Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Capy Ending, with Liz Climo

Episode Date: August 29, 2024

This week, we welcome comic artist Liz Climo (Life in the Present) to chat about working on The Simpsons, we play a Larry June guessing game, chat impressing children, hear some capybara updates, and so much more.Get Liz’s new book, Life in the Present.Listen to Larry June.Visit bit.ly/run4mar to help Caitlin raise money while running a half-marathon for children’s Alzheimer’s disease. Follow the podcast on Instagram and send us your dank memes!Jordan Morris is doing a book tour for Youth Group! Come see Jordan at Rose City Comic ConCome see Judge John Hodgman: Road Court  live in a town near you! Jesse and John will be all over the country so don't miss your change to see them. Check the events page to find out where! Follow brand new producer, Steven Ray Morris, on Instagram.Listen to Liz chat with producer, Steven Ray Morris, about Jimmy Buffett!

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I am Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris Boyd Detectives here with some election news. Oh, thank goodness, because it is, for those of you who are overseas, it's election season here in the United States.

The most wonderful time of the year. I think we can all agree. Indeed. This is when- We love it. We're nuts for democracy. This is when we, the American people, choose our leaders through the ballot box. What a crop this year.

Yeah. Jesse, I want to be careful with this. Democrats, Republicans, independents, third party candidates, we've got them all. Sure. Bring on the ideas, we say. Yeah. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.

Ooh, discourse. What a tasty marketplace, we say. Good points on all sides. Yeah. I've learned a lot today. Sure. And I wanna be careful with this next bit because I know that Jesse has a, you know, we've mentioned this before on the show, but you're an NPR journalist, so like expressing

bias on the show is not something you can do legally. Right. I mean, I know you told me kind of like personally that you're still like, you haven't decided who you're voting for and you just want to like get some more information, some reading. I'm what they call a low information voter. So I try and keep my info low before I cast my votes. Right, and then just go in and go on vibes. Yeah, exactly. What's the vibe like in the old ballot box today?

You know, they say your first thought is your best thought. Right, yes. And I know this about you. I know you don't love information. You like to keep it low. I just, and I know this about you. I know you don't love information. You like to keep it low. But I did hear some information that I thought might be useful to you. And I think to our audience at large.

Like the listening audience at home? The listening audience, yeah. So Tim Walz, the VP candidate. He's the Democratic vice presidential candidate who rocketed to stardom by saying weird, the word weird. He did say weird and we all loved it. We all loved it. So he said weird and that's great.

I think we all loved that. But I think there's something more distinct about Tim Walz that I think has kind of like gotten swept under the rug. Okay. I'm interested to hear about that. Tim Walz in a recent New York Times profile was revealed to be a Dreamcast guy. What? Tim Walz. I'm sorry, what?

He's a fan of the Sega Dreamcast. The final Sega system. I had heard rumors that he was a dad rock guy. I had heard something about that maybe Well we all contain multitudes, Jesse. You can be more than one kind of guy. Well I think there is actually a rule that says if you're into the Dreamcast, if you were into the Dreamcast in 2002, you now have to have at least three Hold Steady Alperos. Right. So, I think we're painting a portrait of a certain kind of man.

Okay, what did it say about him being a Dreamcast guy? Did he bring it up? Did they say, are you more into Dreamcasts or Jaguars? Right, exactly. Do you own a Wonder Swan? Japan only handheld Where are you? Where do you stand in the turbo graphics 16 your silence speaks volumes? He says wow going from congressman to Governor to vice presidential candidate has been a real bonks adventure

to governor, to vice presidential candidate has been a real bonks adventure. I'm sick of all these bonks in Congress. Furtive wonks, but bonks? Real policy bonk. Does anyone remember bonk? No. If you're out there, you remember Bonk? Raise your hand. It's a caveman who hit people with his head.

Yeah. So Tim Wald, they were telling, this is just kind of like, you know, colorful stories from his life. They're trying to like paint a picture of a man. And he said something along the lines of like, you know, I sometimes get really into things. Wait, hold on. Can I just guess what he said? Sure.

And then you can tell me whether I'm right or wrong. He said, back in college, I got a CD burner and I started downloading Japan only fighting games. Sure, exactly. Burning them on CD and then bringing them over to Nathaniel and Jesse's apartment. That was the New York Times interview with me. Oh, okay.

Yeah. Me and Tim Walz, a lot in common. I think he's probably the person on the ticket I have the most in common. You have an everyman charm. Many people say that about me. I once had dinner in the same room as Kamala Harris in San Francisco. And you and Walz are both into Dreamcast. Sure, yeah.

Did he say anything? It was a brief mention. He was talking about getting too into things. I might be misremembering this, I'm sorry. But I think he was talking about getting too into things. He's talking about getting too into video games, and he mentioned that his wife had to take away his Sega Dreamcast. Holy cow.

This is incredible. Is this how we get Secretary of the Interior, Seaman? Kamala Harris could become the first African American woman president, the first Asian American woman president. He could become the first Seaman vice president. He could. The first president to know Seaman. The half man, half fish that you talk to through a little microphone on your Sega DreamCats

controller. That is incredible. Well, our guest on this week's program, Jordan, was nodding enthusiastically or possibly doing a bonk impression when we asked if anyone remembers bonk. Or signaling to Stephen that she'd like to leave. Why not all three? Exactly. Again, we all contain multitudes. She is a celebrated comics artist and animator who, among other things, worked on The Simpsons for a decade.

She's also a best-selling children's book author. And her new book is called Life in the Present, a Joyful Collection of Comics about Living in the Moment. Liz Clime, Ohio. Hello. Also a bonk enthusiast. Oh, OK. That might be unfair. We have big heads in our family, so my brother and I

would playfully call each other bonk when we were younger. Oh, that's nice that you kind of owned it like that. I have had to, yeah. Yeah. I mean, now that bonk has kind of owned it like that. I have had to, yeah. I mean, now that Bonk has kind of gone, you know, kind of drifted away into, you know, pop culture's, you know, memory hole or whatever, what do kids with big heads have to latch on to, you know? Funkos, maybe?

Yeah. Maybe fun- Yeah. So I guess if you have a big kid- Funko pop figurines. Yeah. Did you guys see the footage of Vice President Kamala Harris showing off a George Clinton Funko pop that she bought no She was asking everyone around if they were familiar with Parliament They said no and she said well there's gonna have to be some teaching going on now

And I was like, okay, I can get on board with that. Sure. I would just, you know, if you would have asked me who on the presidential ticket has the most fun-cos, JD Vance, right? Yeah, it does seem like it would be JD Vance. That guy's got every Deadpool. Yeah, and they're probably tucked away though, someplace secret that he like opens the door. Yeah, you're right, exactly.

In his jacket. Don't go in there! Don't go in there! Exactly! away though someplace secret that he like opens the door. Yeah, you're right. Exactly. In his trap. Don't go in there! Don't go in there! Exactly! It's full of fungots and cakes in my semen! Oh, I shouldn't have said that out loud. JD!

He keeps them in the couch cushions, maybe. There, yes! Topical humor. Of course, yeah. What will people in 2030 think about this episode? Wait, did you and your brother... First of all, I understand and relate. I have a large-ish head, but my beautiful wife, Teresa, we just celebrated our somethingth-anniversary.

Congratulations to the two of us. But my beautiful wife, Teresa... That's the bonk anniversary? Yeah. We get each other bonk. Has a very large head, and our children inherited her giant head. She has a whole family of beautiful people

with giant heads, like a bunch of game show hosts. And our children's heads were so big, our first two children's heads were so big, that they both got referred to the neurologist for having too big of a head when they were babies. Okay. And then after the first one, when we brought my daughter Gracie in, she was our oldest child, they put the measuring tape around Gracie's head. And then they said, we might have to do like a CAT scan or something to make sure there's

no swelling or whatever, whatever, right? And then they put the tape around my head and said, hmm, and then they put the tape around my wife's head and said, oh, no, it's fine. Don't worry about it. Sure. Well, it's interesting. You say that because, well, I have one daughter, just one daughter who has a very big head.

It's part of why I decided to only have one daughter. Right. So. Just didn't have a head room? It was more just like how we got her here, you know? Right, right. It's just, you remember the little K remember the cool-aid commercials where you just burst through the door? It was kind of like that. Her first words were, oh yeah.

Oh yeah, here I am. So when we had her head measured when she was probably two weeks old, the nurse measured her head and then went out and the doctor came in and she was looking at her clipboard and she was like, okay, everything here looks good. You know, weight is this and the, oh, head size, sorry. She's new, she must have done it incorrectly. Let me just go ahead and do it myself. Wow.

So she did it and she was like, okay, so this is nothing to worry about, this image, but same, yeah, I think she was like off the charts in head size. Congratulations. On my Funko baby. Yeah, she's very clever. Leave her in the box. I leave. Congratulations. On my Funko baby. Yeah. She's very cool.

Leave her in the box. Don't take her out of the box. So lose her value. Exactly. Did you and your brother talk about, call each other bonks, because simply Bonk was in the Zeitgeist at the time, or because you had direct Turbografx-16 experience?

I think it was the Zeitgeist. I don't think we ever actually played. Yeah, I don't think, I had an Atari Lynx, but I never played a TurboGrafx-16. No, we had a PlayStation and I think like a Super Nintendo, but no, that was. Yeah, these are the systems people had. The ones that people had, yeah.

We did have a GameCube, that's kinda, Yeah, that's one of the, you know, more obscure Nintendo consoles. Matthew Dudley was the kid in my neighborhood who had the TurboGrafx-16. We used to play Keith Courage in the Alpha Zone. You know, the original co-host of The Sound of Young America, the show that preceded this one and my NPR show Bullseye, Matt Dobbs had a TurboGrafx-16 that he brought into college at one point.

Cool. Yeah, TurboGrafx-16 memory. Steven, you got any big TurboGrafx-16 memories? You have to have one. We got nothing, man. I was a Sega kid and just played Aladdin over and over again. That's a good call. That was a fun game. I remember that game. That's a good game. Beautiful animation. I was really good at GoldenEye. That was the one.

Oh, yeah? That was the one I was good at. Oh, nice. That's good. That's one where you're good at it, but you can also use that for social capital, you know, because of it being a group game and everything. Yeah. I would just walk up to people and say, nice to meet you, I'm Liz, I'm one shot, one kill.

It's the only way I play. Or Man with a Golden Gun. That's the only way I play. Okay, okay. All right. You're not a casual. Steven, you said she was a casual when you booked her. What the fuck? She's not a casual. Oh no, cut, cut, cut, cut. She's filthy, but-

Not a casual, yeah. She's really badly soiled. With Jordan, you were, there was a period where you were playing a lot of GoldenEye in our dorm when I was your RA. Oh, you know, I was never good at GoldenEye, didn't have the N64, and just kind of like missed it. And I kind of missed first person shooters. So I think if I was playing it, I was probably like getting beat really bad,

but just kind of there for the hang. It was on somebody else's. I can't remember who had it, but I remember I was going on. It was going down a lot. I remember our friend Jim Ray, I was playing it a lot. I remember our friend Jim Rayal was playing it a lot. I remember I tried to play it a couple times, and to say I was bad at it cannot even begin to describe how awful I was at that game. And I tried it recently for some reason. It came up, I don't remember if it was on an emulator

or something, and it's one of the greatest video games of all time or whatever. Like, I still find it unfollowable. Like, I can't tell what's happening, I can't do anything. I know, yeah, I think this will be, you know, a little bit heretical to some people listening, but I think it maybe like hasn't aged well.

I guess like not a great game. And you know, Louis CK is a playable character, so that also too. Yeah, so. But yeah, I know that like, GoldenEye and Halo, I just like never learned to play it, and I think there's just a lot of people around our age who just like fucking drilled that shit

when they were 13 to 16 and are so good at it. And yeah, I cannot just like casually play one of those games with someone like that because they're too good and then they get mad at me. Yeah, I think around that time I downloaded Baseball Mogul and then just threw my life down that hole for 20 years. Sure, yeah. My husband and I just replayed Riven,

remember that game? Oh, The Seable, The Mist. I feel like I've heard, this is like the second time Riven has come up for me this week. That's like a PC game that's very visual. Was it like fun to play in 2024? I thought it was really fun to play and it was it was so hard that I kept falling asleep

and I'd wake up and be like, are we winning? How did we do that? Because he loves games like that. I played and beat Myst when it came out. So yeah, okay, okay. But I never actually played Riven. So I don't, I think I maybe tried, but didn't actually follow through. So yeah, he just downloaded it one night, and he was like, baby, we're playing Riven tonight. Was it like- Maybe I've had a couple drinks, and I downloaded Riven. First of all, I think, am I wrong in remembering

that the title of Riven was Riven, colon, a sequel to Myst? I think you're right. That sounds right. Yeah. It was almost like a hypercard game, right? It was just like you'd go see one static slightly animated image that was very beautiful. And you'd have to do something, and then it would show you a different one.

If you turn to the right, it was like, here's the new picture you're looking at. That's exactly how it was. And the new gameplay, you can actually move through the space. And it's really beautiful. Although someone was telling me at Comic-Con a couple weeks ago that he did it on VR.

And he said it was too intense. Oh, yeah. He was like, this is too much. Too erotic. It was just too beautiful. It came in my pants. Yeah. You can do that at home, though.

It's OK. Sure. You can come anywhere in your own home. Nobody can stop you. Unless these Democrats get reelected. Okay, hold on. Hold on, low information. One of these candidates is one that I feel like I can trust with my freedom to come wherever I want.

One of these guys is a real nasty blaster. Just lets it loose whereevs. I'm not going to say who it is, but suffice it to say he's got a worm in his brain. We'll leave it up to you to figure out who we're talking about. I'm sorry. I don't mean to like, well, we'd prefer not to be topical on this program, but since you brought up presidential candidates. So there is this thing about Robert Kennedy Jr. having a worm in his brain.

That's old news. Did you read this thing about him taking the carcass of a dead bear and hiding it in a park. Yes Yes, and pretending that it got hit by a bike by taking an old bike and putting it on top of the bear Yes, and then drive as a joke Anyway, that's all I got. Yeah Fucking mind that there were new things to come out like that, right? It looked like it blew Roseanne Barr's mind as well, too It blew my fucking mind that there were new things to come out like that.

It looked like it blew Roseanne Barr's mind as well too, and that's I think hard to do. Yeah, that's something else about our modern day is that you'll get these mind-blowing weirdo sound bites from people, and it's like, oh yeah, that happened on Pauly Shore's podcast. It'll just be the fringiest celebrity on their podcast and you just get this information that becomes national news. Hey, enough of the nerd shit. Liz, can we ask some Simpsons questions?

Oh, please. As someone who worked on The Simpsons, what's the- What are they really like? What is, yeah, is Bart cool? He's cool on the show, but like- You cannot look Bart in the eye. Oh, one of those. One of those.

Yep, yep. As an employee, what's the coolest piece of Simpson swag you got? Oh gosh, we got a lot of... We got a skateboard deck one year. We got a bowling ball one year. We got... Stephen laughing. We got sort of an iPod around the time of the Simpsons movie.

They called it an MP4 player, but it was like- Oh, cause it played video too. Yeah, those were the future. Yeah, but yeah, it was, I worked there for about 14 years and yeah, they gave great gifts. They still give great gifts. My husband actually just did some freelance and he got a watch for Christmas.

Oh, okay. I believe it was a swatch. Not bad. Liz, I have a question. The bowling ball, did it say Homer? I don't think it did, but it really should have because that would have been good. It would have been good. It's like getting a license plate that doesn't say Bort on it. It's like, come on, there's a good joke here you can do. They gave it to us and said, if you don't want it, we'll take it. Right. joke here you can do. They gave it to us and said, if you don't want it, we'll take it. Yeah, right.

Simpson, do we have to punch up your crew gifts? Come on, come on, right here. There's those like famous jackets. There's those like, you know, like letterman jackets that like Joe Montegna will wear on a red carpet. Did you ever have one of those? I feel like I came in right after that was a gift and then left right before it was like a gift

that they brought back. So I never had it. My husband Colin has one. I believe he still has it. We met working on the Simpsons movie. So yeah, so he was working at Rough Draft at the time and I was working at a film Roman at the time, which are the two studios, you know, in the movie.

And so it was a real like Romeo and Juliet situation. Sure. But no, I don't have a jacket. Tale as old as time. I know. Sadly, I don't have a jacket. Sorry to hear that. I'd love to have one of those jackets.

You know, for a while there, I sold it and put this on shop. But I had a Letterman crew jacket. Oh, yeah? Oh, cool. They would get Letterman jackets. Yeah. Get it. David Letter they would get Letterman jackets. Yeah. Get it? David Letterman.

David Letterman. And they get Ebbets Field Flannels to make them very credible company. And they were, you know, his company is called Worldwide Pants. So they just say pants across the front. Oh cool. Yeah, it is really cool.

Oh man, how'd you let that one go? I know, I didn't, I was like, I was. Yeah, you can't keep them all. Can't keep them all. You can't keep them all Jordan. I did get all. You can't keep them all, Jordan. I did get a Burt Reynolds t-shirt at a garage sale this week. Oh yeah?

Yeah, I think it might be too small for you, but it's here. Cool. We're gonna check it out. Otherwise, we're gonna give it away on the show. Oh, okay, I like this. This is nice. What's he doing on the shirt?

He's in a movie with Lonnie Anderson. Okay, on the shirt. Yeah, no, he made the words on the shirt. There's not a picture of him on the shirt, I don't think. Oh, okay. Yeah, but it says Burt Reynolds. That's cool.

That's his name, Liz. Oh! Okay, well, hey guys. Yeah. I actually prepared a quiz for you guys, are you? Oh my God, I love those. So Liz Steven told me that you're a huge hip hop head. And Jordan, I know you're a huge hip hop head.

Huge, love it. So this is actually going to be a hip hop quiz. Ooh, OK. You guys know how I, or Jordan at least, you know how strongly I feel about the rapper Larry June. I do. So this is going to be a Larry June quiz. Great. He's a rapper from San Francisco.

He has rocketed to hip-hop stardom in a lane of his own creation. Toughened streetwise, but also he loves to extol the virtues of healthy living and smart investing. If you want a rapper to tell you about selling cocaine in one verse and then going for a mountain bike ride in the next, Uncle Larry is your man. So in honor of Larry June's new album, I'm doing it for

me. Here's a quiz that I'm calling, good job, Jesse. It's a reference to one of his catch phrases. Okay. I'm going to give you three sets of lyrics. One is real, two are made up, please tell me which unusual chunk of braggadocio really appeared on a real Larry June album. I will be giving you three choices, C, B, and A, A, A, A. It's another one of his catchphrases is A, A, A, A. Great. Just so you know. Liz, since you're the guest, I'm going to start with you.

Great. And Stephen, I'm going to have you keep score. Do you think you can both keep score and hit play on those clips? Mm-hmm. OK, great. Mm-hmm. He said, sorry, my mouth's full. OK, here are your choices, Liz.

One of these is real, two of these are made up. Stopped at Sac's Fifth Ave for some alkaline water. Perfume girl gave me digits, but I probably won't call her. That's the first. Okay. You look hella good in those Birkenstock clogs. Let's go to Paris. I hear they eat frogs. And we can take a walk in the park. Imagine that. You got a new apartment. We can go get you some plants. Let me water your plants. Let me water your plants. Okay, so one of those is real. One of those is real. I wish they were all real. I know. I'm gonna go with the first one. You're gonna say the first one is real. Let's hear the real verse, Stephen. Let me water your plants.

That's nice. That's really nice. Liz, I was kind of with you that line about getting a water from Saks Fifth Avenue was so strange and specific. I'm like, I think that's gotta be something, but it wasn't, you made it up. I think I was just so excited to hear, there was just so many good, I was hoping that was it,

but I'm really glad it was the third, because that was beautiful. I love it. He does like to rap about stopping into a very fancy store for a very quotidian item. Okay. Yeah, that's a common thing. Okay, this one's for you, Jordan.

Okay. Today I might go and hit the farmer's market. Yesterday I paid some bills and I went to Target. I'm only spending cash if the money's gonna grow. Building up my skills might learn to sew. Okay. Tonight I got appointments, girl. I always stay busy.

Something's wrong with my soda stream drinks ain't getting that fizzy. Can you read B to me again? Yeah that's I'm only spending cash if the money's gonna grow building up my skills might learn to sew. Okay yeah that one feels good to me you mentioned investments at the top in the intro that to me feels feels feels like a detail you were putting in there for on purpose I think that's really passionate about passive income We all should be we all should be in this economy. Gosh, let's take a listen Steven Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, incorrect Jordan.

Ah, bummer. I love him. I know he's the greatest. He fucking rules so hard. He's the best. Me coming out of the garage later and you're going to hear me coming out of my car. Sure. Just a beautiful Sunday.

Just plans for a beautiful Sunday. Okay, Liz. These choices are for you. Eating mango in Mumbai, and I will be using letters in place of certain words. Okay. Okay. Um, eating mango in Mumbai, and I will be using letters in place of certain words. Okay. Okay. Eating mango in Mumbai, find B in Asari,

on eBay, click, click, click, now I own me a rari. Okay. Green tea and some crumpets, with a B she from London, $80 lotion, got a N, smelling scrumptious. Okay. Got a pretty Russian girl and she feeding me borscht.

So I beat that P in the back of the Porsche. Mm. I gotta go with borscht. Gonna go with borscht. Wouldn't that be great? Let's say it would be great because a beat is what borscht is made of. That's why I liked it, borscht. Gonna go with borscht. Wouldn't that be great? Let's say it would be great, because a beat is what borscht is made of. That's why I liked it, yeah.

Clever, including the bleeped swear in all of them. I think that would have been the tip-off. Could have been the tip-off. I was kind of hoping it would be the tip-off. Clever. Clever gameplay. What's the score right now, Stephen? It's a zero, zero.

Ooh. Okay, boy. That's the Harris. This one's back to you, Jordan. Humiliated, yes, okay. Okay. Money got longer, now I got higher standards. I'm overseas with it, eating an apple and tanning.

All my income passive passive always stay aggressive Spent your check on a whip and it's hella unimpressive Wake up at 5 Take a long walk Grab a B and some yo play. It's time for girl talk Boy That little yeah that one sounds maybe the girl talk one Yeah, maybe I'll do that I'll do that is the last one C or is the last one a a a yo Do you that one would be C? Okay, I'll do C. Yeah, so you're saying it's the yo play one

I think so you think Larry June would buy yo play. I I don't know Yeah, no yogurt do they sell it Erewhon? Because that's what kind Larry June would eat. Gosh, I guess I haven't seen a Yo Play like in the wild in a while. He spends a lot on lotion, so he probably would splurge on a nice yogurt. Are you guys trying to talk to me? Can I change at this point?

I've been talked out of it. I think I'm wrong. You can change at this point if you want to. Can I hear the other two again? Yeah. Money got longer. Now I got higher standards. I'm overseas with it, eating an apple and tanning. Mm-hmm or all my income passive always stay aggressive

You spent your check on a whip and it's hella unimpressive. Oh, yeah I'm gonna say a the apple thing is a little too weird for to me for me to think that it was Made up invented. Okay, let's take a lesson. Money got longer, now I got higher standards. I'm overseas with it, eating an apple and tannin'. Yes. Well, after having won it, please, Liz, please take an eliminated answer in your next round, I insist.

Steven, what's the score now? It's one, Jordan, Liz, zero. Thank you for that. I couldn't keep track. After some helping. It's still gotten quite. It's OK. I'm just happy to hear all this. Yeah, just for having fun.

Just a couple more questions here, Liz. So this is your big shot at a comeback. OK. OK. Talking to my mama about a Roth IRA, I got to put my feet up and I got to stay paid. Okay. Cash ain't shit, get some property and credit. Fingerprinted safe in the crib, nothing in it.

Sold apartments, bought a store, now I'm shopping properly. That's a 10-13 swap with two commercial properties okay I'm gonna go with a is that the first one is gonna be there is your choice I just feel like he would be talking about a Roth IRA just like that's responsible it is if it helps at 1013 swap you don't have to pay capital gains taxes if you sell a commercial property then buy a second commercial property with that same money you can sort of roll it over it's one of the weird tax advantages of real estate investing that made our former

president rich immorally I forgot to tell our accountant when we when we sold our house so really not so you're saying a I go with a let's take a listen, Stephen. There's nothing in there. Boy, he doesn't keep cash. He uses he uses his money. He makes his money work for him. Sure. Yeah, it's not do it. If it's cash, he's not doing anything. Exactly. Okay. Jordan, back to you. Chopping it up with Brian about real estate by the ocean. A sea moss juice. My bee brought me one from Oakland. No investment advisors got my own tools late night on the computer, reading up on Motley Fool and save money, build wealth, take care of your kids, get the guap, go on eBay, drop some Pokemon bids. And then the ad lib that follows that is Squirtle.

DJ Khaled says Squirtle. I think A... To be clear, the alchemist says Squirtle. Yeah. I think A... To be clear, the Alchemist says Squirtle. Sure. I think A, here's my AAA. I think my logic is, I think I've heard that before and have we done this before?

We used these same ones for something? I don't think we used the same ones. Maybe you've just told me about this. We did a different Larry June thing at some point. Okay. I think it's AAA. That sounds familiar to me. Let. I think it's AAA. That sounds familiar to me.

Let's take a listen, Stephen. Chopping it up with Brian Barrella, stay by the ocean. A sea moss juice, my bitch brought me one from Oakland. Yeah. Okay. It's a great place for sea moss juice. Oh yeah? Yeah, a lot of people, they do have sea moss juice in, for example, Chicago,

Indianapolis, but it's less fresh. You gotta fly it in, yeah. You gotta fly it in. That's too bad. What's the score now, Steven? Two, Jordan, Liz, zero. Well, Liz, I've got great news. This is the final question, but it's worth three points.

Whoa! And I think Liz probably hasn't used her eliminate one because you obviously get it wrong, and then everyone feels bad for you Because you clearly picked the joke one. Yeah, you ready? I'm ready. Okay took the Corvette to Half Moon Bay It's foggy out grab the green tea after that brought the Porsche out Okay Sausalito ho shrimp scampi teppanyaki order uber eats Champagneagne, and Broccoli.

All right. I eat nothing but smoothies all night and all day. It's a lot of smoothies. I poop out smoothies from my butt. Okay, I really want it to be the third, but I feel like it has to be one of the first two because you mentioned a city in each. Can I, do you want me to read the third one again one more time? I think we all want that. So that one is I eat nothing but smoothies

all night and day. It's a lot of smoothies. I poop smoothies out of my butt. I think it's the third one. You think it's the third one. Do you want to do you want me to eliminate one of these for you because you do have an you do have a minute Okay, let's eliminate. Yeah, let's let's eliminate the smoothies I'm gonna go with Sausalito. You're gonna choose Sausalito ho shrimp scampi tapen yaki order u Champagne and Broccoli. Yes, I like the houseboats. This is a Sausalito has a houseboats, right? No, I don't know. I don't think I've ever been to Sausalito. Okay. Beautiful place to go on a houseboat.

Beautiful town, Sausalito. Let's take a listen. I'm so bad at this game. Congratulations, Jordan. Wow. Congratulations. Good job, Jordan. Thank you. Oh my gosh. What a thrill. Wow. Congratulations. Good job, Jordan. Thank you. Good job, Jordan. Oh my gosh.

Listen, what a thrill. What a thrill. Who knows what marginal niche comedy may follow the brick? We'll be back in just a second on Jordan. Comedy? What? Good point, Jordan. Point taken, sir.

It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Well, guess what, Jordan? I am headed out on the road with Judge John Hodgman. Oh my gosh. In the road court tour. I just got my flu vaccine in one arm.

Yeah. I got my COVID vaccine in the other arm. Now I'm unfucking stoppable. Whoa. Once I wrap my hand in these bandages and glue shards of glass too, no one will be able to stop me. We've got New York City, September 11th. Never forget.

We've got Philadelphia, Pennsylvania on September 13th. We've got Washington, DC, September 14th. Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, September 15th. That's the first leg of the Judge John Hodgman Road Court tour. All the tickets are online at maximumfund.org slash events. Our pal and friend of Judge John Hodgman, Linda Holmes is gonna be joining us in Washington. Hey, okay, good get.

And you know what? Glenn Weldon, I wanna see you out there. Come on, Weldon. I'll put you on the fucking list. Get in your car, drive from your little A-frame to Washington, D.C. We wanna see you at the show, G- G Dub. I'll put them on the list. Put them on the list.

It's not a general offer. It's only for Glenn Weldon. Although, Aunt Debbie, if you're listening, I'll put you on the list. Okay, there you go. Who else lives in Washington DC? Didis Kucinich? I don't know. Maybe he's back in Cleveland now. Hard to say. Yeah. Anyway, what's going on with you? Yeah, hey, listen, this might be just a waste of everybody's time.

Steven, if this seems like just totally superfluous, please feel free to cut it. I don't know if we maybe have a listener in Portland. I don't know if that's like. Do you think, Steven, can you take a look at a map and let us know if there's any listeners in Portland, Oregon? Yeah, yeah, I'll take a look. Yeah, Steven's going to run the number. So again, this might not even be worth mentioning. I don't know if there's any listeners in Portland, Oregon. Yeah, yeah, I'll take a look. Yeah, Tiva's gonna run the numbers.

So again, this might not even be worth mentioning. I don't know if anybody who listens to our show would live in Portland, but. They probably just all work down at the steel mill there in Portland. Sure. Well, if anybody is in Portland, I will be at Rose City Comic Con,

September 6th through the 8th. I will be in Artist Alley. My table number is AL-04. So come say hi. I'm gonna be selling and signing youth groups, bubbles, Archies, having a good time, posing for photos. Can I, Jordan? Yeah. Can I offer a suggestion for people who have a hard time

remembering where you're going to be at Rose City Comic Con? Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah. A mnemonic would be helpful. Yeah, so it's AL monarch would be helpful. Yeah. So it's AL-04. Dash 04. Allo 4. That's good.

Allo, Allo 4. Yeah. See, now, now you'll always remember to come visit me there at Rose City Comic Con. A few years from now, you're going to be at Rose City Comic Con and people are going to be going to Allo 4 because they remember my mnem demonic, but actually they give you a different seat every time. Sure, yeah. But hopefully there you can get a little bit of Aloe if you have a sunburn.

Yeah, that's true. Steven, did you run the numbers? Do we have anybody that listens in Portland? Well, if all of Portland goes to Powell's bookstore, then all of our listeners live in Portland. Okay. Okay, great. Good.

That's how the math, that's how math works. They will let you bring your Powell's tote bag into Rose City Comic-Con. So don't worry about that. I'm not going to take it from you. And hey, there's a new episode of Gracie's Game Gauntlet just posted. If you're a member of Maximum Fun,

it is available to you in your bonus feed. That is where we played the video game, Cool World. What I liked most about this episode, Jordan, was not playing Cool World, which is a bad video game. Although not as bad as Superman for Nintendo 64. It was not. It was not that bad. It was what they call playable. It was possible to do the things. You could move from left to right, kind of.

Yeah. What I liked about, well, that's true. There was a lot of platforms that were real hard to jump onto. Sure, yeah, Cool World, bad game. But what I liked about this show, and it's something that came up on the Reddit, is in this episode, Gracie really showed that she's a better podcast producer than we are. There's several moments where she complained

about how far off topic we were and got us back on track into introducing Cool World. Yeah, yeah. Gracie did a really great job with this. Really, really picked a shit game for us to play and was delightful on the pod. Yeah, these have been so much fun to do despite the games being so, so bad. So hopefully if you're a MaxFun member, you're checking out these apps. And if you're not, maximumfun.org slash join, you'll get to hear all these and just a shit ton of other bonus content.

A lot of stuff up there. You know what's going to happen next time we make one of these episodes? I'm going to give away this Burt Reynolds t-shirt I have. Whoa! It's a vintage Burt Reynolds t-shirt. Oh my God. This is from the heyday of Burt Reynolds. This is from like 1980 or something.

Peak Burt. Yeah, I got it at a garage sale. Oh my God. Maximumfun.org slash join. It seems like you should listen if you want a chance to win the shirt. I could put it up on eBay and sell it for $12,000. You probably could. But you know what I'm going to do?

I'm going to give it to a Maximum Fund member according to instructions on the next episode. That's how much we love the members. Yeah. Okay. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jessi Go. It's Jordan Jessi Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweethearts. Jordan Morris, Boy Detective.

And I'm Liz Climo. I had an orange Sony PlayStation. Wow. Orange. Oh no, sorry. It was a Nintendo 64. Well, that's not a break. It's not. Okay. No, that is. That's still cool. PlayStation Wow no sorry it was a Nintendo 64 It's not okay no that is that's still cool I've never had an orange anything

yeah an orange how was it it's very juicy sounds good that sounds I realize now I've had too many orange things an orange cell phone oh yeah yeah maybe that's just too that's not too many Please destroy one orange thing I Want you to go home after this destroy one orange thing and then text the picture of the destroyed orange thing That's what Coco Chanel always said before you leave the house. That's right Was that like a did you like win it from Pizza Hut or something? How do you get an orange in 54? No, that was just my own choice. I just really, I felt like orange really,

I identified with just orange things. I liked orange things. It's a beautiful color. It was my color. Okay, interesting. So that was just something you could get at a, you know, Toys R Us or something. Yeah, and actually, you know what?

Now that I'm thinking about it, I think I may have had an orange iMac. Oh. So that's- Yeah, you're gonna have to destroy that. That's three. I think that one's gone. And that was already in a landfill somewhere, unfortunately.

That's good. Because I was going to say. Did you ever have one of those translucent cordless telephones that was orange? Oh, yeah. I did, actually. It was clear. It was just a clear so you could see all the guts of the phone and stuff. Yeah.

I had one of those. I had a big swatch watch on my wall. Wait, you had a big swatch watch on your wall? I sure did. Holy cow. Hope you didn't destroy that. Is it still around? That one is, my dad probably has it in storage someplace,

or he probably threw it away. Yeah, yeah. Do you think that you manifested that Simpson swatch by having that giant swatch on your wall as a child? I believe I did, yes. Wait, we really grew up in the golden age of you can see inside something. Didn't we? Absolutely.

Why don't kids want to see inside stuff these days? Can I ask a question? Sure. If I subscribe to Sports Illustrated, can I get a football cell phone? Sure. Cell phone? Jesse picked up an actual cell phone and did a mime for the folks listening home. I was holding, talking into a phone. This is what you do when you talk into a cell phone.

Yes. I want a Garfield-shaped cell phone. Remember the Garfield phone? Yeah, that would be great. And its eyes open when you picked it up? I don't know how that would work, but I want it. I think that'd be great. I mean a shoulder strap seems like the most likely, right?

Yeah. Can I get a Felix the cat phone that just looks side to side? Oh yeah. That would be great. This is fun phone humor. Kids remember landlides, all right, when your mom and dad were kids. We had to eat in landlides. Did you know that Liz invented Rory the dinosaur, which is roughly half of the books in any

given bookstore? Oh, yeah. That's very cool. Congratulations on inventing the dinosaur. Oh, thank you so much. Does that, when you tell a child that, are they impressed or terrified? I don't think I've ever impressed a child.

I've terrified some children. I'm getting better at talking to children. I'm saying, now that I'm... As a parent and bestselling children's book author? I'm realizing, I just had a book event yesterday and I'm realizing I've never considered myself like great with kids, but I mean I have an 11 year old daughter and I guess exposure to kids really does help with that. But I'm finding-

They call that exposure therapy. So much exposure. Yeah, they just, a bunch of them in a room at once. But I realize that I'm actually enjoying talking to kids now more at those events than adults. Because you can just say whatever. You can just talk about stuff in the room and they're just excited about it. Sure. Yeah, they don't care.

I have a friend whose husband was one of the voices on Yo Gabba Gabba. Voice of one of the Yo Gabba Gabba characters. Wow, which one? And don't remember. Okay. Don't remember which one is which, to be honest with you. Sorry, I didn't mean to put you on the spot. I got excited when you said Yo Gabba Gabba if that don't remember. Okay. Don't remember which one is which, to be honest with you. Sorry, I didn't mean to put you on the spot. I got excited when you said Yogaba Gaba if that wasn't obvious.

It was neither Mark Mother's Bond nor Bismarckie. All right. One of the robot guys or something. Okay. And I know that she told me that people would ask him to call their kids on the phone and do the voice on the phone, like for the kids' birthdays and stuff, you know, like three, four, five-year-olds, kids that are into Yo Gabba Gabba. And that like about half the time the kid would just start crying. It's

probably too much to bear. I actually, there was a little girl who came in yesterday to the bookstore and I was asking her, because she had two books in her hands, one of two different books of mine. And I was asking her which one she was gonna choose. She started crying, cause she faced with the decision. And so what I'm trying to say is,

Hey, they're both great. I'm so good with kids now. I sometimes make them cry at my book events just yesterday. Wow, congratulations. I was like, oh, you don't have to take any. I don't get, okay, I'm so sorry. And I also related to that, so. Yeah. Yeah, big time.

Yeah. Just saying. Just saying. Fucking celebrity. Yeah, that's pretty cool. Pretty cool. Basically got Maurice Sendak in here with us. Cause you're like, your things do well on the internet. Do you ever get like people in the comments fighting about something unrelated? Like when something is big enough on the internet, you will get an unrelated to the thing fight

in the comments. Does that ever happen to you? It does. I tend to stay out of the comments. Good call. Yeah. I mean, I have to say most of the people commenting on my stuff are usually pretty cool. Can I ask a question?

Yes. If you usually stay out of the comments, how can you tell if you are good or bad as a person? Great question. Just like it's some internal sense of worth that you have. I have my own stuff rattling around my head. I'm taking care of that on my own. But yeah, I mean, for the most part, I mean, there was somebody recently who did tell me to burn in hell, but aside from that, it's been generally pretty positive.

Okay, just the one? Just the one. Yeah. Just the one. And like, to be fair, they knew your dark secrets. They did. And I was like, listen, I'm doing this on my own. So no one to tell you.

You're like, sorry. So I mixed some fibers. Exactly. I covet. Have you seen my neighbor's wife? Baboom. Give me the shrimps, you said. Dip them in milk.

I suddenly can't remember any of the Bible. It's stuff about shrimp. Okay, yeah. A lot of shrimp any of the Bible. It's stuff about shrimp. Shrimp stuff in the Bible. Yeah, I would say, would you say the Bible is a shrimp book? Oh yeah, the Bible, it's a shrimp book. No doubt about that. Okay, well when something momentous happens to you, like you have to decide between two of Liz Climo's books, give us a call at 206-984-4FUN or send us a voice memo at jjgoatmaximumfund.org.

Now, Stephen, you're the producer of the program. When I say people should give us a call at 206-984-4FUN or send us a voice memo at jjgoatmaximumfund.org, should they just let that pass in, go into one ear and pass out through the other unbothered? Or should they seize onto that information and then actually do those things? If you're hearing this right now, leave us a voicemail and email it. Yeah. You're going to be so happy you did. Yeah.

Just like the person who was caught in the tornado the other day. Yeah, she survived, by the way. She gave us an update. There was a woman who was hiding in a barn from a tornado. And she called here? And she called here. update. There was a woman who was hiding in a barn from a tornado. And she called here? And she called here. Wow. Which is good of her. You know what also would have been good?

911. I think she did the right thing. I think she did the right thing, too. Jordan, I'm going to be honest with you. I think 911 knew about the tornado. You know what you might think? Whoa, OK. Sorry, we were in a movie.

We didn't know. The curtains were closed. We had no idea. They were like, sorry, can you call non-emergency responders? Sure, we. It's expressing. But yeah, people should actually call us, right, Stephen? Stephen's nodding. 100%.

Yes. 206-984-441 or jjgoatmaximumfund.org. Because if you do call us, odds are you're going to become a celebrity like this person's about to. Hello, this is Josh from outside Boston. I'm calling with a momentous occasion. My three-year-old and I saw a wasp attack and kill a grass... Wait, pause, pause.

You're telling me they saw a wasp outside Boston? Oh boy. You're telling me they saw a wasp outside Boston? Oh, boy. You're telling me they saw a wasp? Probably headed to Cape Cod. Outside Boston? This is really good. This is very good. Do we play the rest of the call?

Do we just dismount here? Nah, I think we should... Steven, should we just stop the show now forever? Yeah. Just ends like the end of The Sopranos. Yeah. Just cut to the end of The Sopranos. Yeah. Cut to the end. Don't stop.

I don't remember what song they played. It was. That was the one, yeah. A wasp in Boston. And he's going to the vineyard. My three-year-old and I saw a wasp attack and kill a grasshopper mid hop. The wasp targeted the grasshopper as it jumped, made a beeline to it, pun intended, and then stuck its stinger in it, knocked it to the ground, and proceeded to gorge on

its innards as we watched. Needless to say, it was one of the coolest and most disgusting things we'd ever seen. Love the show. Thanks so much. Love you. First of all, we love you too. Second of all, it's not a pun. That is a literal beeline. That is what a beeline is. But a wasp isn't a bee. Fuck you, Jordan. Wasp isn't bee! I'm sorry!

You think wasp is bee? Come on. You think wasp is bee? Hello, 911 is wasp bee. They said it is. Oh, well 911 says it. And they're sending the paramedics for you. Oh good. Cause I had a stroke stroke and thought Wasp wasn't Bee. Wait, if Wasp isn't Bee, what do Bee Bee?

Bee is just Bee. Sorry, man. I don't know what to tell you. Sometimes Bumble. Sometimes Bumble. You know what, Liz? Great point. Sometimes Bumble is Bee.

That's a really great point. Bumble can be Bee. Bumble and Bumble. Yep. Yep. Yes, I definitely know what's going on. That's why I'm speaking and nodding. The Jordan Jesse ghost story. I definitely know what's going on. I know what I'm saying. I know what everyone in the room is saying. Have you ever seen animals

exhibit behaviors? Good question. Probing. I stepped on a lizard once and it was awful. Actually, I know it was real sad because we have lots of little lizards that run around our front yard and I love them. They're so cute. I had a, it got caught on our security camera, and so you can see me carrying like a bunch of trash down and then taking a step and then jumping up and down

and going, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And it was, yeah, it was a- But you did win $10,000 after you sent it to America's Funniest Home video. Yeah, luckily I did. And it was one step, one kill. so it was just, it was swift and... Well, he didn't even know what happened. Exactly.

Didn't even know that he was alive. Yeah. Have you, by the way, seen the new America's Funniest Snob Videos? I... America's Funniest Snob Videos. Yes. Someone has to die. Someone or something has to die.

Alfonso Ribero can host anything, though. He can really host anything. You know? They should have Alfonso Ribero can host anything. He can really host anything. They should have Alfonso Ribero host like a Faces of Death sort of like- That'd be great. Carlton himself. Yeah. Liz, I've got a question for you. Okay.

Have you ever met a capybara? I haven't, not in person, only on the internet. I've got a lot of capybara updates, by the way, Jordan. Yeah. On a recent episode, Jesse talked about wanting to interact with a Capybara. Yeah, pet a Capybara, not just have a chat. Sure. That's the one thing they can't talk, Jordan. Have a coffee.

Yeah. Apparently, you can pet a Capybara in Tacoma, Washington. Okay. In almost anywhere in Texas, apparently. Makes sense. And very few other places. Okay. I did receive updates from someone who had priced out the Otter trip.

Okay. They said they- Remind me what the Otter trip is? So if you spend, I don't remember, a thousand dollars or something, and you sign up on a very particular day of the year, you can swim with otters in like Sylmar. And also there are rumors that they also have capybaras, but they can't announce that they

have capybaras because the capybaras are illegal. Yeah. When we were doing that, did I say like, oh, you have to ask for a capy ending? The last time we were talking about this? I'm thinking back and I don't think so because if you had we wouldn't be doing this episode we would have just ended it there on the applause line and gotten off stage. Good night everybody. Yeah and there are a few places in Japan including in Japan a Capybara cafe. Oh they got a cafe for everything over there.

They really do. Yeah. They even have coffee cafes there. What? Okay, hold on. Steven, Google that. You'll end up in trouble. What?

It's my new character. Guy who doesn't believe there's coffee cafes. Capybars are pretty big, right? Cause usually I know that there's like cat cafes and hedgehog cafes. They could just kind of like pull up a chair and sit with you. Sure, yeah. They could probably serve you. That's fun.

Wouldn't that be cute? That's the world's largest rodent. I mean, the thing is, Liz, in a Cappy Bar cafe, you're going to have to look out for the wiring because these things can't stop chewing. Yeah, you're right. That's true. That's true. That's a good point. They're also going to need somewhere for them to swim. Yeah.

Hopefully not in the coffee. Yeah. Hello, Sports Illustrated. Jesse has his phone. Hello, what about Cappy Barra swimming? Mm-hmm. Is it a sport? Oh, so Sports Illustrated says what is and isn't a sport in this scenario?

No, they're calling for story ideas. Oh, okay. And they called me on my football cell phone. Right, but they called you, but you said, hello, Sports Illustrated? Yeah, well, I saw on the caller ID that it was them, okay. Oh, I saw on the caller ID that it was them, okay. Because it's a cell phone. Bits airtight.

I'm sorry, I tried to poke holes in it. Nothing wrong with the bit. Well, if we're going to poke holes in anything, we're going to poke holes through the bottom of a capybaras mouth because it didn't chew on enough and its teeth never stopped growing. It's a rodent. Judge John Hodgman tour coming up. Will you be in either Tacoma or Texas long enough to where you could, you could, you could Cappy? We don't have any Texas States this time around,

but there's a Seattle Washington date. Okay. And Tacoma is a neighboring city. I think, I think it's maybe gonna be like an hour drive. Okay. And so I am scheming in my head about whether I could go to the Cappy Barra thing. And my other thought is if I can't go to the Capybaras,

can they bring Capybaras to me? Oh. Can I call them and say, hi, I'm Jesse Thorne. You definitely don't know who I am, but my friend was in a famous TV commercial. I think. I mean, we've talked about this on the shows. Like, you know, like, we've talked about this on the shows.

We love our small, particular fan base. But there are places where we can maybe count on to get recognized. Rock and roll libraries. If someone owns a Cappy Bar rescue, pretty good chance. Maybe they know at least, you know, maybe. I don't know. Yeah, that's a good possibility. That's interesting.

Yeah. I don't know. They probably just know about John Mulaney. Sure. Yeah. Maybe they just want to talk to you about John Mulaney. Yeah. I guess you could either be like specific, you know, animal nerd,

or you could be like outdoorsy wild man. Yeah, I mean, I think, like my feeling is that a person that owns a cabibara rescue or business is probably a total nut bar. Sure. I think that's fair. I'm not saying, but I feel like it's more likely

to be like a tippy-hedron situation where they live with a bunch of tigers or whatever. And once in a while, one of them eats one of their limbs than it is like a, you know, I have five cats situation, which is, I think, our demo. Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? But maybe I'm wrong. I don't know. Yeah.

Look, if you're out there and you got a fucking cappy bar, send it my way. You can bring it to a theater. Fucking, you'll be the new star of the show. And I'll give you, how about this, $20 cash. Whoa. That20 cash. Whoa. That's cash.

Liz, do you have an animal that you haven't petted that you would like to pet? I'd like to meet a sloth. I've never met a sloth. Yeah, that'd be cool. That'd be fucking cool. I like sloths a lot. As someone who draws a lot of animals,

do you get access to animals that most of us don't get to see? You know. Let's talk animal access. We got one of those zoo keys. You can come in anytime you want to, you can do anything you want. They let me come and stay overnight just whenever, yeah.

I feel like there was one time I was invited- I mean, Liz, if they let you stay overnight but they didn't let you come, what's the point of let you stay overnight, but they didn't let you come, what's the point of letting you stay overnight? I feel like the San Diego Zoo tweeted at me once and they were like, hey, like, you should come visit us. And then a couple weeks went by and I wrote back and I was like, I'm going to come visit

you. And they're like, sorry, we have a new social media manager. And they are not a fan. They've been telling you to go to hell in your comments. social media manager. Oh no. And they are not a fan. And they are, they said no. They've been telling you to go to hell in your comments. Bindi Irwin is a follower of mine on Instagram, I bet she could get us in the chat. Hey, okay.

Maybe, I don't know, Capy Bar. If anybody can get a Cappy, Bindi Irwin can. She seems really nice. What's Bindi Irwin? Steve Irwin's daughter, who is now an animal expert as well, called Family Business. If there's anything I would love to be it's not an animal expert It's a fake animal expert like jungle jack Yes, where you just put on a safari shirt and then just real animal experts put an animal on you

And you say one fact you learned just now, God, that is a fucking dream career for me. The snake slowly starts to wrap itself around the snack. And also, the older and crazier you get, the better it is. Right. That's my goal for any career. The older and crazier I get, the better it is. I would say that if I were to go off the grid,

the first thing I would do is stop and get a couple of capybars and just bring them with me and probably try to fill my yard. Sure, yeah. Dig a moat around the house, put up some barbed wire. No sprinklers because they will chew through that. Of course, yeah. So we just put a little pool in.

That's my plan, I'll give you guys a call. That's what I'm, yeah. Thank you, that would be amazing. Thank you. You're welcome. You can just call my football cell phone. That's my plan. I'll give you guys a call. That's what I'm... Thank you. That would be amazing. Thank you. You're welcome. You can just call my football cell phone. Jessie picked up the phone again.

Liz, what's your favorite animal to draw a picture of? I really like... I mean, I like giant sloths. That's the same answer as before, but I do like... I like drawing bears a lot. I draw a bear a lot in my comics. Okay. Yeah, that's a favorite of mine too.

What kind of bear is it? I think it's just like a brown bear. Like a brown bear? Yeah. Standard brown. I'm glad you didn't say sun bear. You know why? Not even a fucking bear.

Yeah. And also, don't they think people, didn't they think there was like a person inside of a sun bear costume at a zoo recently? Isn't that? Sorry, it's topical. But it looked so much like a person. I did a Tim Walls dreamcast thing at the top.

So let's throw some shit from the headlines, huh? There was a sun bear at a zoo and everyone's like, that's not a bear. That's a person in a bear suit. And people couldn't dispute. Stephen is holding up a photo of a bear. It looks like a guy. I mean, I'm, you know, I'm no zoo truth. Right?

Okay, look at that body. Yeah, looks bear looks like guy. Yeah. I'm so glad that was... I'm on the other side of 40. I've found that a lot of times I'll say things and I'm like, maybe this was a dream and that didn't actually happen. So I'm glad that it actually did. Can I ask you a question, Liz, just since you've drawn a lot of animals, you know a lot about animals. Yes. Is Bear Guy? Good question mmm, mmm, good question.

Mmm, mmm, mmm. I mean, I don't think I'm at liberty to say. Oh, wow. Baby bear is guy. She might get her magic zoo key taken away. That thing's shaped like an elephant. The stakes are too high. The stakes are too high.

All right, since the stakes have gotten so high, why don't we take a break? Let's let those stakes come down a little bit, and we'll come back and finish it out. We'll be back in just a second, I'm Jordan Jessica. Have you been looking for a new podcast all about nerdy pop culture? Well, I have just the thing for you. Secret Histories of Nerd Mysteries. Secret Histories of Nerd Mysteries. Secret Histories of Nerd Mysteries is a weekly pop culture history podcast hosted by me,

host Austin. And me, host Brenda. We've already tackled mysteries such as what happened to the puppets from Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, is Snoopy Mexican, and why do people hate Barney so much? From theme parks to cartoons to 80s, 90s, and 2000s nostalgia, we tackle it all. Check us out every Tuesday on Maxims, 90s and 2000s nostalgia, we tackle it all. Check us out every Tuesday on MaximumFun.org and wherever you get podcasts. TV Chef Fantasy League. Where we apply fantasy sports rules to cooking competition shows. We're not professional chefs or fantasy sports bros. Just three comedians who love cooking shows and winning. We'll cover Top Chef, Master Chef, Great British Bake Off, whatever's in season, really.

Ooh, you know chefs love cooking whatever's in season. We draft a team of chefs at the top of every series. And every week we recap the episode and assign points based on how our chefs did. And at the end of the season, we crown a winner. You can even play along at home if you want. Or you can just listen to us like a regular podcast about cooking shows. That's cool too.

Subscribe to TV Chef Fantasy League on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorn, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, Boy Detective. I'm Liz Climo. Bindi Irwin follows me on Instagram. Liz, I have a concern. My concern is that if I read your book, Life in the Present, I'm going to have to live

in the present. Well, I wrote it and I don't, so I think you'll be fine. Jesse, live anywhere you fucking want, dude. I'm sitting right here worrying about weeks from now right now. Well, for someone whose head is elsewhere, you're doing a wonderful job being on the podcast. Thank you. Thank you.

My head is anywhere. Wait, hold up. There's a fucking cappy right there. Whoa. Fucking page 41. Gorgeous Cappy. Cappy Barra right there. Gorgeous Cappy.

Cappy Barra is about to have a fucking martini. Love that guy. Liz, have you looked into sloth interactions? Not, no. You know, not really. I should do more things in my personal life, I suppose. Listen, we're always thinking, if we become successful, how can we swing our dicks to get stuff?

And we just assumed if we became famous for drawing sloths, we would try and get a free sloth interaction out of the deal. I bet the fucking rock is carrying a sloth around right now. Oh, you know he is. Yeah, probably. That guy, that was his first fucking first step when he got famous. Oh, you know he is. That guy, that was his first fucking first step when he got famous. Oh yeah.

As soon as he learned how to raise one eyebrow and people fucking lost their shit, then they started throwing sloths at that fucking guy. Oh yeah, it's go sloth then tequila company. Yeah, pretty much. The two of them are just enjoying like a 3000 calorie meal right now. Yeah.

It's just eating a whole tray of steamed chicken breasts. Several cookies. You guys think Walton Goggins has ever met us a lot? Yeah. Yeah, I do too. I do too. That's pretty easy. You could feed a giraffe.

They do that at the zoo. I've done that, yeah. I've also done that real fun. Yeah, that was fun. It was real, that fucking delivered. Yeah. Like, look at this. He's eating this thing I'm giving him.

He really pulled it hard, you know? Sure. I was afraid. I thought he might take me with him. Yeah, they're yankers. Yeah. Giraffe, nature's yanker. Well, anyway, people should buy the book. What if I went home and finally read the comments and it was just a bunch of people inviting

me to hold sloths and go to copy bar farms? Oh, God. Yeah. And one person telling me to burn a hilt. And one person telling you to burn a hilt. Hey, Liz, I've got an all-expenses-paid trip to a sloth experience. Yeah, we've got room for three. Liz, what if you went home and read the comments and it was just a bunch of people asking you

what nature's anchankers are? I finally have the answer. I've been waiting until now to read the comments so I can give them an answer. Liz, Liz, it's a matter of life and death. Are nature's yankers sharks? No. No, sir. That's a popular misconception.

Sharks don't yank. They chomp. Nature's chompers. Nature's a popular misconception. Sharks don't yank. They chomp. Nature's chompers. Nature's chompers. Yeah. Well, it's been a joy to have you on the program, Liz. We're so grateful for your time, so grateful for your talent as well. Thank you so much for having me.

This has been so much fun. Yeah. The book, it's out. The book is out. You can get it anywhere you get books. Life in the Present, a joyful collection of comics about living in the moment is very funny, as well as very adorable.

As in it is like funny, funny. It's not just cute, I recognize something funny. It gives me a warm feeling, although it is also those things. Sure. It's everything. It's also actual funny. Actually funny. Actual funny jokes in there.

Uh...online, bookstores, comic bookstores? I think pretty much wherever you find your books, I think it's available most places. So yeah, go to your favorite bookstore. Go to your favorite comic book store. And if they don't have it, ask them why. Yeah, what the fuck? But you know, nicely.

Yeah, nicely. Say what the fuck, nice. No, no, no. Say what the fuck. Be really confrontational about it like I was. Okay. Can I check in with a few places that I get my books, you just let me know if they're available there or not? Yes. In a cardboard box on the sidewalk in Brooklyn. Absolutely. Okay. Scholastic Book Fair. Probably not. Those are like, no, yeah, probably. Because at the Scholastic Book Fair, they don. Those are like, no, yeah, probably. Because at the Scholastic Book Fair,

they don't allow Cavie Barres to have little tiny martinis. No, no, no. Bad example. Yeah, no, no, they don't. So most places you get a book. Most places. Some exceptions. Friends of the Public Library sale.

Absolutely. I saw one at Whole Foods once. Oh, wow. There you go. OK. There you go. You also bought Birth of the Cool on LP. That's exactly right. I get my. Okay. There you go. Yeah. You also bought Birth of the Cool on LP.

Mm-hmm. That's exactly right. I get my vinyl in books at Whole Foods. And a $35 candle. Mm-hmm. That's a good bet. Liz, it's been a joy. Jordan Jesse Goh, of course, produced by Stephen Ray Morris.

Our producer emeritus, Brian Sunny D. Fernandez. Our theme music is Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. Our thank you to them. Join us on social media. What are you on Instagrams? I'm Liz Climo on Instagram. I had to think about that.

It's just my name. Fucking weird choice, dude. Fucking weird move. Liz Climo? Okay, random. I know. Jordan is at Jordan David Morris. choice, dude. Fucking weird move. Liz Climo? Okay, random. I know. Jordan is at Jordan David Morris.

I am at Jesse Thorne, very famous. Jordan Jesse Go is on Instagram. At Jordan Jesse Go pod, right? At Jordan Jesse Go pod? Yep, Jordan Jesse Go pod. Got any dank memes up there? Oh, we got all the best dank memes. Wow.

If people have dank memes, should they post them to Instagram and tag at jordanjessegopod? That's the best, or just DM them. Yeah, or just DM them. Slide into these DMs. Slide right in. OK. The M in DM is for meme.

That's a good point, direct to meme. And the D? That's for Danc. I thought it was for dick. Oh, no, no, no. No? Well. But D, I mean, if you leave us, it's dick messages, right?

Like, oh, boy, Jesse. Oh, crackers. Oh, boy. Oh, my god. Do not open DMs from Jesse. Unless you want to see a dick. Then open the DM. Can I tell you guys something that a child said at the, when I was at the dermatologist?

Oh sure. Yes please. I went to the dermatologist. Everything okay? You got an eczema flare up, weird mole? I had to get something biopsied. They biopsied it, all clear. But then they were just like, come back in three months.

So now every three months I just go there and they just shoot freeze rays at my head. Cool. It's great. I'm like, OK, I'll come. I mean, it seems to border on insurance scam. But I'm fine with them as long as they want to keep shooting freeze rays at me.

Anyway, I was in there and this little kid came in. No adult went up to the counter where the ladies are making appointments and stuff. And he goes, boy, I'm starving. Do you have some kind of edible treat? Whoa. And then they all giggled and they said, no. And then he goes, oh, barnacles. Wow.

That was the best thing that's ever happened to me. That's great. Did he just leave by himself? I know. Eventually, an adult came in behind him. But yeah. That's incredible. Yeah.

That's really good. Yeah. That's incredible. Yeah, that's really good. Yeah. Wow. Congratulations. Yeah, it was really cool. Then later I heard him in the exam room going, oh no, no freeze ray, no freeze ray, no freeze ray. Oh, barnacles.

And I talked to him afterwards. We were checking out together. And I said, oh, he was complaining about the freeze ray. And I said, oh, they freeze rayed me too. It is really uncomfortable. Then afterwards, I do feel like, I'm like, hey, I did it. You know, it's all done. So I feel good about it.

And I'm trying to reassure this kid. And he goes, I feel like I got hit with a bullet from a gun. Oh boy. But did you get an edible treat afterwards? I did go get an edible treat. I didn't realize we could just go into places and ask for edible treats. Yeah, any building.

Any building. Yeah, it did not work out in the dermatology office, but it did work when I went to the place that sells Bionicos. Got myself a nice Bionico. Cream and cut fruit. Some granola. Sounds good. Okay, that's it. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan and Jesse Go. I'll hug you and kiss you and love you.

Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Maximum Fun. A worker-owned network. You.