Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 131: Dinosaurs with Aqua Teen Hunger Force
Episode Date: April 27, 2010Dave Willis and Dana Snyder, stars of Aqua Teen Hunger Force join Jesse and Jordan to talk about girl scouts, dinosaurs and tour buses. ...
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Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free.
Unto the locks and throw away the keys, and take off your shoes and socks and run you.
I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.
And I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective.
And this is...
Jordan, Jesse, Go!
Icicles, tricycles, ice cream, candy, lollipops, popsicles, licorice sticks,
Salmon, friendly, maggoty, edgy, twiddle, Jesse, go.
We're joined by Dave Willis and Dana Snyder of Aqua Teen Hunger Force.
Talk about all kinds of cool stuff, not least of which is the desert east of Los Angeles.
Let's go.
It's Jordan, Jesse, go.
I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.
Jordan Morris, boy detective. Very special guests joining us this morning. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective.
Very special guests joining us this morning.
And it is the morning.
On a weekday, no less.
Sure.
Somebody's playing hooky from work.
Somebody else over here doesn't really have a job.
Sure.
A beautiful gray day in Los Angeles.
We got a cup of tea over here.
Our guest, a cup of tea. Our uh our guest a cup of tea our very special
guest we alluded to earl gray sure um hello gentlemen our our guests do you have any ointments
our guests uh visiting us from that's on my snl edition tape by the way
so one day lauren micha Michaels is listening and you like that.
One day people will be able to watch this podcast on your SNL Best Of DVD.
Sure.
Easter egg.
Joining us from the great city of Atlanta,
popularly known, of course, as Hotlanta.
If you ask like Jamie Foxx, he'll tell you.
Two of one of the creators and one of the stars
of one of television's most popular programs.
Yes.
Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Dave Willis and Dana Snyder.
Welcome, gentlemen.
Thank you.
How's it going?
I'm not from Atlanta.
Yeah, as soon as I said that,
I thought maybe Dave lives in Atlanta and Dana doesn't.
You got all wound up on that Earl Grey thing and forgot to fact check a little bit.
You know, when things start to slow down, I think we'll all get a visit from Earl Grey.
Earl Grey and the Twining Sisters.
The thing is...
Get things back on track.
If you're on what I call a comic run, as golden as that Earl Grey stuff was,
it's easy to lose track of things like what cities your guests are from.
Welcome, guys.
You guys are here because you're on tour with some kind of Aqua Teen Hunger Force live experience.
That's correct.
Does this involve puppetry?
Experience is a good word.
Yeah.
It's very more fitting than a lot of what other people have called it.
Yeah, that's what we should have included in the title, experience.
Adults with live experience.
Because that encompasses both sort of theatrical performance and also character-based bongs,
which, as I understand, are both a key part of this.
They can be at times.
They will be.
They will be now when I post them up on eBay.
No, no.
They were actually incredible.
We'll make more from that than we did from the tour.
So you guys have been touring, and as we understand it, you guys were presented some industrious stoners made some Aqua Teen Hunger Force.
These guys look like they climbed out of the woods.
And it was the first time that, like, they had walked on a sidewalk in maybe five or ten years, if maybe ever.
Sure.
Yeah, they drove five hours for somewhere in Oregon.
They were great guys, and they
well, the
security guy came.
He said, you guys should come out
here and see this. I can't let these guys
bring this stuff in, but you guys
should come out and look at it. But it's pretty fucking awesome.
Yeah. Then we walked out
and these two, like, bearish
crazy looking guys.
You know what?
I think I saw the bongs and I think I gave the guy a hug.
I think you did too.
You gave him a hug.
I was like, what a – I mean they took months of work.
They clearly took some time to make.
Are they glass?
Is this blown glass?
Blown glass.
Wow.
Blown glass.
Blown glass.
Blown glass.
And I feel like we have a relatively high level of
experience with this having lived five years of our lives in santa cruz california oh there you
go blown glass is such an amazing intersection of the kind of of the stoner and the industriousness
sure like you really like outside of bugles something, it's difficult to get a stoner motivated to do much of anything.
Yeah.
But for some reason, their commitment to sophistication in blown glass.
Yeah.
It's their one thing.
And they start, what's amazing is, I mean, obviously, I mean, their primary interest is bongs.
There's no doubt about that.
But I know that we knew guys who were stoner dudes who got interested in glassblowing because of their interest in bongs.
Yeah.
Saying, why should I buy this pipe for $50 so I could be like my buddy Frank and make them. I could buy some rods of glass and a torch.
A whole rod of glass only costs $45.
Yeah, that costs like $40.
And then I got $10 more for weed.
Yeah, you got a dime back out of me.
I've done it again.
I want to hear a description of these balls.
These are shaped like the Aqua Teen Hunger Force cast.
Where do you put the weed in them,
and then where do you smoke out of them, I guess
is what I'm curious about. The shake
one is easy because you smoke out of the straw
and on the top of the lid there is a
bowl that is made out of meat wad.
Okay. So he goes in there.
The Frylock one
is by far... I'm looking at the
Frylock one now. The most incredible one.
Separate pieces of glass.
One little... And they both come out for cleaning or something.
I don't know what.
Oh, yeah.
But the side that has the bowl in it is literally just a bunch of different frosted.
My God.
That form the bowl.
And then the other side, he has one fry that comes out like he sometimes does when he needs to grab something.
And that's the straw.
And the nose is the carb.
It also has a glowing nose is the carb. It also
has a glowing part on the back.
Yeah, it's got a light-up jewel
at the back. If you screw
it in tight enough, it lights up.
It's like one of those little...
Does he have a light-up part on the
back of him in the television program?
Yes. Yes, he does.
It doesn't light up. It's a gem.
He does now. He will now.
That's right.
Are you going to make any changes to the
characters based on these bongs? I think we have
to. Well, he did threaten
to sue us because we did
a show based on his bongs.
I have had these bongs for years and now
there's a show based on this? I had submitted these bongs for years And now there's a show based on this
I had submitted these bongs
To Cartoon Network
My agent sent them
Receipt confirmation
To Cartoon Network
My agent slash buddy Steve
What was really weird too
Is then the Meatwad one
And I put that one in my mouth
I was like how does this one work?
He's like, oh, no, that's just a little thing.
That's just been dipped in LSD.
Yeah, I'd go a little easier on that.
Now you're going to visit the devil.
Okay, so bongs aside, I sincerely am interested in, because I got the press release for this thing,
but you guys just got here to Los Angeles.
I haven't seen this operation.
What actually happens in this live experience?
Many exciting things.
We got puppets.
We sing some songs.
I don't want to say puppets too much, though, because I think that terrifies a lot of people.
I wouldn't say that that's only a small element of our show.
Well, all of it's a small element, really.
People are probably pretty freaked out,
because the last time they saw puppets was Avenue Q,
and it was so politically incorrect and outrageous.
It was outrageous.
It was wild and outrageous.
Those puppets went there.
They were so terrified, all they could do was laugh.
Sure.
So that probably freaks people out.
So there's puppetry.
There's song story.
Song story.
There's clips and stuff that we haven't shown.
Stuff that won't ever be shown.
So I like the idea that there's Aqua Teen Hunger Force material that won't ever be shown. I like the idea that there's Aqua Teen
Hunger Force material that
won't be shown. Why will it
not be shown? Because
lack of interest from the network.
Mostly that.
I mean, because it is, generally
I would characterize the show as a
button-down show.
It's the kind of show
that if you were going to use words to describe it, it
would be, you know, tight as a drum.
Classic.
Classic, absolutely.
Benchmark.
Timeless.
Cadillac.
Not the craziest thing I've ever seen in my life.
Yeah.
Exactly.
Can you actually give an example?
I don't know if you want to... This is something that is spoiler material, but I'd like to hear about –
We don't want to spoil this thing.
No, no, but I kind of want to hear about what is something that wouldn't make it to air.
Oh, I've done plenty of things over the past ten years that would never make it to air.
You've made a side career out of making things.
I've made a side career out of things that you can't make a career
out of.
I'd like to point out that when
they said that clips were
involved in the show, I assumed,
I sincerely assumed
in my head that they were
talking about the hip-hop group Clips,
Malice and
Pusha T.
I thought you were talking about Chip Clips
That would make the show better
Do you know them?
Yeah, could you get them?
We can give them a call
I mean, I know Pharrell
And he of course produces many of their records
So we'll just get Pharrell on the phone
See if he can hook us up with him
Can we do it right now?
Like in the next, I don't know, eight hours
Oh yeah
Four
Yeah, really?
It's kind of been a time crunch.
Yeah, we need them before sound check.
I mean, they got to learn the dances.
Yeah.
And the dancing girls need to get used to where they're going to be for the big opening number.
The opening production number.
I love it when people just take the press thing and they just basically copy it in the newspaper.
So it appears that we're going to be reading live from scripts,
which sounds just wonderful and exciting.
We don't read from any scripts.
At the Barnes & Noble.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know, am I mistaken in thinking that somehow the family guy
has built a small cottage industry around reading live from their scripts?
You know, I saw one of those shows.
I saw one of those family shows.
How was it?
You know, it was pretty good.
I have a complicated relationship with Family Guy,
and I've recently kind of made my peace with it
and just kind of decided to enjoy it.
That's a bold thing to do.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I mean, I don't...
You have a complicated relationship with a television show?
I do, yes.
We fucked a little bit.
But, you know...
The thing was, they were working together at Fox.
Yeah, sure, sure.
Yeah, and I saw the live show,
and yeah, it was kind of everybody up there
with a music stand in
front of them and they would read, you know, they read an episode of the show that was
too hot for TV.
Ooh.
Watch out.
Yeah.
And kind of in between, Seth MacFarlane sang songs with a variety of special guests.
And yeah, it was really, really fun.
It was definitely...
The songs were the part
that seemed to have the effort put into it
and not the reading,
but it was very funny,
cool to watch everybody do the voices.
Did it involve all the people
who make The Family Guy?
Yeah.
Aren't there famous people involved
in making The Family Guy?
Seth Green was there.
Mila Kunis was not.
You know who filled in for her was Julia Sweeney.
Wow.
I'm sorry.
Very bizarre.
Bizarre choice.
Julia Sweeney?
Yes.
Julia Sweeney?
Julia One Woman Show Sweeney?
Yes.
She's still cranking those out.
Julia and God Said Ha Sweeney.
Yeah.
And now there's a new one she's doing.
Sure.
For some reason. You're pretty up on the career of Julia Sweeney. Yeah. And now there's a new one she's doing. Sure. For some reason.
You're pretty up on the career of Julia Sweeney.
Yeah.
You know, I am distressingly.
I am not made up with her.
You guys have a complicated relationship.
Complicated relationship.
You actually slept with It's Pat.
Oh, yeah.
It was later.
The Penn Station.
It's cool that Ween were in the It's Pat movie.
They were?
Were they really?
Yeah, yeah.
Pat plays tuba with them.
Wow.
They lower Pat on stage with a harness, and he's like, I'm jamming with Ween.
I mean, you get it.
you know i mean when you're julia sweetie in that moment and they're leaning they're lowering you on a stage on a movie that you're making out of a character you probably meet like halfway yeah
you're holding a tuba and that's your line i'm playing with ween i'm jamming are you just like
i just hope this cable snaps and it's all over the The money was nice for a while, but this is...
I went to college with a guy who,
I don't think you knew him, Jordan.
Bang the Sween?
He had been a child actor,
and he had two big credits in his child acting career.
He was on a Nickelodeon show called
The Secret World of Alex Mack.
He was a minor character on this Nickelodeon show.
But his big non-
kiddie thing credit was he had
played young Pat in It's Pat.
I think that's really
the single saddest credit
you can have. It may even be
sadder than playing Pat
in that movie. I don't know.
I'd rather be like, like yeah you're in the pat
movie yeah but i just played young bet i don't know i have nothing i feel like i have nothing
against julia sweeney like i really have no position at all on julia sweeney she's been
quite good on wait wait don't tell me lately i that's that's the thing about julia sweeney for
some reason julia sweeney has become the official comedian of public radio yeah so given my public
radio career um she like like at one point there was this big contest to find new public radio
talent that was sponsored by the corporation for public broadcasting and involved giving away like
200 000 when they got jesse camp right yeah exactly and um julia sweeney was one of the
people who made a pilot hers was about uh religion it was a show about religion hosted uh julia sweeney was one of the people who made a pilot hers was about uh religion
it was a show about religion hosted by julia sweeney and i don't like the thing the thing
is is like if you spend if you spend any time like talking to public radio people
the qualities that they have are they're they're by and large quite intelligent They're by and large Very nice
Good people
A lot of heart there
And by and large just spectacularly
Completely humorless
Yes
That's why Prairie Home Companion has been on
For like 25 years
Yes exactly
And that's the thing
It's not that they disapprove of humor.
No.
They just don't know what it is.
Yeah, right, exactly.
They think it's an important thing.
They understand that humor and, again, I think that's...
They're singing a song about a biscuit company that doesn't exist.
This is awesome.
Yeah.
I love those false biscuits.
Yeah. The duct those false biscuits. Yeah.
The duct tape council, what?
These guys are crazy.
You've got to see them.
I tell you, they're crazy.
And so they'll grab on to a Julia Sweeney,
who, frankly, I sincerely do not know
whether Julia Sweeney is funny or not.
I don't listen regularly to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. I know she's done some
panel on that.
I don't remember
her doing a lot of hilarious stuff on Saturday
Night Live, but then again, I was 11.
She was
superfluously in
Pulp Fiction, too, right?
She was in Pulp Fiction? I don't know.
She was in one scene where she didn't say a word.
With the wolf, yeah. Remember? I don't. Uh-uh. She was in one scene where she didn't say a word. With the wolf, yeah.
You remember?
I don't, uh-uh.
With the wolf.
With Harvey Keitel's character?
Harvey Keitel's character, yeah.
Well, they're just friends
in real life, right?
I guess.
I think so.
Can you get in there with him?
He was dipping in the sween
for a little while.
Oh, sure, yeah.
Shooting this movie,
come down,
you're gonna be in it.
Well, I don't know.
I don't know.
Come on.
Let me get him on the phone.
Phew.
I'm bringing my bitch.
Give her a nice part.
I want her in the shot with me to make sure she's not making out with your DP.
This movie sounds violent.
She has a history of making out with directors of photography.
She's well known for that.
If they can frame something well, she's on board for the smoocheroonies.
Smoocheroonies?
Wow. Jesus Christ.
That was a sweeterism.
We have Dave Willis
and Dana Snyder here with us. It's Jordan
and Jesse Goh. We'll be back in just a second with more.
It's Jordan, Jesse, Go.
I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.
Jordan Morris, boy detective.
Oh, these two guys with us.
Just as good as it gets.
Dave Willis and Dana Snyder. Yes.
You couldn't ask for more.
You could not ask for more.
You could act.
We could, but then we'd be a couple of fucking assholes.
Only a couple of fucking assholes would ask for more. Yeah. There's no doubt
about that. Please give us more.
But we would like more. Just a little more.
Yeah. Just a little bit.
They're among the stars of the television program Aqua Teen Hunger Force.
You may have heard of a little show called Squidbillies, also on the Cartoon Network Adult Swim.
Sure.
They got a hand in that.
I'm glad that you know that it's Cartoon Network and not Comedy Network.
Comedy Central.
Or Comedy Central.
Do people make that mistake?
Or South Park. Have people make that mistake a lot? Or South Park.
Have people been misattributing?
Yeah, we had a radio.
That happens all the time, actually.
Thing this morning that was much like that.
Yeah.
There's this world.
Did they ask you to weigh in on the Trey Parker and Matt Stone controversy?
They were asking similar questions.
No, worse.
They didn't know what that controversy was.
They were like –
Asking you about Tiger Woods.
Well, they asked – yeah, right, of course.
No, they asked –
Does Meatwad like South Park?
Finally, I'm just like –
Oh, they just wanted you to do this.
I would really like to throw it back to Dave.
That would be okay with everyone.
It's 6.30 in the morning,. I just ain't feeling so great.
But they were nice, though.
Sure.
Oh, yeah, they were very nice.
But most of their plan was just to kind of prompt you to do the voices.
I think so.
Okay.
Yes, and that's always just this terrible, awkward thing where it's like,
well, I don't know if he's in the room.
Carl, are you in the room?
Shake. Hold on, everybody. Let's know if he's in the room. Carl, are you in the room? Shake.
Hold on, everybody.
Let's see if he's – you know what?
He's in the bathroom.
He's going to be there for a while.
He's crying in the bathroom right now.
He's not going to be back.
Why don't we deal with the particulars of where they can go at Ticketmaster to actually go see the show? I think that the morning radio host, the skill that they perfect is an ability to achieve this kind of mental flow.
Yeah.
Like that book, Flow, like a perfect clarity.
Like when Pele is about to kick a bending ball past the goalie or Roger Clemens is going to burn one in on the outside corner or something like that.
They achieve this perfect flow in their mind, this perfect river of words that are completely unencumbered by content,
thought or other things happening around them.
I remember when we did a couple years ago
We did the Adam Carolla show
And Danny Bonaduce
It was like
It's just like a spackling
A vocal spackling over any
Possible dead air bubble
That could possibly pop up
I guess maybe as
Somebody who listened to that show
Adam Carolla before he went to podcast was on morning radio out here in L.A.
And in this weird little pocket, they thought Danny Bonaduce of the Partridge family would be a good co-host.
Celebrity steroid user, Danny Bonaduce.
Yeah, you could tell there was an uneasy marriage in that situation. And they were, I mean, all four of them in there were,
like, they were all just on their computers
and updating their Facebook, like,
why they're talking about whatever else.
So, like, you know, Danny Bonaduce would just be answering Facebook
and be like, yeah, yeah, guys go down there all the time.
You know, I went down there 20 years ago.
I was only just looking for blow.
And the guy, like, on the thing hits the...
Like, all the crazy sound effect guy is going.
And he's just, like, in his own thing that I'm sure he's just like, kill me, kill me.
Was there...
Okay, can I ask you guys this?
Was there a screen, a giant screen?
Because we went on the Corolla program and something that I had sort of...
His podcast, his non...
His podcast show.
And we're both great admirers and fans of Adam Carolla.
I think he's a very brilliant and hilarious guy.
But something that I sort of heard people,
guests on the show referred to that I hadn't really wrapped my mind around
until we sat down in there is that in his studio,
there's a giant big screen TV on the wall or midsize big screen TV on the
wall.
And whenever someone says something about something, someone in the control booth, I
don't know who's in charge of it, makes a picture of that thing show up on the giant
TV.
Like if they were saying about a billboard or these new shoes came out, they would just
find it and put it up on there.
Yeah, like I feel like at one point I was jokingly saying the names of NFL kickers.
And all of a sudden, just like a picture of Mike Koffer would appear on the wall.
Like just like somebody went on Google and typed in Mike Koffer.
And I don't know what that's for exactly.
Maybe they have a video element to their podcast
And that's the live feed
Like you can have just a picture come up
Sure
That's probably it
For the enhanced podcast
Here's a picture of Mike Cofer
If you pay the premium
Yeah right that's for premium level
It was spectacular
I want to talk briefly about this billboard
That I saw the other day.
This is obviously speaking of contentless programs.
I saw this billboard and became completely obsessed with it.
It's in Highland Park, California, across the street from Huaraches Azteca.
It's a great place to get a huarache, which is like a kind of a football-shaped,
extra-thick taco.
Gross.
Okay.
Sounds terrible.
Wow.
It's fantastic.
It's fantastic.
Extra-thick, football-shaped.
Football-themed taco.
And that's how it comes out,
looking exactly like that, too.
It's for kids' birthday parties.
Yeah.
Okay.
Real football flavor.
Six-foot party taco.
So here is this billboard I saw.
And number one, I was sort of surprised to see a billboard for Girl Scout cookies.
Seems like an odd thing to have a billboard for.
Seems like an odd thing to have a billboard for.
Seems like sort of the premise of having a billboard is that, I mean, the premise of Girl Scout cookies is the Girl Scout brings them to you, right?
Yeah.
You're supposed to be outside of a store or knocking door to door. And that's one of the things they tell the Girl Scouts in the orientation is you guys are our living billboards.
Yeah.
So to have a billboard, it seems like you're undercutting part of the Girl Scout.
Do they have a website with a PayPal
set up or anything like that?
That's the thing. They don't. You cannot
buy them online.
You're not allowed to buy them online.
So there's really like
no... But if you're going to have the billboard, you may
as well have the website, right?
Exactly. And there's no call to action here.
The thing is, there's no way to say just buy some cookies now
because you either know a Girl Scout or you don't know a Girl Scout.
You know what I mean?
Like there's no in-betweeny world where you can just call the Girl Scout
distribution hotline and say send out a Girl Scout.
I'd like to buy some Girl Scout cookies.
I need to get some cookies here.
I guess there's
the door-to-door,
there's the
my boss's kid comes around, which is how
I get my Girl Scout cookies.
There's also
the supermarkets and
the indie bookstores have Girl Scouts.
Do they really? I got to get up at the
Do It Center outside, the
Burbank Do It Center one day.
Sure.
But it's like a table outside.
It's not actually sold in the store.
No, no.
I guess what the billboard is just priming you for, hey, when you see them.
It's your cookie money, right?
Yeah, right.
Always have cash on you.
If you see a girl in a green vest, she's got some cookies on her.
She's not some sort of crossing guard.
That's right, yeah.
Here's what's on the billboard.
Top left, it says Girl Scout Cookies, which is great.
Got to get the name of the product out there.
It's fantastic.
That's a fine example of text.
Bottom right, there's two pictures of two boxes of Girl Scout Cookies.
Looks like green.
That'll be a thin mint, if I'm not mistaken.
And purple.
What's that?
A Samoa?
Probably a Samoa.
That's the coconut.
That's the one with the stripes?
Yeah, the coconut roundies, yeah.
Okay, so.
Roundies.
And in the upper right-hand corner,
it's got the Girl Scouts logo
and the website of Girl Scouts of Los Angeles.
Everything so far, perfectly kosher,
is just a great filler for when you haven't sold your billboard.
You just say, hey, Girl Scouts, want to put a picture?
Okay.
The text in the center, the slogan is, want a box?
Text your zip.
And your is spelled you are.
And it seemed kind of a fun, like kids-oriented.
Like a kid drew it.
Yeah, it seemed like a fun.
Like one of these young girls wrote down, want a box?
Exactly.
Text your zip. Exactly. And there's a word bubble coming out of one of these young girls wrote down, want a box, text your zip.
Exactly.
And there's a word bubble coming out of one of the girls' mouths
that says, remember, don't kidnap us.
Right.
We're not for kidnapping anymore.
Just buy cookies from them.
So the call to action here,
normally it would be buy some Girl Scout cookies.
In this case, the call to action is text your zip.
Okay.
Now, I don't know what that accomplishes but we can get into that in a second underneath text your zip is an email address
okay so there is no there's no number to text to it's's not like text GS Cooks or something like that.
GS Cooks.
Text your zip to GS Cooks.
Oh, yeah.
I see where you're...
There's no...
They're asking me to send a text message to an email address.
So that's the first issue.
You know there's some tottering old woman who's the head of the Girl Scouts.
We need to be modern and bring it up for everyone.
I want texting and emails.
And let's put some of those
phones in here.
And by all means, tell your
you are.
Like the old days.
So, here's the thing.
It just says Bieber on the billboard somewhere.
If that was
all that was wrong with this billboard,
it would be an unusual billboard.
There's also a picture of a Girl Scout.
She's got her hand extended like, yeah.
You know what I mean?
That kind of extension like, oh, yeah.
I'm aware of that brand of extension.
Yes, we all know.
And you can see.
The classic, oh, yeah, extension.
You can see from The classic, oh yeah, extension.
You can see from her happy facial expression that she just got an order
for a box of Girl Scout cookies.
I'm going to say 400 orders.
Yeah, she's fucking stoked about it.
Highland Park is big Girl Scout country.
That's right.
Happy, just brought you some...
So she had just gotten a text on her email device.
Yeah, on her email device.
Or email machine.
It's funny that you should mention that, Dave.
It appears that she just
got the text
via email on her
regular iPod. Her music
playing iPod.
Wait a minute. How do we know it's her regular
music playing iPod?
You think the Girl Scouts may have a secret iPod. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. How do we know it's a regular music playing iPod? You think the Girl Scouts may have a secret iPod that receives emails and text messages?
Well, I mean, maybe it's the iPhone.
iPhone looks like the iPod, right?
The iPhone does not look like the iPod.
There's a wheel.
It has a small...
You're holding on...
It's got a wheel and a small screen.
It's clearly an iPod.
Oh, yeah.
That clearly is an iPod.
Clearly, this is a...
That is very clearly an iPod. This is clearly a stock photograph that they have somehow Photoshopped in someone's zip code or something like that onto the screen of an iPod.
And then maybe Photoshopped a green vest on top of a stock photograph girl.
It's probably from the 80s.
It was probably like a Walkman.
Just painted black and put a screen on it.
It was probably like a Walkman.
Just painted black and put a screen on it.
And this billboard also, the way you were describing it is way better than this billboard is.
You didn't mention that the entire background color they chose as a background color.
What would you do?
What is it when you think of Girl Scouts?
What color do you think of?
Green.
Green, right.
What's the back color of this?
Flesh.
Like salmon, old salmon flesh color.
Very unappealing.
If you think about, for example, what do you associate with the Girl Scouts?
Merit badges, of course. You get merit badges for things like various home economics things, right?
Where is the design layout?
Baking.
Certainly you get one for camping.
And you get one for flaying
Which is why they use the flesh color
Maybe they're giving out one for marketing now
Plus there's about 17 different
Styles of fonts on that
That's so many fonts
And there's just some random pieces of clip art
There's a shark at a birthday party
Yeah
There's one of at a birthday party.
There's one of those fishes tipping its hat.
The moon making out with a turkey.
A paper clip on a skateboard.
Brought to you by Print Shop Deluxe.
Just everything.
It has those little holes along the edge like it came out of one of those continuous printers.
Yeah.
Like a dot matrix. It came out of one of those continuous printers. Yeah. We had our contest
for the best Girl Scouts
across the nation. We're going to design the billboard.
I can't believe
this is the fucking best one that came out.
It's the other one with no swearing.
Are we teaching these girls nothing?
Can we get out of this?
No, the contest.
We have to put it up.
We have to put it up.
All right.
You know what?
Let's just put it up in Hyde Park once.
Let's just do one of these.
I think really the amazing part of this is not so much that they got little things wrong
about technology, that they thought you could send a text message to an email address or
receive an email or text message on an iPod.
It's that they knew about all this
stuff in 1987 when
they designed this billboard.
Yeah, that's exactly
it. It's like a
Nostradamus prediction.
That they called us
crazy.
A man with a blue turban will cause a war.
Yeah, well maybe that billboard will be popping up in 2014.
There will be a great quake.
Yeah, that's right.
When they had the divining badge, which girls' eyes would roll back
and just start writing out billboards that they need to put up in 10 or 15 years.
We have something texting.
Some kind of electronic address
for correspondence. It seems entirely
possible to me, Dana,
that there was a whole class
of Girl Scout
badges based on
marginal performance forms
and various
pseudoscience, pseudomagic spectacles.
There's the alchemy badge.
The phrenology badge.
Very popular.
There was the living on an air diet badge.
Exactly.
There was the mostly Victorian stuff.
There was the putting a bell on top of a gravestone with a string that goes down into the coffin so nobody gets buried alive badge.
You had to go through and make sure no one was buried alive.
That's how you got the badge.
And finally, make your own fainting couch.
We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, We forgot to mention that in the last segment. You don't have to. We don't ask that you do,
but we do want to say that Kurt Anderson,
the esteemed novelist,
former co-founder of Spy Magazine
and host of Public Radio International Studio 360,
came up with Explodo.
Well.
So we want you to know that, you know,
not to put pressure on you.
The bar is very high.
I was, after our last segment, I was going to say, maybe I could say I'm America's sweetest alchemist.
Oh, yeah.
I like that.
I'm turning lead to gold.
Sweetest, sure.
I was going to go.
And you're a rosy disposition.
Turning lead to cupcakes.
That's right.
Exactly.
To pure cane sugar.
To organic cane sugar. To organic cane sugar.
I was just going to go with American Express card holder,
because I had some issues with those people this morning.
That's true.
Or former American Express card client.
Oh, my God.
Their heralded customer service let you down?
It's hard to explain to a corporation.
Well, I let myself down.
Can I say this?
This speaks volumes for how terrible I am.
They were like, what's your mother's birthday?
And I was like, you know what?
I really don't know that.
Which is terrible.
Terrible.
I thought they were asking you.
I said it's around.
What was your last charge?
It's in April-ish.
I know.
It was, like, last week.
What's the next question?
I thought you were going to say maybe that you let yourself down in that they approved a charge for seven devil's food cakes.
Oh, well, right, right.
Yeah, when I fed my sadness and depression last night and I didn't have cash.
Yeah.
Right.
No.
Here's your cake, sir.
They have some kind of...
Seven.
If you get a high enough...
Let's get the minimum charge here.
How many more do I need to get the $5 charge?
You've got six.
You need 12 more.
If you get a high enough level of American Express card,
they actually have
a shame food concierge.
Oh, yeah.
That comes with the black card.
The black card.
It was originally an innovation
that Oprah Winfrey suggested to them.
She actually demanded.
Use your devil dog points to...
I want those cookies!
I'm so sorry.
This past weekend was my birthday.
Oh, and by the way, I want to thank some...
We talked about Chompers 2 last week,
and one more thank you for Chompers 2 here,
the amazing talking pig.
I listened to, and we're going to save this on the air
for our big extravaganza live show on May 28th,
but I listened to the actual sound that Chompers 2 makes.
The gentleman, Sneedglau, I don't really know how it's pronounced,
who created Chompers 2, built in some kind of circuit system so that when you pull him along, he makes the sound of me doing the sound of Chompers.
Wow.
The original Chompers, which is pretty amazing.
That's thorough.
Thanks to him.
But I also want to thank a sort of little consortium of listeners decided to honor my birthday by and just sort of as a general pick-me-up, since we've had some
trials and tribulations over the past month or so, they sent me some caffeine-free Dr.
Peppers.
They sent me like four or five cases of caffeine-free Dr. Peppers via mail order.
Hey!
Wow.
Which you can't get here in Los Angeles.
They knew I was a lover of Dr. Pepper, but I can't drink the caffeine.
Why couldn't you get that in Los Angeles?
It's only offered in places where Dr. Pepper is particularly popular.
And because sodas have regional bottlers, they have distributors who have exclusive license.
So if you're in a place where Dr. Pepper is not super popular, there's not enough call for them to make it.
Like Los Angeles.
Where no one lives.
If you're in Texas, they have it everywhere, apparently.
They have every kind of Dr. apparently. Yeah, what does Atlanta
have? Do they have some sort of... Atlanta's a Coca-Cola
country. It is.
And a Coke, yeah, a Coke could mean
anything. Yeah, a Coke is
the catch-all name for 14 other beverages.
You have a Coke and they say, well, what would you like?
I take it personally when they just have
Pepsi, you know. It's like, well, why would
you... You just knock it out of their hands when they bring it.
Exactly.
What is this?
I feel like –
Slam it to the floor.
I will say this, though.
I think the dumbing down of America has resulted in every fast food restaurant no longer knows how to properly install the Coke and carbonation systems.
They all taste weird and bizarre, and that's sort of the best we get for regional flavor.
Now the countryside is homogenous, but your Coke tastes different regardless of where you go.
Because sometimes there was a little bit of Country Time Lemonade left in the tube system that goes to the spout,
so that first burst is of Country Time Lemonade and the rest is Coca-Cola.
And that's how Lemon Coke was made.
Yeah, originally.
So it was my birthday. I went to
Palm Springs,
California, which is a beautiful
place full of
mooks and homosexuals.
Sort of the two primary.
There's some old people also. Old weirdos.
I've never seen a more... Tons of crazy two primary. There's some old people also. Old weirdos. I've never seen a more...
Tons of crazy gay dudes.
I've never been to a more demographically specific place.
Yeah.
Like there are really,
there are those three groups of people,
mooks, mouth-breathing mooks,
homosexuals from Los Angeles.
Coming to nude resorts.
Elderly people.
What kind of mouth-breathing mooks?
I mean, like tourists or like...
No, the craziest people in Palm Springs
are the people who live there and were born there
and they live on the outskirts of the main strip,
but they're just these old, creepy fucking desert rats
who like...
There's like two bars on the main street where they go
and all the homosexual males go to the other ones.
But, I mean, we went there.
My friend was doing a show there, and we went to go see it.
And we went to this place, and we were hanging out with these sort of local people,
and they were very nice, but they were un-fucking-believable.
And a car sped up and sort of just stopped at one place,
and some guy was like,
Come on, that guy's back! Go, go, get him!
Like just eight guys get out of the bar
and hop in the back of this guy's truck
and it just tears up.
That guy's back!
You speak Mook like a native.
It's amazing.
Your accent is nearly perfect.
Study, I study.
Yeah, absolutely.
I'm a scholar.
I can really hear the meth.
Like I can hear it in your voice. Yeah, I mean I'm a scholar. I can really hear the meth. Like, I can hear it in your voice.
Yeah, I mean, it's funny because you can almost distinguish between the curved brim of the backwards baseball hat and the flat brim of the backwards baseball hat.
And you really hit those two.
You hit those two.
You clearly hit those notes.
Did you do one of the State Department language courses?
No.
No?
But I was a census taker in Palm Springs for years.
I gotcha.
I understand that completely.
And, of course, Palm Springs has that supplemental that says elderly, mook, homosexual man.
Yeah.
Old ass, gay ass, crazy ass.
Check one.
Check all that apply.
Yeah.
Well, I'm an old gay crazy ass.
Now, you don't have to answer these questions, but are you?
So I'm going to put the form in my mouth.
I'm going to eat it and deliver it out in ten years.
I stayed in a hotel in Palm Springs called the Ace Hotel.
There's one of these in Portland, a new one in New York.
I stayed in that Portland one. It's just
fantastic. That's where we walked by yesterday.
It's a great place.
It was quite nice
and it had some
odd features to it. First of all, the one
in Palm Springs is a converted motel.
It used to be a big motel
so it's sort of like
it's weird because it's not
kitschy, but it did used to be a motel.
And it did used to be kitschy.
Yeah.
Yeah, definitely.
And I think probably the two weirdest things, there were two pools.
There was a pool, a kid's pool, and then there was an adult's pool.
A screw-in pool.
Yeah, exactly.
Screw-in pool.
Same depth.
Yeah.
Oh, it was a deep one. Yeah. Oh, is it deep? No.
I was surprised.
I was surprised to see.
I expected, given that it was the Ace Hotel,
I expected to be uncomfortable at the level of sort of cool kid going on.
But I was shocked to learn that apparently just in Palm Springs,
even that thing that is so specifically targeted to that demographic, the affluent person in their late 20s who wears tight pants.
Yeah, I guess to explain, the Ace Hotel is a hotel as directed by Wes Anderson.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, all the room I did, I think every room has a record player.
You call down and the guy will come up and put a needle in it.
And down in the lobby, there's just shelves of records that you can take your LPs up and listen to every night.
My room had a camping themed.
It has like a wash basin and a bed roll.
Palm Springs where I stayed was it was very
you know it was trying to have a sort of
a contemporary version of a Palm
Springs modern aesthetic sort of
a 19 circa 1960
modern it had polished concrete
floors and that kind of thing yeah
but the weird element of this whole and it
was it was perfectly pleasant I you know
saying it week it was not
expensive for us to stay there and
relative to other
fancy things and it was
nice. It was a nice place.
But the weird thing that they had
that I couldn't wrap my head around
was not the record player.
And we didn't have a lending
library. There was just a Righteous Brothers
LP.
No wonder you didn't call for that
needle to be put in.
101 Strings record.
Yeah, right.
The Montevani Orchestra.
Yeah, but what was weird was the walls were covered in canvas.
There were literally canvas, basically tarpaulins that had grommets along the edges.
And they were covering the walls,
like just plain natural-covered canvas
as a full wall covering.
No decoration on these walls.
Natural canvas colored.
Natural canvas colored.
This is not a...
We're not talking about navy blue.
We're not talking about light blue.
We're not talking about anything blue, green, red, yellow.
Unbleached canvas.
Unbleached cotton.
So the big question is, did you take
it down and look behind it?
Fuck! Fuck!
That's where the treasure map is. Shit, shit,
shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, from Palm Springs, we stopped in Cabazon, California,
which is the home of the Desert Hills Premium Outlets.
Of course.
Premium.
Yeah.
By the way, go there and then go to the non-premium outlets.
You will shudder to think what they entail.
Just a store where you get tetanus.
Cabazon, California, is also the home of the dinosaurs from Pee-Wee's Big Adventure.
Yeah.
What's the name of the diner?
There's a diner in front.
I can't recall what the diner is called.
It's like the Wagon Wheel Inn or something.
Did you go in the diner?
I didn't go in the diner.
I didn't dine.
Not into that kind of food.
I know.
Little tooth?
I think I might enjoy it if it was good.
It's good. Is it good? Let me put it if it was good. It's good.
Let me put it to you this way.
The waitresses in there, because they have these big concrete dinosaurs behind,
the waitresses in there, they wear leopard or tiger skin shirts with the belt,
so they look like little cavemen with the sleeves cut off.
Do they have bones in their hair?
As do the cooks.
It's really kind of subtle a little bit.
Because you're at a diner and you're like,
oh, she's just wearing some really tacky, trashy shirt.
But then you notice even the cook behind is wearing,
and he looks like...
And of course we all know that cavemen and dinosaurs
didn't exist within millions of years of each other.
Ha ha ha ha.
Oh.
And yet you would be proven wrong.
Oh.
Yeah, so they have
this guy, a long time ago, he just built
these dinosaurs. With no agenda.
There's a brontosaurus.
It's in the middle of nowhere, right?
There's a brontosaurus that holds a gift shop inside
and then there is a tyrannosaurus, which is
probably the more famous one from Pee-Wee's Big Adventure
where they're like, yep, in the mouth or something.
Aren't those also prominently featured in The Wizard?
I believe they are. He hides himself in the mouth Are these also prominently featured in The Wizard? I believe they are.
With the
He hides himself
in the mouth.
The autistic boy
run away.
Yeah, right.
Because that's the thing
he keeps flashing on, right?
He's like
Yeah, he has a
postcard or something
that
He keeps autism-ing
about it.
Am I mistaken in thinking
that The Wizard is about
Super Mario Bros. 3?
It was that big
video game
contest they had to play.
Okay.
There's a subplot with...
This is about Fred Savage.
He's got an autistic brother
who wants nothing more than to visit the dinosaurs
from Pee-Wee's Big Adventure.
He's also a Nintendo savant,
and to get there to the dinosaurs,
they win a series of Nintendo challenges
culminating in a big one.
The big one.
The big one.
The big one.
At Universal Studios.
Yeah.
Okay.
Anyway.
But these dinosaurs, they were built, a couple of them, they were built like in, I don't know, the 40s or 50s.
And again, with no agenda.
For no reason.
Just for fun.
This is not an agenda.
Exactly what you want from a roadside attraction.
Some crazy old guy who was stuck out in the desert and said,
hey, I got 2.5 million pounds of cement.
Why don't I make you some dinosaurs?
Boy, then everybody will stop here.
And by you, I mean you, the ghost that live in my attic.
To be fair, he probably called them dinosaurs.
Yeah, of course.
The dinosaurs.
But what's happened over the past couple years?
I went there two years ago or a year ago, I guess, and we were talking about this.
There have been people who have bought it from the people who own those dinosaurs.
Yeah.
And now it has become a creationist theme park.
Really? And there is a little walk around
those are the minimum of
there's a little walk around
outside like a little cactus garden
where you'll see
you do see the lion and the lamb sitting next to each other
but the best one is
there's a part with
like a Templar knight
like this
and you walk in between them
so you're on one side
and he's got his arms stretched out
holding this sword
and on the other side of the path
there is a velociraptor
about to pounce him.
What?
To prove to you that
dinosaurs walk the earth with man.
Wow.
So you're...
Wait a minute.
That's amazing.
Is the raptor...
I kind of want to get back to the fact
that the guy built these dinosaurs like in the middle of the desert.
I mean, wouldn't it be sadder if he actually thought this would be a great place for people to rent it out for weddings?
To learn about dinosaurs.
People would want to come out here and get married.
Everybody loves a dinosaur.
I'd want to get married inside a dinosaur.
Hell, Martha, ain't nobody don't like a dinosaur. I'd want to get married inside a dinosaur. Hell, Martha, ain't nobody
don't like a dinosaur.
Here's our reception hall.
That's all I'm saying, Henry, is people like
food and you shut your face.
I'm building a dinosaur.
This triceratops opens up
Maybe a gas station would you shut
your mouth.
Here's how it works, Warren.
I'll build me some dinosaurs,
you build me one of them food
buildings you've been talking so much
about, and we'll see which one
makes more money. And how far do you have
to commute to work at this
diner?
From the looks of them, they're
Palm Springsians. To be frank,
I think the people that work here are desert folk.
Yeah.
These guys have their they're like those Palm Springsians. To be frank, I think the people that work here are desert folk. Yeah. But you have to figure it out.
These guys have their... They're like those...
The desert rats.
They're like those meat moop guys from Star Wars.
Meat moop guys?
What are those guys?
Are you talking about Jawas?
That's clearly what you're...
Oh, Jawas.
Oh, okay.
Jawas?
No, I'm not talking...
Jawas are those little guys, though that is the meat moop guys.
The little guys are the meat moop guys. I'm talking about the big guys or those little guys, though that is the meat move guys. The little guys are the meat move guys.
I'm talking about the big guys with the sticks that hit people.
Oh, yeah, right.
You know, the stick guys.
That guy.
Those guys.
I'm pretty sure that's who works there.
Pretty much.
Wait, okay.
Dana, when you call this thing a theme park, I feel like you're overselling the grandiosity of this. Well, yeah.
By a theme park, I mean if you had a small outbuilding that you had two 60-year-old dinosaurs,
and then you scraped up enough money to...
But they'd have rides there.
They had a ride that was like...
You could sit...
You may be conflating two things, Dana.
No, no, no.
You could sit on the dinosaur, like it moved a little bit.
It was like basically an elaborate version of one of those,
of the rocking pony in front of the Walmart.
I think that it is a theme park.
If you call it a theme park, we should be clear and say
it's the kind of theme park that a mid-sized preschool might build
in the backyard of their preschool building.
And designed by the designers of that Girl Scout billboard.
Want to learn more about dinosaurs on Noah's Ark? Why not text us?
Text the Bible. To the Bible!
The crushing disappointment of the whole thing is that I don't think
that they... It may be that when they built these museums into the dinosaurs, they changed the structure of the dinosaurs.
But I kind of get the feeling that maybe Tim Burton used movie magic to suggest that what the dinosaurs essentially were was a viewing platform where Pee Wee could sit with Simone.
Because they were on top of these dinosaurs, right?
Yeah.
No, they went into, like, it was as though the big dinosaur scene, before they get chased
around by Bluto from Popeye, is that Pee-wee and Simone are sitting in sort of theater
style seats looking out of the mouth of the Tyrannosaurus.
And there was no, there's no looking out.
Did you go into the mouth?
Well, I don't know.
I went into the Tyrannosaurus, but we weren't even allowed to go into the mouth.
Oh, see, we went all the way up.
Really?
I have a photo in the mouth of the Tyrannosaurus with the teeth behind us.
But that's like a VIP thing.
No, no, no.
No.
Okay.
You just have to say you were bathed in the blood and they let you right in.
say you were bathed in the blood and they let you right in.
I was really sad
because I didn't get, I had this, I was
really excited to
my favorite part of Pee-wee's Big Adventure
is when Pee-wee says to
Simone, everyone I know has a
big butt, let's talk about your big butt.
And I thought, well it would be fun
to say that in my head while I
sat in the special chair from the
movie, but I couldn't get into the chair.
I don't think there's chairs but I think there was
I mean I remember it was extremely
rickety and I do remember we had to sign a
waiver that we were going up there.
In case anything happened to us.
But it took nothing
more than just asking.
Was there like one elevator that goes up
and down like the St. Louis Arch?
Oh no no. This was nothing but a series of stairs,
like very strange and rickety and sort of circled around each other
and no lights.
Like you just were not sure.
No child should ever go in that.
I can tell you that much.
No child.
And it may be closed down by now because there were times that looked like.
There are whole categories of people that aren't allowed in this thing.
Children, Jews.
Mentally ill.
Yeah.
Gypsies.
Mentally not ill.
The Roma.
School board members in liberal communities.
Professional golfers.
Was the night added after the fact
or the dinosaurs were there before the night?
No, no, no. The night was added
far after the fact. Okay.
By a different group? What this group that bought
the two existing dinosaurs,
there were only two,
they then built all these
other smaller dinosaurs around
to complement. In the style of.
Yeah, except like, we're talking like,
and the style of these two things, right?
We're talking like put one of the dinosaurs,
put two of the dinosaurs from the Flintstones into Jurassic Park,
and that's about how good the styles melded with each other.
They just looked like the old ones look,
I mean like some crazy guy made them by hand.
They sort of have a 57 Chevy quality to them.
Yes, yes.
They're kind of big fenders.
Yeah.
These new ones are like all airbrushed.
Oh, sure.
Realistically colored.
I'm sure they found some great place that does models outside of Hollywood.
Yeah.
We'll be back in just a second with more on Jordan Jesse Go.
La, la, la, la, more on Jordan, Jesse, go.
Jordan, Jesse, go.
I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.
Jordan Moore's boy detective.
Dave Willis, former American Express card client.
Dana Snyder, American Idol voter.
She's a member of the voting public Where are you guys Where are you guys
Headed after Los Angeles
You're like a third of the way through the tour
Is that the deal
Yeah that's probably fair
Maybe a little bit less
We gotta go to Minneapolis tomorrow
Things will be much better after
Easier after tomorrow because we have
The tour bus starting tomorrow
We had a large leap from LA to Minneapolis But once we get there we have the tour bus starting tomorrow. Oh, really? We had a large leap
from LA to Minneapolis, but once we get
there, we have the tour bus, which means
not dragging everything up to a hotel
and then before the night is over
having to repack it. Are you guys going to be
sleeping on the bus? I guess
so, yeah. Like rock stars? Sometimes
we sleep. If we have more than a day,
then you sleep
at a hotel, but otherwise you have to sleep. I'm more concerned about the then you sleep then you sleep at a hotel but otherwise
i'm more concerned about the fact that we're not allowed to shit on the bus oh my number one
number one rule uh that's horrible i have a very spastic anus i i tell you anything will just send
me off send me off i i can i might go through six or seven number twos over the course of a day.
I've seen him get turned off by eating gummy
bears. I mean, he
means anything. A block of cheese will
just shoot right through me.
Unchanged.
It looks exactly the same. He complains about
this, but then he'll do amazingly
in my opinion stupid things
like eat a four pound salt and
pepper dungeness crab in Chinatown.
Well, I got about a 24-block walk back to the hotel.
Let me get going.
Yeah, I'll just have the venti coffee with that.
Just a quick Dungeness.
I'm just going to...
Don't mind me.
I'm going to have to eat this as fast as possible.
I'm just...
I mean, why would they even have a bathroom
if you can't use it?
That's what I'm concerned about. Oh, God.
So that's almost like a taunt.
It's for number one.
Oh, it's for PP.
That's right.
Wow.
Okay.
Are you guys' faces painted
on the side of the bus?
No.
No.
No, this is the budget tour.
This gets set up
in about three weeks.
So Tim and Eric
are on the side of the bus.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We got the Tim and Eric bus.
Well, half of it's faded away
and the other half is metaloclips on the bus. Metalocl Yeah, yeah, yeah. We got the Tim and Eric bus. Well, half of it's faded away and the other half is metaloclips.
Metaloclips, right.
Exactly.
No, we were like, yeah, it was Fugazi style on the way down the West Coast.
Nice.
Yeah, at the last minute we were booking ourselves on flights.
Because otherwise it was like smaller than I used to transport my two little children.
And now we have have a group of six
schlubs and a bunch of equipment.
You guys are covering some serious
territories. Minneapolis, then Madison,
Detroit, Chicago, Columbus, Buffalo,
Burlington, Philadelphia, Boston,
New York, Falls Church,
Virginia, of course, Charlotte,
North Carolina, and then back to Atlanta.
That's a monster tour.
That's no joke.
Very monstrous for having not known that's a monster tour. That's no joke. I'm excited about it.
Very monstrous for having not known about it a month ago.
For having it not existed four weeks earlier.
Have you guys ever toured anything before?
Have you ever gone on tour before in any capacity?
No, no, no.
I mean, we did a couple shows in Washington.
We were in Austin last year.
Two in Austin and two in Chicago.
And they went great, so we were thinking we could do it.
But yeah, this has been a quick.
No, we know we can't.
My wife has been on tour.
She was in a Broadway tour.
A couple of them.
So she was.
She's Julia Sweeney.
That's right.
We've established this.
That's right.
My ex-wife.
The one-woman show.
You're married to Bebe Neuwirth, right?
Now, yes.
Yeah. Bebe, I love you. You're married to Bebe Neuwirth, right? That's right. Now, yes. Yeah.
Bebe, I love you.
You're a dream.
Well, guys,
I hate to see you go,
but I guess you guys
have to hit the road.
You've got to talk to
Chompers and the Fish.
That's right.
Yeah, Doctor and the Sizzler.
Doctor Squeeze and the Player. Jimmy and the And the Sizzler Doctor Squeeze
And the Player
Jimmy and the Clown
Is it
Two and
Two thirty
Bobo in the morning
Stinkfinger in the
Master Race
Yeah exactly
Stupid Donnie
Stupid
If you have thoughts
About the show
If you want to call in
With a momentous occasion
Or whatever
206-984-4FUN
is the number to call.
Stinkfinger
and the Master Race.
World's least popular
drive time combo.
It's more on like
ham radio.
It's not shortwave.
It's like a shortwave show.
Big with truckers.
Yeah.
Nah,
I don't know what you mean,
Stinkfinger.
You can email us at jjgoe at maximumfunorg before we go jordan i want to mention that i just opened uh the 2010 maximum fun.org
t-shirt contest uh this is the first year that we will be accepting jordan jesse go t-shirts so
we're going to make a stop podcasting yourself at jordan jesse go t-shirt and a sound of young
america t-shirt so uh all the information on how to send in your designs is on the website at MaximumFun.org.
And just you can look.
There's a thread for it on the forum, in the show's forum on MaximumFun.org.
Send in those bad boys.
We're accepting them until the eve of MaxFunCon, which is May 6th, if I'm not mistaken.
And of course, we're gearing up for the biggest show of our lives on May 28th. Yes. If I believe, if I'm not mistaken. And of course, we're gearing up
for the biggest show
of our lives
on May 28th.
Yes.
This is going to be a live,
you guys are doing a tour,
but I think this is
going to trump that.
No doubt about it, actually.
We're going to do...
We don't doubt it either.
We're going to do
an eight-hour show
from Meltdown Comics
right here in Los Angeles
on May 28th,
the last day of the Maximum Fund Drive, our fundraising drive.
From Meltdown you're doing it?
We're doing it from Meltdown Comics.
Oh, that's great.
Do you live here in Los Angeles?
I do.
Thanks for asking.
I was wondering about that.
You also, you're a podcaster as well, I think I remembered,
and you do a show with our friend Ken Plume.
Is that correct?
Ken Plume.
Yes.
Ken Plume, one of the most charming and delightful
and singular gentlemen in all of America.
I couldn't say it better myself.
Just a delightful young man.
That's right.
Just does his thing.
Ken Plume, just Ken Plumes.
You know what I mean?
That's right.
You get the plume-y.
Plume-y.
Really good fella.
We're doing this eight-hour show.
We're going to have like 15 guests.
And breaking news, guys.
I just got an email from Edie McClurg's publicist.
She's in.
Don't know who that is.
Perfect.
Don't know who that is.
Edie McClurg, secretary on Ferris Bueller.
Oh, great.
Does a voice on The Simpsons, if I'm not mistaken.
She's all over the place.
She's done many, many things.
Hundreds of movies.
The great Edie McClurg.
Somebody emailed me and said, do you want to have Edie McClurg on the show?
And I'm like, well, hey, yeah.
Yes, I do.
We're doing a live show.
She should come by.
I would like to have Edie McClurg stop by.
We've got all kinds of amazing shit happening,
and it's not just live.
We're also going to be streaming it on the web,
and it'll be, like I said,
the grand finale of our pledge drive.
We have a very ambitious pledge drive,
so I hope everybody will tune in on May 28th.
Thank you guys so much for coming by.
It was so fun to have you here.
It was our pleasure.
Yeah, thanks for having us.
We'll be back next time on Jordan, Jesse, Go.
Bye.