I've Had It - Yuck Is My Yum

Episode Date: September 24, 2024

Had It or Hit It: Jelqing? Scott Seiss, author of The Customer Is Always Wrong, weighs in on this viral phenomenon.NEW TOUR DATES ANNOUNCED! For more I've Had It + tour updates, merch and more at linktr.ee/ivehaditpodcast Thank you to our sponsors: The Golden Bachelorette: Be sure to tune in for new episodes of The Golden Bachelorette, Wednesdays at 8pm/7pm central on ABC and stream episodes the following day on Hulu. Lumen: Head to https://lumen.me/HADIT for 15% off your purchase RoBody: Go to https://RO.CO/HADIT. Memberships start at just $99 for your first month. Medication costs are separate. ASPCA Pet Health Insurance: To explore coverage, visit http://ASPCApetinsurance.com/HADIT *This is a Paid Advertisement. Insurance is underwritten by either Independence American Insurance Company or United States Fire Insurance Company, and produced by PTZ Insurance Agency, Limited. The ASPCA is not an insurer and is not engaged in the business of insurance. Shopify: Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at https://shopify.com/hadit, now to grow your business - no matter what stage you’re in. ZocDoc: Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to https://Zocdoc.com/IVEHADIT to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. Follow Us:  I've Had It Podcast: @Ivehaditpodcast Jennifer Welch: @mizzwelch Angie "Pumps" Sullivan: @pumpspumpspumps Special Guest: Scott Seiss @ScottSeiss

Listen up, patriots, gaitriots, and natriots. We have a new podcast that has dropped. It's called IHIP News. It's Monday through Friday, every day, 15 to 20 minute hot takes on the political landscape of the United States of America, always served with a side of petty grievances. We are on all the available platforms, Apple, Spotify, Google, whatever, if you get your podcasts and YouTube. Please go rate, subscribe and review so that we will chart upwards with America's greatest legal mind pumps. Pumps, what does an eagle say?

Cacaw! A little bit more enthusiasm. Cacaw! That's it. That's, that's, Cacaw! That's the patriotism that this country needs right there. Ready? One, two, three. Oh my God, that is so embarrassing.

We have to go. We have to keep rolling. This is a show. We're in the show business. You face planted. It was awful. Patriots, Gatriots, the Atriots, I apologize for the limp dick clap on. But she is America's legal eagle, America's greatest legal mind.

Pumps, what have you had it with? Okay, what I've had it with is cutesy names for kids. We've beat that horse to death. Like cutesy names spelled weird. What I have found in the last two days are two different businesses that have the cutesy names. On my way to work, they're building a storage unit. You know how they're spelling storage? S-T-O-R-I-J. That's stupid! Do you know where

I will never store anything ever? S-T-O-R-I-J. It's too cute by half. It's stupid. Place we eat for lunch next door. I guess it's like a physical therapy place. F Y S I C A L. Stop it. I will never go there. Spell stuff like it's properly spelled because you look like an asshole. I've had it. I know the S T O R I J guys. Okay, well tell them from me that is a stupid name. I'll send them when this podcast... Send them the clip. I'll send them this clip.

You have to be... You know one of the guys. Well, I'm just going to tell you I'd say it to his face. Like, I will never store anything there because it's stupid. Uh, store-ish? Store dip shit is what I call it. I agree. People take a lot of creative freedom when they're naming babies, when they're naming their businesses, and they get cutesy, and they think they're so neat and innovative and just such great whippersnappers. And it's stupid. I mean, here's the deal. It's a storage unit. Call it a storage unit. Store your stuff here. Not everything's so cutesy. I mean, it's just, it repels me because I

just think either somebody doesn't know how to spell or they're trying to be cute. And I almost wish it was a spelling error. Yeah. Because you're not cute. It's not creative. It's just dumb. I have a very similar grievance pertaining to businesses. I've had it with patriotic businesses and Christian businesses. If you're a patriotic Christian business, I want nothing to do with you. I think it's so insane where it's like, you know, like America's patriot roofing company. Shut up. Shut up. Why are you a bigger patriot than anybody else? It's so stupid. Number one, quit whoring out America. Right. That's not very patriotic. No. And number two, when people start putting Bible verses attached to their business, it's stupid.

I recently was trying to hire an ACT workshop for my kid to go to, to bring up his ACT score. I was on this website and at the bottom, they're whipping out Bible verses. You're like, nope. How are you going to do this once we get to the evolution part of the quiz? What happens then? How do you advise my son then? Why the overt bragging about these things? If you're religious and it brings you serenity, great.

Shut up. Right. Nobody cares. Do your own thing with it. Here's another thing I've had it with. Commercials for churches. It's unconscionable how damn that is. People are just ridiculous. If these churches have enough money to buy television advertisements and billboards, Facebook ads and YouTube ads and all this crap that they do, pay your taxes. If you have all this disposable income to try to grow your church, and we all know the reason why you're trying to grow it, the reason why you're trying to grow it is not that you're trying to make a better place on the planet.

The reason you're trying to grow it is so that you can get more money in tithes. 100%. So you can stockpile it. That's why you're advertising. So I've had it with all three of those things. Yeah. Now I completely agree. It's so funny you said that about the advertising on TV. This is slightly off the subject, but it won't surprise our listeners. I'm getting ready this morning. There's an ad for some erectile dysfunction medication. And I don't know what the ad is for, but I hear them say,

it also comes with a packet of penal stretching exercises. What? I swear to God. Because I was like, penal stretching exercises. What? I swear to God, because I was like, penile stretching exercises. There's physical therapy for the penis now. Yeah. That was exactly the quote because I heard it and I was like, Oh my God, I have to remember this. Penile stretching exercises. Exercises. Yeah. And I don't, it was some... Like a male kaggle? A male kaggle, I guess. Is this to extend?

That's the thing. I don't know. I definitely know it was an ED because it talked about the long erection and all that, but I don't know what the product was. Well, the listener and I are not even remotely surprised that we're five minutes in and now we're talking about penile extension exercises. Don't you find that somewhat bizarre? No, I don't. Here's why. Okay. Right now, there are all of these attacks on women through law, through legislation. You got

JD Vance, who is the most anti-woman candidate I've ever seen in my life, it's all of these crazies Project 2025, yack, yack, blah, blah. Nobody ever mentions all of the gender-affirming care that all of these quote unquote alpha male, alpha men participate in by taking erectile dysfunction medication. And I am looking forward to the day that somebody, and I bet it's probably Jasmine Crockett or AOC, just starts mopping the floor with these guys on the house floor. Can't wait. About gender affirming care, saying, well, when you have low T and you go get your testosterone

shots, is that gender affirming care? When you can't get your dick hard and you're secretly ordering erectile dysfunction medication and doing these penis extension exercises because your dick's so small, is that gender affirming care, you big alpha male, you big tough guy? You big old tough guy. Because that's how they speak about women. They say, well, if she would keep her legs closed and you know, that you hear these really weird Republicans that say stuff like a rape could end up being the best thing that ever happened to a woman. All of these crazy bizarre quotes. So thank you. I wonder if these erectile dysfunction businesses are overtly patriotic

or religious. I think 100% they're overtly religious and patriotic. And you want to know why? Because it's all the alpha males running around to alpha male schools that probably need ED medicine more than most. That's my guess. So I'm gonna say yes to both. So like this is why we're not in politics because if we were, here's what I would want to do. Like they're like okay we want to track your periods. I'd be like I want to track your erections. Right. 100%. I want to track when you ordered erectile dysfunction medication. I want to know when erections. Right. 100%. I want to track when you ordered erectile dysfunction medication.

I want to know when you were beating off behind your wife's back the exact scene in which porn you were watching. And then I want to advertise that on the worldwide web. I'm looking at you, Ted Cruz. We all know who's out there on 9-11. A horrible day that we hashtag never forget in American history. He's out there on 9-11 a few years ago liking porn tweets, Ted is. He blames it on some poor intern that probably has no problem sexually.

Right, has no limp dick issues. Right. So, I mean, that's why we're not in politics. Because I would be like, okay, I see that. And now here's what I want to do. I'll race you. Right. Yeah, you just don't see a lot of like boob stretching

exercises advertised on TV. But if I started doing it, you know what I'd call it? B-O-B, wait, B-O-O-B Zs, instead of boobs, boobs, with a Z. Spell it like a weird business like storage. Just to be cute. That would be your exercise. That'd be my exercise. You know what you could do? Instead of putting the Christian fish that's often on businesses, it's just like a,

hey, here's the fish so that you know we're in the club. You could do the fish with the feet on it, the Darwinian sign. Have you seen that? I want to put that on our podcast logo. Put in the show notes this week. I want the Darwinian fish, Cathy. Welcome to I've Had It. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. Kathy. Top of your to-do list. I want the Darwinian fish attached somehow on our stuff. I'm just going to switch out our whole logo.

Okay. Yeah. Perfect. Yeah. What's going on on the World Wide Web? Okay. Today I thought we might rapid fire off a couple of our listener emails with what they've had it with.

I like it. Okay. All right. This one is from fkeys and they email us to say I fucking had it with delis and small eateries that don't finish your sandwich slap nuts I pay you 100% of the fucking money to make 100% of the sandwich don't fucking hand it off to me like I'm in a relay race so I can run over to the gross counter where the condiments are just so I can spend half my lunch hour tearing open packets of mustard, etc. Sorry, you fired the person in charge of the ketchup,

but that is not my problem." Kind of a great grievance. Because when you are in a real hurry, you just have to forego the condiments because opening the bags and all that, it's too taxing. Those little tiny mustard packets are way too minimalistic for American culture. I agree. We're used to gobs of things. Right.

It's like, here you go. Here's this overt excess all the time, anywhere. You can have air conditioners blasted down to 60. Roads are big. All the stores are gigantic. But long hot dogs. Of course, we're back there again. Mustard. Right. Right. Everybody knows, especially the listener, exactly what you were thinking, boobs. Anyway, and then all of a sudden you get this miniature little mustard package. I'm like,

I'm not conditioned to this. No, you have, you have given me more as more my entire life. Now you're like, I'm sorry. Here's a tiny little dot of mustard. Fuck you packages. That's terrible. Totally. It expects us to all of a sudden exercise restraint. We're Americans. We are egregiously disgusting and maximalist and all the horrible things. Don't give us a little limp dick mustard package. Especially for Peps's footlong hot dog. All right this one is from KJV Keegan. You're right, my

petty grievance. Well just one of the evening. Tonight I was thrilled to go see the Beetlejuice sequel in theaters. It was a great film, but nothing ruins a good movie high like people who think they must clap and cheer at the end of the film. Firstly, where did this start? Secondly, they cannot hear you, and I wish I couldn't either. I've had it. I've thought this multiple times. However, I've been on both ends of it. That's what I was going to say. I have been at the end of the movie and people started clapping and I've said, what a bunch of dorks. Look at dorky McDorkersons in here clapping at the end of the movie.

The people on the screen don't even know that we're here doing this. And then I've been at a movie before and the movie was so great, they started clapping and I mean completely off brand and overcome with joy and totally detached from my cold black heart, I erupted into applause. Yeah, I mean I've like stood up, like applauded like- Thunderously.

Thunderously like standing ovation for a movie. I can't remember the movie, but it was in the last two or three years I've done it up on my feet clapping. But again, I agree with her. I agree And we're the hypocrisy agree because people have clapped at a movie I thought was just and I was just like what a bunch of bows. Here's the deal We need to oppose this we have a brand we have to know agree we need to stop doing it and our is, cynical is all get out and rock hard cocks for you.

We just stick to those two things. So even though we have betrayed our oath in clapping ridiculously in a movie theater before, we still oppose it and we confess to our listener that we at times are a part of the problem but we will repent. That's absolutely right and we'll do better. We'll do our boobs exercises. Instead of clapping we'll do boobs. I looked up the penile stretching exercises.

It's called jelking. What? How do you spell that? J-E-L-Q-I-N-G. Jelking. So it is... This kind of goes perfect with my point of stupid. Stupid spelling. Stupid spelling.

And it is to make it larger and girthier. What do you do when- What do you do? There was a couple diagrams, you kind of like stretch it out. It's just like slow masturbating is what it seems like. And you do it with your hand? Yeah.

You don't when you're just- There was some squatting stuff too, I believe. They're squatting and jacking off at the same time to extend their peen. You can only do the exercises while it's flaccid. Sit or lean against a wall or table while doing the exercises. Imagine walking in on a man doing it. That would be the biggest ick.

Here's the thing. There's no question in my mind that millions of men globally have googled, how do I make my dick bigger? And the Jelking article comes up. I bet you right now as we're sitting here recording this, there are thousands of Jelkers actively Jelking as we sit here and record this podcast. I bet there's something Jelking to this podcast right now. You know what we're going to start doing? We're going to start, instead of calling people limb decks, we're going to call them a jelker. He needs some jelking over there.

I guarantee you, this is widely practiced, rarely talked about until we exposed it right here on this podcast, because if you're keen ear, anytime the penis is mentioned, you just perk up. Yeah, I just get so mad on the erectile dysfunction commercials that I'm just like, I fucking hate them. And then the jelking came up and I was just like, what the fuck is going on there? Let me ask you this. Okay. You ever jelt anybody? Have you ever jelt anybody off? Let me ask you this.

When you hear the penile erectile dysfunction advertisements and you're just angry, I know that the overt reason that you're angry is because they're just bragging about all of this unmitigated access they have to do whatever they want to with their dicks whenever and skirt the system when they have a limp dick, take a pill and get a hard dick. But I'm wondering if somewhere covertly in there inside you, inside boobs, if you are a little irritated because maybe you haven't had one, how many days are we up to now, Kylie? I think it's over 9,000. 9,000.

9,000. Do you think that plays any factor in your rage at all? Even an ounce? I would say probably 98% of it is I'm so fucking mad that they want to be in my body, yet they're rolling out ads for limp dick medicine. I agree with all that. I want to talk about the 2%.

So it's not conscious, but covertly I'm sure it is. Wouldn't you say it'd have to be? I just think if our editors, Kylie and Seth, were to make a mixtape, is that what it's called? Hypercut? I don't think it's a mixtape. It's not a mixtape. That's like a 1980s. We'll burn a CD. What is it a hyper, what's it called? Yeah, like a supercut. Supercut.

Supercut. A supercut. If you talking about cog on this show and our Patreon and all that, it could be a very long supercut. It could be a full episode, 45 minutes at least. Right. Maybe we could roll that out on a day we couldn't record. We just roll out the supercut. Yeah. Yeah. The jelking. I guarantee you this thing. There are thousands

of active jelkers right now. Of course there are. Seth just texted me while we were talking about it. Jelking is super viral RN. I'm in tears. So I guess everybody's doing it. Everybody's doing it. There's no question. No, of course. Every male with Wi-Fi has searched. How do I make my dick bigger? 100%. It's just no question. Of course they have. I remember as a girl, I know it's crazy to think now member Judy Bloomberg. Are you there? God, it's me, Margaret. We must, we must, we must increase our bus increase our best. Look what happened. I thought it went like this. We must, we must, we must increase our best. No, we had the bigger, the better, the tighter,

the sweater. The boys are depending on us. I don't remember that second part. I just remember this. We used to do this. You didn't do the bigger, the better, the tighter, sweater. I probably did, but I've forgotten. But I'm just like, I wish you wouldn't have done it so much now looking back. Think about that. Think about how like that inherent internalize, like we're here to please men sexually. The bigger, the better, the tighter the sweater, the boys are depending on us. Just what a pathetic. And I did it. Fucking I did it up to a D. Is this when you were wanting to marry Randy? This is when I was fantasizing about Randy. He's probably middle-aged now and joking.

Oh my gosh. All right. This is completely descended into the show, this hit of a podcast of ours, but I'm really excited about our guest. Okay. Maybe we can ask him about jelking. I don't know. I'm going to add it to head it or head it. I think we should add it. Yeah. Jelking. I'm just getting very dead serious. Head it or hit it? Jelking. How did her hit it? Jelking. Okay, all right. Listen, we're serious podcasters. We're very serious people. We're serious podcasters. We just

addressed a lot of serious niche topics. That's right. You're not going to hear this on other places. Right. It's not the front lines of MSNBC. You're not going to hear this on the, like, if somebody is a jelker and a podcaster a doubt, they're doing a whole expose on it. They're hurrying up to finish their podcast so they can go jelk. They can jelk it. I'd like to see the numbers on how much jelking helps, but that's a different topic. That would be a great little side study for you to report back to our listeners. Research on jelking.

Research on jelking. Maybe you could be the measurer. Maybe you could conduct your own study. I don't want to have to do the jelking. You would get the samples, the control, you know, the people, and measure pre-jelk and then measure post-jelk. Maybe you could also count them down as they're joking go in five six seven eight and pull and tug Make sure you're leaning back against the wall

Clench your ass while you do Why does anybody listen to this I don't know it's listener you're sick you the listeners are sick they keep coming back Okay, all right, listen. We have a guest. He is a comedian and actor and now author Scott Seiss. We're about to find out if he's a jel-ter. Pumps, our ability to suck and then wake up the next day and suck more than the previous day is undefeated. It's unparalleled.

We are the champions. If you would like to see how bad we suck, please join us in Seattle in September or New York City in November for, you know, just some world-class shit talking. That's right. Live. Live and in person. That's right. Live. Live and in person. That's right. Joan Vasos is making history at 61 years old as the world's first Golden Bachelorette on ABC. On The Golden Bachelor, Joan made the heroic decision to leave the show early, putting family first.

Now she is returning to the Bachelor Mansion for a second chance at a second great love of her life. This season 24 men ranging in age from 59 to 71 will attempt to capture the heart of our leading lady. Joan is setting out to prove that people in their golden years still have a lot of living left to do. Tune in for new episodes of The Golden Bachelorette Wednesdays on ABC and stream episodes the following day on Hulu. Today's episode is sponsored by the ASPCA Pet Health Insurance Program. Pumps, would you pick up a mountain and move it if your dog was sick? No question I would. What's concerning is when you have such expensive vet bills for a pet and how do you pay those? It can really put a person into a very precarious financial situation.

That's why we love the ASPCA Pet Health Insurance Program because it offers customizable accident and illness plans, making it so much easier for pet parents like Pumps and me to help our pets get the care that they may need. They allow you to customize your plan, helping to ensure that your pet's plan is every bit as unique as your pet. Vet bills can really add up, especially when you're least expecting it. Listener, to explore coverage, visit aspcapetinsurance.com slash had it. That's aspcapetinsurance.com slash had it. Again, that's aspcapetinsurance.com slash had it.

This is a paid advertisement. Insurance is underwritten by either Independence American Insurance Company or United States Fire Insurance Company and produced by PTZ Insurance Agency Limited. The ASPCA is not an insurer and is not engaged in the business of insurance. Okay. Okay, we would like to welcome a very late to the party, comedian, actor, and chronic tardy person, Scott Sy. Scott, I don't know if you know that we've had it

with people that run late, so what do you have to say for yourself? This is my worst nightmare come to life. Oh, goody. I was so happy. I was so excited for this podcast, because I really feel like you to speak to my soul, yeah, I really I'm a such a fan and I was like this is a priority for me and I end up so late that I've become

the I've had of the episode this is unbelievable we have not accepted I've had it with myself. How rude I can truly be and I apologize, I'm going to make a TikTok about me roasting myself later on. Excellent. I'm going to say, you son of a... I look like if Ted Lasso got concerning health news. I'm an idiot. No, I'm such a fan of you all.

Thank you so much for having me on the podcast. I really appreciate it. And Cease, Cease, my last name, Cease. Oh, Cease. I said it wrong. Scott Cease. No, no, you didn't say it. You just did the traditional German. You did the sights. Sights. Cease, Scott Cease. Okay, Scott, we have to ask you, we email with our guests a little bit in advance, and your list of grievances, I have to say, despite your tardiness, is five-, high quality

shit that I cannot wait to deep dive into. So right out of the gates, what have you had it with? I have had it. I'm going to start niche. I'm going to start a little niche. I've had it when people win money on a game show and some fucking weirdo at home has to shout out, well, you know half of that's taxes. Shut, shut up. Shut, shut the fuck up. Let me enjoy, press your luck.

Let me enjoy family feud. I'm not worried about the tax situation. Right, that's my childhood. My parents did that all the time. And I was always like, can't we just be happy for him? You know, there's always a skunk at the garden party. You know, all you're wanting to do is watch Will of Fortune, guess the puzzle, and there's some fucking skunk

at the garden party that is just pissing all over it, bringing up taxes. There's some skunk at the party. This part-time nurse just won 30 grand. Yeah, try 15. To have the taxes. Let's be happy. You know what it is?

I honestly feel like it's someone at home who is so jealous of the person on screen. They have to get, well, they didn't win as much as they're saying. They didn't. Well, they made more than you sitting on your ass watching the game show. I got to be honest with you. I do. I do think it's a little bit of jealousy.

And it's just, why do people always have to poo-poo? Somebody's, you know, having fun on a game show. Have you ever been on a game show? Oh, you know what? I was in the audience for Let's Make a Deal once with the one that Wayne Brady hosts. I was dressed as a clown, and I didn't get picked to play, but there was a woman who was like,

she had to do a dice roll to win a new car and they cut to a closeup of me. And you've never seen someone so invested in a stranger's Let's Make a Deal. I was literally like biting my nails hoping she would win the car and she did. It was beautiful. Oh, I love that.

Next up on your list, you mentioned what happens, your grievance about being invited to something. Oh God. I cannot stand, I've had it with follow-up questions after you decline an invitation. If I say no, I don't wanna hear, well, what are you doing? Well, what's going on earlier in the day? And I say, oh, I have an appointment. Well, how long is that going to take? That doesn't take that long. You could still do

it. I only like to do one thing a day. Right. I only like to do one thing a day. And then they say, well, what's the appointment? I go, well, guess what? I made up the appointment. I just don't want to do the thing that you're asking. I don't like the follow-up questions. Well, why don't you want to go? Right. Why do you care why I don't want to go? I can't go. Full stop.

I'll tell you why they care. Full stop. Because we're all three hot dates. We're all three hot tickets. I think that's exactly it. And they're all like, well, if you're not going to go, then it's not going to be any fun. fun right I have had people say that to me and I'm like if you're depending on me in a small talk situation you're in trouble oh that is

the biggest no I can do it I heard you on that flight last that wasn't small talk we were talking it was small talk yak mouth city 30,000 feet in the air. It was literally almost like air terrorism. It was so loud. I heard you through those noise canceling headphones. Okay, let's talk about all of the fuckery going on in elevators. People that don't understand elevator etiquette, I can't stand this. If I'm at a hotel or my apartment building, we have an elevator there, la-di-da. If I get to the lobby and the door's open,

I'm met with a horde of idiots trying to pour into the elevator while I'm trying to get out. Let me out. Let me out. People try to pour into an elevator like it's the last helicopter out of a war zone. They're trying to jump in there. They're trying to dive in. I'm like, I promise you, it's the last helicopter out of a war zone. They're trying to jump in there. They're trying to dive in. I'm like, I promise you, it's going to be easier if you step back and stand down.

Stand down. Let me out. That is one of my biggest pet peeves. This happens on the airport tram too. It's the rudest fucking thing on planet Earth. I cannot stand it. Let the people disembark. It's not that hard. It's not leaving. Drives me crazy when people do that. You know what else is weird is like when you're in an elevator and it's just you and one other person and you have a lot of flights to go. I mean, we're talking it's a major ride and you can tell the person's staring at you. And so then you're like looking at your phone

and then I always kind of look up from the phone and I'm always like, oh, they're still looking at me. There's something so awkward about elevator interactions. Yeah. Have you ever had this on an elevator when someone is, when you're going down, you're going down to the lobby clearly, elevator stops on like the third floor.

The person's on their phone, they get out, and you know that they meant to get out on the lobby. And you know that their dumb ass is gonna turn around and go, wait, wait, wait. And it's like, no, bitch, I'm closing the doors. You made the ultimate mistake, okay? Just look at the floor before you walk out of the elevator. That's also etiquette.

It's like, and I, maybe we need to start making it socially acceptable to when that happens, just to be like, it's not the lobby, dipshit. It's not the lobby. Get in here. Get back in. It's not your floor. You know what Pumps does?

We were in Chicago recently. I was just thinking. And we had up and down elevators all the time. We were at the DNC, so from our hotel to the United Center and back and forth on and on. So there's always somebody racing for the elevator and Pumps would go, oh, you should put her arm out and just stop short of the sensor. So it looked like it looked like she was waiting, so she'd go, oh, and then the doors would close, and she'd go, oh, good. I did do that a couple times.

I mean, I was just like, yeah, I wanted full credit for trying, but I wasn't really trying. You were fainting. It's giving the fake jog when you're crossing the street. You know, you do like a, you move your shoulders a little bit to act like you're running. Like you're moving faster. Right, but you're just walking as slowly as possible across the crosswalk. Have any of you ever been stuck in an elevator? I was in college. I was. How long?

How long? My roommates were jumping on the like, like we got it stopped. And then the fire department had to come and literally open the top of the elevator and pull us out one by one. Oh my gosh. We were in there probably like an hour and so like we got stuck. We could like you know the elevator stopped moving and I was like oh god like this is so embarrassing you know some people and like some of my friends were laughing, and then one of my friends stands up and goes, everyone stop, stop, stop. There's a limited air supply.

And there was a fucking vent in the elevator. It's like, we're not gonna fucking suffocate in this elevator, okay? Okay, do you have your list in front of us, our correspondents? Oh, my list? I've got my whole list here. Okay, read the one about yucking the yum.

Okay, here we go. I've had it with people who say, don't yuck somebody's yum. I, let me be a hater. Let me hate. Yucking is my yum. Yucking is my yum. So by your own logic, you've committed the ultimate sin and you've yucked me.

Totally. Don't do it. If I want to in the privacy of my own home, if I want to say, you know, whatever, I don't understand people who wear a fox tail in public. If I want to say that in the privacy of my own home, I'm not marching on Capitol Hill saying it should be illegal. I'm just in the privacy of my home or on a popular podcast saying it. That's the only place I'll do it. That's it. I agree with you. It's fun to yuck people's yum.

Right. I mean, it's just if it's harmless. You know what? I don't like this blowback from like shit talking. Like we need to remain steadfast in yucking yums and shit talking. We have to because the toxic positivity movement is out of control and they've come for us and they're making a lot of progress. They have a lot of boots on the ground.

They have a lot of Instagram accounts. They have a lot of Russian trolls. And I feel the advancement of this movement. And I think we have to yuck people's yum constantly. All the time. As much as we possibly can. Yes, if you bring, I was at a restaurant the other week and someone brought their bearded dragon

into the restaurant. They had their bearded dragon, a lizard, sitting on their shoulder while they were, you know, drinking and having wings sitting outside. And I'm like, we need to bring back shame. You must be shamed for what you're doing. You must be yucked. I'm sorry. Yes, I totally agree on the shame. There's a certain amount of shame is necessary to excel in life because some of the stuff I mean, myself included, like some of my ideas and stuff are stupid. Somebody doesn't tell you they're stupid. How are you supposed to know? Yeah. I mean, when stupid people oftentimes lack insight, right? So

you have to remind them that they're stupid. I think that's an inherent feature of being stupid is lacking insight. So it's our job to remind them, hey, dumbass, you're a stupid dipshit. Yes, I am yucking your yum. But wait, you're not allowed to shut the fuck up. Yeah, shut the fuck up. Yeah, shut the fuck up. Okay, this is something I'm really guilty of, but I'm with you on having it because I want to have it with as many things as possible.

And you mentioned people who leave stadium games and concerts early and I'm a huge offender of this. And you can read me for it right now. I'm ready for it. I just don't understand it. You know what would have been a huge time saver? Not going to the stadium at all. Agree. I agree with you on that. See, I just, I feel like you've already put the investment in. It's a sunk cost. You're

there. You know you're going to be there. It's like, just stay for the whole experience. Or if I'm in a group, I don't want to feel pressured if everyone else is like, well, we might as well just go now. And I'm like, I paid for this. I want to have another hot dog and I want to watch the end of the baseball game. Maybe something amazing happens and we'll just wait an extra 10 minutes in the parking lot. I look at my friends or whatever who like to do this, if they're like, oh, the encore is about to start, let's leave the concert or whatever. And I'm like, what is so important that you have to do?

You've got nothing. You've got nothing else happening. Get, sit down for 15 more minutes and let's just get value out of this experience. Let's get value, let's make memories together. You wanna leave, you wanna leave so we just. Let's get value. Let's make memories together. You want to leave so we just hear what's going on while we're going down a fucking escalator. My God. And then all you feel at the end is like you gamed the system. Oh, look at that. We sure

did beat the rush. Here's the deal. You're 100% right. We are 1000% wrong in this. You've made the commitment. You bought the ticket. You've schlepped in this. You've made the commitment. You've bought the ticket. You've schlepped in there. You're with all of these people. It is a huge ongoing group activity. There's no question about it. Why leave early? And I'll tell you, I really am one of these dorky people

that I'm like, yeah, let's go ahead and get out of here before everybody, someone get a jump on it. And I feel like I gamed the system. And I feel like I'm leaving with a little pep in my step. But you're 100% correct. Correct. Now, if it's something like, I remember we were if I'm in a tennis match, and I want to see the award show, I'm going to stay to the very end, because I very much love that. But like NBA games, there's I mean, they have they play like 100 games a year, it's insanity. I just I just feel like like you have, they play like a hundred games a year. It's insanity.

I just, I just feel like, like you're saying, it feels like a win when you leave early. And the people that do it, they go, oh my gosh, I'm a genius, I got out of the thing I paid for. I go, what are you talking about? And it feels like a loss to you. It sounds like a loss to me. It's like, I ordered a steak for dinner

and I just threw it in the trash. Yeah, and I left dinner early. I didn't even eat it. I got out of there. Pumps, you know, a lot of our listeners have heard of Ozempic or WeGoVee, and they probably heard three things about these options. They're effective, but they are so expensive and they're so hard to get. Let me tell you, I used Rowe to get mine and it made all the difference.

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You know, Pumps, in an episode the other day, you were talking to the listener about how you get sucked into buying these stupid dog toys on Instagram, and then they come in and they're total crap. I'm a sucker every time. You know, you can take a small mild risk with dog toy decisions, but when it comes to your health, you cannot risk anything.

You have to find the right professional for you for the specific thing that you would like to seek advice for. And that's why you and I both are big believers and big users of ZocDoc. What I particularly love about ZocDoc is I get patient reviews and they can tell me before I even call that they take my insurance. Listeners, ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in-network doctors, choose the right one for your needs, and click to instantly book an appointment.

We're talking about in-network appointments with more than 100,000 healthcare providers across every specialty. Plus, ZocDoc appointments happen fast, typically within just 24 to 72 hours of booking. So listeners, stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to zocdoc.com slash I'veHadIt to find and instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com slash I'veHadIt, zocdoc.com slash I'veHadIt. Okay, so here's what we're gonna do next.

We're gonna play a game called Had It or Hit It. Oh my god. Welcome to Had It or Hit It. I would hit it. Had it. I hit it. Okay. Had it or hit it group chats or group text. Get me out of it.

I'm pulling the escape pod out of the group chat. I'm tired. I don't want to hold like a ha ha react and a love react to messages I'm not reading every five seconds. I just I want to be let out. The worst part is when you're in a group chat that is full of audio messages. I refuse to listen to an audio message. I straight up refuse.

An audio message? I got to listen to a podcast about your day? I've already got the podcast I want to listen to. I've had it, you know, in the playlist. I don't want to hear a podcast about you, which takes 45 minutes for you to get to the point. Yeah, I'm coming out of the coffee shop. Yeah, I just had it, you know, in the playlist. I don't want to hear a podcast about you, which takes 45 minutes for you to get to the point. Yeah, I'm coming out of the coffee shop. Yeah, I just had, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm headed to work right now.

Get to it. Give me the information. What do you need? What do you need? Write it down. Write it down. The people that send audio messages, it's the people that they want to have a conversation,

but they only want to hear themselves talk. I want to participate. You know who sends audio messages? Fake busy people. All of those things are all the same person. Person that sends an audio message is also a fake busy person, I'm certain of it. Just like I know for certain, Stanley Cups lead to Trumpism. Yeah.

I do, I know. I've conducted my own study. Our listeners are sending me all sorts of evidence that it was at first anecdotal, and now we kind of have a body of evidence on that. Of the Stanley Cups? Leading to Trumpism, Trump rallies specifically. I believe it. I do too. I get scared when someone has a Stanley Leading to Trumpism, Trump rallies specifically. I believe it.

I do too. I get scared when someone has a Stanley cup. I'm like, uh-oh. It's too early. I'm not going to ask too many questions here. Yeah. Okay. Had it or hit it morning people?

Had it. Had it. Listen, people, this is as a comedian, I'll stay up. I'll stay up till like three, 4 a.m. You know, I won't go to bed until then. And I wake up at 11 and I tell this to a morning person. They're like, geez, no, you slept in, didn't you? I sleep the same amount of time as you.

That's, I go to bed earlier. You're going to bed at 7 p.m. People act like you're not like mature if you wake up at 11 a.m. And it's like, I'm not a, I'm not like mature if you wake up at 11 a.m. and it's like I'm not a I'm not a fucking farmer. I have a different job than you. I'm not I'm not a bird watcher. Let me I have to I have to get eight hours like everybody else. I start later. People it's like the reverse is never said where it's like oh I go to bed at 7 p.m. Well then you're lazy. What are you doing?

Oh, I go to bed at 7 p.m. Well, then you're lazy. What are you doing? From 7 to 10, I don't know what you're doing Okay, so here's here's where I agree with you, but I go to bed early and I wake up early I mean this morning I woke up at 430 did wordle Connections texted my results to everybody and just really felt like I know when they saw the timestamp on that it was just an extra little bonus point for Jennifer. I mean I felt like so basically if I were to send you my wordle in the morning it'd be your bedtime. Right. That's exactly right. I do wordle and connections too but I do it at 1130 a.m. Yeah, right. That's a day late and a dollar short over here on. I'm seeing a trend here.

11 a.m. wake up time. Yeah. Forty five minutes late for his podcast. This makes perfect sense. Doing wordle at 1130 all flows together. That's like late, late, late, late. Yeah. I'm an embarrassment. I'm an embarrassment. I tell you. OK. Had it or hit it.

Family compounds. Hat it. I don't like... My parents will float the idea constantly. Should we all get a... live on a family compound? I'll join a cult if I'm going to do that. I'm not going to... If I'm going to be surrounded on a compound, I want to do it with peers. Okay? I don't wanna, if I'm gonna be surrounded on a compound, I wanna do it with peers, okay? I don't need to, I feel like this might be, this might be like a Gen X kind of dream or something where people want their entire families to live and farm together away from society.

And I understand the urge, but I don't want, I just wanna live with to live with my wife away and be okay. I'm not in, you know, everybody loves Raymond. I don't want to live right across the street on the compound together. Have you all experienced this? I'm a Gen Xer and I don't want to live in a family compound. I kind of oppose. Oh, okay.

You oppose this. I kind of oppose. Oh, okay, you oppose this. I oppose family compounds. It sounds like that could lead to the Duggars. Much like Stanley Cupps lead to Trumpism, family compounds could lead to the Duggars. Next thing you know, you're holding a rattlesnake, speaking in tongues. I think that is a very slippery slope. Yes. You cut yourself off from society. All of a sudden, you're getting trolled on truth social by people at the DNC.

That's right. You're eating psilocybin and going fucking crazy. I think it's a very tricky. I know two people that live on compounds with their family and they call them compounds. Like plots of land where there's like five houses and all the siblings and the parents. And I just think something fucked up is going on out there. There's just something fucked up. Remember Big Love?

Oh my God, HBO, and Mormon. Yes. Loved it. That's what happens. I just, it always kind of makes me go, and who likes their family enough to live around them in their adult life? No one.

No one. No one. We take them, you know, in doses, you know, and that's great, and that's great. The second someone lives on a compound, it's like, okay, how many robes are in the closet? There's some robes in there. Yeah.

There's a spaceship being built in the basement or something. Like what the hell is happening there? Some funky going on. Okay, had it or hit it, corporate speak. Oh, had it, had it. I can't, I can't. You bring this, I have a whole chapter about this in my book, The Customer's Always Wrong.

Hello. Hello. Hello, I've had it, I can't stand it. I had an office job for a while after I worked in customer service, but anytime someone rolls in, you know, I've got a heart out, I've got a hard out. I've got a hard out at three.

Since when the fuck can we say that? At nine thirty a.m. every day. I can only work for 30 minutes. I didn't know there were there was a secret codes to get the fuck out of here. Oh, my God. Oh, we're a family here. What? What is it?

Fast and Furious? Ten dollars an hour? What the hell are you talking about? I can't stay stand corporate speak. I can't stand it. Had it or hit it, jelking. Jelking? We just found out what it was in our pre-show.

We had no idea what it was. I've been waiting to- Hold on, you know, I've heard this before. I'm gonna do the dangerous thing. I'm gonna Google this right now. Oh yeah, yeah, I have heard of this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm on the jelking side of TikTok actually now.

It's unfortunate. This is all my algorithm is for the past several months. You know what, I'm gonna hit it. I'm gonna hit it. I haven't seen enough of it to be honest with you. I'm gonna, I'm gonna take this for a little spin myself. I'm gonna move on to a jelking compound. Right.

Jelking compound. What's a jelking going on at this compound? So we did it. We talked about jelking and before you came on, I said, I'm going to throw in jelking and it's had it or hit it. So this has been Tida. This is the big guy. We set you up. See, you shouldn't have been late.

We had time. You came in. You walked right into this. We had a big guy. We set you up. See, you shouldn't have been late. We had time. You walked right into this. We had all this time. It's so much time. Too much time is a bad thing. Especially for us. Yeah. Okay, last one, Scott. Had it or hit it? Kamala Harris.

Oh, hit it. Oh my god. Are you kidding me? Yeah. She's incredible. Yeah. I got so much energy when it was finally like official that she was going to be the nominee. I just think that, you know, I'm super progressive. I consider myself like a leftist, you know, but I really like her. And I love the image of her looking at Trump, this old ass man, like he's an idiot during the debate. I just love that. Did you see during the debate where she almost called him a motherfucker? You could hear her say she didn't say it. But she looked at him, she goes this and then she did her head former president. And it's like, we all knew exactly.

Everybody said motherfucker. We all said motherfucker. Motherfucker. I just love, like, we needed this. And it's been so exciting. And we're huge supporters of Kamala. We live in a red state, so we see him crazy. And I mean, unhinged crazy. Family compound, jelking, looks like child's play compared to what these politicians do here. Well, I can't thank you

enough. You were worth the wait. Absolutely worth the wait. You were absolutely worth the wait. You're hilarious. This has been so fun. Good luck with your jelking exercises. Yeah. Plug your book for us. I got the Google images up right now. I've learned the proper technique. Right.

I'll be experimenting with this. Now I can't thank you enough for having me on. Huge fan of the show and I'm glad it was worth the wait. But feel free to roast me forevermore. Repeatingly. Okay, so your current book is, The Customer's Always Wrong. Yes, first book I've ever written,

The Customer's Always Wrong. It's kind of, it expands on these customer service videos that I make, you know, talking about the most annoying and stressful things people have to deal with at work. Things like people saying like, I've been a customer here for over 40 years. Oh, good. Then you'll be dead soon. Like that kind of thing. And so if you like my videos, you'll love the book. And it's just a great gift for anyone who's had a bad day at work and loves to talk shit about it.

I love it. All right. We'll link it in our show notes. Thanks so much, Scott. Thanks, Scott. Bye. Thank you so much. Have a good shit. All right, we'll link it in our show notes. Thanks so much, Scott. Thanks, Scott, bye. Thank you so much. Have a good one, bye, y'all. I really like Scott. I like that he can laugh at himself.

I like that he's gonna start jelking. I love that. I really am. You know what, I think we should have him back on so that he can talk to us about his jelking journey. We should do a follow-up episode about his jelking and another book idea for him is- My Jelking Journey? My Jelking Journey. We should do a follow-up episode about his Jelking. And another book idea for him is... My Jelking Journey.

My Jelking Journey. My Jelking Journey by Scott Cease. Yeah. Livestreams. I mean, I see unlimited potential. Uh-huh. I love that you can go that. We are terrible people.

I don't think there's any question. He's darling. Darling. Uh- there's any question. She's darling. Darling. Uh huh. All right. Well, listen up listener. Our Patreon post show starts right now. Like subscribe, please click the link in bio.

And also we have a new link in the bio where you can confirm that you are registered to vote. Go to I've had it podcast on any social media and we will see you wind pumps. We will see you Tuesday and Thursday. That was bad. Wow. Wow. I got tongue tied. Wow. Wow.

She's already jelking. I'm jelking in my mind. We'll see you Tuesday and Thursday.