I've Had It - A Lexus With 50 Cents

Episode Date: April 25, 2024

Whatever you do, DO NOT ding dong ditch the Welches. NEW MERCH IS NOW AVAILABLE at https://ivehadit.store Subscribe to I've Had It wherever you get your podcasts by visiting linktr.ee/ivehaditpodcast Thank you to our sponsors: This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp: Find your social sweet spot, with BetterHelp. Visit https://BetterHelp.com/HADIT today to get 10% off your first month. JustThrive: Right now, when you go to https://justthrivehealth.com/discount/HADIT and use promo code: HADIT You can get 20% off a 90 day bottle of Just Thrive Probiotic and Just Calm… That’s like getting a month for FREE! Lumen: If you want to take the next step in improving your health, go to https://lumen.me and use HADIT to get $100 off your Lumen. Thank you, Lumen, for sponsoring this episode! PrettyLitter: Go to https://PrettyLitter.com/hadit to save twenty percent on your FIRST order. Terms and conditions apply. See site for details. Quince: Get warm weather ready with Quince! Go to https://Quince.com/hadit for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. To watch our post-show for this episode and much more - subscribe to our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/IveHadItPodcast Follow Us: I've Had It Podcast: @Ivehaditpodcast Jennifer Welch: @mizzwelch Angie "Pumps" Sullivan: @pumpspumpspumps

So we're supposed to start the podcast. Ready? One, two, three. It is not a great day at I've Had It podcast because me ma, Mr. Ham totally botched the introductory clap. Would you like to do it again or should we just roll with it? Let's just roll. I'm so embarrassed. All right. All right. Um, anyway,

let me tell you guys a story that happened with my neighbor. So Josh and I went, he was looking for a new car and it was a Saturday afternoon. We went to the car dealership or there an hour and a half or so we pulled back up to our house and there are about six children at our front door under the ages of maybe seven. Really? Six of them. And they're standing at the door with their hands and we have a glass front door, one of those glass pivot doors. Their hands are all over it. Tubby and Cha-Cha are going fucking bananas, as dogs do when people come to the door. And I'll add that Tubby in particular

doesn't really like children. And that's his right, and that's his choice as a dog. He doesn't have to like kids. And so all these kids are at the front door and we're like, what the fuck? So I look over and my neighbor is standing there screaming and there's a couple of other like mom people with her that are parents. And they're like, come back, come back. And I'm just like, are you freaking kidding me? So we pull in the garage and they get the kids off the yard and Josh is like, I don't want anything to do with that.

I'm like, I don't either. What are they doing letting their kids come ring our doorbell? Like come on. So we let it go. So then we're standing in the garage and I see a friend of mine walking by on the road and I am like, hey, how are you doing? She's like, fine. She's pushing her stroller with her kid.

She has nothing to do with these other neighbors. So I walked down and I start talking to her. Around the same time, the gang of children infiltrate my yard again. And then their mother comes this time. And I don't know if she was intoxicated or what the situation was. It's only like 4pm. She goes, yeah, the kids were like, we want to go ding dong ditching. We really want to go ding dong ditching. And I was like, go ding dong ditch the Welches. They won't care. And I'm like, actually, no, let's not ding dong ditch the Welches because the Welches have one child in college and only another child at home that's in high school. And two dogs that are going bananas who are stressed out because they're in like protection

mode while your kids are getting entertained because you're not taking care of them. Right. And so then she kind of looks at me and I'm just like, I can't believe you even number one had that thought and thought it was a good idea to say, oh yeah. And number two said that out loud that yeah, we'll just let them go ding dong ditch the Welches. And she's a nice, I mean, I like her. She's a nice neighbor.

I don't know her super well. The kids are at my front door doing their hands all over the glass. The dogs are going crazy. And I go, kids, kids, because I'm like, if she's not going to parent her kids, and they're on my property, I said, kids, kids, let's step away from the front door. My dogs are going crazy. Step away from the front door. Step away. And she's like, okay, well, we'll see you later. And the kids are like, can we go into your house? And I jokingly, but serious too, at the same time I go, no, you can't. Now y'all scram kids, scram. Get over there.

Go back home. And we walk in the garage and Josh is like, I love so much that number one, you told her the kids couldn't ding dong ditch. But you were really polite about it. And number two, you told the kids to scream, but you were polite about it. Right. And so, but I just can you believe that? No, that's I cannot believe I would have died of embarrassment if my kids were doing that. I would have been grabbing them by their hair saying, go home right now. These people like these are the people that tell their kids how great and special they

are all the time without getting down on their eye level and saying, listen, they don't have small kids anymore. They've already done this. Do not go irritate these people. I love you and you're great to me, but the rest of the world is not going to think you're as great as I do. Or how about ding-dong ditching is rude. Don't do it. At seven you can control them. When they're in middle school at a sleepover, you don't have any control. So what are these kids going to be doing at a middle school sleepover?

And here's the crazy part about it. When we pulled up before, she didn't know if we were home or not home. Right. She could have been at home taking a nap. And I think she thought, oh, this will be a great little knee slapper. Let's let the kids and I'm just like, had I been at home, I would have been so fucking pissed. And then I felt so bad for my dogs because then I realized this could have been going on for an hour or two. You don't know. And then as the kids are walking off, they're

saying, I think your dogs are cute and blah, blah, blah, which there's no question. Obviously. Dogs are incredibly attractive, but they didn't need their heart rates raised. They were in protection mode. Right. As I mentioned before, Tubby hates kids. Yeah. Yeah. And they probably might have been scared even. And she's a sweet neighbor girl, you know, but I just thought, seriously, like this is acceptable to you. Like, do you not? I don't know.

I just thought it was weird and I like her. I don't know her well, but I thought it was kind of weird. I'll tell you what else strikes me about that story. Four o'clock on a Saturday, barefoot, full cocktail dress, and six kids. What the fuck? The all six kids are not hers. No, I know. But I'm just saying like, get a babysitter, put your shoes on and leave.

Why are you parading around the neighborhood with these six kids? And also why are you not saying kids stay in our yard? There's no reason to go ring the neighbors doorbell. There's no reason for it. I was just, and I'm sure other people have dealt with you know crap like this I think it was just the entitlement and the Expectation that she thought I would think these kids were cute right their behavior was cute and that she was encouraging Brazenly encouraging their sense of entitlement that they get to go ding-dong ditch people and here's what I fucking hate more than anything on the planet

solicitations they get to go ding-dong ditch people. And here's what I fucking hate more than anything on the planet. Solicitations. Oh, yes. And awful. Solicitations made by children are the worst. Ringing my doorbell. I mean, like, are you, are you, I just, I don't know. I just, I could not wrap my head around why anybody thinks this is a good idea. And there were, mind you, when we first pulled up, there were two other moms standing in the yard. So nobody had any sense. Nobody said, do not go ring their doorbell. They are grown adults. It's rude. It's annoying. Their kids are much bigger. Like that collectively, nobody could IQ it up enough to figure that out. Nobody could IQ it up enough to realize, what a great idea. All right. That's my grievance for today. It's probably going to be great neighborhood stuff going on in my neighborhood after this episode drops, but I don't care. Anyway,

Pumps and Kylie, how are you guys today? Good. Welcome to I've't care. Anyway, Pops and Kylie, how are you guys today? Good. Welcome to I've Had It. Welcome. I'm Angie. You did it all wrong. Welcome to I've Had It. I'm Jennifer.

You didn't say that. You did a pregnant pause. That was on you. Should we get in a big fight right now? No, because I know I'm right. Should I send Dylan and Roman over to ding-dong ditch you? Please. Okay.

I could do that, but I tell my kids to avoid the suburbs. It might be too dangerous. All right. Welcome to I've Had It. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. She's Memaw. We have our gorgeous Kylie.

She's with us today. And today we are going to read from our favorite patriots. And these are, of course, are the patriots from Patreon who have left us their petty grievances. And I'm going to start off with Brian Gunderson. And Brian says, when people call their significant other or best friend or whatever, quote, my person, Jesus Christ, I can't. Okay, I completely agree. I have a friend that's my age, single. She keeps saying, I just want to find my person. And I have told her 50 times, there's not just one person for you.

There's not just one in seven billion people that's just for you. It's about timing and compatibility. But the person thing, it's overused. And I don't think it exists. Like one per I don't think like Josh came out of the womb for you. I don't think you came out of the womb for Josh. I think it's a lot of factors. Well, actually we did after we chose our mothers. Right. Here's how it goes down. Here's how it all goes down. I

chose my mother to give birth to me so I could find my person Josh. And when we go on vacation, we go to our happy place. It's everything you want it to be. It is. That's all the stuff that we do. Yeah. It's a fairy tale. Absolutely.

And we also avoid other people during Mercury and retrograde. Well, I think you have to. You've got to. Dicey out there. You've got to. Yes, absolutely. So then Jessica responds to Brian's grievance about the my person and Jessica Purdue says, I am totally

an offender of this, but I have had it when other people say it. To be fair, all of my family is dead and we have no contact with my Trumpumper in-laws and I lost multiple friends to MAGA bullshit. So we really are friends and we have nobody else. That is genuinely Jessica's only person. Right. So, I mean, we're going to get her half. Jessica gets an exception. Okay, Kylie. All right. I've got one from Lucy. She writes, I've had it with HOAs.

God's gift to narcissists. In quotes, board members claim they are elected, but usually they volunteer because no one else wants to or cares. All of a sudden they are in the president's cabinet and their moral superiority reaches new heights. The title is absolutely on their resume and their job responsibilities include doling out petty fines, tattling on other neighbors, and selective enforcement of rules because they are in middle school. Worst of all is the monthly deduction of funds that go to these clowns to spend on fugly furniture and lighting in the common areas Get a life and go fuck yourself. I love Lucy to middle finger emojis. Love Lucy

I'll tell you Lucy is always she's got deadpan humor, right? I love it. I love Lucy Hoa's are a terrible idea terrible you get Lucy. HOAs are a terrible idea. Terrible. You get people that peaked in high school that are still looking for that high. Those are the people that traffic in HOAs. They're thirsting for power and they think the HOA is where they're going to wield a big stick. And it just invariably is just a bunch of fucking assholes sitting together without enough to do, picking on other people, and it's none of their fucking business. Fucking hate it. Do you have HOA in your suburban neighborhood?

Absolutely, I do. Because we have a gate. Right. So yeah, and it's so funny because I have a neighbor that I'm friends with that was telling me that one of the HOA members was like, oh, I want to meet Angie. Do you think she'll ever come to an HOA meeting? My friend was like, I can assure you that that will never fucking happen. Like it's never, ever going to happen. But I mean you get like here's one I got. Your trash cans are in the wrong place. Like it was just a general reminder

to the neighborhood. And it's like go fuck yourself. Why are you worried about where my trash can is? What would happen to your neighborhood if the HOA never met? I'll tell you exactly what would happen. Fucking nothing. Right. Nothing. Nothing would happen. Nope. Fucking nothing would happen, right? It's so funny.

It just reminded me of a story. Okay, so we have like a clubhouse where there's a pool and there's a workout place. Right. When my kids were littler, they would peruse through the neighborhood and they would go to the little workout place to see if they could get in. It's like locked after a certain time, I don't know, when they were trying to get in. It would immediately pop up on the HOA Facebook of like pictures of my kids like slammed up against the door trying to get in. I mean, within 30 seconds of it happening. And I was like, okay, so somebody is just sitting there

watching the footage of the black and white camera outside the door of this spa area. So somebody is like literally at home on a Saturday night, has their eyeballs on the video camera outside the fitness center door. How fucked up is that? It's really fucked up. And I just want to point out for the listener that this is in the suburbs. All right, I'll read the next one. Michelle M says, when someone says that they have to tell you something and then says, nevermind. Now you have to tell me because if you don't,

I won't stop thinking about it and obsessing over it. Michelle, this is so true. Exactly the same way. I feel exactly the same way. Someone did it to me the other day. They're like, I'll just tell you later next time I see you. I'm like, absolutely not. You're gonna have to tell me right now.

And it's invariably, it's a big fat nothing. Tell the listener what I say to you when you do this to me. What do you say to me? I'm going to get in my car, going to get in my car and drive it through the front of your house. If you do not tell me right now, yeah, she'll do this. She'll go, Oh my God, I have to tell you something. Oh, never mind. And I'm like, God damn it. She says, it's not a big deal. And I'm like, you fucking tell me right now or I'm going to take my car blast through the gated community gate.

And I'm going to drive right through the front of your house honking and screaming, going fucking crazy until you tell me she tells me it's a fucking nothing. It's a fucking nothing. Yeah, that's bad. That's bad. That's bad. It's terrible. People do it all the time. Terrible. This episode is sponsored by Better Help Pumps. I know that your youngest child is graduating this spring

and that you are going to be an empty nester and you've had so much anxiety and heartache surrounding that. How are you coping? I am coping by using Better Help. I love that it's so convenient, fits my schedule, and I can do it in the privacy and comfort of my own home. You know what I like about Better Help is I can just book an appointment online and I've tried a couple of therapists that weren't quite the right fit. And I was able to choose a different therapist at no additional charge.

And I too have found therapy such a great outlet for me because I have so much anxiety juggling two jobs and all of the traveling that we have to do for work. It's just such a great reset for my mental health. Listener, find your social sweet spot with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash had it today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp. H e l p dot com slash had it. Pumps, let's face it, life is stressful. You've just added a new puppy to your life and you're

barely getting any sleep. How are you managing? How are you coping? You know, it takes a lot of different things to be a new mother. But what I have found so helpful is just thrive probiotics. There's one thing I don't have to worry about and that's bloat, constipation, or diarrhea. You know, you have been having high quality bowel movements ever since you started the Just Thrive probiotic regimen. I am so happy that you have solved that problem in your life and it is no longer an issue because I agree, new motherhood is very stressful and you do not have to worry about bowel movements. Listener, right now when you go to JustThriveHealth.com, use the promo code HAD IT. You can get 20% off a 90-day bottle of Just Thrive probiotic and Just Calm psychobiotic. I really like the psychobiotics.

That's like getting a whole month for free. Again, all you have to do is go to JustThriveHealth.com and be sure to use the promo code HAD IT. This one is from Michelle, and she writes, I live in rural Pennsylvania, and I fucking had it with how many women I know. I'm in my forties, have had an abortion in their teens, early twenties, and are now preaching pro-life Trump MAGA agenda. Get all the way fucked, you hypocrite pieces of literal shit. I've had it. I totally agree with that.

And this is something, this is a whole part of the discussion about Roe v. Wade that nobody talks about. And it is, we always go to the extreme when we talk about it, and we talk about rape and incest and whatnot. And of course, if you've been raped, victim of incest, medical conditions, it's not the government's, anybody's business, what you decide to do with that. But there are many cases where you have these evangelical women who they themselves had an abortion in, you know, latter parts of high school or college or what have you. We know plenty. And nothing wrong. It is not my business at all. I support everybody's right to privacy and especially their right to privacy when it comes to medical procedures. But then you know how they're voting and then this gets overturned.

And then they have teenage daughters and sometimes these people care so much about what other people think and know deep down that their daughter being a teen mom is not good for the optics of their family or for this daughter's trajectory. And if you're wealthy and you live in a red state, then you can afford to go to a blue state to seek the care that you're seeking. But if you're not, then it just keeps you in the poverty cycle. Absolutely. There's zero support after the child's born. You know, there are so many pro-life hypocrites in this state, in this state alone. It's unbelievable.

It's unbelievable. And I was just thinking, you know, she said it beautifully, go fuck yourself. You big bunch of hypocrites. But I've lived long enough that I went to school with girls that I know had abortion when they're young and now they're feeding their daughters like it's against God. It's all this purity culture, purity culture. And I'm just like, shut the fuck up. You should be more empathetic. You should be more supportive than anybody because you've been through it. Let's just point this

out. But it makes it worse, I feel like. The pro-lifers are also the pro-gun, and the anti-sex education people, and the purity culture people. It's so, it is such low IQ shit. I mean, you don't and abortion is none of my business. It's just, it's maddening and the world is full of hypocrites on the issue. They want to cherry pick when they care. Furthermore, a way to prevent abortion would be a robust sexual education. Purity culture is stupid. It is a social construct that is made up. It is sexist because it puts all the emphasis on the female being the virgin, which exacerbates all these tropes about what a man goes out and has a bunch of sex. It's great. It's a high five. When a woman does, she's a whore. And so purity culture can fuck off.

Yep. The abortion hypocrites can fuck off. And let me tell you something, listener, they are peppered all over the United States. You and I have been alive long enough to know the amount of abortions that we have heard about, been drivers to. And it's a lot more frequent than people realize and it's a lot of churchgoers. Yeah. And at the end of the day, it's nobody else's fucking business. And it sure as fuck isn't the politicians' business. That's absolutely right. Had it's absolutely right. Had it. All right.

Jace from Patreon says, I've had it with people texting me, hey, what are you doing on this day at this time? Because you know they're just going to rope you into something that you likely have no interest in doing. But you have said you're free. So if you say no, you're the asshole that hates your friends. Just tell me what you want me to do and when it is. And if I don't want to, I can lie and say that I'm busy. Jace, this is excellent. This is excellent. It's a trap. That is a trap, trap, trap.

This is, this is an excellent point because I've received these many times. I fell prey to one recently within the last year and somebody sends me a text like, hey, what are you doing 9 o'clock Saturday morning? I thought it was going to be an invitation to play Pickle Brite. So I respond. I'm totally free. And then I get roped in to some meeting type deal that I want zero and I mean zero part of. So then I have to commit.

And then a couple of days later I have to say, Oh my God, I just realized I double booked and completely lie my way out of it. Yeah. You know, I will say one of the beauties, and you're not old enough yet, but when you hit the 50s, when people ask you to do stuff you don't want to do, you can just say, I don't want to do that. And here's what's even better.

At my age, like if there's a group text and it's about something, does everybody want to do it? One of my friends will pop in and get, oh, Angie's never going to want to do that. And I'm like, she's 100% right. I does everybody want to do it? One of my friends will pop in and go, oh, Angie's never gonna want to do that. And I'm like, she's 100% right, I don't want to do that. You know, like people, you've whittled down your friend group so much, you hardly even get these invitations anymore

because they know, A, you're a dick, that you're just gonna say, fuck no, that sounds boring. Or B, you're not even gonna lie about it, you're just gonna be like, I'm not doing it. No, I don't want to do it. Let me ask you this. Do you, would you have any problem telling miniature ding dong ditchers on your front porch to go scram? No, I wouldn't. I don't think I'd say scram. I think I would probably lay it on thick like, you know My dogs have anxiety that is so hard on their anxiety

Even having you in my yard is it's really trying for them. So I'm gonna need you to just move along What if after you had already said? No, let's not ding-dong ditch Then the kids reapproached the front door while the parent just stood and watched it all go down. Here's the deal. That would get the Karen and me to the mother. I would be like, I don't understand where the communication gap for us is. I've asked you to move your kids. You're standing here allowing it and I'm wondering who is the parent?

Who's in charge here? Get the fuck out of my yard. She said I draw the line at scram, but I will say get the fuck out of my yard. Right. I mean the more I thought about it. Fuck out of my yard. I wouldn't say scram. What I would say is get your kids.

And get the fuck out. And get the fuck out of my yard. Yeah, I probably would. Scram, what I would say is get your kids and get the fuck out and get the fuck out of my yard. Yeah, I probably would. Scram probably that's probably you probably handled it much more diplomatically than I would have. Thank you. You're just a diplomat over there.

The ambassador for kindness and light. Sometimes youth prevails. Sometimes, sometimes. Not always. This one is from Mariana and she writes, I've had it with people who say to make a long story short and then do not. And you know what? The people who say that are the longest of storytellers ever. You know what? It's the people, we've always said this, people that are making these declarative statements or saying things, it's a tell. It's like when you say stuff like, oh, I would never going to do that. Then I know that you're going to do it. You know, immediately it's going to happen. So I know when somebody says, make a long story short, I know it's going to be

long. Right. You immediately know it's going to be drug out. Immediately. No. Yeah. And we're both punch liners. Yes. Like hit me with the punchline. Tell me what the story is. And then I'll pepper you with questions based on my interest in the story. You know what's so great about our friendship and we spend so much even more time together now because of this podcast. If you're telling a story and you're taking too long, I can go land it, land it, land it. Right. Very aggressively. I can say that to you and you go, oh my God. Okay. I'm sorry. And then you punchline it. Sometimes when I'm with other people,

I will go, okay, so what was the point? Or get to the point and I'm rushing them along and I can realize they're like, really like at my direct and I'm like, this person is not pumps. I can't, this is not a thick skinned person. You can't talk to them like this. And so then sometimes I just don't wanna talk to people. Yeah, so it's just, in other words,

it's just easier to not talk. It's easier to avoid people at all costs. How about the person that, okay, so this just happened to me. This couple is telling a story and it's like, okay, so on Friday and husband goes, no, no, no, it wasn't on Friday. It was on Thursday. And she's like, was it on Thursday? And I'm just like, no one fucking cares. Why are you arguing about that day? The semantics, arguers, that

is, it doesn't matter that people that are searching for a arbitrary detail about a story and then you just see it going on. It doesn't matter if it was in 2004. Get to the fucking punchline. Tell me what we're talking about. Land the fucking plane. LTP. There you go. I've got another one. Same thing. When someone starts with no offense, but I know it's about to be the most offensive shit ever heard in your life. A hundred percent or with all due respect, which means zero respect is about to come out of my mouth. It's just like a tell.

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your health, go to lumen.me and use the code HADDIT to get $100 off your lumen. That's lumen.me and be sure to use the code HADDIT at checkout for $100 off. And we'd like to thank Lumen for sponsoring this episode. Pumps, spring is in the air and I'm constantly cleaning the house, purging things I don't use and I want my house to be spic and spam and clean. My only problem is that cat of mine and that litter box. Fortunately, I have solved the odor problem and made my cat's life so much better by using

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Pumps, the weather's getting warmer. It's time to tuck our sweaters away and bring out our spring and summer wardrobe. The problem is I always like a few new updates each season, and it's just so difficult to find the time and the budget to go out and completely get a new wardrobe. Luckily, I've discovered Quince and also turned you on to Quince. I particularly like their silk camis. I have one in ivory and one in black. They're great with a pair of jeans or under a blazer. I love the European linen dresses. They're the perfect weight for summer and they're good for whatever you want to do, and they're comfortable. The best part about Quince is that all items are priced 50% to 80% less than similar brands. They partner directly with top factories, so that means that Quince can cut out the cost of the middleman and pass the savings right on to you. Listener, get warm weather ready with Quince.

Go to quince.com slash had it for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash had it to get free shipping and 365 day returns. That's quince.com slash had it. Kimmy Curry says I've had it with appliances having to be smart or super high tech, et cetera. Just give me a dishwasher that washes the dishes in a timely manner, not

one that I have to fucking download a smartphone app and learn how to set the fucking control panel for 20 minutes while looking at the app and the instructions before I can even push start. I hate it. Fuck off with your smart, stupid appliances and just do the job you're supposed to do, I've never heard anything I identify with more than that. It happens all the fucking time. It's like, I'm not going to get on my phone and set my ice maker. The other day I got the scale in and it wanted to like upload to my phone. And so I like, I didn't know what was happening at first. So I'm just going through it's like, download the app to your phone.

I was like, okay, got the app on my phone. Here we go. Pretty soon, I'm like, so now I get on the scale and it goes to my phone? Like, that's the worst idea I've ever heard. So you step on the scale and you couldn't see the weight on the scale? You can see both. That's the thing. But they want to do an app on top of everything else. And then the dishwasher. The apps are out of control.

It's out. I don't need an app for everything. The government needs to step in and limit the amount of apps. Everybody's got a fucking app. It's like everybody being a photographer now or an entrepreneur. Everybody's got an app. Every company has an app. There's an app for everything. I don't want all of these apps. I don't want all of these apps. It's too much. Don't you think the apps are out of control? I agree. You do? Because I'm surprised because you grew up. I mean, you can do all that. Too many apps. The smarter they're making shit, the dumber it really is, the harder everything is. It makes it so much harder. Like I have an Alexa in every room. In my mind, it should make it easier. I

tried to use her. I just ended up screaming at her, shut the fuck up, because she doesn't do what I ask. Right. I could have just looked at the time on my phone. You know what I mean? Right. How many Alexas do you have? I have um, I have three right now. What kind of commands what goes on with you and Alexa? Alexa wakes me up every morning. How? She's like an alarm? How? She has an alarm set that I've told her to set every morning at like six thirty or seven. What do you say? She just goes off every morning at 630 or 7. Wait, but do you, in order to set it, do you go into app or do you give it a verbal command? In the app. I have to have an Alexa app. And then I say, Alexa stop when I wake up, right?

And then for some reason in the app, I set all these settings that I thought were super high tech. So as soon as I wake up, she then tells me the weather outside, like what day it is, all of these things that I was like, that'll be great in the morning. That'll be great in the morning. Let me ask you, I thought it's not, I thought Alexa was somebody that you could say, Alexa set my alarm for 6 30 a.m. Alexa set my alarm for 6 30 a.m. every weekday. So now she does it every weekday.

So you verbally told her do that or you went in the app to do it? I told her that one. And then I set all these settings that I thought were high tech. She turns my lights on. It's certain. She's a problem. Do you hate her? I hate her. I feel like that's like people watching you all the time. I will say this. Did you all see that commercial that now it's some new thing, some new app deal. And the actual commercial is the door will not unlock because the woman didn't turn one of her lights off. And she's like, Oh, thanks for reminding me. I'm like, you're fucking locked into your house by some kind of command. It was fucked up and weird.

I'll tell you what else. I've had several cases since Alexa came on the scene. People are spying on each other with Alexis or Alexa. Alexis, Alexa, the whole nine, you can spy on people. In divorce cases is this happening? People that live together, they no longer live together, but you don't think I need to go in and change the password on my Alexa and you've got somebody that you're divorcing that's recording what's happening to you. Via Alexis.

Via Alexis. Why don't you share with the listener, what is that rapper's name that is related to the Puff Daddy case? 50 cents. I know it's 50 cents, but I didn't know that until like a week ago. Listeners, she's been running around the last couple of weeks referring to 50 cent as 50 cents. Kylie and I have just been dying with laughter. Okay, I've got one from Esther.

Okay. Esther says, I've had it with the pledge of allegiance in schools. Talk about indoctrination. What's more dangerous to kids, making them listen to and or perform a pledge to a flag under a religious symbol every fucking morning, or having a book just available in the library that mentions race, sexuality, etc. that 95% of kids won't ever see? I think we know the answer. It's drag queens. You know, I obviously grew up in America, went to American public schools and every morning that come on the speaker, you had a flag in every room and you stood up and you said the Pledge of Allegiance to the flag.

And it's just something you did. I never thought much of it. I never thought anything about my country. I never thought, God, I think the flag's so beautiful. It was just something we had to do in order to get to the next step in school in order for the final bell to ring so I could get the fuck out of there. And I would say probably since all the Patriots were activated by Donald Trump and it's all this, I love America and all this like flag shit, Donald Trump, dry up in the flag and all this crap. I started thinking back on the Pledge of Allegiance.

And then I think to like, if you're watching a documentary and it shows the indoctrination of like North Koreans, where it's this forced patriotism. And I think, okay, we're making preschoolers and kindergartners, first graders stand up every single day and say, I pledge of allegiance. It's forced indoctrinated patriotism. I think it's much better to learn about the country and learn that there are a lot of fantastic assets that the United States of America has. We also have a lot of problems. We have a health care problem, we have a gun problem, we have an income inequality problem, we have a large percentage of the population that has joined a cult, that's neither here nor there. But I think having a conversation about it and having people learn about it and learn about their culture instead of being told, in order to be American, you have to love America.

You're going to say the pledge every day and blah, blah, blah. And the people who are so pro, I pledge allegiance, blah, blah, blah. These are the people that run around and call each other patriots and accuse everybody else of hating their country. Right. But it's like this real, like shallow reptilian brain of theirs that it's like real black and white thinking where there's so much about the United States that I love. Absolutely.

That's interesting. There's so much that I love. There's a lot about American culture that I think is really fantastic. I'm not really in love with the racial issues and the racial inequality in this country. We'll still need to do better and work harder. I just think honesty is just a much better way to create organic pride about a place. And I think if you really have pride, true honest pride about your country, you can also hold a compound thoughts, compound feelings about your country. And on the one hand, you're able to say, I love this country. There's a lot of great things about it. I'm not very proud of the racial inequality. I'm

not proud that this country is taking away women's rights. I just think blind patriotism is incredibly dangerous. You know, and we wouldn't have thought or I would not have thought that 10 years ago, but it has become such bullshit and it's been abused because I'm like the same people who are doing the performative pledge of allegiance, dry humping the flag, got them off their tracks. They are the same people that are all for fascism, that are all for banning certain populations from the planet.

They're all for whitewashing history. You know, I mean, I just, I think about the flag now and I think, wouldn't it be in my mind and this might be a stupid idea, but like, okay, we're going to do the Pledge of Allegiance. Let's analyze that. How'd we get here? Da da da da. Okay.

Next month, let's do the LGBTQIA plus flag. Let's let's learn about that. How do we get here? Da da da da. Okay. Next month, let's do the LGBTQIA plus flag. Let's, let's learn about that. Like, let's learn about the flag. How did we get her? Why are we doing that versus just blind performative patriotism? And then, oh, I'm so pro-American. I'm a patriot. I'm fucking in on a coup all day long. I fucking hate democracy. I want an authoritarian porn star fucker. I mean, it's just, I don't, I do not understand how those two things go together. I'm super religious, but by God, I want guns. You know, I mean, it's just, I can't fucking take all the performative bullshit.

I can't take it. Pat it. Listen up, patriots. Pumps is at the tail end of her life. You guys need to fucking knock it off with your goddamn trucks, ball sacks, and the flags, and all the performative bullshit and let this woman die and live out the final stages of her life in peace. You fucking faux Patriot fuck faces. Right? Thank you.

You're welcome. Have a back. Always have your back. Thank you. All right. And our last one is from our Patreon member, Victoria. And Victoria says she's had it with a war on ketchup. Sometimes you're lucky if you get one packet of ketchup

with a french fry order in a drive through. Don't even get me started on the tiny little serving dishes of ketchup they give you at restaurants. This is an area which definitely needs more oversight and I've had it. Free ketchup. Just free it. There is.

Everybody talks about all these other wars. They talk about the war on Christmas, the war on America, the war on patriotism, the witch hunt against Donald Trump. Nobody except for fucking Victoria is talking about the war on ketchup. And I agree with her. There are ketchup hoarders. There are people that are stingy with ketchup. And then these tiny little, I would say you're talking about a half inch deep ramekin at some burger joint you go to where then you have to get like five. Right. And you look like a glutton.

Yeah. And then you look like a fucking psycho. Yeah. What I hate is they say when you drive up to the drive-through, tell us exactly how many ketchup packets you're going to need. Well, I don't know. I mean, what's appropriate? I don't know how many I'm going to need.

Maybe I'll need two. Maybe I'll need five? I don't know how many I'm going to need. Maybe I'll need two, maybe I'll need five. I don't know. Or do you have to pay extra for the ketchup? Why do you have to pay extra for the ketchup? I'll tell you why. Because there was probably a Zoom meeting with a lot of corporate speak about how to increase profit sales. They scrambled the jets.

They pulled some files out of the parking lot. They workshopped it. They workshopped it and everybody decided, get stingy scrambled the jets. They pulled some files out of the parking lot. They workshopped it. They workshopped it and everybody decided, get stingy with the ketchup. Right. And that means that our shareholders are going to make more money. And so all of this, all of this goes back to the same fucking problem. Corporate speak. And if we take it back even further, let's just blame every single bit of this on Donald Trump. Donald Trump is the enemy of ketchup. Well, I mean, he wastes ketchup. He throws ketchup. He throws ketchup. He doesn't respect ketchup. He doesn't have any respect for ketchup, which he doesn't have any respect for anyone but himself. So why would he respect ketchup?

That's right. What a little baby throwing ketchup when he's mad. You big guy. You're so tough. He's a big tough guy. You're a tough guy. You big old strong man with your teeny weeny and your ketchup throwing. Ooh, baby.

Gag. I just still can't believe when you posted that picture on your Instagram, all the people on there defending Trump. It's wild. It's crazy. I just, I can't, you know, like if he secretly kind of liked him, I would never tell anyone. Would you ever write it on the internet? No, no, I would be so on the down low you couldn't find me. I'd be on the dark web. I don't even know how to get on there, but I'd get on there to support him. I would not want anyone to know.

Well, all right, listeners. That's what we've had it with this week. Got lots of habits, lots of good habits. Go buy our merch, join our Patreon. Our solo bonus session starts right after this on Patreon for members only, ad free and also on Patreon you can hear our overnight sensation hit podcast called Girl Please. All right and we will see you guys next Tuesday or Thursday or better.