Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 713: Critical Taint Theory with Sierra Katow
Episode Date: November 21, 2021Sierra Katow (The Sex Lives of College Girls) joins Jordan and Jesse to talk about the rare but deadly perineum infection haunting Jesse's thoughts, the breath and depth of topics in Minion memes, an...d the new HBO Max show that Sierra is in - The Sex Lives of College Girls.Have Jordan sign a copy of Bubble for the holidays!And please VOTE for Bubble in the 2021 Goodreads Awards!Check out Pee Wee Herman on KCRW on Friday Nov 26th at 6pm PST!
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Give a little time for the child within you
Don't be afraid to be young and free
Undo the locks and throw away the keys
And take off your shoes and socks and run you
It's Jordan, Jesse Go
I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart
Jordan Morris, boy, detective
Jordan, I'm going to be frank with you
Because the only
We've been friends for a long time
I don't want to lie to you or deceive you.
I just want to be...
That's one of the deadly sins, right?
Yeah.
I mean...
As dictated to us by Christ, the Lord.
Can I just say one thing about that, Jordan?
Thank God, man upstairs, that you are not my neighbor, because all I do is covet your wife.
All I do is covet your wife, Jordan, all day and night.
At least you're not lying anymore.
At least you're not about to, you know, spoon feed me some of, you know, the devil's pudding.
That's what I call lies.
Lies are nothing but Satan's pudding,
mother would always say.
Lies truly are a lumpy pudding.
Not in a nice way, like a rice pudding,
but like a pudding that's gone off.
Right, yeah.
Like a weird film on it.
Yeah.
So what I'm trying to say is this.
But we'll work on the coveting later.
I'm pretty fucked up right now.
I'm a fucking disaster area.
I was watching the television show Shark Week.
Mm-hmm.
I mean Shark Tank.
Shark Tank.
Yeah.
Shark Week is a variety of shows.
It's not one program.
It is a week dedicated to various shark programs,
which ones can swim faster than Michael Phelps.
Tara Reid is involved.
Shark Tank.
Shark Tank is a show where people who have a hard time moving their faces make a person with an invention cry.
Right.
I definitely had a little Shark Tank phase not too long ago.
And this is like height of pandemic.
You know, you're just doing whatever you need to do to get comfort.
So I would put on a Shark Tank and I would play, I would put the Shark Tank on the TV and I would play Nintendo Switch and kind of like switch my focus.
And for some reason, that did it for me.
Great.
Couldn't tell you why.
I am not interested in starting a business, nor do I think the rich are cool.
No.
You seem awful.
I cannot.
This is the first time I'd ever seen the show.
I was like, gosh, these people seem horrible.
I couldn't tell you.
I like Robert okay.
There's one shark that I think is pretty nice.
His name is Robert.
Oh, and I like Lori, the queen of QVC.
I think she has some fun moments and i do like it when they're like real mean to a tech bro i think that is fun like
someone who wants to disrupt something with an app sometimes they'll like fuck with them that's
yeah it's not it's not as fun when it's just like oh this woman invented a bath bomb and has six kids like that's
not as much fun but like really giving it to like a soylent type guy that's a lot of fun anyway you
know what sorry you know what i wouldn't mind being disrupted with an app drink service like
if they brought if they brought the you know the crab dip right while the drink service was also
going out.
It would be fine with me.
I could wait for my drink for a minute if I got early access.
Oh, you're doing an app appetizer thing.
Yeah.
Cool.
So I'm nothing if not cool, Jordan.
Cool, man.
Anyone who's heard this show knows that.
That's true.
App is short for appetizer.
Cool, man.
I thought you were going to have, like, instead of asking the waiter for, like, a refill,
you would poke it.
The app would be called, like, can I get another iced tea?
Yeah.
I was watching this show.
Yeah, track day.
Yeah, my child got interested in it.
So on CNBC, on the CNBC network, network which is a business network they have a lot of advertisements
for old white men that to benefit old things of interest to old white men so what are we talking
catheters we're talking hair loss solutions i'm glad you mentioned catheters yeah the thing that
fucked me up and i haven't been able to deal with it emotionally i haven't
been able to work through it i'm thinking about whether i need to do trauma-informed therapy
is a disc it was a drug advertisement i believe it was a drug for diabetes and this
you know there's a part where a different announcer comes on and says the side effects. Mm-hmm.
And one of the side effects that this woman,
who had a beautiful, sonorous voice, said was a rare but deadly infection of the perineum,
which is the taint.
Mm-hmm.
And now all I can think about is...
Colloquially known as the taint they would they didn't say
that in the commercial right you're just no they did and then they explained
for it tainted the balls and it tainted the butthole
and known as the gooch in some regions
i thought i called it chode for a while. That was a couple years ago.
That was a few years ago on the show.
So, I don't know.
It's not...
So, you're preoccupied with the thought of what if you get one of these rare and deadly taint infections?
I am basically like Aaron Rodgers is worried about his heart exploding or whatever
right i'm now off all medication i'll never take medication again in case of deadly taint infection
right i'll never even i'm not even gonna leave the fucking house jordan yeah A deadly taint infection? I mean, that's
a king's death, though. What a way to go.
I'm hoping for taint infection
or killed on a water slide.
Those are... Either of those
I'm fine with.
Something where people kind of have to
stifle laughter at my funeral. I think
that's great. If you died on the water
slide, would you bleed out or break your neck?
Oh, I think I would get caught.
Like a chicken.
I would get caught and be face down or something.
And just drown.
So you would drown?
In a little bit of water park water, yeah.
So you would be able to escape drowning in a...
Wow.
Yeah.
They don't got sharks in there? No're thinking of shark tank on cnbc
that's where the sharks are uh our guest on the program is a uh stand-up comic she's a comedy
writer and now a comedy actor i mean she was always a comedy actor but now probably it's
moved to the top of the resume because she's on a big
deal television program called the sex lives of college girls created by
someone named Mindy Kaling.
I don't know who this person is,
but people seem to like this person.
Uh,
Sarah Cotter.
How are you?
Hey,
I'm good.
It's nice to have you back on the program.
We appreciate seeing you here.
I'm sorry that I've upset you permanently.
From the rare and deadly taint infection news.
How rare could it be for it not to be the number one issue in America right now?
Right.
Like presidential elections.
Why are people talking about CRT?
Critical race theory.
Sure.
Critical taint theory.
CT.
CT.
Sierra, do you watch Shark Tank or any other kind of like comparable reality show?
Do you have any other, like, do you have like a background reality show that you watch?
Sure, you bet. I mean, I did watch a lot of Shark Tank. I also I mean, I've seen lots of
tears on that show. Yeah, I think it's it's always very heartbreaking. But I would say yeah,
I haven't probably seen as many of the people we want to see cry cry. I see a lot of Yeah,
I see a lot of small, you know, small business types cry.
And that is sad,
but I enjoy seeing,
I have seen one guy panic.
Like he,
I think it was like a stackable Tupperware guy.
And he was kind of like the tech bro of stackable Tupperware.
If that makes sense.
Uh,
and he,
he's disrupting Tupperware.
Yeah.
He was really,
yeah.
This man is disrupting stackable containers.
I mean, to be fair, they're perfect for apps.
Sure, yeah, you're right.
There is an app for that, you know?
You have a couple extra Southwest Egg rolls you want to have tomorrow.
I mean, yes, this guy had, yeah, he had almost everyone in,
and then he, like, wouldn't make make a decision and they all slowly backed out.
It was shocking.
The thing that upset me about the show, and again, I've seen it a time, but I know its reputation as well,
is that the lesson of the show seems to be we need to be better for the rich,
not there should be broader access to capital.
Right.
Yeah, I mean, I think at its core,
you could tell what is wrong with our failing society.
Right, it's just, yeah, it's a show advertising things that they are already going to own.
Like, it's, yeah, it's just capitalism layered in many ways.
Yeah.
There was a part on the one that I watched where a young woman was just fresh out of NYU and she had invented a date paste.
Not a paste for dating.
Right.
But a paste of dates.
Like something you would have instead of peanut butter or something like that.
Well, it's lower calorie than nut butters.
Okay.
And it's a miracle food.
One of the guys, this guy with this weird collar on his shirt.
Sounds like you're drinking the date Kool-Aid, Jesse.
Geez.
I'd love a date Kool-aid that sounds nice i usually have fruit punch but so you ever been to date country by the way this isn't it we're just i know i'm just getting into
dates here i'll get it back into what happened on this television show but you know how if you go
out to the dinosaurs from peewee's big, there's just a place where all the restaurants only serve date-based foods?
Yes.
Yeah, that's all.
Just if anybody's in Southern California, it's just something to check out.
It's like watching the leaves change in Vermont.
That's a strange little regional trend is, yeah, places that advertise the date shake.
Yeah, only date shakes.
So anyway, this woman was selling date products.
She was fresh out of NYU.
only date shakes so anyway this woman was selling date products she's fresh out of nyu and um someone asked her rather pointedly uh if she only had a hundred thousand dollars in sales
how how is she living in new york and she said well she she rather sheepishly said well my my
father's helping me and then this woman made her cry because she wasn't desperate enough
wanted her to be more desperate right and the woman who made her cry couldn't move her face
above her lip line below her lip line moved above her lip line didn't and i thought i don't think i
want advice on how i should be more poor from this person.
Right.
You know what I mean?
I think, so Shark Tank, once in a while, will do, like, a theme week.
You know?
They did, like, kids.
Shark Week.
Yeah, they do.
Yeah, Shark Tank will do a week.
And then, yeah, then all ideas by sharks, the fish.
Yeah.
It's a special laxative in case you swallow a barrel of nails.
A whole barrel, huh?
Yeah, yeah.
Isn't that like classic when they cut open the shark?
It's a license plate.
There's a barrel of nails?
I've heard barrel of nails.
License plate, obviously, is a classic. Yeah, sure. A grouper, maybe. It's a barrel of nails? I've heard barrel of nails. License plate obviously is a classic.
Yeah, sure.
A grouper maybe?
I think
they should do
Dick Week.
Where we agree upon...
By the way, welcome to Dick Week
on Jordan and Jesse Go.
Jordan and Jesse Go go where every week
is dick week
not to be confused with taint week
no
every other week
and we're just bringing awareness to
CTT
yeah we all have a brown ribbon
that we wear
the color of shit where the taint is near Yeah, we all have a brown ribbon that we wear.
The color of shit.
Where the taint is near.
So Shark Tank, they should have dick week.
Where they agree, we have a metric on what is a dick.
I mean, and I don't know.
I mean, is it like, you know, just like a guy who still has the macklemore haircut or whatever like we take we find someone who's interested in
business sure yeah who thinks they should be there right yes someone who walks into a room
and feels they belong right is that what you're saying, Sierra?
Sure, yeah.
I mean, honestly, that's a good cutoff.
Yeah.
And then, yeah, and then we just,
and then we can just enjoy the, like, schadenfreude of it all
and not feel bad that, you know,
a guy put his life savings into some sort of, like, T-ball helper.
Yeah.
Like something that helps T-ball players? Yeah, like some sort of like t-ball helper you know yeah like something that helps t-ball players yeah like some sort of like i feel like that's a big category on that it's like
a dad who like quits to like have some sort of kids sporting device like some sort of like
you know soccer tent or something i don't know yeah There was a woman who was mad at a motocross guy
because he didn't know how to scale his dirt cleanser.
It's a dirt that you use to cleanse.
Scaling's important.
I know.
You don't have to tell me.
I got some scaling on my tent right now
that I'm very concerned about.
Oh, boy.
on my taint right now that I'm very concerned about.
Sierra, on your new TV show,
it has college in the title.
Do you play a college student?
Oh, you bet I do.
Yes, I am.
Me and many of the,
I would say most of us are,
yeah, not college age,
playing college age,
as many do in television.
But there are some younger, you know, younger
people, I would say, who are probably more in their, like, early, you know, early 20s or 20,
playing 18. And you're buying them beer, right? Yeah, like, come on, kids. Just say the word.
I'll go to the 7-Eleven. But yes, it is. It's mostly, you know, us in our later 20s playing.
I don't know.
I think I'm an upperclassman, supposedly.
Oh, yeah.
Well, so.
You know.
Yeah.
If you're a junior.
Yeah, I'm a junior.
Some kind of junior or something.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, you know, kids, I get it.
The college you go to in the show, is it similar or dissimilar to the actual college that you
went to?
Oh, yes. the show is it similar or dissimilar to the actual college that you went to oh yes so what's really
fun about the show and the character i play is very much who i was in college in some ways i mean
exaggerated but the the college is fictional in the show it's called essex college um haha because
sex oh yeah sure hell yeah hell yeah got him yeah good uh yeah. Got him. Yeah. That's good.
So, yeah.
So, Essex College.
But it's, I think, based on, so Mindy Kaling went to, like, Dartmouth.
Justin Noble, the other creator, went to Yale.
So, I feel like it's kind of based on these sort of northeastern Ivy League schools.
I did go to Harvard.
So, I did kind of live through that.
You don't have to explain it, Sierra.
We get it.
We went to UC Santa Cruz. Yes. There you go the same harvard of central california
except for csu monterey bay and stanford
i guess true so yes it is you know we all get it. But yeah, it is like makes fun of the
pretentiousness, I think of those and like, all that. And I play a very preppy girl.
Is it an actually pretentious context? I don't know anything. I don't know anything about
Northeastern universities. Other than my wife went to Sarah Lawrence College. I think that's a sui generis situation.
Admissions are based on specific subtypes of lesbianism at Sarah Lawrence.
So that, I don't think it applies to other, you know,
I don't think you can extend that to Amherst or whatever.
Yeah, I mean, what sort of the vibe? I don't think you can extend that to Amherst or whatever. Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, what sort of the vibe?
Well, what did you expect and what did it end up being like?
Totally.
I think, yeah, I expected.
So I'm from outside of LA, basically kind of California my whole life.
Didn't really know what to expect other than obviously like it gets colder over there.
Sure.
You need a coat, right?
Yeah, I need a coat that's not made here.
A light jacket for the fall, yeah.
Right.
And then, but yeah, no, I would say,
I mean, I guess it's like the East Coast mentality
felt a little stronger there.
It was definitely like people being like,
oh, I'm from this family or like wanting to share that,
you know, like, okay, the Shark Tank girl
who didn't want to say her dad was paying for New York,
like everyone says oh they paying
for me you know like i think it's it's not as much of a a hidden thing i think everybody likes to
be like i came from this family i do this for when people say they came from this family really
i mean in so many words i think sometimes their last name is already, you know, something. R.B. Kennedy.
Yeah, Weinstein.
No, I'm just kidding.
Epstein.
No, it's all really.
Original Epstein R.B.s.
Yes, R.B.s.
Yeah.
The third.
Not to be confused.
Yeah, exactly.
So I think, yeah, that's, it's probably a little bit more.
And maybe that's just, you know, the beginning when people are trying to kind of make an impression with people and who knows who they're talking to, right? But
what was your cultural cohort at in university? You were what? You were into fish, right?
PH fish? Oh, yes. Right. My my club fish club. No, we were basically I don't know. I mean,
I guess I like I did stand up in college. I was very interested in comedy. I also studied computer science, but I was probably more into the comedy scene.
So I had a lot of friends who were doing stand-up.
I had a lot of friends who were interested in improv, stuff like that.
Yeah, I was curious.
I was also wanting to kind of ask that.
Did Harvard have a comedy scene?
Yeah, it did.
Well, okay, a couple things.
Boston's right there.
So there was like a bunch of comedy clubs.
The comedy studio is in Harvard Square.
And I think it moved to Somerville.
But it's like, you know, it was a place that I could get up pretty easily near campus.
And then we had a little stand club, Harvard Stand-Up Comic Society.
Shout out.
And then, I mean, the Lampoon was the main probably historically relevant thing.
Oh, right. There were a few people writing for the Simpsons.
Sure, sure. Yeah. I mean, we had a lot of kids of Simpsons writers. Yeah, a lot of people who
were interested in that. So I did, I was a part of the Lampoon and I was a part of, you know,
like, it's mainly a social club, I would say, but like we did, we put out a magazine that we read,
at least.
So you did stand up even before you went to college, right?
I did. Yeah, I did some in high school. So I was kind of, you know, I knew I wanted to do that.
And it was kind of like, well, I could be near Boston, that'd be great. But yeah,
there's stuff on campus. I opened for the Wushu club, sometimes the sword team.
the wushu club sometimes the uh sword team you know sometimes they wanted a warm-up comic material no i think i tried to maybe uh you know it's hard because sometimes you know if i was following
wushu club maybe i could comment on it but opening for wushu club i don't want to step
on their territory you know yeah when i was in middle school we had a tai chi class
When I was in middle school, we had a Tai Chi class.
And, you know, I mean, it was about as interesting as you would think a Tai Chi class for middle schoolers would be to middle schoolers, you know, who were not.
But our teacher was a very nice man.
And he'd teach us our Tai Chi forms and everything.
And I can still, you know, if you need me to hold the teabag, I can hold the teabag.
But one day, I don't know, it feels like a gym day where you're in the basement because it's raining. But obviously, you already do Tai Chi in the basement, so I don't know why it was a
special day. He was like, you know, when I'm not teaching Tai Chi to middle schoolers in Hillsborough, I mostly run like a Wushu studio.
And he brought in a VHS tape of his Wushu studio.
And it was so fucking bananas.
I've been mad ever since that he was teaching us Tai Chi.
I'm like, you could have been teaching us how to do back flips holding halberds,
and you fucking taught us to hold the teabag, you fucking asshole.
Holding the teabag is really essential to find out if you have CTT, by the way.
If that teabag drops, you are screwed.
It's a preventative measure.
I mean, Sierra, as tough as it is to try and do comedy in front of the Wushu Club,
just be glad that you didn't have to follow the Wushu Club.
That's where you really don't want to be.
Nothing can follow them.
I mean, yeah, it's quite a spectacle.
And I hope they're still Wushuing to this day. That would be nice. It'd be good to know. They stuck together like, well,
we went to college. Traveled together. Yeah. We did the wushu circuit for a little bit.
There's festivals, you know, you end up having to stay in somebody's three car garage or whatever.
But it's worth it. Yeah. But it's, you know, it's cool in somebody's three-car garage or whatever. Right. But it's worth it.
Yeah.
But it's, you know, it's cool.
It's fun.
You meet other people who are into wushu.
Sure.
You trade weapons.
Yeah.
I feel like I have gotten wind that Santa Cruz maybe has a little comedy scene now.
I think when we were in, like, when we were in college, college like our improv and stuff was like dining hall based was
like can we use a dining hall for a night i mean we we were in a the improv group that jordan and
i were in started my freshman year and it was the only comedy thing at the whole college i think
yeah and then like in town, sometimes Margaret Cho
would come and play the old movie
theater or something like that.
There was a restaurant called The Crow's
Nest. Oh, right. Oh, The Crow's
Nest. That had a weekly
comedy night with
some of the
comics from San Jose
who weren't working the San Jose improv
that night. Gotcha.
Yeah.
Made the trip over the mountain.
There were some Monterey comics probably as well.
But yeah, but I think I feel like I've gotten the impression that maybe Santa Cruz has like
a little comedy scene now.
More than just the stripping improv group?
Oh, yeah.
They had a, yes, the one townie improv group, their gimmick was that they stripped when
they would like make a mistake or something else.
But I think it was very PG-13.
I think they were wearing nine layers of clothes.
We were both in that for two weeks, right?
Or were you in it longer?
I feel like I was in it two weeks.
I tried out and didn't get in.
Really?
Yeah, yeah.
I think I was in it for two weeks and then got kicked out.
Yeah, my stripping was great.
Improv.
They're like, this guy's too sexy.
He's gonna...
Yeah, distract you.
Yeah, we've got to come up with more games
that involve playing
Pour Some Sugar On Me really loud.
Right, yeah.
Can I have a suggestion for a hair metal band?
Ah, I heard Def Leppard.
I heard Katy Perry's I Kissed a Girl.
Got it.
Okay, let's go.
All right, yes.
These are all.
Another scene about Genuine's Pony.
It is a bit more provincial than Boston, Massachusetts.
Our alma mater.
I mean, it all, it sounds
like it satisfies all the needs
that, I think there's too much comedy
maybe there's too much in other places
so it's good to have just enough.
A place with like, yes, a place with
an appropriate amount of comedy.
Sierra, were you in
other
clubs? Like, did you do
or is it just the one thing?
You're just writing for The Simpsons.
It takes up all your time.
The end.
Right, yeah.
You know, it did take up probably the most time, The Lampoon.
But I was, you know, I did the stand-up club thing.
I was probably doing, did I?
For a little bit, I might have been in some computer science clubs.
When are you doing a computer science club?
Well, what did I do?
Well, clearly not enough.
I have no idea.
Full stack web development.
I did.
Yes, yes.
I did.
I wasn't one that they had like a speaker come.
So actually, Dustin Moskovitz.
Is that right?
The guy at the Facebook dude who did the.
I don't know. It's him. You facebook dude who did the it's pronounced diamond dustin diamond r.i.p um yeah that that person uh you know employee number
three or something at facebook he came and talked about you know his new startup which was like
asana and i think it might still be what he works on anyway. So sometimes I would come like and speak to a few people about their life as, you know,
entrepreneurs.
So we would learn a little bit there.
And I guess you'd just be like hanging out with like pillows that were shaped like emojis.
You know, I mean, it was very like innocent and like, you know, in the like, yeah, in
the like building where the classes are held, they had, like, a little lounge area.
So I think I did that for, like, a semester or two.
But, yeah, I wasn't as active in that in the academics, let's say.
I got, yeah.
I once got invited to speak at Facebook.
This was, like, when I was an entrepreneur, like a respected in my industry. And they invited me to speak. It
was very nice of them to invite me to speak. And I was living here in Los Angeles and was,
the peak of my respectability was close to the nadir of my incomes. I was barely getting by
and got invited to speak at Facebook,
and I sent them an email.
I was like, well, yeah, I mean, do you cover travel and stuff like that?
And they're like, well, we thought maybe you could do it.
I know you're from the Bay Area.
Maybe when you're home to visit your family or whatever.
And I was like, oh, okay.
And I was like, well, what?
Maybe you can do it.
Maybe you can stay with Judy.
And then you're like, this is too familiar for a business email then i was like well well
what well does it like what is it does it pay or like what is it because i'd have to like take a
few days off work to come up to do this you know like i have a job and everything is we actually have a policy of not paying speakers we've talked about we've discussed this we've decided no we're worried it might bias them
yeah they pay you in that they pay you in minion memes stickers we won't give you money
but we will give you disinformation
about public health
it is really amazing just what
kind of shit gets put on a picture
of a minion it is
it is
it is wild
by the way send us our
peabody now because we got to the core
of this issue go ahead jordan
uh yes cool take facebook has a lot of minion shit but the the craziest one i the one that i
still think about um you know just when i'm watching shark tank and playing switch is you
know you know it's so the the baseline one is like oh it's a minion's like, you know, don't talk to me until I've had my coffee.
It's just like, you know, something.
Does a minion have a coffee cup?
Or is he mad?
Can minions be mad?
No.
So this one, minions can be mad, I think.
I think maybe they're more, I think their general air is kindly and helpful.
But like, they're goofballs, helpful goofballs.
They're doofs.
They're like doofs, right?
They run into each other a lot.
Sure, yeah.
Are they ever pregnant like Shrek?
Oh, yeah.
I mean, I'm going to go ahead and guess yes.
It's like a wild guess.
Are they ever pregnant by Shrek?
Again.
Oh, you know, that's different because Shrek is DreamWorks.
Okay, thank you.
Shrek cannot impregnate.
Can't go into illumination territory.
No, yeah, you don't want to run afoul of illumination.
Shrek can only impregnate How to Train Your Dragon or something.
Yeah, Shrek can impregnate the trolls.
He can impregnate...
What are the other DreamWorks properties? Kung Fu Panda. There you go. Yeah. Impregnate the trolls. He could impregnate.
What are the other DreamWorks properties?
Kung Fu Panda.
There you go. Yeah.
So the craziest one I ever saw was a minion.
He's holding like a sign.
He's holding like a hitchhiker sign.
And it says, I'll give you some dick.
if you suck dick.
So he's,
the minion,
the minion is hitchhiking.
Hold on, Jordan.
Wow.
There's a lot of sexualizing of these minions.
Yeah.
The minion is hitchhiking.
So he's asking for a ride,
but he also thinks
he's going to get his dick sucked.
So like he's paying for a ride but he also thinks he's gonna get his dick sucked so like he's paying for the ride by getting his dick sucked no i think it was i think it's just an informal pull
curious about on the street corner like so he is not actually hitchhiking allies right he was just
curious about you know know, sexual habits.
Because the other possibility is maybe he's not looking to get his dick sucked.
Maybe he's just looking for kinship.
Right.
Like he likes to suck dick and he's looking to ride with somebody else who also likes to suck dick.
Sure.
So they can talk about what they like about it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like it feels right.
Common ground to start at
and then work their way from there
into other topics.
Yeah, it's like catching a ride
with somebody who also is into fish, you know?
Yeah.
So at least you have common ground
and that's how you bridge the gap
between the two Americas.
Beautiful.
We need a little bit more of that.
I think so.
Thank you.
If you ask me, we need a little bit more of that. I think so. Thank you.
We need a little bit more of that.
And a little less CTT.
Thank you.
Well said.
Yeah, thank you.
Jordan, how's it going with you, buddy?
I'm doing good. I i well i think i kind
of blew it this week thank you for being frank with me it's what i expect of you yeah um so i
went to i went to i went to new york for a wedding hadn't been to new york in years jordan when you
say blew it you're talking about a minion no god i wish stewart call me
you have my number i know you're busy
it's like i'm sorry i keep bumping into other minions and falling right
i don't have time to call right keep getting blown up by circular bombs um so i was in new york and you know like
obviously like i want to do it all you know i want to i want to do it all i want to see it all
you know i want to want to want to take in you know everything i want to i'm going to squeeze the juice from that big, beautiful Gotham, you know?
Sure.
The big lemon.
Juice it.
Yeah.
I want to go to Jelini's for the goobalagetsa, you know.
Hey, I'm meeting at Jelini's here.
Yeah, give me another spoonful of the goobalagetsa.
Hey, bring me one of your egg drinks.
Sure.
But I ended up not leaving the hotel room.
Really?
I just stayed in the hotel room and I didn't leave.
And I think it was just because I was too afraid of impractical jokers.
I know, that is a big problem in New York City.
Yeah, I was too afraid that I'd be in line for a dog or some chestnuts or something.
And the next thing you know, Q and Murr are squeezing my buns.
I don't need that.
Q and Murr are squeezing my buns.
I don't need that.
So you said,
it made sense that you were waiting in line for hot nuts.
Yeah.
When you said you were waiting in line for a dog,
100% I thought you were going to get a dog.
Yeah.
Stop the dog.
Yeah, yeah.
Stop a dog. Stop.
But there's a line.
There's a line for everything in New York.
Yeah, sure.
This is my question about staying in the hotel room the entire time.
Yeah.
The last time I was in a hotel was 18 months ago.
It was the beginning of the pandemic.
And it was the most desperately sad place I've ever been in my life.
I mean, just a nightmare of bleak set.
It was a nice hotel.
You got a good deal on it on hot wire,
but just desperately,
you know,
downtown San Francisco,
completely empty hotel,
completely empty.
No one working there.
No one's staying there.
And while what I should have done is like gone out in the hallway and used a room service tray as a surfboard and surfed down all the stairs or something like that.
That'd have been fun.
Instead, what I did was sort of gaze into the middle distance and think about the futility of existence.
Right.
So that was my classic hotel experience, which involves watching whatever television show is the most embarrassing that you like with impunity just as much as you want?
Watch it over and over and over because no one's there to know that you like that show.
Masturbating a few times and maybe
eating Eggs Benedict at some point.
Right.
No, let's see.
I did actually leave the hotel room.
It was a pretty busy trip.
But the TV
watching I did in the room...
You know, this TV was a little
more modern. It had an on-demand
section. So I watched recent Simpsons.
Oh, wow.
Instead of old Simpsons, which is what I usually watch.
But I'm like, the on-demand ones are a little more recent.
Yeah.
What was that like?
Were they a little off the wall?
Yeah.
But I mean, it's funny.
It's the funniest show.
Was it like the one where they're in
like cyberspace oh yeah right all 3d animated yeah i think they go i don't listen i don't need to
honestly talk about this instance here that's i but yeah but i think that you know the stereotype
is that it got really crazy but i think they get kind of real you know they i think they go back
and forth but how crazy they're making it and i think there are some that are like uh like kind of super earnest and about emotional stuff like
in recent seasons as opposed to like you know what if homer becomes a ninja or something like that so
have they done a wushu have they done a wushu plotline because i would enjoy that i feel like
lisa would do the wushu though. Totally. You wouldn't
have Homer do it. Have Lisa do it. She's a try
hard. Sierra, did you
have to go somewhere to film this TV show or did
you do it in LA?
Right here. Right here. Yeah.
A little bit in Pasadena.
Ooh. That's where I live
now. Thank God
Pasadena came up on this show.
Yeah. Pasadena you say
Our guest last week Sierra was this little old lady
You would love her
Nobody mean her
Nobody mean her
Little old lady from Pasadena
Oh that's interesting
That that was like what
The Southern California stand in
For the East Coast was
Like oh we want to make this an East Coast thing,
so, like, let's try a Pasadena.
There was, yeah, it was, like, an interior, I think.
But, yeah, a lot was on the stage
in the Warner Brothers studios, I think.
And, like, I mean,
and then they did do some exteriors out East,
but I wasn't, I didn't have to go.
So, I think it was, like,
I think they went to, I wasn't invited.
But, yes, it was, I think they went to, I wasn't invited, but yes,
it was,
I think they shot a lot of exteriors at Vassar college.
That makes sense.
That's one of them.
You were like a indoor kid.
Yeah.
I,
my character agoraphobic.
Sure.
Cannot leave,
cannot leave the door.
Part of the plot.
Um,
but yeah.
Um,
this is kind of interesting.
I've been to, and I don't know if you guys are experiencing this or not,
but like a little bit of a wedding deluge just because of all the like postponed weddings.
So it's kind of like we're getting, you know, like a year and a half worth of weddings.
Yeah.
And I've been to two.
We have a family wedding at the end of the year that I'm going to try and go to.
Everybody in the family.
Yeah, everyone in the family is getting married.
It's a cult thing.
May the circle be unpressured.
We're all going to drink some cyanide-laced date Kool-Aid afterwards.
I just love going to them.
I think they're so much fun
It's nice to believe in love
It's nice to have an open bar
But neither of the wedding dance playlists
Included
Don't Stop Believin'
And I was happy for that
Can you dance to Don't Stop Believin'?
No, I think you just kind of
like sway around and yell and you like put your arm around oh yeah sway you sway yeah it's there's
it's a it's a sway song i'd like i'd like to go to a wedding that's only songs that drunk white
people like to sing really loud that are not like it's it's just
don't stop believing sweet caroline i can't think of any other examples do whites know any other
songs those are the two jordan we're white what do we know uh you know what really at both of them i
what i was surprised really killed and i'm oh, this has been kind of folded into, you know, like the pop canon.
Party in the USA fucking blew up at both of them.
Yeah.
I mean, that's a great song.
That's sort of what it has going for it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I was surprised at that.
Oh.
Sierra, what gets you on the floor at a wedding?
What's your rock solid bet?
What's your kiss by Prince?
Hmm.
I mean, that party in the USA, that is a good call.
I would say, I'm trying to think of something in that area.
Well, you know what I do like, though?
Like even just like a Frank Sinatra or something, you know, like New York or something.
I feel like they play that at weddings
and that's kind of fun.
And it's like, oh, I'm in New York.
I'm not, but you know.
You're somewhere else.
Hey, I'm dancing here.
Yeah, I'm dancing.
Mer's grabbing my buns.
Yeah, just one of the impractical things.
All the big New York references come to mind.
But yeah, I don't know something that i do like about visiting the east coast is that you will go into a store and the store will be playing billy joel
i think that's something that white people like to sing along to is billy joel songs
oh yeah sure yeah like most
of them right i mean the this that this that this that this that song you know you know the one i'm
talking about where he lists all the things oh we didn't start the fire yeah this that this and that
and this it was only this except when it was that. Classy.
That song is the one.
It's got a whole part where you just go.
Right?
Is that Bob and Stuart, the Minions?
The Minions sing Billy Joel.
What if Billy Joel invented the Minions?
Wouldn't that be great?
Ba-ba-ba-boo-ba-na-na.
Yeah. Excuse me.
I have a million fucking dollars to make.
I'll see you assholes later.
I got an album to record.
Hello, is this Jib Jab?
This is former podcaster Jordan Morris.
Yeah.
And then at the end, everybody starts honking because they love to suck
dick this podcaster turned billionaire jordan morris
just let it sink in what a good idea it is jordan are are there any guarantees that, because you go to a lot of weddings.
I've been to like three, I've been to three weddings, 75% of my friends' weddings.
You're not married yet, Jordan.
As soon as you get married, that'll be four out of four.
You know, you, I've been to Brian's wedding.
I've been to Ben Harrison's wedding.
There's a few weddings I've been to, but that's about it.
You travel in much broader social circles than I, and you're known as a fun guy. So you get invited to a lot of weddings. What gets you on the floor
for a wedding? Don't like to dance. Don't want to do it. I want to lean against the bar and
take off my jacket and roll up my sleeves and talk to an uncle about what he does.
Don't want to dance.
Someone's got to do it.
Someone has to play that role.
When I was a wedding DJ's assistant in Washington, D.C.,
I learned about this thing called beach music,
which in Washington, among whites in Washington, D.C. specifically,
there is this cultural thing where like people go to, maybe it's Newport News?
There's beaches in the Carolinas and Virginia?
I'm out of my territory here, so people are already composing angry letters. But they go to these kind of semi-southeastern beaches,
places that are north of Georgia
and south of Washington, D.C.
This is like where people have,
where people go on summer vacation,
you know, go on spring break, these kinds of things.
And then there's all these people who go,
there's a sub-genre of music that I think probably faded now.
But there's a sub-genre of music called beach music, which is like faded R&B stars who just play this circuit that's from Washington, D.C. to like northern Georgia and back along the coastline playing songs that you shag to, which is a dance from like 19.
It's like if there was an entire subculture built around doing the locomotion.
Sure.
Yeah.
Walking the dinosaur.
Like it is really.
And what would happen is you'd be playing like or, you know, I was the assistant. I mostly carried the records. But, you know, once in a while, the DJ would be in the bathroom, or I would be helping the DJ. And he'd be playing, you know, whatever, Crazy in Love or something like that.
a dad in a polo shirt and shorts at the wedding right would would come up just like a silver fox white guy like a handsome 60 year old man who looks like he lives at a golf course um would
come up and he'd be like can you please play something we can shag too can you please play
some beach music can you please play some beach music i Can you please play some beach music?
I'm like, the Ventures?
Like, what the fuck is that?
They're like, no, General Johnson
from the chairman of the board
performing Let's Shag Again, 1988.
That's the other thing.
It's all these classic soul guys
recording these songs on Casio keyboards in 1988 because
they don't have the budget you know what i mean these guys are touring solo that's all i got about
beach music it's just a weird thing sounds like a good lifestyle yeah it does kind of sound i think
it is probably a lifestyle and i do like i do like hearing about like the kind of regional music
trends and like the fact that like something weird that is out of pop culture at large still thrives somewhere.
It's like the band from Animal House.
Yeah, sure.
Yeah, yeah.
If you're like, what is going on here?
Why are they all talking about this R&B band from 15 years earlier?
That's what beach music is, writ large.
Yeah.
Writ medium.
I was so disheartened when the lead singer of Smash Mouth
had his meltdown because I was so like,
and it was like at an appropriately
Smash Mouth-y place to play.
It was at like a food and wine festival in denver or
something like that and uh yeah i don't know i feel like you know obviously they're they're
they're a frequent punchline on this show a frequent you know a free a a a as memed as a
band can get but like it seemed like oh these guys are having fun with this they they're leaning in
and hey like how fucking fun must it be to get to travel the world and just go to like food and wine festivals?
Yeah.
Play for 30 minutes.
You're bringing people together.
You're bringing together minions.
Shrek.
All you have to do is play All-Star.
How to Train Your Dragon.
Right.
They all meet in the middle at the Smash Mouth song all-star.
How to Train Your Dragon and Shrek, not the Minions, Jesse.
You don't want to anger Illumination Entertainment.
That's why they're coming.
That's why they're being brought together by Smash Mouth, Jordan.
Only Smash Mouth.
Cinderella.
The Cinderella from Cinderella 2, not the original Cinderella.
This is straight to VHS, Cinderella 2.
That's the Cinderella that comes.
Original Cinderella's dead.
She's long dead.
Oh, no.
Wow.
Yeah.
The Cinderella from Cinderella 2.
I mean, she's getting up there,
but she still parties.
Yeah.
I mean, if Smash Mouth is coming,
she's going to be there.
She brings the blow, too.
Wow.
Anyway, I was bummed
when it happened.
I hope that, you know know i hope that the smash mouth
dude kiss was the song finds the finds the help he needs kiss was the song that brought everybody
together at the weddings 20 years ago now oh yeah 15 years ago uh and you know crazy in love is
still that song single ladies is still that um but i feel like what happened is we have now gotten to
the point where the people who are pumped about motown hits are too old uh to cut a rug they're
now 75 instead of 60 you know what i mean yeah and there's no there's no replacing that you can't
replace that with we didn't start the fire yeah Yeah. Hup-a-dup-a-dup-a-dup-a-dup-a-dup-a-dup.
Yeah, it's just someone saying this and that.
Yeah, it's the longest.
Hard to remember.
The first verse is this and that.
The second verse is hup-a-dup-a-dup-a-dup-a-dup-a-dup.
I did go to, and I don't know if the people whose wedding it was actually remember this but i did go to one wedding at the exact right moment
where the fucking dance floor filler was gangnam style yeah it was like right at the right time
and like gangnam style comes on everybody loses their shit yeah i mean there's nothing wrong with
there's a reason that song broke international borders. Yeah.
Because it's fun.
Fun song.
Guy's got his own little outfit.
You know what I mean?
Distinctive outfit.
Yeah, people need to do the galloping kind of dance.
Yeah. So if you're not really a dancer, you're like, I can kind of do that.
Or at least with the wrists.
Absolutely.
You could do the wrists.
Did you do the dance, Jordan?
Oh. No, I bet I do the dance, Jordan? Oh.
No, I bet I did the dance.
Good for you.
I'm proud of you, buddy.
I don't remember.
I'm going to say, for the purpose of this conversation, I did the dance, and I was fucking great.
I mean, you know how to Macarena.
There's a new Macarena song that's a hit song where you still do the Macarena.
It's like a three-year-old song.
Really?
Yeah. It's the Macarena, but it's in Spanish, and it's a hit song where you still do the Macarena. It's like a three-year-old song. Really? Yeah.
It's the Macarena, but it's in Spanish, and it's a new song, and they play it around my
neighborhood when I'm driving past or walking past, and it's a big hit song.
And what they do is just the Macarena.
You just do the Macarena again.
It's just a new Macarena for the new generation,
but it's the same old Macarena, but a little different.
Wow, yeah.
It's great. No original ideas.
No, uh-uh.
It's all fucking reboots, right?
The same dances.
At the end of the day, to me, it just all comes down to, you know,
a field hand with an acoustic guitar in the Mississippi Delta, 1924, singing the Macarena.
Right. Robert Johnson's the Macarena.
That guy had to sell his soul to the devil, but it was worth it.
Because he got...
Because he got... It's the same song.
Wait a minute.
Billy Joel wrote the Macarena?
No, man.
He just got...
He received it.
Right.
Okay.
From the devil.
It's that kind of song, yeah.
None of us write the Macarena.
We just hold the Macarena
for the next generation
yeah
beautiful
yeah
hey I gotta
do you wanna take a break
I gotta go drain the Macarena
yeah
I've been holding the Macarena for too long. I need to purge.
Yeah. Jordan, can you
do me a favor while you're out there?
Can you put a little rubbing alcohol
on your perineum? I don't want any
infections down there.
Why did you say out there? Do you think I
don't have a bathroom? Do you think I
piss and shit outside?
I figured
you got a bucket or whatever.
Or maybe even a hole.
You were in the army.
Nah, man.
I'm no queen of QVC.
Can't afford a bucket.
We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, the listeners to our wonderful program. Sorry, I said wonderful program accidentally.
Can we reset our terrible program?
This garbage is brought to you by the kind people
who are members of Maximum Fun,
who've gone to MaximumFun.org slash join.
It is also this week supported by the folks at Made In.
Jordan, you know what I have?
I'm not bragging.
It's just sort of how i roll
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call it tableware pans knives wine glasses dishes that kind of thing and they make them
at professional quality but at prices affordable to regular Joes
like you and me, Jordan. Jesse, I got that same carbon steel pan. I love it. I use it basically
every day. Made a little lemon pepper chicken before we went on the air, and it's fueling my
performance today. You sound like high performance. This is that time jose canseco uh put jet fuel in
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It really is beautiful stuff.
Who would not make those hot rubber sandwiches in a second-rate pan, Jordan?
No way.
It's gorgeous. It's gorgeous.
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Beautiful, fully forged knives.
Get yourself a Maida and eat some rubber.
That's our advice.
We're also supported this week by Manscaped.
Jordan, if your balls are out of control, you're going to need Manscaped.
Whoa, whoa.
I couldn't hear you, Jesse, over the sound of my balls going crazy.
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And I do use Manscaped personally. I like to do it.
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And yeah, by basement, I mean ball zone.
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Clean up your nuts and make Santa proud this year.
Last year went really bad with you and Santa.
That's funny because they suggested some copy where we talk about Santa, but we didn't use it.
So this Santa callback thing is really jarring.
Ah, Santa, what are you talking about?
I'm mad at you.
Last year, your balls were too hairy.
Get off my goddamn lap, Jordan.
But Santa, look what I've done
this year. I've been using Manscaped
Santa. Looks great,
Jordan. Here's a train set.
Wait a minute, you're
Tim Allen.
We'll be back in just a
second on Jordan, Jesse, go.
Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love a second on jordan jesse go it's jordan jesse go i'm jesse thorn america's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. And Sierra Cotto, CTT activist.
Thank you.
Thank you for raising awareness.
Yeah, there we go.
Never forget.
I'm here to spread the word, everybody.
I poured a whole bottle of witch hazel onto a loofah and went to town during the break.
Good.
That's why I'm here.
Yeah.
To make sure that happens.
As Sierra so wisely reminded us, keep it clean down there.
Keep it clean down there, yeah.
Keep it clean down there.
My shit's fresh.
Short, sweet.
It's part of the plan.
Yeah.
God damn it.
How can a taint, what part of your taint could even get infected how's that even possible it's rare but it's deadly yeah wait
it's like saying you have an elbow infection what the fuck is
because you're not keeping it clean down there
what is uh Gwyneth Paltrow call your noni or something like that? Goop.
Goop.
Yeah, she doesn't get goop.
Don't neglect the goop.
So just so you know, Sierra, on our program, Jordan, Jesse, Go,
we have lots of recurring segments.
People call into them, and we have so many of them that we have them tell us what segment they're calling into.
It's not because we've never thought of any good segment ideas.
And so we make them think of it. It's just,
we just do have them let us know what segment they're calling in for.
Just so that we know out of all the different stuff that,
that we have thought of because of the work that we put into the show.
Brian, do you want to play one of those calls?
Hey, Jordan.
Hey, Jesse.
Hey, Sunny D.
Hey, guest.
Is it Joe Firestone?
I hope it's Joe Firestone.
Anyway, I'm here with an entry in your famous recurring segment, That's What It's Called Now.
I am in a master's program and today in
class my professor brought up the nike swoosh logo don't remember the exact context but
was definitely referring to the nike swoosh but instead of saying nike swoosh he called it the nicey swish um did not correct himself but also did not say it again
at any point so truly no clue if that's what he intended to say but uh the nicey swish that's
what it's called now that's i mean you gotta put something down on the patent application. Yeah. You know, Coca-Cola has the dynamic ribbon.
And Nike, of course, has the nicey swish.
Yeah.
That does sound like a knockoff that you get at the flea market.
Yeah.
You know what the problem with graduate schools is, in my opinion?
It makes me feel guilty just to have been born white you know this nicey swish
stuff you know i'm talking about where are you going with this just our schools are teaching
us critical taint theory and right yes exactly thank you um yes we're all proud of our viking
heritage um yeah and i like that we have a i like that we have a theme of
higher learning today on the show that's fun isn't it let's get jana jackson in here right
or uh method man and red man yeah thank you there thank you very much. Famous movie, How High. Oh, right.
That's what I meant.
In the movie, How High, did they have their own high school?
No, it's a college movie.
It's them going to college.
Well, then why is it called How High?
Jesse, because they're...
They're so hot.
Why isn't it called How College?
Because it's a double entendre of marijuana use.
They don't use marijuana.
They're professionals.
Yeah.
These guys got to write gags.
No, but they use a false.
It's a CGI joints.
All the joints in Howe Hire CGI.
Weta created them all. Jordan, I would never bow's a CGI joints. All the joints in How Hired CGI. Weta. Weta created them all.
Jordan, I would never bow to a false joint.
Right.
It's a good way to anger weed God.
Again, back to the seven deadly sins.
Everything's coming back today.
Thou shalt not
smoke a false joint
yes thou shalt not
smoke a false joint
thou shalt
pass to the left
I feel bad that the
professor was probably
embarrassed but maybe wanted to not call attention.
But by not doing so, sometimes it makes it worse.
I feel like these professors live in their fucking ivory towers.
Right.
Hunting elephants so they can build more floors.
And these assholes, all they do is they sit around watching PB fucking S, just watching the French cook with Julia Child all day long making fucking soufflés.
They don't know anything about what normal people know about, like the dynamic ribbon and the Nike swish.
Hey, if there's any SoundCloud rappers who need a name.
Nicey swish.
Nicey swish.
Pretty good.
You could do a lot worse.
That's great.
All you need is nicey swish and a few triplets and you're set.
There you go.
You're fucking set in your SoundCloud rap career.
Okay, when something momentous happens to
you 206-9844-FUN or jjgoatmaximumfun.org are the ways to reach us for our segment momentous
occasions sierra i got something to admit in the last segment we don't really think of those it's
just when people have something funny to tell us and they come up with a name for what it is
but this thing we thought of i mean this is the one thing we thought of 14 years ago
and have been doing ever since to diminishing returns.
Go ahead and press play, Brian.
Hey there, Jordan, Jesse and Brian and guests.
I'm going to say Sydney McElroy because I like her a lot.
Close.
Busy.
She's a busy doctor.
I'm Laura from Quebec City.
She, her.
And I'm calling in with a momentous occasion.
So as of October 22nd, I have been on my hormone replacement theory.
That's theory.
What?
Hormone replacement therapy.
Geez.
For a full year.
And it's one of the best decisions I've ever made for myself.
And it feels great.
And I want to share the love with all the other trans people listening.
And love you.
Happy Analogous.
Happy Analogous. Happy Analogous.
All our best to you.
They should not be teaching HRT in elementary schools.
Right.
I mean, I think, you know, thank you to the caller for sharing that great moment with us.
Yeah.
Wonderful vibes.
Very happy.
We're very proud.
Very happy.
We're very proud.
I do think she's probably a little bit embarrassed that when she said theory, she kind of nicey-sweeshed this.
Nicey-sweeshed that fucking call there.
Jesus Christ. Nicey-sweeshed it a little bit.
Swish, swish.
Getting in there and nicey-sweeshed it.
We're running out of momentous things that could happen to people.
What I'm going to need is...
We're at the point where we're going to have to start...
It's like if you're a local news reporter and you start lighting buildings on fire so that you can write articles about them because not enough stuff's going on.
Does that happen?
That's rad.
Does that really happen?
I went to journalism school, so.
I went to journalism school.
I mean, I went to broadcasting school for two weeks
and then found out I'd have to take extra classes and bailed.
Oh, man.
And how many buildings did you set on fire in those two weeks?
Six buildings, man.
Well, four buildings and two out buildings.
You know, they were like equipment sheds.
Does that count?
A couple buckets.
Yeah.
Yeah.
A couple piss buckets.
They burn pretty good.
You'd be surprised.
It depends on diet.
Yeah.
Yeah. What's in the piss
how much piss yeah right which hazel they're using to clean yeah if there's yeah if there's
witch hazel in the mixture yeah it's it's one of those things where it's good if you always have
witch hazel witch hazel is good for everything you know you can use it to disinfect um you can
use it for cleaning uh you can use it to light piss on fire
just dump it on in and see how it goes is my my tip to you i'm a bit of a naturist jesse i i i
know what you're saying is that like yeah you know we this is you know the longest running segment
the show has been going on uh at this point. And so...
I bought my first house.
It's long gone.
Yeah.
Wait.
No, that's what I mean.
Like, just all the good, all the regular momentous things in life are taken.
Sure.
Like, at the point where we're celebrating our 15th or 20th gender affirmation.
It is great.
We continue to support it.
But what I'm saying is we're going to have to start creating momentous occasions so that you can call in.
Right.
Number one is we're going to have to start pushing anvils and pianos off of the top of buildings.
So, yeah, I mean, I think I was talking to some young people
and they have this phrase that they like to use.
R-O-C-K in the USA?
Close.
Okay.
Everybody walk the dinosaur.
Oh, nice.
Banana, banana, banana.
Banana, banana, banana.
These young people, they like to say, do it for the gram.
By the way, speaking of banana, banana, banana, babies having babies these days.
Too many minions pregnant out there.
Speaking of young people, go ahead.
Yes, we need to give minions condoms.
Hand out condoms at your laboratory where they work as your assistants i'm talking to you grew
it's an audience of one for this um young people like to say do it for the gram
right um i think we should the movement should now be do it for the momentous occasion hashtag jj go hashtag 20 206 984 for fun it's
unwieldy yes but it's accurate what would be a good example of something to do for the hashtag
206 984 for fun like if you wanted to really get on the, but you didn't want to drop a penguin in the pants,
you didn't want to fake it.
You really wanted to really do it.
Yeah.
At least headbutt your dad.
Give dad a little headbutt.
See what happens.
Can we please go A to C?
Like, this is just...
I'm not asking about the obvious shit.
I'm talking about shit that really would take some thought or creativity.
Not just the same shit that would come up if you ask anybody what's a momentous
thing you could do to get on Jordan's ego they're all gonna say headbutt your
dad but I'm talking about something the holidays are coming up it's a perfect
time to headbutt dad yeah bam
I'm so fucking tired of these old nose assholes
they're crusty old noses yeah and gray nose hairs yeah i mean i would like to you know maybe
people can use this as kind of like a motivating you know a motivating you know kind of like um a motivating ism you know like should i do this
should i not maybe i should for the momentous occasion you know yeah like somebody is like
they go call and they say like uh i sold all my porn and i bought a uh rowboat that i'm gonna live
in yeah so this is someone who still collects
hard copy porn.
Well, they don't anymore. They sold it.
They might be starting
to another collector.
They might be
about to start a new collection.
It's just there's not that much room on the rowboat.
Yeah, you're going to need to collect something
small like a hammock.
Are they going to make the rowboat out of the
porn if nobody will buy these yes copies you know maybe thank you put it together using fit yeah
non-water soluble paste of some kind you know it'd be good to collect if you lived in a rowboat wars it's true i was thinking sardines but i like yours too
yeah so i think just like get out there live life um you know to the degree to which you're
comfortable and let us know about it do it hash what was the thing i came up with hashtag hashtag
206-9844-FUN do for the moment. It's this occasion.
Jordan, Jesse, go.
Maximumfun.org.
Sierra, I mean,
obviously you're a go-getter.
You started doing
stand-up comedy as a teen.
You attended
an Ivy League university.
You're the scion
of the Epstein family.
My proudest.
Yes.
But what dream
have you not yet grabbed, no matter how fantastical?
What do you think is still out there?
What hill is still out there for Sierra to climb?
Oof.
I mean, so many hills, I think.
But I mean, you know, I feel like I've never lived in a different country other than America.
What's your top choice?
Top three.
Maybe Spain.
Sure.
That would be nice.
Be fun to say S is weird.
Sure.
Yeah, they do that.
That's actually the reason why, you know,
and if there are other countries that do that,
I mean, they're in the top three too.
They got some interesting soups as well.
Yeah, they've got all the things.
I think they've got some good foods.
Yeah.
Good cold soups.
I mean, bathe in it, you know.
Fucking crazy.
Talk about upside down shit.
Yeah.
Cold soup.
Come on.
Sure.
Have a little ham at four.
Welcome to Spain.
The hamming hour.
Have a little ham.
Would you like some ham, they say, and then they reply, yes.
Yes.
Oh, right, right, right, right, because that's Spanish.
And they say, ham.
I don't know how they say it.
Yeah, we don't really know.
Okay, so Spain, number one, but we're looking for top three.
Top three?
And you can't just say Andorra just because it's next to Spain.
Right.
And they have so many sheep there.
You know me too well.
I would say probably, I want to live in, my cousin lives in Hong Kong, so maybe I'd go there.
That sounds fun.
A friend of mine from high school lives in Hong Kong.
He's always posting about parties he's DJing.
Looks really cool.
His girlfriend in high school was the prettiest girl that we knew.
Is that how he introduces himself?
Yeah, so he got hooked up with the DJing gig in Hong Kong, I guess.
Do you think he could get us in
yeah i think he could probably get us in he knows a guy he gets some passes
hell yeah to get us into
the semi-authoritarian nation of hong kong the semi-authoritarian semi-nation. Dude,
my cousin's a DJ.
He could totally get us visas.
He
dated one of the prettiest ladies.
Yeah. Okay, so we got
number one. Shout out to Sarah
from high school. Very beautiful lady.
Number one,
we got,
of course, Spain. We got the hams, you got the hams you got the s's the soups the whole nine
yards right um number two not andorra real number two is hong kong which is incredible incredible
uh confluence of uh cultures incredible density of human beings, incredible food traditions,
a food factory for the world, creating some of the world's greatest food ideas there.
Everybody hanging out together, making incredible foods and types of noodle. Great. I love it so
far. Great DJs. Incredible DJs.s. Oh, the DJs. Affordable, high-quality tailoring.
Everything you want in a semi-authoritarian, semi-new.
What's number three on your list?
I mean, might be too similar in a sense, but the UK.
Okay.
I assumed you were going to say like Singapore or something like that.
Oh, I see.
But I see where you're going.
You're following the colonial lineage.
Yeah.
And also, yeah.
Plus soups, of course.
UK known for its soups.
It's got the classic brown soup.
Brown.
Thicker brown.
It's got a thicker brown soup. it's got soup in a shell you know like a like a pie
or something oh right crack it open yeah that's right here you've seen their tourism commercial
sierra yeah yeah i want them and i i would love to live in it Italy so I could get the real Gubbela Getze.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, you can get it in LA, but it's not right.
It's not real.
It's not the real Gubbela Getze.
Can I ask you a question?
Yeah.
Have you ever been in Oaxaca during Gubbela Getze?
When the streets are full of the Gubla Getze celebrations.
Incredible.
Beautiful.
Incredible.
You get the mezcal from the... I mean, it's just extraordinary experience.
Okay, what about you, Jordan?
You got three countries real quick?
What's your top three?
Oh, top three.
So, yeah, I'm gonna go...
You know, I've always enjoyed Canada.
I've enjoyed Canada every time I've been there.
Similar to America, which I like, so I wouldn't have the bends culturally.
Right.
You're concerned about cultural hydrogen in your cultural bloodstream.
Right, yeah.
I'm concerned about cultural rickets.
By the way, I just got my cultural shingles vaccine.
I'm grateful for that.
That's great.
Modern technology.
So yeah, Canada would be nice.
I have always wanted to visit Italy.
I don't know if it's a place I would like to live.
I do not speak Italian, but I do want to go to the ruins where all the stray cats live.
Yeah, I've only been to northern italy i was in milan uh but something that i liked a lot about milan italy
which is the fashion capital of the world um and it's a it's like uh for being the fashion capital
of the world not the most exciting city it's a little boring a lot of it built by fascists
who didn't have the most flair yeah um so it's a little bit of a dull city aesthetically like the
the city the built environment is a little dull and it has a reputation for being a little stayed
among italians because it's northern italy you know and so on and so forth but the thing about
it that's great is it's right it's
right up against uh the alps you know he's just like just south of the alps and so there's just
people walking around in alpine garb just are on the street it's like oktoberfest every day of the
year it's amazing you're just like i i asked I asked when we were there with this producer named John Luca.
I was like, are there just people walking around in Tyrolean capes?
Is this like a normal thing?
He's like, yeah, we think they're kind of bougie.
Like, I think they're world heroes wearing Tyrolean capes walking around.
Well, speaking of capes, I mean, I think my third country would have to be Latveria, the fictional country that Dr. Toome is the monarch of.
Sure.
A lot of capes in Latveria.
Folks really know how to bring the flair.
Yeah.
It's a rich tradition.
Cape would be nice.
Beautiful country. Beautiful country. Oh, the ham in Latveria. really know how to bring the flair yeah it's a rich tradition cape would be nice beautiful country
beautiful country actually fully ham and latveria oh they make it they only make it from those uh
pigs that look like sheep you know these from facebook no i don't think i've seen those yeah
my mom posted these on facebook it's a pig that looks like a sheep it's got long woolly woolly
hair but it's on a pig. This fucking thing is great.
Can you get a photo of one of those things?
And it's holding a sign that says,
Fuck if you suck dick.
We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go.
It's Jordan, Jesse, go.
I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.
Jordan Morris, boy detective.
Well, we each have something exciting going on, Jordan.
You've got the smash hit graphic novel bubble in stores now.
But Jordan, I have a concern.
Yes.
I already have a copy of Bubble.
I received it.
Look, I was very supportive of the Bubble project from the beginning.
That's just reality. Okay. I received it. Look, I was very supportive of the bubble project from the beginning.
That's just reality.
Okay.
So I got it.
I didn't have to pay for my copy.
All right.
I got it for free.
Oh, yeah.
You got the hardcover too, if I remember correctly.
Yeah.
I don't even read floppy books.
Yeah.
What if somebody saw you with a floppy book?
It'd be so embarrassing. There's a pay... Jesus Jesus Christ like if I was on the subway or something first of all me on the subway come on
what if my driver saw me with a floppy book about that Jordan there's a page at the beginning of my
book there's practically nothing written on it that's my that's my worry is there's a page with
almost nothing written on it and I wish I just my worry is there's a page with almost nothing written on it and i
wish i just wish there was something i could do about that jordan so let's say you know like
you want my signature that's something i want anything honestly anything to fill in that page
i here's a way you could get a copy of bubble with not only my signature uh-huh but whatever dumb little
bullshit you want me to write thank god because the bullshit i want you to write is so fucking
dumb jordan here's the thing i am doing for the holidays people have asked how to get personalized
signed copies of bubble here's how you do it you go to book soup.com you click on signed or you go on over to my social media check out my
pin tweet check out my instagram uh bio you'll link up to the site of book soup a great indie
bookstore uh you pre-order there they ship anywhere they ship uh across the country ship
across the world and uh yeah you can get a signed copy of Bubble for the holidays, and you can tell me what dumb bullshit to write.
We did this for pre-orders.
I had to have just a nice bookstore employee help me with them and say,
can you make out this one to Jose Canseco?
So if you want to confuse a nice, helpful bookstore employee this holiday season.
David Sedaris doesn't.
Nobody writes Jose Canseco in the David Sedaris books.
They don't.
So yeah, if you want to do that, hopefully it would make a real cool holiday gift.
If you know somebody that likes graphic novels, science fiction, comedy, all that stuff.
Sometimes people put Jose Canseco in the Michael Chabons.
Go to your local bookstore or library, take out all the Chabons.
Right?
Jose Canseco in them.
Sure.
Yeah, so you can, if you're looking for a holiday gift or just, you know,
haven't gotten yourself a copy of the Bubble graphic novel yet,
you can do that.
BookSoup.com, click on signed. And while we're talking Bubble, if you've already gotten the book
and read it and liked it a lot, it'd be really cool if you'd vote for it in the Goodreads Choice
Awards for 2021. That's right, Bubble was nominated for Best Graphic Novel. And you can get on over
there at goodreads
and vote for us that'd be really cool listen the adventure zone's gonna win we we know the
adventure zone's gonna win yeah uh they deserve to win those are great books great books great
podcasts great guys and throw in a vote for jordan let's give them a run for their money let's make
it close let's make it close listen it won't be
close it won't be close get close make it kind of close make make us not embarrassed
uh yeah so uh book soup.com if you want a signed personalized copy of bubble and uh goodreads.com
if you want to vote for it uh in the goodreads choice awards that'd
be really cool of you thank you um i got i got something going on so i i can i can i interrupt
you with a problem jesse yeah what's that i haven't uh been able to hear my favorite
character peewee herman host a radio show. What am I going to do?
Jordan, it just so happens that I'm close personal friends with Pee Wee Herman.
He's my favorite.
He's my favorite, too, which is why I'm so excited that I became close personal friends with him.
And I am producing the Pee Wee Herman Radio Hour on KCRW here in Los Angeles.
It's the most exciting thing of my entire career, except for Jose Canseco.
So I would say number two to Jose Canseco,
the time I thought of Jose Canseco.
Don't remember what the setup was, but don't need to.
Just really proud of him.
It was a list that we did for a live show, maybe.
What was Jose Canseco?
Anyway, the moral of the story is...
I don't know.
It's a famous book signature now.
The moral of the story is this.
I'm close personal friends with Pee Wee Herman.
And on Friday, November 26th at 6 p.m. Pacific time,
you can listen to the Pee Wee Herman Radio Hour on KCRW,
produced by yours truly, along with my friend Julia Smith.
It's going to be a real thrill ride.
KCRW had to, we had to do some, Pee Wee had to do some
convincing to get KCRW to allow him on the airwaves. They really truly don't know what
they've signed up for. I think it's going to be a pretty crazy hour. You'll be able to listen to it
at kcrw.org or on the, on the airwaves here in the Los Angeles area. Yes, this is real.
And yes, holy shit.
Both of those things.
Yes, to both of those things.
Yes, this is real.
Yes, holy shit, Pee Wee fucking Herman.
It's my favorite thing ever, Jordan.
Yeah. This is like if you were the producer of the simpsons radio show
oh boy i wish marge on the airwaves i can't even imagine it
now it's hosted by disco stew march is busy oh yeah
fucking peewee herman radio hour please listen to it. It's, look, this thing's going to have a bunch of music in it
and you can't podcast it.
I'm not going to be able to podcast it.
Pee Wee's going to be playing records.
You got to listen to it.
Friday, November 26th, 6 p.m.
KCRW.org or on the airwaves in Los Angeles.
The Pee Wee Herman Radio Hour,
produced by Jesse Thorne and Julia Smith.
The most thrilling thing of my entire career.
And I'm not going to say what special guests are going to be on the program.
But I'll give you a hint, Jordan.
Hmm.
Coochie coochie.
That's your hint, Jordan.
Oh, my gosh.
That's your hint, Jordan, if everything goes according to Hoyle.
It's Balaban, baby. It's Balaban, baby!
We booked Balaban, baby!
Friday, November 26th at 6 p.m.
The Pee Wee Herman Radio Hour on KCRW.
Okay, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go.
You're in the theater.
The lights go down.
You're about to get swept up by the characters and all their little details and interpersonal dramas.
You look at them and think, that person is so obviously in love with their best friend.
Wait, am I in love with my best friend?
That character's mom is so overbearing.
Why doesn't she stand up to her?
Oh, good God.
Do I need to stand up to my own mother?
We never know when we'll see ourselves in a movie,
but that search for recognition is exactly what we're going to talk about on the podcast Feeling Seen with me, Jordan Cruciola.
Each episode, we'll bring in a guest to talk about the films that they see themselves in
and also the ways that movies have fallen short.
So join me every Thursday for the Feeling Seen podcast here on Maximum Fun
or wherever you find your podcasts.
Look, it's a rough world out there, especially lately.
I get it.
So let's take care of our minds as best we can.
I'm Jon Moe, host of Depressed Mode with
John Moe. Every week I talk with comedians, actors, writers, musicians, doctors, therapists,
and everyday folks about the obstacles that our world and our brains throw in front of us.
Depression, anxiety, traumatic stress, all those mental health challenges that are way more common
and more treatable than you might think.
The first time I went to therapy, I was so ashamed.
And I was like, I can't believe I got to go into therapy.
Like, I thought I could be a man.
And Humphrey Bogart was never in therapy. And then my dad said, yeah, but he smoked a carton of cigarettes a day.
Give your mind a break.
Give yourself a break.
And join me for Depressed Mode with Jon Moe.
for Depress Mode with John Moe.
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.
It's Jordan Jessigo.
I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.
Jordan Morris, boy detective.
And Sierra Cotto, CTTFG activist.
Sierra, so great to have you on the program.
Always a pleasure and an honor.
Jordan, do you want to introduce the Wushu Club?
You like swords.
You like flips.
It was so fucking amazing.
When he played this VHS tape, it's like 30 dudes doing fucking flips.
Swords and shit.
It's like I'm doing slow motion teabag, whatever the fuck.
He could have been teaching us the other thing the whole time.
You gotta like rent the swords though.
That's like an extra expense.
Do you think he ran out? And then if you like lose the sword, like if you leave the sword on a bus or something oh god i would have taken that yeah you got the guilt of course yeah i'm leaving a
weapon that kid sure we've we've already addressed jordan that i grew up about four blocks from a
kung fu supply store yes uh that still in my memory seems like it was a dream but i learned
was actually real from some other people
that grew up near it um i would have just gone down to that kung fu supply store it was still
open at the time just go to the kung fu supply store say give me some fucking swords and some
flips and everything yeah god that would have been great yeah what could have been
fucking asshole that guy was teaching us that boring ass fucking comfort I know right
Trying to teach us to be calm
Or whatever the fuck
I just want to do flips so bad
Seems like it didn't work
Seems like you didn't take away the tenets of Tai Chi
The basic tenet of Tai Chi
Is be resentful that you can't do a fucking flip
Right
I'd be mad about it 20 years later
well i could kick this guy's ass right now if he couldn't kick my ass so squarely in half a second
oh my god you know i had a friend in high school who did wushu right his name was hua
who would just do a flip just as soon as just just like this? You say, who are you want to do a flip?
He would have already be doing.
He'd be in the air flipping backwards in the air.
There's flip guys.
Yeah.
Some people have it.
Some people are.
Yeah.
Some people are flip guys.
People are.
Yeah.
Give this guy a halberd.
Fucking ribbons.
You're fucking ribbons fucking with Hua.
A real winning attitude, too.
I guess, I mean, I don't know if Wushu is, like, lumped in with self-defense, but I mean,
kind of tough to be like, you know, somebody's hassling you on the street.
You'd be like, wait, I have to go get two swords.
I can't do it without my swords.
He's like, oh, man. I will will wait i will wait and fuck with you when
you come back with two swords i got one sword and a banana uh sierra we got real off track there from
uh plugging the the television show the the highly anticipated television show
of which you are one of the stars.
We gotta say,
The Sex Lives of College Girls
coming to streaming television imminently.
Where can people watch it?
Yes, it will be on HBO Max.
And I think November 18th is the premiere date.
Get excited. Love it. on HBO Max. And I think November 18th is the premiere date. Get excited.
Love it.
Love HBO Max.
Love to watch Hooper on there.
So my recommendation is first watch Hooper.
The sort of slice of life Burt Reynolds comedy about stuntmen.
It reflects the fact that both he and Hal Needham had a background in stunt work. sort of slice of life Burt Reynolds comedy about stuntmen that's
reflects the fact
that both he
and Hal Needham
had a background
in stunt work
um
and then
go ahead and
I mean this is the
classic path
like as soon as you're
done watching Hooper
they're gonna say
do you wanna watch
the algorithm
will recommend it to you
yeah
it just rolls right into it
yeah
Sierra you're
right it'll give you
five seconds to watch the credits and then it'll just start playing.
Skip credits.
Let's go.
You also have a podcast, which you insist is a going concern.
That's always a red flag.
I'm going to be honest with you.
If when I say, would you like us to plug your podcast, you say, well, that still exists.
It does.
Did I sell it correctly?
Have you been, have you successfully, so it's the podzitivity, pod being both a part of an iPod, stay podzitive, part of an iPod and a way of approaching the world.
iPod and a way of approaching the world. Have you successfully used the lessons that you've learned on Stay Positive to maintain a positive attitude while the world burns down around you?
You know, I think I haven't. I think, you know, I talk with people.
I think that, no.
I think that, no.
But I am, yes, I would say it's kind of a fun, like I get to talk with people about maybe their ways that they do it.
And then I go, oh, interesting.
I should take that advice.
And then I forget.
But overall, I think it's good for people who actually remember how to do things to hear those tips and be like,
oh yeah, maybe I should take a, you know, get a life coach or take a voice lesson. I talked with
someone about that. They said, everybody should take voice lessons. You know, I took some voice
lessons. I loved it. I recommend taking some voice lessons. Take them with a nice lady in Eagle Rock that's my tip for everybody out there
I don't need them
I would just be wasting money
she actually
she said I went in there
the first it was an amazing experience
just at her house in Eagle Rock
piano set up there
she's got opera training. She's got popular music
training, whatever you need, jazz, she can teach you jazz. She said, just bring in a piece. I went
in there and I said, hop, dip, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop,
hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop,
hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop And she was like, it's perfect. Give me $100 and get out of here. Yeah.
So that's how it worked out for me.
Did you learn anything from the, did you have a life coach on or a person who had hired a life coach?
Person who had hired a life coach.
I did have a dating coach on and that was cool.
What did you learn from the dating coach?
You know, she was specifically, I mean, you know, things that you hear a lot, but it was kind of nice hearing it from her.
Like it was like, you know, she kind of actually works more in like giving you confidence.
So like she specifically tends to work with mostly guys who are seeking women. But like overall, like it's kind of more working on confidence and working on themselves so that they can meet someone. And she's not a matchmaker,
per se, but she's like working on you as a person, so that you can feel confident enough,
or honest enough, I guess, to like find somebody who is a good match or who, you know, being open
a little bit more to like meeting somebody who maybe they didn't think maybe they come in with
a bunch of criteria. They're like, I like this kind of person. And then they kind of like,
she maybe might walk them through like,
hey, that's actually maybe not the most realistic thing.
What about this sort of thing?
And like kind of working with them as an individual first.
That's not super realistic.
The minions aren't real.
Right, right, right.
You cannot meet them.
So many guys come in there looking for a minion
who loves to suck dick.
A tiny yellow cylinder looking thing.
Yeah.
We can't all, you know, we can't all get one.
Yeah.
Finite number of minions.
Infinite number of people who want minions.
Right.
Yeah.
Well, Sierra, always a joy, always a joy to have you on the program.
Congratulations on the extraordinary success that you've had since the last time you were here.
Congratulations, and frankly, you're welcome.
Thank you.
A lot of casting directors listen to the show.
Mindy Kaling writes in almost every week.
She says, thanks.
I'm casting the sex lives of college girls.
I've already got a part for Steve Agee.
Rob Peeble is on the show.
Sure, yeah.
It sounds like she did because two for two.
Friend of Jordan Jessico, Rob Peeble is that on the show.
I will not be using either of you, the hosts.
But I would like for your guests to be someone I might cast.
Yeah.
I had to find room for Gavin Leatherwood.
I'm just looking at the IMDB right now.
I bet Gavin Leatherwood is a cool guy.
He's cool.
He's in it.
Francesca Zureb played Quinn on the show.
That couldn't go to Jordan.
Jordan, you could play Quinn in your fucking sleep.
I turned it down.
You turned down Quinn.
Yeah.
Because you were trying to make a play for a bigger part, maybe Hubel's part.
No, I just didn't want to drive all the way to Pasadena.
Jordan, you live in Pasadena.
Yeah, but this was South Pasadena.
You're right, it was.
It was kind of bordering San Marino.
Oh, okay.
Oh, wow.
San Marino.
I'm not about to go to La Cunada Flint Ridge, okay?
What do you think I work in?
Altadena?
No, sir.
Yeah, whoa, whoa, whoa.
No.
Going to get a hotel.
Thank God we listed some places near pasadena
good specifics there anyway uh uh sierra of course um you can hear her on stay positive
you can see her on the sex lives of college girls um You can catch her doing stand-up
around Monrovia, California,
right there by Pasadena.
I'm out of places.
I'm out of places.
The crow's nest in Monrovia.
Our producer, Brian Sonny D. Fernandez,
on the stream this week, Valerie Moffitt.
You can find us on Reddit,
maximumfun.reddit.com.
This is Reddit I've been looking at, Jordan.
Absolute units.
It's just big things.
Yeah, I've seen absolute units.
That's a good Reddit.
It's just a Reddit where they just show you a big thing.
Yeah, and they say it's an absolute unit.
Yeah, this one guy had big fingers.
Whoa. Big, this guy was one guy had big fingers. Whoa.
Big, thick fingies.
Sounds like
a pretty good Reddit.
Yeah, well, there's a picture of his hand in like a
regular hand. His hand was way bigger.
Oh, that's good.
For scale. For scale.
Yeah, exactly. A regular hand
for scale. Paper, newspaper to show
the date. And then it had a picture of some scale he had on his perineum.
Got to get it checked.
That's the lesson of today's show.
Get it checked out.
That's why I'm here.
Get it checked out.
That's the last thing.
This is going to be rare but deadly.
Right.
Hashtag at JJGo on Twitter.
Find us on Instagram at Jordan.
God damn it. I forgot if it's
Jordan D. Morris or Jordan David Morris. Oh, that's okay.
It's Jordan David Morris. How long have we
been plugging our
Instagrams on this show? Every
fucking week. We did three weeks
about your Instagram. I forget
every time. At put.this.on
on Twitter
at jessithorn at jordan underscore
morris.
Look, that's enough. That's enough different things. Thank you for listening. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jessica.
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