I've Had It - Not Thankful for Phil

Episode Date: November 26, 2024

We are thankful for these ridiculous posts on the Nextdoor App. Pre-order our new book, join our Patreon Cult, and more by clicking here: https://linktr.ee/ivehaditpodcast. Thank you to our sponsors: Shopify: Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at https://shopify.com/hadit, now to grow your business - no matter what stage you’re in. Uncommon Goods: To get 15% off your next gift, visit https://UNCOMMONGOODS.com/HADIT Don’t miss out on this limited-time offer! Uncommon Goods. We’re all out of the ordinary. BlueNile: Go to https://BLUENILE.com to shop Blue Nile, the original online jeweler since 1999! Bombas: Ready to feel good and do good? Head over to https://Bombas.com/hadit and use code hadit for 20% off your first purchase. Follow Us:  I've Had It Podcast: @Ivehaditpodcast Jennifer Welch: @mizzwelch Angie "Pumps" Sullivan: @pumpspumpspumps

So we're supposed to start the podcast. Ready? One, two, three. Patriots, gay triots, they triots. Coo coo! Coo coo! Happy Thanksgiving to America and beyond. There's so much to be grateful for. We are a show full of nothing but gratitude. Absolutely.

For our fellow Americans, I feel so much unity and pride heading into this Thanksgiving. I just, I think I might flow over with how much pride and joy I feel. You're just bubbling over with Thanksgiving gratefulness? Totally. I was just going to say, we could call you hashtag blessed on this Thanksgiving. I think we should. One of William and our Patreon said he wants to start calling me Blessica. So welcome.

I'm Blessica. Pumps, what have you had it with? Okay, this happened to me last night and I fucking had it. And I don't know if it was a trap or what. But this person I don't know all that well, but I know enough to say hi, just like you do. And she said, what are you thankful for this Thanksgiving? And I was just like, go fuck yourself.

We're not close enough to talk about what I'm thankful for. Is that just me having a bad attitude? Like I felt like that was invasive. What are you thankful for? Why do you give a fuck? I just think that question is entirely out of line. I do too. I think what are you thankful for? Like shut up. Shut up. What I'm thankful for is that I haven't run into you in decades and I literally don't remember your name. That's what I have gratitude for and what I'm looking forward to is this being our last meeting. And that would cause me to have immense gratitude.

Oh, that's exactly how I felt. It's like you were there in my head, because I was really taken aback. Like, what? I just thought it was fucking bizarre. What kind of question is that? What kind of question is that? And here's the deal. Do you really want me to stand there and tell you?

No. Everybody just wants to get their shit and get out. I just hate that. I'll tell you what I'm thankful for, Brooke. I'm thankful that my kids aren't on crystal meth. Right. And I'm thankful that you're kind of a cat and we both know it.

Right. I'm glad that's out in the open right now. Oh, I have one. I'm thankful that when I got it up the ass last night, we used lube. What would she have done if I would have said that? I'll tell you what, listener. It had been a while. It had been a while since Pumps started letting that pent up sexual tension out for the listener

to hear and I'm glad you brought it back. It's a holiday. And you really brought it back. Pardon the pun. I thought it was it back. Pardon the pun. I thought it was pun intended. Yeah, pun intended. All right, let me tell you what I've had it with. Okay. Thanksgiving. Agree. I agree. Even though I am going to start putting up my Christmas decorations

before Thanksgiving just for spite. I'm going to start delivering my Christmas tree and getting everything all done before Thanksgiving because I want to slight Thanksgiving as much as I can. There's multiple reasons why I dislike it. Number one, everybody tries to trot out one day a year this bullshit gratitude that they have. And it is such performative bullshit. You're sitting there with your family and you know a couple of them are complete assholes. They've always been complete assholes. They will forever be complete assholes. And everybody says, let's go around the table and everybody share what they're grateful for. And what I want to say is put a sock

in it. Let's quit with this bullshit. Second thing that irritates me about Thanksgiving is when we were little kids, little American kids that did the Pledge of Allegiance every morning dutifully, we were told that Thanksgiving is a wonderful time where the pilgrims and the Indians decided to sit down together and break bread and share a meal. We have gratitude for that because we're so nice and we're so good and blah blah blah. I mean like from kindergarten on. Yes. And then you start studying it and you find out it was this bloody massacre. Right. And this horrific shit show of colonialism. And you know I'm not one of these people I have to run around you know that happened long before I was ever thought of or whatever but but let's not whitewash it and come up with this, you know, patty cake fest

a month before Christmas. Another thing I don't like about it is why are we doing these back to back things? I agree. You do Thanksgiving, you're just about to come up for air, and then you have to turn around and do it again for Christmas. I've had it from top to bottom, left to right, up to my eyeballs with Thanksgiving. But I'll tell you what, out of everything that I listed, I want to circle back to that lady asking you that, because that's really sitting in my craw. It's sat in my craw. I was just like, number one, that's just, I feel like it's inappropriate.

I mean, what are you thankful for? I mean, it feels nosy. It just, everything about it gagged me. It's like she cares. That's, I was like, you don't want to talk to me, I don't want to talk to you. Let me ask you this. Does you know you have a podcast? I don't know. I would guess probably not if I were guessing. I don't know. Do you think it's possible that maybe she's like a Trumper that's super excited about

his victory and just was kind of trolling you? Because I could kind of respect that a little bit. Okay, I could too. But based on I know her from the courthouse, like years and years ago. From your lawyer days? Yes, so I don't know that she would follow me enough. I don't even know if she follows me on Instagram or whatever. Let me ask you this.

Do you think she's a Trumper? I would say yes, only because she lives in Oklahoma City. She's from rural Oklahoma. Does she look like a Trumper? No, she's pretty cute. Does she have a Stanley cap? Did you see a Stanley cap? I didn't see a Stanley cap. Now that's not saying she didn't have one in her car because I had one in my car, but that's here and there. Okay, any other signs? No.

That could point to Trumpism? No. I mean, that's what was so weird about it. It was one of those that we were just going to, oh my gosh, how are you? Good to see you. It's been forever. Is she an attorney? No. She worked at the courthouse in the clerk's office.

So it was just a passing fancy thing. We should have never stopped past, hi, how are you? It's good to see you. And she asked you, what are you? It's good to see you. What are you thankful for this Thanksgiving? And I was, it kind of, I think I went, I was like, a lot of stuff and just turned around and, I mean, it just threw me off. Now that I look back, I should have said, fuck you. And the horse she rode in on, go fuck yourself. I'm not thankful for shit, you asshole. Thrown my shit out of my car, stomped off.

So the other day I was playing pickleball with my friends and our friend, Amy, there's a court like next to us and there's these guys, four guys playing doubles pickleball. She looked over at me and she's like, I just, I just have this sick feeling in my gut. I'm just looking over at them and I just know, I know they all voted for Trump. I can feel it and it makes me sick. And I go, I feel the same way. She's like, I'm not over it yet. Liz chimes in, I'm not over it yet either. And we're all just like, we're not over it. And so like, there's this thing where, you know, when you go out, I look at people,

I'm like, are they one of them? Or are they? Are they? Because I'm not thankful for them. I should have said, what are your political leanings? Okay, well, then I'll tell you what I'm thankful for. I'm thankful that I never have to see you again, fucking Trump-er. There you go. But I didn't, I just was too taken aback. Welcome to I've Had It, I'm Blessica. I love that. It suits you so much.

Especially on a day of gratitude. Right. Where I feel very blessed and we had such a positive, you know, therapeutic intro that I know leaves our listener feeling warm and fuzzy on the inside. Eager to go carve turkeys with their family and share their gratitude list with one another while passing, you know, sides of mashed potatoes and green beans and turkey around the table. Yes. What's your name? I'm trying to think of something to go with Bless a Cat. Oh, it's Angela Don, the Donning of

an Angel. Have we told them that yet? Yeah, they know. Have we said that on the podcast? Yes, this is the Donning of an Angel. This is the Angie for short. We want me curtains, we want drag. And what we represent here for America is a blessed blessing of gratitude. Yes, two scoops. Yeah. Of gratitude. That's right. Kathy is here. What can we call her? Saint Lesbian? Yeah, I like that. Saint Lesi. Yeah. Yeah. The patron saint of lesbians. The patron saint of lesbians. I like that. I like that. You know, I'm just, I'm just going to say it. I just don't think people give lesbians enough credit. We do on this podcast. We do on this podcast. You know what you should have told that lady when she said, what are you grateful for this Thanksgiving? You should say, I'll tell you what I'm grateful for. I'm grateful for lesbians. So if anybody else asks, I'm going to say. At your family dinner. Yes,

I absolutely should. With your evangelical parents, when they get around the table, you should say, well, that's funny. You all should ask mom and dad. I'm really grateful for lesbians. Yeah. And I think a lesbian should be president of the United States. And I believe that wholeheartedly. Oh, I completely agree. I mean, we've set that for at least a year. Like things just work better with the lesbian in charge. And the pant suits alone would be worth it. The pant suits alone, yeah. Yeah, okay, what's going on on the internet

and our reviews and all of the things? I've got some reviews for you. We haven't hit 12K yet. That's unfortunate. You know what I'm not grateful for? For listeners for not getting us to 12,000 reviews. They're obviously not thankful for you. Clearly. I wonder why. All we do is give and give. Positivity, sunshine,

rainbows, cupcakes, unicorns. We're like a goddamn podcast of lucky charms. If we can't even get to 12,000 reviews, fucking assholes. I also have an email from a listener. Okay, let's hear it. This is something we haven't talked about. This is something that affects me personally. It's from a listener. Okay, let's hear it. This is something we haven't talked about. This is something that affects me personally. It's from Jenna and she writes, I've had it with friends giving. It has become another fucking holiday in itself. Is Thanksgiving not enough?

Do you all have to deal with this at your prime age? Let me let everybody know something that's super important for every person to know about. For the last 20 years, she and I have gotten the fuck out of America for Thanksgiving. Right, for a week. And we would fly to Mexico and eat tacos on the beach with our kids and our dogs and our swimsuits with reckless abandon and never felt any need to do anything Thanksgiving-ish.

This year we are unable to attend because my youngest son, whom I love more than anything on the planet, Roman, is playing varsity basketball. And they've decided that they're going to have a scrimmage the day before Thanksgiving and a practice the Sunday after. So I am a basketball hostage. Yes, you are. And nobody is able to go and nobody's able to do this. So the bitterness that I feel regarding this is overwhelming. It's exacerbated by that woman who accosted Pumps and asked her a very threatening question. I feel the need to protect her. I feel the need to fight back. And so I haven't had to deal with this Friendsgiving bullshit because I canceled Thanksgiving 20 years ago before it was cool to do it.

We were trailblazers. We were trailblazers in friendsgiving. We'd led the charge, but it was just our friends, just us. Well, it was just us eating tacos on the beach. Right, but I mean, you could technically call that a friendsgiving. Which could be any meal, anytime, anywhere that doesn't have to be labeled, doesn't have to be dramatic.

But do you have to do this, Kylie? Every year, someone wants to host the Friendsgiving. I have to cook. You have to bring something. It's just a second Thanksgiving. Okay, I have a question. Yeah. So the only difference in just having dinner at a friend's house or going out to dinner is that everybody has to bring a dish. Is that the difference? Because technically, you guys could get together anyway.

I'll tell you the difference. OK. It is a piggyback situation. They're piggybacking on Thanksgiving and already crowding a very crowded weekend with something that could be done in March or April any day of the week. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

These are opportunist piggybackers is what this is. Friendsgiving is, it's an original. It sounds cute, neat and fun. Do you find it Friendsgiving? No. Do you dread going? Yes, my friends listen to us. Do you notice she's whispering?

Because they listen. No one can hear you if you whisper. I know, it feels like they can't hear me. Are they lesbians? Yeah, and it's like, I get it, gays, your chosen family, that's great, blah, blah, blah. Okay. It's a hassle. I hate it.

No, that's a thing. That is a thing. This is a thing that we have to backpedal on because a lot of people have shitty parents that aren't supportive of their gay children. And so then they have a friend's giving so that they feel love and respect. Even too cold-hearted hags like Pumps and Me support that. Absolutely. And that goes into one of the many gay exceptions that we have for our grievances.

There's just a lot. Always a gay exception. Always, even sitting on the same side of the booth, which I never thought I would say. But yeah, the Friendsgiving, I just don't understand why you just don't, everybody got to dinner. Why do you have to cook?

I'll tell you what I don't like. Forced meals. And Thanksgiving is a forced meal. There's nothing organic about it. I kind of even get to the phase, like if people ask Josh and me if we want to go to dinner. Initially, I'm like, yeah, sure, that sounds fun. And then as we start clicking close to that,

I'm like, why do people have to go eat together? Why can't we just do that on our own? Why is that a thing? Well, it has been for like fucking ever, tens of thousands of years. I'm the asshole bucking the system. But I don't know, I've just gotten increasingly intolerant. Same, but one thing that really helps me in that department is everyone, all my friends know that if they want to go to dinner with me, it's at fourth, between four and five. That's your call time on a Saturday.

Like I have a friend that we eat together about, you know, couple of times a month and it's a four o'clock dinner. I mean, she knows that that's it. I'm going to dinner tonight with my pickleball friends at five fifteen after our pickleball match. I just wanted you and the listener and Kylie to know that. That's pushing match. I just wanted you and the listener and Kylie to know that. That's pushing it. I mean, that's a let down. All right. Let's push through. What's next, Kylie? Okay. I've got a five-star review and it's titled, Thank You God for This Pod. Five stars. And he

writes, I wish I could turn back time so I could give these beautiful young women the adoption papers and be their petty gay son they've probably always wanted. We could sit over multiple bottles of wine and just endlessly yap about our pet peeves. I'm consistently satiated by their existence and my world pauses the second The Mothers of America drop an episode. They will forever be famous. I love them. God is a woman, and it's mommy JW and mommy pumps.

I couldn't love that anymore. That is a wonderful review. And I do think that is proof positive that there is no God, because if there was, we would have gay sons. Just like Petty. Just like Petty that writes such effusive, sweet, darling messages to us who just thought we were just, you know, the cat's meow. Yeah, because I have two sons now that I don't know that they, I know for a fact they'd never

listen to the podcast. Yeah, my, my children, no, I will say Dylan Welch, my older, older child, he does, he tells me he hits up IHIP news from time to time. Well, I mean, that's huge. Yeah, Roman, no. It doesn't watch any of it. My boys could give two shits. They think I'm the dumbest, most obnoxious,

miserable human on the planet. Any extra time they have to hear my voice is misery for them. So they're not gonna seek it out. That is fucked up that neither of you ended up with gay kids. Yeah. Yeah. I haven't thought about that.

That would have been perfect. Yeah. Right? For both parties. Right, and it ends up these poor gay kids are born into these like, you know, total Bible thumper. Yeah, and here you are. Drag them to, you know, these camps where they're told it's a cell, you know, it's a sin and all this crap.

I would have just been like, it's perfect. It's great. Don't you worry one bit, honey. Right. If anybody bullies you, you let me know. Go kick their ass. I'll be the head cheerleader at the Pride Parade. Absolutely. Listener, this may come as a total shock to you, but Pumps and I have not always been this pulled together and rock solid.

In fact, we used to be rather screwed up, wouldn't you say, Pumps? I would say damn near psychotic. Totally. And we have written a cell phone expose. One could even say it's a manifesto. And the book title is, Life is a Lazy Susan of Shit Sandwiches. In all sincerity, we share a lot of our struggles that led us to this grand stage where we can talk about petty grievances. You can click the link below in the show notes to pre-order your copy now.

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got thousands of independently graded diamonds for you to sift through. Listener, go to bluenile.com to shop Blue Nile, the original online jeweler since 1999. That's bluenile.com. Bluenile.com. Let's move along. We have some reports from the neighborhood apps. It's one of my favorites. Okay, somebody posts. My friend and I were walking through Washington Park when I spotted

a man with a pair of tight gray biking shorts jogging. I don't know why my eyes look directly at his crotch, but this man in his tight gray biker shorts had the biggest penis I have ever seen in my life. I was in complete disbelief. I was tickled, but also in shock. He was really big. LOL. When did you post this? Did she post this on her Instagram? Angela Dawn. Yes, when I was in Washington Park. We were just there. Park last weekend. We went to dinner in the West Village.

Did Pumps post this while we were in New York? Yeah, I found this on her next door profile. Let me see this. This man in his tight great biker shorts had the biggest penis I've ever seen in my life. I'll tell you what, I know Angela Dawn. I can even identify her through a keyboard. Here's a poster. Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. Why is this so funny? Hang on, I gotta get it out.

Happy Thanksgiving to you except Phil are wonderful neighbors. I'm happy to be a part of this community. Fuck you, Phil. Nobody has gratitude for you, asshole. Which begs the question, we need more contacts. What did Phil do? That's all I need. That's all I need. I want less information about Phil. Except Phil.

OK. We have another poster on the Nextdoor app that says, Please get your dogs circumcised. Every dog I've seen lately isn't, and I want them all to go to heaven. Wow. All right. Wow. How post, oh my God, pooping sounds on South 42nd Avenue.

Did anyone hear these noises? Can anyone identify these noises? He wrote pooping sounds, which obviously meant popping. I was thinking like somebody was going like, you know, that's far end of the arm things. Yeah. All right, another poster here says, why are all of these cars parked at the entrance

to our neighborhood? Apparently it is some kind of walk your kid to school day. And our neighborhood is closest to the school. These folks drove to our neighborhood, parked their cars and walked three more blocks to the school. These folks drove to our neighborhood, parked their cars, and walked three more blocks to the school, pretending they walked the whole way. Great message to send to your kids, shakes my head. Why not just thumb your nose at the whole thing and drive your car right up to the school and walk your kid to school day. When they added a photograph. This is the perfect example of why do you fucking

care? I mean they'd walk their kids to school BFD who cares shut up. All right. That must be Phil. All right here's another poster., this isn't fun. To whoever had a poop emergency Halloween night behind my recycle bin in the driveway, shame on you. I know you had a towel with you. You left it for me. You could have put it on the ground to catch some of your three deposits. You could have done many things, but you chose to walk away leaving the poop, towel, and some dirty napkins for me. Then John posts, I'd like to report a crime. I'm seeing houses with Christmas lights up and it's not even Thanksgiving yet. Every comedian's on. Next door, here's one. I'm a widow with two grown sons who choose not to have children. So I will never have grandchildren and I long for them. I'm wondering if there is anyone on next door

who has children but the children have no grandparents. Perhaps they have passed away or live in another country or are estranged. I would love to find a child or children to grandmother. I knit, I sing, I know gobs of stories and oh, I would make a wonderful grandma. I have to say, I think that's kind of sweet. See, I think it's kind of sweet, too.

But in the back of my head, I'm thinking, is that like a pedophile thing? But it sounds just sweet. You're saying this old lady's pedophile? I'm just saying, you know, you just have to be careful. That's Trump's America right there. That's what happens. And starts appointing all these sex offenders. Now, Mima is labeling these grandmas on next door.

It's heightened my senses. You know what she could do? She could adopt a kid from Africa like I did. Listen, or you might not know this, because I think this is on Patreon. Pumps revealed in a Patreon session that when she was a young mother, she adopted a feed the child in Africa. And God only knows where that kid is now, because I'll tell you who doesn't know.

Me. Yeah. Okay. Next door. Hi, my name is Toni. I'm a 68-year-old retired man with limited abilities. I'm looking for a female that would like a furnished room and full use of my home in exchange for cleaning, cooking,

and grocery shopping and contributing a little for food if interested, call me. Tony. Now, here's what I can say about Tony. Here's where I'm going to give you. I think he might, how do we think he's going to stop there and not ask for the slap and tickle? That's what I was going to say. Like, this is just a one way street to giving Tony a blowjob. Do you want his number? No, I do not. Thank you so much for asking. All

right. Here's another post. After more than 40 years, should a church lower their standards and start offering different levels of membership? Should a church have a top-tier membership for members who say they won't alcohol, and a lower tier membership for the members who still want to be able to drink alcohol. Okay, and this I have to say, shut the fuck up. I mean, are you serious? If you want to drink alcohol, drink alcohol. If you do or don't, everybody basing everything on what the church will think, go get a fucking life. Go live your life. Go live your life and shut the fuck up. All right. Another next door app and it says, uh, holiday greeting etiquette. That's the

subject. Holiday greeting etiquette. I just want everyone to know that it is okay to wish us happy Honda days, even though we are a Toyotathon family. You don't have to use the generic happy winter car sale greeting. I don't even know who that is in a hater. I mean, just enough. Just, you know, here's the deal. I remember when Trump was president the first go round, every December, he would just get out and go, I brought back Merry Christmas. Everybody can say Merry Christmas again.

And it's like, look, everybody says Merry Christmas. Even my friends that are Jewish go out of their way to say to people Merry Christmas. I am an atheist and I say Merry Christmas and put up two Christmas trees. You had nothing to do with it. New York City, all of these big cities that everybody say are, oh, these are liberal woke cities. Guess what happens in December? Fucking Christmas tree, happy birthday, Jesus, all over the place. Everywhere. Although I do say happy holidays.

At least I really try. You do? Because I had a bad experience in law school with it, and I've just been very conscientious. Oh, I remember this from last year. Yeah, I'm very conscientious to say happy holidays instead of Merry Christmas. You know what?

You're just woke Angela Dawn. I'm just the dawning of an angel woke, a woke angel. A Mima drag woke angel. That's exactly what you are. Okay. These G word darn woke liberals driving up the gas prices. Kroger's gas station on Hirshborn is 321 gallon. I remember when gasoline was 30 cents. Gasoline is spelled G-A-S-A-L-E-E-N. And so then somebody comments, a simple Google

search explains what controls the price of gas, and it has nothing to do with quote, woke liberals. And then the original poster posts back to that person and says, Google is liberals. And then the other person types back to the person that misspelled gasoline and says, Google is a search engine, not a person. Then somebody else chimes in Google is not an engine it is in the computer. I would know if my computer had an engine it does not take gas. Stop do you think they were being facetious? No. No! I would know if my computer had an

engine. It does not take gas. Fuck you! So... Okay. Okay. This time of year, I grab weeds while I'm walking my dog and weave them into little wreaths that I leave around the neighborhood, specifically because there is a woman on next door who is furious because she thinks they are signs of witchcraft. I encourage you to do the same. Fucking love her. Love. Profile and courage.

Love her right there. You know what I have gratitude for? Her. Her little witchcraft wreaths that she's trolling some old crazy lady. She's fucking all over it. I'll tell you this. I walk my dog and I'm not the most coordinated person, but do you think you could walk and weave like with the, with weeds?

I mean that takes some coordination I think. That's's impressed I'm impressed with her across the board. Let's tell yourself short that when a witch puts her mind to anything with a with the power and sorcery of witchcraft that's true you might be surprised at your superhuman ability to weave a witchy wreath. Maybe I could. Yeah. All right pumps joking around is our whole thing. But there's one thing that I do not joke around about.

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at shopify.com slash had it all lowercase. Go to shopify.com slash had it to upgrade your selling today. shopify.com slash had it. All right. Okay. Somebody posts assaulted at Aldi 106th and Michigan Road. An Aldi employee was stocking a shelf at the same time I was selecting a product assault cap locks occurred when a cart was brutally

rammed into my hip by a customer. A mother with two children was at fault and she commented, boys will be boys. Will that be your excuse when this child commits rape or murder? The Aldi employee was stalking the shelf, asked if I needed help. Yes, I'm a senior with osteoporosis. However, the Aldi employee disappeared. I described the assault to the manager. Unfortunately, the Aldi manager's response completely disregarded the injury I received from the assault.

Oh, God. See, that's somebody I just never want to ever, ever be around. Here's what I recommend. The lady that's making these witchcraft wreaths needs to find this lady. That Aldi. At Aldi. And she needs to make more and give them to this lady. Yeah.

Throw them in her cart, maybe put them in her purse when she's not looking. This is the answer. Witchcraft. I mean. I don't know much about it, but I'm in. I don't know much about it either, but let's go. that's a lot of information. Maybe too much for next door. Do you want his number? You want to keep this? I'm good. You're sure?

Okay. Okay. Okay. And then somebody posts, please keep us in mind this holiday season. And this is this a flyer, Kylie? It's a flyer. Okay, it's a flyer. Somebody post on next door. And there's a picture of a woman with curly hair and a straw hat. And she writes, I buy leftover gravy. I will buy brown gravy, cream gravy, sawmill gravy, country gravy, white gravy, milk gravy, sausage gravy, egg gravy,

giblet gravy, mushroom gravy. What? Contact me on Thanksgiving and Christmas Day and I will add you to my schedule. I will arrive on time with my own containers. Schedule online at up to, and she has her email address, up to $1.25 an ounce. I'm your gravy lady. I do not buy onion gravy, potato gravy, ginger gravy, lemongrass gravy, lima bean gravy, jelly gravy, or talcum gravy. What the fuck is she doing with all this gravy? I didn't even know there was that thing. Do you think this is witchcraft? It's gotta be.

It's gotta be some kind of fetish. That's just not normal. I've never heard of anything like that. Buying leftover gravy? Do you think she's a pedophile? Right, Pumps, what do you think? I think she's a witch. Here's her picture.

Do you think she's a... And she has her picture on it? Well, yes. I mean, to me, okay, let's go down your dirty thought track. You think she's like... Here's your dirty thought track. She puts her picture there. It looks a little suggestive, wouldn't you say?

We'll put this up on YouTube. Totally unnecessary. It looks a little suggestive, right? Like, look at that smile, right? So maybe this is coded language for... She likes to swallow. See, I knew I'd get you there. Yeah.

Don't take much. She doesn't do onion gravy though. She doesn't do onion semen. Okay. Next up is a post saying, I'm wondering how our last DoorDash deliver person found it appropriate or acceptable to send us an emoji that looks like this. And that's an emoji with, is that a hair sight? Oh, a salute. It's a hand salute emoji.

Now, granted I could be wrong, but does that look like a penis on that forehead or not? Garrett, our Dasher we're referring to, says it is a salute. It sure looks more like a penis than a salute to us. I just wanted to know if I'm the only one on the planet that can tell that is a penis on its forehead, AKA dickhead emoji. We found it very disturbing and requested our tip be removed.

Has anyone else experienced such rude and inappropriate conduct from their dashers, or specifically one named Garrett? My partner also noticed a strong smell of alcohol when he was in close proximity to him. And I will just put this to rest right now. Let me ask our penile expert Angela Dawn. Here is the emoji in question. Does that look like a penis or a salute? A salute? What an asshole. They took their tip back? I'll tell you what.

Yeah, took the tip back. Fucking assholes and just mean. Yeah, and if Pumps doesn't think it looks like a dick, it doesn't look like a dick. Then it doesn't. That's right. It's genuinely not a dick. No. Okay, here's a couple more.

I've heard about early voting. But what about late voting? For example, say you don't want to waste your time voting, but then you find out someone you don't like ends up winning. Maybe if you haven't voted yet, you should be able to cast a vote. Maybe just up to a few days later. What do y'all think? Well, considering our person lost, I'm all in.

I'm all in. That's like my youngest had never voted before and he texts me and he goes, I really just need to vote today. I don't have time tomorrow. And I'm like, well, it just doesn't work that way. Okay, the next one is anyone in Summers Point, New Road area, seen the 60 something year

old white guy just walking in front of cars by Groveland light with his ass hanging out, like seriously low carpenter's crack. I saw him at Dollar General with all of it hanging out. I was happy there were no kids around. Then somebody responds, we are doomed. And somebody else responds, oh my God. And somebody else responds, see something, say something, report to police. And then somebody responds, right, isn't that like public indecency? And then somebody else responds, he might have Alzheimer's or dementia.

Yeah, I just, you know, people that just get their panties in a wad about stupid shit. I mean, I've seen plenty of plumbers ass cracks in my day. It's not pleasant, but I don't somebody beat off for you like a couple years ago in a car. That's red light. Yes, I would take me a minute. I was like, what? Yes, I was sitting at a light on the way to exercise and I look over and he was making sure that I paid attention to him

Like he caught my attention on purpose and he was over doing the wax of weaning Let me ask you this out of if you were to list your top three days You've ever lived in your life. Is that what number one two or three? It's not even in the top three really Interesting interesting considering how much you've been. I have a lot more to be thankful for than that. Does you have any gratitude for that? No, I thought it was pretty funny.

You know what's interesting about that is I remember you telling me about it, just how excited you were about it. Oh, no, I was like, I mean, it was like shocking. Yeah. It definitely got my heart rate up. Let me ask you this,

is that the last time you've seen a penis? I mean, it'd have to be. Yeah, some rando in the car next to me. Some flasher. Some flasher. Some creepy ass flasher. Some two bit flasher. That's the last penis you saw.

I don't wonder you were so damn excited about it. All right. Well, happy Thanksgiving, everyone. Happy Thanksgiving. And listen to our IHIP news as we try to cover the incoming Second Reich of the Trump administration over on IHIP News. And subscribe on YouTube.

Join us on Patreon and Pumps Tellem. We will see you next Tuesday and Thursday. Listen up, patriots, gaytriots, and natriots. We have a new podcast that has dropped. It's called IHIP News. It's Monday through Friday, every day, 15 to 20 minute hot takes on the political landscape of the United States of America, always served with a side of petty grievances. We are on all the available platforms, Apple, Spotify, Google, whatever.

You can get your podcasts and YouTube. Please go rate, subscribe and review so that we will chart upwards with America's greatest legal mind. Pumps, pumps, what does an eagle say? Cacaw! A little bit more enthusiasm. Cacaw! That's it.

That's, that's, Cacaw! That's the patriotism that this country needs right there.