Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Capybara King, with Brendan Hay

Episode Date: October 17, 2024

This week, we welcome writer and Gremlins: The Wild Batch EP, Brendan Hay, to chat about capybaras, the dentistry museum, unpleasant t-shirt ideas and more!Check out GREMLINS: THE WILD BATCH on MAX, streaming now! Listen to Jesse’s interview with André 3000.Watch Jesse’s interview with director, Barry Sonnenfeld.Follow the podcast on Instagram and send us your dank memes!Jordan Morris is doing a book tour for Youth Group! See Jordan at Heavy Manners Comics Fair on October 12th.Come see Judge John Hodgman: Road Court  live in a town near you! Jesse and John will be all over the country so don't miss your change to see them. Check the events page to find out where!Follow brand new producer, Steven Ray Morris, on Instagram.

Give a little time for the child within you don't be afraid to be young and free Unto the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you It's Jordan Jesse go. I'm Jesse Thorne the king of the beasts Jordan Morris boy detective. Well Jordan. It's happened Oh my god, the day has come The reckoning is here for you, Jordan. Yes! Is this the end? The agents are in your home. What a ride!

What a ride! It's Ben! Thank you to everybody. It really is an auspicious day for everyone. And when I say everyone, I mean me. And by day, I mean four days ago. I'll tell you what happened.

We were on tour with Judge John Hodgman podcast, which is a popular podcast of which I am the co-host. One of the best. And top four, right? How many podcasts do we have between us? Four? We do, yeah. Yeah, it's one of the top four podcasts.

Five. You got two. You have three total. Hodgman, this, Bullseye. That's a radio show too. You have two, right? And I have two, so five. No, but one of them is a crossover.

Oh, between us. We both have. You're right. We do both have this. So anyway, on Judge John Hodgman- Oh, I don't like to associate with this show. The topic of Cappy Bars came up on Judge John Hodgman, which is the world's largest ronet South American river

beast. And it turned out that Jennifer Marmer, our old pal from college and the producer of the Judge John Hodgeman podcast, when she worked in indie rock promotion, had not only worked for a band called Capybara, but they had made a music video featuring a bunch of capybaras on which Jen had worked and she had petted the capybaras. Now, capybaras have been my favorite animal since I was a small child and admired them

at the San Francisco Zoo. I guess I didn't know this went that far back for you. Oh yeah, this is very deep. So you were into these things before they were memes? Long, long before, no, they've always been my number one because of their weird flat faces. And you've known about Mudang since you were a child, right? Yeah, absolutely. Mudang is my godfather. So I was really jealous.

And I announced both on this program and on that program that I demanded to know where I could pet capybaras. that I demanded to know where I could pet capybaras. Now, capybaras are illegal for private ownership in the great state of California. But I did identify one locale. You mean the People's Republic of California? Exactly. I identified one place where I was pretty sure you could pet capybaras in California. It's an otter sanctuary. And apparently, if you pay $800- But the Capybars are under a tarp.

Yeah. I mean- And if you slip a couple of Lincolns into the handshake. So this is how it works, is my understanding, is if you pay $800 for the swimming with the otters experience, then mention when you were there that it would be nice to meet a capybara.

I like these otters, but I wish they were thicker, you know? Yeah, these daddies are. Thicker dumpers. Yeah. And sniffers. Dumpers and sniffers. Big flat sniffers. Well, hey, there's dumper guys and there's sniffer guys.

Sure. Oh, look at the sniffer on her. Should we introduce our guest? Because he's really, he's like mouthing silently his reactions to all of these. I don't know how he feels about Cappy Baras. He's a dumper, a sniffer guy. He's an accomplished. Oh, okay. Okay, accomplished comedy writer.

Like I'm lean, alive, and a little wet at all times. And able to use tools. Exactly. One of the showrunners of the Gremlins of the Wild Batch, season two of the Gremlins animated television program, Brendan Hay. Hi, Brendan. Hi. Thank you guys for having me and thank you for using the Wild Batch name. I'm glad to. I'm glad to. Look, I'm familiar with the branding. Thank you guys for having me and thank you for using the Wild Batch name. I'm glad to. I'm glad to. Oh, look, I'm familiar with the branding.

Thank you. I, so this is what happened. I did not want to spend 800. I thought hard about it. I didn't want to spend $800. It would be your birthday present and your Christmas present. The other thing is that you also, you can, there's one day when they open up signups for Otters and you gotta hit it on that day.

Like Coachella. Coachella summer camp and Otter swims. Yeah, exactly. Now, I don't know if you've heard, but Otters are headlining Coachella next year. Oh, wow. Yeah. And so that's sort of where it stood.

It stood at, I have to spend the time between now and the next time the tickets could become available trying to decide whether I should spend $800 to go swimming with otters in, I don't know, Lodi. I'm just making up a place in California where- A Koima. Yeah. And on the plus side, hashtag content. And of course, I could probably write it off. And you can almost break it down to $400 Otters, $400 Capybara.

Exactly. Make it more reasonable. Yeah. And maybe if I... Another thing would be if I had some clams, I can't get open. Do you have any excess kelp? Yeah. Sure.

Help me. These clams won't open. Look, I'm covered in kelp. What animal will assist me? So, it just so happens that I headed out on the road with the Judge John Hoshman podcast. And when we announced our road dates, I received over 700 emails from residents of the great state of Minnesota regarding Capybaras. They said, if you go to a small town outside of St. Paul If you go to a small town outside of St. Paul that has a dying mall, inside that mall there is a zoo. Right.

Where the Spencer's Gifts once was. A private zoo where there are capybaras. Okay. I'm pretty sure this is like a children's book premise, by the way. It's like the one and only Ivan and the one and only copy bar pretty much the same here. I looked up on, I like, I assumed the thing about being on the road is like people, when you visit their town, they want you to do the things of the town. Sure.

And the truth is, I would love to do the things, but I got in at 3 p.m., which is also when my sound check starts, right? Like when you're driving from town to town and you're not driving overnight in the bus, you get up in the morning, you get in the fucking thing, you drive to the next thing, you do your sound check, you eat some food, you do your show, you go to bed, you wake up the next morning, right? I know, I had a pretty tight,

I had a pretty tight travel schedule when I did Baltimore Comic Con. So basically the only Baltimore thing I got to see was a pretty nice hard rock cafe. They had Taboo's turtleneck. Taboo from the Black Eyed Peas. They had his famous turtleneck. Did they have anything from Apple D App? No, I'm sorry. Did they have any Apple apps? Oh, you know, there was the bathroom, you had the Apple D app? No, I'm sorry. Do they have any Apple apps?

Oh, you know there was the the bathroom you had the Apple D crapper, okay Steven boost the volume on that Really blow that out. Yeah. Yeah over over overblown. Thank you. Yeah So what happened is I it's the night before we're going to Minneapolis, I take a look at the map. Because I'm thinking, Map-a-dee-map? Are we done with that? No, it's fine. Go for it.

Yes. And this fucking mall is just right on the path from Madison, Wisconsin to St. Paul, Minnesota. These are twin cities. I don't know which one is on which side. I don't know. But it is right on the path. And so it is Madison, Wisconsin. We are at a steakhouse called the Tornado Room. It is 1245 in the morning. I'm sitting there with John and Jennifer and Matthew, our engineer, and I said, hey, how would you guys feel about getting up early tomorrow so that we can stop

at a mall and I can pet capybaras? Okay, and I'm not trying to yuck anything here. Yeah. to yuck anything here. I guess my first thought, is this a capybara king? Are the capybaras housed ethically? The animals seem happy and healthy. Oh, good. And the people there were very bright-eyed and engaged with the animals. Now, would these capybaras rather live in a river in South America? One presumes. One also presumes they would get eaten right away because these are definitely captive bred animals.

Sure. There's no predators in an abandoned orange Julius. Exactly. Although, they might get stuck in one of those hot dog on a stick plungers. Those lemonade plungers. They'd just get ground right into the lemonade. But it did, it seemed okay. Okay, yeah.

Honestly. I trust you're looking out for the health and happiness of all animals. I also would like to release myself from responsibility for that. But I will just say that to me, it seemed okay. None of the capybaras blinked twice at you. Yeah please please don't email me about why it's bad because it would ruin everything for me. Right now I feel like I went there I was

surprised it was pretty spacious Everybody had a good attitude. The animals seemed happy and healthy. There were enormous rabbits. Ooh. So I went in there with Matthew Barnhart. God bless him. Our engineer just said, have fun, guys. I'm going to sleep in the van.

Wow. Yeah. But I went in there with John and Jennifer. We met our friend Eric Westro, who used to run Max Funcon for many years. Lives in Minnesota. Very nice. Great guy. And John and Jennifer sort of joined me for a couple of minutes, but then they left John

to go also take a nap. Jennifer had to go do load in with Matthew. So I was there with Eric and I paid everyone's $15 to get in. I bought a Capybara ticket, but I was edging the Capybara petting. Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah. Like I'd look at the Capybara enclosure, but only out of the corner of my eye. How many different animals?

You said big rabbits. Okay. Kangaroos. Wow. Wow. Red kangaroos. I think gray kangaroos are Okay. Kangaroos. Wow. Wow. Red kangaroos. I think gray kangaroos are bigger. That's fair.

That's your classic jack kangaroos. A lot of goats. There was a second, there was sort of like a goat habit trail, I guess I would say. Like there was a whole second story loft area or balcony area, I guess would be a better description. Sort of like where the Phantom of the Opera would live. Word to goat that could walk up steps. Yeah. I like that. But a lot of goats, a baby yak, giant bunny rabbits, one standard size bunny rabbit.

Is that just for scale? Yeah, exactly. It's in case you forgot. You wouldn't appreciate how big the big one was. A cage full of like a small aviary full of like budgies or parakeets or something. Sounds cute. And sloth, some South American raccoons.

All those deadly sins. Morgan Freeman, Brad Pitt. And sadly, Kevin Spacey is still there. A mysterious box. What was in the box? So like a broad variety of different animals. Yeah, no, it's actually a much broader variety than I expect from the average rundown mall. Yeah, no, it was a pretty...

That's a solid lineup. It was a pretty big joint. From what I was told, it used to be a Forever 21. So this is a sizable... It's an anchor store, if you will. Yeah, exactly. We're not just talking about a Lids that's been converted into a... The Lids was still open, by the way.

There was still a Lids there. This mall was madness, by the way. It had several normal mall things, like a Macy's, and like a Lids. And then it also just had... There was a crepe place that only sold Mexican snacks. Okay. There was like, I mean, this is Minneapolis, so there was some Mong stuff.

Laotian ethnic group, the Mong, who are well represented in that area. There was like social services, offices, all kinds of shit. There was a full-size double-decker carousel. Double-decker. But like a carny one, not like a nice vintage one, like a carny one. So it's an odd mall, but a pretty good Coachella lineup. Double decker carousel. Yeah, carny. Social services.

So in this mall, I got pretty excited about the giant bunny rabbit. Oh yeah. Who wouldn't? Yeah. There's a breed of bunny rabbit that weighs like 75 pounds. You know what I mean? But these were definitely, it wasn't those, but it was definitely the largest bunny rabbits I had ever seen. And so I paid five dollars to pet those. So like basically you paid

fifteen dollars to get in and you could pet them over the gate or whatever. I fed some emus. But you'd pay five, ten, fifteen dollars to go inside and have the experience. The experience is just going inside to pet them. There's no... There's no lasers. It's like the Pink Floyd experience. At the observatory. A woman tells you about habitat briefly. Okay. That's interesting.

Yeah. And you get a go-kart with it. Yeah. I went in and I'm not going to lie to you guys, the giant bunny petning was a little disappointing because it occurred to me, they can't let you hold the bunnies. Because if you don't know how to hold the bunny, I do because I had bunnies when I was a kid, but if you don't know how to hold the bunny, you might pick them up and they kick their legs and they can hurt themselves. So I could only pet it on the ground and I really wanted to hold the giant bunny. But it was still, you know, it was five bucks.

And I got the extra big cup of food so I was covered in that department. Fed some kangaroos and shit. And then- They all eating the same food? Broadly speaking, yes. It's, you know, mostly leaves. You know, you're mostly getting leaves. I mean, goats can eat any goddamn thing

Oh, yeah, you know what I mean? They love it so I'm nasty I petted those bunny rabbits and Somebody wandered by with a sloth I pet the sloth a little bit like oh, I don't work for the petting zoo You said to go to that creep place. I'm sure for the crepes. The sloth's name was Jennifer Slopes. Great. Love it.

Yep. The woman was really excited to bring out the sloth because the sloth only comes out once a month or once a week, once a week to be weighed and just make sure she's healthy. So I petted the sloth on the leg. And then I was just like, fuck it, I'm going in. And I went in and petted those cappies. Okay. That shit was an absolute dream.

There were two baby cappies in there, six months old. There was a boy cappy bar named Uno. Uno was a total ham. He was missing one of his claws because when he was a young man, he had gotten in a fight with another capybara. So it turns out kangaroos are soft. Capies are scratchily. Like that kind of wiry type of thing? Yeah. Okay. But they are fucking, they're fucking loving it.

These capi bars. These capi bars are ape shit for me. And that's cause I'm giving them leafs. Sure, leafs, pets. More kind of cap and bearer want. These capi bars are absolutely going wild. By the way, the only other people in this entire building besides me and my 45-year-old punk rock friend are 14-year-old girls having their birthday

parties. It's just us and them. But we petted those. It was a total dream. And then we went into the aviary. They give you like a popsicle stick, you know, like a tongue depressor sized popsicle stick covered in bird seed. And you go into this aviary and hold it up in the air and like a hundred birds land on you. Wow. It was unbelievable. It was so cool. Like I just, unqualified loved it. It also would be like, I was thinking of my children's sensory needs. They would either think it was the greatest thing that had ever happened to them or would

like throw up on the spot and cry in the vomit. You know what I mean? Like no middle ground on that experience. That's their worst, yeah. The flapping and the little tiny claws and they're biting you with their little noses and everything I call beaks noses. So it was basically-

What is the beak but the nose is the bird? That's a really good point. Thank you. And so it was a great success and I really couldn't have imagined it having gone better. I mean, unless they had seen this those cabby bars in the swimming pool. Has somebody said Apple the Appy Bar? Or should we circle?

Can you say it? No, no one has said that. I said it, so no one has to say it. And no one has to say in the comments, like, oh, I can't believe they missed this. Anyway, Apple the Appy Bar. Well, I mean, Jordan, you are. Is that anything? Will I mean Jordan you are anything

Yes, it is and I don't know very good very Jordan so I thought I'm thinking like thank you. I'm thinking have you seen my humps lumps on this guy pointing to me London Bridge on this guy. Thank you on the sky pointing to me. The London Bridge on the sky. Thank you. I'm thinking. Those are all the ones I know.

I'm thinking this is, well, I've got some songs for you to listen to and let me just say, tonight's gonna be a great night. Wow! Anyway. It's like I'm at all recent weddings. Yeah. We should do it.

So I thought this is the highlight of my life. You know what I mean? Like, oh, and I had also had a very good bond me that had come from them all as well. Wow. What more could you want? Yeah. What a day. So I'm thinking nothing could possibly get better than this.

But I look at my watch, I say, Eric, thanks for hanging out with me. We better get to the Fitzgerald theater in St. Paul, Minnesota. I head to the Fitzgerald. But before I do, there's all these sweet people there. I say to them, look, I'm a podcaster. We have a show tonight at the Fitz. I'm going to leave my number. If anybody wants to come, I'm glad to put you on the list. This is such a special thing. Like, it was a totally like a long running thing on the podcast. I wanted to pet Cappy Baras. I got to such a joy. Like, thank you. I'll put you on the list." And they didn't know that there were several hundred seats available.

No sweat off my back. So, it's two hours later, I'm on stage sound checking. I get a text message. I normally wouldn't check my texts because I'm working, but I'm away from home. I got to make sure that nothing's happening with the kids or something like that. Could be Kamala. She might need something. Hi, Jesse. It be Kamala. She might need something. Hi, Jesse. It's Kamala.

Yeah, it said maybe Kamala. I'm asking you one last time. All right. It's not the last time. So I'm a one issue voter and the voter is legal capybara. So I pull my phone out of my pocket. I look at it, unknown number, text message. I look at it, it says, hi, my name is Melissa.

I'm the healthcare coordinator at Sustainable Safari. That's the name of the place. Very nice. I happen to have some baby kangaroos living at my house right now, if you'd like me to bring them by. To the show? That's what I said.

Wow. I said tonight to the show? What? I will need tickets for each baby kangaroo. They would each like a plus one. Right. The plus one is in their pouch. So they might not need a separate seat.

So I had to like, so I'm like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. She says yes tonight. So I go,, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. She says, yes, tonight. So I go, I'm on stage, I'm like, we are in the middle of a run through and I have to be like, hold the process. And I like go to the stage manager

of the Fitzgerald Theater and I'm like, would it be okay if a woman brought baby kangaroos here right now? What are the union rules? What's the policy on? And she said, this woman, she like locked eyes with me. She said, as long as there's a person with them who's responsible for them, absolutely.

I'll get them a dressing room. Oh my God. So I literally, I gave my phone to the stage manager and said, give Melissa a call and figure out how this is gonna work. Because I have to run through the rest of the show. Went on stage, I said to John and Jennifer, John, Jennifer, is it okay if we have baby kangaroos in our show tonight?

They said, yes. Fucking the baby kangaroos came. I got to hold baby kangaroos came. I got to hold baby kangaroos. I got to snuggle baby kangaroos with little tiny, pointy ears and they were so soft and they drank from little kangaroo bottles. That's great. Holy shit.

One of them was one month out of the pouch. Oh my gosh. How big, how large would you say? These these these I would say they were ten pounds, okay? I would guess yeah, like the size of a baby. Yeah, I don't know if you've changed your favorite animal ranking Is it fair to say that like? Baby kangaroos are the new shit and capy bars are old news. I mean Baby kangaroos are very poor swimmers. So that's going to be...

Points against. That's going to be points against. They also don't have giant teeth that will grow forever. So that's also going to be... And they don't have flat noses or butts. Back to the sniffers, sure. Sniffers and dumpers. This guy's got sniffers on the brain. Mm, back to the sniffers, sure. Sniffers and dumpers. This guy's got sniffers on the brain.

Yeah, always. So those are the big negatives. On the other hand, they don't have those amazing ears, they aren't soft, and they aren't little tiny babies. Mm. So I'm gonna say that while capybaras remain my favorite animal, I don't think I could top the experience of holding a little tiny baby kangaroo like a human baby swaddled

in a little swaddling taco that is made specifically for baby kangaroos. That's amazing. It sounds really beautiful. We said to this woman, Melissa, we said, where do they sleep? She says, in my bed. Wow. Wow.

Minneapolis is a magical place. It is a magical place. Twin cities, sorry. Yeah, they're twin cities. Brendan, do you have a top meme animal that you'd like to pet someday? So actually, yeah, sea otters. Oh, right, okay, okay.

I have an immediate one. That wasn't a joke or me going with the bit. Genuinely, sea otters are my go-to animal on that front. And it has to be, look, river otters are great. I don't mean to shame them for their shortcomings. Sounds like you're not nuts about river otters. River otters. If you're being diplomatic for the podcast.

River otters might be like a top 10 animal, but sea otters are our number one. What are the biggest differences between river and sea? So sea otters are the ones that- From the river to the sea. Exactly. Let our otters all be free. Yeah.

Stephen, start printing the t-shirts, please. All right, I'm on it for the holidays. Sea otters are the ones that be using the tools, riding around on it, wrapping themselves in kelp on their backs. Don't generally ever go on to land unless they absolutely have to. More flipper based. Whereas river otters are thinner and smaller.

They aren't, they don't have the chunk factor. Right. Of a sea otter. The chunk is important. It's huge. Huge. Yeah. For the dumper fans out there.

But the river otters are the ones who do scurril. We got a lot of dumper freaks in the audience. Hey, I'm talking to you. There's a lot of nasty dumper freaks. But don't underestimate those sniffer boys. Snort, snort, you little freaks. But yeah, the River Otters are the ones who use scurry. They're the ones who can still kind of get up, like, scurry up a mountain or a hill, stuff like that.

I think they're still mostly in water, but you know, maybe like 30, 40% of their time is on land. So I would have seen a sea otter get to Monterey Bay Aquarium. Without a doubt. Yeah. Yeah. And that is like their home territory, like their West Coast water and going all the way down to like South America, the water's there.

Okay, got it. So it's Monterey Bay Aquarium, you're looking for sea otters. Exactly. You're going to pet some urchins, and then you're going to try and make transparent aluminum, so you can house the whales on your spaceship, right? Yes. We all- Naturally, we all know that. Yeah.

These are all the best activities. Yeah. Have you looked into what a otter experience would cost her? $800. Yeah. Now that I know, I have something to save towards. Because I have not. I've gone to Monterey Bay, which...

So growing up on the East Coast, I had a book brought back to me by my dad from a business trip from the Monterey Bay Aquarium that began the otter love. And I was like, these are amazing. Oh my God, I have to get there someday. Eventually did. We should mention that your dad was a fish dealer. Look, he just drove trucks of fish everywhere. Just dumped him. He sold them mostly to otters With my largely

That's what they use for money There's a reason we all say lots of clans, right? Yes exactly that was slang from how yes This is the fashion the otter community. Yeah historical facts How, yes, people pay with the otters. And the otter community. These are all historical facts we're saying. Yes. But no, now that I know $800. I've taken history courses, Jordan.

You don't need to explain this to me. We all know this. We all know. Your audience is into otter history and dumpers. And this is a given. Otter history is American history. Thank you. Thank you.

Yes, thank you. So brave. How about you? Any animal that you'd pay $800 to get closer to. Yes, thank you. Thank you. So brave. How about you? Any animal that you'd pay $800 to get closer to? Oh, good question. What would I like to pet? I don't know. Maybe just like a first responder.

Oh, okay. I don't want to clap for me. There you go. A teacher. A teacher, yes, exactly. Yeah, a lot of great heroes out there that need petting and leaves fed to them. I'd just like to feed a public school teacher some leaves.

Now, you will have to crack the clam for the public school teacher. They don't have the necessary tools for that. I mean, Jordan, I sincerely wonder, having been such a dinosaur kid, does that get in the way of zoo animal appreciation? Maybe it does a little bit. Yeah, maybe I picked dinosaurs as a kid.

And I love to trip to the zoo. You know, what kid doesn't? The zoo is awesome. It's amazing. It's so great. As someone who has been going to the zoo with children for the last decade after not having gone to the zoo for 20 years, I'm like, oh, yeah, this is awesome. It's delightful every time.

Check out these fucking animals. Check out the fucking spectacular kaleidoscope of life. You know, I think, yeah, but I think so as a kid, I was definitely more into dinosaurs than living animals, right? But you know since becoming a cat weirdo 15 or so years ago when I got my cat I definitely like love Looking at like you know how you'll see the little kind of munchkin II cats And it's like this is the deadliest predator in the desert. Oh, I want to pet one of those

I really want to pet like I mean, it's well covered how badly I would like to pet a serval Oh serval that would be a fun pet. That's a long leg cat. You can get close to a serval in Sylmar really Yeah, I'd say that three times fast You just got to head over towards the Ontario Airport. That's where you're going to find some. There's a service for Serval. The service area in Sylmar. Yeah, there is. I'll pass you the information.

Wildlife rescue place there. They have a residence Serval. Really? Yes. Holy cow. It's a fantastic place. It's where my kids have gotten to pet a sloth and feed a giraffe and stuff like that. Can I ask you a question?

What can I pet over by the Camarillo premium outlets? Armadillos and Camarillos. Okay. Great. You guys want to take a little break. Let's see how long it takes to get to Camarillo. Come back for a little bit more. Traffic's not bad right now.

Oh yeah, we should leave now. We'll be back in just a second. Don't feed the serval date shakes. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jessi Go. It's Jordan Jess Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Jordan, I want to mention a couple of things.

Let's mention a couple of things. You know that I host a public radio show called Bullseye with Jesse Thorne. National Public Radio's Bullseye with Jesse Thorne, styled as NPR. Right. Typically styled as NPR. Airs locally here on 89.3, I believe. LAist. LAist. LAist.

LAist, the former KPCC, formerly known as, and still to the FCC known as KPCC. Well, I had a really good old friend of mine as a guest on Bullseye with Jesse Thorne, a guy named, now Steven, I don't know if you know this guy, Jordan Morris. What? I'm the guy? Yeah, Jordan's the guy. I'm the guy? Yeah, Jordan's the guy. Jordan was a guest on Bulls Eye this past week talking about Youth Group, his brand new book. You can either download it in your favorite podcast app if you're not already subscribed to Bulls Eye with Jesse Thorne, I would encourage you to do so.

Or you can also watch it on the Bulls Eye with Jesse Thorn YouTube channel if you like to consume your audio via in video form. That's right. And I also, as a fun added bonus, I sent Daniel Spear, the video producer, some old photos of me in high school and from my youth group and to, you know, just add a little visual flair so if you want to see me with a knee length wallet chain, Head up to the Bullseye YouTube. Yeah, it was a really, really great fun conversation, Jesse. You're a really wonderful interviewer. And it was just a real thrill to be interviewed by a great friend who knows your whole deal.

It was a real fun thrill. I thought to myself as I was preparing for the interview, if Jordan's gonna come on the show, I better ask him a bunch of real ass questions that I don't know the answer to instead of just set him up for jokes. Sure. And we did, I did end up probably setting you up just for some jokes.

I mean, it's a fun, serious conversation about the book and all the inspirations behind the book. It was really fun to talk about as, you know, as like, you know, joke-packed as the book is. There's some like real honest stuff from my past in there. And yeah, it was fun to talk about that stuff. And yeah, we did a little bit of dicking around. Yeah, we talked about one of the very first things you asked me when I was your RA. You talked about being worried about going to college, which was a surprise to me because you were beloved by night two on that hall. Well, shucks.

It was my experience. Well, shucks. It was mine, not by me. I was resentful. Right? This guy's too talented, I said to myself. Get him out of here. Yeah, I already met one talented guy.

That's all I need. Get him over to Kresge, the other dorm. Residential college. Yeah. I will also mention, by the way, if you do subscribe to Bullseye with Jesse Thorne, there is an interview, well, A, there's a fucking great interview with Barry Sonnenfeld on that YouTube channel where Barry Sonnenfeld plays for us his ringtone, which he got one day at a film festival, the Telluride Film Festival, I believe it was.

Barry Sonnenfeld, friends with Ken Burns, they went to college together, saw Ken Burns and Werner Herzog having lunch, went up and made Werner Herzog record his ringtone, which is just Werner Herzog going, Barry answer your phone. Beautiful. Your phone's ringing, Barry. Get your phone. That's how you use your Hollywood power correctly. But there's also an interview with a rapper named Mavi who our listeners may or may not know,

but it's truly, I think, one of the most interesting and insightful people who has ever been on Bullseye. Very truly, I really hope people will check that out. That will be brand fresh new as you listen to this. So go check that out. And hey, if you're in the Southern California area, do I got an event to tell you about. It's one featuring me and my friend Jordan.

That's right, us at something. On November 2nd, there's a great comic book shop and pinball arcade here in LA called Revenge Of. Oh yeah, Revenge Of. That's the place to- It's a great place to play ping pong. I mean, what's that called? Bill Dong.

There you go, to play Bill Dong. It's a pinball arcade, It's a comic bookshop. It is a really, really cool spot and they have a yearly event called the Comic Creators Block Party on November 2nd. A bunch of cool comics folks are going to be there signing books. Our buddies, Cody Ziegler, Elliot Kalin, we love them. But you know, all the bigs. Who do you got?

You got a Brian Michael Bendis at this thing. You got a Hannah Rosemay You got a Mark Wade Pat and Oswald Brian Posayne all our buddies It's gonna be a fun event and we're gonna do a little live Jordan. Jesse go. Yeah, so time TBD Check out the revenge of social media and more info there and come on out to see us on November 2nd Let's get back to the show. La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la Detective, Brendan Hay, Seattle Freak. I feel like we should check in with Steven, our producer, because this guy's a nasty dino freak. Oh yeah.

Oh yeah. I mean, you have your whole entire... You have a Jurassic Park lifestyle podcast. You know what? Honestly, that's truly what it is. Anything that fits under talking about movies related to Jurassic Park or anything related to dinosaurs. I was saying earlier that the Okapi is my favorite animal and I would love to pet one. Oh, an Okapi is like a half zebra horse thing?

It's the only living relative of the giraffe. I've called it the giraffe scoth's cousin because it only lives in the jungle. So it's like got the darker, you know, brown shade. It's got the attitude. It's more solitary. Yeah, he was drinking black coffee in high school. Yes, exactly. He wants a really good base beat the whole time

in the jungle park. Yes. Yes, yeah. Oh, copy is his choice. I like it. Great choice, great choice. Oh, copy. You know what I like it. Great choice, great choice. Oh, copy. You know what I'd love to pet?

A mammoth. Wouldn't that be fun? I think they're, aren't they breeding mammoths out of elephants or something? Yeah, I feel like every couple years you'll get a, they're this close to cloning a mammoth in Denmark type, you know, viral story. Fucking Danes are all over that shit.

They love it. No laws over there. You can clone Copenhagen is basically mammoth town. Uh-huh, and they have one day off for every two days. They work Yeah, well, that's how they have all the time to clone mammoth. There you go. Yeah No one's doing it professionally in America people are cloning much smaller animals. They just don't have the time Yeah in one weekend, maybe a canary. What's this toxic hustle culture? It's preventing us from cloning much smaller animals. They just don't have the time. Sure, yes. In one weekend, maybe a canary. What's this toxic hustle culture? It's preventing us from cloning bigger animals. Yeah. So I would just say overall, if you live in Minnesota and you're more concerned with vibes

than practical information regarding animal welfare, I would really strongly recommend going to this mall, getting yourself a tasty bun me, and then heading over into sustainable safari and petting some of these fucking animals. I will do it. I have I love going to the twin cities as much as possible, largely just for doing my own made replacement store. I've seen all the various homes and studios and stuff that relate to them going to- There's the roof, you'll say. There's the roof.

There's the roof. The let it be roof. You got Blackberry Way, all of that. But then also you got Paisley Park. So it is, I will now add Safari Sanctuary or Sustainable Sanctuary. Sustainable Safari. Sustainable Safari. I will add that to it. In the bun meat.

Don't forget about the bun meat. Oh, no, of course not. It's a really nice bun meat. I can also, I had a really good kohlrabi sandwich there, like grilled kohlrabi with cheese. That sounds great. It was amazing. It was fantastic. Last time I was in Minneapolis.

Guys, I'm bummed out over here. I was supposed to go to a Minneapolis Comic Con and they canceled it. Wow. They just fucking... This all could be practical advice to me right now. What happened? Do they get sabotaged by St. Paul Comic Con? Probably.

Probably. The 80s don't seem to be the same. Two cons entered, one con left. Right, of course, yeah, yeah. I could just go though, I don't need to, you know. We said something about Madison, Wisconsin on stage in St. Paul and there was a chorus of boos. Oh wow.

Those local rivalries that don't make any sense. Yeah, I was like, gosh, who could be rivals with very nice town Madison, Wisconsin? They suck. When I was in Ann Arbor, Michigan, I was looking up what you do in Ann Arbor, Michigan. Ann Arbor, Michigan is like a parody of a college town. Like there's no other stuff. And the college is monumentally huge. Right. So just pizza by the slice and Scarface posters?

Yeah, exactly. It's really something else. And we ate some good food and stuff. But I was like trying to figure out, we had a morning off and I'm like, what do I do in Ann Arbor? So I'm like looking on Google, what are the attractions and shit? Anyway, I went to the Dentistry Museum.

Okay. Sold. The Dentistry Museum is basically two atriums at the Dentistry College at the University of Michigan. It is a superb museum. Really? These two atriums with snack bars where dentistry students are just hanging out

and flipping through textbooks are two, were two of the, it's like when you go, have you ever had the experience of you like walk past an airport museum and you're like, wait a minute, is that a really good exhibit here in the airport? Sure. Yeah.

It's sort of like that. The only problem was I was there by myself, because no one would go with me. Hodgman, for whatever reason, declined to go to the dentistry museum with me. And they had like an old timey dentist chair and it said, old time dentist selfie chair. And I sat in the chair and realized it's not a selfie chair. You stick your arm as far out as you can and you can't even tell you're in a special chair.

You can see the patterned wallpaper behind you. Like, oh, there's Jesse sitting in front of Victorian wallpaper. These fucks don't even know how to run their own social media shit. The main get a third atrium with that bullshit. I know. Thank you. There's only two. The main lesson, the main lesson of the Dentistry Museum, by the way. And this day, this museum, it's in a dentistry school, very pro dentistry, right?

Yeah, it's propaganda. I sort of learned two main things. The first thing is that Michigan is a leader in dental hygiene. There was an exhibit under that topic. I learned a lot about the University of Michigan's efforts to train dental hygienists. So that was the first thing. And I learned about in what states dental hygienists are legally allowed to do what. There's some places where- They can own capybaras.

Yeah. There's some places where they're allowed to do like certain procedures. Wow. Yeah. So I learned that. And then I also learned that dentistry is only barely a science in any meaningful way. Basically, there's all these exhibits of shit dentists did in 1820. Like gave haircuts and shit, right? Yeah. Only like essentially the difference, the only difference is chloroform.

Like basically all the shit a guy that gave you a haircut was doing in 1820 is still the science of today, only now they can ether you. Like it's unconscious or not unconscious, that's the difference between what a barber did. And yeah, more leeches maybe that's about it. Yeah. A TV playing HGTV. Like they added that.

They're still essentially just banging on your mouth. You know what I mean? Mouth bangs. And tugs, there's bangs and tugs. Like they're still essentially just banging on your mouth. You know what I mean? Mouth bangs. Yeah. And tugs. There's bangs and tugs. Mouth bangs and mouth tugs, sure. Yeah.

And then they got that electric thing that goes... Vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv right on there tastes like bubblegum. The mouth is a sensitive hole. That's a really good point. Thank you. Stephen, can you get those t-shirts made please? So many merch ideas, right? For the holidays. We're having a special sale on unpleasant t-shirts. Sniffer freak t-shirts. Sure, yeah. Whatever. Stumper boys. Stumper boys. Well, when something momentous happens to you, like you get a chance to visit that legendary,

legendary dentistry museum at the University of Michigan, give us a call 206-9844-FUN or just send us a voice memo at jjgoatmaximumfun.org such as this person is done. Hey Jordan, Jesse and guests. This is Kristi from Denver, they them, calling with a momentous occasion. So I just did a boudoir photo shoot and it's something I've been wanting to do for a while to work on my relationship with my body and just feeling more self confident. And I finally did it. And I bought a bunch of fun new outfits. And I have a newfound respect for models because remembering what to do with all of your limbs and face while posing is actually quite hard, but I had an awesome

time and I'm feeling pretty good about myself. So happy with that. All right. Love you guys. Bye. Love you too, Kristine. Congratulations on that. In the photos, do you think you can see their whole sniffer? Do you think they just sniffer in the photo? I was listening. I was listening close in case I heard a little bit of the old. Oh yeah, like it was sleep apnea. Nothing ruins my heart on like a CPAP. Sure.

Right, ruins. You just incorporate it into your play. I want to hear the sniffs. I need to hear the sniffs. You need to hear the sniffs. A clear breathing passage just kills it for you. Absolutely destroys it. Just take these tissues, just put them up there a little bit.

Absolutely destroys it. Yeah, I don't know. Do you think that you could execute a boudoir photograph if If your partners said to you, I'd love to have boudoir photographs of you What would you say in return I would say yes I am I hearing even just their story I was even like, you know, that sounds like a pretty good way to build some self-confidence.

So I'm going to push myself out of that airplane and try some boudoir photos. Wow. All right. I like this. Okay, so you're going to do aerial boudoir. I love it. Are you concerned about chafing at all? I'm more concerned about angles on the lighting really, because I feel like it's some very

unflattering lighting as you go down. But otherwise, yeah, you know, I'll put on some Vaseline for the chafing. Oh, okay. And just for a dewy look. Give me some little sheen. Give yourself a nice sheen for the photos. I don't know. What about you, Jordan? You think you could? No, I don't. I don't think I could do it. I don't know that I could do it either. I mean, I am 43 years old. I've never so much as sent someone a dick pic.

You know what I mean? And a dick pic, look, I have an unremarkable dick. But like, a dick pic is cropped such that it eliminates the personal identity element. Flawzable denied dick ability, sure. Yeah. This couldusible deny dickability. Sure. Yeah. This could just be an AI dick. Yeah.

It's... It could be an unflattering sausage. Who knows? Sure. Or a flattering sausage, honestly. Why am I judging? Like, I'm not even 100% sure I want to, like, be in a swimsuit in front of my wife.

Mm-hmm. Ha ha ha. You know what I mean? Like, yeah. You know, hey, you listen to me on this show. You're like, this guy's chill. He's got it together. I am really self-conscious about having my picture taken. You know what I mean? Like, yeah. You know, hey, you listen to me on this show. You're like, this guy's chill. He's got it together.

I am really self-conscious about having my picture taken. I really don't like it. And like to like post a photo on social media, which you gotta do for the algo. The algo likes a face. Algo wants to see dick too. That's true. And if you can have dick next to face. Is it the algo, Jesse?

Is it the algo? Yeah. I really like it. It hurts me a little more than it should to like post a photo on social media. I really don't love it. I'll tell you this, Jordan. Yeah. I'm surprised to hear that, given what we know about what you've been up to down at

the swimming hall. We know you're a skinny dipper down at the swimming hole. Yes, Jesse, I believe, is referencing a dream a listener had where we were swimming at the swimming hole and I had a, you know, a giant crank. I knew the concept of hog. Yeah, so like some, you know, dreams are based in reality. I was gonna say, I do live across the street

from one of the pools you sometimes swim at. Oh yeah. So I can confirm this. Oh, thank you. Yes, thank you for confirming. Oh yeah, I forgot you're a visitor to the Verdugo Aquatic Facility. Love it. Jordan's crank is so big, he's the first guy ever to successfully fuck a swimming hall.

Sure. Swimming hall's like, usually I can't a swimming hole. Sure. Swimming hole's like, usually I can't even feel it. Yeah. This guy though. Yeah. Yeah. Good thing swimming holes are so stretchy.

Sure, yeah. I'll even get the tire swing in there too. Who knows what it means. Sure. It doesn't have to mean anything. It just has to be a sound you make that goes into the podcast and gets posted. It doesn't have to be anything. Brennan, if I can help you out, I know that you're in the animation field, not the podcasting field.

What we do is make a noise into the membrane! It's a little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, membrane Little little gruey Jesse And then that turns into electricity And that turns into membership revenue. Oh my god. You guys figured that out. That's science. Yeah, exactly Yeah, was that were you trying to do a grew? No, I don't even know how grew talks I haven't ever seen a bor. I was gonna say it was a Borat into Gru into something new. Sure. It was a nice evolution there.

You could be like the substitute, you know, like if Steve Carell doesn't want you to do Gru for like a video game or something. Exactly, your theme park Gru. Theme park Gru, direct to VHS Gru? I know theme park Chris Pratt, it's an acquaintance of mine. And yeah, it is that kind of thing of where it's,

look, Chris Pratt didn't want to do the Legoland stuff. So. Is it always the same? You can get into that kind of thing. He's gotten now, he's done like Jurassic Park, Chris Pratt. He's done Lego movie, Chris Pratt. So you can kind of get into a habit of being their go-to person.

Do you think, now I know that when it comes to soaring over California, Patrick Warburton did his own work. But if there is some time in the future when Patrick Warburton opts out of Seinfeld land or whatever. Yeah. Doesn't want to do the Emperor's New Groove mobile game. Yeah.

Yeah. Look, venture brother burgers. Yeah. Do you think that you could put in a good word for me and Jordan percent? Hundred percent. I got you. I got you. As long as you share your war bucks That's what you get for playing war Burton. Yeah, isn't the thing that like hey, it's me Being so silly hey Brendan, I'm grew how did can't believe it. How would I get two Patrick Warburton's in the same room? This is amazing.

It is incredible. One Warburton? Two Warburton? Forget Mammoths. This is the cloning I want. Yes. Hey, Brendan, what do you think they're doing in Denmark? That's a lot of me.

Isn't the thing that like theme park Tom Hanks is Tom Hanks' brother? Yeah, it's Jim Hanks. Yeah, he plays him in all the video games and in the theme park stuff Hanks is Tom Hanks' brother? Yeah, it's Jim Hanks. Yeah, he plays him in all the video games and in the theme park stuff. And then now- Thank you, Steven. You can probably help me with this. There's an actress who I'm blanking on. She was- Meryl Streep.

That's it. No, Catherine, she- Hepburn. If only. Now I'm blank. This, I'm just going into dead air territory. I'm trying, she was in the crew. She was one of the voices of the crews. Her sister does her voice and everything also. I'm blank. This, I'm just going into dead-air territory. She was in the crew. She was one of the voices of the crews. Her sister does her voice and everything also.

I'm blanking on a very lovely actress who's been in stuff going back to the 90s. She's in all the Nicole Hollif Center early movies. I'm blanking on her. Catherine Keener. Catherine Keener. Thank you. How could you forget? That's my one true love.

Oh, well, there you go. My wife is my one true love. But number two, Catherine Keener. Well, if you want to know, Catherine Keener has a sister who sounds exactly like her, so you can have a number three now. Actually, my sister has been playing me on this show since 2022. Oh, okay.

Okay. I only do the theme park stuff. Yeah, that's me. I only wanna do- That's you actually do, yeah. Weirdly, yeah. That's your tier. Jordan, I'm actually played by your mom's husband, Brad.

Yeah. Jesse and I have not been showing up to this show. I thought you guys... Wabababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababab It's like three otters though, yeah. It's wearing stacked up. Yeah, exactly. Wearing a long coat. Yeah, exactly. Well, I think because we have an otter in the studio, we are legally mandated to take a break to eat clams. So should we do that? Well, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jessica. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.

Eggo Sum John Hodgman. At Eggo Sum Janet Varney. And we're the hosts of E Pluribus Motto motto a podcast dedicated to exploring the mottos of every state in the Union. Every episode we will spotlight one state and discuss its official symbols the motto flowers birds beverages songs and even official state muffins. Plus we'll hear from guests whose lives have been inspired by the state's iconography and from residents who call that state home. Bring some snacks, a map, and your travel journal because this podcast is a virtual journey like no other. Au di nostrum e pluribus motto quaili petalia luni di maximum fun.

And for the Latin challenged among you and us listen to e pluribus motto every other Monday on Maximum Fun. Since 2017 Maximum Film has had the same slogan, the podcast that's not just a bunch of straight white guys. Ooh, we've learned something over the years. Some people out there really do not like that slogan. Listen, we love straight white guys. Well, some of them. But if there's one thing we can't change, it's who we are.

I'm Ify, a comedian who was on Strike last year in two different unions. I'm Dreya, I've been a producer and film festival programmer for decades. And I'm Alonzo, a film critic who literally wrote the book on queer Hollywood. You can listen to us talk movies and the movie biz every week on Maximum Film.

We may not be straight white guys, but we love movies. And we know what we're talking about. Listen to Maximum Film on Maxim maximum fun or wherever you listen to podcasts It's Jordan Jesse go I'm Jesse Thorne America's radio sweet Jordan Morris boy detective Brendan hey, uh, Minneapolis fanboy. Can I ask you a question Brendan? Yes. What's going on with these fucking gremlins, huh? Minneapolis fanboy. Can I ask you a question, Brendan? Yes. What's going on with these fucking gremlins, huh?

What are these guys up to? Look, in... This new batch is wild? This new batch is wild. That is the main thing we want to get across. Messaging, wild. Okay. No, gremlins, they're in America now.

That's our new season. They were in China. They were in China. We're still in the 1920s. We're a few years after season one. But one of the one, yeah, I think the only main surviving gremlin from season one, voiced by Mr. George Takei, has escaped to San Francisco, actually. People would probably know George Takei is the star of Star Trek 4.

Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Going back to the whales. Yeah, exactly. He likes aquatic based things. So that's he does a whale picture He does a was born here And now he gets to voice a very intelligent gremlin there. Oh, so Yeah, it's the great one. Yeah

Oh, he's the best if you because it was we were trying to our little homage to the Tony Randall brain gremlin Yeah, so if it was the ones to exactly the new batch So now we're the wild batch gremlins too. Exactly. The new batch. So now we're the wild batch and we wanted who else has the gravitas of Tony Randall. Not many. Not many. It's a very, very short list that George Takei is at the top of.

Now, how old was George Takei in his last impregnation? Wasn't that central to the Tony Randall? That was very central to Tony Randall. Was he... He fathered a child at 80 or something? Something like that. Definitely in his 80s. I think George still could if he chose to the Tony Randall? That was very central to Tony Randall. Mifos, was he, he fathered a child at 80 or something? Something like that, definitely in his 80s. I think George still could if he chose to. Yeah.

Yeah, he still seems virile at 90. A virile man. Yeah. And as part of our great things, we also have James Hong. We have two 90 something now OGs, just absolutely amazing in the show. I gotta tell you this, Brendan. Bringing it to America, strong power move. Because America in the 1920s, you get to have a lot of fun with kids running hoops with sticks.

Yeah, so many hoops with sticks. And as you know, a gremlin will always imitate whatever a child does. So gremlins with sticks. Just running along. Old timey swimming outfits. But yeah, no, it's a blast. We get to- You're talking about bathing costumes? Thank you, yes. Yeah. I feel-

Don't get them wet! Yeah. Hold on. Oh wait, these guys are wild. Uh-huh. That's aim. All bets are off. You do!

Okay, now I gotta watch. And then we send them into the Wild West. Obviously, you know, so a lot of sun out there. What could happen? Wild. Yeah, that's really wild. But it was really, you know, so a lot of sun out there. What could happen? Wild. Yeah. But it was really, yeah, again, we're really happy with it.

It gave us a chance to, season one we got to do all the Chinese mythology. Now we get to do a little mix of some American tall tales, some Western kind of myths and stuff like that. We got any blue oxes in there? It might be a blue ox. Ooh, okay. There might be, I'm telling you,

who else you might have in there. You might have an apple seed, comma J. Wow. Ooh, okay. There might be, I'm telling you, who else you might have in there. You might have an Appleseed, comma, J. Wow. Okay, all right. Don't say the whole thing. I might flip the fuck out. Want to keep the Appleseed fans edging. Yeah, Appleseed D app.

Yes, that's good to say. It's very good to say, yes. We should all say whatever. Brendan, this is a good show. It's good to be on the show. It's good to be on the show and to listen to this good show. It's a great use of your life. You're not throwing your time into a swimming hole.

No. This isn't a swimming hole fuck situation. This is wildly different. No, very different. Well, Brandon, it's been a joy. It's always a joy to see you. Yeah, likewise. And I'm really excited about the second season.

Loved the first season. As you know, one of my children, Total Gremlin's nut. Love it. She's a total freak for these little furry fucks. Right. Does she have a preference of the furry or the more scaly version? Oh, that's a really great question. I mean, she has one of the...

I think I've told you that we went to see Gremlins at a special outdoor screening where the star of Gremlins came. Mr. Zach Galigan. Yeah, it was very, very lovely. And I paid $30 to shake hands with them or whatever. And yeah, I think the classic furry is going to be her number one. But I'm going to say she definitely

prefers the second movie to the first because it's more ape shit. I'm with her. She's a wise choice. I think the brainy gremlin is going to be her number one gremlin. That's mine. I think if you were outlining broad categories and ideas, she might go classic, but if you had to pick just one gremlin.

If you're paying $800 to swim with a gremlin, brain gremlin. By the way, do not let gremlins... Do not. It goes horribly, horribly wrong. You get a lot for $800. That's the plus side. For a thousand bucks, you could eat with them after midnight. Oh God.

Why do we have this promotion? Steven Ray Morris is the producer of Jordan Jesse Gar, producer of Meredith, Brian Sunney, and Dee Fernandez. You can find us on Reddit at maximumfun.reddit.com. You can find us on Instagram at Jordan David Morris and at Jesse Thorne, very famous, as well as at Jordan Jesse GoPod. That's where the dankest memes are. Very dank.

If you're looking for dank memes, you're going to want to follow Jordan Jesse GoPod on Instagram. Fun follow. Yeah. Probably the most fun. Well, number one would be Pasadena, would be the, what is it, the South Pasadena Library? Oh, you know, the Pasadena Public Library did do pretty good memes for a while. I will say the posts have been largely informational lately

and I don't like it. Somebody needs to tell this fucking library. Yes, not a dank meme in sight. No, not dankful. Can you imagine some fucking asshole in the library thinking it's their job to be informational? No, no, no. Your job is to entertain me with memes. God.

At the bare minimum, I need a... You're going to be informational. It's going to have to be a phone number I can call where you tell me all world knowledge yeah that's what libraries are for hey if you're listening do something about hot to go I want to see your take on hot to go yeah how hot to go are you I don't know and how does that relate to books fuck it do pink pony club I don't give a shit. Shpore! Just do something! Do something? Dang! You're not doing it! You're not danging off!

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