Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Crab Louie, with Patton Oswalt and Jordan Blum

Episode Date: June 6, 2024

This week Jordan and Jesse welcome Jordan Blum and Patton Oswalt (creators of the comic book series Minor Threats and the Minor Threats spin-off series The Alternates) to the pod for a conversation about a 58 year old tortoise, X-Men 97, and a man-crustacean hybrid with a red carapace, berserker strength, and a large claw named Crab Louie.Join Maximumfun.org/join and listen to JJGo's new bonus episode of Gracie's Game Gauntlet where they talk about the video game Shaq Fu and the movie Kazaam.You can get Rain Rain for free on the Apple App Store or Google Play. Just search for "Rain Rain" and get ready to sleep great!Want to purchase Jordan's new graphic novel Youth Group but need to be convinced first? Not to worry! You can get a preview of some pages of Youth Group at News-a-rama here!Get your Father's Day shopping done right now by visiting Jesse's shop Put This On and use promo code JJGODad for 10% off.

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Jesse. What's going on?

Yeah, you seem, was there a concern here? Yeah. Oh, I just want to like, just to address address to address some letters we've been getting We usually don't address the letters Jordan We usually leave that to our secretary Dictate the letters that's right and they do the addressing but our secretaries are off It's National Secretaries Day, and we thank them for all the hard work. do. Thank you, secretaries. Thank you, secretaries. Thank you for sharpening our pencils. Mm-hmm.

So yeah, we've just been getting a lot of letters. I think that we had a really electric conversation the other day about my new dentist and people have just been on pins and needles. Like Jordan, he switched dentists. We got to know. You've, you know, you haven't mentioned it for a couple episodes. What's the deal with the dentist? Yeah, Jordan, I wasn't even gonna bring this up,

but some of the people have been really curious, I would say. And at this point, it's been a few weeks and a lot of the letters are, I guess I would say angry or enraged. Right, yeah, they're very angry. Incensed. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

And I'm just worried. They're upset because you went ahead, you introduced the topic, but then you never resolved it, so people don't know what's going on with you and your new dentist. Mm-hmm, and that's why I'm here. I'm here to just put everyone's concerns to rest. I did go to a new dentist.

I did like it a lot for the most part. And I guess I'll just go into more. Yeah, so as people know, I moved to the Pasadena, Alta-Dena area about a year and a half ago. I'm really loving it. But I have been traveling back to West Hollywood for my doctor and dental appointments just because finding that new doctor can be tough. You got people there out there in West Hollywood, but it's a little bit of a drive.

It's a little bit of a drive. So I'm like, it's time to put down my roots. Let me, sorry. There were some concerns on Reddit about, different people felt different ways about our local references. So I'm just gonna make an analogy for people who don't know about the distance between Pasadena. Oh yeah, sure, yeah, absolutely, thank you, Jesse. Sort of like if you were in East Cleveland and you had to drive to West Cleveland.

Oh, what? Now people are like, Jordan? I know, I'm crazy. So okay, so I found the dentist office in Altadena with the best name, Altadental. Did you just ask chat GPT what's the dentist office in Altadena with the best name? I trust chat GPT for everything, including sometimes recording my portion of the show. A lot of times this is just Jesse talking to chat GPT and frankly I think it's the future.

So yeah, Alta Dental, really just beautiful office, really nice staff, everybody was great. They had a Wii U hooked up in the lobby. Oh That's nice. You appreciate that they're that they're not going with a Wii or a switch, right? They're keeping it specific, but you can play Breath of the Wild you can play Breath of the Wild Yeah, and a couple good questions. Yeah, did they just have your old Wii U hooked up, or is that just my living room? No, I think you have my old Wii U. Jesse, I think I saw some assistants from Alta Dental creeping around your house late at night. Yeah, so beautiful Wii U, beautiful office. I'm in the chair getting my exam, and I'll get this out of the way because

it's not the main thrust of the story, but zero cavities yet again. Wow, congratulations. Never had one. Now, how were the cheekbones on the staff? Because as we discussed, the folks at Symphony Dental have extraordinary cheekbones. Yeah, I think everybody at Alta Dental was quite good looking, but no one was like distractingly model gorgeous. Not like Dr. Park from Symphony Dental. No, but again, not a lot of nice looking people at Alta Dental who I regarded appropriately.

I'm not asking you. I'm not asking you to throw anyone at Alta Dental under the bus, but obviously, obviously there's some real threes at Alta Dental. Three out of fours that is. So this three's got her hands in my mouth, right? Doing the exam and they lay the chair back and there was a TV on the ceiling that I hadn't seen. Oh.

And I'm like, that's perfect. That's a perfect place to play old dogs. This is well, so HGTV was playing on the ceiling TV. And I'm like, well, HGTV, I don't know. This is exactly my first choice, but better than what my West Hollywood dentist, Dr. Lim, used to play, which was Fox News. And then one time, inexplicably, Alien versus Predator was just right in the middle of it. They were running that on Fox News.

That's what was going on. Right, yeah. That was after O'Reilly got canned. They were filling that out. We do. On the Alien vs. Predator movies for a while. Right. And now our Thursday afternoon movie on Fox News.

Then some of the Predator's emails leaked. And. Oh boy. Yeah. Oh boy, yep, I know. So I'm enjoying some HGTV there on the ceiling. Something I guess I didn't realize until I was watching it with hands

and apparatuses in my mouth. HGTV is mostly shots of black mold. Oh. It is mostly just close up, I would say pornographic shots of black mold. That's interesting because I would have thought when you said HGTV, they also played HGTV on the giant televisions at Symphony Dental, by the way. Oh, okay, yeah.

They played it silently while that awful fake classical music was pumped through every room. I think there is a dental office cable package that just gets HD, like, here's your HDTV. It's just HDTV with no sound and Montevanni on the audio. I have to say, when you said HDTV, I thought it made sense because it seemed like a very chopper forward cable network. Like I would say maybe the most chopper intensive is going to be Bravo. I think that's where you're going to find those gleam and whines. A lot of pearly is on that Bravo network.

But number two, I'm gonna say, I think it's gonna be HGTV. I think that's gonna be your number two toothy network. Yeah, I mean, there were toothy hosts, but mostly what they were doing is just throwing to shots of disgusting, oozing black mold. And to have that disgusting imagery playing while dental shit is going on, I'm like, I don't want this to be happening, right?

Like, I'm in, it looks like I'm looking at a ceiling covered in black mold. I'm like, it, I feel like, and this picture is so clear. I don't know where these monitors were from. Very clear picture. I'm like it feels like this black mold is going to start dripping into my mouth. Um did it remind you to ask the dentist to check out your oral molds? You know what it didn't. Oh well see That's why you're oozing right now. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Okay.

Well, now that we've figured out why I'm oozing, do you want to introduce our wonderful guests? Our guests on the program, an old friend and a new one, they together have worked long and hard on the comic book universe of the minor threats, including a new trade paperback of the superhero squad, The Alternates, second tier superhero squad, The Alternates, Jordan Blum and Patton Oswalt. Hi guys, how are you? Thank you for having us, Jordan and Jesse. So great to be here guys. Two Jordans, this is gonna get confusing. Two Jordans, I'm seeing double.

Guys, by the end of this we'll know who the best Jordan is. There can be only one. I surrender the title immediately. No, no, no, how about this? You be Jordan Alpha and I'll be dump truck. Nice. There you go. Guys, something really important. I don't usually look at my phone while we're recording. Yeah.

But I was texting with my friend Terry. I buy textiles from her at the flea market. Anyway, she's waiting for the sun to come out to dry some textiles on the line. And also because apparently she has two tortoises. One of them is 58 years old. Oh, a teenager. This is the kind of information I

would like to know from people before I have known them for 10 years. Oh. At some point in that first 10 years I'm gonna want you to mention whether you have any 58 year old tortoises or 48 year old tortoises. Well wait if the tortoise is 58 how long has she had the tortoise? I mean she's probably I would guess that she's in her 60s. So she may have always had she might have bought this tortoise like in one of those little round fish bowls, like in downtown from a guy who also did three card money. And she's had it her whole life.

I think I think a tortoise is it's definitely the pet of an eccentric, but an eccentric who has their shit together like like much much more reliable than a ferret person. Well also, and an eccentric that has a very gentle and zen heart, I think that you've gotta have a lot of patience to have a tortoise as a pet. Yeah. What's a hermit crab owner then? Yeah.

Oh, you don't fuck with a hermit crab owner. If you see a hermit crab owner, you turn around and you walk the other way. You fuck them, you don't fuck with a hermit crab owner. If you see a hermit crab owner, you turn around and you walk the other way. You fuck them, you don't get in a relationship with them. Everyone who stormed the Capitol on January 6th, all hermit crab owners. Yeah. Do you not know that? Yeah. A lot of hermit crab owners.

That's the link. Really weird. Wow. So they met on a forum or? You know what? That's going to come out later. The FBI F guys gonna release all that but yeah, they trust me you Monitor the hermit crab forums what I'm saying Okay, when they were doing that citizen journalism to figure out who was who it all just led back to

hermit crab fans Dot foriacom or whatever. Yes, exactly. You start talking about what's your favorite brand of gravel and it just naturally flows into, that election was a little fishy, huh? Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Jordan Alpha. Yes, dump truck. Yes, my good sir. We met for the first time at a dinner. We had a lovely time. Yes. And you said something that I thought was this warmed my heart that I thought our audience should know about. You were texting with, now Jesse text with textile selling.

Terry, her name is Terry. Terry, textile Terry and her tipsy tortoises. Yeah, I bought some European linen from her. Go ahead. But you were texting with one of your kids who was coaxing you to come home from the dinner so that you could watch X-Men 97 together. Yeah. That's adorable.

It's very cute. It got him. He's 10. And he was kind of already on the outs with Marvel having a father like me who Shoved it in his face very early on and said you have to love this Of course when you hit 10 you want to do the opposite of what your parents tell you to do but x-men 97 brought him back and We were doing Wednesday morning

Drops we wake up at 6 we would eat some sugar cereal and watch together. So he was telling me to get home so I would get sleep so I would be ready for X-Men 97 the next day. Oh, wow. So he's just making sure you're fit, you're hearty, you're well-rested. He cares about my health and the health of the Marvel animated universe. That's really sweet. When I heard about X-Men 97,

it was one of those like turning points in one's life. In this case, it was when a thing becomes retro that you were too old for at the first time. If Batman the animated series was coming back in a retro form, I would be a little weird about that because I watched that as a kid. X-Men 97, I was 16. Right, sure. I'm two steps ahead.

That means I'm going to die soon. That's true. Well, but here's the thing about X-Men 97. I was too old for the original series. I didn't watch it when it was on. But even in con- I can watch this show, and I can tell from just from context, like that must have been a visual thing that

was big on the show that they're doing a version of. That must have been like, you know, you can put together, you can like reverse engineer the retro thrill of a show like that. Sort of like watching the parodies on Sesame Street when you were a kid? Absolutely. Or reading the Mad Magazine or Cracked Magazine parodies, you would understand the movie even though you haven't seen it. There was a lot of R-rated movies that I couldn't see,

but I understood the gist because I would read Cracked or Mad and their version of it. Oh, okay. I know what that movie's about. If it weren't for Sesame Street, I wouldn't be such a passionate fan of Placido Domingo. Placido Domingo. Wow. Well, Age You More is when something comes around and now this generation loves it as an ironic meme. So my kid constantly talks about Shrek having never seen a Shrek movie. It just exists. It exists as some weird YouTube edit and they're all obsessed with it, but they won't recognize

that it comes from a real thing. So that's even worse. I think. Have either of you guys seen this genre of children's YouTube programming, which is like one parent with the toys of popular characters, making a TV show starring those toys where they do all the voices. Yeah, I mean, the YouTube kids algorithm is a horrible dark place that takes you to things you never can unsee. And that's a lot of that lives there in that space. It's awful. It's terrible. Yeah, I remember when my daughter was really, really young, we got we got our kids YouTube thinking, Oh, it'll be you know, reading and puzzles and whatever. And it became very, very clear that it was all sponsored channels where they were teaching kids how to purchase toys and the importance of purchasing every toy you can get your hand on. And it was such a bummer. It tried to look like this homemade,

handheld family get together, but it was all sponsored content and it was really gross. Yeah, the families on YouTube kids are terrifying. Yeah. If you think attractive 19-year-olds talking directly to camera is upsetting, wait until you get to small Eastern European children, their attractive moms, like building something out of soap bubbles or something on YouTube kids. Those families are are horrifying. It's weird how morals and ethics cease to exist in a place where parents

are unboxing Play-Doh and forcing their kids to be there. So it's not creepy to make a profit. It's just it's weird. You think that would be, you know, a great business where morals and ethics would succeed. But no. Every time I see one of those, and I don't have to see them a lot. I don't have any kids.

I'll say my famous catchphrase here. Gotta get a son. I gotta get a son. Anyway, the fans love that, I promise. Are you gonna get a son? I'm working on it. There it is. There's the second part of the catchphrase.

Everybody just, so, but every time I see it, I just imagine dad coaching off camera, and he is a failed improv comedian. Like he is a guy I took two improv classes with, and he was a little too unhinged to put on a team. Jordan, let me ask you this, is this dad a failed improv comedian? Because I kind of feel like this dad

is the most successful improv comedian we know. Oh, actually, you could argue he is the most successful. Right. He's just, yeah, he just partnered with a company. Yeah. Like, you know, our friends that are, you know, sure, has John Ross Bowie had a lot of success in show business? Yeah, of course he has.

But this dad that's holding a toy Spider-Man, this guy's doing improv for millions. You're right. You're God, I didn't think about it like that. Millions of dollars and people. Yep. Patton, have you had much luck getting your kid into stuff that you are also into? How does your sharing of stuff go?

A little bit. I mean, I don't want to be the jock version of a nerd dad. Like, you will sit and watch this. You know, there were certain things she liked. She really loved The Last of Us. We all watched that together. She liked the first season of, she really liked like Wanda Vision, but she's not like, well, anything Marvel I will watch. She's very selective about what she

enjoys. And now she's getting into more like, she watches a lot of, you know, contemporary movies. She loves the Knives Out movies. And, but then every now and then she'll like, she just discovered this movie called The Nice Guys that she's now watched like three times. I think it's like the best movie she's ever seen. So, you know, I'm not trying to guide her or at least forcibly guide her, but I like to keep the stuff within her sight, if that makes sense. That is very, that's very funny. Like your kid getting into Nice Guys, like a riff, a neo-noir. But I guess like when I was 10, I liked Regarding Henry and A League of Their Own.

Like. Yeah, but like the Nice Guys has a really cool 14 year old girl in it that she really identifies with. Vince is awesome, and she's kind of the smartest person in the movie. So there's that whole like, oh yeah, that'd be me in that world. So there's that whole like, Oh yeah, that that'd be me in that world.

And teens love Russell Crowe. And teens love Russell. They love the crow. My daughter is demanding. In fact, my daughter is angry at me right this very moment, because last night was family movie night. And I had on Friday, promised to watch this film tomorrow, then realized it was family movie night and said, we'll do it the day after. That's tonight. I forgot I was recording Jordan, Jessie go.

And so she is really mad, so mad that on a holiday Monday in the late afternoon, we have made an appointment to watch together, the Lawnmower man. Wow. I do not know how she knows what the lawnmower man is. I don't know where this came from. I don't know where it's going. Cyberspace, I presume. I think you're maybe in for some psychosexual themes as well. Oh, great. You love those. Well, she's going to she's going to she's going to be introduced

to the world of Jeff Fahey and horrible early 90s CGI. Wow. It's that's going to be quite that's where my daughter is a huge Stephen King fan in terms of like reading him. She'll reread a lot of his stories. But you know, some of the movies, I gotta, you know, let her know, some of the movies are great. Some of them are, so, but she hasn't really, she hasn't had that disappointment yet.

Is your daughter a Stephen King fan? Did she read the story of the Lawn Mower Man? Absolutely not, no, absolutely not. She just wants to be a cyber god. I mean, what 12 year old doesn't, right? I mean, at that age, yeah. The other big thing that happened with me and my daughter Gracie was I had to text our friend Jonathan Colton this weekend. Oh, Jonathan has had a cruise for many, many years and I've never been on it. We, we had our own cruise years ago. Um, and it was great time, but you know, Jonathan doesn't need any, uh, straight

white guys with minimal draw. So, um, on his cruise, but I, I finally, I broke down and texted him and said, Hey, Jonathan, maybe you could take a look at whether I could come on your cruise. And it was because my daughter for 18 straight months has been fixated on visiting the Bermuda Triangle. Wow. And I thought the Bermuda Triangle was a small triangle. And so I was just trying to do a classic parent move, which is just push it into the future in the hopes that you can get it far enough into the future that they will have found a new interest by the time. Oh, smart.

That's a good strategy, man. But I had done that a year and a half ago. See, then you're like, you just shunt it off and then, Dad, can we go to the hollow earth? Exactly. Exactly. And so I thought that to go to the Bermuda Triangle was like a whole thing. That's why I had been shunting it. I thought that it must be that you have to go on like, I thought it would be like going

to see the Northern Lights or something. Like you have to go on a Northern Lights trip to see the Northern Lights. And then I looked up a map of the Bermuda Triangle. Basically, any cruise leaving from the East Coast goes through the Bermuda Triangle. If you block off any area of the ocean or whatever, that area has an elevated number of shipwrecks or plane cranes. It's nothing unusual in terms of missing planes

and craft in any other part of the ocean. Just for some reason, it is caught on as, oh, it's this weird cursed area, but there's no more crashes in the Bermuda Triangle than there are anywhere else. Sure. Just good branding. Good branding. It is very good branding. Broadly speaking, I would say the Bermuda Triangle is unforgiving to airplanes. The ocean very good branding. Mm-hmm. Broadly speaking, I would say the Bermuda Triangle is unforgiving to airplanes. Sure. The ocean in general, unforgiving to airplanes.

Yeah, exactly. You know, let's hear it. I would say instead of the Bermuda Triangle, how about just the ocean? Yeah. The ocean's not a good thing to crash into if you're an airplane. One of the worst places to put a landing strip.

What about this? We just get ourselves a little patch of ocean. There you go. Call it Odin's Octagon. And then we get those, we get those tourist bucks. They got to see the octagon. Or call it Jordan, Jesse, go down in flames. That's what that area is called.

You brand your show, man. That's how you do it. God, all these 15 years we've been doing this show, Jordan, we've been missing out on all this fucking Sea Nightmare money. I know, I know. Sea Nightmare. Jordan, Jordan Alpha, and Patton, have y'all had luck doing family vacay stuff with your kids?

Yeah. I mean, our daughter travels pretty well. We started traveling with her when she was really, really young. So she's very, now she can travel by herself. She'll go to Chicago and visit her all of her cousins. She's going to go to Fiji this summer. But yeah, family vacations for us have actually been very, very lucky, very breezy. How about you, Jordan? Yeah. I mean, my kids travel really well. New York's become the favorite just out of like a pizza necessity thing. Because I grew up there and I never realized.

The pizza sucks in LA and you're like, Oh God, now my kids are this guy. No, they know they caught on. Cause I think like I would eat my mall pizza, whatever. And it was like, whatever, this is nothing. And then when you moved to California, you're like, Oh, I should have coveted that. That was amazing. Right. The shittiest piece of pizza in New York is better than anything out here. So we went there and my kids didn't believe me. And I was like, just pick anything on the street.

I'm not telling you where to go. It'll be the best piece you've ever had. But it was the best slice they had. So now it's the whole trip is based around how many stops at pizza parlors we can go to as we go to New York. There you go. Where does New York stand with Grey's Papaya? Is that still a, is that, is that beloved? Isn't that a hot dog? I thought that was a hot dog place.

Yeah, it's a hot dog place where you also get papaya juice. I guess I was just kind of, that's, I really love going there, but I'm not sure where, where does that add on the, on the scale of beloved New York thing? That's a Bourdain beloved place. So that's got a rate pretty high, right? Our friend Elliot Kalin told me that his father, I believe, might've been his grandfather, but I believe it was his father, ate a hot dog at Grey's Papayaaya or maybe it was the papaya king. Was that what the other one's called?

I think that was the knockoff. Yeah. I think it's a famous Ray's situation, but yeah. Ate a hot dog at the papaya king every morning for breakfast on the way to work. For breakfast. For breakfast. That's a lot of nitrites. That's a lot of nitrites. That's a lot of nitrites, my friend.

Hey, that's our that's our parents generation. You eat a hot dog every morning, you buy a house for 20,000 bucks. Yeah, that's the life. That's the life. That's what the GI Bill gets you. Hot dogs for breakfast. When your body when your body fails because of hot, depend on your kids to take care of you. Yeah. Hot dogs for breakfast sounds like a John Prine tune.

They're like, that will be a John Prine. Hot dogs for breakfast. It's funny, but it's also wise. Right. Yes. Maybe. How old did he live to? That one I don't know. We should find out from Elliot. I think he became a- He became a cyber god eventually, right? I'm just saying every time someone reaches the age of 116, they always have that weird

like, I ate a bag of white cheddar popcorn every day of my life. They always have some weird dietary thing that they do that made them live forever that would kill anyone else. And also you just kind of suspect, I think you're lying. Three snakes a year. I don't think he actually did that. Three snakes a year. What? I wake up at 2 a.m. and eat a whole cigar.

Just throwing a handful of change in their coffee. What's going on? So funny. What are the best New York things, Jordan? Just throwing a handful of change in their coffee. What's going on? So funny What are the what are the best New York things Jordan? What are the New York things that? You miss more than anything of course other than leaving aside the water which is what makes the bagel so good I know that we love isn't that also it makes the pizza crust so good maybe some places claim We have it. There's that New York water bagel place out here.

Oh, yeah. Supposedly. Yeah. There's a place near the airport that purchased some sort of machine that takes LA tap water and through a series of, I'm going to say centrifuges, makes it into New York tap water and then they make a bagel. I had one of the bagels. It was pretty good.

Every bagel though, it takes $10 to extra for it to go through that process. The waters. They have to jack the prices. Sure. Deli food. Deli food is the number one thing. Deli culture, deli, all of that. I went to school in Ohio. No delis there. Out here, not a great selection. So that's what I miss the most. You're saying places like Arts and Izzy's don't measure up to the most basic New York deli?

There's a certain kind that isn't this big, sit down. I don't know. There's something about the neighborhood deli that isn't part of some sort of chain or some bigger thing that you can just pop in, get a bacon, egg, and cheese in the morning, that kind of thing. It's a different vibe. I think that there are some great delis in LA, but they are all an ordeal.

They're all like a version of an ordeal. Yeah, and I think there's a thing, there's a convenience. You run in, you get the thing, you run. Yeah, Langer's is fantastic, but it's a sit down and you're gonna be there for a while And as as someone who ate at Langer's three days ago, it's right right across the park from from our office Oh You buy one sandwich it now costs 39.99 What

You're really There is there's a weird boomtown thing going on with prices for everything. I don't want to get go down that weird hole, but it does feel very weird and random how everything is just openly being jacked up and everyone's just like, well, I guess that's what I'm paying for stuff now. Like it's all a shoulder shrug. It's really weird. Yeah. My hermit crab told me that It's all a shoulder shrug. It's really weird. Yeah, my hermit crab told me that. I was reading about who's responsible on a hermit crab forum.

Really? Yeah. There you go. I guess I am a big Cantors defender, but I understand that that vibe is not for everyone. And you do have to listen to the Steely Dan cover band that is playing at the bar attached to Cantors and it is noon on a Wednesday and they're there. I think Cantors got the decor right. I don't know if the food- Yeah. The source of endless debate. I know. I am pro Cantors, but I am a Southern California casual, so I take great-

I don't know. The last time I was at Cantor's, my waitress was a sassy 40-year-old woman with braces, and I was desperately in love with her. I had never experienced that dad thing of falling in love with a waitress until I met this woman who was giving us the business while wearing braces. It was the best. Brings you a little fruit cup, mostly grapefruit. I'd love to go to a delicatessen and order... I feel like I need a food that I get. Jordan, you're like a diner habitué. I feel like-

Yeah, less these days. It was a section of my life. I think I am out of... I still love a diner. I think I am out of whatever the Bermuda Triangle of diners that I was trapped in was, where I was just eating 8,000 calories of scrambled eggs per week. But yeah, still love a diner. I feel like I would love to have a food that I buy at a diner or restaurant that is like something I could eat every day, like two eggs and toast or something like that.

But I'm eating it at a restaurant because that's where I see my fellow old people. And we all sort of meet eyes over our newspapers and nod and then go back to our newspapers. And my thinking right now- Newspapers and World War II book from the library. Yes. Oh, there you go.

My thinking right now is half a cantaloupe with cottage cheese in the middle. We're all headed there. I went to breakfast with a friend of mine. He's getting like eggs on toast, and he was like, yeah. And he looked, he goes, well, those days are gone. And he got like, he literally said out loud, those days are gone. And he got granola and fruit and some yogurt. And that was like, oh, okay, that's what we're heading. Sure. Yeah, I guess there's steps, right? I've always remembered that.

Those days are gone. Like, oh. There's like steps, right? That's obviously. Like, I can't have a cheeseburger and tequila at midnight anymore. No. No, that's gone. But it will get worse.

And it's never coming back. I feel like there's a certain cruelty built into the experience of being at a restaurant with a friend and you order tasty restaurant food. And then after you've put in your order for your cheeseburger or whatever, they're like, can I have a side salad with the vinaigrette on the side and a small smoothie? And what the hell, a whole cigar and a handful of change.

They should have never agreed for that venue. They should have picked a different venue because it puts you in that awkward position. My favorite thing about New York is still the food-wise. This is more, if you're in your 18s, 18 to early 20s, is the Chinese food that is suspiciously cheap. Shouldn't be as cheap as it is. And I have friends, there lot of people talk about this, like dim sum, like, you know, fried pork dumplings,

and they're a dollar a piece. You're like, they shouldn't be a dollar a piece. Like that's not good. And you still buy them because you're young and broke. And you eat them and you're like, well. I'm gonna give you two dollars so I feel better. Yeah, exactly. And you're like, I. I'm going to give you $2 so I feel better. Yeah, exactly. And you're like, I guess I'm training my immune system to fight whatever the parasite is that's

in these things. It's one of those places where you pay by the weight. It doesn't matter what you got. They just wait at the end. Yeah. Yeah. And you go there and when you're young and broke, it's great. A really disappointing part of Los Angeles relative to New York, I think, is in New York,

I feel like it doesn't matter what door you go into. If it's at street level, there's a hot bar of some kind or a griddle. Like it really, you go into the Chase and they're like chopped cheese Yes, it's right there yeah On the subject of travel we have we have Convention season kind of coming up

Patton and Jordan you guys are you guys are pushing comic books? Yeah, comic-con obviously but like are, I suspect there are, there's like, a pretty kick-ass con in Duluth, Minnesota or something that just fucking slaps. Am I wrong about that? I'm pulling Duluth out of my hat, but like... Well, I haven't gotten to go to a lot of the smaller cons. I will say, two years ago during the strike, the Comic-Con or last year was actually really nice

because no TV and movies were down there. I've heard that some of these smaller cons are awesome. I just haven't had a chance to go to them yet. Have you been to some of the smaller ones, Jordan? No, I feel like I've done mostly like New York Comic-Con, WonderCon out here. Not really, I would like to. to. I heard like I think HeroesCon supposed to be good, a few of those. But I want to travel more and we keep going to the same places. So I'd love to change it up. We were supposed to do Rose CityCon a few years ago and I was working. It couldn't go. That's

up in Portland. That's got to be amazing. Oh, God. I bet that. Yeah, I bet that rolls. Yeah. So many got, I bet that rolls. Yeah. So many goth librarians at that con. Yeah, sure. Sure. I guess I just have it in my head that like, there's one in Vermont, it's at a public library, and like, John Carpenter just talks to you for two hours,

and then like, shoots rubber bands at everybody. I don't know, that's just a fantasy. I would go to that for us in a second. Yeah. It's just John Carpenter and his kalimba. And he's like, Yeah. Hey, let's take a quick break.

I want to, John Carpenter's around the corner and he's, I was doing a quick kalimba thing. Oh sure, yeah, yeah, we'll take a little break. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Goh. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you.

It's Jordan Jesse Goh, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Guess what, Jordan? I just checked my notes, and it says here that every single episode of Jordan Jesse Goh is supported by members of Maximum Fun. Jesse, I'm checking my notes, and it

says that not only are your notes accurate, my notes also go on to say that MaxFun members can access hundreds of hours of bonus content, including our new episode where we review Shaq Fu and Kazam. Wait a minute. I'm checking my notes and right here there's a picture of a cool car that I think would be cool if it really existed. Whoa! Guns and everything! Yeah, it's got wings!

Cool! Yeah, it's super aerodynamic looking. Yeah, notes are the best. We're also supported this week by the Rain Rain Sleep Sounds app. Now remember, Jordan, if you're a Jordan Jesse Go listener, don't tell us that you listen to Jordan Jesse Goh when you want to fall asleep. Tell us you listen to Rain Rain Sleep Sounds app. Yeah, Rain Rain is designed for sleep and won't, you know, crack you up with our patented

brand of hilarious commentary. There's a huge selection of sounds available for free. You got nature sounds, white noise, brown noise, chill music, household sounds like fans and a clothes dryer. You can even combine sounds and adjust the audio to make the perfect personalized soundscape. Jesse, I've used a lot of white noise devices, apps, playlists. I've been using Rain Rain. I'm gonna go ahead and say it. Rain Rain's the best. It's the best I've ever used.

I like to combine sounds. For example, chill music and clothes dryer to suggest that I'm in the laundry room of a fancy hotel. Ooh, that's nice. That's why I like to sleep. Sure. You can get Rain Rain for free on the Apple App Store or Google Play, just search for Rain Rain

and get ready to sleep great. Jordan, I also, Father's Day is coming up. What a beautiful day. A lot of Jordan, Jesse, go listeners know that I have a shop at putthisonshop.com. Ooh. And I'm just going to say it, it's literally the best place in the entire world to get something for the dad in your life. And you can use the code JJGODAD for 10% off anything. I'm talking about certainly handmade pocket squares and other accessories, but also vintage clothes,

vintage knickknacks, beautiful jewelry for both men and women, all there at putthisonshop.com. So go to putthisonshop.com, use JJ GoDad, get 10% off, buy something from me and not just me, Jordan, but also Brenna, who helps me with the store. So this code, it works for dads. Does it also work for grads? Yes. I would ask though that no cats use it. Yeah, we hate those guys.

Jordan, your book is on the way. I hope folks have already pre-ordered it. Look, you're putting together an itinerary that people aren't going to believe. I'm excited for people to learn about this itinerary as it develops, Jordan. Yeah, Youth Group, the exciting new graphic novel for me and Bo and McGurdy. Hey, you know what I'm gonna do?

A hot new preview of the book just dropped on the Newsarama comic book website. I'm gonna have our buddy Matt Lieb throw that link in the description of this show. So if you wanna take a look at some of my favorite pages from Youth Group, head to the description or over there on the web. I don't have the money. I don't have the money to pay for exclusive advanced access to Youth Group by Jordan Morris and Bo and McGurdy. I don't have whatever. I don't know what it costs $200, $300 for the early access to a preview of the book? That's free.

You can just click on it. Oh, I should just click on the link in the episode notes? Yeah, in the show notes. Check out some of the best pages from this book, and if it looks cool to you, maybe give it a pre-order. We'd really appreciate it. And hey, we'll say more about this later, but I'm going to be hitting the road for this thing. So if you gonna be hitting the road for this thing so if

you live somewhere near the road yeah keep keep your ears perked cuz I'll be out there and yeah you listening Cormac? Sure I'll be out there but my road will be a lot more fun than your bleak one. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, Boy Detective. Jordan Bloom, Multiverse Cowboy. Pat Noswalt, the Dice Man the

original and still the best the original Dice Man you should see how Patton is smoking right now it's in a really funny way it's hilarious really really fun Patton last time last time you were were on when the first of these books came out, the main thing that we did was just list tertiary superheroes and supervillains. That's right. I can't get enough of them. You know what? I was thinking about that as I was getting ready for this recording and thinking, God, I'd love to do some more of that. Yeah. Let's do it.

Another round. Royal Flesh Gang. All right. That's fine. I'll say that one. That is one of Jordan Blum's favorites, right? The Royal Flesh Gang is a huge fan of yours. Who were the Royal Flesh Gang, Jordan Blum? They were a group that their gimmick was playing card characters. And I love when a big group commits to one gimmick. Yes. I also like when the, the comic, the writer or the publisher is like, we got to capture blank trend that's happening right now. So they will do a villain that is either like disco themed. There's one of my favorites, we even put him in the Modoc show, is this guy Angar the Screamer.

And it's like a heavy metal rock singer, but his screams can kill. And it is so clearly like they were bummed, they were annoyed with all this damned rock music that was coming out that was so loud, like Zeppelin and Blue Cheer and all this weird metal. They're like, that's gonna be the end. What's wrong with Danny K?

Angar is defeated by Frank Sinatra. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, we could have bring in the velvet fog. They can go. Like that. Oh man, T. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, we could have bring in the velvet fog. Oh man, Torme, man. Yeah, when you see villains that are clearly based on something that is in culture that's irking the writers and publishers, I can't get enough of that. As I was reading The Alternates, first of all, I was honoring your wish, your obvious wish,

not only to create a vivid world with many emotional and thoughtful themes, but also to get yourselves jobs writing comic books so that you can make lists of new guys that you thought of. Yeah, oh yeah, I got notebooks full of guys. So this is this was the question that occurred to me. Were there guys that you thought of? I'm using I'm using guys in a in a pan gender sense here. Were there guys that you thought of that were too primary for the alternates? Like did one of you guys pitch someone else a character

and you thought, no, let's go with Crab Louie, the crustacean man instead. We throw away nothing. Everything goes in. There's no list of characters who didn't make it. You're like Grey's papaya in that way. Well, but also with the alternates, we actually wanted characters that started out

super basic and super primary. Because it's about these very basic comic characters being rebooted and deconstructed and vertigoized, like a lot of characters were in the 90s, like Animal Man and Swamp Thing. So the more kind of basic they were to begin with, the more fun we had, you know, fleshing them out in a reboot style.

What were the trimmings? What got left on the floor, Jordan? Nothing, honestly. I don't think we've thrown anything away. We use everything, man. There's a character named Crab Louie. Like clearly we don't hold back. Yeah, yeah.

Something I love about these books is like, so you're in a superhero universe that has been going, like, right, this is just the world they live in. There are superheroes, there are supervillains, and like, you will just go into a bar or a diner or something, and it is filled with heroes and villains that clearly have a gimmick. They are not part of the story, but they are there.

And I like to think that their gimmick and backstory has at least been considered by y'all. Like just someone sitting watching a TV in a bar. A lot of that is Scott Hepburn artists, you know, filling in the world. And that leads to stuff. So in the main series Minor Threats, there's a character named Shit Eater, who was just a punk rock fly, who just appears in the background of the book. And he, Scott had this idea of who this character

was. And then we ended up now having a mini series that Kyle Starks is writing and Ryan Brown is drawing and he's getting four issues and it's just the guy in the background where you're like, I need to know more about this, this young gentleman. Kyle saw him and oh, I know this guy's story. I know it. And the story he gave us is so hilarious and weirdly touching. And it's incredible when that kind of stuff kind of gets out of your hands. I love that.

It's a coming of age story about a henchman minion who has no one to hench for anymore. And Kyle nailed it. That one comes out in July. Patton, I saw you posted a like punk playlist to go along with this punk rock character. Yes. I listened to it, thought it was fantastic.

I wonder, did you get any, when you're saying here's a punk rock playlist, you open yourself up to thoughts from others. What did you hear from others? You're never gonna make anyone happy with any list anymore, so I was just trying to go, these are the songs that kind of pulled me into the world and also reflect

shit eaters plight and journey. And also there's a lot of like punk adjacent stuff. There's some post punk stuff, some very early new wave, some more modern punk. So, you know, all of that, I think feeds into that world. It's more of an attitude rather than we can only take things from this genre. I still like remember the five or six times I got called a poser in high school and it like it It just terrified. I just I just closer because of what because you were trying to be punk and they were like that's not punk enough Or yeah, just saying I liked something that the other guy didn't like and it it it yes I still I still carry the wounds Well, you know Just know that a lot of that comes from people's fears when you're young

It is very risky to say you like something and then you risk it being lame. It's way easier just to go this sucks Yeah And even if it's that maybe one likes then suddenly you're this bold contrarian As you get older you realize actually most stuff's pretty good contrarian as you get older you realize actually most stuff's pretty good it's amazing that it even exists and why not just enjoy the shit you enjoy yeah isn't it isn't it wonderful that we have enough food that we can create art I guess in hindsight I what I did tell the punk kids that my favorite band was the Banana Splits. So. I mean, Jordan, I don't know. They rock.

I feel like I never had that problem just because I know how punk rock I am. Like in my heart, I know that I'm basically the most punk rock guy ever. Right. You know what I mean? Yeah. You can out disgust anyone in terms of musical taste. You can go, oh my God. You like the later Paraubu stuff?

Come on. Dub, everything after dub housing is garbage. Like you could, were you that kind of person? I can just look at them and say punk rock. Yeah, I know all about it. That's what I'll say. Yeah, you were the Gigi Allen of your high school, right Jesse?

Gigi Allen. Who is known as the Gigi Allen of your high school, right Jesse? Gigi Allen? I was known as the Gigi Allen of my high school. Yeah, I was a punk rock fly at the time. There you go. Eating shit. And by the way, I just love that we're discussing shit eater in a very calm, academic way. Like, well, of course, shit eater. Hi, I'm Terry Gross.

I'm here with the creators of Shit Eater. Come on, Terry doesn't do the shit eater interview. She kicks that to Dave Davies. Hi, I'm Dave Davies from TVWorthWatching.com and here I'm here with the creators of Shit Eater. So he is kind of a like, he is kind of a like early eighties punk fly. He loves that.

I think post-punk is even more punk than punk because there's something so bleak about embracing a genre that's dying and you're doing, you know, so like stuff like like wire and the cocktail twins and stuff like that, where they're like, we know this whole genre is on the way out and we're still doing it. So that's that to me, killing joke and stuff like that, that's sort of the stuff that he likes. There's a reason there's a wire button on his jacket.

Oh yeah. Jordan Blum, how punk rock are you? I'm so punk rock that when Patton and I were making Modoc, I was the one who had to twist his arm to let me do a third eye blind episode. So that should tell you how punk rock I am. I will say that that- Which is not at all.

That third-eye blind episode of MoDoc is one of my favorite episodes of TV in like the streaming era. It's so good. I love that show and that third-eye blind. Thank you. The fact that that third-eye blind thing like pays off emotionally is really terrific.

Jordan made that song land on an emotional level and it was a wonder to see. Yeah. All music has value, guys. All music has value. Did you guys write? I have not seen the Third Eye Blind episode. Did you have to write the entire episode and then write one of those letters to Third Eye Blind episode. Did you have to write? Did you have to write the entire episode and then like write one of those letters

to Third Eye Blind that says, Yeah, how did we do that? We had a lot of help from my friend James Cartwright, who's an amazing music supervisor, and we cut it. We blew our entire music budget for the season on one episode on three Third Eye Blind songs. We cut it. We blew our entire music budget for the season on one episode Song and then camped down races for the whole Season five episode nine, Mayor Z. Oates. Was it, was it always third eye blind or are you like, okay, we'll write a version of the

script where it's goo goo dolls. We'll write a version of the script where it's a semi sonic. Like cause I knew we were going to have like a slow down version of one of the songs at the end. So I tried to think of like what would work. And I always kind of came back to them as being perfect. And then getting Amy Mann to cover Third Eye Blind is probably the most ridiculous thing she's ever been asked to do.

But Jordan, I'm sorry. I'm sorry to interrupt you here. Amy Mann wrote a song about Jordan Morris's cat for us. So you go. Yeah, we've. So. Oh, you go. Yeah. We've been talking to you. Well, you win again. You win again, JJ Goh.

Sure. Hey, listen, can we take a break real quick? I have to email Amy Mann about doing a cover of Little Brown Jug. Oh. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Goh. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. I'm Yucky Jessica.

I'm Chuck Crudsworth. And this is Terrible, a podcast where we talk about things we hate that are awful. Today we're discussing Wonderful, a podcast on the Maximum Fun Network. Hosts Rachel and Griff and McElroy, a real life married couple. Yuck! Discuss a wide range of topics.

Music, video games, poetry, snacks. But I hate all that stuff. I know you do, yucky Jessica. It comes out every Wednesday, the worst day of the week, wherever you download your podcasts. For our next topic, we're talking Fiona, the baby hippo from the Cincinnati Zoo. I hate this little hippo. I'm Sequoia Holmes, pop-culturist and host of the Black People Love Paramore podcast. Contrary to the title, it is not a podcast about the band Paramore. Each episode,

I, along with a special guest co-host, dissect one pop culture topic that mainstream media doesn't associate with Black people, but we know that we like. Tune in every Thursday to the podcast that's dedicated to helping Black people feel more seen here on Maximum Fun. here on Maximum Fun. -♪ La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la Patton Oswalt, old blue eyes. I feel like by focusing exclusively on Crab Louie. Mm-hmm. We've undersold. Go right ahead. We've undersold the depth of the alternates. Now, is there a goth librarian who

turns into every kind of fictional monster? Yes. Classic monsters. Yes, there is. I was saying classic monsters. Yes, thank you. Can she turn into a non classic monster? If she can, we haven't seen it. I think Celie had her turn had like mantis arms,

so maybe she was like a 50s atomic monster kind of thing. Oh, yeah, maybe. So we'll extend into the 50s. Yes. You got a Frankenstein hand sometimes. Dracula hand, these kind of things. Uh huh. I just don't I just don't want anyone at home to think that this is just about Einstein hand sometimes Dracula hand, these kinds of things. I just don't I just don't want anyone at home to think that this is just about. A crustacean man, a very cool looking crustacean man, by the way,

genuinely impressively cool looking, talking to a horseshoe crab and then realizing it's dead. He sort of becomes the lawnmower man of crustaceans. In his kind of heightened adult reader vertigo universe. That's a really good point, Jordan. He does become the lawnmower man of crustaceans. Or specifically. That should have been what I called myself when we signed back in instead of multi-resources. I would say, you fucked up, dude. Damn it!

More specifically, he's the lawnmower man of crustacean human monster hybrids. There you go. Yes. Yeah, monstrous. I did find it, part of the story, so like like this story is about these characters who are superheroes having traveled into this multiversal world of extraordinary imagination and intensity and then having to return to their ordinary lives and their their ordinary lives being much more ordinary in the way that as you said, this swamp thing in the 80s became a grand, a grand epic. And I think that I forgot

what I was gonna say about that. Jordan, do you remember? I think you're gonna say it kicks ass, dude. Yeah. I treated myself to a little to a little minor threats trade paperback. I think it's it's out there a good way to a good way to get caught up. I will say that the third issue of of minor threats has a little action set piece where the characters all run through an area of town that has a time vortex in it.

It's like the most fun five pages of comics that I've read in a long time. It's so cool. It's so, yeah. Thank you. Yeah, that was really fun to do. Yeah. It's got credit for that one

because you drew that double page spread of them running through time. Gorgeous. Reality. Gorgeous. It was like a board game almost. Yeah. You're kind of following their path. But also different comic styles,

like the character, there's a character who kind of turns into an Archie character for a minute and then like a spawn character. It's great. It's so good. He just went whole hog on that one. You really saw Scott kind of unlatch the hinge on his brain and let it just go. It was beautiful. Yeah. Hey, if you're at your local comic book store, get yourself some minor threats content. It's like if you look at all the marvels and you're like,

well, I want to be into a superhero universe. There's just hundreds of years of this stuff. That's where you go to the minor threats and the alternates. You have a whole fleshed out superhero universe that's just kind of getting started. Yes, you do. Jordan Patton, what a joy to have you on the program. So nice to see you again and for the first time. Thanks for having us on, man. This was so fun. Our producer on Jordan, Jesse Goh, is Matt Lieb.

This week, Christian Duenas on the boards. Thank you, Christian. Our theme music is Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. Our thanks to them. You can find us on Reddit at maximumfun.reddit.com. You can find us on Instagram at Jordan David Morris and at Jesse Thorne, very famous.

We're on Facebook at facebook.com slash Jordan Jesse Goh. That's probably all the credits we need. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan Jesse Goh. I'll hug you and kiss you and love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you.

Love you.