Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 143: Santa Fe Astronaut with Janet Varney and Jessica Makinson
Episode Date: August 29, 2010Janet Varney and Jessica Makinson join Jesse and Jordan to talk about hot weather, pop-up shops, casual encounters and more. ...
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Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free.
Unto the locks and throw away the keys, and take off your shoes and socks and run you.
I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.
And I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective.
And this is...
Jordan, Jesse, go!
Icicles, tricycles, ice cream, candy, lollipops, popsicles, licorice sticks,
Solomon, friendly, maggoty, edgy, twiddly, dumby, twiddly, home free. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh.
I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.
Jordan Morris, boy detective.
Beautiful day here in Los Angeles.
The heat wave has broken.
Sure, it's brisk.
I realized that I had gotten to the point with the heat wave here in Los Angeles
that only lasted a week or so, where I was almost done with life.
Do you think, you know how some people are like, oh, well, I watch Letterman, but I just watch the monologue and the comedy bit.
And then when the guest comes on, I turn it off.
Or you're like, oh, I watch SNL.
I watch the, you know, I watch the first half hour.
Then when the musical guest comes on, I usually turn it off.
Do you think people are like that with this show and the weather chat up top?
They want to talk about, they want to hear what the weather's like in sunny Los Angeles.
Yes, and how it's making us feel.
No, but really, I don't think I could have handled it.
I found myself just almost like irrationally at the point of tears.
I didn't actually cry, but like really close.
Really close. Seems like an emotional problem you have point of tears. I didn't actually cry, but like really close. Really close.
Seems like an emotional problem you have.
You know what I mean?
It's an emotional problem triggered by this physical issue
of a lack of air conditioning.
Yeah.
It still seems like you should see a therapist
or take drugs or something.
I mean...
I had to punch out...
I had this screen on this window
that's behind where I sit here as we record this.
And I tried to get it out and I couldn't get it out.
And I got so upset that I bent the screen in half in the window.
It's like the Incredible Hulk.
And then I emailed my landlord and God bless my landlord.
I sent him this email that said, hey, we have a window air conditioner from our old apartment, and I want to put it in.
And I was trying to get the screen out, and I bent it in half and bent it back, and that's all I managed to do.
And he said, it's okay.
You can bend it and break it.
I will buy a new one.
And I was like, oh, man.
Come on.
I will buy a new one.
Thank you so much, Mr. Shin.
It was so nice of him.
And God, it just turned my whole life around, that and this.
Well, let's bring...
Mr. Shin.
I'm sorry.
I don't know...
Paul, sometimes we call him Paul.
Sometimes we call him Paul.
Janet Varney from Television's Dinner and a Movie.
You worked that in seamlessly, Jesse Thorne.
Thank you.
With the Radio Sweetheart.
Also with us, Jessica Makinson.
Hello. Makinson?
Makinson. You had it right every time
until that last one.
He second-guessed himself.
Are you guys, does it have a, am I really
having emotional problems
by the fact, it was like a hundred,
it was like over a hundred degrees.
It was bad, and I
had that, you know, I don't know if you saw but
louis ck did a did a bit on conan when i think he was just in the was just talking but he was
talking about how when wi-fi was first introduced on do you see this when he's talking about when
wi-fi was first introduced on an airline everyone went when they announced like ladies and gentlemen
uh this is the very first flight where uh wi-fi is going to
be available and everyone was like oh like it was this amazing oh this is part this is the new
frontier right here and they made it available and then everybody used it and after 45 minutes or so
the signal dropped out and so it was sort of time you know they lost it and the stewardess came on
and said you know now unfortunately that we've closed our window
because we're still working out the kinks and louis said that everybody was like went instantly
from joy and surprise and amazement and appreciation to like entitlement like oh
groaning like nothing ever works and that is how i felt about the heat like we had this amazing
balmy summer and i was cherishing it and so grateful and like i'm never gonna look this
gift horse in the mouth it It's been a great summer.
And the first day it was hot in late August.
I was like, this city sucks.
I'm so angry instantly.
Do I miss, am I misremembering Janet?
I have this vague memory that you're from Arizona.
I am.
Jessica and I both are.
You're both from Arizona.
So you don't, you.
I hate hot weather.
I hated it then.
Felt unnatural and wrong.
I love it.
It doesn't bother me.
I'm really into it.
She's a good summer person, and I get cranky, and then on days like this, I feel chipper
and delighted.
My wife, it doesn't bother her either.
I literally, after 15 minutes outdoors or 10 minutes outdoors, I get angry.
Oh, for sure.
Really angry. I get fussy, outdoors, I get angry. Oh, for sure. Like, really angry.
I get fussy, but then I get really depressed.
So I go to the suicidal place faster than you do. Have you ever thought of maybe trying a cool drink?
I don't care for those.
Oh, okay.
I don't like chili in my mouth.
I just like it on my skin.
Okay.
You know, I can't drink fog, Jordan, and that's really what I respond well to.
Okay. Maybe a little dry ice. Maybe a witch's brew of some kind. No, know, I can't drink fog, Jordan, and that's really what I respond well to. Okay.
Maybe a little dry ice. Maybe a witch's brew of some kind. No, no, I get that. You're from
Arizona, so. A few years ago,
a listener of ours. If it's coming out of a
cauldron is what you're saying. As long as it's
out of a cauldron. Okay. A few years ago,
a listener of ours named Ebeth,
our listeners on
our forum had organized for themselves
this sort of rotation system for sending each other packages with fun stuff inside, which was a great idea.
Wait, so they're rotating care packages, sort of?
Like, just kind of passing it?
Yeah, yeah.
It's kind of a chain letter, but for a box of goofy local stuff.
That's kind of fun.
That's what the movie Pay It Forward should have been about. Yeah, just's kind of a chain letter, but for a box of goofy local stuff. That's kind of fun. That's what the movie Pay It Forward should have been about.
Yeah, just mailing packages.
No one interacting with each other.
Or you get your interactions with the UPS store, for example.
Do they know each other?
No, no.
Well, they know each other a little bit from the internet,
but it's just they're being friends and just doing something fun.
It's like a fun project.
So eBeth might stand for electronic mail, Beth?
She puts an e in front of everything.
We've met eBeth in real life.
She's a super nice lady.
And she sent a package.
And she's not just made up of information on the internet.
It's an actual flesh and blood person.
This isn't like a Tron situation.
She was nice enough when she sent out her package.
She said, well, and I'm going to send out a package to Jesse.
And she sent a package with like a lot of like keel samples and some like, you know,
it's just silly shit.
You know, like some of those parachute men.
Sure.
They throw off the top of your building.
That's not silly.
That's practical.
And it's practical and it's
practical that you sent more than one because as soon as you throw the first one it goes somewhere
and you lose it sure you need five six of those to have a good time and so she sent she sent a
package of these things and there was a couple of like and there was like some sort of like odd
natural food store things just sort of like sort of like you went into the sort of general store
section of the natural food store and just picked out what's the funniest thing that's there.
And one thing is this sort of like cold pack that's filled with, I don't know, buckwheat or something like that,
like buckwheat husks.
And it's not quite cold enough to be practical.
Even if you put it in the freezer, it doesn't get cold enough for cold pack related applications.
Like you can't,
it doesn't quite get to the level of coldness
you need to keep down swelling.
So it gets as cold as anything would
if you put it in the freezer.
Like a piece of paper.
Yeah.
Or...
This could also be, you know,
an encyclopedia.
Specifically, it gets as cold as a bag of buckwheat would get if you put it in the freezer.
It reminds you of how much colder you wish it were.
Yeah.
But what's good about it in this context is that you can put it on your nipples when you're trying to go to sleep or on any other important...
I hope this calls back to it being hot or you just need something cold
on your nipples to sleep anytime.
That seems weird.
No, it's specifically when it's hot.
It's cold enough that if you put it
on an important place...
Yes, it's not going to freeze it off.
It won't freeze it off,
so you can feel like you're not going to fall asleep
and wake up with a frosted nipple.
Remind me not to borrow your buckwheat packet.
But that was the point that I got you in my life,
where I was putting frozen buckwheat on my nipples
just in an effort to just find the escape that Dreamland promised.
That's going to be the high point of your scared straight story when you go to high school
later in life.
Not on his nipples! God, he had it bad.
That's rough.
And then when I finally got to sleep,
I seriously had a nightmare
about a volcano.
Come on.
I did. I had a nightmare about a volcano.
We don't have a window.
The thing is, our bedroom is not a real bedroom.
Because we record in the offices here in the real bedroom of our apartment,
the other bedroom of our apartment,
its only window opens onto a dirt floor storage area.
And so you can't really open it.
In fact, specifically, it opens onto our upstairs neighbor
slash landlord's dirt floor storage area.
So if we opened it and he happened to go into his storage area at night,
he would have a little window into our bed.
So we can't really open that.
And so the consequences of that are, number one, if there's a fire, we'll die.
And number two, there's no way to get air into our bedroom.
It just is the temperature that it is is and we just have to accept it.
We set up a giant column fan
trying to blow into the bedroom
and it didn't work.
It was non-functional.
The only thing that works in that situation
is frozen buckwheat on your nipples.
And the one piece of good news about that
is that in a fire, your nipples will burn last.
Yes. Or the police will in a fire, your nipples will burn last.
Yes.
Or the police will just find a pair of nipples, and then the coroners will have a good laugh.
A pair of nipples. They're like, hey, this is kind of funny.
They'll have to identify me from my nipple records.
And they'll slice open.
I'm going to get mine updated.
I've had some work done on mine.
They'll slice open the nipple and see how many rings there are to see.
We'll be back in just a second with more of Jordan, Jesse, go.
It's Jordan, Jesse, go.
I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.
Jordan Morris, boy detective.
Janet Varney, spectator jessica makinson enthusiast
it's good see she's ready absolutely jessica makinson is ready jessica can i ask about your
uh your beaded brooch that you were wearing right now oh yes you can is this an is this a i'm from
arizona thing it's kind of a beaded brooch. It maybe
looks like this. Oh, I didn't see what it was.
I didn't know what you were wearing.
Jessica, let's talk brooches. Let's talk brooches.
Finally. Well, it's segment time. That's when you talk about brooches.
How long do you have? Do you mind if I brooch
the subject of brooches? Uh-oh.
I should go. We have a little graphics package for
brooch talk, don't we?
Like an intense
G4 style. And cue brooch talk, don't we? Like an intense G4 style. And cue brooch theme.
We call this graphic the brooch bot.
The brooch bot.
Well, I am pleased to say
this is a little Native American beaded brooch
from my good friend Janet Varney.
It was a gift.
I will say that we are enthusiasts about many things.
I spectate from time to time, but I'm
also an enthusiast, and brooches and
beading are among those things.
Well, we've been trying to...
We've invited Jan. Jan has a busy
schedule. She's the star
of the hit... She's the star of the hit...
She's the star
of the hit television, Dinner in a Movie.
Oh, that never doesn't get funny. Jesse, please. Donner in a Movie. Oh, that never doesn't get funny.
Jesse, Jesse, please.
Donner in a Movie.
Sorry.
She's the star
of that program.
There are so many
things wrong
with every way
you just described that.
I don't even know
where to start.
First of all,
it's not a television program.
It's a ham radio hobby.
That's right.
I'd call that a star vehicle.
Dinner in a movie, right?
It is.
The doors, it has opened.
When you're making like,
when you're making like, you know,
George Clooney themed paella or whatever.
I don't know how many of those we can do.
You're the star of that.
I'd say Paul Gilmartin,
our friend Paul Gilmartin is the supporting actor.
He's supporting you. Oh, my.
He's supporting you.
Well, that's wonderful to hear.
I can't wait to rub that in his face, but I don't know if it's true.
And the celebrity chef, whose name I don't know.
His name is Claude Mann.
Celebrity chef Claude Mann, he's the celebrity chef.
Too handsome to just be the chef.
He's really the star.
Right.
So you're saying they should get rid of Gilmartin. I think we can all agree they should get rid of Paul Gilmartin. Yeah. He's really the star. Right. So you're saying they should get rid of Gil Martin.
I mean, we can all agree
they should get rid of Paul Gilmartin.
Yeah.
He's hanging on by a thread
and has been doing so for 16 years.
Dead weight.
Yep.
That guy.
That guy is one of the fastest thinking
comics on his feet
I've ever met in my life.
I don't know how his brain works.
You know those people
that you just wish
you could sort of plug in?
Avatar style.
I just realized that's what I wish I could do.
Right into his tail.
If only you would grow a ponytail.
Into his tail.
But then you're flying off to do small parts in films and television programs.
Sometimes.
All the time.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, I gotta be in Maui. I gotta be in Chicago. I'm shooting a small part
in a television program or movie. You pick two places.
Not only have I never worked, I've never spent any
time. But, you know,
we've invited you several times.
You've been busy, but luckily
for us... Yes. And side
note, that invitation comes approximately
12 hours before the podcast is set to record.
Yes.
Consistently.
So frequently I'm already gone.
We're thinking of changing the protocol to where just some guys come in a van while you're sleeping and throw a pillowcase over your head.
Oh, I like it.
And then take you here to gab.
Jordan, I think they call that a code red.
And I don't think it's legal.
Thank you for bringing up my Mountain Dew sponsor, by the way. Oh, the way oh i get 80 bucks every time somebody mentions that so thank you my pleasure
didn't even know that's what i was doing his agent worked long and hard to get it kicked up from the
standard 75 bucks that you would get paid for him i only get 75 because i'm not i don't have
representatives oh well that's what they do for you and then how much do you give away of that
back to your representatives 15 15%. There you go.
And then I actually spend the rest on Mountain Dew Code Red.
So it all goes back.
It's insane.
You've got to rethink that business model.
Yeah, it's like the human centipede of sponsorships.
What's weird about it is you'd think that you would get a discount,
but actually you're required to buy it at the company's store
in Mountain Dew Code Redville, which is where
you live.
And it's actually more expensive.
You sound like a slave to the product.
He's not technically a slave.
You know those old coal miner songs?
I sing those a lot.
He's sort of a wage slave.
He's a Mountain Dew Code Red wage slave.
Company man.
But we're lucky enough to have you and Jessica here on the program this week because you're putting on this event here in Los Angeles,
which is in Southern California, which is...
If it's successful, will you consider taking it to Mountain Dew Code Red, Indiana,
where I live?
That's too rich for our blood.
Yeah.
Culturally.
Sure, yeah.
It's pretty highbrow up there.
Yeah. We've got a sym yeah. It's pretty highbrow up there. Yeah.
We've got a symphony and a porno store.
So this is quite a thing.
Tell us what this thing is, because I feel like I can't do it justice.
It is a mouthful.
Jessica?
It is Fleeting Immersion.
It is a pop-up shop and art installation at a gallery called Tin Lark at the Crossroads
of the World on Sunset Boulevard. Wait, it's at the crossroads of the world on
a sunset Boulevard.
It's at the crossroads of the world.
Yes.
Have you,
have you heard of the historic crossroads of the world?
Well,
the crosswords of the world is definitely said crosswords.
Yep.
Oh Christ.
Crossroads.
Sounds fun though.
Yeah.
Right.
What's a four letter word for,
Oh, it's Maui. Wait. Yeah. Hold? What's a four-letter word for...
Oh, it's Maui.
Wait, M-A...
Hold on.
What are the crosswords like in China?
I don't know.
I'd like to see an exhibit on that.
That would be weird if it were a crossword
where you had to use different characters
and English lettering.
Sure.
Five Down is the mischievous monkey god
that stole the wind out of an apricot.
Crossroads of the World is one of these things that are in Los Angeles.
Los Angeles doesn't have a lot of charm.
But what it does have is it has things that were horrible in 1946
that over the course of 50 or 60 years have,
by virtue of not having been demolished, become charming.
Treasures. Passes for charm.
It's a sort
of kitsch or ersatz charm.
And Crossroads of the World is
one of the best of these things. I agree with that.
It is essentially
like an office
building that is in the
shape of a boat. Yes.
That's pretty fair, right? It's basically an office building shaped like a boat yes this is that's pretty fair right it's basically an
office building shaped like a boat yes not a little portal not a portal portal i am so unfamiliar
with this this doesn't seem like you know i think of it as isn't that and i wow now i'm saying it
and it's being recorded into history so if i'm wrong about this i'm really embarrassed but i
believe this goes into the national archiveive it does it does I think
the Muppets
arrive
at crossroads of the world
sometimes
some
crossroads of the world
crosswords of the world
right
at some point
in the Muppet movie
when the
with the spinning globe
or something like that
and like
I remember the crossroads
of the world sign
from the Muppet movie
so this is
which is like a two second
part of the Muppet movie
that's the weirdest thing to remember ever from that so jessica this is at this is on the ocean
liner crossroads of the world yes so hop aboard we're pulling up anchor for fun for pop-up shop
pop-up shops are really popular at this point
I guess I kind of
maybe know what it is but could you explain it
in a good way?
in a positive way
you have a negative association with that?
I do
oh this is the place where I got raped
you talk about it anecdotally
like it's not a big deal
I know it is that but could you explain
he was really drunk he was hanging out with Isaac Mitsurahi in Times Square You talk about it anecdotally like it's not a big deal. I know it is that, but could you explain maybe what...
He was really drunk.
He was hanging out with Isaac Mitsurahi in Times Square.
They're usually less dangerous than that.
But pop-up shops are anywhere from major retailers
to people who do handcrafts, artists do a pop-up shop.
It's a temporary space and there's a lot of
because the economy there's a lot of empty retail space around so instead of letting it sit empty
somebody will say hey let me have it for two weeks and they'll be like a doc martin pop-up shop and
then because it only lasts for a certain amount of time, people get really excited about it.
And usually you can snag a deal at a pop-up shop and then it's gone forever.
This is for snagging a deal. I mean, in fairness, you went to a rape pop-up shop.
So that was probably your first mistake.
You got all excited because it was only happening for two weeks.
You know, just at a similar address, I similar address, I was at, I went to
North Crescent Heights, where the
rape pop-up shop was. I was looking for
South Crescent Heights, where the Orange
Julius pop-up shop was.
For Crescent Heights. Get it together.
I've been using that, you just, that's a
coincidence, but I use that road as a...
Oh, really? Oh, you say... I say for Crescent Heights.
That's like something your mom would say
when she doesn't want to swear. Specifically, though, just so people don't think that it was just a rape pop-up shop,
it was rapes collaboration with Stella McCartney.
Yes!
Animal friendly.
Sure, absolutely.
No animals were harmed.
Everyone looked beautiful while they were being assaulted.
And slim.
I got a nice bowl of lentils afterwards, though.
Which was nice of the rapist.
Oh, veggies. Which was nice of the rapist.
Veggies.
Some good veggies.
She's not even begun to delve into the complications behind how amazing our pop-up shop and art installation is.
Because it's dense with information. It's very specific.
Yeah, what are some kinds of things I might shop for at this pop-up shop?
It is a specific...
It has a theme, Jordan.
Okay.
Why don't you ask her what the theme is?
What's the theme? Our inaugural
theme is Santa Fe
Astronaut.
It sounds good on a microphone.
Say it all together.
Santa Fe
Astronaut.
Wow.
So this is...
I might go to sleep now.
I would call that a non-traditional pop-up shop theme.
Absolutely.
Everything about it is pretty non-traditional.
Everything about it is non-traditional.
Each one we do, we hope to do more of these,
and each one we do will have its own theme.
This is our first theme that seemed very natural for us to pick up on.
Our shop is interesting because it's going to be done up like a home.
It's a lot of original art.
And our list of artists are...
A home?
Whose home?
The Santa Fe Astronauts' home.
Ah.
Yeah.
None of us know what that means.
So you get to know the Santa Fe Astronaut.
You get to be the Santa Fe astronaut.
You get to try on his silver and turquoise space suit.
Right?
God willing.
Not colors, materials.
I don't know where we're going to conjure that up from.
You might get to slip on his moon boots.
Okay, sorry.
I just wanted to mention this thing because it's a remarkable endeavor.
It sounds like it.
That they're pursuing.
And when will this be popping up from when till when?
It pops up starting on September 17th.
That's a Friday.
That'll be our opening reception and party.
And yeah, the idea was born out of us being actually on vacation in france together and sort of get removing
ourselves from our normal lives and taking a bunch of mushrooms and taking a bunch of mushrooms
and meeting a didgeridooist uh in the mountains of france yeah there's some mountains there yeah
um but we we we both love kind of vintagey commerce commercey sort of like we, we,
I mean,
frankly,
we love shopping, but,
uh,
but I,
but we kind of get really specific in as like,
as far as what we're kind of into at any given time.
And,
uh,
and we'll get real excited.
Right now you're,
you're only into astronauts.
We are going to loathe everything Southwestern and everything space and modern related.
Once this is over.
Just get it out of your system.
Because we decided to dive right in.
So we actually approached these different artists.
A lot of them are either Etsy folks that we knew or fine artists, painters, graphic designers, sculptors, photographers, friends.
People that we knew before and people that we sought out because we were huge fans of theirs.
And presented this idea to them and said, we love what you do.
We want to do something with a theme so everything kind of ties together.
Everything's going to look like a house.
There's going to be a lot of just one-offs where you pick up a pair of salt and pepper shakers that we found somewhere and say, I love these, and you can buy them.
Would you construct something that whatever Santa fe astronaut conjures up for you and uh shockingly everyone said that sounds like a really cool thing to be
a part of so we've started seeing some of the images and some of the paintings that people
are doing and it's awesome i mean the thing is awesome people have done a lot of this with other
geographic location of astronaut and i think it I think it's a really fresh take
to go southwestern with an astronaut.
Because it's not what you would expect.
It's not the usual space camp astronaut,
Camp Canaveral, Cape Canaveral.
I'm sick of it.
I'm sick of it, frankly.
People are tired of that stuff.
What about, where does the astronaut go
who's pretty sure they also were abducted by aliens?
That person lives in Santa Fe.
Oh, sure.
Yeah. It's lives in Santa Fe. Oh, sure. Yeah.
It's a rich tapestry.
So, the shop.
Oh, yeah.
So, I said it opens on the 17th.
Opens on the 17th through September 25th.
It's short, guys.
It's short.
Get in there.
You know what?
I'd say it's fleeting.
Fleeting.
Immerse yourself in it.
While you can.
Whilst you can whilst you can so we uh we were in france when we'd get when we'd come up with this sort of idea which allows us to be a part of and
do what we do anyway um sort of in an we're making a bunch of stuff for it and then we've got all
these people who are now we have people jewelers who are making things and textiles
and photographers.
It's a little bit out of control in a good
way. It's taken over our lives.
That sounds really exciting.
It's going to be fun, guys.
And listeners, when I walked
into Jesse Thorne's home, I knew right away
he was going to find something he liked
when he comes in. Oh yeah.
What's it going to be, I wonder? I know you've never seen my apartment.
Do you think I'll find something I like?
No.
Okay.
Should I come anyways or should I just stay away?
I'm worried that you're going to have an anxiety attack
when your cellular memory kicks in
for the last pop-up shop experience.
Are you guys going to have any video games there?
Because if there's video games there,
this guy's in.
What about astronaut ice cream?
Oh, yeah, sure.
Absolutely.
Okay.
I got to revisit astronaut ice cream recently.
I got some as like a promotional swag thing for a thing.
Don't brag.
I know.
I get a lot of swag.
And then I wear it.
So you put on your astronaut ice cream.
Sure.
I put it on my head.
And it was great.
I just interviewed this lady, Mary Roach, for the Sound of Young America.
It just came out on the Sound of Young America feed.
She has written numerous nonfiction books, humorous science books.
Her first one was the bestseller, Stiff, about cadavers.
And she wrote one called Boink about
sex science. We enjoy her
already because she's very niche
and nobody knows niche
now like we do. And
she, her latest book is about the science
of space travel and
I learned
about how astronauts
poop and how they
pee and when they throw up and what they eat.
I hope this is all in a shuttle and not just in life, because I think it might be made of the same stuff we are.
Sure.
You're saying when they're in space.
Apparently in the early days of the space program, when they were just in capsules and stuff,
forgive me, we won't get
too far into this poop situation.
Well, you'll have to listen to the episode cross-promotion.
But they just had
to poop in bags.
And so their system was,
and they just had to do it in front of their
crewmates.
And so their system was,
they would just not go to the bathroom.
And apparently one of the guys at one point.
So it was kind of a space poop standoff.
Yeah.
I don't know if it's a stare down.
Yeah.
I vaguely remember it being Jim Lovell, a.k.a. Tom Hanks, that went 10 days without going to the bathroom because they were so embarrassed to go to the bathroom in front of their coworkers.
Oh,
there's also a really,
there's a really great part.
She like went through all of the transcripts of all of the conversations with all of the spacemen.
And there's a really great part where one of the,
where one of the astronauts from the mid sixties just goes like,
just goes mission control.
I got a real bad case of the farts.
You got to get a lot of joy out of being able to say that.
You just got to.
Over the space, through space, he said that.
The technology served that purpose in that moment.
I got a real bad case of the farts.
You didn't want them to think there was anything wrong with the shuttle.
That's true.
Yeah, anything that seemed out of the norm,
you needed to announce it.
They're like,
oh, they're my parents.
You're going to be hearing
a lot of confusing noise.
Worried that something's off-gassing.
It's not some sort,
and it's also not alien contact.
That's also,
that's the quick go-to.
Maybe that's just what aliens
smell like.
Exactly.
Why do we assume
that they would talk like we do?
Maybe they communicate with farts.
I mean, just something to think about.
We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go.
It's Jordan, Jesse, go.
I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio.
Jordan Morris, boy detective.
Janet Varney, holding the book Packing for Mars by Mary Roach and very excited about it.
Jessica Makinson, thrilled.
I like this.
They're taking the idea of the nickname and flipping it on its head.
They're reinterpreting it just as they did the pop-up shop.
That's right.
Jordan, I know that you've been dealing with some major emotional issues over the past 10 days.
Let's talk about those.
Since we had our show with our friend Mike Schmidt, you've been going through a lot of stuff.
Yes.
And I want to give you a forum to air those issues that you're having.
This is something I kind of just want to open up to the floor um and just get everybody's take on this um so recently
i was uh and not semi-recently i was traveling for work and a lot of times when i travel for
work sometimes i will get there uh ahead of my co-workers uh so i will have this little period
of time in some strange place where i don't know anybody. And my strategy for that has become just find out where in that city has their famous burger
and just go try and eat that.
And that's like the first, you know, all else fails.
I'll usually get there in the night so I can't do the historic walking tour or something.
Would you do that if you got there during the year?
You know, I have done a few historic walking tours.
But I see your skepticism at that remark.
And I just want to say I acknowledge your skepticism.
But yes, I will do a historic walking tour.
And to be clear.
I sit corrected.
He likes to pack light.
And often for work, he'll be dressed as Benjamin Franklin.
Okay.
Yeah.
Thanks for painting a better picture than someone has so far.
He doesn't wait.
He's got to bring two pairs of breeches anyway. Yeah. Thanks for painting a better picture than someone has so far. He doesn't want you.
He's got to bring two pairs of breeches anyway.
Indeed.
Indeed. Always a good idea.
If you want to wear breeches in a major American city and not get beat up, the place to be
is on historic walking.
That's right.
Why won't they let me bring my quill on the plane, huh?
It's not a weapon.
It's not like I'm going to kill anybody with it.
Well.
I'm not a terrorist.
The quill is mightier than the sword, my friend.
Yeah, well, that's an expression.
What if you wrote a particularly cruel note to the pilot and he crashed the airplane into
the Empire State Building?
Or the poison pen.
Sure.
The poison pen.
You're lacerating wit.
Right.
Anyway, so.
So you go to the burper place.
So I go to find the face.
So anyways, I was in Boston semi-recently, and I didn't know anybody.
I was without co-worker to force to hang out with.
Did you park your car in Harvard Yard?
Shut the fuck up, dude.
I am so sick of this.
I am so sick of this.
I don't understand.
Jesse, this is not your SNL audition tape, okay?
Stop doing your hilarious Boston character.
I'm just doing my signature character.
Can we just let...
That's my signature character.
Yeah, well...
Oh, guys.
People love that character.
They love that character, Jordan.
People love that character.
That's why people listen to Jordan, Jesse, go to hear me say great, cool stuff like that.
I guess I'm just...
Mad you can't tell your story.
Maybe I'm jealous that retarded Chinese guy didn't take off.
That was mine, and I felt like it was going to be huge.
I printed up t-shirts, and they're just sitting at my house.
So if anybody wants a retarded Chinese guy t-shirt anyway silence so at the burger place uh so yeah anyway so i was at the uh um
uh so i was at the burger place i went to boston a boston famous burger place i forget the name
uh and i just kind of sat at the bar and mickey d's mickey d's i sat at the bar
held up one finger a dog came in new topic how cute is the dog
oh what a poo and gone great uh what were you doing again you were at the bar oh so anyways
and uh i i i had a nice chat with the bartender.
You know, we talked about...
The show Cheers.
We did.
It already took place in Boston.
I apologize.
Yeah.
Oh, really?
You know, you can't tell that from walking around Boston.
It's not everywhere.
Really?
Yeah, Cheers shit.
You're not saying they don't exploit that to the fullest degree?
Cheers shit is not everywhere.
I feel like I don't know where the real Cheers bar is because eight bars say they are the real Cheers bar.
It's sort of like how in New York every coffee shop is called Central Perk.
Sure.
It's true.
Wait, is that true?
No, it's not true at all.
It's not nearly.
New York has its own real stuff.
Yeah.
You know, Boston has its own real stuff too.
But in that one, that area, that sort of touristy brick.
Yeah.
I feel like even just there, every street at least has one bar.
Sure, this is the real, yeah.
This is Cheers.
Anyways.
So you're talking to the bartender.
That one bar that pays Cliff Clavin.
It's right there.
Anyways, and the guy is as Boston-y a guy as you can imagine.
Well, like Jesse's character.
Much like Jesse's authentic, well-studied character.
Yeah, for some reason we were on the topic of punk rock bands of the late 80s.
We both had a lot of opinions about that.
And he was just talking like this.
Just a job.
What are you in town for, buddy?
Hey, Jordan.
Sorry.
That's my signature
character i owe you 80 dollars don't i every time i do that anyways uh and so i i i so i left
thinking like i that was that was a that was a nice time that was a really nice time we had and
i i i'm like what was so unusual about that and i i was realizing myself i don't do that ever I don't engage conversations with
the bartenders and the waiters and the cab drivers and the just the random people I
encounter in my day I never chat them up even if I feel like they're welcoming it like if someone
talks to me I shut it down pretty quick with like a one word answer. Like that's my, that's been my MO throughout my life.
And I'm like, why did I, why was I so open to talking to this guy?
Like why, why, why was I receptive to this on that night?
I'm like, oh wait, he had a hilarious voice.
Like I had to admit to myself, I just kind of wanted to hear him say hilarious Boston
stuff.
I had to admit to myself I just kind of wanted to hear him say hilarious Boston stuff.
But then I also started thinking, like, is this a wrong way to live my life?
Just shutting down random people who might want to talk.
I mean, I guess my thing is what am I going to get out of a five-minute interaction with someone I have nothing in common with?
But I don't know.
I just wanted to get everybody's opinion.
Do you engage? Yes. I want to add a worry to that sure i feel like if i engage them in conversation i'm somehow
taking advantage of them because they have to talk to me because they work in the service industry or
what have you sure um and that somehow i'm punishing them by making them talk to me. Yeah, maybe they just want to go.
Maybe they've got other tables.
They've got prep work to do.
So yeah, I wanted to like, but I also want to extend this not just to the service industry,
but also, you know, just like-
People you encounter.
You're in an elevator with somebody or at a crosswalk, like just those times where you
might have a brief conversation with someone.
Do you do it?
And what are the benefits? I i'm is what i'm asking the opposite of what jesse had said i
feel like somehow i'm going to get taken advantage of like they're going to try and sell you a time
share if you talk to them long enough or or they're going to somehow i i'm too much of an
empath and somehow i will dive into something about their life that all of a sudden
it saps all your energy and then you want to help or you want to do something and you
can't.
You feel sort of like it's sort of like watching The Wire for you.
It becomes like that and then I'm six hours in and I can't stop.
Yeah.
What do you think, Janet?
How do you feel about it?
Oh, I engage. Okay. And she's nodding because she knows. can't stop yeah i can understand what do you think janet how do you feel about oh i i engage
okay so when you are she's nodding because she knows janet when we were in france i spent like
two hours on a train while jessica uh rested which was probably the smart thing to do talking
speaking french to this wonderful woman with whom i'm still in touch okay so you may be trying you
you've forged meaningful relationships out of these brief
interactions sometimes i really do i like people i mean i i i i don't i don't know i'm i'm i feel
like i'm a weird combination of like cynical cranky curmudgeony at times but at the end of
the day if i look back on my day chances are I've had somewhat of a conversation with almost everybody, including like, you know, checkers.
And I'll tell you what, my dry cleaner is the gabbiest guy just ever.
Like he just wants to engage me in an extended conversation.
And I'm very much of two minds about it.
On the one hand, it's really nice
to just talk to someone.
I mean, I feel like,
I honestly feel like
in Los Angeles,
living in Los Angeles,
I have so little
social interaction
with anyone.
I think that's part of it
for me too.
Because there's no
like public world.
Like there's no
walking down the street
with other people
also walking down
the street at all.
Yep.
That I definitely sort of hunger for that.
But on the other hand, then I'm like,
oh my God, I'm talking to my dry cleaner.
I need to leave and do other things.
Well, you know, and I will,
I'm going to do an addendum to that,
which is the one place I don't talk to people
is on airplanes
because I don't like being captive in that way,
knowing that it's for a long period of time.
But with something limited like –
and I lived in San Francisco, as you guys did.
I did.
That's right.
So you just lived in Santa Cruz?
Yeah, I went to college.
All right.
But you spent time in San Francisco.
I'm saying this because cab drivers in San Francisco
are the best cab drivers in the world
in terms of everybody's got like an amazing story.
A lot of the time they're wildly intelligent, super interesting people, whether they have like
great conspiracy theories or they can talk for hours about jazz. And if you've got 15 minutes
in the car with one of those guys, I tend to like, you know, just by, it just becomes like habit
because you've had so many good experiences
just learning about someone's kooky world.
So do you wait for the invitation?
Like, hey, you know.
Usually I'm very open getting in.
I'm like, hey, how's it going?
How's your shift going?
And then if there's a conversation, there's a conversation.
I've heard people say maybe aliens wrote the Bible.
What do you think?
Like, really?
I don't.
Do you bait them? No. I want to know where maybe aliens wrote the Bible. What do you think? Like really? Do you bait them?
No, I want to know what, where their head is.
Okay.
At any given time.
But if it's a long, and that's the other thing is I feel very, very comfortable cutting something
off the second I need to leave.
Like there's no part of me that feels like I'm beholden at a certain point.
I'm so comfortable being like, like if it were your, my dry cleaner is a talkative also.
It's very easy for me to be like,
that's great.
I got to go.
I'll see you, Bob.
So you know,
but you have,
you have that skill
because you know when it's time
to get back to,
you can count on me
or what is the,
whatever movie they run on.
That was a really bad example
of a movie they would run
on dinner in a movie. You can count on me.
Short circuit.
You've decided to make this quality I have
about my job. Your television career.
Good work. Because you know how to work
a clock.
That's right. That's what I'm saying.
You know when the segment's got to end.
That's right. I'm a workhorse.
Yeah, I get it. You know, I want to just
back to, and I really appreciate
your policy of no plane talk.
And here's the plane talk
time to me that is maybe the most
awkward time in my life is
when you've started up some sort of little gab
with someone on the plane.
But also if it's a long plane
ride, I'm looking forward to
putting on my headphones. Correct.
Watching You Can Count On Me on DVD,
opening a book, opening a magazine.
Watching your DVD, your
homemade DVD of
the dinner in a movie
interpretation of You Can Count On Me.
With the bumpers and everything. You'll never watch it the same
way again. Making their
famous Mark Ruffalo
rice. That's right. Anyway.
Emotionally stunted is fair, I guess.
Sure.
But yeah, but I kind of look forward to that plain time of bookend magazine reading.
And I'm like, do I have to signal them if I'm ready to start reading?
Like, well, that was nice talking about your kid who wants to be a musician.
Now I want to read this magazine like do you have to do you have to let them know you're disengaging and that's
what i hate i'm like i don't know no problem yeah just so just you just start reading oh if i if i
have a quick word with someone up top i'm so comfortable because i want to have the moment
where yeah if we hit a lot of turbulence and i'm going to die, I feel like I'm going to die.
You want to feel comfortable talking to them.
Yeah, I want to be able to tell someone I love them and really mean it.
Oh, sure.
Okay.
Really mean it.
Yeah, yeah.
That's a good policy.
You know what I mean?
But I have no problem being like, oh, you're going to go visit your grandson?
That's so great.
I'm so excited to read this book and I haven't had a chance to yet, so I'm going to chill
out.
I mean, I don't even, I just doesn't, I don't have a problem with that.
Wow, you sound like a really confident person. No'm a very unhappy very broken person it's all a show
it's all like work in retail yeah i just i'm sorry but you were nice and i this and i maybe
i'll go to the bathroom to buffer it i feel like that's actually that's a great technique i feel
like i've had like three plane interactions in the past four years that got extended,
and they were all basically this.
Them saying, so, why are you headed to blah, blah, blah?
Oh, for work.
Oh, what do you do?
No.
I hate those.
I won't do that.
I'm a public radio host.
And then they say, oh, who have you had on your show?
No, no.
And then I just list every person.
No, then you're their entertainment.
That's different.
I know.
Well, that's what happens.
You guys don't have to fucking explain what Fuel TV is to people.
But I have to explain who the quote unquote famous people that have been on my show are.
You don't have to explain.
You don't know anybody, anything.
You don't.
Just say Tom Cruise.
But if I don't explain that, they're just going to want to talk about Jesus.
They're reading a large print Jesus book right then.
That's what headphones are for, though.
Then you're like, oh, I'm so tired.
That's when you tell them you work for atheism.com.
And you never know, though.
They're done with you.
Then they might be like, oh, I got myself somebody I got to convert.
I don't know if I do.
Double time.
Is it a black woman?
No, that was a shrill
southern Christian woman. That's one of your
famous characters, right, Jen? Shrill southern Christian
woman. Yeah. And it's very specific.
She only responds to people who work for
atheism.com. Hey, what if she was stuck in an
elevator with hilarious
Boston guy? What might that
sound like? Don't do it.
You could, I mean,
if you want to.
Have a yod! Jesus!
Oh, man, hilarious. Yep.
It's a short elevator ride.
It's like when the Jetsons met the Flintstones. It was like half a
floor, and then they both got off. One thing
about talking to strangers before we
probably stop talking about this.
No, no, we're going to do another 20 minutes on this.
People in different cities
talking to people, that's how you know where to go to eat. That's probably how you found your burger place. No, we're going to do another 20 minutes on this. People in different cities, talking to people, that's how you know where to go to eat.
That's probably how you found your burger place.
No, your iPhone tells you that.
Yeah, I used the Yelp app.
A quick search of Chowhound tells you where you're going to go eat.
I'll tell you what.
When we travel together, which we do quite a bit, we actually, Jessica has, for all of
this talk about shutting off the strangers, she has got a character
that is not a character.
It's just her doing something.
But she's like, I think I'm going to have to get Askey Makinson.
And Askey Makinson will go and ask anyone anything about whatever piece of information
we need.
About anything.
Where should we go for blah, blah, blah?
Or like, we need to find such and such.
Where's the tube station?
Yeah, absolutely.
I'll get Askey Makinson.
Yeah, Askey Mak makers is very useful.
So you have an alternate personality
that does your stranger interaction.
I really feel like it's a switch I have to make.
Yeah.
I enjoy that very much.
I have to decide I'm ASCII.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I kind of feel like I can't give you too much credit for that
because I feel like both Makersons are a pretty lady
that nobody's going to be annoyed with talking
to. You know what I mean?
There might be things we take
for granted in that regard.
We're dudes. I think it's
a different story. And I smell.
I mean, I've got that
going against you. You've got on a nice collared shirt.
People don't like to talk to well-dressed
Caucasian
males. Don't act like you have it hard.
It's true.
People are reacting.
I mean, in Jordan's case, certainly, who wouldn't want to talk to one of the founding fathers?
It's true.
And those breeches.
Yeah.
Ask him why he's carrying that knife.
Yeah, see?
Which I usually am.
Do you feel like you have a strategy moving forward, Jordan?
Here's the thing. which I usually am. Do you feel like you have a strategy moving forward, Jordan? I don't.
Here's the thing.
It's like I'm not.
It's not that I'm necessarily uncomfortable with the idea of engaging a stranger.
It's just kind of a what am I getting from this.
It's maybe even kind of selfish.
It's like I'm going to expound some energy here.
What's the benefit?
And I just maybe kind of want to know the benefits.
And I like – yeah, I like crazy conspiracy theory, getting to hear one of those, getting to hear someone talk in a weird accent that I think is weird.
Those are benefits.
But yeah, I guess I'm just kind of – it's an energy benefit analysis that I'm doing right now. I know what you mean because a lot of times, especially when you're in a new place,
and especially when you have to be there rather than you're there to have fun and have an adventure,
you really just want to shut down
as many variables as possible.
So all you have to worry about
is whatever bullshit you have to take care of.
Sure.
You know what I mean?
I totally know what you mean in that department.
I agree with that.
Yeah, so maybe this is something we can open up
if maybe people want to call the voicemail,
maybe give some benefits to engaging the waiters
and the cab drivers of the world.
At 206-984-4FUN.
206-984-4FUN.
There you go.
You have a phone number.
People are always asking us why we have a 206 number.
It's because that's what the free voicemail service is.
It's not because we live in Seattle.
I just want to let people know because I get about three emails a week on that subject.
Yeah, so stop asking me if I want to go to a Mariners game.
God, I get that like fucking twice a week.
We'll be back in just a second.
During baseball season.
Jesse, go. God, I get that like fucking twice a week. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jesse Go.
It's Jordan and Jesse Go.
I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective.
Janet Varney.
Jessica Makinson, present.
She's got the one word. It's punchy every time. Janet Varney. Jessica Makinson. Present. She's got the one word.
It's punchy every time.
Sure.
Yeah.
I like it.
I'm on board with it.
I was walking Coco with my beloved wife, Teresa, the other night.
We walked through these hills here in Silver Lake in Los Angeles, California.
That's in Southern California.
You have a 206 area code.
God damn it. I know. It's in Southern California. You have a 206 area code. God damn it!
I know.
It's infuriating.
We were walking the dog and
the streets are often deserted
here in Los Angeles
at Silver Lake, except for the occasional car
that's driving way too fast around a blind curve.
Correct.
We were
up on the top of this hill at this corner
and comes tearing through this stop sign are is this guy two guys and one lady uh on two
motorcycles um and they're like it's nighttime it's maybe like 10 o'clock at night and they're
riding like small dirt bikes um the kind
they don't have any lights on them or anything oh good like they're just like like it's the kind of
bike that you that's probably only legal to ride on uh you know like on a farm in west virginia
you know what i mean like it just goes yeah it's like yeah um and uh they're like they're like
not wearing helmets and also they're just really dumb and lame they're like so lame that you just
can't believe you're just like and they're driving through they're riding through the hills of silver
lake you're like who are these people and what are they doing?
What is their deal?
And I have to admit, both me and Teresa, who is a much better person than I am, sort of laughed at them a little bit.
Just laughed at them a little bit.
Because they were fucking ridiculous.
These people were totally ridiculous.
They were wearing Ed Hardy truck, like, you know,
Ed Hardy trucker hats
and just,
and riding around at night
and like,
it was,
it was the combination
of the sort of arrogance
of doing this weird,
dangerous thing
and the sort of patheticness
of the fact
that they were like
three quarter size bikes
and they only had two of them
for three people.
I always feel that about the lowrider bike
when I see those.
I'm like, I get that this is a tough guy thing,
but it's so silly.
It's funny.
Anyway.
Yeah, I know I understand exactly what you mean,
but these were not fearsome cholos.
Sure.
They can't back it up with...
Yeah, these were doofuses of the First Order
that would be like minor characters
on Keeping Up with the Kardashians.
Oh, my.
And so anyway, they drive off into the night.
And we continue to walk the dogs.
And about five minutes later, we're walking up a nearby street.
And we see them sort of ahead of us parking their motorbikes in a garage.
And again, I have to admit that we sort of laughed at them a little bit
because they were so dumb and lame.
They were just epically dumb and lame.
Could you hear anything they were saying to each other or anything like that?
I did hear one thing that they were saying to each other.
As we walked past, as we were maybe 15 or 20 feet past,
I just heard one of the dudes say to
the ladies hey haters go hey i can't believe i set you up for that without even knowing that
that's what was happening yeah these were whites by the way i want to be clear that these were
whites yeah rough and tough though pretty rough tough. What are these people doing?
Haters going to hate.
Oh, Christ.
Who are these people?
Now, this is... They are the hated.
This sounds like...
Now, if I'm...
If I'm...
If I have a grasp on your area,
do you think... male area, the area you
live in, if I have a grasp on the area you live in, do you think this is, these are the
wealthy, the 20 something layabout children of wealthy producers?
of wealthy producers they were like they were even they were almost too lame to even be that like they didn't even seem like legitimate rich assholes they seem like pretenders to the rich
asshole throne okay you know what i mean like if you were to maybe assign these people a job, what would it be? I would say one person, cell phone store.
Oh, I don't know how you're going to top that.
Yeah, well, I mean, I would say.
That's gorgeous.
I would say maybe one person works at a production company that is trying but failing to produce reality television shows.
Good one.
Solid, Jesse.
And one person is a VIP host at a nightclub.
God, that is really good.
Well, it's clear you're jealous.
Yeah.
I'm hating.
What can I say?
You know what I love is the sort of
hippie sensibility implied in that.
That idea of like, hey,
live and let live.
They're peaceable,
spiritual people who are just following their
bliss. And they're good,
nice people. It wasn't like haters
gonna get punched by me.
It was just like less than me.
It was pretty sort of Dalai Lama-ish. It was just like less than me. It was pretty sort of
Dalai Lama-ish.
It reminded me of that
one Queen Latifah flavor
unit video where they go
there they go again
them haters. And then the whole video
is just a montage of various
famous people that Queen Latifah knows
brushing the hate off their shoulders.
And I just imagined
them just in the montage with the
various rappers that signed to
Queen Latifah's label in 1995.
You know,
long after her relevance had faded.
Oh, Queen.
Before her second renaissance.
I was going to say, she's doing great.
Hey, I got nothing against Queen Latifah,
but if you want
to talk about the white guy in the flavor unit that she signed in 1996 yeah that's kind of a
sorry scene that's kind of a sorry scene she was not the hip-hop mogul that she aspired to be
hate is gonna hate they're gonna hate it's true how many cover girl contracts do you have oh
that's a good point i shouldn't hate i don't hate latifah do you have? Oh, that's a good point.
I shouldn't hate.
I don't hate Latifah.
Do you think they heard your hipster scoffing and that's what they were talking about?
Yeah, I think the fact that I was scoffing at them.
It might be something they get a lot.
It might be something they might get snickered at as they're...
Based on your description
i can't imagine because there are plenty of people in silver lake who would behave much more
arrogantly in opposition to what they were doing than you guys kind of quietly chuckling to
yourself there are plenty of people in this neighborhood that would be like oh my god
what are the remarkable things and they're wearing a they're also wearing a tank top
that goes down to their mid-back.
The side of the tank top goes down.
A man or a woman?
Gender unimportant.
Well, you can't wear Ed Hardy on the east side.
It's a death wish.
I mean, one of the amazing things about Silver Lake, in my mind,
as a resident of Silver Lake,
is just that the spectrum goes so goes so
far over towards that like I feel like like if I'm in some other place famous for being populated
by hipsters like Williamsburg or something like that like I feel like it's it's a pretty consistent
cultural tone there's either those people or there's, to some extent, normal people.
Right.
But I feel like here in Los Angeles, in Silver Lake specifically,
I feel like there could be someone...
Like when I go to the dog park, there's sort of like a...
I could at any moment see like a catalog model slash aspiring actress
who is wearing an ed hardy hat and has
a tiny dog and thinks of herself as a hipster right because she went to a black rebel motorcycle
club show or something like that i don't know what it would be that would make her but this
but the spectrum is there's every percentile is represented between hipster and just general douche.
It's amazing.
It's an amazing place for that because I feel like elsewhere in the world, it's just it's a binary. of that hipstery fashion we're talking about is now just normal fashion
and also that hipster like being a,
or silver like being a hipster place
kind of isn't a thing anymore?
Is it now just where a younger person in LA moves?
Yeah.
I think that maybe it's hipster status
is maybe five years removed. I would agree with that also. And I think people still talk about it, but it's reputation maybe it's it's hipster status is maybe maybe five years removed
i would agree with that and i think people still talk about it but it's not true it's like a
re-gentrification yeah right sure sure they re-retook it back but also i feel like every
like yeah we i think we lost that we lost that too we lost that sort of trophy to downtown for
a while kind of and that's sort of still
where people move into echo park but then they only go party downtown like maybe the people that
used to do that here and so i don't i went to i don't know i went to i went to a party downtown
and when i was walking around i was walking back to my car afterwards. I seriously felt like I was in maybe like Washington, D.C.
Like, you know, at like an intern bar.
Yeah.
The hipness I would have described if on a scale of 1 to 100 at about 7.
Yeah.
I think that depends on where you are too in downtown
and where...
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't go out at all.
I never go out
or do anything social.
You would know better
than I would.
If there is a take home
for all of this,
I think it is
that haters
gone hate.
Gone.
Haters gone hate.
We'll be back
in just a second
on Jordan, Jesse, go.
It's Jordan, Jesse, go.
I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective.
Jessica Makinson.
I just wanted to shake it up a little bit.
Wow.
Now I have nothing.
I should have said Jessica Makinson, something clever, but I don't have those.
Consider the situation shooken up.
Jordan, it's been so long since we've taken telephone calls.
I happen to have these telephone calls with me here.
I'm going to be honest with you.
My computer bit the dust. Sure. And it took with it the track list for these telephone calls with me here. I'm going to be honest with you. My computer bit the dust.
Sure.
And it took with it the track list for these telephone calls.
So this is just a grab bag.
So who fucking knows what we're going to get.
Ooh, that's better.
And also, because we're not recording in multitrack this week, I'm mixing the show live.
I'm probably doing a bad job.
I apologize if some people's voices are lower than others.
But we're going to just see what volume these telephone calls come out at.
That's part of the game.
I'm guessing uncomfortably loud.
Yep.
Hey, Jordan, Jesse, guests.
This is Jordan from Bloomington, Illinois,
and I want to speak on the topic of
movies that I love
that aren't as popular as I'd like.
And the movie I want to say is Mystery Men.
Do we play that?
We played that last time.
Yeah, we were no mean to him.
Oh, I know what we didn't do.
We did that, but we didn't do momentous occasions, right?
I think so.
Okay, well, we're just making it happen however we can.
This guy liked Mystery Men. We said he was wrong. Okay, well, we're just making it happen however we can. This guy liked Mystery Men.
We said he was wrong.
Okay, yeah.
We said it had some good stuff in it, but it was bad overall.
I was in Washington, and I was calling with an action item about overlooked movies.
Oh, Christ!
This is a disaster already.
Did you play that one also?
I don't know.
Hi, my name is Tina.
Hey, Jordan, this is David from Milwaukee.
Fake call.
Fake call.
And if for some reason you actually are listening to this, Jordan, please tune out now.
Jordan, you ready?
You tuned out?
Should I just go somewhere else in the house?
Here's the thing.
If callers, if you want to control whether Jordan is tuned in or tuned out, the only
thing you really have to say is you have to ask him to tune in.
Sure.
You don't have to ask.
I pretty regularly tune in.
As a rule, I am tuned out.
Yeah.
I just went to the Wisconsin State Fair today
and got to go to the bunny barn
and saw almost 200 different bunnies,
got to see Netherland dwarves a lot,
and for the first time in my life, I got to see an English lop in person.
And it was incredibly cute.
It was like a bunny calendar in person.
Have a great day.
And Jordan, I'm so sorry.
I'll tell you what the lop is.
You want to talk about Holland lops.
When you're talking lops, you want to talk about Holland lops.
That's what you want to do.
Oh, my goodness.
That's a lop right there.
That's what you want to do.
And I guess this guy is kind of alluding to an old annoyance I have.
And it's been a while, but for a while, a regular segment on the show was Jesse describing a new page in his bunny calendar.
I'm not necessarily against talking about bunnies.
It's your personal bunny calendar that I feel
is a non-topic for
entertainment. If we're making an
entertainment show for
people, that seems just like a
non... I've got great news for you, Jordan.
A lot of people
have been emailing me lately. No, they haven't.
Already alive.
Already alive.
Lots of people have been emailing me lately about bunny hopping contests.
Now, I know what you guys are thinking.
This is just a dance contest where people do the bunny hop.
Oh, that's not a problem.
No.
This is a contest that is essentially bunny rabbit steeplechase.
It is a real thing thing and I insist that you
type it into YouTube.
Are they chasing a carrot, a motorized
carrot?
No, but their owners
hold them on little leashes
and if they don't jump over something
that they were supposed to jump over, they make little noises
like, and they make their bunny
sit and then they go
and then they go and and then they go up
and then they jump over.
No.
Yes.
Oh, I love it.
Bunny hopping contest.
I think I thought bunnies were safe from being further controlled by their owners, a la horses
and pigs and dogs and even cats.
Because bunnies were as trained.
Maybe bunnies were just, I think I thought that someone who would want to have
a bunny wouldn't be
preoccupied with controlling it
and training it and making it do stuff.
They're a mentally challenged child who you want
to teach about responsibility.
I will be the first to say bunnies are incredibly
cute, but all you want to do is just sort of
pet them and watch their little noses twitch.
Yeah, spoken like somebody who's never seen
a bunny hopping contest. I guess not.
Oh, my goodness gracious, these little bunnies.
It reminded me, you know what it reminded me of?
It reminded me of my own Holland Lopp when I was a child, Miss Bunny,
and how she used to do this little hop where she would kick her legs out to the side
when she jumped up in the air.
And it was just the most adorable thing, Jordan.
I can't even begin to tell you.
Oh, Miss Bunny. That was nice. I mean,
Harold. He was a really cute bunny, too.
But I think the
moral of the story is
you should type in youtube.com to your computer
and then in the little box there, type
bunny hopping contest or rabbit hopping
contest and just see
what the internet has to offer you.
Because there's a lot of joy ahead of
you in your life i'm tempted to bring up i don't want to get on a youtube tangent but the the lamb
in the house oh yeah yeah lamb in the house is great i can't i can't stop thinking about it even
when it's not around and it's and it doesn't really require it for people who haven't seen
the video it doesn't really require more description than that it's not around. And it doesn't really require, for people who haven't seen the video, it doesn't really require more description than that.
It's just this lamb that's in someone's house, and they're filming it.
And he's bounding.
It's shot in a hallway, and he's bounding from one door to another,
so it's shot long ways.
The lamb touches down once in the hallway and is gone again.
Like a cartoon, I guess.
That's amazing.
I haven't seen it.
I have recently begun
to do these segments
on this IFC show
where I'm the guy
who picks web videos.
And it occurred to me very quickly
that as much as I am somehow
almost morally opposed
to most quote-unquote viral videos,
the exceptions that I make are
little animals doing cute things and little children
doing cute things
I just want to tip you off
I don't think this is past the million
mark yet I think this is new
kitten riding a turtle
just check it out
okay let's go to another momentous occasion.
Hi, Jordan, Jesse, go.
I've been wanting to play drums for a long time,
and I finally just got my first set.
So let me present to you a momentous occasion.
I call it Maiden Voyage.
Oh no, everything fell out of his kitchen cabinet.
I was going to say, if he doesn't get back on the phone,
he's seriously injured himself.
We may have just heard him murder.
That's the kind of creativity that I want to see in future momentous occasions.
Yeah, but do it with something you're good at, man.
You're no good at those drums.
He better get his first set.
He should have some natural talent
if he's going to pursue it.
I love that he wanted to share that with you guys.
Jordan, not everyone is Sheila E.
Sure.
Everyone is Sheila E.
So true.
Hi, this is Brandi from Coos Bay, Oregon.
I'm calling with Moment momentous occasion. My
1993 Subaru Legacy wagon just rolled over to 300,000 miles. Thank you. Dang, right?
Yeah. That's just an old school moment. A Subaru in Oregon. That's just an old school
momentous occasion. Sure. That's an amazing thing that happened that we've never heard
before. Nobody's ever called in to say
300,000 miles. That's a lot.
You're not reinventing the wheel, but
it's solid. How old is that car?
I don't know. I remember... 1993
didn't she say, right? My dad hit 100,000
and I thought that was like the most a car
could go for a while.
Yeah. That's great. It's certainly a lot more than I can
go. Well...
Would you walk 500 miles though, Jesse? I apologize. I apologize. Yeah. it's certainly a lot more than I can go. Well. Would you walk 500 miles, though, Jesse?
Apologize.
I apologize.
Yeah, let's try not to do that anymore.
Hi, Jordan, Jesse Goh.
This is Matthew calling from Canada with a momentous occasion.
On my way to work today, I was involved in an attempted mugging with a group of 12-year-olds.
And I was just walking away from them, telling them to go away,
because, you know, they were 12.
And I'm not a tough guy, but I'm 6'2".
I'm 20.
He sounds like a tough guy.
I do all right.
Yeah.
And that was going pretty well, just backing away from them,
telling them to go away, until one of them pulled an axe on me.
Yay!
And, yeah, so that went well, although I got away unharmed and with all of my stuff.
So, momentous.
What's amazing is, once the kid pulls the axe, that's when the story ends,
except for the coda is that he was fine, he didn't have to give up anything to the kid with the axe.
Yeah, what did you do to get away from it?
Again, I think this is a momentous occasion that's front-loaded in the wrong way.
And it happened in Canada.
And maybe that's the answer.
Well, they have a rich logging tradition up there.
That's what I thought.
This was like just his father's logging axe.
Another question.
Where did the 12-year-old have this axe concealed?
He said he didn't see it.
I know.
The other guys were crowding around him to hide the axe
hide the axe and then the children parted
and the guy with the axe appeared
They were hiding it in a bouquet of flowers
or balloons
Yeah or balloons
Hey Jordan
Jesse Go this is Neil with a quick
story about what just happened on a conference
call at work.
One of my coworkers who was on the call with me said, oh, my God, snake.
And we asked her what was going on.
She said, there's a snake here.
My cat brought it in.
She dropped it in my lap.
It's all called up.
It's got a blue stripe.
It's still alive.
I've got to go get rid of the snake.
So that was about the most fun I've had in a meeting in a long time.
Thought I'd tell you.
Bye.
I think, oh, my god, snake.
Is this a great thing to yell?
Sure.
Especially on a conference call you probably just want to get off of.
Am I right?
Yeah, right.
It's a good made up story.
Get back to playing Minesweeper.
I know this sounds crazy, but snake.
Sure.
Oh, snake.
Then you just hang up the phone.
Yeah, nobody will.
Nobody will.
Because didn't she sound overly defensive describing it?
Like, it's,
your cat drops
a snake in your lap
and it's curled up already?
It's curled up
and it's got a blue stripe.
I'm definitely telling the truth.
I just need to get
off the call now.
Wow, yeah.
I trust you guys
to make the right decisions
about the company.
Jordan, do you remember
that Prank the Dean sketch
that I wrote that one time?
And I used wrote
very loosely
where it was just going to be
me and Jim on stage
packing a car for a camping trip and we'd be like sleeping bags yeah sleeping bags uh Coleman stove
yeah Coleman stove cougar ah cougar yes I just like the idea of just not noticing that there's
a horrible animal there and then yelling it that's the funniest thing in the world to me.
I hate to do this, but when you get a shot and it doesn't have to be on the air,
I'd like a where are they now with the rest of Prank the Dean because I haven't seen anybody except you guys.
Oh, sure.
Yeah, Prank the Dean, I guess, for people is our college sketch comedy group that we were in with a few friends.
Post-college sketch comedy group.
They were charming and very funny and performed at the festival.
Yes, sure.
We've done things with Janet's old sketch group.
And yes, sure.
Prank the Dean update.
Appreciate that.
Maybe off mic.
Sounds good.
Off microphone.
Hey, Jordan.
Hey, Jesse.
Hey, Goat.
This is Dan calling from Toronto with a momentous occasion.
I just saved a lost dog that was running around aimlessly in Toronto Chinatown.
I have since taken him on. Obviously,
if he's microchipped, we're going to find the owners.
But if not,
I am finally ready to
settle down and take care of a lovely little
animal. He doesn't have a name yet.
Maybe you guys have some suggestions. I'm thinking
something either kind of related to
avant-garde cinema or jazz.
But, you know, something
ridiculous would work, too.
Coleman Hawkins.
I got one. I got one.
Hold on.
In Canada, right?
Yeah.
In honor of our last call,
why don't we name the dog Battle Axe?
Oh, that's good.
That's pretty good.
But not worth honoring.
Yeah, yeah.
We won't do it.
No, this guy has to name it.
Not a dog life forever.
Yeah.
Good for him.
Hey, Jordan. Hey, Jesse. Hey, Go.
This is Dan calling from Toronto with a momentous occasion.
I called you last night about a dog that I had saved from running around.
I was thinking of asking you guys for a name.
I named it Petro.
Well, after I posted some pictures and stuff on Humane Society websites, its owners called me up.
I dropped it off.
Humane Society website.
Its owners called me up.
I dropped it off.
And then at the cheerful moment of reunion,
this girl reaches into her wallet and gives me two $50 bills.
So responsibility, altruistic behavior, cash money.
Bye, guys.
Keep it up.
He shouldn't have taken the money.
You do a good thing.
He learned that he was more excited about the money than taken the money. You do a good thing. Lesson learned.
He learned that he was more excited about the money than finding the dog.
I think the person, like, I think, I mean, you have to, it probably makes the person giving the money feel good.
To like, you know, they feel like they're rewarding someone.
I don't know.
I think it would be rude to turn it down.
They're sick and tired of being burdened by the bear.
I don't think it would be rude to turn down. i think you do a good thing to do a good thing i would never accept
money from a person if i return their jordan just to clarify you're saying he took the money
because he thought it would make the other person feel bad if he didn't so he really took a bullet
on that one no i you know if you i mean say maybe you don't give it to the humane society maybe give
it to your local animal shelter but i don't know i feel like if someone's offering i don't know is
that rude to say no now let's say someone lost a parrot named lola so right african parrot and
there was a two thousand dollar reward and billboards all over everywhere. And also, they had hired bloodhounds and a psychic.
Then you found that parrot.
What would you do?
I still wouldn't accept the money.
I think when you find a parrot that special,
you move out of the country with the parrot, and it's just you and the parrot from then on.
You start a new life.
You hold on to that treasure.
In South America.
My friends, I have a Lola update.
Okay, this is something we were talking about a few weeks ago
on the show, too. Apparently there's a
giant, not
manhunt, but parrot hunt going on
for someone's pet parrot, and they're putting all sorts of
advertising into it. Anyways. The parrot has
been located. Oh, good. It alighted
upon the deck of a couple
in their 70s
who thought it was lovely
and took it in.
Then later they discovered
that it was a missing parrot
and returned it.
But they loved it so much
that rather than accept
the cash reward,
they allowed the owner
of Lola the parrot
to buy them a parrot in turn.
That's what we're talking about.
A beautiful story with a beautiful ending.
The best things about what make us human.
Really?
Look what we can do, everybody.
I like the bees.
Gizzards.
I had a...
Oh, are you doing...
I want to hear what you have to say, Jessica.
My uncle...
The last thing I want to do is cut you off.
My uncle had an African gray parrot that came from...
He was a police officer for many years.
The parrot was?
Yep.
Oh, did he have a little hat?
That's what I heard you say.
Did he have a little hat?
I apologize.
The parrot came from a drug bust,
and they kept the parrot around...
You have the right to remain silent.
It's worse than that. They kept it around
because it kept spitting out information
about the people.
And then
it had a filthy mouth.
Its name was Cooter.
And it would say
that's not what's filthy
about it, but can we say
the words on this?
It would say, Cooter is a shit bird. Like talking what's really about it. Can we say the F-words on this? I insist.
Cooter is a shit bird.
Like talking badly about it.
Yeah, and it also said the F-word
and stuff like that.
What kind of information was it saying
that they were using to book people?
Well, they sort of kept it around
to see if it would say anything
about, I don't know the details.
That's like right out of Twin Peaks.
I'm sorry, I know that's not a
topical reference, but on that show
there was a bird that helped
Agent Cooper solve a mystery.
Is this not 1987?
I'm afraid it's not. Is that a
missable in court parrot chatter?
Well, you know what my motto is.
I guarantee you there is someone listening
who's going to listen to this podcast who will
appreciate a Twin Peaks reference.
Janet, our motto when it comes to topicality is don't worry, be happy.
That is fresh and topical.
I'd like to hear a song about that.
That's it.
All right.
We'll be back in just a second.
Crab bag!
We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go.
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.
Jordan, Jesse, go.
I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.
Jordan Morris, boy detective.
Jan of Arnie guessed.
Jessica Makinson, guessing.
You guys, I...
Man, you are five for five.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
Congratulations.
You are five for five.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
Congratulations.
I have some important news about Jay Ricey.
Now, I know what people are saying.
What is Jay Ricey?
Sure.
Jordan?
For those who may not have heard the episode, and for you too,
I was recently contacted on Twitter by someone named spider-man 223 at spider-man 223 and uh you know i i i have a lot i get i get a fair amount of ads per day
um and didn't really think much of it uh until i got another one from spider-man 223 that said
go hump your dick pussy backslash.
I've heard about this.
I should.
And I thought to myself, I should look into this.
And I found a Twitter stream from a young person.
We presume a person who represents themselves as a young person.
Yes.
Their tagline is, I'm hanging out at my own house being cool.
Yes.
Oh, I'm 13 at my own house being cool. Excuse me. I'm out at my own house being cool. Yes. Oh, I'm 13 at my own house being cool.
Excuse me.
I'm 13 at my own house being cool is their Twitter line.
At my own house.
My own house.
Clearly an emancipated minor.
House is spelled wrong.
Also something to know.
Is it just spelled H-A-U-S?
Hold on.
Pancake house.
Yeah, yeah.
Spider-Man 223 has corrected the spelling of house.
Oh, excuse me.
How was it spelled?
H-O-W-S-E.
Uh-oh.
You know.
What did he tell you to do?
I'm sorry to make you repeat, but he wanted you to hump your own dick.
Yeah, go hump my dick pussy.
I don't know if he was calling me a pussy or if he thought I had some sort of hybrid sexual organ.
And I don't know what the backslash was from.
I'm guessing just careless typing.
Perhaps.
Anyway, so we really liked his Twitter stream, which had a lot of profanity and a lot of
mean things to Chris Brown, asking if he was a rapist.
Anyway, so we thought we should make this guy, this person, the next big Twitter celebrity.
And our goal was to get them to 1,000 followers.
Now, before we get to that, I want to mention that your paramour, Chris Hardwick, is one of the very few.
Isn't paramour secret love?
Is it secret?
Thanks a lot.
Yeah.
Not anymore.
Yeah, it's out.
It may be.
I'm going to look up Paramore
just in case I don't want to embarrass myself.
It's probably going to be the band.
It's probably going to come up first.
Here's a tidbit that no one will care about
except I feel like Jesse Thorne might.
It's a lover,
especially one in an adulterous relationship.
You live very close to a mansion,
an old 1920s Hollywood mansion
a la Crossroads of the World
whose name is the Paramore.
And a lot of
bands record albums there.
Thank you!
Let's go over there and see.
Your sweetheart, I will say,
Chris Hardwick, is one of the few people that
Spider-Man 223 follows. Jordan Morris
is one? Yeah, it's basically
it's Chris Hardwick,
me, Chris Brown,
Mariah Carey, and then
some sort of Justin Bieber fan stream.
I could have told you that grouping.
That's pretty tradition. Also
T-Pain. T-Pain.
And Ashley Bieber, who I'm guessing
is a Bieber-related person.
Or do they change their last name to Bieber
to mark their solidarity
with Justin Bieber?
Solidarity.
Maybe it's like a Ramones thing.
Maybe his.
I feel like maybe this person is actually not a young person.
He's a very intelligent person posing as an idiot.
He might be a character.
It's entirely possible.
It might be an Andy Kaufman.
These days.
As of right now, Spider-Man 223's latest tweet is,
It was very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very fun today at school.
Which is one of Spider-Man 223's...
What was so fun?
Wait, did you say how many current followers that Spider-Man 223 has?
We haven't gotten to it.
We're building up to it.
There's some other cool ones.
One of them here is Fire and Ice.
And here's the thing.
We talked about Spider-Man 223 on this program,
and then Spider-Man 223 had a period of five days of radio silence.
Yeah.
We didn't hear anything from Spider-Man 223.
We didn't know if Spider-Man 223 was dead.
We didn't know if Spider-Man 223 is maybe trapped in a crevasse.
Did you take a page from the Lola search and...
Yeah, bloodhound.
We hired a psychic.
Good.
All kinds of things going on.
But then they just...
Then Spider-Man 2, 2, 3 came back to life.
A Queen Latifah-esque second renaissance.
All kinds of great stuff.
I don't know. I might go to school.
Might not. Dollar sign.
Might is spelled M-I-T-E.
Backslash.
Dollar sign. One that I actually
favorited because I enjoyed it so much was
wake up in morning, don't go
to school.
That's like Bob Dylan-esque right there.
Sure, right?
My sister is retarded.
She put I'm stupid on my status while I was outside.
She is such a faggot.
F-A-G-E-T.
I haven't seen that one.
First of all, it's faget.
Clearly, he just knows what to say.
And she was Lady of the Night,
resigned, and then retarted herself.
So now she's back in the
tart community. She was once a tart,
wasn't for a period, but now is retarted.
She missed it. She missed tarting. But a lot of these are a lot
of fun. Like, for example, this one is almost
poetic. Sucks to wake
up in the morning freezing cold like
winter in your living room. Haiku.
Wow.
That is definitely.
Or try this one on for size.
F-U-A slash B.
Or possibly FUA slash B.
Fuck you, A slash B.
A is in butt?
I don't know.
Ass butt?
Ass bunny?
What about this one?
Mood is bored.
So you kind of get the idea of what comes with following a Spider-Man 223 on Twitter. You get a lot of fun out of it.
Each one of these could be a page of the next book that Bigfoot writes.
You know, there are already two.
All of those, especially.
Maybe this is a Bigfoot.
Spider-Man 223 has two essential forms of communication.
One is these kind of little slice-of-life observations
that we've been sharing here,
and the other is calling Jordan and Chris Bowne mean names.
Sure.
Especially Chris Bowne.
And there's been some rumors going around.
One rumor that I heard was that
Spider-Man 223 is a woman,
or a young woman, a girl.
I don't know if that's true.
I don't know what that was based upon.
I've heard that too.
I've been forwarded a few links to like,
and I'm not on Facebook,
so I don't understand how it works,
but maybe some people on Facebook
who people think is Spider-man 223 i
don't know if there's a way to confirm that but if that's the case i mean some people are saying
that this is a girl uh i don't know if that's a game changer or not i just assume from the kind of
the you know devil may care attitude and the kind of the the piss and vinegar within the uh
within the work i think you mean pith and vinegar. Excuse me. Pith and vinegar.
Within the work that this was kind of a young man grappling with hormones.
Because that was the vibe I got.
Everything you just said made me think you thought it was
Katharine Hepburn.
I did.
I did.
Why does she
hate you?
I don't know why. I don't know why I'm on this short list. Are you a different... Maybe she thinks you? What's wrong with you? I don't know why.
I don't know why I'm on this short list.
Are you a different?
Maybe she thinks you're a different.
We know why she hates Chris Brown.
I mean, I think if you read a tweet like,
Chris Brown is a rapist, you raped your mom,
you know where she stands on Chris Brown.
Except she talks about Chris Brown,
but then she is talking,
it sounds like she's talking to someone else
when she says you raped your mom.
Yeah, there's some tense problems.
But yeah, so I don't know.
And to be fair,
he or she has not added me in a while.
So I don't know if we're fighting or not.
Did you ever tweet back and say,
what did I do to you?
I never have. No, I'm reluctant to re-engage. I mean, I don't want to let, it's like if we're fighting or not. Did you ever tweet back and say, what did I do to you? I never have.
No, I'm reluctant to re-engage.
I mean, I don't want to like, it's like if you're, you know, it's like Jane Goodall and the apes.
No, that's a bad analogy.
It's like those people.
It's like a different ape researcher and the apes.
Sure.
There you go.
You don't want to upset their society too much.
You just kind of want to.
You want to comment on it here.
Sure.
And observe. Right. But you don't want to. You want to comment on it here and observe,
but you don't want to interact.
But it's still a public forum.
It's possible Spider-Man 223
is listening right now. Yeah, and you know what?
We have nothing against Spider-Man 223.
I don't think this is live.
I want Spider-Man 223.
Just pretend.
If Spider-Man 223 is
out there,
go for it, express yourself
we're enjoying it, it's fascinating
we're old and we don't remember what it was
like to be a teen, 13
and we never had that
we didn't have the option to just like
lazily type out something
whether or not it was grammatically
correct or not and let it out into the world
and I think that our
listeners have embraced Spider-Man 2-2-3
in the positive spirit that we
intended. I have not heard any negative
stuff. I think people have been doing
a really great job of keeping it positive
and just following Spider-Man
2-2-3 and enjoying what Spider-Man
2-2-3 has to offer
us. And that's, I think,
with regards to following, I And that's, I think, with regards to following,
I think that's our big announcement.
What is the young
person up to?
1,127
followers.
So thank you so much to the fans.
Everyone who
shared Spider-Man 223 on Follow
Friday on Twitter.
Everybody who retweeted our enthusiastic endorsements of Spider-Man 223.
Just everybody out there.
Thanks a million.
I think the next step is we're looking to get a sitcom deal a la Shit My Dad Says.
Yeah.
For Spider-Man 223.
Right.
I mean, we'll get EP credit.
Right.
But yes, I mean, mainly we want to make them a star.
Yeah.
Well, anyway, just a salute.
Spider-Man 223, we salute you.
1,127 followers.
Thank you for not saying anything mean about Jordan lately.
We can, though.
I'm up for it.
It is fun when you do.
It is fun when you do.
And we just really appreciate Spider-Man 223.
So good looking out, SM223.
Oh, can I ask a quick question?
I can't quite tell.
Jordan, are you humping your dick pussy right now?
You got me.
You got me.
That's what he was doing.
I was trying to be coy about it.
I should have known.
But, yes, I am humping my dick pussy.
Backslash.
As long as we're talking about our triumphs and trials and tribulations,
I have a brief announcement.
Two brief announcements, actually.
Sure.
I am, for those of you who are in Southern California,
I am going to be on our friend Luke Burbank's show,
Too Beautiful to Live.
They're doing a live show at the Troubadour on September 9th, which is Thursday night.
I am by far the least significant person on this list of guests.
That includes Garfunkel and Oates, Rob Corddry, Dana Gould, the band Princeton.
Not the University of Princeton, he explained to me.
I was totally baffled by it initially.
The folks from the Dinner Party Download, all kinds of great people are going to be
on this Too Beautiful to Live live show here in Los Angeles.
If you want more information about it, go to tbtl.net
and you can click on TBTL Hearts LA.
Also, I'm going to be in San Francisco this coming month,
in September, to do this talk that I've been giving
called Make Your Thing, which is about...
It's essentially about making independent media
in the age of the Internet.
And it includes my 12-point system
for absolute 1,000% guaranteed success.
It's a really great talk
and I'm doing it in San Francisco on,
of course, I can't remember.
I'm looking at my own website to realize it.
September 17th at the Darkroom Theater
and there's only a few tickets left.
So if you want to go,
you should grab your ticket now.
When I say a few,
I mean there's literally like,
I don't remember,
like six tickets left or something like that.
If it's sold out, we will be able to fit a few people in
at the door.
We got everybody in when we did Monsters of Podcasting
at the Dark Room.
You know, we'll squeeze people in.
But grab your tickets now.
You can find more information at MaximumFun.org.
And I feel like that's all the things we have to plug
for the moment.
So we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you. Love you. Love you. Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.
Jordan Morse, boy detective.
Janet Varney, fleeting immersion promoter.
Jessica Makinson, co-curator.
This was an enjoyable Jordan, Jesse Go program.
I found it to be enjoyable.
So did I.
I didn't hate it.
Come on.
Ladies.
What fun.
It didn't stink.
It was really fun.
It was really fun.
That time flew by, guys.
Thank you so much for having us.
Remind people where and when people can enjoy this New Zealand astronaut situation that you've got going on.
New England astronaut.
New Mexico.
New Mexico.
I can't believe you would over...
Yeah, I just can't believe you got that wrong.
Well, I would like to say for anyone in San Francisco...
For one thing, I know that it's at Crossroads of the World.
Crossroads of the World.
Four-letter word for...
Anybody who's in San Francisco who can't get tickets to Jesse's show on September 17th
should drive themselves down to the Fleeting Immersion opening
because there's no limit to the amount of people that we can take on at that reception.
There's no limit. No limit. Hold them. And there's no limit to the amount of people that we can take on at that reception there's no limit no limit hold them and there's going to be um i'm excited about the indian
i'm excited about the indian fry bread there's indian fry bread if you're into that
that's a delicious snack this really great um couple they are under the heading auntie's fry
bread they're working to get up their own, enough
funding to do their own catering truck.
They go around and do, they go around and do, I'm guessing they do the local powwows.
It's a big thing.
They go and do the dances and whatnot.
Yes, but more often now, it's hip enough with the catering trucks that.
And they're doing tacos and stuff.
Well, they call them Indian fry bread taco,
which is not a real taco. It's
better. Oh, Indian fry bread is
so good. We're, again, both from the Southwest,
so we highly recommend trying it.
Both from Arizona. And both of us are just
stardust, also, like we all are.
We're all just stardust. Oh, my God.
I knew it was going to go here.
Oh, you know what, Jordan?
Haters gonna hate. Haters gonna hate, Jordan.
You just gotta talk about your spirit animal now?
Ooh, maybe.
African gray parrot, everything comes together.
And then it closes on...
Fleeting immersion.
Santa Fe astronaut opens lands.
Touches down.
Touches down.
September 17th Our opening party
8pm
Don't say am
8pm
We're open
Through September 25th
Our hours are up on our website
Fleetingimmersion.com
Fleetingimmersion.com
Is Huelhauser going to be there?
Because I'm just saying when I did a launch party for my web series Put This On, Huell Hauser came.
Is all I'm saying.
If not him, then someone equally as wonderful.
Like you, Janet.
So God, then.
Like you, Jessica.
Yes.
I'll leave it wide open.
People can regularly enjoy Janet on the television program Dinner with a Movie.
Fair enough.
That's about right.
Starring Bilbo Martin.
Great.
And Celebrity Chef.
Claude Mann.
Claude Mann.
Claude Mann.
And as well as with our buddy Cole Stratton, who was just recently on the program in the theme park show.
It's true.
And we do riff tracks as well, which some of you guys might like.
Oh, people on the internet, they love thrift tracks.
That's maybe a little more up our listeners' alley.
They like the riff tracks.
Our latest one is the Lost Boys.
You can check out their hilarious riff tracks.
And Jessica, you perform here at the IOS here in Los Angeles.
Yes, I am at the IOS Theater twice a week,
Tuesdays with Powerhouse
and Saturdays at 9.
The Armando Show tonight.
Oh, is this going to...
It won't go out by tonight.
Well, if you have a time machine...
Go check out Laura Silverman.
Go check out Laura Silverman tonight
at the IOS Theater.
The Armando Show, the signature...
But in future Armandos,
you will have equally impressive guests.
Absolutely.
It's always a good time.
This is the signature show of the Iowa West Theater.
It is.
They're an incredible group.
They're so freaking good.
Proud to say.
Thank you very much.
I love that I said, were you humping your dick pussy?
And I just said, freaking.
Yeah, like you're trying to clean it up.
Yeah, I'm backpedaling and my dad's going to listen.
For Crescent Heights, you dick pussy.
Well, it was a pleasure to have everyone on the program.
I think we've had a lot of fun.
We'll see you next week here on Jordan, Jesse, Go!
and online at MaximumFun.org and on the forum.
206-984-4FUN, the number to call if something momentous happens to you
or if you'd like to call in and clarify Jordan's emotional quandary
of what might be the positive effects of talking to a random person on the street.
And in addition to that, I forgot what the other thing I was going to say is.
Were you going to say Jordan was going to take out the show with the theme to the brooch
segment?
I'd like to hear that song again.
Da-da-da-da-da-da, brooch.
Our theme music is Love You by The Free Design,
courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records.
We'll talk to you next week on Jordan, Jesse, Go.