Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 479: Trunk Tray with Kimmy Gatewood

Episode Date: May 8, 2017

Actress and director Kimmy Gatewood joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of Kimmy's sweet new minivan, Kimmy's new Netflix show about women's wrestling in the 80's - G.L.O.W., and the genius of Nor...m MacDonald. 

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Every week on Jordan Jesse Goh, we use microphones to entertain you for as much as an hour or so. Uh, and then that's it. Yeah. The end.
Starting point is 00:00:26 Good night. We stop recording and do separate activities. Sure. Do you have a little glitter in your beard? I may have some chocolate chip cookie in my beard. I'm seeing glitter. Maybe I'm just out here shining. You could be.
Starting point is 00:00:43 It could be your natural magnetism. Yeah. Made physical. Yeah, like Pharrell. In the form of beard glitter. Or. Like if Pharrell grew a beard, it would be kind of glittery, right? Oh, it sure would.
Starting point is 00:00:54 Yeah. Or maybe. Somebody had a little long lunch at the strip club, huh? Yeah. Yeah. You love to get down there. How about this? Maybe a little bit of both.
Starting point is 00:01:03 Okay. I was out there at the bullshit rhinoceros or whatever. Sure, yeah, the bullshit rhinoceros. And people were throwing glitter around. I actually, a lot of people don't know this, but over half of the strip clubs here in Los Angeles are owned by Rip Taylor. Right. And he's not at every one. No.
Starting point is 00:01:24 But the performers are required to spray the audience with Taylor. Right. And he's not at every one, but the performers are required to spray the audience with glitter. Yeah. The other half of, or the other slightly less than half are owned by Charles Nelson Riley. It's women just wearing ascots. Nothing else.
Starting point is 00:01:44 That's where you put the dollars. You tuck the dollar bill into the ascot. Let's introduce our guest on the program, a beloved past guest of this show, the star of one of the new Netflix television series, Glow. I would say co-star. Let's say main star the main star that makes everybody else look like shit oh no which is what she told me the big fat shining star is kimmy gatewood hi kim hi guys thanks for having me nice to see you thank you for being here uh kimmy gatewood i noticed we were pulling into the parking garage around the same time. Fucking sweet-ass
Starting point is 00:02:27 new minivan, Kimmy Gatewood. That looks like a new... Throwing that Netflix money around, bitches. Yeah. Do you...
Starting point is 00:02:35 Is that a new minivan? It's brand new. Hell yeah. Bought on Tuesday. Wow. Oh, wow. Congratulations. Yes, thank you.
Starting point is 00:02:43 This is the third day I've driven it. How many children's do you have? wow. Congratulations. Yes, thank you. This is the third day I've driven it. How many childrens do you have? One. Yeah. Seems premature. But are you a prepper by nature? Got to stay prepared.
Starting point is 00:02:56 Got to get fucking pretty soon. I'm going to keep up with this minivan. We got to fill these seats. No, we do a lot of our own home improvement, my husband and I. We also do a little film production. So it's really, honestly, the party wagon slash film production van. Oh, okay. More than the kid mobile.
Starting point is 00:03:13 But I've never owned a new car in my entire life. I don't know if you guys have. Was it difficult? I have my first new car right now. I'm driving my first new car. Oh, how old is it? So do I. Really?
Starting point is 00:03:23 Look at us. Look at us in our new cars. It only takes 30-odd years and then you get first new car. Oh, how old is it? So do I. So do I. Really? Look at us. Look at us in our new cars. It only takes 30-odd years, and then you get a new car. Mine just turned one year old. I got a congratulatory email from my salesman, Patrick. Oh, that's nice. Patrick over there, Ruznak Volker. I got the guy who sold our car.
Starting point is 00:03:39 His name was Juan. You know, I feel like the guys that we met with like a couple of different places and all the guys seemed like this is their first time. And I'm like, is this a thing? Is it a sales segment? Yeah. Because then the other guy came and he's like, this is this guy's, you know, first time I'm going to give you 0.9 APR. And then he just like ran out. And I was like, what is happening?
Starting point is 00:03:57 It is really a dance. But I love to haggle. I don't know if you guys liked that process of buying a car. No, don't want to haggle. Very stressful. Yeah. But I really love a good bargain. Do you feel like you walked away with a pretty good deal? I don't know if you guys liked that process of buying a car. No, don't want to haggle. Very stressful. Yeah. But I really love a good bargain. Do you feel like you walked away with a pretty good deal?
Starting point is 00:04:08 I don't know. I feel like I did, but then I walked away and I was like, maybe I just was like programmed to think that by them. I don't know what to think. I got a special, I used internet programs to get special pricing. Yeah. But then I was like, I'm going to go to the one nearest my house and just drive it,
Starting point is 00:04:26 make sure it's the car I want. Yeah. Went there, I drove it. It was the color I wanted. I was like, hey, I get this special internet pricing over in Culver City or whatever,
Starting point is 00:04:35 but if you want to just sell it to me for this amount of money on this piece of paper, I'll just buy it right now. And they like went back in a special room and they came back and they said,
Starting point is 00:04:44 well, what about $200 more than that? I'm like dollars more than that I'm like fine weird thing to tack on two hundred dollars more than that okay fine fair enough Patrick Patrick had a it was a magical moment when I bought my car which was when I asked him about something and he did not hear it. And then I said, hey, did you hear that, Patrick? And he went, oh, sorry. No, man. I was just kind of spacing out. Patrick sounds pretty sweet. Patrick is the best.
Starting point is 00:05:13 Do you think Patrick just wanted that extra 200 bucks to buy a Nintendo 3DS? Do you think he just pocketed that? Dude, Patrick's all about customer service. Patrick is going to send me the little clamper tool that I need to remove the caps from my lug nuts. Wow. I know. You still have a relationship with Patrick, so I'm all in with Juan, I guess. I didn't realize that was a part of the deal.
Starting point is 00:05:32 We don't see each other every week, but once a month for dinner. See if that old chemistry is still there. Dinner in a motel room, if you know what I'm saying. Yeah, I do. Juan texted my husband just while I was pulling in here, and he said like, hey, did you like your freebie? And we were like, what the hell is he talking about? There's a tinier car inside your large car.
Starting point is 00:05:55 And he said, there's a trunk tray in your trunk. I just wanted to make sure you saw the trunk tray. Yeah. I didn't even know what I was having to do. And a dick pic in your trunk tray. Yeah. I didn't even know what I was having to do. And a dick pic in your glove box. Yeah. And a human finger in the cup holder. It's from one of my enemies.
Starting point is 00:06:14 So how's she driving so far? Real nice. You know, there's a lot of gadgets on these new cars. Rear view mirrors. Oh, boy. You don't have to tell me about all these gizmos, all these beeps and boops. You think it has a rear view mirror? My rear view camera, sorry.
Starting point is 00:06:27 There's all kinds of, Jordan, you wouldn't know. There's this wheel that turns it and AM and FM radio. I'm like, who needs that much radio? The FM's in stereo, I guess. I've been just running around with my old tootsies like the Flintstones for 10 years. just running around with my old tootsies like the Flintstones for 10 years. Yeah. And I've been trying to open the car today.
Starting point is 00:06:51 And, you know, you could just walk near with a key fob, which I've never had a key fob, and it opens. And I just kept pushing the button. It kept locking and unlocking. I was like, I don't know where I am right now. Am I unlock or unlock right now? And then the windows came down like an inch. And I was like, how did that happen?
Starting point is 00:07:05 It was really just a comedy for me in front of Staples you're going to need a status screen of some kind yeah yeah I just had to swipe the car you know like an iPhone did your minivan come with any special minivan things I feel like there's a real minivan arms race to see
Starting point is 00:07:21 how many weird little bullshit pull out airplane trays and headphone like how many weird little bullshit pull-out airplane trays and headphone jacks. How many things can have a headphone jack? There are four headphone jacks. Now we're talking. Yeah, baby. There are four of those outlets.
Starting point is 00:07:37 There's a screen with a television or a DVD. Your minivan's got four headphone jacks but I can't get one in my new iPhone. Are people still mad about that? Remember when people were mad about that? Maybe this isn't a valid joke anymore. Continue.
Starting point is 00:07:53 And then there's eight seats and 12 cup holders. Wow. 12 cup holders. So you can have your hot and cold beverage. Sure. Only some of you. Yeah. And then one of those little to-go cups
Starting point is 00:08:05 of KFC chicken nuggets, too. Yes, yes. All of your... Cup fries. I, uh... Dank nugs. I treated myself to a little car-based treat recently.
Starting point is 00:08:16 Really? Uh, no, we were talking about this in the elevator. I think maybe people were aware that there was a pending writer strike.
Starting point is 00:08:24 Yes. That was narrowly averted this week. I mean, literally the deal signed late at night. Yes. Yeah. Midnight. Yeah. I went to bed.
Starting point is 00:08:36 I was very worried about it. I'm like, I'm going to go to bed. I'm not going to stay up refreshing. Then I woke up at 5 a.m. because I worried myself awake. I looked at the trades, saw the good news, couldn't go back to sleep, watched Zootopia. And then went to work. So I watched all of Zootopia and then went to work. It was great. That's your car-based story?
Starting point is 00:09:03 Oh, no. I have another one. Sorry. Yeah. I mean, there's a car in Zootopia. Yeah., I have another one. Oh, oh. Sorry, yeah. I mean, there's a car in Zootopia. Yeah, there's a little mouse car. It's very funny. A lot of good size jokes in Zootopia. Absolutely.
Starting point is 00:09:11 If you want to joke about things being a slightly different size, this is the movie for you. It's kind of not fair that you saw all of Zootopia. I only saw a third of Zootopia because my daughter walked out. Well, you probably got to see 40 really good-sized jokes, though. Yeah, that's true. Like, elephants are bigger than mice and everything. They sure are. You probably got the giraffes going out of the subway.
Starting point is 00:09:32 Oh, yeah. And the giraffes sliding down a little slide. That was classic. The star of the movie is a plucky rabbit. Mm-hmm. Yeah, sure. So I got to choose. You guys have seen the movie.
Starting point is 00:09:44 We've all seen the movie. You have children anyway yeah um so i was like i'm gonna you know i was kind of like in the in the lead up to it i was scrimping a little more than i usually do you know trying to eat you know just make sure to eat at home you know don't don't go out after work automatically just you know mind the pocketbook. But now you're done scrimping, you're going to start shrimping. Oh, yeah. Shrimp for every meal. No, but after that, I'm like, you know what?
Starting point is 00:10:11 This feels good. I'm going to treat myself to something I've been meaning to get. Like a nice car wash. I'm going to get a nice car wash. Like a $15 one. Not the $5. No, not the one you get, oh, I got a coupon in the Super Saver. I'm going to get the nice one with the interiors.
Starting point is 00:10:30 My seats have had some stains on them, too. Oh, man. From diarrhea. Mine and my passengers. Got to stop eating so many beets, buddy. Hey, what can I say? I love my beets. I'm like, I'm going to get this nice car.
Starting point is 00:10:46 I got the nice car wash. Felt great. Car looks amazing. Smells amazing. Seats look great. Shit your pants immediately. Here's the thing. Now my commute is just trying not to fart in the car at work because I feel like I'm going to waste the money.
Starting point is 00:10:59 As soon as I farted this thing, the new nice car wash honeymoon is over. Yeah. Oh, but that is a gorgeous little honeymoon. That is a magical time. It's nice. Someone else cleans your car for you. You just get in there. It looks gorgeous.
Starting point is 00:11:17 They shined up the vinyl. Oh, yeah. You know what I'm talking about? You hang out in the car wash. You read some funny birthday cards. Oh, yeah. You get to pick whatever air freshener you want, yeah. You know what I'm talking about? You hang out in the car wash, you read some funny birthday cards. Oh, yeah. You get to pick whatever air freshener you want, buddy. I got...
Starting point is 00:11:30 Pina Colada. Clean linen. Clean linen. Oh, that's nice. So, Kimmy, what are you coming off of car-wise? Because the minivan is very big. Did you have a similar big car? Well, I had a 1990 Honda Accord that was stick shift
Starting point is 00:11:46 when I was pregnant. And it had stopped kind of working. Okay. And then my in-laws brought their 2004 Honda Odyssey minivan. Oh, so you've had some practice then. Yeah. And so they swapped it out. And I gave my Honda
Starting point is 00:12:02 Accord to a friend for helping us fix our house. And then now it sits in his garage as a storage unit. Okay. He's like, I'm not going to drive that thing. Sounds dangerous. Sounds like it doesn't work. Yeah. I mean, it's a sweet collector car, though, a 90 Accord.
Starting point is 00:12:18 Yeah. It was nice. If he doesn't want to use it as a storage unit, he could just take it out to the Concours d'Elegance. Yes, indeed. So I had a minivan right before this, a 13-year-old minivan. Okay. Yeah. So you're used to that life.
Starting point is 00:12:36 That minivan life, though? Yes. Yeah, yeah. Hashtag van life. Hashtag van life. I've been taking far too many boomerangs. Sorry. I drove one when I was a nanny and uh thank you for
Starting point is 00:12:49 saying nanny as opposed to manny i appreciate that very much i have i have a little bit of dignity not much i mean i was a nanny but uh no i i i have a little dignity and i drove that minivan and it's weird because it's like driving a spaceship or boat. A dinghy maybe. You don't feel like you have a direct relationship with the vehicle. It's like you're telling someone to tell the vehicle to turn left. But it is intoxicating to be driving the biggest thing. Yes. You're above everyone.
Starting point is 00:13:30 You can look into people's cars. Yeah, it is fun. See if they're texting and driving. It is fun when you are. Right. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You do get to kind of look into people's cars and judge them a little bit.
Starting point is 00:13:40 They're mostly just cranking it, right? Mostly. It depends on what traffic's like, I guess. Like 70-30. Yeah, that's fair. Yeah, I learned to drive in a minivan. My mom had one, and that's when I had my learner's permit. I just drove her minivan around.
Starting point is 00:13:55 And yeah, you definitely, when you're driving one of those big cars, you do take stock of, if I crashed into this person, which one of you would die? And it feels good. Like, probably them. Probably them. Well, the truth about having this minivan is that I don't think I'll ever in my life have a cool, sporty car now. I think that dream is dead. And I really just for so long wanted like a Mini Cooper or like one of those space cars, those space BMWs, the
Starting point is 00:14:26 electric cars, you know. But I think I will. I think I just have to let that go, guys. You'll never have a car with go-kart handling. When I test drove Mini Coopers, they sold it to me with go-kart handling. I didn't buy one. They tried to sell it to me with the phrase go-kart handling. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:41 I mean, that sounds bad. That sounds like a- I can make left turns very well. Yeah, yeah. Right. Mine came with bumper car handling. Oh, that's nice. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:52 Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. That sounds really fun, actually. Spinning around in a circle. It is a certain giving up point. I didn't- I was like, I'm not going to buy buy a minivan and I'm not going to buy an SUV. Yeah. But I did buy a station wagon. I like it.
Starting point is 00:15:15 And it was like the only thing – the only way I could talk myself into it because I was giving up. Before this, I was driving a Jaguar. No. It was great. Oh, man. It was an old Jaguar. It was a Jaguar. Like, listeners, don't get mad at me.
Starting point is 00:15:31 It was a Jaguar I bought for $11,000. And I paid cash that I had saved up. However, I was driving a Jaguar, and it was fucking great. Jaguars are great. That's why they cost $100,000 new. But I couldn't just, I needed a daddy-er car. And it does feel like a part of me that wants to buy and use as my regular car like a 95 Celica. Like anything, like an $1,100 car that just has a little bit of something. You know what I mean? Just something.
Starting point is 00:16:25 Wagons not fun to drive? No. Yeah. No, not in the slightest. Not even a little bit. How many headphones? How many jacks you got in there? Even in sport mode, I only have the standard jacks.
Starting point is 00:16:35 But what I did is- God damn it, Patrick. Fucking Patrick. Get Patrick on the line, or the next time you guys go out to Bucca di Beppo or wherever, just ask him to add some additional jacks. I said to my wife, I'm going to get this car because we need a car that can fit three car seats in the back and can also put stuff in it so we can go places in it and all this stuff. All that is true.
Starting point is 00:17:01 For that reason, I'm going to get the station wagon. All that is true. And for that reason, I'm going to get the station wagon. And I'm grateful that this is such a priority in our life that we can buy a new car, which was new to us and all that kind of stuff. I said, here's the rule. I can purchase any optional equipment I desire. And normally, because normally I am the person who would buy a car with no optional equipment. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:17:26 Absolutely. I would buy the basest of base models. They pummel you, too, at the end. They're like, do you want the head, the rack on the top of the car? Do you want the warranties? Do you want the logo? Yeah, fresh ground pepper. Yes. Parmesan.
Starting point is 00:17:40 Yeah. And I literally went onto the internet, looked at a list of all the shit you could buy. And I was just like, I want that, that, that, that, that, that, that. Like I probably I probably spent five thousand dollars on miscellaneous bullshit. But it was like the only thing I was like, well, if I'm going to have this for the next 15 years, I'm going to get that fucking spoiler. You know, the freeway speed well I mean the problem is otherwise my back end's
Starting point is 00:18:09 lifting up you can't have that you got a screen in there yeah well I got I got like I didn't get a screen I don't I don't need a screen
Starting point is 00:18:17 but I got like the thing that I got that was the most special to me was I bought these window shades that you get from, my car's a Volvo,
Starting point is 00:18:29 you get it from Volvo and it's the exact same size as the window. So like you can buy a $5 one on Amazon that has a suction cup in the middle, you know, that screens. But these ones like pop into the window frame and they cost like $30 each or something. But they pop into the window frame and they cost like $30 each or something. But they pop into the window frame and then it's just – and I cannot even begin to tell you how happy I am with the decision to spend $135 getting one of these for every window in my car.
Starting point is 00:19:02 It is the most spectacular thing. Make sure the car doesn't get too hot. Yeah. Okay. Oh, yeah. Sure. I'm as cool as a cucumber in there, baby. What happens if you leave a drink in?
Starting point is 00:19:13 That drink stay room temperature? No. Cold as ice. Oh, good. Cold as ice. I got those kind of like mud tray seat foot well things. I know exactly what you're talking about because I was just there, baby. All I think about right now is like one day I'm going to be like, I'm sick of these fucking mud tray joints.
Starting point is 00:19:38 And then I'm going to put in the original ones and they're going to be brand fucking new. And I'm just going to be digging my toes into the pile of those sweet, sweet rugs. I got, like, cargo dividers. Mm-hmm. Wow. Like seven. That's one thing that they have a lot of, as in a minivan. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:57 You can subdivide your cargo a thousand ways. So I got, like, a thing that goes down from the ceiling that keeps my dogs from going in the chairs. Oh, that's great. Dog blocker? A dog blocker. But it's also like a cargo blocker. You know, like if you had a box, it wouldn't crush your baby. That's nice.
Starting point is 00:20:14 Oh, yes. Like a stack of boxes. Yeah. I got like a thing that subdivides it a couple different ways. Subdividing sometimes is a tray. Oh, it's gorgeous. It's gorgeous. It is a bento box of a car now. I am still ready. You have a couple different ways. Subdividing sometimes is a tray. Oh, it's gorgeous. It's gorgeous. It is a bento box of a car now.
Starting point is 00:20:28 You have a couple little shrimps, a little salad. Still completely ambivalent about the vehicle itself. Yeah. You like the options. The dumb bullshit that I spent that extra couple thousand bucks, I got the roof rails, the roof rack. Yes. I skipped out on that.
Starting point is 00:20:43 I really regret it. You're riding rackless? Yeah, on that. I really regret it. Yeah. Now I – You're riding rackless? Yeah, I'm riding rackless right now. I will say this for my relative parsimony. I did purchase these items on eBay and then have an independent body shop install them, which saved me a couple thousand dollars from the – That is a hot tip and I need to steal it.
Starting point is 00:21:05 I went ahead and did that. I'm not just tossing my money around. I'm just trying to bring myself some comfort. Sure. My grandfather had a Jaguar. Your what now? My grandfather had a Jaguar and it was – I was just thinking about it. It was the smoothest ride I've ever had.
Starting point is 00:21:22 Yeah, it was so fucking smooth. And when he would get it fixed, he was like, this is going to cost me $7,000 because it was a great car. But when it got broke, there's one place I can fix your car. You know what Jaguar stands for, don't you? What's that? Fix or repair daily. Jaguar stands for it. And he had an animal, one of the Muppets in the backseat that would just hang there and watch.
Starting point is 00:21:45 And he called himself Sir Dragon, my grandfather. He called himself the Muppet? He called himself that. This whole story went completely off the rails, Kimmy. Your grandpa had a- Kimmy, the whole thing was just about how nice the Jaguar was, and then it got crazy. It got totally bonkers, Kimmy. It's just just you know
Starting point is 00:22:05 there was no transition whatsoever they were like oh my grandfather a muppet octopus you know animal oh the drumming muppet from the muppets he kept a puppet in his car
Starting point is 00:22:21 it's half mop but your grandpa really is that what it is half mop He kept a puppet in his car. Well, it's a Muppet. It's half Mop. Yes. But your grandpa- Really? Is that what it is? Half Mop? Yeah. I didn't know. It's an etymology of Muppet.
Starting point is 00:22:29 I didn't really know. But your grandma called himself Sir Dragon? My grandfather called- Well, he calls himself. He's still alive. He still calls himself Sir Dragon. Is he a Renfrew enthusiast? No.
Starting point is 00:22:39 What's- He likes all things Gaelic, Celtic. Oh, okay. He'll say whatever it is to say hello in Gaelic. Oh, okay. I've heard a thousand times. Yeah. Where did Sir Dragon come from?
Starting point is 00:22:51 Is that a myth? I don't know. A tall tale? Probably Lord of the Rings. He loves Lord of the Rings. Yeah. There's got to be a Sir Dragon in there somewhere, doesn't there? So your grandpa's some kind of power nerd.
Starting point is 00:23:01 Yeah, sure. Got it. He wears a lot of- Is he into falconry or something? I mean, I wouldn't put it past him. He likes old clocks
Starting point is 00:23:11 and he's got Return of the Jedi in his basement. The video game. Oh, cool. Okay. Like the big arcade game. You really gotta like,
Starting point is 00:23:20 I have a lot of like respect for those like 70s nerds, you know? Like that's a, that's, that's when the shit was real. That's when you couldn't get it at Target, you know? Shout out to my elementary school math teacher, Nino.
Starting point is 00:23:32 Yeah. Classic 70s nerd. That guy had those kind of glasses with the tape across the bridge to fix it. Sure. Oh, God. That guy straight up wore a pocket protector. OG Poindexter. He had a boa constrictor. No.
Starting point is 00:23:47 Yeah, named Boa Diddley. Kept tarantulas as pets. Yeah. Classic nerd, man. Shout the fuck out to Nino. They don't make them like that anymore. Nino. Are pocket protectors still a thing?
Starting point is 00:24:01 I don't think pens leak. Really? I mean, not like they used to do. It just exploded on my daughter's hand because they will find a way to bring everything. Maybe she needs hand pocket protectors. Yeah, because you don't have pockets yet because they sew all
Starting point is 00:24:15 babies' pockets closed. Oh, yeah? Yeah, they're just decorative pockets. You don't want to encourage babies to buy wallets. No. Makes them materialistic early on. Or carry pocket watches or monocles. Sure. Maybe in a monocle would be pretty cute, though. Babies should be saving their wages.
Starting point is 00:24:31 I think so, too. Right? Yeah. Okay, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, Ben Partridge, he's the host and creator of the Beef and Dairy Network podcast, and they just won the gold award for best comedy podcast in the British Podcast Awards. It's a truly remarkable honor. If you haven't checked out Beef and Dairy Network, you are in for a very, very, very special treat. It's a really remarkable and hilarious show. I would say a perfect podcast.
Starting point is 00:25:27 So congratulations, Ben Partridge, and congratulations to everyone who's contributed to the Beef and Dairy Network podcast. We're proud of you. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, We've got a sponsor on this week's program. I'd love to hear about it. Well, it's our friends at Squarespace. Squarespace. Now, this is a- I think it's pronounced Square Space. It's Square Space. You got it. Square Space. Now, this is a website you can go to to make your own website.
Starting point is 00:26:17 Yeah, that's right. Robots are giving birth to robots now. Oh, boy. I feel like we're living inside Black Mirror, huh? We're approaching this singularity. What are we inside? Black Mirror? What is this? Black Mirror from Netflix? Some kind of Black Mirror
Starting point is 00:26:30 anyway. Show Black Mirror. I love watching that. And documentaries. So, hey, if you want to go on Squarespace, what you get? Beautiful award-winning designer templates to create a beautiful website or online store with an award-winning template. Jesse, I was on the Squarespace the other day.
Starting point is 00:26:46 Okay. I'm considering making a website for myself. What are you thinking? JordanMorris.com? If I can get it. JordanMorris.pizza? If I can't get.com, I'm doing.milf. Got it.
Starting point is 00:26:59 Just to let everybody know, I'm in your area. Yeah. So, yeah, I was looking at this thing because I was thinking, like, I should make a website. I could put some writing up there. I could put links to social media stuff on there. You could start a web blog. But I'm no hacker. I'm no Julian Assange.
Starting point is 00:27:15 You're not Elite Hacksaw. So I went on Squarespace. This shit's so easy. You could just pick a beautiful kind of website. You could put all your pictures on there, links to stuff. Seems real easy and fun. Can I do an impression of you on Squarespace? Sure.
Starting point is 00:27:29 Click, click, clack, clack, clack, clack, clack, clack. Ooh, I'm done with Jordan.Fish. Sure. Are you saying that Jordan.Milf is taken? Yeah, Jordan.Milf is spoken for. Shit. Well, hey. By the other Jordan Morris, the soccer player.
Starting point is 00:27:43 Fuck that guy. Fuck that popular soccer player who plays for Seattle, I think. I think he plays for Seattle. I'm sure he's a nice guy. Hey. He's really fucking up your Google rankings. Yes, that's why I'm no longer the first Jordan Morris anymore. This fucking soccer man is.
Starting point is 00:27:57 Soccer man. I hate soccer man. Free trial, 10% off your first purchase at squarespace.com slash jjgo. Squarespace.com slash jjgo. Whatever your business, whether you're a musician, a designer, an artist, you have a restaurant, you want to showcase your writing, you want to start a web blog, you just want to take down that goddamn soccer player. Yes.
Starting point is 00:28:20 Thank you. Squarespace.com slash jjgo. If you want to advertise on Jordan, Jesse, go. hit us up, Teresa at MaximumFun.org. And if you want to get up on our Jumbotron, an affordable way for listeners to share a message with our audience, go to MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse Go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, Van owner with a trunk tray. There you go. It's a little long, but I like it. No, I like it. It's descriptive. It's a callback, which we in the comedy business love. Can I offer a punch up on it?
Starting point is 00:29:13 Sure. Please. Absolutely. Kimmy Trunk Tray Gatewood. Yay! There you go. Take two. Kimmy Trunk Tray Gatewood.
Starting point is 00:29:21 Let's do that again. Just give her some options. Can you give me energy, too? I'm going to need something energetic and just fun. Okay. Trunk, tray, gate, wood. Let's use that one. We'll use that one.
Starting point is 00:29:32 Yeah, we'll use that one. Brian, if you can drop that last one in there. Go ahead and drop that in. your new television program, the one in which you star, called GLOW, is probably the most compelling television pitch I've ever heard, which is it's about the women of 1980s professional wrestling. Yes. That's what GLOW stands for, the gorgeous ladies of wrestling. That's right.
Starting point is 00:30:04 You play a lady wrestler. Yes. That's how we prefer to be called. Yes. That's what GLOW stands for. The Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling. That's right. You play a lady wrestler. Yes. That's how we prefer to be called. Yes. Sorry. I just call them wrestlers. I don't see gender. I just see wrestling.
Starting point is 00:30:17 Do you now know wrestling moves? I do. So we did about a month of training with this guy, Chavo Guerrero Jr., who's a WWE guy. A legendary guy. He is. The star of, well, the sub-star of Mountain Goat's song.
Starting point is 00:30:35 I didn't know that. Oh, yes. His father comes from a wrestling family, and his father was John Darnielle of the Mountain Goat's Childhood Hero. Yes. And yeah, somebody just tweeted
Starting point is 00:30:47 that music video to me recently. Yeah. The song is, it's called The Legend of Chavo Guerrero. It is a fantastic song. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:30:55 And so Chavo's uncle trained the actual glow girls in the 1980s and it wasn't necessarily like that we're only going to have this guy, but he just threw his name in the hat and it just happened to oh that's so cool yeah and he's he was terrific and then we had two stunt women uh help us out as well um we did we learned just footwork to start
Starting point is 00:31:16 i mean it really felt like camp because you're just meeting all these we're just actresses you know not wrestlers sure and they're like all, let's start with your footwork. Like summer camp. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. It's about 1980s women's professional wrestling, so it could feel like camp in general. Sure. Yes. Yes.
Starting point is 00:31:33 Depends on the wigs. Yeah. Indeed. But we learned all, you know, headlocks first and then- It'll be in all stems from the headlock. That's where- It really does. And how to headlock that's where it really does and how to properly do that so that it's because we're i mean we're really wrestling and you know everybody
Starting point is 00:31:50 says that wrestling's fake but after having done it you can injure yourself very easily do you what is what do you have a wrestling move that you excelled at um i could do the back bumps pretty well i mean that's just basically throwing yourself on the mat which i gotta say is one I could do back bumps pretty well. I mean, that's just basically throwing yourself on the mat, which I got to say is one of the scariest things ever because you do it on a fluffy mat for a long time. And then you're like, yeah, one day when we take away the mat and do it on the hard mat and you do it for the first time and it's terrifying. Wait, how does it work? Is it like spread eagle? Are you jumping from the ropes? Well, that is a move that you can do. You can just
Starting point is 00:32:30 fly and then someone knocks someone over. I've only got to the second rope. I haven't got to the top rope yet. I can't really balance on the top rope. You've got to save something for season two. You know what I mean? You've got to save it for that all-important season two. I'm going to binge it. I mean, you're a millennial? You got to save it for that all-important season two. I'm going to binge it.
Starting point is 00:32:47 I mean, you're a millennial. You love to binge. God, yeah. Yeah. And we were learning the wrestling moves, I think, at not quite the same pace as the actual Glow Girls, but pretty much it was very weird and creepy how we were learning like the actual real ladies were learning because nobody had any wrestling training at all. And by the end, we were slamming each other around, headlocks, lockups, you know.
Starting point is 00:33:14 Is the person you're playing, is it a real person? Is it based on someone real or is it a? I would say, I mean, there's a documentary. I don't know if you guys saw it about about GLOW that Jenji Kohan had seen. And then I think the idea kind of spawned from that. So we're kind of adjacent to the truth. It's based on it. Nice.
Starting point is 00:33:33 I think the closest would probably be the Housewives is the character that I play, if you're familiar with the show at all. I'm not. That sounds pretty good. Yeah. They're like the comic relief, really. What's your wrestling outfit? I don't think I could talk about it sounds pretty good. Yeah. They're like the comic relief, really. What's your wrestling outfit? I don't think I could talk about it yet. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:33:50 All right. Are the other people on the show like athlete types? Yes. Well, there's one real wrestler, Kia Stevens, who plays Karma in WWE and Awesome Kong and some other thing. Okay. And she also in WWE and Awesome Kong and some other. OK. And she I mean, the first I didn't really know she was a wrestler and they would fuck with anybody who like came in late to the wrestling training.
Starting point is 00:34:18 And they would Chavo and Kia would lock up and they would just start throwing each other around. And we were like, oh, my God, what have we done? That's just how you say hello. Yeah, exactly. Have you did you have you been hit with a folding chair or have you hit anyone with a folding chair? No, not yet. Okay. Not yet.
Starting point is 00:34:31 But it's coming though, right? It's got to be. I don't know because like 80s wrestling was so different. I didn't really know this until I did. 80s wrestling was so different than like 90s, 2000s. Like if you look at wrestling today, people are like jacked, doing backflips, flying everywhere, cartwheels. Yeah. A lot of jazz. And in the 80s-
Starting point is 00:34:47 Wait, there's a lot of jazz as well? I feel like- Like hot jazz or bop? Hard bop? I would say- Probably hard bop. Probably, yeah. That's probably the best way to describe it.
Starting point is 00:34:58 Hard bop. And then in the 80s, it seemed much more authentically grappling or something. Okay. It was kind of sloppy, a lot of hair pulling in ladies wrestling. Okay. And then in the 80s, it seemed much more authentically grappling or something. Okay. Like nobody – it was kind of sloppy. A lot of hair pulling in ladies wrestling. Okay. I believe that.
Starting point is 00:35:11 Yeah. Who's playing Andre the – who plays Andre the Giant? That's all I really care about. Oh, God. Well, yeah. There's a couple – so he's a real athlete and – or a real wrestler. And then Sadal Noel plays the character Cherry Bang. And she was like almost an Olympian at one point.
Starting point is 00:35:29 In what? Running. So her thighs are intimidatingly muscular. Is she really fast? Yeah. But you have to be slow in wrestling. It makes sense that she would be really fast. You know, she almost made the Olympics in running.
Starting point is 00:35:46 Almost. So she's not really fast. You know, she almost made the Olympics in running. Almost. So she's not that fast. Burn. Did you get, what's the worst owie that you got over the course of the thing? Every time you hit the ropes, there's steel ropes. Okay. So that's just an automatic owie. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:36:00 So you bet you, when you run the ropes, they call it, you know, when people like bounce back and forth and then you get like clotheslined, you know, with people like you do. Sure. I got just like gnarly bruise on this shoulder here. It was probably the size of two hands. Does your child speak English? Yes. I don't know how I don't know how old your child is.
Starting point is 00:36:24 Two and a half. Two and a half. Two and a half. They speak Spanish until around nine months, ten months. Every child comes out speaking perfect Spanish. And then they either retain it or they lose it. I guess I'm just wondering if you have to explain to your child why you're so damaged. I know. Well, it was strange when I would have a bruise on my inner thigh because you sometimes have somebody in between your legs.
Starting point is 00:36:46 Sure. Or they grab your leg. But let's keep the focus on the television show and your work life. And, yeah, it looked like mommy fell down the stairs. Yeah, I guess I could see how. You have to explain it to the school counselor. Right. No, no, no.
Starting point is 00:37:05 This is a wrestling injury. I'm a professional wrestler. My husband's a wonderful, kind man. This is not... They're like, tap the desk twice if you need help. The minivan is mostly
Starting point is 00:37:15 for film production. Right. It's a film... Yeah. Yeah, I guess it's probably weird. I mean, your kid can understand stuff and I'm sure he'll see his mom getting beat up on TV at a certain point.
Starting point is 00:37:30 That will probably be weird. Yeah, I mean, it's not too bad, I guess. Yeah. Because we do a lot of wrestling, but I think next season, if it happens, we'll be like a ton more wrestling. Sure. And there'll be a lot more injuries and stuff. But it's not even – I think it's kind of – happens, will be like a ton more wrestling and a lot more injuries and stuff. But it's not even it's I think it's kind of like wrestling is a great show. I mean, do you guys watch it at all?
Starting point is 00:37:51 Have you watched it recently? I did as a kid. And yeah, and I am. I am. Yes. Every time I see a little clip of like what wrestling is like now, I'm like, oh, this is a whole weird thing. Yeah. Yeah. It's like guys playing the trombone oh, this is a whole weird thing. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:05 It's like guys playing the trombone and, yes, a lot more flipping. Not just. Yeah. We have a great wrestling show on the network called Tights and Fights. And I sort of secondhand from they record here in the studio, which is right next to my desk. Yeah. And so when the three of them are here with their producer, Julian, they'll be talking about what happened on Raw.
Starting point is 00:38:28 And I get this weird secondhand version of what wrestling is in 2017. It sounds completely bonkers. My main memories of wrestling are not being sure which was the real Mr. T. I knew I loved and admired Mr. T more than any person on earth. But I did not know whether real Mr. T. But I knew I loved and admired Mr. T more than any person on earth. But I did not know whether cartoon Mr. T, A-Team Mr. T, real life Mr. T, or wrestling Mr. T was the real Mr. T. I always thought it was serial Mr. T. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:38:58 Did you see him on Dancing with the Stars? I don't know why I'm asking. No. Was Mr. T on Dancing with the Stars? Yeah. This season. Can he cut a rug? Oh, he's, I mean, he why I'm asking. Was Mr. T on Dancing with the Stars? Yeah, this season. Can he cut a rug? Oh, he's, I mean, he's got
Starting point is 00:39:07 the biggest heart. Sure. No, I think that's apparent. Which is actually a liability when you're dancing. It makes you kind of top heavy. T stands for tough, but it also stands for tender. You don't need to explain this to me. He was great. He's just like an old man dancing
Starting point is 00:39:23 as best as he can, and then he'll just come out with like a beautiful speech about like surviving in America. And he's amazing. How much jewelry is Mr. T wearing in 2017? Not as much. But, you know, they put him in a fair amount of like sequins. Okay. You know. Okay. You know. Okay. I feel like I did not watch Dancing with the Stars when San Francisco 49ers Hall of Famer Jerry Rice was on.
Starting point is 00:39:50 He was good. That was what I'm sure they thought was the play for my demographic. But now that I know that Mr. T is on, I may start watching Dancing with the Stars. Yeah. You've got like maybe three or four episodes left. Is T still in the game? I haven't watched this past week's episode. So I can't.
Starting point is 00:40:10 Hard to say. I can't say for sure. Okay. But that guy is made of dreams. He's so amazing. It is. I always like when. And I feel like unlike some other like celebrities of that day.
Starting point is 00:40:22 I feel like when you see Mr. T doing like a kind of self-referential comedy thing, it never seems sad. It like it. It doesn't bum me out when like he's himself in a Slim Jim commercial. It's like, ah, there he is. Because then he'll say right afterwards, like, I'm doing it for the children. Sure. Yes. Yes, you are.
Starting point is 00:40:41 You're amazing. Yeah. There's a part of me that really believes that whenever Mr. T gets a paycheck, he builds a community center. Right. Yes. Great. How many more community centers can we build? Kickball change. Right.
Starting point is 00:41:00 The main problem here is we're tearing down houses to build community centers. I played myself at an adult swim show so we could get a foosball table I imagine he's done that at some point and bumper pool probably both my frame of reference for wrestling was the same as yours I mean I just knew like
Starting point is 00:41:22 Saturday morning wrestling I had watched glow as well as a kid but I don't think I quite understood what it was until recently. I was looking through some old wrestling videos for work purposes, and I saw a lot of dance numbers that the gorgeous ladies of wrestling did. Oh, hell yeah. How much dancing is there in the TV version? Well, I can't give away anything. Oh, boy. Okay. N boy. Okay.
Starting point is 00:41:46 N-D-A. Yeah. But, I mean, we do follow the story of GLOW. Oh, boy. Now, this is kind of interesting. Yeah. When you are doing a project that has some secrecy around it, do you have to sit down with someone and talk about the stuff you can't talk about?
Starting point is 00:42:08 No. But what they did sit us down and basically say – like we were just taking 100,000 pictures because we looked really ridiculous. Right. And I'll show you guys a picture. Maybe you can just react to it. Oh, sure. Yeah, that would be great. But we can't post anything until June 23rd when it launches,
Starting point is 00:42:26 and I will have basically about 10 months worth of social media pictures to post. I mean, I guess my question is, is June 23rd even a throwback Thursday? I should hope it falls on a throwback Thursday. I mean, if it's not TBT, what are you doing? Yeah. Oh, you're retrogramming out here. You don't want to retrogram. Okay, so yeah, this is fun. Why don't you show us, and we won't describe it at all, but we'll just react in a way that hopefully paints a picture.
Starting point is 00:42:55 This will be like a two girls, one cup situation. That's right. Okay, so this is me and my comedy partner in one of the promo pictures. So this is me and my comedy partner in one of the promo pictures. Kimmy Gatewood at the moment is sitting before us in a cute pink dress and a Levi's, like a barn jacket, a utility jacket. A look that I would describe as Saved by the Bell Extra. Walk by three times in the same scene. You got it.
Starting point is 00:43:28 And I have a minion in my pocket. Oh, that's a very cute minion. Who's that? Bob Stewart? I think that's Bob Stewart. Stewart, maybe. Kimmy, since we last saw her, has a short, bobbier haircut. Mm-hmm.
Starting point is 00:43:40 And Converse All-Stars. And I'm looking down at the telephone. Oh! Holy shit. Let me see, let me see. Holy shit, yeah. Oh! You're getting it right in the jewels. Oh!
Starting point is 00:43:55 Wow. Okay. Get out of town. This is great. The girls don't even have jewels. What are you getting? Can I watch the show now? That's terrific. Oh, good.
Starting point is 00:44:08 Oh, man. Yeah. I just want to be part of a project where I can't say stuff about it. I just want that so bad. I want to do Punch-Up on a Green Lantern movie or something. Can I add to that? Hmm. I want to be part of a project.
Starting point is 00:44:23 Just period. Yeah. Yeah. Projects are great. I'd just like to be part of a project. Just period. Yeah. Projects are great. I just like to be included in entertainment. Show business. I mean, I feel like this is the biggest thing I've ever done.
Starting point is 00:44:38 This is like by far the most validating thing. Certainly the biggest hair you've ever had. Yes. I mean, I was about, right when I got this part, I was about to leave to go to New York to accept a position, a full-time position, like, as like an executive producer,
Starting point is 00:44:52 like a, basically just like a manager. A non-performing entertainment thing. Yes, a non-performing thing. This audition came along, like, do you want to audition
Starting point is 00:44:58 with your best friend? I said, uh, yes, of course. Like, what are the odds? So we just put on some mom jeans,
Starting point is 00:45:04 like spike our hair up. And we were just like, had a great time. We're like, there's no way this is going to happen. Yeah. And then we got called back and we're like, ha, ha, ha, how funny. Yeah. Let's go in and just do it again and be assholes again. That's right.
Starting point is 00:45:16 We had no script at all. They're just like, just do some stuff, you know. Just start wrestling. Yeah. I don't know. We got this. Let's see we got a bale of barbed wire a board with a nail in it just do something we've got a we've got a fat manager in a cowboy hat if you want to use him somehow i mean he can't but he can come into it
Starting point is 00:45:39 and he's got a cigar to champ yeah yeah So I did the splits and the barbed wire. Yeah, that's great. He'll do anything. That's a totally amazing story. I was about to throw in the towel on acting. No joke. I was just like, eh, I mean, why put my family through more torture? And now I got dat minivan life.
Starting point is 00:46:03 Yeah. Trunk trailer. Life, trunk, tray. And now I got dat minivan life. Yeah. Van life. Trunk. Tray. Does the trunk tray have compartments and shit? You know what? I just found out about it when I pulled up here, so I have no idea what it is. You're going to have fun putting your grocery bags in that thing, baby. Ooh, baby.
Starting point is 00:46:21 I'll tell you what my car has. I didn't even have to add this on. My car just came with it just some shit in the trunk that you flip up and then there's a big elastic band to keep your fucking uh grocery bags from falling down nice you just put those bags up against that flip up thing how many cases of lacroix can the minivan hold that's a great question i think i looked at a comparison of what the honda odyssey minivan could do versus a Dodge Caravan. And it's at least 18 grocery bags full.
Starting point is 00:46:50 That's pretty good. Yeah. That's rock solid. Of course, you're going to be using it primarily for film production. Yes. And maybe, listen, my mailbox, the pole just fell over. So the wooden thingy-ma-booey. So I need a new one of those, so I'll probably put down all the seats.
Starting point is 00:47:08 Go get a new pole? Yeah. That sounds good. New mailbox pole. And then I'm going to have sex in the back and make 18 burgers. Yeah, we fucking. Is that a minivan or a shagging wagon? Jeez, it's one of the two.
Starting point is 00:47:23 A little bit of both, baby. Probably a little bit of both. Probably a little bit of both. Probably a little bit of both. You guys ready to go to Palm Springs? I would enjoy having sex in a van. Is that sexual or? Yeah. As much as we're laughing about this, never had sex in a van, sounds fun to me.
Starting point is 00:47:39 It's carpet on the bottom. You can choose how many seats you want to put down. Quick question. Does the carpet match the drapes? can put down – you can choose how many seats you want to put down. Quick question. Does the carpet match the drapes? I'm giving you a high five for that one. I'm just mentally high-fiving the whole audience. Everybody listening, even if they don't want it, you're getting a high five right now. That is tons of fun.
Starting point is 00:47:58 You know Jenji Kohan's office is right across the street here. I did know that. Yeah. Isn't that something? She just bought a building over there. Like, all right, Jenji Gohan, go ahead. Can I meet Kevin Nealon sometime? I'll arrange it.
Starting point is 00:48:11 I know everyone now. Oh, everyone. JK. Everyone, eh? Wow. Oh, yeah. Gotta meet Nealon. Love to have a lunch with Nealon.
Starting point is 00:48:22 It'll be a lot of fun, probably. Is he up there on a list that you have of people you'd like to meet? Well, Kevin Nealon was the host of Weekend Update when I was a kid. And I didn't understand why he was funny. And then I saw him many, many, many years ago on a comedy death ray show at the M Bar. This was before I moved to Los Angeles, like 2004 or something like that. And he did this joke. And the premise was he was hiking with his kids and he found some deer leavings.
Starting point is 00:49:01 some deer leavings. And he remembered from his Boy Scout days that if you look at what's in the leavings you can find out what the diet of the animal is. He said he took a stick and he poked at it a little bit and he said, as it turns out,
Starting point is 00:49:18 deer eat berries and some leaves and a lot of shit. And that's like my favorite joke that I've ever seen anyone say ever since then. Just wanted to be friends with Kevin Nealon. I did a job when I worked with Norm MacDonald. I don't know if you guys know who Norm MacDonald is.
Starting point is 00:49:43 Norm MacDonald, that was my real hero as a kid. Like the number one with a Macdonald. I don't know if you guys know who Norm Macdonald is. Norm Macdonald, that was my real hero as a kid. Yeah. Number one with a bullet by far. Yeah. It was so funny working for him because I looked up to him so much on Saturday Night Live. And then I was producing his live streaming show. And one day he just – you never knew what you were going to get. But one day he was like, Kimmy, I need a snake.
Starting point is 00:50:08 For the show or just to have as a pet? I mean, I don't know. It could have changed his mind when he met the snake. He's like, what happened? Did you get the snake? Yeah. So I had to call around Los Angeles and just ask because we didn't have a budget really for it either. So I was calling people and I was like, who because we didn't have a budget really for it either. So I was calling people.
Starting point is 00:50:26 And I was like, who's going to give me a snake for 50 bucks for Norm MacDonald? Right. And I got a lady to do it. There you go. You found that cheap snake. Yeah, I feel like Norm MacDonald, there was a big profile of Norm MacDonald in the Washington Post or something like that. Yeah. Or maybe a year ago when his book came out yes and uh reading that profile i thought wow here's a man who really delivers
Starting point is 00:50:53 on the promise of his onstage persona like the premises the premises of the i don't know how much you can speak to this or not speak to it. I wouldn't ask you to speak out of school. But the sort of twin – the twin pieces of information in this article were, number one, everyone who had ever worked with Norm MacDonald considered him the funniest person they'd ever met in their entire life. That is true just this one just this one sort of miscellaneous washington post article had quotes from every comedy genius ever saying norm mcdonald's the funniest person like as though norm mcdonald been just like i don't know just call albert brooks you know what i mean just just give david letterman a call and he'll tell you that i'm the
Starting point is 00:51:41 you know and uh and then the the uh secondary premise premise was none of them knew Norm MacDonald at all. Like his closest friends did not know who he was at all. Like guys that he had like the sort of like David Spade type dudes that he had like toured with for years playing Indian casinos. Dana Carvey, David Spade. Like they said, I know nothing about this man. And the other exciting thing about Norm MacDonald was that he had lost everything he had on multiple occasions. Yes.
Starting point is 00:52:15 Since he was famous. On more than one occasion, he had lost everything he had. Gambling. Gambling as a compulsive gambler. I think there's a little bit of a generational thing with norm mcdonald uh in our office i mean like everybody who's in there who is around my age he is their comedy hero yeah uh but you know i think there are certain people who like started watching snl during like you know god who jimmy fallon or whatever, like the Jimmy Fallon days.
Starting point is 00:52:45 And we put on just like during a lunch break, a, you know, on YouTube, a Norm MacDonald weekend update super cut and just, you know, laughed till our taints burst. And, but the people who were a little younger just were kind of like, huh. It was, it was, I was sad for them.
Starting point is 00:53:08 Why is he not smiling at all? Why is it just one tone the entire time? Yeah. Yeah. Why does he sometimes say something that's not a joke? And then, and they were, their argument too was like, the people in the audience aren't laughing. And then you look at those old SNLs and they're not a lot of the times. Like the audience does not like him.
Starting point is 00:53:27 No. And they were like, this is – why are you guys laughing at this man who is – right, who is bombing? And anyway, but I think that was kind of even part of why maybe we loved Norm MacDonald so much is we felt like we got it. And it was like these rubes in the SNL audience. Norm MacDonald, an active Twitter user. And I followed his Twitter for quite a while because. You love golf. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:53:52 All right. Because he's my favorite comedian ever. You know, the same reason I follow Albert Brooks's Twitter. You know, I'm like I try. I don't follow the Twitters of people. I don't just follow celebrity Twitters as a general rule. I try and keep it to people I know. But I was like, well, I'm going to follow Albert Brooks.
Starting point is 00:54:09 And I'm going to follow Norm MacDonald. Norm MacDonald, his Twitter feed is him watching a sporting event and saying what's happening. Not making a joke about it. Yes. Not even having a take on it. Not being like, I don't understand why they put in smiley. Like literally just saying smiley for two. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:54:35 Maybe that is the Norm Macdonald thing that I don't get. Maybe I'm the old fuddy-duddy now. Do you think Norm Macdonald is just on the fucking next level? Could be, yeah. Could be the next generation of Twitter comedians are just going to be describing what happens in a sporting event? Yeah, I mean maybe this is where things are going. Because yeah, I mean I think that Norm Macdonald joke style
Starting point is 00:54:55 definitely eventually made its way into the mainstream. I think if you look at like, you know, Seth Meyers when he was doing Update, he was basically doing Norm MacDonald, who smiles sometimes. Yeah. And he's good looking.
Starting point is 00:55:12 He's doing Jimmy Fallon, Norm MacDonald. Yeah, Jimmy Fallon, Norm MacDonald. But yeah, so yeah, maybe the just saying what's happening on TV will be, I mean, that'll be the thing that I, in five years, go Oh, this was, that was the new shit. We didn't see it, man. Is there any special inside excitement that you can tell us about Kimmy? What about working with Norm?
Starting point is 00:55:33 Yeah. Norm McDonald from television, the star of the movie, dirty work alongside Artie Lang from the Howard Stern show. Oh man. Uh, I, he,
Starting point is 00:55:43 uh, we got him fried chicken one time, just like Kentucky Fried Chicken. That sounds good. He asked for it. And then he's like, I don't know if I want this. And then he had some and then he ate it and then just described himself eating Kentucky Fried Chicken. And the fans went bananas, him just eating fried chicken.
Starting point is 00:56:02 He did this on the show. This was a segment on the show him eating fried chicken fuck and then he became the kfc guy like years later oh wow dreams do come true you were about to give up on acting would someday become the colonel in this strange rotating group of kernels that they have. God bless him. Yeah. Do you think Dirty Work is even available digitally?
Starting point is 00:56:30 Oh, it's on Netflix. Or it's on Netflix or Amazon. I watched it streaming on something this year. Was it okay? It's hilarious. It's fucking hilarious. I mean, it's not a movie. Right.
Starting point is 00:56:40 It's just some shit. I own that on VHS, I think. Hell yeah. I definitely own it on VHS. The only way to watch Dirty Work. 100%. Yeah. If you can't watch it on VHS I think hell yeah the only way to watch dirty work 100% if you can't watch it on VHS it's out there streaming oh yeah it's really I mean it's full of great jokes
Starting point is 00:56:51 I mean it has some like outdated like gay jokes like you know maybe you wouldn't you wouldn't do today but yeah that aside people are less assholes now exactly yeah so yeah you more self conscious about being assholes sure yeah Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So yeah, you- More self-conscious
Starting point is 00:57:05 about being assholes. Sure, yeah. But yeah, for the most part, it's just, it's super hilarious. Every- Can I tell you something?
Starting point is 00:57:11 Every fifth thing is really funny. So I interviewed Terry Gross recently for an upcoming podcast project. So exciting. I haven't read it.
Starting point is 00:57:20 That's amazing. It was the most exciting thing, one of the most exciting things in my career. I was really freaked out about it. I was super sick and did not do a great amazing. It was the most exciting thing. One of the most exciting things in my career. I was really freaked out about it. I was super sick and did not do a great job. She was exceedingly lovely and gracious.
Starting point is 00:57:33 And just everything you would hope. And she had some kind words to say to me about my work, and I was very grateful for that. It was lovely. Then, right around that same time, Don Rickles passed away. And Don Rickles is a legendary comedy figure, and he had been on Fresh Air a few times, and there was a Fresh Air with him that they reran. Fresh Air being a combination arts and culture and obituary page. And it was great. Such a wonderful interview with Don Rickles.
Starting point is 00:58:07 Don Rickles was amazing. I mean, I think we had a great time going to see Don Rickles. Sure. 18 months ago, two years ago when we went to see him and he couldn't stand up. It was still great. Don Rickles, a delight. But these two lovely heroes of mine were having this conversation and there's a don rickles scene in dirty work and uh terry gross played it and she said um a line that i'm sure was
Starting point is 00:58:36 written by her producer or whatever i i understand how radio works she said like and i'm gonna play a scene from the movie dirty work which of course is a film that is perhaps most distinguished by the fact that you appeared in it in this brief scene i was driving my car i got so fucking mad i was so mad at my hero terry gross oh right for diminishing dirty work how dare you say that about dirty work? What about the part where he says about the crack whores in the trunk? And I was like, oh, right, yeah. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, in retrospect.
Starting point is 00:59:15 Yeah, dirty work is a similar punchline to like Biodome or Son-in-Law when you want to talk talk about the bad comedies of our youth. But Dirty Work is actually very funny. I can't speak to Biodome, which I have not seen. Norm Macdonald. Encino Man. Oh, Encino Man. Yeah, I have not seen that since it's theatrical. Norm Macdonald is funny and Pauly Shore isn't.
Starting point is 00:59:34 Sure. That's your main difference. You think Stephen Baldwin's not funny? Well, Stephen Baldwin, that guy's funny. Top three Baldwins. I mean, I'm not going to say Jordan, Kimmy. Yes. I'm not going to say he's better than Pryor.
Starting point is 00:59:51 Mm-hmm. But he was the Pryor of his time. Sure. He said the things that no one else was saying inside biodomes. Exactly. Whereas Pryor had, you know, the comedy stages and, you know, the Sunset Strip, of course. Yeah. Stephen Baldwin was saying all of this stuff within biodomes.
Starting point is 01:00:13 Well, I think that he brought the voice of people who lived in biodomes to people who wouldn't have otherwise heard that voice and understood that experience. I mean, yeah. Now I know what it's like. I mean, not exactly, but I, you know, can imagine what it's like to have lived in a biodome. It's probably really tough. And also Tenacious D was in it for a minute. They sure were. Really ahead of its time.
Starting point is 01:00:40 Okay, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jessica. Okay, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jessica. I'm Barbara Gray. I'm Brandi Posey. And I'm Tess Barker. We're Lady to Lady. Do you want a sleepover in your ears? Is that a friend in your pocket or are you just podcast to see me?
Starting point is 01:01:01 We're a portable hangout you can bring to the gym, on the subway, or on an oil rig. Seriously, we have listeners who do that. Show with us while we get high with Margaret Cho. Talk showgirls with Katya from Drag Race. And hear Broadway star Anthony Rapp sing Hamilton. I am not throwing away my shot. I am not throwing away my shot. Hey, yo, I'm just like my country.
Starting point is 01:01:19 I'm young, scrappy, and hungry, and I'm not throwing away my shot. That's Lady to Lady. Can you keep a secret? Neither can we. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Kimmy Gatewood, robot girl.
Starting point is 01:01:45 Yeah, cool. All right, I did one. Yeah, that's good. That was good. I thought about it a little bit. You know, when something momentous happens to you, like you find out you got a free trunk liner, go ahead and call us at 206-984-4FUN.
Starting point is 01:02:04 Did you see that tweet earlier today? A fan put out a tweet. You can always tweet with the hashtag JJGo. We look at them. We love looking at them. It's a fun thing to do on Twitter. We'll reply. We'll retweet.
Starting point is 01:02:14 Yeah. We'll twank. Love it. Yeah, we'll twank. You want to twank? I'll twank. And somebody, a lady posted. I hear you on the dating app twang i'm swiping up down all around yeah swipe right on twang i uh i noticed a woman who had tweeted
Starting point is 01:02:36 a young woman who had tweeted that she had decided that uh from now on uh at first she said that she loved Jordan and Jesse. That's us. So thank you. I guess I wasn't there yet. Yeah. You haven't been on in a while. Been a little bit. So you'll get back in the conversation.
Starting point is 01:02:55 But people are just kind of into Liza Skinner now. I don't know. No, it makes sense. She's terrific. She's very funny. She's really talented. Yeah. You'll get back in there.
Starting point is 01:03:06 Surprisingly good rapper talented. Yeah. You'll get back in there. She's a surprisingly good rapper, too. Sure. Anyway, she said that, but then she also said that from now on, she was only dating guys who had 206-9844-FUN saved in their phones. Put it in the phone. Get yourself a date. I love it. Get yourself a date. I love it.
Starting point is 01:03:20 This is almost as good as the guy who tweeted to me on my birthday to tell me i looked like a garbage pail kid first thing when i opened up twitter on my birthday it's usually fun because it's like oh i'm gonna open up twitter everybody's wishing me a happy birthday fun memories throwback thursday pics all sorts of fun stuff social media on your birthday a bag of fun No first thing is this fucking guy telling me I look like a garbage pail kid Why would you think I would want to see that Somebody today just tweeted
Starting point is 01:03:56 Jesse Thorne sucks Did he add you in it No I saw it when I was looking for bullseye links Ah sure But yeah Anyway Uh, no, I saw it when I was looking for bullseye links. Ah, sure. But, uh, yeah. Uh, anyway. Yeah. I did, I tweeted that you look like a garbage pill.
Starting point is 01:04:11 Oh, was that you? I did not at you. Oh, okay, sure. I had the decency not to at you. It's like how people don't want to, like, type Trump anymore, so they'll try, like, T star UMP. Yeah. So you were like, J star R-D star RDAN is a real G star RBAGE pale kid.
Starting point is 01:04:34 You'd be a very good parent, you know, just spelling things out. You're right. Yeah. If you look like a garbage pail kid, Jordan, I'm sure it's handsome Hal. Thank you. Yeah. That's the garbage pail kid where it's like turns the whole thing on its head because he's so handsome. Thank you. That's the garbage pale kid where it's like turns the whole thing on its head because he's so handsome.
Starting point is 01:04:47 That's the premise of the garbage pale kid. Slick hair. Tuxedo. Diarrhea Dan. Adam Bomb. That's the only one I remember. Adam Bomb. Garbage pale kid. That's fun. Maybe they just meant that you're fun like having garbage kids. No. He was saying I looked like one.
Starting point is 01:05:06 He was saying I looked, and not a card, like one of the ones from the movie, the awful puppets. Oh, Jesus. Wait, did he really get that specific? He just put a side-by-side of me. Jesus Christ. Holy crap. Did you block him? I did, yeah.
Starting point is 01:05:23 That's good. Yeah. Block that guy. Usually I mute. Since they invented mute, I did, yeah. That's good. Yeah. Block that guy. Usually I mute. Since they invented mute, I try to mute. Oh, no, I mute it. Because I, yeah, I do like... That guy doesn't deserve to hear your humor.
Starting point is 01:05:32 Oh, right. That's my premise. Thank you. Usually I'll mute if I think it might even, even if it might be them not trying to insult me, like an accidental insult. I'll just mute. Yeah. But then there's other people I'm like, you don't deserve to hear what I have to say. Block.
Starting point is 01:05:51 Yeah. Anyway. Jesse Thorne sucks, guys. But then I got, I did get some nice messages on Twitter later in the day. I don't want people to think that my, you know, that this one garbage pail man was ruined all the nice things people said, but it was noteworthy. It was first. So he got there first.
Starting point is 01:06:10 I was up at night ideating on what birthday gift I should send you. What happened? Well, I didn't text Jordan on his birthday. I felt bad. I was like, I need to, and I'm not going to be able to, sorry, I'm not going to be able to come to your birthday get-together
Starting point is 01:06:24 because I have to take my daughter to her swim lesson. I get that. And I was like, Jesse, to, and I'm not going to be able to, sorry, I'm not going to be able to come to your birthday get-together because I have to take my daughter to her swim lesson. I get that. And I was like- Jesse, this thing's going to go late. I should send something to my friend Jordan. Or just leave her at the pool by herself. Maybe I'll leave her at the bar and I'll go to the pool. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 01:06:37 That'd be nice. Yeah, kids love bars these days. And I was 9, 30, 10 o'clock at night. I'm in bed. I think, what am I going to send to my friend Jordan? I'm going to send him something that he'll appreciate because I value his friendship. Amazon.com. Amazonmp3.com.
Starting point is 01:06:56 Send him a little digital gift. By digital gift, you mean a finger up the butt? Digit. Oh, yeah. Jordan, by digital gift, you mean a finger up the butt? Digit. Oh. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Jordan, by digital gift, I mean Tomogachi.
Starting point is 01:07:12 Oh, sure. Up the butt. Right. And it lets out a little shiver when it dies, and that stimulates the prostate. Richard Gere, of course, famous for having gotten caught. Does that come with Alexa? It does, yeah. Okay, good, great.
Starting point is 01:07:28 Alexa, kill the Tamagotchi. When something momentous happens to you, give us a call, 206-984-4FUN. We're here to listen. Here's our first momentous occasion. Hey, Jordan and Jesse. I would like to share with you and all your listeners probably the most moment that could happen. I know that everyone loves hearing stories about the beloved Grove in L.A. Recently, I had to choose with the Grove. Can you pause this real quick, Daniel?
Starting point is 01:08:03 So just to explain, the Grove is like an outdoor shopping center here in Los Angeles. There's a trolley. Movie theater, trolley. Saved by the Belcast member. Yeah. Just anything you want right there. One-stop shop. Right there in the Grove.
Starting point is 01:08:18 Okay, go ahead and press play. New app, which allows you to park via a barcode on your phone never worked for me so I complained to them and they told me they'd hook me up make things right go to the grove go to the concierge desk waiting for me is a little black bag that says the Grove on it. Inside, a sleek faux suede little box. Inside of that, a transponder for free parking at The Grove for an entire year. And then a black card that says Caruso VIP. Caruso is the owner of The Grove and the Americana brand. Rick Caruso.
Starting point is 01:09:07 So for one year, I will be a VIP at both the Grove and the Americana brand and have free parking and free valet parking. Dang. So if you guys ever need some free parking at the Grove or the Americana brand, you know who to call. Rick Caruso. And I'm the Grove or the Americana at Brands, you know who to call. Rick Caruso. And I'm the guy with the black VIP card. That's all. Have a good day, guys. Wow.
Starting point is 01:09:33 Black VIP card in the Aquamarine 92 Tercel. Also, if you take that black card to the Cheesecake Factory, get a finger up the butt. Free breadsticks. Free breadsticks. Free breadsticks. Yeah, yeah. You can eat those. You don't want to put those in your butt.
Starting point is 01:09:53 They're too good. They're too delicious. I need some kind of a privilege. I want a privilege. I want a secret project. I have white privilege. That's good if I'm being tried for a crime or something, trying to get a home loan. Male privilege.
Starting point is 01:10:09 Yeah, sure. I mean, that's nice if I'm leading a meeting at work or asking for a raise. Those are both good, but I'm talking about a shopping mall privilege. I want a card where Sir La La Tabla just comes to me. Like, so I can exchange my CO2 cartridges from my water bubble machine. Come on over here, Sur La Tabla. I don't want to have to go to you. You know those little fuzzy things that you can drive now?
Starting point is 01:10:45 The little, like, animals that kids can drive around the malls? I don't know that. What is that? Those little fuzzy things you can drive now. Let me back up. So maybe not at the Americana or at the Grove. Are we talking about moldy 1990 Honda Accord? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:11:02 I'm talking about my grandfather again. No, no. Sir Dragon. Yeah. I'm talking about my grandfather again. No, no. Sir Dragon. Yeah. Are we talking about a hundred head of cattle? On wheels. And like the crappier malls, like the one in Eagle Rock. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:11:19 You can hop on these little go-karts. Eagle Rock's kind of a Target Sears type mall. Yeah, exactly. But only that. Lady Foot Locker, maybe. If you're lucky. There's got to be a Julius in there, right? Yeah, there's probably a game spot.
Starting point is 01:11:33 They're like off-brand Lady Foot Locker, though. It's like a Lodi Foot Locker. Yeah. Woman shoes. Oh. These are the shoes for me. Say Lodi Foot Locker. Lodi Foot Locker. Lodi Foot Locker.
Starting point is 01:11:47 This sign looks like Lady Foot Locker. Is the sign just dirty or something? No, nothing's weird here. That's Lodi Foot Locker. Would you like a Nicky? Sure. Perhaps a Ray Bulk. R-A-B-O-K.
Starting point is 01:12:06 I noticed. They have these things you can rent for like five minutes or 15 minutes or 30 minutes. It's a very short amount of increments. But you can just get on this little go-kart. They're battery powered. You can just drive them around. They're like two feet off the ground. And can grown-ups do it?
Starting point is 01:12:24 Yeah. Grown-ups and kids can do it. That shit sounds awesome. It's super fun. You can do it at the Glendale Galleria. Can you vape while you're doing it? Yeah. I'm sure there are vape shops in the Galleria, but that would be awesome if you had an unlimited pass because five minutes goes by so fast.
Starting point is 01:12:42 Yeah, that's what you want the unlimited pass for. That's what I would want it for. A little vape card. What are those things, Scott? Go-kart handling? Yeah, but on the ears of the dog. Let's take our next call. Hey, guys.
Starting point is 01:12:56 This is Carolyn in the Chicago suburbs. I am calling the Momentum vacation. I have been dating my boyfriend for two years. And that whole time he's lived with his mom. We're like 23, so not that weird. And he has this cat that's super, super shy. His name is Felix, the cat's name, not the boyfriend. Felix or Fifi, if you prefer.
Starting point is 01:13:24 the cat's name, not the boyfriend, Felix or Fifi, if you prefer. And I've never touched this cat or seen it in person for longer than like a few seconds at a time. And he just moved into a new apartment. And it's the cat's first night there. And the cat is super, super nervous and super scared. And so we're being really careful and very respectful of his face. And I finally ended up going in there with my boyfriend. And we laid on the floor because the cat was under the bed. And by the end of like an hour of sitting in that room, that cat was fucking sitting on my lap.
Starting point is 01:14:01 So that's my moment of vacation. I touched my boyfriend's cat for the first time. Love the show. Thanks, guys. Congratulations. Get up in that pussy. Touch that cat, if you want to put it. I like that.
Starting point is 01:14:18 Nice move. Starting a new phase of life. Yep. New apartment. Yep. Friendlier cat. Yep. Life's good.
Starting point is 01:14:25 You know what I'm sick of? Hmm. These millennials. Get a apartment. Yep. Friendlier cat. Yep. Life's good. You know what I'm sick of? Hmm. These millennials. Get a job. Yeah. Move out of your mom's basement. How about this? Get a job and get a haircut, asshole.
Starting point is 01:14:35 Get a job. Get a haircut. Gee whiz, narcs. Turn down the Skrillex. Yeah, why don't you turn down your dubstep, get a job, and get a haircut? We're out here working. Mm-hmm. Okay. Boot, straps. Yeah. Why don't you turn down your dubstep, get a job, and get a haircut? We're out here working. Boot, straps.
Starting point is 01:14:47 Yeah. Don't expect the world to hand you everything on a solid gold plate. Get under that bed. Get that cat. Make it snuggle you. Ladies, get up in that pussy. Get up or pet the cat, however you want to say that. You don't have to say it like that.
Starting point is 01:15:07 You could say it other ways. Just for millennials. Okay. You have to use frank talk. They don't understand. They're all special snowflakes that want to be coddled. In cold hands that won't melt them. Cold frozen hands like Bizarro's hands from Supermanman sure that icy superman blockhead superman yeah was he the worst villain bizarro yeah i think bizarro was kind of fun i think he
Starting point is 01:15:35 was sympathetic too okay he was like a kind of a frankenstein in that you know he was almost exactly the same as frankenstein yes yeah he. He was just Superman in a cape. Cold Frankenstein. He was an uncreative copy of Frankenstein. Yeah, anyway, I guess my message to millennials would be, first of all, get yourself a nice pair of shoes. Second of all, clean up a little bit, okay? Take a shower, buddy. Number three, get yourself an apartment. Number four, get yourself a dog or cat.
Starting point is 01:16:11 No tortoises. Okay, no snakes. You're not Norm MacDonald. Number five, get your own house in order. Number six, take responsibility for your life. Number seven, start making lists. One to ten is a good number. Sure.
Starting point is 01:16:31 Number eight, double check those lists. Number nine, tack it up on the fridge. Number ten, explore the erotic potential of the male prostate. I know there's no female prostate. It just makes us funnier when you say it like that. Yeah the male prostate. I know there's no female prostate. It just makes us funnier when you say it like that.
Starting point is 01:16:48 Yeah, male prostate is more fun. Yeah. Don't have to correct us. No. 206-984-4FUN is the number to call. Put it in your phones. Get some dates. When something momentous happens to you, I bet you didn't notice this, Jordan. Those were just good old-fashioned, real-life, major life events that we covered.
Starting point is 01:17:06 Doesn't have to be crazy. Doesn't have to be a weird sex thing. It can be. It can be. Doesn't have to be. Right now, I'm all about encouraging momentous occasions that are not just weird sex things. Is that the majority of the momentous occasion? I think people are trying to top each other.
Starting point is 01:17:22 I think there's a one-up in ship. Quite literally. Yes. They're topping each other. I think there's a one-up in ship. Quite literally. Yes, they're topping each other by talking about the first time they ever... By stacking dicks on top of each other. That's it. Stacking dicks like Lincoln Logs, yes. Now, I know what you're out there saying. I've been stacking dicks like Lincoln Logs, and I've made myself a fine home.
Starting point is 01:17:45 Well, in that case, give us a call. We're not going to turn away a log cabin made of dicks. We're no reverse Abraham Lincoln. Because a log is the opposite of a dick? No, because Abraham Lincoln lived in a log cabin. Right. So he loves log cabins. If we were to reverse Abraham Lincoln, we would hate log cabins.
Starting point is 01:18:12 So we would hate a log cabin made of dead leaves. So we would turn it away. Okay. Tight log logic. Yeah. Makes sense, right? We're going to have to run this by Elliot Kalin. He's the president expert.
Starting point is 01:18:25 This guy loves presidents so goddamn much. Also some questions about Bizarro. God knows he can answer those. Also some questions about Bizarro. Dear Lord, can he answer those. Yeah, so give us a call with something that happens. 206-984-4FUND. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jesse Go.
Starting point is 01:18:47 It's Jordan and Jessie Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Kimmy Gatewood, used to be a coder. What are we looking at, June 23rd? Yes. June 23rd. Yes.
Starting point is 01:18:59 All 10 episodes come out June 23rd. And this is going to be on the website Netflix? Yeah,.com. Where can I get that? Gpher what gopher do i ftp that uh yeah oh yeah indeed okay we transfer yeah just go ahead and we transfer netflix.com download a zip file unzip that zip. Take all the glows out of the zip file. Can you get that to me on a jazz disc? Like a wrestling jazz disc? Yeah, a wrestling jazz like hard bop.
Starting point is 01:19:32 Or like a CD-ROM jazz disc. Yeah, can I watch this on my Philips CD Interactive? Indeed. Jordan, we don't have time to get into this right now. We're wrapping up the show. You know Jennifer Marmer, our friend from college, who's the producer of Judge John Lodgeman? Yep.
Starting point is 01:19:48 She has a Philips CD Interactive. Whoa, check it out. Somewhere in her dad's basement. That's awesome. She played that bootleg Zelda game when she was a kid. Oh, sure, yeah. The now retconned out of continuity Zelda games. And something that was...
Starting point is 01:20:03 I guess they didn't have to. They just don't include it. Like Mall Madness themed or something. Nice. Like a full motion video game about shopping and boyfriends. I tell you what, the thing I have to resist the most
Starting point is 01:20:15 is to not buy defunct video game systems and have them in the house. Yeah. I'm always really jealous when I see somebody with a defunct video game system. I always think that's pretty cool I'm very excited that
Starting point is 01:20:27 Christian and Daniel here in our office have taken on that mantle so I can go ahead and play on theirs without feeling like I have one of my own although one of them is my own that you gave me for Christmas oh that's true this is a classic
Starting point is 01:20:42 this is a new Genesis that plays old Genesis games. Yeah. Glow's coming. People should watch it in June. You can add stuff to Netflix, your list now, right? If people want to get on that Netflix and save it, you can
Starting point is 01:20:58 pre-save it probably. I'm going to have to watch the DVDs that are sitting on top of my DVD player right now if I want to get this glow. Sure. Okay. Realistically. Realistically.
Starting point is 01:21:10 Sure. Okay. I have been meaning to watch The English Patient. Right. Oh, man. For quite some time. And, of course, shock a lot. And sometimes your good intentions get ahead of your taste.
Starting point is 01:21:23 Maybe I would rather be watching You've Got Mail. Okay? It's a classic. Who else we got in this glow? There's you, of course. You're the star. Everyone else is shit. My best friend, Rebecca Johnson of the Apple Sisters.
Starting point is 01:21:36 Great. Who's on the undercard? Alison Brie. Yeah, sure. Got it. Marc Maron. Okay. Betty Gilpin.
Starting point is 01:21:45 Great. Gail Rankin. Yeah. Jackie Tone. Got it. Marc Maron. Okay. Betty Gilpin. Great. Gail Rankin. Yeah. Jackie Tone. Kia Stevens. Uh-huh. Sadal Noel. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:21:51 Ellen Wong. Uh-huh. Britt Barron. Oh. Brittany Young. Ah. Let me go down. What are you, some kind of executive producer?
Starting point is 01:21:59 This sounds like a great cast. It's going to be a fucking great show. It is. You're going to do 90 seasons of it. Got me. Got me. You're going to hit somebody with a chair eventually. Got me. You's going to be a fucking great show. You're going to do 90 seasons of it. You're going to hit somebody with a chair eventually. You're going to get to that third rope. Got any snakes in there? In my vest?
Starting point is 01:22:13 No, in the show. No, no snakes. No snakes. Season two. Season two. More snakes. Just tell him 50 bucks. It's not.
Starting point is 01:22:21 You know a guy. You know a lady. Get Jenji on the phone. I'll explain. It's only 50 bucks. Jen guy. You know a lady. Get Jenji on the phone. I'll explain. It's only $50. Jenji. Hi, Jenji. I can get you a snake for $50.
Starting point is 01:22:31 Let's squeeze this thing in. CGI green screen, okay? Let's CGI green screen this in. Full motion video. Let's go. Just like the Philip CDI. Final Cut Pro. Let's get in a snake.
Starting point is 01:22:50 Norm MacDonald got one so last thing jenji wants to do is fall behind norm no it's everyone's greatest fear norm shows streaming boy listen i'm watching the show if you're out there you're gonna watch the show it's just gonna be how it is yeah so don't fucking not watch the show. Yeah. Just watch it. Yeah. Anyway. You can also watch a show I directed called Hyperlinked on YouTube Red.
Starting point is 01:23:12 Ooh. In May. Great. I don't know when it's coming out. Wait, what's that? Well, this is May right now. Oh, yeah. It's coming out a few weeks, but they're going to, May 10th, they will be telling everyone when they can watch it.
Starting point is 01:23:24 Say the name clear, because I didn't get it. Hyperlinked. And you directed this. I directed the series Hyperlinked. It's about girls who code. On Netscape Navigator. They would laugh at me. They wouldn't even know what that was.
Starting point is 01:23:40 They'd say, is that a new app? That's how I feel around middle schoolers. I fucking hate apps. Apps are the fucking worst. You know who I leave apps to? Vladimir Putin. Thank you. Russian dictator Vladimir Putin.
Starting point is 01:23:57 Rhymes with crap for a reason. Goddamn apps as he wants to. I'll be here in America. Rassling gators. Living my life. Rassling gators and watching television. Oprah Winfrey. Two words.
Starting point is 01:24:10 Oprah Winfrey. I don't understand this character. That's what I'm going to be watching. I thought that was a new term for app. Yeah. Oprah. Oprah. Winfrey.
Starting point is 01:24:21 Winfrey. Okay. WGN The Super Station Sure That's what I'm gonna be watching TBS Very funny Braves game
Starting point is 01:24:31 That's what I'm gonna see Family Guy rerun Mark Wohlers Okay Let's wrap this thing up Kimmy Gatewood's been our guest Thanks guys Daniel Butterwill
Starting point is 01:24:41 on the boards this week Kimmy did you say you wanted to shout out somebody? Hell yeah Time to do that now. This is the time. Some of your Jessica fans. Do it. Just fucking say it! Do the shout out! Mark Baseman and
Starting point is 01:24:53 Rachel Murray. Hi guys. What's up Mark and Rachel? This is how we pay our guests. You guys keeping it cool? Yeah. Yeah. They're keeping it cool. They're gonna take that straight to the bank. They're keeping it cool. You know what I think? Why don't you two fuck later? If.
Starting point is 01:25:08 If that's something that. I don't know what your relationship is. Or your sexual preferences. Yeah. But if you guys are both single or, you know, in a relationship that's got a little wiggle room. Yeah. If you're both heterosexuals. Why don't you do a little wiggling?
Starting point is 01:25:21 Why don't you fuck? Yeah. They're married. They need to hear this. Okay. Yeah. You definitely should. Yeah, let's go wiggle, baby.
Starting point is 01:25:30 Wiggle, wiggle, baby, bubba. Brian Sonny D. Fernandez, of course, is our producer, also narrowly avoiding a strike. Congratulations, Jordan, on your continued livelihood. Special thanks this week to the Doughboys who sent us cookies. Ah. I know.
Starting point is 01:25:50 The sweetest guys. Sweet hearts. The sweetest guys. Thank you guys so much. We're on Reddit at MaximumFun.reddit.com on Facebook at Facebook.com
Starting point is 01:25:59 slash whatever. Hashtag JJGo on Twitter at Jesse Thorne at Jordan underscore Morris. Kimmy, you on Twitter on Twitter, at Jesse Thorne, at Jordan underscore Morris. Kimmy, you on Twitter? Yeah, at Kimmy Gatewood. At Kimmy Gatewood.
Starting point is 01:26:10 That's a clever... That's where you're going to be putting out these wrestling pics when the time comes, right? I had to take out Trunk Trey. They made me for publicity reasons. Got it. I get that. Too sexual.
Starting point is 01:26:20 Yeah. We'll be back next week on Jordan, Jesse Go. MaximumFun. Yeah. We'll be back next week on Jordan and Jessica. We'll be back next week on Jordan and Jessica.

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