Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Canadian Christmas, with Scott Thompson

Episode Date: December 28, 2023

This week we are honored to be joined by sketch comedy legend Scott Thompson of Kids In The Hall, talking about Canadian Christmas traditions, foot fungus, and art of the panto.See Buddy Cole on tour,... coming to a town near you! Buy your tickets here.Try AG1 and get a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D3K2 AND 5 free AG1 Travel Packs with your first purchase exclusively at drinkAG1.com/jjgo. 4 out of 5 employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. Go to ZipRecruiter.com/JJGo to try ZipRecruiter FOR FREE.Jordan wrote a brand new graphic novel called Youth Group which you can pre-order at The Book House of Stuyvesant Plaza in Albany, NY.LAST CALL FOR BUMPER STICKERS!!!  You want a bumper sticker hand-packed personally by Jesse Thorn? Here's how it get one. Please send a 5 dollar bill in a self addressed stamped envelope to: Jordan, Jesse, Go! Sticker Offer2404 Wilshire Blvd, #9ALos Angeles, CA 90057All proceeds will first go into a nice jug we have in the office, and then will be given to the organization Al Otro Lado. And for every person who posts a picture of themselves with the bumper stick using the hashtag #JJGO, Jordan and Jesse will each put a dollar in the jug.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Now Jordan, you say boy detective, I know you as the man whose feet can't be beat. You know, I think you're being a little cute, but... I'm being a lot cute. Okay, you're being very cute.
Starting point is 00:00:31 You're being a cute little stinker, but you're kind of onto something. I have gotten professional kudos about my tootsies recently. Wow. Okay, so first of all, here on Jordan, Jesse Go, everyone knows we're all about feet on men. professional kudos about my tootsies recently. Wow. Okay. So first of all, here on Jordan, Jesse go, everyone knows we're all about feet on main. Exactly. If we're about anything, if we're about anything ever, it's feet on main.
Starting point is 00:00:57 And when we say feet on main. This is our main feed. Yeah. And we're, we can't show feet because it's just audio but no we can talk feet yeah you can close your close your eyes and and uh boot them up there in your filthy little imagination when last we checked in on your tootsies jordan yeah uh they were suffering from immense pain as i recall you had found yourself having to look up what a foot doctor is called yes then then of course and when i discovered the answer was podiatrist i looked one of those up yeah i found a podiatrist um i was having foot pain uh
Starting point is 00:01:36 i thought the culprit was the fact that i had been running errands and flip-flops yeah um not that that you wore flip-flops every day for the first 30 years of your life as a as a native of orange county they were issued to you at birth we wear them to church we wear them we wear them to the hacky sack match you turn 30 they hand you some checkerboard vans and you go from there. Off you go. You put away childish things. At 60, you get those Cole Haan boat shoes that have Nike Air technology. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:02:18 So, you know, I was flipping and flopping around town. I thought it was the cause of my foot pain. So I went to a podiatrist, very nice man here in Pasadena um and so first in pasadena right there in pasadena love a 626 podiatrist oh you know it uh hit up pie and burger after that's a day wow yeah podiatry and pie burger um that's a pasadena tuesday baby burger indeed so so uh so i went to this podiatrist first step take an x-ray uh i put my put my feet on the little x-ray pad uh he kind of goes out of the room to you know fire off the machine and he's got um he's got a he's got a nurse there with him um he takes the x-ray,
Starting point is 00:03:05 turns to the nurse and says, and I don't think this was for my benefit. He's out of the room. I think I'm just overhearing. He goes, beautiful arches. Wow. Beautiful arches, he says.
Starting point is 00:03:20 This man went to foot school for what? 12 years? 15 years? This guy looks at arches all day. And my beautiful arches caused him to grunt sexually. Think about the number of frog arches that he had to dissect to earn his doctor and feet. I mean, those are some of the most beautiful arches in the animal kingdom. Think about the leaps yeah i mean you've seen those looney tunes cartoons that frog high kicking yeah this guy this guy's got arches you don't do that with believe yeah you don't do that with low arches they probably gave him that hat in an arch contest by the way michigan michigan j frog show
Starting point is 00:04:02 feet on ma main hello my baby what's going on that's the song that he says hello my baby yeah that's right um so by the way i've got beautiful arches um He tells me that the cause of my pain has nothing to do with the muscles or bones, but it was rather... It's emotional. Yeah. My feet haven't processed trauma they received as a child. Yeah. My feet recovered some memories about a really nasty time at summer camp.
Starting point is 00:04:39 No, he says it was not bones or muscles, but rather the skin. The skin had been damaged, I think, from the pool. It's like, oh, I swim. So like, you know, it's chlorine. It's being wet. So he gave me a series of creams, prescribed a series of creams. Like a flight of creams. Yeah, exactly.
Starting point is 00:05:03 One's kind of a stout cream and the other one's you know like a lager like an easy drinking cream yeah um and so yeah so i have a flight of creams that i rub on myself twice a day um but you you you alluded to you alluded to checkerboard vans you alluded to vans my um you know the the the one brand to which I have loyalty um he's like you wear Vans I was like oh yeah because you know he sees the Vans and he's like all right uh yeah you know and and to avoid this happening in the future you might want to wear socks wow fucking over for me pack it up ace yeah I was I was feeling good. I was flying high. I was thinking about the fact that I have medically beautiful arches.
Starting point is 00:05:50 Yeah. I was fantasizing about my future, the future riches I would earn on OnlyFans. Yeah. Not to mention the- Stepping on eggs. Think about the royalties from the x-rays of your feet in future medical textbooks yeah right with just a header that says beautiful yes uh uh uh uh but now i don't get to do my favorite thing in the world anymore which is wear vans without socks oh geez i thought he was going
Starting point is 00:06:18 to give you a super feet or something not that he was going to give your feet super powers but he was going to give you orthotic insoles. Yeah, I was kind of worried about insoles too, that I would just have, like, I have this expensive insole habit now. Nothing to be worried about, Jordan. No greater pleasure than a premium insole. Oh yeah? You're an insole guy? Jordan.
Starting point is 00:06:40 I thought you were an incel. Well, I have a little of each. Honestly, the state of my insoles is- I've seen the subreddits you post on. The state of my insoles has led to some involuntary celibacy. Gotcha. But no, when I had managed care, now I have a PBO insurance, but when I had managed care, I would go down to the pharmacy and they would have this sort of semi-subsidized pharmacy.
Starting point is 00:07:05 Okay. You know what I mean? Where it's like everything is, there's only so many things, but while you're waiting in line for your medication, you can buy them for 20% less than they'd cost you at the CVS or something. Oh, interesting. Okay. And they had this big display of premium insoles. And I got in the habit of every once in a while, I just buy myself a pair of those $30 insoles. You're worth it, baby. Put them in one of my pairs of shoes.
Starting point is 00:07:29 A $30 pair of insoles transforms any shoe into a dream. It is an incredible process. In the parlance of your insole brethren, I bet you feel like a real Chad. Exactly. Should we introduce our guest on the program? Oh, I would love to, yes. He's been through the medical ringer, and he's only shared some of the details with us thus far,
Starting point is 00:07:49 but I'm excited to hear more because this is an all medical episode of Jordan Jesse Goh, apparently. Let's hear about his pain. Is it bone and muscle related or is it skin damage? I don't know. We all want to know. Our guest on the program, a legitimate legend in the world of comedy. You know him, of course, from The Kids in the Hall, which somehow returned to television still super funny, which was something that blew me away.
Starting point is 00:08:17 Not because I expected otherwise. I was just so gratified that my favorite dudes brought the heat 25 years later or whenever the last television stuff they made was he's also headed out on the road in the new year uh with a new one-man show of his character buddy call scott thompson hi scott hi there how you doing what a joy to be here with you on this day when you've had dental surgery and your back has gone out. Yes, and you've been talking about one of my favorite topics, which is feet. Yeah. Yeah, I'm so glad that it turned out well for you.
Starting point is 00:08:58 Thank you. Because I was certain it was going to end up in soles, too. I can't believe that you didn't get that. Yeah, it's just creams. And other than the having to wear socks thing, I'm pretty happy with it. What are the creams for? I don't understand. Oh, the creams are next to me.
Starting point is 00:09:13 Do you all want to see the creams? Do you have like an athlete's foot situation? Is that what this is? I'm not exactly sure. So this one is for the whole foot. This is... Oh, Econazole. Yes.
Starting point is 00:09:23 I use Premiumazole, but go ahead. We're in a different tax bracket, Jesse. So, is it a fungus situation? And this is an ointment. I think there is a fungal element to it. Yeah, I think so. You skirted around the fungal aspect of it. I'm covered in a fungus,
Starting point is 00:09:42 okay? There, yes, I'm covered in a fungus. Scott, y'all yes i'm covered in a fungus are you saying that there's a fungus no you did but you wanted to make it seem like it was an injury but we all know it was a fungus it's no you're right uh yeah and i'll say this jordan you danced around it yes i saw your cream yeah i saw your o. Yeah. I'd love to see a liniment. Oh, sorry. I can't help you. Can't help you.
Starting point is 00:10:08 Is there an unguent? An unguent? No. Let's see an unguent. I got a nail clipper, some Christmas stamps, holding up things that are on the desk. So you do have some things on your desk. That's good. That's a start with new things on the desk.
Starting point is 00:10:24 Can I ask about about the the flip-flop situation yeah please um do you drive in flip-flops uh yes i don't uh i i don't you know i don't typically like go about my day in flip-flops i go to a pool a couple times a week and i wear flip-flops to the pool uh and then I think what had been happening is I had been like kind of casually running some errands on the way home. But yes, I do drive in them when I go to the pool. Yeah, I mean, it's been years since I've seen, like there was a time when I would see you
Starting point is 00:10:55 in rainbow sandals all the time, but that was 20 years ago now. It's been vans or nothing on your feet at any occasion we've spent together other than possibly my wedding uh in those intervening 20 years do you wear the kind aren't there so there's two kinds of vans right aren't there the kinds of vans that are made the same way they were in 1970 and then the kind that have that are like extra cozy with modern technology inside. You're talking about,
Starting point is 00:11:26 talking about comfy cush? Yeah. I'm talking about comfy cush. That's a, that's a new innovation with vans. Yeah. There are the like, yeah,
Starting point is 00:11:32 just something, something a dude in the seventies would use to skate an empty pool. And, and now there is, I think they understood that their audience, a large part of it is, you know, 40 year old guys who know who the descendants are.
Starting point is 00:11:46 Right. So yeah, I think they, they realized they needed a, a cashier in Seoul. Can I share a medical issue that I had? Sure. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:56 Just since this is, I happened to be the other day on the, the website, Reddit. Yeah. You know, this website, probably a website for, you know this website yeah the website for yeah you know you and the other incels yeah my incel friends i was in the cooking subreddit and i had i just i went down this little path that just fucking left me reeling it started with a thread that was called in cooking, not in food or in cooking.
Starting point is 00:12:27 It said, I don't really see the appeal of mac and cheese. Okay. That's just a hot take for the sake of it. It says, every one I ever had, even properly homemade ones, always are too overcooked and I can barely taste the cheese. It feels like a waste to me and then underneath that edit i didn't make this post for people to be rude like i don't know what did you make it for yeah you don't you don't you don't open up a can of worms like that and then and then suddenly go oh I had no idea I was wearing a revealing top.
Starting point is 00:13:06 Why is everybody looking? It just seems very disingenuous. And actually, I think it might not be real. I think it's a bot. No human being. Might be a bot. Yeah, might be a bot. Might be a Russian agitator.
Starting point is 00:13:21 A Russian or a Chinese bot that wasn't good enough for TikTok. And so, do you know what. And so Jeremy was like, it's okay, we'll send you guys to Reddit. This person. The incel who's married, which I'm confused. How can you be an incel who's married? Well, I don't know if you've met any married couples. You can be in a sexless marriage, but you can't be an incel and married, can you?
Starting point is 00:13:47 I don't know. I'm just doing what I can. Jesse's an incel politically. I'm a cultural incel. Cultural incel, yeah. I do a lot of fucking, but culturally speaking. So, okay. So this person was answering oh yeah the questions
Starting point is 00:14:10 but like someone said someone replied thought this was r slash unpopular opinion and then the the guy said lol isn't that just for not really unpopular opinions? So it's not fucking hard enough for him. He has to go into cooking, I think. Yeah, I think this is just a high level shit poster. Yeah, I think so. Well, he's like one person said a bunch of stuff. He just said, I expect people to disagree just not to be rude about it.
Starting point is 00:14:48 No one has been rude. People are just odd at the idea that there is macaroni and cheese where you can't taste the cheese. It's like going into our slash MCU and saying, I just don't think that Chris Evans is a real charmer. And then someone, someone, I noticed someone right in there, a great cheese in mac and cheese is smoked Gouda.
Starting point is 00:15:13 And I'm looking at this post, I'm like, not only is this true, I bet smoked Gouda is a great cheese in mac and cheese. I don't think I've had a smoked Gouda mac and cheese, but smoked Gouda is a great cheese. Scott, what are your top side dishes? Wait, hold on. We're going to get to Scott's side dishes in a second because I need to say that. Oh, sure, sure. Okay.
Starting point is 00:15:35 I'm looking at this thing about smoked Gouda. Right. I'm thinking that does sound like a great cheese. And then the person's username on Reddit is Dr. Buttfucker. I thought, well, I mean,
Starting point is 00:15:53 the doctor, it's not in cooking, but who am I to say that? Does that make you go longer than me? Mr. Buttfucker was my dad. Does that make you mistrust him more? I'm just curious because you can't see the intersection of buttfucking and Gouda.
Starting point is 00:16:10 No, I think. Because I can. I can see the intersection immediately. To me, Scott, I think the thing that makes Dr. Buttfucker trustworthy here. Is the doctor part? Is that he's been able to see something like that through. You know, like there must have been a lot of resistance on his master's thesis committee,
Starting point is 00:16:29 for example. I mean, when it comes to butt fucking, I'm only a nurse. Okay. Well, nurse practitioner. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:16:37 I'm a nurse practitioner. Head nurse practitioner. Oh, yeah. There you go. Congratulations on that. I'm the head, I'm the head i'm the head nurse on the butt fucking war yeah but as soon as the doctor comes in to do his rounds we all just
Starting point is 00:16:51 you know bow down to the doctor because he you know because even though some of us might do it better we all know he's the doctor but i'd like to see him find a vein you know what i mean yeah i know because i i've been i've had a lot of medical issues recently so i've been seeing a lot of the whole doctor nurse kind of war that's been plays out in hospitals and i'm fascinated by it but you're right i mean i'd like to see a doctor find a vein or even a kind word i'd love to thank you yes you know who I bet has a kind word, if I may say? Marcus Welby. Sure, Marcus Welby, yeah. I was going to say Dr. Buttfucker, but...
Starting point is 00:17:33 Marcus Welby, too. We can go either direction with this. Scott, what... I reached way back for that one. What are your top five side dishes? I misdirected us from that fruitful topic. Mashed potatoes. Yeah, sure.
Starting point is 00:17:53 Stuffing. How are you dressing your mashed potatoes, Scott? Nothing. Just a bit of milk, a bit of butter, a bit of salt, pepper. Just that. Just straight mashed potatoes. You don't need gravy. You don't need to-
Starting point is 00:18:04 No garlic. Oh, I get gravy, of course. But I mean Just that. Just straight mashed potatoes. You don't need gravy. Oh, I have to get gravy, of course. But I mean, when I present the mashed potatoes, I don't present them already graveyed. You let your guests gravy as they see fit. Yes, I do. I don't presume to know
Starting point is 00:18:17 how much gravy they would put on their mashed potatoes. You know, that would be like what am I, a wizard? A wizard knows how much gravy is in a man's heart i'm not i'm not i'm not dr magical host you know so i i have to assume look i assume people um like to float the entire plate in gravy but you know i don't know yeah so i just i let them do it themselves. So is gravy a side dish? No.
Starting point is 00:18:46 No. I'll answer myself. Okay. This is anything like green beans? Yeah, as far as not, yeah. Green beans is a great example, although certainly you, there's some things you could add to that to make it a main. If you added enough bacon or made it into a gratin.
Starting point is 00:19:06 No, no, no. I just like green beans. Okay, good. Brussels sprouts are having a moment. Sure, yeah. And you know why? Tremendous. Yeah. It's the bacon, though, isn't it? The bacon that people have been adding to over the years?
Starting point is 00:19:23 It's the roasting. I think it's the roasting. Yeah, it's the roasting. Yeah, isn't it? The bacon that people have been adding to it over the years? It's the roasting. I think it's the roasting. Yeah, it's the roasting. Yeah, I think our parents' generation just, like, boiled so many vegetables. That's true. They ruined parsnips. I mean, to this day, I look at parsnips, and I know that I probably could do something good with them. But when it comes right down to it, I don't reach across the aisle. Scott, we're your parents.
Starting point is 00:19:43 But when it comes right down to it, I don't reach across the aisle. Scott, we're your parents. First of all, we're nothing if not bipartisan when it comes to parsnips. Good. I'm glad. Always glad. I'm glad you got the political reference because that's the only one I'm going to make. Did your parents boil parsnips?
Starting point is 00:20:02 Oh, no. They wouldn't even have made parsnips. That would have been far too strange. Only rutabagas. Yeah, not even that. Not rutabaga. No, Oh, no, they wouldn't even have made parsnips. That would have been far too strange. Only rutabagas. Not even that. Rutabaga, no, no, no. Rutabaga is something that's mentioned in a Warner Brothers cartoon. I mean, I don't even know what that means, but it's not something real. It's a place where Bugs Bunny makes
Starting point is 00:20:18 a wrong turn. That's right. He runs into a rutabaga bush. Is it a bush? I don't know. Great question. I love a root vegetable. Are Brussels sprouts a root vegetable? I think I said they were a root vegetable earlier. Maybe they're not.
Starting point is 00:20:28 No, they're not. They grow on a little stick. Yeah, they grow on a fun stick. Yeah, they're like a tree. They're a tree, right? They're kind of a tree. Sort of a tree. They're little trees.
Starting point is 00:20:35 They're probably technically, they're probably a tree. Little trees that we can balsamic glaze. Broccolis are little trees. Broccolis are little trees. I love a roasted root vegetable, and it's one of my favorite, if not my favorite side dishes on Thanksgiving, which, Scott, you would know
Starting point is 00:20:51 is Canadian Thanksgiving. Yes. The real Thanksgiving. Let's all be honest. Your Thanksgiving, it's weird. It's just weird to have two major events so close together. It's very odd. That's fair. It's just weird to have two major events so close together. It's very odd.
Starting point is 00:21:07 That's fair. It's very fair. Yeah, Thanksgiving and Christmas are so close. But Scott, it's a cold time of year. We need all the help we can get. I know. I know. So I went to the grocery store to buy root vegetables for Thanksgiving this past year.
Starting point is 00:21:22 And I picked some out and I put them in my cart and I brought them and they went onto the conveyor belt and the man put them onto the little, you know, scale in front of him and he's typing in numbers and he picks, picks one up and he goes, what is this? And I'm like, Oh fuck.
Starting point is 00:21:44 I don't know. Shouldn't the guy at the store know what everything at the store is i'm like maybe not he's like a parsnip rutabaga i'm like maybe it's a parsnip maybe it's a rutabaga maybe it's a radish i couldn't tell you but what made you buy it then if you didn't know what you were buying well you just pick some and then you cut them in chunks and you put some olive oil on them was it a parsnip it sounds like it was a parsnip scott i don't know to this very day he found a code he showed it to a woman behind him she says 6942 he types it in 6942 it was a 6942 this whole time for two yeah great with a little sea salt um what's a beige i'm just curious i'm not gonna let this go it was brownish i think
Starting point is 00:22:31 probably a parsnip was just a loaf of bread what is this it was brownish it said hershey on the outside. On the topic of the holidays, Scott, someone told me that in your native Canada, you do or have done like Christmas pantos. Yeah, I've done a panto. Yeah. What's that experience like? I was part of a panto in college. Oh, you were? Yeah, I have a soft spot for them.
Starting point is 00:23:03 Did you go to college in england or no i went to school uh jesse and i both went to uc santa cruz and i'm and i'm guessing they did it because um they they thought it was fancy there okay or an overall culture of shamelessness sure did you have a dame in it did you have a guy in drag uh we did have a dame in it? Did you have a guy in drag? We did have a dame, yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's the tradition. Yeah, that's what it was. I don't think they're – I don't even know if they do that anymore.
Starting point is 00:23:32 It might be – I don't know. Do they have that anymore? I wish you were the dame in yours. I was the dame. Yeah, I was the dame. And basically, the dame is basically – a Panto is basically you take at Christmas time, you take a very, very old, you know, or classic fairy tale like Snow White or, you know, whatever,
Starting point is 00:23:52 Beauty and the Beast. And then you basically rewrite the story and you cram it full of a million references about what happened that year. You satirize the year. And basically, and then you take one of the main characters and you, and you always gender fuck it. It's always, if it's a male, you make it into a woman or basically that's it. And that's it. And then,
Starting point is 00:24:15 and then there's always a segment where children come up and the dame makes jokes to the children, but most of it goes over their heads. So you make, you make kind of like adult. The dance is basically how do you make it, keep it adult, but make the kids think that it's for them. It's a very interesting performance dance to do. I really enjoyed it, actually. You get into a lot of trouble, though, because you're like, oh, I really shouldn't be saying this. This is inappropriate.
Starting point is 00:24:47 But the dame is in charge because there's a segment in the show always where the children, the dame brings children from the audience on stage. And it's kind of like chaos. It's almost like the dame's in charge. And no matter what happens, the dame is in charge no matter what happens the dame is supposed to kind of tilt the show or you know topple it it's very interesting it's a very british tradition um but yeah it's done here did you like go to a special bar where a bunch of like grizzly grizzly old shakesan actors. No.
Starting point is 00:25:26 Like in, in, in like little summer dresses where we're like drinking pints and sharing wisdom about the form of Panto. No, no. I just, I just seen a million drag Queens over my lifetime. So that sounds fun.
Starting point is 00:25:41 Jesse, where's that bar? I know it does sound like a good bar. That bar does sound like a good bar that bar does sound like fun but yeah i have i have i have been a panto a panto dame do you remember what the like topical jokes were when you were doing it like what the like oh it was about 13 years ago i don't remember but it would have been whatever was hot 13 years ago you make jokes about them and uh ours was beauty and the Beast. Oh, okay, nice.
Starting point is 00:26:05 And I was the mother of Belle. No, her aunt. I was her slutty aunt. Oh, that's nice. Those aunts. Oh, you know those aunts. The part made famous by Dame Judi Dench. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:26:18 And you're not really a character from the story. Like, there is no aunt in Beauty and the Beast, but they just shove it in. But I only did it one year, and then they returned the next year to the regular uh dame wait is there so you were a were you a fill-in i was a special dame there was this guy that had done it for years and then i don't know what happened that year and um they asked me if i would do it so i said yeah isn't it usually like a local weatherman or? That's part of it. That's it used to be that.
Starting point is 00:26:47 David Duchovny or something. Well, they they do do that. They take a celebrity and they put them into the show. Yes, that's generally part of it. But the celebrity doesn't have to be the dame. The celebrity is given a character. And you're right. They don't they're usually not an actor.
Starting point is 00:27:03 It's like a reporter or something like that. Yeah. The one that I went to here in the Southern California area, the celebrity was... No, please. Cat on cam. Cat on cam. Cat cam. Cat cam.
Starting point is 00:27:17 The one that I went to... Who's the cat, Scott? That was Rusty. I have two of them. Rusty. Beautiful. Yes. The one that I went to starred Kermit the Frog.
Starting point is 00:27:26 Hey, that's a good get. It was a good get. I think they probably should have brought in some of the Kermit the Frog related professionals in addition to licensing the character and puppet. Oh. Was it, who was his name? Did he die? Was it post-death?
Starting point is 00:27:47 Yeah, it was post-death. It was definitely post-death. Post-death. Frank Oz, yeah. I think in my panto when I was doing it in college, I think the sweaty topical reference was, I think someone said mission accomplished, and it got a big ooh from the audience remember that yeah
Starting point is 00:28:06 remember when those were our problems cute huh yeah those are the days uh i know these so these are christmas plays scott are you a christmas guy do you do you enjoy the season i do yeah very much so. Do you? Yeah, no, yeah. I've never had a white Christmas. I've been a Californian all my life. But you've seen snow before. I have seen snow, yes. Didn't care for it.
Starting point is 00:28:35 No, no, I understand. Ran back in the house. Have you ever seen snow perform, like at the St. Clair? No, I never saw snow perform. I know it's one of my great regrets. I've never seen Snow perform. I know it's one of my great regrets. I've never seen Snow perform. I thought I was seeing Snow, but it was an imposter. I attended a National Basketball Association game here in Los Angeles between the Los Angeles Clippers and the Golden State Warriors.
Starting point is 00:29:01 And they played a full verse of Informer by snow oh really oh okay you know verse you know what i did just there i his song was informer i was thinking his song was imposter but that was the in living color parody that i was oh okay yeah because he was a fake jamaican guy he was actually a white dude from canada yeah i think the he was an imposter, just a middle-class white kid from Toronto. Anyway. That's all right. His name is Snow. That's why his name is Snow.
Starting point is 00:29:32 He wasn't an imposter. He told people exactly who he was. Yeah, I believe there was a reggaeton version of Informer that was like a monster hit three, four years ago, something like that. Yeah. And that must have been why, but it was truly a shocking jock jam to hear.
Starting point is 00:29:52 Are there Canadian Christmas things that we don't do over here? Do we, are we doing it wrong? Well, the Panto is one of them. Oh yeah, sure, sure. Do you have Christmas markets? What's a Christmas market? They're like outdoor markets that only spring up around the holidays.
Starting point is 00:30:08 That sounds nice. Yeah. Sounds like a good place to get a parsnip. Exactly. You don't have those Christmas markets. It's a very European thing. What else do we do? Oh, we always slaughter the firstborn child on Christmas Eve.
Starting point is 00:30:26 And we hang it out the window. And it hangs there until someone in the neighborhood grabs the child's body. Can I ask you a question, Scott? You're right. Is that real? This is something I've always wondered about, that process. Yeah. Where do you let the blood so do you know
Starting point is 00:30:46 into a basin you always have to put a basin down first so that's where the expression christmas basin comes from that's christian absolutely that is where christmas basin comes from i had always wondered quite often on christmas eve you go over to a person that has been chosen in the neighborhood to sacrifice their child it's only one. It's not like everybody has to do it. Right. Everybody in the neighborhood comes over with a different basin. Okay. And whoever basin they choose, they're.
Starting point is 00:31:15 This is so funny. They get the child's blood for adrenochrome. Right. It is so funny. In Spain, it's actually a copper pot. Copper pot. And instead of the firstborn, it's the sluttiest ant oh is it is it is that blood powerful too for the for the village for the village elites it'll it'll it'll it'll it'll cure what ails you you won't need you won't need any ointments any creams you will be fungus free when you drink the
Starting point is 00:31:46 blood of the sluttiest ant every year i'm in madrid drinking ant blood they they should have drank my blood when i was the panto dame because i was a slutty ass oh yeah i had no idea i was i was making cultivating such powerful blood uh guys I'm a little bit parched. You want to take a drink? I am too! I'm so parched! You want to take a break? I feel diabetic thirsty. Let's have a glass of slutty ant blood, take a break, and we'll come back for a little bit more.
Starting point is 00:32:16 We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jessica. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, MaximumFun.org slash join and supported this show and all the other great shows on MaximumFun.org. That's right. We are a listener-supported network. So if you, the listener, want to support this network, go to MaximumFun.org slash join. You get a good feeling from knowing you keep this show going and you get a bunch of cool bonus content. MaximumFun.org slash join. We also want to say thanks this week to the good people at AG1. That's right. I first gave AG1 a try because if you know me, you know I'm all about that gut. That's right. Gut health. Since drinking AG1 regularly, I have felt amazing. My gut is super healthy. I've got a daily boost of energy. Not only does AG1 deliver
Starting point is 00:33:28 my daily dose of vitamins, minerals, pre and probiotics and more, but it's a powerful, healthy habit that's also powerfully simple. It's just one scoop mixed in water once a day, every day. It's really tasty. AG1. Every batch of AG1 goes through a rigorous testing process so you know it's safe. And AG1 ingredients are sourced for absorption, potency, and nutrient density. All it takes is one scoop a day to help lay the groundwork for long-term health. Trust AG1 to provide the support your body needs daily. Here is your chance to start every day this season with a free gift to yourself. Try AG1 and get a free one-year supply
Starting point is 00:34:11 of vitamin D3, K2, and five free AG1 travel packs with your first purchase exclusively at drinkag1.com slash jjgo. That's drinkag1.com slash jjgo. Check it out. We also want to say thanks this week to the good folks at Zip Recruiter. Zip Recruiter have been supporting this show for a long time. We love them. We think you will too. According to Forbes, January is the hottest month for hiring and business owners and hiring managers are on the hunt for top talent, which is no easy task. If you're currently hiring, you could probably relate. That's why you need ZipRecruiter. That's right. The good folks at ZipRecruiter have matching technology that shows you qualified candidates and you can invite them to apply. Four out of
Starting point is 00:35:05 five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. Go to ZipRecruiter.com slash JJGo to try ZipRecruiter for free. That's ZipRecruiter.com slash JJGo. Before we get back to the show, I want to take a quick second to shout out a local indie bookstore where a good listener has pre-ordered Youth Group. That's right. Youth Group is the upcoming graphic novel from me and Bowen McGurdy. It is a YA horror comedy about goofy teenage exorcists, and pre-orders are up as we speak. You can do it anywhere. You can do it on Amazon.
Starting point is 00:35:43 You can do it at Barnes & Noble. But we would love it if you would pre-order at your local indie bookstore and tell us where you did it so we can give them a little shout out on the show. We love throwing a little support to these great indie bookstores. This one is the Bookhouse of Stuyvesant Plaza over there in Albany, New York. They're online at bhny.com. Our super producer, Matt Lieb, has been throwing all these links in the show description. So if you want to check out any of these bookstores and pre-order Youth Group from them, just head to the show description and click on the link. And a lot of these places ship too. So if you don't have a local indie bookstore that you love,
Starting point is 00:36:20 but want to support one, maybe check out one of these that we've been mentioning in the show. This is, again, the book house of Stuyvesant Plaza in Albany, New York. I think Upstate New York has been really killing it with the pre-orders lately. I feel like a lot of our pre-orders are coming from Upstate New York. I don't know. Maybe we do a whirlwind book tour of Albany and Utica. I only know upstate New York areas from the steamed hams bit on The Simpsons, I guess I should mention. Anyway, bhny.com is the house of books of Stuyvesant Plaza. You can check them out online. And of course, hit me up on social media. Let me know where you're pre-ordering youth group okay back to the show it's jordan jesse go i'm jesse thorne america's radio sweetheart jordan morris boy detective
Starting point is 00:37:21 and i'm scott thom Thompson, America's slutty aunt. Canada, who lives upstairs in the attic. Yeah, sure. Sort of a compound nickname. I love it. I have a Christmas question. My sister never got married. That's right. Had a common law husband for a while.
Starting point is 00:37:40 I have a Christmas question for you. Yeah. Okay. I happened to be reading the newspaper, the New York times the other day. You guys know this? I call it the great lady. Sure. The paper of record.
Starting point is 00:37:51 Yeah. And I ran into an article called before you buy a Christmas tree, can these converts sell you on a fake? And it was, it was a piece about a trend towards false christmas trees right um your artificial trees the example you mean like oh yeah like a plastic tree you know and yeah and the example you know they always tell a little story. The woman in the example whose name is Charlene is a social media content creator.
Starting point is 00:38:34 And she has switched to artificial trees. God bless her. She decided to buy a nine foot fur from Home Depot. So fine, people make their own choices. But this is the story that she told that really caught me off guard. There were elements of it. First of all, she spent $500 on this fake tree, which I don't know what fake trees cost. So I'm just going to accept that that's a reasonable amount of money to pay for a fake Christmas tree. Feels like a lot to me, but I'm accepting it because what do I know? It pays for itself in 10 Christmases.
Starting point is 00:39:22 So here's the next thing she said. The one that she bought was $300. The real one that she bought before she bought the fake one. The story is about her deciding to switch to a fake one. Because she's like, well, these things cost $300 and I just throw them out. Right. Where did she buy the three hundred dollar christmas tree what i know things are more expensive in new york three hundred dollars yeah i don't know that's a great question that was some sort of uh you know premium gluten-free christmas tree i i was really astonished by it but the part that really caught me was that she said between that cost and then
Starting point is 00:40:15 the problem which was uh the tree left needles all over her apartment uh when the removal service took it how much did that cost what i mean i don't right one would presume isn't a removal service her son or something or like the neighbor or yeah or herself herself yeah if you can't carry the christmas tree to the curb, what are you doing with a Christmas tree? You're busy creating social media content, Jesse. This person is a social media content creator. They're out there doing a dance and pointing to places in the air
Starting point is 00:40:56 where later someone will put ADHD symptoms. Why did she decide that she would spend $200 more this year? Well, she's going to keep it. I mean, my expectation is that she'll keep it. Still. Yeah. And then there's a whole other part. Storage fees.
Starting point is 00:41:18 Yeah. So there's a Christmas tree lot near me that is – so it's Christmas trees, right? You go to get your Christmas tree, but they have additional activities they're advertising, and one of them is mini cows. Oh, what? So you can buy a Christmas tree, and then they have mini cows you can pet. Is the milk full-sized? Tiny little milks.
Starting point is 00:41:44 Wee little milks. Are they they actual small cows or are they just calves it's a great question i don't they look fuzzier than normal cows and the sign says many cows want to meet you wait a minute do you have to call a 900 number they are in my area yes these are many cows in my area. How horny would you say these cows are? Well, these are cows, not bulls, Jesse, so they're not horny at all. They're uddery, though. It's the code pizza? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:42:14 Yes. Yeah. Be very careful of the mini cows. I'm here for a pizza, little cow. I think the miniature cows are real miniature cows. I think that's like a donk. I think it is, too. I think it's like little cow. I think the miniature cows are real miniature cows. I think that's like a donk. I think it is, too. I think it's like a species. Or a mini horse.
Starting point is 00:42:32 Right. Yeah. Do you think there's a pony cow? I don't know, but whatever it is, it wants to meet me. I guess there's a pony cow. It's a pony cow. That's what it is. It's a pony cow. Is a pony its own kind of animal, or is it a type of horse?
Starting point is 00:42:46 Hey, you're talking to the guy who thought a Brussels sprout was a root vegetable and that Snow's hit song was imposter. So you don't ask me anything. I don't know shit. I don't know. I'm taking this very seriously. Thank you, Scott. I think a pony is a type of horse. No?
Starting point is 00:43:04 I think it is, too. A small horse? Yeah. Because it's not a type of horse No? I think it is too Yeah, because it's not a foal No, that's a baby It's not a baby horse, it's an actual full grown Small horse And it's not a miniature horse either Okay, so I typed in Is a pony a
Starting point is 00:43:20 And they're not sterile like mules or anything Is a pony a baby horse? Is a pony a baby horse? Is a pony a miniature horse? Is a pony and a horse the same thing? Is a pony a mini horse? Is a pony a donkey? Do ponies want to meet me? Is a pony a horse breed?
Starting point is 00:43:39 Which one of these is the right question? It's not is a pony and a horse the same thing because I know a Clydesdesdale's not a pony well i think that's what you're asking jesse yeah it's a horse breed no i'm type what i want to ask is is a pony a horse we there's so many screaming horse girls listening to this right now okay did you get the answer yeah i'm i'm checking out uh animal friends pet insurance.com okay i hear i have i have a pitch yeah um we have a call to listen to someone gave us a call 206-9844-FUN while we're chatting about the call matt lieb is going to get to the bottom of is a pony a horse oh i already know the answer to this oh Oh, what is it? Let's put this to bed. I was just having fun watching you guys try to figure it out.
Starting point is 00:44:35 A pony and a horse are the same species. Oh. And they come from the exact same family tree. So it's just a small horse, right? Yeah. I could click more, but... No, no, that's enough. What are you on, Ancestry.com? Yeah, it's Ancestry.com.
Starting point is 00:44:50 I wanted to see if I was part pony or part horse. A pony's a type of small horse. That's what Wikipedia says. Yeah. It's under a given height at the withers. I don't need to tell you guys that. The withers. You guys know about a pony's withers, right?
Starting point is 00:45:10 I sure do. I know. When something momentous happens to you, give us a call, 206-9844-FUN, or just send us a voice memo at jjgoe at maximumfun.org. One person who's done that is this person. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, and guest. I'm going to say Paula Poundstone. I don't know if she comes on your show, but I'm guessing her.
Starting point is 00:45:36 This is Kirsta from San Diego. And I just want to call in with a momentous occasion. I know we're not supposed to do bumper stickers anymore. I hope you are accepting license plates and license plates covers, though. I was driving behind a car. I initially noticed their bumper sticker, which said certified chimney mechanic, and was impressed that that's what we call chimney sweeps now. Looked over to their license plate and saw their license plate was I heart chimps. And then the border,
Starting point is 00:46:09 the frame around their license plate just said sweeps for life. So if you're looking for 2024 slogans, sweeps for life, it could be a good one. Anyways, uh, pussy still good. Talk to you guys later.
Starting point is 00:46:20 Bye. Pussy still good. Um, chimps instead of chimneys gotta get up in those chimps wait can i i'm just gonna give me a let me give me let me at those chimps is a pony a chimp yeah is a chimp sweep? This is someone... I want to say this, Jordan. This listener correctly identified that we're not doing bumper stickers anymore.
Starting point is 00:46:57 And I want to be clear that we're not doing license plates or license plate frames either. Okay. Is this person fucked up? No. That said, this person made the right move calling this this was correct yeah this is great this is the best thing that i've heard about in my life since al pacino ice cream it's a couple weeks ago but yeah i mean the number one thing in weeks that's true think about how scott just so you know in the baltimore area there's an ice cream truck that says al pacino ice cream with no other distinctive qualities there's no picture of al pacino or al pacino
Starting point is 00:47:40 style ice cream foods or it's just regular regular bomb pops and ice cream sandwiches and whatever. Is it the guy who owns it? His name is Al Pacino. Is that it? We do not know. We don't know. There is distressingly little information about it on the internet. However.
Starting point is 00:47:58 And none of you guys are actually in Baltimore, so you can't find out. No, there's no way to know. Do you ever think about switching the show to Baltimore to get to get to the we thought about calling cal rupkin jr yeah john waters won't help us out it sounds like a really good interest like an interesting year just take the whole year and bring john waters in track it down figure it out i called four different characters from The Wire, Jordan. None of them were taking my call. But this chimney sweep, I would call it a sweep suite of car decorations. Wouldn't you, Jordan?
Starting point is 00:48:36 Yeah. Only this person is clearly dedicated to that sweep life. They're living that sweep life. Yep. I're living that's the they're living that sweep life yep and i heard chimps and they like chimps i love it um this is a great call um i do have uh a little bit of a bone to pick wait can i ask a question jordan yeah sure this is about chimps yeah this is a chim question wait can I ask a question Jordan yeah sure this is about chimps yeah this is a chim question at chim con
Starting point is 00:49:06 how much do they have to pay to get Dick Van Dyke to come oh boy yeah or do they cheap out and bring in Lin-Manuel Miranda right the
Starting point is 00:49:24 other the person who replaced him is Mary Poppins' chimney sweep. I would say, I mean, look, in show business, Lin is probably still more in demand than the great Dick Van Dyke. Right. I almost said the great Andy Van Slyke, former Pirate center fielder. The great Dick Van Dyke. There's nothing, you know lynn's doing great i'm
Starting point is 00:49:47 just saying that in this context you want to get this 90 something year old man to come to your con you're gonna have to pay up yeah you know yeah you've got you got lots of time to get lynn manuel believe me he's going nowhere no this guy's healthy no he's healthy he he um he doesn't want to let go let's just put it that way um and dick van dyke is we have so little time left right so what you're saying is that giving the money give him the money because because dick van dyke is is ready for the sweet release of death is that what you're saying i I think so. Lin is still, is not ready to shuffle off this mortal coil. Here's what I think they do.
Starting point is 00:50:30 Dick Van Dyke's 95, right? Yeah, so right around there, yeah. Same age as my father. Here's what I think they do. If you really want to blow some minds at Jim Conn, Dick Van Dyke comes out, right? Everybody goes nuts. Oh, it's Bert, you know it's burt from mary
Starting point is 00:50:46 poppins he's right you know maybe he does a little jump or something like that portal opens up outcomes lin-manuel crisis on infinite gyms i love this into the into the chimiverse got to have the multiverse crossover these days. Yeah. I think there's a lot of potential in this. It's like Andrew Garfield meeting Tobey Maguire. I also like that the idea of a chimney mechanic suggests some kind of robot chimney i don't know what the machinery obviously there's a flu right but leaving aside the flu what other mechanics are happening that require
Starting point is 00:51:41 repair and maintenance well is is the flue the little flap that lets the air in and out? Oh, yeah. Flue's number one flap, I would say. Bird flap is number one. It makes them fly. Is the flue at the bottom or the top of the chimney? That's going to be at the bottom of the chimney, I think.
Starting point is 00:52:04 Jesse, we're getting to the end of the show we don't have time to rank our flaps what about the flap on a union suit the butt flap on a union suit that's one of the top flaps again you're going to the bathroom and you're wearing you're wearing 1925 this is if we wanted to rank our flaps we should have started at the top start at the top of the show airplane wing flap that's a good flap okay yes these are all great flaps scott you have a top flap oh you know you already said yeah what'd you call it union union suit a union suit that's like a one piece underwear right that's what you call it yeah exactly oh yeah that's to me that's that's lingerie uh that's the
Starting point is 00:52:43 sexiest thing a man can wear are those underwear. Yeah. Yeah, that's it for me. For me, that's a classic Canadian. Oh, absolutely. Honestly, if you come at me, it doesn't matter what you look like, I'm going crazy. Right. And they have to be red. If they're red, I'm out of my mind. Yeah. They got to be red.
Starting point is 00:53:03 That's the dream. Jordan, where would you put can i ask you this yeah we've already identified a few really premium flaps where would you put a flap jack oh i would put it right below flap meat a nice kind of like a nice thin piece of steak cooks up real quick if you need to have a quick that's great for making a ranchera or making a soda yeah are there any are there any famous flap characters isn't there isn't flap the name of like a pilot in some war movie flap you'd think so right flap there's gonna be a flap jackson yeah flap jackson's here we're safe i'm sure there's a flap jackson i believe flip is little neo's creepy friend. Okay.
Starting point is 00:53:45 His creepy cigar friend. Was there not a flap? Wasn't there a flap in... Amelia Earhart's co-pilot flap? Wasn't she flying with a flap? I believe her co-pilot was named Flap, yes. I think it was. And then it's funny, he never got any blame for what went wrong.
Starting point is 00:54:04 So I've Googled. Sexism is unbelievable. The guy crashes still blames it on really air hard. Fucking flap. This asshole. I've Googled flap. I've Googled flap Jackson. And here's what I got.
Starting point is 00:54:18 A Twitter account with 190 followers. Flap Jackson. It's the new twitter profile for the flap jackson in the morning show tune into hashtag the big frog every morning from six to nine in the morning unaffiliated with mra dude do you think can i ask you a question first of all i'm glad we don't want anybody who's affiliated with mra on jordan jesse co so is that something really evil and i just don't know what it is men's rights activism oh probably anyway that's the only mra that that i'm familiar with but uh what what i'm thinking is given some of our recent bookings i think we might be able to book this flap on the show. If it was pre,
Starting point is 00:55:08 in a pre Fritz Coleman world. Right. I wouldn't have guessed that we would have the juice to book the big frog. That was hashtag the big frog. Hashtag the big frog. Yeah. I wouldn't have thought we'd have been had the juice. We would have had to settle for comedy legends like Scott Thompson.
Starting point is 00:55:24 Who's the big frog? I don't really know. I think it's the radio station that flap jackson is on it's not that peppy the frog symbol is that what you're not what is that you know i may have unwittingly just uh waded into the website of a some sort of alt-right morning show it sounds sounds like it. There's a Nintendo game called Flap Legends. Most of this... When you Google flap, you mostly get flap surgeries. Oh, what are they? It's like slapping something on top of something else.
Starting point is 00:56:00 You got your, of course, left hand reconstruction with pedicle flap. You got your skin flaps. You got your par course left hand reconstruction with pedicle flap you got your skin flaps you got your paramedian forehead flap of course um you got tap flap that's uh thoracodorsal artery perforator flap yep and then you have uh the original flap happy which I believe is a type of hat. Listen, we could list flaps all day. We are. We have been. We have now been listing flaps
Starting point is 00:56:33 for 24 hours. If we don't list flaps, we have to do comedy. Yeah, I know. Why don't we... You know, sorry, I'm no flap. It kind of sounds like no fap anyway oh okay yeah sure no flap it's no flap
Starting point is 00:56:52 November yeah there you go that's better yeah hey why don't we do this let's take a little break Matt try and book us as many as many alt-right morning show guys as possible you want to do a show at Flappers? Hey, yeah.
Starting point is 00:57:08 Matt, local jokes get you local work. That's right. Got that local heat. We're Burbank celebrities now. Let's move our whole operation to Burbank. I mean, I'm talking about our audience. Right. Our influence.
Starting point is 00:57:21 So we're doing a year in Baltimore and a year in Burbank. Yeah, that's it. That's the plan. B in Baltimore and a year in Burbank. Yeah, that's it. Plan B to B. Yeah. Classic. Right. I'm going to go on Zillow.
Starting point is 00:57:31 I'm going to look for us a recording space in Baltimore. Yeah. We'll come back for a little bit more. We'll be back in just a second. I joined Jessica. If you need a laugh and you're on the go, try S-T-O-P-P-O-D-C-A-S-T-I. Hmm. Were you trying to put the name of the podcast there?
Starting point is 00:57:52 Yeah, I'm trying to spell it, but it's tricky. Let me give it a try. Okay. If you need a laugh and you're on the go, call S-T-O-P-P-P-A-D-I. It'll never fit. No, it will. Let me try. P-P-P-A-D-I It'll never fit.
Starting point is 00:58:03 No, it will. Let me try. If you need a laugh and you're on the go, try S-T-O-P-P-P-D-C-O-O. Ugh! We are so close. Stop podcasting yourself. A podcast from MaximumFun.org
Starting point is 00:58:18 If you need a laugh and you're on the go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Hey, this is Andrew Reich, are on the go. this month's episode might be the place to start. The cast is incredible, headlined by the one and only Zooey Deschanel and also featuring Padgett Brewster, Michaela Watkins, Hamish Linklater, Asif Ali, and Maximum Fun's very own Hal Lublin. So go to MaximumFun.org or your favorite podcatcher and check out this incredible cast on the latest episode of Dead Pilot Society.
Starting point is 00:59:07 It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. And I am Scott Thompson, the slutty ant upstairs. Now, a lot of people in our audience are probably, have spent the last few minutes being like, mudflap, mudflap, mudflap, mudflap. few minutes being like mud flap mud flap mud flap mud flap but what i think they should be yelling at us is hong kong music festival clock and flap
Starting point is 00:59:37 this whole time they should have been a have been yelling clock and flap at us. What's a clock and flap? Well, you got, well, Pulp headlined clock and flap. Pulp and De La Soul headlined clock and flap. That's not bad. Not bad at all. Yeah, it sounds like a fun lineup. And something called Omnipotent Youth Society
Starting point is 01:00:06 And this is in Hong Kong You said? This is in Hong Kong Wow. Is it over? Can we still get tickets? In a Hong Kong boy band Called NYPD Looks pretty good. That makes no sense, I like that Different connotation over there
Starting point is 01:00:23 We gotta get these clock and flap tickets. Listen, if you can't make it to clock and flap this year, maybe you can go see Scott Thompson's live one-man show. Wow. As Buddy Cole, right? Yeah, as Buddy Cole. Yeah. That's great.
Starting point is 01:00:41 Yeah, I wouldn't dare do this show as me. Only Buddy can handle this show. I thought this is something I can't dare do this show as me the only buddy can handle this show I this I thought this is something I can't handle I gave it to him uh buddy Cole is so funny um I think one of my favorite comedy sketches of all time is probably buddy Cole complaining about all the when the dinosaurs got into the gay Oh, that's nice that you mentioned that one. Yeah, that's a good one. It's so funny. It's so silly.
Starting point is 01:01:11 Just to indulge some fanboying, where did that idea come from? I love that sketch. That monologue, dinosaurs, literally came out of the blue. I just started doing it, and it was written in like two minutes. Like that just, some things just are given to you. I almost didn't rewrite it. It just literally, I just started doing it. And then I said, someone said,
Starting point is 01:01:39 Mark might have gone, you should write that down. That's insane. And then I did. And it's like, it's the shortest monologue of all. It's only like three minutes, two and a half minutes. It's like a really short punk song. And it really seems to make no sense. And yet it's, it makes tons of sense when you,
Starting point is 01:01:58 but there's nothing that I say that's real, but it's, it's something I'm most, I'm, I'm incredibly proud of, even though I have no idea where it came from. How do you work out Buddy Cole material? Like, do you bring 10 minutes of Buddy Cole to a comedy show? Yes. I usually like 100 minutes. I start off with a very, very flabby show,
Starting point is 01:02:21 and then I just keep working it and working it working it and to get it down to you know um a very lean uh show i i work it very stealthily i work this show very stealthily because um you know in in the climate of today in comedy it's very easy to get into trouble and so and and the material is it's kind of like i'm really it's a lot of i guess dangerous material whatever in today's comedy landscape so i did it very quietly i would just go to clubs and and i would go in character and i would do 10 minutes 20 minutes i would go to you know open mics and work it out but i never did anything like i never did anything where i was really people could pay too much attention to me because i thought i want to be able to develop this show so that when i've got it ready i can put it on its feet and take it on the road which is where it is right now um but yeah i usually develop
Starting point is 01:03:14 in character on stage um sometimes i'll sometimes when i'm not in a mode a buddy mode i do it as myself but this stuff is this is this is all for buddy do you find that like there is now a portion of your brain after uh whatever it is now 30 years of buddy cole 35 years of buddy cole uh where you notice something with your scott brain and then you just immediately can sort of pull it apart and put it into your buddy cole brain yes yes uh you mean does it happen very naturally yeah like do you do you just like is there just like a little corner of your head yes where it's not scott it's the buddy cole sc. Yes, that's true.
Starting point is 01:04:05 There are things that I handle and then there's things that Buddy Cole handles. And yeah, like I mean, the series that, you know, the kids in the hall reboot. I wanted to put a lot of this show into the show, but they wouldn't allow it. And that's really what has led to this one person show because Amazon was very, I'm just going to say challenging. And the censorship was quite challenging. And everything that I presented for Buddy Cole was unacceptable. So I think I probably submitted six monologues that were unacceptable.
Starting point is 01:04:43 And so I went, well, if i can't put buddy on television um then you i will put him on stage because the thing is there's no one can stop me on stage uh you know the gatekeepers can stop me from getting you know on on the air but they can't stop me from clambering on stage no No, not with your Krav Maga. Exactly. So basically this show, and I have to thank Amazon in a weird way for being so heavy-handed because it inspired me to create a brand new show and take it out in the road.
Starting point is 01:05:20 How many places are you headed to? A lot. I don't know. it's two months january and february i would say maybe 20 it's a lot of places yeah and hopefully my dream is that it starts to take off as i go along and they add dates so i think it's selling quite well already. I'm thrilled by the show. It's exciting to have something like this. And, you know, I don't have to worry about it. Like I have to, I'm sitting on something I think really cool. And I just can't wait to reveal it.
Starting point is 01:05:57 You know, I just can't wait to let the people see what I've been up to, what Buddy thinks about the world today. Because it's, we really weren't, I wasn't really allowed to weigh in on our series as Buddy about the world. And so this is why I'm doing this now. You appear to be in the graphics here having a martini while Rome is burning. That's actually not Rome. what that is he's he's he's he's in armor right and he's having a martini he is in armor i didn't notice that he's in armor he's in he's in armor he's gone to war it's and what's behind him is the tower of babel collapsing
Starting point is 01:06:38 ah thank you yes got it yes so that's what that is it's kind of the entire show is kind of um a dissection of identity politics um so yeah and that's what that is representing the tower of babel well uh buddy buddy cole is at war and he's trying to bring it down if folks want to come out to these shows uh doesn't sound funny, does it? But it is. I bet it is. I believe it is. Come on. Kidsinthehall.ca is the Kids in the Hall website where there are all the dates here.
Starting point is 01:07:16 And Scott, what a joy and a pleasure to get to see you. And thank you for staying up late for us and coming on Jordan, Jesse, go. Well, thank you very much. I enjoyed it's uh it's not what i expected yeah no thank you scott i think uh it was silly and fun to to all of us here on the zoom uh to me and jesse and producer matt you're you're you're you're just a hero you're um you're one of the funniest ever and uh yeah I can't wait to see the show. Oh my God. And thank you for coming on. It's a thrill for us. Thanks, guys. I think you'll enjoy the show.
Starting point is 01:07:52 Our theme music on Jordan and Jesse Go is Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and their label Light in the Attic Records. Our producer is Matt Lieb, producer emeritus, Brian Son Sonny D Fernandez. You can find us on Reddit at maximumfund.reddit.com. You can also find us on Instagram at jordandavidmorrisatput.this.on for me. And if you're posting about us on social media, hashtag it JJGO. By the way, I have a few of our bumper stickers that say, keep honking. I'm listening to Max Fund's long running nonsense podcast, Jordan, Jesse, go. I have like probably 20 left, 30 left.
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