I've Had It - Ugly Babies
Episode Date: August 8, 2024It's scientifically proven that Memaw loves taking it from the rear. NEW TOUR DATES ANNOUNCED! For more I've Had It + tour updates, merch and more at linktr.ee/ivehaditpodcast Thank you to our sponsor...s: Lumen: Lumen: Head to https://lumen.me/HADIT for 15% off your purchase. Homes.com: When it comes to finding a home - not just a house - we have everything you need to know, all in one place. https://homes.com. We’ve done your home work. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp: Stop comparing and start focusing, with BetterHelp. Visit https://BetterHelp.com/HADIT today to get 10% off your first month. Viator: Download the Viator app now to use code VIATOR10 for 10% off your first booking in the app. Find travel experiences for you. Do more with Viator. Follow Us: I've Had It Podcast: @Ivehaditpodcast Jennifer Welch: @mizzwelch Angie "Pumps" Sullivan: @pumpspumpspumps
Transcript
Discussion (0)
So we're supposed to start the podcast.
Ready 123.
Shut up.
Welcome welcome to I've had it podcast, where we are a place for open minded thinkers that
like to traffic and petty grievances as the patriots and the Gaytriots know the star of our show.
Her name is Pumps. My name is Jennifer. And we'd just like to welcome you here today.
Right, Pumps?
Welcome to I've Had It podcast. That was a newscaster voice.
That was really good. You're kind of sexy.
I'm too sexy. I see a lot of comments on YouTube.
I think you have a lot of people that have crushes on you.
Really?
Yeah.
Well, maybe I should take a little look.
Yeah, you need to do a little looky-loo.
Little looky-loo.
I thought you and Kylie were going to vet it though.
Make sure I don't pick a serial killer.
We'll do that in our spare time.
Okay, Kylie, it's my understanding that you found some rather alarming stuff on the internet.
I do.
I have an article that someone on Patreon sent me.
And it's titled, A Church is Going Viral for Selling Plots of Land in Heaven for $100 per
square meter.
And the caption says, AA Christian church is turning online
"'for selling these plots.'
"'The pastor says he spoke to God
"'and he was granted permission to do this.
"'They have already collected thousands
"'and thousands of dollars.'"
And I just wanna note on the ad,
it looks like they take Google Pay, Apple Pay,
all major credit cards.
I mean, is that where we are now?
That's where we are.
Here's the thing.
That is not new, because I know in all my Scientology documentary work, they keep bank
accounts for your next life. So you give them money and they put it in a bank
account for your next life. They just hold on to it until you come back in your next life. So selling
plots in heaven is right on par. What I think when I hear that is, okay, we got a huge grift going on,
that is, okay, we got a huge grift going on, but the bigger problem is the people buying them
that actually think that that's legitimate.
That's where the real problem is, don't you think?
Of course.
Yeah.
I mean, it's so unbelievable
that people are buying non-existent land.
Right. And that there
are ads for it and there's a payment system for it and there's no oversight
for this. It's just jaw-dropping that somebody believes somebody that says, I
got permission from God to start selling land in heaven and you can buy your land from me.
Right. God said it was okay for me to sell you these plots. I mean, it's just jaw-dropping.
Another little tidbit from all my cult work, the Mormons, they're quote-unquote prophets.
They always tell the people, I talked to God
and God told me.
Like, so that, I mean, it's like,
if you're in that kind of world,
like if somebody walked up to me and said,
well, I talked to God and God said
that I need to buy you lunch.
I would be like, that's fucking weird.
But if you're indoctrinated to it,
it doesn't seem as weird.
I've told you about that girl that used to like babysit across the street for me.
Oh yes, the flowers.
Yes. God told me that I got flowers at my front door and I open them and there's a
note, God told me to send you these flowers. And I'm just like, this is number one, that conversation
never took place. If it did 100% it didn't. Schizophrenia. Number two, somebody needs to
get you help. Right. You need help. Like if this is your way of like trying to recruit
me to be a part of your religion, it has failed miserably. And like that stuff, like grifting these people, I guess you're just so far
indoctrinated into all of this shit that you think, but here's the thing.
And I'm going to have a hot take here.
My opinion, there's no difference from selling imaginary plots of land and these
mega churches that have billions of dollars
untaxed that are still asking for money.
It's the exact same thing.
The other just sounds so much more obviously a ripoff
where these mega-churches that have 95 branches
across the United States and take VIMMO
and have one preacher that does everything online
and they take in hundreds of thousands of dollars every Sunday, if not millions.
That's a total ripoff as well.
So I guess a human being's ability to enable clear scam artists and ripoff artists
is jaw dropping to me.
But the preachers offer this like,
God will favor you if you do this.
And here's the deal, everybody's broken.
Everybody makes mistakes, everybody has bad thoughts,
everybody tells a white lie.
That's a part of the human experience.
These megachurch people have figured out how to profit off of the human experience.
So in that regard, it's kind of brilliant, but it's immoral.
It's completely immoral.
I don't know how these people sleep at night, knowing that what little they're contributing to society and how much they're
ripping off their flock and have amassed all of this obscene wealth. And you know, a lot of these
churches during the COVID shutdowns got PPP money. Oh, really? Oh, yes. Millions and millions of dollars of PPP money
when they have the surplus of these massive bank accounts.
Catholic church, mega churches all applied for PPP money.
And think about how disgusting that is that they
don't pay taxes.
Yeah.
That's the biggest grift, the no taxes.
Yeah.
So I mean, it's not, that's egregious to me,
the selling plots, imaginary land.
But I'm just going to say, I think what these, a lot of these churches are doing to their
flock to try to make them feel better for the human experience, for making mistakes,
for lusting after somebody, for finding somebody attractive, maybe somebody had an affair.
All of these things are
hurtful in the moment, but they don't make you a bad person that you can tithe your way out of.
Right. There's not like a bounty for forgiveness. I was just thinking, if I put that on Instagram
or whatever the platform was and I said,, I'm gonna sell you this land.
If I didn't have the land, that would be a crime.
So the church has an exception
because I mean, I would think that would be a crime.
Like if you were, if you or I were saying yes,
buy these imaginary plots,
if somebody sued us, it would be a crime, fraud.
America's greatest legal mind at work.
I mean, right here, the patriots and gay triads.
Today you are getting your money's worth.
This is worth the time because counselor pumps is identifying crimes.
She's identifying exceptions.
And this is why this podcast is one of the greatest podcasts in America.
That's right.
For the patriots, for the gay triates.
Top notch thinking right here.
Yep, and I just want to throw one more thing out there.
These churches, I guarantee you,
the people that are selling the make believe land in heaven,
have a very anti-gay,
anti-woman rhetoric from the pulpit.
Oh, I'm sure.
You just can rest assured.
And so how these people are able to skirt
what every other business has to do, which is pay taxes,
when they have institutionalized bigotry,
and this is what is so sad,
is gay people are born into religious families.
And their religious communities and their religious families reject them for being who
they are.
So I've had it.
I mean, up to my eyeballs, as everybody knows, from the architecture to the grifting, from
the make-believe land, I think that religious extremism is a cancer in this
country that hurts society and doesn't help. There are a lot of people that have a faith
that is reality-based. They don't take the Bible literally, and they genuinely want to
put a better footprint for themselves without any expectation that somebody believes the
way they believe.
And there's a lot of people that I know that are like that and I don't take issue with
that.
But with the sanctimonious, I'm on the moral high ground, the gays can't get married, you
can't be gay, we're going to pray the gay away, women can't have babies out of wedlock,
you have to submit to the husband.
All of those people fuck you.
Agree? husband, all of those people fuck you.
Agree?
Pumps, our ability to suck and then wake up the next day and suck more than the previous day is undefeated.
It's unparalleled.
We are the champions.
If you would like to see how bad we suck, please join us in Seattle in September or
New York City in November for, you know,
just some world-class shit talking.
That's right.
Live.
Live and in person.
That's right.
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All right, Kylie, what else do we have today?
We've got some voicemails today.
Oh, good. So we will start off with Ashley.
Hello, ladies. Ashley here. I have fucking had it with airplanes I
know we we go over this time and time again recently had a trip to Las Vegas
flight attendants asked everybody when we got off the plane if they could let
the connecting flights go first because we were on the tarmac longer than we
should have been blah blah blah blah blah I stand up I'm waiting my turn and
lo and behold a fucking Karen behind me has the audacity to say do you have a connecting flight?
I turned around at her say what's it fucking to you?
And then she looked at me
I said yes
I do and then she proceeds for the next 20 minutes till we get off the flight to
Talk loudly enough that we all could hear her well apparently everyone has a connecting flight
Apparently everyone has a connecting flight apparently everyone's got to get off this plane. Wow. Can't follow simple instructions.
Karen, do you not think that people want to get off
this fucking plane?
Probably to get away from you.
So yes, apparently everyone and their mom had a connecting
flight that night and everyone got off the plane.
But guess what, Karen, you got off the plane.
You might've had to put a little more pep in your step,
but I'm sure you're needing those extra steps in your day.
So I fucking have.
Air travel brings out the worst
in people. You know, I was thinking about this last time we were traveling. Everyone
on a plane is expected to act the same way. Everybody's supposed to conform. And you've
just got a lot of people that are incapable of that. They're incapable of coexisting and being kind and the golden rule.
You know, treat people like you want to be treated.
Like they can't do that.
But I've been on planes with people that are thrown a fit about the connecting flight.
And I'm like, dude, they're not going to trap you on here and make you stay for five years.
You know, I mean, it's like everybody gets off a plane.
Yes. And I've been the person that has the connecting flight. years. You know, I mean, it's like everybody gets off a plane.
Yes. And I've been the person that has the connecting flight.
And especially when you've been sitting on the tarmac for 30, 45 minutes, because for some reason,
these airports are shocked that a plane shows up and they don't have a gate ready
for you, which is a whole nother episode entirely, but I digress.
And I've stood up and I have a super tight connection.
Josh and I recently experienced this and I stand up and I said, we have a connection. And they're like, yeah, we do too. And I've stood up and I have a super tight connection. Josh and I recently
experienced this and I stand up and I said, we have a connection. And they're like, yeah,
we do too. And I'm like, okay, right. And it's just, you just kind of have to accept
it. There's about a two inch lane that everybody has to get down, right? To get out of the
hole, to get into the airport, to go into the next plane. But it's the people that want to be the boss
of the exiting on the airplane or the entrance.
Like recently I was getting onto a flight
and I asked, there was everybody who was kind of
in one single file line and I was trying to figure out
where like the end of one group was
and the beginning of the other group was.
So I asked this guy, I'm like, are you group one or two?
And he's like, I'm group two.
And I go, okay.
So then I asked the guy in front of him and I go, are you group one or two?
And he goes, I'm group one.
I go, okay, I'm going to get behind you.
So then the guy behind me goes, why are you cutting in front of me?
And I go, well, because I'm going to board before you.
But if you want to stand in the
line in front of me, that's fine.
I'll stand behind you.
Right.
And he goes, okay.
Uh-uh.
Yes.
So Josh and I got behind him and we just stood behind him because I'm like, I don't want
to fight with him.
If he thinks I'm cutting, he can win.
You know, like I'm not going to, I'm not going to, I'm not dying on this hill.
Right.
And so I let him stand in front of me and then he starts going with group one.
He starts going all the way through and the flight attendant was like, sir, you're in
group two.
You need to get to the back of the line.
And I just went on, but I was like, I'm not going to fight with this guy about it.
If you think I'm cutting, you win.
I'll get behind you.
Yeah.
And here's the deal. I mean, I know that this is kind of off point, but
when they call a boarding and they say group one, group two, and you've got group seven and eight
with their faces pressed up against the line, I'm like, it's unnecessary. Stay back. You can't board.
Why are you crowding the lane? What about that day that we went full blown
patriot at the airport, the three of us.
It's, I think we've talked about it before, but it's just so hilarious that we were
dicking off in the airport, you, me and Kylie.
And it's like, you know, flight to Philadelphia or wherever we were going is leaving now.
So we race to the gate and we get up there and then I'm the first in line, then it's
Kylie, then it's you.
And she scans my ticket. She goes, thank you for your service.
Patriots, gay triots.
She knew immediately, she recognized overt patriotism when she saw it.
She thanked me immediately for my service.
She knew.
She knew immediately the service we're providing.
She knew we're taking back the flag. She knew. And the eagle. That bird is our bird.
It's our bird. You can't have it. No. All right. Up next, we've got a voice-over from
Maddie. Hi, genome pumps. My name's Maddie and I'm a really big fan. Okay. I'm going
to jump right in. I've had a hat at slash hit it this week. I went to my first Pride parade this year and I posted about it
on my Instagram because it was my first time really telling the world that I'm a
lesbian and I had a feeling I'd lose some followers because I'm from a very
conservative town in Georgia. Search up Forsyth County and that will tell you
everything you need to know. Anyways, I was right. By the end of the day I lost
30 followers from my post. I'm really not one to care about how many followers I have but what I do care about is how
many of those followers are assholes. So I've had it with homophobes but here's
where I hit it. At around six unfollows my mother was astounded at such behavior.
So she went through and screenshotted all of my followers so that at the end
of the day she could review and see who unfollowed me. Her reasoning
being that if it's anyone she knows, she would like to unfollow them. So we hit that. Anyways,
happy pride and all my love to my two fave lesbians, Kylie and pumps and lesbian adjacent Jen.
You know that when you first started your grievance, my heart just pained so hard that people would unfollow you
because you're being who you are.
And a lot of people say, why is it Pride Week?
That's why it's Pride Week, because you put shame on them
for being who they are.
The opposite of shame is pride.
But to know that your mother went full gangster,
because that's how loyal I am.
I am I am just like if you vote against the gays and do all the shit, I'm I'm not I'm not going to go along with that.
I am I am not going along with that.
Like kudos to your mom.
And the story ended so well, because I just I think that right now is a time in American politics
where people will say,
I'm just everything so hyper politicized,
everything so hyper politicized.
And it's like the people that are politicizing everything
are the people that don't want everybody to have the same.
Right, against equality.
Right now we all have to speak out for women and for the LGBTQ plus community at all times.
Right.
And quit being duplicitous.
Like seriously, do you want a right to healthcare and a right to privacy or do you want rape
victims forced to have their rapist baby?
Do you want to be able to put an IUD in or take the pill
without it being Donald Trump's business? Then fucking vote accordingly. If you're a
MAGA Republican, you're in a cult. If you're a Democrat, I don't agree with everything the
Democratic Party does, but I agree that I want human rights. I believe that the Republicans
always wreck the economy.
Just look at the stats, Google it,
because they are not good at it.
That's a huge myth.
And I want people that are marginalized
to stop being marginalized.
And I feel that in every fiber of my body
that you have to advocate for the weakest,
most marginalized members of society,
that that is the most moral thing that you can do. So kudos to the mom in Georgia that took,
that did a roll call, that kept her receipts and unfollowed because you know what, I would do the
exact same thing. If I had a gay child, hell hath no fury like the scorn that I would put on anybody that
was cruel to my child.
I mean, I would just, I would feel a need to love, I don't know that I could love my
children more, but if they were gay, I would have to dig deeper and love them a millionfold
more because I would know that so many in society are going to be cruel to them right but not their mom not their mom
and they would always know I had their back oh a hundred percent oh totally
all right Kylie who's next all right up next we've got Driss Driss Driss hey Jen
hey pumps hey Kylie Love you guys so much
I need to just say that I have fucking had it with straight couples
Showing PDA at the gym. I am disturbed by that
First of all, aren't you there to work out? Second of all, nobody wants to fucking see that
I don't even want to see people showing each other affection when I'm watching porn.
And third, are you trying to make me throw up in my mouth
while I'm running full speed on the treadmill?
Stop taking mirror selfies together.
Stop hugging each other.
Stop kissing each other.
Stop squeezing each other in weird places
that nobody else wants to see.
Thank you and good day.
Dris, I love you. Dr you and good day. Dress I love you.
Dress is the best.
First of all, you just could have stopped the I've had it with I've had it with
straight couples.
Right. And that's how many things came to mind.
That just could have ended up right there. But he brings up so many important
points. And it has been our long storied campaign against PDA.
Hate it.
Here's the thing, when it's so overt and so staged,
you know they're covering up for an insecurity
in the relationship or some shortcoming.
100%.
If it's a natural, you're out and about,
somebody puts their hand on somebody's back,
there's a peck and it's not this staged thing,
but making out in the gym. Here's a peck and it's not this staged thing. But making out in the
gym, here's what got me. The mirror selfie. The couple mirror selfie. What? Why? Do you not have
mirrors to pose for at your house? Why do you have to do it in public? You know how I feel about PDA. I'm a long anti-PDA-er.
But I also love, Dress said,
it made me want to throw up in my mouth
because I say that all the time.
I'm going to throw up in my mouth.
Here's one point that we have to talk about
that was probably the funniest thing I've heard all day
is that he doesn't even like PDA and porn.
I love that.
I want PDA free porn.
Yeah.
I just want an in and out.
Boom.
Yes.
Get to the nut cut and get to the nut cut and nobody wants to see any French kissing.
We don't have to have a lot of passion.
Right.
Making out.
Yeah.
A slobber.
No, just get in, get out. I like it. That's fantastic. Dress as a star.
All right. Up next, we've got Jane. Hi, pumps. Hi, Jenny.
This is Jane from Texas. And I've had it with all these
crunchy moms that I'm seeing on tik tok, talking about how they
don't go to the doctor or take prenatal vitamins
and they drink raw milk and they eat raw eggs because they think it's just super trendy like
they're fucking Amish or something. I'm so sick and tired of seeing it. It's not healthy, bitch.
Go to the fucking doctor. And just a side note, I'm pregnant with my first baby and I listen to y'all
all the time and I'm really hoping if I play enough episodes that the baby will hear
it and they're just going to come out a complete bitch just like me.
Yeah, you know, the whole like not going to the doctor thing is, it's a, listen, I believe
in your freedom to choose to do that or not. But I do think there is a pretty large body
of evidence that modern healthcare has decreased instances of death and it's increased life expectancy.
And I think this is pretty established science.
Now within that, are there issues with the for-profit healthcare system that we have
here?
Yes.
Are there issues with the state-funded healthcare system like the NHS in Britain?
Yes. in Britain. Yes, but I am not a person that is capable of thinking that I could self-treat
something. That's what gets me about it. And it kind of goes back to COVID. It's the same
thing. It's like, I'm going to get on WebMD and I'm going to read, what do you need to do with pregnancy? What to do? What's
a doubt on WebMD? And so I'm going to say, I know better because I read WebMD and I got
on TikTok and they're saying you can eat raw eggs. I don't know if you can eat raw eggs
when you're pregnant or not. I can't remember. Sounds like you probably can't, but who cares? That's not the point. The point is, if you have an illness
and you diagnose yourself on the internet,
then you have to stick with it.
Like, okay, so it's just like the fact
you had a great idea during COVID.
Let's have a Facebook hospital.
Everybody that doesn't want healthcare, hospital care,
medical care,
science for COVID, then you meet in the Facebook hospital tent. Right. And you all can web
MD it with your Facebook doctors and see where that gets you. If you're in, be in.
But don't be, I'm gonna diagnose myself, I'm gonna do all this shit from TikTok,
and then when something goes wrong, then blame health care. But, and the deal at the end of the day, you want to do that.
You don't you want to go it.
It's a free society.
Absolutely.
And I believe that if you don't want to go get health care, you don't have to go
get health care, but when shit happens, really serious shit happens, then you
decide to honor the science.
The rest of us are all kind of like, yeah, it's kind of been there all along. Right. It's not a mystery.
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All right, Kylie, who's next? We're going to play another rendition from our friend
Nick G. And it's the meemaw remix of Like a Prayer. Nick G's been busy.
Pumps is a mystery, my nana just wants to bone. I see you hit that vape and it feels like home.
It feels like home.
When you hit that vape, I feel so fucking queer. I touch my double D's and shave my husky's hair.
In the midnight hour, I can feel her power.
I take it from the rear to show me my eye care.
I can't. It's just it's just the creativity and the accuracy.
Absolutely. The Hefki came in, the Double D.
I mean, I think we need to collab with this guy and drop an album. And you need to be doing like dancing.
I think, you know what, didn't some crazy ass Trumper drop an album?
She was, what's, Lara Trump?
Oh, she sucks.
We're moderately kind of cool.
I mean, Kylie, do you think we should drop an album?
I think we should drop an album.
With him.
He's the lead singer.
And Pumps and I are the dancers. Obviously. Can't they auto tune our voices because Pumps and I are
prolific horrible singers. 100%. Pumps, go ahead and sing the real Like a Prayer for that listener.
I just didn't want to say. I love Like a Prayer. It's one of my favorites. Why don't you do a little?
I can't. Just real quick. Just Like a Prayer. Come on.
I can't. Just real quick, just like a prayer. Come on. Just like a prayer. Your voice will take you there. Just like a prayer.
Nick is a 10 out of 10. I love him. We ought to make some theme songs out of that.
A ringtone. I hate to change yours and Kurt, but...
I just love all of his songs.
They're so good.
Oh my God. When you hit that vape, you're shaving your husky.
It's all the high notes.
Double D's.
Everything's there. Taking it from the rear.
Which every patriot and gaytriot knows is your favorite way to take it.
I mean, 100%.
I mean, this is...
I like it.
Talk about established science.
You don't even have to go to the Facebook hospital to figure that out.
No, you don't.
You absolutely do not.
All right, Kylie, last one.
All right, this one is a grievance that we have gotten a lot
and never addressed. So this is from Jay Quellen. I have fucking had it with these new parents
posting pictures on Instagram of their babies and slapping a big fucking emoji face on the baby's
face to protect their privacy. Now I get it. you don't want your baby's face all over the World Wide Web,
but no one wants to see a picture
with an emoji over someone's face.
If you're concerned about your child's privacy,
then don't fucking post that shit.
Even if your account's private.
Clearly you don't trust your fans.
Just save that fucking picture
and send it to nanny and papi and that's it.
No one else needs to see
that shit. I have fucking had it. I've had that same grievance. I'm like even if
it's a big star I'm like a baby looks like that picture for about 30 seconds. I
mean it it goes so fast it's not like you're gonna be able to identify a baby
from any other baby they all look alike.
When they all look like newborns,
there's nothing not exciting about any of them.
But I have noticed the face thing.
I'm just like, why put the picture on there?
What do you, why?
I've noticed the exact same thing.
And I think the exact same thing.
Do not post your baby on the internet
if you do not want people to know
what your baby looks like.
It's an easy fix. It is the easiest fix of all. I mean it's just it's not even complicated.
No. I don't want you to see my baby therefore I'm not putting my baby on social media. Problem
solved. You know what I'm going to start doing? I'm going to start posting pictures of you and me.
I'm going to start posting pictures of you and me. I'm going to put a little emoji, a Siberian husky emoji over your face to protect your
identity.
Yeah.
I mean, it's seriously, it's so stupid. It's, it's, there is such an easy fix for it, but to act like your baby is so important
and you have to cover their identity with an emoji, it's just, it's, it's again, another
layer of performative internet bullshit that if you don't like that shit, then just don't
participate in it.
Right.
It's so easy.
It's just, I can't even tell you how easy it is.
And if somebody doesn't want a picture of their kid
on the internet, I respect that.
I totally get it.
You're the mom.
You're the dad.
Don't put the pic of the kid on the internet.
But to kind of tease the kid on the internet
with a heart eye emoji, I've had it.
I've had it.
I've completely had it.
And that's a great one that we hadn't thought of.
That is, it is an absolutely fantastic one.
And I think there's an argument to be made that like, you know, all of these kids get all of these pictures put on the internet of them without their consent.
I don't post my kids on my page that much because now they're older and they don't care. But they would
get I would put an image up and my kids would say when they were in junior high or high
school, I don't like that. We please take that down. And I immediately would. Right.
Because it's, you know, that's the right to not want to be on the internet. But yeah,
I think that's that's crazy. And I've seen this a lot recently. I bet you live in Oklahoma city. You are not
like some dignitary undercover covert spies kid. No, that's nobody cares. Nobody cares.
Nobody cares. Nobody cares. Well, I would say I do know a person
Well, I would say I do know a person that always likes to point out ugly children to me.
Oh yeah, that's true.
And her name would be similar, would be the exact same person of America's greatest legal
mind.
It's also, you guys, she is sharp as a tack when it comes to recognizing ugly kids.
We're out and about or an image.
She goes, God, that kid's ugly. Yeah, that kid's ugly. That kid's not very cute. Yeah. All
right, listener. Thanks for tuning in. We're going to continue this conversation over with
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