I've Had It - See You Never

Episode Date: December 10, 2024

We're banning small talk, catching up with an old acquaintance in public, and ANY mention of the weather.Pre-order our new book, join our Patreon Cult, and more by clicking here: https://linktr.ee/ivehaditpodcast. Thank you to our sponsors: Shopify: Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial period at https://shopify.com/hadit. Bombas: Ready to feel good and do good? Head over to https://Bombas.com/hadit and use code hadit for 20% off your first purchase. Wildgrain: For a limited time, Wildgrain is offering our listeners $30 off the first box - PLUS free Croissants in every box - when you go to https://Wildgrain.com/HADIT to start your subscription. Aura Frames: Exclusive $35-off Carver Mat at https://AuraFrames.com. Use code HADIT at checkout to save! Follow Us:  I've Had It Podcast: @Ivehaditpodcast Jennifer Welch: @mizzwelch Angie "Pumps" Sullivan: @pumpspumpspumps

So are we supposed to start the podcast? Ready? One, two, three. Patriots, gay triots, they triots. All right. Listen up, listener. We have a lot of grievances. It's time to get back to laughing. Pumps, what have you had it with? I'm going to be the asshole, but I've already had it with all the Christmas music everywhere I go all the time. It's relentless. It's the same songs on every channel. I've heard them a million times. The only Christmas songs I want to hear on repeat are the Mariah Carey one, All I Want for Christmas Is You and the George Michael, the Wham one, Last Christmas. That's it. It's a barrage. You

can't go to the grocery store, you can't go to a furniture store, you can't walk in any place of business that is not playing non-stop Christmas music. I was at the dentist yesterday and it was Christmas music the entire time. Oh, I think I might go crazy. So you're laying there captive for 45 minutes or whatever. See, I just enough. Yeah. I, I like it in doses. I agree. I completely agree with you. Yeah. A little bit goes a long, long way. I just don't think every business has to play it all the time. Yeah, it's, you know, the war on Christmas was decided a long time ago. A long time ago. And I mean, Christmas won.

A hundred percent, like going away won. It wasn't even close. It was never even close. One could argue it was a fictitious made up war by the right. No. I can't believe they would make something up. I know. All right, let me tell you what I've had it with. I've had it with people that say, I think we're getting some weather later this week. Just stop. Okay? Why are we not using descriptive adjectives any longer? Why are we just saying, yeah, it looks like we're going to get some weather? You have weather every day. Every single day there is weather. It's either good weather, bad weather, windy weather, tornadic weather, all sorts, icy

weather. At the dentist, I was there and this man walks in and the receptionist was like, do you have a good weekend? He goes, yeah. She said, did you get some weather where you went? I just thought, why are we just saying weather? When somebody says this to me again, I'm going to say, what kind of weather? To what are you specifically referring?

And don't you notice like when people age, the weather becomes this all-consuming thing? Yes, I absolutely have noticed that. And I have noticed it in myself more than I've noticed like earlier in my life. Like I will look to see what the weather is going to be like two days from now, which why do I give a shit? What am I going to do about it? See, I never look ever. Right as I'm walking out the door, I'm like, oh, I should probably check the weather. No, I, I, I have just noticed with older people, it is this all-consuming, non-stop barrage of talk about the weather.

It's non-stop. Everybody's talking about the weather. It's like there's nothing you can do about it. And it reminds me very much of this obsession with being thirsty. It's just this consuming non-stop. And now we're just leaving out descriptive adjectives. Boy, sure does look like we're in for some weather. Some weather. That doesn't tell me what we're in for. I will say this. Sometimes in a pinch when you're in an awkward

conversation or with somebody you don't really know, but maybe you're trapped with them at a table, like you're sitting there and you can't... I have been known to pull out, boy, it's gotten so cold. Can you believe it? Just because it's a universal something to make conversation with. I don't like to do it. I hate it when I have to do it, but there are some times I feel like there's just nothing else to do it. I hate it when I have to do it. But there are sometimes I feel like there's just nothing else to talk about. I'm going to be the resistance. Are you? Yeah. Just like I am with Stanley Cubs, I'm going to resist the urge to be uncreative

conversationally and start talking about the weather because you know what I would rather embrace? Silence. Embrace silence. See, I would love nothing more on the planet Earth that if I could just sit in silence because I just have a hard, hard time. Like sitting at a table where you're seated with someone you don't know, and it's just the two of you, I, it makes me too nervous not to just talk. I would love to embrace silence.

I'm sure the person I'm sitting next I would love to embrace silence. I'm sure the person I'm sitting next to would love to embrace silence. I remember on that flight I was sitting four rows back from you and I was trying to embrace silence when you're chatting up that flight attendant. Yeah. I was actually interested though in what we were talking about. You were talking about our podcast. Yeah. I just, I'm just one of those people that I will pull out the old weather conversation, which I know it's preferable to everyone around me.

If I would shut the fuck up and embrace silence, like act like I'm in an airport or on an airplane. I'm invisible. Everybody else is invisible, but it makes me really uncomfortable in those kinds of settings. At this stage in civilization, everybody has a device in their hand and with one click, you can see the day's forecast, a seven-day forecast, a 30-day forecast. You can even, with two clicks, go back and to see what the temperature was last year. You can see what direction the wind's going. You can see it all. So I don't want to talk about it because I can just look at it and then move on. And so I'm really going to resist this.

And I'm so tired of sitting through conversations about the weather. And I have had it from top to bottom with people leaving out descriptive adjectives and saying, boy, looks like we're in for some weather. Some weather. No, I completely agree. And talking about weather is the lowest hanging fruit.

All right. Welcome to I've Had It. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. Kathy is on the soundboard today. Kathy, do you have any reviews from the Internet regarding our podcast? I do. And I also want to note we're at twelve thousand eight hundred. I mean, I'm sorry to note we're at 12,800. I'm sorry 11,800. Why would you do us like that? You're the worst at numbers. You ask Kelly anything and she rounds it up by 10, 15,000. I was just about to offer effusive praise to the listener for getting us to 12,000

and then you realize you misspoke and we're 200 shy of that. And I just don't know, especially if we're sitting here talking about the weather, how on earth we're going to get 200 additional reviews. I don't know that this is possible. Probably people are going to start taking their reviews back, especially in Trump's America. I do want to give a good example really quick. Jackie left a five-star review and said, came over here just to leave this review to help you get to 12K. So everyone follows suit with Jackie. Jackie, thank you very much. She's a leader.

We love you, Jackie. That's the kind of leadership this country needs. Yeah. I like it. I've got a five-star review from Walt's wife titled Glad I Found You. And she writes, as a 40-something black female from Tennessee I'm a little wary of white women but you guys keep me laughing I walk around all day making a list of things I've had it with example I've had

it with people trying to talk to me at the nail salon I don't want to know what color you're getting your nails or where you're going on Thanksgiving break I have earbuds in shut the fuck." I cannot agree any more with that Walt's wife. There's nothing more maddening than when you go to have an hour of me time at the nail salon and then somebody wants to chat with you about the weather. Some weather. Looks like we're getting some weather. Looks like you're getting a case of you need to shut the fuck up. I mean, it's just, I could not agree more.

My goal is to try to talk to people less. I think that's a great goal. I mean, that really is a great goal. I completely agree with this. The nail salon, I remember back in the day, I went to the same lady and I knew everything about her life. And I am so happy now that our new nail place, they don't really talk to us. Like they'll talk if you want to talk, but there's no, they don't feel a burden to talk

to. They're very good at following your lead. Agree. If I sit down and I wanna chat, ask how their pets are doing, ask how their kids are doing, and we do that for about five minutes, a pleasantries, because I really like those ladies.

Then I put my earbuds in and dive into a show, and it is just, they completely pick up what the customer is putting down. And that is an art form that is dying off left and right. You have to pick up what people are putting down. If you get on a plane and the person seated next to you puts on their earphones, do not talk to them. Don't even try.

Don't look at them, don't talk to them, don't touch them. Even if the flight attendant's trying to get their attention, don't intervene. Just let it all play out. Leave the person completely alone. Yeah, no, don't intervene. Just let it all play out. Leave the person completely alone. Yeah, no, I completely agree. Especially here's what drives me crazy, and I should make this a habit. It's a great reminder. Why on God's green earth are you trying to have a conversation with me when I have ear beds in? Like, hold on, I'm listening to something. Let me pause it. And they

just keep talking. And then I'll make a point to like play it again and then they keep talking. I'm like if I wanted to talk to you I'd take my earbuds out. It'd be real obvious I was dying to engage in a conversation because I would take my earbuds out, I would put them in my pocket and then you would have my full attention instead of me going back and forth hitting play on my phone. I think that's one of the ruder things people do. Listener, this may come as a total shock to you, but Pumps and I have not always been this pulled together and rock solid. In fact, we used to be rather screwed up, wouldn't you say, Pumps? I would say damn near psychotic. Totally. And we have written a cell phone expose. One could even say it's a manifesto. And the book title is

Life is a Lazy Susan of Shit Sandwiches. In all sincerity, we share a lot of our struggles that led us to this grand stage where we can talk about petty grievances. You can click the link below in the show notes to pre-order your copy now. So get this, I'm always dying. What do I get my parents for Christmas? They have everything, everything they want, they purchased. What they want to see are me and my kids and their grandkids. They want to see them more. So I discovered this new frame, Aura, and you can order it online. You can download all of these photos and videos to the frame before it even arrives to your house. And then you give it to your parents and it's just like

this beautiful slideshow presentation of all of the people that they love. AMT – So you're telling me your parents don't have to do the loading. You can do the loading. Exactly. Wow! Because if I gave that to my parents, they would struggle trying to get the technology uploaded and it's coming under the tree for them. I know they're going to love it so much. And let's face it, just the same picture in the frame all the time, snooze fest. Listener, save on the perfect gift by visiting AuraFrames.com to get $35 off Aura's best-selling Carver Map frames

by using promo code HADDED at checkout. That's A-U-R-A frames.com promo code HADDED. This deal is exclusive to our listeners, so get yours now in time for the holidays. Terms and conditions apply. Listener, Pumps and I like to joke around and complain and just really take a lot of time on our grievances. But one thing that we are very, very serious about are our socks. We only like the nicest, coziest little marshmallow socks on the planet and those are Bombas. What is exciting about Bombas is not only do they have the long socks, but they have

fabulous no-show socks. I'm wearing them right now. Listen, Bombas is the perfect holiday gift for your work bestie, cousin, or that super picky friend because no one says no to snug, delicious-feeling new socks. And no matter what you get, your purchase creates a very real clothing donation for someone experiencing housing insecurity. During cold months, something like a new pair of socks can make a big impact. And thanks to Bombas Loyalists all over the world, they've donated over 140 million essential clothing items. I think you'll love Bombas, but even if you don't,

you're still covered with a totally free and easy return or exchange. Listener, are you ready to feel good and do good? Head over to bombas.com slash had it and use code had it for 20% off your first purchase. That's B-O-M-B-A-S dot com slash had it. Code had it at checkout. One of the things that I'm really focusing on right now,

a goal of mine, closing out the year that I want to transfer over to the next calendar year, is using friendly enough language when somebody stops by your table that you know at a restaurant or you bump into at the grocery store, but always using closing statements, not leaving open-ended statements out there. The other day we were at a Mexican restaurant and a guy came over and said, hey, I know

Josh. Listen, as you know, Josh is my husband. I was like, oh yeah, it's great to see you. Meaning I wanted it to end. Friend I was with started talking about all sorts of things that just kept it open-ended, and that's when I just thought, I have to get up and go to the bathroom. I can't, I've gotten so, it's difficult for me

to feign interest in things I'm not interested in in Trump's America. I don't have any of that in me. I'm unable to feign it. And I blame Trump for this. I was going to say, I think you were headed that way long before. I blame this on Trump because I am

incapable of feigning interest whatsoever. I don't care what your kid did. I don't care what your kid's doing. I don't even care to say, oh my God, tell him I said hi. Because what difference does that make? I haven't seen this person in 10 years or maybe I vaguely know them. I'm incapable of feigning. I'm craving just authenticity. I wish that somebody would, I wish my goal for this next calendar year. Okay, here it is.

When they say, how have you been? I just want to look at him and go, you know, all right. This Trump victory has just really kind of got me not feeling great about myself or around other people. Did you vote for him? And they say, yeah. I say, you know what, let's just go in this conversation now. No bad blood, but let's just end it. Let's just be dead. Let's end it and let's not fake and pretend like we care what each other's family members are doing because I know I don't give a shit what yours are doing. I know you don't give a shit what mine are doing.

So why are we faking this? What about if you said when somebody said, how are you? Why do you care? We haven't seen each other in 10 years. Why does it matter? See, I like that. I mean, that's just you don't even have to go into anything. How are you?

Why do you care? Why do you care? Do you think that's a personal question? Do you think that's a little invasive? Okay, I was this reminded me this comment. Remember the last couple times? I can't remember when it was, but we got our nails done. And there was a woman you and I were on one side of the salon.

There was a woman on the other side of the salon. I had my earbuds in, I watched an entire thing on my phone and that woman yacked you up the entire time and we've never talked about it. Oh, screaming across. Screaming, all the things you hate in life. Idle chit chat, screaming across the room, loud talking. And I have to say, it was such a power. Did you enjoy that?

I got so much gratification out of it. I loved it. That's true friendship. I would giggle every few minutes, cause I could tell you were trying to end it. Yeah. And it wouldn't. I was using closing language.

You were using closing terms. Closing language, closing terms, body language, everything. Yeah. And she would have none of it. No picking it up. And I mean, I would get so tickled. And listener, this is something that I want you to know is true friendship. Her enjoying my suffering. And I'm glad that she got that. That's true friendship when you can nudge at each other. And she saw me over there, you know, just she knew that I was

dying on the inside. And then at least somebody walked away with some sociopathic joy out of the situation. You know what? That makes me happy. That even though I was suffering and I hated that manicure experience more than anything on the planet, I hate it so much. I don't even remember who the person was because I had to disassociate to get through it. But I am pleasantly surprised, tickled even, that you were able to net something good out of that dog shit experience at the nail salon. And listen, this has nothing to do with the nail salon ladies because I love those ladies. Right. No, this was the customer. Yeah. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. And you know, I, uh, I don't know how to handle this other than like, maybe we could wrap ourselves

in some sort of, um, uh, costume, you know, that is prickly, like a cactus or a porcupine, you know, that is prickly, like a cactus or a porcupine, you know? And then you just like push a button and it, the quills come out, like, okay, she doesn't want to talk. Yeah. I wonder, okay, we'll have to bat that around a little bit. How do we normalize being pleasant, but in a very direct way. Like when somebody comes up and you're at the nail salon and you haven't seen this person in eight years and at some point there was some sort of affection,

shared affection at some point, maybe your kids went to preschool together, you know, you were in some club or, you know, some bullshit with them. But you haven't seen him, you haven't thought about him, you totally forgot they even existed. And they come up and they're like, oh my God, Angie, it's so great to see you. You said, you know what, I completely forgot that you even existed.

What a pleasant surprise to see you. Let's go back to exactly where it was before we saw each other. Let's give each other a big smile and let's both move on right on down the road. Let's go over all of the stuff that's going on in each other's personal lives. Let's just skip to the end of this. How do you do that? Bye, it was great to see you. Let's just skip to, bye, it was great seeing you.

So they come up to you, let's role play. They come up to you, hi, it's so good to see you. I haven't seen you in forever. Oh my gosh, it's great seeing you. Good to see you. Bye. That's perfect. See, that's still pleasant. Okay. Let's see if we could do that. Okay. How would you do it better? I feel like that maybe left a little because I said it's great to see you. Like maybe it would be better to say, okay, you do me. Oh

my gosh, Jennifer. I haven't seen you forever. How are you? Fantastic. I'm about to hop on a call, but it was lovely seeing you. I'll hopefully we'll see each other again some other time. Never. I like it. That seems smoother. I feel like that closes it out better. Don't you? Yeah, I have something to do here.

So great to see you. I've got to run. I'm on a time clock. Uh-huh. Yeah, I think that's a good one. Okay, but let's say you say that and you're at a restaurant and you don't leave the restaurant or you don't get on your phone. Do you have to fake getting on your phone?

Or you just, you okay with them thinking you're an asshole? I think you're just okay with it. I'm okay. I mean, we are assholes. No, I know. So I'm saying I'd be fine with that. But I think you could say, I'd love to chat with you,

but I'm expecting a phone call in any second. And so I can't really get into this, but I hope you have a great meal. Then you should keep your phone right on the table. And maybe you could pick it up from time to time and act like you were talking on it, take a bite of food, kind of look over at her or him. Yeah, that's a good tip.

I think it might work. I have some stories from the news that I would like to share. Okay. One is that two inmates made a quote miracle baby without ever meeting. And you might think, hmm, how did this happen? Well, two Miami-Dade prison inmates achieved the impossible deed of conceiving a child without ever meeting. Inmates Daisy Link and Joan DePauw's began conversing through neighboring AC vents in their cells and eventually started dating despite having never met or laid eyes on each other. The two were able to complete the task by putting bodily fluids in Saran wrap, which was then passed through the vents.

She's a miracle baby. She's a blessing, Link said about the Virgin Mary process of conceiving her daughter. I don't believe that. I think you think she was screwing a guard for a hundred percent think she was screwing a guard. I mean, and my knowledge is extremely limited, but I thought like when you do IVF or artificial insemination, you know, you have to keep it at a certain temperature. I mean, there's, I mean, I could see it maybe if you had an immediate turkey baster, but

putting it through the AC vent, the temperature thing, Saran wrap leaks, like I think she's fucking around and she didn't want her boyfriend to know. Well no, she's an inmate. So she's probably screwed a guard and the guard doesn't want to lose his job and lose access to her. So he's like, hey, ask such and such in the vent next door. Because how does the vent, how does that? See, there's just, I just do not buy that. I think we need DNA testing. 100% we need DNA testing.

Can they just do that? I mean, like, okay, you're an attorney. No, I think somebody has to ask for it. I mean, you'd have to have a legal reason to ask for it. Like I wouldn't have standing to call it Miami Dade and say, I need a DNA test on that. I'm not buying this airfish yet. What if I'm the warden of the jail and I'm like, this stinks to high heaven. I'm going to conduct an investigation. I want DNA on that baby, DNA on all the guards. Would you have to have some sort of court, you'd have to have some sort of court order to get somebody's DNA, right?

Yeah, I think you'd have to get some, a court order for sure. I think this could be something that you could lead up. But I think that it's a reasonable request. I think you could lead it up. I'm gonna run out to Miami-Dade County. Yeah. I'm gonna tell him.

I want to get to the, I'm going to run out to Miami-Dade County. Yeah. I'm going to tell them. I want to get to the, I'm not buying. Don't buy that for a second, not for one minute. Okay, here's another one. A church in Switzerland is using AI-powered Jesus for spiritual conversations. A small church in Switzerland has made headlines for installing an AI-powered Jesus in its confessional booth, offering visitors the chance to converse with a digital avatar of Jesus in a hundred languages. The church, known for being one of the oldest in Lucerne, made the bold decision to replace the priest

with a computer setup in the confessional. After training the AI on the theological text, visitors could ask the digital Jesus questions, receiving real-time answers generated by artificial intelligence. The experience was not intended to replace confession, but to offer a space for professional, or I'm sorry, for personal reflection and spiritual interaction. Well, you know why they replaced the priest. Right. I was going to say this almost makes sense because the priest, you have to worry about sex and all that with minors and abuse. So I think that's as good a use as any. I think this is brilliant. Yeah. I kind of like it.

If you're a church goer and you're Catholic and you have to go to confession, you might as well talk to AI Jesus instead of these creepy old priests. Right. And it's 100%. I would assume you wouldn't have to worry about... I don't know how worried Catholics are that the priest talks to other parishioners about stuff, but I would assume it happened. I'm not Catholic, but priests worry me nonstop. Yeah. Especially in a confined space one-on-one. If I'm in an airport and I see a priest or out in public and I see a priest, I immediately

think, oh God, because there's just been such a large body of evidence and statistically a very high number, a very screwed up priest. I mean, statistically, if you had dentists with that large of a percentage that were child rapists, it would be very alarming to the profession of dentistry. Be like, what's going on here? But with priests, you have it documented multiple different countries, multiple different decades. And so I think this, if you're, I'm not a churchgoer, but if you got to go, you know, confess and do all this stuff. I'm such an asshole that I would try to stump the AI Jesus. Yeah.

But I wonder if you can. I'm sure that you could be like, well, who made God? How was God created? Right. You know, I mean, you could just keep, because it probably just has all the Bible stuff in it, which is contradictory in and of itself. All right, Kylie, do you have any, what do you have for us? We have voice memos today. Excellent.

My favorite. Okay, we're going to kick it off with Meg. Kylie, Jen, mama pumps. The gloves are off. I'm going to go ahead and say it. The gloves are off. I'm going to go ahead and say it. If you voted for Trump, you're ugly. And I hope you get everything that you deserve. And you're ugly. I've had it. So this is the kind of communication I like.

It's simple. It's straight to the point. There wasn't a lot of unnecessary points that she made. You're ugly. That's just the end of it. I think the only thing I would add to that is you're ugly and nobody likes you. Yeah, nobody. Everybody hates you.

We just conducted a survey. Everybody and you're ugly. Yeah, I like it. I'm here for it. Okay, next we've got Grant. Hello, Jen Palms, I'm here for it. Okay, next we've got Grant. Hello, Jen poems, Kylie. Love you all.

As a preface to this, I've had it. Over the past couple of years, I have infiltrated a handful of neighborhood Facebook groups that I have never and will never be a part of, but I like the content they provide. Anyways, what I've had it with with all of these groups are the people that are trying to sell their homemade goods by means of Facebook marketplace or these neighborhood groups.

It might be holiday treats, homemade desserts, or like full meal plates. But number one, if I have to read the caption of your posting to figure out what the pile of substance is in the photo that you are trying to sell, that's an issue. Number two, I think these people forget that in the background of all these photos of whatever it is they're trying to sell, that you can see their kitchens and the floor is nine out of ten times. The floor is unswapped. There is garbage everywhere. The counters have not been cleaned in days and the amount of unfinished dirty dishes all over the place. Oh, I'm sorry, I have a queasy stomach

and general distrust of people and this might be the reason why. Anyways, it's heinous. I've had it. Stop trying to be Martha Stewart. The only thing you have in common is that you should also probably do a stint in jail for this behavior. Anyways, talk to you all later. Goodbye. Okay. I love that he likes the content that it provides because then it provides him this grievance. That's so relatable. So relatable.

I have been known to get on, I don't know how to access my neighborhood deal, but I've got the Neighborhood app. Like my neighborhood has their own little Facebook group. I'm not on that. But I can access like the neighbor. And sometimes I get on it and I'm just like, what in the fuck are these people doing? This is not the place for this,

but yet I can't get an app. Right. I mean, I like it. So I completely relate to that. And there's nothing grosser on planet Earth than somebody trying to sell you something or does like a super cute video. I'm so adorable. And their house is filthy in the background. Clean up your fucking mess before you post it on the internet. It's gross. It's really gross. And I just think there's a lot of riffraff and knickknacks being sold. And I don't think there's any oversight. It's just like these free markets going crazy

with all this shit. And there's no inspection. There's no standard. You don't know if the stuff that they're baking, how old were the eggs that she used for the milk? Right. Zero. Zero oversight. You don't know if this person's a serial killer putting arsenic in it. You have no idea. It's the wild, wild west out there on Facebook Marketplace. And another thing, Facebook is just unbelievable. The other day I had to get on there, somebody was like, do you remember such and such? Someone went to high school with and I was like, let me see if I can remember what they look like. And that's why I have Facebook. So I enter their name and I'm like, oh yeah. So then I was like, wonder what the hell's going on here. So I go to the feed.

It's so breathtakingly stupid. All you have to do is spend a total of 15 seconds on the Facebook feed and you immediately go, oh, this is why Trump won. Oh, now I know. I get it because I'm so far outside of that whole conspiracy, cult, crazy, QAnon shit. It is the reality that all of these people live in on Facebook when they sell all this shit and don't clean their kitchens. Yeah, it's just go hand in hand. Yep. Yeah, I mean the conspiracies and all that on Facebook. I'm not on Facebook for that very reason, but I do agree. Facebook Marketplace, fucking sucks.

Pumps, when you think about these businesses that are amazing and have built this just massive brand like Skims, and then you think they use the exact same services that we use. And listener, that service is Shopify. It doesn't matter how big your business is or how small your business is, you use Shopify. What is overwhelming about shipping and selling on the internet is the packaging. How are you going to get the orders? Who's going to take them to get shipped? All of those things, all the problems, solved with Shopify. Listener, nobody does selling better than Shopify, home of the number one checkout on the planet. The not-so-secret secret was ShopPay that boosts conversions up to 50%, meaning

way less carts going abandoned and way more sales going on. So, if you're growing your business, your commerce platform better be ready to sell wherever your customers are scrolling or strolling on the web. In your store, in their feed, and everywhere in between. Businesses that sell more, sell on Shopify. Listener, upgrade your business and get the same checkout as Skims. Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at shopify.com slash had it all lowercase. Go to shopify.com slash had it to upgrade your selling today. shopify.com slash had it.

This episode of I've Had It is brought to you by Wild Grain Pumps. I absolutely love my wild grain boxes. I specifically like the Hawaiian rolls that I order. I can make a quick little slider. They are so delicious. Oh my gosh, their pastries and pastas are delicious. Listener, Wild Grain is the first bake from frozen subscription box for artisanal breads, pastries and pastas. Wild Grain's boxes are fully customizable to your tastes and dietary restrictions. In Grain's boxes are fully customizable to your tastes and dietary restrictions. In addition to their classic variety box, they recently launched a new gluten-free box and a plant-based box that is 100% vegan. Are you ready to bring

all of your favorite carbs right to your doorstep? Be sure to check out Wild Grain so you can begin building your own box of artisanal breads, pastas, and pastries. For a limited time, Wild Grain is offering our listeners $30 off the first box, plus free croissants in every box when you go to wildgrain.com slash had it to start your subscription. You heard me, free croissants in every box and $30 off your first box when you go to wildgreen.com slash had it. That's wildgreen.com slash had it or you can use promo code had it at checkout. Okay, next we've got someone coming for you, pumps. This is Matt D. This is Matt D. Hi Blessica, hi Pumps. I have had it with Pumps saying, explaining something and then saying, but that's here

nor there. It's neither here nor there. You're saying it's here, which makes nor there not make sense. Just a little grammatical fix. My grandparents instilled grammar and spelling in me, so it drives me nuts every time. But I always agree and love everything you're talking about. But that's here nor there. That's a great tip. That's a great tip. I will take that correction. Neither here nor there.

It's neither here nor there. Neither here nor there. Okay. I will say something else you do. What? And when we do our other podcasts, this word comes up a lot. What? And it's like some mental tick that you have. Oh, God. Instead of saying advocate, A-D-V-O-C-A-T-E, every single time it comes up, you say abdicate. Abdicate. Am I saying it now? Abdicate. Abdicate? Advocate. Advocate.

Yeah, you always say abdicate. Abdicate, like D where the V is? Yeah, like you use the word abdicate for advocate. Just want to bring it to your attention. Okay, these are good tips. I did not know that. Have you noticed that, Kylie? I have actually.

Yeah. Well, why didn't someone tell me before now? I've tried to tell you, but you snapped back at me and you were really mean and abusive. And so I didn't want to go down that road with you. Well, you're a fucking cunt. We don't do that. Yeah, we're all scared of you. That wasn't even why.

Listen, we're all scared of her. You wouldn't believe how abusive she is to me. I am definitely the abusive. I'm definitely the abusive. I cracked the web. She's able to just sit down and put on this like southern charm thing. But the minute we wrap filming here, you would not believe the terror that she's going to put everybody through. I mean, just through the ringer.

She'll say, it's neither here nor there. Abdicate. Fuck off. Okay, up next we've got Rome hi Jen pumps Kylie greetings from New York as someone who takes the subway every day I have had it with bad subway etiquette like the pastor preacher who makes a sermon in the subway car like dude I'm gay I already know I'm going to hell. Do you have to remind me at 7.30 in the morning? I've also had it with people carrying these big ass speakers, turning them on and quote unquote dancing.

First of all, your moves suck, your music is horrible, your sweat is flinging all around everyone. In fact, I would rather pay you 20 bucks to not turn that speaker on. And lastly, my personal favorite, I have had it with people who clip their fucking toenails in the subway. No. Gross. Like lady, go do that at home.

You are nasty. I have to say that's a very good little punch list. That is. Perfect. The things that society can work on to improve. I appreciate the specificity in each and every grievance and the care that he took to articulate these massive social violations, starting with that preacher. I'm so tired. I mean, sick to death, people feeling like that, talk about religion all the time.

It drives me fucking bananas. And as somebody from the Bible Belt, when I finally get the fuck out of here and go to a big city, if I was on the subway and somebody started Bible thumping, I just think I would be like, shut the fuck up. For fuck's sake, everybody knows that the book exists. We know what the consequences are. It's a foregone conclusion at this point in everybody's life.

Either you're for it or you're against it. Move on down the road. Shut the fuck up. Quit talking about it. I've had it. I completely agree. I just hate any kind of captive audience where you're captured on a plane in a subway in a car with somebody, but that you have more control over. And you're sitting there and somebody, you can't get away.

That's the grandstanders. You cannot get away. You're trapped and you have to listen to this. You think that toenail clipper is attention seeking? Fuck yes. I do too. I don't think anybody thinks that's a good idea. I don't think she was trying to be efficient. No. I don't think she said, I'm running light so I'll clip my toenails on the subway. I think that's an attention seeker. I think all three of those examples are attention seeking. Kylie, do we have a last one? We do. We're going to end it with friend of the pod, Robbie Ken James.

Hi, Pumps. Hey, Jessica. It's your official Australian correspondent here, Robbie Ken James. Unfortunately, you're part of the reason I've had it today. I've fucking had it with Americans insisting on using the imperial system for measurement. I cannot begin to explain how annoying it is when I find a recipe online,

looks great, and then it's written in ounces and pounds and I have to try and fucking convert it. The entire imperial system makes no sense. No sense at all. There's only three countries in the world that still insist on beating this dead horse. Be better, America. In Australia, the only thing we are using the imperial measurement system for is to measure each other's dicks.

So come at me with your nine inches or go home. I mean, here's the thing, Robby Ken James from Australia. I completely agree with you on all of this because when I travel abroad, I'm lost when people start talking about, you know, kilometers per hour. I don't know. I have no idea what that means. We are not. We're basically, it's kind of a sift through. You're taught very quickly how to do it one time and one time only.

America is very ethnocentric. The majority of Americans, if you show them a map of the United States of America and say, where is Florida, the majority would not be able to tell you. The majority of the people don't know who the vice president is. So to think that somehow this below average population that just elected Donald Trump is going to be able to tackle and convert an entire country of 330 million people to the metric system is such a big swing because we are so over our skis over here. We are literally on the precipice of fascism right now. And I appreciate the vote of confidence.

I appreciate that you would even take the time to have a grievance towards us because we're not even worthy of a grievance right now. But I agree, the metric system is better. A lot of stuff everybody else does makes a lot more sense than what we do. But the United States is the most ethnocentric country in the world. And I don't see that ever changing. No, I don't either.

I think it's elitism. We think we're so much better than everybody, and we're the only ones that have this problem, or two other countries. I don't know who they are besides us. But I agree. And it's always been rumored that we were switching to the metric system.

I heard that when I was in grade school. Haven't ever done it. I'm with you. I don't think we'll ever be able to do it. I mean, we've got so many bigger issues. We don't even have healthcare. No. I mean, you know, like there's the, in the United States, the phrase medical bankruptcy is a real thing. Absolutely. The most, one of the most religious first world countries and the richest first world countries. And people can go bankrupt and die because they get cancer. And that's how our citizens are treated. So nobody really here gives a shit if people know how to convert.

But my brain, I learned inches, pounds, all of that. So it's very difficult for me, especially as a designer, I can walk into a room and kind of scale it in feet and inches in my brain. And then when I do work with a European company or a South American company, they'll start talking about the metric system like, I'm sorry. I don't know. I can't do this.

Yeah, I think it's a lag behind situation. Plus, we're one of the only countries that, like, I feel like everywhere else you go they can speak at least get along in other languages and Most people in America only speak English so It's Trump's America. It's Trump's America. So yeah, that's what I the moving forward

Patriots, I just want to tell you that So moving forward, patriots, I just want to tell you that when he won before, it was the resistance. Now Pumps and I are starting the rebellion. So that's number one. We're the rebels. Number two, everything that happens bad in your life from this point moving forward, everything you were to say out loud, no matter who's around, thanks a lot, Trump. Thanks so much, Donald Trump. Or that's what happens in Trump's America.

Like if you walk up to a hostess stand and you say, I have a reservation at seven, but I'm five minutes late. Sorry, it's still going to be about 30 minutes for your table. I guess this is what happens when the country votes for Trump. And I want you to look at the hostess like it's her fault personally. And we just need to start. They've acted crazy for nine years now running around in those hats, acting like nuts, nonstop, taking a shit in the Capitol, all that stuff. We have to match that crazy. We have to match that intensity. And so it's just everything that goes wrong. You're playing tennis, you lose a match, you hit a ball out. Thanks a lot, Trump. Yeah.

Somebody rear-end you. Well, I guess this is what happens in Trump's America. You just run into the back of each other's cars. Yeah. There's just no decency anymore. Nobody's looking at the road ever more ever since that guy won. You voted for him, didn't you? You have a Stanley Cup in that car, I knew it.

All right. That's all we have for today. Pumps tell them we will see you next Tuesday and Thursday. Listen up, patriots, gay triads and natriads. We have a new podcast that has dropped. It's called IHIP News. It's Monday through Friday, every day, 15 to 20 minute hot takes on the political landscape of the United States of America, always served with a side of petty grievances. We are on all the available platforms, Apple, Spotify, Google, whatever,

you get your podcasts and YouTube. Please go rate, subscribe and review so that we will chart upwards with America's greatest legal mind, pumps. Pumps, what does an eagle say? Cacaw! A little bit more enthusiasm. Cacaw!

That's it, that's, that's, Cacaw! That's the patriotism that this country needs right there.