I've Had It - Middle-Aged Big Girl

Episode Date: December 26, 2024

Pumps is making major breakthroughs and Jen takes a well-deserved victory lap. Pre-order our new book, join our Patreon Cult, and more by clicking here: https://linktr.ee/ivehaditpodcast. Thank you to our sponsors: ASPCA Pet Insurance: To explore coverage, visit https://www.aspcapetinsurance.com/HADIT. The ASPCA® is not an insurer and is not engaged in the business of insurance ZocDoc: Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to https://Zocdoc.com/IVEHADIT to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. Follow Us: I've Had It Podcast: @Ivehaditpodcast Jennifer Welch: @mizzwelch Angie "Pumps" Sullivan: @pumpspumpspumps

So are we supposed to start the podcast? Ready? One, two, three. Just go ahead and do it. There you go. Welcome, patriots, gaitriots and theatriots. Welcome to the rebellion where we have a blue wing talk or something else. We have problems with our short-term memory. I can't remember what the hell that bird's name is, but it's a great bird. It's a great bird. Everybody likes the bird. Everybody likes the bird. Everybody. We had talked to everybody. Everybody likes the bird.

Everybody knows it. What have you had it with? Okay, what I've had it with is driving, when you're driving and an ambulance or some type of emergency vehicle is driving, if I have their lights on, people do not move to the right and slow down. This just happened to me. I was sitting there and this ambulance comes by and everybody just keeps moving. They keep going through the lights. I could not believe it. I'm like, is this what Trump's America is? Oh yeah, it is. We don't allow emergency vehicles to get through

because we just don't give a fuck about it. It's already started. It's already started. I'll tell you what else happened to me while I was on that same road. So I am 100% at a stoplight. I'm looking at my phone. I'm on the phone with a girlfriend. She says, I'm sending you a picture. You have to look at it right now. So I'm 100% at a stoplight. I'm looking at my phone. I'm on the phone with a girlfriend.

She says, I'm sending you a picture. You have to look at it right now. So I'm looking at it. I don't go immediately. That's on me. Completely know it. Well, there's this Jeep. He just 100%, I could just tell, 100% MAGA.

The way he was driving, the way his tires were super big, like it was a teeny weeny manga guy. So he's going in and out of traffic, in and out of traffic. So at the next light, I'm ahead of him, I'm going across him and I'm just looking over like, you were in such a hurry and look who's passing you. And he goes, Put down your phone, you fucking bitch. I don't even realize I'm doing it. Here's what I have to say about driving with you, and I hate it. When you drive, you text, and I think it is so reckless.

I don't even realize I'm doing it. It drives me crazy. You're hovered over the center line, and I'm always like, pups, put your phone down. Like my kids do too. I do not text when I drive. I just don't. I don't look at my phone when I'm at stoplights. I'm a part of it.

I do need to make that rule. I just don't do it because I'm so tired of being beholden to my phone all the time. When I'm in my car, it's a luxury to not have to look at it. It is a total luxury and I just am like, I'm not looking at my phone while I'm in here. Yeah, I need to do that. But how about that? Get off your phone, you fucking bitch. I don't like him calling you a fucking bitch. I kind of liked it. But I do like you getting called out for being on your phone while you're driving because it's maddening. Yeah. And it's dangerous. A hundred percent it was me. I think that they're like, I believe this is true, that there are more wrecks caused

by texting and driving than drunk and driving. I think I've read that too. I think that's right. And so I just, it's like, I will not drive drunk. I will not text and drive. I will not do it. I just won't. I will not eat green eggs and ham, Sam, I am.

Okay. Let me tell you what I've had it with. I've had it with motivational speakers. Agree, that's a great one. I just, I've had it. I just, all of this motivational speaking, and if you notice the people that you know that listen to a lot of motivational speaking,

oftentimes are wholly unmotivated people, or just completely incompetent all the way around, that spend their spare time listening to motivational speaking. And here's the thing, if you're not a motivated person, then just acknowledge it. I'm really not super motivated, so I found other ways that I can be an effective person.

Right. There's just no reason to like take up half your day at a motivational speech. Because a lot of times I feel like those speech, it's kind of like the life coach people. It's a racket. You know, it's like if somebody's saying they're a life coach, do I really want them to tell me what to do with my life? Well, here's my problem with it. So you have speeches that can really be amazing. And I'm talking about like Martin Luther King, I Have a Dream. You have John F. Kennedy had multiple

fantastic speeches. Those are ones that you go to. Those are like, these were incredible speeches that defined a moment. And all these motivational speakers are just posers. It is a multi-level marketing pyramid scheme where they think they can get on a stage with a podium and motivate people to go out and completely change their lives. Most of the time when this happens, it's some sort of cult leader. That's how it starts. That's how it starts. Yeah. And then another thing, and this kind of is adjacent to that, is the people that I know that are all about like motivational speakers and they follow all of the inspirational

quote accounts on social media, there's also very adjacent to it is a self-help book, right? Stacks and stacks and stacks of self-help books. And I just think, is all of this stuff like avoiding accepting your character defects? Like this speech is going to motivate me and I'm going to go out and crush it and I'm going to make millions of dollars. Or this book is going to fix me and I'm not going to hurt anymore. Now, again, it's kind of a slippery slope because I totally see that in learning about yourself through a self-help book. You can learn about yourself.

But when you start buying your 10th, 11th, and 12th ones, I think there's a problem. That's all I'm saying. When you've gone to like maybe your 10th motivational speaker convention, I think there's a problem. Right. You're following your another person like on Instagram that is a self-appointed therapist, some relationship guru that thinks they know all about all this shit and you follow about seven or eight of these accounts, maybe you're not datable. Maybe you're the problem. Right. I would rather have somebody say to me, here's what your problem is. You are blah, blah, blah, blah.

That to me is more useful than some blanket cliche cliche-ridden motivational speech where it's kind of like a horoscope where you have to kind of apply it to your life to make it make sense because it's so broad. Well, it's a one-size-fits-all thing. That's what I'm saying. That doesn't work. I mean, one motivational speech for one person might be effective, but to apply that to the general population is such bullshit because somebody who's really shy, not gregarious at all, incredibly

introverted, the motivational speech for them could be something entirely different as to how they could, you know, perceive or achieve what would be considered successful or what how they could achieve serenity would be a completely different path than two narcissistic assholes like you and me that tried to find serenity through these microphones. Right. You know?

Right. Yeah. I mean, I just think I would rather somebody say, Jennifer, you are a terrible winner. It's true, though. And that's something you need to work on. It's true. So that is like, it applies to you. It's solid.

But what if I don't want to fix it? No. No, no, I'm just saying that's an example. But when you give all these like, oh, here's what you need to do. You need to manifest. You know, that doesn't help. I've had it with the manifesting mood boards. Shut up. It doesn't help. I'll tell you what I've manifested. And this is I'm so proud of myself. I want to see Kylie's face on this. I averted a scam yesterday without Kylie. She did not help me and she always helps me because I got an Apple computer thing the other day and I'm halfway through and I thought I need to ask Kylie and she's like immediately it's a scam hangout. So yesterday I get a call and they say this is so and so with Oklahoma County Sheriff's Department

and I was like huh and it was a prefix from the courthouse. So I'm thinking it is the sheriff. The jury duty scam? No. That I had been subpoenaed to testify on December 16th and I didn't show up. And so now they were going to issue, there was a warrant for my arrest. And I'm like, well, who issued the warrant? Well, I knew the judge. And I was like, that judge would have called me and said, hey, I'm issuing a warrant for you. So I was just like, this is just not, I'm not thinking this is real.

Like I'm an attorney and everything you're saying makes no sense. And they hung up. But I did call the judge's office just to make sure it was a scam, just to be on the safe side that I hadn't missed a subpoena. But Josh got a call similar to that.

We were in the car and of course he's an attorney as well. It was something, his was either jury duty or something, so he started lighting them up just like you did and of course they hung up on him. But think about all the poor people that fall prey to that. I have a friend that the same thing happened to her about three years ago and she ended up paying $5,000 to get rid of her arrest and it was all fake. And see when they said Oklahoma County Sheriff, I was like, because one time I did have a warrant issued for my arrest. Wait, for what? For unpaid parking tickets.

Oh, did you get picked up? No, what happened was I was literally nine months pregnant, like three days from my due date. You were a pregnant fugitive? I was a pregnant fugitive and they called me. It was from when I was working before the kids were, so Sam was too. I was getting ready to deliver Emily and they called and they're like this is the sheriff's department. You have unpaid parking tickets. We can issue a warrant but we're giving you this courtesy call so you can come down and pay it. And I knew I had a ton of parking tickets, we can issue a warrant, but we're giving you this courtesy call. So you can come down and pay it. And I knew I had a ton of parking tickets.

So I was like, OK, whatever. So I roll into the Sheriff's office. And the whole way down there, I'm like, I'm going to go to jail with my baby. And I'm pregnant. And it's horrible. So when they said it was the Sheriff's apartment, I was clicking through my head like,

do I have unpaid parking tickets? I don't think I do. Right. But anyway, so I averted a scam without Kylie's help. Excellent. Great job. Welcome to I've Had It. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie.

She is growing, hashtag growing. Evolving. Hashtag evolving, hashtag learning. Hashtag big girl. Totally. Middle-aged big girl. That's right. Listener, there are three little creatures that Pumps and I love more than life itself. My two French Bulldogs, Tubbers and Cha-Cha, and Pumps' new French Bulldog, the one and

only Oliver Glizzard. I just can't even imagine my life without my little baby. Today's episode is sponsored by the ASPCA Pet Health Insurance Program. When you have a pet, you love taking care of them because in their own way, they take care of you. But even if you're the best pet parent in the world, unpredictable things can happen. Fortunately, you can always give your care a boost with ASPCA Pet Health Insurance. The ASPCA Pet Health Insurance program offers customizable accident and illness plans, making it easier for pet parents like you to help your pet get the care they may need. The ASPCA Pet Health Insurance program

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Listener, this may come as a total shock to you, but Pumps and I have not always been this pulled together and rock solid. In fact, we used to be rather screwed up, wouldn't you say, Pumps? I would say damn near psychotic. Totally. And we have written a cell phone, expose.

One could even say it's a manifesto. And the book title is, Life is Lazy Susan of Shit Sandwiches. In all sincerity, we share a lot of our struggles that led us to this grand stage where we can talk about petty grievances. You can click the link below in the show notes to pre-order your copy now.

Okay, speaking of being a sore winner, I would like to take a very smug victory lap right now. And I would like to read a headline to all of you that says, Stanley recalls 2.6 million mugs. Wow. Here's what's affected. According to the United States Consumer Product Safety Commission, Stanley is recalling about 2.6 million switchback

and trigger action travel mugs due to a burn hazard. So far, there have been 91 reports worldwide trigger action travel mugs due to a burn hazard. So far, there have been 91 reports worldwide of lids detaching resulting in 38 burns with 11 needing medical attention. Anyone with these travel mugs should immediately stop using them and contact Stanley for a free replacement lid. What I have to say about this is this is something that is continuing to happen and happen again. Number one, I knew that these mugs were killers.

You have been sounding the alarm. I have been sounding the alarm for a very long time. So here we have 38 burns, 91 incidents, 11 people that needed medical attention. This is before you even get to the slippery slope that leads you to a Trump rally or an insurrection at the Capitol. This is just, this is child's play compared to the cult-like tendencies that these cups can push people down. And so what I have to say about this is number that these cups can push people down. And so what I have to say about this is, number one, I knew they were killers.

Number two, I've also identified that these cups have lead in them. Lead is known to cause all sorts of problems to the human body. And I think this is just the first little domino to fall. You do? Okay, I have an announcement about my Stanley Cup, and I haven't done it yet, but I was told last night that my friend's dermatologist told her that the Stanley Cup, sucking on a Stanley Cup with the straw, is the same thing as smokers lips. So I'm denouncing my Stanley Cup because I don't pay this much money for Botox and filler to fucking ruin it with Stanley Cup. So I'm gonna have to do something else. I don't know what I'm denouncing my Stanley Cup because I don't pay this much money for Botox and filler

to fucking ruin it with Stanley Cup. So I'm going to have to do something else. I don't know what I'm going to do because this just, I mean, it's not even 24 hours old. But when I heard that I was like, you know, the lead poisoning doesn't scare me. No I'm not going to fall into Trumpism. But the smokers lips. Here's the thing.

Here's the thing. I just think all of it's a slippery slope. And I think it's, it's, it's good that you're getting away from this cup. And I just want to note that I just think there is a whole world where a lot of things live together. And I noticed it at one of my son's recent basketball games. And I sit kind of in the back next to Josh and observe not only the game, but the people around me. And I noticed that there was a particular type of female that walks in and they all have kind of few things in common.

We have a top knot headband. Yeah, okay. We have a Stanley cup. Okay. And then we have kind of this hair flick thing. And I just, I just, I don't know. I just, I wonder about the psychology of all of it. Like when you see that top knot headband and you see that kind of unicorn bone on the top of it, the little horn, do you think, yeah, I look like a little horny toad right now, and this looks great, and I think I'm going to follow it up with a gigantic oversized cup with lead in it and poison myself and everybody around me, and my children are going to be raised in some orphanage because

I'm too goddamn selfish to put my cup down and take this fucking horny frog headband off my head. But I don't say anything because it's not my business. You're such a big person. I wait until I have my microphone in front of me to just completely dissect it. But I just think this is interesting. I think that this is the first domino to fall. This is this whole Stanley thing is not going to end well.

I've called it. We have everything recorded. We can release all the tapes. I know it's all coming. And I would also like to congratulate the star of our show for not continuing her Stanley Cup use, whether it's for vanity reasons or for whatever it is, I don't care. I think it was a really good choice for you and for America. Right. And for the Kylie who tries to make me look like shit. I'm just going to fight her more. OK, Kylie, what is going on on the World Wide Web?

I have two reviews that I need to read to you. This one is five stars. And they write, aside from the best therapy session around, airing our petty grievances together of which I could author a novel, and as much as I love Mimo and Cathy, what really sets this pot apart is Jessica Lemon's vocabulary. Truly top notch, undefeated, she is a walking dictionary and every time she teaches me a new word, I instantly begin incorporating it to my daily vernacular.

You know, that's nice. That is nice. And you know, we've had people say that to us in shows, like live people. You know, my mother has a big vocabulary. And she's a voracious reader. And so there's a word for you, voracious. And so I think it's good to, I only know one language

and I think that, you know, it's good to use all of it. So I appreciate the compliment. That is a huge compliment. That's really nice. Okay, we're gonna do one more and there's a theme to this. Hello, my beautiful ladies. I am a lesbian from the quote, great state of Tennessee and I'm writing this review to get you to your goal of 12,000 because in Trump's America, we must band together to achieve every single frivolous petty goal we can.

And if it pisses them off, then that's all the better. I have an insane crush on both of you, but especially Jen. Thanks for keeping me sane in this crazy time. Love you all, never stop being who you are. It means more than you will ever know. I love that. You know, I mean- We got a blue dot and a red state.

Pumps always gets all the compliments. So this is a real Christmas miracle, to say the least, that, you know, I'm always the asshole and the one that, you know, I'm the bad cop, you're the good cop. So this is truly a Christmas miracle, Kylie. I love that so much. That I received two compliments.

That's very, very, very sweet. And I mean, it's just, I mean, Pumps is quitting Stanley and two of our listeners like me, two. Two in a row. Two consecutive likes. That's unbelievable. It's a banner day. Yeah.

I'm thrilled. Listen, I'm not going to let these compliments make me soft, you guys. But everybody knows you're a terrible winner, so that doesn't surprise anybody. That's true. Okay, I thought we could keep it going with a couple listener voice memos. So up first, we've got Ben. Okay, gals, here's what I've had it with. So I've had a boyfriend since high school. We love each

other, blah blah blah. Now we live together. I have a dog, he has a dog. My dog is pure bred Alaskan cleek eye. Minty, fresh breath. Licks me in the face, no problem. His dog is a rescue that he probably picked up somewhere along the side way because that's what he would do. His dog licks me in the face and I wanna get a tetanus shot. His breath is so bad, so foul, so disarming that I don't believe that I can live without antibiotics. However, this is a man that I love. We've been together for a long time.

How do you say your dog is disgusting, but I love you in the English language. Thank you. You're the vocabulary lady. This is the type of gay man that I can just cuddle up and let their hateful rhetoric just lull and rock me to a place of serenity and peace. This is the type of gay man that when I was probably from the age of 19 to around 25 that I would go out to the gay bars and we would cut a rug. I would get my scissors out.

We would just full force dominate the dance floor. They were hateful, yet protective and amazing and just unabashed truth. So this man really speaks to me and I understand the dilemma of, you know, there's the adopt don't shop and I get it. I get every ounce of that to the core of my being. We need to adopt. We shouldn't shop. However, I really do like these purebred French bulldogs. And so, you know, I understand his dilemma. I understand that his dog is probably more photogenic, more affable, more likable, all of the things.

So how do you tell your lover partner that his dog sucks? I mean, that's a difficult thing. I would probably eventually break and just say, I kind of like my dog more than I like your dog. And I think I would probably just have to own that. This is my dog. How would you tell him? Here's what I would probably just have to own that. Like, this is my dog. How would you tell him? Here's what I would do. I would start giving the dog apple slices

to improve the breath. Then I would start like taking the dog to be groomed and trying to like fluff it up from the outside. Because for two- You would invest in the dog. I would invest in the dog because for two reasons. Number one, your partner, which I love the way he described,

we love each other, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah. And then he describes his dog like the queen of England. But I would take it and get it groomed. I would look. There's something you can buy or do or tease or something to increase the breath. So you get full credit that he's investing in my dog.

He's trying with my dog. So then you can soften it later if you have to tell him, I just don't like your dog because he's gonna see all the effort that you put into his dog. Even though it's for selfish reasons, you don't have to tell everything you know. That's how I would handle it.

That's really good, Pumps. That's a really good selfless I would handle it. That's really good, Pumps. That's a really good, selfless way to handle it from the outside, but inside you're being selfish. I don't know that I could, I could do the apple slices, you know, like schlepping the dog around for the grooming and all of that. I don't know. I don't know if I have all of that in me. I think that I would just probably break down and just say, I'm really trying to work on loving your dog as much as I love my dog. Because when you're around me and my dogs, the relationship is so aspirational and inspirational. When you see me with Tubby, when you see me with Cha-Cha, you immediately know like, God, they have a great relationship.

They're in love. Yeah, like she's a great pet owner. I don't know that I could feign that with like if Josh had some mutt, I'd be sweet to the dog because I'm not a total sociopath. I'd be kind and it'd be sweet, but it would be very difficult for me to manufacture the organic relationship that I have with Tebi and Chacha with another dog. No, I completely agree with that, but I don't think the expectation is that you have to have the same relationship. I think the expectation is we all live in harmony, blah, blah. So I think you just have to kind of, you just got to maneuver it, skirt it as best you can. Because I think if you say say I don't like your dog I think that hurt feelings. Yeah here's the thing I uh you know I still got that cat

look how nice short of the cat I know so here's the deal Kitsky um listener I mean you know the problems I've had with this cat she's probably 16 or 17 years old now. She had asthma at one point. I had this kitty inhaler. She had diabetes. She used to have a really great cat life and then she's been aging the last 10 years and it's like she's been 90 for 10 years, the cat. I basically have just told the kids, I really don't like this cat anymore. I'm going to be good to her. I'm going to take care of her, but she's never been that great of a pet. Right. Like I have been a much better pet owner to her than she's been a pet to me. Sometimes with pets, you get a good one. Right. And sometimes you get

a bad one. And the situation with Kitsky is that she's never really been that great of a pet. When she was younger, it was all about her life on her terms, which is going around the neighborhood doing all the stuff that she wanted to do. And then when she decided she didn't want to do that anymore because of the diabetes and she gained weight and all of this stuff, then she wanted to come home and then she wants to hang out and I pet her and stuff. But then she gets mad because I'm holding one of the dogs and she bats at the dogs. I've just told the boys always give me a hard time like, you don't like the cat very much. I'm like, here's the deal. I really don't.

I really don't. I'm good to her. I pet her. I tell her she's pretty. You know, we have a lot of heart to heart to me and Kitsky, but she's just not been that great of a pet. Sometimes you just have pets that aren't that great, but you still have to be humane and be a great pet owner, even though that pet doesn't keep up their end of the bargain. Well, we all know what happened when I didn't like my pet. Went missing. I didn't care.

See, I wouldn't do that to Kitsky. You've been wanting me to buy Kitsky down for like three years. She wanted me to euthanize the cat. She wants me to kill my cat. She has a pad that is put down. She doesn't pee like all over the house. She just sometimes because she has the arthritis now with asthma and the diabetes and the she's 90 basically.

Sometimes, so I put a big pet pad down, but that doesn't mean I'm going to kill her. Like, Pumps wants me to kill my cat, so call her. Here's what I would say is don't put the dog down. Well, but to be fair, I was just like, the cat's old. She has a lot of health problems. Pumps wants me to kill my cat. It wouldn't be outside the realm of possibilities. Pumps wants me to kill the cat.

If you euthanized her, it'd probably be a gift to everyone, even her. That was just my point. I didn't say killer. I just said... Listen, I understood that when I got that cat and I adopted that cat, I adopted and I didn't shop. She was an adopt, don't shop situation. Okay.

Yeah, I went up to the Humane Society and got her. And she was super sweet from the cage. She like rubbed forward on my finger. She was a little kitten. And I thought, oh, this cat, because I had another cat before her that lived to be 18, Chico, who was super affectionate. We would head butt.

He slept around my head. He was a great fucking cat, black cat. So she showed all the signs from the cage that she was gonna be that type of pet. Well, when I get her home, I realize she's operated this bait and switch situation. And she just wants a home base so she can go out and launch all the activities she wants to launch, tramping around the neighborhood, which was fine. I accommodated her without

judgment. I had her fixed. I did all of the things that you're supposed to do. I had all the vaccines. I made sure she didn't get feline aids. I did all the stuff, which is a very common thing. Right? Is it? Feline AIDS is a huge thing. Cat AIDS? I had no idea. Oh yeah, it's a big thing. Anyway, I made sure she didn't get it. She was vaccinated for it. All this stuff. So after I've done all of this stuff for 16, 17 years, I can't just, I mean, I can't just kill her. I can't. I don't think she's that great of a pet. I don't think she's kept up her end of the bargain at all. I think it was a bait and switch from the Humane Society.

I did the adopt. I didn't shop. I did everything I was supposed to do. And I'm just, I'm going to bitch about this cat until she finally dies, or I euthanize her when the vet tells me. You have to call it. Yeah, I was just suggesting massage the vet until she tells you it's time. Pumps believes in cat homicide. Pumps, I feel like you're always going to the doctor or one of your kids is going to the doctor. How do you find a specialist in this medical world? I use an app called Sock Doc. What is so great about it is it provides you with the providers that are specialists

in your area and lets you know if it takes your insurance and you can make an appointment through the app. Listeners, ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in-network doctors, choose the right one for your needs and click to instantly book an appointment. We're talking about in-network appointments with more than 100,000 healthcare providers across every specialty, from mental health to dental health, eye care to skin care, and so much more. Plus, ZocDoc appointments happen fast, typically within just 24 to 72 hours of booking. You can even score same day appointments. So stop putting off those doctor appointments and go to zocdoc.com slash I've had it to find and instantly book a top rated doctor

today. That's zocdoc.com slash I've had it. Zocdoc.com slash I've had it. All right, Kylie, what's next? Okay, up next we've had it. All right, Kylie, what's next? Okay, up next we've got Mandy. Okay, ladies, I just got done listening to your jailbirds lovebirds episode. And first off, I just want to say number one, I've had it with Josh Welsh and him ruining the best bite and the fabulous Gucci shorts that I'm sure Jennifer was wearing. Number two, come on pumps, give him a call. Call him. This would be so amazing for this saga.

The guy sounds like he's a fucking doll and he sounds like he'd be somebody who would really pay attention to what's going on. He's a liberal. Oh my gosh. That's half the battle these days, right? Give him a call. See what happens. We want to hear it. We want to see it. We love you. And Kylie, I am queen. You are amazing for putting up with these two bitches as long as you have. But on a serious note, I love you. And thank you for being my bestest friends even though we've never met. Oh, I love her. Okay. Here's what I want to get to with you. Okay. I agree with this caller.

Okay, we're about to enter into Trump's America. Right. It's slim pickings as to what we can do, what we can talk about. We've been browbeating things. We've, I mean, fuck, today I'm talking about motivational speakers. We're really digging Captain Obvious

bottom of the barrel grievances, right? Like no shit, who likes a motivational speaker? Some fucking asshole? Yeah, not us, not our listeners, not on this asshole island. Here's what we need. We need to launch in Trump's America your dating life. And it starts with DJ. It starts with DJ. Here's the thing, you can do the share location and you know, there's something you know, he wants to do something in Central Park, you know, which could be romantic. Not that you're a romantic or anything, but I don't know. Share my location with you, not with him. I was like, why would I give? I was like,

even I can pick up on that might not be the smartest. But I share my location with us. So we make sure that DJ doesn't kidnap you, right? And dismember you into multiple parts. Arms legs head gone. Yeah, Jeffrey Dahmer you. And then eat you. What if you threw my phone away and he threw me in the van and he threw my phone in Central Park?

Maybe I can put a chip in your ear. Maybe you know our dogs have a microchip. Maybe I can microchip you before you start dating. Someone told me there's a like you can put like an air tag type situation in a dog. So not only are they microchipped. It's an air tag on the collar. Nobody's sticking an air an apple air tag on a dog. That's kind of what I thought.

It's on a collar. Okay. It's on a collar. I digress. Apologies. Yeah. Yeah. So okay, well, we'll see. It's on a collar. I digress. Apologies. Yeah. Yeah. So, okay. Well, we'll see.

That's all you have to say? What do you want me to say? I don't know. Let's analyze the pros and cons of this. I think he sounds funny and great and darling. Okay. We all know that I'm not a great dater. It's true.

I mean, it's true. I have not been a great dater. My history is bad. So bad. It's easier to have no history than more history. Let me ask you this. Do you still have that pellet in your ass? Yes, I do. So you have hormones? Yes. Isn't that what that is? Yeah. All right. Well, do you ever get horny? Not really. No. Okay. Maybe more hormones. Maybe you need a pellet on the other side of your ass as well. Two ass pellets at the same time. Two pellets crammed up your ass at the same time. Did I tell you that at one

point I was reading the comments on Instagram or something and somebody wrote, what do they mean she has a pellet crammed up her ass? And somebody just comments super normal. She has a pellet inside her butt cheek for her hormones that the doctor put in because she's in menopause. And then the person responds, oh, thanks. All right, Kylie, who's next? Okay, up next we've got Rihanna.

Hi Jessica and Nadal, Picklebot, Short and Air, and the blue tit, Legal Eagle Pumps, kaka! Because we're taking it back. Yeah, so the thing that I've had it with is when you're watching a new series or film that neither of you have seen, no preview, no trailer, and they narrate through the whole fucking thing to the point where you have to stop because you don't know what's going on anymore and all the questions keep coming in and so why are you asking me oh is he gonna go in there oh my god you don't what do you think is

gonna happen i don't know because we're watching the same fucking thing Shut the fuck up and watch the bloody program. I've had it. Absolutely had it. And it happens all the time. Anyway, love you both. Keep fighting the good fight like you do. And great show as always. Well, I love her. I love all the accent. You know, she had me at the accent. But it's so true when somebody is a yak mouth when you're trying to watch the exact same thing for the first time, at the same time. Right. And you have somebody who just is asking an onslaught of stupid questions because that is nothing short of a full-blown assault of stupid questions.

It's a stupid question assault. Right, it is. It goes back to one of our original grievances, and this is what a motivational speaker would say. A motivational speaker would say, there is no such thing as a stupid question. And I want to go to that motivational speech. I want to stand up in the audience and go, I fucking begged a different one. Bullshit.

Have you ever watched a show for the very first time with some dumb fuck that starts asking you what's going to happen next and you're both seeing it for the first time and it's an assault of stupid questions? What about that? Are those stupid or are they smart? Right. Are you going to go or are you going to die on the hill that those are a series of smart questions? Helpful questions? What about that? Are those stupid or are they smart? Right. Are you going to go or are you going to die on the hill that those are a series of smart questions, helpful questions that do anything to promote the greater good of anything other? There are questions that

I would say are straight up homicide inducing. There's so many people that need to be shamed into not answering these questions because you can either figure them out, you don't need to know, or we're not there yet. And it's like, just don't, I think some people just love the spotlight. Kylie, I want you to figure out, or have Seth, your bitch, figure this out. I wanna know who is the first person

that ever put on the internet or in a book or wherever, where did it happen that somebody said the phrase, there is no such thing as a stupid question. I wanna know the name, birth date, home address, blood type, zodiac sign, social security number, et cetera, of this person. I wanna know who started this lie. I'm gonna call them and I'm gonna say I'm from the sheriff's department. I need this information. There's a

warn out for your rest unless you pull that. Okay but here's the deal. One thing you didn't ask for is the country of origin because we all know. You already know where. Only America would do that. Europeans would say shut the fuck up. That is a stupid question. I want to know who it is. I want to know. That's what we're going to do in Trump's America. We're going to start getting to the source of everything. Who started this shit?

Because here we have an international problem. We clearly hear that this moment is from the UK. And now this shit is happening across the Atlantic. You know, people died in the Atlantic. Look at what happened to the Titanic. And this whole stupid question thing, it needs to be responded to while she's sitting there watching that show with whomever it is she's watching. She needs to look and say, quit asking me stupid questions, you dumb fuck. You stupid little twat. That's right. Twat. You twat. Twat. Twat. You stupid twat. I love that. All right last one Kylie

Okay, the last one we've got is Nathan hi ladies Sorry, I had to just come in and say I've had it today and the thing that I've had it with is fucking fake ass motherfucking bitches who to your face act like everything is good and hunky dory and then behind your back go and fuck one of your coworkers to create drama in your work life when you work very hard to keep your work life very private. No one knows my business at work. I don't even know most people's names at work.

I work for the United States Postal Service, which by design is sort of like this insular anonymous thing. And I work hard for, I don't like people knowing shit about me, okay? And I like it that way. And then fake ass bitches who are supposed to be important to you and you're supposed to be important to them, go behind your back and fuck one of your annoying coworkers.

And now your annoying coworker is spreading all your personal business around work and fuck Slava and Peter is what I have to say. I've had it with fake ass bitches. I've had it with the United States Postal Service. I've had it with Peter and I've had it with Slava. Okay, there's so much I've got to dissect here. Number one, did he just go postal? I love, he did in the best possible way. Okay, listen, I, is he claiming, Okay, listen, is he claiming, Kylie, that somebody that he works with fucked a co-worker? Somebody that his friend is what I, his friend outside of work started fucking one of his weird co-workers.

Now the friend who he thought was his friend is sharing all his personal business with the other mailman, with the other co-worker. And now the co-worker is spreading all his personal business, which that would piss me off. And fuck you Slava and Peter. I mean, that was the best part of the whole thing. Fuck you Slava and Peter. So, oh my God, this is a real quandary.

Yeah. I mean, so his friends started fucking his coworker and then started loose lip sinking ships about his life. I do too. I think the friend is the one at fault here. The friend is a bad friend. Yeah.

And obviously let the sex thing take her out of her friendship role because now she's blabbing to the coworker who he says is weird, which means he probably is. So it's just completely ruined his, I mean, because he even went as far to say, fuck the US Postal Service. Well, in Trump's America, it might be gone. So, well, yeah, I heard Jeff Bezos want to take over the Post. Just privatize it. Can we just keep the Post Service?

We can't keep anything. Can we keep the mailman for God's sake? It's an institution. Yeah, I like it. I like it. So this is what's happening in Trump's America. The postal workers are so they feel so insecure that they're fucking their coworkers, friends, engaging in a bunch of gossip. And I don't know that this would happen in another America. of gossip. And I don't know that this would happen in another America. No, I don't either. I think that if Kamala Harris had won, none of this would have ever happened. I agree.

I mean, it would just be smooth sailing. I agree. I don't think that what were the Peter and Slava? I don't think Peter and Slava would be fucking had there been a Kamala Harris victory. I just don't think you can underestimate how bad things are going to get in terms of America. I agree. Well, it's just nice to have everybody with us this holiday season. Yeah. For holiday cheer. Merry Christmas. We've got a band together. Happy Hanukkah. Happy Kwanzaa. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Happy New Year. All the stuff. All the things. We will see you next Tuesday and Thursday. Listen up, patriots, gaitriots, and natriots.

We have a new podcast that has dropped. It's called IHIP News. It's Monday through Friday, every day, 15 to 20 minute hot takes on the political landscape of the United States of America, always served with a side of petty grievances. We are on all the available platforms, Apple, Spotify, Google, whatever, you can get your podcasts and YouTube.

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