If I Were You - Bonus: Ear Holes (2019)

Episode Date: August 28, 2023

In this episode we discuss golfing, swimming, and whether or not it’s cool to accept an apology. Advertise on If I Were You via Gumball.fm.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information....

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Starting point is 00:00:00 This is a head gamma region. What is this a new if I were you podcast? Well, kind of. These are episodes that were living behind our Patreon for the last five years and we figured why not release some of the best ones onto this feed to reward those of you that never gave up. That never unsubscribed so please enjoy this classic episode of If I Were You recorded at our old studio in 2018. If I were you, if I were you, if I were you, I'll tell you what I would do.
Starting point is 00:00:48 If only I were you, shut that pop. Good shit. You know how singers like cover their ear because it might be infected when they're singing? No! Ah! So I was like pretending like... That's not why they do it if I were you It's not are you are your ears infected? I feel like I'm fucking Whitney Houston type
Starting point is 00:01:15 because like you're my ears your right ear is bleeding yeah and there's a caterpillar in your left. I'm an earwig. Here's a thing. Nose is the thing and nostril is the hole. For ear, it's the thing and the hole. What I'm supposing is ear hole or ear canal. I need a separate word for the hole of the ear. The bidding starts at nostril. But you want to call it nostril?
Starting point is 00:01:48 You could call it your ear nostril. That's pretty cool, or earstril for sure. Earstril. Yeah. Is there a scientific word for an earhole? Scientific word for earhole. Definitely one. What do you think it could be?
Starting point is 00:02:03 Ear canal. Ah. The outer aperture of the, no, it just says earhole. Definitely one. What do you think it could be? ear canal ah The outer aperture of the now just says ear hole. It says ear hole on Wikipedia does what is your ear hole All any any Joker can edit a Wikipedia though. Oh, this is pretty good. Oh, you call your ear anus your fur It's close First outer most hole is known as the external auditory metis. Hahaha.
Starting point is 00:02:30 Imagine an anus so beefy, it can only be described as a metis. I forgot my AirPods. Can I stick your AirPods in my metis? I need to put your pod into my meat is because I'm listening to a podcast and the only way to consume auditory content is through the meat is a Q tip through your meat is we're not going to beat that so yeah meat is why do they cover there you're actually isn't it I don't know. Like, so you can... It doesn't really make any sense to me.
Starting point is 00:03:07 I would think it's like, so you have like a monitoring your ear that you can hear yourself. You can hear yourself. Can you hear yourself better? Can you hear yourself better with this? Do any of you AV heads know why singers cover one ear when they sing? Is it to get rid of like the outside noise? So they can...
Starting point is 00:03:28 Yeah, it's to know that. It's so you can ignore the haters. Look that one up too. Why do singers cover one year? Yeah. Well, why do singers cover one medium? Yeah. This means that you can check that you are singing in tune
Starting point is 00:03:44 with one year whilst listening to other voices or instruments with the other. Some singers will also place a finger in their ear. This enables for them to hear their residents of the sound being made inside their head. It can also help with their tone and resonance. Oh, okay. Sorry, if you need to stick your finger in your ear,
Starting point is 00:04:03 your knees. Choose a new fucking profession. Like like I don't care who you are Like you didn't even I can sing whether it's in an ear out You can't sing either way Either way, but like me personally. I know I'm a much worse singer And tell I put my finger in my meat ass. And then I get the notes. Like I know I'm singing bad right now.
Starting point is 00:04:33 Like third eye blinds, semi-term life. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do T-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t- that he can do whatever he wants. You could read me a newspaper and I would nut sporadically. Any relation to him talking or you're just... Well, I'm also fapping. Yeah, unrelated to him singing. Yeah. You just are constantly a fapping. Yeah. What else is good? We have any ideas to show.
Starting point is 00:05:41 This is a fire you, thanks for listening, thanks for watching. Patreon, Thursday, bonus video episode of our show. Oh yeah. It's an advice show obviously, available for free every Monday, but every other Thursday, we have a little bonus video episode for our patrons.
Starting point is 00:05:56 I would call this a big bonus. It's a huge bonus. This takes way more effort than our actual podcast. Because there's video involved. Our free and podcast is the bonus. involved our friggin podcast is the bonus This is the this is the meat is I shouldn't have taught you that word you never should have taught me that word You've already used it ten times. Oh, yeah
Starting point is 00:06:18 Try to make up for lost time all my life. I spent not saying meat is we're knowing it I'm trying to make up for lost meat is Imagine not having an ear hole Having no meat is you just have the meat. That's nice ear meat Imagine being a your vegetarian no meat is all fetus fetus. Oh my god. Don't. All right, we got a question from someone who's going to dental school. So what about the name of your dentist? Oh, uh, Dr. Pete. Dr. Pete. Same as Mayor Pete, actually. Same guy too. Same guy. Wow. Boot edge edge, they say. Nice. Do you see have your vote? I'm voting for Trump. Again. Wow.
Starting point is 00:07:06 Yeah. I'll probably do a protest vote for like whatever third party writing candidate there is for, okay, to protest what? I don't know. You have establishment? Okay. Cool. Fuck the man.
Starting point is 00:07:20 Messed up because I'm registered in Pennsylvania too. And I always do, yeah, I always do a protest vote. Yeah. Where it really counts. So you'll move to a swing state. Yep. Make sure that your vote counts and then you'll throw it away. Oh yeah.
Starting point is 00:07:35 Purple state, purple county, my vote matters. Protest vote. Just to say fuck it. Nice. We're a big turd at the whole thing. During the swamp as it were. Mm-hmm. What's it. Nice. We're a big turd at the whole thing. During the swamp as a bear. Mm-hmm. That's cool. Right.
Starting point is 00:07:48 But you know how to pronounce mayor Peach last name. Mm-hmm. So you're pretty like informed. Right. That was Gary Johnson guy last year. Who? Gary Johnson. Third party candidate. Nice. Big nature head.
Starting point is 00:08:02 Parogai. Parogi. Oh, very good. You know you have a hole in your shirt? You know you have a hole in your ear? Yeah, it's the meatest. Your shirt is falling apart. This is my shirt's meatest, nice. It's pretty big actually.
Starting point is 00:08:19 It is getting bigger. Fortunately, it's at the palest part of your body, so the whiteness almost matches the shirt. Yes, it's over my skin instead of the actual hair. That's right. There's no pit hair coming out. What's the evolutionary purpose of pit hair? Like, we usually covered in hair where it's necessary, but then like also in the pit of one of our arms has hair. Why is that? Maybe because when you're running at school, there's a little less friction with hair. Or maybe it's because we're ticklish there.
Starting point is 00:08:48 Because you sweat there? Does it help with sweat? I don't know. The back of my knees have hair, like armpits. And I don't know who to talk to about that. Not me. Search the evolutional purpose of armpit hair, please. This is a fun little game.
Starting point is 00:09:06 We'll just have talks and then you, so we're learning things. Yeah. The evolutionary significance of human underarm hair is still debated. It may not. It's a point. I think we both have pretty nuanced opinions.
Starting point is 00:09:20 I said it was, it's actually close to what you said. It may naturally wick sweat or other moisture away from the skin, aiding ventilation, colonization by odor producing bacteria as thereby transferred away from the skin. Oh, okay. What about eyebrows though?
Starting point is 00:09:37 I think that's to protect the eye. Oh, from sweat getting into the eye. Yeah, very nice. A little moat. Yeah, yeah. What about the eye. Yeah, very nice. A little moat. Yeah. What about the hair I have on my taint? I have to protect your asshole from getting back sweat. Otherwise, I've earned that to protect your meatists.
Starting point is 00:09:56 I have what is known as a meatist moat. So I have a little caterpillar around my ear. We should set the record for most times saying meat is on a podcast. I'd think we're already there. You think so? Yeah, because we said it more than once. Right.
Starting point is 00:10:11 But I think Marion interviewed an ear nose and throat doctor. It was like two episodes after Obama. Did a deep, deep dive. He peaked and then bottomed out. Yeah, within the same two and a half weeks. All right, this question from a dentist. Hey dudes, I got myself in a bit of a bugaboo
Starting point is 00:10:32 and I could use your advice. Seven second time writing, but long time listener. I'm a 23 year old dude going to dental school in two months. Currently I'm working in a dental office until then to get some good experience. The doctors that I work for are only a few years older than me, about 27 and 29. Anyways, last week they invited me to play golf with them in 10 days before I head off to school.
Starting point is 00:10:55 I'm absolutely terrible at golf despite being pretty decent all around athlete and collegiate swimmer. I'm talking almost every time I swim. You're telling me you're a good swimmer and you're not going to golf. Every time I swing I either miss completely or top the ball a few yards. But he can swim. He can swim great. I told the docs that I wasn't very good at all and they would probably slow them down. They assured me it would be fine and it's all just an excuse to hang out and grab some drinks. I am terrified of embarrassing myself in front of the docs and other members of the country club. So my question is this, should I put my
Starting point is 00:11:28 head down or become a range rat for the next few weeks to get decent enough to survive nine holes or should I make up some excuse to get me out of this mess? I'd like to learn how to play golf eventually but I've been pretty busy lately to get lessons. Okay. I feel like he's under, or he oversold himself to who? When they were like, do you wanna play golf? He's like, no, I'm not any good. It sounds like I play, but I'm not good.
Starting point is 00:11:57 Like I have a nasty, handy cap, but I can still hit the ball. Right. But like what really is the case is that he doesn't know how to play golf. He can't hit the ball that he doesn't know how to play Call He can't hit the ball. He says when he swings he misses most of the You can't play you can't hang
Starting point is 00:12:16 They probably are assuming you have at least like a passing ability to play Fuck it. let's go swimming. Make it up to you. You, me and him. First one to get across that water hazard. Let's go, right now. You can buy an alligator. Ah.
Starting point is 00:12:36 Spray his ankle on a... Oh, you got me, Todd. In a sand hole. What are those called, sand pits? Sand pits, sand traps. I get sand traps. Sand traps. Sand traps. Ah! I just wanted to drink and just, does it cause molars with you guys. How's your golf game? Bad. I mean, not existent. I've played golf maybe three or four times.
Starting point is 00:12:59 This kind where it's like par three, you have to hit it really far. Yeah, I've played that like maybe three or four times. I go to the driving range sometimes, or I've been to the driving range. I can hit the ball. You can hit it every time, you never whiff. I probably would still, I mean, I probably would still with at least once if I like went golfing. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:13:19 But even like Phil Mickels, talking with, I've seen a whiff. Yeah. Ernie L's once whiffed four times in a single drive. Seven, whole 17 Augusta, the 2001 Masters, Cory Pavein whiffed 11 times in a row before dying in a plane crash. That's, that's right. Who's it, Jason Jeff Spieth, Jason Spieth?
Starting point is 00:13:42 Jordan Spieth. Jordan Spieth. He made a 27 foot putt But on the next drive with just with the big time you had to tip his hat and laugh and wave at the crowd I've seen I've seen Gary Woodcock who recently won the US open with on a putt He whipped on a putt. He whipped on a putt. Yeah, so he lined it up. And then he bent down. And then he went face to face with the ball. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:09 Same axis, he said, why won't you go to your home? Yeah, you two good for your home? Like in homage to Abby Kilmore. And then he dove in a pool and he swam a lap. Because I guess he's more of a swimmer. because I guess he's more of a swimmer. Gary player retired and became a swimmer. So what should this guy do? Should he call it quits?
Starting point is 00:14:32 Should he learn? Should he go to a golfing range? Can you go to a driving range? Yeah, you could. Yeah, I would say you could try to learn. You could try to learn. I've gone to a driving range once, and I was surprised with how often I whiffed.
Starting point is 00:14:44 Oh, yeah, I'm used to tennis or like a slightly softball, but golf is like a completely different thing. No, you'll whiff a lot. Like tennis is very long. It's pretty rare in tennis. It's very small. Like you'll miss hit. And even if you're like good, you'll sometimes frame it and you'll be like, you just look at your racket. Like, Dan, did I pop a string? Yeah. But yeah, no, on the golf, you'll just straight up like, because I'm lining it up,
Starting point is 00:15:10 but then by the time I swing back and go as hard as I can, I think you like lined it up and then you like, on the backswing, you like sort of raise your back a little bit. So you're just above the ball. Yeah. I mean, I bet there's a correction for that. You'll, you spend practice, right?
Starting point is 00:15:22 You get it golf. But you spend even like, even Jack asks is like you and I, if we spent, if we like hit a full bucket of balls at the driving range by the end, you're more, you're making contact with more than you're not. I will say that since it's golf, it's not really a back and forth. It's less embarrassing for you to be bad because you're not affecting their play at all. It's not like in tennis where you're like, I'm pretty bad and then you go there and you can't return a ball and it ruins the other person's game.
Starting point is 00:15:47 Well, the only problem is if you just straight up whiffer because the one time where you're kind of like golf, people sort of watch when you're playing golf, especially on the tee off. Yeah. Everyone's watching you tee off. You'll embarrass yourself. That's a nerve-wracking situation.
Starting point is 00:16:00 Yeah, especially the first one. Right. So maybe you go to the club beforehand, get a cocktail, a little social, get absolutely trash. 745 T-times. You're on the second whole ordering a club sandwich just to soak up some of the alcohol.
Starting point is 00:16:19 It's 9.14 am, still for the tie. You're on a third mojito teeth falling out. They kick you out of dental school. I would try to get a couple practice rounds in before golfing with these guys. At the very least you'll feel a little more confident. Yeah. And I would spend close to $2,000 on equipment too. Nice clubs.
Starting point is 00:16:40 No, you can a great pantsuit. Right. You're going to rom him in a glove pantsuit. Right. You're wearing a romp him and a glove. Two golf gloves. A huge see-through green advisor. That's right. Yes, per part of it style. Whitting up and down the course.
Starting point is 00:16:58 It sounds like it's a lonely and horny episode. You want a golf date. You have two gloves coming out of your back pocket every time you swing, they fall out. You think he has a mini golf, but it's a back nine. Shit, I just brought this blue putter. And my ball is bright orange. I don't know if that's going to help you find it later. You still have a caddy though.
Starting point is 00:17:24 Or I show up to a mini golf date and I have a caddy. Practice? Practice. And if you're still bad, you can back up the last second. Yeah, I mean he wants to play. So I feel like practice, just get to the point where you're passable. Maybe you'll be worse than they think you are,
Starting point is 00:17:41 but you can always just be like, I told you I was really bad. That's good. I'm a beginner. And then just starting. really bad That's good. I'm a beginner and then just starting he's young I said I was a beginner and you said still come This is on fucking John and then every time he swings you Mr. Your club sandwich it doesn't come with fries Rice
Starting point is 00:18:03 Rice I said, Christ. He told me to come here. He should have mentioned the fries. Give me my wedge and I'll have a wedge. Salad. That's with fries. No, it's not. And we don't have a wedge salad. You can't eat salad. I'll drink an aryl bummer and I'll be an aryl bummer. Watch this drive. Ah, attacking the caddy. If I hit you in the tooth, you can come to us for your work done. That's a birdie if you're scoring at home. Eagle. Eagle. Shout out to Eagle. Were you named after shooting two in a par?
Starting point is 00:18:54 Awesome pot. I'm not gonna say that. That's cool. Tight. All right. When you guys add a subtitle for that later, say subtitle that is eagle just saying I quit And then we'll add in steps going down the stairs and then we'll edit this part out and then we'll
Starting point is 00:19:12 And then we'll add in us the sound of an eagle squawking. He's taking his final form This episode is sponsored by better help. I don't know if you guys know this, but life can be low-key stressful or anxious at times. I know, I was surprised too. I couldn't believe it, but I turned 40 and I'm like, you know what? Nothing is necessarily easy ever and talking to a licensed therapist is actually the best way to navigate that.
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Starting point is 00:20:17 if that makes you a little scared or tentative, you can do it entirely online. So it's very convenient, flexible and yes affordable. Now more than ever. So let therapy be your map towards happiness with better help. Just visit betterhelp.com slash if I were you today to get 10% off your first month. I mean, that sounds like a pretty good deal for mental health. That's betterhelp. H-E-L-P dot com slash if I were you. Support yourself while supporting the show, which is really supporting me. So I appreciate it.
Starting point is 00:20:47 You'll appreciate it. Your friends and loved ones will appreciate it too. That's better help, help.com slash if I were you. Thanks better help. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show. Oh my gosh, the greatest, easiest, simplest, most affordable way to create a professional looking
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Starting point is 00:22:22 go to squarespace.com slash if I were you. First and foremost, and let them help you, help us, help them help you, help us, help you. Sounds good? Thank you. And thank you to Squarespace. I've been listening since the first episode writes Tiger Woods. Nice.
Starting point is 00:22:42 Still on the golf kick. And I think I have a question you guys could help me with a year and a half ago I had a really shitty situation my girlfriend and one of my good friends kissed and I subsequently found out some private flirting that had gone on between them yeah it was bad she came clean to me after the kiss and I was very hurt and confused but at the time I decided to try to forgive her and we made great progress in the last nine months or so. Anyways, the friend who fucked me over showed up to a small gathering last night and it was
Starting point is 00:23:10 weird, but we had a nice time. I hadn't spoke to him in over a year and we caught up a bit. He's always been very remorseful for his actions, but I have held the grudge regardless. Now I can't decide if I'm forgiving him. It was nice to see him, but I can't imagine things being normal after all that happened. Is it cool to forgive him? Or am I being kind of a pushover? I'm very conflicted and of course self-conscious about the situation.
Starting point is 00:23:36 I feel like I should be tough about this, but maybe that isn't me. It doesn't seem... I mean, it seems kind of like a more of a baller move to be like, I don't care. It doesn't seem, I mean, it seems kind of like a more of a baller move to be like, I don't care. You know. So you're not a pushover, you're a cool dude. It didn't bother me. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:23:55 But at a certain point, should it bother you? Well, but the thing is he forgave his girlfriend. They've made great progress. I think this is like maybe a stage of that progress because like they both made the same mistake if If you can forgive the girlfriend if you really want to forgive the girlfriend I feel like that could easily include forgiving the guy. Is it cool to forgive in general though? Sorry about that. Is it cool to say I accept your apology or go fuck yourself?
Starting point is 00:24:25 about that is it cool to say I accept your apology or go fuck yourself. It's definitely cooler to say I accept your... Well, I accept your apology is not usually what I want to hear when I apologize. When I apologize, I want to hear like, don't even worry about it. Or I accept your apology, really. You're gonna accept it, like I did something wrong. So clearly you're not remorseful. No. It was a platitude. And you're giving me attitude. That was a pity apology. How dare you accept it. It was more of a sorry that happened to type thing. Not for anything I did. Yeah, I didn't do anything wrong. Sorry you're being a little nasty boy about it. But can you hold a grudge for your entire life? Would you do it? What would you do in this situation?
Starting point is 00:25:09 I've had a friend hook up with an ex-girl friend and he felt really bad about it. Ooh, but I would love to know. But it was back in college, but I sort of accepted his apology. I didn't, I wasn't thoroughly mad because it's not like if he did it in the relationship, that might have been rounds for termination. I would, yeah, but I think immediately grounds for termination, but I've also, I've been the guy that kissed the person, and I genuinely did feel really remorseful.
Starting point is 00:25:38 It's not like, I don't know, but did you deserve to just hang out with that person again? Or is that like, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no that person again? Or is that like, no? No, I don't think I deserve it. But I think that like, the only reason you wouldn't let that person back in is to be, would be like, you'll do it again. Like, I don't know. If you can't trust you. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:25:56 I don't have and gone to jail. But you did, you did go to friendship jail. He went into exile. Hmm. I feel like he served his time. And like the other thing is, this guy is like, it was nice to see him. I feel like you served his time. And like the other thing is this guy is like it was nice to see him. I liked it, but you're just You're bending to some sort of social norm like you're supposed to hate this guy forever But if you don't then you don't your life will be better if you
Starting point is 00:26:19 Forgive everybody that is better. Yeah, and that is a stronger position to be able to like get over something. Yeah, you do hear about like forgiving my child's murderer. So like this is a lot lighter than that. Right. I think if somebody murdered my kid, I would not do, I wouldn't forgive. I would, well, I at least would do the, I wouldn't do the like, it's no big deal thing. Like if they're like, I'm sorry, I wouldn't be like, oh, it's no big deal. Whatever, man. Should happen, babe. Taco Tuesday I would be like, oh, it's no big, man. What ever, man.
Starting point is 00:26:45 Should happen, babe. Taco Tuesday. Tap, tap, tap. No, I probably have to be like, I forgive you. You, you killed my boy. I killed my boy. I was talking about, oh, king up with that girl friend. Oh, sorry about that.
Starting point is 00:27:00 You clearly don't have children. You're taking that lightly. I was back no big. What? Yeah. What about instead of going to friendship jail, he's sentenced to a friendship community service. Ooh, so you're like, you have to pick up my dry cleaning
Starting point is 00:27:16 for months. Yeah. So it's like, that's really fucked up of you, but clean my fucking house for a year. I need my garage organized. And you can actually do it with Stacey. She's been begging me to be more responsible with the house. I'm down to Marie Kondo, our kitchen together.
Starting point is 00:27:34 So, you and Stacey. Your girlfriend, just give your home a Renault. You go to take a shit, you come back and they're humping in the garage. Great. Congratulations. You just bought yourself two more years of cleaning up my shit. take a shit, you come back and they're humping in the garage. Great, congratulations. You just bought yourself two more years of cleaning up my shit. Oh, and guess what?
Starting point is 00:27:52 You gotta teach me golf. Yeah, another one for Tiger. All right, so there's that option. But you think we eventually apologize for that discretion. Yeah, I think I feel like if you don't have to like talk yourself out of forgiving him if you want to. Yeah, that's what I would say. Okay, last question.
Starting point is 00:28:18 This is from a lady, so we'll call her Anika Sorenstam, famed female golfer, Michelle Wee. Yes. Uh, I've been listening to your podcast to make my work days go by faster, and I was hoping you guys give me some advice. This summer, I have a great thing going on with a friend of mine. We both have boring summer co-ops and text almost constantly to dull the pain. We aren't currently the same city, and I drive an hour to spend the weekends with him when
Starting point is 00:28:44 I can. We recently discovered that we have compatible kinks and it's amazing. Compatible, compatible kinks. I was thinking of like they both like to be tied up. But then they can't fuck because they're both tied up. I was kidding. Let's like imagine that. Yeah, that's good. Imagine. They get robbed. Yeah, that's good. I should. They get robbed. I was thinking of talking to him to sort of define our relationship because I want this to be an exclusive thing.
Starting point is 00:29:12 However, I'm afraid this relationship works so well because I have nothing else to do this summer. There's a good chance that I will no longer want to be with him romantically when the school year starts. I get busy, we're in the same city again. Is it worth making an official relationship to only possibly dump him in two months or keep it vague so the ending can be vague as well? Keeping myself occupied, Michelle, we...
Starting point is 00:29:33 Give me an old person name like Rosemary or Lorraine. So let's do that now. What do you mean? She wants her fake name to be Rosemary or Lorraine. Oh, okay. She's 21 years old. Got it. Do you have to define the end of a relationship? It seems like most relationships end
Starting point is 00:29:51 after two months anyway. Right. It's also weird though that she's down to text somebody all day, being a long distance relationship. And then when it's finally gonna be convenient, she's like, that's when we'll break up. When we live in the same city, we really shouldn't be together.
Starting point is 00:30:07 She's afraid this relationship works because they have nothing else to do this summer. And it won't work when they can see each other. That's right, because they'll have other shit to do. It sounds like she's only half-heartedly into this idea of a relationship. But even when you have other shit to do, you'll still have the same kinks,
Starting point is 00:30:25 and it'll be still good to do that. Yeah. I guess my advice would be not to define the end of the relationship before it starts. Yeah, you don't have to say, like let's just do this for a few months. Right, that's, I guess there's never any definition of a relationship.
Starting point is 00:30:44 Like even it's weird to be like Oh, this is going well, so we'll do it forever. Yeah, it's always just going good enough until it's not going good enough Any more and then one of you dies right ideally of old age. Yeah Could be young age young age. That's you could have a meat disinfection and go down swinging That's, you could have a meat disinfection. And go down. Swinging. I'm so sorry for your loss. Fuck. Sock.
Starting point is 00:31:14 What's wrong with your wits? They don't listen to the podcast. They definitely aren't Patreon subscribers. Shit. Are there people that are on our Patreon? No, do you email them? No, I don't email the people that we answer on a regular podcast.
Starting point is 00:31:32 Well those you would assume that they could just hear it because they'll listen eventually, yeah. But yeah, the Patreon, we should email them and say, by the way, if you want the answer to this question, you have any up. Yeah, you always cash. Yeah, you owe it cash. Actually, Venmo me $10, and I'll tell you what I said. That's perfect.
Starting point is 00:31:51 I actually, I read your, you have like an auto response on our, if I were you at Gmail, email. Yeah. And it's just like Venmo me $10. I'm just kind of like petty. I'm going through some rough shit, and I'll explain as soon as possible, but I could really use $10. I'm just kind of like petty. I'm going through some rough shit and I'll explain as soon as possible But I could really use $10. All right, let's explain when the cameras are off after the episode
Starting point is 00:32:10 So we'll just give this guy and then I set up a go fund me for me. That's like trust me I don't want to get into the details of what the fuck's going on with me, but it's not good Yeah, that's great if you want us up I would be like happy You kind of have really. I feel like people aren't going to want to give to it. If you're like, shit's really bad. I don't want to talk about it, but just give me cash and you're doing a shocker. Like they won't believe it. It shit's bad. And then like in two years, I'll be like, it was a fucking staff infection. Later, hangers.
Starting point is 00:32:44 You drive your Ferrari into a tree. I'm paralyzed from the neck down and I really need to actually need it. That's the name of the go-fun me. Begging a nurse to position your hand into a shocker for a photo. Super thin fingers. It's two for the pink and one for the stink. I deserve this. All right, that's it.
Starting point is 00:33:10 That's our time. Thanks for watching. Thanks for listening. Thanks for subscribing. We appreciate it. We'll be back as always next week. We have more questions, more answers. Perhaps a Jake and a Mirror Watch Jake and a Mirror somewhere in there.
Starting point is 00:33:21 Ooh. And yeah, see you guys soon. If I were you, if I were you, I'd tell you what I would do. If only I were you, sharp dot com.

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