Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Banal August, with Naomi Ekperigin & Andy Beckerman

Episode Date: August 17, 2023

This week the hosts of Couples Therapy Naomi Ekperigin and Andy Beckerman talk about moving podcast merch, Andy's love of Deep Space Nine, and Jesse's stone cold visage.For signed copies of Jordan Morris's "Bubble" go to Orphan Books Inc. You can see Jordan at Dynasty Typewriter in Los Angeles for their "Afternoon with Authors" event on August 26th! Get tickets here!Come see Jordan, Jesse, Go! live at the London Podcast Festival in London, England at on September 14th. Buy tickets now at MaximumFun.org/events.Right now Nuts.com is offering new customers a free gift with purchase and free shipping on orders of $29 or more at Nuts.com/jjgo.For a limited time, you can get $30 off the first box - PLUS free Croissants in every box - when you go to Wildgrain.com/JJGO to start your subscription.

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy, detective. Well, I happen to be looking at the calendar, Jordan. Happen to be looking at the calendar up here on my wall from my favorite restaurant, La Beja on Figueroa Boulevard. Oof, love a restaurant that has a yearly calendar. Nothing better.

It's like a sign of a great restaurant. If a restaurant has a signature calendar that they're giving out every year, it's probably going to be good. As far as I'm concerned, I have a hard time even bringing myself to eat at any restaurant, which I do not know is associated with a monthly Aztec warrior. I for I feel like for our whole college career, I had a calendar from God. I wish I could remember the name of the place, that Chinese place where you could kind of eat family style. Do you kind of know that? Oh, yeah, sure. There's a you know, it's like you ordered you ordered a meal for six and you

got a lot of different things yeah and they would just bring extra things you know like you would yeah uh our uh guest is uh guessing in the chat that it was chilies yes when i want authentic chinese cooking this she just to Chinese. She just wanted, by the way, I just want to express my gratitude to our guest, who I shan't be introducing yet. No, not time. Because she had the decency to interrupt the show without, that was Andy. Andy, because he had the decency to interrupt the show without allowing the audience to enjoy it. So just to make sure to get all the derailment with none of the enjoyment for the audience of the joke. So we used to go to this, we would go

to a Chinese restaurant in Santa Cruz, you'd get the meal for six, and you would get your egg rolls, your pot stickers, your chow mein, you'd get a group of foods plus a calendar. Amazing. And, you know, and it was, and you, you know, you just got a shit ton of food. And, you know, I think the thinking maybe was that like, you know, we're, you know, we're, we're college students, we're broke, you know, you could use that, you could use that big meal to like eat for, you know, eat for a week, you, you know, you could use that big meal to, like, eat for, you know, eat for a week. You know, you'd take the leftovers home. No, we just ate like fucking assholes. I don't think we ever took any of that home. No, the idea is that you eat like the way that a dromedary drinks water. Getting another note in the chat from Matt

saying he went to college with us. This is great. There's a podcast you can hear and then this other one going on in the chat. Is the one in the chat better? Yes. Matt, wait, Matt, did you, Matt, you went to UC Santa Cruz with us.

Does this Chinese food restaurant ring a bell? It was by the video store. Was it Little Shanghai? That seems right to me. I say no. Jesse says yes. Do they have a Mongolian barbecue? This bitter feud will rip the podcast apart. No, it's not a Mongolian barbecue.

Oh, all right. Well, then I don't know it. I only went to the one that had the Mongolian barbecue. Okay, well, just so you know, our other guest that hasn't chimed in yet went to pit so go panthers everything's going great here so far you guys want to wait the podcast over you know why don't we start the podcast jesse you you were leading up to something by talking about looking at the calendar i happen to be launched into a thing about, if anybody knows the name of the Santa Cruz area Chinese food restaurant, if any of that sounds familiar, let us know.

Hit us up on X. Yes, Jesse. Here's what I want to say is that I noticed on the calendar that the month turned to August. Yes. And we had not acknowledged that turn here on the program. And I think now is a perfect time to do so. Yes. You know, people have been saying this on social media,

but I just kind of wanted to say it here officially on the podcast of record. Happy Analogous. Happy Analogous to everyone out there who celebrates. Maybe we can just give a brief, you know, kind of history of the holiday for, you know, people who might be tuning in for the first time for our guests who will almost certainly become longtime listeners because of how good this is. Yeah. They've also, they already feel like they've been listening a very long time. So Analogous, this is inspired by a... feel like they've been listening a very long time. So Analogous, this is inspired

by a... We didn't invent it. It was inspired by a sign that I would see yearly in the month of August near a kind of sex positive sex toy store called the Pleasure Chest.

They would always have a sign out front that said, Happy Anal August. And then they would have a month of anal-themed events. And I just always thought that was a nice sentiment. And we kind of extrapolated from that a metaphor. Yeah. So a lot of people would assume that when we say that we're celebrating Anal August, what we're really talking about is anal penetration. Right. The sex act, the specific sex acts associated with anal penetration. And certainly those are included within Anal August. Of course. Yes, absolutely. We would never exclude those from Anal onerous, no matter whose anus is being penetrated. A lot of great anuses out there.

You know, my favorite is famous anus. You were reading that cookie bag wrong, Jesse. Somehow my mom was friends with both famous Amos and Colonel Sanders. Really? Yeah. How's that possible? Sure. One and Colonel Sanders. Really? Yeah. How's that possible? One time Colonel Sanders slept at her house. Wow. She dated Grimace for a brief period in the 70s. Dated.

I was going to say dated. Situationship. They didn't have that name for it then, but that's what it was. I know Grimace is not a real man. I know that the other two are real men. They didn't have that name for it then, but that's what it was. So anyway. I know Grimace is not a real man. I know that the other two are real men. Yeah, that's true.

I know who's a real man, not Grimace. I was just joking. You've looked under the covers. Yeah. So it's certainly an anally penetrative actor included within Anal August, but we really see Anal August as an opportunity to consider the metaphorical possibilities of that, which is to say, what can you try? How can you expand yourself? Right. How can you welcome excitement and pleasure into your life?

Yeah. You know, trying that thing that you've always been curious about, but maybe, you know, a little nervous. So, you know, this can include parasailing. This can include, you know, walk cooking. Right. You know, in your home. Okay.

So that would be cooking in a walk. Yeah. Immediately, I assume that was some sort of perambulant cooking. Sure. Fully pictured. I'm not even, I want to be clear that I'm not doing a bit here. In my mind, you said wok cooking, and I thought that was- Like cooking on a treadmill or something.

Yeah, exactly. Who knows? Not a bad idea. So yeah, so obviously we want our listeners to be, you know, trying new things, anal or otherwise, this month. And, yeah. And if you are celebrating Anal August, please give us a call, 206-9844-FUN. Let us know. But I also wanted to give it a little spin this year, if I could, Jesse.

Thank you. I would love to hear the spin. I think that could be nice to stimulate the prostate sure yeah a prostate loves a little spin mine loves spin city all prostates love richard kind that is absolutely universal hey i drop i drop trowel. I grab both my cheeks. And I face away from the television. Anyway. So, you know, anal August. We love it.

At a B, banal August. Or banal August. Oh, wow. This year, I don't just want to celebrate the new, the novel, the titillating. I want to celebrate those everyday things, the banal things in our life that maybe we take for granted, but that give us a lot of pleasure. Like the malt that I just drank? Vanilla malt? That could be. Sure. Absolutely. I mean, yeah, I think that would be great. Tell us about this malt, Jesse. Celebrate banal August with us. I happen to be looking in my ice cream area, which is what I call my freezer. And I noticed that I only had vanilla ice cream,

which is fine. Vanilla is one of the great ice cream flavors. That's one of the events down at the Pleasure Chest, the ice cream area. Yeah, exactly. And I said to myself, how am I going to kick this thing up a notch? How can I enjoy, how can I make something nice into something particularly excellent? So I went ahead and made myself a vanilla malt. I scooped some ice cream into a cup, added some milk, and then added some malt powder that I had on hand for just such an occasion. And it worked out great, Jordan. It was a fantastic malt. See, this is a perfect way to celebrate banal August I just want to I want to bring our guests in because apparently one of them went to Pitt I need to hear all about that

um but yeah I just my banal August celebration or banal August is uh you know I got this free pad from the uh uh Buena Vista branch of the Burbank Library. Yeah. It's their 20th anniversary this year. So happy anniversary. Congratulations to them. Happy anniversary. And they were giving out these pads.

You can see the library there on the top. It's a beautiful branch if you're ever in Buena Vista. Yeah. And it has the, you know, 20th, their opening day was December 7th, 2002. Yeah. great library. I like hanging out there. And they gave out a pad for their anniversary. And it's been a handy pad.

Keep it here next to the computer if I need to take notes. That's what I'm using. Oh, that is fantastic. Well, our guests on the program are the real-life couple, the real-life couple behind the podcast Couples Therapy, Naomi Ekperigen and Andy Beckerman. Hello. Hello.

Two things. Right off the bat, two things. Let's hear them. Okay. Thank you for holding on to these. Number one, what if we added a C and we also did Canal August? Oh. The films of Studio Canal. The French

film production company. Julie Delby. What about narrowboats? Like punting on the Thames. Sure. Or Venice. Go for it. Yeah. Come on. Houseboats in Amsterdam? That's an option. I mean, anything could be happening at that point. I just found out

that I have a friend who has a friend. And this friend invented a website called Emojipedia. It's a Wikipedia of emojis. He sold this website for millions of dollars. What? No. Come on. And bought one of those narrowboats on the Thames.

What? Are the ones where they're always finding in Happy Valley, they're always finding a criminal hiding in one of those narrow boats? God, I'd love to hide in one of those boats. The boat that the eggplant built. I just need to talk about how well connected

you are from your mother's connections. It seems like you were born into a world and now you're out here connected to Emojipedia this is the real affirmative action just another Nepo baby a Nepo friend do you know the owner of Chi-Chi's

I know the owner of Necco I'm technically a Necco wafer I went to high school with Tommy Jib-Jab the founder of wow god I did not know I was walking into such a high I went to high school with Tommy Jib Jab, the founder of... Wow. God, I did not know I was walking into such a high-powered podcast. We're connected.

Sorry, sorry. We can't fail. Too big to fail. I'm getting a text from myunclebreak.com. There is something else Andy is so desperate to tell you. Oh, sure, yeah. I'm not desperate I'm a good guest

I bring stuff to the table We'll see Exactly I don't think you can say you're a good guest You have to be defined as a good guest by others Fine I'm a guest I bring stuff to the table Okay you're a guest I would say Canal August I like it maybe next year

We're doing Banal August this year But thank you for your contribution Let's talk in 2024 Yes thing two I would say Canal August. I like it. Maybe next year. We're doing Banal August this year. But thank you for your contribution. Let's talk in 2024. Yes. Thing two. Okay. Thing two.

Anal August. Naomi and I have been trying forever. Now, we are a sex negative, sex neutral couple. Absolutely. That's how we portray ourselves. Okay. Is one of you sex negative, one of you sex neutral? Is that a spectrum that you both occupy? No, no. I you sex negative one of you sex neutral is that a spectrum that you both occupy no no i am sex negative i'm sex neutral the whole thing too viscous we need to calm down i don't like how you have to be a totally different person while you're doing it

and then when it's over you're like you want to get some food it's like too much it's weird stop it you know so anyway however our show's tagline i disagree I disagree. I like to browse DoorDash while I'm making love. You're a little Costanza. You can multitask it. Okay, so what you're saying is you're not an attentive lover. And I hear it. I hear it. You're not present.

Or I'm the most attentive lover. I make sure the food from GoChina is on the way. Okay, and Root. I time the climaxes. Jordan lives by the principle that eating ain't cheating that's right ain't that the truth by the way by the way when i type chilies into the chat that was just a fun i was not trying to that was a fun little thing for all of us but andy that nobody can do if they're gonna you want them to read the chat and not comment on the chat yes yes well then that's a different conversation they're having one conversation together you look at the chat you give a wry smile to everyone acknowledging it and then you go on okay andrew

this is the thing this is the this is the tricky thing that happens when you record the intro with your guests but you don't introduce your guests some guests need attention immediately andrew is one of those guests and you have to deal with the fact that somebody needs to be seen and heard it's been a quiet weekend okay andrew folks andrew you are sex neutral your wife naomi is sex negative yes she doesn't want to hear about it. I'll hear about it, but I won't comment. Now, what is this? What is the connection here between this and, of course, the holiday that we're celebrating in August?

Yes. Well, of course, Naomi. What is the tagline for couples therapy? Open your hearts, loosen your butts. Okay. You both know

you've been on the show before. You've had to say the tagline. We force all of our guests, except one, one refused. One guest said, I will not say that. We will not name that.

We will not give them the dignity of naming them. They are a number. They are number six. This is the prisoner. Drew Barrymore. But hey, I was going to say Jordan Peterson. Great. Oh, my God.

I love the rest of the episode. He was great. Right. Yes. Of course, I don't know if you describe it uh any other place in the the show notes or whatever but of course we are a very right wing podcast and we only have you know the the new dark web on before jordan peterson came on your show i had no idea how much how many things he was right about yeah i know and that's that's why we think it's important

to give people this platform right because some people who would just you know dismiss him out of hand yeah suddenly hear him talking to an interracial couple a black woman a jewish man and are like you know what if they're down with him yeah maybe there's something how bad can he be of course he said our union should not exist but you know that's yeah i wish that good? Or was it a little too woke? Yeah. So we are trying. The point is, Andrew. And the point is, Jordan.

And the point is, Jesse. Is that. Is that. Our listeners have forever clamored for butt plugs. Which is insane. I said, who are you people? Like merch? Yes.

Yes. They want butt plug merch so we've begun looking into it it's very difficult we have one made we have one we had a prototype prototype but now the person is saying they can't scale up the operation so we just have one butt plug we're gonna give these are like artisanal you know small batch butt plugs. Yes. Yes, yes, yes. Gotta have a logo. Can you just get standard butt plugs and bring them down to Kinko's? Honey, I'm not putting a sticker on it. Jesse, do you think it would be funny to say,

like, when you do that, like, we put the kink in Kinko's? That would be a lot of fun. That's what he wants. That's why you want to do it. That's because you just want to have that little pun. Now, Jesse, was that a fun coincidence? Or did you think of that when

you pitched us bringing them now when we brought them to kinko did you imagine us photocopying them and that he imagined putting a sticker on them okay oh i thought you meant you imagined us putting the butt plug in a photocopier works. Andy, they've existed since before I was born. You were imagining a kind of a DIY zine type

butt plug. A zine vibe. Get back to your punk rock roots. Food not bombs. Cut out magazine things pasted on the butt plug. Yeah, it's good. Book your own mache. Book your own butt plug.

Jordan. Minor threat review. Right, yes. What's this library that you're such a big fan of, the 20th anniversary library? Oh, the Buena Vista branch of the Burbank Library. So this is my thinking. Maybe the two of you could head down to the Buena Vista branch

and see if they have a maker space. seems like the perfect opportunity to use a maker space to make custom branded butt plugs well that could be fun you said it was founded december 7th and that is my birthday so perhaps i could have some way in sure nothing else happened on that date at all nothing else happened december 7th and so we should just go to the library and be like, hey girl, I'm you. We twinsies. And then see if that somehow gets us, you know, access to space. You're saying this to

the building? Yeah. Yes. Absolutely. When I open the door. If we can photocopy butt plugs, we can talk to buildings. Alright? Anything's possible. Right, but you can't. We've established you can't photocopy butt plugs. It's just not how photocopiers work. You can't. You know what? You're

so attached to science, Jesse. You're so attached. You know what I mean? You need to open your mind. Wow. That's pretty heavy. Shots fired. Pretty heavy. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. Think about it. I mean, especially it's like, okay, it's analogous, and we're talking about opening your mind. you buy the branded butt plug what do you do with it then

well if you're us you keep it in a velvet bag on your bookshelf it came in a velvet bag we didn't buy a special velvet bag you happen to have some Crown Royal on hand. And we said, this will keep you warm. But then you just use it. Or you could, if you really want to. Is it in the room? Could we see the butt plug? Do you want to get it, Amy? I can definitely access that butt plug. And here's the... She's here.

Oh, okay. She's in a beautiful velveteen pouch. Smaller than I was envisioning. I know, right? And then here she is. Oh, that's lovely. It's a heart at the bottom, and it's the couples that are below go. Wow, you are on the, that's the part that sticks out of the, that's the base.

That is the base. That's the base. Yeah, without a base, without a trace. How low can you go? Yeah. Exactly. Without a base, honey, without a trace. So that is it.

Here's my concern about this product. Uh-oh. base, honey. Without a trace. So that is it. Here's my concern about this product. Uh-oh. Okay, sharks. How's this going to scale? Do not go into retail, Jesse. My concern is this, that if you're engaged in couples play, I'm not going to say that your podcast logo doesn't make me horny well sure but what if for someone else it didn't make them horny might it interfere with the couple's play that the podcast logo is is poking forth from the butthole well and this is where you know what

don't buy it well that's not how you do it. No, I'm going to get aggressive. No, I'm going to get aggressive. Oh, you don't like it? Well, you can screw off. You got butt plugs to move, sir. I think it's more of a conversation piece. You know what I mean? It's a conversation starter. So you pop it in, drop trow, and see what people have to say?

Exactly. Then someone goes, what is that on there? That doesn't look like us. You know, whatever it is. And then you say, oh, this is my favorite podcast in the whole world. It's the only podcast to ever exist to be hosted by a couple. You know, and that's just kind of how it starts, right? Or it could be something, a lovely centerpiece on a table, on a coffee table, on a pile of books, a weight, if you will.

How about this? How about this? You're at a party. You're a teenager. You don't have a bottle, but you want to play spin the bottle well my friends pull out this baby spin it and smooch the bow of your dreams everybody take a drink from the butt plug you say uh it would be a shame it's it would be a shame if another podcast Beat us to Branded butt plugs honestly

It's a failure we've failed How long have we been doing this Particular thing 10 years Probably analogous 12 years We haven't branded anything We shouldn't be sharing our ideas with these two We don't even have one of those calendars. You're talking to famous Amos and probably his entire lineage.

If you pirate our idea, let me just tell you, that lawsuit Mark Maron leveled against the person that was trying to steal the idea of podcasts. I don't even know what you're talking about, but go ahead. Just stay focused. It will pale in comparison with how we sue you. You're talking about? Two white t-shirts on you? We will own those two white t-shirts you are wearing. Yeah, we are wearing white t-shirts.

Mine's more of a cream colored. Okay, well, mine is white. Okay, Jordan. Mine's in a cool max fabric. It was a hot day today. Can I get y'all's feeling on banality um are there any banal things in your life that you want to celebrate is there a you know a little thing that um you know kind of makes your day you know what as somebody who was very depressed and feels no joy currently

you know the idea of making my day does seem like did that start when the podcast started started about 31 minutes ago it started i thought you were gonna say 31 years and i was like that's your career that's for you that's i was i was yes i was yes eddie jordan i was like could be a long time ago but you know what you know what's but now but i'll tell you i appreciate yes television procedurals there is nothing more but now and yet so comforting i got 42 minutes i know we gonna crack the case it's gonna be done when it's done. You know, these characters,

they don't grow or change, but they're so capable, right? Like your leads who go and solve the case. And like, it's very, I mean, my God,

it's like, what, who, what am I even watching? Why am I doing this? Because it's comfortable because it's, but now honey, because it's basic because it's comfortable. Because it's banal, honey. Because it's basic.

Because it's simple. Because I know the ride I am going on. What's your preferred procedural? Well, at the moment, I'm watching Murdoch Mysteries, which is a Canadian one. Okay? So I'm really taking it. And it's a period piece. It's like set in turn of the century Toronto, and it is hysterical, but so comfortable.

I thought maybe it was like what Rupert Murdoch was doing after he sold Fox. Like, time to solve mysteries. He wishes. Now we can solve them like a billionaire. No, no, no. This is like, it starts in 1895. I'm up to 1904. So yes, season 10.

Great year. Great year. Great year for mysteries. Things are happening. Toronto. Yeah, it's really happening in Toronto. We're dealing with industrialization. Detective William Murdoch, he's creating gadgets.

Cutting edge. He's always saying, I need your finger marks. Because they don't say fingerprints yet. They don't say fingerprints, right? So he's like, you edge he's always saying i need your finger marks because they don't say fingerprints yet they don't say fingerprints right so he's like that's a fun must get their finger marks and i said oh my god the past how funny and then they sometimes have black people on and try to pretend racism isn't real it was like so funny they don't have racism in canada jordan peterson taught us that He taught us so much. Sitting on a mound of bones of First Nations folks. Exactly.

Do Canadian television programs still look Canadian? Do you know what I'm saying? I do. I do, absolutely. Especially as a child who grew up on the original Degrassi, which really looks Canadian to me. No, this one, honey, they're up to date. They're slick.

They're sharp. They're now. Thank you. I don't want to like, obviously YouTube beat us to butt plug. And that's on us. That shouldn't have happened. We were asleep at the wheel. Yeah, we're going to have to go to sounding pool.

Yeah. I was going to say, yeah, do we? I mean, we should have some sort of, like, sex merch, I feel like. I mean, my, you know, Jesse went to Sounding Pole. That's something you stick in your urethra? Urethra, yeah. Okay, okay. I was going to say something having to do with CBT. Cognitive behavioral

therapy? Like a workbook? Like a Jordan Jesse Go branded CBT workbook? Like the artist's way? Everyone's therapist will recommend this. No, this is a piece of confusion we actually had on the show. CBT actually stands for cock

and ball torture. I guess it also stands for cognitive behavioral therapy. To certain communities, CBT is about wailing on that sweet nut sack. Wait, what's the THC stuff? The CBD.

Took me a second. Oh my lord. He's a real T-toner. Wait, what's the radio that truckers use it's just amfm just cb just cb radio right um i yeah i mean do do we brand some sort of ball cage i worry that it's um you know i worry that it's exclusionary. I mean, obviously, the anus is very inclusive. Do you know what the 3D printer time costs at the Makerspace? No.

Well, apparently, if you share the birthday with the library, you get in for free. So, Naomi, you want in on these ball cages? I don't know if I could do that. That's a whole other level. I'm nag. In a way, though, I don't know if I could do that. That's a whole other level. I'm nag. In a way, though, I don't know if you're sex nag. A cage does feel nice. Sharks.

I'm Jesse. This is Jordan. Chastity belts? A chastity belt could be good. Wait a second. It's funny. I'm going to take Jordan's question, and I'm going to ask it to Andy. Yes.

Is there anything banal you're enjoying? Oh, yes. Actually, a reading nook. Is that banal? That's perfect. It's perfect. Naomi, good podcast hosting. I'm actually going to knock off for the rest of the night.

Since moving to Los Angeles six years ago, my reading has gone downhill because I did a lot of it on the night. Since moving to Los Angeles six years ago, my reading has gone downhill because I did a lot of it on the subway. So I don't have that time here. I do a lot of mine at Subway. Yeah, sure. Get yourself a footlong green onion chicken thing and then you sit down with the

latest Star Trek The Next Generation novelization. I read a fair amount of Subways. All you see is Crime in the next generation novelization. I read a fair, I read a fair amount of subways. All you see is crime in the city and so forth. Absolutely. And Naomi got me a, an armchair for my birthday last year. Was it last year?

I don't even know what time is, but yes, I think it was last year. And I've said, I got a little lamp and there's a little side table there. All my books are on it now. All my magazines, my believers, my Jacobins just sitting there. So I can just grab one, read a little article when I'm feeling stressed.

Read a chapter from a book. Yep. I know what reading is. Tell us. Tell us all the different ways you can read, honey. Understand the symbolic content of these words in the order that they're put in by the author. Okay, wow. Okay, okay.

She's literary. Thank you. But yes, that's true. You are enjoying the reading, though. Yeah. I'm spending a lot more time reading. I like and admire this activity. It's one that I, over the course of the pandemic, lost my ability to read almost entirely

and found that the only thing that I read was the game story about yesterday's San Francisco Giants game in The Athletic and then something that upset me in the NewYorkTimes.com. Okay. Was it Wordle? And yeah, absolutely. Always. It was just something about what kind of strollers people are using in williamsburg are they like steampunk yeah so uh i that's what people use for walk cooking jesse the stroller the stroller is also a sous vide you can sous vide a chicken while you stroll i let my new yorker subscription lapse for the first time in a long time because I simply was not reading them. And I have what I consider to be a healthy relationship with the New Yorker, which is I don't save it.

I just throw it away if it's done. Last week's New Yorker can just go in the trash. It's not a big deal. But lately I have- You screwed up. You didn't screw up. But lately I have- It doesn't mean you screwed up. You didn't screw up. Exactly. I didn't screw up.

It's the New Yorker's fault for having too many articles about foreign affairs. It's going to upset me. I don't need to read something about Putin right now. It's just going to make me feel bad. I want to read something about an interesting musician or whatever. I want to read some Susan Orlean shit about a dog. That's it. Yes, absolutely. A famous dog.

Is there a New Yorker, you know, because I agree with you, Jesse, this is, you know, this is a problem with this particular magazine. Is there like a special, you know, month or a special season where the New Yorker can do Oops All Orleans? Wow. God, that would be extraordinary oops all orleans holy mackerel what it's just like a an interesting you know compassionately written article on an eccentric and you learn a little

it gets kind of universal at the end you're like oh, well, I that too. Okay. So many compelling specifics. Just fascinating specifics. We love a portrait. We love a portrait of an individual. Okay. You could start your own magazine just of her stuff called New Orleans. That would be perfect. That would be perfect.

Jesse. Also a great silver juice song. I also recently obtained what I'm going to call a pleasure book. I also recently obtained what I'm going to call a pleasure book. This is a book that I'm not reading for my radio show Bullseye with Jesse Thorne, which is almost all of the reading that I do will be whatever book I'm supposed to be reading. Of course. Be it perhaps The Book of Joe, How Not to Suck at Baseball and Life by Joe Madden, for example.

I thought that was by Joe Biden. Yeah. The guy's got a little Biden. Which I read. Yeah. The guy's got a little Biden vibe on the cover. He does. He does. I realized I shouldn't feel like I have to read a good or important book. It should just be something that I will find pleasant to read in that stretch of time I may have.

Absolutely. Waiting for my wife to get ready for bed. That's pretty much it. Why are you waiting for her to get ready for bed? Why are you waiting for her to get ready? Do you have to go to bed at the exact same time? Well, there might be stuff we want to do. But what do you mean waiting for her to get ready for bed?

Like, is she lotioning? Oh, you mean waiting for her to join you in the booze bar? Is she lotioning her arms? Yeah. I'm in the bed. Okay. And you're waiting for her to get ready for bed? Like, is she lotioning? Oh, you mean waiting for her to join you in the booth? Is she lotioning her arms? Yeah. I'm in the bed. Okay, and you're waiting for her to come in. I've been ready for bed. Jesse's a shut-in. Oh, man.

Jesse doesn't leave the bed. Long ago, I finished being ready for bed. Now I'm waiting for my wife to be ready for bed in case we need to do anything. Okay, just in case. That's very sexual. A little cognitive behavioral therapy. Exactly. So, I

started by reading Coal Miner's Daughter, which is the greatest book in history, if you're wondering. It's just Loretta Lynn's biography? This is Loretta lynn's legendary

autobiography and um it is her last name lynn yeah she's a legendary country singer uh breezy it is it is absolutely wild it is really funny and like oh it's so great and so then I was like trying to ride that vibe and lately I've been reading the autobiography of Hal Needham

who has come up for Jordan and me a lot lately because he was best friends with Burt Reynolds and directed Smokey and the Bandit. But what I like about his book is it's in a lot of ways, it's the same as like Coal Miner's Daughter. The premise is, you know, she talks about what it was like to grow up in Butcher Holler where she was raised. Is Raylan from there?

where she was raised and is broadly speaking and, uh, and you know, like different country things and you won't believe how poor we were things. And then she becomes a legendary country singer. Um, and in the Hal Needham book, it's that only he just explodes stuff. So he makes the transition from right from that to

exploding different things and each chapter is basically just a list of different things he's exploded jumped off of or jumped out of uh with with just told with such casual insouciance okay vocabulary she's just like uh you've been to the buena vista branch like it just so happens i you know like i need we needed to jump 34 feet from this biplane onto a horse and he says these things as though that's just what you do there's no like it's not braggy at all it's just there and there's also no description of what they did to keep safe. I was going to ask you. Yes.

They're not like breaking down the logistics of this. It's just a limb, right? It's just need them things. The book is called Stuntman Assumed. We were making a movie and it was the 70s. Yeah. Like truly, but like it was the 70s. Like I feel like they only invented anything in the world of Stuntman.

They only invented anything after the 30s in like 1987. So like all the way until Terminator 2 or something like that, they were basically just, you know, they were all getting caught under stagecoaches and dying. Just flinging bodies. Like three people died shooting Alien because they got trampled under a stagecoach. Every movie had at least one stagecoach before Terminator 2. Sometimes it's in the background, but it's there.

It's like Hitchcock. There's always one. Right. He does a cameo and there's also a stagecoach. It doesn't matter, period. Do you remember North by Northwest where the stagecoach was coming down on him in the wheat field shooting? Oh, yeah. Exactly.

Wow. The famous scene. They weren't having it. And then a plane does it. Just say fuck you to me, guys. No, they scramble across the face of the stagecoach. Right. So what happens, and I've seen this face of the stagecoach. So what happens,

and I've seen this cut of the movie that Andy's talking about. What happens is the stagecoach barrels down, he dodges out of the way, and then a biplane comes and it bears down on him and he looks at the camera and he goes, what a day. This again?

Hey guys, there's a stagecoach bearing down on me. You want to take a break and come back for some more? We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse Go. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris Boy, detective. Okay, so two quick things. Number one, we're headed to la, la. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Okay, so two quick things. Number one, we're headed to London, England.

This is going to be extraordinary. Sarah Morgan's going to be there. We're probably going to get King Harry or whatever. Yeah, King Harry and his wife. Actually, I'm getting an update. We've booked King Ralph. Ooh, wow. Well, this is...

The monarchy is not going to be happy about this. He does things a little differently, if I remember that movie correctly. Ralph to the bone. Yeah. That's going to be September 14th at King's Place, part of the London Podcast Festival. All kinds of great shows.

Just ran into our friend Ben Harrison, Greatest Jenner going to be there. Oh, very cool. Judge John Hodgman going to be there. Our friend Ben Partridge is going to be there. Oh, very cool. Judge John Hodgman going to be there. Our friend Ben Partridge is going to be there. Lots of great stuff happening at the London Podcast Festival. Also, if you're a member of Maximum Fun, guess what? It's paying off right now because there is a new episode of Stash.

Stash rules everything around me. Our Burt Reynolds movie recap podcast. We did, as promised, because the max fun drive went so well we did smoky and the bandit 3 a movie which Burt Reynolds appears in for 40 seconds yeah if that and bafflingly so it's a truly insane movie um not without its fun bits but but totally totally fucking bon bonkers wild to watch this to close out the Smokey trilogy this is a movie

where no one can agree whether or not originally originally what's my man the Honeymooners called yeah I can't remember that guy's name either but yes that guy from the Honeymooners his character is, I can't remember that guy's name either. But yes, that guy from the Honeymooners. His character is Jackie Gleason.

Jackie Gleason. This is a movie, Jordan, where literally no one can agree whether or not Jackie Gleason was originally going to be playing both Smokey and the Bandit. Totally insane. It's got a wackadoo history.

It's a wackadoo movie. We watched it. Jordan. Yes.o history it's a wackadoo movie we watched it jordan yes jordan there's there's a lot of talk and some evidence that jackie gleason was going to play burt reynolds part in the movie but then they changed it all around and had the other guy play burt reynolds part from the movie it It is truly, truly wild. It's been a ton of fun to watch all these Burt Reynolds movies and hey, we got more coming. We're taping some new

episodes of Stash. We got some live episodes from the Rock Rose Gallery here in LA. Those are all up for folks who are members. If you want to become a member, MaximumFun.org slash join. We're also supported this week by the folks at Wild Grain. Jordan, I made a summer trip up to my cabin

in the Southern Sierra Mountains. It was a full family trip. All three of my children and my father-in-law all came along, along with myself and my wife. The first time we'd done that, it was a first time we'd done that since the pandemic. I was really glad that we were able to make it happen. It was very challenging. And I said to myself, I was packing up the cooler, and I looked in my freezer, and I said, oh, I'm going to bring a couple of these wild grains.

We're going to eat like kings. Yeah, there you go. We had croissants for breakfast. We had sourdough with our dinner. I made a beautiful roast, and we had some fresh sourdough straight out of the toaster oven. It was an absolute dream.

I love wild grain. It's awesome. Yeah, here's what wild grain does. They're the first ever bake-from-frozen subscription box for sourdough breads, fresh pastas, and artisanal pastries, and every item bakes from frozen in 25 minutes or less. I made pesto, I made pesto, pasta, pasto betso.

Yeah. I made fettuccine with pesto from my Wild Grain as well. I forgot to even mention that one. Yeah, the bread from wild grain is awesome. The pastries are awesome. The pasta is awesome. I can't believe how many notches my cooking has been kicked up thanks to wild grain. It's so fun.

Love those croissants. I make a little egg sammy with them, Jesse. You ever make a little egg sammy with those croissants? That's pretty spectacular. I mean, the nice thing about having one of these in your freezer is it's par-baked, so it's ready to go. You're just putting it into the oven, you know, 20 minutes-ish. You get out something gorgeous.

And that gorgeous thing can make the simplest dinner seem fancy, feel fancy, and it's not seem fancy, feel fancy. And it's not fake. It is fancy. And for a limited time, you can get $30 off your first box, plus free croissants in every box, when you go to wildgrain.com slash jjgo to start your subscription. You heard us! Free croissants in every box, and $30 off your first box,

when you go to wildgrain.com slash jjgo you go to wildgrain.com slash jjgo. That's wildgrain.com slash jjgo. Or you can use promo code jjgo at checkout. We're also supported this week by the good folks at nuts.com. Given our passion for both convenient, healthy snacks and nuts on Jordan, Jesse, Go. I can't imagine a better sponsor for us to have. Yeah. Nuts.com really, really has great stuff. And boy, howdy, is it fun to say nuts.com? I love it.

Nuts.com. I'm saying it. I'm having fun. Okay. So, Jordan, I went to the Rose Bowl Flea Market this morning, the day that we record this. Okay, so Jordan, I went to the Rose Bowl Flea Market this morning, the day that we record this. Rose Bowl Flea Market, this is one of those corporate vendor operations because it's at a big famous stadium. So you can only buy like ballpark food and it costs $20.

So I always have to pack a snack. And every time I'm like, oh God, what am I going to pack? What snack am I going to pack? Today I was like, oh, I got some of this wonderful trail mix that I got from nuts.com. They got all kinds of stuff at nuts.com. Cashews, almonds, pecans, pistachios, dried mango. The dried mango is great.

Let's talk about sweet treats, jelly beans, jawbreakers, root beer barrel, root beer barrels. The variety is vast at nuts.com. Seriously, there's some awesome stuff on there. If they've still got the bourbon pecans, get yourself the bourbon pecans. Those are so, so tasty. Jordan, they're serious about this. This is good stuff.

The nuts roast the day they ship, Jordan. The nuts roast the day they ship. That's the nuts.com promise. And they pop the corn the same day. It's not just the nuts that are roasted. It's the nuts.com promise. And they pop the corn the same day. It's not just the nuts that are roasted. It's the corn that's popped. Right now, nuts.com is offering new customers a free gift with purchase and free shipping on orders of $29 or more at nuts.com slash JJ go. So go to check out all the delicious options at nuts.com slash jj go you'll receive a free gift and free shipping when you spend $29 or more that's nuts.com slash jj go we'll be back in just a second on

jordan jesse go Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Hey, gang. Jordan here to tell you about a really cool event that is helping out folks out there on the picket lines for SAG and the WGA. Orphan Books is teaming up with a bunch of cool authors to sell signed books where all

the proceeds go to the Entertainment Community Fund. That's right. If you want a signed book from Max Greenfield, Amber Benson, Dana Schwartz, and or me, you go to orphanbooksinc.com slash shop, and you can get yourself a signed book, and all those proceeds go to the ECF. I will sign and personalize a copy of our graphic novel bubble.

That's right. The two-time Eisner-nominated sci-fi comedy based on the hit podcast, Bubble. We will get you the graphic novel signed and personalized. There's a little notes section you can click on, and I will write anything you gosh darn please in there. Jordan Jesse Goh, Inside Joke. Good Mythical Morning, Inside Joke.

A little note to a friend or a loved one. Get on over to that website. Get yourself some cool signed books. And, yeah, help out folks who are out there on the picket lines marching around for fair wages. And hey, if you're in the LA area, all those folks are doing a really cool event at the Dynasty Typewriter. That is on August 26th at 4 p.m. It's called An Afternoon with Authors.

Get on over there to the Dynasty Typewriter website and get your tickets to that. And you can grab your signed books at that event as well. So yeah, once again, if you want a signed book from Max Greenfield, Amber Benson, Dana Schwartz, and or me, OrphanBooksInc.com slash shop and Dynasty Typewriter on August 26th for the Afternoon with Authors event. All right. Back to the show. La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la saggy sack andy beckerman stench king so it's summertime jordan yes and oh uh you know i i do i do want to address the summer issues i do okay i do you know i i love to address them

we got to get into the summary uh yeah oh yeah that's fun um naomi you had you have a boat do you have a bone to pick you maybe alluded to having a bone well it's not necessarily a bone to pick what I was just saying I think that's very interesting so both you you know Jordan Jesse you have beards full beards and yet I find Jesse's face a lot more inscrutable than yours and it was it's just funny because it's like in and that I mean especially Jordan you have a lot more hair going on you're giving mountain man you're giving edge of the universe you're giving three months on strike're giving Edge of the Universe. You're giving Three Months on Strike. But I think the light.

Naomi, I got my haircuts at work. I have no place to go. But it's just funny. It is maybe a little bit the distance. Jesse's distance from the camera. I think. But no, I think in general. I'm telling you also, Jordan, do you have fuller lips? I'm telling you in general, Jesse be playing that game.

He wants to keep you on edge. He wants you uncomfortable. He wants you fighting for his approval. He's like a living Terrotron. I don't know what that is. Errol Morris is. I don't know what that is either. Oh, an Interrotron, sure.

Interrotron. Thank you. Interrotron. I thought it was just Terrotron, a.k.a. life. No, but I thought, yes, you want us on our back heels. Yes. Okay. The goal of the Interrotron is to help you guys stare down the barrel of the camera.

Yes. No. Right. But also like not. While I, Errol Morris, yell like this. Off the mic. Is that David Lynch? That was Errol Morris yelling off the mic into the Interratron.

He's always yelling. It's always like, why? He just yells like that. Just like yourself. Greatest guy ever, Errol Morris. That's what I mean. It's like, why are you so far? It's part of the thing.

It's part of the thing. It's part of the thing. By the way, I got a bone to pick, too. Jesse's an internal guy. He lives inside. I live out in the world, in the air. That's where I'm the most comfortable. Sun's out, fun's out with Jordan.

There's my bone to pick, by the way. Oh, yeah. Thank you. Here's my bone. Okay. You guys were not lying. Let's all go around. Loretta Lynn is her real name.

Also, how did you not know that? Did we say it wasn't? She's very famous. No, I said you were right. I said you were right. Sissy Spacek won an Oscar playing her in the movie. And Carrie, that was Loretta Lynn? Matt, do you have any bones to pick?

No, I think everyone's doing great. Thanks, Matt. Thank you. You're right, we are. I just want to thank you guys very much for this job. I have a child. You're welcome, Matthew. Your child is welcome, too.

I love the child. Not on the program. Child good. Well, child good at Matt House. Child not good in Jesse and Jordan's show. Stay home, child. In general, child not good in Jesse and Jordan's show. No. Stay home, child. In general, child good, question mark? Yes.

Haven't met child. I already booked her. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. You're supposed to get approval on bookings, Matt. That's a nepo baby. A podcast nepo baby, yeah. Podcast nepo.

Already booking. Move over, Blue Ivy. Listen, she's got a show to promote at the Edinburgh Fringe, okay? What is the show? We don't know. It's a little lighter on jokes than you'd expect. That's how they do it there. It is longer.

Yeah. Okay, so it is summertime. It is summertime. And for me, I'm experiencing something special, which is some of my favorite seasonal fruits are reappearing at the farmer's market. Oh. Yes.

Andy, Naomi, the two of you probably don't know this, but I really love- Can we guess? Yeah, go ahead. Can we guess? Yeah, go ahead. I thought it would be fun. Look, go ahead, Andy.

We are guests. We are guests. Who cares? We have to bring something to the table, and that means guessing Jesse's fruit of choice for the summer. Okay, go ahead, Andrew. Blueberries. That's a great guess, but it's actually a very bad guess because it's wrong. Completely wrong.

I don't even know that blueberries are a summer fruit. I don't either. The only thing I can think of that I know, like watermelon. Watermelon is a perfect guess. It's not correct, but that's totally appropriate. Because there are some lemons that I really love. I mean, there's some melons that I really love. Lemon drop melon lately has been a big fan for me.

But no, I'm all about stone fruit in the summer. Wow. Okay. A stone fruit. You know what? I see that for you. I see that for me. But no, I'm all about stone fruit in the summer. Wow. Okay. A stone fruit. You know what? I see that for you. I see that for you. Matches your stony exterior. Exactly. Absolutely. And I tried to smize for you, Andy, so you would know that I enjoyed that. And I just want to share that it's pluot season again.

Oh, the flavor King is in at the Pasadena farmer's market. The flavor King pluot, one of the great pluots, all pluots are great, dramatically better than plums and apricots somehow. Absolutely. For sure. Um, I'm really excited about it. And I just want to share that an old friend of Jordan Jesse Goh, Ashkahn DeVaron, our friend Ashkahn, and I have collaborated on a new project regarding pluots. And we're not premiering it on this week's program.

Tease. Wow, tease. Yes. This is a tease. This is like Taylor Swift wearing blue or something, and that says something. It's a lot like Taylor. So for some years ago, I think, on this program I mentioned, or maybe just thought I mentioned, that when I see that pluots are back at the farmer's market in Pasadena, I start rapping in my head to a parody of the Nas song, Do Rags, from his poorly selling album, The Lost Tapes.

Okay. Instead of do rags are back, I think pluots are back. So I'm not going to tell you what this special collaboration is. That scans perfectly. Yeah. I'm not going to tell you what this special collaboration is. I'm going to tell you that it was an extraordinary amount of work on my part. Sure.

Much more than I expected it to be when I sat down to do it. I meant to do it for last summer, obsessed over it for a full workday at one point, failed to crack the code, finally returned to it this summer, cracked the code, was unable to reproduce the code on tape, had to call my friend who's a rapper. Wow. Wow. Is there a rap song that uses the phrase Jew bot? Wow. Because if so- That would be-

That would be the perfect place for you to do, that would be the perfect place for you. That would be the perfect place. Just something about some kind of like Semitic automaton. Yeah. I think that would be, is there. Wow. Oh,

professor Griff, infamous anti-Semitic rapper. Maybe he's got something. Taking a look at the new Kanye West album and boy, there are a lot. There are a lot of Jubot songs wow is this a science fiction concept album

so I'm not saying what this project is but maybe in the coming weeks Ashkahn will share it with us maybe Ashkahn will stop by an Analogous tease that was both my that was both my celebration of Analogous in that I pursued in that I pursued an, which I had not previously pursued as a practitioner.

Beautiful. And in its own way was a summer boy celebration because I can think of nothing more summer boyish than to celebrate the greatest fruit of the summer, the Flavor King Pluot, with the greatest expression of summer, which is Good Times Tunes. This is beautiful. Now, wait a second. Is Flavor King like a tight, like, meaning like a pink lady apple, a Flavor King Pluot? Exactly. Exactly.

Okay, so it's up in there. I thought we were saying like Pluot is the Flavor King of fruits because I was on board with that as well. Well, I thought it was just like a brand, like this is the Flavor King and these are my Pluot is the flavor king of fruits because I was on board with that as well. I thought it was just like a brand. Like this is the flavor king and these are my Pluots. I've designed these in my orchard myself. But they all do that. That's the thing. On one hand, initially I was very turned off by Pluot conceptually.

It was giving Island of Dr. Moreau. I just didn't like the togetherness of it. Do you know what I mean? I kind of was like – This fruit is against God. Naomi, I don't even really like apricots this is my thing right

exactly and yet you put those two together I'm not here to say they're disgusting so if you're hearing what I'm saying and seeing Jesse thinks that apricots are disgusting I don't want anybody to think that I just my wife likes apricots and God bless her God bless her wait for her to come to bed

to me I'll just have a nectarine. Thank you. Absolutely. I'm definitely with you on nectarines. I think we might be on the same page fruit-wise, though I eat so little of them. By the way. In general, fruits, period. Not a healthy diet.

Sex negative, fruit negative. Yeah. If you guys are looking for something to brand, how about Plan B pills? Oh, yeah. What? We blast accidentally constantly on this program. Think about us when you're failing to pull out. Jordan, Jesse, go, go, go, go to the drugstore.

People think about us when they're trying to postpone their orgasms. Then when they fuck up, we're already on their mind. Yeah, sometimes it does the opposite. Sometimes we make you blast faster than you thought you would. Maybe this should be plan A. And again, this is not inclusive. Right, that's not inclusive. You need something.

Anyone, anyone's popping them. But if they were really just like pez candies or something oh yeah sure yeah what if it's all pez and one plan b the point is that flavor oh i like that kind of a russian roulette will i end the pregnancy or won't i uh the point, yeah, Flavor King is a type of pluot. It's a specific type of pluot. It's a wonderful type of pluot. So everyone's in the pluot game.

And this year, frankly, not a great peach year. Peach, I would argue, maybe the most amazing summer fruit flavor at its peak. The best summer peach is probably the best flavor, but the least consistent, the least difficult to access. And this year, I have not had any great summer peaches. I had a fucking killer peach the other day. You did? Yeah.

After it, what did it do to you? You said killer. Did it actually make you sit and think when you were done? I was sticky for three days. Could I wash? I took several showers. Yeah. Anyway.

I'm not saying you're, like, wrong or you're lying about this, Jesse. I'm just sharing my experience. Had some great. Was it a yellow peach or a white peach? A white peach. White peach. A white peach. I find, you know, when you get a peach, you get too good you get two hours to eat a peach

because it's literally i don't like it mushy it's like already fuzzy so i don't want it mushy yeah so you want it soft enough that it gives to the bite and you get that sweetness without being like mushy and gross yeah you grab that thing the clock ticking. It's the speed bus of fruits. I'm telling you, like, because I literally feel like it goes from hard as a rock to mush. I think you got two hours in between where you got a good peach. That's all I'm saying.

This is my problem with fruit. Fruit is like either, it's like either just a rock or it's moldy. I feel like it's going between. That's why I don't fuck with fruit. Naomi, I'm not even going to lie to you. I missed your whole bit because I was still laughing at how much Andy bailed on his bit about the speed bus of fruits. Just the shame and contempt that he was eliciting.

For the listener, I said that and then I was like, what the fuck did I just say? And I gave them that, I like looked at everyone on the Zoom and I like put my hands up shrugging. It was saying the chilies in the chat room of gestures. So I'm glad, a peach to me is the paragon of summer fruits in its most perfect form. I'm with you, Naomi. You're going to have one concern

is that it's fuzzy. For me, I don't like the fuzz. I'm going to have to slice it and munch into the side so that the fuzz is subsumed into the flesh. What about peaches in a salad? I don't know why

peaches would be in a salad. You know people love putting fruit in salad. I did that with my white peaches would be in a salad. You know people love putting fruit in salad. People love putting fruit in a salad. I did that with my white peaches. It was really good. Really? Yeah. Well, just on lettuce?

Arugula? Yeah. You could throw it on whatever green you want. I'd put anything on arugula. I'd put a little blue cheese in there. It was great. Now that you said arugula, Naomi, I'm in. I'm in for anything. I love arugula. Naomi, I'm in. I'm in for anything.

I love arugula. I think it's a great base. It's a little bitter, but that's why I can take a little sweet. It can take a little citrus. Peppery? Sure, sure. Naturally peppery? It really takes that vinegar, don't it?

Yep. Try cranberries in there? Does it feel like you're eating a contest like radicchio or something? Yes. A poorly maintained contest. Escarole. A lot of base talk today. The base of the butt plug, but also the base of the salad.

That's a really good point. Jordan Peterson is based. Yes. Yes. In the Toronto area. Where I hear there's no more racism. Or there never was?

Which is it? Is it no more or never was? It seems everybody in the world of Murdoch Mysteries is like, it's okay, you're black. Like all of our main characters

do not care. They do not, it's like literally black people just got free like 30 years before. I go, I'm sorry, you're way too cool about this and then of course our main leads are like of course we'll have a black girl come work with us wait when when would the slavery end in canada well you know canada was a stop on underground railroad like that's how people got up there so it's a lot of people who got to canada to be free are the characters former slaves

no they're too young okay so they've grown up free but at the characters former slaves? No, they're too young. Okay. So they've grown up free, but at the same time, I was like, you still can't do stuff. Like, they're literally out here being like,

she going to medical school. I said, no. They ain't just letting her up in that medical school and everything gonna be fine. Granted, I don't want to see the show of her struggling in medical school.

Right, that doesn't seem like a satisfying procedural. No, just not. Not at all. Can you imagine? It's like Dr. House, No, it does not. Not at all. Can you imagine? It's like Dr. House, but Dr. Plantation. And you said, I don't want this. I don't need to see it.

It's okay. I don't need that show. It's hurting me. You know what I'd like to see on this mystery show? What? Cardinal Official. Canadian rapper Cardinal Official. He could use some of his signature Cardi slang.

Okay. I didn't know there was a Cardio in the rap game. Cardinal Official. There's a Cardi B and a Cardio. Toronto rapper? Yeah. I'd love to see that. What about Cadence Weapon? Canadian rapper Cadence Weapon.

Canadian rapper Cadence Weapon. We'll be back after this. Hey, are you Jesse Thorne? Are you Jesse Thorne? Have you asked for guest suggestions on your public radio show? Well, great news. Canadians will tell you you should book Caden's Weapon. It's got to be half that and half Trailer Park Boys, right? I've had Trailer Park Boys.

You think I haven't talked to Bubz? How many Trailer Park Boys? What about the Letter Kenny folks? Letter Kennies. Letter Kennys. Letter Kennys don't do press. The Letter Kennys do not like to do press. Must be nice. But the Trailer Park Boys only do press in character.

So they came to my apartment in Los Angeles in character. It was very fun. The Neil Hamburgers of the North. Yeah. They were great. They were so nice and so funny. So there you go. But it's summertime, Jordan.

It's summertime. And in summer, we like to celebrate what we call a summer boy lifestyle. Jordan is the original summer boy. He was wearing jorts in Baltimore. And I'm sure each of you has special summer activities that you like to participate in, going down to the pool, possibly holding up one of those sort of metal mirror folding trifold mirrors underneath your chin while lying on an apartment building rooftop. Everyone does that. Oh, that's me. Yeah, I got to get that color. Everyone does that.

Oh, that's me. Yeah, I got to get that color. With those little white things that go over your eyeballs, you know, and look like little egg tops. Mm-hmm. I don't know. You guys do any cool summer stuff? You guys have any summer interests? Ski do?

You know, we're such indoor kids. It's so sad. But I will say I do like a pool. A pool for me is the thing. I love being in a pool. I've been trying to be a lot more upfront by just asking friends, can I come to your pool? I'm trying not to be coy about it. I do feel like it took me quite a few years

of living in LA to have pool friends. And now it's just like, well, can I come to your pool? I kind of wish it wasn't even a thing. I'm like, can I ask them, can I just come by? Like unlock the gate. I'm gonna be in the back. You don't have to entertain me. Yeah, like you don't have to entertain me. You don't have to be there. Yeah, you don't have to entertain me. You don't have to feed me. I will

literally just sit in the pool for two hours and then I'll leave and I'll lock up behind me. That's all I really want. I got to get over there. That reminds me. I got to go break into Elliot Kalin's house, swim in his pool. They got a pool with a flophouse compound?

I would have loved it if you didn't add I have to swim in a pool. That reminds me, I have to go break into Elliot's house. It's a heist of valuable Little Lulu comics. Or something.

I don't know. Yeah, when I found out how unpopular my high quality inner city public pool pool is that's by my house, it was game over for me. I'm down there giving them my $3. Let's go. Is there a snack bar? No, there's no snacks.

See, that's the thing. The thing about the public pool is public pool is great. It's a beautiful pool. Public pool is a nice temperature. It's got great outdoor showers. There's bathrooms, but you can't bring in any kind of toys or devices. You love devices. I know.

That's your favorite thing. If there's one thing I know about you, it's you love devices. And you can't eat at the pool and you can't wear and you can't wear a white t-shirt what what is that i don't know if that one is a gang colors or if it has to do with people thinking that you're a lifeguard or what but um yeah that's why is that like just a white way of saying no wet t-shirt contests well no they have wet t-shirt contests that No, they have wet t-shirt contests. That is one nice thing they have down there

is they'll hose down some babes. And hunks. They're not afraid to hose down hunks. They'll show that outline of somebody's, you know. It's 2023, hose down a hunk. Find out. There's a great, there should have been our slogan for 2023,

hose down a hunk. The pool, one of the pools we went to, there's a great there should have been our slogan for 2023 one of the pools we went to there's many public pools in exeter the suburb of redding pennsylvania where i grew up one of the best ones snack bar with wonka candies that you can get there was snack bars at your public pools yeah i would just go for the i don't really even like swimming i would just go for the wonka candies the public pool by my house when i was a kid was on army street was now cesar chavez avenue in san francisco and um the mission pool was what it was called no snack bar and it was open for about two weeks a year until someone got stabbed. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a little bit.

Then we'd have to take the bar train. Take the bar train down to Bullet Park. Yeah, you got to drain the pool at that point. You got to get a full chlorine, like a heavier chlorination. That's going to burn the eyes, but you got to get on track. Wait, are they being stabbed in the pool?

I think the blood gets in the pool. If it's not in the pool, the blood's gotten in the pool. Smoke gets in your eyes, blood gets in your pool. Thank it's not in the pool, the blood's gotten in the pool. Smoke gets in your eyes, blood gets in your pool. Thank you. Thank you, facts. So we are celebrating the summer.

We're having folks call us at 206-984-4FUN, and they are telling us how they are being summer boys this year. Matt, we got a call in there? Hey, Jordan, Jesse, and guest. I'm guessing either Chuck Klosterman or Dignitaro. Close. This is Finn from Undisclosed Location. And I'm calling in to let you know how my summer boy summer is going.

I went to a hot air balloon festival that did not contain any hot air balloons because of the wind or something. because of the wind or something. So we just sort of wandered around buying at least one weird item each. And I got a necklace that is a treble clef and a bass clef in the shape of a heart, and then had the single greasiest set of chicken tenders to ever be made. And then went home. Summer boy, summer baby. You don't have to leave that. That's exactly how I expected that call to go.

That's exactly what I thought. Devolve into noise? Yes, I just thought. That's exactly what I thought evolve into noise yes i just thought that's exactly what i thought i was going to hear can i ask you too while we're here because i feel like this is a summer boy topic yeah have you ever encountered a vegetarian chicken finger now we've all seen the nuggets we've all seen the patties yes but an actual vegetarian chicken finger it's shaped like a chicken finger. Of course.

It has to have the shape. It needs the shape of the tender. It's the thing I've missed the most. I've been vegetarian for almost 20 years, and I have not found a good veggie chicken finger in this time. Like, you know, like a plank. They know what a tender is. Yeah.

You missed that form factor is what you're saying. Yes, thank you. And so I thought it seems like a thing that you might encounter at a summer fair maybe here in California. It seems like something. I can picture a veggie chicken tender, but I couldn't tell you where to go to get it. I'm sorry.

Sure, you have the platonic ideal in your head, but does it exist in the world, or is it only in the heaven of forms? That's the question. I've had some that are made of chicken. Sure. Yeah. Easy to get those. Unhelpful. Easy to get those. Unhelpful.

Well, our listeners have real greasy ones. We get it, Jesse. You've been to Arby's. I would love to be making Arby's money. Don't get horsey saucy with me, Jordan. Now, V&S Sandwich Shop in Exeter, suburb of Reading, Pennsylvania. You are really shouting out this place. The best chicken fingers.

Just these planks, big old planks. Not greasy. I mean, greasy because it's fried, but not like the collars. Not overwhelmingly greasy. But I imagine the collar was like the Aquaman, the Namor of chicken

fingers. You're talking about Namor the Submariner? Yes, coming out from the depths. There's so many fun ways to say that. I say Namor the Submariner, but you guys can say it however you want to. I just have to say, when it's a hot day and it's really greasy, like the food, it's a real bummer.

I don't like that feeling. No. When it's really, and that's not to say that I don't go for a burger first. I'm not one of those people that's like, it's too hot, I must eat a light food. No, no, no. You don't want it to mirror the atmosphere. Exactly. I don't like when it's, like, really damp this way.

I also am very sad that there were no hot air balloons at the hot air balloon festival. I need to know what happened. I want to know what happened. I felt like this was a little bit of a tease. It's like instead of making all them sounds, you need to tell me what the hell happened. They didn't have no hot air balloons. Feels like a Wes Anderson film. Naomi, let me ask you this.

If I'm if I'll hold on, I'll I'll decide whether she answers or not. I am her husband. Okay. I want to start by saying that, Andy, you've made a responsible choice for yourself and for the rest of us here on this great green spinning globe to be a vegetarian. It's one that I respect and admire. If my wife was a vegetarian it's one that i respect and admire yes um if my wife was a vegetarian she's not um this is the rickles turn we're no no we're my hockey puck of a life you're gonna slam me now you know theresa's puerto rican yeah um my if my wife were, I think it would not matter what season it was,

no matter what season it was, were I out and about, I would be eating a burger. Like there's really no circumstance. I don't even eat that many burgers. It's just that all I would be able to think about is cheeseburgers all the time because I'd not be eating cheeseburgers the rest of the time. And you love that sketch with John Belushi. Yeah. Cheeseburger, cheeseburger. It's what he says. He's a hero of comedy.

He did a lot of drugs and yelled a lot. Yeah, definitely. I am, yeah, as a meat eater, when I'm out, that's what I get. As a meat eater, when I'm out, that's what I get. Meat or seafood especially because there are certain things where I just don't buy them to then cook them just for myself. That's what it is more so than anything. Because I don't mind vegetarian. I eat vegetarian and I pretty much just eat anything.

I don't know. When I'm making an Impossible Burger, Naomi comes over, takes the pan off of the stove, and dumps it onto the ground and says eat it now nerd i mean you are a fucking nerd that's true i'm not debating that part of it it's the violence torture possible you're lucky she doesn't dump it straight into your jacobin press it and say eat this between this Jacobin bread. Eat this socialist. Eat this trotskyite. The people united will never be reheated. I think you got a little tofu on your shirt, nose flick.

No, yeah, I got to get it. I got to get it in. Naomi, do you go for solo burger chops? Do you guys have separate time where Andy stays at home and organizes his Deep Space Nine DVDs? And you head down to the pie and burger and just go crazy? Classic, the pie and burger. Yeah, we definitely will have our separate meals,

especially because I think, too, in general, Andy does, he likes to eat what I would call kindergarten snack. Certainly as he's gotten more adult, it's really just a charcuterie board. Like, he can eat finger foods as a meal. Right, it's what's known as girl dinner now. Girl dinner? Yes, but that was my dinner forever.

This is called Andy Dinners This is a meme, this girl dinner meme Oh yes, yes Is one that I only, and this is how I experience a lot of the internet these days The thing is over, and people are parodying it And I have to back into what it was Same And what it was originally

I experience girl dinner, people saying girl dinner and then putting up a photo of dildos. And I'm like, what was this? And I guess it's like pictures of avocado toast, right? What's the platonic ideal of the girl dinner meme? I don't know. We just hit the edge of my knowledge. But I think it is that, like an avocado toast, a little charcuterie plate. This idea that it's like something simple and little, but somehow really cute.

I'm still trying to think of a DS9 joke. So that's where my brain was. Oh, boy. There's a straight up New York Times article about this. Is it a meal? A snack? No, it's girl dinner. Okay, the New York Times is 17 Magazine.

Jesse, how mad are you? It's 17 Magazine. I can't with New York Times. Between strollers and girl dinner, it's like, what are you even anymore? By the way, my version of Williamsburg was from 2005. Now it's all finance dudes. That's true.

My wife would be absolutely thrilled for any meal to eat pretzels with those little squares of cheddar cheese. I see. Yep. That's Andy's jam.

And I say that is a snack at best. No. Get yourself hurt. Let me tell you. You get yourself a couple planks of aged seaside cheddar. He loves that seaside cheddar. Yeah. Cut off some piece of baguette.

You toast them up. You get some pretzels because you need something a little salty. Maybe you get some kind of nut. Salt is in the seaside something a little salty. Maybe you get some kind of nut. Salt is in the seaside cheddar, but go ahead. Maybe you get some kind of nut. Maybe you get some kind of dried cranberry or something like that. Get some jam. And then you put some jam up in there. Yes. Slice up an apple. Maybe you have some strawberries

in there. Well, well, well. Come on. That's not a dinner? That's not a dinner? This doesn't sound hearty. I need at least three dildos. Thank you. Absolutely. And a butt plug, of course. And a butt plug, of course. You guys want to take a little break?

I got to get some dildos in me or my blood sugar is going to plummet. I'm going to be no good for the outro. If you want to share your summer boy experiences, if you want to call in for one of our many signature segments or you want to tell us a momentous occasion, 206-984-4FUN. And hey, if you're celebrating something banal in your life, tell us about your favorite banalities, 206-984-4FUN.

Name one. Or just send us a voice memo, jjgoe at maximumfun.org. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jesse Go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Hey, when you listen to podcasts, it really just comes down to whether or not you like the sound of everyone's voices.

My voice is one of the sounds you'll hear on the podcast, Dr. Game Show. And this is the voice of co-host and fearless leader, Joe Firestone. This is a podcast where we play games submitted by listeners and we play them with callers over zoom we've never spoken to in our lives so that is basically the concept of this show pretty chill so take it or leave it bucko and here's what some of the listeners have to say it's funny wholesome and it never fails

to make me smile i just started listening and i'm already binging it i haven't laughed this hard in ages i wish i discovered it sooner you can find dr game show on maximum fun.org i'm yucky jessica i'm chuck cr And this is Terrible, a podcast where we talk about things we hate that are awful. Today we're discussing Wonderful, a podcast on the Maximum Fun Network. Host Rachel and Griffin McElroy, a real-life married couple. Yuck! Discuss a wide range of topics.

Music, video games, poetry, snacks. But I hate all that stuff. I know you do, Yucky Jessica. It comes out every Wednesday, the worst day of the week, wherever you download your podcasts. For our next topic, we're talking Fiona the Baby Hippo from the Cincinnati Zoo. I hate this little hippo. It's Jordan, Jesse Go.

I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Naomi at Paragon said, saggy sack. Andy Beckerman, the submariner. Congratulations to both of you. First of all, Andy, congratulations on that rolex submariner uh that thing's incredible um second of all congratulations to you for five years of couples therapy thank you thank you so much whoever would have thought andy i god god himself would have spit on us. Can I just say this?

Here's to putting in years of work, seeing it pay off in modest success. Modest, modest, modest. Is there any other kind? That's the only way to do it. I think you guys are flying past modest. You got a fucking butt plug. Well, we've got a single butt plug. That is, I think, the issue. It got a fucking butt plug. Well, we've got a single butt plug. That is, I think, the issue.

It's a singular butt plug. It will begat more. One plug begats more. I know. A journey starts with a single plug. It doesn't begat more. That's the whole point of anal. It is that time of year.

Jesse only does anal in the same way that Mormons do. Yeah. It's a promise ring thing in my household. Right up the old promise ring. Boys, please. I'm sick, Nick. The only promise ring I want to hear about is the emo band from Chicago. When Jordan and I went on your podcast now years ago, you, Naomi, diagnosed Jordan and I as bit boys.

Absolutely. For sure. We've got a raging case. Express our feelings only through bits. Yes. And it broke me down so hard that I haven't been able to put myself back together

in the years since. So if you have any suggestions in the future for how I can reassemble my sense of self, now that I know that all I do is talk to my friend Jordan

about Analogous instead of our feelings, let me know. Listen, I'll let you know if I have one. Okay. You will be the first to know. Okay.

Jesse, what's the root of this? When did you start talking in bits and stop talking? We can start a whole new podcast. We're trying to end this podcast. Invite us back on your podcast and we'll get back into it. No, no, no. Andy is asking you that question. Now you have to sit with that.

You see what I'm saying? You don't answer us. You sit with it. You get right with your higher power. While you're waiting for your wife in bed, maybe you can think of those answers. Think about that. Yeah. Think about that.

Why don't you sit on that and think about it? Why don't you sit on that and think about it? Why don't you stick that in your pipe and think about it? Yeah. Stick that right up your pipe and think about it. Stick that in your promise ring and think about it. Hoop that up your promise ring. Yeah, everybody's getting aggressive.

I love this. Sorry, they pumped me up real bad. I wanted to. No, it's fine, Matt. No, it's fine. It's fine. I'm going to mute myself again. Matt, don't you have a baby?

Take care of your baby, Matt. Man, I don't want anything to happen to that baby of yours. I've heard a lot of good things. The baby's great. Sounds like a threat. The baby has a great book of humorous essays coming out. It's kind of just the baby stand-up bits that he wrote. Can you believe the baby got his shouts and murmurs published?

Honestly, that's all babies do. They shout, they murmur. Right. That feels perfect. You know what I mean? It's like just drools and babbles. That's what they should call it. I'm sorry I brought it down.

I guess it's time to go. No, that was funny. That was good. I was trying to think of how to work in like oops all murmurs or something. I was still trying to think about Deep Space Nine jokes. I know you were. Just a Deep Space. Something about Ron Moore.

I don't know. I think Deep Space Nine ties into Analogous in a way. Oh, yeah. I don't know. Odo is the same thing as like jelly. What? I don't know. Yeah, I don't understand that.

I wonder if that would make any sense to me at all. Odo the Shapeshifter is basically like Vaseline that you might use as a lubricant. Don't know. The shapeshifter is Vaseline? Is that something from Deep Space Nine? I don't know. I've never seen a single episode. Well, then why are you trying to do a bit about it?

Just move on. Because I'm a guest. I have to bring something to the table. I saw like two or three seasons of Battlestar Galacticas. Does that help? Any jelly in there? I kind of checked out. There's a part where they sit in big baths of jelly.

So there's that. Maybe that's what Andy was talking about. If we're going to be generous. Maybe it is. Maybe. See, the bit was good. You guys, stop being generous. The bit was good and so say we all.

So say we all. The bit was good and this episode was good. It was all good. It was all good. It was all good. Everything we did and said was good. Just think, new listeners, only four years ago

you started listening to this program. Now you're old and your pets are dead. I forgot to feed them. Andy and Naomi are the co-hosts of couples therapy it's a show where they talk to couples of all kinds um professional professional friendly romantic uh and otherwise um really excited about the obama biden show that's coming up for your fifth anniversary. Thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It started off as a Biden corn pop. Uh-huh.

Right, right, right, right. And then Corn Pop said, I don't know how to use Zoom. And we said, okay. He said, I don't know her. Yes, Corn Pop said, I don't know her, actually. And then Naomi asked Corn Pop why he could only speak in bits and why he wouldn't open up. And it just fucking broke him.

It shattered him. It was a whole fucking deal. Anyway, uh, we're always glad to have you on the program. Thank you to the two of you. Thank you to our producer, Matt Lieb,

uh, producer Meredith is Brian Sonny D Fernandez. Our theme music is love you by the free design, courtesy of the free design and light in the attic records. Uh, you can find us on the internet, maximum fund. Reddit.com maximum fund.org. Uh, you can find us on Facebook at, maximumfund.reddit.com, maximumfund.org.

You can find us on Facebook at facebook.com slash jordandjessiego. We're on Instagram at jordandavidmorris at put.this.on. And we you. Love you. Love you. Love you.