I've Had It - The Breakup List

Episode Date: January 23, 2025

We rank our biggest red flags for doomed couples and play some listener grievances. Pre-order our new book, join our Patreon Cult, and more by clicking here: https://linktr.ee/ivehaditpodcast. Thank you to our sponsors: RoBody: Go to https://RO.CO/HADIT to see if you qualify. Shopify: “Established in 2025” has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it? Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial period at https://SHOPIFY.COM/hadit. Chewy: Right now you can save $20 on your first order and get free shipping by going to Chewy.com/hadit. Homes.com: When it comes to finding a home - not just a house - we have everything you need to know, all in one place. https://homes.com. We’ve done your home work. Follow Us: I've Had It Podcast: @Ivehaditpodcast Jennifer Welch: @mizzwelch Angie "Pumps" Sullivan: @pumpspumpspumps

So we're supposed to start the podcast. Ready? One, two, three. Patriots, Gatriots, Thetriots. Do another one. See, that's what I'm talking about. That's 2025 right there. 2025 energy. Pumps, what have you had it with? Okay, what I've had it with, and it's already fucking started and I know I bitch about this constantly and I'm like a broken record, but we're already forcing Valentine's Day down people's neck. I mean, we just got done with Christmas and the first of the year. Now it's just that Valentine's candy and plan your Galentine's day and all that. It's like, can we breathe? Can we just breathe for one second without capitalism just constantly preying upon us to buy shit we don't need. Okay.

A couple of things. Number one, I do like the candy, so I don't have a problem with that. Little sweethearts, not the ones that are chalky, but like the sweetheart brand ones. My mouth, it's like Pavlov's dog, it's kind of watering right now thinking about them. But I agree with you. Here's my problem with Valentine's Day. I've had it with Valentine's Day. I agree. I think it is the most overrated, stupid holiday. To think about all of the people that go out and you're just trying to get this just because

somebody made this day completely commercial. But I want to get back to something you said, gallantine. Yeah, lots of gallantines out there. But I'm single. So that's- Are people reaching out to you to do gallantine? No, fuck no. My friends know that. I mean, we're past that. But I just see it on my feet all the time. Like start planning for gallantines day. What are you going to get your gallantine? So a gallantine is where you get your girlfriend, non-lesbian, non- Romantic. Scissoring.

Non-scissoring. OK. Girl platonic. So we could be galentines. Yes, we could have galentines. We could make dinner reservations. I could send you flowers from your galentine. If you ever. I would hate you. I swear.

We cannot have that friendship. No, I cannot have that friendship. I cannot have any part of any sort of Galentine. Furthermore, I think if as a couple, you put this huge, huge, huge, huge, huge emphasis on something like Valentine's Day or an anniversary, There is a performative nature to that. There is the day in, day out that is so much more important, that means so much more, that's so much more stabilizing for a relationship. I think like the overdoing of anniversaries and the overdoing of Valentine's Day to me is a red flag, that that relationship's gonna end. Here's how I rank it.

I think that the biggest red flag in a marriage, I mean, the biggest barnan is a vow renewal. I think that's number one. I know immediately within five years you're gonna be divorced. It's not even close. Bad shit has happened. I love this list. Okay. You're trying to overcompensate,

do a do-over. Totally. Rearrange the deck chairs on the Titanic. Right. And I've done it. I mean, not the renewal, but the deck chair. All right. Let's get on to number two. Two is a big, huge production at Valentine's Day. Wait, wait, wait. Is the Valentine production or a tattoo number two? Oh, you know, I haven't thought about a tattoo. Kylie, start writing all this stuff down. Number one, Val Renewal. Number two, is it... Like the name or like the ring? Like your anniversary date or some reference to one another.

Some reference that you're tattooing your relationship with this other person on your body. I think that goes as number two over the Valentine's Day. The tattoo. See, it's hard for me to judge that because I'm so out of the tattoo sphere. Like I have commitment issues to begin with, so there's no fucking way I could commit to a tattoo forever. Okay, I knew this girl once. I still know her and she's divorced, but the guy that she was married to whom she had a

child with, she tattooed his name right above the triangle of her Vagene hair. Okay, that's a red flag. That has got to be a red flag. Would you say that that's number two or number three? The tattoos. I'm putting tattoos at number two or number three? The tattoos. I'm putting tattoos at number two. If we put like, you're putting it like on your ass, like Josh's ass only, something like that.

Like that's a huge number two. Let me just say this, narrow it for me. If I walked in here tomorrow and I put JTW, Josh's initials, if I had them tattooed on my body, what would you think? I think that that ship's sinking. I read it. Because I would just be like, why now? What's happening now? Okay, let me ask you this.

So Valentine's Day is coming up and I say, oh, I'm really going to get Josh a really good gift and I've made reservations for Valentine's this year. Which one do you consider more dire, the tattoo with Josh's initials or the or the all chips in on Valentine's Day? Well, now you've backed me into a corner. Answer it. Of course it would be the tattoo. OK, strolled in here with the new Josh Welch tattoo somewhere on your body. I would like to our list. Something is wrong. Let's get to our list. Something is wrong.

Let's get to our list. Number one. Number one is the Val renewal. Number two, tattoos. Tattoos. Number three. Situationally. Number three.

A big, huge reduction at Valentine's. Now, I'm not talking about a nice gift. I think everybody should get a nice gift. But I'm talking about we're planning a trip for Valentine's Day. We're going on a trip, a know, we're planning a trip for Valentine's Day. We're going on a, you know, a trip, a party, an overproduction at dinner. Those things tell me, oh, okay,

something to go up higher on the list, maybe even higher than the Valentine's Day production, the communicating on the internet, like a post. Like if I open up my phone on February 14th and there is a three paragraph owed to Josh Welch and how wonderful he is and how much you love him, I immediately know something's up. I immediately know.

I agree. I think that is right up there splitting hairs with Val Renewal. See, I'm just gonna always give the Val Renewal the edge because I just- Val Renewal the edge because I just- Val Renewal gets the edge. It's got to. Number two would be the over effusive, I love my man, I love my woman, Valentine's Day post

that you post for everybody to see. Number three tattoo, number four over celebrating of Valentine's day slash anniversary. Like, let's say this, let's say it's your sixth year anniversary. Number one, that's not that big of an accomplishment. Number two, six isn't that great of a number. You know what I mean? Like if you get to 20, for sure. Yeah. That's a big deal.

25? Sure. I'm down. Eight? Shut the fuck up. Yeah. Nobody wants to hear that. Nobody cares. All right. Let me tell you what I've had it with. What? Christian talk. Like a TikTok for Christians? There's this whole algorithm with all these stupid white evangelical Christians that do all this stupid shit on the internet. And people know how much it irritates me. And I'm talking about Kylie and I'm talking about our other producer, Seth. They know how much this shit irritates me. I'm also talking about all the cult members in

Patreon. They send me this shit, they DM it to me and I take the bait and I open it. it. They DM it to me and I take the bait and I open it. And then when I go to my page that, not like the people I follow, but the curated little page that Instagram does for you, yes, with the little magnifying glass, I like for it to have travel, French Bulldogs, interior design, and tennis. That's it. I start seeing this peeping in of evangelical mega church bullshit Christianity on there and I have had it for fuck's sake. If you believe in all that shit swing for the fences, I don't give a shit. I don't want to see it. Quit trying to recruit people, quit trying to convert people.

I've absolutely had it up to my eyeballs with evangelical Christianity. It is a cancer and it drives me bananas Yeah, that has been a problem for you for a long time that the algorithm being screwed up Because we might talk about it and then your phone picks it up and then it's everywhere But I have to say you know what my biggest problem with all that when I see that is I think it's satire like it I mean, I'm just like this isn't real. Nobody would do this and put it on the internet. Oh, they do. And then you tell me it's real. And I'm just like, what in the literal fuck is happening? I'm just

blown away by it. Well, I read an article that churches are having a very difficult time keeping the doors open because business is not booming. It is decreasing. The largest growing religious group in the United States are the nuns, like no religion at all. And so you have all of these huge, you know, mega churches and a part of their business model is a total racket. It's a total pyramid

scheme is to recruit other people. And they feel like that is a part of their mission that they've got to recruit other people, not be a good person. Just recruit other people. And when I see these young kids that should be out, being, you know, 20 years old, 18 years old, you should be having sex. You should be smoking some weed. 80% of your life you should do the right thing, but that 20% of those bad choices you make, make those. That's a part of growth. That's a part of learning. That's a part of self-discovery. The fact that these morons get on the internet and talk about saving themselves and saving their virginity. It's such a disservice to every single human being on this earth.

And I just cannot stand that content. I can't stand that culture. I hate megachurch culture. Evangelical Christianity is a cult. It drives me fucking bananas. The architecture, I just want to remind everybody, is some of the worst this country has to offer. The pastors are so fake and so gross. I'm looking at you, Craig Groeschel of Life.Church. It is disgusting. And I think it's such a grift and I think it ruins so many people.

And then on the other side of it, they have to go to all of this therapy to get deprogrammed and I've just had it up to my eyeballs with the evangelical Christian movement. I cannot disagree with anything you just said. The only thing that I take slight issue with is it is galling to me that these churches that have been grifting and bilking people for years and years and years who by all accounts when you look at net worth of Mormons Catholics Southern about you know, whatever you want to look at if it's disclosed it is an astronomical amount of money So for them to be bitching about not getting new money Why don't you spend some of the money you've been collecting for the last 50 years?

I mean it just it goes all through with your tax-exempt status. It is such a racket, and I am so grateful that people are finally waking up to what a racket evangelical Christianity is. It is a pyramid scheme. It is a grift of the highest of high orders, and the people that subscribe to this faith think that they have Christian exceptionalism, that God favors them over other people. They tend to be homophobic, racist, pieces of shit Trumpers and I've had it up to my eyeballs. And let me tell you something, listener, I'm

going to keep bringing that energy in 2025 and Trump's America. That brings me to, well, first of all, welcome to I've had it. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. We received something in the mail. First of all, welcome to I've Had It. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. We received something in the mail. First of all, I just want to say we receive a lot of stuff in the mail. A lot of you take the time to send us cards and gifts, and I just want all of you to know that we receive them, and we love them, and we have them in the studio.

And it means so much because as we speak into these microphones, sometimes we think, hello? Hello, is this thing on? Is anybody there? Are you listening? And to know that you took time out of your day to send us something special means the world. But we receive something that I think is incredibly important with a letter that I'm going to read for everybody now. It says, hello, Jennifer Pumps and Kylie. I've been a diehard listener of I've Had It and IHIP News for a long time now. I love the podcast. I'm like a rat on crack that can't get enough of your fuck you raining and raving over all grievances, petty massive and everything in between.

I especially enjoy Jennifer's absolute rage rants against all Republican titty babies. Nothing brings me more joy than when you call out Trump, President Musk, Moses Mike, and the entire clown car of right-wing assholes and ass kissers. You have a true gift for articulating so well the deep corruption and jet stream of bullshit spewed by the right. I listen with complete rapt attention every time you speak. It just blows my mind that half of the electorate voted for a dumb as fuck pathological liar, rapist, convicted felon, insurrectionist with a teeny weeny diseased brain and bad hair and makeup.

Your podcast will definitely help me get through the next four years of the fucking crazy shit show coming our way. Like pumps, I am a 50 something single chick that has not had sex in well over 9,000 days. Oh, wow. So I have a... I knew I liked her. Only difference is that I never married or had kids, so my life is completely unfettered. I have my freedom, autonomy, and independence.

And Pumps, I know that you now embrace that too. You're an inspiration to the tribe of mature single ladies with cobwebs between their meat curtains. Thanks for representing us and keeping up the good work. I'm an amateur artist and was inspired to create this painting for you that depicts my interpretation of the blue winged hawk. That's our bird. We have a mascot!

The blue winged hawk. I think that my version of this majestic creature captures the true essence of the patriots, gaitreots, and datreots that make up the IHIP realm. I hope you like it. I had so much fun painting it. Keep on fighting the good fight. I will be here listening, ranting, raving, laughing, and crying with you every day. Thank you.

Kaka, kaka, kaka, kaka, kaka. Alyssa. Love that. What a great letter. Kaka, kaka, kaka, kaka, kaka. Alyssa. Love that. What a great letter. For our YouTube viewers, you can see now the Blue Winged Hawk. This is our bird.

Let me see. Look at how well he goes with the set. I absolutely love that. And it's perfect with the set. Look at the majestic wings. And so listener, you will have to check it out. It's a beautiful majestic from Alyssa. And there's just one part of this letter I just want to read one more time.

Like pumps, I'm a mid 50 something single chick. I just impressed that she didn't think I was 50. That's what she took. I just impressed that she didn't think I was 50. That's what she took. That's my takeaway. Okay, Kylie, what's going on on the internet? I've got some reviews for you guys today. Excellent. I also just want to know every time you list

your biggest red flags in a relationship, I just looked down and check, check, check, check. You have all of them? Well, I haven't been around long enough to do Val Renewal yet. But don't you think there's a lot of gay exceptions in there? The Val Renewal, there's no exception to that. I haven't stopped. Let me ask you this. Do you think lesbians have, because of the double estrogen, do you

think there's more of a propensity to do all of those things? Yeah. Yeah, there's no man that, yeah, I just think it's more inherent for women to want to do bigger romantic. Let me tell you this. You would think that, but Josh tattooed my middle name on his arm. I have zero tattoos and I would never, I love Josh. He's the father of my two children.

I would never fucking tattoo anything to do with him on my body. I have matching anniversary date tattoos with Anna. I also have, we have each other's initials. We've also given each other tattoos. What's gonna happen if you break up? Like what do you do with the tattoo then? You're stuck with it. It goes into your next relationship.

Like you've got a problem now that you create. It's totally self-created problem. I've had a coverup done before from a past relationship. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. So you're a serial. You have a tattoo from your first relationship. You're like straight out of central casting to prove our point.

Yeah, it was an initial and I got it changed into something else. So are you the initiator? Are you the initiator of all this shit? No, it's usually mutual. Look at that face with that dip bull pointing out. I think it's her. I think it's you.

I think it's you. Listener, this may come as a total shock to you, but Pumps and I have not always been this pulled together and rock solid. In fact, we used to be rather screwed up when you say Pumps and I have not always been this pulled together and rock solid. In fact, we used to be rather screwed up, wouldn't you say, Pumps? I would say damn near psychotic. Totally. And we have written a cell phone expose. One could even say it's a manifesto. And the book title is Life is a Lazy Susan of Shit Sandwiches. In all sincerity, we share a lot of our struggles that led us to this grand stage where we can talk about petty grievances. You can click the link

below in the show notes to pre-order your copy now. Homes.com knows that when it comes to home shopping, it's never just about the house or condo. It's about the home. And what makes a home is more than just the house or property. It's the location and neighborhood. If you have kids, it's also schools, nearby parks, and transportation options. That's why Homes.com goes above and beyond to bring home shoppers the in-depth information they need to find the right home. And when I say in-depth, I'm talking deep. Each listing features comprehensive information about the neighborhood complete with a video guide. They also have details about schools with test scores,

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Hostage Well, and yeah, your dog is totally a drama queen. Hostage Yes. Hostage All right. And I also like Chewy's auto ship feature. And what I like about this so much is we're so busy filming these podcasts for you guys all the time. I have this auto ship thing, and I'm thinking, God, I'm running out of dog food. I'm running out of the toys. I'm running out of the chewies. And next thing I know, I pull up from the studio and there's my big Chewy box on the front porch and my dogs think, God, I have the best mother ever. Chewy has everything you need to keep your pet happy and healthy. And right now you can save $20 on your first order and get free shipping by going to Chewy.com

slash had it. That's Chewy.com slash had it to save $20 on your first order with free shipping. Chewy.com slash had it. Minimum purchase required, new customers only, terms and conditions apply. Please see site for details. Okay. I've got a couple of reviews for you. This one is titled, I

love to complain five stars from Maureen. Jessica, meet curtains and Kathy are the best part of my morning commute. I start almost every day pumping my veins with miserable petty complaints and I believe it fuels me. I myself am always annoyed in public and think most people are stupid and inconsiderate. These oldies make me feel less alone. I'm only 25. So when I'm ancient like the hosts, I know for a fact I will be just as miserable looking forward to it. You know, she lumped you into old. She did. And I mean, from a 25 year old's perspective, we are ancient. But I am always so surprised at how young a lot of our listeners are. I am too. And it always makes me like kind of feel really good inside. Like a real like that

makes me happy. Do you feel cool? Does it make you feel a little cool? You know what, maybe do you feel a little bit cool? Like a 25 year old out there thinks that what I have to say is funny because the feedback I get from the 20 somethings at my house is you're the dumbest fucking person on the planet and such a bore. So it's nice to have that. Right. Okay. Okay. Do you guys want to do some voice memos today?

Yes. My favorite. Okay. Up first, we've got Corey. Hello ladies. This is your favorite homosexual that lives in Oklahoma and flew to Seattle to see you guys. I know exactly.

And here's my latest grievance. I have had it with the phrase they say. Let me give you an example. They say we're going to get bad weather. Who the fuck is they? Are you talking about your neighbor telling you that we're getting bad weather? Or are you talking about your neighbor telling you that we're getting bad weather or are you talking about the meteorologist? They say we should get eight hours of sleep

Who the fuck is they is this your friend is this a doctor is this a health expert who the fuck is they? Please be specific on who you're talking about at any point during the day I always whether it's a cashier or a friend or family member, someone always says, they said, shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. I need to know who is telling you this bullshit of lies. That is a great one. I don't remember us talking about that, but that is so true.

It's like, you know, the Donald Trump thing. Well, everybody says. name me five people. Who is they? I have an idea. Great question. What? We should be they. We're the they. We should be they. So listener, when you go out, you can say, they say that having a tattoo on your arm of your husband, you're going to get divorced. Right. Who is they? Everybody knows except for you. Everybody knows. It's just you that doesn't know. I think we should be they. I like that. I think that's great grievance. He's so right. And I do remember you. I do too. We flew out to do our show in Seattle and he was flying out to see our show in Seattle and he was on both flights. And that was so sweet of him to travel with. But he's 100% correct and where they abuse is peak is Facebook.

Right, I mean any social media but particularly on Facebook. Which now they're removing fact checking from Facebook so people are just going to get dumber and more conspiracy prone than ever before. I would also just like to say I've had it with Zuckerberg. Talk about performative coupling. Do you remember recently or within the last six months or a year, you know, it's hard to tell, that Mark Zuckerberg in his backyard had like a big statue made of his wife and there's a picture of her in front of it. And I just thought somebody's fucking around there.

Fortunately, I did not see that. Yeah, it was weird. Big. These oligarchs, these tech bros are fucking weird. They're weirdos that suck off all of us to become billionaires. They want zero accountability. They don't pay their workers well. They're consolidating too much power and a padded. Okay, up next we've got Angelina. Hello, Blessica and pumps the matron state of the meat curtains. I'm calling in today with both of a had it and also someone who I would like to just honor in the permanent record. I was at the airport the site of many of our shared grievances a couple days ago, it was not even five in the morning yet. We're talking maybe 445, 450. We're in the TSA pre-check line. Let me clarify,

pre-check, where the government is supposed to have background check these people and make sure they're not psychos. Apparently they didn't do a good enough job because this woman in front of me in the TSA pre-check line had her driver's license, her ID and a little wallet of sorts with a clear a clear side so you can see the ID is holding the wallet in her mouth in between her teeth with part of the wallet sitting like in her tongue, proceeds to get up to the TSA agent who then asked to see an ID takes the wallet out of her mouth, grabs it by the dry side and hands him the wet side as if he's going to grab her wet wallet with her spit, her saliva on it and use that to look at her ID that's inside the clear case. And I'm just sitting there thinking how disgusting. Well, then the TSA agent looks at her and goes that's nasty

and you could tell this woman had never had someone say no to her in her entire life because she was just kind of like, what did you say? And he goes that's nasty take it out and the woman was so taking it back. It was amazing. So I would like to please find that TSA agent, please give him the Presidential Medal of Freedom, Medal of Valor, whatever

he deserves as a commendation because that is just fine work. The government failed by letting her pass the background check for pre-check, but he made it up. Thank you very much to him. That's a great story. I cannot believe that. The white entitlement, it's so gross. It's so gross the way people get treated that have to work in conditions like the airport. Yeah. Well, and also, I think anything in the morning is just, I mean, like I'm a morning person,

but I just, I've noticed being on airplanes and in airports, in lines at airports early, early in the morning, I just feel like there's just a kind of a little bit of a stronger odor than you would normally smell. So I immediately am picturing like the morning breath on that wallet. It's fucking gross. I love the guy said that. That's nasty. It's gross.

All right, Kylie, who's next? Okay, up next we've got Jacob. Good morning to the cast and crew of the I've Had It podcast. This is Jacob reporting to you live from Fresno, California. And I'm here to share with you that as an ex-Christian and as one of the girls,

I am tired of Jesus jams so early in the morning. And what I mean by that is we all know the song Oceans, we've all heard it even if we don't know what it is, and I'm tired of waking up tired knowing that I have to go to work and push through another day of being nice to people. And my one escape is TikTok, and I have to watch your inspirational quote or your inspirational video with the song oceans underneath it. Not everything needs to be a Jesus jam. Or for example, when I'm going out in the morning to get my mail because my wicked Barbie has arrived, I don't want to hear you blasting music, Jesus jams while

you're walking. Put your headphones in. I haven't even had my coffee yet. Anyways, I've had it with that. Love you all. Bye. We get a lot of businesses that have the Christian rock playing 24-7. I do not go to those stores. If I go to a store and they are forcing Christianity via their audiovisual system on their customers, I tuck and roll out. I do not make a purchase there.

I will not shop there. I will have nothing to do with it. This is unique to evangelicals. There are normal Episcopalians. There are Catholics. There are Methodists that do not have this weird, codependent, toxic desire to recruit everybody non-stop. It is a very narcissistic religion where the people that are in it think that God loves them and favors them more than everybody else on the planet. And I will not frequent a business that plays Bible thumper music. I'm out. You're not getting my money. No. Okay. I want to dive into another thing. I completely agree with them. Who is walking through the neighborhood without their headphones, playing their music. That's fucking weird. Don't you think?

I mean, honestly, out of all the shit that I hear that people do, that doesn't alarm me that much because we've talked about people, uh, listening to shit on their speaker, all this stuff. Some of that to me is just par for the course in Trump's America, but it takes a lot to shock me these days. You're shockproof. This episode is sponsored by Roe.

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discover Shopify. No matter how big or small your idea is, Shopify makes it a reality. Shopify is the best friend of a business, big or small. We have had such good luck with the podcast, with the shipping and selling of merch. It has been a hand-in-glove operation. Listener, the best time to start your new business is right now. Shopify makes it simple to create hand-in-glove operation. You know, pumps, the best relationships are the ones where we feel totally comfortable, where we are completely ourselves. But as a single person, how do you find that? Because typically when you first start dating somebody, everybody's kind of like putting the best version of themselves forward, and we all know

that's not sustainable. So how are you navigating the dating world? You know, the reason I don't like dating is because it seems aimless. But the thing that has helped me is eHarmony because they have a compatibility quiz. So it's not just looks and fake personalities, it's an actual who do I feel comfortable with, who can I be me with, and who are they really?

Listener, we'd love for you to give eHarmony a shot. Get started with their compatibility quiz for free so you can find someone you can be yourself with. eHarmony, get who gets you and go out on a date. Download the eHarmony app today. Get who gets you on eHarmony. Okay, next we've got Cutter. Hello, Jennifer and Pumps. My name is Cutter, like the scissors. I have had it with people bringing in their 98 year old parents into restaurants. They don't need to leave bed. They're too old.

You know that. They come in, I'm like ready to take everyone's order. They're like, Dad, have you looked at that menu yet? Dad, do you know what you're getting? He's not even conscious. He literally can't answer. He's not conscious. I'm like, okay, well, while you figure out how to speak with the dead, I'm going to go

check on my other tables, be right back. Like, what are we doing? Then finally they get him to respond and he's like, gumbo! And I'm like, would you like a cup or a bowl, sir? Is he talking to me? I'm giving you a cup. Like, fuck you. I'm not doing this. I'm not doing any of this. Good luck. I hope he likes it. Bye-bye. Anyway, I've had it. I hope he likes it. Bye-bye. Anyway, I've had it. That's another thankless job that has to deal with the gender public, is a white person. Oh. I mean, this is the worst we've been it. It's the worst. But this is interesting that Ketter brings this up right now because I just got back from a trip and I'm in the

airport and I see these 700-year-old people that have 27 hearing aids, 45 walkers attached to a wheelchair. I'm guessing like old as fuck. And I just turned to my kids and said, guys, when I am in that state, don't take me anywhere. Don't take me to the airport. Don't take me to a restaurant. Just leave me at home. There's nowhere I want to go in that state of affairs. So that's funny that it happened. We got that voicemail today. Yeah, you know, I mean, people are living longer and longer and it's, you know, we get to where, you know, everybody's been the asshole toddler. Right.

And some that we don't really talk about a lot. There's asshole old people. And oftentimes they're rude, not nice. And they've had it. And they've earned the right to be cranky. I get it. But you know, it's kind of like for me personally, I don't really want to be around people at the beginning of their lives or at the end. Right. There's a sweet spot. I guess I'm ageist. the beginning of their lives or at the end. Right. There's a sweet spot. I guess I'm ageist. Yeah, I probably am too, because I just really, I mean, I think 85, that's a good one. I mean, 85 is so different. It's so subjective. You have to take it all on a case by case basis.

Right. Like if I'm perfectly healthy and all that. Bernie Sanders is, you know, sharp as a tack, tons of energy. Dip shit, Donald Trump has a ton of energy. And so it's different, you know, for every, it's a kind of a case by case basis. But I, I get where he's going, but I, I feel bad. I mean, it's obviously horrible to grow older, but I think when it comes to toddlers and older people, the best way to have empathy and love for them is when you have a shared DNA.

Oh, of course. And then outside of that, it becomes increasingly difficult. Increasingly difficult. And I think both toddlers and super old people shouldn't be at restaurants. That's just me and airports. Okay. Up next, we've got Luke. Hey moms, this is Luke. So what I have fucking had it with recently is when someone will text you and it can even be like

You know a good friend or someone you genuinely like but someone will text you and they'll say Hey, what are you doing on Saturday? I Don't know how to answer that because it really depends on what bullshit they're about to ask me to do It really depends on what bullshit they're about to ask me to do. You know, if they're wanting me to go get brunch and, you know, drink our weight and mimosas and stumble home and take an afternoon nap, I'm free that day. Like that sounds amazing. But if you're wanting me to, I don't know, take you to the airport or help you move or hang out with your child or stay up past like eight

or nine p.m. out of the house. No, no, no, I am very busy that day. I'm sorry, I just checked my schedule. It's too packed. It's ridiculous that I have to even come up with these lies and especially when I don't know what you're wanting me to do. So I have fucking had it with that

and I hope people stop doing that. Okay. Love y'all. Bye. It's a trap. What are you doing Saturday is a fucking trap every time. If they have something fun for you to do, they'll say, Hey, do you want to get a branch on Sunday? That's that. I think that's a trap every time. It's always a trap. And my response when somebody does this is why? I flipped the script. What are you doing Saturday? My response is why?

Right. Why question mark? That's how I respond to it because I want, let's cut through this bullshit. Let's get straight to the nut cutting. Cause I'm not, I want to know exactly what it is you want from me. And furthermore, it's not your business. What I'm not, I want to know exactly what it is you want from me. And furthermore, it's not your business what I'm doing on Saturday. Like I don't just

randomly text people and say, what are you doing on Saturday? I'm more direct. It's passive aggressive texting. It's bullshit and people just need to be more direct. I completely agree. Okay up next we've got KB. Hello. I know you've talked about bathrooms and bathroom etiquette and everything under the sun so if you've already talked about this I'll go fuck myself but um this just happened to me so I had to bitch about it. I have had it with people who are standing behind you in a bathroom line at a public bathroom and all the stalls are full and for whatever reason they like peek around you to check as if they think you're an idiot and you're just like standing there and there's a bunch of stalls open and I literally like this happened this woman is just like gaping around me in a

bathroom and I wanted to just say bitch stop I 100% do this I do that I was just thinking guilty as charged I do it she's a hundred percent right it's annoying etc but I always, did this person do a thorough check? Did they miss something? Did they thoroughly check under each and every single one of these? Do we 100% know that there is not one hole available? I need to know that. So I always do a little looky-loo. I'm always doing a little, I'm right behind you. I'm doing a little checking your work. Yeah, I am guilty.

Oftentimes too, when I do my little check, I find there's an open spot. There's an open spot. Yeah, and then I go and push the door and I'm like, you were ahead of me, but this was open. Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize it. Yeah, no, I do that too. And I do think she has more trust in the general public than I do.

Right. And she's nicer and probably, yeah, probably a lot more likeable than we are. She's probably a lot more attractive than we are. She has a lot more serenity, a lower resting heart rate. I think there's probably better genetics. A lot of things that this woman has that we don't, that she can have that style of grievance, I can't relate to it because I'm the person with whom she's had it.

Oh, absolutely. Yeah, and I did kind of on the bathroom line thing. I was standing in line for the bathroom. And this woman, I was like, same thing, checking the work, I was gonna go in and the woman in front of me goes, there's a situation in there you don't wanna go. And I was just like, I appreciate that, her, so much.

She spared me. I just loved it. I thought that's looking out for your neighbor. That's good. Okay, do you want one more? One more. The last one is from Liz. Hey, Jen and pumps. It's Liz from Pittsburgh.

You know what I fucking had it with? People who just mindlessly whistle in their day. I manage a children's store and somebody came in, a customer, and when I tell you this man mindlessly whistled for the entire 20 minutes, he was in the store, I almost lost my mind. Like this. Mind you, the store's not that big, so I almost lost my mind. Fucking had it. That is so annoying. Oh my gosh. That is just so annoying. I'm just going to say, I don't like whistlers, hummers. I don't like it. People that are like humming when you're shopping and you pass by them and they're humming. I always want to look at them and go, shut the fuck up and

quit humming. Right. And it's more of like a, like a nervous, I don't know if it's like a nervous thing or is it like attention-sinking? The whistling is just the humming, all of it. Keep your noises to yourself. When you're at home, whistle while you work all day long. I'm all in, but not in public. I just think that there's two ways to look at this. I don't know if this is grandstanding or showboating, which is what I want it to be, so that I can

really, really sink my teeth into the grievance of this. But it also could be this. Also could be that person's happy, just feels like humming. And we always go back to, we're the assholes. And so, you know, that's to me, probably more likely. Now the Whistler, that shit, like that guy,

he needed to be slapped across the face. 100%. This is where if we were to have social referees or social umpires, they have a whistle, they can write citations, et cetera, et cetera. I think you also get a swat. Remember when we were in grade school, kids would get sent to the office and get a swat. Remember when we were in grade school, kids would get sent to the office and

get a swat, they get paddled. This is where I think it's just a slap across the face. Like, listen up, motherfucker. Nobody wants to hear your whistling. Nobody thinks it's cute, neat or fun. You're going to get slapped across the face. Yeah, continue to do this. And I also think like, this is not the first time he's walked into a place whistling. Where is the person he's buying the baby gift for to say, don't fucking whistle all the time. Nobody likes it. I think the thing is of what we've learned is people that do fucked up shit are surrounded by fucked up enablers.

Right. And that's why they continue to do this because nobody ever checks them. Yeah. That's a huge problem. We're seeing it on a macro level. All right. Is that all we have for today, Kylie? Yep. Okay, pumps, tell them. We will see you next Tuesday and Thursday. Listen up, patriots, gaitriots, and natriots. We have a new podcast that has dropped. It's called IHIP News. It's Monday through Friday, every day, 15 to 20 minute hot takes on the political landscape

of the United States of America, always served with a side of petty grievances. We are on all the available platforms, Apple, Spotify, Google, whatever. You can get your podcasts and YouTube. Please go rate, subscribe and review so that we will chart upwards with America's greatest legal mind. Pumps, pumps, what does an eagle say? Cacaca! A little bit more enthusiasm. Caca! That's it. That's, that's, caca! That's the patriotism that this country needs right there.