I've Had It - The Money Shot

Episode Date: January 30, 2025

Moral of the episode? DO NOT stick a Hawaiian Breeze Febreeze can up your butt... Pre-order our new book, join our Patreon Cult, and more by clicking here: https://linktr.ee/ivehaditpodcast. Thank you to our sponsors: Shopify: “Established in 2025” has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it? Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial period at https://SHOPIFY.COM/hadit. EarthBreeze: Get 40% off Earth Breeze when you sign up for auto-shipments at https:/earthbreeze.com/Hadit Acorns Early: Head to https:acornsearly.com/hadit or download the Acorns Early app to get started. Sign up now and your first month is on us! Follow Us: I've Had It Podcast: @Ivehaditpodcast Jennifer Welch: @mizzwelch Angie "Pumps" Sullivan: @pumpspumpspumps Special Guest: Nurse Blake @NurseBlake ​

So we're supposed to start the podcast. Ready? One, two, three. Patriots, gaytriots, vatriots. Cacaw, cacaw! That's right. We are the rebellion, asshole island. We are a way to get you through Trump's America.

We are the road to the end of this shit show. I just hope we make it. I mean, it's fucking jet stream of bullshit all the time. What have you had it with? I've had it with so many things. I mean, I could give you a laundry list, but I'm going to start with this. I've had it with people when you tell them, I can't talk right now, that continue to fucking talk. I had a girl call me last night as we were going into the reproductive forum that we went to last night. And she said, is this a good time?

And I said, no, it's actually not. I'm walking into a deal. Okay, well, I just wanted to tell you, da, da, da, da, da, and I'm like, okay, I'll talk to you about it. Let me call you back probably tomorrow or the next day. She's like, okay, just one more thing for you to think about. And I just, in my head, I thought, I don't care what we're talking

about. I'm a no. I'm immediately a no because you won't get, allow me to get off the phone. I told you I couldn't talk and you won't let me off the phone. I've had it with that. I've had it with people that do that. I don't know what the deal is. Makes me never want to talk to this person again. Like I'm. I was so fired up about it. Well, and it's also, it's like when you're trying to draw a boundary and you're doing what all of the self-help algorithm says to do, the self-help books are therapists and you're advocating for yourself. yourself. And that person just will not let you. Here's the thing. It was like if she would have said, if she wouldn't have said, do you have time to talk? So she asked me, do you have time to talk? And I said, no, I really

don't right now. Okay, great. Just call me back. That could have been the end. But then it made me wish she would have just said, hey, I don't give a fuck what you're doing right now. I need to talk to you. That would have caught my attention. But this is just like, now I hate you. I hate what you're talking about. I'm going to cut my nose off to spite my face because I'm mad. It's ridiculous. Have you ever had somebody that does that? Oh my gosh. And it's like, oh, just one more thing. And it's like, OK, well, I've got to run.

Oh, just one more thing. It's constant. It's a constant thing, especially with like, if you have a person that is performing some type of repair work at your home. I particularly have an aversion to hearing the minutia of plumbing, oh yeah, electrical wiring, HVAC complications and fixes,

audio visual complications and fixes, plumbing. Here's how I like to deal with that. I have a problem, I make the phone call, I want you to provide the solution and provide the bill. I really don't want that much more interaction beyond that. I often find myself in situations where, let's say maybe somebody came to repair my dishwasher, where they, I say, did you figure out what was wrong with it? Yes, it's that, go, it's okay, don't worry.

Don't tell me. I don't need to know. You have a green light to fix it and you can just provide me with the bill. And it's almost like the person's insulted. And I want to say, look, you don't want me to go on about what my process is in picking a paint color for my interior design clients. You're not interested in that.

And so I'm not interested in the minutiae of the electrical wirings of the dishwasher. I am so, I have gratitude. Right. I'm in awe that you have this specialty because I couldn't find my ass with both hands and a flashlight, you know? Right. So I hear you on that. Let me tell you what I've had it with. And this has bothered me for years and years and years. It's bothered me my whole life. So you're watching a movie, a show, something with two actors, and it jumps to the morning scene and they're waking up together in bed and they start talking.

And then the next thing you know they're full blown French kissing and I immediately think you just reminded me that your actors because nobody is gonna go in and French kiss that early morning breath. Right you have to brush your teeth before you French kiss. I don't understand why the producers, the directors, the actors don't say like when they start to kiss, one of the actors needs to say, oh my God, not yet. I have terrible morning breath. Let me go brush my teeth. That's real. It takes me out of the movie immediately. And all I can think about is if this were real life, it's

chronic halitosis city. Right. you would say, don't kiss me or let me brush my teeth. Nobody would just go in for a full make-out session with morning breath. Okay, here's another thing, let me add to that. Let me build. How about when they have the actor or actress wake up with the full, like, oh, I'm asleep

and then I have a full face of makeup and my hair's perfect. That's not real. I was just watching the show and I was just so irritated. I was like, nobody believes you went to bed with a full face of makeup and looked that good in the morning. The only caveat to that would be like 1980s soap operas. They can't get away with all of it

because it's all so ridiculous. Somebody dies and they come back to life, they die again, they're back again. The waking up perfectly beautiful. I need soap opera actors to never have halitosis, and to always be wrinkle free, makeup and camera ready. I need that from them. But soap operas are kind of dead now.

And so I need for these actors to say in real time, my breath smells like hammer dog shit. This kiss is a really bad idea. I need to go scrape my tongue, floss my teeth, brush my teeth for two minutes, and then maybe do two to three rounds of Listerine with a couple of gargles. Then I'm going to come back and I am going to m Mac down with you like nobody's business. After you do the same on your end. That's right. Because there's no, no French kissing with morning breath, full stop. And I'm glad you brought this up because that does bother me.

It's, it's so, it's just like, I always think your breath is horrible. You can't do it. Your breath stinks. Listen up, Hollywood elites. This bothers everybody. Like I, there's not a person that watches that, I don't think, that thinks. Oh, I bet they have great breath. Your brain immediately jumps to the human experience of waking up knowing that you need to do something with your mouth.

It's so bad. That it needs to be cleaned. Yeah. No, I agree. Welcome to I've Had It. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. All right, Kylie, Kathy. Yes. What is going on on the internet?

I've got two reviews for you, and I'm gonna start with a five star titled The Queens of Mean. And they write, we absolutely love the Queens of Mean. Jen's heartfelt barbs on Memaw's dry dock sex life pumps attention to the little dick magas in their tiny hands. We listen every Tuesday and Thursday and conduct our own I've Had It petty grievances with our local hashtag gay triates.

Keep it up. We soon to be senior citizen gay queens. Love you. Love that. Love that. I mean, queens of Maine, I kind of dig it. Most people probably think that was... In Trump's America, I take it as a badge of honor. I do too. I kind of do. Yeah. I'm over being soft. Yeah. I think we've always been over being soft. Yeah.

And over being... I know you're over softness. Hey, at this point, I might take soft serve. You would take a soft serve. No, I really wouldn't. I just said that, but I mean, it's been a minute. All right, Kylie, who's next? OK, we've got a one star review from Chaz in Germany titled Brain Rot Fuel. And he writes, I was introduced to this podcast

by my fiance on a long road trip. We'd finished our usual podcast about geopolitics, sports and domestic politics. She said it would be funny and similar to Pod Save. Boy was it the dumbest conversation I couldn't get away from. My fiance thought it was so funny how easily these two got under my skin.

The fact that these girls will enjoy triggering me to the point where I take time out of my Sunday to write them a review is infuriating. You know what? That is the fact that he even owned it. Right. In the review that he was so triggered that he took time out of a Sunday, the Lord's Day, to go write and memorialize his passion for our show.

And whether it's negative passion or positive passion, Chas from Germany, I feel your passion. I do too. And I love that he was like, I hate it so much that I'm taking my time out because he owned it and I respect that. I hate them so much that I'm gonna get on the internet. I like it.

I respect it. Chas, come on back. I like it. I respect it. Chaz, come on back. We might say something that's smart. Chaz from Germany. I just have to say, Donka. All right. I have some news that I'd like to report on. Texas cheerleader 17 was banned from caring for her own pets after poisoning her rival's show goat. What? The high school cheerleader charged with torturing and killing her rival's goat has been barred by a court from looking after her own pets. The 17 year old was the newly installed president of Future Farmers of America at Vista Ridge High School in Cedar Park, Texas,

when she allegedly poisoned a six-month-old goat owned by a 15-year-old girl at the same school. She is accused of twice poisoning the goat called Willie, the second time fatally in October last year. She is charged under Texas law with one count of cruelty to livestock and animal torture. Now this girl cannot play with her dog, cat or rabbit without supervision. A judge has ruled as a condition of her bail. No, I agree with that. If somebody hurts a child, like if I beat my child, the judge isn't going to say, oh, well, babysit somebody else's child. You can run a daycare. Like this girl should be charged with being psychotic. I mean, she's poisoning animals.

This is a sign of like, sociopathy. Right, serial killers. Yeah. And to poison an animal is a brutal death. And so it's a torturous death. And the fact that this girl, like, was she jealous of the show goat? But I mean, it's very- That's what I'm wondering. I didn't know, first of all, that there was this type of rivalry in the show goat-

I didn't either. World. You know, you might remember back in the day, back when we were younger, there was a Texas cheerleader again, mom, ordered a hit on her daughter's rival cheerleader. Yes. Now that I totally remember because I kind of feel like because we were younger, so that seemed, I mean, it's crazy all the time forever. But back when we were young, there wasn't just such a glut of power moms. So that seemed to be an outlier. Now if you told me that was happening, I would think, oh yeah, these power moms, they fucking

lost their mind. Like I, it's so, I mean, just the parents being in there and doing all that. Yes, it's crazy, but it was even crazier then, I think. I think every time you have a headline that starts with these two words, Texas cheerleader, right? It's going to be bad. You've got a problem. And I feel really bad for Willie the Goat.

And I don't think that this punishment goes far enough. I agree. I think the judge was soft. I think maybe Chaz from Germany should weigh in on this. Yes, Chaz, get out there and figure out how to punish this girl appropriately. You know Chaz's girlfriend right now is like, you've got to listen to this. He's going to be like, oh god. I hate them. Because he said in his review, she loved it, that we irritated him so much. Yeah. So shout out to Chaz's girl. Okay, here's another news story. 70% of millennials would rather have pets than kids. A recent study

reveals that about 70% of millennials consider their pets to be akin to children, significantly shaping their life choices. Lower costs and increased lifestyle flexibility are key factors driving this preference, with many millennials opting to prioritize their furry companions over traditional parenthood. This trend has fueled the expansion of high-end pet services, including luxury boarding accommodations

and gourmet pet dining options, reflecting the generation's desire to provide elevated care and experience for their pets. So what I have to say to this is these Millennials are smart. Yes, that's what I was going to say. I, of course, I love my boys unconditionally. They're the apple of my eye. But I really enjoy the time spent with my dogs more than I enjoy the time spent with my children. And here's why. The dogs always want to do what I want them to do.

They always like me. They're always on the same page at the same time as me. They're always on the same page at the same time as me. The human children, we get into a lot of bumping heads. Sometimes stuff I say they think is stupid. I can literally sit and captivate my French bulldog's attention for hours on end and they just look back at me adoringly. So I would say dog pets are greater than human children. Yeah, until I had a French bulldog, I couldn't, I wasn't as on board with this as I am now. Although one thing that I have so much admiration for millennials, because we all know I'm 54. Almost 55. Almost 55. I mean, we're pushing it.

Birthday girl's about to pop up. Let's just act like it doesn't happen. But like, there was no other choice for me. It didn't matter what your career was. It didn't matter anything other than you became a wife and a mother. There was not a lane for someone to say, like, what I would have loved to have been

if I had my whole life to do over again would be a college football sideline reporter. I think I'd be great at it. Oh my God, you'd be so good at that. I'd be so good at it, but it never, first of all, I don't even think there were college, like female sideline reporters back then, but it never occurred to me that I had a choice

not to become a wife and a mother. And so, and I'm not saying I have resentment about having kids. That's not what I'm saying. But I didn't ever feel like I had a choice. And so to see, and I think I have a lot of admiration for women because even in this day and age, there's a lot of pressure on women. When are you getting married?

When are you going to have a baby? I have a lot of admiration for women that say, I'm not interested in becoming a mother. I don't know that I'll become a wife because I think it's a kind of agency that I never felt like I had. I think that every boomer, Gen Xer can relate to everything you just said and you summed it up perfectly because it just was a foregone conclusion. And what's so sad right now is you're seeing a backpedaling.

You remember during the election, J.D. Vance called women that chose not to have children, childless cat ladies, and were demeaning because what they're finding is women in positions of leadership and power are excelling and surpassing men. And so I love that these millennial and Gen Z women don't feel the way we did. And listen, if you choose to get married, if you choose to have kids, if you choose to have kids without getting married, you choose to partner up and have kids, the end of the day, it's really nobody's business. And all of it

should be normal. Totally. And I feel like kind of this article makes it seem abnormal, but it's very normal. And I think it's, that's what you want to do, go for it. Well, and here's the point to that is the dogs are, they're less expensive. Although mine, I don't know about, I mean, I was trying to add up what I've spent on that fucking dog. It's bad. It's less expensive than a cat, but it's more than it should be on a dog. I just want to share with you all a little bit about Oliver Glizzard, Pumps' French Bulldog, her biological child, which now you understand that, right?

I totally get the biological. You pushed him out. I pushed him out. I nursed him. I did all of it. All of the biological. You pushed him out. I pushed him out. I nursed him. I did all of it. All of the things. And so now that she's a member of that, Oliver Glizzard has an issue in his home life where dogs need a pack leader.

And Pumps is America's legal eagle, America's greatest legal mind, the Princess Diana podcasting, all of these things. A pack leader, she is not. I'm too soft. When Glizzard stayed with me while she was on vacation with her children, we had zero issues. I was the leader. We had conversations.

He did all of the stuff that my dogs did. So the doggy daycare that we send our dogs to has recommended he needs a trainer. And the trainer called Pumps and said, I want to take him and board him and train him for three weeks. They wanted to send him to boarding school. So she calls me because all of this is new to her. She calls me and she's like, they want to take him for like three weeks. Would you do that? I'm like, fuck no. Yeah. I told her straight up. I said, I just don't think that's just something I can do. I love this dog. I need to be with this dog every minute of every hour of every day that I'm not working. We go together like hand

and glove. We're stink on shit together. And I just, I mean, like, there's no fucking way I could do that. I couldn't send my human children to boarding school and I couldn't send my dogs, especially my dogs, to boarding school. Yeah, I could have probably sent my like three to six month old to boarding school. I might have liked it. You know what, that's a great idea. Yeah, do the boarding school when they're little. Infant boarding school. Yes, that I could have gotten behind. You know, really, they start getting fun around eight months. They do. Well, I would say 18 months is when it really started. I started liking it. Okay, great business idea in this unregulated capitalist society of ours, boarding school for infants. Okay, I'm all for that. But to run a good business, you have to be on site. There's no

fucking way I would be around a bunch of babies all the time. You'd hire this out. You have cameras. Okay, I could do that. All right. Today we have a guest and he is a nurse, a comedian and an advocate. Let's welcome to I've had it, Nurse Blake. Listener, this may come as a total shock to you, but Pumps and I have not always been this pulled together and rock solid. In fact, we used to be rather screwed up, wouldn't you say, Pumps? I would say damn near psychotic. Totally. And we have written a cell phone expose. One could even say it's a manifesto. And the book title is Life is a Lazy Susan of Shit Sandwiches.

In all sincerity, we share a lot of our struggles that led us to this grand stage where we can talk about petty grievances. You can click the link below in the show notes to pre-order your copy now. Today's episode is sponsored by Acorns Early. Acorns Early is a smart money app and debit card for kids that helps them learn the value of money. I had a hard time understanding that when you use your debit card and it gives you money, that you might actually not have money. And so that's why Acorns has been such a great app for my kids so I could teach them you have to have money before you can withdraw from a bank. Acorns Early's Chores Tracker teaches kids that hard work pays off. Acorns Early lets parents pay allowances automatically.

Kids can spend what they earn with their very own debit card, plus parents can keep track of where and when their kids are spending. This is very valuable in raising kids, teaching them the value of money and hard work. Ready to help your kids learn the value of money? Just head to acornsearly.com or download the Acorns Early app to get started. Sign up now and your first month is on us. Terms and conditions apply. Monthly subscription fees starting from $5 per month and less canceled. Let's welcome to I've had it, Nurse Blake. Blake, how are you today? I'm good. Thank you so much for having me. Huge fan.

Huge fan. That's so sweet. I am so glad because Kylie was just reading reviews before you came on and a man from Germany named Chaz gave us a one-star review because his girlfriend forced him to listen to us on a road trip and he said it made him so insane and triggered him so much he had to come to the internet to write that one-star review to which Pumps and I said, donka. I think who she needs to dump him if she didn't throw him out of the vehicle. Oh, plot twist. I love that. Chas Chas is getting broken up with that review.

It's unforgivable. Yeah, that's horrible. But you know what? It's fine because we're confident and we only care about our five star listeners. That's right. That's right. Okay. Blake, what have you had it with? I have had it with paying for healthcare.

Now, I'm a nurse and it is so expensive. Like I feel so bad for patients when we're caring for them, we're saving their life, but unfortunately the hospital bill is so expensive. You're like putting people in medical debt. And it's so sad and so unfortunate. I think it should be free. We are the only first world country that doesn't do this.

And then I remember it was probably five years ago or so, Time Magazine did this article about what a racket the whole medical industrial complex is. So you know those little cups that you put pills in to take to your patients? I think that they were charging the hospital something like $10 and I'm getting it wrong but it was something egregious. The whole thing is a racket and it's so sad to me that we live in a country that values profit over human beings. We say that all the time. It's like the hospitals and these insurance companies, it's always patient over profit. And it's so frustrating and it puts us nurses in this like

dilemma of like, we care for people, we want to save them. But it's just so sad on the other end, knowing how expensive it is. And who's coming up with these prices? Like who is putting the price tags on an MRI machine or these little plastic pill cups? Like whose job is that? I want to speak with them and give them a one star. Well, they're probably billionaires. It's the shareholders. It's the shareholders, so they don't give a fuck. I know people that have not been able to get the treatment they needed recommended by their doctor because it was too expensive. They had to go with the cheaper option. And I'm just like, that is the sad state of affairs. When we've got billionaires after

billion billionaires are growing faster than any other economic class. And you know what's bullshit? Many hospitals, especially hospitals I've worked at, actually have VIP suites for these billionaires and famous people and members of their board. And it's like, you want us to treat all patients the same, which as nurses we do, but you're gonna have a VIP suite? Like that's so fucked up.

So let's lighten it up a little bit. And Kylie, our lovely producer, emailed with you prior to coming on and you provided a list of grievances. And one that I really want to hone in on is, I believe you wrote here, people that stick things up their butt that shouldn't be there. And what I have to say to that is go on.

Yes. No, I've had it. Like don't put anything up your butt that shouldn't be there, but that specifically doesn't have a base to it. So the patient I cared for, he came into the ER and you're like, what is that smell? Like that smells good. And then you're like, it smells like my living room. Like it smells like Hawaiian breeze. Bro put a Febreze can up his asshole. And every time he would clench, it was like just like a little Hawaiian breeze.

It's like it's right in his ass. It's sprayed out of his ass. Even the doctor charted like Hawaiian Febreze can, you know. Okay. So shout out to Febreze. What do you think the purpose of that is? Like he wanted like some sort of modified douche. Is this some sort of kink? I mean are dildos that expensive? Like is Febreze cheaper? Is it a cheaper option? And there's a lot of things I say like as a nurse, like I'll never be in a car without a seatbelt. I will never ride a motorcycle without a helmet. I will never put anything up my butt without a base on it. You know what I mean? Right. Like these people like light bulbs and like I mean granted they're LED so that's better for the environment but still like it doesn't have a base. What about what about the old lore that I think every town and every

city in America has this story about some local person and in Oklahoma City we have this story about these guys that own this furniture store that allegedly stuck hamsters and or gerbils up their ass. And I think this is pretty universal for every city. Like an urban legend everybody has. So do you know of any any rodents up the ass? Yeah, so I tour, I tour all over. And one of the questions I ask because I'm like, you

know, nurses have so much in common and one of the things we have in common is we've seen things of our patients, but holes that should not be there. And I get it all the time. And it's not the big cities like you would think like New York City, like so kinky. No, it's these small towns that have the weirdest shit up their butts. And definitely, gerbils is one of them that keeps popping up. I have not seen it personally. But do you know of like a documented case? Like that it's real?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like it happened, like a live gerbil. We gotta dissect this. I mean, is the gerbil alive? Like what's the point of that? Alive, alive. And so it just, it's the point of that? Alive. And so it just kind of like burrows in the butt. Well, it's like a vacuum.

And then obviously does it suffocate? And I feel bad for the gerbil. Are you buying this at like PetSmart? So I bet like whenever there's like a middle age white man that just buys a gerbil from PetSmart, you know those employees are like, I know where that's whoever buys a gerbil at PetSmart without buying a cage with it. It ain't gonna be good. You know what I think? I think that in order to buy a gerbil, because of all of these rumors, whether substantiated

or not, that you should probably have some sort of background check for the safety of the gerbil. I'm a gerbil advocate here. Same. Yeah. Same gerbil advocate. Here's my question. What do the people say?

Like, are they like, hey, yeah, I like the Febreze cane in my ass? Like what do they say happened? Because I had a doctor come to a party, I didn't know him, but it was a kid thing. And he was creepy and weird. And we didn't like him. So then he shows us a picture from the ER where there was a shampoo bottle of somebody's ass. And immediately, I'm like, I need to sit right by you. I need more information. And he said it was some bullshit story like,

oh, he fell in the shower. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm just like, what is the story about a Febreze can? I may or may not have a hairy ass, but it doesn't need shampooed where a shampoo bottle is going up in there. Like, you know what I mean? Right, and you can't fall on a shampoo bottle

and it goes up your ass. The first thing they say, these guys say, they're like, please, please don't tell my wife. And I'm like, okay, because you know, these wives, they don't know about it. See, here's my thing. And I believe this. And you can be our LGBTQ source on this. I believe that in the MAGA world, the reason that they have to talk about, we're so alpha, we're so masculine, real men do this, real men do that.

I think they're either closet gay or closet bi, because I don't need to go out and affirm my heterosexuality all of the time. I just don't need to go out and affirm my heterosexuality all of the time. I just don't need to. And if somebody calls me a lesbian, I think thank you. Cause lesbians are like, got their shit together. They're super successful. Like I'm not affected by it.

And so on, my thought is Blake is that, like you've got these guys, these bubbas, right? They're out there, you know, living in rural America or going to their mega churches. Maybe they live in the city or the suburbs. And when they're watching porn, they really like the way the man looks. And then that's the money shot. That's when liftoff happens, right? And then they feel so bad about it.

And then they've got to go, oh my God, I'm an alpha and I've got a Ford F-150 and I got this big truck and I'm gonna put truck nuts on my truck and all this shit. So as somebody who is gay and has been on dating apps and stuff, what is your feedback for my theory? Ladies, if you got a man who's MAGA or wears a MAGA hat, you need to go on Grindr

and chat with your man there, because that's where he's at. Your man's hooking up with people like me. However, I will never hook up with a conservative MAGA person. I respect it. I agree.

It's such a buzzkill. I respect it. And you ain't getting this. You would not get in this. It's just an immediate vaginal dryness for a woman. Go go. It's booty hole dryness for me. It is. You ain't hooking up with me. You better go buy a hamster because you know what? But they are like there's so many DL guys still today and you know what? But they are, like there's so many DL guys still today. And you know what, with the whole, I think, MAGA movement, I'm even, you know, I've been single for two years.

So I've talked to many different, you know, people, especially online on Grindr. And people are afraid to come out again. Like people are scared to come out and it's so unfortunate and it's so sad. And I was someone, I went through, my parents sent me through gay conversion therapy. Oh really?

What? They did from when I was 15 to 18, I was in ex gay camp. Okay wait, first of all, where were you born and raised? Florida. Okay, mega church? Actually, no, actually not.

My parents were not religious, which is so weird. What? Really? Really. Just they were, once they found out and it was my cousin who outed me to them when I was 15 and I won't name her, but her name is Brittany. And so she outed me to my parents. And the next day, my mom grabbed,

she came onto my high school campus, grabbed me from lunch, and I started going to the Christian school. I was there until they kicked me out for being gay and then gay conversion therapy. So you know what? Several questions about gay conversion therapy. The counselors at the gay conversion therapy, gay or straight? Oh, oh. counselors at the gay conversion therapy, gay or straight? Oh, oh.

So gay, but are now straight. They're gay, but now I'm straight. Right. You know, like, now I'm straight. Did any of them, did any of them come on to you while you were at the- Oh, listen. Spill it. Sending me to gay conversion camp with over a thousand gay guys was a dream come true.

That's where I learned some of my best tricks at gay camp. So thank you, mom and dad. And they got no refunds. Okay. There were a thousand gay men at the gay camp. Was it in Florida? It was all over. So it wasn't like you would go all the time. It's not like people would live there, but it was more like a big conference that that orgy or orgy,

depending on how you say it. And I was like the youngest person there. So I had a bit of minor, was a minor, big minor tag. It's like you had the most gay sex at gay conversion camp. Well, that makes sense. That makes perfect sense. It's like, send me back. Send me. Okay, I have a question. So that is so it was adults and kids. Because you have to wear a minor badge.

I did. I was probably one of the youngest ones there, to be honest. Most of most everyone else is pretty much an adult, but so sad. And I still have connections with a lot of people that were subject to that. And it's. It didn't hit me until I was in my 30s, like the PTSD and trauma I had from that, it really I, you know, suppressed it. I do comedy now, so I would always just kind of make fun about it, but it really, it really hit me.

It was really up until last year. It was really bad where kind of that all came out and I was in intense therapy. Because I think psychiatrists- It's still legal in some states. Yeah, they say it's, you know, psychological torture and abuse and it's, I think it drives a lot of people sadly to suicide. I've known some people that it was led there.

So I've had it with gay conversion therapy camps. I have had it with gay conversion therapy camps. I think that they, anytime you try to take away somebody's identity or just inherently who they are your Meddling and things that aren't your business. It's toxic raging codependency, and I think it's evil It is evil and it's like these straight older white men that are allowing these things to happen Why are you so obsessed with us? Why are you so obsessed with gay guys? Like, get the fuck out of here. I have never heard my gay male friends or lesbian friends talk about being gay and gayness

and gay stuff as much as MAGA men and women do. They are obsessed with it. I've never seen anything like it. Yeah. I mean, I don't know why they're so obsessed with us. Get a life. Go read your Bible. I mean, do something. Do Jesus. I don't know. This year, I've been trying to educate myself on plastic and the impact that plastic has on the planet and trying to cut back and be more earth-friendly. I'm a big laundry person, and I didn't realize that the huge laundry detergent bottles, 500 million of those, end up in landfills and ocean every single year. That's why I switched to EarthBreeze laundry sheets.

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Okay We're gonna play now had it or hit it. Are you ready? Oh, yeah, let's do it. Oh my god Welcome to had it or hit it. I would hit it. Had it. Had it. I hit it every day, sometimes twice a day. Okay, Had It or Hit It, WebMD. I've had it with WebMD. Even as someone who's in healthcare, when I get a little headache, you're like WebMD.

It's like brain cancer. It's like, you type something, I got a runny nose. It's, you know, AIDS, you know, it's just like what is going on? Like shoulder, like dick cancer, like stage six, like no. Well, this is what facilitates Facebook doctors. Right. And you know, during the pandemic, I told Peps, all of these fucking morons on Facebook that think that they know more about virology than all of these experts in their field. They should go, they should have it hospitals in the parking lot tents that says Facebook hospital. Right.

And the doctors could be there and you could get Facebook care. And then for those of us that wore masks, got vaccinated, and tried to progress through the pandemic, we could go to the real doctors. Why are you coming to us if you know all the answers? Right. You know what I mean? Like, why? Yeah, that was my, like,

one of the things I remember about COVID, it's all a blur, but I remember when she told me about the Facebook hospital doctors, it was one of your proudest moments. I thought that was the funniest thing. I laughed about it for three or four days because it's like, if you're so smart, get in your Facebook hospital. I think you're onto something there. I think we need to open one. I was so, you know, we were also bored during the pandemic.

So I got on Facebook and I went to high school in the suburbs of Oklahoma City. Very religious people, very Trumpy. So I was just all over their profiles. And it was amazing to me, these men that they would write like, like they were total MD scientists and that they had cracked the case on it. And I'm like, I remember back in high school, you were the biggest fucking dipshit ever in the history of everything. And I would probably deduce that you've gotten dumber since then, not smarter based on these posts. Yeah, probably didn't even graduate college or high school. Probably didn't graduate high school and they know so much more than everybody else. And the fact that we don't listen to scientists anymore, or healthcare professionals and that we're backing out of the World Health Organization. It's not good. It's great.

Had it or hit it cruises. I hit it, hit it, hit it. I actually go on a ship with I put together a nursing conference on a ship with over 3500 nurses and it's sick. It's so much fun. See, I just think it's a lot of like you can't escape people you don't like. I've been on one cruise with my grandmother when she was like 84 and we went to Alaska and it was great. But I mean, obviously I was in my early, no mid 20s and everybody else was old as fact. And I enjoyed the time with her, but I just thought I don't want to eat with all these people. I don't want, there's no alone time. I feel like there's no escape. Like it puts my claustrophobia

into hyperdrive. Well, you went to Alaska, which is a bunch of, you know, mostly geriatric, no, it was that's true on that cruise ship. I know when you were with your grandma, I promise you there's so many people that are like, ah, cruises that have been on all like four of our trips and they love it. It's so much fun. No kids. Also no kids on our cruises. See, that's key. That has to be a rule. Yeah. Okay. Had it or hit it drag queens. Oh, hit it. We also bring drag queens on NurseCon at Sea. So most of them from what's called Drag Race. What's it called, NurseCon at Sea? It is, yeah.

I like that. It's really fun. So we bring on drag queens. I love drag queens so much. I do too, they make you happy. They just make people happy. So happy. You know what?

We actually did an event in land last year. It was in Orlando, NurseCon Orlando. And because of what our governor was doing, we almost couldn't have the drag queens there. And I said, if you pull drag queens, I will shut down this con, like it would not be good. And we fought it and we're able to have drag queens there. But that was like the first time I'm like, oh shit,

like this is real, you know? Their hatred towards the gay community. It's so sad for me because, and I real, you know? Their hatred towards the gay community. It's so sad for me because, and I know it's compounded sadness for you, but this community of the LGBTQ plus community is very self-contained. Generally, it's not real into kids, not like churches are into kids. And so, you know, I mean, you know, churches are like super duper duper into kids. They want to indoctrinate them young, you know, all this stuff. And so it is really the the steps backwards on this, especially that governor of yours. Kitten heels is what we call him because he wears his little heels.

Yeah, but in our governor's the same. But it's just, it's so like, I'm like, out of all the shit that you riled up about, it's not kids getting shot in school. It's not people filing for medical bankruptcy and or dying because they can't get health care. It's drag queens. Seriously.

And if you don't want your kid to be, I would drop my sons off at a drag queen story time a million times out of a million more than I would ever take them to a youth Christian camp. I would never ever ever do it. My husband's a criminal defense attorney and anytime he has had somebody that has a case involving sexual issues with children. You look at their history, all roads lead back to some form of a youth group. They are full of pedophiles and sex offenders, these churches. And they just want to point the finger at the LGBTQ plus community for no reason, with no evidence. I, I, I, as

a nurse, I've only done, you know, I've taken care of adult trauma patients. I hate kids. I do not like kids. Like, fuck them kids. Like, no. So silly. Okay. Had it or hit it the term nurses. Oh, had it, but I make fun of it all the time. These are like, these are the straight male nurses. Like I'm a nurse, like I'm not, I'm a nurse, I'm a nurse, I'm a male nurse. And we love them because they help lift all our patients.

They're typically like our work husbands. Nice. And so I love the straight male nurses out there. They are great. They're always bald. Like, they're always like, you know, like five, nine, and they always have like an ex wife, but they are the best. We love you so much. Are they like, um, bodybuilders? They're like, they're like, you know, five, they're standing like this.

And they, you know, their stance, because their balls are so big, they don't fit in their scrubs. And they, you know, they, but they're so great. And I always ask during my shows, I'm like, is there a straight male nurse in the crowd? And they're always bald. They always have an ex wife. So everything I say is evidence based. Like this is science. This is science.

This is research. I really admire nurses because I have to tell you, it is a component that I didn't get. If my husband is sick, I'm more nurse ratchet than nurse nightingale. It's very difficult for me to have empathy. I'm super dismissive of all of it. Granted, he is also a hypochondriac and so that exacerbates my dismissiveness. I'm going to defend Josh. He's not as big of a hypochondriac as you are nurse ratchet. That's probably fair. And she faints at the sight of blood.

I do. you are nurse ratchet. That's probably fair. And she faints at the side of lead. I do. Okay. So we call it like the man flu. Like these guys, they have like a little runny nose and it's like they have, you know, stage eight cancer, like they're dying. I have mostly worked in trauma. I've been in our seniors and so I also was married, not anymore. Asshole. And we always get the man flu. And I wouldn't care because I'm like, listen, I do trauma. If you're not bleeding out, lost a limb or dead, like what am I going to do for you? Yeah, you're a good nurse. Yeah, I'm a pretty good nurse. We were on tour in Nashville and

I came down with like a fever and I just felt terrible. We had to do a live show and Pumps like she took she found a doctor and she took me to the doctor and then we came back and she got me soup and she had Advil and water and she was a million times better person than I ever would have been and she been the sick one. She was so good to me and you know what? It really it helped me get better more quickly. See, oh that's awesome. The care that she put into me like I was like if pumps can be this nice to me I can get better. I believed in it and not too long later Josh was sick and she's like oh he's hypochondriatic. Yeah she was like are you gonna get him some soup and I was was like, he's fine. I bet Pumbaa is going to send you a medical bill.

So you better watch out. $200,000. Yeah. Cash pay only. No insurance. Exactly. OK, last one. Had it or hit it trumps America. Oh. Had it. Had it. over it, over it, done. I agree, and here's what I wanna say to you,

Blake, of the LGBTQ plus community and all of our listeners in that community, all of our listeners that are in marginalized communities and all of our listeners that are allies and just not dumb thugs. We have to stay engaged, we have to form communities and we have to rebel against this. We are the rebellion and it's important to find spaces like this that you can still remember that it's okay to laugh and it's okay to care about one another and it's okay to love

one another and we need to all go find good trouble during this time and not be fearful and not be scared because it's so heartbreaking to me that what you shared earlier that you know people who are too scared to come out and we have to push back against that and stand up for all of the people in our lives and that aren't in our lives that just are trying to be who they are. Well, thank you so much. Shout out to all the amazing nurses and amazing patients out there. We love you so much. I know it's a hard world to get care. And most nurses work short staff. So we're always overworked. But we we tried the best that we can to give you the best care that you deserve. So

Blake, I just I love you. I feel like we're really good friends already. And you are so handsome and so funny and just an absolute doll and thank you for coming on our show. Thanks so much for having me, huge fan. Tell our listeners where they can find you. Wherever, you can find me on Tinder, you could find me on Grindr,

you could find me at your local hospital. You can find me Facebook, Instagram, Tik Tok, Nurse Blake, right? Nurse Blake. Okay. You got it. All right. Thanks, Blake. Ciao. Thanks, Blake. Bye.

All right. I love Nurse Blake, but even as much as I love him and think he's hot, I could not go on a cruise. I just couldn't do it. I think he is so hot. And how do you think he is? Late 20s. So here's the thing. I bet he's probably mid-30s because there is a time period, you and I talked about this recently,

when we had Eric Swalwell on the congressman. Yeah, because he looked so young to me. But I think there's a time period between around 25 to 27 to around 45 to 47. There's a 20-year window where it's difficult to reach in and grab somebody's age. I think especially for men. Especially for men. If they have hair. I agree.

Because you get to be my age, 90% of the people, the men, don't have hair. So that's an indicator. 90% of men your age are bald. Okay. I don't know about 90, but I'd say a hard 70-75%. 70-75%? Yes. Bald as a cue ball. Well, I'm just curious about this. Will you Google percentage of 54-year-olds that are bald, male? I'll be shocked. I'm going to guess. Don't tell us yet, Kylie. I'm going to guess. I'm going to go 37%. I've got 50%.

Half. Half. So we're about in the middle. OK, so one of my dearest girlfriends, like we have this group chat of our college friends. And we've been friends 35 years. So she sent us a picture of a group of guys our age, college friends.

And our immediate thing is we were all like, oh my God, they look so old. Oh my God, they look so old. And then I go, oh my God, they think the same thing about us. Like you never realize how old you look, which is why I don't have a badge for the courthouse and I stand in line with the criminals because I want to be cute and young and adorable 25 to 35 Angie

and not almost 55 Angie that looks like, as the internet tells me all the time, a battered little tag. I mean, it's just, it's unbelievable how you can or how I cannot judge what I really look like until I see it. I think that women are so hard on themselves about age. And I just, I think that we need to lessen up a little bit. You're at an age right now where your kids are off to the races. You still look fantastic. Do you look like you're 30? No, but you don't look 70. And you look beautiful and you look great and you've done a whole makeover. And I just, that's the one thing that you do to yourself all the time is your

very like internalized ageism. You're really not that old. Like Jennifer Lopez is your age. Like 54 is just not that old with life expectancy. And really I'm the happiest I've ever been. My kids are gone. You look a million times better at 54 than you did at 44 and 34. I'm not 34.

Well, I was pregnant at 34. I want you to be kinder to yourself. Don't be so, have so much internalized ageism. I do have that. You look fantastic. I feel like now I'm fishing for compliments. I didn't mean to do that. You look fantastic and listener pumps, tell them.

We will see you next Tuesday and Thursday. Listen up, patriots, gaytriots, and natriots. We have a new podcast that has dropped. It's called IHIP News. It's Monday through Friday, every day, 15 to 20 minute hot takes on the political landscape of the United States of America always served with a side of petty grievances. We are on all the available platforms, Apple, Spotify, Google, whatever you get your podcasts and YouTube. Please go rate, subscribe and review so that we will chart upwards with America's greatest legal mind, Pumps.

Pumps, what does an eagle say? Cacaw! A little bit more enthusiasm. Cacaw! That's it. That's, that's... Cacaw! That's the patriotism that this country needs right there.