Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 328: C.H.U.D. Group with Dave Hill
Episode Date: June 9, 2014Comedian and radio personality Dave Hill joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of millennial music, terrifying commercials, and Jesse takes a side in the ongoing dads vs. grads feud. ...
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Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free.
Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take coffee, shoes and sex and run you.
It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.
Jordan Morris, boy detective.
I'm otherwise known as the voice of the millennial generation. You're welcome, millennials.
How's that been going so far? I mean, I just want to check in.
You know, what are we, two weeks, three weeks into the new nickname?
Yeah, we're two or three weeks into that.
It's actually going really well.
I've had a lot of good response from my fellow millennials.
How about let's just talk brand integration?
Sure, absolutely.
No, I've been looking at integration, extension, transduction, brand transduction.
I'm actually working on a new type of headphones.
Really?
Like kind of your own take on a Beats by Dre?
No.
Okay.
Not at all.
Not even inspired by.
Sorry to draw the comparison.
They're blue.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, that's totally different.
Yeah.
You know what?
Jesse, just do you.
Thank you, Jordan. Just do you. Thank you, OK. Yeah, that's totally different. Yeah. You know what, Jesse, just do you. Thank you, Jordan.
Just do you.
Thank you, Jordan.
If you want to go out so outside the box, if you want to fly in the face of convention as violently as you are.
Can I tell you something, Jordan?
Yeah.
Millennials like me love to be free.
We love to express ourselves.
Yeah.
We don't care what past generations think you're gonna
sound off in the comments you got it we're in the here and now sharing tinder apps yeah you know
what i mean swipe and right swipe and left depending on if you want to fuck the person or not
talking about pokemons all of these things up to and including Kratts Creatures, are what it means to be a millennial.
And I know that better than anyone else.
And that's what led you to invent blue headphones that are totally dissimilar to Beats by Dre.
Right.
I mean, if you look at a pair of Beats by Dre headphones, I don't know if you ever have.
I haven't.
Yeah, sure.
They have a sort of B on the earpiece.
My lovers all insist that I leave them on.
Because I'm so known for my beats by Dre.
Right.
Yeah.
Mine does not have a B, so that's how you can tell that mine are different.
They're blue, and they don't have a B.
They have a music note, a quarter note.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
Yeah, that sounds really distinctive.
Yeah, they're extremely distinctive, and you won't believe this about them, wow. Yeah. Yeah, that sounds really distinctive. Yeah, they're extremely
distinctive and
you won't believe this
about them,
stereophonic.
Wow.
So like left and right channels?
You get different sounds
in the left channel
than you get
in the right channel.
So let's say you're watching
a video on YouTube
of a guy
narrating a Call of Duty game.
As a millennial or a millennial enthusiast, that's one of my favorite kinds of videos,
where a really excited guy who's not funny is talking about the video game he's playing.
Let's say you're watching a father and son narrate their video game on Twitch.
Sure.
Then you're going to get different signals in the left ear and the right ear.
Let's introduce our guest.
Oh.
The founder of Beats by Dre.
Jimmy Iovine.
I don't want to, I just don't want to sit here.
Number one one our guest
he's got a couple years on me
he's probably a member
of Generation X
he's basically a member
of Generation X
I think I am
yeah
I'm a millennial
he's a member
of Generation X
I'm not trying to call him out
I'm just saying
I'm tired of his
slacker bullshit
yeah
ladies and gentlemen Ethan Hawke I'm just saying I'm tired of his slacker bullshit. Yeah.
Ladies and gentlemen, Ethan Hawke.
He is the host of a broad variety of different programs with Dave Hill in the title.
He is a comedian, a musician.
He's a member of the band Valley Lodge.
You might have heard their most recent single as the theme music from John Oliver's new HBO television program.
Really?
Is that you?
Yeah.
I have been telling everyone how much I love that theme song.
I had no idea I knew the guy who wrote it.
Are you serious?
Yeah.
I am, like, legitimately thrilled and excited to hear that. Oh, wow.
I love that opening and I love that song.
Oh, thank you.
Wow.
Hopefully you'll like the rest of the song.
There's more of that song?
There's more.
There's different parts.
There's a song with, there's a full song with lyrics and a music video.
Wow.
But there's been people going on YouTube.
Yeah.
And commenting either like, I love this song.
Well, see, I don't know if Dave's a member of Generation X because he did the millennial pronouncement of YouTube,
which is YouTube.
That's true.
Y apostrophe tube.
And some people are like, I love this song.
And then other people are like, oh my gosh,
I love it as the theme song to John Oliver's new show.
Yeah.
But when you hear the lyrics and the singing,
Yeah, it really ruins singing, they're horrible.
Oh, no.
A couple of people have said that.
I bet your beautiful singing makes it better, Dave.
Well, I have the voice of an angel.
Sure. But I will say, like, that song in particular, I wanted to see, you know, because I'm always
challenging myself as an artist.
Right.
And I also...
How many cookies can you eat?
Yeah.
How long can you go without peeing?
I wanted to write, because I pretty much write, I assume no one's ever going to listen to the music.
So I just kind of write it for my own entertainment.
And I wanted to sing an entire song in falsetto.
And so.
Who doesn't?
Yeah.
Well, Prince does it.
But I mean.
Michael Buble.
Michael Buble.
I don't know him.
I mean, I know who he is.
I, you know, I kind of.
I don't know if that's true.
I, I, I'm in the same boat as you.
I just kind of took a guess.
I just said a guy's name that I thought was kind of funny, who I maybe did fancy singing i don't think yeah i stepped on the joke no no that's
okay you were uh you are like like everyone who does something on the internet just worried about
people correcting you right because it's annoying yeah i think my point here is that i don't think
there is a single man in the world who's ever... Like an unmarried man?...sung a song and not thought to himself,
I would enjoy singing an entire song in falsetto.
Yeah, exactly.
Right?
It's fun.
It is.
That's how Smokey Robinson became the greatest songwriter of the 20th century.
It's because one day he was 16 years old and he was singing tenor or whatever.
Yeah. And he just thought to himself, He was 16 years old, and he was singing tenor or whatever.
Yeah.
And he just thought to himself, ah, ah, ah, ah.
Yeah, that's where you want to be.
And he's like, ah.
I like that.
I like that, he thought to himself.
I'll write some of the greatest popular music of the 20th century for myself and my friends, the Miracles.
Yeah.
So this was a song you had written for your band, for your album, and then the John Oliver people purchased it?
Yes.
Uh-huh.
What'd you get, 50 bucks?
It was a little better than that.
But it was, I can't say.
Was it a buyout deal?
Are you getting royalties?
That's how it works.
I mean, had they hired me and been like, Dave, write this song, then it would have been the buyout, I believe.
What are you, ASCAP, BMI?
BMI.
What's your BMI?
What's my BMI name?
What are you going to hack it?
Your body mass index.
Not good, I don't think.
I think I've been letting myself go.
I think you look great.
Oh, thanks.
I always think Dave Hill looks great.
Good looking man.
If only I could see that, you know.
Bringing a Western shirt to the table, by the way.
He's out here in the West in Gene Autry country.
He knows how to do it.
Yeah, yeah.
I thought, let's do this right.
Let's take in an Angels game.
Head down to the Western Museum.
Yeah.
Rope, wrangle.
I had a meeting yesterday in an office that was like somehow a tribute to Tom Mix.
Do you know Tom?
Oh.
The Western star.
I don't know Tom Mix, the Western star.
He's even pre-Gen X.
You mean like pre-entertainment industry?
He's on MASH, the hit series that you guys couldn't possibly be aware of.
The Father Mulcahy.
Wait, can we draw a parallel to Full House in any way?
Because I remember that.
Oh, man.
Cut it out. Cut it out.
Cut it out.
T-G-I-F, right?
Mm-hmm.
Urkel.
Jigs.
Wait, Urkel, that was what, Family Matters?
That was Family Matters, yeah.
Okay.
Anyway, well, I don't know why I brought that up.
No, you were in an office that was a tribute to this one guy.
Cut out all that.
Okay.
Yeah.
There was, and then anyway.
And your shirt was appropriate.
Yeah.
Okay.
Well, no, I didn't wear this to the meeting.
Yeah.
You wore it afterwards because you got the spirit?
This is more, you know, me casual hanging out.
I wouldn't wear this to a meeting.
It's very Austin stories.
So it perfectly fits your Gen X milieu.
Yeah, yeah.
That's exactly right.
Enjoy the Sonic Youth concert you're going to after this.
I was just talking...
Zing!
I was just talking about this.
It's sad but true.
I was like having coffee with another Gen Xer earlier.
Coffee.
Oh, you guys.
Classic.
And I was talking about how I was like,
you know, as much as I really try
to be a fan of music
and find new stuff,
find old stuff I wasn't aware of,
like, if you were to look at any
selection of what I've been listening to,
you'd be like,
oh, that is like an aging white guy.
I'm sorry. I wasn't listening. I was just chugging this six claw nightmare energy drink.
Is that your sponsor? Yeah. What is like, what do you keep drifting back to that says
aging white guy? Like what, what can you not shake? I guess. I mean, I don't know.
I just, you know, like,
Led Zeppelin.
I guess that's everybody, though.
I would say, I don't know,
Dinosaur Jr., who's going to do replacements.
I just started listening to Led Zeppelin.
How are you enjoying it?
I enjoy it very much.
No wonder people like them so much.
They're very enjoyable.
You also got your first Blacklight poster, too, right exactly i mean they're the best band of all time
i had a friend in college dan grayson who wrote the original sound of young america theme music
and dan my freshman year his sophomore year of college at some point he just he discovered like
stephen malchmas or something and he went fully into rock.
But when he was 18 and 19, when I used to go over to his room next door to mine to watch news radio, because he had a color television.
Ooh.
Yeah, you're going to want to watch news radio in color.
Yeah.
He's got a pretty broad, interesting color palette.
That was Phil Hartman and Andy dick at the peak of their powers
yeah that show both amazing um and uh he at the time was going through a classic teenage boy
uh i only listened to led zeppelin and pink floyd period oh wow and i always thought uh and then he
added the who and i was like the Who was probably my favorite of the three.
And I was like, I think I could get into Led Zeppelin.
But then I sort of tabled it.
And then the other day I was thinking, what am I doing?
I should get into Led Zeppelin.
You looked on your table.
Yeah.
I was going through some stuff that I'd tabled. You're like, oh, Led Zeppelin, Homicide, Life on the Street, David Foster Wallace.
Which one of these?
I asked my secretary if there was any old business.
She said, well...
Yes, Mr. Thorne.
I'm a classic comedy sketch secretary.
So I went with, allow me to adjust my cat's eye eyeglasses.
I mean, I'm wearing too many crinolines under my skirt.
Well, you can listen to Led Zeppelin, play chess in a public park, macrame, hold for Mr. Blueberry.
Wait a minute.
What is crinoline?
A crinoline is...
That's what jumped out at me.
I don't know what crinoline is either.
The whole thing was great, but crinoline...
A crinoline is like a crink thing was great, but crinoline. Thank you for saying it was great.
A crinoline is like a crinkly nylon thing that gives volume to your skirt.
Ah.
Oh, okay.
I know what that is.
It's like a 50s lady would wear well into the 60s when she became a classic television sketch secretary.
But can you imagine a world where women wanted to give volume to their skirt, like to make their ass look bigger?
The whole thing?
I would be pretty disappointed, honestly.
I know what you're talking about.
For like a floofy skirt.
Yeah.
Imagine like a poodle skirt.
Okay, yeah.
I would feel like really betrayed if like it was the 60s and I finally, you know, got up under there and the butt wasn't as big.
I'd be like, I would feel lied to.
Yeah.
I'd be like, I'm feel lied to. Yeah. I'd be like, yeah.
I'm going to be pretty disappointed every time.
Yeah.
But it's too late to turn it back when you, by the time you find out.
Because it's the 60s.
You got to finish the job.
You got to.
I don't think any of those undergarments had a slimming effect.
Yeah.
No.
Yeah.
Anyway.
You know, fuck the 60s when you didn't know.
I'm glad we live in the now when you know how big a butt is more or
less yeah before you get all up in there i exactly started with led zeppelin one i just put on that's
exactly where you should have started and just put it on my phone been listening to it and when i'm
driving around the car i feel like rocking out just on the little speaker on your phone right
out on my phone exactly so you get the full, I hold it up to my ear for like, because I want to feel like I'm in a stadium when they were fucking people with fish.
Yeah, sure, sure.
They didn't fuck people with fish in a stadium.
Yeah, they did.
Though I'd like to see it.
I believe they did.
I would like you to reference their facts on that, your facts on that.
That happened in California.
No, Seattle.
It was Seattle, the fish fucking.
There's a plaque in Seattle where you can go.
On this spot in 1962.
You're right.
I completely forgot.
Not in a stadium.
It was at Pike's Place Market.
That's exactly right.
Where they still toss fish.
Yeah, in tribute.
Stands to reason.
In tribute to John Paul Jones.
Which one of them did the fish fucking?
Was it a group effort?
Supposedly none of them.
Supposedly it was the roadies, but they could have just done that to...
Even roadies were doing that?
That's amazing.
Well, they've got the time.
I mean, what you've, you uh you know you have an off day
rolled up all those cables press sure you gotta go down there fucking chicks with fish the band
doesn't have time to visit the monger right that's a well as the story goes they were fishing
out their hotel window which seems impossible to me Right. But that's as the story goes.
And they were like, uh...
I guess it just depends on how amazing you are.
Yeah.
I mean, I would like to think it's all true.
Right.
I mean, I feel bad.
I don't feel bad because I bet if I got...
If I was a willing and comfortable adult participant in a fish fucking involving Led Zeppelin or even their roadies, as long as there was no deception or non-consent involved, I would be pretty stoked about that.
I thought I was going to get fucked with an eel.
And they're like, well, it's a gray area.
They're technically fish.
That's literally the most legendary sex act of all time, right?
Is there a more legendary sex act than...
Didn't Chuck Berry fart on someone?
Yeah.
Virginary.
I'm sure Chuck Berry's farted on a few people.
Yeah, Chuck Berry's too funny.
He put a few beans in Barry.
Cheats McGee all night long.
Yeah, Chuck CC's a bad guy.
Yeah.
Peeing and farting on people.
Yeah.
But, you know, you know what you're getting into, I would think.
Right.
We're rolling with Chuck Berry.
Oh, yeah, you're going to get blasted in the face.
Yeah.
When you're tuning into the CB radio, which is what he calls it.
Oh, man. Plug into the CB radio, which is what he calls it. Oh, man.
Plug into the CB radio.
10-4, good buddy.
Hello, baby.
That's the big bopper.
The big bopper.
Oh, boy.
That's what he said before he farted on people.
So all of these 50s rockers were into farting on people?
Oh, yeah.
That was business as usual back then.
When they all farted at the same time, that's the day the music died.
Really?
What about Eddie Cochran?
Oh, maybe the biggest of the bunch.
Oh, really?
What about Richie Valens?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
All of them.
Jerry Lee Lewis?
Buddy Holly?
Yeah.
Little Richard?
Mm-hmm.
Even Little Richard?
Even Little Richard.
That's exactly right.
Wow.
They were all famous face farters.
Man alive.
I did not.
You know, you learn something.
I love what I love about hanging out with guys like you.
You always learn something about America's treasured shared history.
I mean, yeah.
The music industry really took a look at itself after Altamont.
Mm-hmm.
And that's kind of when the farting stopped. Right. I that referred to as yeah yeah farting stuff yeah there's the day the music
died when they all farted at the same time and the day the farting stopped was i believe the day
the music died was the day that they all burped and farted wait is that physically possible oh
totally yeah yeah that seems like That seems like something like...
It's like pot rocks and coke.
What are we talking about?
This is so stupid.
It's gold.
All killer, no filler.
Colin Marshall is on the computer right now.
Yeah, no fat on this episode.
Colin Marshall is on the computer right now, and he's unsmiling, but I choose to believe
it's because he's on Wikipedia looking up who has died from burping and farting at the same time.
I'm trying to figure out, could you do it?
I think like a yogi could do it.
Yeah, you'd have to have incredible control.
Someone like who'd reach some state of the life.
What about someone like an Ornette Coleman or something like that who could do circular breathing and stuff?
Yeah, he could do it.
Sting could totally do it. Sting, yeah. Sting could do circular breathing and stuff. Yeah, he could do it. Sting could totally do it.
Sting, yeah.
Sting could do anything.
I feel like Sting could do,
you know that thing that French guys do
where they jump out of an airplane
and then they go,
and all of a sudden they've got wings
that are flying down to the ground?
I gotta say, I don't know about this one.
You don't think Sting could do it?
Frenchmen have a flap of skin
going from the arm to the torso. Like flying squirrel scenario yeah sure okay they're not
actually flying they're gliding but somebody's never been to aubin pain no it's like one of
those weird like european extreme sports like oh yeah they have this suit. Wait, that's French guys that do this?
Yeah, but also, like, beautiful, like, Parisian nude models will do it, too.
I love those.
Yeah.
I mean, of course, they're not totally nude.
But they're a nude model who will also wear a suit.
Yeah.
And presumably staying nude.
After they're nude.
Yeah, yeah.
Or is capable of doing it.
Yeah, he's, gosh.
Does it all except stay friends with Stuart Copeland.
Am I right, guys?
Rock and roll humor.
Rock humor.
I'm on Stuart's side, I feel like.
What's that argument about?
How much the loot rocks?
Sting says a lot.
Stuart Copeland says not at all.
I don't know.
Who knows?
Yeah, is that a thing?
I guess I know that they hate each other, but I don't know why.
They did do a reunion tour at some point, didn't they?
Not that long ago?
They did.
And there's a story that at some point that Stuart Copeland stood up behind the drums at practice, a rehearsal.
They probably rehearse.
They don't practice.
Well, because they have the choreography to learn.
Yeah, yeah.
and read. Well, because they have the choreography to learn.
Yeah, yeah.
He read aloud some scathing review
that Sting got for his solo album.
That's fucked up.
Yeah, that's totally fucked up.
But probably well-deserved, I would think.
Too much loot, said the review.
Too much loot, not enough rain stick.
Isn't Sting writing an opera or something right now?
Isn't that what Sting's up to?
That's such a dick move.
Yeah.
To write an opera?
No, yeah.
I hate when people are like...
Tell that to Mozart.
No, I think...
Don't get me wrong.
I like a nice opera.
Don Giovanni.
But I don't think you should be in the rock idiom and then be like...
I guess what's the billy joe writing
classical there's so much precedent for that sucking like when has that worked out good for
someone i feel like you can look at well remember ellis costello's weird musical don't do that you
know like there's so many so much evidence for it being bad i mean there are instances all right
with it i bet there are instances of well the who yeah instances. I bet there are instances. I bet there are instances. Well, The Who, yeah, because they did.
Oh, shit, no.
Though, I don't know.
I mean.
But that's mostly.
I mean, you listen to a Who song that's from there, like, we're doing high-minded rock musicals.
We're doing rock operas.
Yeah.
And then you listen to a regular Who song, and you're just like, eh, you just sort of strung them together.
Like, I'm glad that helped you write songs.
You're right, but that's why I like it.
Yeah.
That's fair.
I don't like the Who after they, once they go into, like, the arena rock phase, I'm done.
Oh, yeah.
No interest.
Done?
You're completely out.
No interest.
Magic bus?
That's pre-Arene Rock.
I was going to say.
I'm like, won't get fooled again.
Don't care.
Sure.
Same thing with the Kinks.
The Kinks were like...
Yeah, boy, when the Kinks became...
Arena Rock.
Better.
Better at being a bad.
The songs really stink.
And they ruined all their old songs from the 60s.
Oh, yeah.
Because they played them like...
Sure.
Anyway, cut that part out.
You know my favorite Who song is?
You'd hate for Ray Davies to be listening.
I have a good Ray Davies story that involves him not at all, but I'll tell it.
Let's hear it.
I'm in London, the popular town.
I like where this is going
number one bullshit
I am in Los Angeles right now
but
I'm a huge Kinks fan
and I
so I was in London just partying
and but this is the true part
having a warm beer
my friend yeah
my friend Carl Arnheider
had Terry Jones
of Monty Python fame
on his
he interviewed him
at Sketch Fest
San Francisco
and
for the listener
I know you guys know
what I'm saying
when I say Sketch Fest
sure
and I know you guys
know what I mean
when I say Terry Jones
you could have been
referring to Sketch Fest
New York
true
is there one there is I don't know if there is one there certainly was one okay
seattle still has one oh fine but anyway sure uh so we're in london and and somehow carl's
emailing with terry jones and terry's like let's get a beer carl's like do you gotta come and have
a beer with terry? Sure, yeah.
I was like, that's too much.
Yeah, you don't pass that up.
Well, I almost did because I was like, I can't deal with that.
That's too much pressure.
Hard to be casual.
Hang out and have a beer.
So I almost didn't go.
But then I went, and we're sitting there, and I was just trying to hold it together
and be like a normal guy having a beer.
Did you bring any plans with you?
Did you write down some questions?
Like bullet points?
Some observations about medieval times?
No, I couldn't have added less.
I'm almost arguable I do that in any social setting.
I drink very little.
Polite listening. Yeah, i smile and i nod and we're
sitting there and he was he was delightful and i was just like i'm gonna go take a piss
i don't think i said it like that excuse myself come back to the table terry gilliam's sitting
there whoa cool and i'm like how i don't know what how that happened and terry gilliam is
like he's from i think minnesota yeah do you think terry jones just said do you want me to call any
other members of monty python i don't know how it i it very well could have been that terry gilliam
just happened to be there because they live both by this pub is it it all, can I ask you this? Yes. Is it possible they have an app?
A Monty Python beer?
Yeah, that beeps when they're nearby each other.
It's, yeah, like a grinder for Monty Python.
Like a grinder for members of Monty Python.
It's like Grindr.
It's called Wink Wink Nudge Nudge.
So you swipe right if you want Eric Idle to come.
Swipe left if you don't want him to come.
Eric Idle was there, too.
No, he wasn't.
It was just the two of them.
And then, so I'm like, God damn it.
Like, it's just, I can't handle, you know, trying to hold us together.
And then Terry Jones is like, well, I was hoping you guys would all come over for dinner.
And we're like, well, I was hoping you guys would all come over for dinner. And we're like, okay.
And we're leaving, and we're walking through this neighborhood,
through Highgate, where they live.
And Terry Jones is like, do you like the Kinks?
No, no, Terry Gilliam to me.
He's like, do you like the Kinks?
I'm like, yeah, they're one of my favorite bands.
And we're passing this door that's, like, right on the sidewalk.
He's like, well, we're good friends with Ray Davies right on the sidewalk it's like well we're good
friends with ray davies and he lives right here we should see if he wants to come out
we should just knock on his door randomly that's what they did wow cool and i was like fuck you
like i don't what an amazing life yeah but anyway ray wasn't home oh he didn't come so
you know where he was i don don't know. Busy?
Yeah.
I think he lives in New Orleans or something maybe.
Part time.
Yeah.
You know.
Anyway, we can cut that out.
So if I'm in that position and I don't want to speak for you, especially in the past,
I don't have the power to travel between the – I'm no time panda.
Yet.
But if I were you in that time, what I say is,
Gilliam, Jones, fuck you.
Right.
Suck this high hard one.
Right.
Okay.
And then I bounce.
That's what I should have done. Yeah. You peace out of. That's what I should have done.
Yeah, you peace out of that situation immediately.
I should have done that.
I mean, arguably I could have just done that because I haven't seen either one of them since.
You think about socking them in the gut?
What's the difference?
You could have just socked them right in the fucking solar plexus.
I did think about it, you know.
Because they...
Take out one of your heroes, day.
Right, then you're, Day. Right.
Then you're the king.
Yeah.
Yeah, you...
If you...
If you just...
It's like...
It's like a Highlander.
If you destroy Terry Gilliam, you become Terry Gilliam.
Yeah.
And then, you know, you can make some weird movies.
Looking back on it, I wish I had done that.
Yeah.
Then they really would have remembered me.
You got to cut off the head, though.
That's the only way to kill him.
Yeah, you could have eaten his brains and gotten his powers.
Oh, yeah.
Does that work?
I don't think that's how Highlander mythology works, Jesse.
You just cut off the head.
Oh, I had him as a South Pacific Islander cannibal.
Oh, okay.
From before the 1960s.
Yeah.
That's about when they stopped.
Sure.
Cannibalizing?
Cannibalizing.
Cannibalizing.
Let's be clear. Not all South about when they stopped. Sure. Cannibalizing? Cannibalizing. Not, and let's be clear, not all
South, the cannibal
tribes were the ones that were
cannibalizing people. That's a very small
portion of all
people in the
South Pacific. That's exactly right.
How long have the Highlanders
But I heard a good fresh air about it.
How long have the Highlanders
not been cutting off people's heads? That's a really good question. And how long have the Highlanders been living I heard a good fresh air about it. How long have the Highlanders not been cutting off people's heads?
That's a really good question.
And how long have the Highlanders been living in the South Pacific?
See, that's something I didn't know about the Highlanders.
Oh, yeah.
Sure, yeah.
That's what the musical South Pacific is about.
Oh, is it really?
Yeah.
It's about Highlanders.
Well, specifically Sean Cottery.
Oh, I had no idea.
Do you think they just like fruity drinks?
Yeah, that's a big part of it.
Like they just like a nice, something with pineapple juice and rum.
Just give me something with five maraschino cherries muddled up at the bottom.
Yeah, there can be only one, Mai Tai.
It's their catchphrase.
We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Justin.
Where are we going?
It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.
Jordan Morse, boy detective.
Hey, guess what?
Sponsor on this week's Jordan, Jesse Go are good friends at Hulu Plus.
Hulu Plus has tons of shows.
Family Guy, Parks and Recreation, The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon,
every single episode of Community and South Park.
That is a lot of episodes of Community and South Park.
Yeah, it works on your computer, smart TV, Roku, Apple TV, Xbox, PlayStation,
pretty much any streaming device you already own.
You know what?
South Park is like the show of the millennial generation.
Sure.
It's the defining show.
It's been on TV as long as I've been alive.
They like it more than the Simpsons.
Yeah.
You'll get it.
That is true.
That's the weird thing about millennials.
$7.99 a month.
It's easy.
Just go to huluplus.com slash jjgo and you get two weeks of free full access.
Two weeks. completely free.
Give it a try.
They've also got original shows, like Deadbeat, a comedy about a pot-smoking guy who talks to ghosts.
Go to HuluPlus.com.
What?
I was just saying, I'd like to watch that.
Yeah, it sounds like a really funny show.
It's an intriguing premise.
Have you ever checked out Hulu Plus?
I love Hulu Plus.
Right.
I watch it all the time.
One of your favorite streaming services?
Yeah, I'd put it up there as number one yeah i'd say wwe tv it's number one for me i like mega upload number two is wwf.tv that's um it's a combination of old wwe clips and clips from the world wildlife
federation pandas and stuff I'd like to see that.
Anyway, go to huluplus.com slash jjgo.
We'll be back in just a second with more.
It's Jordan, Jesse, Go. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, What I like about it is that it's informative. It's straight to the point. Sure. Dave, can I tell you something?
Yeah.
I happen to have let you into our parking garage here at MaximumFun.org.
I appreciate it.
And I have to say that as a millennial, I thought you had a dope Chevy Spark.
Yeah.
Is that what I'm driving?
Yeah.
It's a brand.
Boy, that's such a great like – yeah, I mean that's the thing about the rental cars is they're cars that you have never heard of but are recent apparently.
Yeah, a Chevy Spark.
Like who do you know that has a Chevy Spark? Nobody.
A lot of us dope millennials have them.
I guess so.
Every rental car is a car that sees no other life outside of being a rental car.
A Kia Trout.
Yeah.
All right.
I had a Suzuki Esteem at once.
And at my, getting.
Guys, if you want to do, spend 20 minutes just going around thinking of fake rental
car names, I think that'd be a great use of time.
There's a real car that I got one time, a Suzuki Esteem.
And I thought a good catchphrase was getting you where you're going while taking what's
left of yours.
Your Esteem.
You get it?
Sure.
I liked that for a little while.
A Panasonic blimp.
They make cars?
The Chevrolet Corporation's main contribution to the rental car industry
was a car that literally was not available for sale,
that was just called the Chevy Classic.
Like, it's just like fucking, I don't know, car.
Just call it car.
Wait, but do they make cars just for the purpose of being rental cars?
Chevy Classic.
You know this is a true thing.
The Chevrolet Classic.
I did not make that up.
But a lot of...
I think it was a model that had been made for a long time.
I can't remember. It was like the Caprice or something it had been the last time i was looking at cars which
has been a while but the last time i was looking at cars you know there are some like rental places
where you can like buy the cars and usually they have pretty good prices uh that would be kind of
a funny thing to look for like oh they like the like people who own deloreans like oh yeah i have
one of the 200 classics that they made for Alamo.
Yeah.
That'd be a pretty cool collector's item.
A lot of...
Sorry, guys, but...
Yeah.
There is something on my mind that I need to get out.
Oh, sure.
Two things.
First of all, I apologize if there's any bass bleed-through
on this week's show.
There is a Bonda concert going on
immediately outside our studios.
Really? So if you hear any
we can hear it in the studio right this is uh might not be able to hear it on mic today is
bonda in the park i guess it's bonda in the park saturday there's a fucking full-on tilt-a-whirl
situation going on out there really how did i miss wilshire wilshire boulevard is jumping
why do they always have music in parks
that no one would ever listen to in their home?
Because they're booked by a guy
who's a rec manager.
The guy whose job it is to manage
a group of softball bats.
Yeah.
You're relying on the musical taste
of someone whose job it is
to get a deposit for a kickball.
10 to 11 a.m. on their schedule says book band.
11 a.m. to 12 says draw lines with chalk.
That's why.
Although I would guess that there is probably a pretty big crowd out there for the Banda concert.
Yeah, there is.
No, this is Banda country.
It is? Oh, yeah, absolutely. We're in a Banda neighborhood, I think there for the Banda concert. Yeah, there is. No, this is Banda country. It is?
Oh, yeah, absolutely.
We're in a Banda neighborhood, I think.
What is Banda?
It's a longstanding type of Mexican dance music.
Oh.
Yeah.
Okay.
It has a lot of umpa in it.
Oh, so it's like a polka.
Yeah, it's like a polka-y dance music.
But because, you know, the Germans, they went down there.
Yeah, a lot of Germans in Mexico.
And they dropped off some tubas and then fucking booked it.
That's exactly right.
They got the Mexicans, like, here, this is how it's done.
We'll check back with you.
A couple Hungarians down there, I think, too.
A few Eastern dropped off Louis C.K. for a little while.
Yeah.
Anyway, I just wanted to apologize if there's any bleep.
For the nasty Latin beat.
Number two.
The dirty Latin beat.
Oh, I meant nasty in the sexual sense.
Yeah.
I was wondering why maybe people were listening and feeling more sexual than normal.
I mean, A, you're here.
That's because I'm on the show.
Yeah.
I want to settle everyone's-
But this is a double dose of extra sexuality.
Yeah, yeah.
Maybe a little too much.
If you're worried that there's ants in your pants, there are, but they're metaphorical ones.
Sure.
That's why you want to dance.
Yeah.
Unless you're listening to us in the desert, then there very well could be fire ants in your sleeping bag, and you're going to want to take care of that.
Yeah.
They will bite off your penis or vagina.
Or vulva.
Can you bite off a vagina?
You could...
I don't know. Lord knows I've tried vagina? You could. I don't know.
Lord knows I've tried.
Oh, man.
I set you up.
It's June, guys.
Do you know what that means?
June gloom.
No, Jordan.
It's not June gloom.
No.
It's classic.
Well, then what am I experiencing?
If you've been in any Hallmark store.
Why am I so gloomy?
experiencing if you've been in any hallmark store why am i so gloomy in any target store in any any if you've watched morning television you know what june means it's dads versus grads oh yeah a
battle to the death wait oh oh oh because the father's day yeah i'm like a detective
i gotta figure that out
I gotta figure that out um
dads versus grads
and you know what
I'm rolling with dads this year
fuck grads
wow
yeah they can suck it
right
I
sorry grads
congratulations on not
dropping out of
middle school
or whatever
enjoy your optimism
I made life
I fucking created life using my balls and my wife.
Yeah.
So are you worried about retaliation from grads?
Are you worried that a bunch of kind of wide-eyed...
Those grads can suck my dick.
Oh, wow.
You're getting in there too, Dave.
I think I'm going to remain neutral in this fight.
You're not on the side of dads or grads? Yeah, I guess I don't have a dog in this fight. You're not on the side of dads or grads?
Yeah, I guess I don't have a dog in the fight.
Yeah, that's true.
You've never graduated from anything and you don't have a father.
Yeah, I'm a big quitter and I don't talk to my dad anymore.
Oh, that's true.
Do you have babies?
No, don't have a baby.
You thinking about it?
I got nothing, guys.
I'm a wandering ronin.
Have you ever thought about just quitting using condoms?
Yeah, like tricking a woman.
Just seeing what happens?
Yeah, just blasting it in there.
I think a lot of people do.
Jesse's made a dice rolling motion.
A big, yeah, a big swath.
Like a classic crap shooting.
Yeah.
Oh, I thought you were just throwing a handful of jizz.
Holy moly.
Yeah.
Dave Fusider, you on? Jordan's neutral. Are you with me for dads? Yeah, we cover that. handful of jizz. Holy moly. Yeah.
Dave, who's side are you on?
Jordan's neutral.
Are you with me
for dads
or are you with grads?
You told grads
to suck your dick.
Yeah,
they can suck my BOD.
Right.
Yeah,
because,
number one,
they're insolent.
Number two,
their achievement's
not that remarkable.
Sure.
Unless you're maybe
graduating from an engineering school or something.
Number three, nice mortarboard dipshit.
Yeah, get a real hat.
What are you doing, cutting cheese on your head?
No, you're cutting cheese out of your butt right into your special dress.
You're pulling a Chuck Berry in your gown.
When did this become a fart show?
I don't know.
I don't think we've made a fart joke in the eight years we've been doing this show.
Yeah, I thought you guys had an elevated thing going on.
This is a very elevated program.
You're wearing a goddamn t-shirt today.
Yeah, I am.
Fart jokes.
I'm wearing a t-shirt.
It's not a graphic tee.
It's a pocket tee.
Right, yeah.
I like it.
I don't want anyone out there to think that I'm wearing a t-shirt that says, like, you know, 10,000 percent nerd or something like that.
And it's got a picture of a doctor who phone booth.
They make those?
Yeah.
I bet it would sell.
Yeah. No shit.
I was talking to someone who read a biography of one of the doctors.
And he said that a regular thing that happened was he would meet a woman who was a biography of one of the doctors and he said that a regular thing that happened was
he would meet a woman who was a fan uh and on multiple occasions they all wanted to be tied up
with the scarf while they did it he said like that was a thing he could count on do all doctors who
wear scarves uh i don't i think for i think this was one of the scarf-wearing doctors.
I mean, again, I am...
Right.
That kind of like...
I know what you're talking about.
That Harry Potter scarf they wear.
Sure.
Right.
With the fringes and everything.
The whole nine yards.
Yeah.
Like a classic knitty scarf.
I know that scarf.
Yeah.
Apparently, it was regularly used in kind of a light bondage situation.
Man, I love it. Apparently, it was regularly used in kind of a light bondage situation.
Man, I love it.
It's like that book that the guy that played Robin wrote.
Burt, what's his name?
Oh, I've never heard of this.
Burt Ward?
Yeah, I feel like Burt Ward wrote a tell-all book about what it was like to be a- About being fucked by Adam West?
No!
That's not what they did.
They double-teamed chicks.
Oh, did they?
With fish.
Yeah, Catwoman.
They went down to Pike's Place Market.
Catwoman.
The original Cat... Was that her name? Catwoman?
Yeah.
The original one.
There were several original Catwomens, if you're talking about that 60s show.
Who were the original Catwomens?
The 60s show.
One is Eartha Kitt.
Eartha Kitt.
Julie Newmar.
That one. The next one.
Julie Newmar. That one. The next one. Julie Newmar.
Yeah.
She gave, when I was a little kid and saw those reruns, I was just like, intercourse.
Yeah.
I didn't even know what it was.
I think I'm interested in it now.
But I was just like, yeah.
Oh, interesting.
I remember watching.
Do you like, well, now, do you like, has that, and this is kind of a personal question.
I'm sorry if it's too personal.
Have you had intercourse since then?
No.
Have you ever penetrated a man or woman?
If you were to see a picture of a sexy woman in a Catwoman outfit, would that be interesting to you beyond just it being a sexy woman?
No, probably not.
Yeah, I feel the same way like i was just thinking when he as soon as
he said that i i thought watching the 70s version of wonder woman in syndication in the 80s i'm a
millennial i'm not a gen xer you would have seen it in its original run dave since you're so close
to the grave yeah yeah um i uh i remember having that feeling of sexualness and not knowing what it was.
But just knowing I wanted to see more of this woman.
This wonderful woman.
Have you seen these awful commercials on now?
Awful commercials.
They're direct TV commercials and they feature a nightmare puppet family.
Yes, I have seen the nightmare puppet commercials who who signed off on the nightmare puppets and why is
everyone complaining about those puppets with uh the rocket basketball play those commercials with
the rocket basketball player when they could be complaining about the nightmare puppet child
commercial to be fair there's a lot of awful commercials. Do you guys have the general out
here? Yeah, the general.
Like world's worst CGI.
Yeah, yeah.
What if we had a little
CGI mustache general?
He could probably move some insurance.
Who's probably
racist? Yeah.
That's just, yeah. Hi, I'm
the general. Have you got auto insurance? I'm probably racist. Yeah. Yeah. That's just, yeah. Hi, I'm the general.
Have you got auto insurance?
I'm probably racist.
Let me see.
Before I sell you your insurance, let me see your skull ridge.
Then we'll talk.
Oh, general.
You're the worst.
So, yeah.
So there's this awful.
So these direct TV commercials, the idea is they're trying to sell you a cable box without wires.
Right. And so people are talking.
They're like, hey, this cable box is great.
It doesn't have wires.
And then it's implied that the person has a family member that's a marionette, and they've made these real marionettes that kind of come into the scene, and they just are terrifying.
I guess you could – like if someone pitched you that idea, you're like, oh, okay, I could maybe see that that's a thing you would want to put on TV.
But just, whoever made these
puppets is clearly in a dark place.
It's like maybe the last thing H.R. Giger
did before he died. They are so awful.
I feel like, number one,
we just received your emails.
Yes, it is Giger.
Number two... Wait, is it Giger?
Yeah, it's Giger. I think that's just how
Super Ego says it. No, that's how it's pronounced. It is it Giger? Yeah, it's Giger. I think that's just how Super Ego says it.
No, that's how it's pronounced.
I think it's Geiger, right?
It's pronounced Giger.
Oh, wow.
I thought it was Geiger all the time.
No, it's Giger.
They say it that way because that's how it's pronounced.
I feel like a real chump.
Well, I think you're in the solid majority of people.
Who have just read it and not heard it said.
Who looks at that and thinks, oh, yeah, that's Giger.
Yeah, someone with a German thing. I think the problem is – the essential problem is that like at some point the guy who thought of an idea, even if the idea was okay for a commercial.
And, you know, there's nothing wrong with marionette member of the family.
Sure.
It could even be funny.
I get how it relates to the product.
It's not just random. I've got to be honest. I don't. Is it because of the family. Sure. It could even be funny. I get how it relates to the product. It's not just random.
I've got to be honest.
I don't.
Is it because of the strings?
Yeah.
It's like-
The strings that cause problems.
Oh, okay.
I saw one where a child marionette was whipped up by a ceiling fan-
That sounds funny.
And hurt very badly.
I haven't seen that one.
I like it.
Apparently hurt very badly.
badly i haven't seen that one i like it apparently hurt very badly um like you could pitch that and somebody your other like a advertising industry asshole buddy goes you know yeah it's like tim
and eric snort that's what they say to each other and then uh but then by the time it is a television
commercial so many horrible things have happened to it.
And the guy who's directing it, he's not funny.
Sure.
He's just some asshole.
You know what I mean?
And funny people sometimes, Christopher Guest or Tim and Eric will get to direct a commercial.
That's how they make their money.
But they didn't think of the funny idea in that instance.
They're just there like, oh, God. Well, at the end of this three days, I'll have $500,000. You
know what I mean?
Yeah, and my name went explicitly beyond this.
Yeah, exactly.
I got to get in on this action.
Yeah, you probably should. I thought blogging was the way.
Oh, no, yeah, it's blogging and commercials. That's where the money is.
It goes blogging, music videos, commercials, features.
It's the David Fincher model.
Yeah, David Fincher's blog is great.
His mommy blog is really terrific.
Well, Jordan, I don't – Dave would know a little bit more as a Gen Xer.
He would remember it better.
Sure, yeah.
This was the early 80s.
You're asking.
Oh, okay. This was – early 80s. Oh, okay.
This was David Fitcher's news group.
Yeah.
Alt.darkness.
Alt.purplemovie.
So here's my thing.
Just my thing with this puppet family is that it is one of those things that is so distinct that I am afraid there are 12-year-olds seeing it and it is being imprinted on their sexuality.
Oh.
Wait, why would it be imprinted on their sexuality? sexuality, a furry or something like that. You know, it can be traced to being like, to seeing something at a, like an impressionable
age that they just couldn't shake or they were developing it around the time that, you
know.
Yeah.
But I don't think you can control that.
No.
Yeah.
Oh, definitely.
I think that's, yeah.
That's why you just show, you show people hostess cupcakes for between like eight and
14.
You show only allow people to look at hostess cupcakes.
So that's all they want to
fuck? They're easy to get, they're cheap.
They're affordable, they're accessible. Yeah.
Exactly. I just, I'm just
concerned that they're in, you know,
6 years, 10 years when these
impressionable kids are, you know,
starting to go out there and
stick stuff in stuff. In their butts.
Yeah, there's going to be like a lot of weird
married... Hostess cupcakes out there, they're too soft. Sure, yeah. Or you're going going to be like a lot of weird... Hostess cupcakes up there.
They're too soft.
Sure, yeah.
Oh, you're going to want to take them out of the foil first.
Or you could...
Oh, it's a ding-dong, sorry.
Ding-dongs are better, yeah.
Well, again, you got to remove the foil.
But the ding-dongs are kind of slick and waxy,
so I bet it would get up there pretty good.
I like to freeze them first.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, you got to...
Yeah, if that's where we're headed.
If you're sticking ding-dongs or Thin Mints up there.
Thin Mints?
Yeah.
Wow.
Freeze them.
Why would you do that?
You don't have to freeze a Thin Mint to shove it in an orifice.
Yeah.
But if you want to get the maximum cooling power.
That's true, yeah.
Thinking of Ben Gay.
I can see that.
I freeze a tube of Ben Gay sometimes.
Oh, wow.
And you know what?
Sometimes I'll freeze a tube of Icy Hot, too.
Sure.
I guess I'm just worried that there will be puppet sex in the near future because of these commercials.
You know, I think the problem is, and this is a problem that was driven home by a little bit of time that I spent on the Maximum Fun subreddit, which I've been enjoying looking at.
It's not just Lothwer that's on there.
There's a lot of different people on there helping out, sharing stories, upvoting, downvoting, commenting, all these things you do on a subreddit.
commenting, all these things you do on a subreddit.
Sure.
Someone said, I think I must have said on the show that I wanted to know more about different non-explicit fetish videos.
Sure, yeah, yeah.
And fetish communities.
Because Jordan worked on something that involved pie fetishes.
Sure.
A feature film.
Was it American Pie? It was, yeah. I worked on. Was it American Pie?
It was.
Yeah, I'm working on the reboot of American Pie.
It's going to be, guys, spoiler alert, it's going to be really bad.
And I spent some time looking at some of these things and it was weird.
Yeah.
Reddit is a special world where millennials like me.
Sure. Hang out and be world where millennials like me. Sure.
Hang out and be weird.
Pretty young things.
Decide to try and fuck things they shouldn't try and fuck.
Why do people, I never understand that because I'm, maybe it's the Gen Xer in me, but I just have, I'm just looking to get some friction.
Right.
Get on with my day.
You're looking at, and if you're talking about pornography, you're just, you want something
French or Swedish.
Uh, yeah.
Classier.
Or German.
Better music.
Sure.
Parches below.
Good pronunciation.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's, it's interesting.
Yeah.
I guess, I guess part of me like thinks it would be, you know, cumbersome to have a sexual
thing, but maybe in a lot of ways it's easier.
It kind of narrows down the people that you can consider and who can consider you.
It's like a smaller community.
Sometimes when I read a tweet that Kevin Allison sent about how much he loves Asian boys.
He's into that.
He's really into Asian.
If you're a homosexual Asian guy, Kevin Allison will do anything you want.
And he knows how to do a wide variety of things.
He's taught a class in it.
Whatever he's doing to you, he's instructed people how to do.
And I always think, like, I guess my version of that is being in love with my wife.
You know what I mean?
That's your bondage.
Your wife is your little asian
man yeah i guess so but have you ever heard this and this is but like what if anytime anytime i was
like like my you know like anytime i was at a five when i wanted to be at a nine you know what i mean i mean arousal wise yeah she could just put on a semi or a
yeah or a baseball bat and she she could just well i'm just talking i don't have any problems
with my wrench right yeah i'm just saying in terms of interest i'm just saying in terms of
interest okay she could just she could just put on those like angel wings from the victoria's
secret fashion show because that was my thing.
And then I was like, boing!
Does she have those?
I should buy her some.
You know what I should buy her?
Invisible lasso.
Oh, yeah.
Her jet is invisible. The lasso is visible.
It makes you tell the truth.
I should buy her an invisible jet then.
You're going to have to buy an invisible hanger for it.
Oh, that's a good point.
There's some invisible upkeep that you're going to need to do.
Wait, sorry.
Dave, you had a fetish thought.
I feel like I... Wait, I can't remember now.
I'll share a fetish thought that I had.
Oh, wait, no.
I had a thought.
Yeah.
This is not what I remember.
Because have you ever heard this?
I didn't make this up,
that people say, like, when you date Asian women, this is a horrible thing that people say.
People are fucked up. I'm I'm bracing myself for a horrible thing.
That Asian women is your last stop before dating men. If you're a man, like it's your last last stop before you.
That's very racist and I'd never heard that one.
Well, I prefaced it by saying this is not...
I'm with you.
I know.
I'm not targeting you.
I prefaced it by saying this is in no way my notion.
Sure.
No.
It's just been something...
I have not heard that.
...that awful people say.
Sure.
Right.
So...
Like a weird grandpa.
It's just something Terry Gilliam said to you.
By the same... Yeah. The same logic, which is horrible logic, do you think Kevin Allison is about to go straight?
Oh.
Interesting.
Yeah.
Next thing you know.
This blew your mind.
Watch out, ladies.
We're going to see him with a 36, 36 24 36 blonde bombshell i don't think
any of that's true here is no no no yeah here's the fetish thought that i had i watched some pie
videos that were linked to from the reddit i really liked watching the pie video wait what
is the pie to people oh so yeah this is a this is a fetish and it's something you can like there's
a lot of on YouTube.
It's just like a really, you know, model-y looking woman.
Like usually look like someone who would be like on a Hooters calendar.
Yeah, sure.
Getting hit with a pie.
Oh, okay.
I thought it was something else.
And it's a nice pie too.
Like a lot of the videos are high production qualities, good looking women and a nice solid graham cracker crust.
It chunks up nicely.
This is what, okay, so I had never heard of this.
And I looked at a couple on the internet.
It's fun to watch.
I'll tell you something that happened.
I found them mildly arousing.
Not dramatically.
The way you've described it, it's arousing.
If there's an attractive woman doing anything, I'm probably going to be into it.
But I mean, I think.
Unless she's doing mean things.
Right.
Negative things.
I think I found it more arousing.
Like writing an article for the Huffington Post.
To see a lady get hit in the face with a pie.
And they always have such a good attitude
about it.
Yeah, that's kind of part of the video, is it's like, whoa, hey!
Then I might have felt if there was just a lady just chatting in the bikini that they
wear in the thing.
And again, I'm talking about a one or two out of ten point increase.
But I was shocked by it.
I was like, huh.
Is this – like if I had grown up in a culture where this was normal, would I be like not a boob guy or a butt guy or a leg guy but a pie guy?
Yeah.
Maybe you – yeah.
Maybe you have the potential in you to be a pie guy.
Maybe I have the potential in me to deal pie gow.
You should go down to the Indian casino and find out.
It's the thinking man's gambling game.
Best odds in pie gow, I hear.
I guess what I'm wondering is, did you have any reaction to watching the video?
No, I mean, I really like, I can really
jive with what you're saying. I want to see, can I pull
these up right now? Yeah, sure.
Yeah, we'll take a quick break. Watch some
Pi Vids. Watch some Pi Vids.
You can too. Go to the Maximum Fun Reddit.
There are still Pi Vid links there.
The only problem with loading them up
is that it will mess up your algorithm.
Like, it will...
Like, emotionally? Here's the thing it's a it's a it's a
tough one because i was like in on youtube because i was going to go on youtube and look up pie
videos but then i'm like oh but then anytime i go to youtube it's going to recommend pie videos oh
yeah because then i'm like they're like look who's back. Here's something for you, creepy.
We know what you're looking for.
Yeah, peanut butter cream.
And then I'm like, I'm going to go into private browsing.
But then it didn't want to show me pie videos in private browsing because they might not be appropriate for children.
What is the search for pie video?
I don't remember.
Somebody link to something.
Yeah, the one that the one it's called like
it it kind of implies that they're new to this the title is like first time pie or something like
that yeah first he's like oh this is this oh yeah i love i love it when it's their first time when
they're when they're it's they have no idea they're about to get hit with the pie on on comment
sections like the av club or whatever they call that firsties ah sure yeah so
when you when you see that that's what that means yeah i feel like no matter how much other stuff i
look at on youtube my suggested my suggested page will always have a few japanese championship level
street fighter matches i feel like for a long time that's exclusively what i used youtube for what is that
uh like you know like super super high level guys playing street fighter against each other
we're talking about daigo versus gamer b you would know you would know this calico vision asteroids
big doug we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse Go.
It's Jordan, Jesse Go.
I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.
Jordan Morris, boy detective.
Dave Hill, the pride of Cleveland.
Dave, it's always a joy to have you here on the program.
Oh, thanks.
It's a joy to be here.
Dave, by the way, not only hosts his own Max Fund podcast, he also hosts the GD, I'm not going to say the full name of it.
Because it's profane.
It's very profane.
The GD Dave Hill Show on WFMU.
That's right.
In Jersey City, New Jersey.
That's right.
And besides that, he's a rock star and a television star.
That's right.
Author.
That's right.
That's also true. I was telling a friend of mine asked who was going to be on the show
today and I said Dave Hill.
And they said
his book Tasteful Nudes is the only book
I have laughed so hard
at that I cried.
And I agreed that it is a
hilarious book. Thank you so much. Is this person
really famous? I could get them to blur
for me. Yeah, it's actually...
Next time.
Yeah, it's actually H.R. Geiger.
Oh, my God.
Geiger?
Geiger.
Oh.
Geiger.
This is just a German man who runs a sauerkraut store.
Oh, wow.
Oh, I see.
That's such a nice thing to say.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's a nice job for a German guy to get when he comes in as an immigrant in this country.
Yeah.
Do you know...
Much more appropriate than, say, a pupusa store.
What's the place...
I'm derailing something, right, by going on this tangent.
Yeah.
But there's this place, a German bar,
somewhere like the Red something or another.
Yeah.
Do you know it?
Here in town.
The Red Lion, maybe?
Yes.
That's it.
So I've been all over...
As you mentioned, I'm a rock star. I've been all over the it. So I've been all over. As you mentioned, I'm a rock star.
I've been all over the world.
And I've been all over Germany, like at least 10 cities, which is more than most people, I think.
So I go in there, and I start talking to this woman, and she's wearing like St. Pauli girl, like Oktoberfest outfit.
And she's like in her 50s.
And so I'm telling her, like, I've been all over Germany. I've been here. And she's like, her 50s and like and so I'm telling her like
I've been all over Germany I've been here and she's like
yeah that's not where I'm from
I've been
I can tell you were trying to sing a song
but I have no idea which one it is
oh I've been everywhere
I'm an everywhere man
not impressed at all and I was like
you're not impressed that a guy from cleveland's
walking in here and been to like like a dozen cities probably and she's like uh that is not
where i'm from like i didn't name her city those selfish germans and then can i ask you a question
sure did you fuck her i did fuck her yeah okay so it all worked out. Also not impressed. Yeah. But I did bond with her to show off my German, my knowledge of Germany.
Though you don't have to have much German knowledge to know this, but I said, hey, it's kind of silly they make you dress in that outfit, huh?
And she's like, yeah, that would be like if there were an American bar in Germany and we made you dress as a cowboy.
Dave, you are currently dressed as a cowboy. To to be fair i am dressed as a cowboy right now but you know because the the oktoberfest sort of
look is a very small part of germany the rest yeah which is a letdown because the first time
i went to germany i was like wanted lederhosen everywhere pigtails yeah that's little suspenders
alpenhorns yeah but you don't get that everywhere no
it's a bummer
no
it's bullshit
you can get a nice
you can get schnitzel
you can get a nice schnitzel
spetzel
spetzel
yeah
that red lion
I had a conversation at Max Funcon
which was this past weekend
and was a blast
with a German Max Funster
named Christian
and
came in from Germany
came in from Germany
I don't
what the fuck if I know
cause I've been
yeah as I mentioned I've been to a lot of German cities.
Probably Berlin.
Oh, I've been there.
Brooklyn, I think, actually, is where he lives.
Oh, currently.
Yeah, he lives in Brooklyn.
But we were talking about how people want to tell you about that place in Los Angeles.
And you go there, and the food kind of sucks.
Yeah, don't go for the food.
Go to have a bunch of beers and then walk up dangerous flights of stairs.
Yes, that's the place.
Okay, sponsors on this week's program, our friends at Warby Parker.
Don't walk up dangerous flights of stairs when you're drunk,
and don't walk up dangerous flights of stairs without affordable and stylish eyewear.
I was going to say that.
Warby Parker, they offer fashion-forward prescription glasses starting at $95, including
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Nine-five.
That's under $100.
They mail them right to your house.
That's price to move.
They mail them right to your house.
Their home try-on program, you can order up to five pairs of glasses.
You can try them on, switch back and forth, and you can decide what you want to keep and
what you want to return.
It's easy.
You can send them back free.
There is no obligation to purchase.
It is a really remarkable program.
I'm going to get some of these and wear them to watch Hulu Plus.
You got it.
You got it.
The Hulu Plus will come in clear.
Yeah, yeah.
I love it.
You got it.
You got it.
The Hulu Plus will come in clear.
Yeah, yeah.
I love it.
WarbyParker.com slash JJGo to choose your five free home try-on frames.
What's cool is you get five frames in the mail.
You can wear one frame.
You can have a three-frame rotation. You can have a five-frame rotation for the price you pay your optometrist.
Wait, but then do you tell them what your prescription is?
Yeah, you tell them your prescription.
And then they're like, here you go.
If you go to our special URL, warbyparker.com slash jjgo, you get free three-day shipping.
warbyparker.com slash jjgo.
It's just that easy to have great-looking eyewear.
Did you make that up, or is that their slogan?
I made it up, but I'm a pretty talented advertiser.
It's great.
That's really good.
Thank you. That's good. I it's great that's really good yeah thank you
i also came up i came up with a really good thing i won't explain the whole concept but suffice it
to say it equates um it equates a simpler way to deliver television signals to your television
to what if one's children were terrifying uh wooden robots jesse are you H.R. Geiger?
I am H.R. Geiger.
No, Geiger is a different guy.
Geiger is dead, everyone.
I'm Geiger, the sauerkraut king.
We've also got some stuff up on the Jumbotron.
I like this one.
Gumbulms.
G-M-B-L-M-Z, all caps.
So Gumbulms wrote to us to say,
I'm building a giant spinning 3D maze.
This will take a literal ton of steel, so I'm asking for some help.
And then in parentheses, the irony of promoting a Burning Man project on JJ Go isn't lost on me,
but I've been a fan for a long time and thought it would be a fun way to support the show.
Jordan, are you going to hit up Gumbulms?
Oh, I'm going to go.
Are you going to go to Burning Man?
Here's what I'm going to do.
I'm going to go to Kickstarter.
I'm going to type in Gumbelms G-M-B-L-M-Z
and I'm going to support this
giant spinning 3D maze
that needs a ton of steel.
Should we make up a rap about it?
I'm G-M-B-L-M-Z.
I'm here to say that I'm a 3D
maze in a major way.
I mean, I don't see any reason to keep going with that.
You already pretty much did a perfect job.
That's a great rap.
Yeah, it's a very good rap.
We also have Drew Farnsworth's novel, Graham's Charlotte.
It's a young adult novel by Drew Farnsworth.
It has a secret code for Jordan Jesse Go listeners and an appearance by Chip Dipson.
Hey.
So that's pretty good.
The first person to decode the secret code
and tweet their answer to
at Drew underscore Farnsworth
wins a $50 Amazon gift card,
a custom handmade mug.
You have to go to the porcelain store
in the mall for that.
Oh, yeah.
And the next encrypted clue
to either decode personally or crowdsource.
Graham's Charlotte is on Amazon in paperback and e-book Sunglass. The next encrypted clue to either decode personally or crowdsource.
Graham's Charlotte is on Amazon in paperback and e-book and in select bookstores. It's called Graham's Charlotte by Drew Farnsworth.
If you want to get up on the Jumbotron, it's easy.
Go to MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron.
It's easy.
Drew did it.
Gumboms did it.
You know what I mean? Yeah, I'm totally stopping by Gumboms when I. Drew did it. Gumboms did it.
You know what I mean? Yeah, I'm totally stopping by Gumboms when I'm in Burning Man.
Gumboms.
Gumboms.
Gumboms.
Gumboms.
Gumboms.
Maximumfun.org slash Jumbotron.
If you want to sponsor Jordan Jesse Go, email us at Teresa at Maximumfun.org.
We'll be back in just a minute on Jordan Jesse Go.
It's Jordan Jesse Go.
I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.
Jordan Morse, boy detective.
Dave Hill, the pride of Cleveland.
This is my real voice.
Oh, finally you dropped the act.
Yeah, yeah.
This is, I can't keep up.
The other was like a peewee type character?
Yeah.
Dave, you have inspired me.
I'm going to talk in my real voice as well.
Yes, it's the voice of a man that pays for things with his own money.
Also, this is my real cadence.
Yes.
I'm going to talk in a Smokey Robinson falsetto.
That's, yeah.
Is that your real voice?
Jesse, we're saying goodbye to artifice and talking in our real voices. I'm making up artifice that you guys left on the table.
I'm extra artificial because I'm singing in falsetto.
Well, I'm just saying I think the audience would appreciate if you would be honest.
You're going back into your fake voice.
Oh, no.
You're not maintaining your real voice.
I guess I've just been lying for so long.
The thing is...
I don't know what's real and what's a lie anymore.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What's to stop me from actually talking?
Do you think it's just psychology that causes one to speak like this?
No, no, Dave's digging deep.
No, like why?
I can speak with this instrument like this.
Yeah.
But do you think it's just my own psychology that causes me to rather than speak like this?
You have a natural place where your voice goes.
Just talk like this.
I think, yeah, I think it's like, it's like nose bone size.
Okay.
Yeah.
I got a big nose bone.
Yeah, so?
You know what they say about a big nose bone.
Yeah.
Big nose.
Big nose.
Good smeller.
No.
Frequently entered.
Yep.
You got a problem with smelling?
I don't, no, I don't think, I have a problem with breathing.
Yeah.
I don't think, I think I smell just fine.
I'm a bad breather, too.
I got to put on Breathe Right strips sometimes.
I have sleep apnea, the not-so-silent killer.
Yeah, did you have to go to a sleep apnea clinic and stuff?
Yeah.
I've had just a touch of sleep apnea.
My wife noticed it.
And I went to the doctor, and they and they're like well keep an eye on it
i i snore like a mofo and it's legendary ask around like who should we ask who's leery i've
woken up next to so many bleary odd ladies who just didn't say the sex was great but oh the
snoring oh the look on a py t's face when I wake up in the morning and see her bloodshot eyes like, oh my God.
You kept me up all night with your snoring.
Sorry I said it's sexual.
Have you ever used a Breathe Right Strip?
Do you sleep with a mask?
I have a machine, yeah.
I do.
Do you use it?
I haven't been using it recently because... You don't care
about life or death?
Don't care that much. I don't know...
Have you been sipping scissor?
Excuse me? Purple drink?
Like just...
Have you been drank and drank?
No.
No. That's good. That's going to help you out.
What do you mean? Because it could
suppress your waking up. Jesse's asking if That's going to help you out. What do you mean? Because it could suppress your waking up.
Jesse's asking if you abuse codeine cough syrup.
Oh, that's, oh, oh, oh.
I'm into wash.
Do you know what that is?
Mouth wash?
Swallow it?
Mouth wash?
So you're drunk?
I do a lot of washing.
I did a little bees in the other day.
What's that?
You take Burt's Bees chapstick and you rub it on your eyelids.
Uh-huh.
I mean, that's the way I like to connect with millennials.
And what happens?
You know, you just get super jacked, juiced.
Are you serious?
I think, yeah, that's one of those local news things like every teen is doing this.
No, because if you can absorb it through your eyelids, you can absorb it through your lips.
Yeah, I think it's not real.
This is not real.
No.
But according to a local news report, it's an epidemic.
How does Burt afford all that cocaine to put in that?
Because it's, what, $3 a tube?
No, he's like a Colombian plantation owner.
Oh, so he just needs a place to get rid of it.
Yeah.
He's got too much cocaine.
For him, it's just like, ay, ay, ay, too much cocaine.
Yeah, in Colombia, cocaine farms are like- For me, burnt.
Are like the, you know, like how out here they give corn subsidies.
Right.
I mean, there's just a glut of cocaine out there, so they're just looking for places to-
Because of the powerful Iowa senators.
Sure, exactly.
Tom Harkin.
Mm-hmm.
Is that his name?
I don't know.
Haskell?
Yeah.
Ellen Barkin.
Alan Arkin?
Yeah, she's great in everything.
Senator Alan Arkin. Let's hear our first call.
Hello.
Hey, Jordan, Jesse, Gats, this is Sean in Boston, calling with a momentous occasion.
I was in a sex shop earlier today, because I'm an American,
and there was a man probably about, I'd say 50 or so, in there,
And there was a man, probably about 50 or so in there, a handful of a giant purple dildo, at which point his flip phone rang.
He picked it up and immediately shouted into the phone, I will call you back in five minutes, slammed the phone shut, and ran up to the register.
Thanks, guys.
Love the show.
Wait, was that a question?
No, that was just a call. It's just a phone. He's just saying something that happened to him. Thanks, guys. Love the show. Wait, was that a question? No, that was just a call.
It's just a fine... It's just saying something that happened to him.
Oh, wow.
I mean, if you want to give him some advice, you can.
It's a segment called Momentous Occasions.
That is a momentous occasion.
I don't like this contempt for people with flip phones.
Yeah.
I would like to see people do more with the flip phone form factor.
I liked flip phones.
Me too.
I felt like it's nice.
I still would prefer to hold a flip phone to my head than a weird iPhone.
Yeah.
And I would like to see them use technology to make flip phones smart and useful rather than just discarding them in favor of these things that get hot and make my face sweaty.
Wow.
I'm with you.
My dad uses a StarTAC.
Dude, StarTACs were dope.
Yeah.
That's a dope phone.
They still are.
Ask my dad.
I take a look at a StarTAC and I think, that is a cool-ass phone.
I had a Razr.
I had a Razr.
And that was when I knew I made it.
I was the mayor of Poon City when I had a Razr.
You were all up in there.
Because you were so good at Snake.
Now, you know, I'm just like every other mofo.
Hard to be distinct.
Let's hear another call.
Yes, this is Matt from Keokuk, Iowa.
Keokuk.
Yesterday, I was having a wonderful bicycle ride, and I'm heading down a hill, and I'm
getting off the road because cars are coming.
And the right handlebar of my bicycle snapped off in my hand.
And the next thing I know, I'm looking very closely at the gravel of the shoulder.
Found out in a couple of hours after a CT scan that I had a brain hemorrhage,
after a CT scan, that I had a brain hemorrhage,
which he told me the range was possibly no big deal all the way to fatal,
and I had to stay the night in the hospital.
And after a second CT scan,
they informed me that I was very likely going to be okay,
and I just got home.
And so I thought I was kind of momentous. Looks like I'm going to meet my deductible this year.
Thanks for having such a great show,
you guys. Bye.
Oh, by the way, this
once was Rotator Cuff
guy. Okay, that's it.
All right.
I can guarantee you something. What?
This is for our listening audience.
This is being targeted at Matt from Iowa.
Who, by the way, congratulations on recently being elected to the United States Senate.
What did you mean by rotator cuff guy?
You remember the time you called in a momentous occasion.
We do not.
We don't even remember things that we do on Jordan, Jesse, go, much less things that you do. Best case
scenario, we'll meet you and
we'll be polite to you and pretend
that we remember your momentous occasion
that you called in that one time. I'm not
saying this to make you feel bad.
I'm just saying that's reality.
We appreciate that you
called in that momentous occasion. We're glad
it's significant to you.
Jesse, I mostly agree with you.
I'm basically on your side here.
I mean, I know exactly what you're talking about.
You're not on my side.
I just want to say.
You're probably on the grad side.
I'm making an exception for that lesbian who had a sex dream about me.
I remember that.
Of course you remember that.
Yeah.
Wait, I'd like to hear more about that.
No, don't.
That thing that I said happened, happened.
That's great yeah
thanks i feel great about it i still think about it to this day yeah you'll always have that she
actually went on to be elected the senator from iowa man the powerful corn lobby guy i'm gonna
be getting free corn head corn syrup yeah oh man yellow dye number five. Yeah. I'm going to have so much of that. This guy wasn't wearing a helmet, it sounds like.
Johnny Cakes.
Oh, I like a nice Johnny Cake.
Yeah.
Do you know that yellow number five is made of pig, from pig stuff?
No, I didn't know that.
At least according to...
Something pig related.
I don't know.
Pig.com.
This may not be true, actually, but I used to work at a homeless shelter.
Yeah.
Because I'm a great guy.
And then there was this big cake, like industrial-sized cake I'd make every week.
Hold on.
You worked at a homeless shelter because you thought it would get you on This American Life.
Yes.
I had the foresight to know that years later, bam, it did actually get me on This American Life.
That's why I'm going on a walking tour of America where I charge money for hugs.
That'll actually get you.
At best, that's getting you on Snap Judgment.
I'll take it.
I'll take it.
Yeah.
Man, oh, man.
That's storytelling with a beat, so.
Yeah.
But this guy was like.
Nothing wrong with snap judgment, by the way.
I didn't say there was anything wrong with it.
Why are you insulting my friend, Glenn Washington?
I'm not.
I would love to be on snap judgment.
I would love to be on snap judgment.
I would love to be on snap judgment.
I can't live with storytelling with a beat.
Glenn Washington's never come on Jordan Jesse Go.
He would be a great Jordan Jesse Go guy.
I think so, too.
He should come back.
Well, now I don't know with that tone you took.
People tell Glenn Washington that he should come on Jordan Jesse Go.
Tell him our doors are open to him.
Yeah, why doesn't he?
Because he lives in Oakland.
He's too busy hanging out in Oakland with his beautiful children I see on Facebook.
I would like to see Terry Gross in here.
No, I'd love to get Gross in here.
I would love to see.
I want to grill her.
Can I say something?
Can I say one thing?
Kai Rizdahl agreed to come on this show, and then when I emailed him to set a date, he didn't email me back.
And then I emailed him again to set a date, and he didn't email me back.
Hey, Jesse, you know something that I wrote for At Midnight that I think they're going to do?
What?
It's a game called NPR Personality or Minor Star Wars Character.
Oh, I love that.
You say a name and you have to guess whether it's an NPR personality or minor Star Wars character.
I included Kai Rizdahl on there.
Oh, that's great.
Wait, who is Kai Rizdahl?
He's an American public media personality.
He's the senator from Tatooine.
He's the trade minister from Tatooine.
Marketplace.
From American public media, not NPR, but I'm going to let it slide, Jordan.
Yeah, sorry.
I know.
I should just say public media.
You can say public radio host.
Yeah.
I am including KPCC's science reporter, Sandon Totten, who doesn't technically work for NPR.
Kai Rizdahl, what's your problem? for NPR. Kai Rizdahl.
What's your problem?
What's your deal, Rizdahl?
Yeah.
Fuck Kai Rizdahl.
Yeah, fuck that guy.
Am I saying that right?
Are you too busy suppressing the rebels?
Providing secret funding to Sith Lords?
Jordan, I think you may have confused your minor Star Wars characters with your public radio personalities.
They're all the same.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
What about – is Ophabia Quist-Arcton on there?
Oh, yeah. She totally is.
Not to give away the answers now.
Who's that?
She's an NPR reporter for Africa.
Oh.
Yeah.
What about Netta Ulibi?
Netta Ulibi is totally on there.
Yeah.
I did – there are. I should.
They should all be national personalities.
I didn't include Sandon Totten and Kajon Cervak.
You guys are going balls deep.
Oh, yeah.
On these guys.
I'm a professional public radio host, Dave.
I know you are.
But like.
Jordan's a professional nerd.
Am I right?
I love my pocket protector.
10,000% nerd.
Ching-ching.
I want to marry Albert Einstein and chess.
Oh.
Well.
Oh, man.
Wedge Antilles.
If you.
Guess which one.
That's the NPR sports reporter.
It is, yeah.
Wedge Antilles.
Replaced Mike Peska.
If you have thoughts, if you want to call us, 206-984-4FUN.
Mon Mothma.
It's in Seattle.
Your momentous occasions.
I'm like Rain Man when it comes to area codes.
It is.
Yeah, yeah.
That's the Seattle area code.
I'm really good.
It's just a voicemail, but yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
We'll talk to you in just a second.
I'll join Jesse Gough.
Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, Just a second. I'll join Jesse. Go.
Guys, you only have a couple of weeks to buy your tickets for BoatParty.biz.
They go off sale forever.
Forever.
At the end of June.
This is an amazing lineup.
And you've heard about it before, but you haven't heard this.
We just added Mr. Todd Barry.
Yeah, that's right.
Mr. Todd Barry.
Who else is on it?
Who else is on it?
Try fucking Natasha Leggero.
Great.
Put on Moshe Kasher in your cruise hat.
Right.
Why don't you take a look at Karen Kulgariff?
Why don't you enjoy Greg Barrett?
Nice.
Why don't you think about a Guy Branum?
Yeah.
Why not?
Look, Kyle Kinane.
Love him.
Matt Bronger. Great dude. These are overstuffed shows. These Why not? Look, Kyle Kinane. Love him. Matt Bronger.
Great dude.
These are overstuffed shows.
These are overstuffed shows,
ladies and gentlemen.
Try Antibalas.
Ooh, from Brooklyn?
Yeah.
You know who Antibalas are.
They play like kind of
Fela Kuti music.
Yeah, exactly.
That's exactly what the fuck they do.
Yeah.
They were the band
in the Broadway show Fela.
They were. See, Dave knows what the fuck is going i know everything it's like a weird autism jean gray jean gray's gonna be there sure
she's a cool lady john roderick from the long winters the great john roderick anyway why aren't
i on this the more i'm hearing you're busy okay it's fine i'm busy there's only so many special rooms
it's at the end of July
I'm busy
what are you doing jacking off
just crying
how long is it
how long does the boat go for
I'm going to be doing the same thing
it's just going to be on a private fucking island in the Caribbean
do you go to Puerto Vallarta?
No, it goes from... Mazatlan?
No, it's on...
We're talking about the Caribbean. We're going from...
Do you go to Antigua? Cape Canaveral
to Nassau
via a private island called
Coco Cay.
Wow. I know. Funky Nassau
from the song, by the beginning of the end.
Boatparty.biz.
Time is basically out.
It will be the best decision you ever make in your entire life.
You're going to have a lot of porking on that boat, I bet.
Oh, shit, yeah.
Yeah.
A lot of pork and a lot of porking.
Yeah.
Both of them.
I love it.
Unlimited bacon, unlimited boning.
Now, there will be other people on the boat, right?
Oh, yeah.
Cool people.
No, in addition to the Max Fun
folks, there's
going to be like... Abuelitas Cubanas.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, absolutely.
Love them. They're having a great time.
Oh, yeah. They're having a great time.
I love to get on those boats and just let it
fly, you know what I'm saying? Oh, I know exactly
what you're saying, Dave. Yeah. Dave
knows exactly what this is about.
Yeah, I've been on a cruise or two.
Okay.
We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, This is Go.
It's Jordan, Jesse Go.
I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.
Jordan Morris, boy detective.
Dave Hill, the pride of Cleveland.
Dave, I can't begin to tell you what a pleasure and a joy it's been to have you on our program.
Thanks for having me.
Thank you for being, having.
Yeah.
It's nice.
Thank you for make show, Dave.
Talk good.
All this.
Beautiful flower shirt.
Fun time.
Fun seeing this here.
We've had a lot of fun on this week's program.
It's warm in here.
Make sound.
It is, but it's not as warm as it used to be after at this point in the program, thanks to the new fans that were put on by Ronnie DeVries.
Sure.
A grant from the Chubb Group.
Every time.
Oh, sorry, the Chud Group.
Every time.
Chud Group.
Chuds.
So they handle us to humanoid underground dwellers.
I've got to tell you, if you're in the life insurance business and you're selling to Chuds. Cannibalistic humanoid underground dwellers. I've got to tell you, if you're in the life insurance business and you're selling to shuds...
Shuds.
It's going to be a real problem.
It's a tough business model to maintain.
If you're selling life insurance to cannibalistic humanoid underground dwellers.
Yeah.
It's nice of them to sponsor Nova.
I sell home and renter's insurance.
Sure.
On behalf of the stuff LLC.
The critters.
I'm with They Live advertising okay we're done with that 80s horror movies we're done yeah naming allegorical 80s horror films
with products that oppose their allegories um dave you're the host of uh the dave hill
podcasting incident an occasional podcast for MaximumFun.org.
That's right.
Been downgraded to at whim.
And that's when I'm ready to send out a missive.
Yeah.
Well, you know, I've been busy with this radio.
Yeah.
And you have the GD Dave Hill show on the WFMU radio station.
Do you think I should get rid of the GD?
Because sometimes I wonder
if I'm digging a hole with Jesus.
Well, you're not allowed to say GD on the radio.
Do they let you say that on the radio?
Yeah, I say it all the time.
You're totally not allowed to say it.
Yeah, you can.
No, because it's blasphemy.
It's defamatory toward the Lord.
Is it? I think so. Oh, you know what? I mean because it's blasphemy. It's defamatory toward the Lord. Is it?
I think so.
Oh, you know what?
I mean, you're right.
Yeah.
The literal interpretation of the law is that you can say goddamn, like, as in like, well,
goddamn.
That's how I'm saying it.
Yeah.
You're saying, like, you're wearing that shirt and you're doing a little, like, type dance.
This is a fun shirt to have on.
But you can't say goddamn those so-and-sos.
You can't damn people.
You can't suggest someone go to hell.
I'm saying it the way you.
In the same way that when Bono said, holy fuck, or whatever he said when they won a Grammy, they didn't end up paying a fine.
Although it took a long, long, long time and a lot of legal appeals.
He did say that?
He said it on live television.
He said, fuck on live television.
I can't remember it was.
Not only Guns N' Roses.
I think it was Holy Fuck.
Oh, yeah.
Slash can say whatever he wants to.
The FCC can't touch him.
Because he wasn't referring to sexual function and it was in passing and unplanned.
That's the same rule with radio.
I'm surprised. In the same rule with radio. I'm surprised.
In the same harbor times.
I would have thought that WFMU would be one of those stations
that would be very, very, very careful about language.
I can't say fuck, shit, cunt, boned.
You can't say boned.
I have to be very careful of the language I use to discuss things.
What do you do when you have Kevin Allison on?
It's tricky.
It's tricky business.
Kevin.
He's a real foodie.
Oh, well, he's that.
He's fully.
I don't know.
I'm not.
He's pretty much as you as you're probably aware, as you are aware, I'm sure he only talks about putting speculums in people's
butts.
Basically, that's where he's at.
Specula.
Yeah.
I, well, yeah.
But no, I think he's-
There's been some speculation on that.
He's gone-
Yay!
I did a recent Risk show, and I was the only one that wasn't talking about naughty parts and stuff.
What were you talking about?
I was talking about when I went to prison in Mexico.
That didn't involve anything naughty.
It didn't.
I did go to prison in Mexico, though.
Yeah.
Two.
Cool.
Yeah, deal with it.
I am currently dealing with it.
Kevin came to MaxFunCon in a sex nerd t-shirt,
which is just a shirt you wear to a thing if you want to get laid.
Right?
I don't know about that.
You don't think so?
I don't know if it would.
I guess it might.
Do you think a lot of boning happens?
Oh, that's me, but with my fog hat t-shirt.
See, that'll get you the pies and cakes three times a week.
What's your question?
Does a lot of boning happen at Max Funcon?
That's right.
Oh, shit, yeah.
Really?
Oh, yeah.
People are boning down big time.
Are they really? Absolutely. Yeah, but there's like a sexual haze hangs over Max Fun Con? That's right. Oh, shit, yeah. Really? Oh, yeah. People are boning down big time. Are they really?
Absolutely.
Yeah, but there's like
a sexual haze hangs over me.
I feel like only one person
directly tried to bone me
at the Max Fun Con
that I was at,
and his name is Dick Cavett.
No, I'm just kidding.
I'm joking.
Just kidding.
It was Kevin Allison.
No, but I feel like
I was the only proposition
that I won.
That's the third thing we said earlier.
No, only one woman, I think, tried to get with my parts.
And I was a little let down.
That's shameful, Dave.
Do you think it's because they're intimidated by my beauty?
Yes.
Sure.
Probably.
And I think that's why Kevin Allison knows to go into that situation with a shirt that says sex on it.
Because people can always come up to him and say, hey, it looks like a sex shirt you're
wearing.
And he can say, yes.
And then they can say, will you put a speculum in my butt?
Yeah.
Nice shirt.
Are you aware I have a butt?
Will you open my butthole?
You just hit a street called easy.
Yeah.
Put that thing in my butt.
Exactly.
The whole street.
Yeah.
No, I actually, I hung up on him last time he was on the show because he started talking about putting a speculum in someone's butt.
Oh, boy.
And I was like, it's probably fine to talk about that.
In a medical context?
Well, he didn't specify what context.
Colonoscopy?
He's not a medical doctor.
His doctorate's in divinity,
if I'm not mistaken.
Oh, man.
Okay, let's wrap this thing up.
Man, oh, man.
Dave Hill is also the front man
of the band Valley Lodge.
Yeah.
I think you should...
You can go check out their tunes.
Yeah, over there on Spotify or iTunes.
Or...
Power Pop?
Yeah. Power Pop. Yeah.
Power Pop.
As the theme song to the last week tonight with John Oliver.
Yeah, I'll get him some of that sweet BMI money.
I'm a millionaire.
That's not exactly how it goes.
But thank you.
How would it go if you were to go? Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, Sang that into a – I had a mini cassette recorder with me at the time.
Then transferred that into my computer.
Then had Google Voice transcribe it and then I posted it as a YouTube comment on your thing.
And it just said, gay with eight A's. That's a long way to go.
Okay.
Let's wrap this thing up.
Dave, I'm glad you've been – I'm glad you've come to visit us here in Los Angeles.
It was a joy to see you.
Thank you, likewise.
People should go see you in your
regular live shows across the great
city of New York and across this great world.
Yeah, like offhand
July 23rd at One-Eyed
Jack's in New Orleans.
New Orleans. New Orleans.
Louisiana. I call it Hotlanta.
Yeah. Yeah.
I call it Hotlanta. Yeah. Yeah. I call it
Chudsville.
You don't,
do you? I do, but no one
knows what I'm talking about.
So it's ineffective.
It's actually the nickname of
Charlottesville. That's why it's funny.
Chodesville? Charlottesville, Virginia.
Chodes.
That sounds great.
That sounds like a fun show.
Yeah, I look forward to it.
And, yeah, go to boatparty.biz.
Oh, snap.
Our friends at Warby Parker.
Yeah.
Our friends at Hulu Plus.
Yeah.
Love them.
Don't be a chump and miss out on the chance to get two free weeks of Hulu Plus by going
online to huluplus.com slash jujugo.
Huluplus.com slash jujugo.
Our thanks to Hulu Plus,
where you can binge on thousands of hit shows
anytime, anywhere,
and get an extended free trial
when you go to huluplus.com slash jujugo.
I'd go there.
Thank you to them.
Thank you to our friend Colin Marshall for once again substituting on the boards.
Thank you, Colin.
That's some hot board work.
Hot board work.
Colin is the host of the podcast Notebook on Cities and Culture.
Love it.
He is going to be heading to South Korea, the great nation of South Korea,
for six weeks to play Starcraft in a soccer stadium.
He'll be recording podcasts with various South Koreans.
He'll be sneaking across the border to report for Vice's HBO television show.
And then make it all about him.
Sorry.
Yeah, exactly.
Make it all about whatever drug he did while he was there um colin is going to be
going to south korea to do special episodes of his podcast and write some stuff for the guardians so
watch out for that well thank you to colin for filling in for brian who is in london sunny d
brian fernandez edits the program gabe has been sitting outside of our studio laughing
always appreciate that thank Thank you, Gabe.
We'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jesse, go.
Maximumfun.org.
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