd say what he was doing. It was like sort of a much ado

about this situation he's missing. I'm like, okay, this movie's about now how he's missing. But then it's like, I'm just on the bus, forget it. Like it's no big deal. Yeah, and they also, they like's about now how he's missing. But then it's like, I'm just on the bus, forget it. Like, it's no big deal. Yeah, and they also, they like missed the train stop at one point. I'm like, oh wow, so the rest of the movie is just them on their own.

But it's like, no, they just spend an hour or two getting back to the group and everything is fine. It was a lot of like, and then this happened, and then this happened, and then this happened. It wasn't a lot of like this causing this, causing this, causing this. Yeah, right, right, right. Yeah, yeah, it is like that.

But I have to send you footage of, because the movie being made was like, imagine those two characters are making a movie, but Jesse Eisenberg is also the director and writer, so he's trying to tell Kieran Culk and how to act, and Kieran Culk was like, I don't even wanna like rehearse this, just like, let me do what I wanna do,

don't tell me where to stand, don't tell me where to sit, like I'll do all that myself. That's great. And he was right. He was right, ultimately. All right, maybe he does deserve the awards. Yeah, there you go. Okay, watch September 5th

and we can talk about that next. Okay. All right, we're out of time. A two segment day. Whoa, one, two. Anything is possible. You know, like we could have 50 segments, we can have two. Three is just happens to be what 90% of the episodes lie in.

Right, three is normal, four is fine. Two is pretty good, it means that we were gabbing. And we should say that this is maybe the last, well, it will be the last Zoom video, self-produced video podcast. We'll still shoot when we're together, but they're not making us film ourselves anymore, which is kind of nice.

Yeah, we don't have to set up the frame and sort of constantly be monitoring that and the audio at the same time. Right, because if you watch back on our YouTube video, you'll see that we're actually not that good at it. We're sort of just talking to each other, so we don't need to see us. But again, when I'm in New York or you're in LA

and we're recording a classic studio episode, we'll still release the videos of that. I love that. Yeah. So you can still remain subscribed to the Jake and Amir podcast YouTube channel, and you'll still be able to watch those episodes when we're in the same room.

But we don't have to record our Zooms anymore, people. But if you do love us recording our Zooms, then we're still doing that at the Jake and Amir Patreon, at least. Exactly. Don't worry, we're still gonna have to self-produce something. We just watched the Girlfriend series,

and Ty, Lirana herself, joined us for the last few episodes. Yeah, and they pleasantly surprised us those episodes. They held up. Yeah, they did. Probably better than Gladiator 2. I don't know if they were better than Gladiator 1. Yeah, I mean, because they only did two Gladiators. We did eight girlfriends and then another one. There were nine videos in that series.

I really wonder if it's better than a real pain, but like I feel bad tooting my own horn. I wonder if Kieran Colkin based his character from a real pain a little bit on Amir, who does leave it all out there. I mean, there's a world where he has seen some of our episodes, right? Like he's our age.

Like there's, what are we gonna assume? A 27 year old Kieran didn't stumble across YouTube? I could see somebody, yeah, showing him a video. Like there's, what are we gonna assume? A 27 year old Kieran didn't stumble across YouTube? I could see somebody, yeah, showing him a video. He says, that's not that funny, et cetera, et cetera. Even if it wasn't for him, it was cool to imagine a world where he saw it. Yeah, yeah.

For him to say like, that's not necessarily that funny. Like that would be cool. He knows who we are and thinks we're not funny. That's awesome. That's status, that's access, that's all awesome. It's status and access. It's without control, of course, but it is still. Yeah, no control, but the access and the status is there.

Yeah. Okay, so thank you for watching. Thank you for listening. We'll be back, of course, next week. That's right. And ciao for now. Goodbye, everybody. Adios.

That was a Head Gum original. Hi, I'm Caleb Herron, host of the So True podcast now on Head Gum. Every week, me and my guests get into it and we get down to what's really going on. I ask them what's so true to them, how they got to where they are in life, a bunch of other questions,

and we also may or may not test their general trivia knowledge. Whether it's one of my sworn enemies like Brittany Broski or Drew Fualo, or my actual biological mother, Kelly, my guests and I are just after the truth. And if we find it great, and if not, no worries. So subscribe to So True on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Casts, or wherever you get

your podcasts, and watch video episodes on the So True with Caleb Heron YouTube channel. New episodes drop every Thursday. Love ya!