Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 678: Oral and Whatnot with Jamelle Bouie

Episode Date: March 14, 2021

Jamelle Bouie (The New York Times) joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of Jamelle's connoisseurship of the many Highlander sequels (and the impressive proliferation of the series in general), Jess...e's fondness for Dad Cinema and a beautiful but boring sci-fi movie, and the Tom Clancy and John Grisham books everyone read when they were young library nerds. Plus, Jamelle weighs in on exactly what side of the Wario Sauce debate he comes down on. 

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Oh gosh, Jordan, as we started recording this program, I got a call from my friend Austin Butner at the Los Angeles Unified School District. Always, always great to hear from the Butte. You know, and that's so great because nobody calls anymore. It's always text,
Starting point is 00:00:30 text, text, DM me. You know, it's nice. It's nice to get an old fashioned phone call. I mean, we're 90s babies. We love to talk on the phone, huh? That's a really good point. It was just me with the cord to my princess phone curled around my finger. What's nice about Austin Buechner calling is when you think, you know, Los Angeles is a city of, you know, the Los Angeles Unified School District probably encompasses five or six million homes. That's probably a half a million kids in the school district. So, you know, at least half a million calls he has to make every Sunday night. But he's so good about it. You know what I mean? He's so consistent.
Starting point is 00:01:15 He really shows up. And I'm grateful for that. And I think, you know, and again, I don't get a call from Buechner. God, I wish. But from what I hear, he asks, how are youuechner. God, I wish. But from what I hear, he asks, how are you? But he means it. A lot of people just say it. A lot of people just say it because they're supposed to.
Starting point is 00:01:35 But he asks, how are you? And he really wants to know. I have that problem, actually, with my congressman, Jimmy Gomez. When he calls me to tell me that he's doing a virtual town hall meeting, he asks how I'm doing, but the second I start telling him about what's going on, like with my kids or whatever, I just, I can just hear his eyes glazing over. Yeah. And I'm like, come on, Jimmy, you asked, dude, you asked, okay? Yeah. A little something called constituent service. He could at least Okay.
Starting point is 00:02:01 Yeah. A little something called constituent service. He could at least quiet his eye glazing too, you know? Well, that he actually can't. Oh, really? Is that a, oh my gosh, I'm sorry. Am I making fun of a man's medical condition? Yeah, he has noisy lizardotis.
Starting point is 00:02:18 Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry. Which is when you have lizard eyelids, like the kind that go down, but your eyes stay open, but they're noisy. Well, my heart goes out to him and his family during this difficult time. I should say, if I mispronounce noisy lizard-odus, I haven't finished medical school. So, I apologize to all the all the doctors isn't that a ninja that a ninja turtle villain noisy lazardo this one of the later movies like the michael bay ones should we introduce our guest or keep spinning gold i mean it feels like hey let's
Starting point is 00:03:03 let's bring in the guests make this a three-man spin. Let's all spin gold together. Three-man spin. Three-man spin. Well, I don't know. Is he a spinner or is he a Rumpelstiltskin? We'll find out. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:03:16 A Rumpelstiltskin is somebody who demands someone else spin gold. You know what I mean? I do. Okay. Here we go. Our guest on the program, probably best known as a lifestyle influencer. Second, probably best known as a photographer. Third, I would say dad movie proponent.
Starting point is 00:03:39 Fourth, I think he has a column in the New York Times. Jamel Bowie is our guest. Hi, Jamel. Hello. Your lifestyle influencing really knows no bounds. I'm always impressed that you have time at the end of your, like, you know, constitutional Congress learning sessions, which is what I presume you do with most of your time. Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. To also learn recipes and do film photography.
Starting point is 00:04:13 Well, you know, I mean, a lot of that stuff has been going on for a long time. And part of my approach to life is like, if I have other responsibilities or whatever, I do have to give up something, and I've decided I'm not going to give up taking pictures or cooking. And so I give up things like doing my laundry every week. Or I stopped. I started shaving my head bald instead of bothering with real haircuts. You know, I just got to knock out other things to make time for the good stuff.
Starting point is 00:04:50 That is a nice, like, for me, I think one of the big positive effects of this pandemic, which, of course, has been in many ways bad, is that I bought like a professional quality pair of hair shears, like an electrical cutter machine, and I just picked a number. I've been going with that. I mean, bad news for the guys over at the Hair Zone, but i'm not even i'm not even gonna bother with a fade anymore i'm number one half all around um i my hair situation is i have just resigned myself to the fact that i now look like a cartoon mad scientist like like a beekman a beekman's world type? Yeah, Beakman World, maybe like a Dr. Wily. Maybe I'm constructing eight robot masters to finally kill Mega Man. Yeah, that's kind of my vibe.
Starting point is 00:05:53 Yeah, because my hair is getting so out of control, but also it's just getting white from chlorine because I've been swimming in an outdoor pool. So yeah, it's just like mad scientist. All I need is a fucking lab coat and some Bunsen burners. And yeah, maybe I'll do a mutant assistant. Mutant assistant could work, I think. Bring it on.
Starting point is 00:06:14 Yeah, like one big eye, one sort of small closed eye. Oh yeah, I'd love one of those. Yeah, if anybody knows any mutants like that, have them slide into my DMs. They're open. I mean, it's been a hard time for mutant assistants because COVID, you can't really be close to each other in a lab. Right. And the distancing doesn't really work out. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:06:36 Yeah, we would have to start out over Zoom, but then maybe we could... Gradually, I could incorporate the mutant assistant into my pod, which now the only other member is a cat. So I think it would probably work out. A lot of labs, actually, they're doing this thing. I don't know if you guys have heard, but in the NFL and the NBA, and I think this year in Major League Baseball, they wear these social distancing wristbands that buzz when they get close to each other. And in a lot of labs with mutants working there, they're doing the same thing, but with Geiger counters. They're radioactive, you see, Jordan. Jamel, they're radioactive, these mutants.
Starting point is 00:07:13 These mutants, okay, all right. But yeah, I'm just leaning in. I'm just like, you know, I'm preparing myself for every Zoom I have. We'll up top have 10 minutes of hair jokes about me, and then we can get down to business. I'm like slotting it into the Zoom. I'm like, okay, you know, 15 in, we'll get down to actually talking about the thing after 10 minutes of jokes about how I look like a Beekman type. Did either of you guys in high school or college do that thing where you have a chemistry class and you pour beakers into each other and it explodes?
Starting point is 00:07:54 No, I don't think there's any real life precedent for that. I don't think anyone's ever done that. I took a chemistry class and we did have beakers and I believe we poured things in, but I do not recall any explosions. It's been a while, but I think the explosions would stand out. Yeah. I did have a chemistry teacher who joked about black people not being able to swim. So the racism. Oh, well, that's a kind of explosion.
Starting point is 00:08:25 What's going on with chemistry teachers? I was about to say that the chemistry teacher at my high school, Mr. Kelly, shout out to Mr. Kelly, just brought a gun to school and showed it off in class. It's going to shoot an electron to death? yeah i mean like i know that a lot of our listeners hear me talk and they think oh this is a this is a good old boy from from down tennessee way it was arts high school in san francisco that this man thought it was appropriate to bring his gun into class what kind of gun handgun huh you know sizable handgun i think he was a veteran? Did he, like, rub it when kids were talking? Did he, like, you know, was he, like, drawing your eye to the gun?
Starting point is 00:09:12 Like, hey, like, settle down or I'll shoot you. I, like, what I picture, I was not in the class. For some reason, I never took chemistry in high school. I don't know how i did that uh literally sincerely i don't know how i graduated from high school without taking it but i did somehow but uh i remember i had friends who were in the class where he was bringing out the gun and like what i always imagined was him doing that thing uh that one george clooney movie the american i think is what it's called where he's in italy and there's a lot of like fields of snow doing that thing. That one George Clooney movie, The American, I think is what it's called,
Starting point is 00:09:46 where he's in Italy and there's a lot of like fields of snow and he's a hit man. And like most of the movie is either Italian lady nudity or him putting together this gun. It like takes a real, there's a really long him thoughtfully, carefully,
Starting point is 00:10:11 erotically putting together a gun with, like, a silencer and all that stuff. That's kind of what I imagine Mr. Kelly doing in class. Just, like, talking about boron and good chemistry, Paul. That's a material. Yeah. Yeah. And then like buffing, you know, you know, buffing with like one of those soft cloths that you see people use on a gun. I imagine him using that a lot and kind of leaning back in, in a, in, in like an old timey wooden desk chair. Sounds like you guys had pretty sinister chemistry teachers. The only thing I remember about my chemistry teacher is he got a big laugh once by saying, wherever you go, there you are. I mean, that's a good gag.
Starting point is 00:10:53 Yeah, it's a solid gag. And I don't really remember anything else about the class. My chemistry teacher said something very similar. He said, it's not where you're from, it's where you're at. Yeah. very similar. He said, it's not where you're from, it's where you're at. Um, yeah. Now that I think about it, I said chemistry teacher, uh, I meant rapper in 1987. Sorry. Confused. Got confused there for a second. Um, Jamel, what, what are your other, so I know that you're a passionate cook because I've seen your social medias about cooking and, and of course you do have a lifestyle newsletter
Starting point is 00:11:25 uh i've seen your photography i'm gonna say it's really neck and neck with jamelle bowie and steve agey when it comes to uh gifted mostly amateur photographers who have been guests on jordan jesse go uh two real talented photographers there and And I, of course, know from reading your columns in the New York Times that you've read all of those, like, accounts of the conversations between James Madison and whatever at a bar
Starting point is 00:11:55 on the 3rd of July 1776, or whatever. My U.S. history, not strong. It's actually, it wasn't James Madison, it was Boron. Okay, thank you, Jordan. I went to arts high school. It's Chiaroscuro or nothing for me. So, Jamel, what other passionate interests have passed through your life that, like, you have that level of commitment to? I mean, in general, I love American history stuff.
Starting point is 00:12:27 So my column is often touching on constitutional history, but sort of my whole bookshelf is Civil War and Reconstruction history and pre-Civil War, post-War of 1812 kind of period of american history that no one knows about but nerds but i'm really interested in um uh 19th century american history basically it's not something i'm very passionate about i watch a lot of movies which is a thing that i'm not sure i think more people know these days because i just i have taken to making my twitter feed kind of mostly talking about movies but um i don't really watch a lot of TV. And so every night we're usually putting a movie on.
Starting point is 00:13:11 We just watched Tenet last night, which was, you know, it was a typical Chris Nolan blockbuster. Extremely dumb, but pleasurable to look at. I think early on in Tenet, said tenant tenant him well i guess wait okay is the guy's name tenant or is he the protagonist he's the protagonist right his name is protagonist so you know the movie is about of course cia director george tenant under george w bush no no john david washington's character Interesting casting choice with John David Washington. Interesting casting choice. It's 2020 when it was released.
Starting point is 00:13:49 You can do race bending these days. It's okay. Sure. No, John David Washington, he's just called the protagonist. And then the antagonist is Boron. Is that correct? Right. Yeah, John Boron.
Starting point is 00:14:05 Yeah, the whole time I was watching it, I'm like, that correct? Right. Yeah, John Boron. Yeah, the whole time I was watching it, I'm like, that's Tenet. No one can convince me otherwise. This man is Tenet. And very early on, Tenet himself is, I'm just going to call him that, he's wondering how
Starting point is 00:14:19 the backwards time thing works and someone's like, don't try and understand it. Just feel it. And the, I felt like that was the movie saying to you, it's okay if you don't get it, you're not dumb.
Starting point is 00:14:32 Like it was, I thought it was a really nice thing that the movie did for me. It's like, Hey, like just let this wash over you. He's going to go to some locations. He's going to wear some nice gray pants and sometimes things will go backwards. And I'm like, cool. I love a gray pants movie. I mean, I think The American is a perfect example of a great gray pants movie. Sure, yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:53 Like a nice mid gray or even a lighter gray. No, but that is the great thing about the movie. It is very much like it's a big, dumb blockbuster that has this kind of cool mechanic for action scenes but it's very clear that the whole movie was constructed around the mechanic like how can i how can i do a james bond movie and they fight backwards sometimes um and if you just take it on that level it's very enjoyable and i think that i mean there are people of course on the internet who are trying to pretend like tenant is making some deep statement or it's some complex piece of work, but it really is not. It's basically, I haven't seen the movie, but what it sounds like you are describing to me is basically just a guy saw that one one far side video and was like that would make a sweet fight scene yes i mean actually yes he saw the video for drop he was like man spike jones did
Starting point is 00:15:54 it again and um i think it was spike jones yeah i think that is spike jones yeah and uh made a movie out of that mechanic but yeah so, so we watched Tenet last night. I watched Star Trek, the motion picture the night before. Watch a lot of movies. I think we clocked like 240 something last year. Oof, nice. Nice number. Yeah, I wanted to, because I have also noticed your tweeting about movies.
Starting point is 00:16:22 And the thing that I like so much about it is that I feel like, you know, the, the little, the Twitter sphere we are in, um, has a lot of like recycled takes, you know,
Starting point is 00:16:34 I feel like you, you know, you kind of like, it just seems like it's, it's people constantly saying Jaws was the first blockbuster at you over and over again. It's like, yeah,
Starting point is 00:16:42 we know Jaws was the first blockbuster. It was good. Jaws is good. No one's saying it's not don't you know we don't need to hear that jaws was the first blockbuster again just like worded slightly differently from another guy like anyway so i do get a little i mean obviously this is me being too online here like if you're annoyed by it maybe don't fucking look at the thing so much jordan anyway no jordan i think you're right jaws was the first blockbuster and ever since then it's like if you want to make a lot of money get dreyfus yeah right dreyfus boppo bo yeah the kids are screaming give us dreyfus give us Dreyfus he's one of those toque daddies isn't he yeah um but but I like I do feel like from your twitter feed it is like it is like interesting stuff that like you haven't considered
Starting point is 00:17:36 and I I got obsessed with you tweeting about the Highlander sequels. It's like one of those movie franchises where it's like, it's like tremors, you know, it's like we maybe we all kind of saw the first one, but it just kept going. And there's nine of them and a TV series and a cartoon, you know, like, that you just didn't know about. And you haven't talked to anyone who's ever seen one. So I got really into the fact that you dove into the Highlander franchise. And I just wanted to hear a little bit about your experience with that. Of course. Yeah. So I mean, I should say, first off, Highlander is one of those movies that I saw when I was a kid, maybe seven or eight or nine or what have you. My parents didn't have much,'t monitor my my like media consumption very much
Starting point is 00:18:26 and so i just jamelle hold on hold on you said you saw highlander when you were seven years old i saw jurassic park when i was five uh so yeah no i saw i saw highlander quite young it was probably on like cable or something again my parents were in the military. I was often home by myself a lot as a kid and just sort of watched a lot of TV. My wife will tell you that my kind of television references are pretty much stuck in the 1970s because that's what was just on all the time. And so I've seen like all of MASH and all of the family and Sanford and Son, but it could not tell you anything about Grey's Anatomy. It's a fun, fun fact about me.
Starting point is 00:19:14 Anyway, so Highlander is like a... Well, you're really going to be bummed that we have a Grey's Anatomy quiz later in the show. Yeah. This is basically a McDreamy tribute podcast. Shit. No, so Highlander is something I kind of, it's like I have a lot of fondness for it. I remember watching the Highlander television series,
Starting point is 00:19:39 which was I think actually kind of a big hit at having multiple seasons of Witness Syndication, that kind of thing. So I've been kind of going through the HBO Max catalog, kind of seeing what is there that I can just kind of put on while I'm doing dishes or something. You know, something that's a little mindless, doesn't require a ton of attention, but I would be entertained. And I noticed that they have like the entire Highlander franchise. noticed that they have like the entire highlander franchise and i had not actually seen any of the sequels other than the first sequel highlander uh the the quickening i think it's what it's called great great subtitles in this franchise by the way great subtitles i just want to take this
Starting point is 00:20:18 opportunity to salute jamelle bowie's priorities here um in his capacity as a public intellectual, which I think at the end of the day, that's what Jamel's job is. He took a look at that HBO Max list. He said to himself, well, all the Lone Wolf and Cub movies are on here. Like all the Thin Man
Starting point is 00:20:39 movies are on here. Oh, the Highlander movies are all on here.'s a good priority listen i will i will watch christopher lambert and pretty much anything because i think it's great so christopher lambert does not star in lone wolf and cub or any of the sequels if he did he's got you there point might be different there he was up for that part. He was up for cub. But did not get it. I am a cub.
Starting point is 00:21:10 They're like, we're sorry, sir. This character is a baby. You did great. Nothing to do with your performance. It's just that you're not a baby. You're not a Japanese baby. Okay. So, Jamel, here's an actually actually important question i did not grow up with
Starting point is 00:21:29 cable uh so i have never seen any of the highlander movies like i feel like the highlander movies are like the classic movie that was on usa network or something um and i i missed all of those. I also have not seen like any of the like, you know, naughty ski patrol movies that were on pay cable at the time. But what happens in Highlander? Because really all I know is that there can be only one. Right, I mean, that's like 90% of it, honestly.
Starting point is 00:22:05 Yeah, you got it. Yeah, I mean, yeah, like 90% of it, honestly. Yeah, you got it. Yeah, I mean, yeah, you pretty much. In the first, so the whole conceit, right, is that Christopher Lambert plays this middle-aged Belgian man, plays a Scottish Highlander who... The whole series, very fast and loose with ethnicity, by the way. I watched The Final Dimension. I have some questions.
Starting point is 00:22:26 Go on. Who discovers, which is, I think The Final Dimension is pretty great. Who discovers after dying in battle or something that he's actually immortal and he can't die. And he is, you know, he's cast out. He eventually comes across a Spaniard named Ramirez, played by Sean Connery. So the actual Scottish person in the movie is playing a Spaniard. Wild. And the first movie kind of flips back between the past, where the Highlander is learning about being immortal and learning about the game, which is all the immortals in the world hunt each other
Starting point is 00:23:05 because there can, of course, only be one. And then in the present, where there is a other immortal played by Clancy Brown, who is one of his antagonists way back in the past, who is stalking him and trying to kill him. And the whole movie is sort of like high fantasy nonsense, but it's a lot of fun and it's pretty well constructed the whole movie is sort of like high fantasy nonsense uh but it's a lot of fun and it's pretty well constructed and it made a ton of money and i have a deep fondness for
Starting point is 00:23:32 it the sequels other than the first sequel which is like a weird sci-fi movie that they kind of retrofitted highlander stuff onto it the other sequels deal with Christopher Lambert's character. The fourth sequel deals with the protagonist from the television series, which is like a cousin of Christopher Lambert's character. And it's all sort of like their further adventures involving immortals and magic and stuff like that. It's all very silly. Is Christopher Lambert otherwise a movie star? Like, is he in other things? He was in the first Mortal Kombat movie in 1995 as a Raiden, as a Chinese man. Yes.
Starting point is 00:24:14 He's a chameleon. Yeah. So he can play anything, like Tony Shalhoub. Right. As long as the person has a Belgian accent, it works. I think Lambert's he actually plays tintin in the tintin movie one of lambert's great strengths is just doing a fucking bang up job with like an exposition dump voiceover at the beginning of something like if you need someone to say like in a time before time like he will he, he will nail that harder than anybody, anybody in the game.
Starting point is 00:24:49 Does your movie begin with a scroll about a prophecy? Call Christopher Lambert. Yeah. He's bad. Lambert will explain your prophecy. Do Highlanders fight with swords? Exclusively, yes. So, to be clear, there is the Highlander who fights with the sword,
Starting point is 00:25:06 and there are other immortals who may fight with swords. Some don't. It kind of depends. The key thing is, though, to take another immortal's power, you have to cut off their head. Sure. Do you have to drink their blood, or can you just let it flow? No, just like lightning comes out of their bodies,
Starting point is 00:25:22 and it gets absorbed and stuff. It's very honestly sounds kind of unrealistic but if you're around any windows all the windows shatter too that's something important um i because you were i knew you were coming on i was curious and kind of decided to watch one of the highlander sequels and i picked highlander colon the final dimension which uh is a great subtitle and also just has fucking nothing to do with the movie. There's no dimensional travel. There's not like other dimensions don't end creating a fight.
Starting point is 00:25:54 It's just two words that sound cool. And Jomel, maybe I'm wrong. I don't know if you know what The Final Dimension refers to, but I just I found it to be nonsense after the movie was over. I'm like like what's that dimension they were talking about so originally uh it was the the film was titled highlander 3 the sorcerer which actually makes more sense because the chief villain is a sorcerer i don't really know what final dimension refers to at all uh in the movie but uh worth watching i think for a great uh a lot of scene chewing by mario man peoples who plays the villain oof so good and something i wasn't
Starting point is 00:26:38 anticipating while watching it sort of a hard r sex, like right in the middle. Yeah. I also noticed that hard-R sex scene with like, you know, this is a very crass way of putting it. I don't know how else to say it, but there's Bush. Oh, wow. There's Bush. And yeah, I was wondering, I'm like, oh, do all of these movies have one of these? You know, it was like the 90s. Sometimes you just stick in, you know, a sex scene because it was a rated R movie. But yeah, I didn't remember the first Highlander having the hard R sex scene.
Starting point is 00:27:13 No, it didn't. But this one, I was doing dishes, like cleaning a plate and looked up. And it's like, I can see Christopher Landon Bear's bare ass. It's like, whoa, what is that? It's like, I can see Christopher Landon Bear's a bare ass. It's like, whoa, what is a... And it is very 90s in that, like, most of the sex is in the background, and in the foreground is a flickering candle. Right, yes, yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:33 And then there's, like, just fucking electric guitar shredding. Like, that's the flavor of sex scene that this is. So when is it, the first Highlander, that's, like, in, like, the late, that's, like, 1988 type situation, right? I believe so. Maybe even earlier, maybe 86 even. How far in, like at what point did Highlander wrap up? Like how long was this thing going?
Starting point is 00:27:57 I mean, that's the crazy thing. For a franchise that is kind of extremely silly and after the first movie wasn't really a big box office draw the last highlander movie was maybe in 2007 it's pretty late holy shit yeah highlander the source 2007 and i just i just pulled up the the highlander wikipedia page just to kind of give you a sense of um the the depth of this franchise there appears to be like a dozen highlander novels wow there's highlander comic books there's one two three four five six six highlander films there's highlander the series which ran from 1992 to 1998 like this was this the guy who plays uh the the lead adrian paul this dude will never have to work again because of highlander the series jamal it sounds like when
Starting point is 00:28:55 it comes to highlanders there can be only one but when it comes to decades of highlander themed entertainment there can be almost as many as we please. There's a card game, apparently. An animated series. Does the card game also have hard R sex in it? I mean, I hope so. It's not just mana you're tapping, if you know what I mean. I immediately imagined when you said that there was a card game,
Starting point is 00:29:26 that there was like a card game, not like a collectible card game or like a card game that you buy at the game store, but like in Hoyle's book of card games, like in between War and Pinnacle, there's just Highlander. There can be only one. It's like, well, you're Jack of Hearts. That's your Highlander. There can be only one. It's like, well, you're Jack of Hearts. That's your Highlander.
Starting point is 00:29:48 Do you guys think, I'm looking at the Wikipedia for Tremors. Do you guys think that there are more Highlander movies or Tremors movies? Oh, there are a lot of Tremors movies. Holy shit. This is fucking exciting. This is exciting. Tremors, another movie that was always on cable and I saw a bunch of times as a kid. Yeah, totally. Yeah. There's Tremors. Tremors, another movie that was always on cable and I saw a bunch of times as a kid. Yeah, totally.
Starting point is 00:30:05 Yeah. There's Tremors, Tremors 2, Tremors and a Little Lady. You're right so far. Boy, this is tough. really, they really like made a transition into a deep, like sort of like they became like, they became like television movies at some point, didn't they? Like it was just that like sci-fi channel or something got the rights to Tremors and just made one every year. Yeah. I mean, I think that like their heyday was like the, also the heyday of like blockbuster, you know, we're just like, you needed to fill a blockbuster shelf. So, you knowday was like the, also the heyday of, like, Blockbuster.
Starting point is 00:30:48 You know, where just, like, you needed to fill a Blockbuster shelf. So, you know, if you can, you know, stick, yeah, if you can get a couple of Tremors movies out there a year, that'll help fill out the Blockbuster. And I think probably it kind of, they went right to Redbox. I bet that's kind of where they thrive these days, if I were to guess. Right. I mean, I do remember as a kid seeing that Tremors traffic safety video in the free rental public service shelf of Blockbuster. What? Did that exist?
Starting point is 00:31:19 You don't remember? No, it didn't exist. But do you remember that public safety free rental? I mean, the public service free rental shelf at Blockbuster? Oh, where, like, cartoon all-stars tell you not to take drugs? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I got that a couple times. Yeah, that was like, yeah, man, check that out.
Starting point is 00:31:37 You think, well, Mom, can we rent one more? It's free. All right, there's enough pussyfooting around this, fellas. What do you think there's more of? You guys are a on this are you gonna guess more tremors or more highlanders jamelle about how many highlanders are there there are six i'm gonna say there's more tremors it feels like you know you know how there there are ghost kitchens now that like churn out food for restaurants that don't really exist i feel like that's that there are ghost studios that are churning out movies for ips that no one really they don't really exist. I feel like that's that there are ghost studios that are churning out movies for IPs that no one really, they don't really exist anymore, but there still needs to be content.
Starting point is 00:32:08 When we were looking for an office for Max Fun a couple of years ago, we came very close to buying this building in Chinatown that belonged to this guy. And I was talking to him, it was like a post-production facility. I'm like, oh, you guys like cut movies here or what? Like, what's the, a post-production facility i'm like oh you guys like cut movies here or what like what's the what's the deal with this place and he said oh i have a film library and i said really so like uh what kinds of movies do you own and he said like literally no movies you have ever heard of in your life uh and he's like the most the most successful biggest movies i own are just like a movie with a second tier movie star before they became a second tier movie star like that is the creme de la creme of the that collection and i feel like that guy like they have a lot of early berry pepper movies
Starting point is 00:33:02 exactly i mean i really think that's what he was explaining. And I think he just like, he like was a film editor or something like that, figured out this business existed and like fully just like learned to speak Chinese and started going to China to peddle, you know, seventh tier movies for, you know, $500 a piece to, you know, Chinese digital distributors or whatever, and like found a business in that, uh, that allowed him to have a building that he owned. It was very, very strange situation going on there. And I feel like this is is like there are like many people
Starting point is 00:33:46 whose business is just gathering 500 movies somehow like maybe by like finding them in a basement in iowa or something and then just bringing them roadshow style uh to non-english speaking countries uh and and uh selling them to you know cricket streaming services okay we need guys we've we've pussyfooted around this long enough and i'm sorry to keep saying pussyfooting i don't like it you don't like it the audience doesn't like it but we need an answer more tremors or more highlanders iers? I'm putting myself down for more Tremors. Yeah, I'm riding with Jamel on this. He's the expert. I'm going to say more Tremors.
Starting point is 00:34:32 There's six Highlanders. How many Tremors are there, Jordan? So six Highlander movies. The number of Tremors movies is seven. You're right. More Tremors. The seventh Tremors movie being Shrieker Island released in 2020. Wow. Okay, I have a counter challenge for you, Jordan.
Starting point is 00:34:54 Oh, I love a challenge. We now know that there are seven Tremors movies. Are there more Tremors movies or Land Before Time movies? Oh, there's got to be more Land Before Time. There's got to be more. Yeah, because I think that, like, yeah, the things you can, like, sequelize, you know, low-budget horror, yes. But, like, cheap kids movie, yeah, I'm going to go Land Before Time. I'm going to go Land Before Time.
Starting point is 00:35:20 Let's see. The most recent came out in 2016. Time. Let's see. The most recent came out in 2016. It's called Land Before Time, Journey of the Brave, stars Reba McEntire and Damon Wayans Jr. It has a big badge on the cover that says, all new movie. Wait, Reba McEntire was in the first Tremors. Wow. Guys, this podcast is better than the one where Obama talks to Springsteen. This also has Barry Bostwick. Oh, cool. So it's a real, it's a real murderer's row here. It seems like all the rest are just voice actors besides Damon Wayans, Reba McIntyre, and Barry Bostwick. For a second, I thought that former Blue Jays outfielder George Bell was in the list, but it's actually George Ball, who's an entirely different person.
Starting point is 00:36:12 What's the total number? Universal Animation Studios, Universal Pictures, Home Entertainment, of course, the source of this. I believe you can watch this film on Netflix. Got three stars out of five from Common Sense Media. Land Before Time, 14. Wow. Journey of the Brain. Twice as many. Twice as many.
Starting point is 00:36:31 Twice as many. Holy cow, these little guys. These little dinos going on so many adventures, you'd think they'd get tired. Yeah. Look out for Sharptooth. There's some really... My children have watched a lot of these movies. There are some songs in these movies that are so bad. I find myself thinking that they economized by just having the screenwriter write the song. They didn't hire a music person. They just had the screenwriter sing it into a microcassette recorder and pass it to Reba.
Starting point is 00:37:09 Jamel, what kind of media are your kids? You have just one kid, right? Am I getting your kid number correct? Yeah, I just have one kid, yeah. What kind of media is the kid into? So he doesn't really watch a lot of stuff. When we do, it is Sesame Street related media, the Elmo show, old Sesame Streets. There's like a series of shorts where Cookie Monster and his friend Gonger own a food truck
Starting point is 00:37:37 and they make food for people who put in orders. And my kid is obsessed with that. My kid is obsessed with that. But otherwise, I don't really watch a lot. It's either that stuff or if I want to play like Zelda, then he'll watch me play Zelda, which he enjoys. I'll tell you this, guys. I'm looking at the Land Before Time Wikipedia here. Anything good on there? Every Land Before Time movie has a long list of uh you know just voice actors gifted voice actors i'm sure like people who have made their career uh voicing cartoons and so forth and then
Starting point is 00:38:16 it will just have one or two celebrities down at the bottom of the list so it'll just be like you know this person uh this person is best just be like, you know, this person, this person is best known for their work on Rugrats, this person is blah, blah, blah, blah, on down the line. And then it'll just be like, oh, and also Cameron Manheim. You gotta get a little star power. You gotta keep kids juiced for the 12th and 13th movie. Kids will go see anything with Chris Christopherson. Right. One of these just has all voice actors and then Charles Durning.
Starting point is 00:38:50 I mean, kids love The Sting, so... Right, yeah. As a petulant ankylosaurus. I don't know. Taking a guess at what maybe he's playing. Bernadette Peters is in one. Kiefer Sutherland is in one. Before we move on to another segment, can I just share a couple of stray observations about
Starting point is 00:39:11 Highlander colon The Final Dimension and just get Jamel's take on it? Yeah, please. Thank you. Okay. So I want to ask, is Mario Van Peebles supposed to be Japanese? You know, Christopher Lambert ends up in in feudal japan and he is obviously not playing japanese so maybe uh mario van people's character just kind of wandered there right but i think i actually do think he's supposed to be like a japanese warlord his name is kane which has to be the most overused bad guy name of all time bad guy in robocop 2 i believe um so yeah i was i was unclear it seemed sometimes he was trying to do a voice and sometimes not but always having a blast whether he was doing a voice or not uh there's a great so the first time you see him he has on this like
Starting point is 00:39:59 samurai armor and the armor has nipples and the nipples are pierced it has nipples with nipple rings and then later when you see him without his shirt he has pierced nipples it fucking rules it's the ultimate it's such a great payoff um yeah i don't know if his actual nipple rings are resting inside the nipple rings of the armor or if he's just like i want this armor to represent my actual chest so you're you're wondering if it's possible that they're nesting nipple, he's got a nesting nipple ring system with his real life nips and his armor nips. Yeah, that's, I guess, the question that I want to know. I mean, maybe I got to get the Blu-ray and listen to the Mario and People's commentary. I mean, the first thought that I had was,
Starting point is 00:40:45 do you think he brought his pierced nips to his armorer? Or do you think the armorer showed him the sweet nips and then he said, I got to get mine done up like that? I don't know. I mean, I'm wondering what's the cause and what's the effect. I was fascinated by the nipples. I have to admit. This is probably going to be the plot of the next Tenet movie.
Starting point is 00:41:09 Right, yes. And there's a fight between Lambert and Van Peebles in a museum. But in the museum, there's just a random trampoline in the middle of the room that they use to get to higher ground. And it does not explain why the museum has a trampoline in the middle of the room that they use to get to higher ground. And it does not explain why the museum has a trampoline in the middle of the room. It's fucking great. It's like in Gymkata when he's in the village of the crazies. Yes. Gymkata is the movie that combines gymnastic skills and karate kills.
Starting point is 00:41:42 Anyway, he's in the village of the crazies and he gets cornered by all these, you know, the crazies that lend the village its name. And there's a pommel horse there. It's like, oh, thank God I got cornered in this pommel horse area
Starting point is 00:41:58 so I can do my Gymkata moves. It's a total Gymkata. I don't know if either Lambert or Van Peebles was like, I've been doing a lot of tramp work lately. I would love it if we could incorporate some tramp into this fight. But it's there. They don't explain it.
Starting point is 00:42:17 And it's, I don't know. It's magical. It's really magical. Van Peebles was at the time living in Pomona. And it was the first one of those kind of like uh anonymous warehouse buildings that's trans been transformed into uh trampoline paradise on the inside oh yeah so he had just gotten super into trampolining i've never been to one of those trampoline paradises i i would like to go they look look like, they look like paradise. I feel like my butt would get sore. Yeah. But I mean,
Starting point is 00:42:46 on the other hand, isn't that good for your butt? Yeah, that's true. That's true. Yeah. So I'm trying to build butt strength. Jamel,
Starting point is 00:42:55 if you were to point people at one Highlander or one Highlander sequel, where would you, where would you point them? You know, honestly, it would be, it would be Highlander, the final dimension. Could it be only, it's the first direct sequel to the first film it has
Starting point is 00:43:10 everything you want some great christopher lambert you know acting such that it is mario van piebl's is actually pretty great um and uh it actually does have a pretty great final fight at the end. So, uh, that's the one. I mean, ideally you would just watch the first movie and if you value your time, just not bother with any of the others. First one, soundtrack by Queen. Anyway. Yes. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:43:36 Uh, if you, if you are, if you do, if you must watch the Highlander sequels, uh, Highlander three, the final dimension is probably the best of them. Jamel, does your wife watch these movies with you? So if it's something like a Highlander sequel, absolutely not. That's sort of not even on the table. I wouldn't even suggest it. I respect her too much. But if it's like a real movie, then yeah.
Starting point is 00:44:04 Usually we will watch them together. We kind of, uh, alternate who is, who's picking. Have there been any, has she made any particularly excellent or, uh,
Starting point is 00:44:15 particularly unusual selections lately? Nothing unusual. Um, in a way she didn't pick the movie necessarily, but she's like, we have like, I buy buy i'm one of the like the people who still buys blu-rays and touch and so she recommended for friday that we grab something off the shelf and so that's i like just grabbed star trek the movie that was a fun
Starting point is 00:44:36 uh that was a really enjoyable watch i mean i've seen it before it's been a long time uh it's a unpopular movie people think it's boring it is very boring but i think it's actually it's like it's very visually inventive and i just enjoy the kind of like 70s lounge vibe with the whole of the whole movie i like that movie too and i like that it's boring and i think that boring sci-fi movie is one of my top genres of movie. I mean, like anytime someone is complaining about like Blade Runner being boring, I'm like, yeah, that's what's so great. It's almost nothing is happening the entire time.
Starting point is 00:45:22 That's what the future is like, I guess. Yeah, I do think you do hear the like occasional griping about Star Trek being boring. And I'm like, that's the product. It's like being mad at a Highlander movie for including a lot of lightning that doesn't make sense. Yeah, when they made Star Trek into a thing where somebody drives a Mustang while listening to the Beastie Boys, I was like, I was like, I don't think I like this. I like it when there's just long scenes of people staring at a big space screen. Should be diplomacy in conference rooms.
Starting point is 00:45:54 That's the action. Yeah. Jamel, you are, I think of you above all, I mean, certainly you're a sophisticated cine-ast a sophisticated cine-ast, uh, you know, I think you, you're the kind of guy who can, um, from, from memory, find a bunch of, uh, uh, visual allusions to silent film in Batman Returns or whatever. Uh, but I think you're also one of the world's great appreciators of dad cinema. Um, you know, I already mentioned one of the world's great appreciators of dad cinema um you know i already mentioned one of my dad cinema favorites i've mentioned many times on this program that uh while i've only seen it once
Starting point is 00:46:33 i would be glad to watch the george clooney movie the american as many times as is necessary because uh a slow uh pretty nudity heavy assassin movie movie with a major movie star in it, mostly George Clooney, is basically what I want to watch for dad times. And I also love Master and Commander and Das Boot, but those are real basic dad movie takes, I feel like. Do you have any advanced dad movies that you would like to advocate for?
Starting point is 00:47:08 I mean, all my takes are similarly basic. I have, you know, I will watch those Tom Clancy, Jack Ryan movies any day of the week. You know, Hunt for Red October, Patriot Games, Clear and Present Danger. I love those movies. Even a movie that isn't technically a Jack Ryan movie, but might as well be, Air Force One, I'm a huge fan of.
Starting point is 00:47:32 You might include a lot of Wesley Snipes' 90s output, action film output in the dad category. But yeah, I'm all about that Jack Ryan stuff. Middle-aged security analyst, dodging bullets in Ireland? Give it to me. Do you also read the books? Will you read a Clancy or do you just want to watch a Clancy? When I was like 13, I would read a Clancy.
Starting point is 00:48:00 I grew up in a military town. Everyone's parents, everyone's dad owned Tom Clancy books. So I, um, I read a couple, uh, but these days I would probably, probably just do the watch.
Starting point is 00:48:14 Not so much pick up a novel. These days. I don't think I could get past like the, the politics of them. I have read some Tom Clancy novels, both as a 13 year old. And I think I've like, I think I've read like hunt forancy novels, both as a 13-year-old. And I think I've read like Hunt for Red October as a 24-year-old when I ran out of books at my in-laws' mountain cabin or something like that. I think I've read more than one as an adult.
Starting point is 00:48:39 And they're pretty enjoyable. And they're pretty enjoyable. I don't, you know, the kind of military first perspective on the world is I can deal with it. You know, I can accept it. But what's really wild about those books is just how much of them are just lists of the parts of a boat or a missile or something like it truly is and this is like i tried to read the first master and commander book because i had heard so many great things and i loved the movie so much and it was i was literally like 125 pages in and i'm like all they have done is list ropes like this has just been a list of knots and ropes and like types of hard tack but there is an audience for that obviously because these
Starting point is 00:49:34 are like the most successful books in the world like some people just want to read novels that are lists of the parts of a tank i yeah i have have never read one. I had them handed to me by clueless relatives a lot. Like, you're a boy and you like to read. Here's the boy book. I definitely had a lot of that and tried a couple times. Yeah, and found them too boring and listy. But yeah, I think I had a couple of Clancy's and a couple Grisham's on my childhood bookshelf for a long time. They just kind of went unread.
Starting point is 00:50:09 I don't know why you would give a child a John Grisham book. I definitely read like five John Grisham books as like a 12-year-old. What were you doing? I think I would just go to the used bookstore and just buy a book. I also read a lot of dragon lance novels despite not having any like i had no particular interest in dungeons and dragons but i think i probably read four dragon lance novels i read i read at that age a lot of star wars novels some tom clancy definitely Some Tom Clancy. Definitely some John Grisham. I read all of the Left Behind novels. Wow.
Starting point is 00:50:48 Wow. Holy shit. Now, did you come from an evangelical Christian background? Or was this cultural tourism? Yeah, this is more cultural tourism. Like, I grew up going to church, but sort of like black church is not it's not not the kind of place where left behind novels are getting passed around so um this was more the local library had a had them on the shelf and i was like hmm seems seemed interesting uh and i read them all and uh
Starting point is 00:51:21 they're not very good they're very bad have seen, there's a couple movie adaptations of those, aren't there? Have you watched any of the movies? Yeah, there's one very, there's one attempt to be faithful adaptation of the series that's bad. I've seen it. And then there's the Nicolas Cage reboot, which is a little more arch
Starting point is 00:51:40 and it's also quite bad, but kind of a more enjoyable watch. No. There really is a time in our type of nerds life uh which is i think uh probably probably described as a library nerd um like i can't speak for you jamel but i can say i can say some confidence that, like, Jordan and I were never headed for a life, you know, computer programming or something. But both, you know, spent a childhood spent in the school library where you will just read any book that's on the shelf. Like, the number of, this has also been on the show before, but like, I've read, I think, every Misty of Jinkateague book, which is a series of horse novels for fourth grade girls.
Starting point is 00:52:34 For horse girls. Jesse, it's okay. You can say you were a horse girl growing up. That's fine. Yeah, no, we're not here to make fun of you for that. We think it's cool. fine. Yeah, no, we're not here to make fun of you for that. We think it's cool. But, like, I was a boy in the inner city, and it's not like I was, like, dreaming on living in the country. I didn't even aspire to being a borough in the Grand Canyon. They just were there.
Starting point is 00:53:03 I think when you, like, have a kid who will just sit and read a book you'll just start handing them books and i think that's like why why we had so much like it's because of like oh this kid will just sit and read a book here's a grisham it's long you know i think that's enjoy the pelican brief 10 year old i think that's right and when i was 13 maybe they opened up a new so there's a school library, but they also opened up a branch of the public library, like a 15 minute bike ride from my house. And so my parents just let me go on the weekends to the public library and did not like with books, with TV, if I tried to watch something like wild, maybe they would,
Starting point is 00:53:46 you know, say you can't watch that. But there's never any kind of like you can't read that book. And so I would come home from the public library with a book I read when I was 14 titled – maybe a little later than that. Maybe I was 15 or 16. A book titled Cocaine, theized biography and i would just be reading it at home and no one would ask no one would be like joe why are you why are you reading about cocaine you're just you're just at the library six years old you're like excuse me where do you keep twopic of Capricorn?
Starting point is 00:54:28 We're not going to give it to you unless you pronounce it right. Henwe Melo? Did you guys get points for reading books from your librarian? Our library had a point system where if you earned enough points, you could get tickets to the Giants game. That was big news for me. Yeah, we had a summer one, but it was a personal pan pizza. Like if you read a book a week a summer, you got a personal pan pizza from Pizza Hut. I mean, that's the dream, isn't it?
Starting point is 00:54:57 A pizza all to yourself that you don't have to share with your dumb sister? Hell yeah. And they don't cook it on some bullshit sheet. They cook this thing in a pan! Yeah, just for you. Yeah, that was our big, like, yeah, that would happen every summer, is that, like, you would get dropped off at the library,
Starting point is 00:55:15 and they would give you, like, a sheet, and you would check off all these books, and then at the end of the summer, it was pizza time! I feel like I more than once had the situation where I told the librarian all the books that I had read truthfully, but they didn't believe that I could be that big of a dork. They're like, you did, you're exaggerating a little bit. And I'm like, no, I just sit in my house reading books all day. I'm curious what you as kids took away from John Grisham novels.
Starting point is 00:55:49 I remember being, certainly being handed them and just being like, I don't, this is not, this is not it. This is for a very boring grownup. What did you as kids like about them? I fucking loved them. I loved those. I loved Crichton. Yeah, well, sure, sure well sure sure sure that's that's less and those are exciting i loved the firm i mean i specifically remember loving the firm
Starting point is 00:56:13 have you have you watched that movie recently because if you haven't it is a treat oh i don't think i've watched it at all i didn't want to ruin my experience reading the classic novel it's like for some reason two and a half hours long can't don't understand why but it it's uh it has tom cruise at his sort of like young weirdly intense tom cruiseyness has wilford brimley given a great performance oh as uh tom cruise's love interest as Tom Cruise's love interest? As Tom Cruise's love interest. No, there is a scene where Wilford Brimley is confronting Tom Cruise with illicit photographs of an affair and says, I think the quote is, all kinds of stuff here, you know, oral and whatnot. Whatnot? What's what not i wonder if if he's okay with saying oral what is the thing that he wow well let's take a break we'll be back in just a second on jordan jesse go La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, all the members of Maximum Fun, folks who've gone to MaximumFun.org slash join to support Jordan Jesse Go and support whatever other
Starting point is 00:57:48 Max Fun shows they listen to. This week, we also have some support from our friends at Magic Spoon. And, um, Jordan, can I tell you what I saw this morning? What'd you see? I sat down at my breakfast table.
Starting point is 00:58:04 There's my beautiful wife, Teresa. You know this woman. You've met her before. She's the best. Yeah, she's the best. She was sitting down to a big fat bowl of motherfucking magic spoon. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's right. She had that chocolate flavor. She was getting some
Starting point is 00:58:19 cool choco milk out of it. You know how you put those chocolates in there and you get that choco milk? Hey, Jesse, I had a handful of the fruity before we of it. You know how you put those chocolates in there and you get that choco milk? Hey, Jesse, I had a handful of the fruity before we started recording. You know, it is an excellent snacking cereal. Absolutely. If that sweet tooth starts bugging you and you don't want to reach for, you know,
Starting point is 00:58:40 cookies or donuts or something like that, get yourself a handful of Magic Spoon. It's tasty, and it gets rid of those sugar cravings. But here's the thing, zero grams of sugar in this thing. Yeah, they make it with something called a monk fruit. Yeah. Couldn't tell you what that is, but it tastes pretty darn good, and zero grams of sugar is genuinely impressive. What's cool about the Magic Spoon to me is that they have made something that has those snacky qualities. It has those breakfast cereal qualities, but it is actually completely grain-free. So that, I mean, obviously gluten-free, but
Starting point is 00:59:19 grain-free entirely, which is why, I mean, it's basically a little circle of protein, which is pretty amazing considering how it tastes, how tasty it is, you know? Yeah, 13 to 14 grams of protein, four net carbs, and only 140 calories in each serving. Keto-friendly, gluten-free, grain-free, soy-free, low-carb, and GMO-free. Great flavors. We mentioned chocolate. We mentioned fruity. There's two limited edition flavors this month, Cookies and Cream and Maple Waffle. You can build your own box with cocoa, fruity,
Starting point is 00:59:54 frosted, peanut butter, and cinnamon. Ooh, the peanut butter's good. I got a box of that peanut butter, and it was gone pretty quick. Yeah, PB's my fave, too. Go to magicspoon.com slash JJGO to grab the new limited edition cookies and cream maple waffle or a custom bundle of cereal to try it today. And Magic Spoon's so confident in their product, it's backed with a 100% happiness guarantee.
Starting point is 01:00:19 So if you don't like it for any reason, they will refund your money, no questions asked. And be sure to use our promo code JJGO at checkout to save $5 off your order. Magicspoon.com slash JJGO and use the code JJGO to save $5. Thank you, Magic Spoon, for sponsoring this episode. Hey, Jesse, we're also sponsored this week by Libby. That's my childhood friend's mom, Libby. Well, there you go. It's the reading app that has a name of certain childhood friend's moms. Yeah. I mean, she does a lot of reading, so it's apropos.
Starting point is 01:01:03 Yeah. Yeah, I mean, she does a lot of reading, so it's apropos. Yeah, it's a free reading app created by OverDrive that lets you borrow e-books and audio books from your library on your phone, tablets, Kindle, or computers. All you need is a valid library card. Hey, Libby, this is Jordan Jesse Go. Our listeners have library cards. Yes, that's all they have. Our listeners don't have driver's licenses. Our listeners don't have literally any form of identification other than their library cards. When they went in to get their library cards and they were asked for identification, they couldn't provide it, so they simply had to swear a blood oath. Now, listen, there's a little caveat here. I don't think this applies to anyone in our audience, but even if you don't have a library card you can read samples of any book you see it works just
Starting point is 01:01:49 like a physical library a simple uh you simply borrow available books you want to read and then they return themselves automatically after your loan expires can you imagine a book that returns itself automatically we're in the future we live in the future with Libby. Oh my god, Libby is so beautiful. Oh, Libby, you're so beautiful. Thanks for dropping my friend Evan off at preschool. Okay, again,
Starting point is 01:02:16 I think that's probably your friend's mom and not the app, but... Yeah, we're playing GoBots over here, Jordan. Shut your yap. Download Libby in the Apple App Store or Google Play Store to start borrowing and sampling e-books
Starting point is 01:02:32 and audio books today. Jordan, there's also a message up here on the Jumbotron. The Jumbotron, of course, where our listeners can share their messages with our listeners. This one, I'm excited about this one, Jordan. I'm going to leave this to you, but I'm just going to suffice it to say I'm pumped here.
Starting point is 01:02:52 Okay, I'm going to read the Jumbotron that I have not read until now. It says, SOS Avionics is a certified avionics shop in Regina, Regina, Regina, Saskatchewan, that specializes in small aircraft upgrades and bench work. We don't want customers that have a problem with Brian laughing. Yeah. Sometimes people complain about that, but they're not interested in that. Contact them at sosavionics.com. At sosavionics.com.
Starting point is 01:03:31 Sosavionics.com for all your avionics needs in Regina, Saskatchewan. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, Bowie detective. I'm Jamel Bowie. My son called me yucky today. As a name or as a descriptor? Can't quite figure it out. Were you being yucky today as a name or as a descriptor can't quite figure it out were you being yucky i'm sorry i don't want you to play and i'm playing i'm devil's advocating over here but
Starting point is 01:04:12 what were you doing something that was yucky were you kissing no i was i was uh i was uh making dinner i was chopping some carrots and he he looked at me pointed pointed, and said, Ew, yucky. But not at the carrots. He likes the carrots. Specifically me. Wow. Well, I don't think you're yucky, Jamel. I think you're yummy. I don't know how I feel about that one.
Starting point is 01:04:39 I mean that as a compliment. Jordan, you would never yuck Jamel's yums. I would never, never yuck someone's yum. That's what that means, right? Uh, maybe. I was just thinking about the fact that when I was a kid, I lived, you know, I split my time between my parents. This is just on the subject of yuckiness. I split my time between my parents' houses.
Starting point is 01:05:02 And at my dad's house, my bedroom was like in the basement. Like it was, it had a, it had like a linoleum floor like it was finished but it was very much like half of the basement and the door to the backyard wasn't flush with the ground and so at night slugs would come into my room and like slug around on my carpet and then leave and they would leave slug trails on my carpet and it was the grossest thing in the history of the world and i don't think my father and stepmother ever did anything about it oh boy i should talk to my therapist yeah this is the wrong venue we can't unpack that here we're here to work we're here to unpack the highlander sequels jesse hey did you see that in columbus ohio where uh wario has that sandwich shop uh luigi has a uh a pawn shop yeah and there's also a um
Starting point is 01:06:00 someone also yeah boy we've had a jamel for you uh for your benefit we uh we have been kind of inadvertently buzz marketing a uh columbus ohio area uh sandwich shop called wario's beef and pork because i am weirdly getting instagram ads for it despite uh never having been to columbus ohio their specialty is uh Wario sauce, which is Wario's... It's not. Don't go there, Jesse. He's been saying it's jizz. It's not.
Starting point is 01:06:32 It's not his jizz. Okay? Come on. Just don't be gross. It's not his jizz. It's Wario's jizz. It's called Wario sauce. It's not.
Starting point is 01:06:38 It's an aioli or something. Oh, God. No, Wario sauce, the main thing. I'm not saying it's the only thing. Obviously, if it is an aioli it's probably mixed with mayonnaise i mean you know it's they get the brioche bun and the roast beef and the lettuce and tomato then wario just cranks off into each one yeah i don't think that's take it from jamelle bowie of the new york times jordan all right i'm hey what looks like i'm i'm outgunned he's representing his employer here
Starting point is 01:07:08 i'm outnumbered fine i cave i guess it's jizz i guess it's jizz retweets constitute endorsements jordan two against one i guess it's just that's right i'm here on behalf of dean beckway himself saying wario cranked off into the sandwich the gray lady herself i have a letter here from david brooks that says wario sauce is 100 for sure jizz all right i guess i'm hey i i know listen i know when i'm beat yep the guy invented the word grups it means means sort of grownups. So, yeah. So, I guess there's like a Luigi's Chicken Wings and there's a Mario's something. So, like, you know, the whole gang's there in Columbus, Ohio.
Starting point is 01:07:55 Columbus, Ohio sounds like a dream. Yeah. I mean, hey, listen. We haven't heard from anybody in Columbus, Ohio who's pre-ordered Bubble yet. But they're all going to this fucking sandwich shop. Yeah. Anyway. I know where your priorities are, Columbus, Ohio's pre-ordered bubble yet, but they're all going to this fucking sandwich shop. Yeah. Anyway, I know where your priorities are, Columbus, Ohio. Yeah, when I'm in Columbus, Ohio next,
Starting point is 01:08:13 I'm going straight to King Koopa's pho. Right. Yoshi's aluminum siding. You know, Jamel, on the program, we've been doing this show for almost 75 years. And in that time, we've come up with one idea for a segment. So we decided to just, instead of coming up with ideas for segments, which we're obviously incapable of doing, up with ideas for segments, which we're obviously incapable of doing, we figured we would just say, you know, you, the audience member, you come up with the segment and just call it in.
Starting point is 01:08:51 And as I understand it, we've got one of those calls right now. So let's take a listen. Hi, Jordan. Hi, Jesse. Hi, Ko. This is Gordon Bedford-Collins from Boston, Massachusetts. I'm calling in regarding the long running segment songs that I sing to my cat. This first one's called Snuggle Cuddle Time with Daddy.
Starting point is 01:09:14 Snuggle cuddle time with daddy. Cuddle cuddle time with daddy. It's the greatest time in the world. It's the best time in the world It's the greatest time in the world And then actually, Bruce Springsteen is such a big fan that he covered it in one of his live concerts and it goes like this. Snuggle cuddle time with daddy
Starting point is 01:09:37 Rubble cuddle time with daddy It's the greatest time in the world It's the greatest time in the world. It's the greatest time in the world. Okay. Thank you. Bye-bye. You know, it's a lonely time, guys.
Starting point is 01:09:56 Yeah. God, the whole time I was listening to that, I'm like, God, is this what I sound like? Is this the dark mirror that I'm seeing myself in oh fuck well this explains a lot you sound more like the singer from the cranberries right i support this i mean yeah i do a thing i do a thing with my dog coco she's i think i mentioned on the show that i've had to uh i've had to make one of my dogs an upstairs dog and one of my dogs a downstairs dog because the younger of my two dogs, who's only elderly, not like fast approaching death, the younger of my two dogs has just gotten too sassy with the older of my dogs. So I just had to keep them apart. with the older of my dogs. So I just had to keep them apart. And so in the morning I will wake up and Coco, my oldest dog will be, you know, in her bed or on top of my bed. And I will pick her up to carry her upstairs to bring her out front to go to the bathroom. And I will usually pick her up
Starting point is 01:11:02 upside down. So her feet are in the air. And then I do this thing where I lift her up like to the level of my chin. So she's upside down and she's up at like chin level. And I walk through the living room where my kids and my wife are. And I just say, hey, guys, tall dog. Sounds good. Yeah, it's pretty good, Tall Dog. What have you and Bug been up to, Jordan?
Starting point is 01:11:31 Well, I'll put on Van Halen's Dance the Night Away, and I'll do this dance, and I'll point at her while I'm doing it, and I imagine she just kind of stares, and I imagine what's going through her head is like, wow, cool. Yeah. Wow, look at him go yeah when something momentous happens to you like your uh owner does a sweet dance uh give us a call for our segment momentous occasions 206-984-4 fun or send us a voice memo at jjgoe at maximumfun.org. Here is an example of a momentous occasion that was experienced by a listener. That is this listener who's about to start talking now.
Starting point is 01:12:12 Hey, this is Julie calling from Columbus, Ohio. And I have a Warriors connection. I went in after you guys mentioned it last week because I had to know and experience the wonder for myself. And one of my former students works there and is friends with the owner. So, huzzah! And they do know about this, but I don't think they've actually listened yet. So, dot, dot, dot.
Starting point is 01:12:40 They probably shouldn't, right? Yeah. I'm just getting madder and madder we have no bubble pre-orders from Columbus, Ohio, but everybody's swarming this fucking sandwich shop. What does a sandwich cost? It's got to be in the $20 range. What does your upcoming graphic novel bubble come with? Does it come with any sauce at all?
Starting point is 01:13:01 You know what? It doesn't, actually. So, you know what? I guess I get it. I guess I get it. I would think that at the bare minimum it would come with some of Mike Mitchell's sauce. Right. Being the... Bare minimum.
Starting point is 01:13:14 ...basis for one of the characters. No, uh-uh. I don't think we can get that guy to crank off on all these books. Although, I don't know. Maybe if sales are poor, he can manage to throw a load in each one. Maybe that could be a Patreon thing for their Patreon. You know, we could get them to a certain level, and Michael, crank off on your bubble.
Starting point is 01:13:34 You have to send it with an S-A-S-E. Listen, I'm glad we're throwing some of our shine, our world-renowned shine, onto Wario's beef and pork. But come on, guys. Where's your priorities? Where's your priorities? There's got to be some independent bookstores in Columbus, Ohio. Yeah. There's got to be.
Starting point is 01:13:55 There's got to be. I'd love to have these people send me some of their beeves. Their beeves? Yeah. Is that how you say beef? No, that's the plural of beef. Oh, okay. I understand. I would just like to eat's a plural of beef. Oh, okay. I understand.
Starting point is 01:14:05 I would just like to eat some of these beefs. Columbus, Ohio. Send us the beefs. Send us the beefs. Let's take another call. Hi, Jordan, Jesse, and ooh boy, let's go Elliot Kalin. This is Ramona from New Hampshire, and I just had a momentous occasion. I just went out for the first time as a woman,
Starting point is 01:14:35 and one of the people I was with genuinely thought I was a cis girl. So, yeah, yeah, just wanted to let you guys know. Okay. Love the show. Thank you. Bye. Sweet. That rules. Yeah. I mean, that's great. I will be a little bit cranky if I find out
Starting point is 01:14:58 that you did go to Wario's board. She went to her local independent bookstore to pre-order your book, Jordan Okay, well that's good, that's better By the way See, that's helping us, me specifically I think that Elliot Kalin was a very good guess
Starting point is 01:15:18 Not technically correct, but I think there's an argument to be made That Jamel is the Elliot Kalin of New York Times columnists. With all due apologies to Maureen Dowd, I think it's got to be Jamel. Yeah, Jamel, do you know Elliot and do you feel like you share vibes with him? I know Elliot. I think he is, I think we probably share some vibes. I think we probably share some vibes. He's probably a little quicker than I am, but I think we share a similar concern with detail, especially when it comes to multimedia properties and obscure comic shit.
Starting point is 01:16:05 I think you both probably know a lot of things about presidents. We both know a lot of things about presidents, and I think Elliot could probably tell better jokes about presidents, but I feel like I could probably come up with a couple myself. I feel like on multiple occasions, I have been at a pool with Elliot, and he's just been telling me about one of his favorite presidents. It's great. Jamel, I guess I didn't know that obscure comics was a lane that you drove in. What,
Starting point is 01:16:32 what are your, what are your obscure comics? Uh, I mean, not so much obscure comics, just sort of obscure things within comics. Like I've read, you know,
Starting point is 01:16:43 I wouldn't say every issue of the Fantastic Four, but I've read a lot of Fantastic Four, who are my favorite superhero group, which I feel like is not common. Very few people choose the Fantastic Four, but I think they're great. There are a bunch of fun scenes in John Byrne's run in the early 80s, lots of Doom-centric storylines that often involve him sort of like, you know, abusing underlings that I find very funny.
Starting point is 01:17:15 It's good. Nobody abuses an underling like Doom. No, no, no. Would you say that the Fantastic Four have had the worst luck movie-wise, or will you like stick up for some of those fantastic movies? Absolutely. I mean, yeah,
Starting point is 01:17:30 as far as like proper fantastic four movies. So I guess there's the weird one in the nineties and then there's the two Fox ones. And then the most recent one with, um, miles Teller and the Josh Shrank fantastic for, yeah, no,
Starting point is 01:17:44 they, they've, uh, they've gotten short gotten short shrift and they're not, all those movies are bad. My theory of this, it's like twofold. The first is that I think part of the problem, and I call this like the John Carter of Mars problem, which is that like when you have a property like the Fantastic Four, which is kind of the first of its kind,
Starting point is 01:18:04 so much of its innovations and like tropes have been absorbed into other things that people – that became popular later and are larger in the public mind. That when you try to go back to that original thing, it just seems sort of like trite and tired because it's already been done before. So there's that. The second thing is that, for whatever reason, everyone who's tried to make one of these movies has been, like, afraid of really leaning in to kind of the hokiness of the concept and the characters. And, like, I've always thought that if I,
Starting point is 01:18:41 if someone, like, said to me, Jamal, you've got to write a fantastic horror movie, mine would just be a straight-up period piece. Just put them back in the 60s. Make it be the 60s. That would be my approach to it. And then it would be a little bit of origin stuff and then just 40 minutes of Doom abusing underlings.
Starting point is 01:19:02 That's what the people want. Doom screaming at one of his Doom bots for fucking it up. I feel like this could be a lucrative pornography lane for us. Explain. I don't know that I'm with you, but I want to be. I'm talking about Doom abusing his underlings pornography oh like like doom doom doom shaming because i feel like pornography used to just be like two people make two naked people having sex but now it has to be like you know everything on everything on a pornography website
Starting point is 01:19:39 is all like oh this this uh brother and and sister wear berets. You know what I mean? I don't know. I don't think so. It's all very Rococo. There's just a lot of different shit going on. Right. And I feel like regular BDSM, regular power play or whatever is pretty trite.
Starting point is 01:20:05 But if one of them was a Fantastic Four villain with extraordinary powers, that could really spice things up. Yeah. And if so, yeah. So it's like a Doom underling scenario or a Doom bot. Yeah. It's like, you know know there's that kind of like verite gay pornography where um uh the conceit is that the porn star is having sex with somebody
Starting point is 01:20:35 from the military it's like that it's just like a little twist that gives it some extra juice a little spice yeah i mean another idea i have for this is um that i think could add a lot of flavor is wario sauce but jordan i know you're uncomfortable with that no i'm just gonna have to come i mean listen i've been i've been outnumbered uh apparently it's in the paper of record that wario sauce is jizz, so I guess I'm just gonna have to go with it. And, you know, and I think that, you know, and I think that, like, you know, with pornography, I think, like, you know, scenery is important. I like a, you know, I like a scenic piece of pornography, and where's more scenic than beautiful Latveria, the fictional country that Dr. Doom is the emperor of. God, yeah, the countryside there is just spectacular.
Starting point is 01:21:30 Yeah. You just tell the rolling hills. Well, yeah, apparently, Ledbury is supposed to be a paradise. The only thing is that you must worship Doom as your god. Small price to pay. Gotta worship somebody, I mean somebody might as well be Doom to this point
Starting point is 01:21:47 I've just been focused on Martin Mull I just think he's great in everything he's a comedian's comedian but I could switch over to Doctor Doom if it meant to live in a paradise yeah Jamel if you were to do
Starting point is 01:22:04 your Fantastic Four movie, would Doom be the villain? I do feel like Fantastic Four has good villains to pick from. Yeah, I don't think Doom... So I would go with more of a... If it's like the first movie kind of thing, I would actually go for one of the hokier villains, like the Mole Man,
Starting point is 01:22:20 or I would even have the villain be Namor the Submariner. Oh, okay. man or i would even have the villain be named be namor the submariner um oh okay doom is interesting because he i mean he is sort of like the great comic book villain and it seems like it would make sense on the face of it to have be doom be your villain but i've always found it much more interesting not as so much as a direct antagonist but kind of as like a guy who they don't necessarily trust but because him and reed richards do have like actual personal ties going back to their their younger days everyone there's a storyline where they they give they they let doom basically raise their youngest daughter the reed reed and sue rich, in part because it's like, well, Doom is obviously a megalomaniac and a crazy person. But, you know, he is, he's not gonna,
Starting point is 01:23:14 he's true, he's true to, to the logic of himself. And so we don't, we know he's not going to do anything wild here. And that kind of relationship to Doom, I think is interesting. So I'd, I'd prefer not to have him as like an antagonist. It's kind of relationship to doom i think is interesting so i'd i'd prefer not to have him as like an antagonist it's kind of just like a guy you know like like uh uh if you ever watch the sitcom martin like bra man kind of shows up sometimes classic analog to the fantastic four yeah who in the fantastic four should they nay let's let's you know at the end of the day uh my favorite version of the fantastic four is probably herman's head right um i didn't even know that there was the potential for namor the submariner to be a bad guy i thought that was a good guy his origins or he was originally a villain
Starting point is 01:24:04 i think in his first appearance in a comic book he wanted to like wipe the surface world of life um he becomes an anti he he becomes an anti-hero throughout the fantastic four run mainly because he just wants to like smash sue storm that's kind of the whole thing um and the funny thing about those comics especially the like kirby lee ones is that like sue storm was kind of into it thing. And the funny thing about those comics, especially the Kirby Lee ones, is that Sue Storm was kind of into it. And so Reed Richards is very exasperated about the fact that Namor wants to sleep with his wife. His wife is kind of not opposed to the idea.
Starting point is 01:24:36 This is just another example of how rich our pop culture is with sexy fishmen like i think we all you know we were all you know we all kind of had our minds blown a little bit when shape of water came out but like you know the real ones know that sexy fishmen have been out there in the zeitgeist i mean forever people have always wanted to uh you know get down with someone that has gills. I feel like that's just something, I don't know, it's in us. It's in our blood. It's in our culture.
Starting point is 01:25:12 Kevin Costner? For instance, yes. In Waterworld? Mm-hmm. I'd love to smash that for sure. Sure, yeah. The Mariner himself. You know who I think would make a good Fantastic Four villain?
Starting point is 01:25:26 And I'm, look, I'm not half the comics expert that you guys are. I'm just throwing out ideas here. What about Howard the Duck? Yeah. He's already, he's sort of an anti-hero, you know? That would be kind of a cool Marvel thing if like you know kind of a joke character like howard the duck got unimaginable power somehow and then became this you know thanos-like antagonist i don't know just just just spinning wheels here but i think i think i think there's something there i mean if he just collected those power gems you gotta you know then it's on you know here comes howard sure
Starting point is 01:26:03 the duck that is i have never seen that howard the duck movie i know that's like a famous kind of like crazy bomb misfire um my daughter was quizzing me about it the other day and i don't know how she got it into her head about it even existing she's not even really into superheroes but she was quizzing me about it the other day and i was i am pretty sure i saw it in the movie theater with my dad. And I looked up when it came out and it came out in like 1986 or something. So the only explanation I can come up with is that my dad took me to see it in a movie theater when I was five.
Starting point is 01:26:43 You were ragging on Jamel for having seen Highlander too early. I know. What the fuck, Dad? Excuse me. What the fuck, Dad's ghost? Thank you. Yeah. Jamel, how have the ducks seen it?
Starting point is 01:26:56 I've actually never seen it. Oh, yeah. Interesting. I know. Yeah, it's one of those. I'm wondering if it would be fun bad or if it, it's just a disaster. 240 movies a year. You think you could make some room for it, man. That might be one of the ones that I'll just watch my own time and not,
Starting point is 01:27:15 not ask my, my lovely wife to sit through it. Well, I don't know. Do you want to facilitate some romance for later in the evening? Ooh, la la. That duck is smoking a cigar. And flying a biplane, maybe? I don't really remember anything about it. Leah Thompson is there? I think so. Okay, let's take a quick break. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Maximum Fun is a network by and for cool, popular people. But did you know it also has an offering designed to appeal to nerds?
Starting point is 01:28:02 A show for nerds? On Maximum Fun? The devil, you say? It's true. It's called The Greatest Generation, and they review episodes of a television program for nerds called Star Trek. They've reviewed TNG, DS9,
Starting point is 01:28:17 and are now reviewing Voyager. Hey, Star Trek. My daughter enjoys that program. Well, if she enjoys that, and she enjoys humor of the flatulent variety, might I recommend she subscribe to The Greatest Generation? Hey, are you calling my kid a nerd? Boy, I ought to...
Starting point is 01:28:34 Well, gotta go! Become a friend of DeSoto by subscribing to The Greatest Generation on MaximumFun.org today! La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. The Beef and Dairy Network is a multi-award winning comedy podcast here on Maximum Fun and I would recommend you listen to it. But don't just take it from me. What do the listeners have to say? I would rather stick a corkscrew inside my ear, twist it around and pull out my ear canal like a cork than listen to your stupid podcast ever again. Please stop
Starting point is 01:29:05 contacting me. Hell would freeze over before I recommended this podcast, The Beef and Dairy Network, to anyone. Not in a million years. Actually stretch that. Make it a billion years. No, how long's infinity?
Starting point is 01:29:22 That's The Beef and Dairy Network podcast available at MaximumFun.org and at all good and some bad podcast platforms. Disgusting. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's
Starting point is 01:29:38 Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Jamel Bowie, I could not think of a tagline for myself, so here we are. No, people think they have to do a new nickname every time, but I thought the yucky thing was great. Okay. You want to do it again?
Starting point is 01:29:52 Do you want a second take? You want to go around? Another go around? Yeah, let's do a second take. Jesse, you can start. Let's do a second go around. Yeah. Brian, keep all this in.
Starting point is 01:29:59 This is all fun. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris's boy detective smell buoy still yucky yeah nailed it on the first take one take wonder jamelle does your does your son love you my youngest child is really... You didn't let him answer. I believe so. I think so, yeah.
Starting point is 01:30:30 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Isn't that beautiful? Do you feel otherwise about your kids, Jesse? I would say on a scale of one to 10, my oldest, Grace, is like an eight or nine. She definitely loves me. Oscar, my seven year old i mean six or seven out of ten and then frankie my youngest he's like a three like he likes me better than the lady who mans the door at his preschool but probably not better than his actual preschool teacher.
Starting point is 01:31:06 Like he's got the one teacher. He definitely likes her. And of course, Esme in his class. He loves Esme. So how does he feel about you as compared to, let's say, carrots? He does like carrots. I mean, that's definitely his top vegetable. I would say neck and neck. It's one of those depends on the day kind of things
Starting point is 01:31:28 like if i brought him carrots that would put me ahead it seems like you got a good strategy going forward to turn that three into a four or five yeah it's true not to brag but that's true i think you got it i think you got this buddy i think you think you got a four, you got a five in your future. It's going to happen. Every relationship encounters some tough times, but you just forge ahead, you give them some carrots, and you come out stronger on the other side. Jamel, we've been avoiding the subject of politics, but I think it's the elephant in the room.
Starting point is 01:32:05 You're, of course, a columnist for the New York Times. You have a lot of thoughts and opinions about what I call the political scene. How do you feel about these clowns in Congress? Oh, boy, don't get him started. These jokers. Have you seen these big shoes these guys wear? Oh, these guys are jokers. You got it. Jamel knows. Big red noses.
Starting point is 01:32:31 The whole nine yards. Seltzer bottles. Oh, really gets my day. I'll just say that I appreciate that we've been able to reform our political system to the extent that a clown third party is viable, can win seats in Congress. That's true. What that says about the American people, don't get me started. But at the very least, our democracy is vibrant enough to support clowns in Congress. Yeah. I mean, here's what I think, Jamel. I am an advocate for ranked choice voting.
Starting point is 01:33:03 And the reason is that I think you could open up lanes, not just for clowns, but also sword swallowers, human cannonballs, and well-trained tigers. I'm sorry to be one of these guys that's always, you know, talking about decorum, but I just don't like how they behaved on Robert De Niro's talk show. They killed everyone. Robert De Niro's talk show. How he killed everyone. Right. On Robert De Niro's talk show, sure.
Starting point is 01:33:33 That's why we need to preserve the filibuster. Right. Thank you. These jokers from killing everyone on Robert De Niro's talk show. Jamel Bouie, of course, you can find in the pages of the new york times you can find him on social media where he's a joy and a delight uh you can see his his genuine gift for photography i'm not i'm not goofing around about uh jamel's photography jamel really is a gifted gifted and skilled. And Jamel, you do have a lifestyle newsletter. I mean, it's not all lifestyle content, but you're sure to touch on lifestyle content in
Starting point is 01:34:14 that newsletter. Yes. Yeah. No, I offer recipes and sometimes write about movies. I occasionally have readers who want me to write more about fashion. Maybe that will happen in the future. There's also some cereal content as well, from what I understand? Yeah, for Serious Eats, I review cereals, breakfast cereals, most of them pretty terrible, but it's fun to do, and people seem to like it. A shocking number of people seem to like it a shocking number of people seem to like it in fact uh so there's that as well do you just real quick before we go do you have a
Starting point is 01:34:52 best and worst cereal currently on shelves best cereal is probably that i've had for this series i've been doing probably the funfetti cereal by, I forget the manufacturer, but it's Funfetti flavored cereal. It tastes like birthday cake. It's pretty good. I was shocked about this. The worst one was a seasonal cereal. It was Apple Jack's like caramel apple flavored, and it was genuinely one of the worst things I've ever eaten. That does sound like a high level of difficulty. Apple Jacks, uh, caramel apple. I'm not surprised that took a nosedive.
Starting point is 01:35:27 Hey guys, before we go, I do have some breaking news. Oh, good. Okay. Love news. During the break,
Starting point is 01:35:34 I happened to go on Twitter and a listener named Brett, uh, was kind enough to tag us in some important Twitter news. Oh, good. Uh, and I'll, I'll give the context for folks
Starting point is 01:35:47 who aren't extremely online like we are. So baseball slugger Jose Canseco is on Twitter. And he posts different weird stuff because he's a troubled man. And one thing he posted was his daughter, Josie Canseco, who is on the cover of the latest issue of Maxim Mexico, the Mexican version of Maxim magazine, which I don't think exists in the United States anymore. And he writes here, she's a very beautiful woman. She's wearing an Indiana Jones hat and her underpants.
Starting point is 01:36:27 woman she's wearing an indiana jones hat and her underpants um and uh she says and jose canseco wrote my beautiful daughter poop love her very much uh-huh tweeted that from henderson nevada on his android phone nice to know jose canseco has android uh and then uh there's there's a follow-up uh she jose canseco retweeted jose canseco's tweet and wrote yes my nickname is poop i love you asl emoji uh the american sign language symbol for for i love you you know pointer finger and and pinky finger extended thumb out. Then someone named Zabzik asks, the fuck is the backstory on that? Which I think is a very reasonable question. Sure. I mean, you may want to ask it a little bit nicer,
Starting point is 01:37:16 but sure. I think we're all curious. I mean, what is the nicer way to ask why someone's name is Poop? So Josie Canseco followed up she answered the question this is kind of her and she by the way she's using an iphone when i was eight i pooped my pants in my dad's car because i had six root beer floats true story i love i love how Jose Canseco just, like, seems to have bullied his daughter for her whole life, reminding her of the time she pooped in her pants. Something that kids do. I mean, six root beer floats is a lot, but, I mean, I do like that he's...
Starting point is 01:37:59 I mean, I don't like it, but very telling that Jose Canseco is, like like the kid in class who won't let you forget the embarrassing thing that you did yeah but also his his my beautiful daughter poop love her very much with no punctuation is is pretty fantastic i want to be clear all lowercase too i have not thought about jose canseco since rick ross rapped about him so this is all very interesting to me well you gotta subscribe to this podcast we uh we give uh i would say monthly jose canseco updates and and each one is greater than the last yeah this this was originally an all bash brothers content podcast we We would occasionally do some Walt Weiss or Carney Lansford related material,
Starting point is 01:38:47 but mostly McGuire and Canseco. But, you know, McGuire's been keeping a low profile. So, you know, we got it. We got to go with Big Jose. OK, look, Jamel's got that newsletter. Where do you sign up for the newsletter, Jamel?
Starting point is 01:39:01 If you just Google Jamel Bowie newsletter, it'll show up. It's at the New York Times. Now we're talking., it'll show up. It's at the New York Times. Now we're talking. You can also find Jamel's columns at the New York Times. We're laughing and joking about the clowns in Congress and so forth. But I read every one of Jamel's columns. I'm a New York Times subscriber.
Starting point is 01:39:19 He does really remarkable work that puts a lot of context into a scary world. And I'm very grateful to get to read it. I learned something and, you know, gained some insight every single time. So everybody should actually take the time to go and read Jamel's New York Times work. Jamel, what a joy it has been to have you on Jordan Jesse. Go, thank you for making the time. Thank you for having me. It's been a real pleasure. Jamel Bowie, the New York Times.
Starting point is 01:39:53 Next week, the gray lady herself. Hello, it's me. I'm going to be on the show next week, and this is what I sound like. I'm not Jordan doing a voice. Wow, for a second I wondered, is that Jordan doing a voice? But you've really cleared that up, Grey Lady.
Starting point is 01:40:12 Nope. I thought people might think that. But I'm not. Jordan, it's me, Dr. Fauci. I'm not just Jesse doing a voice you just missed the personification of the New York Times Dr. Fauci
Starting point is 01:40:30 oh we're like ships passing in the night anyway I wanted to let you know I wanted to let you know you should come to Florida Jamel this is a running bit anyway just letting you know Jordan I want you to come to Florida
Starting point is 01:40:44 what's in Florida? Pitchers and catchers have reported. It's me, Dr. Fauci of the Washington Nationals. Boy, again, I think you... I do. I would love... I think somebody from the team should
Starting point is 01:41:00 clear up with you that you're not actually on the team but just threw out the first pitch that one time it seems like you're jordan they're stretching me out all right they're stretching me out to be a starter i would love it if you would just maybe take some of this energy you're using to prepare for major league baseball and just kind of put that toward advising joe biden on what to do about, you know, coronavirus and other infectious diseases. So, yeah, I just, you know, just...
Starting point is 01:41:28 I'm advising Joe Biden on how to get more snap on his curve. If you're listening and you're with the Washington Nationals, please just tell Fauci that he's not actually on the team. Let him down easy. I really, you know, we need this as a country. Just somebody help us. I just want to tell Sean Doolittle I'm going to miss him. Somebody from the organization needs to correct this mistake.
Starting point is 01:41:49 Well, goodbye, guys. Jesse's coming back from the bathroom, and there's only one microphone here. All right. I live at Jesse's house, by the way. Bye. You know, I feel like he's fun, but a little exhausting. Yeah. If I'm frank. No, I mean, he's fun, but a little exhausting. Yeah. If I'm frank.
Starting point is 01:42:07 No, I mean, he's, you know, small doses. Jordan, Jesse, go. We're on Twitter at Jesse Thorne at Jordan underscore Morris on Reddit, MaximumFun.reddit.com. Like us on Facebook at Facebook.com slash Jordan, Jesse, go. And you can join the max fun facebook group there on facebook our producer brian sunny d fernandez our theme music love you by the free design courtesy of the free design and light in the attic records jamel thank you
Starting point is 01:42:38 again for coming on jordan jesse go uh you're really slumming it over here and we really appreciate it um i'm sure this is the npr new york times crossover that our employers imagined um we'll talk to everybody next time on jordan jesse go maximumfund.org comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported. Not just screwing, Mitch. It's a kind of intimate acts, oral and whatnot.

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