Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 94: Visionary

Episode Date: April 5, 2009

Kurt Andersen, author and host of Studio 360, joins Jesse and Jordan to discuss Danny Devito's Limoncello and much more.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys, and take off your shoes and sex and run you. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. And I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. And this is... Jordan, Jesse, go! Icicles, tricycles, ice cream, candy, lollipops, popsicles, licorice sticks, Salmon, friendly, maggoty, netty, twiddle, Jesse, go.

We try to convince professional, visionary, author, and Studio 360 host Kurt Anderson to name one of his characters Chip Dipson. Let's go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective With us, as always, one of the... wait, no, not as always He's always in our hearts

Right, I think that's what you meant I mean, he's certainly an inspiration in everything that we do Sure He's kind of like a goal that we'd like to attain sure in that sense he is always with us yeah uh the jesus yeah welcome please welcome the big j um uh the man who hosts the public radio international program uh studio 360 acclaimed novelist, co-founder of a legendary satirical magazine, Spy, current cover writer for Time Magazine, judging by my trip to the grocery store yesterday, and professional visionary, Kurt Anderson.

Welcome to the program, Kurt. So happy to be here. We are so happy to have you, sir. Despite all of the ironic welcoming and praise. But no, I'm extremely happy to be here. You know, Jesse's little slip-up was just kind of... We were going to segue into this later, but we want to see if you'll become a permanent co-host.

Yeah, we were wondering... We figured now is a good time to ask. You're here in Los Angeles. Before you move back to L.A., of course, you've got this great pad in Studio City, a beautiful, a modern home on a hilltop in Studio City with a lot of matching furnishings. I think this is the time for you to put down roots

both in the city of Los Angeles and here at Jordan and Jesse Go. Sidekick Emeritus, something like that? Mm-hmm. Whatever, let me put it this way, whatever Studio 360 is paying you, we can't pay that. Mm-hmm. I know it's a cliche, but I actually do love LA, and I've loved being here.

But I also think it's one of those things like with mistresses, if I'd ever had a mistress, where you don't want to make it a permanent thing. You want to, you know, go be here for a few months. And it's been ideal in that sense. Because now I'm going to leave here in a couple of weeks and go back to New York. See, Kurt, when you describe it in those romantic terms, but I mean, basically, aren't you just having your way with LA and then casting it aside? But I'll return to her. Okay, fair enough. When your ship pulls into port. Exactly. No, I mean, it's as stupid and simple as

I now, at my advanced age, feel no further need to spend character building winters in places in a place like new york because i feel my character is fully built right and i can fair enough be here in a lazy lotus eater place uh every winter from now on and uh by the way have you tried our lotuses did theresa bring you a lotus no i got one from the lotus truck door. Yeah. And we should explain, Kurt, of course, is like Studio 360, ordinarily based in New York City. A very New York City type of dude. But here in Los Angeles at the Pomona College Arts College Center. The Art Center College of Design in Pasadena, California, Jesse. The Art Center College of Design in Pasadena, California, Jesse.

The Art Center College of Design in Pasadena, California, where he is a visionary in residence, Jordan. How can we get to this point in our careers? Yeah, Kurt, give us a – I mean, yeah, that's the kind of place I would like to be in a couple of years. I want to be getting grants. Yep. I want to be something in residence. And let's be clear. When you say you want to be getting grants, you want the no-strings-attached kind of grants,

like a MacArthur grant, where they just give you the money and you just do whatever the fuck you want. They give you the money, an office, and some co-eds, maybe. Possibly some co-eds. Sure. And that's really what we all dream of.

Oh, and a statue of me in the quad. Oh, and in the statue, are you wearing one of those helmets with a dagger on top, and you're holding a sword up, and you're riding a horse? Yeah, whatever, as long as my dick's huge. My statue dick. I didn't know we worked blue here. Oh, this is a very blue program. This is not a classy operation.

Sorry. No, no, no. Sorry, K.A. Absolutely not. This is, you know, you don't have to come down to our level, but just so you know, this does carry the explicit tag in iTunes. Jordan, oh, there's some really, we've got all these. Hold on.

I was asking Kurt for advice on how I could get to this. You know, just live long enough and show up. I mean, it really is as simple as that. When you're twice the age you are now, and you'll be roughly my age, people will

have no choice but to say, well, this guy's been around a long time. Let's give him this sweet gig at our university and perhaps build a statue to him. Are stylish eyeglasses an important part of this? Because it strikes me that especially if you're thinking about doing this in an academic context and particularly in an arts academic context that you're going need a signature eyewear

is that am i off base here uh no i think that's that's part of the rule book really right uh you know to be an art director or a visionary uh or god knows both you do need uh artwork that says i'm kind of a dick right because you're because you're mostly wearing black and white otherwise. Exactly. So you need to... But this isn't so. I mean, the listeners don't know, but my eyewear is not so... Just to clarify... Freakishly, Daniel Leibskindishly stylish.

Now, Kurt Anderson is sitting before us. He's wearing Kazal eyeglasses like Run-DMC. The big square eyeglasses like you would see on Run DMC. But updated a little bit. You know, like a slightly contemporary style, like you might see on Larry David's dad on Curb Your Enthusiasm. That kind of look. It's sort of an iconic elderly Jew style.

Well, it's the Lou Wasserman look. And here in L.A., that's what I figured I ought to do. Well, you're a mogul now. How many times have you had lunch with Brian Grazer since you got here? Brian and I lunch, well, we try to do it once a week, just like the vice president and the president do. You should have a weekly reservation at the Daily Grill. Something like that.

Does Spago still exist? I feel like, why go to another restaurant when you can go to Spago's? Yeah, I don't know where Spago stands in the zeitgeist now. I feel like I don't hear it talked about. I think it stands firmly in the zeitgeist of 1988, if I'm not mistaken. And Wolfgang Puck, of course, who started Spago, has now risen above it as the brand. And now at every supermarket I go to in Southern California, there is a whole Wolfgang Puck section. Wolfgang Puck started

Spago's, more than just the California Pizza Kitchen. I had it primarily associated with a California Pizza Kitchen, a CPK. Sure. I don't think he had anything to do with that. I could be wrong, though. Really? Yeah. Jordan is correct. He definitely invented like

Thai peanut sauce on a pizza. Yeah, that's what I was about. That's exactly what I was about to say, Thai chicken. But I think we're right on the same page here. Kind of culinary miscegenation, really, was his thing. Yeah, sure. Okay, fair enough. So Spago's is the moral of the story, I think.

I went to this restaurant. There's a very fancy restaurant here in my neighborhood. My neighborhood, of course, is full of primarily like a Korean barbecue, which is a great restaurant, but I rarely go to it because it's distressingly expensive. It turns out you really can't go to a Korean barbecue place for less than like $40 a person. And I don't, it's weird that it's a like a kind of lower middle class kind of restaurant to go to because it's outrageously expensive maybe if you were korean they would charge you the normal eight dollars yeah exactly so i went there is this one fancy restaurant and uh theresa has a good friend

who's a public defender here in la makes a good salary and likes to spend it going to fancy restaurants and she said oh such and such restaurant right by your house this is one of the best restaurants in los angeles and we had noticed that they have like a half price uh bar food menu uh for like happy hour or whatever and we're like oh well we live here we can go there for happy hour whenever we want so we walked over there to go for happy hour well what's it called bar food uh such and such i think yes it's in the it's in the will turn it's it's right at the it's right there in the will turn between denny's and uh the theater and but like i said so you had to uh push through the line of uh of mopey hispanic teens waiting for avenged sevenfold there's so many mopey hispanic teens waiting in line outside yeah that's the will turn man what's that about

i think it just it just you're, you know. They'll be, they're waiting. Seriously, last night when we went out to this, it was the Derek Trucks Band. I don't know what that is. I don't know either, but I'm pretty sure there shouldn't have been all the Mopey Hispanic teens waiting outside that there were.

Like, you used to go see, it's like Lady Gaga. It's like, oh, mopey Hispanic teens outside. And I see on the marquee that Spinal Tap is about to be there, or at least the members of Spinal Tap are on the marquee. And so will your, and I hesitate to say mopey Hispanic teens because there's something faintly racist about that, but

I wonder if the audience will be... Kurt, have you, you've spent four months in Los Angeles. If you can't deal with a little faint racism, if you can't deal with a white person calling all Spanish-speaking people Mexicans. Well, but there's at least some demographic logic to that in this place. But no, Mopi, I'm with you. I mean, and perhaps that's better said as oppressed and disempowered, but who knows? I just have too much public radio PC burned into my

brain now, I guess. Okay, so we went into this restaurant, and first of all there's a bar in like a restaurant area, and we went in, and there was no, it's like mostly a restaurant, and there went in and there was no it's like a mostly a restaurant and there was no host there there was but there was two dudes standing by the door that we that i thought maybe were hosts but all they did was this big gesture like the enter gesture you know like extending one arm all the way out and the other arm to the breast they did it kind of in succession and we're just kind of standing there confused because we're thinking like oh we're going to eat a little food and there's only a bar right there

where we enter and we don't really want to sit at the bar like there's booths and stuff maybe we want to sit in a booth and so we kind of look at them with this look like uh what are we supposed what are we supposed to do and they just gave it again like the enter just these two dudes just doing this enter thing we went inside and sat down uh and finally like we just went up to them and said uh can we go over there and sit in a booth because there was sort of like a door in between very unclear sat down a weird waiter came and gave us dinner menus uh for like uh you know 70 steaks and that wasn't really in the cards but what was what was amazing about it was that they were handing us this menu for 70 steaks right but it was also like kind of shitty inside like it's the the decor is this kind of industrial

chic you know what i mean like uh like anything in Angeles. It's like polished concrete floors and literally giant booths, giant thrones made out of perforated leather. pull the entire thing out from under the table just to sit down because they have big arms and they're like really too heavy to be moving is really weird situation and there's like it's shitty in there and they're in the the music is smooth jazz i didn't know that smooth jazz was something that still you know what i mean well but there you go that there's something los angeles about these interesting lapses of of hipness i mean this place sounds as though it's trying to be stylish in a certain way and they're selling 70 stakes and it's industrial chic and then you get the smooth jazz thing it's it's like it's like the whole memo about what is stylish didn't go out to everyone here. Some places are, you know, okay.

And not that that's good or bad. It's interesting that you encounter places that you think, oh, okay, this is this kind of thing. And then some bit of weirdness like, you know, Chuck Mangione comes up and, oh, I guess I am in Southern California. Yeah, it was really spectacular. This waiter came up and there's like the half-price bar food is like two things on the entire bar food menu. It was the strangest fine dining experience I've ever had. It turned out Teresa had a Manhattan that cost $14. Almost what the island cost 400 years ago.

Exactly. If only we could have traded glass beads for it. I did a, for work last month, I did, I spent about two weeks kind of back and forth in New York and did a lot of, and tried to go to a lot of nicer restaurants. Here's what I couldn't get away from there. Dance music. Intense, intense dance music. Really? At restaurants?

I went to a nicer Italian place. Because usually in a restaurant that's like a fancier restaurant, but not like a hoity-toity restaurant for a younger, rich person, it's like KCRW music. Like it's loungy, hip music. Sure, sure. It's like KCRW music, like it's loungy hip music. Sure, sure. But yes, I feel like across food genre, you know, a couple of Italian places, a couple of gastropubs, a couple of, you know, tapas places, intense blaring dance music meant to pump me up. You order your ahi tuna, your like seared ahi tacos. Sure. And all of a sudden it's like, y'all ready for this?

Not even that, though. It wasn't even like. More electrono-euro pop? What did you say it was? It was lower NRG. It wasn't high NRG. Maybe. It seems as though, based on that report, that New York has radically changed in the

four months that I've been gone. You haven't been assaulted. Maybe you're not hanging out at the right places, Kurt. Yeah, not enough gastropubs in Brooklyn, I guess, playing dance music. Oh, man. Well, we got a lot of fun stuff for today's program. We got all these telephone calls that we've been saving up. We got Kurt Anderson here.

We're going to talk about going on a cruise. Ah, this is just delightful. Everything. This is delightful! We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, Go. It's Jordan, Jesse, Go. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. With us, of course, the great Kurt Anderson.

Now, Kurt, you're encouraged to make up your own nickname so you can introduce yourself. Can I have until the next break to come up with my DJ name? We get a lot of great emails, Jordan, on the program. People email us at jjgoh at maximumfun.org. Ah, this was great. I think this is just going to be a really great topic of discussion for all of us here. Me, of course, you, Jordan, Kurt Anderson from Public Radio Studio 360. I love it when we get an email with a question, just like a really open question that everybody has an opinion on.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Anyway, Josh Lowen writes us, Hey guys, do you have a favorite all-time knuckleball pitcher? What are your thoughts on the current state of knuckleballing in the majors? Thanks, Josh. So anyway, I guess I'll go first unless either of you guys wants to jump in on this. No.

Of course, my first inclination is to go with a classic, Hoyt Wilhelm, of course, who pitched into his 50s in the majors, which I think is really amazing. Now, do you know this stuff, Jesse, or did you research this? And so anyway, I'm really excited. The only thing that Jesse thinks is funny is a... He finds an excuse to talk about some weird baseball stuff from the 80s. I'm answering questions. Kurt, my advice is just to write it out. Just sit here and nod until he fucking ejaculates his load into the microphone,

and then he shuts up and we can talk about something else that we know about. Anyway, so my first inclination is to say Hoyt Wilhelm, as I said. And then my second inclination, of course, my first fantasy baseball team, one of the starting pitchers was Charlie Huff. Of course, everybody has their favorite Charlie Huff story. But I think based on my interest in the 1992 Pittsburgh Pirates, I'm going to go with Tim Wakefield, who actually is still pitching for the Boston Red Sox and signed a contract with the Red Sox with a permanent club option. So as long as the Red Sox want him to pitch for their team, he has agreed to do it for, I think, $3 million a year.

And Jordan, you just shut up entirely for these periods? I don't know. I've tried to fight it for a while but that's you know just kind of kind of part of the landscape at this point anyway it's a lot of fun so jesse i hear you went on a cruise what was that like uh so you guys have any uh anything you guys got anything a favorite knuckleballers knuckleball pitchers favorite knuckleball did warren spawn throw knuckleballs no he did not but that was a good that was a good effort see somebody here is making an effort, Jordan, to entertain our audience.

And I know my fellow Omaha and Bob Gibson didn't. No, he didn't. He was a speedballer known for his fastball. You've now heard the extent of my sports knowledge. Okay, well, there you go. See, Kurt Anderson's here to play ball. He is. No, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I can't delight audience with the odd 80s baseball facts that they tune in for. Jordan, speaking of what the audience tunes in for, the fact of the matter is that most of the audience tunes in to hear you talk about video games.

Sure. Now, you've mostly been playing a lot of Street Fighter 4. Yes. This is a sequel of Street Fighter 4. Yes. This is a sequel to Street Fighter 3, if I'm not mistaken. Now, in Street Fighter, what happens is two cartoon guys are on opposite sides of the screen, and they go back and forth across the screen, and they do combos against each other. They use blocks.

And other things. Fireballs. They say different stuff. You go up, down, A, B, something, you know, you squiggle your stick around and do different moves, different blocks, block, different fireballs, and eventually a winner is crowned and he becomes king of the fighters. Sure. So Jordan, of course, loves this. This is Jordan's favorite hobby is becoming king of the fighters. And one of our listeners, what was our listener's name that challenged you to a duel? Oh, it was Joel. Joel, a nice young at a show that we were at. Joel, the super nice guy, challenged you to a battle in Street Fighter IV because obviously we have this audience out there.

They know Jordan talks a good game. You know what I mean? And when I say good game, I'm referring to Street Fighter IV and becoming king of the fighters. But they don't know if Jordan can walk the talk. Sure. You know what I mean? Walk the plank.

Walk the plank. Can you, you know, are you the real cock of the walk? Sure. You know what I mean? So Joel bet money on it. He said he would make a donation if he lost. He would make a donation to MaximumFun.org. Various other people on the

forum made side wagers either placing money on joel placing money on jordan and their epic battle jordan how did it go uh it went uh well i mean if you're me it went great uh because i won i uh i i i'm i kind of forget i forget the details of it specifically. I was going to try and recount some of the nuances, but Joel and I were talking to each other over Xbox headsets, and we were having such a nice conversation that I kind of forgot to remember the details. I did win pretty decidedly, but Joel is a very good player, and it was fun.

Well, congratulations to you, Jordan. Thank you. It was pretty fun when we talked about... How extraordinarily fair-minded you are, Jordan, when Jesse asks, and here I am just observing. Oh, sure. When Jesse asks, how did it go? And you said, it went great if you're me.

How... Well, what other kind, it went great if you're me. How, how, well, what other kind of it went great is there? But how lovely and Christ-like of you to say, if you were me. Thank you, yeah. And thank you for saying Christ-like, too. Yes. Yeah. You know, that's kind of the

way I am. But like, yeah. Do you think you could take, do you think there are listeners out there that you couldn't take that would take you to the hole, so to speak? That would hit a home run off of you in Street Fighter? No, you know, I actually have a Max Fun listener that I've played with a handful of times who's very good and a good match for me. Tofu Tornado.

Oh, sure. Tofu Tornado. Oh, sure. Tofu Tornado. So, yeah. You know, I think I'm going to make some speculation. One of the members of the Maximum Fun Forum is this guy named Ronnie. Now, Ronnie has a couple of hobbies. Okay. Number one, Ronnie likes to make cars that jump in the air, I think.

Something like that. Okay. I think they jump in the air, I think. Something like that. I think they jump in the air, if I remember correctly. Yeah. I think he makes jumping cars of some kind. No, no, not jumping cars. No, I lied.

Cars that do wheelies. He likes to make cars that do wheelies. Okay. So that's his hobby. And his favorite vehicle is a Volkswagen Bug that he can make do a wheelie now that's a that's pretty impressive right the herbie series just must have had a galvanizing effect on him exactly it was like the the like key moment in his life was when uh kirby got his groove back or whatever the movie was um okay so that's one of his hobbies the other is he goes to secret underground street fighter 2 competitions in weird warehouses where people from around his region drive on trucks

street fighter 2 machines into this one local like the central area like everybody brings their personal street fighter 2 machine yes so everyone this isn't a real thing have you ever been to some of these things no i i never have i mean they drive actual trucks in life and then go into a warehouse where they play the video game yes so what happens is so it's like fight club for pussies yeah exactly so they and fatso's to be fair and fatso's now i think that i don't know't know if Ronnie has one of these Xbox 360s. That's what you got. Yeah.

But I think if Ronnie fought you, he would win. Probably. I've got 20 bucks on Ronnie. Wow. All right. Well, Ronnie, put your belly on the bar, I guess. Yeah. I'm going to be looking for Ronnie on the forum and it's shit's going down.

Now, maybe he doesn't know the new power combos sure Jordan you know what I mean combo I have a being glib I have a technical advice questions long as your discussion has gone to video games I'm writing this script in which there will be a brief scene of a character of this rich guy this youngish rich guy but you know an adult uh and what would be the funniest game to reveal that he's playing while he's in the business middle of a business meeting i mean would it be world of warcraft would it be street fighter 4 what would be funny to that would get a laugh because it would look so... So this is something he's playing on a PC?

I've got a good suggestion. He's platform, or I'm platform agnostic. Okay, I was going to say, I don't know what the setup of this business meeting is. There's a big giant video screen, and he's just playing the game. Okay, well, he's just kind of a video conference situation, and then in another corner, he's playing a game. I've got a pitch for him. Okay.

He has a giant television. He's in his office or home office or something like that? Something like that. Okay, so he's got a giant television, like a huge wall-sized television, and he's playing Duck Hunt. Yeah, that's pretty good. Something kind of old.

For the Nintendo Entertainment System, he's got the laser gun, and he's just shooting ducks, and he's going... He's not going... The machine... That's the way to go. Yeah, yeah. Okay. He's saying business stuff. Yeah, I like the idea of...

And there's a physical gun-like thing you hold. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. That's good. That's good. I think... Okay.

There's a physical gun-like thing you hold? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. That's good. I think, okay, if he is just kind of a modern, intense, rich guy, and you are looking for something that this kind of modern, rich guy would play, if you want this to be appropriate and not odd, I would say probably... Knuckleball.

Call of Duty 4, which is kind of the... That's the realistic war thing. That's the more intense war game. Yeah. But if you were looking to be weird and anachronistic, let's say Panzer Dragoon for the Sega Saturn. Those are my two suggestions. I have come to the right place.

George went straight to the Sega Saturn. Yeah. He's going to the Sega Saturn. Wow. What if he was playing Virtual boy virtual on you can't show virtual boy though you can't because there's no way because it's got the head anyway so massively multiplayer is out of the question you think i mean that's okay he sounds like a business guy i mean i don't i don't i don't know anything about this script he sounds maybe like an you know

intense business guy more like an air no. More like an airhead air. Yeah. I think the multiplayer is maybe more the kind of the brainy, shut-in, super analytical. Uh-huh. Okay. Yeah. And if this guy maybe is a guy who is a successful guy who doesn't deserve a success, something a little more brainless.

Okay. Here's what's important, though. Call of Duty 4. I'm going to just... Quick follow-up. You mentioned that you're writing a script. You're also an acclaimed novelist. brainless okay here's here's what's important though can i'm i'm gonna just quick follow up you mentioned that you're writing a script you've also you're also an acclaimed novelist um jordan and i have a quick pitch for you um that we like just just a quick request and i don't know i haven't talked about this with jordan ahead of time but

20 bucks what 20 bucks you know 20 20 bucks? You get 20 bucks? To give Kurt Anderson? If he comes through. Sure. Okay. There's 20 bucks in it for you. Whoa. It's our opinion that if you're creating a work of fiction,

the two best names, and this is, I'm giving full credit, this is Jordan's premise. Me and a friend. A friend helped me come up with this. Okay. uh me and a friend a friend helped me come up okay so jordan and a friend uh he came up with this um it's basically like have you heard you've have you read this what's the guy who writes the books about screenwriting um and levy yeah robert mckee right yeah have you read any of these robert mckee story or something like that i've read a bit of it and i and've actually, I went and saw him... Do his thing.

Deliver his thing. Yeah, so this is sort of like, just like he believes there are certain key elements that should be in every story. This is a key element that we think should be in every story. It's sort of a core belief of ours. It's that the best character names for any fictional character

are number one, Chip Dipson, and number two, Dip Dobson. So Chip Dipson and Dip Dobson. So what we're looking for from you, and again, there's $20 in it for you. And I'm talking cash American. I'm not talking about Australian dollars. I'm not talking about Hong Kong, Singapore dollars or whatever. And I'm in cash right now, so that's good for me. Right. Exactly. Yes. They pay you under the table for the

visionary club. Exactly. Nice. Is this visionary club just a lot of landscaping work? It's secret. I really can't talk about the visions i've had okay he's had he's had visions for for like a healthy grass sure like a healthy like a scotch pine like a nice scotch pine maybe as well um so 20 bucks in it for you kurt all you have to do is name a character chip dipson or dip do. Really? It doesn't have to be the central character of the narrative.

A lot of people think that it has to be the central character of the narrative, but that's a myth. Now, have you made this offer before? We were just talking last week, two weeks ago, with our friend Rob Corddry, who you may know as the writer and producer of the hit internet series Children's Hospital. the writer and producer of the hit internet series Children's Hospital. Now, on Children's Hospital, he's about to enter a second season. There's currently a bidding war between two networks to put this on television. It had previously been an internet series.

He's in the midst of a bidding war to put this thing on television, and he has pledged to name one of his characters Chip Dipson or Dip Dobson. Wow. And we didn't even have to give him any money. Well, there you go. I know what drives you, though. I can see it in your eyes. I know what you fancy East Coast intellectuals are like. $20 cash American.

It's on the table. Look, I'm going to take it out. Here in my pocket, I have $20 cash. Right here. This is the sound of $20. It does. It is. This is not a prop 20. $20 cash right here. This is the sound of $20. He really does. It is. He actually does.

This is not a prop 20. $20. It's my good friend, Mr. Andrew Jackson, helped create the Federal Reserve, if I'm remembering that correctly. And participated in duels as well. Yeah, you can tell that this is genuine because it has little 20s written in gold ink around this engraving on the back.

So you can tell it's genuine. If you look through it through the sun, you can probably see there's a watermark or seal of some kind, if I'm not mistaken. Well, I will go to the people who actually write my books for me and ask them if they're up for this. I can fit that into the character naming schedule that is planned for the rest of 2009. Fiscal 2009, I should say. One quick additional question. Would you be willing to bring this to Grazer?

Well, everything I write automatically. He's got a first look, right? First look on everything I say. He's listening now, in fact. Oh, is he? Hey, Bri. I call him Bri. Your hair's crazy. You're too old for that haircut, Brian Grazer. He's listening now, in fact. Oh, is he? Hey, Bri. I call him Bri.

Your hair's crazy. You're too old for that haircut, Brian Grazer. He's too old, but he's rich enough for that haircut. Yeah, that's true. We all have our branding, don't we? Did you know Brian Grazer hires people to tell him what's interesting? He has a staff of people whose job is to tell him what's interesting? He has a staff of people whose job is to tell him what's interesting. He has people who get people to tell him

what's interesting. I don't know that he pays the people. Well, he does have this one guy. I actually once sat down with him and told him what was interesting for free. Wow. Really? What did you say was interesting? I don't remember. You should have said Chip Dipson and Dip Thompson, right? You didn't know about it then. That was in the old days.

That was before you were enlightened. At the time you were sitting down and talking to him, you told him that Tamagotchis were interesting. That's probably right. And that my Neopet was about to die. But this was last year. Exactly. Look at this $20. Read it and

weep. I don't know what that means. Read it and weep. Because you, I don't know what that means. Read it and weep, Jordan? You want him to weep. Yeah, I don't know. I like Kurt Anderson. He's a great guy. He's a great public radio host.

Excellent public intellectual. Okay, well, anyway. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, exploded. Nice. Anderson, I'm going to be honest with you. You're a great guy. I'm a big fan of your work. I've been listening to Studio 360 for a long time. Thank you.

I wasn't sure how you were going to do on the nickname. I was not sure that it was going to be your forte, but you have proved me wrong. Oh, so wrong. I brought it. I brought it. He just stepped up to the plate. He just exploded my mind.

And hit a home run off a knuckleball. The challenge is a slow pitch, Jordan. Sure. We got so many telephone calls this week. And since I got this, I got a nice... For folks who have never been in our studio, for the past two years, if we've done this, we've been doing this show for about two years, right, Jordan? Two-ish years.

So for the past two years when we've done this program, we have run our telephone calls off of my wife's Discman that she bought in high school. A red Discman with just one of those connect-it-to-your-car cords running out of it and into our mixing board. It's a cross-colored Discman with just like one of those like connect it to your car chords running out of it and into our mixing board. It's a cross colors Discman. Yeah this is we're talking about a Discman that previously had only seen Color Me Bad CDs. So now we've upgraded to an actual CD player like a real grown-up program like probably they probably got one of these over at a Studio

360 or something like that. You guys don't run your clips off of a Discman, do you? We haven't for some years. Right. So let's give this a try, huh? Hey, Jordan, Jesse. This is Ian from Pennsylvania. I had a bit of a momentous occasion occur. I had a bit of a momentous occasion occur I was passing this truck on the highway And I observed the words on the side of it And it said, gender solutions, high flex knee And I just, I couldn't imagine what that would be

Maybe it's just an unfortunately named company But, you know, in the climate that we live in It's, you know, like with it's like with gender changes and such, it just, gender solutions, high flex knee, conjured up images of Del Monte fashion piece in my mind. So I think gender solutions, high flex knee is the new Del Monte fashion piece. I agree.

Gender solutions, high flex knee, right? Knee? K-N-E-E? Yeah. I wonder. Hyflex hyphen N-I? I mean, maybe this is some sort of tech talk that I don't know about? Yeah, it could be F-L-E-X-N-E-E. Hyflex Knee. I think it's space aliens who didn't quite get the language right and just put it on their truck high flex knee that doesn't mean anything gender solutions high flex knee well for folks who haven't been it's kind of scary

do we want to google it or are we fine with this being a I don't think we need to google it I mean for folks who don't folks who haven't been listening the full two years early on in Jordan Jesse Go Jordan had a dream, right? A dream or... No, I don't think it was a dream.

I think I just started thinking about it. That Jordan just started thinking a lot about the nonsense phrase Del Monte fashion piece. And so we threw that out to the audience. What is your creative interpretation of Del Monte fashion piece? Anything that we can show on the internet. And I think that Gender Solutions High Flex Knee is definitely the new Del Monte fashion piece. I'm opening it up. I'm opening it up, Jordan.

I'm opening it up. We're going to make a thread on the forum. Is it a floodgate? A special thread on the forum, even above and beyond the thread for this episode. We're making a special thread on the forum just for Gender Solutions High Flex Knee. We're going to ask you to keep it safe for work, as they say.

No gender solutions. Don't show any dongs, specifically. No photorealistic dongs. I'm okay with a cartoon dong. Yeah, a cartoon dong is fine. Konky dong. Explodo! Explodo! Now, I wonder, is it H-. Konky dong. Explode-o! Now, I wonder, is it H-I-G-H or H-I?

And is there a hyphen between hi and ni? There's only one way to find out. There's only one way to find out. Artistic interpretation. That's where truth... You can only really find out about truth through art. You know that. You are an architecture critic.

Yeah, that's true. Anyway, we're having a lot of fun, having a great time here at Jordan Jesse Go. I just love, I'm so excited about pressing these buttons. Here we go. I just got my Jordan Jesse Go t-shirt in the mail, and it is soft and smooth and fits perfectly. It rules. So happy.

And I'm going to wear it tomorrow without a bra. Hooray! Cool. Great call. Great call. Good work. It's a really soft shirt. We agree. I've gotten so many emails from people who love the shirts.

It's been overwhelming. You're welcome. Are they American made? No, they're not. They're made overseas. Yeah, well, there you go. Oh, guys. They know their shirts. Boobs?

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah? Bravo. You mean we're going for the wearing it without a bra reference here? Yeah. Yeah, specifically. That's basically what I'm thinking about. Sorry, Mr. Class.

Neither of you guys are wearing bras today, are you? Not either, really? I should be. I need the support. I'm actually wearing nipple tassels. And attractive ones, I might add. Oh, come on, K.A. Hi, Jordan,

Jesse, Goh. This is Dave in Naples, Florida, and I just wanted to call with an awesome occasion. I was just wanting to shave, but I didn't want to take a shower and do the whole thing, so I look over and there take a shower and do the whole thing. So I look over, and there's some KY jelly. Now, a little quick mental calculus, and I thought, what if I used that as shaving cream?

So I got a little water, a little KY jelly, put it on the face, shaved it off. Awesomest shaving cream ever. And this means now that the men get to take back KY jelly. Get it it's awesome try it i swear to god bye i don't know if i can support this no gross that's for genitals and by the way the gay men have already taken back ky i don't think we had a problem thank you yeah they're going they're going great great. There's no take back involved. Sorry, dude. You are too late. Okay.

Or shaving cream during sex, I guess, would be the other. Yeah, I think that's the next step. Maybe an axe shave gel. Oh, my goodness. So, Jordan, Kurt, you don't know this about Jordan. Jordan's kind of a sex symbol. And once in a while, we get a call like this. And, you know, sometimes I don't play him because I think, you know,

Jordan doesn't need to get a bigger head than he already has. I mean, Jordan already knows how sexy he is. Sure. But I thought I would throw this. Hence the boudoir photos. Yeah, he throw this. Hence the boudoir photos. Yeah, he does have a lot of boudoir photos. Just huge numbers of just sepia-toned photos of him in a thong,

just doing different poses and covering himself in different stuff. I don't know why he showed them to me. Anyway. Hey, JJ Goh. This is Anne from Sacramento, and I wanted to call and just tell you about a dream I had last night.

I know it's really lame when people tell you about your dreams because no one ever really wants to know. No one cares for you, but I woke up after having a dream. I met Jordan in my dream, and he was explaining to me how he never has any problems getting a girlfriend because of his amazing fisting skills. What was the verb? Fisting. The verb was to fist. Which is, I mean, couldn't be closer to the truth.

This woman is clairvoyant. Oh, God, what joke to make. What joke to make. I'm kind of, jeez, man. I feel like they're all trying to cram through the uh flood gates and i can't think of one i'll tell you what jordan yes it's just just bask in a special moment okay i give you permission fine normally normally in a situation like this i would turn to you to make a witticism on to top a listener's call but in in this moment, I give you full permission to just bask in the glory of your fisting prowess.

You know what I mean? That was the sound of bask? Yeah. Now, Kurt Anderson, judging by your eyeglasses, you probably have a subscription to The New Yorker, if I'm not mistaken. You probably get it gratis. You used to write for them, right? They just send it to you.

I get it. I read it. Okay. So have you noticed in The New Yorker any advertisements for Danny DeVito's Limoncello? It's probably one of those tiny ads in the back that I don't look at as carefully as I should. It's probably one of those tiny ads in the back that I don't look at as carefully as I should We're talking about a full page, full cover, full color inside back cover advertisement Is this true? Yes

Really? Danny DeVito's Limoncello, he has his own brand of Limoncello It's the official Limoncello of Jordan Jesse Go That's a new decision, I've just made it, I'm throwing it out there Amazing situation. I can see the case of it being put on the FedEx truck as we're speaking and wending its way to Los Angeles. Hey, Jordan and Jesse, this is Nick in Austin. I have a momentous occasion. My girlfriend and I were just going to the grocery store.

And when we pulled up to the grocery store, there was a really, really long line leading into the liquor store next door. And we thought that was really weird because there's no reason for a giant line to be leading out of the door. So we went up, and as we were approaching the grocery store, we asked somebody at the back of the line what was going on, and they said that Danny DeVito was inside signing T-shirts and giving out free bottles of his new Limoncello. And I thought that was pretty amazing. And then at the end of the line, somebody had taken the opportunity to adopt out abandoned Greyhounds. So apparently the Greyhound and Danny De devito and limoncello community mix pretty well together there's no doubt about that any idiot can see how well those three things go together

danny devito limoncello and adoptable greyhounds the world as mad lib i mean i have a quick limoncello story yeah let's hear it. This was earlier this week. I had an audition that included... Danny DeVito. Danny DeVito. That included riffing on movies. And one of them was Terminator 3. So I...

This is kind of unimportant to the story. They asked you to do some riffing. Yeah, some riffing. And I got together with a buddy of mine who I knew was also going to do the audition. We were like, well, we should rent Terminator 3

and just make sure we're familiar. Terminator 3, Rise of the Machines. Rise of the Machines. That's the byline. And so we're like, oh, we should probably

drink some beers while we're doing this. So we went to kind of the closest place within walking distance to me is this liquor store. It's a little she-she. It's a place you would go for,

you know, like a micro-brew brewed by a monk or something like that. Or possibly a celebrity liqueur. Yeah, or like a, you know, like an espresso-infused vodka is something you also would get. But they also just have 12 packs of beer that are a little bit expensive. But not so much half pints of cheap vodka kind of place. Yeah, no, you're not going to get a pop-off there.

Yeah. Anyway, so you went to this place, and the lady behind the counter is a kind of lady you would expect to own, this kind of place. And there was two bottles of Limoncello at the counter. And I guess I kind of maybe don't know or still don't know if Limoncello is something that Danny DeVito invented or if it's just a general thing that he has a brand of. Anyway, so there's these two bottles of it sitting at the counter. And I'm like, oh, Limoncello, is this the Danny DeVito stuff? And she's like, no, this is made in Sacramento by a lovely couple. She's from Italy and he's from the Swiss Alps and they make this.

And it's really lovely and it's good paired with. I'm like, but Danny DeVito's not involved. She's like, no. She's like, no. And I said, what about Rhea Perlman? Anyways, she's just annoyed with me. You're always on. Yeah, I guess so.

I was genuinely curious at this point. I kind of confused how she had this, but didn't. Anyways, I was like, Danny Vito, he takes up these big ads. Don't you think there's this part of me now that wants to make MaxFunCon. You know, there will be some drinking at MaxFunCon, and we've got some folks donating beer and wine, and we've got this guy coming to make special old-timey cocktails. But now I feel like, why did I bring in this guy to make special old-timey cocktails. But now I feel like, why did I bring in this guy

to make special old-timey cocktails when I could just have served Danny DeVito Limoncello and Dan Aykroyd's Crystal Head Vodka? You know what I mean? There you go. And mixed together. You can name that, you know,

some kind of Max Fun special name. Have they ever been in a movie together? That would be the good name for the thing. Has Dan Aykroyd and Danny DeVito ever been in a movie? I don't think Have they ever been in a movie together? That would be the good name for the thing. Has Dan Aykroyd and Danny DeVito ever been in a movie? I don't think they've ever been in a movie. I bet against it. Their genres are close, but not... They probably were on SNL together.

They're like asymptotic. Yeah. Did Danny DeVito... I don't know. If you're Danny DeVito... Dan Aykroyd's a different situation, but if you're Danny DeVito... He's mental. Well, but you have this successful...

You're rich, you have this successful production career, all this. Why the fuck do you start selling Lemoncello? I don't know. I mean, it's not like a... If you had... Suzanne Somers, Thighmaster situation. This is what I think it is.

This is my best guess. Somebody wrote the Danny DeVito's Limoncello song, brought it to Danny DeVito, played it for Danny DeVito, blew his mind. Is there such a song? Is there such a song, Kurt? Is there such a song?

I'm out of it. Somebody hasn't visited Danny DeVito's Limoncello on the internet web yet. Not lately. Oh my goodness, is there such a song? It's one of the greatest songs ever recorded, I would say. Okay, so the moral of the story is, I think that the song came first, and he said, well, I've got to develop a Limoncello to match up with the quality of this song. And that's why why in the advertisements,

he has his little glass of Limoncello, he has lemons, and he also has some kind of old-timey Italian string instrument that he's about to play. So I think that that lyre or whatever it is represents the fact that the song was the impetus for the creation of the liqueur. But then, okay, fine.

But then you actually... Granted. You travel to Austin and show up at a liquor store? Well, it's South by Southwest. He's there for South by Southwest, the world's most famous live music festival. He's there to perform the song. Really? Or to have his...

This is just speculative. His sort of Dean Martin sound-alike that rolls with him, perform the song, and, you know, give out free bottles of liqueur, and of course, you know, the good part is... The Greyhound thing. Yeah, a few Greyhounds are going to find new homes, you know, which would have never happened if the Dean Martin sound-alike hadn't written that record.

You know, I see your puzzlement at this, because there are, I guess, some celebrity alcohol endorsements that make sense. Who's the guy who directed Godfather? Coppola? Francis Ford Coppola. He has a wine. He has a wine. He has a wine.

He has a wine. He has a wine. He has a wine. He has a wine. He has a wine. He has a wine. He has a wine. He has a wine.

He has a wine. He has a vineyard. So that kind of makes sense. Totally. When a rapper has a signature cognac or something like that, that also kind of makes sense. But this... More fake racism coming out of here but that's all right i'm just saying it's the lifestyle it's the opulent yes um in this case what you're

selling is uh the spirit of being a a classy italian guy like danny devito i would say a danny devito limoncello. A new liqueur from this very charming fellow. Right? It's fantastic. I don't remember if that's exactly what the lyrics are, but that's approximately what the lyrics are.

We all have to get to work on our alcohol endorsement strategies. I know! Where's our alcohol? I know there's probably a lot of homebrewers in our audience. Don't you feel like... I feel like our whole audience is composed of number one, polyamorists, and number two, homebrewers. So far, those are the demographics that I think are...

Like, if we made a media packet that would say Jordan Jesse Go listeners are 12 times more likely to be polyamorists, 17 times more likely to brew their own beer. If you're looking for an audience to sell your busty anime figurines to. Okay, but do you feel like Jordan Jesse

beer is totally within our grasp, right? I mean, if it is, would you... You don't drink, though. I would endorse it. You can't have a signature beer if you don't try it. That's disingenuous. I would endorse it. You can't have a signature beer if you don't try it. That's disingenuous. I would try it.

That's nasty. If a listener out there made Jordan Jesse beer, it would have to be in bottles. Shut up. Just me. Jordan Morris signature beer. Jesse's not involved. Here's the thing you do. You agree to drink, start drinking it and only it.

Oh, no. It's just a little extra cachet for it. Yeah, exactly. That's a good point. Okay, fair enough. I'm on board. Okay. I'll drink it and only it. It's the only beer I'll drink.

Okay. Jordan, that's the slogan. Jordan, Jesse Beer. The only beer Jesse Thorne will drink. Yeah. Celebrity podcaster Jesse Thorne will drink. And then I'll do a commercial. It'll be like, hi, I'm celebrity podcaster Jesse Thorne will drink. And then I'll do a commercial. It'll be like,

Hi, I'm celebrity podcaster Jesse Thorne. You may know that I'm a world-famous teetotaler, or at least I was, until I tasted Jordan Jesse beer. Now I drink myself into blackout every night. Hi, I'm Jordan Morris. I don't have a very sophisticated palate when it comes to alcohol. That's why I love Jordan Morris. I don't have a very sophisticated palate when it comes to alcohol. That's why I love Jordan Jesse beer.

Yeah. I'll unwind at night with some Trader Joe's microwavable enchiladas and an MGD. Don't take my word for it. Hi, I'm celebrity podcaster Jesse Thorne. I've been to Jordan Morris' house, and the only alcoholic beverage is MGD. Kurt, what's your signature spirit? I don't know about signature spirit. You got a mixed drink? You got a signature mixed drink?

The mixed drink that I drink and that one of my good friends always says whenever we go out together, you still drink those hooker drinks? Which is the gin gimlet. Oh, nice. Straight up. That's a good drink. That is a hooker drink. It is, I'm afraid. That's excellent. That's while you're visiting L.A.

Oh, gosh. I'm forgetting the name. Who's the guy who wrote all the pulpy detective novels? Elroy? Like a Mickey Spoon? Chandler? Chandler, yeah. A bunch of those Chandler characters all drink gimlets.

Really? Maybe that's how it's soaked into my head. Well, there you go. There you go. Very classy. Jordan, you were talking a little bit earlier about satiating your curiosity. Your curiosity was whetted by a call that we received three weeks ago. Sure.

Just a quick recap for you, Kurt. A listener called in to say that his momentous occasion was that he was going on a date with the wife of the man that his wife was cheating on him with. Uh-huh. They were going to see Watchmen. They were going to see the Watchmen. So what we asked was that he call in and let us know how the date went. He was kind enough to call.

Here he is. Whoa. Hi, Gordon and Jessica. This is the guy who called in two weeks ago who went on a date with my wife's boyfriend's wife. I know I've taken a long time to call back. I actually programmed the number of my wife's phone so she could call in. She is probably better telling the story, and she probably knows how much the story would or wouldn't be interesting to you.

The date went kind of oddly enough. I had no idea the Watchmen movie was so inappropriate for what we were doing. What is appropriate? I had no idea. Marley and me. Before we got there, we went out to eat. So we were looking for places around the area and there was a Mexican restaurant and I asked her if she liked Mexican food. She told me she had never had Mexican food,

which is the weirdest thing in the world to me. This all sounds like an elaborate duplon time. Do you like Mexican food? I've never had Mexican food. We went to the movie, we got a large popcorn, we watched the movie, and afterwards stood in the parking lot at midnight for about an hour talking about her childhood. Which was probably a mess. Great day. Well, I don't know what you guys, what other questions you have.

I think the story of what you think happened is probably more interesting than what really happened. But, yeah, I'll get my wife to call in. She is planning an excursion with the family this upcoming weekend, so can't wait to see what happens. We are hopefully going to see Monsters vs. Aliens in 3D. Another movie, another date, and it might all be going together, the entire family thing. When he says the entire family thing, does he mean that he

and his new girlfriend, who's the wife of his wife's new boyfriend, are all going to go see Monsters and Aliens in 3D? Or are there children involved, making it even more tragic? You've invented a whole new genre here, the alt Jerry Springer world. Yeah, yeah, sure, sure.

Jerry Springer for people who live in Austin, maybe. Yeah, yeah. And listen to podcasts. Right, yeah, and probably, I don't know. I'm trying to think of some nerd specifics. For some reason, I can't right now because my mind is a little bit blown. Well, anyway, I knew we couldn't top that. Go to a lot of They Might Be Giants concerts. There you go.

We'll be back in just a second with momentous occasions. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I am la, la, la. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I am Jesse Thorne, America's Radio sweetheart, Jordan Morris, boy detective. Kurt Anderson, Explodo. Mm-hmm. Oh, God.

God bless him, huh? Good nickname. God bless Kurt Anderson for Public Radio International Studio 360, huh? Am I right? Featuring Kurt Anderson. Oh, my God. Is that what it's called, featuring Kurt Anderson?

No, and there's no featuring. Is there a with? With Kurt Anderson? There's a with. There's a contractual with. It should be Kurt Anderson's Studio 360 presented by Kurt Anderson. A Kurt Anderson radio program. One of those Bill Cosby credit sequences.

Yeah, sure, sure. Oh my God. We're having a little... No, that would be produced by Dr. Kurt Anderson. It would be Kurt Anderson, B.A. Awesome. Oh my gosh. On this program, we ask our listeners to call in as momentous occasions happen to them or in their immediate aftermath.

We've had some really wonderful telephone calls this week, so let's just start by rolling some tape here. Hi, Jordan Jesse Goh. This is Roy from Alaska again. I am in a small town in Tennessee, and I have a momentous occasion. I just saw no less than three older ladies using motorized wheelchairs, scooting up an alley together like some kind of gang. Now, you think that's impressive, this old lady gang. Sure, you think that this vehicle-based old lady gang is impressive. I can tell it. I can see it in your eyes. You don't have to tell me, okay? But there's something even more impressive than that.

A gang even tougher and more dangerous. Perhaps more dangerous even than MS-13, the world's most dangerous gang. That is this gang, gentlemen. Hey, Jordan, Jessica, this is Alex from New York. Just having a moment of vacation for you. I just walked out of my apartment and I happened

to see a whole family riding on the bikes with the big wheel in the front and then the smaller wheel in the back like they had they had managed to come out find five uh bikes those kind of bikes and they were outside of my uh outside of my apartment. I was quite amazed. Five velocipedes, gentlemen. So, in Tennessee, the extraordinary real-life scene

out of the blue is like a scene from a cheesy, bad comedy. Old ladies in wheelchairs. As opposed to New York. There's actually a Monty Python sketch about old lady gangs, and this brought that to mind. Oh, yeah, there sure is.

But this is like a debased version. I can just imagine. Right, yeah. This is the Adam Sandler version of that sketch. If Adam Sandler. And then, but, you know, in New York, of course. So you're saying maybe it's a Rob Schneider. Well, that's what I'm thinking.

Fair enough. But in New York, this kind of Cirque du Soleil-ish, old-fashioned, surrealist vision is why I live in New York rather than Tennessee. Yeah, you got it. Okay. Anyway, speaking of Working Blue. Jordan, Jesse, go. I just saw my girlfriend, Pete.

All right, have a good day. Well, that's the thing now. Speaking of things you put in your media packet for underwriters, maybe not that. Okay, so there's that. Granted, a momentous occasion. Sure. You know?

Now, I wanted to clean our palates after that. This is one of my favorite momentous occasions in a really long time. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, and Go. I just had my first slow dance to the girl that I've had my first crush on ever since high school, and I just told her that right now, and I just felt like it was a momentous occasion, and I just had to call you right now.

And it's been what three years four years since high school four years since high school and i feel exactly the same way and i barely told her how i felt right now it's been four years since high school anyways i just wanted to tell you that bye right that's delightful right doesn't that delightful thank god she was there and chimed in if it was just the the guy, my mixture of sadness and pleasure would have been tilted toward the... Either she rejected you and you're out in an alley somewhere, or you left to make the call, which is weird,

and she probably hates you. We think you should do that. Let's be clear. Oh, sure. And the timing of the reveal of her voice. Perfect. Yeah, you could not apply it seemed yeah i mean we have been known to get a bullshit call or two seemed real yeah but now i'm gonna go with that's true it's delightful i would like to know what song it was too yeah that's a good question i my money's on layer head on layer head on my pillow by tony

tony tony but although although i just did not to harsh the mellow and kill the buzz, but at 21 or 23 or 24 years after high school, do you still talk about slow dances? Yeah, I'm wondering where they slow danced. You do if you're really, really sweet. Yeah, maybe that was kind of... How about that, you fuckers? Okay. Yeah, maybe this was kind of a grand gesture. Maybe they were, I don't know, in some place you wouldn't normally slow dance. And a song came on and he's like, I've always, you know, I always wanted to go to prom with you.

And then, you know. Yeah. Speaking of beautiful moments. Or they snuck into a homecoming. This is like the beautiful moment. Or the third annual high school reunion. Yeah, yeah. The third, yes.

One a year. One reunion a year. This is like an all beautiful moments, momentous occasions. Because we had, of course, seeing your girlfriend pee. And then we had that one. And now we have this. Hey Jordan, yes you go. This is Jimmy.

I just got my lip and feet removed. All drugs have worn off, but my lip is still really numb. And I'm standing over the sink, kind of letting blood and spit dribble out of my mouth. Okay. Keep up the good work. Do you feel like maybe the drugs hadn't completely worn off? Like a hundred percent? He could have been just like high on pot or something.

Yeah. The prescription drugs wore off. You're having a hard time creating the seal because his liver is too... Okay. Look, we need to pick me up after all of that. I think this is it. Hey, Jordan.

Hey, Jesse. This is Greg from Omaha calling in with a momentous occasion. Just helped a guy at my place of work. Guy's name was Zebulon Steel. Zebulon Steel. Checked his ID and everything. Wow. That's cool. Zebulon Steel,

gentlemen. You're from Omaha. You know Zeb? Well, the thing is, most men of a certain age in Omaha are named Zebulon. Right. It's one of their most popular names. This fellow here must have been new to town. No, that's great. And how lovely. I No, that's great. And how lovely

that, I mean, that's a fairly compared to, you know, slow dancing or your girlfriend peeing or all the rest. That's a subtle, classy, momentous thing to recognize that this is a cool name. I think this is a classy show. Can I ask you something about Omaha?

And I'm kind of trying to figure this out. Is that a state or a city? And I'm kind of trying to figure this out. Is that a state or a city? Is that a kind of cake? Is Omaha one of these little pockets like a Chapel Hill, North Carolina, that's just kind of a little maybe hippie pocket within a square area? Well, it's certainly within a square area, and it's a fairly square place,

and I mean that in the best sense, itself. But in the last, since I've left, actually, in the last, I don't know, 15 years or so, it has developed this hipster thing. A lot of indie rock bands. There's the whole indie rock thing there. There's a visual art movement. It has become improbably

the coolest place between Chicago and L.A. I'll posit. Yeah. Except for Billings. There's the whole Livingston, all that stuff. And then, to my great surprise, because in the last presidential election, Nebraska is one of two states that changed the rules so that each congressional district has its own electoral vote, so that it's not all winner-take-all of the state.

And the Omaha district went for Obama in this most Republican of American states. So I felt like, well, maybe it's not just a few indie rockers and artists and poets. It's actually gotten cool in my absence. It must be frustrating to no longer be able to use your place of origin as a punchline when the situation suggests that you could or should. Omaha as a punchline? I have no idea what you mean.

Yes, indeed. It's true. And the Warren Buffettification of Omaha has made it, you know, legit in a different way. And, of course, mutual of Omaha. Wild Kingdom. Yes, indeed. So maybe Omaha is a place where a guy named Zebulon Steele could exist and thrive. Yeah.

I wonder if he's like a superhero. Potentially he could fight crime. Yeah, sure. There you go. Or travel to space in the 50s. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. Love you, love you, love you. Love you, love you, love you. Love you, love you, love you. Love you, love you, love you.

Love you, love you, love you. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Explodo. That's good. That's enough. Leave it there.

Yeah. That's perfect. Yep. We had a great show, huh, Jordan? Didn't we, though? Come on. Leave it there. Yeah. That's perfect. Yep. We had a great show, huh, Jordan? Didn't we, though? Come on. Very fun show. We have some great calls about, you know, last week we threw out this action item,

what's the craziest person you ever met when you were traveling? We got some good calls on that topic. We're just plumb out of time, so we're pushing it back to next week, and it's still open. What's the craziest person you ever met while you were traveling? And, of course, we also have this project, this new project, which is Gender Solutions. What's it called? Gender Solutions Knee High?

Gender Solutions. I forget. High Flex Knee. High Flex Knee. There you go. Gender Solutions high flex knee. Gender Solutions high flex knee. What is your creative interpretation of that? Whatever it is, you can create anything.

Visual art. You can create a diorama and photograph it. You can make something in Microsoft Paint. You can do a Photoshop creation. You can write a song about it. I'll post a link on the forum. All these things are open. You can wear the Jordan Jesse Go t-shirt without a bra.

You got it. You can do anything as long as it has that special magical quality. A certain bralessness. Yeah. 206-984-4FUN is the telephone number to call if you have a momentous occasion or you have thoughts about the show. You've got a question you want to ask me specifically. I'm just quickly anticipating one question that might come up. I like Mike Spankley-LeVallier a lot, but my favorite was Don Slugoslot if you're talking about catchers for the 1992 Pittsburgh Pirates.

Favorite was Don Sluggo's slot, if you're talking about catchers for the 1992 Pittsburgh Pirates. If you want to challenge Jordan to play Street Fighter for money, I think that's a great idea. You can do that on the forum. Jordan's hanging out on the forum looking for people to beat at Street Fighter. Of course, Kurt Anderson's... I don't think there's a way for us to play Street Fighter III Third Strike online, but if you're in L.A. and want uh uh at a bowling alley and do that and play for

money i'll do that right and if you want to if you're in la you want to meet me at chateau bowl and play street fighter 3 third strike in la i'll probably do it okay i'll probably go there because that's right near my house sure i'm down to go to chateau bowl you're down for chateau bowl uh absolutely okay great so kurt anderson's uh kurt Kurt Anderson's Studio 360 is on the interweb at studio360.org. I've got to change this. Jordan, Lonely Sandwich pointed out something really important to me recently. What? Saying the interweb is over, saying interwebs is over,

the most important thing, the new hotness. The new cheeky way to refer to the internet. Is internet. It's kind of like AOL being cool again. No. I thought I had missed something. Kurt Anderson, of course, his program Studio 360 is on internet at studio360.org. You can check out his delightful and very long novels.

And, of course, you can look forward to the film that he's writing that features Chip Dipson, Dip Dobson, and, of course, the Nintendo Entertainment System game. Wait, wait, wait. It's not Chip and Dip. You said Chip or Dip. It is, but, I mean be we hoped you would be charitable i expect that you'll include both of them now i don't want to be clear as long as it actually appears in the credits it doesn't you don't they don't have to say their name in the film

but it has to there has to be you can't just if they make they produce the film you can't just say oh you know that one guy like the, like the guy who was roasting the peanuts in Central Park, that guy's name was Chip Dipson. Unless it shows rolls on the credits and it says Chip Dipson, Clint Howard. By the way, Chip Dipson should be played by Clint Howard.

Ideally. This has become full circle with the Brian Grazer, Ron Howard thing. There's a coherence to here that only emerges through the medium of podcasting. Now, it counts if it's in a work of printed prose fiction. Absolutely. Yes, absolutely. Although, in that case, you know,

obviously you would have to include the... The eight bucks instead of 20. There's no... If you wrote, if you wrote... That's about the exchange rate. If you wrote, for example, a play, you could feature it in the dramatis personae in the beginning,

and then you wouldn't have to have that character utter it out loud. You're really lowering the bar here. No, $20 for a movie. The rest is at my discretion. Okay. We encourage you. I mean, the point of the thing is, any work of fiction benefits from having a character named Chip Dips and a Dip Tops, and that's the central bedrock truth.

Okay. character named Chip Dipson or Dip Dobson. That's the central bedrock truth. Okay. But what we're talking about here is if you want this $20, $20 cash American, you got to put Chip Dipson or Dip Dobson in a movie. The Dipson Dobson meme in general. On a screen. Something that people give a shit about. Not fucking boring read words as I call them. Read words is what I call them. Do you call them that? Yeah, I do.

Jordan, you and me are going to be in Portland and Seattle at the end of the month. We're in Portland on Thursday, April 23rd. We're going to be at the... Seattle on the 23rd. Seattle, Thursday, April 23rd at Central Cinema. You can buy your tickets online. Just go to MaximumFun.org. Click on Live. There's a link right there

to brown paper tickets where you can buy your tickets.. Just go to MaximumFun.org, click on Live. There's a link right there to brown paper tickets where you can buy your tickets. Only $12. Us and the You Look Nice Todays. It's going to be a great, great fun. We've already sold a bunch of the tickets, so buy your tickets now. Buy them, buy them, buy them.

And, of course, we're going to be at the Bridgetown Comedy Festival. I'm doing the Sound of Young America Live. We got Blitz and Trapper, Mira, Reggie Watts, almost certainly comic author Brian Michael Bendis, and possible other surprise guests. And you and I are doing Monsters of Podcasting on Sunday night at Bridgetown. And there's also 120 comedians in town, including lots and lots of really cool, awesome people. Our buddy Tig Notaro, Nick Kroll, Matt Baronger. One of my faves from L.A., Josh Fadum will be there. That's my recommendation for a guy whose name you might not know who you should go see.

There you go, Josh Fadum. You might get to see him just do pratfalls for 20 minutes straight. Yeah, or read out of the phone book. Anyway, that's at BridgetownComedyFestival.com. Thanks again, Kurt, for doing... Excuse me, thanks again, Explodo, for doing this. Yeah, thank you, Explodo. Mom, au plaisir.

It's always such a joy when we can degrade the quality radio network that is Public Radio International with our embarrassing telephone calls about seeing your girlfriend paint. We'll see you next time right here on Jordan, Jesse, Go. international with our embarrassing telephone calls about seeing your girlfriend paint we'll see you next time right here on jordan jesse go