Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Live at the London Podcast Festival 2023, with Sarah Morgan and Mat Ricardo

Episode Date: September 21, 2023

We have a very special episode for you this week! Jordan and Jesse flew all the way to sunny London-town for a live show at the London Podcast Festival. Sarah Morgan and Mat Ricardo join us for some games, some knife tricks, and some surprise celebrity guests. Ever tried Microdosing? Visit Microdose.com and use JJGO for 30% off + Free Shipping. Try Stitch Fix today at StitchFix.com/JJGO and you’ll get 25% off when you keep everything in your Fix. HEY EVERYONE! You want a bumper sticker hand-packed personally by Jesse Thorn? Here's how it get one. Please send a 5 dollar bill in a self addressed stamped envelope to: Jordan, Jesse, Go! Sticker Offer2404 Wilshire Blvd, #9ALos Angeles, CA 90057All proceeds will first go into a nice jug we have in the office, and then will be given to the organization Al Otro Lado. And for every person who posts a picture of themselves with the bumper stick using the hashtag #JJGO, Jordan and Jesse will each put a dollar in the jug.

Give a little time for the child within you Don't be afraid to be young and free Undo the locks and throw away the keys And take off your shoes and socks and run you Good Evening Kings Place, please now welcome to the stage Jordan, Jessie, go! Hi, everybody. Gosh, thank you so much for being here. We know you have a lot of entertainment options.

You could be seeing the Abba holograms, but you're here. All of London talks about is the ABBA holograms. Dublin, all they could talk about was those fucking ABBA holograms. Apparently, they're tremendous. I've seen a billboard featuring the ABBA holograms, and they seem to be wearing the suits the Avengers put on when they need to time travel. Yeah, I mean, I think...

Does ABBA fight Thanos at any point in the show? I think they merged ABBA and the Avengers. Yeah, sure. It's all part of the MCU. I think that's correct. I'm having a good time. Yeah. How are you enjoying London, Jesse?

I'm having a great time. I'm having a hard time telling what's a wall and what's a toilet. That's something I wasn't prepared for when I came. So you've just been pissing wherevs. Yeah. Well, I've just been, there's this thing where the handle of the toilet is just part of the wall

instead of there being a toilet there. Have you seen this? No. I've seen this multiple times in my three days. To be clear, I am not having a problem going to the bathroom. This is not relatable content so far. Do you in the audience know what I'm talking about, right?

Where there's a, yeah, I'm getting some yeses. So there would be a wall, and the seat of the toilet comes out of the wall, and the handle of the toilet comes out of the wall. But where's the toilet that powers the bottom of the toilet? In the wall. But then what happens when the toilet breaks? I still don't know what you're talking about. It's not a big deal.

Should we just do a bit? Yeah, no, I think so. We actually, before we start officially, we do have some announcements, just some kind of housekeeping stuff. Should we keep the... No, yeah, get rid of this guy. It's America announcements.

America announcements. Listen, so listen, just to clarify what's about to happen, we obviously came here on airplanes from America and some of the bosses of America, Joe Biden. Right. Usually when we say America at a live show, it gets a pop, but...

Joe Biden, the commissioner of baseball the rock they this isn't our announcements this is announcements they wanted us to share with you since we were coming anyway yeah so uh yeah just uh some america announcements about what's going on and uh what what what you can expect yeah uh hey england Congratulations on leaving the European Union. You can join the United States, but you have to get us sea dues. We just bought a bunch of beer and we want to get out to the lake. Um, we're looking for more places to build Arby's roast beef restaurants. Please let us know what Shropshire is and if they have horseradish sauce there yet.

Uh, we're sorry that your queen died. But you should have picked a less weird king. The sport you call football is for wusses. The guys should wear more pads. Like a thousand different pads until they look like crazy pad robots. More pads would make them tougher. Uh, we're just not clear on this.

Is Ricky Gervais an atheist? We could have sworn he was Gaga for Christ. Our nations can't seem to agree on what to call elevators. You say lifts. Why don't we go a different direction and call them upsy-doodles? It would avoid a lot of conflict because they probably already call them that in Australia. Also, we're calling lorries deetle-deetle drivers. Again, we're just guessing, but that's what we think they call them in Australia. Uh, listen, after decades of fruitless effort, we will no

longer be doing annoying stuff to make those palace guard guys laugh. Instead, we'll just show them Ted Lasso and we'll settle for a warm nod and maybe one guy saying, wow, that's charming. James Bond is American now and he drives a Ford F-150 and puts ranch dressing on everything. And we're changing his catchphrase

from Bond, James Bond, to fuck me, fuck you. This is just a quick FYI. In America, liking Paddington Bear is just a quick FYI. In America, liking Paddington Bear is now a whole ass personality. His worst fears have come true. The woke police have issued a warrant for the arrest of Rowan Atkinson.

International law now requires affirmative consent before you shove your head into a roast turkey stuffing hole and run around all crazy. But the International Criminal Court has issued a clarifying ruling. Doing that is still super funny. Please keep Madonna. It's time to drop the charade.

We got a dossier from the CIA, and we're on to you. You've been fucking with us for 20 years. You don't like love actually either. And finally, cheeseburgers are money now and we're super rich. Okay, announcements. Those are the announcements, folks.

That's the announcements from America. Hey, I want to talk more about our trip to London so far, but why don't we welcome a real expert? Oh, she's a celebrated comedy writer and one of our favorite friends on Jordan, Jesse Goh, a native of this very great Britain.

Please welcome to the stage Sarah Morgan. Hi, Carol. How's your trip to England? Magical. Are you your trip to England? Magical. Are you confused by the toilets? I'm not. I think that's a door. Did you know?

So one time, sorry, one more toilet. Sure, yeah. Okay. That's what people are here for. They're here for shit content. One time on Judge John Hodgman, the topic of toilet plungers came up. You know what I'm saying when I say toilet plungers. To of toilet plungers came up. You know what I'm saying when I say toilet plungers. Okay. Toilet plungers came up. And we were talking about whether to have a toilet plunger

in a guest bathroom. And the agreement was you got to have one in there because otherwise the guest might have to come ask for one. And someone from England said, I don't even have one of those at my house. Or maybe someone would have one of those at my house. Or maybe someone would have one of those in their garage or something. And we were like, you've got to be fucking mental. What happens when the poop clogs the toilet? Now, get a load of this. I did some research.

And it turns out their toilets don't clog from poops practically ever. Because they have different water levels in them. Oh. But more poop gets on the inside of their toilets. Again, because of the different water levels. So we as Americans

have traded cleaner looking toilet bowls for having to have a plunger. Huh. That's such a metaphor. I love it.

I don't know what it is a metaphor for, but it's definitely a metaphor. I've had the food here. Yeah. I would imagine your sh it is a metaphor for, but it's definitely a metaphor. I've had the food here. I would imagine your shits would be hard to deal with. I've been

eating here for a couple of days and had some lovely meals, but had a few mushy peas movements. I do have a food-related question. I wanted to get Sarah's take on it and maybe some audience members as well. I've got a lovely Italian deli by my hotel. Popped in for a quick breakfast.

Got a, ordered an egg and sausage on a baguette. And the workers. Just as they do in Italy. Yes. I love their, it was Italian baguettes. Ah, so crisp, flaky. The person taking my order, I would describe as a cranky grandma. So I order this sandwich, and she just looks at me and goes, sauce!

I panic. I say, what kind do you have? She says, sauce! I panic more. I just say no thank you. What was the sauce? What was... Can I...

Before Sarah interjects... What did I miss out on? What kind of word would you say sauce is? Oh, boy. Well, we haven't done this running bit in a while. It's a cum word. Sarah. They remember. It's a come word. They remember.

They've got to get a son, I guess. What is the sauce that she was yelling about? Do you know? Yeah, what was your guess? She might have been just saying you were being cheeky. Oh, like I was serving the sauce. She did not seem to like me. So I'll poke a hole in that. Yeah, I would say, so egg and sausage?

Egg and sausage. Yeah, so brown sauce sauce okay so brown brown i should have known it's always brown with you people i had a breakfast in dublin that was in a grocery store and it was a hot bar and the person behind the hot bars command of english was weak and i so was not able to convey subtleties of the food ordering process or the foods available. And it just said I could pick four things and they would put them into a sandwich. So I picked one bacon, one sausage and two eggs. And then she said, which sauce would you like? And there were lots of sauces and I picked brown sauce. Did I do it right? Classic, yeah. Perfect.

Was it Daddy's or HP? Actually, this was Dublin. They may have their own. It was this giant squeeze jug. It's like a whole different country. I haven't seen Daddy's. I've been keeping my eye out for Daddy's. It's best not to see Daddy's sauce. No, I want to.

Daddy, show me the sauce. Is that a good new catchphrase? Should I start saying that on every episode? It's Daddy's or HP. Daddy's or HP. The House is a Parliament sauce. Okay. It's the two.

They're the Coke and the Pepsi of brown sauces. Which House of Parliament is better for sauce? Lords or Commons? Which is the one that Christopher Guest is in? Oh, I think he's a Lord. Yeah, that one. Yeah. The Nigel Tufnel one, yeah.

Also had a lovely visit to the British Museum. I don't want to bring down the mood of our comedy show. I don't want to bring down the mood of our comedy show. I mean, you know, how did all the stuff get there? Let's not get into it. But also agreements, Jordan. Agreements. Agreements.

Between co-equal parties. We're bad too. A lot of baby coffins. A lot of baby coffins from around the world, throughout history. We all need a place to put a baby once in a while. And it was fun to compare and contrast. In Greece, they're shaped like little bathtubs. They were shaped like little bathtubs, the baby coffins.

Now they're like hexagonal. Sure. So yeah, that was a real hoot. Yeah. Did you see the Elgin marbles? Oh no, maybe I missed the marbles. You probably didn't, but they're huge. The marbles, what does that mean?

Because I always imagined, I'm not going to lie, marbles. Genuinely, until I was about 40, I thought that. But no, they're the huge fucking great marble things in the British Museum that are under contention at the moment and should be returned to Greece. Also, speaking of Greece, I saw a wonderful figurine. This is a figure from Greek history. I believe his name was Apex.

Getting stabbed in battle. Full erection on this little guy. Now, I imagine in ancient Greece, they probably just walked around with erections. But if I know anything about the ancient Greeks. It made me think is. I'm no classics major. Is getting stabbed on the battlefield the ultimate kink? I mean, if you get stabbed on the battlefield, as long as you don't lose too much blood,

you get a boner, right? Because when you die, you get a boner. You become tumescent. Wow. So this little figure I saw was medically accurate? Yeah. Wow. Amazing, those Greeks.

That's why I'd love to die. All right, we'll be hanging out after the show. Sarah, I'm glad. I'll be taking selfies. Jesse will be accepting your murders. Sarah, I'm glad that you brought up the Houses of Parliament, because I actually have a Parliament that you brought up the houses of parliament because i actually have a parliament related quiz for the two of you um man did i have a great time on

wikipedia preparing this um this quiz is called the right honorable sir dingle foot um uh or the tragic death of sir ding Dingle Macintosh Foote, who was a real member of Parliament. It also has several alternate names. What happened is I gave it this name, and then I realized I should have asked comedian Guy Branham for names because he's obsessed with parliamentary democracy. And so he gave me Palace at Deadminster,

MPDOA, the right honorable corpse, and private members kill, which he says is a pun on private members bill, and then backbiting in hell now. Let us know what we say is funny. We're unclear. So

Sir Dinglefoot served 27 years in Parliament representing Ipswich and Dundee. He practiced law in 13 countries. He was a member of the British delegation at the San Francisco Conference in 1947, and he hosted the BBC current affairs program in the news. Then in 1978, he died tragically in a Hong Kong hotel room, having choked on a sandwich. So in memory of this loyal public servant, we're going to play a quiz. I will be offering you tales of the tragic accidental deaths of members of parliament.

One is real, two are lies. Your job is to ferret out the truth. Are you ready? Yes. Sarah, I'm going to have you go first. Here are your choices. First, let's see how it works. Okay, great.

Admiral Wedgwood Hedlum stood for Reading in Berkshire from 1923 to 1931. He died tragically in 1938, having been asphyxiated after catching his necktie in the flywheel of a mechanical water pump. necktie in the flywheel of a mechanical water pump. Sir William Cate, third baronet, represented Warwick from 1722 to 1735. Then in 1741, he died tragically, burning to death in a house fire he lit himself while temporarily insane. Sir Ian Francis Cheatham sat for Leighton East

from 1865 to 1871. He died tragically after entering and losing a prize fight against a real live ocelot. Now, one of these is real. Sarah, which one of these is a real way

that a member of parliament died accidentally? Okay. Cheatham sounds a bit Dickensian, like a made-up Dickensian name. Do we have ocelots in this country? I mean, you could bring them in for prize fights. Oh, true. I'm not sure if they could get licensed.

We could find an ocelot and put it in the British Museum. The Marquess of Queensbury might have something to say about it. I will go for burnt to death on purpose. You are absolutely correct. Sir William Cate burned himself to death while temporarily insane. So that's going to be one point for Sarah. One. Okay, Jordan, are one point for Sarah. One. Okay, Jordan, are you ready for yours?

Yes. Okay, here are your choices. Fresh veal mordant represented Malmesbury from 1694 until 1697. These are just real things. I didn't make up like the places are real places.

It's a nation of self-parody. Freshville Mordant represented Malmesbury from 1694 until 1697. In that year, he died tragically after contracting sepsis in a wound caused by his having punched a bronze statue of a political rival. Captain Louis Fenton represented Huddersfield from 1882 until 1883 when he died tragically, falling from a window after standing on a chair to get a better view of his turnip patch. view of his turnip patch. Sir Sackville Darcy sat as Member of Parliament

for Stow Market in Suffolk from 1874 to 1888. He died tragically in 1895, drowning in the waters of Blackpool, Lancashire, after being dragged out to sea after catching his gentleman's appendage in a trawling

net. When you're describing all these people, I'm just picturing chimney sweeps. It's basically chimney sweeps with white powdered wigs, I think. I think, boy, I think that the bronze statue thing is a little too specific to be made up. I'm going to say bronze statue. You're incorrect. It's the guy who fell out of his window while trying to get a better view of his turnips. Holy shit. There's a whole Wikipedia article for this.

Okay. This is back to you, Sarah. Okay. This is back to you, Sarah. Winston Walter Whitbread was elected member of parliament for Bedford in 1859 and served until 1881. In 1884, he died tragically consumed by flame after hiding a lit cigarette in his velvet robe in an attempt to avoid the disapproval of his wife. robe in an attempt to avoid the disapproval of his wife. The Honorable Guy Cuthbert Donne, the seventh Viscount Down representing North Riding of Yorkshire

from 1882 to 1885. He died tragically in 1889, having been killed by a wounded buffalo near Mombasa and finally Octavius Pleidobuveri second Earl of Carhampton was a Tory

member of parliament for the village of Bossonet Cornwall from 1768 to 1770 he died tragically in 1784, suffering from intestinal distention after consuming eight pounds of sugared plums. You're kind of having an ASMR quality.

They really are. Which of those is real, Sarah? I don't think men hid cigarettes from their wives then. Really proud about it. Wounded Buffalo. I'm going to go for Sugar Plums because that's just a nice image. Incorrect. The Wounded Buffalo killed him near

Mombasa. Back to you, Jordan. You have a chance here to tie. Exciting. It's a real contest with real stakes. Wow, stakes. Guess what? The winner wins a Jordan Jesse Go Bumper stakes. Wow, stakes. Guess what? The winner wins a Jordan Jesse Go Bumper sticker. Oh, boy.

Okay. Are you ready, Jordan? Yes. Henry Valandingham sat in the House of Commons for 15 years, beginning in 1822. He died tragically in 1853, his mincemeat pie having been poisoned by a band of Moldovian separatists. Thomas Ardern represented sandwich in 1547. He died tragically in 1551, having been strangled to death with a napkin by the hired assassin Black Will of Calais. Then struck with a tailor's pressing iron by his wife's lover

Thomas Moresby, who then cut his throat with a dagger and dragged his body to a nearby meadow. I'm having trouble with where these end. Well, they end in tragic deaths. Ah, yes. Okay, that's, yeah.

Of beloved public servants. Galfredus Walpole was MP for Sudbury from 1720 to 1725. He died tragically in 1726. Having put something in his butt, he shouldn't. We've all been there. I'm going to guess. It's the only way I can get an erection. Getting stabbed on the battlefield or the other thing.

I'm going to go with another kind of clue. I think you struggled a little bit with that first name, which leads me to believe that you didn't make it up. So I'm going to go with another kind of clue. I think you struggled a little bit with that first name, which leads me to believe that you didn't make it up. So I'm going to say A. Incorrect. He struggles with all the names and the words. The hired assassin Black Will of Calais who murdered Thomas Ardern

with the help of the tailor Thomas Moresby. They got caught because they left a trail of blood between where they murdered him and the meadow where they left his body. A classic mistake. Classic mistake. Okay. Just for the viewers,

he's got a huge erection in this picture. Yeah. For the folks listening at home, we have nasty slides. And everyone's getting too horny. What's going on? Okay, Sarah, this one's back to you. There's only two left here, okay?

Sir Luke Thompson represented Sunderland from 1922 until 1929, then regained the seat in 1931. He was knighted in 1934 and retired in 1935. Six years later, he died tragically when he was caught up in a winch. Six years later, he died tragically when he was caught up in a winch. Lord Archibald Cavendish Moulton represented the constituency of South Northamptonshire from 1892 to 1895. He died tragically in 1897 after a dramatic fall from a hot air balloon. And finally, Sackville Clark was MP for Oxford from

1562 until 1567 when he died tragically, crushed in a stampede of pilgrims, rushing to view what was purported to be the desiccated remains of the roasted quail served at the Last Supper. I'll go balloon.

Incorrect. It was Sir Luke Thompson who was consumed by a winch. Can you imagine? He was too old to get out of the winch and the winch ate and destroyed him. All these people were like on opium all

the time, right? Like they just kind of don't know what's happening. They're just falling out of windows. I mean, this is the 30s. His name is not silly enough. That's true. Jordan, this is the final question and it's worth however many points it takes for

you to beat Sarah. What? Oh my God. How excited are all y'all? Oh! You could win one of these bumper stickers you don beat Sarah. What? Oh my God. How excited are all y'all? Oh. You could win one of these bumper stickers you don't want. Oh. Yeah, I don't listen to the show. What a rogan guy. Okay, here are your choices. Sir Wilfrid.

Somebody's having fun. Sir Wilfrid Danks Waddy stood for the constituency of Carlisle, representing the region from 1859 until 1868 when he died tragically, having been killed and eaten by a tiger after falling into an enclosure at the London Zoo.

Sir William Payne Galway, second baronet, sat in the House of Commons from 1851 to 1880, representing Thirsk. He died tragically only one year after standing down from Parliament, having suffered severe intestinal injuries after falling from his horse onto a turnip. Turnip's the deadliest root.

And finally, Fergus Wedgwood Ben, first Viscount Stansgate. Viscount. Sorry, it's killing me. It's Viscount. Hey, don't count. Don't count, Splane, do us. Thank you. Thank you. You're guests in our country. Sarah, as you can see,

as you can see right here, it's spelled V-I-S-C-O-U-N-T and I'm sick of your bullshit and I'm demoting you to lieutenant. Okay. Fergus Wedgwood Ben, first Viscount Stansgate. It's a nonsense phrase anyway.

Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo, whatever, you know? Second Dildon of Tarble. Oh, I have a castle. Fucking Lord of the Rings-ass country. What's your problem? I have a castle. Fucking Lord of the Rings-ass country. What's your problem? I have a castle. God gave it to me. Work here.

Okay. Fergus Wedgwood Benn, first Viscount of Stansgate, sat for Willesden East from 1892 until 1904. In 1914, he died tragically, having fallen rear first onto a heavily lubricated harpoon gun. It's another one where something went in his butt and killed him. Who lubed up the harpoon gun? It's been inside a whale.

Those are pretty lubey animals. That's a good point. Okay. Is anybody in the crowd like an expert in this stuff? You're a podcast audience. A lot of lamps went dark so that that harpoon could go up that guy's ass. Does anybody here think they have a guess? Yeah.

The Arsenal supporter. Me. You think it's me? Yeah. You seem really sure. Thanks, Wally. I'm steady. Okay. Are you just saying that because you think it's the funniest supporter? B. You think it's B? You seem really sure. Dank Swaddy. I'm steady. Okay.

Are you just saying that because you think it's the funniest name? Which is a fine reason. He's saying that the funniest name is Dank Swaddy and that's too funny.

Oh, you're saying it can't be A? So you think it's B? Yeah, that's a little unbelievable. Okay, no. Jordan, now think about it carefully, because I know you're a Manchester United supporter. That's right.

We don't know what these mean, okay? We're sorry if we say the wrong thing. Do not headbutt me in a pub. Just tell this guy you love Spurs. Say up the Spurs and he'll be okay. I love Spurs. He just gave me the no, no, no finger. He really did, like, a not even a jest.

That was terrifying. I'm going to get Nick Hornby on the phone and have him host the show. That would be great. Yeah, it'd be much better than us. Then I'll listen. Yeah, okay, I'm with you, sir. I think that's great logic.

I'm going B for the win, baby. Yes, that's right. Two different members of Parliament died in accidental turnip deaths. Yes. Oh, my God. Congratulations, Jordan. You know, I'm going to hand this to you, friend. Come see me after the show.

This is yours. You earned it. Thank you all. Arsenal supporter. This is bullshit. This is like the women's welcome. Oy, oy, oy, or whatever. So pissed off.

So close. Sari, it's been a joy to have you. We're going to welcome you back onto the show. It's like the women's welcome. Oy, oy, oy, or whatever. So pissed off. So close! Sarah, it's been a joy to have you. We're going to welcome you back onto the show. Please welcome, please, wait, hold on. Sarah, it's been a... Matt, leave all this in. Producer Matt, leave all this in. Matt, just cut straight to the part

where Nick Hornby takes over the show. He invented Ladlit. Okay. Sarah, thank you so much for joining us. We'll be bringing you back on stage later on in the program. But for now, please thank the great Sarah Morgan. Hey, Sarah Morgan. Truly one of the greats.

We have another beloved Jordan Jesse Goh guest who is an Englander. He lives right here in London, England. He has a career that is very difficult to describe. He has asked me not to describe him as a magician. Although he is aware that that might lead me to describe him as a juggler.

Instead, we're going to introduce him and just have him do some of his shit because it's unbelievable. Please welcome to the stage, Matt Ricardo. Hey, JJ Go producer Matt Lieb here. Just interjecting because Matt Ricardo is about to do a bunch of knife tricks that look cool. But over audio, it's just a series of tapping it's just like applause

laugh so instead of doing that um we're gonna do some quick ads so back in a second on jordan jesse go it's jordan jesse go i'm j Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Of course, every single episode of Jordan, Jesse go is brought to you by you. The people who have become a member of maximum fun. If you're a member of maximum fun, our thanks to you. If you're not yet a member, it's easy to become one, go to maximum fun.org slash join, uh, and make sure to click that you listen to Jordan, Jesse go, your money goes directly to us. Um, and that's how we keep the lights on. Also of note, uh, if you don't yet have one of our Jordan, Jesse go bumper stickers, we still have a few we're getting to the bottom of the pile, but, uh, I have been sending them out myself. So, uh, we'll put the address in the show notes, but send a $5 and an SASE, self-addressed stamped envelope, to Sticker Offer, Maximum Fund Incorporated, 2404 Wilshire Boulevard, number 9A, Los Angeles, California, 90057. And I will not only send you a sticker, but I will send that $5 to El Otro Lado,

who are providing direct services, legal and otherwise, for migrants at the U.S.-Mexico border, both sides of the U.S.-Mexico border. And you can feel free to put in more, and we will donate the rest. And not only that, anything more than five bucks, I will match within reason. You can't just put it in $10,000. We'd have to talk about that. Anyway, yeah, send that in. We're also supported this week by the folks at Stitch Fix. You know how we feel about Stitch Fix. It's the source of all of Jordan's favorite shirts. If you have just been wearing the same t-shirt and shorts all summer long, and you're looking for something to step up your game as we step into autumn, Stitch Fix is the perfect way to do it. As you probably have already heard on this program, Stitch Fix is a really neat service. You go online, you fill out their, you answer their little questionnaire. It's actually kind

of fun answering their little questionnaire. They get a bead on what kind of clothes you like and what size and shape your body is. And they can either just send you stuff. They can send you a box and it's really easy to send back what you don't want. Or they can make a little store from you to pick stuff yourself, depending on what kind of shopper you like to be. The thing that I like most about Stitch Fix is how actually it is easy it is to return the stuff that you don't want. They put the envelope in there with the, you know, UPS or FedEx or whatever it is labels on the envelope. All you do is just shove them back into the envelope and give them to the FedEx. It is easy peasy lemon squeezy. You can even have them pick them up from your house. And like I said, they find out what size and shape your body is too. So no matter what size you are, from extra small to triple extra large, you'll find something that fits you great.

Thanks Stitch Fix. They just get me. They'll get you too. Try today at stitchfix.com slash JJGO. You'll get 25% off when you keep everything in your fix. That's stitchfix.com slash JJGO's stitchfix.com slash JJ go stitchfix.com slash JJ go. We're also supported this week by the folks at Lumi Labs. They're the micro dose folks. You know me, Jesse Thorne, the king of drugs. You know that I love to eat drugs. The nice thing about LumiLabs is when you're microdosing, you have total control over your experience.

So whether you want to sleep easy at night or enjoy a movie a little extra or calm down some anxiety, you have the access to the dosing that works exactly right for you. have the access to the dosing that works exactly right for you. Perfect entry-level doses of THC so you feel just the right amount of good. You know, Jordan likes to take them to fall asleep. I like to take them in the evening for relaxation and enjoyment. You might have your own reason. Microdose is available nationwide. To learn more about microdosing THC, go to microdose.com and use code JJGO to get free shipping and 30% off your first order. Links are in the show description, but again, that's microdose.com slash JJGO. Matt Ricardo trying to get a boner over here. And I can confirm, it worked!

Wow. Holy shit. Terrifying up close. Matt, you want an over sticker? You know what? Give one to the Arsenal guy, too. Oh, I thought I was going to give one. Pass one over to the Arsenal guy.

I'll give it to you after. Come find me after the show. I'll give you this one. Matt, you're a man of many talents and many interests. What do you think about toilets? I'm a keen amateur. You have one particular interest that I was fascinated to learn. We were having a chat at MaxFunCon a couple years ago,

and you launched into a monologue about a fascinating subject. I never wanted you to stop talking. Amazing that a man who dresses up in a suit and does these amazing feats could be interested in this next topic. So I wanted to prepare a quiz for you on this topic, which you are so passionate about. It's a quiz that concerns this man. Oh, shit. Steven Seagal. Steven Seagal, everyone.

Now, it would be hard to convince anyone that didn't live through the 90s that this man was a movie star. Steven Seagal doesn't look like a man who should be on a movie poster. He looks like a guy who sells incense and wolf t-shirts out of the back of a pickup truck. He looks like a guy your childless aunt brought to Christmas. She met him at AA and he can't stop letting you know, you know, Jesus was born in the springtime. Christmas used to be a pagan holiday.

He looks like a constipation grunt that became a real boy, and then that real boy grew up to have an Oxycontin addiction and make his own nunchucks. So we're gonna play a Steven Seagal quiz that we're calling Thunder Siege. Thunder Siege, everybody. We're gonna have some fun.

Now, Matt, just before we start, how did you get into Steven Seagal, and what leads you to be fascinated with this lesser action stuff? How dare you? Wow. I am a martial artist. I've been studying martial arts since I was a teenager. And I was a young, I don't know if you've met any young white guys who do martial arts.

But they're knobs. So when I was a young white guy that did martial arts, I probably was at least a degree of a knob. So, you know, I watched all the martial arts films. I watched Steven Seagal films. The first four Steven Seagal films are good. I will defend that. What martial art watch Steven Seagal films. The first four Steven Seagal films are good. I will defend that. What martial art does Steven Seagal do? Steven Seagal, or to give him his correct name, Take Sensei.

I believe he's pronounced Viscount. he's an akidoka he is famous for being the first westerner to ever teach aikido in Japan that is of course a lie like everything Steven Seagal has ever said now I have to say I have a little advantage in this quiz the other day I went to my massage therapist

and we were talking about show business as you do in Los Angeles, California. We're from Hollywood. And she says, oh, well my dad's a film editor. I said, oh, interesting. And she goes, he edited almost all of Steven Seagal's movies.

So my massage therapist has hung out in Steven Seagal's house for long periods of time while doing her homework while he circled her. Only later she realized it was because she was sitting in his favorite chair. He was trying to use his magic powers to get her out of the chair. Jesse, I was going to give you an advantage in this quiz. It sounds like you already have one. Do you still want this? I know that.

I know that. And then I know that her dad, who still is friendly with Steven Seagal, asked him what he thought of the war in Ukraine and he said that it didn't exist. Okay. So, I'm still going to give you

this leg up here because Matt is such a super fan. I really appreciate it because that's really all I got out of her. Okay. Yeah. So at any point during this quiz, you can call Steven Seagal. Sorry. Hold on.

You can call him. The staff here at the London Podcast Festival has him on. He's waiting on the line. Action star Steven Seagal? Yeah, the guy. Aki dojo? What's his name? Aki dojo.

Taka sensei. Taka sensei. Yeah, so he's just waiting. He's been listening in. He says we're doing great. I hope we continue to do great because I've seen the video where he repels people

with his G-Power. Yeah, so at any point during this quiz, if it gets too hard for you, you can phone Steven Seagal. Okay? Okay. So all I have to do is say phone Steven. He's on the line. Yeah. You can just say Steven or Mr. Seagal or whatever you want. Takase. Takase. Takase works too. So yeah. Actually, just to show you how it's done, we're going to start with Matt. Okay. So I'm going to read you a list of three things. One of them is real. One of them is made up. Or sorry. you a list of three things. One of them is real, one of them is made up.

Or, sorry, two of them are made up, one of them is real. Which of the following three movie titles are real Steven Seagal movies? Driven to Kill, Today You Die, Half Past Dead. The Way of the Fist, Dead at the Scene, Kill Count.

Death Liker, Not Without My Spotter. The Punchtacular Kick Ventures of Chauncey Q Chokeslam. Chauncey Q Chokeslam. Nice work. Thanks. Very nice work. That one's fake. I just want the credit.

It's beautiful. Well, Half Past Dead is a tender coming-of-age tale set in Parisian suburbs in the 30s. It's got a lovely early jazz soundtrack. Today You Die is a hilarious rom-com set in the corporate world of the 80s. That's not true. You're right. It's A, Driven to Kill, Today You Die, Half Past Dead.

Matt Riccardo, everybody knows his Steven Seagal movies. Wow. So it's one to nothing here, Jesse. How did you get his phone number? Don't worry about it. Okay. It's fake. The staff?

The staff had his phone number? Yeah, they did. He does a podcast. The sound guy, Alex? He does a great podcast. He was here last year. Him and his buddy from college watch all of Battlestar Galactica.

And they just break it down. And they have a lot of fun inside jokes. And you mainly listen for the friendship. The new Battlestar Galactica or the original? Oh, they're doing the whole thing. Oh, wow. Yeah. Okay, Jesse.

Which of the following is an actual product endorsed by Steven Seagal? Lightning Bolt, an energy drink made with Tibetan goji berries and Asian cordyceps that comes in three flavors. Cherry Charge, Root Beer Rush, and Asian Experience. Wait, Asian Experience? Next. Going to read the next question. Magma Bomb. next gonna read the next question magma bomb by the way one other thing that my massage therapist told me is he would just go through different periods where he would claim different ethnicities

kind of part of his deal at one point he said to her dad well we're italian we know and her dad was like you're not italian anyway true story that'll come up later uh two magma bomb an all-purpose bomb that steven invented after studying herbology with a level 14 herb shaman a level 22 bugbear clip-on ponytails bald men children everyone can enjoy steven's taut yet silky male tail. Comes in three scents, sesame oil, new car, and freshly punched face. Talk it out.

Which of these is real? Okay, well, I mean, the product here that probably makes the most sense is the balm because I feel like he's so famous in the martial arts community that, you know, selling something to MMA people or something would be... Yeah, how do you feel?

That's a good logic. Do you want to use your lifeline? Do I only get to do it once or I can do it as many times as I want? What do you want? You know what? Let's get...

Can you call Taka Sensei for me? Yeah, can we get him on the line? Steven, are you there? Hello? Hello. This is Steven Seagal. Wow. Holy shit.

It's really him. I'm a huge fan. Matt, don't fucking embarrass me, man. I'm trying to get... Okay, Steven, there's three things, and I'm trying to figure out which one you do. I don't know if you remember. It's either an energy drink.

It's either an energy drink. It's either an energy drink. Is everything okay, Stephen? Yeah. I'm just working my way through a bowl of ramen. Oh, well. Raw, not wet, not moist. A true Asian experience. Okay.

It's either an energy drink, a balm, or a clip-on ponytail. I don't know how much you know about the ways your name has been licensed, but do any of those sound familiar to you? Well, yeah. You're going to have to give me the brand names because I don't remember the products. Lightning Bolt, Magma Bolt. Yeah, yeah.

Okay, I'm going to go with A, Lightning Bolt. You are unfortunately right, and we have a little video clip for you. Lightning Bolt is a unique energy drink. It's the first of its kind. With 100% pure juice blends and is the only energy drink to contain Tibetan goji berries and Asian cordyceps. This is real. You get this spot every time.

This is a real television commercial for a real product. For a bonus point. Okay. Say your name to ring it. In US dollars, how much is a single can of lightning bolt currently going for on eBay?

Jesse. Yeah. $22. Matt, you want to take another guess? of lightning bolt currently going for on eBay? Jesse. Yeah. $22. Matt, you wanna take another guess? I'm gonna go more. I'm gonna go, eh, 50. $1,500. $1,500 American for one can.

I believe, I don't know what flavor this is. Ah, Asian experience. Matt, I got five on it if you want to go in. Absolutely. Okay. Great. Okay. Matt, this next one's for you.

Okay. Hold on. Hold on. Steven, everything going okay on the other end of the phone line there? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Just wanted to make sure he was all right.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Just wanted to make sure he was all right. Oh, yeah. If it sells on eBay, do I get money? I don't think you get any. Yeah, if it's not you selling it.

Typical for Steven Seagal. Yeah, they cut you out of the deal. Yeah, they do, yeah. Even Putin cut you out of the deal. What? What? What? Matt, which of these is an actual description of a gif of Steven Seagal that you can look up right now on the internet?

Is he in a Tai Chi uniform eating a carrot, in a leather vest with no shirt brushing a dog, or crying at a Taylor Swift concert? Okay. It's not C because crying is weakness. He's talking it out. The first two sound completely believable. I believe it is A. Let's see, shall we? Yeah.

There he is in a Tai Chi uniform eating a carrot. For the folks listening at home, you're going to want to Google that. All right, Jesse. He's wearing red sunglasses. No, the frames aren't red. The lenses are red. Makes everything in the world look red to him.

Jesse, this one's for you. Okay. Which of these is an actual quote from a Steven Seagal movie? You think you're hard? There's no one on this ship harder than me. Okay. I'll have 300 agents come up here and crawl into every orifice you got.

Or, I'm going to punch your face with my dick. Oh, you didn't know my dick is a fist? Because it is. Talk it out. Steve, okay, I'm going to get Taka-sensei back on the line. Talk. Are you telling me to talk? I mean, I'm not going to stop you.

Okay. Do any of those lines sound familiar? I know you've been in a lot of films. Yeah, they just tell me what to say. Okay, do you have a favorite of your films? Yeah. What's your favorite martial arts move? It's the one, I like the swinging fist.

That's the, you know, that's translated from the original Japanese, which references some kind of animal. Yeah, I agree. That sounds right, right? I mean, not that I would ask you to question. You use the ear to disable the face.

Right. Got it. Use the ear to disable the face, yes. So wise. I feel privileged to have had this lesson. I'm going to say, A, you think you're hard. There's no one on this ship harder than me. No, it's not that hard.

It's not that hard. I can't imagine that he could punch someone with his dick. I don't know. Imagine it, baby. Steven, what kind of dick you got? What are you working with? It's got, I mean, it's not, it's hard to get it into a fist,

but it does have basically five fingers. All right. I'm going to go with B then. I'll have 300 agents come up here and crawl into every one of his. Let's see, shall we? Let's face it, I don't believe in your authority. Maybe you'll believe a gun up your butt.

How you wanna do this? You wanna play this game all the way? I'll have 300 agents come up here into this little hick town and crawl up every orifice you got. When it's over, you can go to your favorite proctologist and get a nice soothing ointment and rub it on the hole that hurts most.

How do you want it? It was B. Holy moly. We still use that catchphrase to this day. Holy shit. Matt, can you name, I don't have it in front of me. Can you name that movie? Oh, I don't think I can.

Hick Town... Oh, that's all of them. No, I don't think I can. I feel bad that I can't. Stephen, do you know the name of that movie? We're all kind of stumped. No. No.

That's okay. This is funny. So just as a little added peek into my research process, to find this, I went on an online list labeled Stephen Seagal quotes. I just Googled that, and this list came up, and this was on there. I have made a lot of mistakes, Stephen Seagal. Well. Guys, we're coming.

He thinks, Matt, I would ask Steven this, but I don't know if he remembers. I feel like. Can I also, it's 32. I put a number on it. It's 32 mistakes. Thank you. That's a lot. Thanks, Steven.

Yeah, it's a lot. I'm not proud. Well, I am. am actually i am proud that's that's kind of my thing okay um matt am i wrong to think that steven sacal thinks he can fight guys without touching them um yeah i'm sure that he does think that yeah Yeah. Aikido's kind of, I don't want to get shit, but a lot of Aikido is bullshit. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, he agrees. That's the third tenant of Aikido. Wow. A lot of it's bullshit. Okay. Final question, everybody. We're all tied up, so you're going to ring in with your name,

and the first one to answer this will win the game. Will win one of these bumper stickers or whatever. Okay. Which of these is an actual song lyric from Steven's album, Songs from the Crystal Cave? Wait. Yep. You'll be shocked to hear it's blues rock.

Songs from the Crystal Cave. One of these is an actual lyric. How like a wolf, run like a hurricane. You're a big dog, but I'm a great day. Kick, punch, it's all in the mind. If you want to test me, I'm sure you'll find the things I'll teach you is sure to beat you. And, sorry, me want the punani.

See, for me make nice. Me want the buddy. Him want the punani and me know it nice. Matt. Matt, wow. So you have songs from the Crystal Cave. I don't have songs from the Crystal Cave, one of his two albums, but I have seen him sing these songs live in Croydon, which was the single most

fucking bizarre experience of my life. There's a classic local reference humor. You said Croydon, and people fucking lost their shit. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you know, catch up. Croydon. So it's not just blues rock. It also has some reggae.

It doesn't. It's scene. I'm sorry. Excuse me? Yeah, Steven Seagal sings about, and I quote, the banana. Well, sorry panani. Well, sorry, everyone. Why? Tell me what you really want all night. I don't want the panani,

see if I make my night. I want the party, I want the panani. I'm in the way, nice. So. Yep, it was C, everybody. Steven Seagal. He's theal. He's just the worst. Yeah.

Can I? I might have enjoyed that. I'm not sure. I'm not sure, but I might have enjoyed it. Matt, you ran away with that. Three to Jesse's two. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us. Steven, thank you so much for playing.

Yeah, yeah. Let's hear it for big Stevie Wonder, Steven Seagal. Wow. Wow, indeed, Jesse. JJ Go producer Matt Lieb here. It's time again for us to take a little break. So we'll be right back on Jordan, Jesse Go. a little break. So we'll about films. We have film news.

We have film quizzes. We answer your film questions. It's like the maximum amount of film talk. That's why we call it Maximum Film. Maximum Film, the movie podcast that's not just a bunch of straight white guys. New episodes weekly on MaximumFun.org. If you need a laugh and you're on the go, try S-T-O-P-P-O-D-C-A-S-T-I. Were you trying to put the name of the podcast there?

Yeah, I'm trying to spell it, but it's tricky. Let me give it a try. Okay. If you need a laugh and you're on the go, call S-T-O-P-P-P-A-D-I. It'll never fit. No, it will. Let me try. If you need a laugh

and you're on the go, try S-T-O-P-P-P-D-C-O-O. Ah! We are so close. Stop podcasting yourself. A podcast from MaximumFun.org. If you need a laugh, and you're on the go. Hey, should we play one last game?

Yeah, let's do it. Let's welcome back Sarah, shall we? Sarah Morgan! Sarah Morgan! So, Sarah, tell us about the game that we're about to play. This is Jordan against me, right? Yeah. Okay.

Well, what's going to happen? So, it's kind of a long-standing tradition now when I'm guesting on the show. When you come to this country and this podcast festival, you like to enjoy the differences in our cuisine. You're foodie guys, right? Like to? You like to enjoy the differences in our cuisine. You're foodie guys, right? Like to? You like to enjoy? You like to talk about the differences between our cuisines. Have we eaten gentleman's relish?

Yes. It's a type of daddy sauce. Oh yeah. So I prepared a little quiz for you. How did daddy sauce even get brown? Great question. Seems like Daddy needs to go to the doctor.

Take me to the doctor, Daddy. Is that a good catchphrase? I don't know. There's nothing wrong with I got to get a sun. I'm working on it, Jordan. It's still great stuff. So I thought I would present a little quiz where I'm going to give you a selection of crisps, potato chips.

They are a combination of traditional British flavors that blow your fucking minds as Americans, apparently, and some other flavors. But I'd like you to identify them. Yeah. So in America, our chips have really broad flavors. It's like barbecue, ranch. And here in the UK, it's like pheasant under glass with green beans and a nice white wine,

and what the hell, let's split the tiramisu. Like, that is a chip flavor. Jordan, we need to explain that ranch, in America, ranch is a type of daddy sauce. Sure, yeah. Our daddies are ranch daddies. Yeah, you got some crazy chips over here. Cris Sure, yeah. Our daddies are ranch daddies. Yeah, you got some crazy chips over here. Crisps, yes. We're gonna put on these luxury sleep

masks. Nice. Why that crisp? I can feel the jet lag seeping away. It's more fun when you're blindfolded. Ask daddy. Yeah, we don't need these, do we? Yeah, we need them. This is part of it.

Yeah, it's part of it. We didn't discuss this beforehand. I'm just gonna get some more crisps. Matt, do you want to put some gaffer tape over these? Sorry, duct tape. Crisps. Okay. Sarah's getting more crisps?

My safe word is brown sauce. That's my danger word. Wait, we actually have danger words? Yeah, that like kicks the shit off, you know? This is... The mosque sick is freaking me out. Okay, so our job here is to try and identify the flavor of the... Yeah, they're just flavors of potato chips.

Please take the mask off. This is so weird. No, put the chips. I'm putting a bowl in your hand. Take one. take one or take identify no

oh okay there's a there's a bowl the bowl has been okay thank you thank you Matt Matt's walking me

through this I have a lot of trust in you okay all right it's spicy oh yeah it's got a kick

wow dang this is a traditional traditional British meal in it's a bitter spice. I'm going to call this... Do I get to guess? Yeah.

I'm going to call this like a Sunday roast. Is that something? Sunday roast? Sunday roast with a horseradish sauce. Or an Arby's roast beef sandwich. Yeah, I'm going to kind of follow the spice and say a curry. Okay. What, like a, just it's curry?

Like a yellow curry. Okay. Like a Thai curry. Sure. Jesse, you were closest. It is roast beef and horseradish. Wow. Does someone want to click?

Should I click the clicker? There you go. Tesco's finest roast beef and horseradish. Okay. Passing you bowl number two, Jesse. Now, this is actually a cocktail of crisps. It's a combination of two different flavours. What the fuck?

Yeah. You've got two different crisps there in two different flavours that create a cocktail. Okay, I'm going to try them. I'm going to take this bowl away now. Thanks, Matt. I love that Matt is concerned about the safety angle here. He's like, just clear these bowls away. I want crisps.

Oh, yeah, here you go. I'm thinking pickles and nightmares. Did you get both kinds of crisps? Okay, hold on. Yeah. You should have a round crisp and a ruffled crisp. Again, there is no reason for you to be wearing eye masks. I think I got it.

I think I got it. You didn't get a round. I didn't get... Okay. Hello, someone's holding my hand. There you go. You want on it. okay. Hello, someone's holding my hand. There you go. You want on it.

There we go. Okay. There we go. I'm going to say I think I got this. Thank you, Daddy. I think I got this. Gin and the color gray. Very, very British.

I hate it. Yeah. Just think cocktail. Think a cocktail. Okay, I'm going to say gin and think cocktail. Think a cocktail. Okay, I'm going to say gin and tonic and prawns cocktail. Gin and tonic and prawns. Yeah, very close. It was, oh, this clicker thing?

Okay, yeah, it was tomato and Worcestershire sauce. It was a classic Virgin Mary. Oh, yeah. It was horrible. Yeah. No, I hate it. Now you're wrong. It's perhaps Worcestershire sauce. Worcestershire.

Yeah. It's, yeah. Worcestershire. Yeah. So really close. Howdy. They've got eye masks on. They can't see.

I just realized. We do not need these. This is so weird. I was not, okay. That's the big reveal. So you click the thing. Yeah, okay. Here's bowl number three in your hand there, Jesse.

Okay. I'm going to eat this one. Is this another one that's two things together? No, no. So this is a traditional British flavor. Okay. You might enjoy it at the end of an evening. Ooh.

Mmm. You've had a big night out. Thank you. Okay. Yeah. Traditional British flavor. So my first thought is brown. Right.

My second thought is unfluoridated tap water. There is flavor, but there's not enough of it. Yeah. I'm going to guess dog that jumped out of the bath and ran around the house. I'm going to guess faded empire.

That's what you enjoy at the end of an evening is faded empire. Any other guesses? No, I'm sticking with mine. Okay, sure. Probably it. You sure you don't want

to eat some more of those? They are delicious. That was, in fact, Doner Kebab. Doner Kebab flavor. The traditional English treat. Number four, this is... It's an English treat.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's in the British Museum. We signed some agreements with some other nations. We're looking after it. We're taking care of it. This is a very traditional British crisp flavor. Okay.

This is just a classic. Yeah, it's a classic. Careful. For the listener at home, there are small wooden forks in the bowl to indicate the... I pretended that I thought it was a chip. To indicate the flavor.

Again, because they don't need to be wearing eye masks in this section. It was a wood. Chip is not wood. There's a bowl to your right. Thank you. All right. This one's not that bad.

Where's my wine? This one's not that bad. Yeah, this is good. A little sweet heat here. I'm going to actually try on this one. What are you getting? What are the notes? What am I getting?

I'm getting a sweetness and a little tart on the back. Is it sweet tarts? Yeah. Yeah, Valentine's Day hearts. I think it is. God, it's got to be something hyper specific. Okay, I'm going to say Kung Pao Chicken. Okay.

That's a great guess. Thank you. Saw that at the British Museum. I'm going to say brown sauce. I'm going to say brown sauce. That's my real guess. Brown sauce is good. It's a great sauce.

Congratulations on that. Ranch is great too, just so you know. It was in fact prawn cocktail. Oh. Yeah, a staple of the British diet. I mean, there's literally only one more to go. Okay, this is great. This is for everything.

Who's winning? Yeah, who's keeping score of this? No one. You are. This is your segment, Sarah. You got one right, I think. I can't keep score. I got a fucking luxury sleep mask on.

I might fall asleep at any time. No one asked you to do that. No one asked. No one wanted this. No one asked this. I'm passing you one asked. No one wanted this. No one asked this. I'm passing you a bowl now. Give me the bowl! Again, there's a shape that might help you with this and may not.

Okay, it's pretty crumbly. Okay, it's jammed up into a... It's like a chip got jammed up into a little squisher. A snappy squisher. Oh. Yes. This sucks. Yeah, again, this is a staple of the British diet.

This is every child in the country. Really? This isn't like a joke? This is made of British children? Yeah, absolutely. This is a Jonathan Swift situation?

Oh, yeah. No. Is that the flavor you think it is? A Jonathan Swift situation? Yes. Dark satire. By walkers.

How would you describe even just the form of it? Because I hated the form of it. Yeah. I don't know. It sucks. It's a reconstit form of it. I don't know. It sucks. It's a reconstituted potato snack.

We have these puffs at Trader Joe's called Pirate's Booty. It's like that. It is a little bit like Pirate's Booty. But what if it sucked? It's like Pirate's Booty if Pirate's Booty went in weird directions. That's like a puffed corn thing, I think, Pirate's Booty. I'm going to say pond.

You're way off base, Jordan. Way, way off base. I'm going to say sour pond. What is it? That's the best reaction I've ever heard. What is it? That's the best reaction I've ever heard. What is it? To an audience seeing a packet of Walker's Monster Munch in pickled onion flavor. Pickled onion?

No! Delicious. Can we take these off? Are we done? Is that the last one? You never had to put them on in the first place. Honestly. Who won?

Yeah. Now you'll never be luxurious I think you both won and your prize is these crisps I think we both lost Sarah no I

hang on I'll be actually doing I think you got beef right anyone anyone else get anything close yeah you got beef right so you win all these crisps

congratulations yeah woo woo I feel rested oh that's fucking awful Which one is this? That's tangy Tom and Worcestershire sauce

Yeah, does any Are these anybody's like Are any of these things that we've talked about People's like favorite chips You guys like Monster Munchers? Really? Boy, it's real I mean, different strokes for different folks.

What the fuck is a pickled onion? I know what a pickled onion is. I think it's a gross artificial flavor for a chip. No. Do you eat a pickled onion? Yeah. Like those pink onions. No.

The Gibson. I think about the cocktail. It's an onion. Can we get security to escort us back to our hotels? What you're saying is that in this country, an olive. I don't even drink, I know that. In this country, you take cocktail garnishes, impregnate them into puffy potato claws and feed them to children.

Yeah, in the shape of monster feet. This is why your grown-ups drink gin and tonics and think it's good. All right, hold on. Hold on. We're dividing the room. We're all having fun

and now things are getting aggressive. Let's thank Matt and Sarah. Let's do it. Let's hear it for Matt and Sarah. Thank you guys so much. And hey, I think that's our show. Give it up for John Luke Roberts. John Luke Roberts.

Sarah Morgan, Matt Ricardo, and thank you to everybody at the London Podcast Festival. This has been so much fun. We love it here. Thanks to all of you. Come hang out. We got bumper stickers. Yeah, thank you so much. Good night, everybody.

Love you. Kiss you and love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Maximum Fun. Love you