Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ol' Goopy, with Alex Schmidt and Katie Goldin (Secretly Incredibly Fascinating)

Episode Date: August 22, 2024

This week, we welcome fellow Maximum Fun podcast hosts, Alex Schmidt and Katie Goldin (of Secretly incredibly Fascinating), to chat about krill, the beach in Planet of the Apes, Las Vegas restaurants, Eiffel 65, and more!For a limited time, you can get $30 off the first box of Wildgrain - PLUS free Croissants in every box - when you go to Wildgrain.com/JJGO to start your subscription.You heard me - free Croissants in every box - and $30 off your first box when you go to Wildgrain dot com slash JJGO.That’s Wildgrain.com/JJGO, or you can use promo code JJGO at checkout.Go see Secretly Incredibly Fascinating in London on Sunday, September 8th!Visit bit.ly/run4mar to help Caitlin raise money while running a half-marathon for children’s Alzheimer’s disease.Follow the podcast on Instagram and send us your dank memes!Jordan Morris is doing a book tour for Youth Group! Come see Jordan on August 24th in Los Angeles at 826 Fest (Free!). Also, at Cape and Cowl Con on August 25th in the Bay Area.Come see Judge John Hodgman: Road Court  live in a town near you! Jesse and John will be all over the country so don't miss your change to see them. Check the events page to find out where!Follow brand new producer, Steven Ray Morris, on Instagram.

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Welcome to the program, America. America, America.

Points abroad. This is you. How about that? The red, white and blue. The aimless things you do. It's Jordan and Jesse Goh. Yes. Okay.

Speaking of aimless things you do, I have an important update for our segment. Stuff that happened a lot on Stop Podcasting Yourself 10 years ago, which is to say. Oh, yeah. This is a fan favorite. This is a fan favorite. Saying a confusing vanity license plate we saw. Oh, OK, great. Today on my way to recording, I was behind a. Large SUV. And it had the license plate. KIKNMOM. Kick-M-O-M. Stan Keper Kick and mom.

Marshall S. Keper Kick and mom. Stan Keper Kick and mom. Marshall S. Keper Which one presumes, obviously, that this was a particularly relaxed mom or perhaps a mom who likes to drop a beat. Stan Keper Yeah, or you know, mom that studies the martial arts. Yeah, mom that studies the martial arts. My concern is that it could be a child describing their hobby. Oh, yeah. Like if you saw a license plate that said N.O.H.M.W.R.K.

It would be like, oh, a kid, a kid who just hates homework made this license plate. Yeah. I'm worried that this person is engaging in some sort of elder abuse. I mean, they're not a small child because they have their own car. Right. But, I mean, if this child could, you know, finagle their way through the DMVs set of checks and balances, they could probably get themselves a car. This is probably a child mastermind. It could be a child mastermind. I mean, I think you're right that a child is probably more likely to have a vanity license plate because of the fact that

children love marine conservation. They just want to support it however they can. Yeah. They've all played the cooperative board game of my childhood, Save the Whales, featuring a variety of silver colored pewter whales. And they decided to send their extra $85. I mean, I know this, Jordan. When I was a teenager, I didn't even get a driver's license because my parents told me

I would have to pay the extra insurance on their insurance. And I decided that that $85 a month was out of my means. Right. Or I mean, you just wanted to send it directly to Wales. Yeah. You put the 85 bucks in a plastic bag. And I'm just describing what you did, Jesse. So let me know. Right. You're just describing. I mean, obviously, you don't need to describe it to me, but there's listeners at home who weren't there. Go ahead. So you would, you know, you were like, no thanks, you know, I'm hoofing it, I'm taking

the bus. Right. And I'm gonna take, I'm gonna put my 85 bucks in a watertight plastic bag, swim out, head out there to the beach, swim out till you see the first whale, shove it right in this blowhole. Here you go. You know, it's funny Jordan. Here you go, Whaley. It's funny Jordan, that might be how you did it when you were a kid. I know things were

a little different. You grew up in Orange County, I grew up in San Francisco, both California obviously but significant cultural differences in terms of lifted pickup trucks, chain wallets, always wearing a sweatshirt no matter what, that being a Northern California practice. I actually did a little differently in San Francisco. What I would do is I would every month, I would get my $85 that I would have spent on extra insurance for my parents' cars so that I could drive them if I got a driver's license. And I would go to the krill store and I would buy gallons and gallons and gallons of those

microscopic shrimp. I would put them in a garbage bag, a contractor weight garbage bag because it needs the tensile strength, you know? And then I would hop on the old bike because of course, I didn't have a car. Sure. Hop on the old bike, head down to the pier, I would find a man with a catamaran. I would do whatever it took to get that man to take me to some whales.

Well, usually they would do it for a handful of krill. I mean, in some cases, but in some cases, Jordan, I don't want to say what I did, but I went a lot farther than a handful of krill. Oh, okay. Yeah. I guess you also have to check. Okay. I'll say it. I tossed some fish up into the air so they could catch it with their mouth. Right. But you have to check and see if the catamaran man has teeth or baleen. Yeah. It's really important. If they have teeth, they're going to want to eat fish.

Yeah. They have baleen, they're going to want to eat krill. Some catamaran owners tear the flesh of their prey. Right. Others take in a huge volume of seawater and then expel it through filtering teeth. The one with teeth, they're called sperm men. Those are the terrors and the Baleen ones are called. I don't know blue men. I don't know. What is this show? Anyway, let's introduce our guests

They probably know a fuck ton about Bailey. Yeah exactly like the kind of shit these people would know about 100% they're the hosts of Max Fund's own podcast, secretly incredibly fascinating, Alex Schmidt and Katie Golden. Hi, Katie. Hi, Alex. How are you? Hello. Doing great. I feel surrounded by people with a strong connection to the coast of California, and it's catamaran men and the rest. This is great. Yes. Yeah. I think a lot of people think that California is all about palm trees and surfboards. But

really we focus on catamaran. The classic problem of how do you get your krill to the ocean? Yeah, exactly. In Southern California, they use those sort of like chromed out low rider bicycles. In Northern California, it's mountain bikes all the way. I remember being just sitting on the handlebars of a bicycle, balancing krill on each hand. Yeah, sure. Simpler times. Oh, take me back.

Take me back in a time before, you know, mortgages and kids and everything. I just want to be a carefree youngster transporting my krill. Yeah, because in the Midwest, in Illinois, we would put our most valuable baseball card in the spokes of the bike. Do you put really valuable krill in the spokes and then everyone sees your krill like, oh, he has a shiny, you know, that would be nice. Alex, I want to be clear here. Krill is microscopic. You can't see the krill with the naked eye. Oh, okay.

These krill are tiny. That's why you need such a dense thicket of baleen to filter them out of the seawater, okay? Yeah. But yes, we would do that with our fish that we would use for the toothed whales. Yeah. It'd make a really nice sound. Yeah. It's a really great... Alex, how would you characterize the sound? I had a funny shape. That's like when you're biking on cobblestones and you've got a fish in your spoke. So we should probably all just do it for, you know, just so everybody just for totality,

right? So just to be clear, what we're doing is we're making the sound of a fish in spokes. Yeah, so we would take a clothespin and attach a fish to our bicycle wheel so that it would flap through the spokes, thus demonstrating how great, how valuable our fish are to toothed whales. So, go ahead and make that sound, Jordan. Oh, wow. Was yours a flounder? Sorry, Jesse. It was a bass. Boom! Oh. You got bassed, asshole. Boom, boom, boom.

Alex and Katie, on your program. Wait, Jesse, you have to make the noise. You... I already made the noise earlier. Oh, yeah. Oh, okay. I'm sorry. I zoned out.

One person, one noise. So tired of noise fraud. Okay, so, check ID at the noise place, that's what I say. Alex and Katie, on your show, Secretly Incredibly Fascinating, you explore the most fascinating secret things that we never knew about things that we always should have known that we perhaps ignored. I'm just reading directly from the log line. First time I've seen this show. Have you covered any aquatic topics? Yeah. I remember octopuses was very popular with folks, which was very fun and bordering

on an animal that's obviously incredibly fascinating because people are way into that. I went and saw an octopus a few days ago just because we were in a town that had an aquarium and could. It's a big draw. Is that something that you travel for? I'm just asking if you're a do octopus tourism. A few days ago, it was my wife's birthday and we had decided to do a pilgrimage to Scranton, Pennsylvania to see the few elements of TV's The Office that are actually in Scranton. And then it turns out that Steamtown Mall where they hang out on the TV show, but not really, is mostly not a mall anymore and has a very good aquarium on the first floor. Steamtown Mall from the office is now mostly an aquarium and a reptile

house. Wow. What other elements from the television show are still there? There's the two first shots of the intro sequence where there's the tower of a company called Pen Paper and then a street with some banners on it, which it turns out is by City Hall in Scranton. Then there is a sign that's maroon that says, welcome to Scranton, that is now inside Steamtown Mall for safekeeping. Then there's a couple of businesses that they reference or pretend to be at in the show that they have never actually been to. Alex, were there issues with the office-related crime?

I don't understand. Well, if they're having to keep things away, tuck things away for safekeeping, my concern is that there had been a rash of office thefts. Apparently, it was to keep it safe from the elements and to stop people from like parking their car on the highway into Scranton to get a picture with this sign that's from the show.

So you don't like have problems on it. Like take pieces of the sign. Like the Berlin Wall. When the show ended, the sign came down. Everyone celebrated. Yeah, they wereified Scranton. Mr. Scranton, take down this wall! We're into Parks and Rec now!

Is Scranton leaning into office fandom? Is there like a Dunder Mifflin cafe where you can get Kevin's chili. Do they do stuff like that? Yeah, the main gift shop is at a real restaurant called Cooper's Seafood that they mention on the show sometimes and never go to. But there's a huge excellent gift shop. And then there's a couple of murals. And otherwise, I feel like it's still the actual place it is. They're leaning into it the right amount, but they're not some sort of, I guess, whatever Disney-fied version of Scranton would be of like office stuff, you know?

It's a good balance. But like, they didn't, to be clear, they did not shoot the show in Scranton at all, correct? No, they, John Krasinski, when he got cast, he did a couple shots in Scranton that we went and saw the locations of that are now in the intro sequence. He just brought a camera there and filmed some things. He's not in them. And then otherwise it's all filmed at a building that's in, I think it's Panorama City in the valley in LA. We've gone to that too, because

we go to this stuff. Wow. Okay. Yeah. So you can go to the outside of that. Yeah, the the office is one of those like if you live in LA a very clearly filmed in LA show like there are like little landmarks and a lot of palm trees in the background of some shots. Hollywood sign in the background. Sure. A guy dressed as Jack Sparrow asking for money. Former Los Angeles mayor Antonio Villarigosa. What are you doing in Scranton? What other places have you been to, Alex? Do you mean that you go to office places or that you and your wife like to go to the locations of film and television programs? We have been to those two office places and that's it. We just wanted to see office stuff. We're relatively new to living in Beacon, New York, in the Hudson Valley above New York City.

It's close to Scranton. We just popped over. It was good. My daughter has been telling me that she wants me to take her to the beach from Planet of the Apes. Ooh. Oh. And you know what? You could do a lot worse. It's in Malibu. Okay.

Which Planet of the Apes? I like that she's picked an achievable one. Which Planet of the Apes? The original Planet of the Apes. The famous beach where, okay, spoiler alert for Planet of the Apes. Spoiler alert for one of the most famous twists of all time. Yeah, I'm going to take a big drink out of my mug that says I love the Statue of Liberty and I want it to always be okay.

Go ahead. Take a big sip. A sip from my mug that says, a planet filled with apes could never be Earth. I'm going to take a sip from my mug that says, Charlton Heston is always good at acting. Completely fucking insane in that movie. He's visiting from space. Are you guys, Jesse, are you guys going to go? Do you have you planned a trip to the ape's beach? It's complicated. Yeah, it's complicated to some extent by the fact that it is a bit of a drive to get to

Malibu from where we live. You and I Jordan, we live on the far northeast edge of the city of Los Angeles, you just outside the city's boundaries. And Malibu is the furthest point west and also has been like infrastructurally designed to keep others out. So like if you're not, I don't know, whoever lives in Malibu, Who lives in Malibu? You know, I used to, when I was a PA on Fran Treasurer's sitcom, I would drive out her scripts to Malibu. That to me, that is that is Malibu's most famous celebrity. Yeah, I was thinking Joni Mitchell.

Joni Mitchell seems like she would live in Malibu. I guess she famously lives in Topanga Canyon or whatever. But Goop probably lives there. Goop Lady. Oh, no, Gwyn. Goop Lady. Oh. Oh, Gwyneth Paltrow. Yes. Yeah. Mrs. Goop. Old Goopy.

Known the world over as Goop Lady. Yes. Academy Award winner, Goop Lady. Katie, my ears thought you said, Goop probably lives there, and I was just gonna wait and find out what celebrity Go goo is. Like, surely goo is a big hit.

Star, I'll figure out. You know who does live there? Gru. Oh, Gru. And Gru Tuck. Katie, have you have you done any pop culture fan based tourism? Gosh, I mean, I did go to the Hell's Kitchen restaurant in Las Vegas because we watched a lot of Gordon Ramsay.

Okay. And there was surprisingly no yelling though. Like when you go there, they like, maybe they call, at most they call out orders, but there's not verbal abuse Going on in the kitchen would think they would lean in right, right? You'd think that that would be kind of like part of the thing of like I'm going to now Abuse this underpaid worker for your amusement as you eat a nice succulent beef, Wellington

It is interesting to me the extent to which Gordon Ramsay modulates his yelling based on context. Yes. Like there are times when Gordon Ramsay is doing things on television where he seems like a normal man. And then times when he is doing something where he seems like a cartoon character. Sometimes he might as well be one of the people from Top Chef who just helps people and other times he's Yosemite Sam. He's an English Yosemite Sam.

His face can go from sort of slack to suddenly like he has 20 sort of ridges in his head and then they can all turn red sort of. It's kind of like, you know how like there's certain lizards that have like Golar flaps and stuff that can like, and birds too, like they can inflate it and it turns red really fast. That's like his forehead does that, which seems to be some kind of aggression signaling.

I always assumed he was Klingon. Mm. Yeah. Half Klingon, his mom. Half Klingon, yeah. His mom was Klingon. Half Klingon. His mom. Half Klingon. Yeah. It doesn't count if you're... it's gotta be yeah matrilineal. Kitty, how was the food at the Gordon Ramsay restaurant? Yeah. No, it was good. It was very good. I was actually kind of surprised. I thought it would be like really... because like they had like a holographic Gordon Ramsay and This isn't gonna be good

They have that holographic Tupac like they bought it at a they bought it at auction Surplus auction Welcome to kitchen just wraps the specials. I love food. I love to eat food here. Yeah. Yeah, no, the food was good. You're a really good rapper, Katie. Yeah, that was really good.

Thank you. Yeah. Really good rapping. Now I want a clip of Tupac saying, Gordon will be right back. I really want to hear what that sounds like and what the vibe is. He just fills in while the Gordon hologram takes a break. I like how you think that holograms need to take breaks. They have rights to me.

Well, there's years unions, there's hologram unions. And yeah, our holograms Iatzi, I think they're Iatzi. Or they're Teamsters. So it's not SAG, but it's in the Crafts People's Union. It's complicated. So they don't get residuals, but- How much time did you spend in Las Vegas, Katie? Actually just a couple days, we had come back. We went camping in the Grand Canyon in Zion and we're like, why don't we go from these beautiful bucolic, pastoral, other words for what these are places and,

you know, check out Las Vegas. It was like the shock from going from nature and beauty and quiet to going to Las Vegas almost killed me because it was, it's very loud. And the thing actually that got me the worst was like the smells of casinos, because it's almost like. And the thing actually that got me the worst was like the smells of casinos. Cause it's almost like they pump sort of a mixture of cigarette smoke, sweat, and then like a floral scent that is meant to kind of like, I'm not really sure. It almost feels like it's supposed to be a Pavlovian smell

so that when you smell it, you're like, I got to gamble right now. Yeah, I gotta roll the dice on this. I gotta either gamble or eat a bunch of shrimp. Right. These are the two things I can do here. When I went to Las Vegas as a child, it was like the only time that I went as a kid.

It was on my way with my dad. My dad was doing some organizing of a Native American tribe in New Mexico and we took an Amtrak train from San Francisco to Las Vegas and then something else from Las Vegas to or something. Anyway, the point is we were on the most idyllic, beautiful Amtrak ride through the western mountains of the United States and then just arrived at Circus Circus. And truly like Las Vegas, I think when you're a kid, I mean, I think it's probably more coherent now than it was like the individual experiences more coherent now than they were

in 1990 or whatever year it was when I did this. But like at the time, it was really one of those experiences like the different, we've talked about this on the show, the different versions of Mr. T, like professional wrestler Mr. T, actor Mr. T, and Mr. T, the fictional character, or like Slim Goodbody and Richard Simmons, where I wasn't sure what was real and what wasn't. Because you're like, this is a casino, why are there all these clowns? Because you're like, this is a casino. Why are there all these clowns? Well, why are there motorcycle stunts?

We just had this very weird experience where we went we kind of did the perfunctory gambling because it's like well, we're at a casino And like you go to a cards table and they don't actually kind of let you just play cards They tell you what to do when you're playing cards, which I found kind of let you just play cards. They tell you what to do when you're playing cards, which I found kind of weird. It's like they walk you through like this is how you should play, this is what you should do. But so it all felt very surreal. Like there is no real like it was not what I imagined where it's like a bunch of you know people and hats rolling die and people and fancy you know, it's like just a lot of very depressed looking people kind of like pushing buttons on screens and then even when you try to play cards they're just like they just tell you what to do what your

best hand is but then as we were doing that we had a guy pull us like aside and be like hey do you guys want like some free oxygen at this oxygen bar and I didn't really know what he was talking. He was like saying, yeah, we have like, it's like oxygen shots. We have like flavored oxygen. And normally it's like $6, like every, I don't know how you measure oxygen, a pint of oxygen. And like he's saying, but like you guys, I want you guys to like have some for free and sit at this oxygen bar. And I was really scared because I've never had someone try to like foist oxygen on me. And for some reason that was like, I felt like it- Other than God.

Other than God. Like I tried to hold my breath once and then it's like, nope, you got to breathe Missy. Right. And then it's like, nope, you got to breathe, Missy. I mean, what is the world but God's oxygen bar? Did you go to the oxygen bar or did you blow it? I blew it because I was really, I was kind of tempted because he did say, like, we were seeming kind of like unnerved by how pushy he was being. And he was like saying, like, we've

got different oxygen flavors. We've got like pina colada oxygen. And so I just, we've got different oxygen flavors. We've got piña colada oxygen. And so it sounded like something was going to happen to us if we did this, but I probably should have. I blew it. I fumbled the bag, the oxygen bag. Well, you know, I mean, it's Vegas. So you say yes to some free piña colada oxygen,

and the next thing you know, you own a timeshare. Right. Yeah. You wake up in a tub at Circus Circus with no lungs. free pina colada oxygen and the next thing you know you own a timeshare. Right. You wake up in a tub at Circus Circus with no lungs. Is Circus Circus, I think that for the longest time Circus Circus has been the like go-to for like worst hotel, right? It's the grimeiest. I wonder is Circus Circus still the place where like you know you get tetanus from the elevator and stuff like that is is it still the worst? I Yeah, I don't know it might be I'm looking at a picture of what looks like a pretty impressive indoor roller coaster

Wow that appears to be at circus circus. How stable does it look? The facade really looks like a still from a movie shot in 1967. Like it does not appear to have been updated or improved in any meaningful way. But I'm also seeing through a quick search some truly gigantic water slides. Whoa. Absolutely monumental water slides. Oh my god, I had no idea. What's the one that has the Viking boats? Oh, I don't know.

Valhalla's? I thought there was one that had a Viking boat thing that would happen indoors. Excalibur or Mandalay Bay, maybe. I shared a picture of what appears to be going on outside of the facade, like maybe 500 feet from the facade of Circus Circus. Yeah, standard bulbous plaster clown. That brings people in.

That's why you go. Just a nightmarish, unpainted white plaster clown, like a undecorated. Maybe he had paint on him at one point. I'm struggling to understand his anatomy. Yeah, he has- Are you looking for the dick is what you're saying. Exactly.

Where's that clown dick? Yeah, I just wanna know where to put krill myself, but that's fine, you know, it's whatever. Yeah. It's the load bearing, like, cause I see there's like two feet, but it's kind of emerging from what seems to be a flow of plaster.

I am looking on their Yelp page right now, two stars, two stars for Circus Circus. Wow. I don't think I've ever seen a two star business on Yelp page right now, two stars, two stars for Circus Circus. Wow. I don't think I've ever seen a two star business on Yelp. Yeah. How is that still a business? Yeah. You think that like the bank repossesses it once you get to two stars. It just it's at least at the very least, at some point, they just like fucking glue a Sammy Hagar mask to the clown and call it Cabo Wabo casino, right? Like, how committed are they to this casino premise that I'm also looking at there's a big piece in Eater Las Vegas about the buffet at Circus Circus. And it really like it is

about it having reopened. It really looks like a cruise ship in 1994. Wow. Like, a hundred percent no update, only it also has a genuinely upsetting picture of a bunch of harlequins in a sort of liminal night space playing with bubbles. Ooh, yeah, I found that article. I like that wall art. Oh, you should get that for your house. Here's just a one-star Yelp review.

When you approach Circus Circus on your stay, you'll be greeted by a 60-foot-tall clown. He is made of metal and paint. He's an ugly guy. I mean, Jordan, it used to be one... Las Vegas used to be like one of the really regular stops on your road work for fuel when you worked for fuel. Yes. Did Jews ever stay, did they ever have you stay

at the Golden Nugget or Circus Circus or any of these places that have not been? Golden Nugget, yeah, definitely Golden Nugget. And yeah, we stayed in some pretty bad places. I think that they would more often than not, at some point, they got some sort of promo deal with the Hard Rock Hotel, which I think is not there anymore.

Hard Rock Hotel, pretty nice, pretty fun. But yeah, for a while, we were in downtown Vegas before it got its makeover. So instead of being ironic scummy, it was just kind of scummy. And yeah, we'd sit it the Four Queens a lot. Four Queens. I don't know how it is now, but back then a real, real shitty, sticky situation.

I stayed at the Golden Nugget. Yeah. One of the two times I went to Las Vegas as an adult. The other time I stayed at whatever hotel it is that had the two times I went to Las Vegas as an adult. The other time I stayed at whatever hotel it is that had the Star Trek bar, because the Star Trek bar was still there just with the Star Trek words removed. So they just have like a Klingon there, but in like normal? No, there was no identi-

But he had to like, he's like, this is a space villain. It wasn't a Klingon anymore. It was truly like it was like a set from Star Trek, the next generation that had been built there in 1994. It was 20 years later, they had lost the license and all they had done was like taken down anything that said Star Trek. Like painting, painting the Klingon to be Gordon Ramsay. Yeah, exactly. But my experience at the Golden Nugget

was that I was surprised both at the lack of theming or sort of like notability at the Golden Nugget. It was more generic than I expected, but I was also surprised that it has a famous gold nugget. So like, A famous gold nugget. They're just like, we got the nugget, we spent the budget on this giant nugget.

We're not going to do anything else to make it nugget themed. Is it just a big nugget or why is it famous? Is it cursed? I mean, it's very large. I mean, it's certainly the largest gold nugget I've ever seen in a hotel. How many gold nuggets have you seen in a hotel? Yeah, one, yeah. Yeah, that's a good one.

Yeah. Katie, is it more appealing to you if the nugget is cursed? Kind of, like the Hope Diamond. Is there a curse on the Hope Diamond? I thought there was, right? I think so. I've heard that. Yeah.

Were the Koh-i-Noor or something? A few of those giant diamonds, there's like curse stories about everyone who ever possesses them falling off of sinking ships or something. Yeah, dying eventually at least. Yeah. That's the curse of the Hope Diamond. If you get it, eventually you'll die. But 60 years later he died of heart disease after acquiring the diamond. Okay listen,

I want to go through my house and make sure I don't have any cursed nuggets or gems. I'll dispose of them. Let's take a little break and then we'll come back for a little bit more. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Goh. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. You know, Jordan, every episode of Jordan Jesse Goh is supported by the members of Maximum Fund, is supported by our listeners who have gone to MaximumFund.org slash join. So first and foremost, as always, our thanks to them

and our invitation to you if you are not already a member of Max Fund, MaximumFund.org slash join. The money goes to us and to Maximum Fund, the worker-owned cooperative that supports our operations. So please become a member at maximumfund.org slash join if you aren't already. We're also this week supported by our friends at Wild Grain. Now Jordan. Yes. I'm a bit of a gourmand. Oh, sure. I'm always saying that about you all the time. I love a croissant. Mm hmm. Even pronounce it right. Wild Grain is a service that will send you a box of par baked and ready to bake baked goods. So bread, croissants,

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Put some salt on them. Scoop it out. Put it on that bread. You have the classiest meal in the history of the world that is also legitimately astonishingly easy. Maybe you have vegetable as well. You also, hey, if you're looking for something plant-based, Wild Rains just launched a brand new plant-based box featuring a wide selection of plant-based pastries, breads, and hand-cut pastas. We don't have time to talk about how good the pastas are. Oh man, the pastas are

good. Yeah. For a limited time, you can get $30 off the first buy. Hey Jordan, you ever make that Marcella Hazan red sauce where it's just butter, an onion cut in half and a can of tomatoes? I'm sure that would be good on some wild grain pasta. Get that pasta. Again, these are super classy, super easy meals. For a limited time, you can get $30 off the first box plus free croissants in every box

or as I say croissant when you go to wildgrain.com slash JJ go to start your subscription that's free croissants in every box and $30 off your first box when you go to wildgrain.com slash JJ go Jordan what's that URL one more time that's wildgrain.com slash JJ go or you can use promo code JJ go at check out. Now, Jordan, you've been on the road. You're on the road actually, as we record this right now. Yes, I am. Have you got any more any more of these big road dates coming up? Yes, Sunday, August 25. If you're in the Bay Area, I'm going to be at Cape and Cowl Con.

This is a one day convention at Gilman Brewing Company 11am, 6pm. I'm gonna be at Cape and Cowl Con. This is a one-day convention at Gilman Brewing Company, 11 a.m., 6 p.m. I'm gonna be there signing books. Put this fucking line up, Jesse. All the coolest comics people are gonna be at this thing. We got a Brian Poseyne. We love him, he's been on the show. Love him, great guy.

We got recent Eisner winner, 10 fam's gonna be there. Brianna Lowenson, Maggie Takuda-Hall, just some of the best comics people, some of my favorites comics people. Yeah, we're all gonna be there at Cape and CowellCon. That is Gilman Brewing, Sunday, August 25th, 11 to 6th. You can go to capeandcowellcomics.com to learn more. Yeah, I hope I see folks there.

I think it's gonna be fun. I think there's gonna be beers, pizza, good vibes. So come on out, it'd be great to see more. Yeah, I hope I see folks there. I think it's going to be fun. I think there's going to be beers, pizza, good vibes. So come on out. It'd be great to see you. I'm also headed out on the road with the Judge John Hodgman podcast. It is our road court tour. Our first leg starts September 11th in New York City. Never forget. We're also headed to Philadelphia, Washington, DC and Pittsburgh on that first swing. Shows already filling up, so do get your tickets. And then right after that, we're headed to the Midwest, Ann Arbor, Madison, St. Paul, then the Northeast, Burlington, Vermont is our first time in Burlington, Portland, Maine, Western Massachusetts, Turner's Falls,

Brookline, Massachusetts. And then in January, the, Maine, Western Massachusetts, Turner's Falls, Brookline, Massachusetts, and then in January, the West Coast, including Vancouver, British Columbia, where we have not been in many years. So go to maximumfund.org slash events, buy your tickets. Even if you're a Jordan Jesse Goh listener, you've never listened to Judge John Hodgman before. It's a whole show. Come out and see it.

It's a really great time. All those ticket links are at maximumfund.org slash events. I hope you will come out and see it. It's a really great time. All those ticket links are at maximumfun.org slash events. I hope you will come out and see. I'm always gratified when people come up to us after shows and tell us that they're big Jordan, Jesse, and Go fans. That always really makes me feel very proud. I also feel proud when people say they're fans of my wife, but I'm also like, but I'm sitting right here. You know what I mean? But what a wife, Jesse, you gotta admit. What a wife. She's a great wife. And yeah, she's born me some beautiful... Do you have any children?

No, I don't. I gotta get a son. I'm working on... Okay, my wife has brought me three beautiful children. I'm working on it. Oh, great. Maximumfund.org slash events. We'll see everybody at Cape and Cowl Con too. Okay. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jesse Go. It's Jordan and Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.

Jordan Morris, boy detective. I'm Katie Golden, cursed nugget collector. Alex Schmidt, theme tune from The Office. Can I say something? Yeah. How awful would it be if there were dank nugs that were cursed? Oh my God. How dare you speak that into existence. Like if you had some real sticky icky. Right. It's like you smoke it and you get less high.

Right. This icky got me too sticky. Oh man. I'm so alert and ready for work. What is the, okay, Katie and Alex, I'm sorry that I keep putting you on the spot to perform your podcast for us. No, please. But what is the top, secretly incredibly fascinating topic that you've been surprised by recently? I think telephone polls were a real joy for me. And also, listeners pick most of our topics on

the Discord and through polls. So, it's very rare that we're picking a topic where I'm like, this one's going to be killer and selecting it, they're just sort of throwing things at us and we do a magic trick. And so, telephone polls really worked out. It turns out it's a pretty good way to hang wires, even though it is very thrown together in kind of an accident. I thought that, isn't it true that only America has all our wires in the sky and everybody else had the sense to bury them? No, it turns out a lot of the rest of the world puts them up and puts them up high. We found out that especially the city of Tokyo has so many telephone poles and wires hanging so many places that it's like a really

nice artistic motif in anime. You can kind of tell it's Tokyo culture from that just being the incredibly beautifully painted backgrounds in a lot of anime. What else is secret about telephone poles? What makes a telephone pole good at hanging wires? It's cheap to make. What I really love is telephone poles is just trees. They just take it. It's just trees.

Like they literally just take a tree, like strip off the limbs, like paint it with some goo. And then you have a telephone pole. That's it. There's nothing else to it. It's like, we got to get tall tree, and that's our pole. And it's really cheap to do. So you just, all you need is some trees. Yeah, that's it. It's just trees, guys.

What's the goo? The goo, there's all kinds of chemical preservatives they use. And there's a very active discourse online about which ones are the best for it and which ones are the least Cancerous to humans, but most of us aren't like licking or eating them or whatever. So it's not that dangerous either Well speaking of yourself, I'm half beaver Woodpeckers is dropping dead. I just like goose. I just like all kinds of goose Name it name a goo I've eaten it, Jordan's a goo nut. I'm a goo nut. Name a name a goo. I've eaten it. Go ahead.

Name a goo. I've been drinking goo for my gastric reflux, which is basically it's sodium alginate. It's like it's a goo. And then I was like, how does this goo work? And then I looked up and

it's basically, well, the goo floats on top of your stomach contents and forms a film that prevents the gastric reflex from going up. So it's like, oh, so it's just goo. So it just, it helps you by being goo. Yeah. You know, goo is going to goo. It's like almost. It's goo out here doing goo shift. Yeah. I mean, is it any coincidence? You can't spell good without goo. That's a really good point.

Thank you. You can't spell grew without goo. That's true. Let's say that's true. Yeah. That's also true. How do you spell grew? G-R-O-O.

I actually think it's G-R-U with a, I think it's GRU. Is it really? Yeah, I'm sorry, Jesse. It seems wrong. Yeah, why is Groome spelling his own name? And they call the minions dumb, oh boy. Do they ever say where he's from? Because he's got sort of a vague Eastern European accent.

Do they say like where? Cincinnati. Show us Gru's birth certificate. Katie's a Gru truther? A Gruther. I'm Gru-pilled. I was radicalized on YouTube whereas grew from Yellow pill to buy minion content. Yes, exactly It's being yellow pill the thing or is that just a joke about the minions being yellow? Just the minions are young. Okay. Yeah, that's good. Yeah and pill shaped, you know, you just consume a minion. Yeah. Yeah. Orally or recklessly. Right. Yeah. I was concerned that they were maybe internet pills I had. Jordan, are you suggesting the possibility of minion suppositories?

Suggesting? All I can say is you're gonna need a hell of a goo coating. You're going to need a hell of a goo coating on those things. Not with my anus. You seen this thing? Jesus Christ. When something momentous happens to you, like you finally get that minion up in there, give us a call at 206-984-4FUN or just send us a voice memo, jjgoatmaximumfun.org.

Here's one of those. Hey Jordan, hey Jesse, hey fabulous guests. This is Nate in Oakland calling with a momentous occasion. I just got home from a business meeting that I attended with my boss and one of my coworkers, and in which unbeknownst to me, the person who we were meeting with turned out to be a woman who I had lost my virginity to, and who I had not really been in touch with for the intervening 13 or 14 years. meaning 13 or 14 years. I think this was a surprise to both of us

and made it a little distracting, made it a little hard to focus on the important business things that we were supposed to be talking about. Although once we got over the initial awkwardness, it was fine. And it was nice to catch up. Well, that's it. Love the show.

Thanks, guys. I actually had an experience not wildly dissimilar to this. I had like a podcasting meeting and I'm talking to this woman that we're having the meeting with. It was someone I had never met before. She worked for one of the big podcasting tech companies and she's like, oh,

and I'm actually from San Francisco originally. And I said, oh, what part of San Francisco? And she's like, oh, sort of the mission, basically. And I was like, really? Where in the mission? I'm from the mission. She's like, well, I grew up on this street called Tiffany Avenue. It's sort of like in between the mission, Bernal Heights and Noe Valley. And I was like, what? And then she said, wait, is your stepmom named Bernie? And I was like, yes. She was our neighbor. Like she had been at our house many times. She just, I had not seen her since she was eight years old. And yeah, it was really disconcerting. She also is very good looking, which really confused

me to the core because I had not seen her since she was an eight-year-old and did not know that was her. So, like trying to put those pieces together about how I felt about this situation really fucked me up. Yeah. Had they like gotten married and changed their name? Or do you just didn't, their name didn't bump your brain? They had a different, I think they have a different surname. Yeah. She has a distinctive first name, but I just, it just had not occurred to me.

Wow. Like our dads used to go to the movies together all the time. Yeah, it was... Wait, your dads went to the movies together? Yeah, they would go on dad dates together. Oh, okay. I didn't know that was a thing that dads did. Oh, yeah. We had to go to the movies with somebody. Or they're like dad, like what's a dad movie that you would go on a dad date with another dad?

Master and Commander, Far Side of the World. Oh, okay. Yeah. No, I get it now. I get it now. Some movies only dad wants to see. Dad. Master and commander for our side of the world? Okay, yeah. No, I get it now. I get it now. Yeah. Yeah. Some movies only dad wants to see. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Michael Clayton.

There's a whole world of movies that dads want to go see. High Noon. I mean, Shanghai Noon. Shanghai Noon is one dads are going to go see. Maybe Rumble in the Bronx on that same sort of, yeah. What would you guys do? I don't know to whom you lost your virginity, but what would you guys do if you ran into that person at a business meeting?

High five. I mean, it kind of depends on the business, right? Because if it's, you know, if it's like something where I could business, right? Because if it's, you know, if it's like something where I could leverage, right? Like, well, you've seen, you know, we've shared this moment together, right? And therefore, I think I would really be good at grief counseling.

Might be kind of not a great, I don't know if that would be convincing, but maybe maybe depending on how it went. Yeah. Yeah, I think it would be like oddly easier than most strangers, right? You like have this thing that you're on the same team from, and it's not just a stranger. I don't know. But maybe it would also be very difficult. Good job, Nate, trying to navigate it, figure it out. I was also very curious when his, him bringing up sex came up. I was like, is this in the analogist inbox? Like, is this where this is going? But it seems like

it's not filed under that. It's just a general experience. Yeah. I think I'm Facebook friends with the person to whom I've lost my virginity. So, I don't think I could get caught completely unaware. I'm actually just really terrified of this ever happening to me, so that's why I refuse to lose my virginity. It's like it'll be too awkward for business, which I love. Jordan, if there's one thing that you love, it's transacting business transactions. Yeah, and I don't want to like mess that up by, you know, having sex all around town. Yeah. Or in one instance.

Sure. So, I'm just taking it off the table. The one person with whom you share a great love. Most people don't put it on the table during a business meeting, but it's still good intuition. Again, depends on the business, Katie, depends on the business. Depends. Unless you're buying a big enough table. If your name's Jeffrey Tubin. Oh, yeah. Remember Tubin? That was fun. That was fun. Or terrible? What was it? Bad.

But, you know, everyone made tube out jokes, so there was that at least. Oh, yeah. I think it would be fair to say it was terrible for him and for his colleagues. And fun for everyone else in the world. Yeah. Those who walk away from, uh, Omelas, uh, Jeffrey Tubin situation. Yes, exactly. If something momentous happens to you, it's 206-984-4fun or JJGo at MaximumFun.org. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan. Jessica.

MaximumFun.org. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jessigo. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. My name is Jordan Crushiola and I love movies. But you know what I might love even more? Talking about movies. As a director, as actors, and writers that join me every week on Feeling Scene, love to talk about movies too.

Like our recent co-host, the writer and director, Justin Simeon. And I love the premise of your show, feeling seen. I think that's kind of always my goal when I'm making something. Nothing touches my heart more than when someone comes out of my movie and says, oh my God, I never thought I would see myself. So hang out with us and geek out about watching movies,

making movies, and the ways the movies we love speak to us directly. You might just start asking folks around you, hey, what movie character made you feel seen? We're doing it every week at MaximumFun.org. The Greatest Generation has been going for more than eight years. And if you've been Greatest Gen Curious, but have never taken the leap, we recommend exploring your Greatest Gen Curiosity in a safe, fun environment with partners you can trust.

And right now is one of the best times ever to become a new listener. That's because we just started covering a new series, Star Trek Enterprise, one of the horniest and weirdest editions of Star Trek ever released. This is your chance to ease into the greatest generation lifestyle. The Greatest Generation, now covering Star Trek Enterprise, the one with Scott Bakula, every Monday on MaximumFun.org or in your podcast app. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart.

Jordan Morris, Boy Detective. I'm Jesse Thorne America's radio sweetheart Jordan Morris boy detective. I'm Katie golden frog counselor Alex Schmidt interstitial music from the office Jordan you went on secretly incredibly fascinating recently What was the topic that you guys discussed? Yeah, well, I guess we both went on a couple months ago We did ducks. I believe yeah Yeah, that was a ton of fun, but I was on not too long ago, and we did soda cans, the history of the soda can. And I'll just say this, the name of the show,

no lies detected. It was fascinating. OK, so one thing is how you open it, right? Weren't cans you had to have the pointy thing. You know how you have a bottle opener and it has that triangle pointy thing on one side and you're like, what the fuck is this for? That's for opening cans

before they had pull tabs on it, right? Yeah, it was called a church key. There would often be one with like two pointy ends and no regular bottle opener. But yeah, you would like poke two holes in the top of a soda can or beer can that was basically the same as a soup can otherwise. It was just a can with no affordances to be opened.

Wow. I love that. There are all sorts of prototypes too, like not quite the modern can openers, but like different ways of sort of decapitating a can that were pretty interesting. Yeah, you could take the whole top off it. There was also a pull tab that people would discard and then just litter all over the earth for a decade. And then people would step on them. It would be dangerous.

But then they would try to stick them in the can to protect themselves and then occasionally forget and drink the top and injure themselves. Things are way better now. The present's usually good, and the present is good for soda cans. With recans. I mean, it's summertime. I've seen some great cans out there.

Sure. Tans out, cans out. That's what they say about summer. Yeah. Are beverage cans one of those things where they use incredible technology to hold this thing that wants to explode inside of itself using only 1 42nd of an ounce of metal? Yeah, the stuff in it is at least double the pressure of air usually. That's why when you haven't opened it yet, it's incredibly strong. And then as soon as you open it, that sound is

just all the carbon dioxide running out of the can. I could see the church key coming back for like craft brew guys, right? Like that could I could see that being a thing where like, oh yeah, we're using the church key again. And you know. Why is it called a church key? It's just like a long piece of metal that I think it reminded people of those giant old keys for old, I think of like medieval doors, but churches were in medieval times. So that's one. Yeah.

Oh, now that you mention it. Churches were in medieval times. Churches were in medieval times. Yes. Yeah, medieval has church. Yeah. You know, like Francis is the pope. There are previous popes. I had no idea. Turns out there were other guys who didn't.

You would go to church and you would eat chicken with your hands. Get a knight to root four. Piece of mutton and cobblestones. Yeah. And you'd put your mutton in your bicycle wheels and it'd go thumpa thumpa thumpa. Yeah, that's how you would show how rich you were. You weren't eating your mutton, you were sticking it in your bike.

My mutton goes awuga awuga awuga. That's mine. Yeah. Jordan, you would go to churches and eat chicken with your hands along with a variety of delicious sides. Yeah. See, this is great. We're all having fun. We're having fun. We're all having fun. Me especially.

Do people make you try and learn about things that are going to be impossible to learn anything interesting about? I think we're just like in a good rhythm of, I feel like when a topic almost seems too boring, that tends to usually be really good. And if people suggest something that's just like their favorite thing, that tends to be kind of flat because there's such a culture around it already and we all kind of know. So stuff that seems like too boring has been really great. Yeah. Should I stop suggesting jacking off? Stuff that seems like too boring has been really great. Yeah.

Should I stop suggesting jacking off? It's fascinating. Everybody thinks so. Have you ever had to abandon something for not actually being fascinating? Has you ever gotten into the research and just gone like, nope, sorry, this like, you know. The worst like subtopic, we did an episode about the color blue, which was super fun. And then I was like, there has to be something interesting about the song blue by Eiffel 65.

And I watched a- I would also assume that. I think that's a, if you said there's something interesting about this song, I would go, you're probably right. Yeah. And I watched a pretty long Vice documentary about the song Blue by Eiffel 65. There's nothing there. It's just there were like, there was like a building where European guys were making electronic music and one of them walked into the other guy's room and they

put two things together and that's where the song's from. And they haven't really made anything else since. They weren't even really a band in the first place. That's it. There's nothing at all. Is that the song that goes da do dee da do da that one? That's my bike spokes. But yeah. I had a buddy in high school who like loved that song and like had the album. So like when I would go over to his house, we would just like put on the album. So, I know like the album cuts to that, that well and there's one where they just list PlayStation games. It's like a beat and then like a robot voice going, Metal Gear Solid, Omega Boost. They just list PlayStation games they like.

They just list PlayStation games they like. And I always remember Metal Gear Solid, Omega Boost. That's the most interesting thing I've ever heard about that song. And I tried really hard to find something interesting about it. That's amazing. That's what music is in Germany, Jordan. Sure. It's the list of things you like. Yeah. Trash can noises and then Mario Kart.

Yeah. Or it's not always video games. Sometimes it's like lucky charms. Sure. An ice-spring day. Honey not Cheerios. I love my wife. Oh, Eiffel. Eiffel's a wife guy.

This guy loves his wife. Oh, well, Katie, Alex, it's been a joy to have you on Jordan Jesse Go. I hope everybody will go check out Secretly Incredibly Fascinating. Jordan Jesse Go is produced by Stephen Ray Morris, producer emeritus Brian Sunney D. Fernandez. Our theme music, Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records are thanks to them. Hey, I'm headed out on tour with Judge John Hodgman. Go to maximumfun.org slash events to get your tickets to one of those Judge John Hodgman live shows. You came to a Judge John Hodgman live show, Alex. It was great. It was in Brooklyn and I've been to one in Durham as well.

I used to live in Durham. It was really good. It's a really, it's a neat experience. There's nothing else like it. Yeah. Yeah. We take our shirts off. That was a murder case, right? Yeah. Yeah. Terrible. Crucifix murder. Yeah. We had actually murdered Gru

to get at his famous goo. You're the despicable one. It's you. Wow. Now who will be father to the minions? Real quick, rude interruption since we're talking about shows. We're going to do a live sift in London in September. And so we're really excited about it. London Podcast Festival. At the London Podcast Festival at King's Place. Exactly. Sunday, September 8th, London, please come out. I'm practicing my British, so Aluminum-y. Damn. Aluminium.

Keep practicing. Keep practicing. You're fine. You're good. Aluminium. Aluminium. There you go. There you go. Still warm again. Still warm again. Almost. Almost. You've got some time. King's Place is a wonderful venue. It is like the most beautiful place I've ever performed that is like a cross between a spectacular like contemporary music cathedral and a hotel conference room. Like a combination of those two things at the same time. A really great place. I hope everybody will go out and see that

show. A lot of great stuff at the London Podcast Festival. Okay, join us on social media, maximumfun.reddit.com at jordanjessegopod on Instagram. Jordan is at jordandavidmoris. I am at jessethorn, very famous on Instagram. You can also follow us on Facebook and on Twitter. And I think that's it. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan Jesse Go. I'll hug you and kiss you and love you. Maximum Fun. A worker-owned network. Of artist-owned shows. Supported. Directly. By you.