Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Foods Rock, with Ify Nwadiwe

Episode Date: November 30, 2023

This week comedian, writer, and podcaster Ify Nwadiwe (Maximum Film!) joins us to talk about video games, foreign McDonalds, and zhuzhing a store bought potato salad.Check out all of the delicious options at Nuts.com/jjgo. You’ll receive a free gift and free shipping when you spend $29 or more!Try Stitch Fix today at and you’ll get 25% off when you keep everything in your Fix.Jordan wrote a brand new graphic novel called Youth Group which you can pre-order at Sky Light Books in Los Angeles.Do what Jesse says and go to PutThisOnShop.com for your holiday shopping!

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. I'm going to power through this one, Jordan.

I have burned myself very badly. Okay, I'm not seeing any... You look great. Thank you very much. I'm not seeing any scarring. I'm not seeing any blistering. Right. I'm hoping seeing any. You look great. Thank you very much. I'm not seeing any scarring. I'm not seeing any blistering. Right. I'm hoping not to see those things. I reached into, I made, look, first off, I made a great chicken thigh recipe.

If anybody wants to make a great chicken thigh recipe, look up this Kenji Lopez all chicken thighs and cabbage recipe. It is wonderful. Just make it all in one skillet. Crispy skin, stewed cabbage, sweet, savory. It's got bacon in it. It's wonderful. I make this because my mother says it. So you tried to fuck the chicken.

Yeah, I tried to fuck the chicken. And you burned. It was hot. Hot. You burned your little wiener. I knew this chicken was hot. You were describing it in the way that someone might describe a lover. Yeah. So I read between the lines. So the chicken was really hot and I burned my little wiener.

Yeah. Yeah. I pulled it out of the oven because you finish this thing in the oven for a braise. Sure. Put it on the stovetop. Noticed that the – and I did that with a potholder. Totally successfully like a normal adult sensible human being. Put it down.

Turned to say something to my child. Turned back to it. Noticed that the handle was pointed out. Was the thing you said to your child, go in the other room while daddy fucks this dinner? Yeah. Daddy wants to burn his little wiener, I said. Dad wants a chappy little wiener. So I noticed that the pan handle

was sticking out over the edge of the stove, which that's the last thing you want. So I just full on grabbed it and moved it and then realized that it had just come out of a 400 degree oven. Now, next move I did was I'm like, am I missing something about what you're supposed to do when

you've burned your hand on a pot handle? You know what I mean? I know you're supposed to run it under cold water or something. Now you've got your phone on a music stand. Yeah. And did you take notes on the burn or are you just playing Marvel Snap while we talk? Both. I immediately Googled burn hand on pot handle. I had to Google it with one hand, to be clear, but I did it. I pulled it off. I typed with one hand, be clear but i did it i pulled it off i typed with one hand burn hand on pot

handle and it led me to a reddit post from someone who had said i just burned in r slash cooking i had just burned my hand on a pot handle what do i do i i i pour i ran it under some cold water so i'm like this perfect because i'm an exact situation burn my hand on the pot handle ran it under cold water just want to know if there's other stuff I should do. And this made me feel a lot better. Wide light posted. This was the top reply. I was finishing some chicken breasts in the oven and I took them out with an oven mitt, all proper like, and set the pan on the stovetop while I finished some other bits of cooking. First of all, I get it, dude. You know what I mean? Like, I am with you. It me. It me.

I'm that. Sure. Yeah. About 30 seconds later, I see that I left the pan handle sticking over the edge and I think, gee, I could totally knock that off. I should pick it up and move it. Again, representation matters. Sure. Yes. This is me seeing myself. I grew up in San Francisco and talk about it a lot. Yeah, exactly. And then it says, so I grabbed it, this time without the oven mitt on. It hurt a lot. Again, I'm right there with this person. Did you write this message in the future and send it back to yourself in the past? Are you time copping, buddy?

That's my best guess. But this is the part where I felt- You copping over buddy? That's my best guess. But this is the part where I felt- You copping over there? This is the part where it felt better. They said, it hurt a lot. So of course I dropped it right onto the linoleum floor. First of all, I've got a tile floor, so I don't need to worry about my linoleum. But second of all, I didn't drop anything. So I'm ahead of the game. Then they said, now my mind is thinking quickly. It's thinking, man, that hot pan that just burned me is so hot,

it could melt the floor. So yeah, I grabbed it a second time barehanded. Am I the asshole? Didn't sleep well that night. In any case, no, I don't have any remedies other than just stick the hand in ice. Yeah, so I just felt a lot better after I read that. Yeah, there you go. You found your community.

Exactly. Did you send this person a message? I did. I sent them A slash S slash. Now you're cybering. Is that what you were doing while you were talking? Were you cybering? I was cybering the chicken, we're cybering now. Is that what you were doing while you were talking? Were you cybering? I was cybering the chicken, yeah.

Okay. It's Cyber Monday tomorrow, so as we record this, it's the time when Americans gather to cyber. Jesse, that's just when you're supposed to get cheap Blu-rays on Amazon. Oh, got it. Got it. Duly noted. Yeah, so I survived.

Yeah, look, you're holding a bottle of water. Yeah, you notice I'm holding it with my burn hand. I was like, am I going to have to go into the studio? Because at first I was like, this doesn't hurt that bad. I can handle this. I ate dinner. I put my hand on a cold pack, cold gel. I'm sorry if I'm, you know, I've been going blue a lot so far in this episode.

It's a crutch. Let's just say it's a crutch because I'm not more creative. I'm going red. Yeah. Do you want to try jacking off? That's the ultimate test. To check? No, go in the bathroom.

Don't do it here in the booth. I'll hang out with our guests. It's my left hand that's burned, so if I jack off with this, it'll feel like a stranger's jacking off. A burned stranger. A strange burn victim. Getting jacked off with this. It'll feel like a stranger's jacking up. A burned stranger. A strange burned victim. Ooh, a skull. It's like getting jacked off by Deadpool. But yeah, if things-

That's what we call breaking the fourth wall, getting jacked off by Deadpool. God knows, yeah. It's been a while for me, so I might break the fourth wall. Blasting right through. Should we introduce our guest? He's a film expert. No good. He could tell us about what it's like to get jacked off by Deadpool.

Our guest on the program is one of the hosts of Maximum Film right here in the Maximum Fun Podcast Network, among many other media properties. We're highlighting that one, but this guy's the host of most things uh he's also a stand-up comic and comedy writer if he won way how are you hello how's it going it's a joy it's a joy he's also probably our would you say number two or number

one gundam expert it's really coming down to him and heather ann campbell oh i'll take number two behind heather yeah yeah yeah heather's actually waiting in the wings we're gonna have a gundam off like i got my nippers i'm gonna cut them put them together slowly uh i have something i want to uh i think that we could i have a topic for all of us okay great but i do while we were talking about cooking um if you mentioned that you just got back from a Friendsgiving where you zhuzhed up a store-bought potato salad, I wanted to hear more about that. Oh, yeah.

I have that thing where you're like, I'm not just going to bring the store-bought. I've got to put a little bit of iffy flavor on it. But I'm not going to make potato salad. No, fuck that. I'm going to sprinkle some salt over the top. Basically, I put some mustard because I find that store-bought potato salad doesn't put enough mustard. Put some mustard, a little bit of onion powder, a little bit of garlic, paprika, and some black pepper and salt.

Just to pump up the flavor. That sounds great. What's your top category of potato salad, Ify? Top category like like the number one most important yeah like do you like a vinegar potato salad a mayonnaise potato salad do you like it but sounds like you like it mustardy yeah i like a mustardy one and i think that's just all i've known growing up you know mom's from louisiana so heavy yeah mustard potato salad sweet yams and then um then thick, fluffy cornbread.

But then my stepmom was from Arkansas, and they did the saltwater corn. No, not that. It's the different type of cornbread, and it's more flaky. Oh, yeah. Someone's going to be like- More like a biscuit. Yeah. Not even a biscuit.

Okay. Like a flatter- Like a hockey puck. Yeah, hot water cornbread, I think it's called. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I support that. Yeah.

Did you say when you, and this is a safe space, and just know that you can say anything on this show because no one listens except for a couple of freaks. Yeah, yeah. I mean, the freaks are very nasty. Oh, yeah. They will come out at night. Ooh. So if you're out there in the day, you got nothing to worry about.

No, but at night. That's when the freaks come out. I'll tell you what I like about freaks. Very good lovers. Very good lovers. Yeah. Did you, when you presented it to the Friendsgiving, were you like, this is a store-bought potato salad that I juiced? Or are you like, here is grandma's famous potato salad I just straight up like

store-bought that I just because I'll because if I if I make something bad I want to stand on it and if I make something good I want it to be truly attributed to me honorable yeah also my worst nightmare is anything I make that I just kind of like wing it that I don't like take stock of everything I did so I was like that's so good I need you to make that every just kind of like wing it that I don't like take stock of everything I did so I was like that's so good I need you to make that every year now it's like oh no so you're taking notes as you're judging the store-bought potato salad just in case you have to reproduce yeah yeah but I'm I kind of just tossed it together you know it's just like all right I'll just put a little bit and say and saying saying it on the podcast, you can just go back and listen to this episode. Yeah, that's why I beg to come on.

Hey, cancel whatever guests you have. I need to come on. Don't evade you to go fuck himself. I'm coming in and I'm listing recipes. I'm sorry. It's very important to me. Ify, let me ask you this. Did you re-home the potato salad?

Did you move it into a new vessel? Oh, yes, I did. Mostly because I was looking for that thick tub that they usually have. But I was buying it Thanksgiving day, so they were all out. They were on a thick tub.

I was almost going to give up, and then I bumped into Jonah, my buddy Jonah Ray. He was in the store, and he was like, hey, I found potato salad. He walks over with five single- I'll sell it to you for $75. So Jonah's just out there reselling black market potato salad.

Oh yeah, he's flipping it so hard. Jonah's like, God damn it, the Bing money's not coming in anymore. He's like, it's time to get this potato salad off the ground. But yeah, he comes over with the five single serve potato salads. These are from like the deli case? Yeah. Okay. So I took all five and I dumped them all into a bigger Tupperware.

Beautiful. And you add your own spice. You emerald it up. Bam, bam, bam. Bam, bam, bam. And then I was like, hey, here's some potato salad. What kind of mustard are we talking about? Oh, look, I always go Heinz because whenever

Southern cooking uses mustard, whether it's like as a bond for ribs or anything, it's always Heinz. So I was like,

don't do anything fancy. Don't try and get... No, tell Sir Kensington to take a hike. But I do fuck with Sir Kensington, just not

with this dish. He makes a good condiment. Oh, yeah. Sure. Yes, Jesse. I'm still really excited about this potato salad that he made. Did other people cook food or bring food? Because this was like a Friendsgiving situation.

It was a Friendsgiving, and it was pretty much our homie was going to make everything. Everyone can just bring a side or dessert, but he was on turkey. He was on ham. He did yams, dressing, the whole nine. But I noticed that potato salad was on there. When I do my whole plate, I do like a little potato salad. I feel like the richness kind of cuts with a lot of the kind of more um like all those acidic thanksgiving foods like turkey gravy potatoes half a grapefruit

you gotta have half a grape you gotta have that in the nigerian american community it's traditional to eat half a grapefruit with a scoop of cottage cheese on top. My dad would disown me if I don't, if I do not do that. Like Nixon ate for breakfast. Yeah. But yeah, so I was like, all right, I'm going to throw this in and then I'm bringing a bunch of alcohol, which I did. I served on all fronts. That's good for you.

Yeah. Do you have a preferred type or quantity of carbohydrates in a Thanksgiving meal? Ooh, that's a very good question. I'd say I like to lean on 60-40. 60 proteins, 40 the carbs. Okay. How are you going to get gains? Exactly.

You got to have gains. Exactly. Everyone knows, for people who don't know Ify already, Ify has had many sick gains. This guy's getting sick gains have been so sick. I need you to be so specific about that, too, because some people think it's healthy gains, and it's all sick, disgusting, viral gains. This guy's gains are nasty. Ify, I thought you grew up in L.A., but you're from Gainesville?

Yeah, you know, that's what it says on my ID. I'm also a federal body inspector from Gainesville. So Ify is a powerful muscle man. Yeah. And does that play into your Thanksgiving feasting at all? No, not at all. I've found out that, like, you can just figure it out later. Like, I eat whatever the fuck I want, and then I'll adjust whatever I need to do.

There's not a problem that you can't fix. You can do it in the mix, is what you're saying. Yeah, yes, exactly that. For a while, I was doing, was doing like keto and that was cool, but food rocks. I don't know. Yeah, food's great. The flaming hot take food rocks.

And if you're already going to be in the gym getting sweaty, going hard anyway, just eat whatever the fuck you want and figure it out later. Sometimes, like I know that all football players die at 40. Yeah. But that having been said, when I read about the lifestyle that these football players have, then these guys are like the, the hugest of these men are extraordinary athletes, right? These like six foot seven inch, 345 pound, you know, Samoan linemen. Oh, yeah.

These guys are unreal athletes. To me, I love the idea of a guy just eating four steaks in a row. Yeah, throwing them back, you know? Like, I know that they eat healthy food. And, like, certainly, like, you know, like basketball players, they eat very healthy food now. They didn't used to, but now they eat like real health foods. I think football players, they still eat four steaks in a row. Yeah.

And then they just fix it in the mix. Yeah, because they're just training for so long. They just are trying to hit a caloric count. I remember one of those YouTube videos where it's like, this is everything I eat in a day. I was like, don't let people see this. Because when you see an athlete do it, you have that dumb false equivocation where you're like, well, if he could eat it, then that's good. I remember I was working out and then I was at a party and I was like, I'm going to smoke a cigar. LeBron James smokes a cigar.

I'm going to light up in the gym. LeBron James, he goes to the NBA final and he can smoke a cigar. I think it's fine to have a cigar. I'm not training like LeBron James. My body is nothing like LeBron James. I'm not getting anywhere the same amount of activity. But I'm like, he did it. I can do it too.

That's why every morning I wake up and I just take down a bottle of The Rock's tequila. Aren't I getting swole? Every morning I wake up, I take down The Rock. This guy fucks around, he finds out. Wow. So you and The Rock live together? And you beat him up every morning? Yeah, well, because you know why?

You know what happens is at night, this guy's making fish. I'm smelling what he's cooking. We're roommates. You can't just turn the exhaust fan on, dude. That's what it's for. He's like, no, I like it to stink up the place appropriately. You guys are the original odd couple. Please, someone mock up a poster for Jesse and The Rock.

Tuesdays on CBS after Bob Hart's Abishola. I'm the star of the new CBS sitcom Middle-Edged Rock. Right. Here's the topic I wanted to bring up for all of us. I've been, I think the audience is probably champing at their little bits to hear about Jesse's journey with the video game Starfield. Oh, yeah.

And I was like, well, I'm going to wait until in the room, in the box, we got three toxic gamer bros. Oh, yeah. That's us. And on the board today, filling in, we have toxic gamer chick Val. Yeah.

She's nodding. Giving a nod. Very toxic. Hell yeah. Loves to shit post. Hell yeah. Val's out there shit posting. Forward slash ass, says Val.

Yeah, I thought I wanted to hear how Jesse is doing with space fantasy RPG Starfield, and then maybe talk a little bit about what Ify's enjoying these days. Ify, have you played the video game Starfield? Oh, yeah. You know, I'm a Bethesda boy through and through. Were you a, what's the one I like called? Skyrim?

Skyrim, right? Skyrim, I actually pissed, and I didn't start playing it until earlier this year. And I found out it's because Fallout, I want to say three, came out a year before Skyrim. And I was playing it so much that I missed Skyrim. Because I'm a sci-fi boy through and through. You like an apocalypse. I like an apocalypse.

I like guns. I like super mutants. C plus satire. Yeah, yeah an apocalypse. I like guns. I like super mutants, you know? C plus satire. Yeah, yeah, yes. Ghouls. Yeah, I'm like, so I've played all of them. I played Skyrim, and I played Starfield, and I played, what's the other one called? Fallout.

Fallout. I played all three of them. What's the other one called? Fallout. Fallout. I played all three of them. Fallout was the one I liked the least because I was annoyed at its shitty attempts at jokes. I was just like, no, this is already plenty. I'm in for being embarrassing.

I don't want to have one foot in and one foot out on this. Yeah. Especially with this fucking second tier material you're doing. But look, did I play the entire game? Yes. Yeah. Especially with these fucking second tier material you're doing. So, but I did, look, did I play the entire game? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. I played all the way through the most recent, not the one, the online one, but the one

before that. Oh, Fallout 4. Yeah, I think that's it. Yeah, that one was the one I think like generally the community doesn't fuck with. Three and New Vegas are the ones like hailed as the good ones. Okay. People say New Vegas is kind of the classic. I have not played any of these games, but

I have heard that maybe like if I were to start maybe New Vegas is a good spot. Yeah, and if you like kind of like the deeper, lore, crunchier kind of system, New Vegas has that. Where like Fallout 4 tried to like streamline a lot of it and I think it was just kind of you

fall out for you kind of like smelt what it was cooking like to bring it back but you saw where it was going yeah yeah you could smell it because of how on the nose it was yeah yeah it was like yeah i think i'm also not a lore guy yeah i truly couldn't care less what the story is of this video game uh again to me in the best of circumstances it's like one of the worst movies i've ever seen so uh although i'll say starfield they've they've leveled up i can't say i'm compelled by the narratives but at least the the voice acting performances are of full professional quality and how they manage to get that when they have to record 700 000 hours of audio i do not know like i again like i don't blame anyone who writes these games or records these voices that sometimes it's a little stiff

and wooden because seven trillion things happen in this game. And I can't imagine how they don't just have to eat 4,000 calories a day just to get through the line reads. One take of each line that they've written. Oh, yeah. But, yeah. And then for two hours just vocalize 10 different ways to get shot. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

But I'll say, like, if you gave me the choice of post-apocalyptic semi-satire uh sort of fake lord of the rings type shit uh dungeons and dragons shit or fucking boring space shit boring space shit is a hundred percent where i would land every single time i'm on show i want to watch alien not aliens yeah like show me a boring thing happening in space where it's pretty that's what i like oh yeah and so i was set up for success with the game star starfield which is that that is theoretically it's supposed to be the other games but boring and and in space. Yeah. Well, that's what's so funny is a lot of people weren't fucking with Starfield. And I was like, well, this is most definitely my shit. I love Space Guy Sim.

I don't need – you don't have to give me all this story of Messiah. Let me walk around and interact with the local drunk. It's like, yeah. Oh, you want me to shoot space raccoons? Bet. I'm going to bring you five pelts, and I'm going to call it a day. You want pelts?

I'm going to go out and get you pelts. Oh, yeah. There's a guy out there building a doomsday device. I'm going to get some pelts for this guy. Call me an Australian shepherd, because I love having a little job to do. Yeah. I need a job to do.

Yes. Take some pictures of the neighborhood cats. Really? I mean, you've probably heard this, Jordan. The problem with Starfield is one of the most fun parts about this game is wandering around. And the wandering around in Starfield is not that good. It's not that dope of wandering around. So your character doesn't amble correctly.

The sauntering is off. Long time Jordan Jesse Go listeners, of which there is no other kind. For we have added no listeners in a decade. Long time Jordan Jesse Go listeners. Actually, there's a lot of people who are horny for Fritz Coleman, who entered in recently. That's true. They'll know about my passion for collecting lavender in the fantasy world. But you can only kind of do that in this one.

Like each planet has three space plants. There's not like a quark plant or something. There is, but there's only- A plasma bloom. There's only three of them on each planet, and then there's three kinds of aliens. And at first you're like, these aliens and fucking plants are amazing because they look gorgeous. They're spectacular. But then you're like, I would like there to be more than two types of them without me having to get back in a spaceship and flying to a different planet. Yeah.

That's ultimately like you have to wander through a real boring territory to get to the abandoned hospital where you can shoot space pirates. Yeah. And don't forget that like random level 50 space animal that you'll shoot at thinking you can attack it and then it'll almost one shot you and go oh i made a mistake yeah but i don't also like i found because i looked briefly at the starfield subreddit people are paying a lot more like for the amount of time that i put in to this which is way too much because especially because i got it on my computer so i don't even have to be in public. You are a toxic gamer, bro.

You built a PC, huh? Yeah. You're a PC gamer. I hot rodded a PC. Hell yeah. It's overclocked. Yeah, yeah. NBD.

I did some heat sink glue. Just like Henry Cavill. Yeah, yeah. I used to play. I played the other ones on my PlayStation, on my TV, but then I can only do it when my kids aren't around or like, or at the very least I have to like reveal to my family how much time I'm spending doing it, but my computer's in my office.

So maybe I'm working. They don't know. Oh yeah. They don't know. Oh, yeah. And so the amount that I do it, I don't really keep track of what I'm doing. Like I'll do it for hundreds of hours, truly hundreds of hours. I do have no idea what level I'm at.

I barely pay attention to what level up sometimes I'll accidentally have three or four level up power pills that I can give myself to give myself special skills but I'll just forget to do it like mostly I just am like okay here we go little job shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot okay new little job but that's what I love about it

it's I want to be a guy in space exploring. And so that's why it's been that's been my favorite game to hop around because. So the the four that I've now I'll count five that I've been hopping around has been Starfield. I'll jump in the new Spider-Man 2, which is phenomenal. And then me and Em really got into Diablo because it has the couch co-op. So we'd just sit down and we'll kill hours. What does couch co-op mean? It's when you can play together sitting on the same couch instead of online multiplayer.

The way it used to be before online multiplayer kind of dominated every multiplayer. Yeah, because there are some multiplayer games where you can't play with someone in the same room. And yeah, those couch co-op games, few and far between these days. Yeah. And Diablo is a popular computer game from 1995. Yes, yes. Am I mistaken in thinking that?

Yes, you're correct. They created a new one. Many video games often get sequels. Got it. It's such a popular thing. So, you know, shit we were playing when we were kids. Yeah. No.

So this is the fourth one. Are you guys also playing Wolfenstein 7D? You joke, but they did make a new one. Okay. Okay, great. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, no, it was- I like the dark, gritty jazz jackrabbit.

Yes. Which put out the- Oh my God, you unlocked a memory. That jazz jack- I only had the demo because my dad wouldn't buy me the whole time. It was a shareware game, right? Yeah. But yeah, that one was fun. But yeah, that and then Mario Party

with my daughter which has taught me new ways to manage my anger because Mario Party is bullshit. A lot of random shit happens in that game that'll just fuck you. You will min-max the shit out of a game and have the most stars

and then it's like, oh, Naomi, you tried the hardest. Four stars. And you're like, what? What do you mean? How did you gauge that? She lost. Tell her she lost. How would she know to get better better and it's funny because one time

i kind of let loose because it was the computer that we're getting the bullshit bonuses so i was like openly pissed because like oh it's not my daughter and then i was putting my daughter to bed and she was like that game cheated us didn't it i was like oh no oh no you're adopting my toxic side uh no no you, it just happens sometimes. We just got to remember to play and have fun. You know, there's a lot of talk about toxic gamer bros, but not enough talk about toxic gamer daughters. Right, yes. Dad, can I stay up and shitpost?

All right, another 30 minutes and then you go right to bed. Speaking of toxicity in the gaming industry, I wanted to see if you or anybody in here knew of any new. What's the hot shit that the dudes are mad about? The last one I saw was and this is this is an older thing that the dudes have been mad about. But it's the one that stuck in my head. I guess the dudes for a while were mad at the Super Mario movie because there was a scene in which Princess Peach wore a racing jumpsuit instead of her dress. And they thought that made her look too masculine. So they wanted, they were mad because the woke culture had gotten to Princess Peach.

It was the codpiece. Yeah. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. It's inspired by David Bowie. Anyway, I wanted to know, is there a more current thing that people are mad about? Yeah, no.

Not currently. I think the current stuff is just like, yeah, there's no Tom Gamer thing out right now because everyone was hyped about Bolger Skate 3. No one was complaining about that dominated everything oh yeah that's people just universally love that right i really want to play it yeah me too i haven't got around to a lot of people were mad that there's no ground transportation in starfield that's a toxic trait jesse i read that about i read a thing that i think maybe my buddy ben lindbergh wroteberg wrote in the ringer about Starfield. And there's just a part where they said about how everyone was so mad there wasn't any ground transportation.

And just one of the developers just like, I mean, we gave you jetpacks. Not cool enough for you? As someone who had to struggle through the Mako levels in Mass Effect 1, I'm fine with it. If I never have to deal with any type of dumbass space rover vehicle for the rest of my gaming life, that's how bad it scarred me.

Did you play any of the Mass Effect games? No, but I'll tell you that there's a... I didn't either. There's a retro video game arcade in Pasadena, California where I take my middle child once in a while. Ooh. Loves to, all three of them sometimes. And every time I go, one of my children ends up playing this Batman game.

And this Batman game is one of those games where you sit in it. Oh, yeah. Oh, sure, yeah. You drive the Batmobile, right? You drive the Batmobile, right? You drive the Batmobile around, and I've tried playing this game, and I don't think there is anything more maddening than playing a game where you're supposed to be in charge of a vehicle, but it doesn't feel right. Yeah.

That is, like, I'm trying to drive this Batmobile. I'm like, nothing is happening when I think it's going to happen. And you realize so vividly how central to the experience of a video game is just like feeling like when you push the button, the thing that you think is going to happen is going to happen. Oh, yeah. Do you land where you think you are when you jump? Yes.

Oh, yeah. Anything else good? Starfield, Spider-Man 2. Yeah. And just, you know, classic call of duty, which if you want to go to the pinnacle of toxic, I mean, it awakens a side of me that I always forget is latent inside of me.

You know, someone just talks to you like no one knows how to be normal. Like there's no sense of, I remember in a war simulation. Yeah. My, my friend, I joined on her and I had no way of, I remember. Really? In a war simulation? Yeah. My friend, I joined on her, and I had no way of knowing. So, we have the technology, by the way, before I even get into this, that if you're running a private tournament or a private game, you create what's called a private match so that

only people who are, like, can join on the host, if the host has allowed them, it can be invite only. It's what the Hall & Oates song Private Eyes is about. Exactly. They were ahead of their game. Creating your own lobby. Are you hosting like fucking dark web ass,

you know, Monaco Grand Prix? Well, I'm not at liberty to say, but if you do lose to me in gun game i do get to take your life but that is that is a whole other thing but like i join on and these guys instead of being like hey this is a tournament you know hey maybe leave it's like who the fuck is this guy who the fuck is this and then like you know instead of me being like oops sorry i go who the fuck do you think you're talking to you're a kid i'm a grown-ass man i will fight you i was like i will fight like i will fight you children i'll send them to kill you my children are also toxic and get mad at video games and then you reach this fever pitch where you go, oh, this isn't real life. Nothing I say matters.

Because we, I'm not, I don't know who this man is. He doesn't know who I am. I'll never know. It's like, don't ever let me see you in a mall. And I leave. If I see you in lids. God help you if I see you in lids. If I see you next to Genghis

Khan, I'm gonna fucking slap you with a piece of Mongolian beef. Just one time I see you next to Genghis Khan, I'm going to fucking slap you with a piece of Mongolian beef. Just one time I see you making that fucking lemonade and hot dog on a stick. Pumping that lemonade pump. Yeah, if I see you in an Orange Julius. Hot dog on a stick. Tell you what, let's take a little break. Let's stomp some fools at Cinnabon and then come back for some more.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse Go. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Every episode of Jordan, Jesse Go, of course, brought to you by you, the listeners of Jordan, Jesse Goh, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy, detective. Every episode of Jordan, Jesse Goh, of course, brought to you by you, the listeners of Jordan, Jesse Goh, and the members of MaximumFun.org. If you're not already a member, that's how we keep the lights on. Go to MaximumFun.org slash join.

We really appreciate it if you are already a member. We thank you very sincerely from the bottom of our hearts. Go listen to our fucking Burt Reynolds show. You'll love it. We made that for you. You're going to have a great time. Up there, Jesse and I going through some of the greatest films

in the filmography of Burt Reynolds. Stash rules everything around me. And there aren't that many great ones. So some of the greatest are not that great. It's a mixed bag. Yeah, we generally enjoy his performances. Yeah, we paw around in a mixed bag yeah we generally enjoy his performances but yeah we paw around in the mixed bag that is burt reynolds filmography uh we're also supported this week by the folks over there at stitch fix stitch i don't have all the time in the world, Jordan. Yeah. Oh, did you say you don't or I don't?

I don't. Well, do you? Oh, I do. Yeah. Oh, well, then maybe you'll have a great time. But you're a busy guy. Yeah, I don't have time to scroll through countless websites or spend hours wandering through crowded stores.

It's a nightmare. It's not worth my time. If you're like that, how about this? Stitch Fix is waiting for you with expert stylists who can transform your shopping experience they're an easy way to get clothes that fit you without having to endlessly browse through options you got this stylist they'll learn what you like they'll learn your tastes and they'll collaborate with you on looks you'll love without breaking the bank jesse i get a stitch fix box every so often.

I've been a Stitch Fix fan for a while. The last Stitch Fix box they sent me, just an unqualified home run. There's always something in my Stitch Fix box that I love, but this one was so on point, always so impressed. And yeah, it's definitely great to get to freshen up your wardrobe a little bit without having to you know endlessly scroll browse around again i'm a busy guy but i'm trying to i'm not a busy guy but i'm trying to uh devote a little bit more of that time to mortal combat getting really good so yeah i love that stitch fix helps me out with that i i appreciate that stitch fix is both helping you expand your palette in the area of clothing and expand your palette in the area of fighting game franchises that began in the early 1990s yes thank you um hey and here's here's something about stitch fix that's great if there's something in

your fix that you don't like, you just send it back. Shipping returns and exchanges are always free. They include a little prepaid envelope. It's so easy. It's so much fun. Stitch Fix, they got great stuff. Thanks, Stitch Fix. They just get us, and they'll get you too.

Try today at stitchfix.com slash jjgo. You'll get 25% off when you keep everything in your fix. That's stitchfix.com slash j go stitchfix.com slash JJ go. We're also supported this week by the folks at nuts.com. Some people think nuts.com is just nuts. Okay. Just it's a lot of nuts. There's a lot of great delicious nuts.

If you're thinking they don't have nuts, you're wrong. They have a lot of nuts. Almonds, pecans, or pecans, pistachios, peanuts. They got all those nuts. Walnuts. They have those nuts, but it's not just nuts. They got a lot of great stuff. They got chocolate-covered gummy bears, a lot of sweet treats.

Jesse, I have a new favorite Nuts.com product. What's that? The Honey Mustard Crunch Mix. Have you tried this mix? I haven't tried that mix, but it sounds really good. It's such a great mix. It's so delicious. We're both fans of the bourbon pecans, but the Honey Mustard Crunch Mix is creeping up

on the bourbon pecans as my favorite nuts.com product. So good. Sweet or savory. Why choose? Are these like crackery pretzely kind of crunch things? Are they? All kinds of crunch. Pretzel crunch, little toast crunch,

cereal piece crunch, all with just this delicious sweet and tangy honey mustard dust on it. This dust, Jesse. You got to try the dust. And it's always like what's wild to me about Nuts.com. They literally, if you order popcorn from Nuts.com, it is popped the day that it ships to you. That day is when they pop the popcorn.

It's not sitting in the back of a snack truck for four years and then on a rack at a convenience store for another eight. Literally the day it ships to you is the day that the nuts are roasted or the corn is popped or whatever. It is a pretty impressive operation. And right now, nuts.com offering new customers a free gift with purchase and free shipping on orders of $29 or more at nuts.com slash jj go so go check out all the delicious options at nuts.com slash jj go you'll receive a free gift and free shipping when you spend $29 or more that's nuts.com slash jj Now, Jordan, the holidays are around the corner. They sure are. Here they come.

I want to mention two things. Ah! Number one, this is the perfect time for you to pre-order or for yourself or a potential giftee Jordan's upcoming book

coming in 2024, Youth Group. That's right. I think one of the ultimate gifts, they say. That's what they say. They say the ultimate gift. Is a pre-order confirmation. The gift of love or a pre-order. Yes, exactly.

You can print it out. So, you know, if you pre-order, you know, on Amazon or Barnes & Noble or at the website of your local indie bookstore, you can print out that pre-order, put it in a little envelope or fold it or, you know, pack it in a package and your loved one opens it up. And they'll be thrilled because next year sometime they'll get a wonderful YA horror comedy graphic novel written by me and illustrated by Bowen McGurdy. novel written by me and illustrated by Bowen McGurdy. Yeah. So don't make the mistake of missing out on that. And also, if you need a little treasure, maybe for a stocking, maybe for someone you love, maybe just for yourself, hit up the Put This On Shop. That's my vintage store, putthisonshop.com. The holidays are in full swing. So whether you are looking for a beautiful golden pearl ring that I bought in England that's for sale for ladies that's up there right now. I also have a bunch of tobacco pins from like the turn

of the 20th century with different breeds of dogs on them. And besides all that, Yo MTV Wraps cards. At the end of the day, if you're not sure what to get somebody, just get them Yo! MTV Wraps Cards. That's at putthisonshop.com. Jordan, you've been plugging bookstores where people are pre-ordering your book. Where has someone pre-ordered a book this week? Yeah, I have heard from a beloved listener that they have pre-ordered youth group at skylight books uh right here in los angeles out there on vermont street a great indie bookstore and uh yeah skylightbooks.com it's a uh great website definitely one of my favorite places

to browse around in la a truly a truly great indie bookstore uh yeah if you want to get your favorite local india shout-out on the show, just hit me up on social media and let me know where you pre-ordered, and I'll give them a little shout-out. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Desigo. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective.

And iffy, waddy way guy. Yeah, it's true. NPC. NPC or MPC? Are you making beats or are you just saying rutabaga, rutabaga in the background? I'm the most playable character. Do all video games just everyone in the scene is having a full-ass conversation? Because that's definitely going on in Starfield.

Just people are having full conversations that are not part of the game. Yeah, you're like, you're living your best life. I don't even want to interrupt you. Yeah, and then you accidentally disappeared. Holy shit holy shit i was gonna kill you for no reason yeah yeah one big problem with starfield is you really can't get away with killing people i always wanted to kill people for no reason but it's got this mechanic that all these games have which is all of the bethesda games have which is like as soon as you kill one guy, all the policemen know about it. Yeah, that's the one thing that I think gets me about it.

It was like there's no finesse. It's like, no, if you do crime, we all know. It's like I guess you could say it's the future, sci-fi, whatever. But let me get away with some crime. It was the same in the, like, to be clear, it was completely the same in Skyrim. Like, you just kill one random dude and then every fucking security guy knows that you killed that dude. It doesn't matter if you killed him in a fucking basement with a silent magic spell, which is the number one way to kill dudes, by the way. spell, which is the number one way to kill dudes, by the way.

And all of a sudden, all these big guys in robes are waving swords at you because they all told each other with their fucking ancient walkie-talkies. Yeah. A lot of cool magic out there. It's bullshit. I just want to kill some. But the good news is, there's, of course,

spacers. There's the Crimson Fleet. These are not humans, so you can kill as many of them as you want. Sounds like some fun. They're fundamentally evil, so you just kill as many of them as you please. Oh, yeah. Just got to find the abandoned medical factory where they're hanging out. Jordan, when something momentous happens to you,

do you ever call us at 206-984-4FUN or email us at jjgoe at maximumfun.org? I don't, but I don't listen to the show. That's for the best. Well, this person does. We're the Dax Shepard guy. Yeah. It's fun because I feel like I get to know what celebrities are really like. You don't just ask normal interview questions.

He goes there. They're not just plugging their project. They're talking about what it's like to be a real celebrity. That is, that Dax Shepard has replaced Joe Rogan with the thing people tell you they like when they hear that you have a podcast. Yeah. It's really, really

like, oh, I love Dax Shepard. Well, seems great. Yeah. I wish we could go do acting okay and become really famous doing it. Yeah. I think it helps to be married to Kristen Bell and then to have given her that sloth that one time. Yeah.

I think that really launched him into the stratosphere. That does seem central. Yeah. Okay, if you're out there, you'll take a sloth from us and film yourself crying to launch us into the next level. Did she cry because sloths shouldn't live at people's houses? Did she cry because it was so slow? Depressed her.

She wanted something faster for it. Am I describing a real thing that happened? Yeah, no. Is this track for you guys? Or are you just yes anding me? The moment you said it, no, the moment you said it, it totally clicked. I remember that sloth moment.

Yeah. And it was all over everything. Yeah. It was real. Anyway, do you know this? Just you guys, I think you were just yes.

Anding me or did you Kristen Bell? Yeah. From Veronica Mars, the star of the show, Veronica Mars, a famous detective. She's married to Dax Shepard from without a paddle. And he was also on Parenthood

and he has a podcast. That's about... Oh, and they talk a lot about their kids and how you shouldn't talk about them. That's all I got about on the subject of Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard. She loves sloths and there was a 10 years ago viral

video where he got her a sloth for her birthday or had a zoo person come over with the sloth. So he didn't buy her a sloth. He bought her time with a sloth. A sloth-stitute. Do you think you can get a sloth timeshare? Right, yeah. Those things are scams, Jesse.

You think you're going to use the sloth five times a year, but... Also, I think the preferred nomenclature is sloth worker. I'm sorry. Sloth work is real work. Jordan, I believe you mean sloth work. They talk slow.

If they could talk. Here's the scams. They're charging you by the hour. If I could find another creature with those terrifying fingers, then I would fuck the other creature. But I just pay the extra for the sloth because they got those hooks in me, literally. Yeah. So there was a video of her getting the sloth or being presented with the sloth and then crying from joy.

And I think that's what turned them into America's favorite couple. Really? Yeah. Not Veronica Mars? I like Veronica Mars. No, I think he wasn't involved in that. So I think, you know, people liked her from that and liked him from, you know. From without a paddle.

Without a paddle. And yeah, just like, you know, knowing that there's a world out there where two attractive people are giving each other sloths and crying, it really taught everyone that love is indeed real. Yeah. God, it would be amazing. Ify, I'm going to exclude you because you're very charismatic. Wouldn't it be incredible to have that kind of charisma? Right.

Kristen Bell was in here one time to be on Bullseye. The whole time it was like staring directly at the sun. It was awful. I was just like, oh, I like Veronica Mars. How about you? Let me get you a sloth. Kristen Bell also did Bless This Mess, right? That was that.

Oh. Let me double check because I think I did an audition for it that she was at, and I feel like I hugged her too hard. Until this day, I'm like, that's why I didn't get it. You're not a sloth. Get off me. Hold on. Let's see.

Yeah, no, this is a – Ify, you have a 48-inch chest. I'm wondering what people you have hugged the appropriate amount. You know what? Touché. And no, this is wild. No, it wasn't Christian Bell. It was Lake Bell.

But Dax Shepard is in the show. Okay. So I am in the... Reasonable mistake. The Dax CU. I'm in the Dax Shepard is in the show. Okay. So I am in the- Reasonable mistake. Reasonable mistake. The Dax CU. I'm in the Dax CU. You know, the honest truth is,

Kristen Bell and Lake Bell, both great Bells. Yeah. Both really bring the heat. Ding dong. Always do a great job. Ding dong. Kristen might have loved the hug. Lake did not appreciate it.

No. And I think that's why I didn't get the part. Yeah, well, you know, you should have hugged a different cast member of Children's Hospital, Brian Husky or something. Should have hugged Husky. Yeah. Okay. 206-984-4FUN or JJGO at maximum.

I'm glad we cleared all that stuff up about Dax Shepard. Me too. Yeah. This guy is. This podcast is educational as well as entertaining. Okay, go ahead and press play. Hey, Jordan. Hey, Jesse.

Hey, I am calling because my momentous occasion is that I, in my 33rd, soon to be 34th year of life, finally ate McDonald's McRib for the first time. McDonald's McRib for the first time. We rushed in like 30 minutes before they closed and happened to see that the McRib was available, went ahead and got one. And my opinion, honestly, it's weird. It's like the ghost of pork in a sandwich. Not really actually pork, which I don't think anybody's

expecting, but just really leaves something to be desired, which I would imagine is pretty predictable. But anyway, that's my review on McRib. Yeah, underwhelming. But anyway, thanks, you guys. Love you. Bye.

Love you, too. Thanks for calling in for our segment, What Do 34-Year-Olds Think of the McRib? If you're out there and you're 34 and you're trying the McRib for the first time. 34 is too late. If you're in your 30s and you haven't had the McRib yet, leave it. I think I had my first McRib at like 22.

I was like, all right. Yeah, I think maybe the, I mean, I also was a late in life McRib trier. I felt a lot like this guy. I mean, I think I knew it. You know it as a punchline for so long. It's a popular comedy pull. The McRib is back. And I've been like, well, I've been saying this for all of my life.

I need to try this thing. And kind of went in there and kind of felt like, this guy, what are we doing? I would have rather had- A McRib, a shamrock shake. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember the eggnog shake being pretty good at McDonald's. Pumpkin spice latte. Pumpkin spice latte. And yeah, but yeah, I think probably the ideal situation to discover the McRib is like, you're stoned and you're 17, right? Is that the ideal customer for the McRib is like you're stoned and you're 17, right?

Is that the ideal customer for the McRib? Yeah, definitely. Where you're not really caring for it. I will mention that for any of our international listeners, this is foreign to them because I went to the Germany, yeah, I believe it was the Germany McDonald's and the McRib's available year round. Wow. Like it is not a seasonal thing. True utopia over there. Yeah, yeah. I was the Germany McDonald's and the McRibs available year round. Wow. Like, it is not a seasonal thing.

True utopia over there. Yeah, yeah. I mean, you know. It is always fun when you go abroad to see, like, what kind of weird stuff their McDonald's has. Oh, and I do it. Mostly chicken stuff. Yeah. It's like, ah, trout, huh?

Trout, huh? Berlin? Oh, yeah. No. So, my number one ranking McDonald's is still the Japanese McDonald's. Their samurai burger goes on. What's at the Japanese McDonald's? They have a samurai burger.

Is it made of real samurai? I wish. Unfortunately not. It is impossible samurai. We pressed Ronan. They're not samurai because they have no master. They had these pies that we usually have over here. It was strawberry season when we were out there.

And it was kind of like strawberry filling with some mochi filling. Oh, yeah. Rocks. So good. You know, their McDonald's, actually this was the London McDonald's that had like a curry chicken sandwich. And I was like, why are we not trying any of that over here? We're just sticking with the basics.

Yeah. I'm like, let's go crazy. You know what? I say let's stick with the basics. I don't need this shit from other cultures. I'm fine with my culture. I visited Paris Disneyland not too long ago. Tell me about it. And was definitely like, you know, dreading the food, right?

Just like, what's this going to be? You know, like eating it. It's, you know, tough at a theme park to find something that is good and makes you want to stay at the theme park for another five hours. To you, it's not a theme park if you're not eating one of those giant turkey legs. Exactly. But the – so, you know, lunchtime comes at Paris Disneyland. We wait in line. It's like – the line takes much, much longer than we thought.

So by the end – but I'm kind of like, you know, I've changed my order 10 times in my head by the time we get to the front and I'm like, chicken fingers, chicken fingers, chicken fingers, right?

I mean, this is safe. It'll probably be pretty good. It'll come with a dip and sauce. Chicken fingers, chicken fingers. Great. That's what I'm doing. Chicken fingers.

I get to the front, vegan curry. I don't know why I said it, but I had it and it was the best theme park meal I've ever had. It sounds like an intentional hot take. I know why I said it but I had it and it was the best theme park meal I've ever had it sounds like

an intentional hot take I know I know it's not it was really really good I loved my McDonald's

or my Paris Disneyland vegan curry it was great I think that speaks to a really great principle

of restaurant food ordering which is if there's something on the menu that's like, whoa, why the fuck would they serve that to someone? Yeah. That's the one you should get because it is overcome through sheer goodness the fact that no one would want to order that.

Yeah. It came with a little plastic bag of sticky rice that you untwist and the steam comes out. It was so good. I love a plastic bag of sticky rice that you untwist and the steam comes out. It was so good. I love a little bag of sticky rice. Yes. What a dream it is to get that little bag of sticky rice. When I was in Laos, all I did was open those little fucking sticky rice.

You know the kind of little sticky rice container where it's a little tube where one end slides into the other end. It's woven like a basket. Oh, God. Open that up. Get that sticky ass rice out of there. I'm a nasty freak for sticky rice. You're going to burn your little wiener again. Oh, it's already chapped, Daddy.

Okay, wait. Hold on. We need to figure out why Jesse called me daddy. Let's take a break, unpack this, and then come back for more. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm glad you said that because nobody says that. Can I just say thank you to you for such a thoughtful interview? Oh, my God.

Yeah, I think you nailed it. Bullseye. Interviews with creators you love and creators you need to know. Listen to the Bullseye podcast only from NPR and Maximum Fun. Oh, darling, why won't you accept my love? My dear, even though you are a duke, I could never love you. You, you borrowed a book from me and never returned it. Save yourself from this terrible fate by listening to Reading Glasses.

We'll help you get those borrowed books back and solve all your other reader problems. Reading Glasses, every Thursday on Maximum Fun. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. And I'm Ify Wadiwe, Escargorsh. That's something I was hoping you would at Disneyland at Disneyland that's really good

I also want to think of one but it's hard maybe I'll come up with one by the end I do want to clarify. At the end of the last segment, I said, it's chap daddy. Yeah. Referring to my little wiener.

I just want to clarify. We harmonized on that. Little wiener. Little wiener. Little wiener. I just want to clarify what I meant to say was it's dad, Chappie. Oh. Well, that makes sense.

Yeah. So obviously, Jordan, you're Chappie from the movie Chappie. Chappie, the sassy robot. The robot. Was Chappie sassy? I don't know. I've never seen it. I think he was Australian.

South African. Because I'm Diet sassy? I don't know. I've never seen it. I think he was Australian. South African. Because I'm Diat Ward in this. Both of them. Oh, you're Diat Ward in both of them? Yeah, yeah. You're both Diat Wards? Both of them. Oh, wow.

Andy Vicer and the other guy. Ninja. His name is Ninja. Ninja. There was a thing where they were like, this is going to end on this date and we'll, I guess, be regular people. And that never happened, right? De Antwoord was going to end? Yeah, De Antwoord said-

They're going to go back to being humans? Yes. Essentially, that's- They're going to turn back into pumpkins? Yeah, yeah. They're just going to turn into two yuppies. Do De Antwoord- I have. Do D-Antwoord... I have a question about D-Antwoord.

Yeah. The South African semi-rap electronic music duo. Yes. Do they make real songs or just look weird? They made some like, if you were into that electro weird accent kind of rap, you know, you were into it. And Ify back when they first came out was very into it. Mostly Yolandi Weiss. I was standing, but Tove Lo dethroned her very quickly because, you know, I'll go to any show when it's like, I know I'm hot.

I'll flash you and then I'll drop some dope music. And I'm like like sign me up you know you want to you want you want white rappers with uh art show haircuts yes yes that's my setting on field okay yeah you you only want to go to concerts being performed by people who appear in like sci-fi movie party sequences set at abandoned warehouses. Yeah. I want someone who performs and I'm looking at them and I'm like, oh, they definitely smell like cloves. And they have one of those like bohemian blankets on their wall and they have over 10 but also a real jackhammer yeah guys donald duck a la range yeah that's fine that's great Whatever. Good job. Just saying stuff. Yeah. I mean, fucking Mickey Mouse wine. Yes.

Mickey Mouse wine. Like red wine. Yeah, yeah. From France. But it's Mickey Mouse. Yeah. Yeah, hell yeah. They would probably say like Mickey Mouse.

Mickey Mouse. Listen, no one's beating Escargorsh. Okay? It's just not going to happen. I just beat it. Oh, yeah. Congratulations. When I was like, Mickey Mouse.

Mickey Mouse. Oh, no. Oh, Mickey Mouse. See, Escargorsh is garbage compared to that. I literally just looked in the garbage and found our friend Ify he threw himself away after he heard how good Mickey Mouse

it was hard to recover from that honestly yeah I mean it was you woke up after that compactor hit you but then you lived at the dump for a while like he did Yeah, I mean, you woke up after that compactor hit you. But then you lived at the dump for a while like he did. Yeah, just holding. My daughter says she misses me, but I told her it's important for both of our growth.

You're like, right now, daddy is focusing on putting a whole fish into his mouth and pulling a skeleton out. Classic. Yeah, it's classic stuff. Well, Ify, it's always a pleasure and a joy to see you. Thank you. I want to congratulate you on the many details of your blue jeans. They feature, among other things, yeah um built-in stretchy bandanas and a crotch animal of some kind yeah this is uh the the running dog symbolism for the

billionaire boys club made by uh pharrell and nigo um uh one of the you know nigo the bathing ape i know it's so funny because it was the part where I started to explain. I was like, I don't need to explain Nego to you. What I like about Nego, the inventor of a bathing ape, is that at one point Nego was a 35 or 40-year-old man, Japanese man. And he's like, I'm a rapper now. And he made some rap songs with like the most famous rappers ever. Oh, something that was not like, I did not connect the dots until I was like actually

listening to it. But, you know, he is part of the Teriyaki Boys who made the famous Tokyo Drift theme song. Oh, okay. Yeah, sure, sure. And so I was like, so he's like, that song's still doing numbers because it is a meme. Right. So I was like, he kind of has a platinum smash rap song outside of these print sweats that

he makes. Do you think there's any chance that me and Ashkahn's pluot rap song could get into a video game soundtrack and become a meme oh boy yeah well i mean i think uh the one if he mentioned is in a fast and furious movie yeah they still got one more of those to make uh maybe you know you could slip it in while vin diesel is staring off into the sunset remembering paul walker do you think your pluot song would be good for that i would love that but i'm just gonna i'm just gonna shoot for video game thing you know i'm gonna i want it to be a video on youtube where everybody says uh need for speed six brought me here yeah it's like the top yes yes comment and i this is this is what i'm thinking so bethesda

games who made skyrim starfield etc what if their next one is because they did fantasy they did sort of post-apocalyptic stuff they did sci-fi what if the next thing that they did was like a green grocer thing sure yeah so it's like seasonal fruits and vegetables uh recipe ideas yeah um, like a lot of killing. Yeah. But it's just pirates or whatever. Yeah. Like grocery pirates?

I don't know. Shoplifters? What's fundamentally evil and thus their life has no meaning in a green grocer context? Are you looking for someone easy to kill? Yeah. Yeah. In a Greengrocer context. Are you looking for someone easy to kill?

Yeah. Yeah. Well, just like how when you go to the abandoned medical factory and you see that it's spacers, you know you're allowed to kill every single person in the entire building with no moral repercussions. Yeah. Because they're spacers, which is just the name for unidentified people in space. identified people in space like there's a central part a central part of the game starfield jordan is other characters will have these in-depth like archetypal moral conversations where they're like arguing points as though they were written by highly talented middle schoolers basically

like each one represents a certain point of view of the world. One person's like, I think you should negotiate. One says, I think you should bribe. The other one says, I think you should. And they'll have this whole conversation, and then they'll give you a dialogue tree for what you say back. Right. And I always want to choose, I've killed 892 men.

Yeah. I'm having ludonarr killed 892 men. Yeah. I'm trying to mean, ludonarrative dissonance. Yeah, ludonarrative dissonance. Great croc badges too, if you haven't noticed. Oh, thanks. The Jujutsu Kaisen guys. Yeah, they're hanging out. They're there. Yeah, it's all Jujutsu Kaisen.

There used to be some My Hero Academia. Yeah. Great, great.ujutsu Kaisen. There used to be some My Hero Academia. Yeah. Great, great. You're the one. Solid. Thank you. Yeah. I love Jujutsu Kaisen as well.

It's about like, well, I was starting to describe it and someone will be like Demon Slayer because Demon Slayer and Jujutsu Kaisen have almost identical. So I was about to say. It's anime. Yeah. I was about to say, so when you yeah you're not yeah i was about to say so when you guys brought up jujitsu kaizen my first jujitsu kaizen yeah jujitsu kaizen yeah um my first thought was like demon slayer yeah yeah obviously very similar yeah and then of course i was thinking about joJo's big adventure yes sir of course I thought about that

that's what kind of changed my mind too it's all the same thing of course then I was like well you have to take into account Gundams you do back to Gundams the end is the beginning

the UCB is back, folks. And it's right here in the room. Yes, make sure to buy your manuals. Yes. Truth and Comedy for sale on our websites. You need it. Thank you, Del. Thank you, Charna.

It is always a joy. I hope that everyone will take the opportunity to listen to you and the other hosts of Maximum Film. It is a wonderful program where you can keep up on all the great stuff that's happening in the world of film, find out what movies you should and shouldn't go see. And you're about an occasional movie that's not fresh in theaters. Yeah. That might be worth your time.

Yeah. If you're a film lover, you're going to love Maximum Film. And if you like anything about nerds on the entire internet don't worry if he's already hosting yeah so go ahead and watch one of the many many many things uh that if he is the host of yeah um very nice to see you thank you so much yeah yeah um it's always good to sit down with y'all in this booth and goof it up. We're goofing. Goofing in the booth.

Just a bunch of goofy dumbasses over here. Is this, what about Donald Duck wine? It's kind of lateral. It's good. I didn't mean my thing at Donald Duck. It would be like you want to go to a different character. I couldn't think of any other. Are there other Disney guys?

No. That's the problem. That's the problem. Goofy, Duck, and Me. There's only the three, so I think, yeah. So Little Mermaid and Turf? Mm-hmm. Yeah.

I don't know if that's necessarily French. Where you eat the Little Mermaid. I think we've done enough show. Where you eat the little mermaid. I think we've done enough show. Our theme music is Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. Our producer is Matt Lee, but Valerie's on the boards this time around. And you can find us on social media, maximumfun.reddit.com is a fun place to chat about the show.

Hashtag at JJ Go on your various platforms. And join us on Instagram where Jordan is at JordanDavidMorris and I am put.this.on. And that's enough stuff. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jessica. I'll hug you and kiss you and love you. Love you. Love you. Love you talk to you next time on Jordan, Jessica.