Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Bagel Drop, with Danny Ricker

Episode Date: April 3, 2025

On this week’s episode, we welcome author and Jimmy Kimmel Live! co-head writer, Danny Ricker, to chat about this new parenting book (Wow, You Look Terrible!), LinkedIn, mix cds, and more!Pre-order Wow, You Look Terrible! Live Jordan, Jesse, Go! in Chicago at Sleeping Village on April 11th!Jordan’s new Spider-Man’s comic is out now!Pre-order Jordan’s new Godzilla comic! Jordan will be at C2E2 and WonderCon this year. Be sure to get our new ‘Ack Tuah’ shirt in the Max Fun store.Or, grab an ‘Ack Tuah’ mug!The Maximum Fun Bookshop!Follow the podcast on Instagram and send us your dank memes!Check out Jesse’s thrifted clothing store, Put This On.Follow brand new producer, Steven Ray Morris, on Instagram.Listen to See Jurassic Right!

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, the LinkedIn Lunatic here with the LinkedIn Update. Great. So just for folks who have missed recent episodes of the program or for whatever reason haven't

heard our show before. And our show is kind of ubiquitous in American popular culture. Right, sure. It's kind of hard to miss. Like 60 minutes. Yeah, like 60 minutes. I'm Ed Bradley.

Who are you? Tag yourself, Jordan. Well, I know, listen, I know he's a friend of the show. But I'm sorry to say, I'm John Dickerson. Sorry, John, if you're listening. I'm you. Yeah, he definitely listens to the show. He's not just nice to us Well, I'm you now Wait to start hosting the CBS evening news in a couple months. Yeah, I can't wait to start wearing a single earring on network news Anyway, yeah, you so for folks who have not been listening lately,

you had an animation job end. You were writing on an animated television show. That ended. And so you decided to hop onto LinkedIn. Right. Not necessarily for television work, which tends to come in other forms. Sure.

But maybe just for the kind of occasional freelance writing work that comes your way. Yeah. I'm open to... Listen, I love delivering on time and under budget. I love collaborating with new people. And I also love keeping my health insurance. By the way, I loved your new Adidas collab. Oh, thanks. Adidas X Jordan.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah that was really hot stuff. Thank you. Yeah I mean look. We're lining up around the block for those things. You're out there you need you need somebody to come in for five days and write 2,000 gex jokes for the gex reboot. Oh god don't tease me Jesse please tell me you're fucking around and that's not an actual project that I could jump on because if it is, I will leave and drive to the studio. Jordan's ready to quit. Jordan, Jesse, go and co-host this show with Gex, the video game lizard, played by Dana Gould. If we address the fact, sorry, we're going to get in short.

Yeah, no, no, no. Let's talk about Gex some more. If we address the fact that like, when I'm watching something with my children and somebody that I know from my peripheral role in show business comes on screen, I get excited. Sure. Oh yeah, absolutely. I get excited. If we see a Rob Hubel, of course, my daughter was watching Yogi Bear in 3D and Andy Daly

The live action Yogi Bear. The live action Yogi Bear because she has a 3d television. Oh cool and That's funny that that's available in 3d So She and she got it on 3d blu-ray And so I was like, oh my god, that's my friend Andy Daly. He's the ranger, whatever it is, and my not friend, T.J. Miller. But anyway, every time I see somebody like that in a movie, every time, even if it's something... You also like to put out who you're not friends with.

Yeah. Like, Kristen Schaal is in a show called Gravity Falls. That is my children's, several of my children's favorite show of all time. They've, my middle child has watched this show literally, I think it's like 17 times all the way through. And me knowing Kristen Schaal, completely unimpressive to them. The only thing I've ever said to them that has ever had any impact is when I told Grace that I know gecks. I mean, pretty cool. Not a lot of dads know gecks. I was like, yeah, dad had lunch not that long ago with gecks. We talked about that guy from Scrubs and how hard he is to work with.

Oh, that's fun. Fun thing to talk about gecks with. Anyway, so you've been on LinkedIn. Talk about with gecks. Yeah, you've been on LinkedIn. Yeah. You've been creating a lot of great content about productivity. Yes, exactly. You've been expressing your grind set.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Yeah, Rise and Grind, all Sook and I'm Dead. Passive income. Passive income, yeah. So yeah, I was just on there the other day and I just had a revelation. I'm going to go on here and I'm going to click on this tab that says jobs. Oh. That'd be a great place to start.

Right. I had no idea there was a jobs tab on that. There's a jobs tab and I'm like, well, this is great. I thought it was just a place to post like eight things to fear about women in the workplace Right and then a minion that says don't talk to me until I've had my coffee It's a strange place LinkedIn. Yeah But I thought the first two jobs that popped up were just fucking dead on and I'm like, well this thing's great

And I just wanted to like let you know because AI is really advanced these days. Sure, yeah. It's really interesting. I'm really interested. I'm really interested in AI. I've been posting a lot on LinkedIn about how I'm really interested in AI. And it's not just a threat to humanity and particularly creative people.

Right, yeah. Anyway, I've been. I don't know. It might be just a tool that we can all use to be more creative. Coincidentally, I've been pivoting to applying for jobs at AI companies. Right. LinkedIn has my resume, so it kind of knows what I've been up to.

I think it really catered these first two posts to me, and I thought it was just impressive. I don't know. Maybe these are going to be huge for me. To you? To me. Yeah. To me. So you to me. Yeah to me first First job posting staff writer werewolf romance

Okay, so this sounds great. Yeah you we love to get staffed up Oh, yeah, you got to hit those WGA minimums to get your health insurance. You must I this I don't think this is that but This is not a guilt job might not this is the animation union I don't think so No, is this seiu? Right. Yeah Yeah, this is it's up the pipe fitters you know, okay Get pension for the pipe fitters. So yeah, this is great. I mean obviously like, you know, supernatural stuff Genre stuff now that I think about it when I listen to the ballgame. I hear the commercials The pipe fitness union right 2427 is proud to support the New York Mets

We're working on a new romance with werewolves See, I think this is going to be great for me. Just off the top of my head, I thought I would do something with how, you know, like the werewolf uses the moon to transform, but a moon could also be a butt. Oh! So. You know, just that's going to be. Did you put a list?

Did you make a listicle about that? No, I'm going to save this for when I'm in the room. Oh, okay. Yeah, I'm not going to like just post this for anyone to use. I'm going to save this for when I'm in the room. Oh, okay. Yeah, I'm not going to like just post this for anyone to use. I'm saving this. This is going to be like a pitch on the first day. Okay. So that's going to be good for me.

So job one already pretty perfect. Yeah. Job two. Here it is. Bartender Applebees. Right? Perfect. It's a really good fit.

Given my experience. You're very avuncular. Absolutely. You drink heavily. I'm a problem drinker. Terrible taste in restaurants. Oh, you like, you enjoy consistency in a restaurant. I like consistency. You're looking for a consistency. And it's a nice vibe.

Fun stuff on the wall. Yeah. So yeah, I think I'm going to go for this. I'm going to go for this. I'm going to go for this. I'm going to go for this. I'm going to go for this. I'm going to go for this.

I'm going to go for this. I'm going to go for this. I'm going to go for this. I'm going to go for this. I'm going to go for this. I'm going to go for this. I'm going to go for this. I'm going to go for this. I like consistency. You're looking for a consistency. And it's a nice vibe, fun stuff on the wall. Yeah. So yeah, I think I'm going to go for this. You know, I'll see if I get offered both, which one I'll go with.

Jesse, I sent you and Steven the Applebee's drink menu. Okay, I'm going to go ahead and take a look at this. Yeah, would you just each like, because I'm already kind of prepping for this mentally, could you each just pull up an Applebee's drink, tell me the name, and then I'll say the ingredients. Real quick, I just have to decline Applebee's request to use my location and then decline their request to give me cookies. I'd hate to... One hates... Give me cookies. I'd hate to you one hates. I mean just imagine me

declining a request for cookies All right, I have one. Yeah, do you want to the blue aloha manna margarita? Okay? Okay, blue aloha manna like manna from heaven. Yes, okay blue aloha. So okay, I'm gonna say Curacao Yes, rum. Mm-hmm. Uh No, rum fuck ground beef So, okay, I'm gonna say curacao. Yes. Rum? No rum. Fuck, ground beef.

Yes, no. Okay. Okay, fuck that one up. Jesse, do you have one? I'll try one more. All right, Jordan, I got it up here. Okay. I'm gonna say the Blue Hawaiian Long Island Ice Tea.

Blue Hawaiian, okay. I'm gonna say rum. Oh Oh wait, I gotta tell it that I'm 21 years old. Yeah, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say... Yes, correct. Okay. Specifically, it's coconut rum. Great, okay. That counts. V vodka. Yeah, that's correct and Florida of nachos put in a blender Although you left out the blue curacao They have that in everything Everything is blue. Just get a glass of curacao, please. You're really good. Thank you

No, I think this is gonna be huge for me a lot of people There's one called a shark bowl. Okay. Ooh, that sounds good. That's just rum Yes, that's shark meat in it because I think that's unethical. It's a garnished I'm sorry. I can't take this job anymore. Yeah, this is blue. It says rum blue curacao shark fin soup. Well Good luck for the new year. Sure Yeah, I think you're ready. I think you're ready. I'm ready. I think you're ready for this. Have you thought about bartending in any other chain restaurants or is it Applebee's only for you? I think I'm just Applebee's. Claim jumpers? Oh, I could do claim jumpers. Not a lot of claim jumpers around anymore, but I can drive to like, you know, Ventura or something.

I think a lot of the good veins have been tapped, you know? Right, in the Gold Rush themed restaurant, claim jumper. Yeah. The ore has all been mined. Yeah, I think once the ore is gone, the claim is worth it. They move on. The last time I was at a claim jumper a couple of years ago, and this claim jumper, very special chain to my family.

It was the, you know, like dad's birthday spot. I've expressed this to you, I think it was probably years ago on the show, but my grandparents lived right next to where you grew up. My grandparents lived in El Toro, California. Oh, yeah, sure, sure. You grew up in Mission Viejo, California. Right. And they're either in El Toro or Mission Vie Oh yeah, sure, sure. You grew up in Mission Viejo, California. Right. And there, either in El Toro or Mission Viejo, was a claim jumper.

Might have been the same claim jumper. I bet it was the same claim jumpers, and that's where my grandparents would take us to eat. Right. And we'd be like, this is how you live? And this end, it was like, I was very disappointed. Maybe five or six years ago, I went to one the like last ones and and most of the gold rush theming had been stripped out No, it's just kind of a generic ass restaurant eventually some gold rush like, you know named items on the menu, I think once my

Grandfather died my grandmother switched over to Marie calendars because she liked the pie. Oh yeah, good pie. They're famous for it. Yeah. Should we bring on a guest on the program? That sounds great. Because he might have been to this claim jumper. Sure sure sure. I mean people are on pins and needles. To find out out what do you think listener has he been to the claim jumper Again the self-addressed stamped envelope Man remember we had people send in self-addressed stamped envelopes and it went really well. Oh, yeah, maybe we should bring that back Yeah, I was mailing us envelopes should do a new envelope promotion Yeah, our guest on the program is both the head writer of the Jimmy Kimmel television program and the author of the brand new Book. Wow, you look terrible how to parent less and live more Danny Ricker. Hi Danny. How are you guys? How are you? We're good. He also went to high school with Jordan and to answer your question. I have been to that claim jump

It was in a it was in a strip mall with a Joanne's fabric uh-huh and I went there I think twice for birthday yeah my father complained the entire time about how expensive it was huh is that because for your birthday you had asked for Rick rack I remember going and I was I think like a tween when I went there and you can only order Very large portions of food at claim jumper And so, you know you eat like a third of it and now as a father I understand the the rage that comes with this where it's like you pay $40 for a rack of ribs and then your kid eats like one And yeah, so I I associate that with parental rage,

that claim jumper, but I have been there, yes. Yeah, it's good. We always try and bring up one childhood drama with each guest. Before we bring them on, you know, we'll just say, oh yeah, and something, something, something, siblings drowned in swimming pools. Our guest is.

How did you know? Sure. Dad left and didn't come back for a few days. Where was Dad? The fucking claim jumper. Sure. You won't believe what happened in the war. Right.

Sure. I'll say. A joy to have you here on the program. Thank you. Do you have any Orange County special childhood places? Oh, yes. Well, my first place I lived in Orange County was Garden Grove, which is right next to Disneyland.

So I was one of the weird Disneyland locals for a little section of my life. And so we used to go on weekdays and that kind of stuff. That's a whole culture. I wasn't there as a teen. Yeah. I mean, like that was the beginning of Disney adult, right? I mean, you were a child, but I think the Disney adults were like becoming a force. Yeah. And now that it's a full subculture, I didn't really realize until a couple of

years ago. So at Jimmy Kimmel Live, our office building is above a Ghirardelli ice cream or chocolate store. Oh, right, right, right. That is also sort of like a Disneyland embassy almost. It's on Hollywood Boulevard and they sell officially licensed Disney merch and there's the El Capitan movie theater. I don't mean to correct you. It's a consulate.

I'm sorry. If Goofy is running for the FBI, he goes there and he has sanctuary. They cannot touch Goofy. In the Ghirardelli. But because they sell this merch, they sell these pins. And the Disney pins are now a full subgenre of people. And so people will line up. It's almost like a sneakergenre of people. Pins, that's right. And so people will line up.

It's almost like a sneaker drop kind of thing, but they'll be like, oh, there's a stitch pin that is brand new and I mean hundreds of- He's wearing a tank top. And they'll line up all around the block. His tits are out. Finally, they got my letter to put tits on Stitch. That's why I've been camping out for three days. Yeah. And so, yeah, so now while I'll be going into work, I'll be, oh, you know, I have to go through a line of these like very dedicated

people who are all older. I mean, I'm 40 and they're all older than me and they're very dedicated. So God bless them. Yeah. How do you. Where do you stand as an adult who lives in the Burbank area? Look, any opportunity I get to bring up Burbank on this program, I'm gonna bring up Burbank. Of course. Don't get me started. I love Burbank. Oh, okay. I'm a Burbank devotee. My greatest fear is people listening to this program, visiting Los Angeles for the first time and thinking they should go to Burbank.

Oh, you want to do the Jordan Jesse Go Tour when you move to LA. Yeah, exactly. They're like, I went to the martial arts museum they're always talking about. I've never been to the martial arts museum. I just always see the signs. Drive past it and wonder how... Yeah. Chili John's a fun. Pretty fun destination. If you're in Burbank, Chili John's.

Okay, great. Good place to get chili. As an adult who... Oh! Interesting! They got beans or no beans? I think you can have either. Oh, wow. Yeah.

Riding both sides of the fence, huh? You know what happens when you get on both sides of the fence? You cut up on your nuts. You know what? That's what Lyndon Johnson would say. That's why, yes, that's why Chilly John has such fucked up nuts. He does have misshapen nuts. If you're in Burbank, take a look at Chilly John's nuts. They teach it in our public schools.

Back to the subject. So as a person who lives in Burbank, which is the northernmost part of the immediate Los Angeles area, I'm leaving Santa Clarita out of this. How dare you? But you live in what's called the San Fernando Valley, which is the opposite side of Los Angeles from Disneyland. And you are a parent who has indeed written a parenting book. How do you and your family feel about going to Disneyland? We love it. We kind of wish we were a little closer because I think we might actually kind of be like a Disney family as much as I hate that

phrase. But it's a little bit of a track when we go, we wake the kids up at like 5 a.m. like we're doing like a transatlantic flight or something like that and by the time it's got to get to Disneyland two hours early oh I am I become like my grandfather on these Disneyland days because I you know you want to get like every you want to get your value you know it's expensive to go they have a good product but it's expensive to go and so I'm intent on getting there right when they open we have a little trick where we get on the monorail at Downtown Disney, which air drops you into Tomorrowland. I'm a miserable person to be with the first two hours, because we're getting

on as many rides as possible. The kids do not have fun during those two hours. Sciple This is not about fun. This is about efficiency. Kline This is a military strike. So then by the time like 1030 rolls around, I start gloating about all the rides we've gotten on. And the kids, they're not even rides the kids wanted to go on. The kids are just crying. Literally that happened because the last time we went, Indiana Jones, it was like a 10 minute

wait. I mean, you may remember Jordan, when that ride opened open people would wait like four hours to get sure on that ride and so now the storytelling in the line that's new you're glad to be waiting there for four hours because the storytelling starts in the line that's a little storyline right yes that's where the phrase storyline comes from. And they gave you these little decoder cards where they had like hieroglyphics on the wall. Because I mean, this is before smartphones. And so people were literally just, they were going insane.

Like they were getting a madness, like waiting in this line. But so now we just breezed right on. And because I, and the whole time I'm telling my kids like, we used to have to wait three hours to get in this. The kids don't care. They don't know who Indiana Jones is. And I trying to you know, like he fights Nazis and you guys of destiny he found the Fated dial of destiny. Yeah, we all remember

Yeah, you're like if it weren't for him when that nuclear war hit we wouldn't have known to get in that refrigerator. Sure But they um, I rushed them onto this ride, they hadn't slept, and they, it was scary, and they were both crying when we left that ride, and then I took them on the haunted mansion, which is even scarier, and so anyway, I'm a lot of fun. Yeah, sure. I, Disneyland is way too much for me, but I would love Disneyland. Like there's a part of me that wants to sign up for one of those Disneyland passes and go for three hours anytime it's a Wednesday in February and it's raining. Yeah, that is

the Disneyland that I want to live in. Yeah. Like I want to be able to go outside of Disneyland for my meals. Mm my meals. I don't want to have to eat my meal in Disneyland and I don't want to have to bump into people constantly. I hate bumping into people. That is my dream Disneyland. And also I want to watch Captain EO. Those are the things that I want out of Disney and I want Michael Jackson in 3D and I want it to be raining and I don't want to bump into people. Sure. You know, speaking of Captain EO, I have a core memory of, from my childhood involving Captain EO at Disneyland. I remember the exact spot and it's right by the Walt Disney statue, you know, outside the castle. And I remember, I think I was probably seven years old

and we had just seen Captain EO. And as we're leaving Tomorrowland, I said something to my mom about like, oh, like that lady in that thing was really good. And my mom goes, oh, Michael Jackson is a man. And it was like that like zoom effect you see in a movie where like I realized I had believed something. Yeah, like Alfred Hitchcock where they're moving the camera backwards and zooming in

at the same time. Sure. That moment and I go, what? And my hon goes, yeah, you thought there was a woman named Michael? And I go, yeah, but I will always remember that. And there's these little posts with horse heads in that part of Disneyland. And I can point to the one I was standing next to when I realized that Michael Jackson was in fact a man.

The one you had to grab onto when you got the vapors. My knees gave out, yeah. That was my, I mean, like the cassette tape that I had as a child. My father had a girlfriend named Susan, and Susan had a son who was older than me and so, and my dad was poor. And so, everything that I had was things that Susan's son who I don't know if I ever even met, like he was maybe four or five years older than me, had rejected, like, because he had gotten too old.

So I had like a bunch of like return, Return of the Jedi toys, even though I was born in 1981. But like one of the things that I had was a I had a Michael Jackson doll and I had a cassette tape of bad. And so when we went to Disneyland, and fucking Michael Jackson lived in Disneyland in a fucking movie theater. That blew my mind. And because my dad loved Disneyland, my dad had, my dad moved to Southern California the year Disneyland opened as a 13 year old.

So like he loved the shit out of Disneyland. And like when we would go to Disneyland, I got to get something, which I never got to get something again, poor. And so like, I had this Captain EO sweatshirt. And every once in a while, I will go on eBay and look at the ones that have the same design as the one that I had and think about whether I should buy one given the fact that Michael Jackson was a child molester. He gave me a lot of joy in my life, but he also destroyed some lives along the way. He was deeply troubled and I can understand how he came to be deeply troubled. And on the other hand, nothing's wrong with who directed it, Martin Scorsese or something.

I think Coppola directed it. Yeah, for instance, Ward Coppola, produced by Steven Spielberg maybe. I think you're right. I think you're right. And there's, and you know, honestly, if I bought it, it would be in honor of that little buzzy alien that flies out. Hooter! Hooter!

Guys, I tried to grab Hooter when I was a Captain EO. And I'm not talking about tits. I know people in the comments are going to go, uh, talk about Hooter the alien, the wholesome alien. But the theme park experience now is very much about that line. A lot of people. Talk about Hooter the alien, the wholesome alien. But the theme park experience now is very much about that line. That line is really central. We have a friend whose entire job, well, I say his entire job is writing those lines,

but he also designed some cups for Star Wars Disneyland. Oh, cool. Great cups in that place. I love the cups. I saw a pic when that Star Wars Disneyland opened up, he posted a picture of the cup. He said, we got to go see the cup I designed.

And I was like, hey, that's one hell of a space house. It's an immersive cup. Yeah, very immersive. Danny, do you have a thing from childhood you look for on eBay? Oh, you know, I... I've got a couple. Yeah.

You know, Jordan and I share a love of ska music from, you know, we're both from Orange County during a very specific time. And so I will... A magical time. A magical time. That's the late 1960s, right before reggae took hold. Sure, right. And so I will often go on eBay and look for merch

I used to have, similar to your Michael Jackson sweatshirt. And I either, the shirts wore out, or I just donated them at some point. I wanted them back. So there's one Slow Gerken shirt that I've lost and want back. It looked like a kind of a European soccer jersey that I loved. You found so many other shirts with pictures of pickles on them.

Yeah, I know, but not the right ones. Sloakrig and Santa Cruz's own, Sloakrig. Oh, sure. Pride of Santa Cruz. Yeah, along with Camper Van Beethoven. Camper Van Beethoven, Good Riddance, a lot of great Santa Cruz musical acts. No, just those three. Just those three.

Oh, yeah. Also, they're all probably more like characterizes good. Sure. Yeah, I was in my attic putting away some Christmas decorations, Also, they're all probably more like characterizes good. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. I was in my attic putting away some Christmas decorations like in the last month and I found from high school like a box of stuff I saved. And so I found a bunch of old stickers of SkyBands that I was so excited to find.

So I just I put an Aquabats sticker on my car like two weeks ago. But it's like a vintage one. It's like from the 90s. Yes. Cool. And I think because as a child I was very anxious and didn't want to commit to like putting like a sticker on something. Oh, maybe one day I'll want this sticker. I had a tough time with that too. I would tape a lot of stickers to things. Same yeah, like my like my peachy folder or whatever I always had that would scotch tape them on but I went you know

what like if I'm not gonna put this on something now it'll be on like my rascal scooter is like a 80 an 80 year old so I was a kid bands had full horn sections. Yeah sure when I was a teen, maybe my favorite rap group was a Bay Area rap group called the coup and When we were in college at the college radio station, we hired the coup to perform at our annual on-campus festival. We got an allotment from the student government fund or whatever at the radio station to put on an event. We would hire some bands. And it would always be the weirdest lineup of bands

in history, because every, you know, every faction at the radio station got to pick one band. So it would be like the locust opening for the coup. And the coup came one year and when the check got written to them, because you had to like have the bursar's office or whatever write the check. It was supposed to be for, let's say, $7,200, but they had misread the check request and issued a check for $7,700. They had gotten overpaid by $500, and their management said, we'll cut you a check back. And they never did. And so I had this like deep resentment against my favorite band for taking $500 from

our college radio station and they're very explicitly communist rap group. And so I always felt like of all the people to take 500 bucks from the college radio station, come on. You know, this is a public good. So I had this secret resentment against the coup. And a few years ago, maybe a little more than a few years, eight years ago, let's say, now, Boots Riley, the head of the coup, ended up becoming a filmmaker, made a really wonderful movie. I had him on my show to talk about his movie. We talked about it.

We worked it through. We each gave $500 to the college radio station as a kind of like solidarity move. He's a really sweet guy. He was basically just like we had already paid the band and the money was gone and I was really broke at the time. And so I was feeling really good about this favorite rap group of mine from my childhood. Also if the guy from Slow Gerkin, if the front guy from, if the front man from Slow Gerkin had made a feature film 25 years later, I'm sure you would understand the feeling of terror

that I had as I went into the movie theater expecting to be crushed with disappointment that my favorite guy from adolescence, who was a wonderful musician, was a horrible filmmaker. And actually, Boots is a genius at filmmaking as well. That's a relief, I bet. I was like, oh, yeah. Everybody go watch Sorry to Bother You. Amazing movie.

Go watch his Amazon Prime show. Also amazing show. But I was like feeling really good about the coup. And so I was like, I'm going to go on eBay and get myself a coup t-shirt, right? Because the coups still perform and record a little bit. I figured I wouldn't have to lay out that much. Turns out, it cost $100.

Wow. Simply because that era of hip hop stuff is like what dirt bag vintage t-shirt 20 year olds that used to wait in line for sneakers on, you know, outside the sneaker store, they're now into vintage t-shirts of Stone Cold Steve Austin and those cost $400. of Stone Cold Steve Austin and those cost $400. But I was like, fuck it. And I made an offer of $80 on this t-shirt and they accepted it. And I now have a coup t-shirt.

I did have to spend $80, but you know, that's life in the big city. But every time I wear it, I think, huh, I spent $80 on this communist t-shirt. Kind of a dick move. Huh, I spent $80 on this communist t-shirt. Kind of a dick move. Sure. What are you searching for on eBay, Jordan?

There's a couple of things. In the zone of bands we liked as kids, I never had this shirt, but I would always see kids that had a no-effect shirt where it was the band, but their heads were all donuts. I think of that often. I search for it every now and then, have not been able to find one in my size Do you think of it when you're eating donuts? I think you're gonna say jack it off I'm usually doing both of this. God I'd love to fuck one of those donut heads

That hole's just calling to me But yeah, so yeah, I'll search for that every now and then. And I think we've talked about this on the show before, but this lives in my brain and I don't know how to search for it. When you would go to like the Natural History Museum, in the gift shop, there were these primary colored t-shirts. Oh, fucking dinosaur t-shirts! A primary colored t-shirt.

Oh, I want them so bad. With just black writing and just a black picture of a triceratops and underneath it would say triceratops in like bubble letters. And I don't remember, and I think I had a triceratops growing up. And I'm like, God, if they would just have these, if these were in adult sizes, and I could find a vintage one, I would never wear anything else.

I obsessed over those myself. Like, I truly got obsessed with them. The two things like that. What are they called? So, they don't have a name. They're impossible to fucking find. On my computer, I found a shitty picture of one of the triceratops. No, one of the stegosaurus ones.

So I have that. People find pictures of these t-shirts and send them to us so that we can bootleg them. Oh yeah. Sure, sure. That is what we need in our lives. There was some point where one of them was getting bootleg, but the problem is I have found them on eBay, but they're only in kids sizes. Yeah. That is the real... Maybe they never made adult sizes of those.

I know. God. But I'd be willing to lose weight. You'll be... To get shorter. Yeah. Were you a Triceratops guy? I think I had the Triceratops. I mean Triceratops is the... That's the money one. That was a red one, if I'm not mistaken. I think so. I think you're right. I think Stegosaurus was green.

And there was a... I wonder if the switch from Brontosaurus to Apatosaurus had been made. No, I think it was Brontosaurus. It might have been Brontosaurus. I think it was like purple or blue or something like that. Sure. Jesus Christ. This is the most vivid thing. The other thing, you know, there is a company, you know, the, what's it called that made all the t-shirts

in Los Angeles, American Apparel. So the American Apparel went out of business because the guy who founded American Apparel, A, was already rich and B, turned out to be a super creep, like a real monster of a human being. And when American, and then he just sold American Apparel to Hanes or whatever. And so they own the brand now. I guess they probably still make blank t-shirts or whatever. And then he just took the infrastructure of that and started a new company. This new company somehow got a stash of transformer robot watches. These were okay. Do you remember these watches? This was a watch. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah. And it was a little robot and

the watch face was a little robot that you could pop out of the band and turn into a little robot. This was the specialist thing I had in the world as a child. I did have one. And I that's the other thing like those dinosaur teachers, I t-shirts I've never stopped thinking about to the point where I there was part of me that wondered if they were a dream I had had. I mean, I remember like in 2001 being on eBay looking for these. Anyway, this fucking creep creepo asshole somehow got a stash of these and he sells them on their website and Fuck I want one so fucking bad But I don't want to give this shit Yeah, he's such a shithead and it's third thirty five dollars or something like that They're not nothing but they're also like I could just buy one. I could just get one right now and jack off on it

But they're also like, I could just buy one. I could just get one right now and jack off on it. There should be like, you know, like, there's like carbon offsets, you know, if you do something, you know, like you produce something that hurts the environment, you can buy one. They should have those for like moribundly questionable. This is a beautiful idea. Because right, I think, I mean, yeah, obviously there's a there's a specific shithead we're thinking of who gets money for the Transformers watch you know

Anything you buy a shithead will be getting some money a very bad man will be getting some money But yes, is there that's who accumulates capital sure. Yeah well even like I see a lot of people with Tesla's now who are like they they hate that they brought the Tesla to be Like I'm gonna help the environment and now they're, but the owner of this company is now destroying planet earth. So like, what do we do? You should be able to donate maybe, you know, $10,000 to there should be a company that's going to put the money somewhere good. What do you think? What do you think it would cost me to get a Michael Jackson offset. Because that's specifically, that's my real, like let's leave aside the robot watch.

And I'm very happy with my Hyundai, okay? So if I, like, it would really mean a lot to me to listen to Michael Jackson records, watch Michael Jackson performances, and perhaps even have a Captain EO t-shirt and feel okay about it the whole time. I'm going to say $6 million. $6 million is a lot.

Oh boy. And this is really tough too. I don't even kind of want to say this, I know he's going to like bring things down, but we were talking about getting those old dinosaur t-shirts. Yeah. They just found some of Red's segasaurus's old tweets. Something about the Moors? It's like an old time European racism.

Anyway. I'm going to look into this. Let's take a quick break. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jessi Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, Boy Detective. Okay, a couple things. Number one, first, thank you to everyone who became a member during the Max Fund Drive.

You're all wonderful. Thank you to everyone who upgraded and boosted the Max Fund Drive. You're all wonderful. Thank you to everyone who upgraded and boosted your memberships. You're wonderful. And thank you to everyone who's been tending your membership for years, like it was a little victory garden, spouting big fat zucchinis for you to munch down on in tough times. Thank you. You're also wonderful. And hey, guess what, Jordan? We're coming to Chicago, Illinois. Yes! If you're in the Midwest, we expect to see you there. If you know people in the Midwest, we expect you to send them because we are going to be there with our friend Sam Riegel

and our friend Mr. Peter Segal. Yeah, that's right. One guy from NPR and one guy from the world of TTRPG's but also yes he is a famous video game lawyer. Yeah it's gonna be a ton of fun April 11th at Sleeping Village in Chicago. Jordan you're gonna be you're gonna be out there with your books right in your comics? Yeah I'm gonna be at C2E2 all weekend. Come find me, table F03. Is Cole Cabana going to come to our show?

Yeah, probably. He told me he probably is, and he's definitely going to go visit your booth at C2E2. He told me he was just making plans to see you at C2E2. Wow, that's really cool, table F03. But I'll also be selling and signing books at our show. So don't come up to me at the table and say you're not coming to the show. If you're doing one, do both of them. Just do both of them. The show's gonna be a whole other thing besides the comic book convention.

They're two different things. Two different things in the same place involving me. Peter Sagal might be at both of them. Oh, sure. Right. Yes. Well, I mean, he's been working on that Sailor Moon cosplay and you know he's going to want to show it off. Kingdom Hearts. He does Kingdom Hearts. Sure.

Yeah. Anyway, is that where the Disney guys are? Fighting the Final Fantasy guys and some other guys too. Yeah. So I got it right, basically. That's what Peter Sagal would like, right? Sure. Okay.

Great. What about Paul Poundstone? Paul Poundstone is into... Jujutsu Kaisen? Jujutsu Kaisen? Sure. Okay, great. What about Paul Poundstone? Paul Poundstone is into... Jujutsu Kaisen? Jujutsu Kaisen, yes. Okay, great. We're also, besides members, supported this week by the folks at Stash Invest. This podcast is brought to you in part by Stash. Are you still putting off saving and investing because you'll get to it someday? Stash turns someday into today. Stash isn't just an investing app. It's a registered investment advisor that combines automated investing with

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Advisor. Investing involves risk and investments may lose value. Offer is subject to T&Cs. We're also supported this week by the folks at Brooklyn Bedding. Jesse, as you know, I'm a guy who has a hard time sleeping sometimes. Back pain, that's an issue. Night sweats, that's something I get. And you know, horrible night terrors where I wake up screaming because I think there's

a slim man standing in my corner. Yeah, well, I mean, you should never have gone to that boys school where all the teachers and headmasters were slim men. Yeah, I know. I know that now. I know that now, but I don't need you rubbing it in. It seemed like a great value back then. It did, okay?

So all right, all right, okay. I messed up. But here's the thing. I'm pretty picky when it comes to sleep. I need a lot of things. I need a lot of conditions. Just perfect to get a great night's sleep. And one of those conditions is having a great mattress. Jesse, I've been sleeping on a mattress

from Brooklyn Bedding. This is an amazing mattress. I'm sleeping like a baby angel wrapped in a dream. I'm so happy to hear that, Jordan. You, like many of the things in your home, you were in a position where you needed a new mattress because it was smoke damaged. And now, honestly, I'm going to say this natural disaster put you out ahead. Yes, if you think about it,

you think about it, that my home was impacted, but not destroyed by the Eaton fires is probably going to be a net positive in the long run. No, I actually did need a new mattress because mine was unusable and got one from the good folks at Brooklyn Bedding. Jesse, dig this name. I'm sleeping on a Titan plus Elite. Look at me sleeping on a Titan plus Elite. I feel like a cool guy. I actually got a mattress from Brooklyn Bedding for my sibling. And one of the things I really liked, so I looked at the Aurora mattress, the Sedona

mattress, but the nice thing about the Titan Plus Elite by Brooklyn Bedding is it's made for a big guy or big lady like my big non-binary sibling. My non-binary sibling bigger than me could definitely take me in a fight. But if you're big, you need different support. And I was really excited to see that they had that specific support. And look, you can sleep on your Brooklyn Bedding mattress for up to 120 nights. It's just about four months. If you don't love it, they will help you return it

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BrooklynBetting.com promo code JJGO. We're also supported this week by somebody up on the Jumbotron. Jay has a message, a commercial message. So this is something you can buy. And we hope you do because we love Jay. Jay is great. They have a new book called The Dreaming Dead. The Dreaming Dead is a nonlinear anti-authoritarian sword and sorcery novel about a found family of queer criminals.

It follows notorious bandit Keno Sif, first as a young adult trying to escape arrest and execution, then as a bitter old woman living alone in the mountains. If you want LGBTQ fiction that's as much about sword fights and monsters as it is about freedom, love, and overcoming grief, then The Dreaming Dead is for you. Our thanks to Jay. And look at this, Jordan. Yeah. We got another Jumbotron message up here. What? This is a message for everyone from Danny. The message is, my balls be itching. So thank you Danny. Twootron. One's a fascinating novel and one is just a beautiful missive, something we can all relate

to if we have balls. Thanks Danny. Thanks Danny. And thanks Jay too. Thank you to Jay and thank you to everyone who's going to go to maximumfun.org slash Jumbotron to share a message about what's going on with your balls. Jay, if you have balls, you're welcome to send us an update about whether they be itching, but you don't have to. You don't have to. It might be below your dignity. But you know, let's face it, come on. Who's more dignified than Danny?

Nobody here is more dignified than Danny. They're the one that sent in my balls be itching. So. Danny and Dignity both start with a D. Coincidence? No! So does Dame Judi Dench. There you go. And you know her balls be itching.

Oh, yeah! I got crabs from her. That's all. She had crabs. I got them from her. Sorry to hear that. But we were rubbing our genitals together Hey, you got a fuck a dame though, so yeah

You gotta fuck a day That's right remember that song from Oliver yes I wish I knew that song better. We can do a little parody you do what I do it's all right maximum fun org slash Jumbotron if you want to get up on the Jumbotron yourself. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I am Jesse Thorn, America's radio sweet. Jordan Morris Boy, detective.

Danny Ricker, oil tycoon. Oh, really? Yeah. What type of oil? Avocado, olive. Extra virgin. A lot of great oils out there. A lot of great oils.

Did you guys see this? Steven shared with us, he shared it on the Jordan Jesse Go social media, this story about the Peruvian police. Right, yes. This is fun. Danny, I wonder if this came over the transom at Kimmel, it being a funny new story. Yes, so we have been discussing Cappy Barra's on the show. Yes, oh yes, I'm aware, yeah.

Steven Ray Morris holding his phone up to the glass, putting him on the show. Oh yes, I'm aware, yeah. Stephen Ray Morris holding his phone up to the glass, putting him on the glass. By um, I mean his phone. So we love a capybara, it's a meme for a reason, fun animal. And again, I feel like I need to assert this every time, capybaras have been my favorite animal since I was a child. They had them at the San Francisco Zoo. More than a meme for me. Hashtag bandwagon.

Hashtag more than a meme. Right. But I guess in Peru, because I guess they're a whimsical country. I can see why Paddington spends so much time there. So cute, so whimsical. In order to do a drug bust, dressed an officer up like a capybara. Who is- Jordan, an elite officer from the Esquadron Verde. Excuse me. I had a green squad.

And you know, obviously we should get ahead of this and say, ACAB, cappies are bastards. I just so like, I just want to say I, the news here, the source here is the BBC, the British Broadcasting Corporation, one of the most trusted news sources in the world. This is the almost the totality of the insight here. Peruvian policeman in capybara costume makes Valentine's Day drug bust. That's the head, as they say in the journalism. Look, I'm an NPR journalist. I know a little something about head. I even know to spell it HED. Police body cam footage shows the moment officers used a capybara costume to carry out a drug raid and peruse capital Lima. Okay, that's just, you know, that's just your basic nut graph. Okay. There's video here of the capybara costume of the police officers of the table of drugs, you know, the classic table of drugs.

And you're thinking, great, the BBC is going to explain this to us. Like we can rely on the BBC for insight into what the fuck is going on here. This is, I normally, like best journalistic practices would be for me to paraphrase and attribute this story. I feel it is important for me to read it out loud, not least because it is like 400 words long. Second paragraph is the Esquadron Verde, Green Squad Police Group is a specialized unit of the Peruvian National Police who often disguise their agents in fancy dress or costume during festivities such as Valentine's Day, Halloween and Christmas. What? There's no further explanation of this practice or policy. So what I gathered is that they knock on the door of the drugged in the suspected drugged in

Yeah, and the drug dealer just has to open it because it's so weird and then the capybara goes in and starts fucking people up I'm sure you'll get here. Jesse. I think it's worth mentioning that the final sentence of this story is they also do it dressed up like story is they also do it dressed up like Spider-Man. Hold on, okay. Paragraph three. Which seems to be like if you're a criminal don't open the door. That's gonna get the guy to not open the door. Paragraph three. The head of the unit, Colonel Pedro Rojas, has said, quote, on this occasion, Valentine's Day, a lover's day, we sought to camouflage ourselves with the character of the capybara. As though that makes sense! As though that has meaning! How do the pieces there fit together? I guess we just need to learn more about Peru. Will it help? Will it help us understand this? Not Cupid! Okay, Peruvian. Then the final paragraph is, there's no paragraphs in between.

When I say the next and final paragraph, Peruvian police have previously dressed their officers up as Marvel characters, Spider-Man, Captain America, Thor, and Black Widow. No DC characters, interesting. Yeah, really, I would love to see Firestorm the nuclear man in the mix there. To carry out a drug raid. So then, this is what I thought to myself. There's no explanation at all of what the fuck is actually going on here. This is a list of information that does not add up together. I mean, it does in the literal

sense, like it's clear what happened. The who is there, the what is there, the when is there, the how is there. The why is not there. There's no other than this quote on this occasion, Valentine's Day, lovers day, we sought to camouflage. There's some sort of implied why there that I'm not able to draw from its implication. So then I'm like, I'm going to watch this video. Maybe this is just a video report. You know what I mean? Maybe this is one of those like shitty text summaries for SEO. BBC is primarily a broadcasting company, obviously. Probably the video explains it. This video is a video of a man in a man-sized capybara costume. He is wearing a little green vest. It's a backpack.

Oh, it's a little backpack. Thank you. You can see from behind in the video. And in when he's with the drug table, he is wearing a little a little police badge hanging from his neck. But it's just a picture. It's a video of a man in a capybara costume, like a body cam video of a man in a capybara costume going into a drug house and arresting someone while wearing the costume. And then Colonel Pedro Rojas says the thing that's in the text here. And that's it. Wow. There's no, what is going? All right, I have a couple questions. One is, is there a department at this police,

organization, is there a department that has to figure out how to put a body cam into a capybara costume? Is there like, so James Bond goes to Q, and they're like, all right, so here's where we've hidden the camera. Right when there's layoffs at the Jim Anson company They all go there subcontracted by the Peruvian government. They all click on that jobs tab in link maybe that's the backpack Maybe the backpack is housing the equipment. He's got a he's got a top hat on it's hidden in there and secondly Do you think he's wearing a bulletproof vest underneath?

You don't need it. It's probably pretty clammy in there already. Yeah. You've got 12 inches of polyurethane foam. And then if you're a Peruvian drug dealer, do you get nervous at places where mascots typically tend to be? Do you not go to a parade?

Chuck E. Cheese. Chuck E. Cheese. Because any mascot could be your downfall, right? Right. Yeah. And also, is this something that we could export to the United States? Like, I think that the corrupt mayor of New York City, who recently was let off the hook for his corruption so that the Trump administration would have comprimat on him, he's prone to this kind of colorful shit. Could he send in Mr. and Mrs. Met? Oh, yeah.

Because I... Or maybe some of the Times Square... Right, the kind of off-brand mascots who are hanging... Yes, Elmo. Yeah, sure. Dirty minion. Minion with noticeable stains on body. You know, neo-noir is...

It may have a comeback. It was big in the 90s. Yeah, basic instinct and sure, yeah. Maybe if it has a comeback, Minions with Dirty Faces could be... Yes. On Hollywood Boulevard, where our studio is, we had a minion who was dressed as Captain America and I always appreciated that because it was two forms of copyright infringement in one character. Two different mega conglomerates

could sue this. Maybe that's how you get around it. Just double down on it. You pit Universal and Disney against each other and then you escape into the Hard Rock Cafe. I think also what impresses me about a Minion in Captain America outfit is you can't make that from off the shelf components. You got to go to West Coast customs and have them pimp your ride. Yeah. Exhibit comes in and yeah.

Yeah. That's not something, you know, you can't just throw a shield on a Minion. Their arms aren't long enough. The gap in quality on those costumes, I've worked there for a long time on Hollywood Boulevard. And I've seen kind of the gamut. And there was a guy for a while who looked like Robert Downey Jr. and had made his own Iron Man costume where the mask opened and closed.

I mean, it was really, you go, why are you here making $18 a day, like, taking pictures with tourists? And then some of them are, like there's a guy who dresses as Luigi, it's just like a Spirit Halloween Luigi costume. His name's Johnny Shakespeare. And he also plays Jesus in a wide variety of other characters. And he's just clearly, he's pulling stuff out of like a Goodwill bin and he's also making $18 a day and so the people come there for all different reasons. Why just Luigi? I guess that's the one he found.

Yeah that's what he owns. That was the one at Goodwill. But then the guy who played SpongeBob he had a legit like looks like maybe he had gotten this from a theme park. He was a real talking sponge. He did the voice and everything, yeah. I gotta say, like, this had not occurred to me. Like, I knew the Jimmy Kimmel Live television program had since its inception, filmed in a theater on Hollywood Boulevard. You know, it's like a big part of the brand of the show.

But I guess it had not occurred to me that it's a real place where people go to work. Right? Like it is part like we joke about the strangeness of Burbank, but I don't think that there is a stranger part, even like Muscle Beach is less strange than Hollywood Boulevard, which is like for people, I mean, I imagine a lot of it's a popular tourist destination. I imagine a lot of people have been there, but it is like, it is first of all, overall, a horrible tourist destination. I encourage people to go see a taping of the Jimmy Kimmel live show. They're gonna have a great time. And you know if you want to... Hey, get a sundae at the old Girodelli chocolate factory afterwards. That's gonna be a tasty sundae.

But like the Hollywood Walk of Fame is just a thing where anyone's publicist can pay $2,000 to buy the plaque that goes in the ground and then they they, like, I know the woman who's in charge of the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce or whatever it is that's in charge of the Hollywood Walk of Fame. And she just ran for that office or whatever. I don't think she even lives or works there. She must do some work there. But I think she just thought it would be fun to be at the ceremonies. But anyway, like the Hollywood Walk of Fame is nothing. That's not anything.

Other than that, it's like stripper supply stores. Yeah. Bong stores. Yeah, Bong store. Yeah. And that's right. Yeah, the stock stores. Yeah, the stock stores. Yeah, and it is at once totally corporate, but also tons of grime and jank. And the grime and jank is not fun, interesting, authentic grime and jank. In downtown Los Angeles, for example, there is a lot of crime and jank. But, you know, we've often talked

about how there's a whole street that just import is just businesses that import bongs. That's amazing. Like, if you're in downtown Los Angeles, you can go to a hat-making supply store or to one of many stores that only sell artificial flowers to the trade. Yeah. Okay. That shit is amazing. Or like, you know, for me, like I'm interested in men's clothes. Like there's a fabric shop downtown called Be Black and Sons that is one of the only

stores in the United States that sells textiles specifically for tailoring, right? Like almost all fabric stores just sell like cotton prints to make kids pajamas out of. It sells like real woolens for making suits out of. Amazing thing. There's no shit like that on Hollywood Boulevard. It's just fucking cell phone stores that are fronts for drugs or whatever. Or like, you know, the like, so the Oscars take place right across the street from our theater in the Dolby theater. It's like, wow, the Oscars. And when you go there, you realize that is literally in a mall.

Like there is a there's a hot topic there. There's a Johnny Rockets and they close. There's a a beard poppa. Yes. Yes. Japanese cream puff chain. There's a... A beard papa? Yes, yes. The Japanese cream puff chain? There's a Lids. I mean, it's like the mall from like where you grew up in high school, but they shut all those down and then they... Like the Oscars happen there. I feel like for a while there was maybe a Muji there.

And I would always like want to get something from Muji and think, am I willing to go to that part of Hollywood Boulevard? But this is your day-to-day life. Your day-to-day life is to park your car and walk past a Captain America minion. Yeah. It's weird. It's added to the... It's part of the character of our show, we feel like, and we can just walk out the front door and find God knows what, which is fun. But it is a weird place, like where your office is. It's like, oh, there's like a lot of those characters, smoke and vape, which is fun.

And it is funny, because there are so many hotels right there where, you know, if you were from out of town, you did like not that much research before you brought your family, you're like, oh, well, we got a hotel room right next to the Walk of Fame, which sounds great. But there are people who come to LA and they think that the characters on Hollywood Boulevard are like hired by the city. Like, oh, look what this, what a nice little, some dressing here. The magic of the movie. And then we know that these are people who are on God knows what substance and but I mean

I've seen people hand their children to these Here you go I was like hold on let me put away my switchblade Yeah, so it's um it's it's dangerous and don't don't come there It's dangerous and don't come there. Yeah, really? Other than to see Annie Kimmel and then leave immediately. I feel like the real secret of tourism in Los Angeles is don't go to Hollywood Boulevard. It's horrible.

But do go to a talk show taping. Talk show taping fun, sitcom taping nightmare. Yeah, we keep it quick. I mean, we are, you know, we're live to tape, they would say, but it's like our show's an hour long and the taping is about an hour long and we try to get you out in time for dinner. Great musical acts.

Yeah, yeah. So we try to make it fun, you know? I've been, I've gone to see, I went to see Letterman in New York. Oh, cool. I went to see Conan a couple of times here when our friend Jimmy Pardo was working there and Lori Kilmartin of course worked there, Brian Stack for many years. And I've been to one of some other talk show, a talk show is genuinely fun to watch. You go to I'm sure it's fun to go to Saturday Night Live taping too. Like it too. Although Saturday Night Live has so many sets that I think you only get to actually see like 20% of the show.

That was my, I went to a dress rehearsal taping once and that was my experience. It's super cool to see everything slide in, but yeah, you are, depending on where your seat is, you see about 40% of the show. Yeah, but if you go see a talk show taping, you're gonna have a great time. You'd be surprised how easy it is to get tickets because they got to get 200 people in there every single day. Even if you go see, look, even go see Wendy Williams or whatever, Wendy Williams doesn't have a show right now, but even if you go see that kind of thing, you'll probably have a great time. Yeah. I know, the Daily Show, I also went to see it, it's got a couple tapings of the Daily Show, and that was a great time.

You know, maybe the host comes out and chats with everybody for a few minutes before the show starts, that kind of thing. That's all great. But if you go to a sitcom taping, you're gonna be there for six hours. Yeah. And they don't have meals.

If you're lucky, they're passing out granola bars or something. But that's only if you volunteer to be mocked by a balloon animal comedian. Yeah. I think because we do four shows a week, pretty much all year, it's like we also like, we want to do the show and get home to our families too. And we try to extend that same courtesy to the audience. So yeah, no, we it's fun. Also, you know, when you come to L.A.

too, you always feel like, oh, we're going to see all these celebrities. And then, of course, you don't actually see. Although I will say last week in Burbank, I saw Alfred Molina at Bagel Boss. Whoa, not to name drop or bagel drop. No, no, no. I don't know if I don't know if I mentioned I don't know if I mentioned this on the show when it was happening, but for a time, Alfred Molina has some stepchildren and my therapist is in an office building that has a lot of various service providers, not just therapists, lots of different occupational

therapists and all this different kind of stuff. And nice office building in Old Town, Pasadena. And there's only one little bench in the hallway. And Alfred Molina's, one of Alfred Molina's stepchildren had an appointment at the same time as my therapy appointment. And so every time I would go into therapy, I got to say hi to Alfred Molina. That's fun. That's wonderful. That was a fucking dream.

He was, I was excited to see him walking down. Did you see his bagel order? No, I believe, I should say just, you know, like I think he, I was leaving Bagel Boss and I assumed he was going in, but I cannot confirm he went in, so I guess just, you know, in the interest of not slandering Mr. Molina. But you knew it was him. He was wearing the suit.

The Doctor Octopus. Yes, he was. He said the suit and then did octopus arms. And then he busted a Peruvian drug dealer. Right. Of course, they would open the door for a fellow criminal. Like, ah, Doctor Octopus, one of the sinister six. When Alfred, when Alfred Molina was on Bullseye years ago. So like, basically he had been on Bullseye maybe three, two or three years before he started showing up at my therapist

office to, I can say two years. So the first few times I was like, do I know Alfred Molina enough to say hello to Alfred Molina? Like, I talked to him once for 75 minutes straight, but is that something he would remember? And I finally did say hi to him. But if you ever want to say hi to Alfred Molina, here's a really fucking good Alfred Molina secret. This is for anybody that's visiting Los Angeles and expecting to see Alfred Molina, whatever. His friends call him Fredo. Oh fun. Because it's short for Alfredo. I like that. Alright. Fun tip. Okay when something momentous happens to you give us a call at 206-984-4FUN or just

send us a voice memo at jjgo at maximumfun.org. Here is a person who's done so. Hey Jordan, Jesse, and guests. This is Sarah from Washington, DC. I was just at the library picking up my holds and behind me on the checkout line was an individual with a pet stroller and inside the pet stroller was a cat wearing a double strand of pearls. Love you. Bye. Oh boy. Oh boy. You know, I feel like I had a little fatigue for a while at I saw the local weirdo with their weird pet. Yeah. This feels new. This feels fresh in a way, and I can't really explain why.

I think it's the jewelry, right? Yeah, that's sure. That's a big part of it. Yeah. And so classy, too, pearls. That's a big part of it. I also Lassie to Pearls. I'd like to honor the specifics here. I'd like to really take a moment to honor the specifics, right? She could have said that they were just in the library, right? Picking up holds that's a Jordan. Jesse go listener activity. Thank you having a hold list at the library

Or on your Libby app. Mm-hmm. Yeah, a lot of great places to enjoy books. You got a hold list on your Libby app, Jordan? I do actually. You know, I'm supposed to be... Waiting for that Miranda July book? Oh, God. I'm 56th in line. I would like to read that book if it was great. It is really great. Man, it's so funny. Miranda July's... Nice, yeah. Miranda July go on Jordan Jessi Goh. She's not gonna go on Jordan Jessi Goh. She's very nice. She's great. Some people I think are great. Might not be great on this show. For the Libby app, I'm gonna guest on the All New Max Fun podcast. Reading Smut? Reading Smut. I was called it smut peddling. This is Bre and Mallory's new show where they read smut and talk about it.

And I'll go ahead and drop a spoiler if they didn't want me on the show. They shouldn't have asked me and then I would spoil it. Yeah, I think that makes sense. That makes sense. What I said was good. Hey, if you're listening out there to Jordan and Jesse Go right now, Yeah, and then I would spoil it. Yeah, I think that makes sense. That makes sense. What I said was good. Hey Hey, if you're listening out there to Jordan Jesse go right now Just remember this is a good show that everyone likes sure the things I say makes sense Yeah, it makes a lot of sense and it's a good podcast very popular

But I you know, this is one of these it's a pretty long ass smut book So I'm like I want to listen to this thing. So on the Libby app I reserved Oh gosh, I believe it is called... Hold on, hold on. I don't have the title in front of me, but it is about a Priest 2 Fox. A very sucked mic click. So a Priest 2 Fox. A Priest 2 Fox. That's actually in the running for an Oscar this year. Oh, really? Priest 2 Fox. Yeah. Oh, it's just called Priest. It is an eight-hour audiobook, and I am 139th in line.

Probably going to be 12 weeks, Libby estimates, before I can find this Priest fucking book. You think you're going to sit there and do eight hours of priest fucking? I think just... Because if you got... I'm just saying, I don't know if it's audio only. If you went ahead and spent the $6.99, you could really blast your way through a paperback. You're probably right. I know.

I probably will have to get a physical copy of this thing. I just thought it'd be kind of fun to listen to during you know like drives I think I could probably knock it out in a week. I'm in a car for you know and narrated by Alfred Molina Yeah, his friends call him Fredo. It's called Fredo when he's yeah, he used the name Fredo when he's narrating His enemies call him Bilbo by the way Fucking guy fucking guy. We have another call Stephen. Let's take one more call. Hey Jordan. Hey Jesse. Cameron here. Pretty long time listener. Recently I've really enjoyed listening to your podcast. Can you pause this

for a second? You don't need to qualify it. You don't need to say pretty long long time listener. He was kind of nagging you guys a little bit there. Yeah. I guess I like the show. It's okay. It's fine. I was listening to the podcast while I was listening to a different podcast at a louder volume. Sure. I sometimes check it out when there's not a new podcast to ride.

Yeah, I know. We know! They're really funny guys! We know! Hey Jordan. Hey Jesse. Cameron here. A pretty long time listener.

Recently I've really enjoyed listening to your podcast while I paint the miniatures for the Deep Rock Galactic board game. Anyway, a few months ago, I ended a 12 year relationship. It was kind of from both sides very amicable. Still doesn't feel good. So I decided to console myself with the greatest act of consolation modern man has available.

That's right, this week I got of a sect of me in a couple months when I'm healed and proper sterile. I think I'll reenter the dating pool with a confidence I've never had before. Anyway, thanks for the show. I gotta go. Got a pot of chili on. There's a lot of information in that. I want all, from now on, if you're going to, I of course encourage everyone to send us a voice memo at jjgoatmaximumfun.org. I'm going to insist that you tell us what miniatures you're painting and what stew is on the stove. Or what you're doing at the library.

You got a Mulligatani soup going. And what's going on the stove or what you're doing at the library? You got a Mulligan Tony soup going and what's going on with your vas deferens? Yes. Yes Thank you. Let us know let us know about your balls if you got them I'll never forget the smell of my undercarriage burning To me with that laser. Yes, dear Lord. Oh Well delicious chili, you know There's a new album from my favorite rapper, Larry June. He collaborates with 2 Chainz on the record. And of course, the great producer, The Alchemist.

And there's this part where 2 Chainz says, you got to be careful. They got deadbeat moms now. So, get your vasectomy. Right. Get your vasectomy. Never know. Then hit that dating pool with a new confidence. 206-984-4FUN or jjgoatmaximumfun.org.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jessico. A special thank you to the MaxFun members who joined, boosted, or upgraded their membership during this year's MaxFunDrive. And as a thank you to everyone who supports MaxFun, we're excited to announce that this year's pin sale is now open! This year's proceeds will go to Transgender Law Center to support their continuing work and advocating self-determination for all people. Everyone at $10 per month or more can purchase MaxFun Drive pins featuring shows from across the network. And all levels are able to buy our 2025 exclusive pin featuring

our rad pal, Nutsy the Squirrel. For more info, head to MaximumFun.org slash pin sale. And as always, thank you so much for your ongoing support. Since 2017, Maximum Film has had the same slogan. The podcast that's not just a bunch of straight white guys. Ooh, we've learned something over the years. Some people out there really do not like that slogan. Listen, we love straight white guys. Well, some of them. But if there's one thing we can't change, it's who we are.

I'm Ify, a comedian who was on strike last year in two different unions. I'm Dreya, I've been a producer and film festival programmer for decades. And I'm Alonzo, a film critic who literally wrote the book on queer Hollywood. You can listen to us talk movies and the movie biz every week on Maximum Film. We may not be straight white guys, but we love movies and we know what we're talking about. Listen to Maximum Film on Maximum Fun or wherever you listen to podcasts. It's Jordan Jesse Goh.

I am Jesse Forne, America's radio sweet home. Jordan Morse, boy detective. Danny Ricker. First time, long time. Danny. I've Jesse Thorn, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morse, boy detective. Danny Ricker. First time, long time. I've listened to the show a long time. I'm happy to be here. Can I tell you something? Yeah.

I can't let you leave this program without having talked about Jordan in high school. Oh yeah. I don't know. Because- I think he could leave. Look, we had my friend from high school, celebrity actor Aya Cash, on the program a couple of years ago. She unfortunately declined to talk shit for the most part. A classy lady. But you know, I get the impression you're a little less classy.

I used to beat Danny up and stuff in the locker. Unfortunately, I have nothing bad to say about Jordan. Well, shucks. Yeah, no, we, so Jordan was a senior when I was a freshman and Jordan ran our school's comedy sports team, our improv team. If you can believe it. Yeah, and so Jordan was like the cool senior who kind of took me under his wing. He let you put his arms

Classic high school improv goof. Yeah. Yeah, I mean joy it's a it's a kindness. I will I will never forget and Jordan Jordan is the only person who has ever made me a mixed CD, I think, in my life. He made me a, the aforementioned Slow Gurkin was like the first part of it, Shed Some Skin. And then it had Richard Cheese and Lounge Against the Machine was the second half of it. Oh yeah, sure, sure. But yeah, no, Jordan was just like the guy in my high school who I was like, I want to be that guy and all that So now you are me

You're me and I'm here to kill you That is a beautiful suit that you're wearing did you get all the pieces of that Jordan outfit at the goodwill or those custom fabricated And the life like skin mask I'm wearing We're gonna go out like the Captain America shield too. I think that adds a lot. Danny and I are going to go out in a row boat later. We're taking a trip to Rome. Jordan was the first older kid who was really cool to me. That was a big thing for me.

The reason I even got into comedy was that improv team at our high school. That was one of those. I had no skill at anything ever. I was never good at a sport or an instrument or whatever. But I remember the first week of high school, I like, oh, I went to this improv practice thing and this guy Jordan was cool to me. And then that was kind of where I got into comedy. I remember very vividly being in Jordan

and I went to college together, obviously. And I remember very vividly, I graduated from college and I'm a year older than Jordan. I went home to San Francisco and continued to host my college radio show. Then Jordan was co-hosting with me because he was still in college. Then Jordan graduated and Jordan moved to Los Angeles and got a job in show business. And I remember thinking like, oh, a job in show business.

Wow. Not because I was surprised that Jordan would get a job in show business, but that anyone could get a job in show business. That that was a thing that I was like, oh, because I was just going to, I guess, host my college radio show forever. I don't know. I had no vision beyond that

Yeah, I feel like I had kind of a similar attitude where actually our common high school theater teacher Cheryl Das Palmas, but I was talking to her once and I was like a year out of high school and I was Coaching their comedy sports team for like a show or whatever and I remember sure going like what's going on with you was like Well, yeah, you know like I'd love to get into show business, but like no one Gets a job in that so I don't know I'm gonna. Yeah, no one's calling me in I'm not famous are they seeing these high school improv shows. I'm coaching. I'm clearly a visionary Clearly better than all these kids. I'm basically the Christopher guest of right mission viejo high school Capistrano Valley has thank you capist High School. You don't need to know that.

Go Cougars. Go Cougars. But I remember her saying to me- You know what, fuck the Cougars. Wow! Go Wildcats, go Wildcats! I'm a Wildcats guy. But I remember she told me, she goes,

well maybe try like a little bit. She's like, she's like, you're 19, maybe you could, you have some time, I went, oh yeah. And so that was just kind of enough to be like, you're 19, like maybe you could, you know, you have some time, I went, oh yeah. And so that was just kind of enough to be like, yeah, maybe I should try to like get a job eventually. No, your story is very cool and impressive. You started, Kim, and maybe I'm,

let me know if I mischaracterize your life story. You started Kimmel as like- You were actually a child soldier in Senegal. Sure, true, true. You were like a TV watcher, where you would like watch, you know, morning shows for funny clips to do bits on, and now you're the fucking head writer of the thing. Well yeah, that, yeah, it was a job. The great Steve Agee did it for many years.

Well, guest on the show. Yeah, that was like kind of a, it was a weird entry level job. It was kind of a entry level creative job a little bit, but yeah, it was that was like kind of a it was a weird entry-level job It was kind it was kind of a entry-level creative job a little bit But yeah, I would watch like dr. Phil every day and I'd watch the view sure and I was like 22 years old and I Was so I was like so stressed watching dr. Phil in the view because I was like I have to find and horny And yeah like finding these like clips funny clips I might go into the monologue and I but I had to find them to sort of be like I got to like keep my job but I hope dr. Phil says something funny that yelled yells at

this woman in distress and then we can run out on the show but yeah the Kimmel program I had not thought about this in a long time but it was revolutionary that they put something besides a camera pointed at a stage onto late night television. Yeah, I think they were, you know, like kind of the first show that would like showed a lot of news clips. Now, now that's very common, obviously, and, you know, and other shows have done amazing things with it, too. But I think at a lot late, I know The Daily Show has a full squad of people who watch the news too. And I think, I think Kimmel was probably the first show to do that. So yeah, so I came in in like season three and I was doing that. But yeah,

I watched like Tila Tequila's reality show, The Matchler. We used to be a proper country. Sorry, we used to make things. I think that the tariffs will bring back Tila tequila She has some views that are suddenly in vogue again Teal tequila's never been more relevant. Yeah Man remember that arc on the teal a tequila show that was just about how eggs are too expensive Was a sexy show. Yeah, very sexual. Well, it's been a joy to have you on the program, but everyone will run out and purchase the

book. Thank you. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Well, look, all the information is in the show description. Get the show notes. Listen, Danny, this audience here you're speaking to, hopefully they know to pre-order books. Ask for it at their local library.

There's a lot of... Look, there's a lot of deadbeat moms in this audience. They got those now. I heard from 2 Chain. And I think that a lot of them are going to benefit from reading this book. Yes. Hilarious essays about the world of parenting. Yeah, yeah.

It's about my experience as a parent, but also it's a self-help book, too, for parents who feel like they've lost their identity to the parenting process. And so my book is guaranteed to get you back the three things you lose when you have kids, which is your time, your money, and your mind. Beautiful.

This guy's ready for local television news. Hit the show notes. It's called a sound bite. Yeah. Robin Roberts, are you listening? Book this man. I am, Jesse. Hello. Great episode. Oh, hey, Robin. I've always loved your sports work, and I'm glad that you've transitioned into hard news. Thank you. You do a great job of both. But enough about me. Let's talk about Michael Strahan. Real charmer. Real charmer that guy. Yeah, real charmer. He's got that gap in his teeth. You know, it's like, if you're that handsome, but you also have the gap, God, that's how you're winning. That's how you're winning the game. I got the gap. I just don't got the puss, you know? I got these B minus puss.

You need the gap and the puss. Plus the gap, that just brings me to a C plus. Gap plus puss. Anyway, our producer on the program is Stephen Ray Morris. Our theme music is Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. Our thanks to both of them for providing that to us. Find us on social media at Jordan Jesse Go Pod on Instagram, at Jordan David Morris and at Jesse Thorne, very famous there as well. You can find us on Reddit at reddit.com slash r slash maximum fun on Facebook at facebook.com slash Jordan Jesse Go.

And on blue sky at Jordan Jesse Go. Blue blue sky this is like where everybody's going to talk about what's happening in the world yeah it seems like a fun place to gather a lot of people a lot of people are like Jordan Jesse I need a place to go to find out what costumes Peruvian police officers are wearing. Yes, police guy. Well, we've got great news for you. Okay, we'll talk to you next time on Jordan and Jesse Goll. I'll hug you and kiss you and love you.

Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Maximum fun. A worker-owned network. I love you.