Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Hunk Fruit, with Matt Apodaca

Episode Date: October 3, 2024

This week, we welcome back podcaster and improviser Matt Apodaca (Get Played) to chat about wedding prep, life post-The Slap, Babe Ruth, new types of drinks, and so much more!This week's episode is brought to you by Stitch Fix: Make style easy—get started today at Stitch Fix dot com slash JJGO.That’s Stitch Fix dot com slash JJGO.Support Get Played on Patreon!Follow the podcast on Instagram and send us your dank memes!Jordan Morris is doing a book tour for Youth Group! See Jordan at L.A. Comic Con on October 4th & 5th!) and Heavy Manners Comics Fair on October 12th.Come see Judge John Hodgman: Road Court  live in a town near you! Jesse and John will be all over the country so don't miss your change to see them. Check the events page to find out where!Follow brand new producer, Steven Ray Morris, on Instagram.

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, do you mind if I bring up one of our favorite topics? I mean, I was going to talk about something that we hate talking about, but I guess that's okay. Sure. Let's get into it. House of the Dragon recaps Season 2, Episode 7.

Let's talk House of the Dragon. That show was on TV. They finally came on TV, right? Do people watch it? No one knows. Hard to say. Yeah. Probably many do. I'm having a nice, I'm having a nice time watching it. Oh, okay. Yeah. So I'll pivot to one of our favorite topics. Me getting mad when someone tells me what celebrity they think I look like. Oh, yeah. Or are. Right. And we have a rule on this program. Yeah. That we, you know, Right and we have a rule on this program. Yeah that we you know We hope will radiate out across the world sure which is if you are going to tell someone they look like a celebrity The celebrity to whom you are comparing them

Must be famous at least in part for their attractiveness sure so it doesn't it doesn't matter To be clear it doesn't matter if you think that celebrity is attractive. If they're not famous for being attractive, not exclusively, but at least in part, it's off the table. So you can say Tom Cruise all you want, but you can't say Bill Bradley. I think Bill Bradley's a handsome man. I voted for him at Democratic primary in 1999 or whatever. We all love when Wallace Shod shows up in things. And he's a brilliant,

if you want to read some brilliant socialist polemic, check out his essays. Yes. So since the beard, I have been getting Jack Black and I have been getting people coming up to me thinking I'm Zach Galifianakis. Really? Like, and this is how it usually happens. And this is not the one the anecdote concerns,

but just to kind of tell you where I'm at, you know, are you this. I get a lot of like guys in their 50s usually at a bar coming up to me thinking I'm Zach Galifianakis and what that that says something to me it's like that is the last famous person that 50 year old guys clocked. Yeah. Like they stopped, they stopped learning about pop culture people with The Hangover. Right. And just that's the, so anyway. Or The Candidate.

Was any of that movie? Was he called The Candidate? No, that's the one with, that's a Robert Redford movie. Yeah. Now Robert Redford, I'd love it if people would mistake me for that handsome devil. Yeah. Yes, I did found the Sundance Film Festival, I would say.

But no, like there'll be like a lot of- Paul Newman, by the way. Right, we for a classic pair We're Jordan and Jesse going out guns blazing They say that about us all the time So the like these 50 year old guys will think that I'm him and like be weird dicks and try and get me to take pictures with them and I have fully go all the way into insisting yeah Like a little bit drunk.

Because you don't look that much like, even with your beard, you don't look that much like Zach Galifianakis. Yeah. I mean, I'm starting to like, it's messing with my sense of self. It's happening so often. And I think Zach is a perfect example here. Sure. Because Zach Galifianakis is a guy who is good looking.

Yeah. And obviously a brilliant genius. Sure. And in my experience, a lovely dude. But he's not famous for being good looking. Sure. Not famous. Look, Jack Black is a very good looking guy.

Sure. And I think a lot of people are horny for Jack Black. Sure. And I guess I mind that one a little bit less because there is a kind of a, because there is a horniness that goes along with talking about Jack Black. That's true.

But anyways, I mean, and again, these are two of the funniest humans ever. Yeah. But it's okay. So I'm dodging the Zach thing. It's happening pretty constantly. One time I was out on the street in front of our office here,

just walking down the street, just going to get some tacos. Yeah. There a honk behind me. Mm-hmm. Jesse Thorne! Yeah, it's Zach Galifianakis. There you go.

No, no, Jesse. That was me. That was me. It was me. Why'd you use my last name? Well, I don't like being so casual with you. I don't even feel like we know each other that well. Yeah, I'm out this weekend I'm having my ID checked at a music festival

I'm handing over my ID to the like the young cool ID check guy. Mm-hmm. I each that guy looks at the Nobody cooler than an ID check guy. This guy was so cool. Okay, I was like, oh man this guy What's this guy gonna do when he gets off work? So I'm cool. Probably kick flip. Yeah, karate. Karate. Both at the same time.

This guy looks at my ID, looks at me, gives me a little like wink and he's like, are you sure you're not Santa? And so you look, there's no Santa. You don't look like the miracle on 34th Street Santa. You don't look like African American Santa. You don't look like Tim Allen Santa. More like some Santas than others, but yes. And I, and this was the most in my face version of this,

but, and I know I shouldn't be here, I was in the comments of a YouTube video I was in recently. Okay. There were a couple of more Santas in there. Are these people are horny for Santa? I hope so. I think these people are horny for Santa. I think there is a large community of people who are horny for Santa.

And that's what I'm kind of trying to, you know, like the Jack Black thing. I'm like, okay, maybe it's, you know, but am I gonna, what's Christmas gonna be like for me? I'll say this. Yeah. I think about 9010, I'm talking about dudes that are horny for Santa. So you're gonna have to broaden your horizons. Listen. Listen, I'll take some horny energy coming my way.

Right. I think it would, honestly, I think wherever the horny energy is coming from, it's multiplying other horny energies. So just walk past a dance party being DJed by Bob Mould of Husker Do. Sure. Okay.

That sounds fun. Let the Santa horniness fall upon you. And then just hope that there's some straight ladies across the street. Well, I'm leaning in. Ho, ho, ho. Let's introduce our guest on the program. Our guest on the program, one of the hosts of the Smash Hit podcast, Get Played, slumming it over here with us on Jordan Jesse Goh. Matt Apodaca.

Hi, Matt. I'm not slumming it. I'm already having the time of my life. I'm happy to hear it, Matt. I'm having a blast. Thanks for having me. I'm honored to be here, quite honestly. This is great.

No, we're stoked to have you back. The last time I was on was on Zoom. And you guys won't remember this, but I will because I will always remember this. It was the night of the slap. That's right. Oh, it was. And I think I got to tell you about it.

You did. Where were you and Matt Epidake told you about the slap? Cause right, we record this like as, you know, it would be like the middle of an award ceremony. Yeah, yeah. And I left my Oscar party to come over here. Oh, thanks.

And they were on a delay. Yeah. And I had seen it on Twitter and they hadn't caught up to it. So I got to text my fiance, you're about to see one of the crazier things you'll ever see probably. And then I hopped on Zoom with you guys and you guys hadn't been aware of it yet. And I was like, guys, guess what happened?

There was us, the slap. Everything's different from here on out. And I think we're all better because of it. No, I think that that actually- My life got better after the slap. I think that that did even more for America than when we bravely gave an Oscar to Crash. Yes. The Oscars are a time of great-

Innovation. I do think- Innovation. Thank you. Yeah. Whatever pocket dimension we're in now because of the slap whatever whatever trajectory we've been in For better for worse since the slap has now been course corrected since the reunion of oasis. I do feel like something I texted some friends about that like as they announced it. I was like I am I crazy does everything feel better now

Are we seeing in technicolor again like what's happening? It's a I'm certain they're not going to have a good time, but it seems like an overall good thing that they're together. Can I tell you guys something about Oasis? Go off, King. So, thank you. So just culturally speaking, I've heard of Oasis many, many, many times. But I truly don't know anything about Oasis. And in my head, it just occurred to me that when someone says something about one of the Gallagher

brothers of Oasis, I'm picturing JK from Jamiroquai. Yeah, it's a separate guy. It's a different guy. But I think of the time, certainly, there's a separate guy, it's a different guy. But you know, I think of the time certainly, probably a contemporary of theirs. They were probably on some of the same soundtracks. Oh sure, oh sure. Maybe the 1998 Godzilla movie. Perhaps even like one of those ones that you would call in for, like a Totally Hits or

something or a Now. Oh sure. They had to have been on a Now together. They're definitely on the same Now. Probably Now 1. And they knew, so they called it Now 1. or a now. Oh, sure. They had to have been on a now together. They're definitely on the same now. Yeah, probably now one. They probably, and they knew, so they called it now one. They're like, this is gonna go pretty high. We're gonna do this quarterly, okay?

We got hits coming out. We got so many hits. Yeah, you know, a couple of, you know, alt rock hits that you'd probably remember from the 90s, and just a- Jeremy Spokane That's the one. Yeah, yeah.

And then just like a really funny feud. The feud was, am I mischaracterizing the feud as funny? No, it is funny and I think it's because separately they're fun. They are, I think, funny guys. I think they're kind of funny, but they just got in a brotherly spat and then broke up. And there's footage of their, I saw footage of their last concert fairly recently actually.

And there's a part of the show where Liam is just like sitting on stage and you can tell on his face that it's fucking over. Like it's so crazy, but it's just like, you know, there's two English lads that got mad at each other. Okay, just a couple mad lads. Yeah.

So, Lokes even. I mean, lads gonna mad. Yeah, they're gonna mad. Let me run through the things I know about Oasis. So it's two brothers that are in a rivalry. One of them has a clothing collaboration with the British workwear brand Nigel Caporn that I know. Oh, interesting. Work in the military.

Yeah. One of them has that. I know that, I think I know, that in England, I know, I think that some people think they're too much like the Beatles. Others think they're just the right amount of like the Beatles. Yes. I think they bought that. I think when people start telling you that you're kind of like the Beatles, that's going to make you insane.

They're like, oh, we're like the Beatles, we can act this way and then get in a fight and then not be in a band together. They're just like, no, no, we mean you're wearing a drum major jacket. That's all we mean. You have that haircut and That's all we mean. And you look and sound like that. We mean you're crossing the street at that one place where they cross the street. And then-

You can't stop talking about Eleanor Rigby. Shut up about it. We know. She's great. And then in England, they're like the band Snow Patrol, where they're a huge band. Like they're not just a big band, they're like a huge band. I feel like they're massive,

they must be massive across the pond. I would say they're fairly big here. They just haven't had the same fervor behind them. Rock radio hasn't existed in 20 years. Well, that's also true. Yeah, yeah. So they haven't been getting the same kind of attention, but now this reunion has put them back in the spotlight.

Back in the spotlight. I know, and we've pretty much reached the ceiling of my Oasis knowledge, but I do remember in terms of funniest feud moments, like one of them, the drunker of the two, didn't show up to their MTV Unplugged. And then so the one guy who was there started doing it and then the drunk one

was in the audience yelling at him. And didn't, I think I'm getting my little piece of. That happened at the Jay-Z unplugged with Dame Dash. Dame Dash was in the. Yeah, history repeats itself. I feel like if I had to guess it was Liam in the crowd because he doesn't play an instrument and Noel does. But Noel also sings and plays guitar.

I don't want to... I'm not trying to categorize which one is more important to the operation, but he plays guitar. They need a guitar in the band. A integral part of that particular sound. I mean, they could just be singing madrigals together. I don't know. Again, I don't know that much about the band.

Sure. But Liam is my favorite. I like Liam because he's- I like Liam because he's- They have the whole hand belt. Stephen Ray Morris looks like he's got maybe a correction for us or some additional information. Oddly, over Christmas, my dad and my sister and I

were arguing who was more relevant today, Oasis or REM. And I was arguing that REM is obviously, to me, the better band, but Oasis is more relevant because of the Wonderwall meme. Like, Gen Z knows who Oasis is. Maybe I don't know how that's been used in the meme space. Oh, the, anyway, here's Wonderwall, and it's like showing a dude with a guitar,

and it's just kind of like being like the shitty guitar guy kind of thing. Every guy that can play guitar a little bit can play Wonderwall. Gotcha. And nobody say, there's no meme anyway, here's shiny happy people. Oh no, no.

No. You need one of the B-52s for that. And no more, just one. Just the one. Matt, I'm excited you joined us today. For many reasons, one, I just enjoy your company. I'm always happy to see you, Matt. I'm having you joined us today for many reasons. One, I just enjoy your company. I'm always happy to see you now. I'm having a blast.

But you're like fucking right up there close to your wedding. Shouldn't you be to cake testing? My fiance's furious. Cumberbund scrubbing? I can't, my Cumberbund is just gunked up. It is destroyed. You can't have a gunked up bun.

Jordan, I don't mean to be vulgar on our show we try and keep it clean sure yeah, thank you But this thing is rock solid because he soaked it to the core Bad this guy's been jacking off on his cover because I was the first part of the name of this I'm like this is what this is for I will say This is four. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I will say. Hey, you put the cum in cummerbund. Let me put it this way, Jordan. He's not burbunding on it.

No, no, no. Do I get that? I don't think I do. Burbunding. He's not burbunding on it. I don't know how to, I couldn't even burbund to my new house. Oh, okay, I see.

Yeah, that's good. You're right. that's good. Just cause you see doesn't make it good. You know, it's a busy time. Yes. I do think, we've had everything sort of locked in place for a while. The last few things that we like need are like,

the like, not to call them silly or whatever, but like the silly little things like a cake stand Sure and things like that the more important stuff the more the stuff that's gonna like make or break like the party It has been locked in for pretty much like a year. Yeah, we've had like we so much stripper We got that we got the the Austin Powers impersonators gonna do the ceremony No, are these the same person the stripper in the Austin Powers actuallyator is gonna do the ceremony. Now are these the same person, the stripper in the Austin Powers impersonator? Actually, funny you ask, yes.

And I did request that he's wearing the, the like the nipple guns. Yeah. That the FemBots wear. Yes, the FemBots. Yeah, he's an Austin FemBot mashup. Something for everybody. Matt, would you say that they're wearing those?

I guess they're deployed, yeah. Deployed as a match. They're part of their body, yeah. No, it's like- Do you, mad apodaca, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Do you make her horny, baby? Yeah, baby. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. You may now shag the bride. And then we do a very elaborate choreographed dance where all of her privates are behind things. Right, yes. I remember seeing that when I was, I was probably like 10 years old

when I saw the second Austin Powers or whatever, but I was like, can they do that? Are we? Is this allowed? Are we all gonna get arrested for watching this? It's so funny. Yeah. Can anything be this funny?

So Matt, what are the distinct, are there any distinctive elements? Are we going to have, are we looking at table dinner? Are we looking at a buffet dinner? Are we looking at no food? No, no, no. There's going to be food. We're having, I'll say that we're

having a local like taco place that we really love from Highland Park, coming and doing tacos there. Tacos La Estrella? Via's Tacos, actually. Okay. A great spot. I love that place, and I'm so stoked that they were available.

Yeah, good call. Because they literally today put up their Michelin star in their restaurant. Wow. Really? Yeah, so we got them at the exact right time before. They're never gonna do anything like that again. Fingers crossed that they're like, you know what, we don't have to do this anymore. Michelin star in the restaurant. Wow. Yeah. Wow. Cool. We got them at the exact right time before they're never going to do anything like that again. Fingers crossed that they're like, you know what, we don't have to do this anymore.

Yeah, we're doing Sydney Sweeney's wedding after this. I don't know if she's getting married. Her family's parties. They're like, look, we will do some weddings, but we're going to have to see the jugs. Yeah. We're going to look. We got to show us what we're working with. Dump them out and we'll decide.

Dump them out. We're doing like that. It's pretty small at like a local spot that we like. I won't dox that. Yeah, don't dox your spot. But it's gonna be really great. Suffice it to say, it's a barcade. Sure.

Yeah, let's just say it's called Barcade. I actually did go there for my bachelor party. Yeah. I'm not sure. A Mr. E. Cheese hooked us up. On the East Central Entertainment. I actually did go there for my bachelor party. I'm only a... I'm not... Mr. E. Cheese hooked us up. On the East Central Entertainment. That's right.

Let me just say my uncle Buster and his partner. But it's all stuff that we're like, we're both from here. My fiance is from Los Villas and I'm from like Southern California, like downy Lakewood Cerritos area. And so it was just important for us to like have everything sort of be like super local and not like getting married in LA is like hard. It's kind of hard to do because there's also a lot of places that are like you can do it this way But you have to use our shitty chefs for the shitty food. You know the salad with a Raspberry vinaigrette you have to clear out for the waterworld stunt show If you want to have a wedding yeah, I did want to have it there, but they you know women the minion said banana

said banana. They wouldn't allow it. That's not a no. It could have been yes. Couldn't tell. They kept just like pointing around. But they want you to know music after 10. And it's like, well, that's kind of like the time everyone wants to dance. You want to have music after 10. Can I recommend renting out the tire place next to my backyard? Because they go into like three or four. Yeah. And you know what? For those late night tires, you gotta be cranking tunes. You might have to share the space with a quinceañera, but they're not afraid to party late.

No, I'm down. I'm 100% down, but that's the place that we got is like, just do whatever, do whatever, that's fine. Do you, are you anticipating it getting wild? You know, yes. Okay. I don't know if I'm necessarily gonna get wild. I've been to friends' weddings where the bride and groom

got like too twisted and I was like, this doesn't feel like the move. I kind of want to be able to coherently thank people at the end of the night for coming and stuff like that and also not be hung over the day after my wedding. But it is, I have a squad of friends that I've had like my whole life because we're all just still here out here and they're like, we're going to get you to that minimum at least we're going to get you there.

And honestly, you might have to be paying a little more for this bar. Wait, is there a minimum at your wedding? Are you having your wedding at the improv? Yeah, you get to get two items and it doesn't have to be drinks. You can get two foods. Right. And you you have to get two items and it doesn't have to be drinks. You can get two foods. Right. Got it. Or you could buy a ticket to the next show also.

After my- And Dane Cook's gonna do a drop in at your wedding. God. God. Are vows are getting bumped? What? I mean, Dane's just doing crowd work. Yeah, he's up.

He's still, he's on hour three of his tirade. He's filming stuff for social. Yeah. No, this is his new special. They're gonna film this. Right. And put it out. After my wedding, my father, who had been in, at that point, probably been in recovery 30 years, 25, 30 years, he basically gave me a very sweet list of my friends he was

concerned about. Oh, wow. And I'm like, it's a wedding. People get too drunk at weddings. Yes, that's the thing that I anticipate. I don't need a takes one to no one list. So like, definitely at your wedding, you were problem drinking to my mom,

because the two of you got married, and it didn't go well. Yeah, yeah. I know. I have a couple of, I know who to keep an eye on or I know who to tell like my best man to keep an eye on. And hopefully he can handle it. I'm not afraid to be a mob boss at my wedding, I guess. Don't be like, you got to take a seat, have a glass of water. Can I give you a hot tip that I learned from my wedding?

Yeah. Well, you know where the Citadel is? They're in Los Angeles. The Citadel is a- I'm practicing saying it, by the way. A former tire factory turned into an outlet mall with an Egyptian themed facade. This guy loves tires.

Isn't it Ancient Babylon? Yeah, Ancient Babylon, thank you. Ancient Babylon. I go there when I wanna have the worst day of my life. Yeah. I've been bad. I need to punish myself. Everything's going a little too good.

Then maybe lunch at Ruby's. Yeah. You know, it's like don't... A few remaining Ruby's. And I do like Ruby's. Oh yeah, me too. A Shoobee Doobie down there. It's a great place to Shoobee Doobie down to.

If you're going to Shoobee Doobie down somewhere, it's got to be Ruby's. I usually Shoobee Doobie to Fun Rockers. But to each their own. Yeah. Okay, so next, so the, yes, you're right. This is a great place to go if you wanna have a horrible day. Yes.

A great outlet mall if you wanna save 10% on goods made specifically for outlet malls. Yes. However, it is also in what I would call the kitchen supply district. This is a part of Los Angeles, one of the many parts of Los Angeles that you can just go to,

and it's mile after mile of warehouses that sell things for a particular industry that you never occurred to you that there would be a store that would only sell things for that, and you're kind of wondering if you could sneak in somehow. Am I allowed to buy there if I'm not a restaurateur?

Yeah, I went to the dermatologist and there's this long string on the way to my dermatologist, long string of import-export stores of various kinds. I'm just like all I want in the world. I don't even have an air fryer. Don't need one, don't want one. All I want to do is go to this warehouse full of 10,000 different types of generic air fryers, this air fryer store. Near the Citadel, here in Southern California, there is a wholesale candy store that's open to the public. Oh, wow.

This is a store where- Now, you got to be careful because what they'll do is they'll use your flaw against you. So if you love chocolate too much, they'll get you to fall in the chocolate river. If you watch too much TV, they'll shrink you and put you into the TV. That one's a, you know, not really related to candy, but- If you're like a mean little girl, they'll turn you big and blue. Yeah. I've heard all these things. Yeah.

The point is that the only thing worse than parents is children. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. The important lesson to learn is to have contempt for all humanity, as with all Roald Dahl books. Don't try to correct this bad behavior. Just get rid of it.

Sure. All are wicked. Yeah. Reading those with my children, I'm just like, wow. He hates everyone. Yeah. Oh reading those with my children. I'm just like wow he hates everyone Yeah, he's like a guy that you don't really think about and then you read about him like oh this guy's like one of the worst guys He's awful But like after you when you read the books as an adult, you know adds up Yeah, like no this person hates every character in this book only some sick

Sicko could come up with something like a glass elevator. Right. Anyway. What kind of twisted freak. This wholesale. So when I got married, we also had- Congratulations, by the way. Thank you very much.

Congrats. We also, we had to have a big wedding because of my wife's giant Catholic family. Okay. But we had to have, so for that reason, we had to have a relatively simple wedding. So it was like beer and wine. We got married at a church I went to when I was a kid, which was free. Yeah.

We rented a room that belonged to the city of San Francisco. That was, you know, whatever, $500 or something. Had a taco truck. Also a taco truck important to me in my childhood. Yeah. And El Tonayense, if anybody is looking in San Francisco. But we were like, what can we do with our remaining $1,000 that could give this some spice, give this a little something

extra? And what we decided on was Jesse's job is to go to the wholesale candy store and just buy pallets of candy. Just buy candy by the case. And I'm talking about you can get any fucking... The number of bubble gum cigars at my wedding. And those cigarettes that puff out smoke, you know, chewing gum. Yeah. Gosh. Cigars made me think, that sounds amazing first of all. Because also I want to be able to, if I go in there one time and do a purchase for an event, I'll go there a second time and be, I can have a little bit of candy.

I have another wedding. I just need all the red Starbursts you have. But my friend... Yeah, get me one of those palette movers for a group of people who need candy. Yeah, I'm actually, what I'm doing is good. I'm actually taking this candy and I'm gonna give it away. I'm not gonna eat it all by myself.

This is for back to school. Yeah, it's for back to school. And if you ask me any more questions about it, you're actually bad. It's Thanksgiving. My boss is LeBron. LeBron's gonna be so mad. He's gonna give this out to children. My buddy got married this year and he was like, I'm gonna buy a box of cigars. Okay. And I'm gonna just have cigars out and people can have cigars if they want. It was It's a choice. Right? Cause it's like. I went to a wedding that had a cigar bar once.

I think in this day and age, people aren't really smoking as much as they used to. But maybe cigars are different. Cigars are not like, nobody's like smoking like 10 cigars a day, I think, right? Can I ask you a question? Yes. Your friend sliced alone?

It was Stallone. Yeah. I guessed it in one I guessed it in one. It was the baby from Who Framed Roger Rabbit. Oh good for him. It was Babe Ruth, wasn't it? Die of mouth cancer like me. I'm Babe Ruth's ghost. Don't name a candy after me. Never name one. But he put cigars out, but when he got to the spot where he was going to put the cigars out, there were already cigars. And I think they were from, I think if I'm remembering, they were from the previous event,

but his father also brought cigars. So there was like 200 cigars at this party. We each have to have five of these. When there was like 200 cigars at this party. We each have to have five of these. When there was like going to be maybe 30. Did his father catch him smoking a cigarette out behind the bar? Yeah, you have to smoke all these. His father, Donald Duck. I smoked one and it exploded in my face. Can I make one comment about Babe Ruth? Sure. Because this is something incredible that happened to me the other day.

You can't take it back. Yeah. So my 11-year-old doesn't know, oh God, is she 11? Yeah, I think she is. Mm-hmm. Doesn't know much about the world on account of being homeschooled and only being interested in basketball. Sure.

And so the other day she first she asked me if Babe Ruth was a real person. Yeah. I said yes. Then she said was he good at baseball? Mm-hmm. I said yes that's why he's name was Bay-broof. That's, these are all, these are all lining up with what I think 11 year olds probably know about what I'll call affectionately the olden days. Sure. But yeah, I mean, I was, I think about stuff like this

cause I, I'm not a child. I grew up in a time where you could still watch old TV shows on television. And I just think, do kids even know who Popeye the Sailor Man is? Do they think about him? That's how I decided who I'm voting for for president. Only one candidate had the courage to ask, do kids even know who Popeye the Sailor Man is? Do they teach know who Popeye is? Do they know? Do they teach kids about Popeye again?

Scooby-Doo is like, gosh, and every time I hear the phrase Scooby-Doo, I can only think of James Austin Johnson doing Trump talking about Scooby-Doo. Oh yeah. Scooby-Doo. Mm-hmm. Can I say one thing? When it comes to Jen Alpha, they're asking the question,

Scooby-Dooby-Doo, who are you? I don't even know this guy. But kids probably don't know the peanuts because they don't have the same cultural relevance, I feel like, unless they were big fans of Maestro. Snoopy features prominently in Maestro. I have not seen Maestro. You're fine. You're doing okay.

Wait, is Snoopy like, where in the billing would you say Snoopy? I have not seen Maestro, so. You're fine. You're doing okay. But like- Wait, is Snoopy like, where is, where in the billing would you say Snoopy? Fifth on the call sheet. Bradley Cooper's number one, right? Yeah, I mean, he's probably like, if I'm being honest, 12th, but he's like, he's on the sheet. Is Maestro like a multiverse thing where they open a portal, pull in? Snoopy, I need you to get your friend Shorter to help me compose this song. Don't tell my wife.

But Snoopy's in two scenes. Don't tell my wife because we're sleeping together. We're fucking, yeah. But Snoopy- Deadpool, help me. Snoopy is featured as a doll that Leonard picks up in the hallway of their high rise apartment in New York City. He's like,. He says, who left Snoopy in the hallway or something to that effect?

And then he's having the big argument of the movie between him and his wife takes place in front of their open window on Thanksgiving Day. And you just see a big Snoopy balloon go by. Why is Snoopy in this so much? Why is there so much Snoopy? It's a multiverse film. It's a multiverse film. Snoopy, go by. I was like, why is Snoopy in this so much? Why is there so much Snoopy? It's a multiverse film.

It's a multiverse film. Snoopy, compose this piece. Nermal, suck my dick. You guys want to open up a portal, see if we can find Hagar the Horrible and then come back for a little bit more? We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. It's Jordan Jesse Go.

I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Every episode of Jordan Jesse Go is supported by the members of Maximum Fun, at least those members of Maximum Fun who listen to Jordan Jesse Goh. That's how it works. You sign up for your membership, your money goes to the shows you listen to. So it's like if somebody just listens to Creature Comforts, none of their money's going to us. They're not doing anything for us.

We're glad for Creature Comforts. Yeah, good for them. Yeah. We mean it. They're great. Yeah, they're very nice people. Yeah, they're great. Yeah. We mean it. They're great. Yeah, they're very nice people. Yeah, they're great.

Anyway, maximumfun.org slash join. Support the shows and you get a lot of bonus stuff. And thank you to everybody who's already done that. And thank you. Thank you. We're also supported this week by our old pals at Stitch Fix. Shopping can be hard, Stitch Fix online, personal styling makes it easy. Jesse, it's a personal stylist that lives on a website that you can message.

Lives in a website. Sorry. Lives in a website. Stitch Fix. You can't let them out. That's the only downside of Stitch Fix. You cannot free them. But the thing is they love it.

They love to live in there. They love it in there because of all the nice clothes. Right, exactly. Here's what you do. You contact your personal stylist via the Stitch Fix website. Yeah, they ask you, they give you like a little questionnaire. Well, what size are you, you know, in different ways?

Like, what kind of clothes do you like? What's your favorite clothes? It's pretty fun taking the questionnaire. Oh yeah, the quiz is fun. They mail you a box of stuff that they suspect you'll like. I always get something I like in my Stitch Fix box. You take the stuff that's maybe not quite right, maybe not for you, you mail it back in a giant envelope.

It is really easy. This envelope is so capacious. The envelope is huge! Everything fits in the envelope. It's fun, it's easy, and the clothes are really great. My favorite stuff that I own is from Stitch Fix. I got a great pair of shorts from Stitch Fix the other day. Oh really?

Yeah, I told them I want a new pair of shorts and I want to show a little bit more leg. Okay, so is that like a smaller pant? It's a yes. Yes, Jesse, they make a smaller pant. Wow. It's called a short. Wow. Yeah, I've gotten a bunch of great shirts. Are pants called talls now? Yes, Jesse! They make a smaller pant. It's called a short. Wow. Yeah, I've gotten a bunch of great shirts.

Are pants called talls now? Yes, they are. So you say I'm putting on my talls two bottom arms at a time. Language is weird. It is. It's fun and weird. It's fun and weird. But you know what's not weird? The great clothes that your personal stylist is going to choose for you at Stitch Fix. Make style easy. Get started today at StitchFix.com slash JJ Go. That's StitchFix.com slash JJ Go. You got any more of these perambulations through the world of comic books planned, Jordan? Oh, I sure do, Jesse. I'll be at LA Comic Con October 4th and 5th.

I'll be over there in Artist Alley at table F10, so come get some book signs. Nice table. It's gonna be a very nice table. I'm usually at table F16. Pew pew pew! Pew! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, wish it was. And I'm going to be doing a panel and stuff. You can find all about that on my social media there.

October 12th, I'm going to be at the Heavy Manners Comics Fair. That is at the Heavy Manners Library. That is a really fun organization that collects and catalogs zines and indie comics. And they're having a cool comics fair on the 12th and the 13th. I will be there on the 12th, and that's free. And you can go check that out at the Heavy Manners Library website. Sounds like a great opportunity to wear signature eyewear.

Oh yeah, Jesse, there's gonna be a lot of stylish frames at this event. I love it. I'm headed out with the Judge John Hodgman podcast next month, so if you are in, sorry, Boston, Brookline specifically, that show's sold out. But we still have some tickets in Portland, Maine, in Burlington, Vermont, and in Western Massachusetts. So hit us up at maximumfund.org slash events, grab those tickets. Plus, of course,

the West Coast, including Vancouver, British Columbia in January and the very beginning of February. All those ticket links on sale now, maximumfund.org slash events. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Goh. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Moore's boy detective. And I'm Manapadaka, the Manapadaka of Manapadakas. Can I tell you guys something that happened to me today? Sure.

My middle child needed to get a COVID vaccine. So we're going on a little trip. Ooh. We're going to San Diego, California. Oh, that'll be fun. It's gonna be nice. Gonna hit up Legoland? Go to a ball game, go to the zoo.

We're skipping Legoland. Been to Legoland before, I like Legoland. I haven't been since I was a kid, but one of my memories was I lost a tooth there and I think the last one. Oh, it's a real low stakes Disneyland. That's what I like about Legoland. It's not that cool.

Did you get it knocked out somehow? Yeah, one of these LEGO guys tried to kick my ass. He was trying to do Ninjago. Yeah, I tried to become a bionicle. They didn't ask. Matt, never try and become a bionicle, man. Come on. I carried it around in my souvenir cup,

and everyone thought I was insane. But you had to get it home for the tooth fairy. I had to get my five bucks. You got to get your five bucks. I told her that if we went and got the shot, which, because she's freaked out by shots, that we would then go to Foster's Freeze and get a twister.

Oh, yeah. A Snickers twister. Now, obviously, I prefer a Butterfingers twister. It's not my choice. It's not my choice. She loves Snickers bars. You're gonna get a shot and you're gonna get a Twister you don't like.

It's gonna be a bad day. Their Twister is like their Blizzard or McFlurry. Do they have a Kit Kat option? That's what I would do. I don't believe that there is a Kit Kat option. I gotta get on the phone. M&Ms which are kind of bullshit. Yeah. Butterfingers which are obviously the best.

Oreos which are also good. Snickers actually work better than I expected. I don't know if they use a special snickers that doesn't get too hard. I was worried it would get too hard. Sure. But it didn't. I think maybe because we were eating it. Anyway, we're there at the...

But don't you not like ice cream? Didn't we talk about that? Or are you a big ice cream guy? All I like is ice cream. I was the number one ice cream guy. I feel like the last time I was on, ice cream was a big topic of conversation. I misremembered. Matt, I eat ice cream every day.

Okay, that makes more sense to me now. Every day is when I eat ice cream. What's the number one in the store right now? Like if you had to get one from the store and take it home and eat it. Like... Wow. Okay, well it's definitely going to Well, it's definitely gonna be it's gonna be Tillamook. I'm a huge guy. Okay, huge Tillamook guy. I've been in the cheese factory I got in trouble for taking too many pieces of cheese at the

Somebody just fucking tackled. Yeah, right. I was I was a child They put you into the chute and then they sang a song about how you shouldn't take too much And I had a bunch of holes in me. I reached for a Swiss cheese What do you get for munching on cheese? You'll get full of holes just as fast as you please So anyway Sadly to the Mookie Sadly they did not yet have the COVID-19 vaccine

in the pediatric dose. Like, eh, just give her some shingles. I mean, I fully did. I was like, I have already put like lidocaine lotion on her arm and prepped her, got her out the door. We're getting a flu shot. Just give me a flu shot. Just fuck it. I was going to get her the nasal mist, but nah, fuck it. Shoot the flu in there and see.

But we went to the Foster's Freeze. And this Foster's Freeze is in Eagle Rock in Los Angeles. It's like a classic, classic experience. It's an order window in a giant A-frame building with no interior seating, only exterior seating in like, in you know, those kinds of metal picnic tables in the parking lot. Giant parking lot, parking lot has a view

of a 1950s ambulance for sale, like a Ghostbusters ambulance that somehow I couldn't figure out how it got above the fence line, but it's completely above the fence line. So it's like eight, 10 feet off the ground. Maybe above the fence line, but it's completely above the fence lines. It's like eight, 10 feet off the ground. Maybe it's a ghost ambulance and it's floating there.

Hard to say. Anyway, we're at the Foster's Freeze and it's a 4.30 in the afternoon on a hot day. So there's these people at the Foster's Freeze. And there's a woman sitting at the table next to us who truly couldn't be more ordinary in her appearance. This woman, I'm gonna say she's 45, 50, Latina, dressed conservatively, but not like full,

like Jehovah's Witness conservatively, just sort of moderately conservatively, totally unremarkable looking, like you would never consider anything. No one's going to call her Santa. No, no one's going to call her Santa. Are you sure you're not Santa? Are you sure it kills me? Oh wait, I am Santa. I gotta get to the North Pole. I can't go to this concert. I gotta I gotta check that She's watching a video on her phone that is

watching a video on her phone that is out loud. Yeah, sure. But just for she's just far enough away from us. And it's just outdoors enough that all I can kind of hear is just a male voice droning a little, you know, like, well, the thing about this is that this and of course, there's this and this and this and this. I'm like, what kind of, at first I'm just like, people just watch fucking videos with the sound on everywhere now. Give me a break. Put on some headphones.

But, uh. It's a loud slot machine game that some loud slot machine is, do those not work with headphones? Yeah, I think they don't. And I think you can't adjust the volume on them either. Yeah. And I'm like, and eventually I'm kind of like, she's been watching it for so long that I kind of piqued my curiosity.

Yeah. And it's just far enough away that I can't hear it without paying attention, but I can hear it with paying attention. Yeah. These are direct quotes from the video that she was watching. Just, and please understand, I couldn't write down every,

this isn't highlights. This is, I couldn't write down everything because my child is talking to me about basketball and ice cream. Yeah. While I'm trying to hastily. See, dad, it does work with Snickers. I'm like, you said it wouldn, Dad, it does work with Snickers. I'm like...

You said it wouldn't work! You're fucking wrong! I can't be like, honey, Dad's a comedy podcaster, and he doesn't do anything in his life. He has to write this down. Right. Okay. Here's the first quote. You need to cut your...

And this was... The voice was like almost finance bro-y, I would say. Like it was sort of like, it didn't sound like Joe Rogan, but it sounded like a Joe Rogan adjacent podcast. Yeah, sure. Like maybe one about like achieving financial freedom or something. You need to cut yourself off from all energy.

Turn yourself into a creator god. Change from base 12 to base 10 code. Oh my God. Then, then I couldn't hear it for a little bit. And then I tuned back in and I heard, they did this by inserting holographic inserts to insert mind control to promote a false father god. Wow. And then finally, I false father god. Wow.

And then finally, I swear to God, again, this is not highlights. Honestly, Jesse, I think your assumption is that this is some sort of radical podcast. This could just be Elden Ring lore. Yeah, that's a good point. All of that fits. Yeah.

She could be playing the new DLC Shadow of the Earth Tree. This could just be lore. Listening to somebody talk about the Saint of the Bud. Sure. Can we, quick question. Can we confirm that this is not Dark Souls lore? No, although some would say that it's a shared universe. OK.

But. Fair enough. I'm going to send you a couple of videos. The final thing, it's a shared universe. Okay. But... Fair enough. That's... I'm gonna send you a couple videos. The final thing, it's reptilian software being used to torment humans from their memories of Atlantis. Hahaha! I guess anybody could become radicalized to anything, which is scary. Sure. Like, that's like really wild.

That's like... That's... You described somebody who reminds me of, like, my grandmother, like, just eating a little ice cream, just getting herself a little treat while she, like, probably waits for, like, the bus or something. And it's like, I want to watch this video with horrific rhetoric. And, like, and, like, and it's now, that's what I think.

There was a time, there was a time when a, a former comedian who went insane had me involved in his weird paranoid fantasies on the internet. Wow. That I was like, that I got a taste of this, but the best taste of it I ever got, best slash worst, was one time the comedian JB Smoove

was gonna be on Bullseye. And I was so excited, such a big JB Smooth fan, love Pootie Tang, love Curb Your Enthusiasm, one of the funniest guys, right? And, but there weren't a lot, when I was doing prep, there wasn't a lot of like in-depth interviews with JB Smooth. And I usually read for prep, but I'm like,

I'll go on YouTube and see what I can find. Maybe he's on, you know, Shannon Sharp's show or something. Yeah. And I type in JB Smooth and the video I get is just this immensely, immensely reasonable sounding man explaining specifically why JB Smooth is a demon. Oh my God. Just an actual demon, not a metaphorical demon, but that he's like a demon from Hollywood sent to turn us into demons. No one man could be this funny on his own. It's interesting, because usually when someone

who is in that state fixates on a celebrity, it is someone like like Taylor Swift right there's a big thing about just because like these but someone who or like Harry Potter or Pokemon or something right yeah it's this guy she's not a demon she's the offensive coordinator of the Kansas City Chiefs it's funny that this guy is crazy to the point where he thinks there's demons but also kind of an alternative comedy fan. Yeah.

Exactly. I was bumped to find out. He's like, hey, don't get me started on Robert Townsend. Sure. Paul F. Tompkins has been a lizard this whole time. Maria Bamford drinks the blood of children. Honestly, the hardest part about it for me, and this really was a struggle for me emotionally, was this view had like 25,000,

this video had like 20, 25,000 views on it. And I'm like, fucking hell, man. Like I've made, I've worked so hard on videos that have 5,000 views on YouTube. I mean, I guess just like, it just, cause some of that stuff, some of that stuff is just theater, right? Like it's like not true.

It's just like somebody exploiting a grift that they made themselves privy to. It kind of just makes me like, should we just like do that? Guys, I'll do that. Jesse, I'll do that. Can we just do it for like six months and then like we're just like, then we just go back to normal. Yeah.

But like, just get a quick meal. Sell a bunch of silver pills or something to people. I don't know. Steven, start encapsulating silver. Yeah. I'm on it. I'm on it. I'm on it. Yeah. I mean, look, we're all friends with Nick Weiger. Who amongst us? Who amongst us hasn't thought, God, should I just make my podcast

about fucking Burger King? Yeah, yeah. I'll just do that. I'll just do exactly what they're doing. That stuff is so wild. And I wonder, like, I have a specific vision of who the phone person was. I feel like I don't wanna say,

cause I don't wanna like get people mad. This lady was so nice and regular. There was nothing seemed insane about her. Nothing seemed flaky about her. Nothing even seemed hateful about her. I would have assumed that she would be watching a video about saving up to buy a home or something. Sure, sure.

I wonder if it's like, you know, I'm actually thinking of somebody because you said it sounded finance adjacent, and I was like, that's probably the way in for some of these people, like, oh, you need to get your money right first. And actually, I'm gonna talk to you about those other things, because, you know, money is something

that everybody cares about and like wants to have more of, especially if you don't have a lot of it. So if you watch a video where you're trying to learn about how to get more of, especially if you don't have a lot of it. So if you watch a video where you're trying to learn about how to get money more, it could be maybe not the first video you watch, maybe not the second or third. But maybe 20 videos in, somebody starts saying this other thing.

And you're like, let's see what's going on. What's going on with that? Lizards, eh? Yeah, yeah. Oh, lizard people, huh? OK. I remember moving to LA and getting my first, it's like Scientology pitch. Oh, sure, yeah, lizard people, huh? Okay. I remember like, you know, moving to LA and getting my first, uh, it's like Scientology pitch. Oh, sure, yeah.

You know, a dude in a vest on Hollywood Boulevard. Yeah. And it was like, hey, do you have anxiety? I'm like, I do have it, yes. Yeah. You know, I think it is that like, would you like to be the offensive coordinator of the Kansas City Chiefs?

Would I? I have a lot of thoughts about how to turn that team around. Sure. I think I could turn that team around. Sure. I think I could turn that team around. I mean, they won the Super Bowl, right? I think I could tank them. Give me the Kansas City Chiefs. They can win quicker into the season.

I can't make them worse. They'll win it halfway through the season. Let's wrap this thing up sooner. I'm like, guys, huddle up. I know all the plays from Tecmo Ball. Let's do this. You throw the ball so far that you score and you win. Get Bo Jackson.

He's faster than the other guys. Put in this cheat that you can't be tackled. It's a momentous occasion when you turn the Kansas City Chiefs around. It's a momentous occasion when you call us at 206-984-44-FUN. Somebody did that. Hi Jordan, Jesse and guests. This is Jake in Kansas City. I have a Waluigi related momentous

occasion. Today I saw a vanity plate that had the text Waluigi, but it was one of these new special vanity plates that honor veterans in Missouri. So what it actually read was Waluigi, come gave all. Thank you. GARRETT LAUGHS Waluigi would be willing to die for his country. What country is it? The Mushroom Kingdom?

Mm-hmm. You know? Probably. I do, I like to think that a lot of those guys are some of our best guys, and they'd get out there. A lot of those guys? Yeah. You talking about evil versions of Nintendo guys?

Yeah, just Wario and then I guess Dry Bones. Sure. Yeah. Sure. Morton Koopa Jr. Oh yeah. Boo. Wait, Morton Koopa Jr.?

Yeah. Did he host a daytime talk show in New York City? Weigert brings this up a lot because he's like, that's a reference for nobody anymore. And like they should just change the names. Nobody would really care. Is Gordon Cooper Jr. named after Morton Downey Jr.? Yes. And there's-

Oh, I didn't know that. Wow. A lot of the Bowser children are named after one of them is- Ludwig von Cooper. Yeah, Ludwig. I think there's a Lemmy, if I'm correct. I can't remember the other ones, but they're all named after musicians and then Morton Cooper, Cooper Jr.

Huh. Yeah. There's one named Joe Franklin, the King of Nostalgia. Sure. A lot of great Cooper kids out there. I love all the Cooper kids equally. And there was some argument in the Mario fandom about whether or not they are his adopted kids. Yeah, if he sired them, yeah. Right, because I think him having kids, I think there was too argument in the Mario fandom about whether or not they are his adopted kids or not.

Yeah, if he sired them, yeah. Right. Because I think that him having kids, I think there was too many questions as to like, who did he fuck? Right. And then you have to imagine King Koopa fucking. We gotta just stop asking questions. I mean, I'm assuming, at this point I'm assuming King Koopa fucked the late Phil Donnie?

Is that correct? Donald Duck was on Hot Wings a couple weeks ago, and he ate cauliflower wings and I was like, just let him eat the regular wings. Who cares? We're all thinking he shouldn't be doing that. Who cares? I was going to think about it. Not real. Yeah, it's not real. Let him do it. Made me mad. Beetlejuice was on. That show used to be the show. So it's all fake guys now? Yeah, it's all fake guys. on that show used to be fake guys That guy has to act now yes to act that show used to mean something

Just throw dry bones Get Waldo from where's Waldo you won't show up you'll be able to see him there. Well, He'll show up with a lot of other guys. And a giant, a wizard. So you're supposed to give all these guys wings? To find Waldo first and give that guy the wings? God, God I wish that instead of fucking interviewing people on NPR I just thought to give them hot sauce. I mean, here's the thing. It's a great idea.

We gotta get more fake guys on this show. We should. Why are we getting this fucking real asshole? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get like Boo Berry for Halloween or something. Oh, god. Steven, can you book Fruit Booth, please? I'll get Fruit Booth. I'll get the captain, the tricks bunny.

All fake cereal guys. Jesus Christ. Honestly, if our show was about cereal, can you imagine how fucking popular it would be? That would be huge. What's the cereal that you guys like? I like Grape Nuts. Do you like Grape Nuts? That's why this show's not about cereal.

It's because my favorite cereal is Grape Nuts. But you have such a, I would say, when I came in you were eating candy. You corrected me and said you ate ice cream every single day. Every day. So you have a sweet tooth. You were eating candy. You corrected me and said you ate ice cream every single day. Every day. So you have a sweet tooth. But Grape Nuts, that's not, sweets not for morning. Grape Nuts, good.

God, what happened to me? Yeah, sweets not for morning, Grape Nuts, good. It is interesting. Yeah, I guess I don't know you till you have a sweet treat in the morning, you know, pancakes or- No, I don't. ... feast trees or whatever. I don't generally. I mean, I'll eat, my other big breakfast, I probably eat two thirds

of the time is I'll eat an overnight oats with some peanut butter in it. Okay. And I will eat that sometimes with like half a scoop of protein powder that sweetens it a little. Yeah, yeah. It's got that fake sweetener in it, you know? Yeah.

But no, I've never been a big, it makes me feel a little sick in the morning. Sure, that makes sense. If I eat- Well, I feel bad all the time. Straight sugar things, like even like donuts. Like I like donuts, but like they make me feel a little sick. Yeah, yeah.

I feel like I can't, I'm not supposed to have anything sweet like that in the morning. I did just buy some, I love Cinnamon Toast Crunch. That's probably my number one cereal. I bought the Trader Joe's version recently, which is about half as sweet. You get the first couple of bites, you're like, wow, this tastes exactly like it. And then you eat it a little more and like, oh, not really, not quite, not quite. But still pretty good. Oh, monk fruit.

Okay. Monk fruit came up today in a big way because I drink there's a new type of drink a new Hold on there's no Stephen write this down. There's a new type of drink new drink just dropped before there was flat and sparkling And of course hard and soft hard and soft sure cold hot dirt There was there was weirdly thick, like a Kernsmeyer. Sure, sure, yeah. So HealthAid, the Kombucha brand, has a new thing that they're doing, like the Olly Pops or the poppies,

the sort of prebiotic soda type things. HealthAid is getting into the mix. I can't remember what it's called. But I saw that they had one, and it was root beer flavored. And I was like, I've got to crack one of these open. I love root beer. You've got to crack this thing. and it was root beer flavored and I was like, I gotta crack one of these open. I love root beer. You gotta crack this thing. What's your root beer of choice? You know, I like, I'm a barks guy if I'm being honest. It's got the most bite.

That's a caffeinated root beer. I can't touch that stuff. No, no. But see, I love caffeine. Oh yeah. I love that. But I like all root beers. BJ's, the BJ's brew house, the restaurant has Like an in-house root beer that is magical that is delicious. I like a boiling root beer That's my favorite root beer. I like a fruity root beer. Okay, I've never had one. I'll try it This root beer that I had first two sips. I'm going I'm never drinking the real stuff again. Yeah, this is it This is replaced. It is really good

It has monk fruit in it as no stevia That's a big selling point because stevia starts to taste a little science II after some time couple more tips of this stuff What happens what happens I gotta know It starts to taste a little like science II and weird. It's like it's kind of the same. It's kind of the same thing It's just different stuff. You know what? That's what you get for relying on a bunch of fucking monks. I know. They don't know what they're doing. Also, they have OCD and it hinders them from solving crimes. Sure.

Well, listen, let's just, let's go through our Rolodexes, tear out all the monks numbers. We're never talking to those guys again. Never. Not that we ever did in the first place. Palo Dexes, tear out all the Monks numbers. We're never talking to those guys again. Never. Not that we ever did in the first place. You know what? I'm out on Monks. I'm in on Crunk Fruit. Okay, sure.

Yeah, Hunk Fruit, why not? Yeah, Hunk Fruit, yeah. Hello, Grape. We'll be back in just a second. I'm Jordan Jessica. Oh. Hi, I'm Alexis. I'm a monk.

I'm a monk. I'm a monk. I'm a monk. I'm a monk. I'm a monk. I'm a monk. I'm a monk. I'm a monk. I'm a monk. I'm a second, I'm trying to just go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Hi, I'm Alexis.

And I'm Ella. And we're the hosts of Comfort Creatures. We could spend the next 28 seconds telling you why you should listen, but instead, here's what our listeners have said about our show because really, they do know best. The show is filled with stories and poems and science and friendship and laughter and tears sometimes, but tears are from your heart being so filled up with love. A cozy show about enthusiasm for animals of all kinds, real and unreal. If you greet the dog before the person walking them, or wander around the party looking for

the host's cat, this podcast is for you. So come for the comfort and stay for Alexis's wild story about waking up to her cat giving birth on top of her. So if that sounds like your cup of tea... Or coffee, Ella, we're not all Brits. Then join us. Every Thursday at MaximumFun.org. Hey, this is Mike Capilano.

If you Wadiwe. And Ciara Cotto. The hosts of TV Chef Fantasy League. Where we are currently using fantasy sports rules to watch Great British Bake Off. Or the Great British Baking Show, as it's known here in America. We've drafted the bakers onto our teams,

and now those bakers are earning us points based on how they're doing on the show. And at the end of the season, one of us will win the prestigious TV Chef Fantasy League trophy crown, what is the? Yeah, I don't know, I keep forgetting to order something, probably just dinner. Anyway, subscribe to TV Chef Fantasy League

and play along with us at home. Or just listen in as we cry over our baker's soggy bombs. On MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. And I'm Matt Apodaca, the Matt Apodaca of Matt Apodaca's.

Matt, I think you're gonna love married life. I'm pretty stoked on it, honestly. I've been waiting to be a wife guy for a long time. This is huge for me. Oh, you're gonna go full wife guy. I'm gonna go full wife guy. Yeah, this is gonna be huge for me. Sure.

No, it's, you know, we've, I've been with my fiance for now six years as of a couple weeks ago and It's just been It's been great. It's been so good. We've been living together now for I think four of those years and it's just it's We were talking about this today with some friends We're like it's not gonna be functionally different like it's but it's we get to say wife and husband, which is pretty cool Say wifey though. No, not wifey. Yeah Not wifey. I know the wifey is kind of my moist when when someone says wifey

I really makes my hubby is bad to hubby is bad hubby's bad Yeah, wifey is that he is usually fucking worse That's bad What if I got what about when I got my wife Teresa my beautiful wife Teresa that, that t-shirt that said, hyphy whyphy? That's pretty good. I don't like it. I'm sure she, you know. Well, I hope that when you get married one day, Jordan,

I hope that you're never called upon to ghost ride the web. Sure. I will refuse, even if that means divorce. I will not answer the call to ghost ride. You and your wife to be out they don't show up at the at the sideshow. Sure. I am I am so excited and it is like uh I don't know because I get to do all these things and like you know you have to go get a marriage license then that's like a separate thing uh and we had we just had a a meeting with like our day of coordinator like just to go over some fine details

and things like that and she mentioned, are you guys going to have a cake topper? And both of us in unison were like, not that we were against it, hadn't even thought about it one time in the year we've been planning this. And you have a ton of GI Joe's. Yeah, I was like, I can build a custom Gundam to put on top of the cake. Wow. Just stomp the cake. That's a way bigger fucking robo wife.

I'm into this. But there's like stuff, just little things like that that we've got to iron out. But like everything else, like I said earlier, is locked in place. And we're just really looking forward to To being married and and and and and and being wed and just seeing all the people we love in like one place It's gonna be kind of crazy. You just went to I just went I made an appearance at her bridal shower I don't know if this is a thing that everybody does but it's sort of like a thing you show up and everybody's really excited There goes because your dick's out. Yeah Swinging it I'm going crazy.

But it was kind of like a, it was not that many people. It was like 25 people at this thing. You know, and I haven't, I wouldn't claim to have performed in front of like hundreds and thousands of people, but I've used to performing in front of a crowd of people. I walk into this thing, I see 25 people that I know and like, and was so nervous. It was so crazy

because everybody's excited about like a very specific thing. And it's like a thing that nobody's ever been excited about. Like for me, it's like a four or five inch thing. Yeah. Well, yeah, it was a little cold in the restaurant. It's not a problem. It's just unremarkable. I guess because it's like a lot of this in theory is like one of one experiences. So it is sort of like, oh, this was like the day that we did this and everybody was excited that you're about to become a bride. Like that's like huge.

And it was just, it was a very nerve wracking thing. And also I guess I was making myself nervous because I was like, my mom and some of my family are gonna be at this thing. And I don't know what they're gonna nervous because I was like, my mom and some of my family are gonna be at this thing and I don't know what they're gonna say there without me until I get there and everybody was on their best behavior. I had a good report from another relative that was there. But it is all that type of stuff.

It's just wild to think about. And then to see all these people together that we know separately in one place is gonna be a unique experience. Cause not, I don't really- Are the work people gonna talk to the high school people? I don't really mix friend groups. It's like hard to do. It can be done and it's satisfying when,

because I had some, I had a mixed crew at my bachelor party and to like to see some of my comedy friends like busting up with like my high school buddies. I was like, this rocks, this is so, so good. And everybody in the group chat was like laughing at each other's stuff. Oh, good. And I was like, this rocks. This is so, so good. And everybody in the group chat was laughing at each other's stuff. Oh, good. Everybody's doing good in here.

It's a very active group chat. I know. It's like with the comedy people, it's like, is this amount of bits alienating to someone who's not in comedy? You know, like will the frequency of bits just be too off-putting? But I feel like what the thing,

the through line with a lot of my friends is that they all know how to do that, but they also know when to be a normal, sincere person. And so everybody was just eating a nice dinner and being cordial sounds like it was a job interview, but just being curious. Add What are your greatest strengths? Yeah, exactly But like so it's like it's wild it's just crazy cuz yeah

I don't I've never really seen that many people from different parts of my life Altogether and I'm excited to do that. Like my mom was like I met some of your friends and it was great I was like, that's what's wild so great one time When I was in New York for a Del Close marathon My mom came with me because she had she's from New York and she wanted a big improv festival Yeah, yeah a friend of mine picked her out on the street Solo well, she was walking around. She's like, are you Matt's mom? It was a crazy Then my mom sends me a picture of her and my friend was like this is

Not allowed. This is this is crazy. This is crazy. Don't you dare photograph my mother. Don't you say stay away from my mom? Send a picture of him and your mom and your mom didn't show up in the picture Wait vampire were you you going vampire? Okay. Okay. I was doing Back to the Future. Back to the Future, sure. There could have been a vampire in that. We don't know. There could have. There's also, there's magic. That's how you reboot that thing. I'll tell you this, Matt.

I had been with my now wife for over a decade by the time we got married. Okay, yeah. I couldn't figure out why are we, why am I so worried about getting married to my wife? We've been together more than 10 years. Then it occurred to me, oh, my parents have had a combined five failed marriages. Oh, sure, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a child of divorce as well, yeah.

So maybe that's contributing to it too, but it is also- My parents had marriages that I didn't even find out about until I was an adult. Oh, sure, interesting. So pre- I was like 19 when I found out about my dad's first marriage. Oh, geez. Yeah, that must be interesting. When you get family lore that drops late in life,

you're like, what the hell? What? You used to be in a roller derby gang? Like, what are you talking about? Your original name is Morton Cooper Jr.? You had it changed distance yourself from your cruel father Bowser Morton Cooper jr. changed it to Downey yeah but I am NOT my father I will not make his mistakes I'm so excited and like it's gonna like I just also I just

everybody loves a party everybody loves Everybody loves the party weddings are fucking fun. Yes, love a wedding. They're so fun. I'm like bummed I kind of like that, you know those couple years where all your friends get married. Yes, so fun That was this past year for me. We didn't think we were gonna do it in yeah in this year but I think the last wedding I went to was in this year, but I think the last wedding I went to was in May of this year, and that was my seventh wedding this year. Hell yeah, that's a fun year.

Yeah, it was a lot. It was, well, it was very fun, but it was- It was, yeah, weirdly expensive too. It was, yeah, we're traveling for places, and you know, staying in hotels and things like that, but the parties were a blast, and every time- And then, you know- Nothing's more fun. You have a wedding at the end of the year, right? And then you go to all these weddings throughout the year

and you start taking mental notes. That's not gonna happen. That's not gonna happen. Or we're gonna steal that. That was really, really good. I'll say this. Having had this conversation, I'm really looking forward to your wedding.

Oh shit. Yeah, yeah, you guys, there there's a waitlist I think. Do we each get a plus one? Oh shit. Or a Jesse Mai plus, or how does that? Where do I find your mom by the way? She might not distinguish you from my stepdad. But the, you know-

Is there a Mrs. Apataka? Are you her? Is it you? If is there a Mrs. Apataka? Are you her? Is it you? If you saw a woman who interested in potentially losing that The second part there's a good chance if you see a woman that looks kind of like me. It is my mom It could be just you wearing a blonde curly wig Yeah, I can be in my Elmer fud. Yeah, or to get away with a Robert Durst s crime. Oh, yeah, that's a really good point That's a part of it that doesn't really get brought up as much he did do that and that is weird

Yeah, he did try and bugs buddy His ultimate crime was worse, but nobody really talks about that. He's he was a weird weird man But nobody really talks about that. He was a weird guy. Weird man, Robert Durst. Well, we've broken some ground here. We've found out about that new type of drink. We finally had the courage to say that Robert Durst was a weird guy. He's weird, and I'm just going to... I know that weird is a sort of loaded word right now, but Robert Durst was weird. Matt, I should hope people are subscribed to Get Played, the podcast that you host with Heather Ann Campbell and Nick Weiger, three of the funniest people ever to talk on mic. Oh, thank you.

Talking about video games, so much fun. Sharp and insightful as well. Yeah, yeah, you guys are also smart video game players. That's it, I think you, I would agree with you, Jesse. Jordan, I know you. I'm not going to speak for you, Jordan. Please do, no, I think we agree. Maybe you think they're just funny because you like to laugh at them. I think they're all so smart. I would agree with you.

I would agree with you. If there was a place to put a pull quote, I'd put it there. There's a moment from Get Played that I think a lot about, and it is y'all are discussing Star Wars and the appeal of Star Wars and like kind of arguing about what people respond to and it's like do they put too much emphasis on like their continuity and their timeline. Yeah. And you were saying like, you know, people, you know, people, what are people responding

to? They're responding to Baby Yoda, to Babu Frick. Yeah. You said people don't care about the overarching story, they just want to see a little freak. And that's that sharp and insightful stuff we're talking about. I do like, there's a new Star Wars video game out right now. Right, as Nile Rogers once said.

Little freak, so cheap. That was about Babu Frick. There's a new Star Wars game out where there's a little, you have a little freak companion. There's a little freak, It's like a whole thing. He's kind of the best guy. He's so good. But I also gravitate towards little freaks, perhaps because I am one.

But I just played, we just did an episode about a classic video game called Chrono Trigger, and there's a little frog guy in it that talks like a medieval knight in the game. Oh, of course. And I was like is this is everything I like as one thing It sounds like a pretty good freak a frog that walks around like a man with a sword He rules. Yeah, and his name is frog sounds good. I think I play Chrono Trigger. You gotta do it It changed my life. I think I think I'm a different guy I think the only time I've ever impressed my daughter with a celebrity that I know is when I told her that I know gecks.

Oh, wow. That is pretty good. I like texted Dana Gold. Yeah. I'm like, my daughter and Dana Gold texted back, you can tell her that you're friends with gecks. And so the kids know gecks. I mean, my daughter knows Gex. My daughter knows some weird, anybody who's listened to Gracie's Game Gauntlet, the Jordan Jesse Go members only bonus program, knows that my daughter has an unusual knowledge

base. Doesn't know Babe Ruth, Gex top of the list, top of mind. Babe Ruth. Gex top of the list top of mind Bay bruth Bay bruth daughter Scrogg says Was he good at baseball that is killer that is pretty because there's baseball players that we know that were I Would say everybody pretty much everyone in the major league of baseball is a good baseball player That's a fair assumption. Correct. There are some that we know by name

because they're great at it. Like they're amazing. Or they're just entertaining guys. Right. So to know who he is, yeah. It's not like saying, like if she had said, Dennis Rodman, was he good at basketball? Right?

Like maybe he's just famous for being the worm. You know what I mean? That to me is a little different though because he was like a more of a personality. Like he probably was great at basketball, but he was also this guy that went to North Korea recreationally. Yeah. Made a couple of movies with Van Dam. I saw him once at the Long Beach Airport and I was like, does Long Beach fly direct to North Korea? Where's this guy going? At the Long Beach airport?

Yeah. Wow, I'd have put him at Burbank. If you were gonna say which airport are you gonna see the worm at, I just said Burbank in a heartbeat. Yeah, I saw him at the Long Beach airport. And it was a- Did you also see Dallas Reigns there?

Because I always was sure Dallas Re rains was gonna be a Burbank guy I've not seen Dallas rains there, but my eyes are peeled. I'm always trying to locate Dallas I mean, is that you? Yeah some old lady put your hand on someone's shoulder from behind. They turn around you're like, I'm sorry I thought you were sorry. I thought yeah, I thought I asked you about the Accu weather forecast Sorry, I thought, yeah, I thought you were- I was about to ask you about the AccuWeather forecast. All right, Matt Abotake is one of the hosts of Get Played, a great video game about podcasts, a great pal of ours. Thank you for joining us on the program, Matt. Our producer, Stephen Ray Morris, producer Meredith, Brian Sunny D. Fernandez. Our theme music is Love You by The

Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. Hey, Jordan, if people follow us on Instagram at Jordan Jesse Gopod, not only will they get dank memes, by the way, any new dank, see any new dank memes this week, Stephen? I added a full short one of like the nervous guy holding the bubble. That was pretty fun. Yeah, that guy's, it says full chore. It sounds cool. Yeah. Join us on social media, not just at Jordan, Jesse Gopod on Instagram,

but also our own Instagram accounts at Jordan David Morris and at Jesse Thorne, very famous. We'll see you out there in the world because we're both getting out there in the world. Make sure to hit up Jordan's cons and my Judge Sean Hodgman road shows. Become a member of Maximum Fun so you can enjoy Gracie's game Gauntlet. The latest episode up now about Cool World. Cool World. Cool World. The video game. The bad video game where it's hard to land on something when you jump up in the air.

Yeah, all the games are bad. Yeah. And we'll see you on Reddit, maximumfun.reddit.com, and we'll talk to you next time on Jordan Jessico. I'll hug you and kiss you and love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you.

Love you. I do love you.