Jordan, Jesse, GO! - MaxFunDrive 2010: May 13-28

Episode Date: May 10, 2010

The MaxFunDrive begins May 13th.  It's your chance to put your money where your ears are.  Donate at maximumfun.org/donate.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys, and take off your shoes and socks and run you. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. And I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. And this is... Jordan, Jesse, Go! Icicles, tricycles, ice cream, candy, lollipops, popsicles, licorice sticks, Salmon, friendly, maggoty, edgy, Jesse's out of town, but never fear.

I've got Jewel Church Cooper from the Rotten Tomatoes television program and Jim Fastante from the game show. Let's go. You're listening to Jordan, Jesse Go. I am Jordan Morris, boy detective, You're listening to Jordan, Jesse Go. I am Jordan Morris, boy detective, filling in in the big host chair for the vacationing Jesse Thorne. And I have some very able co-hosts with me today,

some people I've been wanting to have on the podcast for some time. And I wanted to bring in people with different areas of expertise because the philosophy on Jordan and Jessica has always been cast a wide net. We're a general interest show, kind of the Time magazine or the news week of podcasts. So I wanted to just have a little something for everyone. Maybe a more apt comparison would be Reader's Digest. This is the readers digest of podcasts uh so here was some stories of humor and uniform uh no uh from uh from the world of movies uh we have a writer producer from uh the rotten tomatoes show on current television based on the

popular website uh and a comedian here in los angeles jo Church Cooper. Joel, thank you for being here. Hello, podcast listeners. And from the world of video games, host of The Game Show or co-host of The Game Show, a streaming web program that can be seen on thestream.tv, Jim Fistante. Jim, welcome to the program. Thank you, Jordan Morris.

So we have someone from movies, someone from video games, something for everyone, right? Exactly. These are the two things people in society are interested in, right? The cornerstones. I feel like between the three of us, we're really covering, we're blanketing Los Angeles in terms of an entertainment market area. Just, we have it all covered. Yeah, I think so too.

Because you do action sports at Fuel TV I do action sports Joel, you do movie Jim, you do video games What else is there to be interested in culturally? I don't know I mean, I guess the opera But I don't know any faggots

So, I mean, we'll just have to let that demo slip away Anyways, guys You know, Joel, you mentioned Los Angeles, and I think that's maybe a good place to open this up. Guys, maybe you've noticed the trend in Los Angeles, the trendy food truck. Oh, yeah. Food truck. Food truck, for those of you who

don't live in Los Angeles, is all the rage here. You can walk down the street at a bar, there'll be a food truck serving Indian food tacos or some sort of amalgam of two different things. It's always some sort of cultural combination. It's always a Korean burrito

and Indian taco. It's all something with Mexican food. It's really just something between a tortilla is what I would say. You can't go wrong with something cool in a corn tortilla, you know? Like, it always tastes good. Yeah, yeah.

So this has been going on for, you know, for about a year. It's like, you know, these are, you follow the trucks on Twitter, and they're all staffed by very attractive indie rock people. Everything's organic, locally grown, that sort of thing. And it's one of those things that I found, they're all tasty. Every gourmet food truck that I've sampled has been very tasty, but it's one of those things where it's like, you wish your coworkers would just shut the fuck up about it. Is that apt?

Do you guys feel like maybe that's something that's maybe over talked a little yeah i mean i'm on i work on wilshire which is like a huge contingent of the food trucks hang out yeah that is a battle right yeah and it's also yeah that's the thing it's like a battle amongst trucks but also amongst the restaurants that are there so you have different uh white guys with dreadlocks getting out of the trucks to throw french fry grease on each other for turf reasons well and and in addition to the low-level employees at these restaurants that are parked there all the time because their buildings uh sending out their like low-level employees to take up parking spots so the food trucks can't park there wow this is a yeah i've been reading about it online uh this is kind of an interesting uh offs of another L.A. turf war I read about recently.

In front of Man's Chinese, there's the crazy costume characters that take your picture. And your money. So these are people not employed by the theater, but people who just have taken it upon themselves to dress up like Spider-Man or Freddy Krueger to take pictures with tourists. And for those of you who haven't been, I think you ought to set the scene a little bit. There is nothing to do in Hollywood. You come down here with your family and you walk around and you'll be amazed how little there is actually to see and do. You can go see Man's Chinese. Sure.

And then once you're there, there was once costume characters who you could get your pictures taken with because that is something you can say, look, I went to Hollywood. Here's Man's Chinese. And here's Fat Batman. Here's fat batman and i can prove i'm hollywood and there was something about that that was popular because there was something to do because there's nothing to do down there yeah i mean you could you can uh look at stripper clothes to be fair there are a lot of stores selling clothes specifically for strippers well i used to work at the tv guide uh channel uh i think they want to be called network now and that was right at hollywood selling clothes specifically for strippers. Well, I used to work at the TV Guide channel. I think they want to be called Network now. And that was right at Hollywood and Highland,

right where that all was going down. Hey, they're not the boss of us, Joel. We will call them whatever the fuck we want. The dog wags the tail, not the other way around. And so I was down there with all those costume characters and all these tourists, and I think it was very clear the air of the tourists and the families there was just a... It was omnip and i think it was very clear the air of of the tourists and the families there was just a it was omnipresent it was always there no matter who the

truest were and where they what country they were from was just mild disappointment you know just like not super disappointed not like what the fuck i waste all this money but just like really okay okay and so i think that's what the costume carriers were feeding off of but you i'm sure you have some news about these costume characters. Well, I would say the other contingent that is panhandling down there by kind of the Hollywood madness. It's a fine line between the costumed people and panhandling. I mean, they do want your money for taking the pictures. So I think it's just a panhandling with a fantasy sci-fi element to it uh uh but the

other people they're asking for your money uh are the guys with disc man selling their homemade rap cds right um apparently at night the guys selling the homemade rap cds beat up the costumed characters all of them i think i don't from I think they're... I don't... From the article I read, it does not sound like the costumed characters are fighting back. Ironically enough.

I know. Who will save the costumed heroes? Apparently, Batman's utility belt is not actually filled with weapons. Maybe, like, bus passes. I mean, there was a certain... When I would walk down there for lunch and stuff. And to do, I had to shoot Man on the Street pieces down there, which was also awful.

But, I mean, those are always bad. In general, I think maybe you and I in our various TV positions could both agree that the Man on the Street piece is the worst kind of television. It is. It is the worst. It makes you feel so uh useless and vulnerable you know just like hey you want to be on tv no okay and then the people who do they're always crazy anyways sure so going down there almost puts you know it's like you're the television person so you should have maybe the power in this some power but i feel like it puts you like in this situation you're lower than a tourist yeah and then when you offer them television and they reject it,

it should have some power in our culture of like, do you want to be on TV? You should be like, let me think about it. You shouldn't just walk by me with a camera and just ignore me. Sure. And then when they do, it was awful. Even when they would stop, it would be terrible. Yeah, and I can't imagine there's anyone who actually likes watching it.

Like, oh, I wonder what a person has to say about a thing. You know, no one wants to hear that. But so I would go down there, and I would often get hassled by the costume characters who would want to get on camera, and what they would do is... That's good for their business. Right. You see Fat Batman on TV Guide Network. You get on Hotwire.com.

You book your ticket to LA. Well, they would do their IMDb to me. They'd be like, I was on this show. I was on this show. Wow. And I would be like, yeah, I know what we're doing. I got a fashion piece. I think a part of my soul just died.

The thought of a chunky Wonder Woman. Listen, her IMDb credits is somehow upsetting to you, Jim? But the other thing I would say about the people on Hollywood Boulevard in the costumes is you'll see what's hot at the time. You know? Because there'll be a lot of Batmans, like a lot of Batmans for a while. And then there was a shit ton of Jack Sparrows. Oh, yeah. And then there'll be like your A Jack Sparrow who looks a lot like Johnny Depp. And then there'll be like, you're a Jack Sparrow who looks a lot like Johnny Depp.

And then they'll be like, you're a B. And if you go down there now, there's a lot of Joseph Gordon-Levitt from Inception. He's just on wires constantly. I was thinking about an Inception joke. Normally it's like whatever hot movie. There was a lot of people painting blue for Avatar. Yeah, I bet. And then that's...

They should save that body paint for when the Smurfs come out. Yeah, right. Oh, I'm sure these people have like, they know the film release schedule and they plan the costumes. I mean, the good ones, I'm sure. And one time I did see the A Jack Sparrow at the YMCA working out with me. And that's 50 bucks a month. So if you can afford that... But one, he's got to stay in good shape. You know, Johnny Depp is in good shape. But two, I was like, man, that's 50 bucks a month so if you can afford that but one he's got to stay in good shape you know it's a johnny depp is in good shape but two i was like man that's pretty good

that's like he must be making a healthy chunk of change yeah yeah this isn't bally's do you think uh do you think those uh do you think those filthy uh poor representations of these popular characters ever get sex because of it? Like, do you think there's just some woman or person out there with such a Jack Sparrow fantasy? There's a groupie for everything. Yeah. You know, there's got to be some weird underground... Oh, God.

Now you're making me think about it. Some weird underground Spider-Man fucker. This was going to be a story about food trucks. Yeah. Now we're talking about Spider-Man fucking. We tangentialized quite a bit. Sure. Thanks, Sarah Palin.

But you're saying our food truck's overrated. Oh, no, no. You know, that's not the maybe main point I was making. The thing that – the dilemma that I had recently is that – I've worked in my same office for about four years. And pre-trendy food truck movement, there was a catering truck that just came every day at lunchtime called Hotline Catering. And it is your traditional food truck. It is run by a Korean man and what think is a mexican woman with a skin disease uh who does all the cooking uh skin disease and that she oh she's got maybe that blotchy

michael jackson skin oh okay all right uh she would have maybe if she didn't work at a food truck she could maybe afford a skin bleaching but it looks to make it uniform but sure but so maybe if she just got herself a nice sequined jacket and positioned herself outside of man's theater... Sure, she could leave the food truck cooking business behind and be a Michael Jackson impersonator. Yes. I mean, and learn English.

Maybe. Although I guess that's not a prerequisite. No, not really. You could just be Spanish Michael Jackson. All you need is a hee-hee and a glove. Sure, yeah. That's all you need. And, you know, I suspect that they get all of their ingredients from Smart and Final.

Nothing tastes organic or locally grown or... Good? Or good. You know, yeah. I mean, it's, you know, you're dropping three bucks. You get a bean and cheese burrito. There's some decent tacos. There's some nice, you know, crinkle cut fries.

The whole thing is, you know, fine for a working lunch where you have to be at your desk. But recently, and it's just been them. It's been them for years and years and years. In the past two weeks, the gourmet food trucks have started rolling up. Yes, there's a metal-themed burger one called Grill-A-Mall. That's a heavy metal. All the food trucks are basically puns as well. Yeah, there's a lot of puns.

It's heavy on puns. Yeah. Food trucks and improv group games. Yeah, right. Yes. Yeah, basically, yeah, when an improv group decides they're not funny, they just start a food truck, it would seem. And goddamn, like, okay, so there's this part of me that's like okay well food trucks are this obnoxious la trend and blah blah blah blah they are delicious across the board and they're inexpensive and uh you know

it's just a new taste delight every day and i feel bad that i have to walk past the korean gentleman with his change belt the splotchy mexican woman to go to the gourmet food truck uh staffed by the beautiful hipsters uh anyways it's a dilemma uh but not really is what you're saying you're gonna always go yeah you always walk past i know, but they definitely make eye contact. And you can tell that they can maybe sense that the era of hotline catering is coming to an end. And I just don't know how to deal with this. It's like I feel like a boy in a Boy and His Dog movie who maybe has to take the dog out to the field. I think it is a certain thing we're

entering a time in los angeles you know maybe is at the forefront of this at least you can't just be like a thing anymore you can't just be like i serve food you gotta have i serve food in this way you know like this is my shtick like uh i'm not i mean if you're just a restaurant that serves food then i mean you're just like what what i want to go there yeah well i want to go there sell me pitch me pitch me your idea restaurant come on a conveyor belt are the women dressed up like anime characters do i have to there's a there's a place in uh echo park it's like a vegan restaurant i read about it where you have to enter through a stairwell and go up to go down rather than just enter through the door because they want to create an environment

in the dining room of annoyance oh yeah we want to create the most annoying environment but so that you you can't ever be disturbed by someone walking in because they're i mean so that i mean and there were the blog posting that i read it was like this is even too douchey for Los Angeles. But it does speak to something I think you've got to have an angle. I don't know if there can just be like, I grew up going to diners. And like that was when we would go out, my family, we'd go to Sacramento. You're from, you're kind of from the Central Valley, Joel? Yeah, I'm from Sacramento, which is sort of the Midwest of California.

Sure. And when my parents, we would go for birthdays and stuff, we'd go to the nice diner, which is sort of the midwest of california and uh and when my parents we would go for birthdays and stuff we go to the nice diner which is lions lions was like a you know like they had clock table you know napkins for their diner so it was like oh we're going to lions fancy sure lions can't exist anymore like there is no fancy diner they would have to have unless some hipsters opened up a restaurant in the style of Lions. Right, right, right. There's always got to be that one layer. Yeah. Where the waiters all, they serve you and it's all the food at Lions, but they just make the jack-off portion while they're taking your order.

Exactly. We've got chili, I guess. But to be fair, Jordan, you're not going to save this catering truck by yourself. Yeah, no, I know. And if you did, I would. You're not even trying, really. You're not going to save this catering truck by yourself. Yeah, no, I know. And if you did, I would for your health. You're not even trying. Yeah, I have to eat eight burritos a day. Yeah, I kind of feel like it's okay.

Like, just let yourself know that it's not you that's doing the truck. It's the changing economic landscape. It's the times, man. Yeah. I feel like if we're going to broaden this out slightly, I feel like we are living in a time now where we can all pinpoint, eight or ten things that in ten years, that's not going to be there. You know? Like the hotline food, like catering, like just a catering truck.

What do you do? I just got food. You know? Is it good? Not really. No, it's not really good. I bought all these goods from Smart and Final. It's like that place isn't going to make it.

Like I used to work growing up, I worked at video stores. I was a movie nerd. That was what I used to work at, video stores. I will have to explain to my children what a video store was. Yeah. Not even a DVD but a tape. Sure. So you used to go to another place.

Why wasn't it just on the TV? Well, we couldn't download everything onto – There was no internet. Yeah, a gajillion gigabyte hard drive that held all of television of all time, you know? We just called things up. We would have to go and then rent, and long movies came on two tapes, you know?

You wanted to watch The Godfather. Or Casino. So, uh, where did you attach the nodes to your penis for the virtual jack-off? No, you had to just imagine having sex with them and then masturbate yourself. What? Manual masturbation?

No nodes? Like animals. Yeah, right. Cavemen. Okay, so I think the conclusion maybe we've come to is just to accept the fact that hotline catering's time has come and gone, and I shouldn't just feel bad about it, and I should just eat my delicious curry tostada salad every day. Without guilt.

Just know that this is how, if we're going to live in a capitalist society, it's a circle of life. Someone's got to die. It is. And I think that's what the Lion King was trying to tell us. Well, thank you very much. This is Jordan Jessico. I'm here with Joel Church Cooper, Jim Festante.

We're going to come back after a break. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you. This is Jordan Jessico. I am Jordan Morris. Boy detective. I'm going to point to you guys. You're going to say your name and the nickname that you're allowed to come up with. Oh, Joel Church Cooper.

The Cooper. Oh, wow. The barrel maker? Yeah. Okay, that's what a Cooper is. Yeah, I know. It is. The church, I don't really go to church, but I do make a lot of barrels in my off time.

I don't do anything with them. Do you want a barrel? And that's a spiritual experience for you, of in place of church yeah that's i mean when you're when you're really bending wood you know which is really what barrel making is thank you i don't have time to get into the semantics of barrel making with you i could do hours i have my own barrel making podcast that i can have you on later sure that'd be great i mean i have nothing to add if it's all gonna be talking about making, I could just sit there and say that's interesting. That's pretty much all any guest does on the show.

Sure. Do you have a segment about bung holes? Which is a hole in a barrel. Hey, let's do this with Jim. Oh, my God. Jim Fostante. And as much as I listened to your show, it eluded me that I'd have to come up with a nickname. Yeah, well, man.

Dropping the ball. We can come back. I'll take Ball Dropper. All right. Jim Fastante. Because it works on a couple of levels. It does. It works on a couple of levels.

I know you're dropping balls all over town, Jim. Boom. So this is maybe a fitting topic for conversation. Joel, we know each other from kind of the world of L.A. comedy, but maybe kind of recently we've been running into each other in the entertainment reporting junket circle. Yeah, we're sort of, when you go to these junkets, you look in these hollowed eyes of these long-time entertainment reporters

that just... Oh, maybe just a very quick explanation. Junket, for those of you not in the Hollywood thing, like we are. Made us sound both awful, technically speaking. This is when actors are promoting a movie. They go to a hotel. They sit in a chair. You sit

across from them for four minutes and talk to them about their movie. Anyways. Joe, you're talking about the flaccid, dead eyes of the entertainment reporters. Yes, because a lot of these people are – it's almost like an old school thing that kind of is dying out, but there still are some outs – there's your ETs, your Access Hollywoods, but really these junkets are beyond that now. They're like – I mean they're local reporters flown in from outside of California a lot of times. Yeah, yeah. It's people from like the Fox affiliate in Butte.

Yeah, so the Fox affiliate in Butte, they got a guy, let's call him Gary, and he's been doing – Gary from Butte. Yeah, Gary from Butte. And he's been doing interviews with celebrities for 30 years. And in Butte, he's hot shit because he gets to talk to Julia Roberts every, you know, four years. And who from Butte really gets to do that? So we go to these things. The town crazy guy.

Legally. Legally. Legally, yes, yeah. So I go to these junkets, and everyone's these, you know, Jeannie Wolfe is this old woman who always wears a wig, and she's talking about when she talked to Steve McQueen, you know. Everyone's bitching about the spread, and me and Jordan occasionally will lock eyes,

and we'll be like, oh, hey, hey. That's a guy I can talk to. Hey, guy I can talk to. We can be normal, right? We can be normal and do bits. We can just do bits and not have to talk about this craziness. Sure. And not have to talk to our makeup guy about...

Oh, yeah, I know. Yeah, definitely the... My coloring? When you're waiting for your turn, you're in kind of this hospitality suite, which is a suite in a hotel. And, you know, there's a spread of food, which you are right. The entertainment reporters always complain about.

The Four Seasons Danish's are never good enough for – Somebody call Hotline Catering. Yeah, right? Get Hotline up there. Get them in there. I mean, it's always a way to name drop what other junket you've been to. Yeah, right. Sure, sure.

I went to the Sorcerer's Apprentice junket, and they had a top quality catering. This is BS. They were slicing prime rib in front of you. To be fair, that is how Nick Cage rolls, though. Yeah, he brings his own prime rib slicer. Is Nicolas Cage done being famous? What's his deal, do you guys think? He just walked off a movie set.

I heard that, yes. Nicolas Cage disappeared. Who owes like millions of dollars to the IRS. Because he spent $60,000 on a dinosaur skull. Are you serious? Yeah, he outbid Leonardo DiCaprio in an auction for a dinosaur skull. And yeah, Nicolas Cage, I guess, is famously kind of on the run from the IRS. And yeah, I guess walked off.

You know, I have a friend that owes the IRS money. And starring in a movie, that's a pretty sweet way to pay back the IRS. Yeah, I mean, that'll pretty much do it, probably. He doesn't seem like he has a lot of problems saying no. So as long as it's an action role, he'll pretty much do anything. He's like, will I get to talk weird?

And they're like, yeah, sure, you can talk weird. That's kind of why we're talking to you. Why we're considering you. This all kind of circles back because I just recently went to the Sorcerer's Apprentice junkets. And I met Nicolas Cage. I interviewed him. How'd that go? I will say that you go in, you're like, he can't be as weird as he would seem.

And he is as weird as he seems. He seems to have it, and I don't know if, you know, what we would call, I mean, I don't know if you call him a great actor. I think he's been given great performances, right? Yeah, I mean, he's definitely... Well, we all saw Ghost Rider. We did,

and yes, and so he has a pass because of his great performance in Ghost Rider. But I think there's something about, like, some, like, you know, the actor-reactors, they act a little crazy sometimes, and they're a little weird. Like Marlon Brando was a big, you know, weirdo. Sure, yeah, yeah. And I think it comes, I assumed it came from the impulse to, like, they make interesting choices because they have no filter, you know, and they just sort of live out their id. And then I sat down, you know, and for five minutes I asked Nicolas Cage questions, and he just was a big weirdo.

Just a big old weirdo. And he has weird pulled back hair that was dyed blonde. And he took himself very, very seriously while just saying crazy nonsense. I asked him what we did a thing on the show called Secret Movie Confession, which is a movie that someone would think that you might not like. And he responded by saying,

I don't know if it's a secret because I don't have any secrets because I live my life in full volume. Right? But he wasn't kidding. He was very serious. He's like, no, no, I just want you to know, if you thought maybe I turned down the volume of my life, I just wanted you to know that you have been misinformed.

I fall full volume. That knob stays at 11, sir. Yeah. And so then he said his movie that he wanted to say was JCVD, the Jean-Claude Van Damme movie. Okay. Which is a French movie. Have you heard of it?

Yeah. It had a little arty thing. It was like a dramatic role, and he has this great monologue in it, Jean-Claude Van Damme, where he just cries. And he's talking to the audience. It's interesting as a movie. And then Nicolas Cage goes,

that monologue scene, you know, it's like I could see the pain in his eyes, and it just told me that this was a man who was capable of great things. And I called him, and I said, we should work together. I want to do a movie with you. I want you to kick me in the face. Right.

But he mentioned the pain in his eyes four times. Wow. Oh, man. And so, I mean, and he wasn't, like, a jerk, you know? He wasn't, like, you know. No, he didn't think he was better than you. He just was, like, just ridiculous. Sure. Like, he wasn't like, you know. No, he didn't think he was better than you. He just was like, just ridiculous. Like, he was sincerely ridiculous.

But he's also someone who sincerely cares about seeing the pain in someone's eye. Yeah. Like, who's really interested in the pain within someone's eye. And then as soon as he saw that, he needed to call Jean-Claude Van Damme to tell him that he had seen it. Well, in Wicker Man, when they put the bees on his head, you see the pain through the cage of bees. I can understand how he would identify with that. No, absolutely.

I mean, he obviously tries to bring that intensity to his roles. We're talking Ghost Rider, Wicker Man, The Sorcerer's Apprentice. National Treasures 1 and 2. Nick Cage is a National Treasure. Absolutely. But he does, every once in a while, he'll just throw in that, like, he was really good at adaptation. Like, every five years, he'll just do one where it'll be... Yeah, I know.

He really knows how to, like, throw in that... Right. That justification. Yeah, he's like... For, like, okay, yeah. Yeah, because didn't he do adaptation right kind of in his post-Con Air, The Rock period where he was like – He definitely did. And Bad Lieutenant is kind of a little bit of that for him.

Oh, yeah. This is a Werner Herzog movie. Yeah, where he sort of plays up his handiness, but he's doing it on purpose. It's very similar to the performance he gives in Wicker Man, but just everyone's there on the joke this time. Okay. He's like, this time it's on purpose. Right. Exactly.

one's there on the joke this time okay he's like this time it's on purpose exactly uh anyways uh so but but uh you were maybe even saying that you had a bad experience with uh miss helen yeah uh yes i was really excited is it dame helen mirren i don't know if she's been damed yet yeah i think we can call let's dame her now helen mirren um i With my cock. Oh, what? I'm assuming, when I said that, here's what I was thinking. It was like knighting someone where you do the sword on both sides of their shoulder. I was thinking with a woman,

you just do that with your donger. That seems like and no one has a bigger dick than the Queen of England. No, it's huge. That seems like people in England would do that all the time. That would be like their dick slapping. A sexual move. Like, I knight the, you know, my sexual being or something.

Oh, sure, yeah. America has the donkey punch, and Britain has the dick knighting. The dick knight. I don't know. I'd be the, you know. Sure, the Earl of Blowjobs. For a gay dude. Yeah, that's what I was't know. I dub the, you know. Sure, the Earl of Blowjobs. For a gay dude. Yeah, that's what I was looking for.

I was looking for the Earl of Blowjobs. That wasn't funny. But yeah, that was sort of the thing about, she's like, because Helen Mirren's like a Judy, you know, a Judy Dench that you still maybe have sex with, you know? So there's like, there's that esteem mixed with that like, man, she's got a little like got a little, you know, she's still kind of foxy. In her 70s, I bet she fucking, you know. Yes. Was she in Caligula?

She was in Caligula. There you go. She has a reputation, reading up on her for this interview, of kind of catting around a little bit. Yeah, I believe it. Dated Liam Neeson when she was like 20 years older than him for a long time. Anyways, so I'm going in. I'm kind of excited. It's my biggest interview so far.

I did Tilda Swinton the week before. That went really well. She seems like kind of a weirdo. Went great. We shook hands afterwards. Chatted for about like five minutes. It was great. I'm like, I did Jonah Hill.

That went great. So I'm like, I'm ready. I can do Helen Mirren. You've done all the bits. I've done all the bits. Tilda Swinton. Tilda Swinton. All the lead-ins. Dame Beauty Dame. I can do Helen Mirren. You've done all the bits. I've done all the bits. Tilda Swinton. Tilda Swinton.

All the lead-ins. Dame Beauty Dane. Joan O'Hill. So I go in there and our main feature that we get is five favorite films which is we ask them what their five favorite films are

and we've got to do a little producing to coach them but in the end it's kind of a good piece because it's almost better than an interview because if you can actually get their five favorite films and get them to talk about it

you get, I think it's very revealing about what your favorites are and why and what what time in your life you saw them like it can be interesting so we always get them cleared ahead of time and so they know about it so it's like they're gonna be thinking about it or at least they're gonna be okay with it so i go in there and um i said hey thanks for doing this and she goes okay uh and then she just goes, okay, they are all Pixar movies. And I said, so are your top five all Pixar movies? Right.

So you say, is the top five, you know, Cars, Toy Story 2, Toy Story 3. At this point, I'm just trying to sort of like, okay, because I just sat down, you know. And then she says, no, that's my number five is all Pixar movies. And that doesn't really work for a list. Like, it's got to be a specific one. And I say... And maybe this is more of a problem because I've seen these pieces and you are not on camera for these pieces. So her arguing with you will seem like she's insane.

Right. She has to say to the camera, number five is... My favorite film. Yes. She has to go to the camera and say it. And so I also tell her that. And she goes, okay. Looks at the camera.

All Pixar movies. And I go like, no, it's not. Say number five. So then I say, can you name a specific one? And she goes, no, I like them all. And I said, okay. Do you have a memory of one that you like? A joke or something.

Just something we can show B-roll to. And she goes, I don't have a memory of one that you like a joke or something just something we can show b-roll to you know and she goes uh i don't have a memory for movies that'd be funny she's like i don't like movies she kind of also but she implied that she doesn't watch a lot of movies and then after she sees them she can't remember them okay so then so then i'm like all right and then she said like a french film and i go okay and i said what did you like about that movie? She's like, I don't remember. And I was like, okay. Can you say number four is the French film to the camera?

And she goes, no. Wow. And so then I'm like, oh, okay. Sure. And then I'm like, ah. And then I laugh. This is like a power move. Yes.

And then I go, ha-ha. And she goes, are we going to talk about my movie? And I go, oh, how it works is like, and then at the end we say, these are my five films and go see my favorite. And I'll explain how we promote the movie. And she just, it became very clear that she just didn't want to do it. Sure. And that she just was like having, and she was having fun with how sweaty and squirmy I was getting. Sure.

Because the more I started to flop, sweat, and panic, the more she just started to kind of smile. And it was like... And what I learned, and if you meet her, you might learn this as well, is Helen Mirren doesn't... Which I'm sure we all will at some point. Helen Mirren doesn't want to do shit she doesn't want to do. When I go to CaligulaCon,

where she is the signing autograph. If Helen Mirren wants to talk to you, she's going to talk to you. If you want to talk to Helen Mirren, if she doesn't want to talk to you, she won't want to talk to you she's gonna talk to you if you wanna talk to Helen Mirren if she doesn't wanna talk to you she'll wanna talk to you you know like she just had a very

like afterwards I mean she blew it apart like we didn't get anything we wanted it was basically me just scrambling with her for five minutes and afterwards

she goes did you get what you needed and I go no I didn't and she goes alright it was fun and then she shook my hand and it was like

she got what she needed Right Yeah She just kind of Fucking destroyed somebody She just kind of Fucked me for five minutes And that was like

That was what she felt like Doing at the time And at the end It was like Okay Alright that's your deal Okay now you know It kind of ruined the segment

But you know Like I can't I'm not mad at you Like she didn't do it In such a way It was malicious Even though she was

Taking enjoyment in my pain Yeah yeah yeah She didn't kind of Arise Maybe it you like she didn't do it in such a way it was malicious even though she was taking enjoyment in my pain she didn't kind of awry maybe it was like a British thing but it was very it seems like a British thing

I couldn't be that mad at her at the end we shook hands and she was like very nice at the end sure it's like you were a worthy opponent that she destroyed

sure she absolutely destroyed yes and made you the Duke of Cunnilingus right there in the hotel room uh what movie was she promoting the love ranch was a movie where she's going mad kind of open and closed real quick gotcha didn't have that rotten tomatoes push could have had yeah well

that's probably why she would have cooperated with the five favorite film segments well she's listening to this podcast so she'll know the error of her ways yeah i know she's a big jordan desi fan i can tell yeah i did that she's she she's constantly writing in and leaving voicemails and like we have to like draw the line with fans like we don't you know like hey we do this we're glad you listen but you know he's off yeah it's getting creepy back off helen mirren um, this is Jordan Jessica. I'm here with Joel Church-Cooper from the Rotten Tomatoes show on Current, and Jim Fastante from the game show on The Stream.

I said TheStream.tv. Sure, dude. Urban it up. Yeah, The Stream. Bag it. Can we have a Z on the end? Can we have The Streams, maybe? Yeah.

Jim, are you adverse to adding a Z on the end of your website? We are now. Yeah. Jim Fast are you adverse to adding a Z on the end of your website? We are now. Yeah. Jim Fistante from thestream.tv. We'll be right back. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. This is Jordan Jessico. I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. Joel Church Cooper, the Cooper. Jim Fastante, ball dropper.

Nice. Oh, this is great. So, Jim. Yes. When on the topic of celebrity embarrassments, you had won at Comic-Con if I... I did. So, Comic-Con, I... I did. So, Comic-Con, I went down. The company I work for,

we do video game marketing. And this is not the stream. No, no, no. This is Day Job. Yeah, so we do a lot of cool stuff. You bring guys dressed as Sonic the Hedgehog to malls, right? Yeah, pretty much. And then sit there in just jealous rage as they get all the attention sure um

so we we we got the chance to we're doing this and then you come out of the bathroom in your homemade tails costume but it's too late everyone's already gone yeah the cinnabon is closed uh and so we went down we're doing this gears of war thing where we're putting together a trailer for the game so we're setting up it's like late the where we're putting together a trailer for the game. So we're setting up. It's like late the first day. We get down there. It's very stressful. And we have to send our boss photos of the setup

just so he could sign off on everything, make sure it's cool before we start filming. So we're waiting forever. We're set up at the Xbox room. Make sure someone isn't accidentally dressed as a Halo. Or from Sonic the Hedgehog. I know. It happens.

I brought my Tails costume. So can you just not wear that at the Gears of War thing? It makes me feel confident. So we're setting up. We're at the Hard Rock Hotel waiting for them to come fix the internet. They're like, oh, we'll send somebody up. I go downstairs. The concierge is this long-haired surfer dude from San Diego who doesn't give a shit about anything.

And it's just not helping me at all. Literally, these hot girls are coming up, and he's like, hey. She's like, okay, I understand, but I have legitimate questions. Sir, I have a video game event to plan. If you would kindly halt your pursuit of pussy so that I may set up my kiosks for our multiplayer demo.

No. All right, then. So I go back upstairs. I'll just lay down. At this point, we're just like totally frustrated. So we go have a cigarette. Oh, you could say you smoked five. All right.

That's fine. And, you know, we're just like hanging out. And it's like in this kind of a conference room. It's low lighting. And the door finally opens up. And this guy walks in and my boss our producer just like looks over and he's just like oh are you here to fix the internet and this guy just kind of like looks at us all confused he's like no and in my brain i thought

oh my god it's lavar burton but my mouth the roots miniseries yeah star trek roots excuse me he was jordy laforge exactly which is where my geekery came from which is why i actually blurted out oh my god you're lavar burton i believe in a very high register nerd squeal which so probably in your brain it was like oh my god you're lavar burton but in reality it was like, no! Yeah, he might not have been able to actually understand that. I'm sure, but some dogs... We could only hope. They're like, look, LeVar Burton's here. Dogs love LeVar Burton.

They do. They came with next generation box sets in their mouth. So he would sign them. Yeah, Captain Picard, not a favorite among dogs. Geordi LaForge. Very popular. So, yeah, so it was just very embarrassing. And our gaffer who was sober.

So your producer just assumed that LeVar Burton was there to fix the internet. So, yeah, and our gaffer who was, you know, stone cold sober just, like, saw LeVar Burton come in, knew who he was immediately. He was just like, all right, just be cool. Like, hey, can we help you out? And as soon as I blurted that out, he's just like, god damn it. I'm not good around celebrities. What was he doing at your? He was going to a party for Microsoft at the Hard Rock.

Listen, LeVar Burton goes at Comic-Con where LeVar Burton wants to go. No, sure. He is practically the mayor of Comic-Con. Sure. I mean, unless Bruce Campbell shows up. Yeah, that's right. Then he's deputy mayor. You're right.

I mean, really, on the civic board, he's probably treasurer. But it's still a very important position. Were he to team up with say Will Wheaton then bow down they would create some sort of

unstoppable chimera I read some coverage of Comic Con which was and one of them was from the

what is the the burned the burned USA show that Bruce Campbell's on what is it called Burn Notice yeah

it was a Burn Notice panel and basically they said the audience did not give a shit? Burn Notice. Burn Notice, yeah. It was a Burn Notice panel, and basically they said the audience did not give a shit about Burn Notice, did not give a shit about anyone else. It was just Bruce Campbell, and then whatever Bruce would say anything. Bruce Campbell plays like a super minor part on Burn Notice, from what I understand.

He's like the sidekick. Okay. And I think Bruce is not in a point in his life where he wants to work out a lot. Oh, sure. Why would you? So he gets to be charming and fat in Hawaiian shirts. So he's preparing for Bubba Hotep 2.

So he seems like he's kind of in, if this was Point Break, he's in the Gary Busey role. Yes. Is this character modeled after Busey from Point Break? It's very similar, I would think. But so the audience was kind of politely waiting just for Bruce Campbell. And whenever he would speak, everyone would go, apeshit. But, I mean, really, if you're going to get a sidekick on a cable action show, Bruce Campbell's great because his whole career has been doing a lot with a little.

You know, just very, like, I mean, if you look at the lines that he was given to make iconic, they're not particularly great lines, you know, like groovy, you know, or give me some sugar baby you know like right sure he's yeah it's overselling he oversells everything uh you know actually this is maybe a good topic to bring up with you guys uh this is something we were talking about uh we were talking about maybe uh two or three episodes ago but but I think it's worth opening up once again. We were talking about movies that are widely considered failures

that you love and think people need to revisit despite the fact that they are widely considered failures. My example was the recent Jude Law unnecessary surgery vehicle, Repo Ben. Would you like the healthcare analogy sort of underpinnings to it? You know, I did. I thought it was kind of a funny. It was timely.

It was very timely. And that kind of funny, like, RoboCop, like, this is very obvious commentary, but we're having fun with it kind of way. Anyways, does anything spring to mind when you guys hear a widely panned movie that I loved anyways I got two okay

which I don't know if the first one was widely panned but it's certainly not didn't get fantastic reviews and I don't think it necessarily has done that well

on it's video life is Albert Brooks is Defending Your Life I love that movie I think Defending Your Life is well regarded is it well regarded I saw it recently via Netflix on Demand and really liked it.

I feel like Albor Brooks is sort of not ranked as high as he should be in terms of the comedian esteem level. And I feel like Defending Your Life, Modern Romance, and Lost in America, his three best movies, are underseen by people, even people who like comedy. Have you seen Lost in America? I have seen Lost in America. I have not seen that first one. Modern Romance. Modern Romance. Modern Romance is a romantic comedy where it starts with him breaking up with her.

Okay. And then it's great. It's great. It's tough to see. I think I bought it on VHS. I don't even know if it's been released on DVD. Okay. So if Depending on Your Life doesn't count, then I'll go Alien Nation. see i think i bought it on vhs i don't even know it's been released on dvd so uh okay so you if if

if the defending your life doesn't count then i'll go alien nation the uh james conn manny patinkin cop buddy picture right where he's manny patinkin's an alien and james conn is his hard bitten partner who hates aliens oh this was a tv it? They made a TV series after the movie. It's basically like in the heat of the night, only with aliens instead of black people. Okay. But if you like a little... It's LeVar Burton. It seems like something LeVar Burton could get on pretty easily.

Remake. Yeah. But it actually, like, a lot of the jokes... I watched it recently because I had to do a... For my job, I do a lot of top five lists. And I had to do top five buddy cops. I think around cop out. Ah. And I think I named them number one just because I liked it so much.

It was like, one, Lethal Weapon does not hold up very well. This was pre-Mel Gibson going crazy. But even when you watch it now. Crazier. He was still crazy. crazy but even when you watch it now when he was still crazy and it's very clear he ad-libs three homophobic lines that under his breath that made the final cut so it's a lot of like like uh like there's a there's an implication lethal weapon that two women might have made out and he goes that's fucking disgusting and then and then they'll move on it's like what what what riggs

all of a sudden hates lesbians you probably should have cut before you said that so that is the whole alienation to be really held up it was kind of funny and was kind of cheesy but it was enjoyable you know actually

you know what I saw recently now I saw cop out and like any right thinking person hated it because it was terrible

despite the fact that maybe maybe on paper that's something you would want to see, no, no, Cop Out is awful. But I saw the other guys recently, and I feel like that had kind of the tone Cop Out might have gone, like maybe that's what you think Cop Out would be like.

Anyways, it's a funny take on a buddy action movie that's actually kind of a good action movie. Well, I think there's a difference between Adam McKay and Kevin Smith. Sure. Craft skills. Yes, craft skill, talent, I think. 90 pounds. Well, I don't know why I'm piling on Kevin.

That's not fair. He's a very funny person and a great interviewer who should not really make movies. Yes. If Kevin Smith just wants to be a public figure, I'm fine with it. You're all for it.

He seems like he'd be one of the great panel, like, we used to have panel game shows, you know, like he would be great.

The new Jim J. Bullock. The fat guy in the hoodie in the corner and then he just goes off. It's hilarious. You there in the jorts. The other guys I think is the best

Farrell-McKay joint. Oh, really? I would say. It's not as funny as Anchorman, but it's a better movie. Anyway, super worth seeing. I liked it a lot. Jim, when you hear

a widely panned movie you love anyways, what do you go to? Man, I can't. I'm terrible about movies. I mean, I'm sure you guys like obviously joel but i'm assuming jordan you're also big into movies and i'm kind of not okay which is also a sticking point with my girlfriend who is huge into film uh can i go the other way can i talk about a film that should be a classic that i had to turn off and embarrassed to admit it yeah

no this might be a fun uh this might be a fun flip to the discussion uh yeah what we we were told i have a few of those too anyways okay we were we were told that we had to watch a touch of evil oh sure yes it's an orson welles movie uh where um charlton heston plays brown face yes so okay regardless of the brown face which was awesome um the way the movie opens is amazing it's just this one long pan of just like the whole downtown and it's just like it's incredible it's an incredible shot especially for the time that it was filmed i and i was like oh this is gonna be fantastic and dude about halfway through it i was just like i couldn't watch it anymore and it was just it was so sad to turn off and then just like looking at orson welles and remembering like, my God, the last thing you did was to voice Transformers.

Yeah, in the original 80s cartoon, he was the voice of Optimus Prime? No, he was the big planet. Why can't I think of the name? I don't know. Planeton. Planeton, the planet eating planet. Sure. Yeah, there's also like, there's a crazy sort of reefer madness.

Like, I don't know if you made that far, but... I don't think I did. Like, these Mexican hoodlums get hopped up on the reefer and terrorize Janet Leigh because they're all high. Wow. And they get crazy and rapey. Because that's what... That's, I mean... Well, that's...

We've all... Okay, admission. We've all had a joint. Admission. I wanted to rape LeVar Burton. You were stressed out. You had a joint. I wanted to rape LeVar Burton. You were stressed out. It was the drugs talking.

I'm with you on Touch of Evil. I think that's one of those film snobs like because if you go, okay, the movie sucks. The script kind of sucks and then Charlton Heston's not great and Janelle Lee's not great. But if you're like, but look what he does with this shot. And look what he does. There's this classic stereotypical moment, but he does it in this way like you can get into it on that level but on a pure watchability level it does sort of it's just orson welles approaching his frozen pea moment it just becomes very clear that he's getting to the he's preparing for viral video status well to me, it's sort of like it's him taking the schlockiest, terrible script he could

and trying to like, I'm just going to throw everything at this thing. I'm going to do this crazy first shot. The end is kind of cool. And really, he shoots himself in a way where he's fat and disgusting and gross. I will 100% agree with you, though. It is a tough watch, and i watched it once before college once in college and i have no intention of ever watching it again there's no i i can reference it with other film nerds you know but but there's no reason to watch it once you can do that you

know so you said you had one uh yeah i have quite a few recently. Avatar. Kim is not. People need to get behind this thing. I think it's on DVD now. I saw it at the Dollar Theater. Joel, I don't know if you sympathize with this, but just because of our jobs of going to film junkets, I maybe just have to go see a lot of movies that I wouldn't normally see in the theaters.

Let's see. I'm going to stick up for the Wolfman remake. Wow. I think the Wolfman remake was very cool, actually scary, very gory, and kind of funny. Anthony Hopkins gives a really cool performance in it, and there's a cool scene in an old-time insane asylum. I didn't see it. The reviews were so bad.

I know. Yeah. I think an unjust i mean benicio del toro is weird and it looks like they just turned on a camera while he was like wandering around in costume and like maybe i i didn't notice this specifically but i could see like him just drifting out of frame because he doesn't know where to go uh he seems confused in the movie uh but the the movie itself is is worth watching. A ton of fun. I thought of another one.

Which again, I'm bad at this because I kind of am an elitist and work very hard to project that. So it's tough for me to even...

Hence the monocle that you're having trouble keeping in your eyes. It's tough. And it is a lovely ascot. It's not even a prescription. It's just glass. I just like it for the effect.

It actually impedes your vision. You're bumping into stuff. So I like movies that are so bad they're good. And then I kind of bounce back up to movies that I think are great, but that just no one really, you know, fell through the cracks. Like, it's tough for me to, like, I don't know. I don't really like a lot of movies that, if everyone pretty much hates a movie i usually end up hating it but uh and this is another one so it's not quite that but it is a movie that i think is underseen that i i've re-watched

probably a dozen times is the zero effect starring bill pullman oh yeah and uh what is that that's lone star right from um the Star Wars parody. The Mel Brooks one. Yes, yes. Spaceballs. Bill Pullman is in Spaceballs. Lone Star. We took a while to get there, but yes, he was in Spaceballs.

That's all I can think of when I see Bill Pullman. It's essentially just a Sherlock Holmes update with a guy being a private detective who has some of Sherlock Holmes' quirks. And because they update it like he's obsessive compulsive and crazy uh and he uh likes he does uh speed all the time and like stays up for four days straight and like uh ben stiller's his watson who has to sort of keep him in line and uh he only drinks tab and like canned. And it's really funny, but the mystery is really cool. It's about 10 years old now. I would say if you like detective stories, I mean, I watch House on TV.

Oh, okay. So I like detective stuff, even if they're kind of... You know, you're going to have to turn in that ascot there, fancy pants. I know House isn't good, but if give me like a good actor in a detective role and the mystery is semi-interesting I always get sucked in nice

actually Murder She Wrote yeah Murder For Instance well who doesn't fucking love Angela Lansbury oh sure I'd like to make her the Earl of Blowjobs

if you catch my drift Jim all too well Jordan now Joel I don't know how how effectively you'll be able to play along and this but uh jim do do you have you noticed this uh uh concept in video games is there a widely panned video game that you will stick up for despite uh despite its kind of bad reception i've got one okay you start you start. You can think of it.

For those of you at home who aren't interested in this, go fuck yourselves. Spider-Man Web of Shadows. This is a recent Spider-Man game where you can switch back and forth between the regular Spider-Man suit and the Venom suit. It's the first one in a long

time that hasn't been based on a movie. So it's, yeah, and it's got this kind of kooky plot. Super understood is very, very mediocre. I think it's a great game. It's super fun. Lots of other characters from the Marvel

universe come in and get taken over by the symbiote. So you get to see, like, symbiote Wolverine, symbiote so you get to see like symbiote wolverine uh symbiote black cat uh very very fun uh yes spider-man web of shadows very good game anyways it's it's probably in the in the ten dollar range now so i want to go to the blockbuster and grab it out of the bargain bin i mean like joel i'm kind of elitist okay when it comes to the video games um so yeah so I'll usually... Then you're going to have to turn in your power glove

that you're wearing. You will get that off my cold, power-gloveless hand. Can I do my thing where I reverse you and talk about... Yeah, sure. No, I don't know. This is a widely loved game that you hate. Yeah.

The more I play the recent Transformers, the more I'm just like, I don't like this game. And everyone loved it. Everybody was just like, I think it was because, you know, when you make a Transformers game, it usually like out and out sucks. Sure. And this was the first one that was kind of like, no, this is cool. And I feel like the further you get with it,'re just like no it's better but this is not based on one of the movies that's kind of this original transformer story put into a game and it has a kind of maybe a gears of war like mechanic it is it's a it's like a third person shooter sure and you transform how can you shoot well you can be

the robot and also whatever thing you transform into depending on the character that you pick yeah i just remember uh the last transformers game based on transformers 2 a big part of the marketing campaign was that megan fox actually did the voice for her character uh which is like yeah what how how yes that's what i enjoy about so basically it was more it was more realistic acting than what you would have seen in the movie. Sure, yes,

or heard. Maybe you can help me with this. Why do the adaptations, the video games released with movies released, why are they always terrible games? It seems like they throw a lot of money at them.

They try to make sure, like, remember there was a Matrix one that was like in between the movies. Oh yeah, that was supposed to fill in the gaps between the movies. Fill in the gaps, right? And there hasn't been a Matrix one that was like in between the movies. Oh, yeah. It was supposed to fill in the gaps between the movies. Fill in the gaps, right?

And there hasn't been a single one that like everyone's like, yeah, it made the – because if you could go see a movie and then play that movie. Like if there was an Inception video game where you could go and then live with the world, I think people would get so into it. I think it's a question – I think it's two-pronged. I think a lot of times they make the mistake of rehashing what the movie was in video game form, which is unnecessary. It's like if you want to set it in a world – god, the closest thing that I could think of that was cool that wasn't necessarily based on a movie but I guess a movie franchise was Batman. Arkham Asylum was like a bomb. Oh, yeah. That was a great game. Yeah.

I feel like nobody's, yeah. But something like Iron Man 2 and Iron Man 1, two games that I cannot believe that I was stupid enough to buy. Those are my biggest regrets ever, ever, ever, ever, ever. Because it's like you go see Iron Man and you're like, I want to be Iron Man. That kid you killed in high school. No, no, dude. That kid deserved to die in comparison to how bad these games were um yeah no

and i feel like like especially now with iron man 2 they were they promised left and right they're like this will not be iron man 1 it'll be awesome it's not actually based on the events in the movie and for fuck's sake it was mickey rourke actually does the voice but it was just like i think that one in in that sense it's like I think these things get rushed, too. So it's like, in addition to trying to make the movie the video game, they also rush them into production, don't give the people enough time to develop it, and then it just falls flat. However, the new Scott Pilgrim game. Oh, I played that Scott Pilgrim game. Oh, my God.

Yes, I went to Scott Pilgrim Junket, and while you're waiting, they had the Scott Pilgrim game set Oh, I played that Scott Pilgrim game. Yes, I went to Scott Pilgrim Junket, and while you were waiting, they had the Scott Pilgrim game set up for you to play. Strangely, no line for it. I just got to jump right on. Gary from Butte wasn't all over it? No, Gary was not. He was busy changing wigs.

Yes, no, and I, there's also maybe something, the Scott Pilgrim movie is very very very good it's it's very good uh i know it's uh probably our our listeners something they would be excited about uh yeah go ahead and be excited it's great i think uh the scott pilgrim movie what makes me excited about it you know i really like shauna the dead and i really like spaced a lot yeah and so i thought maybe i was a simon pegg fan and i'm a simon pegg fan but the more and i really like spaced a lot yeah and so i thought maybe i was a simon peg fan and i'm a simon pig fan but the more like i see them outside i think i might be an edgar wright fan you know i think if i was gonna write as the director of scott pilgrim uh simon peg has been the lead in his past two movies and uh he is not the lead of of uh of scott yeah and i think that

i think i still like nick frost and simon peg who are in his you know previous work including the the bbc show spaced which is like 10 years old and it's great. But Edgar Wright was the director behind all of it. And I think what makes it – I mean, I think those guys are funny, but I think what makes it sort of special and unique is his sort of style and talents. I'm kind of excited about the movie a lot. Yeah, yeah. It's definitely worth watching. And I've been, you know, maybe like America, a little bummed on Michael Cera. I've moved on to Jesse Eisenberg when I'm looking for a nebbishy awkward... The thinking man's Michael Cera?

Yes. Eisenberg is the thinking man's Cera. Did you see Youth in Revolt? I didn't. Uh-uh. I mean, the whole thing about that one is he plays two characters and one is like a French, you know, persona. Oh, you know, I looked at that movie

and I'm like, this is just the Family Matters subplot where Urkel changes into cool Urkel. There's a robot in Kusera too, right?

I'm sorry. I'm going to abandon all talk to talk about this family matters thing because you know let's do it because i think at some point we're maybe gonna have to go back to the scott pilgrim game right uh or just back to the uh let's talk about family matters because i i'm sorry i might have i yeah i've told this people but with the audience i've never heard before if you look at the arc of family matters which i do often from from the start of basically like a c minus cosby show

like that's what they're going for like a low rent cosby show like black family in chicago like uh you know like just dealing with it's family matters like Like, like, you know, it's about like, I got a C on my test and you know, like, Oh, the kids are fighting over who should get the room. You know, I can't make it as an actor. I'm going to do porn.

That's the youngest daughter later. But, but then, so then it starts off that, and then they get Urkel and Urkel takes off and then they becomes an Urkel show. And then by the end they had Urkel bot off, and then it becomes an Urkel show. And then by the end, they had Urkelbot, they had Stefan, they had one where they were like Bruce Lee. They kept inventing machines that would turn them into things

to keep the show going. So there's one where they... Wait, who turned into Bruce Lee? Both Urkel and Carl Winslow. Wow. Yes. I'm sure if the listeners at home can remember specific episodes, I just remember it almost was like a fevered acid dream of some kind of comedy writers,

of like, I don't know, we'll fucking make him get, we'll get him real small and we'll go into Carl's intestines and he'll have to battle colon cancer. Like, it got really weird. Did they actually do that? No, but they did get, they that no but they did they did get they did shit they did do one where that got really small and they like ran away from like the cat you know like a honey i shrunk the case yes they were these part of the timeline or were these like alternate universe things no like it happened in the world of family matters oh that's what i'm

saying like it was a can you imagine i always i think his name was reginald van johnson was the dad carl winslow yeah and i always just imagine like god like he thought i mean he was like you know i'm gonna do like a fun sitcom i'm gonna be like a dad i'm gonna teach positive lessons in the end he was like pretend pretend the cat is batting at you you know sure yeah the runaway guy poking at him with a tennis ball at the end of a pool skimmer. Right. And he just clearly was like, keep cashing those checks. Just waiting for Bruce Willis to call him to do another Die Hard. Or another Turner and Hooch who was also in the end.

Okay. These are some great Reginald Van Johnson facts. But I guess, I mean, you work for Rotten Tomatoes. And you write Reginald Johnson fanfic. Well, he is a diverse and talented actor. Do a lot. Okay, we can go back to Scott Billingham. I kind of don't want to.

Why was there never a Family Matters game? I think there was. I'm guessing there was some sort of Urkel video game. Yeah. There had to have been. An 8-bit, like, Urkel goes around the neighborhood. He says, did I do that? When he falls on his head.

There's like a shitty NES voice. It's like you can't really recognize it. And then there'll be like a glitch where he just gets stuck in a corner like, did I do that? Did I do that? You know, I remember like those first couple Simpsons video games for the NES had little audio clips in them from the Simpsons. It's so distorted.

I just barked going like, no, no, no, man. It's nightmarish. It is. It's awful. Yeah. Beast, which came with the Sega Genesis, had the kind of iconic, you know, first era of video games voiceover where it had the guy going, rise from your grave. Anyways, that, but like with The Simpsons. Anyways.

Can we, I mean, you guys all know this definitely. What is, is it Ryu in Street Fighter where he goes, Hadouken? Sure. What does he actually say? He says Hadouken. Okay. Which is some sort of Japanese term for I'm throwing a fireball at you that I made with my mind. Okay. Yeah.

Hadouken. Yeah, it's a literal translation. Shoryuken is when he does the dragon punch. Okay. And God knows what he's saying when he's doing the hurricane kick. I don't even think my Street Fighter knowledge extends that far. Yeah, Jesus.

I think that's just nonsensical yelling. Like rage yelling. To be fair, if anyone would know, I would trust you, Jordan. Yes, thank you. You know, I went to Evo, the world championship of Street Fighter. Oh, for real?

Yeah, yeah. Did you shoot a piece there? Oh, yes. Shot a piece for Fuel TV. How would you describe the subsection of video game nerds that is the Street Fighter video game nerd? Surprisingly ethnic. I mean, Natch, lots of Asians. Mostly the guys who are very good at Street Fighter are Japanese guys or Korean guys.

But all of the American competitors, black or Hispanic. Not a white up there we are so not cool and coordinated a splotchy skinned mexican woman you know i'm not a big i'm not a big video guy i mean i played when i was a kid and in college but uh i sort of you know with the starcraft thing i'd heard of starcraft and i knew that and i knew that starcraft 2 is a big deal uh but what i always found fascinating i did I went down a Google hole for about an hour reading about it, which was I found out a few years ago that there are leagues in Korea, professional leagues for StarCraft. It's like a national sport. They'll play that shit in a stadium.

Yeah. A PC strategy game. It's something like the second or third most televised sport in the country. There's a photo of, I think, the first South Korean kid to pick up StarCraft II, and he's openly weeping. Oh, wow. It's an amazing photo. Sure. Jim, do you PC game?

I do. I've actually gotten back into it after a long hiatus. That's kind of how I started was PC gaming. No, Joel, maybe for you and also for the listener. While console gamers, people who play games on an Xbox or a PlayStation or something like that. Or a Nintendo Wii. Yeah, right. I'm making the jack off motion.

I'm making it. If you had a Wii mode, it would be able to read that. Sure, right, exactly. But not very well. Not with any kind of accuracy. It's where the game's fun. The console gamer maybe regards the PC gamer as nerdier than they are. And I know it's kind of a pot-kettle-black situation.

But anyways, it's maybe seen as a little more obsessive. Is it because you're in your bedroom, probably, instead of the living room? Does that have something to do with it? I think it's it's maybe seen as a little more is it because you're in your bedroom probably instead of living room does that have something to do with i think it's for no good reason yeah it's just a weird nerd cred thing i don't know but yeah but you've recently gotten back into the pc game what mostly because back into it well i you know i i i have a mac i mean come on uh no but now you know for the past couple years max can emulate pcs so really there's no need to own a pc anymore uh because they suck but uh the cool thing about that is now you can get back into pc gaming and it's the graphics i'm such a graphics whore yeah like i you know i enjoy i bought mass effect 2 twice oh you bought the pc because i bought it for the xbox

and i was like this doesn't look that great and then when i bought it for the pc i was like ah there's the game i wanted sure so yeah all right all right good times uh i wrote very very very quick i think we might be coming to the end of this little bit but uh graphics wise i recently downloaded uh castlevania hd for the xbox 360 uh no amount of looking at that game in an internet window can prepare you for how good it looks on an HDTV. This is a throwback to the old 8-bit Castlevania games, and it looks so spectacularly cool on an HDTV. I'm a Castlevania guy, and I was looking at it in its little internet windows,

and I was thinking, this is bullshit, I'm not going to play this, and of course I just downloaded it the first day it came out. And it's beautiful. Anyways. Did you play the Hideo Kojima Castlevania demo at E3? No, I didn't. Uh-uh. Dude, it's going to be sick.

Have any of you guys played the StarCraft II? Has it come out yet? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I've been playing. My girlfriend gave me looks. Not me. I'm not a queer. I used to love video games.

I played a lot in college. And then two things burned me out. I bought the Wii, which was a mistake. Sure. Because they kept promising. Because like everyone, I think I played it and was like, oh, man, this is so fun to play. Yeah, yeah, sure. And they kept promising eventually a game would come out that would really.

That's a game. Yeah, that would really utilize this in some way that would be awesome and then it never did you know like there was never like the game that was like wow thank god that we was invented so we could play this game you know so and i just stopped playing it and then it broke and then i was like ah and then i dated my my girlfriend now we've been dating for two and a half years and her previous boyfriend was was a hardcore video game nerd. We interfered with their relationship. And he was in a Mega Man 2 cover band. They just played songs from the Mega Man 2 soundtrack.

They would play songs from the Mega Man 2 soundtrack. And they hated the band that did songs from Mega Man 3. We always have to open for those guys. There's some music, like 8-bit music community. Is it Mega Man 3. Well, whatever. We always have to open for those guys. Doesn't that seem like bullshit? There's some music, like 8-bit music community. Is it Mega Man 2? Well, there's like chiptune and 8-bit music. Yeah, I'm... Jesus Christ, I'm awful for saying this.

Was it the Megas? It might have been, yes. Do you know my girlfriend's ex-boyfriend? I don't think I know him personally, but I know of him. This is like an episode of Degrassi in here. Do you fucking know him? Do you? do wow guys please put the claws away but the the moral story is she was like sort of like a kicked puppy about video games if i ever talk about like i got kind of like she twitches yeah if i like go like man that red dead redemption looks pretty fun she goes like

is that a video game and i go like yeah and it's just like cheating on me it's like no no it's not worth that like potential sore spot like i don't like video games enough to be like i'm gonna pay 300 bucks to piss off my girlfriend sure uh because she's great and our relationship's great i just don't you know but uh but i sometimes wish I sometimes wish he didn't do so much with the video games. Do the video games, and then also go see movies or something. So I could have just gotten a little bit of video games. Maybe not the band. Maybe not the video game band.

Yeah, you're really following. That's quite an act to follow. Because I love defending your life, as we talked about, but I don't go write Albert Brooks heaven fiction. Sure. This is what happened after he got on the tram. I'm going to keep the story going, keep it alive forever, and then I'm going to host public readings.

Or just about his life before he got hit by the bus. A prequel. What happened? A bus a prequel yes a defending your life prequel albert brooks if you're out there we've come up with a thing that will save your career the somebody get helen mirren on the phone um earl of earl of dicks earl blowjobs that was the takeaway from this podcast i think yeah i think on that note we'll uh we'll go ahead and wrap it up gents thank you so much for being here. Thanks for having me. Of course, Jim Fistante is the co-host of The Game Show on thestream.tv.

Jim, you're kind of on a summer hiatus, but the show will be back in the fall. Yeah, also check us out on revision3.com. Yeah, you can see kind of the edited version. Yeah, there's old archived episodes. Jordan Morris is on our show. I'm on a couple of them, so please check it out. It's a delightful program with the two delightful co-hosts, great guests from the world.

Jordan, you've paid your debt by having me come on. It's okay. I'm going to keep talking. There was this one time where they talked about iPhone games, and they were so cute. But, yes, great guests from the world of video games and general geekery. George Cooper, of course, a writer-producer on the Rotten Tomatoes television show on Current TV. When might someone watch that on their television?

It's on Thursdays at 10.30, and can I plug my Twitter? Oh my god, you can, and yes, and you'll both be getting Twitter plugs out of this. But yeah, go ahead. It's Church Cooper at Twitter.com. And I think for a person who faints of a comedian, I have a shamefully low number of followers. So please, please help a Twitter around. We've got to get you up there to those David Harris numbers. David Harris, a virtual friend who's a comedian who has nearly a million followers.

Yes. I have 265, Jordan. Oh, get him up. No, you do a delightful job on the Twitter, Joel. I follow you. I can recommend. Thank you. Thank you.

Jim. I'll be following you. Thank you, Jim. At Festante on Twitter. Also do a delightful job on there. So, yeah. And boom. Next week, Jesse Thorne will maybe be back, or maybe he will have died.

Bye!