I've Had It - F**k Your Flow

Episode Date: June 27, 2024

If you're ugly just be upfront about it.NEW MERCH IS NOW AVAILABLE at https://ivehadit.store and Subscribe to I've Had It wherever you get your podcasts by visiting linktr.ee/ivehaditpodcast Thank you... to our sponsors: Homes.com: When it comes to finding a home - not just a house - we have everything you need to know, all in one place. https://homes.com. We’ve done your home work. Ibotta: Right now, Ibotta is offering our listeners $5 just for trying Ibotta by using the code HADIT when you register. Just go to the App Store or Google Play store and download the FREE Ibotta app to start earning cash back and use code HADIT. Lumen: If you want to take the next step in improving your health, head to https://lumen.me/HADIT for 15% off your purchase. Quince: Pack your bags with high-quality essentials from Quince! Go to https://Quince.com/hadit for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Shady Ray's: Head to https://shadyrays.com and use code: Hadit for 40% off sunglasses. Try for yourself the shades rated 5 stars by over 300,000 people. Follow Us: I've Had It Podcast: @Ivehaditpodcast Jennifer Welch: @mizzwelch Angie "Pumps" Sullivan: @pumpspumpspumps

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Ready? One, two, three. We just got clapped on. I would say six out of 10, five out of 10. I was going to say like four. I mean, that was a very stiff, stiff. Try it again. Try it again. One, two, three. Much better. Much better. Now we're going to have a better show. Much, much better show. Pumps, what have you had it with? Okay, what I've had it with is people, retail, that try to get you to get a credit card for their company. So yesterday, I was in a store with my son, the worker tells me, hey, you can get a credit card here and save 10%. I'm like, great, that's wonderful. No, thank you. So we get to the counter, I'm paying. He's like, oh, hey, you can get a credit card here and save 10%. I'm like, great, that's wonderful.
Starting point is 00:00:45 No, thank you. So we get to the counter. I'm paying. He's like, oh, well, you can get a credit card and save 10%. I'm like, no, thank you. Then as he's ringing me up, the manager comes over and says, hey, if you get a credit card, you get 10% off. and I'm just like, no, I don't want your fucking credit card. No means no. No is a complete sentence. No, no, no. Stop hassling me about it. Does that ever happen to you?
Starting point is 00:01:15 Yes, I can even one up you on this. Oh, please do. I was on a flight and the flight attendants started pressuring the credit card to earn like airline points and passed out credit card applications to the passengers on the flight. And what this is is a hostage style capitalism. Yes. You are on an airplane, in a tube, you're a complete hostage. Everybody needs to be invisible,
Starting point is 00:01:45 and all the things that we've talked about in order to be a really good flyer. The one thing that you should have on the airplane is you don't have your phone notifications if you don't log into Wi-Fi, which oftentimes I don't because I just want the respite from all of the notifications. And I think it should be free from capitalism.
Starting point is 00:02:07 We have to buy all of these things all the time. We're constantly being asked, do you want to sign up for this? Do you want this newsletter? Do you want this? Do you want on and on? Do you want this credit card? And I don't fault the flight attendants because the flight attendants didn't decide to do this.
Starting point is 00:02:24 This is a scramble the jet situation that happened at these airlines around you know, where they're doing like a zoom call to sets of scrambling jets where they're like, let's scramble the jets on the jet. Right? This is a triple scramble jet situation. I have had it with that. If you want a credit card, you should decide to get your credit card. Maybe they offer one time. But the same thing happens when you get on.
Starting point is 00:02:50 I get onto a website to buy something. Do you want 10% off this purchase? That pops up right when I'm about to click on maybe the t-shirt I want to buy. So I x that out, because I don't want them to have my email address, because then that opens you up to lifelong harassment. Right.
Starting point is 00:03:08 I mean, that's really bad. It's my fight against email terrorism, which is a rampant problem that goes widely unregulated. Nobody talks about it. Nobody does anything about it, but that's neither here nor there. All we're trying to do is just get by. If we're on an airplane, we just want to be on the plane. If we're at a store, we just want to go through the motions. If we want to get a credit card, that's something we'll do on our own terms.
Starting point is 00:03:33 I've had it. I've had it too, and I get the fact. I think you're 100% right. I don't fault the employees of the retailer for trying to get me to do it because they have just been browbeat by corporate. Make them get a credit card, make them get a credit card. In fact, he told me they don't work on commission there but we could get this credit card. So I guess there's some kind of incentive for the employees to have a customer get a credit card but I was just really, I mean it just really put me
Starting point is 00:04:04 off. I just didn't like it. It's forced capitalism. It is. It's forced where they force it on you. And I cannot stand that. All right, let me tell you what I've had it with. I had it with Josh, my husband. And here's something particular that he does that is completely annoying. So we recently were on a trip together, little couples trip, just the two of us. Love fest. And we love to go shopping. So we walk into a store that specializes in men's suits. He knows they specialize in men's suits. I know they specialize in men's suits. People
Starting point is 00:04:47 that buy men's suits particularly know that these brands specialize, 95% of their entire inventory would be men's suits. We're in France, okay? So we walk into the store. French guy's like bonjour and Josh is like I'm here to buy a suit. They're like obviously. Okay. Voila. And then Josh proceeds to tell the person a lot of uninteresting unnecessary information. So he tells this guy, I'm an attorney. Oh, no. And every single day, I wear a black suit with a black tie. That's what I wear, a black suit with a black tie. So I go to court or I go to my office and I wear a black suit with a black tie. I'm an attorney and I wear a black suit with a black tie. So where are your black suits? So then the guy's like, Monsieur, upstairs. And all
Starting point is 00:05:53 this, you know, stores in Europe are vertical because they don't have the land for them like American stores where it's all one level. So upstairs, after you, we get on the elevator. Josh starts in again about this biography. Please say no. Yes. No. And here's the thing about French people. They're not into like superfluous details and a lot of yak mouthing chit chat.
Starting point is 00:06:15 So I'm already like secondhand embarrassment dying here. I'm like, he doesn't give a fuck what you do for a living, what you wear. What we're talking about right now is what you want. So we get in the elevator and it starts all over again. I really just like black suits. I like to wear a black suit, a white shirt, sometimes possibly a blue shirt, but always with a black tie.
Starting point is 00:06:37 And the guy looks at him and he goes, okay. The elevators in Europe are 24 inches by 24 inches, which just exacerbated how miserable this is. So to tell you and the listener what I've had it with are people that go shopping and then give a biography. Instead of just saying, I'm in the market for a black suit, and then you just get to the nut cuttin' of buying the black suit. When you're shopping with Josh Welch, you have to, I mean, he's scrambling jets on the way in with the helper.
Starting point is 00:07:13 These guys don't give a fuck what he does for a living. They don't care if he's a pimp. They don't care if he's a coke dealer. They don't care if he's a dignitary, an attorney. All of it is irrelevant. But Josh thought it was all relevant. So here's what makes it worse. We're in this 24 inch by 24 inch elevator and Josh goes through the biography again
Starting point is 00:07:34 with the guy and he does the okay. And Josh looks at me because he could kind of tell like at this point he'd probably belabored this point. So Josh looks at me in this tiny postage stamp of an elevator and I kind of glare at him and he announces, then we start narrating. I think my wife's mad at me, she just gave me a dirty look. Oh no, uh-uh. No, we didn't. Yes, and I'm like, I want out of this elevator, out of this store and out of the country of
Starting point is 00:08:03 France, I want away from this man. Needless to say, then I was able to sit down, watch Josh Tram, but we went through. I'm not kidding you. We went to another store that sold suits and it was the same song and dance. Did he ever pick up on the reason you might be irritated with him? Was that he gave so much unnecessary background on himself to buy a suit. Well, I told him, okay, good. As we left the store, I said, what's up with you giving all of this background information
Starting point is 00:08:35 about yourself? It's just those people don't care. And he goes, I want them to know I want to paint the picture for them. And I'm like, well, you did. You did. And you know what? They were less helpful because they were bored to fucking tears. Yeah, you bored. You sent them into such a state of boredom. They couldn't even help you as well. This poor guy, this one guy that helped him. Josh goes through his entire biography, hands the guy his business card.
Starting point is 00:09:07 No, he doesn't. Yes. Here's my business card. Why don't you WhatsApp me later if you don't see me pop back in? Because he had tried on the suit jacket. He didn't like it. After he decided he didn't like the jacket, didn't like the way it fit him, he goes and proceeds to tell the person, here's my phone number. Go ahead and start harassing me. So then the next day, Jean was his name, does as told, and starts whatsapping Josh. And in order to get to other stores from our hotel, we always had to pass by this store, and Josh would say, hey I'm gonna duck down beside you so that John doesn't see me. And I said, John, the guy you told to harass you on WhatsApp.
Starting point is 00:09:49 And he's like, yeah, I was just, I admit, I admit it was just a huge faux pas. I mean, it's just unbelievable. It's like he created this relationship with this guy and he wanted to keep it going. And then he wanted to hide from him. Like it was a, he was breaking up with him when the guy was like, I'm not selling anything you want. You told me to call you. I don't want to call you because you're the most boring motherfucker on the planet.
Starting point is 00:10:17 And then Josh makes the scene about it. I just don't understand this. The entire thing is just psychotic episode repeated by another psychotic episode. But here's the thing, I had a great time. All this shit that he does, I just kind of chuckle at. I had it with him, particularly in that elevator. That was the climax of it. But he ended up buying a suit from this guy after we went through Josh's biography.
Starting point is 00:10:44 All of the things. Are you sure he understood that Josh was an attorney and liked black suits? I don't know. I mean, it's just, and I could tell the guy was just kind of like, okay, you know, like I got it and it doesn't fucking matter. I don't give a fuck what you do. You want a black suit. I get it. let's move on. But it is wild. I mean, it is absolutely wild. You know the thing about Josh that fascinates me? He spends so much time,
Starting point is 00:11:11 more than anybody I've ever come into contact with, thinking about what he wears. Yeah, it really is gold medal Olympian status worrying about what he's gonna wear. It's unbelievable. really is gold medal Olympian status, worrying about what he's gonna wear. It's unbelievable. It's unbelievable. And what's so funny is he worries about it to go nowhere. Pumps, like during the pandemic,
Starting point is 00:11:37 he did two to three outfit changes per day. It's unbelievable. I've seen him go to the closet and put on a pair of pajamas, go out into the kitchen living room, fiddle around with something. And then I see him walk back in and do an outfit change for pajamas. Yeah, it's, it's bizarre. The only thing that saves him from being strangled for being obnoxious is he does his own laundry. He does do his own laundry and he's charming and funny and he can, he's self-deprecating.
Starting point is 00:12:08 Right. All of these things that I bring up, we die laughing about. But it's just, it's unbelievable. We went to go buy these glasses, like eyeglasses, and here's another thing I've had it with with Josh. So about five years ago, he comes home and he's wearing a pair of glasses. I never knew he had a vision problem, ever. Like, he never wore glasses, he never complained about anything, so he walks in the house,
Starting point is 00:12:37 he has on a pair of glasses. And I'm like, what's going on here? I had no idea. Are you having like the problem reading or whatever? He goes, no. So he went to the optometrist and bought a pair of glasses where he's literally faking an eye problem. I did not know this this whole time. I thought he needed glasses. Okay, so here's what happens with the whole thing. So he found like a minor thing with Josh's vision. Okay,
Starting point is 00:13:05 so Josh starts wearing the lenses. Around this same time, he crosses over to probably late 40s, early 50s, where you do need, you know, corrective glasses. Well, I think the more he wore the glasses, the laser his eyes got, and it developed into a full-blown need for glasses, but the original purchasing of glasses was full optical fraud. It was a full-blown fraudulent activity, but I digress. So we're in Paris, we're going to buy these glasses, all right, and they basically fit you perfectly
Starting point is 00:13:43 for the glasses, They measure your face and do all this Parisian shit with your glasses, right? Josh has an erection as big as the Eiffel Tower because he loves this shit, right? So then the guy that owns the eyeglass shop, he says, okay, so it will take us a while to get the lenses in, so we'll mail these to you in the United States. And Josh was like, no. Yeah, I knew that wouldn't do. I'm leaving France with these glasses.
Starting point is 00:14:16 And the guy's like, but Josh, you know, I'm talking about four to five days and I'm sitting there, I know how this is going to end. And Josh is like, no, I need to take these classes with me. If you can't put the lenses in them, I'll take the frames and I'll take them back to Oklahoma City and I'll have my person put the lenses in them. He said, but I really want to put the lenses in them. So they go back and forth and Josh goes, listen,
Starting point is 00:14:38 if you're dealing with a crack addict and you tell the crack addict, just wait four to five days for the crack cocaine, they're not going to be able to do that. Similarly, I'm unable to wait the four or five days for these frames. I have to take these frames with us. And the guy kind of awkwardly chuckles and I look at him and I go, look, we're Americans. We totally fit this to a T. There's no delaying gratification. My frames, you can ship to me. I can wait the four to five days. He cannot. There is no delaying gratification whatsoever.
Starting point is 00:15:18 So did he take the frames home? Fuck yes, he did. And does he have to get them outfitted with the lenses here? Yeah, and guess how long that takes? Like weeks. Four to five days. It's the exact same fucking thing. But he is such a psychopath.
Starting point is 00:15:32 He had to leave the country of France with his glasses because he's a nut. And you wouldn't have believed the biographical detail we went into with them. But you know what? We could sit here and talk about my grievances with Josh forever and ever and ever. Patriots, welcome to I've Had It. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. She is America's greatest penile shamer.
Starting point is 00:15:54 And it's been a long, long time since she's been laid. Kylie, what's going on in the World Wide Web? I've got two reviews for you. OK. This first one is five stars titled My Dating Profile for Pumps. Okay. Hardworking, 6'4", blue collar, rock hard giant cock, looking for a finely aged blonde
Starting point is 00:16:12 woman, preferably one that takes Mongero. I love a woman who is a bad pet owner, likes it from the back, and pledges herself as a patriot to our nation. Please only contact me if you meet these exact requirements. P.S. If you don't care about global warming, I might just propose on the first date. Oh my God, we have found my man. We have found my match. Oh my God, that's perfect. That is perfect. Do we have any information on this person? Contact information? Do you want him to reach out?
Starting point is 00:16:45 Yeah. Yeah, for sure. He sounds perfect. I'd like to get him in the hot seat in here and let the Patriots and Kylie and Seth and I interview him on your behalf. Yeah, I mean, he just sounds like too good to be true. That is absolute perfection.
Starting point is 00:16:59 Read that first part again, because that just, it hit all my bells and whistles. Hardworking, 6'4", blue collar, rock hard giant cock. Sold. That's what it is. Sold. I mean, sold. Ding, ding, ding.
Starting point is 00:17:13 We have a winner. What's your favorite part of that? Well, I think it's obvious what my favorite part is. I like the 6'4". I like the rock hard, big rock hard cock. I mean, that is is just I couldn't be happier about that. Alright the other one is five stars a quick rant about pumps. So this week I ran into Angie pumps Sullivan and Jennifer at an event in LA. When I told pumps I was a big fan of their show, she immediately replied, are you gay? Very disappointed Pumps would question someone's sexuality
Starting point is 00:17:50 like that just for being a fan. I've had it with people assuming that all male, IHIP fans are gay, hashtag straight men like IHIP, hashtag Pumps is not an ally, keep up the great work. And that is from a user named Jeremy Pearl. I know exactly who it is. And here's the deal. He is the sweetest, most fun.
Starting point is 00:18:12 We loved him. We sat next to him. And he could quote the podcast. I mean, he was in deep. He is an active listener. Active listener. Not a lackluster listener. No.
Starting point is 00:18:28 He knew details. He knew the stuff we liked. Everything. We didn't, the language we used, brow beat, etc. He was a five star listener. Five stars. How many stars did he give us? Five.
Starting point is 00:18:39 Okay. Okay. So he's just going on and on. And as the night goes on, I'm just thinking. So I just look at him and go, are you gay? And he's like, no, I'm straight. And I was so happy. Like, oh my gosh, we have straight listeners. So now he's browbeating me. So I'm going to say, I apologize. I'm thrilled to learn we have such avid straight male listeners, but yeah, I have to own that. That's 100% true. The most hilarious part about that is so he's sitting next to me, then it's Pumps, and then next to Pumps is Ben Mycelis. Like the person that she believes is her boyfriend that she spends hours upon hours upon hours with. And Ben Mycelis, of course, runs the Midas Touch Network. So,
Starting point is 00:19:28 pumps and pumps is really loud. So she's like, Oh my God, are you gay? I don't think it was that loud. It was. And then Ben Mycelis kind of leans in and I see him like waiting for his employee to respond. And he like kind of has this shit eating grin on his face and Jeremy's like, no, I'm straight pumps. I just like I thought. And Ben busts out and he goes, God, I thought maybe he is. Was my gay door that off? I mean, I thought he was straight, but who knows?
Starting point is 00:19:57 Maybe he's gay. That makes no difference to me. But Ben, I mean, to say he leaned in for the response and Jeremy played it so well because there was about a five second Pregnant pause after pumps asked the question because he was so incredulous that you were just oh my god. Are you gay? Yeah, it was probably rude in retrospect, but we've been hanging out. I mean, I felt like we were buddies at that point Yes, we've been hanging out with him all night, right? It wasn't just like, hi, it's nice to meet you. I'm a fan of I've had it. Are you gay? It was just like this was three hours in.
Starting point is 00:20:29 Yep. All right. Well, those are fantastic reviews. I love that. I'm really pleased about the potential person in the reviews. I fear that could be a fictional character. It just might be. Homes.com knows that when it comes to home shopping, That could be a fictional character. It just might be. also schools, nearby parks, and transportation options. That's why Homes.com goes above and beyond to bring home shoppers the in-depth information they need to find the right home.
Starting point is 00:21:13 And when I say in-depth, I'm talking deep. Each listing features comprehensive information about the neighborhood complete with a video guide. They also have details about schools with test scores, state rankings, and student to teacher ratio. They even have an agent directory with the sales history of each agent. So when it comes to finding a home, not just a house, this is everything you need to know. All in one place. Homes.com. We've done your homework. Pumps, spring has sprung and that means spring cleaning. Whether that means stocking up on cleaning supplies or swapping out your winter clothes for new spring clothes,
Starting point is 00:21:59 make sure you're using iBotta and get real cash back with every purchase. you're using iBotta and get real cash back with every purchase. This is a revolutionary idea because you're going to buy things that you need. With iBotta giving you your cash back, it's a huge game changer. iBotta is a free app that gives you the most cash back every time you shop on hundreds of items from groceries to beauty supplies to toys. You can make sure you're beating inflation no matter what you're purchasing. The average Ibotta user earns $256 per year. That could cover the cost of an entire shopping trip, that flight you've been eyeing, or the fancy dinner you've been craving. Listener, right now, Ibotta is offering our listeners
Starting point is 00:22:42 $5 just for trying IBotta by using the code HADDOT when you register. Just go to the App Store or Google Play Store and download the free iBotta app to start earning cash back and use the code HADDOT. That's I-B-O-T-T-A in the Google Play or App Store and be sure to use the code HADDOT. Pumps, you know when you're traveling to go on a new trip you want to get some new bobbles to wear on your vacation? Absolutely. You want to look your best. This is why I love Quince. They have premium European linen dresses and
Starting point is 00:23:19 blouses and shorts starting from $30. Specifically, I am obsessed with their silk camis. I have one in cream, I have one in black, I wear them under blazers, or I wear them tucked in with jeans. They are absolutely fantastic. They partner directly with top factories, and that cuts the cost of the middleman and passes the savings onto you and me. Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical, and responsible manufacturing practices and premium fabrics and finishes. And I just love that. Listener, pack your bags with high-quality essentials from Quince. Go to quince.com
Starting point is 00:23:55 slash had it for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. That's quince.com slash had it to get free shipping and 365 day returns quince.com slash had it. All right. Today we're going to hear from our listeners and I have the hanging file that a lot of you on YouTube made fun of me for. Yeah copies in here, because we are professional, and you can make fun of me all you want, but this is our filing system that our producers handed right over to me with all of this fantastic content. I love a hanging file.
Starting point is 00:24:40 I guess those are out of vogue. You know what? We love a hanging file. And also I like people that give a shit. I like both sides of that. All right, so first we're gonna hear from Jasmine. Jasmine emailed the podcast and she says, Hi both, listening to your last episode
Starting point is 00:24:58 in the grammar discourse, I wanted to add a grievance of mine. When people say 3 a.m. in the morning, saying 3 a.m. applies that it is in the morning. TikTok for you, Paige. FYP means for you, Paige. Stop adding unnecessary moot words. I also noticed that about the AM and the PM.
Starting point is 00:25:27 It's like everybody knows if you say 3 AM, that's in the morning. The PM, I think it's repetitive. I completely agree with her. It needs to stop because it's redundancy on steroids. There's no oversight. Everybody's just doing this out with reckless abandon all over the internet. But our clever producers added some more of these. The GOP party, which is the grand old party party. Right. SAT test. Right. Pin number. Right. It should just be what's your pin. What's your pin? ATM machine. I
Starting point is 00:26:04 think I do the pin number. I do too. But I don't do the ATM machine. I just say I'm going to the ATM. I'm pretty sure that I oftentimes say ATM machine. You do? I haven't noticed that. This is one that drives me crazy is when people say, I could care less.
Starting point is 00:26:21 I couldn't care less. That's correct. Next up are responses that Kylie put on Instagram. Just a simple, what have you had it with? Mel Harvey says, if grandma was alive today, she would be celebrating her 117th birthday. Mel says, no, she wouldn't. No, she wouldn't. She'd be fucking miserable begging to die. Okay, and here's somebody says, Steph J. Williams says, when you're quote, mama heart is full just because your kid wasn't an asshole. Yeah, that's true. And I do take issue with the mama heart. People will say, oh, my mom heart is so full. I'm like, did you have to say that? Is that necessary?
Starting point is 00:27:17 That kind of language is so fucking annoying to me. It's just to me, it's this superficial connection to parenting, to where you think you can say these, my mama heart. And I just, I don't know, to me, every time somebody says shit like that, I'm like, they have a fucked up relationship with their kids. That's what I think. Maybe I'm wrong. But most of the time with these things, if you're going out of your way to say that kind of stuff, you're covering something up. When I hear that, you know what I immediately picture in my head? Live, laugh, love over their kitchen table painted on wood. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:53 I mean, it's just like it flashes in my brain like a neon sign. And you know what I think when you say live, laugh, love, paint it, you know, like wall art, you know what I think immediately? What? Over the table, you know what I think is on the table? Stanley Cup.
Starting point is 00:28:06 And we know what happens when you have a Stanley Cup. Trump rally. You're on the precipice of a Trump rally. You're on your way to a Trump rally is what that means. All right, R.A. Davis posts on our Instagram, she's had it with hat fishing. If you're ugly, please be upfront about it. Don't hide it under a hat, thanks.
Starting point is 00:28:31 It's interesting that this comes up because Bumps is obsessed. I knew, I knew with this crazy person on Instagram who wears hats all the time. And then you, I mean, you went fucking deep sea diving on her Instagram to figure out why she wore the hat all the time. And then you went fucking deep sea diving on her Instagram to figure out why she wore the hat all the time. I couldn't wrap my head around these hats. She has a 20 inch forehead.
Starting point is 00:28:53 I immediately screenshotted it and sent it to Jennifer. And I was like, I've gotten to the deep dark bottom of why we wear a hat all the time. I mean, it was just as clear as the nose on my face. All right, Sabby Lish writes to us on Instagram and says they've had it with people telling me to go with the flow. Fuck your flow. I'm pissed for a reason. I hundred percent. I think that's a great habit. I haven't ever said it and I need to. It was an oversight on my part. I don't want to fucking go with the flow
Starting point is 00:29:24 because most people in the flow are stupid. Yeah. I mean, mediocrity leads the way 90% of the time. Why would I want to be a part of that? You know what else mediocrity leads to? What? Stanley cups and Trump rallies. Pumps, have I told you about my new obsession, Shady Ray sunglasses?
Starting point is 00:29:44 No, tell me. So they are amazing. They have super durable lenses and like crystal clear optics. I've been wearing them when I play tennis and pickleball outside. Absolute game changer. But what I love most about Shady Rays is if your shades ever go missing or if they take an unexpected hit and get damaged, you don't have to sweat it because they have the most insane protection in all of eyewear. Every pair is backed by lost or broken replacements. And if you don't love your shades, you can exchange for a new pair or return worry-free within 30 days. There's no risk when you shop. Their team always has your back
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Starting point is 00:31:33 metabolic health. So if you want to take the next step in improving your health, go to lumen.me to get 15% off your Lumen. That's L-U-M-E-N.ME slash had it for 15% off your purchase. Thank you Lumen for sponsoring this episode. All right, Morgan BN016 messaged us and says, influencers eating during a video, you aren't that busy. We don't care about your yogurt. I've just had it with like, I'll never understand this. I will never fucking understand this. And they it is all the rave. But influencers that are putting on makeup on camera, but they're not talking about the makeup application.
Starting point is 00:32:30 They're like, oh my God. So the other day I was walking my dog and then my dog like took a poop. And then I realized I didn't have a bag. And so, hang on, let me put this mascara on. So anyway, I had to rush back to my house and get the bag. And I'm like, what the fuck is this? Right, no, I had to rush back to my house and get the bag and I'm like, what the fuck is this?
Starting point is 00:32:46 Right. No, I don't get it. It is literally like what psychiatrists refer to as flight of ideas. It is like we are mainstreaming lunacy on the internet. If you're going to put on makeup, talk about putting on your fucking makeup. If you're going to tell us a story, connect with the audience. To me, it's like I don't really give a shit about's like, I don't really give a shit about the story. I don't really give a shit about my followers.
Starting point is 00:33:07 So I'm going to put on my makeup and tell you some mundane thing. I look down and these fucking videos have like 20,000 likes. And I'm like, what the fuck? Yeah, I don't get it. I thought that those Get Ready With Me videos were like makeup tips. Some of them are, which I understand.
Starting point is 00:33:23 Which I totally am in on. I would be interested in that if I was looking for a certain aspect of makeup. But my daughter falls prey to this all the time. And I'm like, what are they even fucking talking about? Why do you care? Why are they putting on their makeup? I mean, it's so confusing to me. I mean, I see it and I can't reconcile any of it. I think it's just bad content. If you're going to give somebody a message, have the decency to make eye contact with the camera lens and maybe throw some pictures into it. But to sit there like you're so goddamn important
Starting point is 00:33:56 that you have to put on your makeup while you tell this story. And here's the deal. I want everybody online to quit feeding this, because it's just not that great a content. Or maybe we're the assholes. I was going to say I think we're the assholes because I think people really like it. Those are super popular. Be like us sitting here doing this podcast. Braiding each other's hair. French braiding each other's hair.
Starting point is 00:34:17 Yeah, I don't know people. Which is probably a lot of sick fucks out there that would enjoy it. Right. But we're not doing that. No. All right. Next up is Steph Deloache and they say, people who post nonstop during a relationship then give us nothing during a breakup. It's so true. And here's the deal. I think it makes it worse when you just stop posting and you remove all the pictures because then my mind goes to instead of we just had
Starting point is 00:34:46 an amicable parting of the ways. I'm like, Oh my God, somebody got caught fucking around. Somebody was being naughty. I mean, I go so dramatic because I feel like that's such a dramatic thing to do. Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk. Nothing. No explanation. I mean, I immediately go to worst case scenario. Here's the thing. I immediately know when people post nonstop about their relationship that the breakup is imminent. No, absolutely. You know immediately that it's going to happen because like there was a case study that you
Starting point is 00:35:19 and I had in the early days of Facebook. Right. I mean, we're talking 2008, 2009. And this couple would post together on Facebook that commented to each other on Facebook for everybody to see. Guess what happened to this couple? I mean, Dear John letters, leaving on buses
Starting point is 00:35:39 in the middle of the night, lots of drama. And it was just, you knew the breakup was coming because no healthy couple documents the relationship to that extent. Yeah. And I will say, I hate to give you any credit, but you were a trailblazer on this issue. You were like, these people are communicating too much online to each other a breakup within six months and you were right. I mean it was just like nailed it and it's been a pattern that we've seen over and over and over and over again. Oh my god the one I'm about to read to you and the listener is nothing short of unpatriotic blasphemy. And Daphne Bissnett says, I'm sorry, ladies, French
Starting point is 00:36:32 Bulldogs. Daphne? Those are fighting words, Daphne. What the fuck, patriots? Unite against Daphne. French Bulldogs? What the fuck is wrong with Daphne? We need to send out a search party to go check on Daphne. She might be psychotic. She's having a nervous breakdown. Daphne, what the fuck? Here's the deal. Before you own and have a relationship with a French Bulldog, you cannot identify with it. It's just a totally different level. So I forgive Daphne because I've been Daphne and you just don't know until you own one. Here's what I'm going to say about Daphne is this is a space where even you can say what you've had it with. And there are
Starting point is 00:37:26 three little creatures that Pumps and I love more than all of our biological human children combined. And that is tubbers, Cha-Cha, and Oliver Glizzard. And those are our little Frenchies. And they are our precious angels sent to us from an imaginary sky god. We're certain of it and they chose us to be their mothers. We love these babies, but you can come into this space and you can give us shit for it and we're fine with it. Absolutely. Okay, let me tell you, that's kind of funny that that's what you just said because last night, Ollie was super tired and I'm holding him like a baby and rubbing his
Starting point is 00:38:02 belly. It's like obnoxious. So my youngest Luke walks in and he's like, okay, I have a question for you. If you were standing on a cliff and you can only save me or Ollie, who would you save? And I said, that's not a fair question because you're my son. So obviously I would save you, but it would be hard on me. And then he said, you had to save me or Ollie, but I'm wearing full MAGA gear. And
Starting point is 00:38:34 you know, the minute I get back on the cliff, I'm going to a MAGA rally. Who do you save? And I said, peace out buddy. Sorry. The dog. I mean, obviously, easy. You're too far gone. Yeah. If you're going to a MAGA rally and you got a MAGA hat on, I'm doing you a favor. God, wouldn't you just feel like an abject failure as a mother if your kid was going to MAGA shit, wearing MAGA shit, doing MAGA shit. I would just feel like, Jesus Christ, I've raised a psychopath. Or I would think they're trying to rebel. There's some kind of rebellion here going. I'll tell you what, being a dog mom really is one of my greatest joys in my life. Absolutely. These dogs, they just are consistent. They want to do everything that I want to
Starting point is 00:39:26 do when I want to do it. And when they are being stubborn, it's adorable. Whereas human children comes with a lot of complications. They never want to do anything you want to do. They don't want to eat what you feed them. It's just a, it's a minefield of disappointment and conflicting opinions. Dogs just go with speaking of going with the flow. They just they just want to be with you. Right. Now don't get it twisted. Listener, we love love love our children. But this podcast isn't about our children. There are a lot of mommy podcasts wherein you can listen to that. But God, I love those dogs. I could do a whole podcast on dog love. I like it too. I mean, and here's the deal. I feel like children, they're constantly disappointed
Starting point is 00:40:12 in you and you're constantly disappointed in them. But with your dog, like everything you do is top of the line. Everything they do is top of the line. My dogs make me want to be a better person. Agree. You know, totally agree. Like I want my dogs, I want to live up to what they think I am. Right. Yeah, totally. All right, listeners, please sign up for us on Patreon. I've had it. And soon we're going to be announcing a couple more tour dates for this year, although we're taking a little bit of a break from it. But stay tuned because we I think we're going to do
Starting point is 00:40:50 one East Coast, one West Coast. And as you know, Australia, we're in the throes of brow beating our Booker right now to make sure we roll out the Brecky tour in 2025 of January, because it is We roll out the Brecky tour in 2025 of January because it is absolutely paramount that we hit Australia to defend ourselves and do a full blown apology tour. All right listeners, we'll see you soon. We will see you next I've had it with. Let's hear it. I've had it with that.

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