Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Aging The Nog, with Jefferson Dutton

Episode Date: December 21, 2023

This week we have 1/3 of the Sloppy Boys Jefferson Dutton, who talks road food, delicious apples, and egg nog!Ever tried Microdosing? Visit Microdose.com and use JJGO for 30% off + Free Shipping.Go check out all of the delicious options at Nuts.com/jjgo. You’ll receive a free gift and free shipping when you spend $29 or more!Jordan wrote a brand new graphic novel called Youth Group which you can pre-order at Bookmarks in Winston-Salem, North Carolina.THIS SATURDAY, December 23, Jesse Thorn is having an in-person Put This On sale at Alter in Cypress Park 3404 N. Figueroa, Los Angeles, CA 90041. Come through and meet Jesse! 

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy, detective. Apple update, Jordan. Oh, okay. Right. Okay. So we've been talking about winter fruits. Yeah. Apples came up.

We're both huge fans. If you're going to Los Angeles area farmer's markets, go say hi to our friend Ha. Yeah. Ha's Apple Farm. Mr. Ha, I presume. Yeah, probably. You think Ha's probably not his first name. Oh, I don't know.

Good question. His stand is Ha's Apples. So I don't know. Yeah. I think his name is Mr. Ha. Sure. I honestly respect the man so much that even if that's his first name, I'm going to call it Mr. Ha. Ha makes you feel like you are lucky to be shopping at his apple stand.

Just the cold contempt. But it's like a steely. Right. It's not dismissive exactly. You're he's willing to have you there. But I mean, there's a vibe of I could just walk away at any moment. Yeah. I don't have to let you have these apples.

He's like, I could sell these apples to anyone. Yeah. I just happen to be here. These are real good apples. Yeah. And the honest truth is they are. They deliver. And you know what? There's nothing wrong with getting a bag of apples for $6, which is something that he offers. I'll take those. I'll take scratch and dent apples all day. You don't care. You'll

eat a dent. Anyway, Apple update, Jordan. Okay. Today, I picked a nice Arkansas black out of my fruit bowl. I polished it up on my shirt, took a big fucking bite. And then I looked at it like, Hmm, have we figured out what polishing on the shirt does? Yeah. Polishes it up a little bit.

Okay. So, so what, what's, how does, what, how does that benefit the apple? Well, it just gets shinier. So that's one thing. Nobody wants to bite into a done apple.

Right. And I could see if you're giving it to teacher. Yeah. You're going to want to shine it up for teacher. Yeah. Well, if you're hot for them. Sure. I would say this. I would say you're dealing with potential soil. You're dealing with adding shine.

And I think it probably discourages vermin. Okay, right. If there was some sort of grub or something on the apple, it would now be on your shirt. Yeah. As opposed to in your mouth. I guess you would rather have it on the shirt than in the mouth. So what I'm saying, Jordan, is just imagine, if you will, if you don't mind going on a journey of the mind. No, I love it.

I love to use my imagination. Some would say it's the ultimate TV. Imagine that you are both eating and living in an enormous apple. Then... This is great. I never want to leave. Can I just stay here? Can I just stay here, Jesse?

Why do I have to go back to the world? The dumpster fire that is the world. I just want to live in this apple. Don't make me go back to the dumpster fire. The world is a real dumpster fire. It's a real dumpster fire that is the world. I just want to live in this apple. Don't make me go back to the dumpster fire. The world is a real dumpster fire. Okay. So imagine, if you will, that you are living in and eating an apple. Amazing. But it's not your apple. Oh, am I some sort of aphid or grub in this situation?

Yeah, basically. Cool. You might be a worm or a cricket. I don't know. And all of a sudden, the apple is shaking. Right. It's shaking up and down unbelievably quickly. You can hear the sound of shirt bashing against your windows. Do you stay in there or do you get the fuck out of there? No, I'm going down with the apple.

I'm the captain of this apple. Oh, so I shouldn't even be shining my apples. No, uh-uh. These aphids and crickets are just going to stay in there. That's why they call them the captains of the animal kingdom. Which one? Crickets, aphids, or both? All of them.

Yeah. Worms? Yeah, it's confusing. It often leads to taxonomy mistakes. Right. Yeah. Yeah, it's confusing. It often leads to taxonomy mistakes. Yeah, no, I think it just strengthens their resolve. They're like, you know, they put the women and children on the lifeboats. You know what they call the captains of the plant kingdom?

Rhododendrons. Oh, interesting. But I do not know why, so don't ask me why. It's the hats, the little hats. It's their little hats, probably. Rhododendrons. So no, I mean, I'm committed to this apple. And when it goes, so do I. Okay.

I had a good run. I had a good little aphid life. My presumption was that if you- I fucked constantly. If you live briefly- I lived briefly. And live a creepy corpse. Yeah.

Uh-huh. It was a brief life, but it was full of fucking. Anyway, the moral of the story is I went to see Mr. Ha, I got some Arkansas blacks. Today,

I noticed them in my fruit bowl. I said, you know what? I'm going to take a big bite and while I chew, I'm going to look at it and think about how good that bite was. Anyway, I also ate it down to a very narrow stump.

You know what I'm talking about? Apple stumps. Yeah. The stump of the apple. Apple core. Some call it the core. I ate it down to a very narrow apple core, but I didn't eat any seeds. I just got it right down to the end until it was just a little, like a little lipstick tube between my fingers.

And I tossed it into that green bin. So that's the story? Yep. Well, I didn't say it was a story. I just said it was an update. It's a series of things. Well, I didn't say it was a story. I just said it was an update. It's a series of things. No, it's just one thing. I got a nice Arkansas black apple.

I took a bite, took a look at it, finished it down to a very narrow core, put that in the green bin. Is there a metaphor or a lesson? Yeah. The lesson is it's going great. My plan to be a guy that takes bites out of apples and then looks at them, maybe with a one-arm akimbo. So you haven't started, and again, I'm not here to note you. Or sometimes, as discussed previously, with one hand holding the elbow of the hand that is holding the apple up in front of my face. Now, you've decided not to exhale on the apple,

go, ah, before you shine. No, it's not necessary. Okay. This is a simple process. Do you think you'll add that once you become more advanced? I think that dropping it is a sign of how advanced I am. Oh, wow. You don't have to, huh.

Yeah, exactly. I think amateurs Oh, wow. Okay. feel like they need to introduce moisture to the process, but my shining action

is so powerful that it's unnecessary. You like it raw, dry. Yeah. Straight in the mouth. Raw and dry, straight into the mouth. Yeah.

Okay. That's correct. That's how you like those apples. Should we introduce our guest? No, let's keep doing this. What other fruit have you had? Have you had a pear recently? Let's hear about that.

It is pear season. I've had some nice pears. I mean, I have too. Ha's got great pears. Ha delivers. Yeah. You know what? I cooked my turkey on the grill for Thanksgiving.

Guess what was in those coals? A piece of applewood that I got from Mr. Ha. Cool, man. Yeah, that's right. To add a little smoke. Just a little. Just a little smoke flavor. Our guest on the program is one of the birthday boys and one of the sloppy boys.

They have a brand new record in stores now. Jefferson Dutton. Hi, Jeff. Hey, folks. folks hey thanks for having me guys what a joy what a delight so thrilled to have you here thanks for having me yeah um tell me what fruit you've eaten lately oh you know you missed the fruit i'm a banana man describe how you ate it deep throat yeah no you got me interested in that Arkansas, wait, Arkansas blacks. Arkansas black is a nice. Now, obviously Sundowner is my number one. Sundowner is my number one apple. Easy.

I'm from like Appletown, New Hampshire, Londonderry. Okay. So you've had a few apples in your day. See, now in Wisconsin, they call Appletown Appletown. Appleton. But in- Here we call it Londonderry. Yeah, okay, got it.

Well, at the top of my street, big long stretch. People used to drag race bad teens. Alongside it, rows and rows of apple trees. Okay. Possibly the scariest tree you've ever seen when it's not in bloom. Oh, yeah? Crooked, gnarled. Oh, my gosh. And planted in perfect rows. Right.

It looked like a Mortal Kombat level or something. Sure. And at the end of this drag, an old-timey graveyard. Oh, my gosh. Did you grow up in a Stephen King book? So I don't share the love for apples so much. To you it means a beloved high school friend veering off the road and dying too soon. Yes.

And then maybe like reptile peeks out from behind the tree. Find me with a secret code, he says. When you were passing the graveyard, did you ever whistle? Not a once. Is that something people do? Whistling past the graveyard? Sure graveyard sure yeah is that like an expression yeah it's an aphorism i should have said yes and and then i could see that's something that's something a new your new apple polisher character would say probably yeah exactly did anyone ever

crash their drag racers into the graveyard i imagine so yeah probably probably the open pit you didn't feel the need to drag at that age? No, no, no. Okay. I was on a huffy. Yeah, sure. But you can get that pretty fast.

Yeah. Get that up to... My skinny little legs? Yeah. Five or six. Hey, Jeff, what do you think your skinny little legs

could get a huffy up to? For real? Comedy aside. Yeah, no, no, no, no. We don't... This is not a comedy program. Enough, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, we don't, we don't, this is not a comedy program. Enough nonsense.

This is about important stuff like fruit and Huffy's. I'm realer than real deal Holyfield. 15. 15? I'm going to cap it there. Okay. Because that's about what a lime scooter can do. You remember those,

you know, you ride on a lime scooter, people piss on them, shit on them. Yeah. I drive them all the time. Those things go up to like 15, 16 miles an hour.

You could beat one of those. Yes. In a head-to-head. This is like, what is it, John Henry versus the steam engine. Sure, yes. Yeah, I could beat a lime. I know about that. Man versus lime.

A battle as old as time itself. One of the essential stories. Man versus self. Man versus lime. I have one more Huffy question. And Jesse, if you have more Huffy questions, please. I don't want to like- Thanks.

No, I'm good for now, but I'm interested to hear yours. Ever taken off any sweet jumps? Did I ever? Yeah. I was a big jumps guy. Oh, yeah? And then- Homemade jumps?

Is somebody's like older brother stealing some lumber from a construction site and making you a sweet jump? Any place you could find a jump, do a jump. You're going off it. Do it. Yeah, a lot of hills over there in New Hampshire. Yeah. And then I had a friend, Adam.

We used to do a bunch of that sort of stuff. Fucking Adam. We got into the- Adam. You know, Jackass was coming out. You got to understand the culture at the time. Right. A lot of lighting things on fire, but for the video camera,

you see, there was an art to it. You're saying this was rich kid shit. No, no, no. I wish. But, you know, at a high eight or whatever, we'd be like lighting

little model houses on fire. That's a working man's video camera. Yeah. And my buddy had a little, what do you call it, like a lift where you drive the front tires of a car up. And so it gives you maybe like eight inch lift. Right. We said, let's put that at the bottom of the hill.

That could be a jump. Yeah. Yeah, it could. And he took a moped down a hill, took it off and fell off the side of the road. Oh my God. Not into a graveyard. Okay. How's Adam? He's all right. One time we lit his ceiling on fire accidentally. Oh my god. Not into a graveyard. Okay. How's Adam? He's alright.

One time we lit his ceiling on fire accidentally. Oh no! We found out that nail polish remover is flammable. Put it in a spray bottle and we're spraying it out like a candle. And when you twist the tip of the spray bottle it goes

narrower and wider. Narrow was great because it just shot a flame straight out like uh wide big fireball right ceiling on fire and then that turned into ceiling on fire uh we tried to paint did you have the hi-eight out no no into jackass this is fire alarm going off parents coming upstairs what is this? And we're trying to paint the ceiling with this stick of deodorant back to white. It looks like a toasted marshmallow. I'm sorry, you were trying to paint it with what now? Deodorant. Chalky white deodorant.

We're like, this will do it. Did you just get so cocky when you found out that you could use nail polish remover as a flamethrower? You're like, well, I think we can use deodorant as a paint. Something else from mom's medicine cabinet. All of these toiletries. That's the challenge. Can we just use things? There's secret use for all this stuff.

This is something we were talking about on a previous episode. We were talking about Jesse's road dog lifestyle, life on the road. You know, a gal in every port. Just laying your head where you sleep. A port in every wine bar. There you go. When you're out there, when you and the S-Boys are out there,

where do you like to go? I call them them slops. Them slops. Them slops. When you and them slops, them slops though, when you and the slops are out, is there like a place you like to go

that might like- To lay our heads? Well, I was going to say to, you know, to rock and roll. To perform. To perform, yeah. Is there a place that like might be kind of surprising?

I was like, because you know, like obviously, you know- Portland, yeah. Is there a place that might be kind of surprising? I was like, because, you know, like obviously, you know. Portland. Portland rocks. New York rocks. Chicago rocks. Yeah. Durham, North Carolina.

Oh, yeah? Durham, North Carolina is pretty kick-ass. That was fucking rowdy. I've never been to Durham, North Carolina. What's the scene like? Well, this was maybe one of the first shows where people started bringing shots on stage during the show. Yeah.

And then we kind of had to pump the brakes at a certain point, because it was like, hey, between songs, they bring up a shot of whatever, tequila. Sure. And then it started to be like more than one per song, and we had to be like,

everybody, please. Right. Show some mercy. We will die six songs into this. But like fantastic, fantastic show. Not like a huge rumor or whatever it was. I want to say it was Static Age Records. Don't quote me on that.

Okay. But yeah, The South, that was great. We toured with Dear Blanca, a beloved Southern band, and they kind of like set it all up and even let us borrow a van. And we went up that whole coast and then we did the whole West Coast, but rowdy spots.

I like a nice rowdy spot. Jesse, what was your experience in Durham like? Durham is a great town that's home to John Worcester. Oh, yeah. And John Darnielle of the Mountain Goats. Really cool place, really cool crowds. I think the fun part about traveling in the South as a touring act, in my experience, and, you know, look, the reality is that it may not be Judge John Hodgman's strongest region. I don't know why that cold, distant Northeasterner might not play quite as well in Tallahassee as he does in Portland, Maine.

But yeah, but might not be our strongest region. So I'm really talking about driving a route that kind of runs between D.C. and, you know, D.C., Durham, Atlanta, these kinds of places. A few down Charlottesville we played, which is a great town. Charlottesville is a really nice place. But I think what's great about the whole drive is the quality of the gas station food is extraordinary. Oh, wow. I wasn't expecting that. Like when you get down to the southeast, everyone is in a competition for what their regional gas station food is. So this is like a place that has like steam trays of fried chicken or something like that.

Yes. It's usually either fried chicken or barbecue. Okay. Depending on. And like you could just roll down your window, yell out the window, hey, where's the good gas station for food? And they'll be like, oh, you're going to want to. Damn. Yeah. We stopped at a truck stop that was the direst looking truck stop you've ever seen in your life.

We stopped there to pee. And then, you know, Hodgman used to be a food and wine columnist in a previous life. Yeah. Pre-television, he was a food and wine columnist. And he still will occasionally have that thing. You know that in a cartoon where there's a smell line and then someone's nose goes up in the air? Pie on a windowsill type thing? Carried by a- Like a picnic basket.

Yeah. Oh, there you go. Yeah. Windowsill type thing. Carried by a- Like a picnic basket. Yeah. Oh, there you go. Yeah.

He got carried into just the dumpiest, most- It was sort of like those subways that are part of a gas station. Yeah. Yeah. It was like that, but it was a barbecue place, which is to say that it wasn't- When I say a dumpy barbecue place, like I don't want you to be imagining like a rundown roadhouse. Like it really was like if it was like it was a subway.

You know what I mean? Like it was just sad and clean. Yeah, not noteworthy. No, and really, but like the ones that are attached to a gas station, so pathetic, but not the ones that are attached to a gas station, so pathetic. Yeah. But not like no authenticity or charm. But it had the smell line.

But it had the smell line. Hodgman followed it past this, out of this sad room that had six giant, that had six, like literally like six foot vending machines. Just gargantuan, like six by four, just gigantic vending machines selling sandwiches and whatever. Just one room with two bathrooms and six enormous vending machines. Then on one side of that room, a nothing room. Who knows what happens in that room? Then on the other side of of that room this little sort of sad subway gas station room we went in there and was there a room where truckers could shower yeah he he comes

out he comes out and he's like hey jesse i got you uh i got you a sandwich i don't know if you wanted it we were between meals by the way we had eaten lunch and we're about going to eat dinner soon uh and he's like i got you a got you a sandwich. It was fucking great. Damn. And I think that's the life of, we also though- It was a rest stop? Yeah. We ate at a Mennonite delicatessen too in Virginia that was real good.

Okay. Mennonites, apparently Mennonites make great sandwiches. Huh. Huh. Now, do you think their religion dictates that somehow? Yeah. It is the gift to make sandwiches. Sure, yes. The sandwiches are unto the Lord.

Yeah, you take great care in all your dealings. Sure, Christ, his body is the bread. Yeah. And the Lord's love, it is the meat. That's why the women cover their hair, it's so they can make sandwiches. Right. It's for food service. We don't get hair in the sandwiches.

I believe everyone should be prepared to do some food service. Jeff, that was an interesting thing you brought up where people were constantly sending up shots because the sloppy boys them slops. Yeah. You guys have party songs. You have drinking songs. Yeah. That's kind of part of the deal.

Your podcast is about drinking and cocktails. You have drinking songs. It's kind of part of the deal. Your podcast is about drinking and cocktails. Does it ever get so intense where you don't feel like you can meet people's expectations? Yeah, that's... Well, I need to say this first. Yes. The Sloppy Boys.

That started as the Sloppy Boys jangly band. It was a comment on our musicianship, not on booze. Right. Not on how fucked up you are while you're playing. Now, a lot of the songs did come to be about drinking and partying and stuff like that. These were unrelated. The name and the- Unrelated.

Okay. And then many years later, we started the podcast and we said, well, we don't want to talk about ourselves and we don't want to talk about music. What's more universal or different? Yeah. What's more universal than music? Well, like, we didn't want it to be, like, Esperanto. We didn't want it to be, like, oh, you got to be into our taste in music, our, like, you know, Springsteen or whatever. I think a Springsteen podcast would do pretty good.

Yeah, no kidding. You probably should have done that. But, you know, we're like. You know what? You guys should start a podcast with Bruce Springsteen podcast would do pretty good. Yeah, no kidding. I probably should have done that. But, you know, we're like- You know what? You guys should start a podcast with Bruce Springsteen and Obama. I would love that. That would be great. Hmm.

And then you recap Veronica Mars. Yeah. The Sloppy Boys, Obams, and the boss. Yeah, I'd check that out. Yeah. Do they still do it? No. Oh, I don't know.

Does Obama still do his podcast with Springsteen? He's two. Oh, I thought you meant, do they still recap Veronica Morrison? They're out of episodes. Because I feel like, you know, the Sloppy Boys- Drinking too much on stage. Yeah, yeah. The Sloppy Boys, you guys like a drink.

I mean, I like to have a drink, but I do find when I go to the South or the Midwest, I'm like, oh, we don't drink out here, basically. Our drinking is so amateurish compared to that. Yeah. Well, we had to learn how to do it because on the road, when you're doing a show every night or maybe you have a break day in there, you do have to sort of find C-level,

like, what can I get away with, and still put on a decent show. But the other secret is, we don't really treat, we're sort of emceeing the night. Sure. Yes, we're playing music, but we're emceeing the night

the way that Jamie Foxx hosts The Win Las Vegas. It's just like, we're here to curate a vibe, and if some over-drinking happens, there's two other guys in the band. Sure. They can sort of pick up the slack. You know, it's very Pied Piper-ish.

Sure. More so than it is that you're seeing rock gods. So you're there to facilitate bad choices? Yes. Thank you. Okay.

I can see it. Come see the Sloppy Boys. Get yourself an unwanted pregnancy. Yes. Well, because a lot of the podcast listeners are thoughtful, discerning, art-loving, introverted. Right. And maybe your band coming to town is an excuse for them to kind of play party animal for a night. Hell yeah.

Okay. This is something I also wanted to bring up because we don't just talk about apples on Jordan, Jesse, go. There's a lot of stuff about apples. I still have questions about that Arkansas black. Keep going. No, no. I mean, let's do apples while we're here. It's a good baking apple, but it's also a good eating apple.

Well, is it dark? I imagine just an obsidian glass-like apple. It's a legitimately beautiful apple. It has a naturally waxy skin, so that's one of the reasons you might want to- Good for polish. Yeah. See, because you polish a Granny Smith, it doesn't get you much. It's not dark enough.

You need the contrast. Tell you what, you eat a Granny Smith, it doesn't get you much. Yeah, yeah. Well, I don't want to wait. You guys know apples. Yeah, that's our thing. Well, I don't want to wait. You guys know apples.

Yeah, that's our thing. Around this time of year, this podcast will come out, you know, like early December, late. Yeah, early December. We typically at this point in the year have been talking about Nog for five episodes. That's a good point. We talk about it. I think mostly it's just fun to say Nog. You don't like it?

Well, let's recap our Nog feelings. I'll share my Nog feelings just so you can share yours. nog you don't like it uh i well i think here's well let's recap our nog feelings i'll share my nog feelings just so you can share yours i typically don't love it not my favorite seasonal cold weather drink uh i love a hot toddy uh nog more often than not i find to be very gross i don't think that's a i don't think that's a hot take i think that there's a lot of people who feel like that um now a couple years back, a listener sent me his homemade nog recipe and said, like, I know you don't love it. Try this recipe. I think maybe this will change your mind. We talking boozy?

Boozy, yeah. Was the first one? Just nog in general, you're not into it? Yeah. I've had it. You know, I've had the grocery store stuff. I've had the mixology stuff. I typically don't like it.

It has yolks in it. It's drinking egg yolks. I know what it is, but for the listener. Yeah, yeah. And that's why I don't like it. That's gross. This listener's recipe. It also has nog yolks.

Yeah. This listener's recipe I thought was really tasty. You can't just make a cup of it. You have to make a giant punch bowl of it. Did it involve making a custard? Did you heat the eggs? Yeah, totally. And it was fun.

I liked to do it, but then I just had this fridge full of congealing booze. Well, there's this thing about- I need to have a party for that to work. It's a party drink, and I wasn't having one. But I did find that I could like nog, yes. I wish our friend Ben Harrison was here to explain this further. But there is the traditional nog making.

So I've only made this kind that you're describing, Jordan. The kind, you know, you make it on a stove, you heat it, but not enough to curdle it. You know, you make a custard, whatever, right? But apparently a traditional nog involves aging. Oh, boy. Aging the nog for months. Not the yolks. Aging the yolks for months. the yolks aging aging the yolks for months months of aging so you're drinking old eggs yeah for months yeah for aging jeff aging for months

yeah yeah rough i will say that's how they did it back in foggy London town or whatever. I'm a nog man. Yeah. I think this is what Jordan is alluding to. I love nog. You can't get enough. Honestly, I would drink nog year round if I wouldn't then die of excess nog, right? Nog poisoning.

To me, the seasonality of nog is not about an association with a particular time of year or a particular kind of festivity. Right. For me, it's just a health issue. Yeah. Have you had too much yolks? If I did. Aged yolks. Like, I can only have so many yolks in a year.

And so by making eggnog only available from Thanksgiving until Christmas, that's a good way to make sure I don't have too many yolks. Well, have you considered this? Rule out all other eggs. Oh, yeah. That way you can sort of make more room. No scrambles, no omelets. Uh-huh. Think about that.

And then you could go for a while. 200 yolks a year. Yeah. I'd do it. So I occasionally make nog, but I don't drink, Jeff. So it's not a boozy treat for me. Okay. It's a drinkable ice cream.

Sure. You like the velvety texture. I love the velvety texture. And I'll say- Velvety or slimy? Go on. That's fair. Slime-like.

He brings up a good point. Your rebuttal? I like the idea of buying it at the grocery store, but I am so often disappointed when I buy it at the grocery store. And I don't mean it, I don't mean like in the sense like it's something you should really make at home because I don't make it at home very much. Yeah.

What I'm saying is I want the grocery store one to be great and it's always either too thin. Ooh. I want it more unctuous. Or, and this is a big one, I feel like I want it to have more spice. Yeah, you can fix- It's a little bland. That's easier to fix.

Although, I don't know how you get- Cinnamon. I know, but how do you get it to mix in? Spoon. It clumps. I have answers for all this. It just clumps. It just clumps, though. A whisk. I don't know. Yeah, I guess I have to whisk it.

Get spoon. I've tried with spoon, but spoon is clumps. The unctuous thing. The unctuous thing. You couldn't just add a yolk? I probably could add just a straight up raw yolk. I bet you there's fancy. I was a boxer trying to make weight. We were talking the other day about how to zhuzh up a can of Hormel chili.

Oh. Just treat that. Yeah. Is that something you- Oh, well, I zhuzhed up some ramen the other day with an egg. Oh, yeah. Sure. Just some normal top ramen.

Nothing fancy. You poach an egg in there. You put a little hot sauce. You're good. You know what I did? The other day, I added some eggnog to some ramen. Disgusting. Some holiday ramen.

I'll say this. So a year ago at the holiday, I believe it was one year ago at the holiday, I missed a recording of Judge John Hodgman before I had a migraine headache. I was unable to attend. grain headache. I was unable to attend. But usually we try and reschedule if I'm not able to do it, but it was, things had been set in motion. And

what had happened was, someone had written into the show with a recipe, for some reason, with a recipe for tomato soup cake. Okay. I'll go with you on this. Tomato soup cake.

Is this a recipe designed to make people on Reddit mad? This is a recipe designed- Is this some sort of shit posting cake? No, this is a recipe designed to delight economical home cooks of the mid 1950s. Okay. Gotcha. Have you ever heard of another soup cake?

I don't know any other soup cakes. Go on. So, I, well, a mulligatawny. Sure. Huh? Is that what that's called? I call the wife soup cakes. Okay.

Hey, soup cakes. Anyway. Polish my briefcase. So, the idea was we were going to make and eat this cake fun it's a holiday cake holiday favorite in this family tomato and then we opened it up what's your holiday food recipes for your family someone sent in mixing orange fanta with eggnog oh boy and this was even for me and john i think also a nog liker deeply upsetting yeah profoundly upsetting and like i said i missed that recording. Yeah.

But word came back to me from Jennifer Marmer and John Hodgman that eggnog and orange soda are great together. No! They were blown away. Wait a minute. I'm curious. Is this like an Orange Julius? Is that what comes out the other side of that thing?'m curious. Is this like an orange Julius? Is that what comes out the other side of that thing? I think it must be like an orange Julius.

I'm thinking like maybe egg, got a vanilla. Because an orange Julius is eggy. Creamy. And I love a Julius. Or I loved a Julius as a kid. I haven't had a Julius in a while. I had one not long ago and loved it. Yeah.

Damn. Where are they? You've spoken out against them as an adult, I think. Oh, maybe I did have a bad Julius and loved it. Yeah. Damn. Where are they? You've spoken out against them as an adult, I think, but. Oh, maybe I did have a bad Julius as an adult. Yeah, and I had a Julius as an adult and loved it. Just malls still? Yeah, there is a mall in Arcadia that has all the mall shit that you thought was gone. Cool.

And then a lot of like Japanese chains. Nice. So yeah, it's actually kind of, it's a pretty cool mall as far as malls go, but it has like a lot of like forgotten stuff. Like, you know, I feel like- They have a Suncoast? Remember Suncoast? No, no Suncoast, no warehouse.

But yeah, like mostly like food stuff. And that's where, that's the only thing that's where I got my Julius that- Because there's all Jamba juice elsewhere. It's all Jamba. Jamba took out OJ. Sad. Wait, so where do you and the Sloppy Boys organization stand on Nog? Do you like it?

Do you do it? Yeah, we do it. We like it. I've never whipped a yolk. I've never aged an egg. You've never created stiff peaks. Never. Oh. Oh. I did created stiff peaks. Never. Oh.

Oh. I did create stiff peaks. Okay. For a drink called, I believe it's called the Tom and Jerry. Okay. Oh, that's another classic. An old-timey wassailing drink. Yeah, that's like a recipe.

That's like a drink recipe you would see on the side of a novelty cocktail shaker from 1960. Exactly right. Like weird Betty Crocker book with like. Is it a thing where that's where the cartoon got its name or the other way around? You'd have to listen to the episode because I swear we definitely would have. Someone explain. Tackled that. I forget.

I think it was pre-cartoon, I think. Or they're both named after the same literary characters or something like that. Like Calvin and Hobbes style. From Romeo and Juliet. Yeah, from Romeo and Juliet. But this is such a labor-intensive drink to make. I remember trying to make stiff peaks by hand. Impossible.

I was there for- Man was not meant to create stiff peaks. Right. I remember trying to make stiff peaks by hand. Mm-hmm. Impossible. Tough. I was there for... Man was not meant to create stiff peaks. No. You need like a, whatever, an electric mixer. Yeah.

But the layers, like, hey, prep this ahead of time and then mix some of that with some of this. It was just like, it was way more than we,

the doctor ordered. Okay. What about, do you have, do you have any creamy alcoholic beverages? Yeah. Brandy Alexander. Great. It's like milkshake-y. Okay. What about, do you have, do you have any creamy alcoholic beverages? Yeah, Brandy Alexander,

great. It's like milkshake-y. Okay. What's in there? Hmm. One murdered mouse. Uh-huh. It's been smashed

with a mallet. Yeah. Right. It's been knocked out. Mm-hmm. Uh, Brandy Alexander. Well,

Brandy. Yeah. That's, that's much, it's for sure, for sure. I want to say ice cream. It's very kind of like frothy, deserty.

It's almost like a grasshopper. You ever have one of those? Oh, yeah. It's like mint and ice cream. That is good. They're both very deserty. John Lennon's favorite drink, Brandy Alexander. Okay.

Good for John Lennon. Fun fact. You know, a lot of people would think that John Lennon would just drink some kind of straight liquor. Some joyless drink. Sure. No, but this guy goes in and he orders a dessert beverage. Give me the dessert. It's me.

Spike it. Give me a dessert beverage. He says. It's fucking perfect, John Lennon. Jesus Christ. Is he back? Wow. For a second, he was back.

Oh, my gosh. Well, hold on. Hold on. I'm getting a call from the birthday boys. For the folks at home, Jesse has his phone out. He's committing to the bit. I'm getting a call from the birthday boys. They say Hanford's out and I'm in because my John Lennon is better?

Damn, I can't believe it. Well, it's unanimous coming from six other people. Yeah. So, there you go. Congratulations. Thank you so much. I'm so excited. I'm bringing back

the gotta get that pie bit. Hey, that's a good old bit. Do you think they have room for a Ringo? I'm back from the dead as well. Wait a minute. It's me, Ringo. And I've got to get that pie.

I died while Jordan and Jesse started recording, but I'm back now. I should have looked at the phones. I hope I don't die before this episode comes out. I just may. Came back. You know what I noticed?

I saw a recent photograph of Ringo. Ringo's still very assiduously coloring both his hair and facial hair. Oh, yeah. Just really going at it. How often do you think Ringo visits the facial hair coloring salon? Twice a day. He maybe has a facial hair coloring salon at his home like Barbra Streisand has her own mall.

You got to remember, he's the young one. I was trying to think if there was a Beatles song that has a unit of time in the title. And I could say like, oh, he's going eight days a week. Eight days a week. There you go. That's it. Ah, fuck. That's the one.

Were you trying to tee me up for that? I was trying to tee you up for eight days a week. Fuck. Yeah. Got there first. I said twice a day and you nodded like me, for that? I was trying to tee you up for eight days a week. Fuck! Yeah. Got there first. I said twice a day and you nodded like me, I guess. I know the names of my own songs. I mean, me own songs.

Me own songs. Sure, sure. You guys want to warm up our ringos and then come back for a little bit more? Yeah. Sure. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. It's Jordan, Jesse go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio, sweetheart.

Jordan Morris, boy detective. Let me ask you this, Jordan. If you were going to put your finger on a single group of persons most responsible for the production of this program, what would that group of persons be? That's the MaxFun members, Jesse. Thank you to everybody who's gone to MaximumFun.org slash join. Your money, when you join MaxFun, directly supports Jordan Jesse Goh, if you're a Jordan Jesse Goh listener. That's how we keep the lights on.

We're grateful to you. If you're not a member, please join at maximumfund.org slash join. Now, we are also this week supported by the folks at Lumi Labs. You know them, the microdose people. Take it from me, Jesse Thorne, the king of drugs. If you're tired of macrodosing and want to try microdosing, or you would never consider macro dosing and you'd like to try micro dosing, check out Lumi Labs and micro dose dot com. Yeah. Jesse, I don't know if this has been your experience or not, but when I talk to somebody who listens to the show, whether it be, you know, online or in the meat space. whether it be online or in the meat space. Right. It used to be people would tell me a bit that they liked from the show or their favorite guest or something like that.

And lately it's just been people coming up to me and saying, I love those microdose gummies. Like we are, I feel like we've, the Lumi Labs folks have been with us for a while and now I feel like our show is as much a Lumi Labs news program as it is a comedy one. And when you say this, when you say people come up, are you just talking about Dan McCoy from the Flophouse? Dan? Others? Many Dan-like guys? Yeah. Here's what they do over there at loomy labs they make microdose gummies they give you a perfect entry-level dose of thc when you say dan like guys are you talking about

ones who takes eat some microdose gummies and then crack open the latest uh cook's illustrated magazine for some recipe ideas hey whatever you do while you're enjoying your microdose gummies that's none of my business you might you might want to look up you might want to read cook's some recipe ideas. Hey, whatever you do while you're enjoying your microdose gummies, that's none of my business. You might want to look up, you might want to read Cooks Illustrated. You might want to just catch some Z's,

relax with your favorite TV show. These things are super tasty and they won't freak you out like other edibles. They are great. Microdose is available nationwide. To learn more about microdosing THC, go to microdose.com and use code JJGO to get free shipping and 30% off your first order. Links can be found in the show description.

But again, that's microdose.com, code JJGO. And remember, this offer does not only apply to Dan McCoy. But Dan, do use our code. I mean... Yeah, Dan, if you're buying these things, do use our code. I mean... Yeah, Dan, if you're buying these things anyways, use the code. Come on. Come on, Dan McCoy from the Flophouse.

We're also supported this week by the folks over there at nuts.com, a real website that really does have fantastic snacks and treats. Cashews, almonds, pecans, pistachios, dried mango, crystallized ginger, dates, jelly beans, jawachios, dried mango, crystallized ginger, dates, jelly beans, jawbreakers, root beer barrels. The variety is vast at nuts.com.

I really loved everything I've gotten from nuts.com. If you want just a handful of roasted almonds, they got that. They have more strange and exotic fare like chocolate-covered gummy bears. And of course, the bourbon pecans that Jesse and I both love so much. When you eat a chocolate-covered gummy bear, Jordan, do you imagine that a gummy bear got captured

and then plunged against its will into a vat of molten chocolate? I do. I like to imagine their screams while I'm eating them. Like by a sort of gummy Bond villain type figure. Exactly. That's what I like to imagine. Because all gummy bears are a little guy, right? They're a little guy, yes. Each gummy bear has a soul.

And nuts.com has all the souls you can cram in your mouth. Yeah, or just get the bourbon pecans. Those are really great. The bourbon pecans. Those are really great. The bourbon pecans are great. You can shop a la carte at any time or opt in to hassle-free auto delivery so you never run out of your favorite items. And if you've already stocked up at home, they also sell directly to businesses. Right now, Nuts.com is offering new customers a free gift with purchase and free shipping on orders of $29 or more at nuts.com slash JJ go. So go check out all the delicious options at nuts.com slash JJ go. You'll receive

a free gift and free shipping when you spend $29 or more. That's nuts.com slash JJ go. Also, if you are in Los Angeles, we are having an in-person Put This On sale on the 23rd at a place called Alter, new art space called Alter on Figueroa Boulevard, 3404 North Figueroa in Cypress Park, just a couple blocks up from Cypress and Figueroa, sort of just south of Highland Park on Figueroa, uh, sort of just South of Highland park on Figueroa. Um, we're going to be there Saturday, the 23rd, 10 to four Brinna. Our shop master is going to be there. I'm going to be there part of the time. Um, we're going to have lots of cool stuff there. Last minute stuff for you or your gifties or whomever. Um, all the information on our Instagram at put this on, put.this.on.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jessica. Hey guys, Jordan here. Before we get back to the show, I just wanted to share a lovely DM I got on Instagram from a listener. No, it's not a spicy one. Calm down. Yeesh. The DM says this. Hi, Jordan. I just wanted to let you know that I pre-ordered Youth Group for my husband for Christmas.

I ordered from our local indie bookmarks in Winston-Salem, North Carolina. It's a great little shop with lots of cool events. Thanks for being awesome and Merry Christmas to you. Give Bug a chin scritch for me. Heart, heart. Thank you so much to this listener who pre-ordered our upcoming graphic novel, Youth Group, from their local indie bookstore. Youth Group, of course, a YA horror comedy from me and Bowen McGurdy about a bunch of goofy teenage exorcists coming out next year, available for pre-order now. Folks are letting me know when they pre-order at a local indie, and I'm shouting them out on the show. Bookmarks is indeed a very cool-looking shop.

They are online at bookmarksnc.org. You can grab your copy of Youth Group there or at wherever you like to shop for books in your zone. Please get at me on the social media. Let me know where you're pre-ordering Youth Group. And hey, I think this proves that a pre-order confirmation makes a great holiday gift. Who wouldn't love to unwrap a printed out confirmation that they're going to get a graphic novel next year, huh? I can't think of anything more fun than that. So, yeah, find me on social media.

Let me know where you're pre-ordering, youth group, and I'll shout them out on the show. All right, back to Jordan, Jesse, go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, play queen we have been we had a lot of fun checking out the latest stained single you did yeah you know stained right they have a new hit single called here and now with its own video and i guess how would we describe the music of stained because i think it came about in the era of new metal but it's not that right like it's not like a bit some it's like halfway between new metal and Creed yeah it seems closer to Creed than it does to you know horn yeah but twixt Creed and corn what would you call

Creed though cuz I'm thinking of like Alice in Chains also where it's just like yeah it's just a little more like almost the guys who made the like crappy more commercial version of that. Grungy. Took that and was like, now here's the that you can play in a mall. Ten years later. Yeah. What's the Stain song I'm thinking of?

This is how you remind me. Is that that? That sounds about right. It's probably, you remind me of what I really am. I am in stained. That's probably not by stained and the people are really mad at us right now. People are veering off the road. That's Mudvayne.

Fools, that's Nickelback. That is Nickelback. Oh. Matt, what's a stained song? What's a stained? Do a stained. I think it's like, look at this photograph. No. It's a me, a guy in stained

Yeah That's Nickelback for sure Oh shit Oh, it's been a while Oh That's Everclear Is that Everclear? No, no, no, no, Everclear is

No, that's Third Eye Block Jesus Christ What's that he said? It's been a while. No, no, no, no. Everclear is... No, that's Third Eye Block. Jesus Christ. What's any... It's chaos. But this? No. This is a good show. Third Eye Blind, that's...

No! Sleep! Chill Brooklyn! That's it. Yeah, yeah. I think. Okay. So anyway...

Okay, so we were checking out Stained Online in a previous episode. They have a new single with a great video called Here and Now. It's a touching acoustic power ballad, I would say. Not Now and Then. No. That's the new Beatles song. Exactly. Here and Now.

Here and Now. Yeah. Did somebody call me? Did I hear my name? Yes, guy from Stained. I'm in Stained. What would you call my music i'm not really new metal but i do have a bunch of bad tattoos uh okay so they have a new they have a new song and video called here and now yeah we checked out the video online and what's what's really cool about it

is that uh they ask you to tell them a story that their song, Here and Now, made you remember. There's a cool box. They ask you? On the website, you watch the video, and then you get under the box, and then you say what memories the song brought up. And then you can connect with other Stained fans and share memories. So it's like YouTube, but they're making it again. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, they just have their own YouTube comments with a specific prompt.

Okay. And you can talk with other Stained fans about the time that your buddies crashed in the graveyard when they were drag racing. Yeah, but we're suggesting VR to ER stories. Why? We forget. Matt, do you remember? We don't know. I think it was a momentous occasion and someone told their VR to ER story.

Okay, great. Thank you, Matt. No problem. So a VR to ER story is where you are doing VR and then you hurt yourself. And you hurt yourself. Oh, great. Yeah. Because you're wearing goggles instead of looking around at the actual world. Of course. I've done this stuff, yeah. So we

encourage people to share with Stained and with us their VR to ER stories, which this person did. They sent a screenshot. Thank you for sending a screenshot of them using the submission form. We haven't quite streamlined it to the fact where it goes to Stained and us

at the same time, so you will have to put it into two different websites. We know that's a pain in the ass. Matt's on it. Matt is working on that. Yeah, I'm talking to Stained. We're going to work it all out. But for now, fill it out twice. Fill it out twice. Sorry, it's a little bit of a pain, but it's worth it.

That was just... We guarantee it's worth it. Sorry, it's a little bit of a pain, but it's worth it. That was just- We guarantee it's worth it. Matt, that was just Jordan doing a stained accent. I've just been talking to Jordan this whole time? Yeah, just Jordan. Why does he sound exactly as liver puddling as the guys from Stained? Okay, so this is what this person shared with Stained and with us. I was administering a test during the pandemic.

A student requested a fresh number two pencil and I, forgetting I... Oh, by the way, this input box automatically puts it into like typewriter courier font. Perfect. Where like the letters are misaligned and you know what I'm talking about? I was administering a test during the pandemic. A student requested a fresh number two pencil and I, forgetting I was in VR, walked through a plate glass window. A real proctor to doctor situation. Nice.

Do they all have to end with a something? Does something rhyme? Probably not. But they could. Now they have to. Now they have to. Now they have to. Because now we want that. Okay.

I'd like to hear more. Take your screenshots and send them to us at JJGoatMaximumFun.org. And, hey, we got something else from one of our beloved listeners. Somebody's given us a call at 206-9844-FUN and left us a momentous occasion. Matt, do you want to play it for us? Hi there. I love you guys. My boyfriend just proposed to me via livestream, and it's amazing.

And I definitely accepted. And thank you guys so much for listening to me. I'm so happy. I love y'all. Bye. Oh, boy. Congratulations. Yeah, I mean, I don't want to break it to this person,

but it seems like the boyfriend maybe was just doing it for Twitch subs. Oh, really? Yeah. Over a live stream? You've got to get those subs. That's a red flag. So, yeah. How do you know it was on Twitch?

It could have been on IG Live. No, you're right. It could have been. I proposed to my wife on Periscope. That really kind of dates it. In fact, when people were Periscoping all the time. I proposed to my wife on Periscope. That really kind of dates it. Back when people were Periscoping all the time. I proposed to my wife on Chat Roulette. Right, sure.

And then we saw her again. Jeff and I first met on Justin.TV. Right. I proposed to my wife on E-Bombs World with a nut shot video of her dreams. Oh, yeah. That's heartwarming. Yeah, it was really beautiful. She said no

and then died. One time on a zoo cam I had sex with an animal. Cool. We're just going around confessing stuff now. Congratulations on that. Congratulations though. Marriage I'm told is beautiful. Jesse, what do you think?

Beautiful? Overrated? Underrated? You know, I'm going to go back to what my playwriting teacher told Jonah Copi in playwriting class when I was in high school about sex. It's overrated and it's underrated. Okay. Beautiful. It's a beautiful way to's underrated. Okay. It's beautiful. It's a beautiful way to confuse a teenager.

Yeah. Art High School rules. That'll keep them busy for a while. Sure. Noodle on that. Yeah, I hope. I wonder, what do you think the live stream situation was? Do think that they are like long distance or are they just so are they just so online she's getting catfished maybe for sure yeah whole fake dude this

is an entire fake dude this is an ai dude maybe this is several dudes posing as one dude yeah when i was when I took a pottery class at the Barnstall Art Center, there was this Silver Fox guy in the class who said his son had created the show

Catfish. Okay. What if he was catfishing me, though? Oh, yeah. The Silver Fox guy. Hiding in plain sight by referring to...

Yeah, he's like, well, you'll never suspect me if I just say catfish. If I say the word catfish, he'll be like, well, that would be too obvious. They'll stop thinking. Is real life catfishing a thing? Oh, like catfishing?

Yeah, people saying their kids did things. Right. At the pottery shop. Yeah. To get silver foxes. Yeah. Talking about like handsome older men. If you're a silver fox and you want to seal the deal.

You have to have a son you're proud of. Yeah. That's like handsome older men. If you're a silver fox and you want to seal the deal. You have to have a son you're proud of. That's part of the appeal. Like, ooh, look at this well-dressed older guy. What did he gain by this ruse? Well, Jesse had sex with him, right? Yeah, sure. Closer to Neve. Down at the zoo.

The catfish is Guy's dad? Yeah, we fucked on Condor camp oh okay this is the same it's a flattering camp for the zoo this is the same story Jordan if I met you

at the Barnes-Sall Art Center if we were taking a class together we met in college but this is an alternate reality this is kind of a what if

multiverse a multiverse yeah those things are hot who would you tell me you were proud of oh just the guys from Catfish okay Multiverse. A multiverse, yeah. Those things are hot. Who would you tell me you were proud of? Oh, just the guys from Catfish.

Okay. So they had that feature documentary, and they turned it into a long-running MTV show. I mean, that's really great. That's hard to do. All right. So I'm just proud of Neve, Neve's friend, and everybody on that show who's just trying to figure out life on this crazy blue marble.

But, I mean, is there anyone in your family you're proud of? Oh, nah. Gail. Gail. Lactation nurse. Yeah. It's a really important job. She's done great for herself.

Retired, but yeah. And you're proud of Brad's trombone playing. Yeah, sure. My stepdad, I'm, that was... And you're proud of Brad's trombone playing. Yeah, sure. My stepdad, I'm proud. You know what I'm proud of? My sister recently became a mom. Yeah. I'm proud of them all. That happens accidentally a lot, to be fair. Well, if you go to a Sloppy Boys show. Yeah, for sure.

If you're out there in the pit at the Sloppy Boys show. I wish I could say that would happen more often. I just feel like if there was a next generation of your family. Uh-huh. A kind of Star Trek the next generation? No, like if you went out there and-

Oh, I see what we're doing. Okay, go ahead. You can wind it up a little bit more if you want to. I'm just saying- I'll just do my vocal warm-ups. I know. Jeff, here's the thing. Yes?

I know. Jeff, here's the thing. Yes? This guy I met in the Barnstall Art Center, the Silver Fox, he was proud of his son. Yeah. Now, Jordan, of course. No son to be proud of. The quick brown fox.

Yeah. So what I'm wondering, Jordan, is do you have a son, Jordan? Do you? No, Jesse, I gotta get a son. Maybe a son-like figure, like Matt Gaetz. Jeff, I'm working on it. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go! Boo! End the podcast forever.

End the podcast forever. Cameron Esposito here, comedian and host of Queery. Every week I get to interview someone amazing from the LGBTQIA plus community. Some Queeros. I chat with them about their lives, loves, careers, and more. I've talked to, you know, giant celebs, Trixie Mattel, Lena Waithe, Tegan, and Sarah Quinn, but also astronauts, reverends, nurses. It's funny, it gets deep, and hopefully it makes you feel like you're part of something. Join me every Monday on Maximum Fun to listen to

Queery with Cameron Esposito. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Last week, The Greatest Generation, the comedy podcast about old Star Trek TV shows like Star Trek The Next Generation, Deep Space Nine, and Voyager, just had its 500th episode. And Greatest Trek, the podcast about the new Star Trek shows like Strange New Worlds, Lower Decks, and Discovery,

just had its 250th episode. So whether you have a task that's roughly 750 hours long or you want to learn about some of the production techniques that go into making one of the greatest franchises in television history, you should give us a try either way. The Greatest Generation and Greatest Trek. The best reviewed, most listened to Star Trek podcasts in the world.

They're on Maximum Fun. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. It's Jordan, Jesse Go, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy, detective. And Jeff Dutton, boss baby. I guess Fuji. Slayton, boss baby. I guess Fuji.

Slay. Slay baby. I think Fuji's probably my favorite just regular grocery store. Like if you're just going to get the ones that are always in the grocery store. How about jazz? How about a jazz? Ooh, a jazz. I'm always worried about those brand apples. Oh, yeah?

I mean, they're good apples. I've got jazz. Honey crisp. Honey crisp. Is jazz not a branded apple? Gala? I think... Great question. I think anyone can make a jazz.

Okay. But... A jazz apple gets you high? I started making jazz around 13. Okay. You're thinking of jazz. Jesse, I think you're thinking of jazzizz You started making it You started manufacturing it Okay let's get these wheels turning

No I played Crank it out No I played the vibes man Those are my vibes Anyway Well Jeff It's been a joy to see you

It's always lovely To see the great Jefferson Dutton It's been a joy To be in the sound cube What fun And it's always A joy to hear them slops. Mm-hmm. Oh, you want to hear some now?

Hold on, hold on. Okay, sorry. Hold on, hold on. I have one last question for you. Uh-huh. Of all the beverages which you've imbibed for the Sloppy Boys podcast. Yes. What is the most thrilling to recommend to our audience right now?

I have it for you, and it's Christmassy. Oh. Perfect. The Trinidad Sour. What? What is that? It's created by Giuseppe Gonzalez. Okay.

Who is a bartender somewhere. Go on. I was so confident going in. This is a drink that is mostly Angostura bitters. Okay. The thing that you generally only use one or two plops of. Right. Right.

This is primarily this bitter, bitter, deep, dark stuff, which does have alcohol in it, by the way. Sure, yeah. But it's so balanced by the lemon juice, the simple syrup, whatever else is in there. Right. But it's got such a distinct Christmassy, clovey, spicy, warming quality that I'm going to push that we do it every Christmas. Oh my gosh. Trinidad sour. Mm-hmm.

I love it. Mm-hmm. Excited to hear about this. Go make it, folks. See you, Nog. Pound sand, Nog. Peace, Nog. This isn't just the time that I ask somebody for a club soda and bitters at a bar because

I don't drink, and then they just served it to me like a club soda and bitters was like a vodka and club soda or something. It's half and half. Two parts, one part. Out of either incompetence or spite, I couldn't quite tell which. It seemed like maybe both. Like, God, what is this? Yeah. Well, it's a stanky

ingredient, that Angostura Bitters. You know the bottle. It's got the turtleneck. Who knows why they do that? It's great. I love it in drinks, so I think I would like to have a big old mouthful of it. I'll make you one. That would be great. I would love that. I'd like a mouthful of jazz right now.

All right. Beep, beep, beep, boop. Beep, beep, beep, boop. This is fine. This is a show, right? I like a mouthful of jazz right now. All right. This is fine. This is a show, right? He's ravenous. This counts as a show. Yeah, I think it does. I mean, what are we at, 400 hours?

This is a show. So the Sloppy Boys. It's a podcast where you go through the history of cocktails. Yes. And it's also a party rock band with a new album. Streaming everywhere, yes. Yeah, it's great. The Sloppy Boys are that special kind of, and I don't want to say comedy band in a way to diminish it. No, that's fine.

But the songs are funny, but they also fucking rock. Thanks, man. And so once you're done laughing, you're also rocking out. I put you in a category with a tenacious D. Yeah. It really captures the spirit of a bunch of dumbbells acting like dumbbells. That's what I like about it. Yes.

It's really silly. It's really fun. Thank you. And genuinely rocks. And I've seen you guys live, too, and the live show rocks. Thanks, Jordan. So whenever the slops are back on tour, make it out to the show. Well, we're hoping next year, yeah, we'll do some live shows.

Hello, Ticketmaster. I'd like to order the Slops, please. Matt Lieb is the producer of the program. Our theme music is Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light and The Attic Records. Find us on our social medias. Zion and Light and the Attic Records. Find us on our social medias, Twitter slash JordanJesseGo,

Facebook.com slash JordanJesseGo, Instagram at JordanDavidMorris and put.this.on, Reddit, MaximumFun.reddit.com. It's been a little quieter on Reddit lately. I'd like to see more posting on the episode threads. Let's see some more posting. I'd like to see more posting on the episode threads. Let's see some more posting. I'd like to see some. I'm going to start listing people's Reddit handles again.

Okay, that might get them going. I always enjoy saying out loud someone's Reddit handle. Sure. Never not fun to me. Yeah, hey, get in the comments for this episode. What's your favorite apple? There's a prompt. You got to ask a question on social media. Call to action. What's your favorite apple?'s a prompt you gotta ask a question on social media

call to action what's your favorite apple let us know we need to know hit us up maximumfun.reddit.com and hey Jeff we're gonna

we're gonna after this we're gonna stay tuned we're gonna hear one of the new Sloppy Boy songs what are we gonna hear

what are we gonna hear we're gonna hear Gardens of Gamora the lead single off the new album Sonic Ranch that's not how it goes no this is it oh okay jesse's just a bigger fan than i thought okay yeah well i mean i played the recording of the song just now right oh okay that was it okay you

were opening your mouth so i thought it was coming out but you were just maybe opening and closing you never heard this record have you I was just gasping in excitement. I'm sorry. Okay, here's the Slobby Boys. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jessica. Mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama-ha, tell your papa-ha, and all the church ladies sing. In the gardens of Gomorrah, you can do anything you want to do. No one's creeping, no one's peeping, no one's snarking No looking loose You can dump a slurpee Down your bra when you dance

You can jam a cheese fry Down the back of your pants You can take a load off You can take off your jeans Sit bare ass naked On a plate of poutine Jet down to the border That's the plan

Cut an album on a farm Yes we can Every weekend I'm with the weekend I strip for tips on the sunset strip. In the garden of Gamora,

you can be anything you wanna be. Be a pervert, be a sicko, be a jagger, be a sicko, be a jackal, a fucking squeeze No, no, no, no, you're back at home, but it's not the same Still got the T-man running through your brain

I showed you my world, I showed you my ass You're not going back to that grad school class You realize Gamora was more than a place Does it live in my heart? Not the case You're wrestling one dude, now who could that be? The motherfuckin' one-time Emmy nominee. You gotta spread the word, cause it'll will in their week. To see such a fit bird with a big fat

streak. We sent you to college. We spent all that money. But mom, but dad, his podcast's funny. He's got all these cool Tabasco shirts. His butt-dry hat made me squirt my skirt. I shake and quiver when his hands on my butt. He said he'd introduce me to Hattie and Ducks When I see him I'm drenched

When he sings I just ooze I got you at the touch of this here chubby dude Niagara, the Nile, the Adriatic Sea That's what I'm like on his T-Bird seat My dad's all mad, but you know he's just jealous He'll never land a man who's played Coachella Meanwhile your mom's turned me into a simp Who you think gave you those two sweater blips?

Your neck, your back, your pussy, your crack I won't be texting any one of them back Cause I'm moving on to the next city But Timmy I love you Yeah well life's shitty Mama papa baby, mama papa motherfucker Mama papa baby, mama papa sister brother Tell your pappy, tell your nieces and your nephew

Tell your doctor, tell your fucking cousin Greg too In the garden of Gomorrah You can meet anyone you wanna meet Meet the cat man, meet K. Calbee The motherfucker, the Greek physique Anything I wanna do do Anything I want to do Anything I want to do Anything I want to do

Oh Jehovah Mary Joseph Vishnu Allah Holy Moses Cradle curly Wedge of waffle Staple shoestring, fat but loaded. Aww.

I'll hug you and kiss you and love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you.