Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Baby We Were Born To Sagal, with Peter Sagal

Episode Date: December 7, 2023

This week we are thrilled to be joined by running legend and host of NPR's Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me! Peter Sagal for a conversation about running, urologists, and a sexy new book.Jordan wrote a brand new graphic novel called Youth Group which you can pre-order at West Side Books in Denver.Do what Jesse says and go to PutThisOnShop.com for your holiday shopping, code JJGO.Sponsored by Podia. You can start a community, build a full website, make your products, and start your email marketing all for free when you sign up at podia.com/JJGO.Sponsored by AG1. If you want to take ownership of your health, try AG1 and get a FREE 1-yearsupply of Vitamin D AND 5 Free AG1 Travel Packs with your first purchase. Go to drinkAG1.com/JJGO.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy, detective. How are you doing, my friend? Uh, good. Jesse, you know this guy. You've heard of this guy, Death? Yeah, he's a tall guy kind of bony yeah grim specter looms over you hood beckons you into the afterlife always reaping even in the off season you know this guy

we don't need to keep describing death you're you've you clearly know him i've seen bill and ted too yeah he's great in that best known for bill and ted too yeah he's great in that best known for bill and ted too yeah he's great in that was great in sports night too he really really nailed that sorkin dialogue rat a tat walk and talk right yeah uh death good and everything uh yeah so death is has been looming ever closer to me did you know that i had no idea i mean i knew that we were all hurtling inexorably towards him. Right, yes. But I did not know about the looming, no. Yeah, he's looming.

So I just did the most fucking old guy, one foot in the grave, the nurse is stealing my pills shit today. Okay, I mean, I'm interested to hear what it was. I'll just say ahead of time, I've been strolling a lot with my arms clasped behind my back. Well, that's just because you're wistful doesn't mean...

That's just being wistful, Jesse. Anybody, there's wistful young people. I read about it in New York Magazine. It's the number one way to enjoy a sculpture garden. Yeah, that doesn't mean that your time on this planet is drawing to a close. No, I did some shit, man. I booked a visit to a podiatrist.

Wow. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Okay. Remember when this show was about two dudes in their 20s and like, I just got my medical marijuana card, dude. And how do you know if a girl, how do you know if it's a date? Remember when the show was that shit? I not only remember that, I remember the decade of our 30s

when we forgot to change the description of the podcast from describing two guys on their 20s no now it's just about just about a just about a a husk that will soon be forgotten. I have been experiencing so much foot pain. Here's what happened. I needed to do a target run, but it was going to be a quick one. Okay. You're sounding younger all the time. I needed a couple of things, right?

And then I was going to go out to... You're hitting the demo. You're hitting the demo, Jordan. And then I was going to go out to listen to, you know, electronic music. Yeah. With the other young people. No, I had to do a quick target run.

I'm like, this one's going to be quick. I can wear flip flops. Okay. I mean, that makes a lot of sense. A lot of people think you can only wear flip flops to the pool, but if it's just a quick target run, you can wear flip flops. Just a couple of things. Dryer sheets. You don't have to bend over and pull socks over your toesies. to the pool, but if it's just a quick target run, you can wear flip-flops. Just a quick, just a couple of things, dryer sheets, bottle of olive oil. You don't have to bend over and pull socks over your toesies.

Pack of toilet, pack of toilet paper. Uh, this quick target run in flip-flops made my feet hurt so bad, it like ruined a week. It like fucked up an entire week for me. Do you think that you stepped on a rusty nail?

No, I just think my bones are giving out. I think my bones are done. The bones are like, enough! Jordan, have you been drinking milk? Oh, that's, I forgot to drink milk. That's the problem here. You forgot to drink milk. That's why my dad beat me up when I tried to fight him.

Okay, this is making more sense. I need to text you because you can remind me of these important things. Yeah, I mean, if you'd have texted me before you tried to fight your dad, I would have told you to drink milk before you did it so your bones would be strong and you'd be able to defeat your father and win your mother's love yeah well that's you know platonic love all right we're not we're not edipicing over there filial love yeah filial uh sure um yeah i haven't i haven't checked in on the ancient greeks in a while but i think that was one of theirs um we should get a playwright

on the show to confirm or deny that would be nice um matt uh put out and put out a email to ibsen when you get a chance can you spell that it's just ibsen at gmail.com i don't know if doc's ibsen but oh yeah you got it spelled like it sounds uh yes i i i had to call my feet hurt so bad i had to call a podiatrist and it just felt like like when you have a comical old character in a cartoon right yeah like when you know there's there's a cranky old character who has to watch the rugrats or something. Like you had a lot of ear hair going past the plane of your head, external ear hair. Right, and I have to hold up one of those horns to my ear

because I can't hear, and I'm just like, call my podiatrist. My feet hurt because I went to Target wrong. Did you have... I can't remember my wife. Did you know? Did you know to call a podiatrist? I don't think I would even, like, even right now, I'm not 100% on what podiatrists do.

Jesse? They could be full-on cardiac surgeon type doctors, or they could be chiropractors. I don't know where they sit on that. I don't know if they're the kind of person that injects botox into your frown lines at a beauty salon or they could be you know on call for president obama right now yeah like if obama needs help he says get my podiatrist on the line i'll tell you this i had to before i found the podiatrist number i I had to Google, which is the doctor for foot pain? Okay, good. I'm glad.

Because that's exactly where, I mean, we covered on a recent program, me Googling burned hand on pot handle. Which doctor for foot? I mean. Can't walk good. Went to Target wrong. Just think about how lucky you are, Jordan, that you don't have to Google with your feet.

I had to use my injured paw to to pap out onto my phone blah blah blah blah dumb man grabbed hot handle fire hot fire bad i just grabbed my phone looked at it in that way that only an elderly person on the bus looks at a phone just with an intensity and confusion combined and a sort of straight face-to-face engagement profile.

They're squinting so they can figure out what's happening in their loud-ass slot machine game they're playing. I just picked it up and I said, fire bad? Mm-hmm. And then it showed me that I should avoid lotions because they could cause infection. We're just a couple of elderly Frankensteins. Well, Jordan, I have good news. Marching toward the tomb.

Jordan, I have good news. Yes. Great. Amazing. I love it. What's the good news? I booked a playwright on the show in the last five minutes. Oh, my gosh.

Now, you might be saying, is he better known for his contributions to dirty dancing too yeah sure is he best known as the host of wait wait don't tell me yeah probably but he's also a playwright yeah his works have been up our guest on this week's program somebody we've been hoping to have on the show for many years, and it only just occurred to us that we sometimes record remotely now. All the way from Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Hi, Peter. How are you? Hello. How are you guys? And I just want to maybe clear the air a little bit. Great. Thank you. By saying that as you two youthful mofos were discussing, oh, getting old, A little bit. radio you can just say mother i'm working my way up to it i want to it you know it's if for someone

of my you know shall we say um longevity in the public radio game for me to for me to drop a mf bomb as we like to say we'll get there it's it's a it's a serious it's a serious moment and i want to save it but you guys are talking about oh you had to call a podiatrist. Oh, boy. How elderly of you. How ancient. You had to marry a podiatrist for access to their secrets. No. When you are judging the next urologist, one of many. Wait, are you talking about CBS's America's Next Big Neurologist? The urologist. One of many. Wait, are you talking about CBS's America's Next Big Neurologist?

No, no, no. The urologist. No, what I'm saying is, I'm saying when you're like, you've seen so many urologists that you've learned that the most important thing about any given urologist that you might meet is not their academic qualifications, their resume, how many lives they've saved, but the size of their hand. a resume, how many lives they've saved, but the size of their hand, then you can talk to me about the depredations of age. You go in for a consultation, you're just like, let me get a look at those myths. Yeah, basically. I mean, you're trying to be subtle about it.

You're trying to like, you know, you're like, well, maybe if I look down, they'll just think I'm concerned about the possibility of death. But instead, I'll be clearly checking out the old clambers. Maybe if I look at his penis, I can infer his penis. Yes, because they often... I should try that next time. Or, Jesse, her penis. I have to admit, no, that's actually true.

penis a doctor i have to know that's actually true the first time i actually encountered i believe it was a physician's assistant or perhaps uh the head nurse in the practice and a woman walked in my my initial reaction was oh my god i'm gonna have to drop my pants in front of the strange woman that doesn't seem very very comfortable and then i realized on the whole women tend to have smaller hands than men yeah so it was very much a net positive so you're looking for smallies when you're looking for a urologist i'm i'm i'm looking i'm looking for people who can can get their wedding ring around like four fingers that's what i'm looking for peter you're looking for a thing we little snatchers exactly i don't think however you should use that phrase in the context of talking about professional women, but that's really up to you.

So here's my question for you, Peter. Yes. Because you're not just a public radio host. You're also a running celebrity. I am a minor running celebrity. And I mean, I didn't say you were Steve Prefontaine. Good one. From two movies at the same time.

Name another one. What's your other running pull? Isn't it weird? I just want to, I was about to say, yeah, name another famous runner. I'll wait. But it is funny. That's good. Oh, you get that.

But it is funny that when you think about those weird moments in movie history where where two movies with exactly the same premise came out, it happens all the time. Like there was two movies like years ago about an adult and a adult man and a teenage boy changing bodies. Remember that? There was 18 again. And there's the other one with Judge Reinhold. And then there were the two movies about the comets crashing into the earth. There was Deep Impact and i think what was it called armageddon i think it is weird that in that truman capote movies two truman capote movies exactly right but it is weird that there that in that very small set of double movies same top same topic steve p fronting yeah the the legendary in case people don't know the legendary distance runner who died tragically young in, I believe, an automobile crash. Yeah. I mean, I think this is the thing about Steve Prefontaine. You say, name another runner. I mean, Jordan and I can go back and forth with all the Jackie Joyner curses and Usain Bolts that you need to hear about. The real question is, name another slow runner from the category of fast

runners who are fast at running for being slow runners. Does that make sense? No, not at all. The type of running where you run a really long time. And the main thing is that you don't stop running. I think what the phrase you were looking for is distance runner yeah slow runners because a lot of things a lot of people don't know this

but uh there were two shrek movies that came out that this the year that shrek came out there was i feel so bad for whatever was the shrek betamax yeah it was it was it was the hard r shrek and people didn't... Apparently, that wasn't the flavor of Shrek people wanted. They wanted, you know, kind of kid-friendly. They were still getting used to the idea of a sort of impish subversion. They weren't ready for a full-on rigid member. Most people also don't know this, is that that other Shrek,

Shrek was also voiced by Michael Myers, but in his own native canadian accent which is why so many people yeah didn't know it i would think that a running celebrity minor a knee a knee doctor whatever that's called jordan would have to google it for me whatever a knee doctor is called that would be one popular type of running doctor but if i was going to pick any doctor that you would have a system for finding the best one it would probably be foot doctor but maybe i'm wrong um you yeah actually you're wrong although there for some reason the phrase uh for the kind of doctor one sees for sports injuries, and I've had to see them over the years, has completely slipped my mind. Is it an orthopedist?

Thank you. Oh, okay. I'm excited that I got it. I haven't had to see one, thankfully, in a long time, but I have seen my share of orthopedic surgeons and specialists. I bet if Peter Sagal went to the doctor and he said, I need to see an orthopedist, they'd send him straight to the famous Dr. Frank Jobe and give him Tommy John surgery. That's what I think. No matter what the injury was.

If I went in with a strained calf muscle or- Yeah, they'd say, this is Peter Sagal from Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. This guy's a star. And they would perform a Tommy John surgery on my arm, even though the injury were a beat in my leg. This guy's a self-proclaimed major running celebrity. Exactly. I did say that.

I'm sure I did. Matt, insert Peter saying major before running celebrity. Yeah, and take out when he said he was a minor running celebrity. Yeah, just replace minor with major so Peter looks weird. No problem, guys. I'm gonna use one of these AI machines and make him say all sorts of stuff. Oh, fantastic. Can you have him come up with some chocolate chip cookie

recipes, too? Yeah. You mean like off the top of his head? Oh, and have it write a couple of Avengers movies. Yeah, write a couple of Avengers movies, too. But don't tell the union. I thought you said make a chocolate chip cookie movie using Avengers movies, which would be a challenge. No, I think you could do that. I mean, you got a background in screenwriting, Peter.

Sure, absolutely. Here's actually a serious question. Can generative AI actually create a recipe? I mean, if you ask ChatGPT, can I have a chocolate chip a recipe? I mean, not like, I mean, if you say, if you ask chat GPT, can I have a chocolate chip cookie recipe? You'd imagine it would simply search the internet and find a highly ranked chocolate chip cookie recipe, like a major general, you know, I can tell you this right now. Yeah. I happen to know the answer to that question. It's the reason I'm, I mentioned it. It's the reason it came to my mind. It's because my oldest child became excited at the idea of robots being able to generate ideas.

And she had heard that they're not allowed to steal ideas. They have to change it a little bit. Is that true? I don't know. I don't know what the robot law. I'm not a robot lawyer or podiatrist or whatever they're called. You're not going to be fact checking your child for my benefit of course not go on there's some there's some laws of robotics right what are they you have to protect humans do no harm do no harm do

not steal recipes was that two or three yeah i couldn't tell you uh look fact checking is not part of homeschooling, as far as I can tell. So my daughter had an AI, a publicly accessible AI. I don't know which one. I'll say it's probably Deep Blue, the chess playing mainframe. Invent a chocolate chip cookie recipe. And then they made the chocolate chip cookies. And how were they? They were a chocolate chip cookie recipe, and then they made the chocolate chip cookies. And how were they? They were a little grainy.

And I said to my wife, you know, they could be a lot worse. They're a little bit grainy. And she said, I forgot to tell you they're gluten-free. And I said, then they're a 10. Yeah. Then a home run, because there's no not grainy chocolate chip cookie that's gluten-free so the fact that they were pretty good is a win do you think it would be funny if like the the chat gpt ai said like instead of putting in chocolate chips you put to put in computer chips because it's a robot do you think

that would have been funny yeah uh i'm gonna check in with matt on this matt yeah that was funny i didn't even tell you what i was gonna ask you well i thought it was what jordan said about the computer chips classic what i okay but what i was gonna ask you was if you asked a generative ai sure to make a chocolate chip cookie recipe or a cookie recipe. And instead of putting in chocolate chips, it said to put in computer chips. Would that be funny? Oh yeah.

Yeah. No, I have to reiterate that. That's, that's just a good joke. Wait a minute. Which is funny. Thanks.

Would it be funny if the AI, if you said chat, GPT gpt whatever big blue right please give me an original chocolate chip cookie recipe and it said please put in two cups of computer chips right so that's it's making the joke or was it funny when jordan just now suggested it might thanks for clarifying that when j Jordan said that it might be funny, I wanted to say it is funny. I didn't laugh out loud at it, but as soon as he asked the question,

I said, yeah, I'm laughing. What do you do when something's funny? I usually just get mad that I didn't think of it. Okay, yeah. That tracks. He's an entertainment professional Yep, okay Boiling and resentful Seething jelly I wish I could have come up with a computer chip joke

Yeah, for those listening at home Who don't know a lot of people in the Entertainment industry Rage and anger is what we people experience Instead of what I think you people call pleasure Yeah, no Anyway, I made the cookies rage and anger is what we people experience instead of what I think you people call pleasure yeah anyway I made the cookies I used corn chips and they came out great

oh that's not funny hold on yeah I was about to ask I wanted to get a call I feel like we're I don't know what role I feel like we're like pointing to you in a way that a home plane umpire points at the first base umpire to see if the batter's going through.

That's my role. Was that funny? Is that a swing? Is that a swing? Everyone knows that's what I'm here for. Thanks, Matt. Jesse, I had something I wanted to ask you about. And I also wanted to hear about Peter's

recent experiences in this zone. I know you just got off the road with the Judge John Hodgman podcast. Peter Sagal, you're always on the road with Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Pretty much. Is that fair to say that you're on the road a lot with it? We are. We are often about once a month. We get on planes and fly to various far-flung cities.

We were in your fair city of Los Angeles back in September. We were in Portland, Maine. Saw the show at the beautiful Greek theater. Beautiful Greek theater. It was great. It was a fun time. The Greek, playing the Greek, whoever thought that would happen. Portland, Maine is a real bouillabaisse of hip, beautiful.

Gorgeous. And desperately bleak. Perhaps it was. It's a real three-way combo. Maybe I just didn't go down the right road, but I did not encounter the desperately bleak during my brief visit. May have been the time of year.

Jesse, after Jesse gets off stage, he cruises around for street drugs. Yeah. That's sort of my thing. Everybody's got to have a thing. I'm just imagining you saying to some down east guy, you know, like, oh, where do I find, where's the red light district that I can buy some street drugs? And the guy's like, oh, you can't get there from here. If you want the good heroin, you got to go down south.

Yeah. Speaking of which, your partner and our mutual friend, Mr. Hodgman, is the only other person I know of. I'm sure there are many others, but he's the only other person I know of who is as obsessed as I am with the old Bert and I radio comedy recordings. Hodgman is so obsessed with this, this for your benefit, Jordan. Yeah, I've never heard of this.

And Matt, don't listen. For your benefit, Jordan, these are a man who is not from Maine. Yes, that's very important. Love it already. And he was a celebrity in Maine for his Maine-themed humor recordings and performances, which featured, they were called Bert and I, and they were stories about him and someone named Bert, where there was no Bert. There was no real Bert. It was just a man. Right.

Yeah. Bert never appeared. Like doing a voice like a Phil Hendry thing? No. Bert is like an off-screen character. Okay. Bert is referred to. Oh, like Vern from Ernest. Yeah. Very much so. Although that would be a second person address.

Like Ernest was always talking to Vern while the Bert While the Bert and I guy whose name I do not know. I'm sure Hodgman does. Perhaps you do just by osmosis. His stories would always be in Bert and I were down by the harbor and then the story would proceed. a part where he starts a boat and it goes good good good good good and it goes on forever it's and he says it so slowly and the audience is losing their fucking minds these people are this was like on this is like on public radio it was as my memory of it is this was back in the old days when such things were passed around on vinyl records oh okay yeah i heard it on lp john when i visited john's house in maine when we were on tour after playing a show in uh portland maine a town composed exclusively of vintage stores and a minor league hockey arena um i in a lovely harbor that where you can't quite see the ocean uh i we went up to his house to john's house in maine and john was so excited

that he made me listen to it like he put me down in front of his stereo like a child and put the needle on the thing and said, listen to this. It's long. I'm going to watch you and make sure you're liking it correctly. Very slowly. That's part of it. It really is kind of an unbelievable,

regionally specific art form that really has almost no meaning outside of that context. Like it's like something that a trucker would buy on a cassette tape, but only if he was going from Portland to Bangor. Now, here's the thing, though, and I don't know, but was it possible that the down-east Mena was as much of a cultural character

as, say, the redneck is for Jeff Dunwoody or, you know, whatever Larry the Cable guy is supposed to be representing, i.e., a cultural, regional cultural stereotype, or, you know, everything that Garrison Keillor did for his entire career. A regional stereotype that is well known enough that you could get mileage out of making fun of these people far away from their presumed home base. I mean, we probably shouldn't get into how much anything Garrarrison keeler ever did made sense to me

right but um leaving that aside so hold on actually i'm not gonna be more of a fan of his conduct right yeah he's looming more than man than the performer um i actually love the show but solid guy so so jesse i've always thought thought of you as somebody who grew up listening to public radio and loving public radio so much so that you launched yourself sort of a self-made career in public radio or, you know. Yeah. So Garrison Keillor was not, shall we say, in your pantheon of people you wanted to be like well i will tell you i can speak only for child and adolescent jesse thorn listening to quirks and quarks from the cbc listening to our friend roman mars and his zine of the airwaves uh invisible ink on kalw listening to uh you know whatever npr news my parents were playing enjoying car talk which i always enjoyed car talk could listen to car talk right now i'd i'd enjoy

it even the parts where they're just reading email forwards out loud right and i will say that at no point in my entire life has listening to a Prairie Home companion done anything but made my eyes cross in a cartoon-like expression of white hot rage. At no point in my life has it made me want to do anything other than put my face through a window. I was anticipating that, but I did want to hear you lay lay it out there and i don't feel that way about i don't think there's anything else in public radio that i feel that way sure frankly like you won't find me listening to the thistle and shamrock uh because i'm not into celtic music but i don't feel i don't it doesn't upset me yeah you don't you don't start you know looking for the nearest shillelagh to bash the hell out of your

audio device. Plus, I don't need to look for my shillelagh. I keep it at hand. Exactly. Always keep it at hand. Yes. A shillelagh to hand. I can't figure it out. Or a shillelagh to hand and a bird in the bush. And a thousand

miles is the finest day. Bird and I were missing our shillelagh. And if you want to score some molly for the electric daisy carnival, you got to see my boy, Big Blue. There are, I think the world of audio comedy has really- Matt, ask ChatGPT if my character, main drug dealer, is going to catch on. All right, will do. The world of doing bits for audio, like whole productions, like comedy albums with sketches on them, routines, like real capital R routines.

Right. like real capital R routines. Right. This is a world, and I don't know if it's for people who were more bored, like Slash didn't have anything to do, or more high. The people who did them

or the people who listened to them? The people who were consuming them. The people who were consuming them. There was a time when like hip cool people were doing radio or audio comedy like they would like coolsters yeah would gather around the hi-fi to listen to the latest carlin record right yeah yeah or the fire sign theater on a bob newhart throw on a tom larer oh lord yeah they're Newhart, yeah, I think probably became a celebrity because of his records. The buttoned down mind of Bob Newhart.

And I cannot tell you, I think you guys are both too young for this, but I cannot tell you what it was like when Let's Get Small by Steve Martin came out. Oh, yeah, sure. I used to go over to a particular friend's house and all we would do is listen to that record over and over again. To this day, I can remember bits from it. And now we're talking like more than 40 years ago. You know, I have to say that a lot about our show.

Yeah. We hear that friends gather and they just sit quietly. Maybe they, you know, light up a dube. They pass it around and they just listen. Yeah. but the- Listen to my famous character, main drug dealer, who everyone likes. And yet, what's funny is that we are sitting here and we are dissing or looking upon with like strange askance. We're looking upon it with askance.

You usually don't modify askance. I did. So I just wanted to say with askance. Looking at it askance, not with askance, but it with askance. You usually don't modify askance. I did. So I just wanted to say with askance. Looking at it askance. Not with askance, but it's an adjective. Looking at it askance. Upon askance, looking at her. Exactly.

The notion of people sitting around and listening to comedy audio as if that is a very strange thing to do. When it is, in fact, not only my entire entire career but what we are putatively doing right now this is an educational program peter it's about podiatrists oh i'm sorry yeah i can say as a producer of the show it's not funny thank you yeah thank you somebody just pointed down to first base and right yeah matt waved it off yeah uh peter and jesse as the two road dogs i i did want to ask you where where where you've been on your recent travels and if anywhere kind of like blew you away like it was i have never been to maine so it was interesting to hear jesse's perspective of maine uh peter where do you always love to go to do wait wait um that's

a really good question uh there are certain cities that i just love because they're wonderful cities people like places like portland oregon and portland maine hadn't been there in a long time it's a fabulous place yeah going to a portland's usually a pretty good bet yeah you can't miss with portland i think as a general rule go to a place called portland you'll probably have a fine time and there will be vintage stores if yeah if you're looking for vintage clothing that's's going to be your land. Port is going to be your land, 100%. I love, of course, San Francisco.

I love Boston where I spend a lot of time. I love New York where I'm going next. Yeah, there are a few places I dislike. Probably my favorite place to go is probably New Orleans because I don't know, Jesse. New Orleans rules. I don't know, Jesse, if you had this experience in your recent tour and the tours you've done before, but one of the sad things about America right now is a certain homogeneity. Even when it's a homogeneity of good things. So,

for example- No matter where you are in America, people listen to the same public radio news quiz comedy program. Yeah. And the people, apparently all people want to do is come out and see a certain public radio news quiz being performed live because that's the only people they ever meet. So, clearly they're all the same. No, I mean, like for example, we were in Portland and we ate at a fantastic restaurant called 12. I think 12. Yes, it was a number. And I think it was 12.

That's some real Portland-ass shit right there. Well, that's what I mean. Just naming a restaurant a number. Wait, which Portland are we talking about? See, again, you make my point. Points for both. I went, I went to, if I said the phrase, I went to Portland and I ate in a high end farm to table restaurant, chef driven farm to table restaurant called 12. You had, there's nothing in that sentence that would give you any clue which Portland

I was talking about. And that, even though the two Portlands are in fact very far apart. It could even be a Canadian Portland. Yeah. Right. Side note. I just love the fact that they're doing chef-driven restaurants now. I just hate it when you let the busboy drive.

It's the worst. Don't let the busboy drive the restaurant. Let that guy know. He's clearing the dishes. Let the chef drive. Yeah. And that's sort of what I mean, you know? But New Orleans has its own vibe.

New Orleans has its own vibe. New Orleans is so great because not only are the people there slightly different than everybody else in the architecture, but when people go to New Orleans, they behave in a way that they don't usually behave in other places. I'll tell you, and I, look, I'll stipulate my lifelong best friend Pete, Pete Fields of Slow Motion Cowboys is a professional musician who lives in New Orleans and performs live music there. But I will say that I got a real kick out of the time that my mother and father-in-law went to New Orleans and then they came back and all they could talk about was how much they enjoyed live music. There you go. Just as a general category, just, oh, we should go see live music. Let's go see some live music, they would say.

They do that there. That's what the people like musicians move to New Orleans because they really love the live music. Anyway, I love New Orleans. My extended family is from New Orleans, so we spent a lot of our childhood, like our summer vacationsations we would go out to see auntie sandra in new orleans um and it was always one of those things where as a kid um i don't think i loved it because it was like a boring family vacation and i had to be away from my nintendo which i loved didn't drink giant slushy alcoholic beverages together? No, yes. My parents would never let me have a sip of their hurricane or their grenades, a couple of squares.

Kids shouldn't drink alcohol, they said. Well, they allowed kids to drink alcohol, just not through twisty straws. Right, yeah. You have to have it out of a glass. You can't have it out of a plastic guitar, young man. Drink your hurricane like a civilized young gentleman. It's one of the only cities where it is legal to have an alcoholic drink while being pushed in a stroller.

Yeah. Yeah, there's a two drink minimum at the playground. Anyway, so yeah, I, it was, and you know, and i think i i was like i was a timid child so i don't think i liked going there and seeing like rowdy adults i think they scared me like sure behaving rowdily they scare me now sure so i don't know what those assholes are going to get up to yeah you know and also like there would be like you would be walking by a store and there would be like a t-shirt with boobs on it. And then I would feel embarrassed that like my mom was there and I was looking at boobs on a T-shirt, you know. Because you were horny?

Yeah, I think I was feeling some early horny feelings, but also, you know, I was on a family vacation. And it was just like a shirt in a gift shop that said like dump them out or something. What do you think it would be like if you went back and talked to little Jordan, little baby elementary school Jordan, and you said, at one point, you were ashamed of these feelings you're having. But now, here I am to tell you as 40-year-old Jordan that you will make an incredible career as a federal body inspector yeah I mean like take this card you'll have a you'll have a very successful business offering free mustache rights yeah um I think you'd be thrilled um but I uh so I I didn so I didn't I wasn't that impressed

with it as a kid but like going back to New Orleans as an adult I'm like oh this is the coolest and most fun place in history and like the live music thing

is such a cliche but it's like you can like walk down a street and go into like five different bars and you'll have five different kinds

of bands there fucking wailing and they'll be all be fantastic and they'll be great and everyone will be like super into it um it's great and you can be standing there on a street and some musician will walk down the street playing at you you don't even have to go into a doorway yeah i talked i talked about this on the show but when i went and i officiated my friend pete's wedding this past year in new orleans and they had like five different bands in the wedding like over the

course of the wedding they were like rotating bands in like they had to invent new act new wedding activities that aren't that aren't even parts of weddings so they could fit in extra bands okay we got the side of co-guys on hand was that a was that on the on the part of your friend pete was that a social obligation like he's a musician he's in new orleans everybody's a musician and he's like i don't know what his wife's name is but he's like honey i'm sorry man but they all want to play the wedding we got to find places for five bands is there a tradition of like having a musical accompanying to like cutting the cake can we have somebody do that i mean is that what happened they had us i mean they had a second line which is a cultural yeah thing

of new orleans and it was a big ass second line with the dozens of their people playing in it you know they they had a few extra horns or something that were somebody's friend but mostly it was people they knew who were professional musicians playing in the second line so so that was a big extravaganza but yeah i think i think it might be like if you got married in portland oregon you would have to add coffee between every course i you know yeah like vodka in russia should it happen for me and i ever get married i'm just gonna have to have 10 different improv groups at my wedding. Is that just because you live in L.A. or is that because of just the poor fortune of your social set? Yeah, I'm a giant fucking loser.

Do you, Jordan Morris, take so-and-so to be your blah, blah, blah, be your blah blah blah blah blah blah and then you say of course yes and now we're talking see that's fun i'm gonna go over to matt on that matt super funny listen let's do this let's take a break matt uh fact check everything we've done so far uh and we can just just let us know like what's been good what we should be calling back in the next segment and yeah and can you can you grade it out because we're going to need to know our war that's wins above replacement yeah you got it i can do i know everything what you mean bpms bpms i want to check the bp that all makes sense can you check our bms we're getting old i'll check them it should be coiled i guess co I don't know. We'll be back in just a... I mean, that's how young people seem to be doing it.

They keep sending me that emoji. Yeah. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy, detective. Every episode of Jordan Jesse Goh brought to you by the members of Maximum Fun. If you're one of those members, we thank you.

If you're not yet one, we invite you to become one at MaximumFun.org slash join. We invite you to become one at MaximumFun.org slash join. We're also supported this week by AG1, the daily foundational nutrition supplement designed to support whole body health. Jordan, we're talking here about a tasty powder. Yes, that you distribute via scoop. Oh, well, scoop or pack it. That's true. There's a lot. There's a couple different ways to distribute AG1. I personally like to scoop it. It is packed with a science-driven formulation of 75 vitamins, minerals, probiotics, and whole food sourced ingredients of high quality designed to help gut and mood support, boost energy, even promote healthier looking skin, hair, and nails.

What I like about it, Jordan, is when I am up in the morning and I am bleary eyed and I have a, let's call it a bucket full of AG1. I don't think it's technically a bucket because it has a lid but you know what I'm talking about with a little scoop in there. Do buckets not have lids? Is that the definition of a bucket? Yeah, that's what a bucket is. Anything that doesn't have a lid. Huh. So I get my little water bottle

I put some water from the fridge in there I put a scoop in there, I give it a shake and I actually look forward to drinking it because it is so tasty. If you want to take ownership of your health, try AG1 and get a free one-year supply of vitamin D and five free AG1 travel packs with your first purchase. Go to drinkag1.com slash JJ go. That's drinkag1.com. Check it out. We're also supported this week by the folks at Podia, a platform that gives you everything you need to run an online business. And I'm talking about without some poindexter tech expert.

Oh, yeah. Those types, who needs them? Not us if we have Podia. they're good for two things jesse take taking their lunch money and dunking their heads in toilets other than that we don't need them because we have podia it's got a website builder it can host and sell online courses or digital downloads distribute your email marketing, and run your online community. It's easy to set up, edit, and design yourself. No tech expert required. Sorry, Poindexter. Now, Jordan, you know that I'm a muscle man. Oh, yeah. I know you're jacked. I'm known for the guns at my gun show and my peck arrangements and for my powerful thighs.

Now, when I go to the beach, if I meet a poindexter, as you know, I like to kick sand on them. But a lot of people ask me, Jesse, how do I find more information about how you got so strong and came to kick all this sand onto Poindexters. And I said, well, I used Podia to create a website. It helped me with my email marketing so I could connect directly to these people. And then I just sold sand kicking seminars. Right. Before you were going to the beach and sucking up to the Poindexters, because you're like, help me, sir. Help me with my email marketing, you were going to the beach and sucking up to the Poindexters because you're like, help me, sir. Help me with my email marketing, you would say, to the flabby pale ones. Yeah.

The FPOs. Yeah, the FPOs, the flabby pale ones. But you don't need them anymore because you got Podia and you're distributing sand kicking courses yourself. It's true. Everything is in one place with one login. You don't have to figure out how to use or connect a bunch of tools. It all just works, and it all just works together. Podia also starts at the best price, free.

You can start a community, build a full website, make your products, and start your email marketing all for free when you sign up at podia.com slash jj go thanks podia jordan you got a bookstore to shout out this week oh my gosh jesse i totally do um this is kind of exciting uh we've been shouting out bookstores uh where folks have been pre-ordering youth group the upcoming ya horror comedy graphic novel from me and Bowen McGurdy. You can pre-order it anywhere. You know, you could go to Amazon,

you could go to Barnes & Noble, but we would love it if you'd go to your local indie bookstore, pre-order it there, and tell us where you pre-ordered so we can shout them out. This week, I actually got an email from a listener who, Jesse, you won't believe this, works at the bookstore.

What? Yeah. You're telling me a Jordan Jesse Go this, works at the bookstore. What? Yeah. You're telling me a Jordan Jesse Goh listener works at a bookstore? I know. They're probably the only one. It's weird. I never thought I'd hear of such a thing. But yes, one of our listeners does indeed work at Westside Books.

That's over there in Denver, Colorado on the west side. Westsidebooks.com. You can pre-order your copy there. And yeah, and hey, you're doing something cool. You're not only supporting the book, you're supporting a small business that employs Jordan Jesse Go listeners. Really cool, really fun.

I love hearing about folks pre-ordering at their local indie. Westsidebooks.com, you can go there. And if you pre-order at your favorite local indie, let us know which one it is, and we'll try and shout them out here on the show. Can I make a suggestion? If you have a pal out there who loves Jordan, Jesse, Go,

or who loved Bubble, why not pre-order them a copy of the book, print out the cover, put it under the old Christmas tree, and then they get two gifts. They get to open up that thing, find out that you pre-ordered that book for them, and then a few months later when the book is out, pow, pow, it shows up at their door.

How great is that? It's a double gift. Yes, I would love to see, if you can, if you're out there and you are giving a youth group pre-order as a gift, please wrap it up, put it under the tree, put it wherever you're giving your gifts. And I want to see someone unwrapping it and reacting like that kid who got the N64 in that viral video. Yeah, absolutely. I want to see that level of excitement, and I know it won't be hard because it's an exciting book.

And I'll mention that if you're looking for some place to get a few more Christmas gifts, check out the Put This On Shop at putthisonshop.com. That's my online vintage store. Everything from really gorgeous fancy things to little tiny special things. I just bought a few more to add to my collection of circa 1900 dog breed pins. These pins have these little illustrations of different dog breeds and they came with your pack of tobacco in 1900. When you bought your cigarettes, you got one of these little pinbacks. And they have these little sort of lithographed pictures of dog breeds.

They're the sweetest thing in the world. And they're the perfect thing to put into someone's stocking or what have you. What breeds are we talking about? Oh, I mean, what? I mean, Dalmatian. Wow. Try that on for size. Ever heard of an English Bulldog?

How about that one? I've never heard of that. Great Dane. That's one of the biggest fucking dogs. And it fits right on this little pin. Sounds like a huge dog. Yeah, anyway, put this on shop.com. And if you use the code JJGO, you get free shipping on almost anything. So use that code JJGO.

I mean, obviously, lots of beautiful rings, money clips, pocket squares, lovely, fancy things, things for ladies' tastes as well. But all kinds of stuff available to you at putthisonshop.com. Okay, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy, detective. And I'm Peter Sagal, a bad motherfucker. Yeah, see, now he can say it.

Just took one segment to warm up. Yes! I had to wait until you guys weren't waiting for it anymore. Now say cum gutters. No. That's reasonable. Jordan, you probably shouldn't have said that. I find, I mean, the muscle muscle it's the muscle i know i see it's interesting because i i just don't approve of that of that slang term okay i

mean you think that it should just be allowed to sheet on the roof no i think i mean i mean i mean here's the thing that i know what you're referring to. You're referring to that sort of line that appears in the lower abdomen, a very fit, I think men, maybe, I guess. And it's very important that we have some way to describe that, right? Right. And one of the things, in fact, I love is when somebody says, oh, that thing that we've never known how to, what it's called. It's like, it's like an, like, like sort of an aglet for everything, right? The aglet being the little thing at the end of a shoelace.

And I'm glad that there's a term for that because we needed a term for it. Right. But the term that we use or you just use, cum gutter is so evocative and vivid, vividly evocative of kind of a scenario that i'm immediately i don't want to talk about anymore how about this at just as a nicer pivot yeah let's we could start this here because i agree with you it's you know it's it's one of those things it's the the the term we all chose was happened to be the most disgusting me me one i don't remember choosing it nobody

asked me can i say that there Can I say that they mailed you a ballot. It might have looked like junk mail. It did. And you know, and it says like open immediately. Right, exactly. You know, very important dated material. And you're like, come on, please. Yeah, I know. And I didn't know that was when we all

voted on cum gutters. If only I knew. This is why only white men, old white men, win Oscars. Exactly. It's the same thing. People just not opening up there. Here's the thing, Jordan. Yeah. voting on cum gutters if only this is why only white men old white men win oscars exactly it's the same thing people just not opening up there here's the thing jordan yeah i do think we can count this as a victory and i'll tell you why um earlier on you suggested that peter say cum gutters and he refused but you tricked him into saying it anyway. Well, I don't want anybody to have to say this if they don't want to. And I'm sorry I brought it up.

And here's, let's do this. Let's try and, let's create a movement to maybe, and again, not that we're sex negative or kink shaming anyone, but, you know, maybe we need a little more of a family-friendly PG-13 term for this. Right. How about this? Daddy's ditches. Yeah. Daddy's ditches. Yeah.

Just a couple of ditches in daddy, and you can put whatever you want to in there. Here's a term that on the one level is the sort of thing that I think I'm asking for, but at the same time, it's not a pleasant term. And that is camel toe. Right. Yeah. Again, something else that we need, that's a thing. And we need something, we need a way to describe it. Right. Yeah.

Because it's going to come up in conversation. Yeah. And unlike the phrase under prior discussion, there's nothing particularly disgusting about that. Right. And yet I don't want to talk about it. Yeah. So we should probably focus in on talking about it some more.

Here's my question. Here's my question for you, Peter, Peter, here's my question for you. Yeah. You're obviously, you know,

tip of the hat to Usain Bolt, but you're one of the top five running celebrities all right now you're just proving that you know runners yeah okay you're one of the you're one of the most you're one of the biggest uh running celebrities in the world of course everybody anybody out there uh who subscribes to runners world knows that you're a columnist for runners world runners yes runners world yes in fact i'm such a fact, I'm such a big running celebrity that many people call the activity itself sageling now. Right.

I'm just going to sagel down to the store. Exactly. Guys, I'm getting older, but don't worry. I still do my sagels. No, no, man. I'm sorry, guys. This has been great, but I got to sagel. I got to sagel.

No, actually, man. I'm sorry, guys. This has been great, but I got a saggle. I got a saggle. No, actually, this is, that's not true. This is true that for a good while, at least a couple of months, I, a picture of me running was the lead photo on the Wikipedia article for running. Wow. for running. Wow. Yeah. Okay. And that was not an accident. The person, my dear friend, Kyle Cassidy, a photographer and artist and raconteur in Philadelphia

took the picture and he intentionally put it there because you can do that. And it lasted for a while. So I literally was like the platonic ideal of running. I was to running what that, you know, that kilogram under like in a vacuum, under a dome in Paris was to the kilogram. You know what I mean? I was the standard. I think of you as, because my wife used to subscribe to Runner's World Magazine and your column ran in Runner's World Magazine. Excuse me, it's saggled.

Okay. Thank you. Thank you, Peter. I think of you as the Andy Rooney of the running world. You know, that is not inaccurate because of course, for again, listeners who are not our age, Andy Rooney was this genial fellow. He used to do commentary on 60 Minutes and we have remembered him in the kind of a loving parody of like, have you ever noticed? And he would mention some trivial thing. And when you're writing about running on a regular basis, you really are reduced to like,

have you ever noticed that sometimes your thighs chafe? And if you can get like a column out of that, you're doing great. Because you're like, you've got an index card with four jokes on it right now about planter fasciitis. Yeah. Oh, yeah. The planter fasciitis, the Roman emperor, you know?

Yeah, exactly. I should say that I, you see, I should say that I don't, I don't, I don't write for Runner's World anymore. The magazine was sold about four or five years ago from one group to another. I think a larger magazine group bought Rodale, which was the press that published it. They fired you

from Runner's World. No, what they did- Because of your controversial views? It's better homes and gardens and running and guns and ammunition. Exactly. It's all, you know,

in the end, all magazines turn into one and Peter Sagal runs through it. Peter Sagal sails through it. No, that's two. It's a hat and a hat. Anyway. Yeah.

The point of the story is they didn't fire me per se. They fired everybody I worked with. Every editor. And I was told by my direct editor, the guy I had worked with most recently and most closely, I said, I mean, I'm leaving. They're getting rid of me. But they like you and they want you to continue running for the magazine and writing for the magazine. And I never heard from them.

And they recently mentioned me in a flattering way. Well, not really, but they did before the New York Marathon. They often do this, you know, celebrities who have run the New York Marathon. And for the first time ever, I was one of them. And they referred to me as a former runner's world colonist, which was the first recognition I've gotten from the current regime that I ever existed. That's the dream. That's like being on your high school's notable alumni list on Wikipedia. It absolutely is. Okay, so here's my question. Perfect metaphor for it. That's exactly what it feels like. Here's my question for you is as a guy with a full list of jokes about runner's hats, and then a second list of jokes about putting a hat on top

of the runner's hat. Right. What is the most, what is the farthest you've ever run the farthest i have ever run is um a little bit more than 26.2 miles how what are we talking about like well a few hundred feet like yeah yeah because uh the the farthest i've the farthest race i've ever done is 26.2 a marathon i've done that 16 times and but there were times when for whatever reason i had to go a little further or more often i had to start a little further back so you add on a little but no i've never done like an ultra and many of my various running friends are encouraging me to do a 30 mile race 40 mile 50 mile 50 mile, even 100 mile race. I would like to see more marathons throw a little extra on as like to top other marathons.

So I'm not talking about 50 mile ultra marathon in the desert or whatever. I'm just talking about what if one is 26.4 or what about this just a mix yeah 26.2 miles at the end you fight a guy well i was going to say i mean i think that the the distance thing can get out of hand and and i was about to say that you know that does occur there are 30 mile 45 i i've even met people who run 200 mile races, which blows my mind. But I think that the, the,

the better and more interesting way to go is with obstacles. Like one of my very favorite shows was American gladiators, not to be confused with American ninja warriors, which is also fun, but American gladiators, again, for the young people. Ninja warriors are no gladiators, Peter.

That's true. That's true. In America- Talking ice. Yeah. Oh, thank you. Crank shaft. If you put those American Ninja Warriors into the arena at the Coliseum in front of Emperor

Plantar Fisheitos, they simply couldn't make the grade. I don't think so. Especially because they're wearing spandex, which probably would not have a much, you know, effect against a gladius, the short sword for which the gladiators took their names. But American Gladiator was this show in which people

had to go through an obstacle course, climbing things, jumping over things. But while doing it, these bodybuilders and wrestlers, people of quite extraordinary physique, dressed in spandex, Terry Cruz, for example. Yeah.

Was he an American gladiator? Because I interviewed him many years ago. And if I had known that I would not have talked to him about anything else. What's it like to fire a tennis ball cannon? And I wonder, I wonder if like, for example, the tennis ball cannon was like the, I mean, did they want to do the tennis ball cannon was like the...

I mean, did they want to do the tennis ball cannon guy? Or did they want to be the guy with the big stick or the padded stick to knock them? Or the guy with the big bolster worn as a shield? I would go for the tennis ball cannon, but I'm a physical coward and I want to keep my distance from any... I'd be the guy that throws crabs. Is that a guy? I don't crabs is that a guy i don't remember live crabs i don't remember that maybe i missed right out of a tank is this oh my god now were you just watching the maine only version of american gladiators yeah i was watching it while

my family's on vacation in maine and there's a part where they throw lives live life crustaceans right out of a tank plus clams it's true you remember a little while ago i was saying that i have often thought that i have more random thoughts than other people just not a freak i'm just on average no you're not some nasty nasty thought free no no no no uh i'm not i'm not the monster where i am i'm not i'm not j think you know, I do like freaks. I think you know why. Yeah, sure. Well, they come out at night. Yeah, and also. They're excellent lovers. Yeah, they're very good lovers.

What I was going to say was that here's an example. Whenever I see some sort of action film or TV show in which one of the combatants does that cool somersault move, you know, where they'll dive toward where they need to go.

They'll do a somersault, come up and either punch the guy or jump behind whatever they need to jump behind, you know, like turn to evade or trying to attack, you know, you've seen that a million times. Whenever I see that, I think of this, a moment on American Gladiators when a guy was trying to get off, was trying to get across the field of fire of the tennis ball gun. And he did that move, that Shatner-esque, if you will,

dive, roll back onto his feet on the other side. And he was gunned down easy as he was a sitting duck. Sure. And the host said to him, yeah, always a good idea to stay on your feet.

And, and that stayed with me because if you think about it, it makes perfect sense. Cause once you commit to the somersault, especially while somebody's shooting at you, you are basically telling, you know, through visual input,

the, the, the, the assailant where you were going to be in the next couple of seconds, you're going to be rolling the next couple of seconds you're going to be rolling that way right and that's why the tennis ball gun gunner got him uh and so whenever i whenever i see that on a tv show or a film i'm watching this i'll sit there and i go yeah no no that wouldn't work you know i remember gladiators yes and the same way whenever i see somebody do

that in a movie like an action movie or whatever, I just imagine myself throwing crabs and lobsters and sometimes clams at them. Yeah. Again, I think that was a local version. But here's the thing. If they didn't commit to that very cool looking, but inefficient and ineffective somersault, they would have been able to dodge the crabs. Can I tell you this?

Yeah. Do you know those big fat rubber bands that they put on the crab's claws and the lobster's claws? Of course. So they can't pinch you? Yeah. I'd take those right off. If you were the lobster. No, no.

Well, here's the problem. No, if I was throwing lobster. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm a human man, actually. I thought you were sort of, in a weird way, critiquing the lobster. You're like, lobster, just take them off, man. What are you doing there? I mean, that is evidence of...

Critique the lobster. That is good evidence, I think, of man's dominion over the beasts, is that the lobsters have never thought to just take the rubber bands off. Yeah. That was like a discarded Gary Larson cartoon with the lobsters going, hey to just take the rubber bands off yeah that was like a discarded gary larson cartoon with the lobsters going hey they just come off um peel it off with your eye stalk when we were in another part of a lobster yeah you know two runners i know two lobster parts we're both very smart i'm i'm as smart as you in many ways yes when we were in portland we interviewed a guy named jacob knolls who's become an instagram

famous lobsterman oh is he like is he like hot is it like hot lobster guy is that part yes well he i asked him about that on stage and he was a little bashful about being the hot lobster guy but take it from take it from a. Fred Schneider just follows him around everywhere yelling, hot lobster! Hot lobster, man! Did you make that joke on the show? No. There was a woman... There was a woman,

when we finished our show in Portland, Maine, we were out to dinner or drinks or something with me and Hodgman and some of Hodgman's Maine friends who'd made the joke. Did you go to 12? It's very good. We did not go to 12.

Do not go to 11. Do not go to 13. We went to what I can only describe as a dive bar themed bar, but it was pretty good. They had pretty good food there. Wait a minute. Okay. This requires some exposition.

this requires some exposition what is the difference between a dive bar and a dive bar themed bar how do you tell it's a theme a costume rather than clothing shall we say it depends how many

vintage clothing stores there are on that block well what if the dive bar predated the vintage clothing stores right question i think here's i i know the category that jesse is talking about and you know sometimes the differences are subtle and i would say that the main difference if you're wondering what you're in if you're you're somewhere like is this a dive bar or is this a dive bar themed bar? Just take a look around

and take into account how many people there have wet hacking coughs. If it's more than 50%, you are in an actual dive bar. Right. I think it would have to be how many people are there drinking alone at 11 a.m.

Yeah, right. Is it before noon? Am I currentlym yeah right yeah is it before noon am i currently in a place that's open before noon exactly we were at this dive bar theme bar with pretty good food and it was a bunch of people that hodgman knows from maine they were all a lot of fun really nice fun cool folks there was a woman there who was a friend of someone who was friends with hodgman so someone that John didn't know. Obviously, I didn't know. And she's like a young woman, maybe in her late 20s.

Very good looking lady. Really didn't look like she wanted to be there. Looked confused as to why everyone was laughing. Looked like it upset her to some extent not as not so much of an extent that she uh would say something but that there was there was a little bit of um of smoldering grow uh uh smoldering glares daria did you hang out with daria yeah it was basically daria and at some point, she mentioned, someone asked her something and she mentioned that she had a podcast. And we're like, oh, well, here's an opportunity to build common cause with this woman. Yes.

For we too are podcasters. Right. And we said, what's your podcast about? And she said, aquaculture best practices. Like that, I hope. Yeah. Aquaculture best practices is what her podcast was about. Anyway, I gave a listen to it.

It's definitely better than this show. Did she say, because you did it two different ways. Did she say aquaculture best practices, i.e. heard of it, or aquaculture best practices? Like, I know. No. It's obscure. Neither of those.

I mean, I think if we were to categorize this show, it's cum gutters best practices. I would say that she said it in neither of those ways. And if my performance betrayed me, I apologize. I would say she said aquaculture best practices as in I am secure in knowing what my show is about. My show is about something significant. You guys are just laughing for no reason. She might have a point. Yeah.

No, I agree with, I'm a hundred percent on her side here. There's no question that she was in the right. She's smarter than us. Better looking than us. Better podcaster. She didn't,

she shouldn't have had to be there. Whatever circumstances led her to be at this dive bar. You know what probably happened? You know what probably happened to this poor woman? This poor woman said, oh no, you should come out. They are also podcasters. Yeah. And they, she assumed that we were, that we were going to talk aquaculture. Useful. No, or that you had some useful trade that you were trying to advance through your audio work. She probably thought that she would have, I mean, because to her, that's what podcasts are.

They're like, they're like trade journals. They're places where people go for betterment in their field of, of inquiry or commerce. And you guys are just white guys making jokes. Were it not about sustainable podcasting? Were it not about sustainable aquaculture? Yeah. It would be about sustainable something. At the very least.

Although- Reasonably. If it was sustainable podcasting, would that have counted for her? Yeah. I mean, if she had said, what is your podcast about? And instead of just white guys making each other laugh,

you would have said, what is your podcast about? And instead of just white guys making each other laugh, you would have said, oh, sustainable podcasting. Well, we buy offsets, Peter, just so you know. We buy offsets to make up for the effect on the ozone layer of all this. What is the offset of white guys laughing at their own jokes? Like, I mean, how do you offset that? Do you like have beleaguered minorities being sad? I mean, what is suffering the depredations of patriarchal culture?

I mean- It's hopeless. Yeah. This is, I don't know. I mean- For every episode we release, we have to go out there and take down one improv group. Yeah, that would be it. I mean, I was about to say

maybe... Just to keep the balance, yeah. Convince one improv group to give up improv and just go into advertising or whatever. I mean, it would really... If you're creative, you'll do great. It would really... It's not so much a demographic thing as a smugness offset. Yeah. Right? You'd have to... We're smug neutral on this show. Right, exactly.

You'd have to be smug neutral. You'd have Right. Exactly. You have to be smug neutral. You'd have to be like, yeah, we're getting more smug. But we've told an entire in-craft group has decided to go to law school instead. We need to go to romantic occasions here. Yeah. Listen, we're three of us. We're white. We're making each other laugh.

But we do have some podcast business to get to. There is a call. We're running long let's play the call and we can each say like one sentence about it great hey uh i just scrolling on facebook and saw that a friend of mine is uh working on art for uh someone who has hired her to make art for their book. And the book is called Sex Bunker Apocalypse. Sex Bunker Apocalypse. And she's, you know, she's regularly posting, you know, the art that she has made and then the new art based on the latest instructions.

Yeah. Matt, can you make a booking note? Actually, we picked this call on purpose. Peter, we know you want to plug your book. I appreciate that. Thank you. And I just want to say about that woman, she takes notes very gracefully. And I really appreciate that. Thank you. And I just want to say about that woman, she takes notes very gracefully.

And I really appreciate that. She's very open to creative input. I mean, I'm not the professional. We know that. I lead with that. I say to her, I'm not the artist. I'm just the author of Sex Bunker Apocalypse. But I feel like

I know the vibe that i want so work with me as we try to find a way that you can express it did the sex bunker apocalypse artist have a question no it's not a question it's not a question this is someone this is that thing where you notice an acquaintance doing something weird on facebook and it blows your mind uh and you become obsessed with it. Yeah. I feel like there's a modern version of that is I feel like I have people who, you know, on my Facebook where I'm like, oh, this is like, you know, someone I kind of knew in

college or like this is someone who was in a department that wasn't mine at a job that I had, but we interacted sometimes. And I feel like I have a couple people like that on Facebook, casual acquaintances. I kind of remember where I know him from. And there's this thing where I'm just constantly scrolling through their stuff going, is this person in a thruple? Are they in a thruple now?

They might, and I'm, you know, I'm not, I, you know, it's cool if they are. I just want you to post, this is the thruple now? They might. And I'm, you know, I'm not. You're not sure if they are. I just want you to post. This is the thruple. I Googled Sex Bunker Apocalypse and I was able to find the writing blog of the author of Sex Bunker Apocalypse. I'm not going to say their name, but you certainly can Google it yourself if you'd like to know the author. I just did. And there he is.

Yes. I just want to clarify. Technically, it's a trilogy. It's about a trio of lovely younger adults who find themselves placed in a world of magic, strange people, and stranger creatures. The world has changed after the storm, capital S, but they remain untouched, locked away in. Well, I won't spoil it it but there's definitely a bunker involved if you if you scroll up because i have a feeling you and i are looking at the same page on the world wide web uh you will find that there is a uh a subtitle it is sex bunker apocalypse colon Apocalypse colon seven decades in heaven.

That's pretty good. Love it. Yeah. Yeah. I know. I'm, I, I love this guy.

I mean, I mean, everybody, you know, the, the, the, the writer, the self-published writer,

whatever is a figure he or she is a figure of fun. They should not be. These people are devoted. These people have a dream and these people are going to do this goddamn thing, no matter what anybody else thinks. the fact that this guy i almost want to say his name but i'm not going to say his name i don't why aren't we saying his name well we don't know we don't want yeah i understand we're not going to say his name but this guy you sir i'm thinking your name the fact that you even took the next step and you hired an artist to illustrate it

yeah i mean you know we should we should all we should all have this we should all be such self-starters according to this according to this blog entry a super cool artist is working on the covers i mean i love because you know as someone who spent too many years looking for the approval of gatekeepers right right oh yes you can come to the school oh yes you can have this job the fact that this guy is like fuck you i don't care if you don't want me to write my sex fantasy trilogies i'm just sorry do it sorry simon and your little buddy schuster exactly see the erotic potential in the sex bunker just getting it on in front of a bunch of cans of fruit cocktail that's hot yeah uh yeah can i just say uh there's not stupid stuff thrown in

for the sake of page count these books really wrote themselves that's i mean the idea that he's just sitting there in front of his computer wherever he writes maybe he's doing in long hand with pen you know like neil gaiman does with the fountain pen. Maybe one of those typewriter guys. Maybe. I'm a typewriter guy. And the idea that just like the flow, the characters themselves are telling them, you know, he's just taking dictation. He's in the flow. And again, I mean this unironically, like go, you go guy.

Yeah. Listen, why don't we all take a little break, take some dictation, come back and finish it up. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jessica. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Somewhere in an alternate universe where Hollywood is smarter. And the Emmy nominees for Outstanding Comedy Series are Jet Pacula, Airport Marriott, Thrupple, Dear America, We've Seen You Naked, and Allah in the Family.

In our stupid universe, you can't see any of these shows, but you can listen to them on Dead Pilot Society, the podcast that brings you hilarious comedy pilots that the networks and streamers bought but never made. Journey to the alternate television universe of Dead Pilot Society on MaximumFun.org. Hello, sleepyheads. Sleeping with Celebrities is your podcast pillow pal. We talk to remarkable people about unremarkable topics, all to help you slow down your brain and drift off to sleep. For instance, we have the remarkable Neil Gaiman.

I'd always had a vague interest in life culture, food preparation. Sleeping with Celebrities, hosted by me, John Moe, on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. Night night. It's Jordan, Jesse, go.

I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy, detective. And Peter Sagal, bad motherfucker. Yes, yes. Peter Sagal, of course, is the host of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, public radio and podcasting's smash hit news quiz comedy program. Yeah. That's about right, right? Yeah. Pretty good description. Smash hit. It's a smash hit news quiz comedy program yeah that's about right right yeah smash hit

it's a smash hit say look segal segal as the host of npr's least successful program i stand here ready to say that wait wait don't tell me as a smash hit program i i appreciate that but it implies some kind of like sudden glory that i don't think applies to our show you know that's true you know it didn't work for the first couple years yeah and the fact that it took a while to put the pieces together yeah that's true it certainly did thank you for reminding me uh you have all kinds of great uh comics on on the show paneling a lot of people who are favorites of this show uh you got a josh gondelman you got a cristella alonzo and emmy blotnick some of the some of the funniest folks uh that there

are helen hong oh my gosh oh my god hong harry kundabalu i've heard on the show yeah uh so yeah if if uh if you haven't haven't tuned in to wait wait in a while you guys uh really do a great job booking those panels so we have some of the funniest people in the world. We have some wonderful producers who are very tuned in to who the cool people in comedy are. And we're very lucky that some of them agree to come on our show. Yeah, they're awesome. They're why, I mean, quite literally, they're why I continue to have a job because you didn't get to hear cool people. Like if you didn't get to hear me talking to cool people like the aforementioned, why would you listen? Peter,

do you think you could get a gladiator on there? I would love to American or international. Sure. I mean, I don't know. Are there any other gladiators around these days? Regional main gladiators? I think we discovered.

Yeah, I guess so. Yeah. If there is, I mean, I, it turns out as you've just told me that I had one on, I didn't know it. But I would love to, if there's like turbo, if you've just told me, that I had one on. I didn't know it.

But I would love to. If Turbo, if you're out there, I'm here for you. Oil slick. Call Peter. Yeah, man. Oil slick. I'm waiting for you in the sex bunker. Let's go.

Let's go. The apocalyptic sex bunker. I actually, I want to, all right. Are they in the sex bunker because they're hiding from the apocalypse i.e like you know survivalist kind of sex scenario or is it an apocalypse in the sex bunker is it like the the the emotional travails are getting such that it's like an apocalyptic scene that's a great question i think that's that's why we all gotta we gotta pre-order our copies yeah jesse i'm sorry i'm thinking about it it's it's really fucking blowing my mind right now

i kind of think that the apocalypse is the intensity volume and unusual creatures involved in the sex that's happening in the bunker so the bunker is a place you go to fuck with all these incredible elements also kindness i didn't even mention that he makes it clear that this that the characters are kind to each other oh that's nice and uh the bunker is sort of the nexus for this apocalyptic level of horniness, fluids, and unprecedented acts. Right. That's my feeling about it. I can't say for sure. That's my feeling about it.

I don't know. Peter Sagal. Peter Sagal. I'm sorry. I'm on the website reading an excerpt i'm sorry i'm not listening to a single word you're saying but go on yes you were saying this is something for for you to uh bring this back to the wait wait offices pass it around the table see if anybody's got any ideas let's let's have the author of sex bunker apocalypse on next

week's show i think that's a good idea scarlett's cancel Scarlett Johansson. They will kill at Not My Job. They will kill at Not My Job. They really will. I don't know. Scar Jo. Yeah. As I call her. Peter Sagal is, of course, the host of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Also the author of The Incomplete Book of Running. If you want to read about running from the perspective of the Steve Prefontaine of his time, the great Peter Sagal. Yet alive. Yeah. The living- Number of differences between myself and Pre, that's one of them. The living Prefontaine. Well, I mean, you do wear those cute little shorts. And my hair, and I do wear the cute little shorts and and my hair does do that as I move, as you saw. Yeah, you got that majestic floppy 70s hair.

That's also true. Was it Billy Crudup who played Billy Prefontaine in one of those movies? There were two Prefontaines, right? We discussed that. We discussed that. So one is Billy, okay. Luke Wilson was the other one?

Prefontaine. Who do you think it is, Jordan? Luke Wilson? Luke Wilson was one of one. Who do you think it is, Jordan? Luke Wilson. Luke Wilson was one of the Prefontaines? He does look like Prefontaine. Looks like Jared Leto was one of the Prefontaines. Wow. Yeah, that would make sense.

And Billy Crudup is the other. Billy Crudup is the other. Who's your favorite Prefontaine? Maximumfun.org slash Reddit. Get on there there you know what let's make a reddit let's make a prefontaine uh tier list a premium cable rom-com and we can get luke wilson to play prefontaine yeah that's i mean i could see that yeah i think that would be a lot of fun okay anyway peter segal what a joy and an honor. We're huge fans. It's a culmination of

years of hopes and it's very kind of you to come on our program. And we're very thrilled to have had you. Thank you very much. It was my pleasure. I'm so glad I was finally able to do it. Our theme music is Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. Our producer is Matt Lieb. Producer Emeritus Brian Sunny D. Fernandez. You can find us on social media over there on Reddit. We're at maximumfun.reddit.com where you can chat about this episode. You can hashtag your tweets and such, hashtag JJGo.

You can find us on Facebook at facebook.com slash JordanJesseGo. And you can find us on Instagram at JordanDavidMorris and at put.this.on. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan Jesse Go. Maximum Fun. A worker-owned network of artist-owned shows. Supported directly

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