Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 53A: Calls Calls Calls

Episode Date: March 2, 2008

Overflow from episode 53: Lots of cool calls.

Hey, it's Jesse. We've been giving you so little Jordan, Jesse, Go! that we thought we'd kind of overfill the tank this week, so we split the show into two pieces. Here's the calls from this week's Jordan, Jesse, Go! Jordan, Jesse, Go! I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, Boy Detective. And this is Jasper T. Redbone. That was good. That was nice. That was really nice. Very musical.

We should make maybe the host of our mixtape. Maybe it could be mixed by Kid Capri, hosted by Jasper T. Redbone. What about this? I'm just throwing that out there as a possibility. I would do it, man. What about this? Jordan Morris. Cha-cha-cha.

What do you think about that? Pretty good, huh? That is pretty good. Jasper, you've got to admit, that's pretty good. That is good. Look at me. I'm a mixtape over here. Some kind of mixtape.

Jordan, what are you? Some kind of mixtape? Yeah what are you some kind of mixtape yeah hey nice exclusive freestyles okay uh telephone calls shall we uh so we've got a couple of sort of open issues on the show right now um number one jordan jesse go the video game i got a great email from uh the video game creator he's got a lot of uh good ideas and guidelines that I'm going to post up on the website. I haven't even emailed him back yet. I've been very busy. But as predicted last week, there was a discussion about the possibility of creating a Jordan Jesse Go video game.

And Kevin Pereira said, this is something we should sticky on the message board. And you know what I said back to him? We don't need to sticky it because it's going to stay up at the top of the message board because it's going to be such a hot topic. Guess what happened? I was proven absolutely correct. This topic has been red hot. There's all kinds of awesome ideas. There's been a really good discussion of the idea of maybe alternating levels where you play one level is me and one level as you. There's been a discussion of, for example, my power-up being bunny calendars,

but the problem is if you get my power-up, which is bunny calendars, it weakens Jordan. And if Jordan gets his power-up, which is flip-flops, it weakens me. Just one of the many exciting possibilities of the Jordan Jesse Go video game that are going

that are in the heavy discussion on the forum right now very excited about it we've actually gotten a couple of additional calls for people who have

ideas for creative interpretations of Jordan Jesse Go I should remind our listeners here that we have we give the green light or the red light to these. Yeah. Don't just do them.

Don't just go around interpreting our work without getting the go-ahead from us. We're like the studio. We're like the Harvey and whatever the other Weinstein is called. Josh? Jake? Jake Weinstein. Jake Weinstein. Yeah, I think it's probably Jake Weinstein. Josh Weinstein? Josh Weinstein. Jarb. I think it's Jar Jake Weinstein. Jake Weinstein. Yeah, I think it's probably Jake Weinstein.

Josh Weinstein? Josh Weinstein. Jarb. I think it's Jarboy Weinstein. Jarb Weinstein? Oh, Jar of Wine. Oh, Jar of Wine, yeah. Jordan and Jesse, this is Brian Hogg from Ontario, Canada.

An idea for the Jordan and Jesse creative interpretations. Now, I'm a puppeteer, so I'm going to say a puppeteer. Any kind of puppeteer will do, but my specific idea is you and Jordan, or pardon me, the pair of you are in the 1930s. You're working for the president. You're solving mysteries in probably a sepia-toned attire. Those are my three things. Keep up the great work.

Bye. Maybe he's in some sort of respirator for his polio. Yeah, or an iron lung. Yeah, an iron lung. I like it. Jasper, you got anything to add on to this puppet show idea? Nah, man. It's perfect.

You're right. You're right. There's nothing wrong with it. Yeah, I'm going to give the go-ahead to 30's Puppet Show. Okay, but who's going to write it? I don't have time to write this shit. We have to hire a script. I don't trust Brian Hogg to write it.

That's Brian Hogg, the puppeteer behind Dot Boom. That's his video puppeting podcast. I don't think he has our voices. Do you think he can nail our voices? Yeah. You know who we should get? Who should we get? Neil LaBute.

Yeah, let's get Neil LaBute. I think I'll capture how cruel I am. Yeah, I was about to say. If there's one word that I would use to describe us, it would be misogyny. Yeah. Horrific misogyny. Neil LaBute will just write something if you ask him, right? Yeah, I think Neil LaBute just takes suggestions.

Yeah, someone just suggested, hey, direct the Wicker Man remake. And he did it. Did he really direct the Wicker Man remake? Yeah, he totally did on the plus side we could get that uh that really handsome guy that's always in neil the butte movies what's that guy called uh aaron eckhart yeah aaron eckhart i could get i could get aaron eckhart to play me i think i want him to play me what if he just plays both of us it's a puppet show yeah two different voices yeah he's pretty versatile.

Wait, are we giving the go-ahead to the puppet show? Yes. Yes, but we're going to have to put it into development. Yeah. I think we're putting this into development because we've got to work on the script. Yeah, welcome to development hell, as they say. Yeah, exactly. Next thing you know you might be in Turnaround. We'll see. Yeah, you need to be in Turnaround.

Hey Jordan, Jesse Go. This is Chris from Boston. I just wanted to call to ask for permission if I could do some Choose Your Own Adventure episodes of Jordan, Jesse Goh. Thank you. I'd appreciate it. Bye. I don't believe this is even possible.

Yep, do it. I think this is completely unrealistic. I think we're going to end up blowing our entire development budget on developing a Choose Your Own Adventure audio system as well as robotic jesse and jordan voices to create all the different possibilities of the discussion yeah some big ideas well that's what we're shooting for jasper this isn't this we're not bullshitting around i didn't know it'd be an audio thing i thought it'd be a tiny thing that you would buy at the book fair oh like it's a little book from the book fair. Yeah. The Scholastic Book Fair. What about this?

Do you think, I think if he's going to do it, I want it to be interactive fiction. Yeah? Yeah, you know, like Escape from Zork or whatever that is. Return to Zork? Yeah. Oh, he's going to be like a PC game? Yeah, exactly.

Like a Myst or a... Well, he doesn't have to be on the PC. It could be on the Mac. He could make it in HyperCard. Okay. It's another possibility. He could use HyperCard to make it. We already have a video game coming, though. I don't know. I prefer the platformer

to the text-based adventure. Oh, you like the pure text, huh? No, I don't. No, you're saying you like pure text for this suggestion, because you already said, you already gave it the go-ahead. Oh, yeah. No, you know, yes, text-based video game is fine. Oh, if you can make it, okay, make a Jordan Jesse Go choose your own adventure for those graphing calculators. Yes, there we go. That's it. That's it. That's the full graphing calculators. High school students need a Jordan Jesse Go-based game to play in their algebra class yeah their

trigonometry class their geometry class their we're gonna be new we're gonna be the new dope wars people would always be telling you about dope wars that they play on their calculator it's like a game where you're a drug dealer. Wow. So we're giving it the go-ahead, but we're going to need somebody to help you out technologically speaking. So this will,

you know, if you have the skills to create a choose-your-own-adventure text-based video game, we've already got an author for you here. Let's put these two together

on the Maximum Fun forums in the thread for this week's program. This one comes from the news category. Hey, it's me, Jessie Go. This is Dill from Detroit, Michigan. And I just thought I should let you know of a very exciting event. I just read in the newspaper today that there is going to be a Pootie Tang 2.

And because, Jessie, I know in particular you're a big fan of that movie like the original you would enjoy that so love the show guys talk to you later yes Poodie 2 Poodie 2 separate time my damies

that news is the Pone Tony I want a confirmation on this seems unlikely first of all I didn't believe it I didn't believe it was real is the Pone Tony. Wait, is that, I want a confirmation on this. Okay, so. Seems unlikely. I got, first of all, I didn't believe it. Okay. I didn't believe it was real.

I don't believe it currently. And I'll give you a couple reasons why. Number one, Louis C.K., who wrote and directed the film, he's up to other things. Mm-hmm.

Got a new comedy special coming out, got a lot of big things happening in his career. Number two, Chris Rock's up to other shit, you know. Now, granted, Lance Crowther, comedy special coming out got a lot of big things happening in his career uh number two chris rock's up to other shit you know um now granted lance crowther who starred in the film as pootie tang he's probably not up to that much you know maybe he's doing a stand-up tour or something like that

but lance crowther probably cons he mostly yeah pootie con um pootie con um it i wasn't sure about it so i looked it up on the internet and i just searched on the internet for pootie tang too um this is what this is gonna be a flash animation series this is what it is apparently uh chris rock told a college newspaper that he would like to make pootie tang too and i think it was probably the quote was out of context that i saw but i'm guessing that it was in the context of the person interviewing saying oh man oh man i would love to see pootie tang too and chris rock going yeah sure me too i loved pootie tang which is the only reasonable response to telling somebody that you'd love to see Pootie Tang, too, is yes, I love Pootie Tang because Pootie Tang is fucking amazing and great. But the downside of it is that I think it made about $10 between video and the theaters.

And also, to be frank, as a movie, it barely makes sense. Like, it's barely a movie. Yeah, man, but it has that cult following. Yeah, I'm a member of this cult following. You know who the world's biggest Pootie Tang fan is? Maybe you guys didn't know this. Maybe you guys thought it was maybe Louis C.K. himself or Chris Rock. I was supposed to say Pootie Tang.

Yeah. It's actually not Pootie. It's my mom. Wow. Yeah. It's actually not Pootie. It's my mom. Me and my mom went to see Pootie Tang in the theater in San Francisco when it was in the theaters. And I think it might be my mom's favorite movie ever. Wow. Because it really hit my mom's sweet spot of humor because my mom does not understand jokes. And it's not because she's not a smart

woman. She's actually a very smart woman. It's not because she's not a good humored woman because she's actually an extremely good humored woman and laughs a lot and is a lot of fun and all that kind of shit. But she just doesn't really know what a joke is. In her mind, what a joke is, is a funny word that she made up or heard or something that kind of rhymes with something else and so basically i'm a baby that's the baby mom but jordan that's the premise of pootie tang what i just described is basically i mean sure there are some jokes in Poodie Tang, but mostly it's just what if there was nonsense words instead of real words? And so, yeah, I mean, I got for Christmas or her birthday, I think one year I got her. Louie used to sell Poodie Tang posters autographed by him on his website.

So I got her one of those. She has it framed and she has it on the wall of her office behind her desk at the college where she is a professor. Nice. And people come in, and they are flabbergasted. They do not know what to make. That's great. Of this 61-year-old white woman with the giant poster, autographed Potie Tang poster directly behind her desk. That's beautiful.

Actually, you know what the one thing that my mom may be as big a fan of as Pootie Tang? Jasper Red. My mom is also one of the world's biggest Jasper Red fans. She saw Jasper at some show maybe that we did with him or something. Maybe my Santa Cruz show or something like that. She thinks Jasper's the funniest thing since sliced bread. She's ambivalent about basically anything else I've ever shown her. Like she'll be enthusiastic about it because they're my friend

or I think they're funny. You know what I mean? Yeah, I appreciate her laughs, man. Thank you, Mama Dorn. I think we saw Jasper. She saw Jasper and Brent Weinnt weinbach it's something that we put together she was just completely baffled by brent weinbach it was even like she thought brent weinbach was a nice young man when she met him you know because

she has a you know she's she's she likes a nice nice young man like Brent Weinbach. But in terms of his humor, it meant nothing to her. She didn't hate it. It just didn't mean anything to her. It was just she might as well have been talking in nonsense talk, except for the fact that if he had been talking in nonsense talk, she would have loved it and thought it was the greatest comedy ever, like the movie Pootie Tang.

Yeah, that's common amongst the Wild Bok experience. Okay, let's take another call here. Hey, guys. This is Chris from Boston. I was just calling because, Jesse, you have a lot of chances on the show to talk about rap, which is good because rap is good. And Scott is not.

But, Jordan, you never get a chance to defend yourself when Scott comes up so I thought it would be you know nice of the show for Jordan to just explain

his journey you know why he likes Scott if he still likes it just talking about it because he doesn't really get a chance to and I don't think

it's very fair but thank you guys before you say anything Jordan sure number one I want to point out that earlier in the show I made fun of your taste in ska it was specifically

in anticipation of this phone call I remembered that this phone call was on the docket and number two while Jordan certainly did co-host a ska themed radio program in college it's not as exclusive musical interest as I understand it,

so I just wanted that to come from an outside voice before you defended the indefensible. Sure, sure. Okay, well, let's hear. Yeah, well, I'll tell you a little bit about my experience with ska music. You grew up in Jamaica in the 1950s and 60s. I was very poor. Uh-huh. You know, lots of...

Eventually, he discovered the reverb effect. Yeah. I was going to say I had a lot of police beatings. Anyways, no, no. So, okay. I grew up in Orange County. I got into high school in 1996, which was when the big... The third wave. The third wave ska trend came along.

Anyways, and Orange County, where I grew up, especially, is a real bland place. It's real bland, real strip molly. You know... Not a lot going on. And I remember specifically... Unless you're like Lowe's Home Centers. Yeah, yeah. And there was definitely the little – and I think this is probably everywhere too.

I don't mean to make this exclusive to Orange County. But I mean I'm sure that everyone who's a little bit culturally savvy in their high school feels like everybody's dumb. And then there's the pocket of punk rock kids. There's a little pocket of punk rock kids who hangs out under the stairs or something. I remember specifically making friends with one of them for some reason. I forget what it was anyways. But they all had on pants that they had made into shorts and crazy colored hair and just seemed like the coolest people in the world to me it's definitely the first like experience i had had with you know you know people who you know and they were all very funny and uh some of them drove and um you know and i remember real specifically going you

know jasper's got this really thoughtful look on his face right now like that's how i got into sky don't continue um and uh yeah and i remember you know one of them for the first time saying like hey we're going to a we're going to a concert you know we're going to a show said show specifically show that's a big thing to say show instead of concert absolutely and uh he's like you want to go to a show and then we you know we got in this dude's jeep and we listened to No Effects the whole way. And we went to this, you know, we drove out to like Fullerton or somewhere, you know, kind of deep in the middle of Orange County. And it was just like a, it was just a high school gym that had, you know, five ska bands at it. And, you know, all the girls were cute and had knee-length skirts and Converse and like, you know, you know.

And it was fun, and everybody, you know, and it was fun and everybody, you know, and we moshed and we danced and it was this like, it was a real big thing for me. It was totally like, oh, and it was something that I could go back to school and kind of be into, you know, it was like, oh yeah, well enjoy, you know, what was popular on the radio back then? I don't know. I couldn't even tell you.

1995, 1996. What was it? It was just on Alterna Radio back then. I never really listened to the Alterna Radio. Alanis Morissette. Yeah, Alanis Morissette. Like, hey, enjoy your Alanis Morissette. I just got done seeing Save Ferris.

And they're like, what's that? I'm like, well, it's a band. It has horns. And I totally had something. It was a a secret little thing it was totally this and you know and I guess eventually it blew up and got super obnoxious but totally like in high school to me like that was you know and I could be an aficionado about this and get like you know you know and like put in a put in like the demo to a band when I was in my car like oh this is a great you know this is a great cassette demo of a band and feel just like uh totally cool so yes i mean you know

in hindsight all that dumb orange county ska music is dumb you know it was totally dumb music but it was so important to me it was just like how you know i just felt like i was transcending my lot in life you know and um and yeah i totally helped host the uh the ska college radio show in college and not so much because i was still super into ska but because i've kind of felt like i was an aficionado on it and can kind of be can kind of do a not dumb job you could you could kind of like match the level of the other college radio djs that were into like industrial or like whatever. Yeah, yeah. Like I could be as diverse and wide, you know, cast a wide net over ska music as the, you know, guys who host the metal shows or something.

You know, can I say one thing about ska music that I've been thinking about lately? So I've been listening sometimes to a rock and roll CD by a band called Band of Bees. And Band of Bees, they have horns in their music. I don't know if they're, I don't think they have horns in the band, but their CD certainly has horns in them. And I'm like, you know what? I really like horns. And so with ska music, I'm of two feelings. One is, hey, good for you.

Way to have horns in your band. But then on the other side of it is, hey, way to fuck up horns for everyone else. Yeah. I mean, yeah. But, you know, I mean, listening to it, in hindsight, listening to a CD of ska music is a little bit dumb.

But man, you know, if you're 13 and you're fucking around at a ska concert, like, what's more fun than that? Yeah, fair enough. I was going to, you know, God, I was going to maybe try to point to some good musicianship And you're fucking around at a ska concert. What's more fun than that? Yeah, fair enough. God, I was going to maybe try to point to some good musicianship in ska music. Nothing's coming up off the top. Yeah, I guess when I was that age, I was mostly listening to Parliament.

That was my main thing. I was really into Parliament at the time. I didn't even really get that much into hip-hop with a few exceptions here and there until I was like 16, 17, something like that, maybe. What kind of music did you listen to when you were like 14, Jasper? Oh, rap. Rap, rap, rap, rap, rap, rap?

That's the one where the people are talking instead of singing, right? No, rap music. Oh! And I don't really think it's music. It's not music in my opinion. Not in my opinion. What kind of music? They often use sampling.

They don't even have their own bands, guys. They don't even write their own music. They don't make their own music. Jasper, this sounds really questionable to me.

Yeah. I don't know about this rap music. I don't know. What can I say? Okay, let's take another call here. My name is Adam.

I'm from Portland. I just got off a plane. Sit next to a guy. Spent the whole time laughing pretty hard, watching Jackass 2 on his iPod. Thought that was pretty fucking ridiculous. Now, it's rare that I will play a call in order to disagree with the person who called in.

Okay. And I want to make clear that Jackass, I don't really watch it because a lot of times they'll do something gross that I don't want to watch. And I just don't want to watch it. It bothers me more than any other, you know, it just grosses me out more than it gives me pleasure. That said, I'm an active supporter of Jackass. Absolutely.

Me too. They are very new sincerity. I think that they work really hard to think of new ridiculous things to do. And while I'm not into gross shit and that kind of ruins watching it for me, because that's every fourth thing that they do or fifth thing that they do

is something super gross instead of... The poop or a barf. Exactly. Or a balls. But I want to be clear, the MaximumFun.org, Jordan, Jesse, Go, The Sound of Young America,

we support jackass because there should be more, not less people going around doing ridiculous things. Yeah, it's real. I think that second jackass movie is real good. It's real creative, and there's that big dance number at the end. There's this big MGM-style dance number. Yeah, I mean, I think it's real easy to look at jackass and say, like, oh, that's the number one signal of the dumbing down of America.

like oh that's the number one you know signal of the dumbing down of america but like you know yeah some of it's and like it's you know the the artfulness i don't know there's a certain artfulness to it and the aesthetic of it is real nice and the music is appropriate and i don't know it's uh it's got a lot of heart and it's actually funny yeah it's like they do stuff that it is dumb but how many people will actually do it yeah Yeah. And it's not just dumb. Like, it's dumb, but they're innovative in their dumbness. Yeah, that's what it is. So, yeah. I love it.

So, this guy calling is clearly, you know, clearly kind of a cultural snob, like we are. Like we are. No doubt about it. I want to say... Like we are, no doubt about it. I want to say... We just spent 45 minutes talking about it. Sure, absolutely. I want to say maybe there's better places to turn your aggression.

TMZ, anything celebrity news related. Celebrity news, just focusing on that. Yeah, sure. That's far worse than jackass. VH1. Yeah, VH1 anything. Anything on the. Yeah, sure. That's far worse than jackass. VH1. Yeah, VH1 anything. Anything on the entire channel, basically. So, yeah.

So there are far more evil things in the cultural world than jackass. Okay. Here's a question that I think the caller might have intended to call it into Savage Love. The Savage Love podcast with Stan Savage. Here we go. And so we're completely unqualified to answer it, but I'm really looking forward to answering it. It's a very sincere question as well.

Sure. Hi, Jordan, Jessica. My name is Emily. I'm 19. I go to school in Chicago. And I was wondering, well, I'm basically straight. I mean, I've had a couple boyfriends, but I've never gone out with a girl or anything. And recently I started to notice that there are

a couple girls I'd be interested in, you know, experimenting with. And I've heard that that's a kind of normal thing to do in college, but I don't really know how normal, you know. And I was wondering if I could get your advice, since you guys seem like straight, normal, cool guys, as to, like, if you would think it was weird to go out with a girl after she'd been with another girl. Okay, that's all. Thanks so much. Now, we went to, Jordan and I went to college at UC Santa Cruz.

Sure. Thanks so much. Now, Jordan and I went to college at UC Santa Cruz. Sure. Where there is a certain extent to which it would be weird to go out with a girl who had never gone out with a girl. Yeah, yeah. the same kind of enthusiasm that we brought to the guy, to the call from the guy who called in because his momentous occasion was, it was the first time he had ever cross-dressed in public.

Just, I mean, I don't mean to put too fine a point on it, but I feel like just do whatever you want. Like, it's Chicago. It's not like you live in... Well, actually, it sounded like maybe more her concern was future dating of guys. And honestly, even in my opinion, number one, there will be two kinds of guys that you will face with this issue. Number one is an enlightened person who is comfortable in the 21st century and with other people who may or may not be slightly different than him,

which is the kind of guy that you generally would want to be dating. That person will be completely not bothered by it and won't worry them at all. The other kind is the mook who may or may not be made uncomfortable by even the suggestion of homosexuality. And honestly, even that guy, that guy is probably pretty well known for being into that anyway like that's the kind of guy who goes like who goes like oh man she's totally been with a chick yeah you know what i mean like the only person that you're going to alienate with this it looks like i'm going to be the first guy in our group of bros to hit the hat trick something

like that exactly like the only person the only dude that you could be going out with that you might alienate with this is like maybe somebody who's like really deeply and sincerely morally opposed to that behavior and even that person if it's in the past like you know what i mean like yeah no i, I mean, I can say personally, like, I've dated several girls who have had, you know, various, you know, similar histories. Several? Yeah. And I would say that, yeah, yeah. I mean, maybe half.

And let's be, just so the audience knows, have Jordan and I kissed? Yes. We've kissed. We have kissed. We've gay kissed. No, and yeah, it's never been gross or weird to me. Yeah, I mean. Basically, here's the thing.

At no point have I tried to arrange the hat yeah i mean you know if you're in in in i feel like in unless you're in some way like hurting other people or something like that like it's just really important to just be the person that you are and if you're not sure about what exactly person that you are when you're you, 19 years old is a great person to great time to find out. Yeah. You know what I mean? Especially college in Chicago, you know, it's like it doesn't sound like doesn't sound like you're, you know, in danger of being beat up or anything like that. Yeah, exactly.

And if you are in a situation where you're in danger of being beat up, then I am all for just doing what you can to get out of that situation. You know what I mean? Like, I think there's a lot of gay teenagers who just live for the day when they turn 18 and go fly away somewhere to college or something like that. And fucking I am all for that just you know like i just think you got to do what you have to do to be the person that you are you know what i mean um don't fight the feeling yeah no and i and i think that's also worth mentioning that that future guy dating a guy who was really bothered by this is probably probably it's probably a good litmus test for who's a desirable person to be with anyways.

Yeah. You know, so I mean, hopefully you don't, you know, really fall for a guy and then reveal your, you know, past same-sex sexual experiences. And then that's a deal breaker for like, like, well, this relationship was going fucking perfectly. And then you had to, you know. Mention that you once made out with a person of the same gender. Yeah, so.

You briefly dated someone of the same gender. Yeah, so I, yeah, so, yeah, maybe. That God forbid when you were in late adolescence, you questioned your identity and set out on a quest to find out who you really were. God forbid someone should go through that when they were an adolescent. Yeah, right? Anyway, so yeah, no, maybe even, it's probably even a good thing to have under your belt. So as to... Yeah, only one way to find out, right?

Test the coolness of future dates. Well, we say, we give that one the enthusiastic green light. Yeah, so like when I go out with a girl, never mind. That was a dumb tangent to go on. Okay. Sorry. Okay. Let's move to, we've got two momentous occasions for this week's program.

I was going to say something like, hopefully she can quote at least three lines from Billy Madison. This is the same thing. Never mind. It doesn't even make sense, Jordan. No, I was going to try to, anyway. It's fine. Don't worry about it.

Whatever. I'm trying to explain. I'll write it down. I'll keep you around for now. Thank you. Hi, Jordan Jesse Goh. I know you like to have people call when momentous events happen,

and I just had one happen about 10 minutes ago in that I was making myself a snack using my toaster oven, and it started on fire while it was in the kitchen. And I managed to put out the fire using only my wits and a box of baking soda. And the even more impressive thing is I managed to do this without waking up my roommate who works nights and was sleeping in the very next room.

So I managed not to burn the place down and not wake up my roommate. And I'm throwing out the toaster oven. So there's your event. I recently put out a fire with some baking soda and it was fucking awesome. It was so awesome. That is a serious achievement

yeah man baking soda is very helpful you got that baking soda there it's ready you're looking at it you're thinking oh man fire watch out when you come i've got some baking soda and i know what to do after i throw it on the fire i'm gonna throw it in car, make the bad smell go away. Exactly. Hooey, man. That is a winner. Congratulations. Then I'm going to create a volcano with my friend vinegar. Then I'm going to make some crack. Then crack.

With my friend regular cocaine. My friend regular cocaine and some Pyrex. And Doug, Who brings it? Hello, Gordon and Presley. Give me a call. I got a outstanding life achievement in my course of attributes.

What I'm doing in my lifetime, my lifespan. I gave up meat. I just saw This American Life, the last episode on the first season, where they, yeah, it's gnarly, man, impregnate the pigs and the pigs and the crap lagoons underneath them. And it freaked me out so much that I've given up meat. I'm a vegetarian. First of all, I wanted to play that

because a lot of people have been calling in and using some kind of jokey greeting often about somehow talking to or greeting Go. Yeah, that was a good one. I like the wrong names. Gordon and Presley. That was actually pretty funny. Yeah, I agree agree i'm all

for that yeah it's went for yeah from now on when you people call just use uh just use different names for us we'll know it's we don't share the answering machine with any other show it sounds to me like the real mistake he made was seeking knowledge yeah you know what i mean that was the yeah that's that's that's why i try and keep away from anything peter related yeah if i try if uh if i notice that it's going to somehow deal with the cruelty of animals i just watch something else yeah because that's my literally one of the i would say my 10 favorite things in the world is eating the flesh of other beasts yeah like i mean you know there's like orgasms there's like you know nice day when it's like when it's like not too hot not too cool like maybe like in a springtime in santa cruz kind

of thing gotcha sure it's like 70 77 and like the air is really fresh you know um and then meat you know pretty much yeah nice nice pocket squares up there, you know, but like, um, I just love meat so much. Actually the other day I met the kind of vegetarian that I have always wanted to meet and I can't remember who it was, but I just remember how happy I was to meet this person. It was a person who doesn't eat meat unless, uh, they're over at someone's house or at a restaurant where meat is what's being served. So they'll just, they'll make an exception for politeness. Yeah. I mean, because the comfort of everyone they're with, I mean, here's the thing. Like if,

if you don't eat meat for religious reasons, for example, um, you know, like if you're, you know, you don't eat the, the meat from cloven hooved animals or whatever like that is that's 100 1000 fine with me and you can do that in anybody's house you want um and if you are really really really uh you believe very strongly that it's immoral to eat meat because of because you don't think that animals should be killed, then in that case, in my opinion, it's fine to be a 100% vegetarian. If you're sort of a lifestyle vegetarian where it's like, you know, I do it for health reasons and it's probably better for the environment and that kind of thing, that's totally fine.

I don't have a problem with doing that. I just think it is really a classy move not to make someone make an extra meal for you in that case, because it's not going to hurt the environment that much or your health that much if you just eat some meat because that's what somebody is cooking for dinner. You see what I'm saying? I had an experience with this recently. I made someone at work uncomfortable who was a pescatarian. What's a pescatarian? That's if you only eat NPR reporter Mike Pesca?

Yes. That's fish only. Okay. I was talking about how ridiculous these sub-vegetarian categories are. It seems ridiculous to me. The over-lact of the pescatarian. I feel like I've heard more, I've heard this so much. I'm a vegetarian, well, just, I eat chicken.

I eat a little chicken and a little fish, but red meat, oh, this sounds like you don't like red meat. Like, I don't have a classification for me not liking tomatoes. Yeah, like, I don't like fish and i don't eat it but it's not because i'm a non-fishitarian right yeah i feel like some people like some and if i went to somebody's house and fish was what was for dinner well then fish is what i'm eating for dinner sure yeah i feel like just some like there's certain like i mean you know people who are super into health who take their not liking of certain things and then make it i I don't know. But again, I kind of felt like an a-hole. So I would like to hear a good argument for these classifications of almost vegetarian.

Yeah. I heard one really great argument I remember hearing in college. I was talking to a friend who was a vegan and like, why did you decide to become a vegan? And he said, and I'm not, I want to be clear. This isn't, in my opinion, the only reasonable justification for being a vegan, but it is a reasonable justification for being a vegan. I said, you know, why did you become a vegan? He said, uh, I really like arbitrary rules. And he was totally real. He was being totally serious about it. The guy was also like a straight edge and he was just like really liked having like really strong clear rules to live his life by and i was like oh that's great and i think there are lots of other good reasons i think do it to do it for moral reasons because you you know what was that jasper what were you i just i've never heard of that as as a reason

to be able to have your diet like that just because it was structured you know that's yeah it's pretty serious straight edge i'm vegan black socks only uh-huh exactly do you eat meat jasper oh yeah i eat pretty much everything i really like meat meat i just like it so much it's like really tastes so good and here's the the the the thing I think about when – not just potential vegetarianism but eating healthy, period. It seems like to effectively do both those things, you need both a lot of time and a lot of money because it's so easy to eat shittily and especially meat. It's so – if you do have a job that's more than 40 hours a week or alternately don't make a lot of money. I mean, right now I have kind of an intense job that happens to make a pretty good amount of money. But for a long time I had intense jobs that didn't make hardly any money.

any money. So just the thought of having to go to the farmer's market or spend a lot of time making it so that green beans and broccoli are edible, and then the cleanup after making those edible. You're talking about putting it in the microwave for three minutes specifically? Yes. I don't know. It just seemed like it wasn't a luxury that I could afford. Well, I feel very lucky to live in a world where it feels like as more and more people are thoughtful about this kind of thing, it certainly pressures the market to move in that direction where it becomes easier and easier to eat that way. And that I really feel grateful for. I also feel like the show has been going on for like 12,000 hours. So maybe we should stop talking about vegetarianism now. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go.