Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Mother Sauce, with Jordan Myrick

Episode Date: October 26, 2023

This week comedian and food writer Jordan Myrick (Good Mythical Morning, Sporked) tells us about her experience at a food convention in Las Vegas, and explains to Jesse what exactly makes something a mother sauce.Jordan wrote a brand new graphic novel called Youth Group which you can pre-order now.Get your tickets to see Jesse Thorn and John Hodgman on the Van Freaks Road Show Tour 2023. Ever tried Microdosing? Visit Microdose.com and use JJGO for 30% off + Free Shipping. Head to FactorMeals.com/jjgo50 and use code jjgo50 to get 50% off. 

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, Boy Detective. Did you know that they have a space Skyrim now, Jordan?

I did, yes. This is Starfield, right? The long-awaited follow-up to Skyrim and open-world sci-fi extravaganza. I'm into PC gaming now. That I won't play. I'm into PC gaming now. Whoa, okay. QWERTY, huh?

We got a QWERTY over here. I'm into PC gaming. Oh, my gosh. Everything from refresh rate to RAM. You're talking the talk. Yeah, I got probably video card. Okay, all right. Alienware.

Sound Blaster 16. Okay. You've established your bona fides. You know what? For a decade. Well, how long would you say I've been complaining that they don't have a new Skyrim? Oh, gosh. Ten years, right? As long as i've known you yeah so i mean if people don't know skyrim is a video game where you wander around and you gather herbs and then eventually you kill a dragon

and um i have tried you know i tried to play that european skyrim that I hated so much. Remember that one? Oh, I don't know. I do know. Your journey with this. It was like Polish, and there was like 20 minutes of cut scenes at the beginning. You're an occasional gamer. You're very easily put off by certain video game tropes. So this leads you to get frustrated very easily with video games.

Skyrim was your sweet spot. Yeah. And the hole has not been filled. No. Technically, my sweet spot is baseball mogul. Okay. But other than that, yeah, Skyrim. And so I've been saying, when are they going to make a new Skyrim for 10 years? Because I don't fucking know.

You know what I mean? But people who follow me on Twitter, they know. Have you not kept up with your subscription to GamePro? I know. How are you going to know which games have the highest fun factor? Sierra Online Magazine. So I had been, I'm like, I go on Twitter once in a while. I'll be like, when are they making a new fucking Skyrim?

Because I bought Skyrim again. I lost Skyrim. Right. Then I got bored and I bought a new copy of Skyrim to play. I thought it was the remastered one. It was just the same one from before. Same master. And it's been 10, 12 years since Skyrim came out.

Every time I'd ask, they'd be like, yeah, well, we keep saying that. No one told me there was a space – I found out about space Skyrim after it came out. Anyway, it's exactly the same as Skyrim but in space. And that's fine with me. You're loving it. 12 years they worked on it. At the end of it, they're like, what if we replaced lavender with aluminum? Sure. The end. Right. The same logic

they used for the Leprechaun and Friday the 13th sequels. Yeah. Just throw all those guys up in space. Anyway, that's my review. How are you liking it? Are you liking it? I mean, it's about the same as a fucking Skyrim. What kind of guy did you make? I made, of course, all my fellow Starfield.

Starfield, right? I think so. Yeah, Starfield. You're playing the game. I always remember it's Star something. All my fellow Starfield nuts are going to know about Neon Street Rat. Can I ask you a question as a guy who

probably gets a subscription to EGM every month? Electronic Gaming Monthly. I get EGM, I get GamePro, I get GameInformer. So here's my question. GameInformant is another one. It's for anonymous game players who work for the cops.

Okay, so here's my question about this. Yeah. It is, at the beginning of these games, and this is true in Skyrim, it's probably true in the Polish one, all of them. There's a part where you have to choose what kind of guy you are sure right like a cat man in skyrim is what you choose yeah i get i haven't played it but yeah usually you'll you'll start the game you'll be given some like classes that have certain stats and you know from there you can kind of add to or subtract from those stats and kind of customize the character. So once you've picked which kind of guy you are, you're going to then play that guy for four years.

And I'm talking about four years of play time over the course of 12 years of actual life. It's all you're going to do in all of your free time and some of your work time. Well, some will do that, not all. They're on until you've beat all the mini bosses and stuff. How come they don't tell you what kind of guy it is or which guy you should pick? And so you just have to pick whichever one has the best hair or whatever. Yeah. So your problem is that you feel like you don't know which one's the best.

I don't even know how the game works. I don't even know what's going to happen. I know it's in space. Do they show you the stats? No, they don't even show you the stats. They barely describe. There might be a stat menu somewhere you're not seeing. Fuck.

Where's this fucking stat menu? It took me so long how to figure out how to warp drive. This is baseball mogul here. I already had to figure out how to warp drive. This is baseball mogul. I already had to figure out how to fucking warp drive. Balls and strikes are just dexterity and faith. Boy.

Fucking. Balls. Strikes. Strength. Arcane. These are all just stats. I'm a neon street rat. That's cool.

That sounds really cool. Why do you sound mad? I would love to be that. I got bored designing the face. It's too hard to sounds really cool. Why do you sound mad? I would love to be that. I got bored designing the face. It's too hard to design faces now. Oh, I can't do that either. I don't customize the aesthetics of the character for very long. I see if I can find it poofy hair.

Well, we just, at the end of the day, there should be two choices. There's cameras on these things. One of the choices is looks like me. Sure. The other choice is looks like Mr. T. The end. Problem solved. We figured it out.

That's all you need. Maybe Andre the Giant. Maybe. That'd be cool. Or like Shaq. That would be sweet. Just like a really giant dude. Right.

Some really giant dude. And your character will Or like Shaq. That would be, oh, sweet. Just like a really giant dude. Right. Some really giant dude. And your character will automatically know Shaq Fu. Yeah. So that's an advantage in battle. Really, I think a neon street rat knows Shaq Fu. Anyway, I just knew that people would be worried if I didn't. That's really cool, man. Congratulations.

Thank you very much. This is huge for you. Yeah, no, it's, you know, it's not that great of a game. I've heard maybe it's not great. I've heard maybe it's a little bit of a letdown. No, I mean, it's, you know, it's not that great of a game. I've heard maybe it's not great. I've heard maybe it's a little bit of a letdown. No, I mean, it's... They patch these things. They, you know, they...

Of course, now that I'm a PC gamer, you know I'm all about mods. That's true. You could get some mods. Bad news for you, rockers. Yeah. I'm sure there's a Mr. T mod for this thing at this point. I would love to get a space Mr. T mod. Mr. T with huge tits.

Just gargantuan gazongas. Sure. Just big old hooters. Took me a long time to figure out how to put things. Took me probably 12 hours of plan to put something in my cargo hold. Well, now you're going to be filling that hold for years to come. It's like college. Took me so long to figure out how to get somebody to put something in my cargo hold.

What does that mean? Hell, I don't know, Jordan. What is this supposed to make sense? I know. You're right. What am I doing now? Yeah, sure. Cargo hold.

College. Whatever. 12 years we've been doing this. Yeah, sure. Since Skyrim was new. Right. Our guest on the program is an on-camera personality at Sporked, a good mythical morning comic,

and is wearing a sauce-themed hat, Jordan Myrick. Hi. Hi, Jordan. How are you? Good. How are you? Do you have a full set? So your current hat says Hollandaise on it. Yes. In kind of a drippy, saucy font.

Yes. It's kind of a spooky font. It's a saucy font. Oh, you're right. Forgive me. It's a saucy font in the sense that I think we all know what kind of word sauce is. Oh, boy. This is an ongoing thing.

The kind of dripping that's happening on the hat. You've wandered into an ongoing bit. I'm not trying to be gross. The last thing I want to be is gross here. Say it. Well, look at the hat and think about it. It doesn't look like jizz, if that's what we're talking about. I just want to nip that in the bud right now.

It absolutely does not look like jizz. Well, here's the thing. So on this show we've established that sauce is a jizz word. No. And so that does...

Sauce is a jizz word? Yeah. Jizz isn't a sauce word? She's got a isn't a sauce word? She's got a point. Well, there's no doubt that jizz is a sauce word. Jizz is a sauce word, but I don't think sauce is a jizz word. I think this is a bilateral relation. I think this is a bilateral.

So you think this is a square rectangle thing? I do, yeah, I do. Okay. That's how I feel about it. But you said it was spooky. Is this a Halloween hat? This hat was purchased for me because the font is spooky, but it says a sauce. And I would say those are probably two of my favorite things.

So you would say that looks like a spooky and not sauce. Yeah. Because it could just be Hollandaise sauce. That's true, too. But to me, it is a little reminiscent of the Goosebumps font. That's true. It is, yeah. It kind of looks textured, too, like the covers of the Goosebumps books.

Right, yeah. Would you like to maybe go out to breakfast and be served some asparagus with a neon green hollandaise for the spooky season? Sure. Yeah, that sounds beautiful. That would be a lot of fun, right? Yeah, absolutely. Okay, let's go down to some other spooky items. You pumpkin that sounds beautiful. That would be a lot of fun, right? Oh, yeah. Okay. Let's go down some other spooky items. You, pumpkin socks. Right now, you've got them.

Well, it's October. I was fully in the spirit today. So I got on pumpkin earrings and pumpkin socks, and I'm wearing black, and I got a little spooky hat on. I'm scared. That is a lot of fun. You should be scared. Yeah. I wait all year for October. People wait for it, Jordan.

People love it. Spooky season. SZN. What are your other plans? How are you going to celebrate? So to me, it's all about the energy and not the day. So I don't do a big costume or anything like that. But throughout the entire-

It's a marathon, not a sprint. Exactly, 100%. So every day I watch a scary movie or a Halloween movie in the month of October. I make spooky themed food all throughout the month. I go to lots of events. Thrift stores put out their Halloween-centric merchandise. When you say events, do you mean Halloween events or just events in general? Just like the pancake breakfast at the Knights of Columbus.

Well, I meant Halloween events, but I guess both are true. Yeah, e-waste recycling at the library. Absolutely. And you know what? Because I'm going to more events because it's finally cool outside. That's true. In addition to being a huge Halloween person, my mom is a big Halloween person. So it's always been, it's really the only holiday my family cares about.

It's matrilineal, like baldness. Absolutely. Yes. Yes. So that is important to me, but I'm also like an extremely sweaty, heat intolerant person. And we finally now we're getting today is yeah it's crisp and delicious and i'm wearing a sweater and i'm fine i noticed the crisp deliciousness today oh my god didn't you feel good it felt great and here's

here's here's how i planned to enjoy it please uh i took up running a little while back. Oh my god. And was loving it. Having a lot of fun. Feeling great. And I just said, fuck it when our heat wave hit. Sure. I'm not gonna do it. And I'm like, hey, it's crisp. It's delicious out. Why don't we put on those

running shoes? I have one of those apps that are like, time for a run today? And I was like so fucking mad at this app every time. And you're like, if you put even a hand out the window app? Yeah.

You're linked to my phone. You can see the fucking temperature out. Give it a rest. Yeah. And so I'm like, I'm going to do it. I'm going to run.

So I, the place where I run is the, is the, like, there's a track around the Rose Bowl. Doxing your exercise spot.

A community loop. Come kill me. I'm there at 2, 4, and 7. Be prepared to kill a lot of moms as well. Sure. You have to kill us all. There's some model airplane guys who are there. Kill them too.

Don't kill any of us no kill a few college football players there's a lot of them there's plenty of them so I was like so I you know get on all my run stuff driving down to the old community loop there I get caught in this crazy fucking traffic and have to turn around

cause cold plays in town sick fucking cold play people are still crazy fucking traffic and have to turn around because Coldplay's in town. Sick. Fucking Coldplay. People are still lining up, creating traffic jams, taking up space on my community loop that my tax dollars pay for because of goddamn Coldplay.

What were Coldplay doing? I think making music. I would have guessed the model airplane thing. Yeah. Chris Martin loves this. He's just into drones. Yeah. Anyway.

Jordan, okay. I guess maybe we should say moving forward in the podcast, there's probably going to be some confusion. Yeah. First name confusion. Sure, because we are both named Jordan. Yes. But I'm named Jesse. Yes.

Yes. Here's how we dealt with it on Good Mythical Morning. I think we should keep it going. Great. You're Jordan Alpha. Yes. But I'm named Jesse. Iconically, yes. Yes. Here's how we dealt with it on Good Mythical Morning. I think we should keep it going. Great. You're Jordan Alpha. Yes. I'm Little Toots.

Perfect. Great. So just everybody keep that in mind. Yeah. Just for this episode. Let's not... Could I just call you

Cuck Jordan? No. Okay. Little Toots. Okay. Yes. Little Toots loves it when you fuck his wife. It's the only way Little Toots. Okay. Yes. Little Toots loves it when you fuck his wife. It's the only way Little Toots can jack off.

Anyway. So, I wanted to ask about your- Little Toots, congratulations on your wedding. I didn't even know. Thank you. I'm very lucky. She's open-minded. We have a great pool guy, too.

Little Toots talks like this. Very fr too. Little Toots talks like this. Very frantic. Little Toots has a pool. I'm doing great. No leaves in that motherfucker. I'll tell you that much right now. Your wife or your pool. Yeah.

No leaves in any of them. I hate it when my wife gets full of leaves. It's a problem. Well, especially in the fall, right? Of course. It's drafty. Well, especially in the fall, right? Of course. It's drafty. Those wives. In your time working in the food reviewing business, what are some of your hot food takes that have caused conversation?

Oh, the biggest one that everyone wants to come for me about because they are elitist pieces of garbage is I think pancake syrup is just as good as maple syrup. And I think people like it. Thank you. And that's brave of you to say that. Mrs. Butterworth's log cabin. Yeah, people want to act like you have bad taste. But I think there's a couple things. I'm like, first of all, some people are poor and have never tasted real maple syrup.

So you grow up eating maple syrup from a bottle that looks like a beautiful woman. And that is what you are conditioned. Or with a beautiful log cabin on the front. That's true, yeah. I consider those women. I do. That's true.

As a lesbian, I consider those women. And I think- Is that part of lesbianism? It is, yeah. Absolutely. Log cabins are brave and they can have it all. 100%. The kids, the job.

Exactly. That's why third wave feminism is about log cabins? I'm still trying to figure it out. What's a log cabin Republican? It's a Republican house that has positive opinions about sex workers. Got it. That doesn't feel negative about sex workers. But does not believe in homeless people.

Got us. It's really confusing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's hard. Great syrup, though. Remember, thatch work is work. That's true. But, yeah, I'm like, pancake syrup tastes good.

And also people want to get where they're like, well, local maple syrup. I'm like, 90% of the world cannot have local maple syrup. Like, people don't uh sometimes very obnoxious people on the internet don't understand what the word local means and local does not mean artisanal or more expensive local means close to you so if a product has not grown close to you it is not local um so congratulations vermont you could tap a tree with a spigot yeah put it right on the cakes i saw someone tap a tree with a spigot. Yeah. Put it right on the cakes. I saw someone tap a tree once, and it was absolutely every bit as good as advertised.

I think that's incredible. I couldn't believe that this syrup comes straight out of a tree. Yeah. I love that. There's nothing wrong with maple syrup. I'm not knocking it. But I think it is just as good as pancake syrup. Can I tell you this right now?

Uh-oh. I'm a butter baby. I don't even give a shit about the syrup. I'll put some syrup on there. It's not like I... Right. You're saying butter those cakes. If you just gave me...

If you just gave me... I'm going to say a medium stack. I don't need a tall stack. Give me a medium... But a short stack is not going to cut it. That's not enough. Give me a medium stack but a short stack's not going to cut it. That's not enough. Give me a medium stack of buttermilk babies.

Put some nice butter on there. And you know what? I will take the fancy butter. Thank you very much. I'll take that Irish butter, maybe. Tastes great. Kerrygold. Give me that Kerrygold. Munch, munch, munch. No problem. The thing that I

like the best in a pancake buttermilkiness i want it to be a little tangy i love that i want some flavor i can get into that i like like sour cream in a pancake or something like that oh yeah tell me more like if you've ever like you can put a little sour cream in a pancake mix it'll get a little tang little tartness keeps it moist you might have seen the same thing at like a, a fancy brunch place with, like, a lemon ricotta pancake. Oh, yeah. Similar. Okay.

So you're doing that at home. Sure, yeah. Wow. Yeah, but if you put a little sour cream in there, it basically has a—you wouldn't notice the taste difference from a buttermilk-y buttermilk. Like, it's the tang. And as you said, it's some textural benefits as well. Sounds great. Yeah.

Yeah, so that was one of my big so there's syrup so there's like syrup heads oh there are major syrup heads who are big elitists which i hate and then i would say the most surprising take that people got mad about was i was like sriracha is delicious it's an incredible multi-purpose hot sauce that can be eaten on most things. And similar to maple syrup, hot sauce and instant ramen are the two things that I have found on the internet where people are like, I am an expert, quote unquote, in this. And I'm like, hey, like, white man from Denver, you're not an expert in instant ramen. Like, you know, no disrespect to Denver, but it's just like, you don't need to come for me so hard in the comments on my article about like instant ramen. So those things people really want to be like, oh, you like

bulldog, you know, carbonara ramen. Have you ever tried this ramen that no one's heard of from Indonesia? I'm like, no, I'm sure it's great. But like I wrote for a grocery store website. Like leave me alone. You know? Yeah. Yeah. The yeah.

Right. The oh my God, you need to try this thing that my friend makes. And aren't you an idiot for not having the craft beer that my friend brews? I kid you not. That dude is very strange. Today I got a comment. Someone was mad at me in a chocolate-covered pretzels article I wrote. Oh, boy.

Well, first of all, we're already over the line here. Yes, can't believe I have to say that sentence, right? Never thought I'd be there in my personal comedy career. But someone was mad at me because I had not reviewed a brand of chocolate-covered pretzels that is only sold by Boy Scouts. Wow. It's called Trails End. I looked them up. It seems you can only sell them as, like, troops, as part of, like, a thing.

And once again, like, I write for a grocery store website. I get those down at the Knights of Columbus pancake place. Right, right, right, right, right. Of course. The KSC will sell them to you. Put butter on them. Yeah, butter them up, I say. It is, people do have those very, but you know what?

Those guys, they were right about that spicy chili crisp. That shit's great. Yeah. Who? What guys? Yeah, those guys that were like, oh, everybody eats spicy chili crisp now, not sriracha. Like, yeah, no, it's great. It is great.

I bought some and I was like, yeah, it's really great. It's good. It's good on most things. But was the sriracha argument that people were feeling like sriracha was like played out? Yes. It's people being like, sriracha is so basic. Sriracha is so basic. Sriracha is so basic. I'm like, this is like a very popular, good hot sauce.

I think that coming for things for being quote unquote basic is stupid. It's tough. And it's like you meet the Beatles suck and the Sopranos was bad guy at a party. Absolutely. And it's like, all right, you can be kind of sick of it. Someone who's like, oh, is Beyonce that talented? Shut the fuck up. Yes.

You know? And yes, I think the food trend world, there was the sriracha, you know, it was everywhere for a while. I'm not saying put it on ice cream, but I'm saying that it's a good. It might be okay. I'm sure it would be fine, but I'm like- I can kind of see spicy chili crisp on ice cream yeah oh yeah people do that

don't they yeah I think so I feel like I've heard that yes well there you go and it's it's like good but I'm not trying to I'm not trying to say I invented sriracha but people were very upset by me saying that I thought sriracha was a very good multi-use hot sauce how'd you do it though I'm a genius wow

cool I'm a beautiful genius. Wow. Can I ask a question? Because, Jordan, you're a hot sauce fan. I love it. I'm not a big hot sauce guy. Oh, okay. I'm not like anti-hot sauce, but I'm not a big hot sauce.

I mean, I got one Cholula in my fridge right now. Oh, okay. And some spicy chili crisp. But Sriracha is a kind of hot sauce. Yes. Right? And there's like, there's different kinds. Yes.

There's different brands of that. Yes. Style of hot sauce. Mm-hmm. Don't those guys, I would think that those guys would focus on a brand of sriracha where, you know, whatever. There's no English language explanation of the ingredients on the label or whatever. Like something that you have to smuggle in from somewhere.

Sure, probably. But I don't think they maybe even realize that it's a type of hot sauce and not the rooster sauce green top bottle. It's a good sauce. It is. I'd like to hear more about brunch. Okay. It's been so long.

It's sort of a meal in between breakfast and lunch. Hold on, let me get a pen. This is hilarious. I have not brunched in a long time. I think maybe my last brunch. you know i guess you and i had a uh a full english when we were in london that's fine that was like the closest

thing to a brunch i've had in a long time what are the brunch trends what are people what are people brunching with oh this is a good question. I historically am not a bruncher because I am trying to eat at least three meals. Why you would condense two meals into one meal is a thing that I personally am not trying to do most days. You don't want to do all your socializing while extremely cranky? Yeah, if you can believe it, I don't want to. But my girlfriend loves it. So I got to go out. I got a brunch. That's nice of you. I did.

It's very sweet of me. I think the big thing right now, obviously, it's fall. But we're seeing a big switch from pumpkin spice is no more apple caramel, apple cider, apple type. You know, that's the new direction. So that's a big thing. You know, that's the new direction. So that's a big thing. Also, like, having an Eggs Benedict menu where you have, like, multiple different types of Eggs Benedict is a big thing. What types of Eggs Benedict are there?

Do you replace the bacon with something else? Yes, you can. So, like, Eggs Blackstone traditionally is with crispy. With private mercenary. Yes, exactly. It's like something you get in Skyrim. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's with crispy American bacon.

Then you have like eggs Norwegian, which is with smoked salmon. Eggs Florentine is with spinach. Like those are like the, I would say the big like kind of classic riffs on it. But now, you know, everybody's got like a California Benedict that has like tomato and avocado or, you know, whatever. So there's's that's I would say having a whole menu is a big thing way to go everybody I think it's good I think they did a good job are people still getting fucked up I think no I think we're in a big sober era in general right now kind of feels like it doesn't it yeah and I think like the

people are looking down on me when I show up drunk somewhere. People are looking- I think the biggest thing that we've seen too like at work in product stuff, like I went to a food convention a couple months ago. And the most popular, most talked about thing that people were most excited about was non-alcoholic alcohols. Right. So I think that like brunch isn't going as hard with alcohol because I think in general people are, you know, no booze is booze right now. Sure. I think at the end of the day, people are going to want the delicious flavors of vodka,

gin without the, without the effect, you know, nothing worse, nothing worse than the desired effect of vodka. When you could have the flavor, just that delicious vodka flavor. It's unhinged to me. Just that bitter gin nightmare.

Yeah, I drink like a University of Tennessee sorority girl. I only want like a- If you drink until the balcony collapses. Absolutely. Like if I'm drinking drinking i'm trying to get black out yeah like i'm trying to die and i only want to drink a like xl frozen strawberry margarita with half the rim salt half the rim sugar like i'm not i am not classy i'm not a big drinker in general but i also think it's because i am, to my core, a puker. I always have

been. I feel like everybody has things, like ways that their body deals with stress. I have always been a vomiter. So I get car sick, I get plane sick, if I get too nervous, I throw up. If I wake up too early and don't get enough sleep, I'll get nauseous and throw up. But drinking really

makes me puke. So I don't do it unless I'm like, we are doing it. Sure, and it's like, I will puke no matter what. Yes. So I might as well be putting the pukiest thing in me. A hundred percent. Yes. It's the exact same thing here, only with chronic masturbation.

I love that. It's compulsive. Yeah. It's going to make you vomit no matter how much you do it. Being on a plane. Being on a plane. Not getting enough sleep. Yeah. Yeah.

Sure. I want to hear more about what's going down at the food convention. Oh, yeah. It's freaky. Was it a prepared foods convention? It was a food products convention for the most part. So I got invited and I simply couldn't believe it. I just saw that they were having it in Las Vegas and I emailed them and said,

Hey, I write for this grocery store website. Um, that's owned by good mythical morning. I would love to come. And a PR woman from heaven emailed me back and said, I will put you up for five nights in a suite. Whoa.

At the circus circus circus. And you will be dead by the end of the weekend. A clown will kill you. Absolutely. He will not work for us, but he is there. He gets into the hotel. It's the new one that's owned by Hilton. Resorts World. Okay.

So they put me up in Resorts World for five nights. Whoa. There's a hotel in Las Vegas called Resorts World? Yes, it's new. It's like there's three towers and it's three different Hilton hotels of three different niceness levels. Have they just not sold the naming rights yet or whatever? That's what it feels like, yeah. Is it like when it's like Baltimore Football Stadium?

100%. Because they haven't sold it to Office Depot yet? Yeah, they want to keep it as neutral as possible. It'll be Mark Cuban's place by the end of the year. Absolutely. But yeah, they let me come. They let me stay in Resorts World. My boss was like, I'm too busy and have children.

I can't do this. So I brought my best friend Lily as my business associate. And we just went to Las Vegas for five days. Wow. Went to this food convention, saw Cirque du Soleil, and it ruled. Yeah. It was great. We just walked around this big convention floor, and it was actually really informative,

especially as a food writer. I got to learn a lot about food trends. I got to meet people that work for companies. So now we get early tips on products coming out and stuff. So we have a lot of food news. And we ate a ton. And they just give you, like, you'll just walk up to a thing and be like, oh, what's this? They're like, it's our new mustard made with meat.

Here's four bottles of it. And then you just take it. Like, it's just crazy how much stuff they give you. What was your luggage situation? We drove. You drove. I drove. I love a little drive to Vegas.

So I just filled the whole trunk with Vegas. Oh, filled the trunk with Vegas. Yeah. I'm drunk now. But Penn and Teller back there, Chris Angel. Exactly, exactly. Up in Carrot Top. To the balcony, everyone.

Yeah, we just filled it up and I brought a bunch of stuff back to work and then donated to the food pantry I volunteer with anything that we didn't end up needing for samples. So this is, when you say food products convention, that means things that are going to line grocery store shelves? Yes. Or like Amazon or just like big products, any product you've been advertised on Instagram about, if you've seen like, you know. Are there like, does General foods or nabisco or something do they like fucking build out a fantasy land and in in a premium corner of the convention i wish but no it's i would say it's actually the opposite because you already know who oreo is so i think

they're kind of like the cool guys where they might have one booth where they're showing one product. Also, a lot of those companies. They're probably their cookies. Sure, yeah. I think what, Jesse, I'm sorry. There's no way for you to meet the E.L. Fudgell. I know that's kind of where you were going. God damn it. They're not real.

They're cartoons. That one time I met them, it was in Las Vegas. And I have been, they gave me their, what they said was their number. We had an incredible night. Incredible night. They had a suite. Of course. It was incredible.

It was probably the most, I mean, I don't, like, I feel like it was the most beautiful night. I think you got scammed. No, I had this incredible night with the E.L. Fudge. No, there's three of them. Oh, okay. And they sort of took turns. Are you sure you're not thinking of Snap, Crackle, and Pop? It might have been Snap, Crackle, and Pop.

And they do this kind of shit. Because they are real. They do that kind of shit. And they do troll the strip looking for confused men. Man, does Snap, Crackle, and Pop ever give you E.L. Fudge cookies? No, but. Probably just to seem classy. Yeah.

I won't let them give me anything anymore. So what, so are there small products that have big. Yeah, I would say that's who really like, there are at Eataly to tell me about San Marzano Tomatoes. Taking down these fucking fake ass San Marzano style tomatoes. Okay, and you're joking, but that is what it's like. Like, it is like we're going to tell you why San Marzano is the only tomato that should ever grace your lips again. I popped open some of those motherfucking tomatoes just yesterday. Baby was making a bolognese. Oh, they're everywhere. Listen, people are using San Marzano.

I make chili with them. They're great. The group is doing what they're supposed to be doing. And they, so those types of things show out really big. Or like, you know, the British Tea Foundation or whatever, where they'll have like a huge thing with like, you know, a hundred different types of tea. Then you have. They love that shit. They love that shit.

I know. Before the British Tea Foundation, there were a lot of teas literally dying in poverty. Yeah. And now for just a dollar a day. Especially older teas. It's so beautiful. Mr. Tea. Mr. Tea.

But yeah, so they show up big. And then there's tons of smaller brands that are trying to catch your attention. Because I'm a food writer so I'm kind of like lowest end of the totem pole there. Who's the highest end? Buyers.

Oh, okay. So like, I met someone who was like, I am a buyer for Costco and I'm telling you if that guy wanted to get his dick sucked

that weekend, he could have. Like, I am telling you like those people are like, what they could get at this convention is unbelievable. People will push you out of the way to speak to the Kroger, the Albertsons buyer. Because that's what they, I get it. I get the hustle. They're trying to get into grocery stores.

Everybody wants a little taste of that Piggly Wiggly. There you go. Sure. But, yeah, so they're the big dogs. And then, like, a lot of bigger brands like Nabisco or whatever, sometimes they'll just be like, oh, we have, like, one new flavor of Oreo or whatever. And they'll be at a booth with, like, a couple other big companies that, like, are all owned by the same conglomerate that, like, you didn't realize. You're like, oh, all of these things are owned by American Airlines. Wow, they're giving out Virginia Slims?

Yeah. These are all owned by the Weyland-Yutani Corporation? It's the evil company from Aliens. Anyway, let's take a break. Yeah, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. It's Jordan, Jesse go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Of course, every episode episode of Jordan Jesse Go brought to you by you

the members of Maximum Fun our thanks to each and every one of you thanks to everybody who has pre-ordered your book oh my gosh Jordan

I've been hearing from a lot of those people people very excited about Youth Group yes Youth Group the graphic novel with the great Bill and McGurdy

wherever you get your books give it a pre-order thank you thanks to everybody who's come out to see Judge John Hotchman on the road we still have The Great Bill and McGurdy, wherever you get your books, give it a preorder. Thank you. Thanks to everybody who's come out to see Judge John Hotchman on the road. We still have, we're doing the eastern part of the United States. That's Portland, Maine, Boston, New York City, Charlottesville, D.C., Bob. I said Boston.

You can't say Boston too much, though. Durham. Boston, baby. Durham and Atlanta, I think. I believe I've gotten all of those right. Man, we had so much fun in the Midwest. So thank you to everybody who came out to those shows, and thanks to everybody who's getting tickets right now at vanfreaksroadshow.com. We call it the Van Freaks Road Show.

That's fun because you're driving around in a van? Yeah. Fun. Judge John Hodgman just sent me just sent me brochures for the Mitsubishi Delica Mini. There's going to be a miniature Mitsubishi Delica in Japan starting this year. What a thrill.

Yeah. Our thanks also to the folks at Lumi Labs. Jordan, that's our friends in the microdose business. Oh, yeah. You're talking THC? THC, yeah. Well, when it comes to in the microdose business. Oh, yeah. You're talking THC? THC, yeah. Well, when it comes to THC, they TCB.

They take care of business? Yeah. Oh, fun. Yeah. Here's what Lumi Labs does. I'm a humorist. They make, you don't have to tell me. That just proved it.

Yeah. I wasn't sure up until now. Yeah. Lumi Labs, they make these really tasty gummies. They have just the perfect little dose to chill you out. You're not freaking. You know, sometimes with these edible things, it can be a little too much. And next thing you know, you're freaking.

Yep. I've never, never freaked with Lumi Labs. I've always just felt awesome. If I'm having a little trouble sleeping, I like to take a little microdose gummy. Chills me out. Yeah. This is lovely stuff. They taste very good and they're available nationwide.

To learn more about microdosing THC, go to microdose.com and use code JJGO to get free shipping and 30% off your first order. Links can be found in the show description. But again, that's microdose.com, code JJGO. We're also supported this week by the folks over at Factor. You know, right before we went into this advertising break, the three of us all had a conversation about times when we were really glad there were factor meals in the fridge. Yes. You, me, producer Matt, we all love factors. Yeah, these are really great, ready-to-eat meals.

They got quality proteins. They got delicious veggies. Sometimes if you need a quick meal, you're grabbing something that makes you feel a little gross. You're driving through. You're just eating a handful of sand. But factor- I feel, honestly, I feel good when I eat sand. Oh, okay. Well, you have that gizzard. I feel like I've triumphed over the earth. Okay. Well, that's your deal. Not everybody is- I've shown the land who's boss.

Not everybody is the sand freak you are. But a lot of folks might like to have a nice, fresh, never frozen meal in their refrigerator waiting for them when they get home from a long, hard day at work. This is the thing. Like, there are days when I like to cook. There's days when I'm, like, ready to go. And I'm like, let's do this. Right? I get home from work. I'm like ready to go and I'm like, let's do this. Right. I get home

from work. I'm like, yeah, I'm making dinner for everybody. I'm making three different dinners because none of my children eat the same thing. Like, let's go. And then there's sometimes when I'm just like, gosh, I wish there was something nice that I could just eat right now. Yeah. And I don't want to order delivery or go, you know, I just want it to be that waiting there in the fridge. That's when factor comes in clutch. Yeah. Hey, Jesse, they got some fall flavors ready. What are we looking at? You want me to hit you with some of these fall flavors? Yeah.

They got cranberry pecan chicken, apple Dijon pork chops. They're all ready in just two minutes, and they'll satisfy your fall cravings during the busy season without the hassle. Head to factormeals.com slash JJGo50 and use code JJGo50 to get 50% off. That's JJGo50 at factormeals.com slash JJGo50 to get 50% off. Nothing on the Jumbotron this week.

If you want to get up on the Jumbotron, it's MaximumThun.org slash Jumbotron. We will share your message, your well-wish. Most ill wishes. Sure, yeah. We'll send threats. Not like illegal threats. No, not illegal threats. Within the bounds of legality, we will threaten

your enemies. Keep it vague. Have righteous enemies. I would ask that you have, if we're going to have us threaten your enemies, have them be righteous enemies. Sure, have them be our enemies too Sure. Have them be our enemies too. Yeah. Find a list of our enemies, make them your enemies, and then do a Jumbotron so we threaten them. I've got a list of my enemies on my phone. I'll send it to Matt. Matt, you send it to anybody who goes to MaximumTron.com.

Okay. You got it. List of enemies. Check it out. Okay. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Jordan Meyer, doctorate of sociology. What would you say, Jordan? First of all, congratulations. Thank you.

Education is so important. It's so important. I can't say that enough. If anybody knows anything about me, it's my love of lifelong learning. And that I insist that sauce is a cum word. Those two things. Two important things. Jordan, can I ask you a sauce question?

Please. Let's say you were going to rank. Is this a cum question? No. Nope. say you were going to rank. Is this a cum question? No. Nope. Just sauces. All right. What are your top three mother sauces? Oof.

Like categories or specifics? I want to know specific sauces. Oh, my God. This is so hard. And by mother sauce, do you mean like truly the most versatile sauces that I think are the most necessary or my favorite? What counts as a mother sauce? It's like bechamel? Well, mother sauces are fucked because it's only French sauces.

Because like everything in the culinary world, it is racist. So it's just like bechamel, hollandaise. Cigarettes and milk. Cigarettes, milk, yeah. Um, but... This one just says butter. Yeah. Sure.

I think maybe, like, a velouté. I don't remember all of them. One of them is, like, a weird one that's, like, tomatoes, but maybe there's also milk in it or something. But they're, like, the foundation sauces. Right. So is the question, like, what sauces do I think are like the most foundational sauces that we need to have for the world to survive

or is it my favorite sauces? No, these are your in fact let's reinvent the canon. Let's take all these dead white men. Yeah. Hollandaise, etc.

Perfect. Get them out of here. Sure. I say destroy the matriarchy so we're eliminating the question. I don't say that

just to be clear. I'm not. We're eliminating. So we're eliminating the question. I don't say that, just to be clear. There were two guys, two different guys. One guy says stuff, one guy doesn't say that. I don't know. I agree with Jesse. We're eliminating the mother sauce question. Okay. I just want to know top three sauces.

Okay, sorry if I thought too much about your sauce question. Yeah, top three sauces. My top three sauces. Okay, sorry if I thought too much about your sauce question. Yeah, top three sauces. You're professional. My top three sauces. And I'm leaving aside, I know that we often use these interchangeably, but I'm leaving aside what I would call condiments. Okay, so say more about that. Worcestershire, mustard.

So you're talking a true sauce. I'm talking about a true sauce. Okay, a true sauce. Okay. Oh my god. Like I'm true sauce. Okay, a true sauce. Okay. Oh my God. Like I'm counting gravy. No, no, no.

Yeah, gravy's a sauce. Absolutely. But like crema is not a sauce. That's a condiment. Yeah, that's a condiment. Of course that's a condiment. Okay, don't speak to me like that.

Well, I mean, what is, that's like a, it's just like, what are you putting in there? Salt? Crema? Yeah.

Yeah, so that's, that's not enough to make it a sauce. A zest? Okay. Zest not enough for you? Okay, a little zest. Okay, okay, okay. So this is like my favorite three sauces. Yeah.

Oh my God. I wish I had known this question before I came on the pod. Okay. We ask all our guests this question. This is sick. I knew I should have listened before I came. We're also going to ask question. This is sick. I knew I should listen before I came. We're also going to ask you what your favorite swear word is. Okay, perfect.

Okay, I'll start thinking about it now. What sauce do you hope to give God? Yeah. Should he or she exist? Thank you. Okay, my top three favorite sauces. I have a whole stack of note cards and they all just say sauce. Because he's having a shining thing going on.

He's typing it. Then I'm perfect for this episode. Yeah, you and I are connected. Luckily, sauce is one of those words that can mean a lot of different things. Sure, sure. My first has come. My favorite sauces. God.

Okay. I would say that... You can talk it out a little bit. Where's your head at? My head is spinning. You know, like whenever anyone asks you any type of question, my first thought is, what is sauce? Right? Like, I've immediately forgotten every movie I've ever seen.

Like, that type of thing. Remember that part in History of the World Part 1 where the one guy goes to the other guy, don't get saucy with me, Bernays. Yes. That's a great joke. That's true. That's a fun joke. It's a great sauce joke.

Bernays is a mother sauce. Yeah. We found it. I would say a, like a salsa verde, a green sauce that you would cook, you know. Like you make your end cheese with. Sure, you can make your end cheese with it. You can cook uh meat in it i would say it's so spectacular it's tangy it's herby um i think a tomatillo

is like such an unbelievable just a classic fruit product yeah um so i i would say that's a big one for me but not salsa verde in terms of the dip. Right. Not the salsa, the sauce. I guess I just want to be clear. Yeah. You're being clear. Okay.

Thank you. Number two. That's first of all, I love that you went verde because you could have just gone adobo. Yeah, but I'm not rocking with adobo as hard. Great. I like it, but I think it just doesn't. Thinking about salsa verde makes my mouth water. And every time I have Adobo or salsa rojo or anything, I really like it,

but it just doesn't have the same effect on me as a salsa verde. So that's up there. So that's up there. Then I would say like a Makani sauce, like a butter chicken, butter paneer type sauce. I love creamy. And it's creamy, but it's also so flavorful. I've also had a lot of different renditions of it that are great. So that's one of my favorites as well and then you know burger king does a great one with chipotle they put some chipotle peppers in

there some smoky chipotle in sorry right smoky chipotle and everything okay i love that. And then this is me showing my roots, but maybe like a white pepper gravy. Yeah. White gravy specifically. Brown gravy doesn't do literally anything for me. Yeah, I don't love it either. Yeah, it's just so forgettable to me. And every time I'm eating it, I'm like, oh, my God, I wish this was white pepper gravy. White pepper gravy is great.

In fact, I probably prefer it to brown gravy at the end of the day. Yeah. This is not the food of my roots. My roots are Pennsylvania Dutch. Okay. But I know, Jordan, this is a down-home food for you. down-home food for you. But I feel like you're really throwing out the baby with the brown water

if you're going to discard brown. Jesse, the water's brown because the baby's shit in there. Oh, wow. Yeah. Wait, what is brown gravy? It's baby's shit mixed with water. Wow.

Yeah. Okay. But there's some onions in there right if you if you want there's a lot of if you're a lot of riffs on it but you feed the baby why are you feeding a baby onions in the first place to make your baby well versed in food right yeah you don't want a basic baby yeah you don't want your baby to be a loser right yeah um those are probably my three top sauces but the second i walk out of here i'm gonna be like no there's others you can you can if you want to like amend that i will probably shout them out yeah you can you can call in and we'll matt will play them okay uh can i ask you a question? Yeah. Is your white pepper gravy, is it a vegetarian?

Does it have a meat element in it? It doesn't have to be vegetarian, but it is not sausage gravy. Okay. It is white pepper gravy. You can make that with bacon or sausage fat, or you can make it vegetarian, but it is not sausage gravy. Okay. I'd like to crumble some sausage in there. Is that okay?

Absolutely. I don't think that's wrong, but just for me, what it really comes from is my uncle used to run a Dairy Queen franchise in Clinton, Mississippi. And growing up, I would go there and they sold white pepper gravy that you could get and dip your French fries in. And that is one of my most vivid childhood memories is having to go there

and not wanting to see so much of my family, but getting to see my one wonderful uncle and go to this Dairy Queen and eat white pepper gravy and see all the people that worked at Dairy Queen that I liked so much more than my family. Wouldn't it be incredible if we all had one uncle that had blizzards? Oh, I cannot recommend it enough. It was truly just so incredible.

One of the women that worked there used to always show me how to ice the ice cream cakes. Wow. Can I tell you something? My uncle didn't even have Dilly bars. My uncle was lost in a blizzard. Jordan, that was a polar bear.

That's so sad. I know. He married my aunt. That's so sad. My uncle by marriage, not my blood. Oh, of course, of course. Okay, when something momentous happens to you, like you lose your uncle in a blizzard, give us a call, 206-9844-FUN, or send us a voice memo at jjgoe at maximumfun.org. Here's a person who has did that.

Hey, Jordan. Hey, Jesse. Hey, guests. I'm going to guess Allison Rosen. Close. This is Christian calling in from Dana Point with a moment this occasion. So I just got pulled aside by my son's Montessori teacher. Close. So he was saying, I love pussy. I had to explain to her that he just really likes Thomas the Tank Engine and has a lisp. And what he was saying was, I love Percy. So I really, A, am not a bad parent. And B, sidesteps something completely problematic. And yeah, have a good day.

I'm raising all my children to love pussy. I'm tired of these sex-negative Montessori teachers. I think that rules. I will tell you that when I was in preschool, my preschool teacher did call my parents in to let them know, non-judgmentally, but to let them know that I was telling everyone that I was a lesbian. And then my parents said, do you know what that means? And I said, it's when a girl and a girl love each other. And my parents said, yep. And what that means? And I said, it's when a girl and a girl love each other. And my parents said, yep.

And then that was kind of just that. And now I am a big lesbian. So what I'm saying is your child is going to grow up to love pussy. And I think that's so I'm literally crying. I think that's so beautiful. They know. They know. You know when you know.

Yeah. You're born this way. Sure. And just hopefully this kid has a supportive uncle that can give them access to dip cones. Some people are born lesbians. Some people are born tank engines. Right. Yes.

You can't control how you come into this world. That's so true. Did your kids do Thomas the Tank Engine, Jesse? Was that a thing? I absolutely missed it. I feel like I knew it was a thing and I know that it is was that a thing i absolutely missed it i feel like i know yeah i knew it was a thing and i know that it is something that a generation latched on to meme wise like i have seen thomas with a big butt a lot yeah no it's very dank very dank my uh he's a dank engine

i missed it completely in my generation as well my My childhood best pal Jody, his mom was English and I think he got it from English stuff. Ah, yes. I think it hit in England before it made it to the States. They also watched a lot of EastEnders and a lot of Danger Mouse.

Wow. So he caught it. I missed it. But my little brother was squarely in the Thomas the Tank engine. Ringo? I think it was Ringo into Alec Baldwin. Right. Now they have a whole-

These are the, like, they have a different celebrity engineer, right? Yeah. Okay. He's sort of like the host. And now they have a whole new, you know, there's like a new generation of Thomas the Tank Engine. And I'm going to be honest with you. It's like dark, right? It's super dark and gritty.

Grounded. It's grounded. It really looks like shit. Like I saw a couple of, my kids weren't really into them. They never really. Yeah. But regular Thomas the Tank Engine, basically the only good thing about them is watching those funny trains go around, which is kind of like

the fact that they have those little trains and they do that little train animation is kind of neat. But when it looks like a PlayStation 1 game, it really loses a lot of that charm. one game. Right. It really loses a lot of that charm. So the 3D Thomas the Tank Engine couldn't have

more thumbs down. Hopefully, I mean, maybe there's something good about it, you know. They probably got some positive representations

of tanker cars or whatever. You know what I mean? I do. Something like that. I don't know. They probably changed it for the better.

Most of these things didn't change for the worse. But God, does it look like shit in Thomas the Tank Engine. And it's nothing. Most of these things didn't change for the worse. But God, does it look like shit, Thomas the Tank Engine. And it's nothing. There's few things that are less of anything. But I guess

nothing is still better than Paw Patrol. Sure. It's better than pussy. No, pussy is good. Pussy is good and strong. I love pussy. Yes. Thank you. I love pussy. Did you know that pussy is strong? Did I? Yeah. Yes. Thank you. I love pussy. Did you know that pussy is strong? Did I?

Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. If anybody's listening, single mothers also. Right. Education is great. Yeah.

Lifelong learning. Gravy is, I'm just trying to sum up what we've learned. We've learned a lot today. Education is great. Thanks. We've learned a lot. Brown gravy is baby's poop mixed with water. Right.

And, you know, Resort World in Vegas is a great place. Brown gravy is baby's poop mixed with water. Right. And, you know, Resort World in Vegas is a great place. Check it out. Wait, how was it? How was Resort World? Which tower did they put you in? They put me in, I think, the middling one, which is still nice because the least nice one. I would love to be in the middling one. Right.

Oh, my God. The least nice one is a Hilton. And then the next one is something else. And then I think the nicest one is like, I think it's called like the Conrad or something. Oh, that does sound nice. Yeah, it was like very nice. So, but it was, it was really cool. It's where Katy Perry has her residency right now.

And it's cool. The room was great. I love staying in a hotel. We, I never did that growing up. We were very much like, we're staying with people we know. So now as an adult, I'm like so. Wow, it's not a a pull-out bed oh my god i'm so horny to be in hotels i like love it um anytime you can stay in a hotel for work it can be the best westerniest shit in history and you would be like i love this yes absolutely so it was good the only downside of the world

yeah the only downside of resorts world is they had a bad, very expensive food court. Oh. I commend what they're trying to do. It's trying to be very international and a lot of cool stuff, but it is just like I did order three bad chicken dumplings for like $13 and was like, this is shameful. I'm writing Katie a letter right now. I did. I marched right up to the front of her stage and I made her this is shameful. I'm writing Katie a letter right now. I did. I marched right up to the front of her stage

and I made her Venmo me. Excuse me. Excuse me, Mr. Shark. I have something to address. Not you, right, Shark. That's it. Let's be done. Yeah, okay.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. La, la, la, la, la, la, Jordan, Jessica. People say not to judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree. Which is why here on Just the Zoo of Us, we judge them by so much more. We rate animals out of 10 in the categories of effectiveness, ingenuity, and aesthetics, taking into consideration each animal's true strengths, like a pigeon's ability to tell a Monet from a Picasso or a polar bear's ability to play basketball. Guest experts like biologists, ecologists, and more join us to share their unique insight into the animal's world.

Listen with friends and family of all ages on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get podcasts. It's the final week of Co-Optober. I'm Richard Roby, producer, and I'm here with... KT Wigman, operations specialist. To cap off National Co-op Month, we're sharing how worker-owned co-ops can benefit their communities. Read about it in our newsletter or on social media at MaxFunHQ. We're also trying to do our part. We're volunteering at our local food bank this week,

and we encourage you to volunteer in your area too. On Friday, we're announcing the donation that you helped raise in the Post Max Fund Drive sticker sale, going to five food banks across the U.S. And we want to make sure that you know this is your last chance to get our limited edition Launch Crew merch. Grab a pin, hat, shirt, or hoodie before they disappear at the end of the month. Details on merch, resources for volunteering, and all things Co-Optober can be found at at maximumfun.org slash co-optober that's c-o-o-p-t-o-b-e-r thank you so much for your support and a great co-optober it's jordan jesse go i'm jesse thorne america's radio sweetheart jordan morris boy detective

jordan myrick alfalfa salesman. I didn't realize I was doing it again. I'm so sorry. You can use the first one. You can use the same one. I got scared. I liked alfalfa salesman too. Alfalfa salesman was good too, by the way.

Okay. By the way, that sells itself as long as your customers are bunny rabbits. That's right. Which all of mine are. I'm a door-to-door bunny rabbit salesman. Oh. That's I sell door-to-door to bunny rabbits. I don't sell bunny rabbits door-to-door bunny rabbit salesman. That's I sell door-to-door to bunny rabbits. I don't sell bunny rabbits door-to-door.

There's already plenty of them. Every year at Easter, too many show up in our animal shelters. Yet another beautiful lesson from this episode. What a wealth of knowledge this has been. When my rabbit, Miss Bunny, when she would get alfalfa, when I would like break out the alfalfa, she'd do that thing, you know how rabbits do where they jump in the air and they kick their legs kind of sideways? Nope, but that's cute.

Yeah, they sort of squibble their butt. Yeah, she'd do that because she fucking loved alfalfa so fucking much. That's really sweet. I always think of alfalfa as a horse food. What? Well, here's something interesting. Maybe I'm wrong. Here's something interesting.

Horses and bunny rabbits can eat the same foods. Interesting. I think of it as a human food. Really? Alfalfa sprouts? Oh, that's interesting. You've never been to a sandwich shop that puts way too many of them on your sandwich? That's a good point.

I just assumed that you meant that you like to eat hay. Yeah. I'm a little different like that. Sure. I always thought it was a word for when a male is really strong. An alfalfa male. Is that not right?

Okay. We got there. We put the pieces together. I'm a buffeta cuck. What was that voice I was doing earlier for the guy who... That's the one! Alright. That guy eats hay?

Boy, I forget. It was pretty good, though. Yeah, it's fun. I'd feed him some hay. If you do that little butt squiggle jump. I love to do that for you, Jesse. I'm an efficiency nut, so I just strap on an oat bag at the beginning of the day. Oh, yeah. And I just go about my day.

Got it. I love an oat bag. I don't have to prepare meals. Did you see any good oat bags at the product convention? I did, yeah. Full of yogurt, though. Oh, not oats. Not oats.

That's weird that they would pull a bait and switch like that. I know, I know. But everybody's trying to reinvent the wheel. Right. Do they think that people can't eat oats because horses eat oats? Because people and horses can both eat oats. There's a lot of conflicting information about what two creatures can eat the same thing. You know, thank you.

A lot of people think that only mares eat oats. Also dozy doves. Mares You know, thank you. A lot of people think that only mares eat oats. Well, also dozy doves. Mares of cities, not horses. Right. Yeah, mares eat oats.

Mares eat oats. Horses are a different thing. That's our ticket to success, a parody song called Mares Eat Oats. Right. It's about Gavin Newsom. I love it.

He'd pay for it to use it in a commercial, I'm sure of it. He probably would. He's got the dough. He's got that. Loaded. Plump Jack money. That was his restaurant chain.

He had a restaurant chain called Plump Jack in a winery. Really? What kind of food was it? I don't know. Wine food. Oh, my God. Sounds like what they call Burger King in Australia. I know.

Gavin Newsom, some real rich kid shit on that guy. Sure. Sure. But he was the poor guy in the rich kid family. That's sad. Interesting. That's why he's so fucking weird. Jordan, before we go, one more question about your Vegas trip.

Please. You mentioned you saw three Cirque du Soleil's. What was the best Cirque du Soleil? Oh, my God. Without a question. Oh, the water themed one. Oh. There is.

Oh. There's absolutely no question. It, I am not kidding. I cried within the first 15 minutes of the show. Oh my gosh. And then got into a verbal spat with the woman next to me because she would not stop talking and i was like shut the fuck i was like how do you not see what's happening and how beautiful it is and i need you to be quiet because she would not just stop talking um as if we weren't watching

the most unbelievable athletes on the face of the earth dive into a pool of water and it's also so like scary in a way because the stage has a pool underneath it and it opens and closes so you can't see when it's open and you can't see when it's closed so sometimes it'll be closed and they'll be walking on it and then two seconds later someone just dives into it and if they mess that up they're done so i had the exact same experience seeing carrot top in vegas yeah tears tears when he brought out the toilet seat with the screaming at a woman next to you why would you stop laughing absolutely he's moments he could live or die at any moment right yes carrot top walks a walks walks tightrope every night for us. Absolutely. Jordan, are you sure that wasn't just Avatar 2? No.

Okay. It wasn't. No, I'm not sure. I told you I did a bunch of animals and walked around. I don't know what I ended up in. Might have been Avatar 2. I know I paid to see O, but I'm not sure what I saw. Jordan, people can see your food entertainment

using the website Sporked. Sporked.com. You can also see me on Good Mythical Morning or Mythical Kitchen on YouTube. Don't care for them. Okay. The shows or me on them or? The whole thing.

I mostly don't like the gang, the crew. Right. Hey. Huh. Hey. Huh. Hey. All right. Let's get them. Yeah, and then you can find me on social media.

I make food and comedy content on TikTok and Instagram. Food con and com con? Food con and com con. Con, con, com, com. Do you ever do any can con? I do can can. Like bare naked ladies.Con? I do CanCan. Like Barenaked Ladies songs? Yeah, I do.

Oh, CanCan. I do the CanCan, yeah. Great. This is starting to sound like a con-con. Who knows? I didn't understand the Barenaked Ladies thing. Oh, that's CanCon, Canadian content. I didn't understand it either.

I assumed it was just kind of a thing. Fun thing to say. Like just a thing that, you know. CanCon, you know they got to play Canadian songs on Canadian radio and television. Wow. I don't think I realized that Barenaked Ladies were Canadian. I think of them as distinctly American almost. Really?

Yeah. Despite their pervasive Canadian-iness? And what am I supposed to gather that from? They don't sing about it. Okay, that's fair. Thank you. Well, there's that one verse that's just about... Sing it.

Jean Chrétien. You know, there's that one verse that's just about... Sing it. Jean Chrétien. You know, there's that one song where he talks about eating Kraft dinner. So that's what they would... Yeah. We call it maybe Kraft mac and cheese. Sure. Kraft dinner over there. That's fair.

Until I hear them counting in, like, Quebecois French, I'm not believing it. Yeah. So you're a Barenaked Ladies aren't Canadian truther. I'm a truther. Yeah. Hit me with some urnders, you know, and then I'll know that they're actually Indian. Where would you say they're from? I feel like they're from like.

Orlando. No, they're from like, like Illinois, close enough to Chicago that they'll tell people they're from Chicago. But when they're in Chicago, they like can't actually say that. They're like, excuse me, you're from DeKalb. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. That's where I would assume they were from. Because it feels like they have some kind of, they know a lot of cultural references,

which is like, oh, that feels kind of city-like. But then when you listen to them, they're all kind of like things you could gather from TV, which tells me suburb. When it turns out, that's just how Canada works. I guess Canada is just one big suburb of America. They watch our televisions. Except when they're watching CanCon. Yeah, exactly.

Beautiful. Did you know that... My guess already is no, but I can't wait to find out what you're going to ask. Did you know that Neil Young was in a band with Rick James? No. Can't wait to find out what you're going to ask. Did you know that Neil Young was in a band with Rick James? No.

That's the greatest international cooperation that our two nations are capable of. Wow. It's not just bare naked ladies secretly being Americans. Sure. That is pretty good. Or Joey Votto playing for the Cincinnati Reds. It is, in fact, that Rick James and Neil Young were in a band together. Wow. Have you guys seen the Pepsi commercial that's Pink and Britney Spears and Beyonce?

No. It's a recent commercial? No, it's very old and they're all dressed as gladiators. And it's unbelievable. So I just felt like I should bring it up as, you know, if we're talking about iconic collaborations. There is a real hierarchy to how interested in those performers I am. I think everyone would agree with you. But I think it changes based on year.

I think some people love Britney a lot more than I do. I think that's... Matt, in the show five minutes ago. Help. No, I think that's... Matt in the show five minutes ago. Help. No, I think that's... No, Beyonce's obviously number one, especially in this day and age. Right. Britney's number two.

Pink is number three. Pink is kind of the most accessible to all of us. But Pink is kind of cool and fun. I think Pink seems cool and fun in her own way she went to high school with the roots oh okay that's pretty fun so what i'll say is i don't think anyone would ever try to say that about beyonce or britney spears that she went to high school with the with the roots yeah like if that was a fact about them no one would bring that up do you know what i mean it would be so much better if she went to high school with the roots oh my god britney spears would be better

if she got to go to high school at all. That's a really good point. Britney had a lot taken away from her. Right. I apologize to her. Thank you. Thank you, Mitch. She's not as good as Pink. Thank you.

And I apologize to Pink for thinking she's not as good as Britney. I think everybody's as good as everybody else. I think so, too, no matter what car you are on the train. Thank you. Beautiful. Okay. Matt Lieb is the producer of our program. Brian Sanidi-Fernandez

is our producer emeritus. Our theme music is Love You by The Free Design courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. You can join us on social media.

Jordan is at jordandavidmorris. I'm at put.this.on on Instagram. Jordan's on Goodreads. Check me out on Goodreads. Hit him up on Goodreads check me out

I'll do that please maximumfun.reddit.com is where you can find us on Reddit I hope everybody will come out and see me on tour

vanfreaksroadshow.com come see me and John Hodgman on tour and pre-order Jordan's new book oh yeah youth group

baby yeah can't wait we'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jessica. I'll hug you and kiss you and love you. Love you. Love you. Love you.

Love you. Love you. Love you.