Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Al Pacino Ice Cream, with Alison Rosen

Episode Date: October 19, 2023

This week Alison Rosen (Alison Rosen Is Your New Best Friend) returns to the pod to talk about the fast talking Micro Machines  Man and an ice cream truck inexplicably named after Al Pacino.Buy Alison Rosen's book Tropical Attire Encouraged (and Other Phrases That Scare Me)Right now, Nuts.com is offering new customers a free gift with purchase and free shipping on orders of $29 or more at Nuts.com/jjgo.4 out of 5 employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. Go to ZipRecruiter.com/JJGO to try ZipRecruiter FOR FREE.Jordan wrote a brand new graphic novel called Youth Group which you can pre-order now.Get your tickets to see Jesse Thorn and John Hodgman on the Van Freaks Road Show Tour 2023. 

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan, Jordan Morris, uh... Oh no, what's wrong, buddy? Okay, alright. Podcast, podcast. We're doing it doing a podcast buddy buddy buddy buddy buddy we've been friends a long time but yeah i need to check in here and see what's going on with you bud yeah uh so okay we are this is our first show back after being in the UK, London for the London podcast festival. I am still in that thing where

you're trapped between two time zones. Okay. So what time zones are you trapped between? Let's start there. Uh, uh, a good, a terrible one and a fucking awful one. Okay. I can't sleep. My body won't let me sleep at any time. All the times are wrong according to my body. No time is the time for sleep. I'm exhausted. 3 a.m. seems like noon and metal makes me horny. Okay.

So with the last part is the part, do you mean metal music or metal? The material? Oh, the material. Sorry. Like pennies and spoons. Okay.

So you're like metal. I like metal. Like I, you know, I have some mastodon on my running playlist, but you know, right. I can,

I, so I, I'm just, I'm going to practice reflective listening here if you don't mind. So what I hear you saying is that we went on a trip to Europe, to the United Kingdom specifically, not continental Europe, although you went to continental Europe. It's, of course, an eight-hour time difference from here in Los Angeles. You're, as they say, betwixt and between. You're waking up at three o'clock in the morning and you're horny for spoons. I'm kind of on a temporal taint. Okay, got it.

Taint Los Angeles and Taint London. No, uh-uh. I don't want to neglect the area that I'm in right now. Right. So, Jordan, here's my question. I don't want to neglect the area that I'm in right now. Right. So Jordan, here's my question. It's a portal taint. Big plot point in the next season of Loki coming soon to Disney+. Yes.

I ask you a question. I can't help but notice that you mentioned that you're horny for spoons. Mm-hmm. Is that correct? Well, it's all metals. Okay. So what is the connection between that and being sleepy? Well, it's just that, you know, we can all relate to this thing that I'm going through, right? What is the connection between that and being sleepy?

Well, it's just that, you know, we can all relate to this thing that I'm going through, right? You did it too, Jesse. So I came home from, I'm kind of racking my brain here because I came home a few days earlier than you did. What I remember is I took a nap on the plane. Is I took a nap on the plane and you know, it's one of those things, five o'clock plane gets into LA at seven 30 because of the time difference, even though it's like a 10 hour flight. And so I took a nap on the plane and I stayed up. I got on that bus to union station, went home, collapsed in a heap at eight 30 atlept all the way until 7.30 or 8 the next morning. And I was pretty much okay, but I was a little sleepy. Oh my God, geez. I'm impressed. I'm blown away.

You're a pro. I remember being horny for my wife because we hadn't kissed her. Yeah, the robot woman. We hadn't kissed her or anything like that in some time because i've been abroad i don't remember anything about spoons or pennies though but i mean no you were horny for your wife rosie the robot from no my wife no my wife theresa from high school oh god yeah this yeah again i haven't haven't had much sleep so i you were in my mind I retcon your life to include getting married to Rosie the Robot, the maid from the Jetsons. Should we check in with our guest about this? Yeah, sure.

Everybody, welcome Judy Jetson. No, it's not any of the Jetsons, Jordan. So our guest on the program is- Oh, Mr. Spacely. It happens to be Bam Bam Jordan. So our guest on the program is basically one of the, it happens to be Bam Bam Jordan. Oh, I said no Jetsons. Uh, our guest on the program is of course, the Jetsons. It should be somebody who has met the Jetsons. Yes. Or she is the author of tropical attire Encouraged. And the host of Alison Rosen is your new best friend, Alison Rosen.

Hi, Alison. Hello. It's actually, sorry to be this person. It's Tropical Attire Encouraged and other phrases that scare me. Okay. Just so people know I'm not like, woo, the beach or anything. Although, Jordan. Yes.

On the beach, you can use a metal detector if you choose to like pursue that kind of lifestyle right and then you'd have a crazy erection all the time oh man I would love that as would everyone at the beach

I'm sure everyone's dream yeah Jordan you know I think a lot of people have been talking about you as a sort of like mountain

zaddy but you could be a sexy beach bum for sure. Easy peasy lemon squeezy. You have the hair for it even though you claim you don't do frost and tip.

I don't. Tis chlorine from the public pool. I've heard but I just don't know that I believe it. I don't want to come out swinging. I'm just saying. Your I believe it. Right. I don't want to come out swinging. I'm just saying. No, I know.

Your hair, it's only light on the tips as if from like a box of Clairol. Uh-huh. Yeah. Again, I don't know how I can prove this. Well, let's get your hairdresser. It's a monkey on my back. Let's get your hairdresser Lance Bass on the phone. Yeah.

Go for this. Lance and I are just friends. He's get your hairdresser Lance Bass on the phone. Lance and I are just friends. He's not my hair consultant. Justin Timberlake. Let's call him and see what he has to say. 2001 Justin Timberlake. Listen, he did help me get this denim tuxedo, but he did not touch my hair.

Allison, you probably have done intercontinental traveling. How does it agree with you? And what do you become horny for? Excuse me, for what do you become horny? Thank you for correct. You are in the presence of a lady who has done intercontinental traveling. I remember becoming horny.

It's been some time now. But I became horny for Diet's been some time now. But I became horny for Diet 7-Up because I couldn't find it abroad. And I really missed it. This last time I went, my husband and I made the mistake of... Wait, how long were you guys gone? How long were you guys there? How long did you not kiss your robotic wife? I was gone about a week.

Okay. Again, my wife is flesh and bone, just like the rest of us. Met her in high school. Yeah, you've been claiming that. You've met my wife. She's been a guest on your show. Well, let's find out. Jordan, are you attracted to Jesse's wife?

In the current state that I'm in? Yeah. I mean, listen, I'm in. Yeah. I mean, listen, I would never get between. Jordan's not here to break up my marriage. No, listen, I may be some sort of mountains Addy,

but I'm not a, I'm not a, I'm not a home wrecker. Yeah. Right. My wife likes beach thaddies anyway. I hear. Right.

See, that's a classic, classic, classic McConaughey type. Playing the bongos. I'm just suggesting the litmus test for whether Jesse's wife

is flesh and blood, a woman he met in high school, or some kind of robot is whether or not you feel sexually attracted to her this is i mean this is i think you have the answer we have a natural divining rod yeah whether or not jesse's wife is your rod jordan are you a robot dowser i mean i i guess i i guess so like i never considered it but yeah so i guess um I'd hire you to come to my farm and find robots. Yeehaw, we hit robots.

It's impossible that the show is more incoherent. I was kind of entertaining the idea that maybe, that maybe like, because the show is normally nonsense, the fact that I am insane and out of my mind might kind of double back on itself. And the show would like, just be really insightful.

Like, yeah, they really figured out Ukraine on the Jordan, Jesse go this week. I think that's possible. Yeah, we may, but back to the, week. I think that's possible. Yeah, we may, but back to the,

right. We've only just started and I do have a list of a few things to bring up. Thank you. Alison Rosen, former New York's funniest reporter. Always, always ready with a list. Always ready with notes.

There's never not notes with Alison Rosen. I mean, and I don't have Ukraine on the list. By the way, I think I'm like, like president, I think, I don't know that I'm former New York's former finance reporter. I feel like I can take that with me. Oh, okay. Like one time, by the way, it's, it sounds good. I think I've already said this last time, but I always have to point it out. It sounds good till you're like, oh, she was competing with other reporters. Like they're not known to be that funny. Anyway, let's just, this is not even on my list. Can I suggest Allison, New York's funniest reporter in exile? Yes, that works. I know since I'm no longer there to carry the mantle. This is just human to human. Jordan.

Yes. When did you get back? I got back like, I think I got back two days ago. So Friday night and was like in bed at 1 a.m. on Saturday morning and then woke up two hours later. Okay. So you just haven't been able to sleep. I've not been able to sleep. Are you pumped up because you finally got to live your dream of visiting a

monarchy? No. Yeah. I'm not. I mean, you know, England was lovely, but yeah,

I don't think, I don't think I'm, I don't think it has any reason. I think the, the location was irrelevant. They don't have those bear hat guys in Los Angeles. You know, those bear hat guys with the red jackets. That's true.

They're not allowed to move until they pass out. Back to the subject of Jesse's robot wife. I do want to test this theory, but I don't want to ruin a marriage in the process is there and a friendship and a friendship sure and you know a podcast that will surely someday solve this whole thing in Ukraine tonight

tonight it will today it will are there any other like robots that we're curious about are there any other like lady robots I could try this on yes okay so Supermanman 3 uh-huh that's the one with richard pryor yes four is it is it four i always think it's is it annie ross i believe played the woman who became like a robot near the end and it scared the shit out of me oh yeah that, that is scary. I remember I was like eight years old. I remember, I think like getting up the next day,

I had just learned to ride a bike. I think I was a little late to learn to ride a bike, but I was going to go outside and ride my bike. And I just felt so creeped out. Like what if computer chips try to attach to my face? What if this crazy lady tries to harm me in the garage? You know, these things happen. Okay, so I happen. Okay.

So I'll. So how do you feel about her? Just remembering it. I'm feeling pretty cranked up. I'll be honest. Let me ask you this, Jordan. Think about them. Think about a micro machines commercial.

Okay. Yeah. Are you horny for the micro machines guy or are you horny for the micro machines you know i think it's the machines i admire his fast talking but it's not like you know yeah i mean usually that's it it's a pretty easy test because anybody who's attracted to people is going to be attracted to the micro machines guy because of how fast he can talk sure what else can you do with that mouth buddy the world's fastest talking man that was his career fast talking yeah he's one of those i mean we we talk often on this show about being confused as a kid as to what celebrity did what mr t being the greatest example

yeah um but yeah the micro machines guy also did other things other than endorse micro machines but i couldn't tell you what they were or where he came from or how he got the job but he did talk fast do you think the micro machines guy was an actor portraying the fastest talking man in the world or do you think the micro machines people you think it's like so like is it like or is it like air bud like air bud a t a movie producer saw a dog play basketball said this is a movie and made air bud so do you think that's what happened do you think that somebody saw this guy talking fast who represented the micromachines account and he's like of course oh micromachines they're tiny cars we'll get a fast talker

or do you think they were hanging out in the boardroom looking at micro machines and they said we'll get a virtuosic actor to portray a fast-talking man great yeah i my my sense of it was that this guy was hot at the time uh when you know he's probably still hot when's when's peak micro machine 91 90 91 yeah something like that uh these are tiny cars from from toy stores sure yes um if you thought hot wheels were too big yeah um yeah my sense was that this guy was like in the zeitgeist and we're like in micro machines it's like we need some of that heat for our itty bitty cars is there a relationship between fast talking and tiny cars because i even though i don't think there truly is yeah i feel like i'm and it i feel like they're

related like because i don't know it just i feel like in this sort of and i feel like i'm stepping i've now i'm on the temporal taint. I entered into this in reality. And now suddenly I feel like I'm entering this sort of fever dream that you guys are in. Welcome to my madness. You're all here. I know. I've gotten absorbed into it. Is this podcast actually happening or am I just flatlining on an operating table?

It's not your time yet. Turn away. You have more work to do. You have to solve tiny, tiny machines. The micro machines guy was famous before the commercial. Right. This show would be better, Jordan. Yeah.

This show would be better if it was just that Reddit where people are coming out of anesthesia. Oh, I didn't know that was a Reddit. Oh, it's a really great one. Sounds fun. So what do you think about the micromachines guy? Because I know what you mean, Allison. Thank you. Because the cars are small.

Right. And when you talk fast, it makes the words small. Yes. Everything gets compressed. Sure. Yeah. Like a tiny microm small. Yes. Everything gets compressed. Sure. Yeah. Like a tiny micro machine. Exactly.

Versus like talking slow. It's all loose. You should have gotten Tracy Chapman to endorse micro machines. Oh, yes. Because she had a fast car. Yeah. Mm-hmm. She worked cheap, too.

You just buy her a ticket to anywhere. John Moshita Jr. is the man's name. Oh, is he alive or dead? Motor mouth. He's alive and he's only 69 years old. He's not even particularly old.

He's also known as motor mouth, John Moshita and the fast talking guy. He has many names. He was in transformers, the movie and transform. He has many names. He was in Transformers the movie and Transformers the animated series. And he was in the Guinness Book of World Records. He really was the fastest talking man in the world. Is there anything about Micro Machines on the wiki? I'm assuming you're looking at Wikipediaikipedia yeah it's i mean he's

known as the micromachines man he made his name in 1981 by reciting the lyrics to you got trouble from the music man this guy is living my dream career wait where did he make his name doing this on the abc show that. Oh, that's perfect. Things didn't really have to happen on TV for people to watch it back then. Like, did anybody see that documentary, Three Identical Strangers? I heard about it. I haven't seen it. It's definitely one of those documentaries that people tell you about.

It's one of those ones where when I sat down to watch it, I feel like it had been described to me 10 times. And it's, you know, about these triplets who were like separated at birth and then found each other later in life. And they were, you know, around this time in the early eighties, they were like, you know, booked on every talk show. And, you know, they're kind of like these good looking Italian guys and they would just be on Donahue or whatever. And they would all cross their legs at the same time. And the

audience would cheer for 12 minutes. And it's like, this was just TV back then. Like, you know, you could just recite the lyrics to the music man or cross your legs at the same time as two other guys and people would go nuts. I know that the point of your story is that uh what we consider entertainment has truly changed however when you said they would all cross their legs at the same time i actually physically like sat up straighter and made a little like sound like apparently just hearing about it makes me excited wow that's what i'm into you're into metal i'm into twins that cross triplets that cross their legs at the same time um allison now that we've figured out micromachines yeah um what else what else is on your list of things two albums what are they

really short they are they're each 10 minutes long're like singles, but it's a whole album. 20 tracks. The one is one minute versions of 10 classic novels. Oh, come on. And one is 10 minute versions, one minute versions of 10 university subjects. Well, now I have to get these albums. Just out of curiosity. I mean, this guy got a spot on

Adventure Time. Wow. My fucking dream career. Spent on Sesame Street, MathNet, and Adventure Time. Great resume. Does it say what got him into fast talking? How did he find his passion? I i mean you gotta figure

he just got sped up and sped up and his father his father was a slow talker and he's like i don't want your life i'm not gonna be like you i'm gonna be happy um okay so yeah i was listening to an episode where you guys were talking about uh christopher guest and jamie lee curtis yes and uh jesse you said you've interviewed both of them and you said that jamie lee curtis as her reputation would say or something like that is like the most, you know, radiant human being. Um, maybe, maybe you didn't say radiant. Did you say radiant?

Does that sound like something you said? It does sound like something I would say. Okay. Fully believable, but I have never heard this about her. So you just saw her as a steely eyed killer. Kind of. Yeah.

Hmm. What about, uh Called Wanda? She plays some tough characters, some tough customers. I'm a fan. I think she's great. I like her in everything from Trading Places to Activia Yogurt. I'm just saying, and I don't think I did it justice, what you had said about her. The full spectrum of acting.

Yes, exactly. I don't think i recapitulated it perfectly but my understanding from listening was she's known as this like like like she has a reputation as just being the most dazzling radiant person in the whole world especially in person is that true maybe it's not true maybe Maybe I retconned her reputation after I met her and she was so nice and dazzling. I felt like everyone agreed with you, though, at the time. Well, I said it with conviction. Maybe.

Maybe you just retconned their belief about her. Now, it sounds like I'm trying to take a dig at her or something, and I'm absolutely not. I don't understand what your problem is with Jamie Lee Curtis. Exactly.ie lee curtis exactly i think she's an american treasure and she's radiant i think she's america's sweetheart and i love her in no way am i trying to take anything away i'm just saying i just didn't you know no one let me know this is how we all feel about her i think she you know she's having um you know she's kind of having a moment, uh, you know,

with the young people. Cause I guess she dresses up as like Tekken characters and goes to Comic-Con, right? Young people love Tekken. I did not know that. That rules. That's really cool.

Anyway. So if you want to get the hearts and minds of young people. And I mean, she won that dildo award and uh everything everywhere all at once oh yeah that's funny to see that was that a spoiler it's fine if it was no it's fine it's fine if you know about the dildo award yeah you should watch that it's great oh okay so i'm i'm sorry i have a i have I'm going to issue a correction. Okay. It looks like Jamie Lee Curtis didn't go to Comic-Con. She went to Evo, which is a big fighting game tournament, dressed as Vega from Street Fighter. I'm sorry.

I apologize to the entire cast of Tekken. King, Nina, Shouyu, Hayachi, the whole gang. I'm sorry. I'm representing the listener who doesn't know what Tekken is. It's a fighting game that's similar to Street Fighter. I thought Tekken

was like Robotech. Oh, no. A common mistake. Well, what's like Robotech. Oh, no. Uh-uh. Common mistake. Well, what's like Robotech? Neon Genesis Evangelion. Thank you. Okay, great. So that's settled.

This all makes sense, right? People can follow this. Yeah. I mean, what we're listing here is things that you're horny for. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well, what's more made of metal than a giant mech suit nothing let me it's kind of person shaped too so that's a plus let me ask you this

would you be horny for my wife if she was in a gundam uh i mean would you well of course i would i'm in love with the woman sure yeah she's not shooting missiles at me she might shoot missiles at you anything else anything else on the on the docket that we need to discuss well it seems like the writer's strike might be over i know that you guys don't do breaking news but right i just that was actually my i j my, I jotted it down cause I didn't want to forget. I was going to ask you before we started, but I'm glad that we're bringing this to the people. Yes. Let's get some relatable issue. Yeah. Live reactions. Yeah, it's true. Is that what's happening? Okay. All the, you know, all the, all the text chains blew up, um, about, you know, 20 minutes before we started recording and yeah, it looks

like there's a, there's a tentative deal in the, uh, you know, ongoing writer's strike and, uh, yeah, you know, um, subject to change, of course, who knows what'll happen, but, uh, yeah, it looks like picketing is suspended for the moment. So no more picketing, um, which was actually kind of fun. Um, I'll miss it. Maybe I I'll you know. Just get out there for fun. Maybe I'll just get out there and see if Tim Ticardo wants to walk around and shoot the shit and eat a piece of Costco pizza once a week. Are you fucking

serious? There's no more picketing? Yeah, they suspended it. I saw something saying that for writers it's suspended. SAG will still picket. I just spent so much money on a giant inflatable rat. Jesse, just throw a, listen, you could throw a pumpkin in his hands,

get him out on the lawn for Halloween. Oh, yeah. That's perfect. That's a great idea. Allison, your kids are Halloween crazy. Or they were at one point. Elliot is Halloween crazy. It's already

started. For this year. Yeah, that's what I was going to ask. Have you guys started Halloween prep? It's like September 24th as we're recording. What decade are they going to be? The Jamie Lee Curtis one. She was vague on

Street Fighter. Sorry. Make your kids be doll sim. That's the yoga guy. They have like a Halloween advent calendar which is just sitting at the ready by the front door for when we can begin the countdown to Halloween.

Elliot constantly wants to look at Halloween stuff online. He's like run out of Halloween stores that he likes to Google and then look at things. But he used to be totally fearless. And maybe like a year for the last year or so, there are some things that scare him, but he still wants to look at all of it. But then he's like nervous about watching certain little videos of different animatronic toy. And you know, I'm afraid of all of it. So the fact that I have a child who is not afraid of like a Reagan from the Exorcist

doll is baffling to me. of like a Reagan from the Exorcist doll is baffling to me. My 12-year-old told me when we were walking the dog today that she loves Halloween because it's the best holiday because it's not stressful. So Christmas is stressful. Halloween's not stressful. That's why it's the best. But she's dealing with the fact that she wants to get a Saw mask that costs $70.

And she doesn't think she's going to get it, which I hope that she doesn't, but we might have to. I guess I don't know a ton about the saw franchise i think i've seen one or two of the movies what is a what what what character is the mask of or is it something where it makes it look like your head is stuck in some sort of insane trap that rips eyeballs with vacuums i'm gonna say saw right i'm forgetting which what saw looks like though it's some kind of face trap it is some kind of face trap i remember the word trap being involved the reason it costs 70 is because it's hand handmade by artisans. Ooh, artisans. I love those guys. This is like the kind of people that Jamie Lee Curtis goes to

to get her Dhalsim costume. Yes. Vega, Jessie. I'm sorry. It was fun at first, but now you're... Okay. Intentionally getting the name of the fighting game character that Jamie Lee Curtis dressed up as wrong,

and it's not fun anymore, okay? No one's laughing. This is the guy that sings a little bit of Monica in my life. That's Lou Vega. Yeah.

I didn't even know he was in Street Fighter. A little bit of Blanco by my side. A little bit of Blanco by my side. A little bit of Cammy's all I need. This is fun. So Jamie Lee Curtis dresses up as Lubega and then goes and sings Mabla No. 5 at Comic-Con?

Yes. Yeah. Right there at Comic-Con. Well, now it makes sense. It's not at Comic-Con. It's at Dragon-Con. Right, it's in Atlanta. Yes.

Jesse, do you think if, like, if the Saw mask doesn't happen, like, maybe she'll want to dress up as Saw Gerrera, Forrest Whitaker's character from Rogue One? Yeah, that seems likely. God, I would love, I would love for any of my children to take an interest in dressing up as forest Whitaker. Right.

Just, I don't care. It could be that like the like mystical superhero guy from black Panther. It could be Charlie Parker. Um, a lot of good roles. It could be good good roles it could be so many good roles

it could be the the sidekick the evil the evil sidekick from Battlefield Earth mm-hmm and at the end of the day if they want me to continue

to love them it should be Ghost Dog from the movie Ghost Dog the fucking movie rules I watched Ghost Dog like a couple months ago again I was like yep still fucking owns

you got those pigeons on the roof you have three children yeah how can not one of them want to dress as forrest whitaker it seems crazy right yeah it seems pretty bonkers i mean there's a lot to wrap my head around there's a lot of dangerous territory there given that all three of my children are white but i i think they could navigate it you know i mean you put that you you print you paint that symbol onto a hoodie and you get a samurai sword all of a sudden you're fucking ghost dog get a get a few dozen pigeons to fly around and kids love forrest whitaker uh ever since he dressed up as Kung Lao from Mortal Kombat at WonderCon. Yeah.

One kid says, what are you for Halloween? I'm a king. The other kid says, I'm the king of Scotland. And then pushes down the first kid and takes all the candy. Yeah. Allison, what do you do? Kids have costumes picked out? They do.

And I am blanking on. It's always like, I can't. A blank man. I can't believe I'm part of this kind of family now. Cause it's not, it was not my choosing. Wait, a Halloween kind of family? Yeah. The kind of family where we do a family costume. Allison, you moved to Burbank. You knew what you were getting yourself into. Family costume. Allison, you moved to Burbank.

You knew what you were getting yourself into. Honestly, I was shocked that I moved to Halloween Central where everyone is like a below the line person who does special effects, who loves Halloween. This is Halloween Central. There's two Halloween spirit stores here. So, yeah, we now do family costumes and they're great by the way your family costumes are terrific everybody looks looks great you guys put a lot of tlc into them they're a lot of fun i always enjoy seeing the pics online i'm just like i'm a halloween hater so it is weird to me i'm a conscientious objector to to this kind of fun and to fun in general so it is weird to me. I'm a conscientious objector to this kind of fun and to fun in general. So it is weird to me that I've ended up in this. It's like the first year that we did this, we were all Ben and Holly

characters. I don't know if you know Ben and Holly. It doesn't only exist on YouTube, but I think that's where we've seen it. It's an animated thing. And my mother-in-law just handed me my costume. And I was like, great. And then last year, no. And then the year before that, it was like a pirate theme. And so I actually did put some effort into being like a pirate wench. And then last year, it was Adam's family. And I was Morticia. And I like did the makeup the best I could and did the whole thing. So I forget what I'm being forced into this year. My mother is moving into a smaller place.

And so I went to San Francisco and pulled stuff out of her basement. One of the things was big boxes of photographs. And so I've been going through all these photographs trying to throw most of them away you know but save save the good ones and I ordered some photo albums for pictures of me from my childhood of which there were many many many and I'm like I'm gonna while I was waiting for them to come I'm like I'm gonna sort these photos and i got a pile of like oh me and my friend pete a pile of my mom a pile of my dad um a pile of zero to five a pile of five to ten and then something that merited an entire pile was different crazy ass fucking costumes

yes just all i would say 25 to 40 percent of the photographs of me before the age of 15 involve crazy costumes like what all kind of shit fucking cactuslequin. A lot of times it's just like a pile of, I'll just be wearing 12 different costume elements and then my friend Jody Scott will be standing next to me and he's just wearing like a giant's hat and a giant's jersey or something. And he's looking at me like, oh boy, this guy. Were you wearing them out of the house? Were you wearing him to the supermarket? I think so. Yeah, I think I must have been. I mean, like even my more, it took until I was 11, I would say, before I wore a normal child's clothing.

You know what I mean? Like before that I was wearing fucking clothes my mom made and shit. All the pictures of me, I'm like, why is this six-year-old look like fucking Don Henley in Miami Vice if Don Henley in Miami Vice was wearing velvet pants? You know what I mean? Like I'm wearing like an aloha shirt, a white blazer and velvet pants. I mean, I mean? Like I'm wearing like an Aloha shirt, a white blazer and velvet pants. I mean, that sounds so cool though. Yeah, no, you could like, you could like, you know, you could roll up to a bar in Echo Park like that and be the head of your time, be the head of the place. Do you, are you planning a crazy family costume already?

Allison, we're, we're about a month, month and a little bit out of Halloween as we record this. So I just texted my husband to find out because I'm like, I got to find out what's happening this year. So he said, Elliot is the Grim Reaper. I forgot. He's been planning a Grim Reaper costume for a while. Owen is a veterinarian. And you guys are all going to be celebrities who have died this year. He's going to be leading you around like the seventh seal. while. Owen is a veterinarian. And you guys are all going to be celebrities who have died this year. Oh.

He's going to be leading you around like the seventh seal. Right. It comes in threes. I think we should. Owen is a veterinarian, which is what he's announced he wants to be when he grows up. But he says he wants to be a pet doctor. And then you and your husband are both going to be dogs that were recently euthanized. Yes. Aw. Well, I'll have a clay paw still. are both going to be dogs that were recently humanized.

Yes. Oh, well, I'll have a clay paw still. Yeah. Clay paw still stuck to my hand. Okay. And then he said, and we haven't chosen for us yet. Elliot decided on his the day after last Halloween and hasn't wavered. So apparently Daniel and my costumes are up in the air. I want to be the mini machines guy.

The micro machines guy? Yeah. I think if you have Grim Reaper, I would say be other holiday guys. You know, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus. Is the Tooth Fairy a holiday guy? Yeah, sure. For someone who lost their tooth, yes. International Tooth Day.

Sure. Yes. Allison, did you know that my wife takes my children's teeth out of their heads while they sleep? What? My children get mad because their teeth are loose. And so my wife tells them that if they go to sleep, she'll take them out while they sleep. And she's done it three times.

Okay, I have a thousand questions. I wish I had answers for you, Allison. It terrifies me. Do you have any answers for this? I mean, I'll just start with my questions, even though I think we all know what they are. Your kids sleep through this? Through this rogue dental surgery? Like, I have to say, all three of my children are neurodivergent, and they each have their own sensory issues and concerns.

They each have a colorful relationship with their body in different ways. And I think that for my younger two children, who are the ones who have done this, I think both of them are willing to let the situation get really intense because they can't bear to take it out of them their head themselves but usually they just fall out eventually they but they're having strong roots that's what they say they can't bear taking it out and they can't bear having it loose both of those are horrible nightmares so i get it so that's why they need. So that's why they need to be. That's why they need to be like full anesthesia. Right.

They're like, knock me out, doc. Nothing local. But instead, it's just your wife sneaking in while they're sneaking into their fucking bedrooms. Is there a tool being used or are these just her fingers? I think she's just fingering in there. I would love. I mean, it could be like, it could be, you know those kind of like chomper pliers?

Yes. Maybe she uses those chomper pliers. You know those little things you use to like get a tea bag out? You could do one of those. That's a good idea. That's a gentler apparatus. And then we get the last of the tea out of the teeth too. Sure.

Yeah. And then you seep the teeth. You guys want to take a little break and seep the teeth and then come back for some more. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan. Jessica. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective here with a solo break session. Yeah!

This is the place where we like to say a big thank you to everybody who has gone to MaximumFun.org slash join and supported this show and all the great shows on maximumfun.org. Those folks can treat themselves to some lovely bonus content, episodes of Shooting the Breeze, me and John Hodgman's Cheese podcast, Stash Rules Everything Around Me, our Burt Reynolds recap podcast. We got live shows, all kinds of good stuff up there for everyone who supports Maximum Fun by going to MaximumFun.org slash join. We also want to say a big thank you this week to Nuts.com. Oh yeah, I am. I'm just cuckoo bananas about Nuts.com. Here's what they do. They mail snacks delicious snacks cashews almonds pecans

pistachios dried mango crystallized ginger dates jelly beans jawbreakers root beer barrels the variety is vast at nuts.com they got all kinds of good stuff there at nuts.com. Jesse and I, we're both nuts about the bourbon pecans and the dried organic mango. It's your one-stop shop for freshly roasted nuts, dried fruit, sweets, pantry staples like specialty flowers, and more. Their wide selection means there is something for everyone. I love having a bag of Nuts.com snacks around the house. Make sure I don't get the hungries in the middle of the day. I keep some Nuts.com snacks in my car in case I get the hungries while I'm driving. You can shop a la carte anytime or opt in to hassle-free auto deliveries so you never run out of your favorite items.

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recruiter these folks are awesome they have been supporting jj go for gosh knows how long. It's a shame that they want to be associated with this program, but we're glad that they do. Here's what you do over there at Zip Recruiter. You find good people. I want to give a shout out to everybody whose job it is to hire from those small business owners, growing their team to the HR directors, hiring hundreds across the nation. You've got one of the toughest jobs there is. But what if I were to tell you that there's something that can make your whole hiring process faster and easier? It's ZipRecruiter. They've got powerful technology that works for you to identify people whose skills and experiences match your job. It invites top candidates to apply to your job so they're more likely to appear sooner.

Hiring heroes. Let ZipRecruiter make your job easier. Four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. Go to ZipRecruiter.com slash JJGo to try ZipRecruiter for free. That's ZipRecruiter.com slash JJGo. And hey, while we're here in this break session, I also want to remind you that Youth Group, the graphic novel that I made with the great Bowen McGurdy, is up for pre-order now. You can do that at bits.ly slash youthgroupbook. It is a spooky horror comedy, perfect for spooky season. Of course, it comes out next year, so you won't get it for spooky season, but you can get a nice spooky feeling by pre-ordering bits.ly slash youthgroupbook, or check out the show notes

you'll find that link there too and hey if you're looking for a live event jesse and john hodgman are on the road with the judge john hodgman podcast it's a blast to see the show live to find out if they are coming to your town go to to MaximumFun.org slash events. All right, back to the show. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. A Jordan Morris boy detective. Alison Rosen, taint sitter.

On John Moschita Jr.'s Wikipedia page. Yeah. It's very well organized. At the top, it's got kind of a summary, Guinness Book of World Records, et cetera, et cetera. Then there's three other sections. Bottom section, audio recordings. That's about his two albums. Above that, other television work. It's just a list of credits. The only other section, and it's the largest section, is FedEx commercial. the Micro Machines commercials in this entire article, other than saying he's the Micro Machines man and Micro Machines being in the list of brands he's endorsed. Wild, wild that, you know, wild that such a huge moment from our childhoods is, you know, unimportant in the grand scheme of

things. Do you think he had it struck from his page because he doesn't want to be typecast could be i wonder i wonder if like i've found myself wondering if there's like some sort of beef between john mashuda jr and uh the micro machines company and he's he's in there editing his own page. Could be. It's incredible. What do you think the beef is over? He's like, make the cars big.

And they're like, no. Never. Are Micro Machines still around? Are those things that either of your kids ask for? No. I haven't seen Micro Machines. Oh, but they're back. What?

Think big, play small. Oh, my God. Finally. I'm, but they're back. What? Think big, play small. Oh my god, finally. I'm so glad they're back. So they're just small cars. That's what they are. I've never actually seen them. I mean, basically just Hot Wheels, but Hot Wheels, but itty bitty.

Like how itty bitty? Like the size of a quarter? I would say swallowable. Yeah. Very say swallowable. Yeah. Very easily swallowable. Yeah. I would just take them down by the handful as a kid. Just eat them like nuts. I'm not going to lie to you guys.

I searched for micromachines and I found the website with the pictures of the little boxes of micromachines. I just want fucking micromachines. Yeah. I mean, they were fun they sound pretty cool i have to take your word for it i never got any god do the doors open and stuff because i was never into cars like yeah little cars or anything or even big cars however i do when i've seen other people's little model cars, I enjoy when the doors open and the steering wheel like turns a little bit. That is exciting.

I think so. I think as a kid who loved to, you know, fiddle with stuff, and I'm an adult who loves to fiddle. I'm a proud fiddler. I think opening and closing the little micro machine trunk was very satisfying. Oh, that does sound good. Wait a minute, though. What kind of fiddling are we talking about? I think opening and closing the little micro machine trunk was very satisfying. Oh, that does sound good. Wait a minute, though. What kind of fiddling are we talking about?

Because I've never I don't love the experience of being around urgent ardent fidgeters because it makes me like, stop doing that with your hand. But I've never felt that way around you. Oh, that's nice of you to say. I think um yeah i'm certainly not working on it um but yeah i'm a i'm a big fidgeter and um you know love to click a pen love to mess with a rubber band oh yeah um if you have a paper clip do you have to undo it oh absolutely okay oh yeah you must you can't leave those clips as is you You got to make those guys straight. You're an agent of chaos. That's right.

It seems cruel that when you are unfolding a paperclip, that you can't get to straight because that last curve makes it an S and you can't get it out no matter what you do. It's too tough. Okay. When something momentous happens to you, like you talk your way into a FedEx commercial that wins a Clio award, the Academy Award of commercials, it changes your life. A Clio? Pretty soon you're the announcer on a 90s version of Hollywood Squares. Give us a call. 206-9844-FUN, or just send us a voice memo, jjgoatmaximumfun.org.

This person did that, and here is that. Hi, it's Christy in Baltimore, and I just saw the best ice cream truck on the streets here of Baltimore. It is Al Pacino ice cream. No context, no other pictures, no anything. Just Al Pacino ice cream. I've sent a pic as well. Enjoy.

And I have a pic for you guys that I'm sending right now in the chat. Oh, wow. It just says Al Pacino ice cream. Wow. it's just a regular ice cream truck yeah it's not a branded it's not it's just a it just has pictures of soft serves on the side that is wild and just and and no and maybe what i was expecting is you know how ice cream trucks will have like bootleg SpongeBob, bootleg Minions, bootleg Frozen. I was just expecting all of the great Al Pacino characters to be kind of like crudely painted on the side. Um, you know, scent of a woman guy. Yeah, sure. The devil from the devil zone. These are his best roles.

Sure. It really is just a like where it says Al Pacino ice cream. It just it looks like they made it with word art. In Microsoft Word. I mean, it is. This is a. This is absolutely fucking wild. Say hello to my little treats. Now jordan you're welcome um yeah i mean i guess it's possible that just there's another

guy named al pacino who went into the ice cream business but it doesn't say al pacino's ice cream which also would be confusing allison, that's an amazing point. And yes, that's a very important distinction. It is Al Pacino ice cream. Right. Let me bring up one other copy editing point. I'm glad that you brought up copy editing, Allison. I always find a way to work it in.

So it says Al Pacino ice cream in several places on this otherwise entirely generic ice cream truck each of the places where it says it the a and p in al pacino are capitalized as is the i in ice cream but there's a lowercase c for cream bothers me. What are their rules of... What is going on? No respect for cream. No ice cream style guide, clearly. Right. This is not AP guidebook.

Take it from New York's funniest reporter. That's right. I got to go back to this photo. Which of the treats on this thing are you guys going for? If Al Pacino ice cream Pulls up Pulls up on your block Speakers a tinkling

I think I'm going with cream slush I don't even know what that is I am zooming in Oh Wow Single cone slushies I am zooming in. Oh, wow. Single cones, slushies, cream slush, waffle cones, sundaes. The sundaes, the writing is huge if we're really going to talk about fonts. Yeah, that's true.

It's much bigger than the others. Yeah. I guess if you're someone who is bothered by fonts fonts there's no greater nightmare to you than an ice cream truck that's a really good point or like bathroom wall graffiti snowballs we going snowball jordan i think i am going uh i'm going dip cone there is a a version of a you know of a of a kind of a dairy queen dip cone on here that looks, that looks great. Um, I am looking at Al Pacino's IMDB here. Not a lot of movies you can ice cream pun. Uh, I'm really disappointed. Um, yeah. Dog Day Afternoon, Dog Day After Scoop, maybe Serpico, Scoopico. Oh boy. They really, I mean, there's an opportunity here, but, you know, I think if you just pick an actor who has some more, you know, ice creamy roles, you know, that would, it would work a lot better. There is no information on the entire internet about this completely banana

situation. Other than someone named Katie who posted a picture of it on Instagram. This is a complete mystery. Western Virginia is where this is. Do you also in Baltimore, Baltimore? Cause cause your caller said they were in Baltimore and they thought, do other ice cream trucks have names on them? Does anyone know?

Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I know that like. I don't think so. I guess the only other like ice cream truck brand I can think of is like Good Humor. Like that's a branded thing. But yeah, I guess I can't remember like the name of my childhood ice cream truck. Right. My ice cream trucks around here all would all be like Spanish language nouns. You know what I mean?

Like, you know, I can't think of a good one, but you know what I'm talking about? I mean, what are the good nouns? Name one good noun. They're all called Los Globos, the balloons, right? Not a fan. Not a fan. Not a fan of nouns. Yeah. Really?

You don't like people, places, or things? Or, according to Elliot, who in first grade, they're learning about nouns versus proper nouns, which I don't think I learned that then. But anyway, he said a noun is a person, place, or thing, or animal. I was like, that's not how I learned it. Interesting, yeah. I mean, yes, an animal is a noun, but that wasn't part of the definition.

Oh, interesting. Fucked up with their teaching kids in school these days. I can't believe- I'm gonna homeschool over that. I can't believe that there's a fucking ice cream truck called Al Pacino Ice Cream. There's no fucking mention of it on al pacino ice cream there's no fucking

mention of it on the entire internet that's why this is out of control we're breaking this this is a he this is why this is you know i'm here's my ice cream pun this is a scoop go to facebook.com slash jordan jesse go matt's gonna share this picture it's gonna blow your fucking mind it's a regular ice cream truck it just just says Al Pacino ice cream. There's no pictures of Al Pacino or anything. It's wild. It's wild. And, you know, thanks to our caller, we're

bringing it to the world. You guys are in on this so early that it hasn't yet gotten to the internet. I do believe this will be trending how, what do you think? Like 48 hours? 72 hours? Yeah, I think we're taking this will be trending. What do you think? Like 48 hours? 72 hours? Yeah, I think we're taking this international.

Right. 96? Matt, stay up all night editing the podcast. Put it out as soon as possible because the people need to know. Before you get scooped. Your scoop gets scooped. Exactly. Yes.

Cannot have our scoop scooped. We're live streaming this right now. Oh, good. Okay, great. Oh, oh phew what do you think it would cost to get our name on an ice cream truck oh good question i would i mean name fine i would rather whoever paints the bootleg sonics i want them to paint us in the style of bootleg sonic that That's not a bad idea. But I'm just talking about just pure, let's say we want to make an ice cream truck that's called Alice in Rosen Ice Cream. What do you think you've got to offer?

What do you think you've got to offer to the guy who's driving Los Globos? I don't know. Like, maybe $600. No, it's got to be more than that. It's going to cost $300 just to put it on there. Los Globos is a trusted brand too.

So, you know, he's got to, you know, work to- He's pivoting. Yeah, he's got to work to build back up the business. What do you got? And then you have to consider like how much advertising is it worth, you know? Right. For me personally. How many downloads are you getting from an ice cream truck?

How many people choose what podcast to listen to based on an ice cream truck? Sure. If it turns out it's a ton, what do you think? Like $4,000? I feel like that's a payday for them. Yeah. Yeah. Sure.

You know what would happen if I tried to negotiate this? It would be like when I sold my car to the guy who owns the record store and it needed some repairs. And I agreed. I'm like, we'll find out what the repairs cost and I'll take it in record store credit. And then it turned out to be $700. So now I have $700 in record store credit. It would be like that. I'd agree. I know it is fun. But I would agree

to give the guy $5,000 as long as I got $2,000 in ice cream credit. Oh yeah. That's like a lifetime worth of ice cream, right? Well, I don't know. I mean, let's talk about it for a second. Jesse does. Jesse Jesse does Jesse had a

period at least where he was uh ice cream every day yeah I've had already had some ice cream today yeah I'm pretty pretty much every day I mean I actually didn't eat any ice cream the whole time I went to London uh which is how I know I'm not addicted to ice cream I know? I got home and I was... Didn't have any magnums or cornettoes? You know what? I was in the international terminal of Heathrow when you're leaving. There's like a big... The word for it, it's like a special terminal

where everybody sits together. Cluster fuck. There's a giant fucking shit storm that you have to sit in for a while before you can go to your gate. And when they assign you, you go through a little passport control thing and you're in this sort of you're in this like sad holding pen right before you get on the plane. And in that holding pen, there's two vending machines. One of them had Magnums. And I was like, oh, wow. I'm going to buy myself an ice cream bar. Guess which one fucking was not accepting cards?

Oh, my God. Probably the Magnum. It was dark days. It was dark fucking days. Al Pacino accepts cards. Yep. I the Magnum. What? It was dark days. It was dark fucking days. Al Pacino accepts cards. Yep. You know, you know,

Al Pacino accepts cards, whatever. Yeah. He'll, you know, he'll let, he'll, he'll let you get them back.

I bet. $4,000 seems right. Allison seems right. Jesse, what flavor did you have today? I had a mint chip today. I worked my way through. You know what? I had a mint chip today. Uh, I worked my way through, you know what I, I was getting too many calories because what I figured out is that I could make it. I had chocolate chip cookie

dough flavor, which isn't generally my favorite flavor, but, um, uh, the Tillamook brand, which is my preferred brand. They got small chocolate chip cookie doughs. You know what I mean? They're not big globs. They're little roundies like gumball sized. And I figured out that you can make a milkshake with that, with malt powder in it. You can make a malted of chocolate chip cookie dough.

And it was so good that I had milkshakes three days in a row. And I was like, okay, hold on, hold on, hold on. This is supposed to be a 280 calorie situation, not of 880 calorie situation, daily ice cream guy. So I had to, I had to give that up. Switched to mint chip, mint chip satisfying at a small amount. Got it. Wow. What are you having? Well, today, today, I don't know if ice cream is going to be in, in, you know, on the menu today,

but if it were, okay. So I recently did a taste test of praline pecan and butter pecan and also i haven't decided whether i say pecan pecan pecan praline that's a pronunciation minefield this ice cream is cream i don't know i say is. Yeah. Oh, we can put this to bed. Is cream. Praline pecan, again, not sold on how I say it, was like my favorite ice cream as a kid. And I had not had it in a long time. That's an interesting kid choice that strikes me as an older person's ice cream choice. Yeah, it seems like a grandpa's favorite. Really? Yeah. 100%. Really a grandpa's favorite. Really?

Yeah. 100%, yeah. Really? It's so sweet, though. Oh, wait, I'm changing it. A grandma's favorite. Thank you. Grandpa likes Rocky Road.

Yeah, I'm not a Rocky Road fan. I'm more of a I like grandma ice creams, I guess. I don't know. So anyway, I revisited. Your favorite flavors were those originals. That actually does have a similar flavor to praline pecan. So anyway, I think that that might still be my favorite. I veered and then I know I'm back. How was the butter pecan? I had to choose. So it was also good, but the praline pecan, the base is vanilla. The butter pecan,

the base is like a pecan flavored ice cream this word i'm going to say it 6 000 times the ice cream is actually like nut flavored and then the praline pecan has like ribbons of caramel in it ribbons butter pecan is just like nut flavored ice cream with sweet nuts inside. This ice cream sounds nuts. Yeah. Guys, I thought of another grandma ice cream. Oh,

what is it? Price is right. Dietetic Brock's. Oh, or Tofutti. Oh yeah. But I think the ultimate grandma ice cream might be rum raisin. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. Go. All right, class. Tomorrow's exam will cover the science of perfect pitch, the history of pride flags and speed running video games. Any questions? Ah, yes. You in the back. Oh, what is this?

It's the podcast, Let's Learn Everything, where we learn about science and a bit of everything else. My name's Tom. I studied cognitive and computer science, but I'll also be your teacher for intermediate emojis. My name's Caroline, and I did my master's in biodiversity conservation, and I'll be teaching you intro to things the British Museum stole. My name's Ella. I did a PhD in stem cell biology, so obviously I'll be teaching you the history of fan fiction. Class meets every other Thursday Hi, I'm Stacey M, la, la, la. Hi, I'm Stacey Molsky, Director of Business Operations, and I'm here with my fellow worker-owner... Richard Roby, Producer. This week for Co-Optober, we'll be highlighting other co-ops who work in the arts.

The past few years have been challenging for all kinds of creative industries. We at MaxFun believe that co-ops are better suited to meet these challenges, and there are a lot of other companies who feel the same way. So all this week on our social media and website, we'll be sharing interviews with some of our fellow co-ops. And head to our YouTube channel Friday, October 20th, where we'll be talking with worker owners from Defector and Stocksy about their co-ops and why the model works for them. And next week is volunteer week. Learn how you can participate in that and get details on exclusive merch, our live streams and other co-optober happenings at maximumfund.org slash co-optober.

That's C-O-O-P-T-O-B-E-R. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy, detective. Allison Rosen, grandma ice cream lover. You nailed that. Nothing has ever been nailed so hard as when you identified Rum Raisin. Thank you.

The classic grandma ice cream. I felt like you nailed it so hard, i felt like an asshole for having suggested anything else like fuck me you know what i mean you know what beats it though is a ten dollar check and a birthday card uh-huh it's my favorite yes yes um but jesse if you had not said what you said i wouldn't have eventually gotten to rum raisin so don't get there together we got we did get there we did get there together uh okay can i tell you one we go all it's from my uh i'm starting a new podcast i know this is like the 11th hour and maybe you guys are trying to end but I do have a

quick story question listen Allison I'm going to be up for another 5 hours and I'm asleep right now alright let's go baby let's pour some teeth baby let's do this did you say pour some teeth pull some teeth

pull and pour some teeth put some teeth in a teeth okay put some pull and pour some teeth yeah put some teeth in a pot boil up some water daddy's podcast until four i'm daddy right i thought you're a mountain zaddy oh yeah we should we'll figure that out we'll decide on one so anyway i don't always like to share stories about my mom and my sister because they are private people. Sure. But I think this one's going to be okay. All right.

So we had all decided, in fairness to me, this decision was made like right after my dad's funeral. So I feel like in the same way you're not supposed to like make a big life decision until at least six months after. Like don't get any tattoos. Don't get a perm. I feel like I shouldn't be held to the decision. We made a decision. They always say, never get a perm at your father's funeral. Don't get a perm when you're mourning.

You will regret it. So we all made the decision to go somewhere, to go on like a little trip for Thanksgiving. And as we're getting closer to Thanksgiving, I'm realizing that is not really in my family's budget, especially because, and this is not a funny or exciting story. It's just my own personal hell. We are incurring a huge amount of plumbing expenses because- Of your giant poops. They're enormous. I knew it would catch up to me one day.

No, we're in the midst of a plumbing nightmare. And amazingly, it's not like poop water backing up into the house. It's not even shit related. It's like a leaky pipe situation that's going to somehow cost between $2,000 or $17,000. And they won't know. Hello, is this the plumber my poops are too big we see that all the time this is alison rosen and her husband and their children um is this the plumber we have big poops giant yeah they're too big for this the septic system no again has nothing to do with poop

it has everything to do with uh pipes that are leaking and therefore we have to like rip out the floor and the subfloor and there's a joist involved of our bathroom not the point the point is we can't go on this trip and i have have been nervous to tell my mom, my sister. But today I just, I texted them and I felt like it was a very reasonable text. And if they still want to go, I totally understand. And if they don't, like we're happy to host Thanksgiving at our place. However, I have not gotten a response yet, but instead my mom texted me something completely unrelated to what I said. Is that a total? Okay, Jesse is backing up.

So you got left on read. Yes. Fraught. Yes. You got sidestepped. I, what a fucking power move from my own mother and my own sister i need time to scheme against you what was the unrelated thing it was just her telling me about a doctor's appointment she has coming up and letting me know when it's going to be that's important so what if you have

to go in her stead you'll need to know what's happening. Hello, it's me, my own mom. Time for my doctor's appointment. Hello, is this the doctor's office? Oh, it's me, Allison's mom. My poops are normal sized. The crazy thing is that you'd think that I would have inherited normal sized poops. But I think giant poops are dominant. It's on the father's side.

It's on the father's side. Patrilineal. I guess so. Yeah. I do feel sentimental every time. But anyway. Goodbye, dad. Do I...

And then I flush. Goodbye. Your father passed away not long ago. Beautiful symbolism. I know, but poops are forever. So do I say to them, just double checking that you got my text? Because that's what I'm thinking. Like my mom was conceivably thinking about her, you know, upcoming medical stuff.

And she like didn't. No, you absolutely cannot do that, Allison. Okay. I just let it, I just leave it. You're jumping into the tiger's jaws if you play that game. You're right. You got to play it cool. Okay.

They got the text. So I just do nothing. You're right. They're scheming you. They need time to scheme against you and your family. Oh. They need to coordinate their response. And the truth is, you want the response coordinated because otherwise all hell's going to break loose.

You're right. Otherwise, I'm fighting a war on two fronts. You only want to have one front. I want it concentrated. God, that has been my fear. My fear is the lack of response means there is coordination afoot. But you're right. It's good if there's coordination.

I guess so. You don't want to have to. It's going to be like SAG, the WGA, and the motion picture and television producers. When it's going in three directions, everybody's all mixed up. Right. We might need your inflatable rat after all. I'm already inflating it on your mom's lawn. Alison Rosen, unfair to Thanksgiving.

I just can't believe they're- Refuses to bring hot dish. Yeah. How's Drew Carey's bank account? He's going to have to foot this Thanksgiving dinner. Oh yeah. Everybody's going to Bob's big boy for Thanksgiving. Ooh,

that sounds fun actually. That does sound like a good time. That's an insider, fun insider thing. Drew Carey, while the writer's strike was going on, was picking up everybody's tab at Bob's big Boy and a similar diner, Swingers, if you just brought in your WGA card so you could have a meal at either of those places on good old Drew Carey.

Yeah. What a guy. That's the money Drew when it comes to show business Drews. Right. Is there a Drew with less money? Is there a cheapskate Drew? No, what I mean is that's where that's the good Drew.

There's another Drew's less good with re-strikes. Oh! Sure. Of the famous Hollywood family. Are we not going to say her name? She did. Drew Barrymore, to her credit,

was thinking about bringing her show back during the strike and then backed off. So good for her. And then following that, fellow humanitarian Bill Maher did the same. Yes. Another wonderful man. Yes. Always. If there's someone who's. Another radiant man.

Who's always listening, growing and changing, it's Bill Maher. Bill Maher did the work. He knows he doesn't have all the answers. What is life but a ballet of change? Bill Maher says, I'm taking- I'm quoting Bill Maher. I'm quoting one of the new rules. I'm taking time to listen, he says.

Yes, exactly. I don't want to fill space anymore. Yeah. You teach me. I'll just be over here listening, growing, and writing Islamophobic jokes in a little notebook to say later. Alison Rosen's podcast, Alison Rosen is your new best friend. She also has the podcast childish with our friend, Greg Fitzsimmons,

great. Um, she has a brand new Patreon podcast. Uh, and like we said, fifth anniversary of her book. I think you came on this show to promote that book five years ago. Oh, wow.

Has it been that long? I think you're right. Although most recently I came on when someone's momentous occasion was about a baked potato. It's etched into my memory. Two important things in here. Exactly. But yes, Tropical Attire and Courage and Other Phrases That Scare Me is going to be re-released in November for the five-year anniversary. And I have written five new essays and I feel good about them.

That's perfect. That's the number of years that it's been since it's come out. I know. It's a crazy coincidence. I've given the book as a gift a few times and it's always a hit. It's terrific. People love it. And a great gift maybe for a holiday season that's coming up. I don't know. I don't know. For Halloween. For Halloween, yes.

Even though it's coming out after. A belated Halloween gift. For Destination Thanksgiving. Right. Yes. Alison Rosen, always a joy. Matt Lieb is our producer. Brian Sunny D. Fernandez, our producer emeritus.

Our theme music, Love You by the Free Design, courtesy of the Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. We will see you on social medias. Maximumfund.reddit.com at Jordan David Morris and at put.this.on

on Instagram. Facebook.com slash JordanJesseGo. Check me out on Goodreads. Check out Jordan on Goodreads, baby, because Jordan's got a new book in the pipeline. He's going to need you to check him out there. Check out all his reviews so you can

review bomb his new book when it comes out. Yes, in a good way. A good kind of review bombing. A positive review bomb. Not what you would do to a Brie Larson movie, but what you would do to a brie larson movie but what you would do to my upcoming book uh i can i can say it now youth group it's uh you can click click want to read there on uh goodreads and pre-order it wherever you pre-order your books oh my gosh exciting exciting exciting come out and see me on the road. If you're on the East Coast or in the Midwest,

I'm headed out on tour with Hodgman, vanfreaksroadshow.com. Okay, that's enough. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jessica. I'll hug you and kiss you and love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you.

Love you. love you