If I Were You - Testing Testing: Porn

Episode Date: July 29, 2021

Back for another "Testing Testing" Thursday and Amir is administrating the hottest quiz of all. How well does Jake know his pornography? Let's find out.Advertise on If I Were You via Gu...mball.fm.See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 This is a headgum original. All right, we're back, baby. Back on a Thursday, Thursday. Thursday. In the club going up. On a Thursday. Yeah. Yeah. It's fun. Okay, Barkeep.
Starting point is 00:00:21 I'll have a margarita and a hot toddy, and I'll be grinding with a bae on the dance floor. Oh! You struck me. A hot toddy on the dance floor. Can I get a mulled wine for my lady, and let's do shots. Little sips as you're fucking fist pumping.
Starting point is 00:00:45 Careful. Careful. Don't dance into me. This is scalding. You're grinding in a cabin. It's February 9th. You're in upstate New York. You're in an igloo. There's whipped cream.
Starting point is 00:01:00 Actually, this test is kind of cool, not unlike clubbing. I found a... Clear bang. I found an exam. Well, I was able to actually cobble together little quizzes to sort of call it an exam. Interesting.
Starting point is 00:01:13 Because I wanted to give you something that would let you shine without necessarily boring the audience. So like, I know you're into hot rods, but like, what's the point? I'm not gonna ask you about a carburetor or anything like that. I've been building a hot rod in my garage. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:01:30 It also can't be like, you know, visual. Like, I can show you a fucking chassis from a 57 ship. Right. And I would get that all day. All day. Continental Mark II, 1956. Very nice. Very choice.
Starting point is 00:01:45 You can tell. The elegant curve. On an Edsel carburetor. Come on. So this is a porn quiz. Oh, perfect. Yeah. Really good stuff.
Starting point is 00:01:59 That's gonna really make me look good to everybody when I know I'm gonna have... I feel like I'm gonna have to pretend to be stumped every once in a while. Oh, that's good. Yeah, it's a quiz that like, it's kind of a checkmate because if you do poorly, it's kind of sad. But if you do awesome, it's also kind of sad a little bit.
Starting point is 00:02:16 Yeah. Right. But if you do fine, and it has to be like all things that I learned through porn in pop culture. Right. Not trolling Pornhub in the wee hours. Before we get into the questions, I guess I wanted to ask you about your porn history.
Starting point is 00:02:34 If you were to chart it over time, when do you think you were the most into it? And how have you been doing lately? Was the pandemic a hit or a boon? You know, the pandemic was tough for a while. The studios weren't making new porn. I don't know at what stage porn opened.
Starting point is 00:02:51 I thought you were gonna say that. It was tough because our studio is closed. No, no. So I couldn't sort of go into one of our side offices and, you know, crank one out. Crank one out, yeah. Yeah. When was I most into porn?
Starting point is 00:03:06 I don't know. It feels like it's always kind of been... It's kind of always been the same. Steady? Steady as she goes when you first discovered it. You haven't gotten up or down much ever since. Yeah, really no. It feels like I've always been obsessed
Starting point is 00:03:22 ever since the first time I came. And it's never stopped. That's nice. That's actually beautiful. You can almost say that your most long-lasting, committed, healthy relationship is that between you Me and Eva Lovia. and well.
Starting point is 00:03:40 All right. Should we get into it? Yeah. I suppose... Yeah, I suppose so. Some warm-up questions just to get us in the groove slash flow. As you know, porn is nothing without its abbreviations.
Starting point is 00:04:00 You're gonna want to search these terms, but you don't want to type it all out. You have some J-ing-o to do. Even J-ing-o is an acronym. Yeah, that's right. That's true. Who has the time? A lot of these search terms have quick,
Starting point is 00:04:17 abbreviated versions of themselves. For example, BBW stands for what? A big beautiful woman. That's good. That's correct. I was gonna give you some answer choices, but why waste the time? I forgot it.
Starting point is 00:04:32 A few of these seem kind of random slash obscure to me, but maybe they're not. What BB stands for? Just BB. BB. Big boobs? I'll give you the option. I had never heard of this one either.
Starting point is 00:04:49 So, there's blonde on brunette, ball bouncing, big and beautiful, or bareback. Ooh. Let's go ball bouncing. No, according to Buzzfeed, it's bareback. I'm not really sure what a bareback is
Starting point is 00:05:06 in terms of port. Is that no condom? I think that's usually what bareback means, isn't it? Yeah. BB. I guess so. Interesting. What about DP?
Starting point is 00:05:17 Double penetration. That one's a classic. I don't need the choices there. Basically, if I need the choices, I'll get it wrong. Here's another term. It's not an acronym, but do you know what a glory hole is? Of course.
Starting point is 00:05:34 Let me know if you need the answer choices. No, I don't need the answer choices. Yeah. It's a hole in the wall that you put your cock through and someone sucks it or fucks it. It's not that hard. You can kind of infer what it is from the glory aspect of it. What about we're going on set?
Starting point is 00:05:55 Do you know what a fluffer is? Yeah. I don't think those are real anymore, or I don't know if they ever were, but it was someone whose job it was to keep the male porn star hard in between takes. Yeah. Which is a very funny job.
Starting point is 00:06:13 Which is having sex with a porn star. What's the fluffer going to do? Just have to give him a handy on the side. I wanted that to be my first job, but instead I got an internship at College Humor. Wow. Ricky kind of saved your life. Or ruined it?
Starting point is 00:06:29 Depending on how you look at it. Here's a term I had not heard before. Let's see if you have. Do you know what sounding is? Sounding. Sounding. Yeah. I guess I'm going to need the terms.
Starting point is 00:06:45 So I don't. I'll give you a lifeline here. Right. It's the technical term for grunting, or rough massaging, or a sound effect added after the shoot, or when something is inserted into a man's urethra. Ooh.
Starting point is 00:07:05 Because I know, based from my other passion, which is Napoleonic era, British naval warfare novels, sounding the well is when you would take, you would basically drop something into the bottom of the ship. And if you could hear the thud,
Starting point is 00:07:29 it would mean that it wasn't sinking, or it wasn't taking water, or something along those lines. So I'm going to go with the penetrating the urethra thing, because it kind of seems like sounding a ship. That is correct. Wow. Wow.
Starting point is 00:07:47 I mean, combining your two hobbies like that, that was really advanced. Just like jerking off in historical fiction, that's my shit. You should write porn that takes place on some sort of sea vessel. Yeah. 1700s or something.
Starting point is 00:08:04 That would be perfect for me. Were there any women on those ships, or that's a pure man-dominated society? There were women on the ships, but it was only because some captains liked to travel with their families. Sometimes the women would be transported from like a port in Portsmouth to Lisbon,
Starting point is 00:08:22 so the carpenter's wife, the gunner's wife, they would come on that type of thing. Sometimes they'd watch the children, because there were young boys on the ships. It's really sweet. What's ATM? Ask to mouth. Yes, dude.
Starting point is 00:08:42 Are you fucking kidding me? Absolutely. Ask to fucking mouth. Oh, yeah. Sometimes boys as young as six would be little midshipmen in joining the ranks of flag officer, admiral of the fleet.
Starting point is 00:09:03 Pretty cool to be a young reefer in the mizzen top, just watching the waves day by day. A deck hand as it were. Get your sea legs a little early, sort of move up the ranks from there. Very nice. How would you describe a cream pie?
Starting point is 00:09:22 Oh, that's when you nut in the badge, man. God damn, I hate myself. Yeah, no, that is, it's orgasmic. It's insensitive, buddy, in port. Your two hobbies are porn and port. It's P-O-R-something. This is a word I didn't know what it meant. Let's see if you do.
Starting point is 00:09:51 Tribbing, T-R-I-B-B-I-N-G. Have you ever heard of that one? Tribbing. I feel like I have seen that, but I'm gonna need the choices to confirm. Sex while wearing earplugs? Weird. Penetrating with everyday objects?
Starting point is 00:10:07 Hmm. Scissoring? Hmm. Or sex with a condom? Ooh. Let's go penetrating with everyday objects. Unfortunately, according to this BuzzFeed quiz, tripping is scissoring.
Starting point is 00:10:22 Hmm, cool. Have you heard about a spinner? What's a spinner in porn? Oh, I think that's just a really small girl, I think. That's correct. Yes, no answer choices needed, a very small woman. I guess the thinking there is that you can, you know, spinner.
Starting point is 00:10:44 Yeah, that is. That's not my fetish, but it's a popular one. I see it a lot. Yeah, sometimes it's just like, you can use context clues to figure it out. Hmm, yeah. Do you know what DVDA is? DVDA.
Starting point is 00:11:06 Double vaginal, double anal or something? That's correct. Yes. The D stands for double and the V in the A, well, you know, obviously stands for vagina and ass, indeed. It's kind of almost like a theoretical idea, more than an actual thing. Interesting.
Starting point is 00:11:25 What is, yeah, wait, what does that mean to be like two and two going on in each hole at the same time? It's almost like, yeah. It's like absolute zero. It exists only in theory. Hard to imagine. All right, we got some more, but let's take a break, come back and see if Jake can figure out what the rest of these
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Starting point is 00:13:03 Thank you, Stamps.com for sponsoring this show. Thank you to Aura Frames for sponsoring this Head Gum podcast. You know, Aura Frames is sponsoring not just this episode, but the entire Head Gum network, Jake. Wow. That's correct. I mean, this might be the Goat Father's Day gift. I think it actually is.
Starting point is 00:13:23 Yeah. Yeah, not just Father's Day, but if for any not so tech savvy family member that you need a gift for soon, these digital photo frames might be the best of all time. Yeah. For me personally, these things are perfect. I'll tell you why.
Starting point is 00:13:40 As you know, I am expecting my first child. We got one for Jill's parents. Oh, wow. We got one for Jill's grandma. Holy smokes. We got one for my parents. So there are three of these bad boys in our family right now, but they're great, really easy way to like stay in touch with your family.
Starting point is 00:13:59 You can upload as many photos as you want directly into my parents kitchen. It's really nice. Oh, that's cool. So you take a photo of anything, perhaps a baby, and then it goes to their digital photo frame. This is actually how we told Jill's grandma she was pregnant. We got her the aura frame. We plugged it in.
Starting point is 00:14:18 Jill's grandma was pregnant. Really nice asshole. This was actually a really sweet moment for me and my wife, and you're trying to make a joke of it. I was just being goofy a little bit like, this is how I told my grandma she was pregnant. Yeah, kind of like she misheard it or something like that, or the way you said it was kind of like, could go either way.
Starting point is 00:14:39 By the way, Jill's grandma is pregnant. Oh my God. Jill's grandma is 90 and pregnant. It's pretty cool. And you told me with a digital photo frame? Holy smokes. And we let her know with an aura. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:50 Thank you. The aura announcement. So you can instantly frame photos from any device anywhere and invite the whole family in on the fun through the aura app. Add me to your aura app. I'd love to upload just a picture of me like at a pool or something. That could be funny. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:15:06 Like your banana or your dog alongside pictures of my daughter. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. You deserve that. You can even preload photos and add a personal video message that will display as soon as your dad or anybody connects to the frame. Yeah.
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Starting point is 00:15:38 Oh, wow. This is timely. The deal ends on June 18th. So don't wait. Terms and conditions apply. That's Aura Frames A-U-R-A-Frames.com. Okay. Go get your parents something.
Starting point is 00:15:48 All right. And use the code HEADGUM for $30 off plus free shipping. Right on. Thank you, Aura. And now back to the HEADGUM podcast you were listening to. All right. We're back. Here's one I hadn't heard of before, but I saw in multiple quizzes.
Starting point is 00:16:04 What is Gonzo? Gonzo is, I think it's just, it's like the way the porn is shot almost like amateur-ish. It looks like a skate video. Yes. A type of pornography in which the camera is acknowledged and often used by the actors to make the viewer feel like they're part of the scene. Right. And that's like Gonzo journalism.
Starting point is 00:16:26 Right. It's like POV shit. But do you ever search Gonzo or you just, you've seen it so much that it's sort of the, the keywords have entered your subconscious. I guess I, I don't usually call it Gonzo. I would search POV, but also I feel like my browser knows me and so much in the hubs. They know me so well that I don't really have to seek that shit out anymore. It's delivered.
Starting point is 00:16:56 And it is earned. I bought this tiny porno ship on the deck of he, he, he. Farewell and adieu. You fair Spanish ladies. What would you call, or actually I should say, how would you describe a veggie scene? A veggie scene. I mean. And I'm not just talking about the crudité they serve before everyone arrives on set.
Starting point is 00:17:25 Yeah. What's crafty on a browser set? Just a couple veggie scene. I guess I just imagine it's penetration with carrots and cucumbers, corn and the like. Yeah. That's close, but it's, it's actually according to this, at least an all girl scene, AKA no meat. Oh, I see.
Starting point is 00:17:47 Cool. Nice. It's pretty good. Yeah. No meat in a veggie scene. Have you heard of? I mean, some of these have got to be fake. A three-eyed turtle?
Starting point is 00:17:59 Three-eyed turtle. Yeah. I, let's just guess that it's a, it's a dick that previously had a Prince Albert piercing that was removed so it then has three little holes in the urethra area. No, this one is a, well, it's filling all the orifices of a female by putting fingers in different holes. And I guess it resembles that of a three-eyed turtle. Again.
Starting point is 00:18:27 Interesting. It seems pretty niche. Yeah. I had not heard that one. Same. It's not quite on the same level as DP or Gonzo, I guess. All right. Switching gears.
Starting point is 00:18:37 Right. I wanted to figure out some sort of lightning round situation. So I looked up a list of the top grossing porn stars of all time. All time. It's a list of 10. Oh, actually, sorry. It goes up to 14. Do you think you can name, let's say half of these 14 people, highest grossing porn stars
Starting point is 00:19:00 of all time? Some men, some women. Oh, see, it's going to be tough because I feel like all time goes a little before my heyday. Like I'd be better at amateur porn stars, but I'll give it a shot. I will give it a shot. Highest. Okay.
Starting point is 00:19:18 Let's put Jenna Jamison on there. She's absolutely number one net worth according to, you know, this reputable source of scoopwoop.com of 30 million. So Jenna Jamison. That's good. Numero uno. And since we're talking about male porn stars, it feels like it doesn't, like I think Ron Jeremy's on there, but he blew all of the money because I saw him once in Burbank carrying
Starting point is 00:19:42 all of his stuff in a plastic shopping bag. So I feel like he doesn't have the funds now, but let's say Ron Jeremy. Ron Jeremy. Number seven. He did indeed blow all of his, according to like scoopwoop, $7.5 million net worth. Okay. Have you ever actually seen, like I know about Ron Jeremy, but have you ever actually seen a porn with Ron Jeremy in it or just almost like a myth, a 70s porn that you've never
Starting point is 00:20:06 seen? I think I've seen one because I like saw it out for that reason. I was like, I should see a Ron Jeremy porn. It's weird to not. Yeah. Damn. What are some other really? All timers.
Starting point is 00:20:22 All timers. Yeah. It's, I'm trying to think of like the Ginger Lynn. Ginger Lynn is not on this list, but another GI name is. Another GI. Yeah. Another GI. A GI.
Starting point is 00:20:41 A. Oh, like Gianna? You're talking about Gianna Michaels. Yeah. That's right. Gianna Michaels is 13th. I guess she's appeared in over 500 porn films, net worth $4 million. Gianna Michaels.
Starting point is 00:20:56 Shout out to Gianna. Interesting. I really don't buy any of these. These numbers. No, I don't. But let's, I will say there's a man above Ron Jeremy. Oh, is it Peter North? It is Peter North.
Starting point is 00:21:11 Very good. Number three on your list. So you got number one, Jenna Jamison, number three, Peter North. Number two is somebody I'd never heard of, but I guess she started in the 90s. Right. So it'd be somebody like Tara Patrick. That is not correct. Very good.
Starting point is 00:21:26 Wait. Number two, Tara Patrick. It's Tara Patrick. Very good. Okay. Yes. Very good. Very interesting.
Starting point is 00:21:34 Good job. Absolutely savage. So you got the top three. The rest, the top three. Are a little obscure. Number four. Okay. Number four is, I had heard of this person's name.
Starting point is 00:21:45 She was sort of 70s, 80s porn star. Red hair. This is who I was trying to come up with when I said ginger lint. Maybe I was wrong. What's her name? Yeah. Her initials are TL. TL.
Starting point is 00:22:04 No idea. Yeah. No idea. Tracy? No. Still don't know. Tracy Lords at number four. Tracy Lords.
Starting point is 00:22:12 Okay. Yeah. I guess one of the Mount Rushmore first one. Another lady is her, whose initials are JJ. That's not Jenna Jamison. She seems to be, yeah, not Jenna Jamison, but it seems like she was named trying to fool people into searching for Jenna Jamison, but it was actually, Jesse Jane, have you ever heard of that?
Starting point is 00:22:34 Oh, Jesse Jane. Yeah. There's someone named Jesse James, I think, but Jesse Jane, I think I've heard of it, but I'm not entirely sure. And then there's just a series of names that sound familiar that I've never heard of. Sasha Gray. Of course. Sasha Gray.
Starting point is 00:22:50 Yeah. She was on Entourage. Jenna Hayes. Yep. I know Jenna Hayes. Yeah. Totally. Something, there's some like super famous Milflady that I forget.
Starting point is 00:23:04 It's not Tara Lin. Something like that. Well, there's a Katie Morgan on here, if you've ever heard of that. I don't think so. Brie Olson. Yeah. Big time. I think Brie Olson dated Charlie Sheen at one point.
Starting point is 00:23:18 That sounds about right. And then there's a Japanese actress on here who started off Asia Akira. Not Asia Akira, but I do like appreciate the enthusiasm. Somebody named Maria Takagi. I don't think I know Maria Takagi. I mean, we're not even talking about the Japanese porn world where I'm sure like there's much bigger stars or like the Bundesliga German porn. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:23:48 Yeah. This is it's a very American centric list. It really is. Which is why I found yet another list for you, which might be more up your alley. Nice. I figured that one was a little too historical leaning. So I also found on a porn site, mind you, the list of the hottest American porn stars of 2020.
Starting point is 00:24:12 There's 23 names on here. I see. The list of 23 porn stars that are hot right now. That's cool. Not talking about the fucking Michael Jordan's. We're talking about the Yanis, the Lukas, the Kevin Durantz. That's good. Hot now.
Starting point is 00:24:29 And I want to see how many you can rattle off on this list. But first let's take a break and we'll come back. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Thank you, BetterHelp. If you're finding yourself in a difficult, anxious, stressful situation, talking to a professional licensed therapist is the best way to navigate yourself out of that difficult place and it's not necessarily easy to find a therapist, especially one in your area. But BetterHelp makes that all easy because it's online therapy designed to be convenient,
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Starting point is 00:27:16 Thank you. Squarespace. Here we go. 20. Top 20 hottest porn stars right now and of course they couldn't limit the list to 20. There's 23 names on here. Yeah. All right.
Starting point is 00:27:29 Let's see how many you can rattle off. I feel like Riley Reid is going to be towards the top of the list. It's going to be a Riley Reid. It's going to be an Abela Danger. Whoa, whoa, slow down, buddy. Okay. Let's relax. Okay.
Starting point is 00:27:44 See what a sip on this cocktail. Not take shots. Is Riley Reid on there? Riley Reid is number eight. Number eight job. Isabella Danger right on there. I'll be sipping this hot toddy as fast as I want. Abela.
Starting point is 00:28:00 I thought you said Isabella Danger. No, I couldn't find an Isabella, but you better believe Abela Danger is third on this list. Third on the list. So two top 10s. Yeah. I mean, Mia Malcova has to be on there. I'm just wondering how high up she is.
Starting point is 00:28:15 Could she be? Our co-star Mia Malcova star Lonely and Horny season two is indeed on this list. Good job, Mia. She should be number, I feel like number two, but how did we get Mia Malcova to appear in a Lonely and Horny episode? Do you remember that? I think Jillian Jeskin, Alex Kerna, the producers just straight up went out to porn star agents. I think that like they asked me for a list.
Starting point is 00:28:40 I said not unlike right now. I said my favorite porn star at the time, Mia Malcova. And next thing we knew, she was, we were shooting with her and it was crazy. I was not, I was, I was not nervous about any day on Lonely and Horny except for that one. And I felt like it showed. And I think she thought I was a bad director, which really hurt me. Well we should say that we shot a porn with her.
Starting point is 00:29:10 That was the episode. Right. We stayed sort of 21 minutes of unsimulated penetrating and I thought you did pretty well. It was, my character was watching a VR porn and so we needed a girl to just sort of stare into camera and, you know, talk these guys off. And she, she absolutely killed it because it was right in her wheelhouse. It's right. She's done this stuff before.
Starting point is 00:29:37 Right. Right. She's done. I did one of those like, it was a, we pretended to be shooting a VR porn. So like we were, we were cutting back and forth from like the VR porn that was going on in your goggles and like you sitting in your house. It was great. It was very funny scene.
Starting point is 00:29:54 Yeah. And why do you think she thought you were a bad director? I guess cause I was just always unsure. Everything I said, I was like, I was just stuttering and fumbling. Like I knew what I wanted to get, but I was constantly shy. So I didn't, I wasn't very direct. Do you think you're, you'd be able to direct a porn if necessary? If like, if me, I was like, that guy was really good.
Starting point is 00:30:21 Can he direct my next video? Right. Or would that be too much pressure? It would be too much pressure because I wouldn't know how to do it. I think I would be with comedy. I would, I know to be like, let's try it this way. Let's get it this way. Let's see this angle.
Starting point is 00:30:36 Let's get this coverage. And for porn, I feel like I would just constantly be like, I don't want to step, you guys are having sex. I don't want to intrude. I would be too passive. Right. Yeah. Do whatever you guys want.
Starting point is 00:30:51 Honestly, you guys are the stars. Yeah. I'll shoot this voyeur style and just leave the camera here. Anyways, Brandy Love on that list is Eva Lovia on that list is Kenzie Reeves on that list. You gotta slow down. Yeah. I need to fucking search who, what's the, what's the order of things? Brandy Love.
Starting point is 00:31:15 No. Okay. Well, she should. Brandy Love is not here. She should be. And Eva Lovia, my favorite. How do you spell Eva? Just E-V-A.
Starting point is 00:31:27 Yeah. Nope. She's down here. That's fucking, has to be incorrect. Interesting. Very interesting. Let's go Mia Khalifa, who doesn't do porn anymore, but is still famous. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:44 I guess she's not active enough to make the list, unfortunately. We're looking for active porn stars. You haven't gotten number one or number two, I should say. Yeah. This is, it's, it's really, it's tough because they're not. I guess it's very segmented, like everyone's got their personal favorites and stuff to say which ones are. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:05 I like the, I like the more niche amateurs style. But let's go ahead and say Nicole, Nicole Aniston. Number five is Nicole Aniston. Good job. Number five, stayin' alive. Let's think is a, is a Lana Rhodes up there. You just got number one. There we go.
Starting point is 00:32:25 You sunk my battles. There we go. Lana Rhodes. Is that a porn star? Does that shock you or does that sort of make sense for you? It makes sense. I feel like I was really trying to think of just porn stars that I like, but then I started trying to think of porn stars that I just see in all of the banner ads.
Starting point is 00:32:43 Right. So that's. That's a good list. That tracks. Lana Rhodes, by the way, 16 million Instagram followers. Wow. Yeah. Like, there's no way she's not worth more money than Jenna Jameson because she also
Starting point is 00:32:56 has, like, I think probably one of the most popular only fan accounts. Like. Yeah. I'm sure that list predates only fans, which completely changed the game. Yeah. It really, it let, it let people earn some, the money that they deserved. I love, I love only fans for that. It took out the middle man.
Starting point is 00:33:16 Got any other names for us before I rattle some off for you? Emily Willis. Number 21, Emily Willis. Good job. Sneaky in. Did I, I said a Bella danger. I didn't say Carly Gray. Doesn't look like Carly Gray is on here.
Starting point is 00:33:32 Okay. Okay. There's, God, there's somebody else that I was trying to think of that was really good looking. That's fine. I don't, I don't need to rack my brain for this. Give me the other ones or give me a couple. Okay.
Starting point is 00:33:51 Number two is Monique Alexander. Three you got Isabella danger. Number four is Danny Daniels. Danny Daniels. I don't even know if I know Danny Daniels. Five you got Nicole Aniston. Six is Kimmy Granger. Kimmy Granger.
Starting point is 00:34:08 Very nice. Seven is somebody named Desiree Dulce. Oh yeah. Yeah. Good name. Eight you got Riley Reed. Nine is a Gabby Carter. Oh yeah.
Starting point is 00:34:20 For sure. Yeah. That stands to reason. Yeah. Megan Rain. Great name. Yep. And rounding out the list of the top 12, you got me and Mel Cove, but you missed Kenzie
Starting point is 00:34:30 Taylor. Oh, I said Kenzie Reeves. Yeah. I see. You forgot she got married and changed her name. Tim the tool man Taylor. You said her maiden name, unfortunately. How do these names work?
Starting point is 00:34:45 Like they're all fake, right? They all get to choose. Yeah. I think that they just, yeah, everybody just chooses. There's like, but I don't know. It seems like there's not a lot of thought that goes into it because you would definitely try to be like, you know, getting that SEO, search engine optimization. Right.
Starting point is 00:35:08 Like with a Nicole Aniston, sometimes they just shove two popular names together and they call it a day. Yeah. Nicole Aniston. And sometimes they, like there's an Aaliyah Hadid on this list. Oh yeah. I know. Aaliyah Hadid.
Starting point is 00:35:22 So they just, you know, took other famous people and now it's like, I accidentally searched for me. Right. That's interesting. Then, then there's these, um, the alliteration, the me and Mel Cove, the Jenna Jameson. Yeah. That style. I like the alliteration.
Starting point is 00:35:37 The Riley Reed. Chloe, Chloe Cherry is on this list. Oh. Good shit. Rachelle Ryan is on this list. Like Rachelle Ryan and Chloe Cherry both seem like they're not super good SEO names, but maybe they are. Maybe there is more thought.
Starting point is 00:35:52 I have no idea. And then there's some that are just like barely even names. Like there's somebody on this list named Karma Rx. Have you heard of Karma Rx? I have, but I think like that seems, I guess that seems a little weird because Rx is like a prescription thing. Um, yeah. But there is something too, just like, not like, um, the name being like Firebird 491.
Starting point is 00:36:19 It's like, that's cool. You could search that. Yeah. You like, you'll only find me if you search that and it's easy to remember. I mean, it was not unlike creating the name for Head Gum. We had to create a name that like was available on every social media that was easy to say and easy to spell, but didn't exist yet. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:36:36 I actually don't mind Head Gum for your poor name. It's not bad. Henry Head Gum. Henry Head Gum. Yeah. I love that. Yeah. And can I add an Rx to the end of it?
Starting point is 00:36:45 I was just trying to think of bad porn names and I thought of one that might be on the list. Uh, is Cassidy Banks on there? Cassidy Banks? I'm pretty sure that's the answer. Uh, no. There's no Cassidy on here. Oh.
Starting point is 00:36:56 Okay. Yeah. The few that we haven't named yet are Nicolette Shea. Hmm. I don't even know if I know her. Thank God. Alina Lopez? I know her.
Starting point is 00:37:06 Katrina Jade, sister of Ruby Jade. Oh, I don't think I know her. It's, I'm happy now when I don't, like, it's, when I, when I know people, it's like, that's just me really losing the quiz because I like, I knew them as porn stars and I didn't guess it. So that's, that's bad, but it's nice when I don't know because it's like, oh wow, I only know 22 of the top 23 porn stars. Elsa Jean.
Starting point is 00:37:31 Oh, I love Elsa Jean. It's by the way, like, do you know any of these people? I have heard of Mia Malkova. Oh my God. You haven't heard of anybody else on this list. I really haven't. I want to know if our fans are closer to me or closer to you. Like I'm sure there's all over the, there are people who are like, oh, Jake only got
Starting point is 00:37:50 21 and there's people who are like, holy shit, Jake got 21 because there's porn start, porn watching is so different and intimate. You never like watch with a friend. So you have no idea. Like I'm not watching porn with anybody else. So I can't, with basketball, you discuss and dissect and analyze porn. It's just very privatized. You don't watch porn with Marty?
Starting point is 00:38:10 I watch porn with Marty, but like we're not at a sports car sort of high-fiving people. Yeah, totally. You don't watch, you don't watch porn at boys over at the bar down the street from you guys. Well, occasionally watch at the bar, we're not high-fiving. We're not high-fiving. We're not high-fiving. We're not high-fiving. We're not high-fiving.
Starting point is 00:38:27 We're not high-fiving. We're not high-fiving. We're not high-fiving. We're not high-fiving. We're not high-fiving. We're not high-fiving. We're not high-fiving. We're not high-fiving.
Starting point is 00:38:35 We're not high-fiving. We're not high-fiving. We're not high-fiving. We're not high-fiving. We're not high-fiving. We're not high-fiving. We're not high-fiving. We're not high-fiving.
Starting point is 00:38:43 We're not high-fiving. We're not high-fiving. We're not high-fiving. We're not high-fiving. We're not high-fiving. We're not high-fiving. We're not high-fiving. Because she was famous before porn, she didn't come up with a porn name.
Starting point is 00:38:56 So you just dislike her regular name, I think. You know what? Then I switched back because I'm really impressed because I was going to say, why doesn't anybody use their regular name? It's nice that this person, Maitland, did that. Yeah. Really owned it. Who is she on Boy Meets World?
Starting point is 00:39:10 Like Eric and Sean's roommate? No, wait. Sean, not Eric and whoever Sean's brother was. Oh, yeah. The taller, cool guy. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Joey.
Starting point is 00:39:22 No. God, which Lawrence brother was it? This is another fun quiz. Matthew? Yeah, Matthew Lawrence. Wow. It's kind of cool that she... He has an OnlyFans, actually.
Starting point is 00:39:31 To back into porn like that. That's a rare path, isn't it? Yeah. I respect it. I respect everybody. Shout out to Maitland. Shout out to Maitland. And you know what?
Starting point is 00:39:40 I think we can say, we all respect everybody in porn from Maitland Ward down to the Fluffers. That's right. How are you feeling about how you did on this quiz? I feel sad. I feel embarrassed. I feel... But you're not supposed to... We're supposed to like, you know, project that porn isn't shameful and embarrassing.
Starting point is 00:39:59 That's right. It's just another thing. Yeah. No. This is healthy and good. Yeah. And I'm actually... I'm actually...
Starting point is 00:40:07 A beacon. I am... It's probably an icon for what I've done here. Thank you. For lending your thoughts, feelings, attitudes, and memory towards this porn quiz, episode three of Testing. Testing will be back next week. Who knows what you'll be testing me on?
Starting point is 00:40:28 Oh, yeah. You can just test my memory and give me the same quiz and I'll see how many I can... Oh, that's actually... Sort of for a memory. That's perfect. Yeah. I mean, I'm for sure gonna get Maitland. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:39 Because then we get to talk about porn again and you can excel. It's perfect. Yeah. All right. See you next week, everybody. Or Monday, I should say. See you Monday, everybody. Ciao.
Starting point is 00:40:50 That was a hit gum original.

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