Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Shrimp On That Thang, with Kyle Kinane

Episode Date: September 26, 2024

This week, we welcome back comedian Kyle Kinane to chat about Gilman in Berkeley, roadie culture, office stuff, textured fruits, his new special, Dirt Nap, and so much more.See Kyle Kinane in your town! Watch Kyle’s new special, Dirt Nap!Follow the podcast on Instagram and send us your dank memes!Jordan Morris is doing a book tour for Youth Group! See Jordan at L.A. Comic Con on October 4th & 5th!) and Heavy Manners Comics Fair on October 12th.Come see Judge John Hodgman: Road Court  live in a town near you! Jesse and John will be all over the country so don't miss your change to see them. Check the events page to find out where!Follow brand new producer, Steven Ray Morris, on Instagram.

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris Boy, detective. I'm trying to celebrate the spirit of summer right now, Jordan. I'm wearing short pants, got a short sleeve t-shirt, and I've got my new thing going on, which is full crew socks with shorts. Yeah.

Talk us through that. What was the thinking that went into this decision? I think those are comfy looking crews, but maybe I would say probably making your feet a little damp. So here's the thing, Jordan. A lot of our listeners know me as the king of the millennial generation. There was some confusion. You're a real girl boss.

We've always said you're a girl boss. All my clothes previously were dusty rose colors. A dusty rose. So there were people who had thought that maybe I was Generation X because I'm bald. But in fact, I'm a millennial. And I am king of the millennial generation. Yeah. However, I'm also familiar with the world of what I call Gen Z.

Oh, yeah. So it used to be like Generation X would be the pre-, then Y would be the millennial generation that you and I belong to. And then there would be Generation Z, the people that come after that, the younger people. And one of the core principles of Gen Z is to wear taller socks, wear more sock. So this year, I'm all about wearing more sock. Jesse, you're looking positively brat today. Thank you very much, Jordan. Allow me to say, huck-chua. I want to spit on those things.

By things I mean your feet. Can I tell you something? It's not better. I watched that hoctua when hoctua was first going ape and I gotta tell you, I couldn't have been more charmed by that hawk tua. I usually, the thing where... That's why it blew up. The thing where somebody goes around and holds a microphone up to drunk people, or just bothers people on the street for TikTok videos. One of the worst kinds of videos.

One of the worst kinds of things in the history of the world. Marvel. But I am really happy that the hawk tua woman is like throwing out the first pitch at the Mets game and stuff. I think she has a barbecue sauce now. Steven, can you confirm, Steven Ray Morris, can you confirm what merchandise the Hawk to a woman is selling? I think it's barbecue sauce. Happy to look this up. Right. It would be hard to be, I think a disappointment would be to be the Hawk to a woman. Yeah.

But the person making the money from hoctua is the guy who bothered you while you were drunk in Nashville. Oh, yeah, sure. You know what I mean? So I really wish her all the best with all of the special invited guests at a club spots she's booking right now, like a like a nightclub, where it's like a flyer that says, uh, all night reggaeton plus special invited guests. Haq 2. Uh... I just, I just really support her. Me too.

And I honestly, I really admire and support her commitment to sucking dick. Like, I think it's great. I'm glad that she has a system. I'm glad that she's so excited about it. I think we should all be so happy about pleasing our partners as she. Sure. And you can apply that to all areas of life. It doesn't have to be sucking dick. It could be... You could hock a big loogie on those dishes after dinner.

There you go. Sure. Hock two of those quarterly reports. Exactly. These are my comedy guy pulls for business. HR. Yeah. How about a memorandum on my desk by five? Sure.

Hock two of that. Hock two of these faxes I've received. There you go. See, we're maybe comedy guys, but we know a thing or two about business We know we're office Joe's just like you. Yes Pour me some more Java. I'm getting a little drowsy. Sure water cooler Accounting Okay, so she this is her name readily available. Hey, well, she really welch. Okay. She is

She earned 30k at a club appearance. She has a merchandise deal with fathead threads name readily available. Hayley Welch. Hayley Welch. OK, she is. She earned 30K at a club appearance. She has a merchandise deal with fathead threads. OK, and she is. She filed the trademark for BBQ sauce, hot sauce and other sauces used for cooking and also a betting service called Bet on that thing. So. Sorry, I'm sorry. Whose hot sauce will be better, the Huck to a woman

or the lead singer of Offspring? Time for a taste test. Hey, I got some Stevo hot sauce in my refrigerator right now. So my daughter went through a hot sauce phase where she was putting hot sauce on things. Oh, yeah? And it coincided with her jackass phase. So that's when the Stevo hot sauce entered my life.

I bet the Stevo hot sauce is pretty good, I would guess. I mean, Stevo's a charmer. Of course. I promise you that. There is a guy performing in stand-up comedy clubs for some reason. That's true. But he is a charming man.

Very charming man. OK, speaking of performing in stand-up comedy clubs, for a good reason, talent and skill. There you go. Our Guest is a leg. No charms. No charm. I really thought that was gonna be the lead and I'm kind of disappointed a legendary stand-up comedy A legendary stand-up comedy. He's got a brand new Comedy special that is up right now on YouTube. Anybody can watch it for free. It's called Dirt Nap.

Kyle Kanane. Hi, Kyle. Hi, fellas. I wanted to jump in with so much. Okay, well, let's get into it. We're here. We haven't prepared anything. Yeah, we can circle back.

Is there anything in particular you want me to set you up for? Oh, no, I'm just fascinated with the social media, like the celebrity capitalizing on it. I'm just, I always go back to the laughing Chewbacca woman. Oh wow. If she wants to sit down the hawk to a girl, like here's the mistakes on it. David after dentist is like, I'm grown now. Yeah, yeah, listen, you're right. Get the cash now.

Think about your future. Don't go for a second. Also, her love life is going to be rough because there's going to be an expected catchphrase to be spoken. That's a really good point. You know, worried about her. I'm worried about her. Our friend and past Jordan, Jesse go guest, I'm sure multiple time past Jordan Jesse Goh guest Dave Holmes, when he was, he became a public figure upon finishing second in the MTV want to be a VJ contest to Jesse Camp, a famous dipshit. Just a guy who was voted in. Wait, there's another one?

I thought I had that time. And so, but the thing was at the time, MTV paid so badly that he could not afford to have an apartment on the money that MTV was paying him. Like he literally couldn't afford, not just like a nice, like he could not support himself with his VJ money. And so he and Jesse Camp would go do those nightclub appearances together, where they would just fly to the hottest nightclub in Dubuque. They would go on stage, say, hi, I'm Jesse Camp, and I'm Dave Holmes, the competent one.

And then they would, I don't even know, like have VIPs sit with them at their table and share bottle service or whatever. And he said it was just like the most difficult, miserable job he's ever had in his life. Well, and it's, you know, I don't know anything of Jesse Camp these days other than he showed up at the Best Fish Taco show

kind of on the street hanging out like, oh, who's this character? And he was like, Todd, heck, I do comedy too sometimes. I'm Jesse. And he was like, oh, that's the guy. Because I know it's the diggity-dink guy from when, sorry. What did I like you when you played?

You're thinking of Manny the Hippie. That's Manny the Hippie. Sorry, we're thinking of Manny the Hippie. These were kind of contemporaneous. Are you Manny the Hippie. That's Manny the Hippie. Sorry, we're thinking of Manny the Hippie. These were kind of contemporaneous. Are you Manny the Hippie, they said? What if we took Paulie Shore's The Weasel character, shot it up a few more times, pushed it down the stairs a little bit. But then I'm like, oh, he's still that.

I thought he was notoriously kind of like a trust fund trust funds fake street kid, but I don't know the history I'm not gonna say that I think I then he's still that character I know Dave and it's like oh Dave clearly landed on his feet. Dave writes for Esquire. He's a journalist He's a music critic and he's doing great and I'm like the first time I saw him like you the guy I remember that showdown and like yeah, and you're just a normal nice, dude Yeah, thank God and to find out that Jesse camp is still Putting on a lot of bracelets in the morning sure wrapping themselves in scarves So dressing up like Steven Tyler's Mike Stan

I have something I had a big moment over the weekend that I wanted to share with y'all I actually got to fulfill a childhood dream. What's that? So I I Attended a comic con in Berkeley. This is a convocation of comic book enthusiasts The funny books funny books. Yeah, so little Lulu Dagwood and blondie what's Kathy up to these days? Oh so much. She'll spit on that thing Is an ironic tattoo getting done right now That will just make no sense in a year. She's always got like the sweat marks coming off her.

Yeah. Oh, she's sweat on that thing. Yeah, I've got to get more tattoos around it so it blends in. The irony just has to blanket my body. Sure, yeah. It has to cover up the I like turtles kid. So yeah, it was in Berkeley. it's called Cape and Cal Con, and it was so, so much fun.

If they do it in future years and you're near the Berkeley area, you should really go Cape and Cal Con, so much fun. Sorry, I'm gonna be at the Berkeley Bowl. They have five different kinds of satsumas. Wow. Famous grocery store in Berkeley with a lot of kinds of satsumas.

Well, yeah, you're busy, I understand. But if for some reason you have all this at Sumas, you can eat Cape and Calcon, a nice alternative. Okay, great. And it was at a brewery that was right next door to 924 Gilman Street, legendary punk rock venue. Yeah, this is like where, when I was a teen in the 1990s in San Francisco,

all the punk rock kids that I knew, which was a big contingent in my art high school and fancy suburban middle school, both had big punk rock contingents of rancid fans. They would go to Gilman Street, which was by then, I think, already famous for having been where Green Day got their start, but was also remained very credible, like all ages punk rock venue. Yeah, yeah.

And I, so I, you know, also grew up in that time loving the punk rock music and like, it was like legendary. It was in, you know, you read about it in Scratch magazine. Maximum Rock and Roll. Maximum Rock and Roll is a good place to read about. Murder Dog. Is that one? No, no, that's just, that's where there would be

like an article about rap and fortnite. Oh, cool, yeah. You wanna know the local rap scene in Fresno? Check out the latest episode of Dua. The issue of murder dog. Head down to Borders and be yourself a murder dog. Nice. So yeah, I had always wanted to go.

I like follow them on social media and always just kind of like, oh, one of these days I'm gonna go to 924 Gilman Street. And I was like, I'm right next door. There is a show tonight. I'm just gonna go. And I was so, I was, the thing I was wondering about the most

is will I be the old guy there? Or will it be all old guys? We should explain the show as she and him, right? Yeah. She and him, right? Yeah. She and him with the polyphonic spree opening. All the micro brews you can drink. No, the show was, I had never heard of any of the bands. The headlining band was, they're called,

it's spelled R-I-X-E, Rixay? They are a French hardcore band. And I'm like, I'm just gonna go see Rixay, they are a French hardcore band. And I'm like, I'm just going to go see Rixay. We, you said. This year I'm working on saying we. Say we to Vida. And also combined languages. Yeah, so that was the thing.

I'm like, so what would you guys say? Do you think in 2024, a famous punk venue is filled with actual teens or old guys? Wait, I have a sub question for you. Did you bring someone from the comic book convention? Had someone come with you to the Bay Area? Or were you just full on raw dog, old man soloing it? Yeah. Raw dog, old man soloing it. Yeah.

Raw dog old man solo. Yeah, I love it! I did ask people. I love that era. So I, you know, that is something I have not done until recently is like go to a concert by myself. It feels, it felt weird the first couple of times I did it. Like I'll go to a movie, but I love a solo movie.

But like solo concert always kind of felt weird. And I've done it a couple of times recently and it's kind of fun. Jordan, you're the man that introduced me to a solo movie. But solo concert always kind of felt weird. And I've done it a couple times recently, and it's kind of fun. Jordan, you're the man that introduced me to the solo fans, which is when you're traveling. I don't know if you know about this, Kyle. This is an activity when you're traveling alone. Or even when you're traveling with others,

but desire some alone time. That's where you go to the fanciest restaurant you can find. Buy yourself with a book. Love it. Solo fans. Eat at the bar too. Yeah, eat at the bar. If you're not drinking a bunch of drinks, it's hard to spend more than $60. So you just go and do it.

Well that stops me from doing that. You're like, bring me another of your $24 complicated cocktails. I have a hard time eating at bars anywhere because I'm like, that's not what this spot is for. Get the food out of the way. I feel like I'm the guy in the way. Yeah, yeah, because I got to go big elbows. I'm always getting something like, I'm getting like a burger or something.

Elbows are coming out. I'm like, this is for boozing and mixing and mingling. And I'm here just getting ketchup on my shirt. I have a hard time eating it. So a solo fan, but it's solo going out, pro that. No outside influence. This experience will just be me developing my own thoughts, not worrying about riffing with somebody, especially seeing music, all about it.

Pro doing stuff on your own. Be about it, everybody. We should explain that when you go see music, you're it. Pro, doing stuff on your own. Be about it, everybody. We should explain that when you go see music, you're usually trying to develop riffs with the other person. You'll bring a little pocket guitar. Well, I meant jokes. I'm thinking, yeah, yeah, let me play.

You're like, You're gonna let me? You know, a free beer to the guitar tech, he'll let you noodle. He'll let you get there early enough. Yeah, you can sound check. You can sound check. Yeah, you can play a music though. You play sound check. Yeah, you are. You can play a music, though.

You play a music. Yeah, it's the equivalent of showing up with a clipboard to get in somewhere. I look like I could roadie. Yeah, sure. I feel like I'm roadie adjacent. So if you just show up wrapping a cable you brought from home, just bring a cable, start wrapping it around your forearm.

More in the monitors, sir? You're nowhere near the stage. I'd just like to say more in the monitors. More in the monitors. I think that cable thing, I bet anybody who knows how to do that, because I did, you know, theater tech or what, like I was a stage electrician in high school,

and I still can't do that thing where you loop the cable the right direction. Like, I can do it, but it's really hard. But you know how a stage guy can just go, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, it's like a lariat. You know what I mean, like, I can do it, but it's really hard. But you know how a stage guy can just go whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, it's like a lariat. You know what I mean? If you can do that, you could get in anywhere. I appreciate enthusiastic road crew guys during like that,

like we're part of the show. And that are on and off the stage in between the bands. But like, you know, they're aware that they're being watched, so they turn it up a little bit. Thank you guys. I love a guy in all black running into the stage during the show to do something. But he's also like staying low like a fucking commando. Yeah. Delta Force came in because he knocked his beer over in front of his amp. Beer down, beer down. We need another Peroni on stage.

Peroni on stage. He broke a string. That's a punk band. He's not using that string. Don't worry about it. He'll be fine. He doesn't care. He's got four or five others.

So what was the experience like? I was going to ask, what do you all think? 2024 punk rock venue, is it kids or is it olds? Well having been to that venue not too, too long ago, I think it's still kids. I think it's still... I think that place still exists because it's... I don't think ... I unfortunately don't think it matters to people like me who had reverence for it and now it's more of a museum than it is a venue to somebody like me. But I think it's still there for the kids.

I gotta say this. Berkeley is a special place. That's why Kamala Harris claimed she was from Oakland when she spoke at the Democratic National Convention. Berkeley is a... But I happen to really like Berkeley. Yeah. Not just the Berkeley ball. I had a lovely time at Berkeley. I think Berkeley is... I think Berkeley is a place where... I mean, you know, Berkeley is the home

of the local Bay Area rap hit, gone somewhat national vans by the pack. Got my vans on, but they look like sneakers. Like that song is about a punk rock word for lady that I won't use here. But the idea of punk rock style was a very big deal in Bay Area hip hop in the early 2000s. Like, I think Berkeley is a place where local teens still support their local all-ages punk rock venue. Even as punk rock has maybe,

as both pop punk and hardcore have sort of aged in their demos. I think there are probably still a lot of local Berkeley teens, like Ethan Frazen from my high school, wearing a lot of black, like tank tops with Rancid things safety pinned to them. A padlock necklace. Operation Ivy, that was another big one.

Yes, yes. Op Ivy. Still begging for that Op Ivy reunion. It's one of these things. I'm still plugged into the algorithm that gives me like, Jesse Michael's got on stage with Rancid and sang knowledge. Right. At this party.

They didn't look at each other and he left immediately after. He gave me what I wanted. I know, I get those too. They're great, I'll watch every one of those things. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, Aparaj and I have used the reunion that everyone wants and there's all these little like hints

that maybe it's gonna happen and it just kinda never does. Is it like the Fujis where one of them has gone insane and moved to Jamaica, one of them committed some sort of Bitcoin fraud, one of them started doing steroids and taking pictures in bikini thongs next to his purple sports motorcycle. I think it's more the Eagles for guys that still just try to do a kick flip in the garage

once a year. Got it. Pross recently released a diss track of the other two members of the Fuji's. And it is, I mean, I wouldn't say I have nothing but sympathy for Pross because I don't think he should have committed those frauds or done the drug mueling or whatever It was that he did recently. I can't remember But like I have some sympathy for Pross It's got to be hard to be Pross in the Fuji's and one of the other people are Wyclef and Lauren Hill

And you're like, can we please do some Fuji's concerts guys? Jesse just dropped a new track called. It's got to be hard to be Pross Yeah Guys, Jesse just dropped a new track called It's Gotta Be Hard to Be Pros. Yeah. But it is truly it is like a diss track of the other two because it's not like a hardcore diss track. It's more like it's not my fault. The concerts all got canceled. Yeah, just type diss track and it is it is like him trying to be hard about it. And you're like, dude, just go back to UPS.

You have a good job. Benefits. You have a good job. Benefits, you got a pension there. For the plus column of how many grainy videos of an Op Ivy reunion get, it's the opposite for whatever's going on with the Fuji's right now. I didn't even know Proz was a guy. I know nothing about the Fuji's. But back to this Jesse Michael's rumor, I think Op IV, I think they might be doing it.

I know, they're going to do it at Riot Fest in Chicago. So I went to see- By the way, I want people at home to know that the voice you're using right now, Jordan, and the one that you are using, like for example in those Comedy Central promos when you ran Comedy Central promos, that's your stage voice. When you're talking normally, it's the voice that you just used to talk about the Operation Ivy Regions.

Sure. You guys talk like this all the time. I'm 11, but I just had a couple cigarettes. Ha ha ha. So OK, I went to see Rik Se. I paid by $20 at the door. A little steep. But I was. It's all Se. I paid by 20 bucks at the door. A little steep. But I was-

It's all ages. They can't rely on the drinks. No, I know. 20 bucks. And I maybe realized that when I got in, I was kind of excited. I'm like, yeah, I'm gonna see a band, have a couple of drinks. Oh wait, fuck, shit.

So I was like already in there. But I was not the old guy. I was an old guy, but overwhelmingly teens. I love it. Overwhelmingly just like dressed in a very down the middle, like you described, unchanged since 1992 punk fashion. I was the only guy there in an Aloha shirt. So I felt a little out of place there.

Really? Yeah, I know, I know. I should have just brought the bad brain shirt with me and slipped into it before I went. But so, you know, overwhelmingly a bunch of punk rock kids, there was a little pocket of like norm core, Uniqlo guys. Really?

I'm like, what's this? That's really interesting. Yeah. Because I'm not surprised about the old dudes either. Like when I was, gosh, I guess we were just out of college in the mid-20s, my youngest sibling was like 13, something like that, and they were in a band. And they would do shows at a club called the Rickshaw stop in San Francisco.

Oh yeah, I played Rickshaw. But they would play it at like six o'clock because they were young teens. They would play with this other band and this other band, one of the girls in that band, one day my dad says, hey, one of the girls from that band that Brendan plays with, her dad was in a band. That's how they got into a band. Have you heard of a band called Flipper? I'm like Flipper dad is 100% still out of punk rock. You know what I mean? Like those guys are definitely still in the mix. Well, okay. What do you feel about when like, oh, you're glad like somebody stuck with it and it

wasn't just a, it wasn't just a phase for somebody somebody believes in the ethos and good for you because I think that those are good ethos to support is the punk rock anti-capitalist thing but it's like also you're 60 and those dreadlocks are terrifying and you're bald. Like the crust of this, the aging cruster is like you could like still believe in the things without grossing me out at Chipotle. The crust was always a lot for me, Kyle. Yeah. The gutter punk thing was more than I could take. But this, I got in trouble at 924 Gilman because Hard Times was putting on a comedy show there.

They'd never done a comedy show. And I'm like, oh yeah. Because not only like, oh, I could finally make these jokes that are rather niche for this crowd. And I'm excited because I like, I still grew up getting all the, the Gilman street reports on maximum rock and roll. There was back when there was no internet

and you just got to read the weeklies or the monthly. I got fucking notebooks of proz stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he got proz was coming out and you got faxes about the Fugees. But so I went, but I'm also like, oh, I'm, you know, at whatever age I was at, 43 or 44, I'm like, let's go get a six pack.

We got the green room, drink some beers before we're adults. I got yelled at, like, you can't have that in here. I'm like, burn down every church, but your own. Yeah. It's like, that was my hardest. That's wild. They're like that hard. Because the big thing about it is it is all ages. But they're that into it.

We were in like a little side area. And I was like, I'm an adult that's going to do this. Drink wine coolers in the alley like you're supposed to. Yeah. Well, that was the joke. I can't drink a beer in here. But we all have Narcan because everybody's you know sneakily shooting up outside like and but we you help them addictions an issue Well, then let me have my issue in the green room

It's safe here for me to get Safe space so that's it's like kind of buzz That's my problem that the punk rock ethos is like this Ouroboros that can never be fulfilled because it's like, no, we accept it. Addictions are disease. If I can throw a little 15 lyric in there for you. But then, but I can't have this here. But also like, it was very fun to lean into all that. And so the couple of people that were prickly about it were prickly about it. But for the most part, people were happy to laugh at themselves, which I was glad to see. Because I was kind of worried.

I'm like, are you willing to laugh at yourselves or no? I would imagine that if you are Gilman Street, though, you are the most famous all-ages music venue in America. Like, at least the most famous for being all-ages. Like, I'm sure the Ryman Auditorium is all-ages. I mean like you can get a grand old Opry 12 you can go to the grand old Opry man I saw Jawbreaker at the Grand Ole Opry didn't sell well should not sell very well. Flipper open yeah. Playing with Mel Tillis. It was a weird double bill. But fun. It was part of the no one's happy tour. Alan Jackson's playing Gilman Street.

But I think that given that they are probably in America, the most famous venue that is all ages that is famous in part for being all ages. Like there has to be a fucking, whatever beer cop enforces liquor licenses has to just hang out outside there, just pounding his fist into his open hand, going, oh, I'll get you Gilman Street. And I bet that place is just always in danger of becoming a sweet green, you know?

I bet there's just like constantly, like when can we close this place down and make it a sweet green? Yeah So yeah, it's great that it's there And I will say that I did really appreciate the ethos of the place for a while a Jamba was squatting there Yeah, exactly And it was a Jamba collective. Mm-hmm. We are all Jamba. Yeah, we were I was at the brewery next door It's very nice looking brewery. Yeah, that's where the brewery next door, a very nice looking brewery. Yeah, that's where the Comic-Con was. And yeah, it was like, I'm like, oh, I'm sure they would love

to put in a couple food trucks here, you know? Yeah, I was looking for Gilman. Like, we're driving there. I'm like, this can't be the neighborhood. We're on Gilman? This is Gilman's street? Yeah, yeah. All right.

Mm-hmm. OK, all right. You're like four kinds of satsumas? Will you tell me what a satsuma is now that you've mentioned it? These are like a type of tangerine. Yeah. OK. Seedless, really good. OK, thanks. Yeah, they're the best kind. Four kinds of satsumas? Will you tell me what a satsuma is now that you've mentioned it so... These are like a type of tangerine. Yeah. Okay.

Seedless is really good. Yeah, they're the best kind. I really needed to be plugged into that scene. Fuji, satsumas, things Kyle is wildly unfamiliar with. I was very happy that I knew about their ethical code while I was watching the band who fucking ruled they are these three French guys who play these kind of Ramones-y guitar riffs and these very like robotic drums and they just yell in French and it fucking ruled but the guys were giant bald tattoo men with suspenders and I'm like, I don't know what they're singing about.

I hope it's good. I hope they're singing about something. But I'm like, okay, this place is so like, free Palestine. Like, okay. The possibilities are, can I suggest a few possibilities that are in my mind? First of all, obviously Nazi shit could be Nazi shit. I think you're right, Kyle, probably not given that it's Gilman street. Like I think you're right, Kyle, probably not, given that it's Gilman Street. I think they're pretty careful about that kind of thing,

I'm sure. Yeah, you probably have to sign a piece of paper on the way in. Yeah, it's like a moose. Seize fire now. It's like a moose lodge. Right. So I think that's probably not likely. One is like traditional hardcore topics,

whether it's, you know, straight edge or a different, you know, lane. Sure. I think the third possibility is Super Mario shit. Okay. Why? Wearing red or green? Yeah. Well, one was right. Tell me more about the suspenders.

Sure. Char-player red. His brother was in green And there was a guy who looks kind of like the singer in yellow behind touring in a van or more of a cart You're about to get to the venue and then that blue shell hits you That's worried about the wall of death in the pit. I slipped on a banana peel Okay, let's take a quick break we'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Goh. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.

Jordan Morris, boy, detective. Hey Jordan. Every single episode of Jordan and Jesse Go is brought to you, the audience, by you the audience, the members of Maximum Fund, folks who've gone to maximumfund.org slash join to become members of this great and august institution. And Jordan, for those members, we are just about to release a new episode of Gracie's Gaming Gauntlet or Game Gauntlet. I don't think we've ever decided exactly which of those is the name of the show. I think we've said it both ways and a couple other ones too.

Great. And it's about a game called Contra Force, the best game we've ever played for Gracie's Game Gauntlet. An amazing game when compared to the other games we've played. Not an amazing game if you take the totality of video games, which includes a lot of masterpieces. C plus, B minus, yeah. I mean, at best. But yeah, it was playable.

I guess the story, it was an unrelated game that got the Contra skin when they decided they could probably sell a couple more copies. Yeah, objectively a bad game, but in the world of Gracie's game gauntlet, a goddamn pleasure. Yeah. And needless to say, when we talked about the game with Grace, she mostly wanted to talk about Sorority Party Massacre. Sure. So, a lot of good stuff coming up on Grace's Game Gauntlet or Grace's Gaming Gauntlet.

MaximumFun.org slash join if you want to listen to that series. Or Grace's Gaming Gauntlet or Grace's Game Gauntlet. Sure. Or Grimace's green grocer. Well, you know I love Grimace's green grocer. Oh yeah. The eggplants this guy has. Oh my gosh. There's a reason he looks like one. Yeah.

Because he grows them well. We have somebody up on the Jumbotron. The Jumbotron is our board for special public announcements that you can access by going to maximumfun.org slash Jumbotron. It's a message for Betsy from Ruth. The message reads, I wasn't sure how to get messages from my remote mountainside cabin to yours. I tried yodeling and semaphores.

Nothing worked, but I bet this will. Thanks for identifying lurking themes, washing vegetables, summarizing complex psych books, and raising children first. Happy 40th to a day and a year of Vermont nice. Love and refrigerators. 100%, something in there activated a winter soldier. Yeah, no kidding. You know, I don't understand what any of that meant, but it was really nice. It was a nice word salad.

You know what? I loved and refrigerated it. There you go. That's really beautiful. I mean, you got it. You don't want to let it go bad. Hey, if you're listening to this today that this episode comes out, come see Judge John Hodgman.

We are going to be at the Fitzgerald Theater in Minneapolis. You can find all the information at maximumfund.org slash events. And also, New England is right around the corner. So, that means Western Massachusetts, Brookline, Massachusetts, Burlington, Vermont, and Portland, Maine. It's a real New England stravaganza for the Judge John Hodgman podcast coming up just around the corner. So, go to maximumfund.org slash events and get those tickets. And by tickets, I mean to see the Portland Minor League Hockey Team.

They got a nice Minor League Hockey Team. They got a nice minor league hockey arena right there in downtown Portland. Oh, that sounds fun. I bet it is fun. If you're in the Southern California area, I'm gonna be doing some book events coming up in October. October 4th and 5th, I'm gonna be there at LA Comic-Con. So come find me over there in Artists Alley. And on October 12th, I'm going to be at the Heavy Manners Comics Fair. That's a fun comics event for indie comics, zines, that kind of thing. You can find that information about that at heavymannerslibrary.com. I'll be there on the 12th. It's a two-day event, but I will only be there on the 12th. But I think it's going to be a blast.

That sounds dope. You're going to pick up some chapbooks maybe? Oh yeah, you got to. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Goh. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, Boy Detective. Kyle Kanane, unlikely Birkenstock wearer. You know, I noticed on my way in, you're wearing them very well, I think. I think you look great. Yeah, you look cool. Well, you know, we're talking about the punk rock youth and you were going into the socks

or whatever Gen Z's doing. I gave in. I never thought this is what would be presented before you you're wearing 47 year old Kyle Cananes, it's earned Birkenstock's long pants blue jeans not an aloha shirt, but a button-up Yeah, a fun shirt a fun barbecue shirt. Yeah, I love chillin and grilling. I'm all about keeping the buttons low This is definitely the shop one off of there. You think so? Yeah. I'm gonna try it. Yeah, go for it. I'm gonna try it. Okay, I'm gonna- it's summer. Oh yeah, Casual Friday. I don't know, how's this? Guys, is this okay?

Do you feel a little exposed to that? I do, in a fun way though. I don't even know why this button's up. Everybody's looking. You're not supposed to button the bottom one. Yeah. You know guys, let's take off our belts. Let's take off our belts. You went quick. You know what guys, dick's out. Let's podcast. Let's podcast.

Let's talk to on each other's feet. As a joke I was just on vacation with the missus in Europe. They're like, oh these Finnish saunas, we're wearing our swimsuits and nobody else is wearing anything in there. Uptight Americans. I'm like, I don't know if, what if I just hang it out the top of my pants? The fact that that would be so much more offensive than being nude and I'm like, what if I just hang it out the top of my pants? I'm like, how? The fact that that would be so much more offensive than being nude, and I'm like, why? Just tuck the head into the elastic.

Yeah, what if I just Kilroy it over the belt? I'd love to see it exactly parallel to the ground. So what you're seeing, and then you surround it. So what you're seeing is just that circumference, just the top of the head, just a little round. Just looking through the telescope. But yeah, we're just like, are we supposed to be naked? I don't want to be naked. Do I have to be naked in there? And we're just like, ah, what do we do? And we'll put a towel over your swimsuit. Now it's just more hot than I want the sauna to be.

Kyle, earlier today, I was watching your new special Dirt Nap while I was doing my laundry. I was hanging up the clothes on the lawn. It's good for that. And you, it is of all your work in the past, it contains the most I've ever seen summary of a Fast and the Furious movie. Somebody had to do it.

You have turned your stand-up comedy career into a recaps podcast. This I support. Well, you know, I sat back and let everybody have their Star Wars and their Lord of the Rings and everybody geeking out over what they want to geek out on. And mine happens to be the Fast and the Furious franchise. I love it.

I just interviewed Tyrese the other day for Bullseye with Jesse Fuller on the NPR program. Is he a nice guy? He was very nice. At one point, he did say that he goes, this is pre-recorded, right? And nothing bad ever happens after someone says that. Only good, like one time Swamp Dogg was on the show

and he said, he goes, this ain't live, right? And I'm like, no, no. And he goes, good, because live, right? And I'm like, no, no. And he goes, good, cause I gotta take a shit. Okay. I need to add to my list of exotic tangerines and Fujis, who's Swamp Dogg? Oh, you're gonna love the shit out of Swamp Dogg.

Fucking whips ass. I already know. Swamp Dogg is a, Swamp Dogg was, well, he had been a, he was in the fifties. He was a child rock star. Wow, child never precursors he was a child rock star. Wow. Child never precursors. He was like a little, like a little Stevie one.

He was like a little round. Child never starts a good label these days. He was like a little round African American Jerry Lee Lewis in the fifties on like the Chitlin circuit. Wow. Then he stopped doing that. He started writing. That small racist cousin marriage. Writing and producing R&B hits for other people

and produced some big R&B hits. Wrote a lot of songs with Gary US Bonds, another first soul star. Then in the late 60s, he was the first black A&R at Atlantic. Then in the late 60s, he just got bored and created a guy named Swamp Dogg that was him making completely bonkers psychedelic soul songs, because he was doing a lot of acid at the time. That are just some of the best shit ever. He's so funny. Just the absolute fucking greatest.

I am on board with this. Swamp Dogg apps. And speaking of the Ryman Auditorium, at one point in his career, when he was, he took the same interview where he needed to take a shit in the middle, this thing came up. He and Gary US Bonds wrote a song called- Swampdog got in front of the lily pad. Called Don't Take Her, She's All I've Got, that was recorded by Johnny Paycheck, the country star. Oh, yeah. And was the second biggest hit of Johnny Paycheck. Like it was the number one country hit, the second biggest hit of Johnny Paychak. It was a number one country hit, the second biggest hit of Johnny Paychak's career after Take This Job and Shut It. Huge, huge hit song, great song, and they won a CMA, I think it was, or a Country Songwriter

Award for writing that song. He told me the story of them being seated in the last row at the Ryman Auditorium and having their names called and walking down and everyone turning and noticing that they were, as he put it, N-words. It was one of the best stories anyone's ever told on the show. Anyway. Shaking hands and didn't want to be shook on the way down. Thanks so much. Thank you.

At one point, Tyrese goes, oh, this isn't recorded, right? This isn't live, right? And mean, this is this is live, right? And I'm like, no, no. And he and he goes, good, because I got to call E-40 back real quick. He just pulls out his fucking phone, walks. He's in the studio, but just not sitting in the chair. Calls. He's like, 40's got to play me a new track.

So he just walks into this. He's wandering around the studio and he's going around the studio, and he's going like, oh fuck yeah 40, fuck yeah. And he's like getting down on the phone. I'm glad that that's who Tyrese is. Yeah, but Tyrese was very, during the interview also had his assistant change his flight so that he could fly home

right after the interview, but his assistant was like, well we'll find out if there's a seat in first class. And he goes, if they got first class, give it to me. But I just want to get home to LA. And I was like, yeah, you're a cool guy for Tyrese. Good for Tyrese.

What was he doing in the interview? He was doing the interview remotely? Yeah, he was doing the interview in Chicago. Gotcha. I believe he lives in LA and has a teppanyaki restaurant in his backyard. He has his own Benihana restaurant in his backyard. Wow. What?

He has his own Benihana. This has now become an interview of me asking you about the... I could just listen to it, but now I'm fascinated with Tyrese. More so than I would... Does he do the shrimp flipping or does he get a guy? I think he must get a guy. Any place could be a teppanyaki restaurant if you want to be daring. But it's specific. If you want to be bold enough, you can just flip a lot of shit around in your kitchen. That's a really good point. You could get a hat. As long as there's another mouth, you

can flip something into it. You know, you can flip something. All you need really is a tall hat or a breast pocket. A shrimp on that thing. Shrimp in my mouth. Anyway. God damn, I love a Benny Hump. Have you seen every Faster Than the Furious, Kyle? Yep. Couldn't differentiate, but twicks them.

Yeah. If someone asked you like- Which is the point of the bit. I also really like them, but if someone asked me like, oh, which one is your favorite or when did this happen, could not tell you. I think The Rock flexes his arm out of a cast in six. That's as bad as far as, oh and they drag the safe in five. Anyway.

Yeah. I remember Bits and P. I don't have this collector's mind or a fandom mind to put the facts down or need this sense of completion with things that I like. So I've just seen them, had a blast. I love that each one is they know they gotta turn it up. Yeah. And they mess with the suspension of disbelief so much, again, not to do the bit, but you know, that's the-

It's madness. And they know it. And I'm gonna sit there and have a great time. And they've done, somebody else did a much more Articulate summation of it where they're like they know exactly. Yes, it's stupid But it's exactly I don't want it based in real. I don't want to be you're not gonna devastate me I don't want them to not go to space. I want them to go to space. This isn't in the path Oh, yeah, this isn't the pathos of the character to devia.

Like, no, the good guys are the bad guys. They were DVD thieves in the first one. And now they're in space in a Fiero. Yes! Everyone's a hacker. Everyone can hack. Should they fight the devil? There are drilling machines, aren't there?

Don't spoil the next one if that's a leak that you've heard. Because if they actually do have to fight The devil yes, I have a bring supernatural elements or this I have been struggling with this with Mission Impossible movies Which are my I'll say I've only seen fast and the furious 5 It's the only fast and the furious and I was into it for about 20 minutes, and it was just too dumb I just couldn't handle it. It's not gonna be for everybody. Yeah, but the Mission Impossible movies, I'm all in on. I love that shit.

You're a good time. I don't know which ones of them I've seen or not seen. You can't differentiate Ghost Protocol from Rogue Nation. The other gave me a stunt. I'll tell you which one the stunt was in. The other day, I did probably eight references in a row to Mission Impossible Dead Reckoning on Judge John Hodgman, which I had watched the previous night.

My daughter said I could choose the movie. You know what the fuck I chose. Master and Commander was checked out. Here we go again. Here we go, Mission Impossible. And I fucking loved the movie. It was the most recent Mission Impossible Yeah, totally loved it. Not a I don't know words of criticism Whatever freaky shit Tom Cruise is up to in his day-to-day life punishing others and destroying their lives

Indirectly through the leadership of the Church of Scientology. There is probably worth it Listen, I think everybody should be the person they believe they are to be. But you got to look at what this guy is doing in the name of just not being gay publicly. This guy is going to drive a motorcycle off a cliff just as long. He's like, just don't kiss dudes.

There's something to say to be bottling up that closet energy. The power is extraordinary. He's jumping out of planes without a parachute. It's a firehose. The entire time I was calling Mission Impossible Dead Reckoning, Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol. Jesse, oh my God.

I had seen it the previous night. I can't believe you made that mistake. I had to record an apology for Judge Sean Hodgman. I love how nonsensical those titles are. I don't know which, I will start one of those on an airplane and it takes me an hour before I'm like, I think I saw this one. Last week on a flight. I never know.

I fall asleep intermittently. I wake up. It's Tom Cruise doing some wild shit. And then there's an exposition scene with Simon Pegg click clacking like, well, if we don't have the comic, you can cut all this out. I don't know what there's. I've never known what's happening.

Oh, yeah. Ving Rhames is in these. Yeah. One of the best parts of it is that Ving Rhames and Simon Pegg have the same character. They just wanted a black guy and a white guy. So they're like, you guys can both do it. Yeah, could you guys fit in a van with a laptop?

They weren't wrong. They weren't wrong. They're both great. I'll watch them do anything. I know. They'll try and kind of sort of say something with those movies. They'll like, it's a real afterthought.

I'm sure they just add it the day before shooting. But it seems like they're trying to do a thing like Fast and Furious, like their family. You know, this is the de facto family. And it's like... These people shouldn't have stakes. You have to get a job done, but your friendship. The friendship, yeah.

Oh, no, I gotta go back for my buddy. But it's like they're trying to do that, but they refuse to develop anyone other than Tom Cruise. And even him, it's like, what is he? that, but they refuse to develop anyone other than Tom Cruise. And even him, it's like, what is he? No, he's nothing. You know, he's just some guy. Yeah, he's just a guy.

But it's so- Does his girlfriend die after every movie like James Bond? There is one where, yeah, where like there's a love interest, they'll end up together, and then they'll die in the next movie. And I'm like, who, what, oh, right, okay, okay, okay. Do you, have you had a- One of the love interests is on the team now. Okay.

That happened in this most recent one. Okay. And I think she joined the team because there was a new love interest. Like, I think they were like, well, we got a friend zone or something. We gotta like put boundaries on this thing. I'm fascinated with developing the idea

of true love within those action movies. Because you see the regular couples, like, I don't know, what the fuck do you want to eat tonight then? I'm sick of having this conversation, Cheryl. And meanwhile, I'm like, oh, we've just dominated the Kremlin spy plot against the world. And I saved you from a burning building. I still want to see them settled into that, like. Fine.

I'll watch another episode of Love is Blind, I guess. Yeah. I mean, we had fish last night. I feel like. There's nothing wrong with having fish two nights or I was getting a little sick. You loaded the dishwasher wrong. I know.

Like, I don't know. I just don't need like a cream sauce dish. And we can kind of change it up. If we can do something else this week, I'd appreciate it. Da-da, da-da, da-da, da-da. Hold on. I'm getting a transmission. We can do something else this week Kyle you've given me now an unslakeable first for Michael Bay's the lock horns Sniders Dagwood Dagwood colon rising. No sandwich, too big.

Well, I mean hasn't that been done? Hasn't that been like Mrs. and Mrs. Smith or like... Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Yeah, yeah. What did I say? Mrs. and Mrs. Smith? Mrs. and Mrs. Smith. Well, that's the reboot if the woke mob has their way. It'll be Mrs. and Mrs. They. Yeah, what is a pronoun? Mission anything's

possible believe in yourself. So tired of these libs inspiring children. I do want to talk about this for nine more hours. Should we listen to our moment? When something momentous happens to you, give us a like, someone delivers a message containing a secret mission to you. Give us a call, 206-984-4FUN or jjgoatmaximumfun.org for your voice memos. Just send us a voice memo. Your phone's got a voice memo app, just take it out. Unless you got one of those dumb phones.

Yeah, say the momentous shit that happened to you, send it in to us, then all of a sudden you're gonna be hearing yourself on fucking Jordan Jessica that's your favorite podcast hosted by your heroes and and your sexual obsessions Jesse and Jordan Let's press play and Kyle you're also there you have left the button undone on your shirt I have and you know what guys I'm loving it. I'm getting a little more air in here Jordan Jesse and Guests I'm going to little more air in here. Hey Jordan, Jesse, and guests.

I'm going to guess Emily Fleming. I wanted to leave a momentous occasion today. I didn't have to chase down the garbage truck to have my trash picked up. We moved into a new house a few weeks ago. And two weeks ago when trash pickup day came around, our cans didn't get picked up. And so then last week, I happened to be outside with the dogs when the garbage truck came around. So I had to, then they skipped our house and I had to chase down the garbage truck down about five, six houses. And I asked them why they skipped our house. And they said, oh, well, it was marked the service was canceled.

I said, well, yeah, the old owners canceled the service, but we had started it back up. And they looked at their spreadsheet and right at the top showed canceled service. But four or five pages back had our same address with new service started with our name. And so whoever set up their spreadsheet kind of had a ordering on it a little bit weird so that all the canceled services were at top. And that's what the guys were looking at. Anyway, so I got my trash picked up today.

So hopefully we'll see what happens next week. Anyway, I felt like that was a pretty good momentous occasion. And yeah, so hope you guys are having a great day and love you and talk to you soon. First of all, you don't need to explain this kind of stuff to me and Jordan, maybe to Kyle, not to me and Jordan. We know all about office stuff. Sure. Of course. Spreadsheet mix-ups. Right. Of course, the conference room, booking the conference room. Oh my gosh, the boss.

Yeah, the boss. The vice president. Yeah. Pencil. Coffee machine. As someone who's moved into an actual standalone house for the first time in 20 years, I can empathize with having the trash out and then them not getting it. I made an email.

I'm like, well, I was out there. You said pick up at seven? And it was out there. I'm like, sir, we have cameras on the truck to show that we were at your house at 702. Wow. You got me. I did hear them drive by and then I pushed out real quick. I'm like, I'm right here.

I'm right here. That's funny that they have cameras on the truck, just probably because they get those emails. They call my bluff. I'm like, well, you say Traffs starts at 7. I didn't know I was the first goddamn house. That you're just going to wait there and be like, this guy's new in the neighborhood.

We're going to screw him. I remember when I learned, my dad got a newspaper subscription when I was 12 let's say San Francisco Examiner the afternoon paper and We would I found out at some point that if your paper didn't show up I'm sure this isn't true anymore since there's no classified ads to support all journalism. But like at the time, if your paper didn't show up,

for any reason, you could just call a number and they would bring you a new copy of the paper. Like they wouldn't be like, well, make your subscription go one extra day. They would just bring it to you right away. Like there was like a newspaper. Like they have that and then the like phone number you could call for movie listings,

but also if you pressed five, you could play telephone based computer game. Did you start your days as a child with your mom calling time and temperature? Oh yeah. And be like, well, we gotta see what the weather is today. And you just call the phone number to get the, like, ah, it's gonna be cold out there. It's gonna be cold out. Yeah. I do. We got that from KNX 1070 news radio.

Okay. Yeah. KNX 1070 news radio. I almost still remember we're going to go back to 924 Gilman, the punk hotline in Chicago that you'd call to just get the show listing. Oh yeah. The MP shows listing for the weekend and you just sit there like, what are we going to do Thursday? We do this Friday, writing down. So. Oh, the telephone.

Remember that? Oh, the telephone. Ha ha. I will say. I'm going to talk to fellow olds, isn't it? I will say that like. It's a remember thing. Party line.

OK. I like to party. I like to times. As a man who is in a family way, which is say I'm pregnant. Congratulations. You're glowing. But as the parent of three children, I know Kyle, you're childless, but there is a lady in your life.

And Jordan, I don't know if you've ever thought about having kids. I got to get a son. I'm working on it. Kyle, that's my catchphrase. That's Jordan's catchphrase. The people love it. I got to get a son. He's working on it. I'm working get a son. He's working on it.

I'm working on it. But he's working on it. It's like a lonely solar system. All the planets are dead. An ice age on everyone. I must get a son. I have to say that when there are five people in your house, plus pets, plus sometimes my in-law, often my in-laws are in my house as well, you don't get more trash cans. And the trash

cans in Los Angeles are big enough. Like I want to emphasize that they are big enough, but you really get to the edge of are they Like, it's really, and lately Los Angeles has started picking up compost. That made a big difference. There's no way this stuff is going. Again, part of the special. There's no way this is- It's all going in the same pipe. It's going in the same pipe. It's all going to Mayor Antonio Viragosa's house. Yeah. This is not getting differentiated.

Aaron Bass is- This is for you to feel. Okay. Well, I'm glad to take it because it's a third can. That's what I mean. This is not getting differentiated Aaron Bass. This is right. This is for you to feel okay Well, I'm glad to take it because it's a third can that's that's what I mean Yeah, I'm glad to take it in the third can but but like I don't Ain't a logist guys. Happy analogous everybody take it in the third can this might air in September We're taking these in advance We're taking these in advance. But I think that was an essential pressure valve that the compostable food waste could

go in the compost can. But before that, I feel like the number one unanticipated stress of having a family was, will there be enough room in the trash can? Like, there were times, like, at Christmas, when there's, like, wrappings from presents, or, like, when we moved. Like, when we moved, we were behind for six weeks. Just weird piles of trash from, like, taking things out of boxes or whatever.

So much that I discovered the greatest shit in the history of the world, which is it turns out that a half-size dumpster only costs like $120. So you just give the dumpster man the money. You could put anything. They will let you put anything in that hole. Yeah, because it's going to the same place your other three trucks get. Just drive it away.

Then they just drive it away. I was going to say you could save a hundred dollars. I don't know if you've thought about what other Angelenos are doing and just putting it on the street. Yeah, sure. Because that seems to be a popular move here in Dallas. Sure. Flinging it out the window on Western.

Drive down Western. Flinging it out the window. Yeah, a mattress and a dresser. You're just going to get a neighbor out there. They're not going to pick it up. That'll just be someone's house. I'm like, OK. I do like my biggest like dad fuss pot thing that I do is when I am walking my dog through my Lincoln Heights

neighborhood, I will have my phone in my hand. Because I'm listening to some of my favorite podcasts. That's a great time to listen to your favorite podcasts. I'm just kidding. I don't like podcasts. But I'll be listening of my favorite podcasts. That's a great time to listen to your favorite podcast. I'm just kidding. I don't like podcasts. But I'll be listening to my favorite podcasts. Maybe I'm listening to Linda Holmes and Glenn Weldon on Pop Culture Happy Hour. It's a great time to listen to them.

And I'm walking down the street. I got my phone in my hand, my dog in the other hand. If I see a fucking dresser, I'll open up that 311 app. I do that all day. Really? fucking dresser, I'll open up that 311 app. I do that all day. Sometimes, sometimes I will be on one walk, I will report five abandoned furnitures. And you know what? They fucking come and pick them shits up. On trash day, they pick it up. Like right away, the next trash day, they always pick it up. Really? That 311, baby. That's impressive. It's incredible. And I don't know, I mean, I know why the city doesn't advertise is because if they did, more people would use it and then they wouldn't pick it up right away. Yeah, I mean, that's like more pressing issues, but there's large item pickup. You could be a responsible person. Like, I got a big thing out there.

Yeah, you can use your own goddamn 311 app, everybody. It's free here in Los Angeles. Sure. Some call it the first party line. That's a really good point. You guys- It's a very horny experience. Oh yeah. How big is the dresser? How oversized is the item?

Tell me about the mattress stains. Abandoned Ikea enthusiasts. You guys want to call 311, have ourselves a good time, and then come back for some more? We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jessica. Jackie Cation, hi, and welcome to the MaximumFun.org podcast, the Jackie and Laurie Show, where we talk about stand-up comedy and how much we love it and how much it enrages us. We have a lot of experience and a lot of stories and a lot of time on our hands. So check us out. It's one hour a week and we drop it every Wednesday on naximafund.org.

Hello, Podcast Recommendation Service. Hello there, young man. I'm looking for a new podcast to listen to. Something amusing perhaps. Oh, what about Beef and Dairy Network? Something surreal and satirical. Well,, what about Beef and Dairy Network? Something surreal and satirical. Well, I would suggest Beef and Dairy Network. Ideally it would be a spoof industry podcast for the beef and dairy industries. Yes, Beef and Dairy Network.

Maybe it would have brilliant guests such as Josie Long, Heather Ann Campbell, Nick Offerman, and the actor Ted Danson. Beef and Dairy Network! I don't know, I think I'm going to stick to Joe Rogan. The Beef and Dairy Network podcast is a multi-award-winning comedy podcast and you can find it at maximumfun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. It's Jordan Jesse Goh, I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective.

Kyle Canane, skip breakfast again. Do you think it's hard? And you can't do that. I had a peach. Okay. There's no protein in there, but a peach is delicious. This is the season for you to have a peach. Was it a white or a yellow peach?

I don't know. The missus cut it up for me like I'm a toddler. Oh my God. Kyle put it in a little Ziploc bag. The pits look gross to me. I can't see them. Yeah. Kyle, can I tell you something?

Yeah. Sometimes my wife cuts up pitted fruits for me. Sometimes a stone fruit shows up in my office in a little bowl already cut up. It is the greatest service anyone has. Like there's an internet meme about how if you really want your husband to be horny for you or whatever, you should make him a sandwich and bring it to him in a sundress. And like that has these creepy MRA vibes. And I'm like, no, no, all my wife has to do is cut up a stone fruit. I don't, it seems like too much work to, it's always worth it.

A sliced apple is a treat. A regular apple is a chore. Yep. That's a really good point. up a stone fruit. I don't, it seems like too much work to, it's always worth it. A sliced apple is a treat. A regular apple is a chore. Yep. That's a really good point. I'm going to get, I'm going to not want to waste. I'm going to get too close to the core. I'm going to get a seed. It's going to ruin the whole experience. Why even start? Yeah. A hundred percent. Look, we've solved this issue now, Jordan, during the break. I was going to say, is it hard, do you think, for the at-home listener to know that we solved all of society's problems during the break and they'll never hear our answers? Start slicing up your fruit. Treat yourself.

Yeah. Slice your fruit. And you know what? Slice some fruit for someone you love. How about that? That's a sweet thing to do. I also don't like the fuzz on peaches. And so when they're sliced, I can put my tongue on the wet part and then crunch the skin into the wet part. And then it doesn't bother me. Me? Big fuzz guy.

We were on life. Love the fuzz. Are you for real? Because you're a texture nut. And that's part of what I like about it. Oh, yeah. As Rachel put it, it's like biting into a tracksuit. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

That's what I like about it. That's the missus. She's funnier than me. But we both agreed, yeah, we like biting into these tracksuits. Oh, yeah. Kyle, your brand new special is called Dirt Nap. Look, you don't need our help to get people to watch it.

You already got the better part of a million views on this thing. Oh, how you doing this? I haven't even, my own narcissism, I haven't checked the view count on it in a couple weeks. You're getting real close. You're over 3 quarters. Over 3 quarters of a million.

That's where I was when I looked at it. Stalled out. That's... Stalled. We blacked out. Well, now you're gonna get the Jordan Jesse Goh bump. Yes. Here comes... We got a JJ G bump, baby.

And the good news is, librarians count for a hundred on YouTube, so you're about to... Well, now we got the Fuji's fans, those weird Tangerine fans checking in. What they're calling? Satsumas? Yes, Satsumas. The algorithm is looking for mentions of the word pros to feed podcasts to people. Absolutely, 100%. By the way, in Mission Impossible Dead Reckoning, are you sure?

Probably. The enemy is an AI. And just this AI, whenever he's around doing stuff, just like a little digital picture shows up on whatever monitors are around. Not like a Max Headroom style picture, but like a little icon of like flashing lights that always looks the same.

And I just think, I just like that the AI prioritized that. It's like, well, I have to have some sort of visual representation to help people track me. Yeah, so people know which computers I'm in. You gotta show up in the office once in a while. Yeah, exactly. Is there a voice? No, it does not do a voice. It's just when it gets into the computers, you can see it on screens in the background

pulsing on all their monitors. They just had a big... Imagine the production meetings they had about how much they should show it and how much pulsing it should do That was yeah, it was probably someone there was probably a fight about it Someone probably lost the fight and is still like mad whenever the movie Tom Cruise is like I could pulse I could do the pulsing It's not a stunt Tom. It's not a stunt like someone's like can I pulse off a cliff? Let me get that computer I'll squeeze into it. I'll pulse. Somebody's like, this is not how computers work! And Tom Cruise is like, this is not how riding motorcycles work.

Nothing in this movie is how any of it works. Only practical effects. Let me pulse in that box. Do you think this is how the Orient Express works? This is not how opera raves work. Anyway, Kyle's new special is called Dirt Nap. You can watch it for free on YouTube. Like any of Kyle's work, it's just about as funny as it gets. Just funny.

It's absolutely hilarious. Kyle is one of the legends for a reason. And you're also, you've been working the road. You headed out anywhere? Yeah. This won't be airing in anal August. This will probably be airing in anal August. This will probably be airing in anal September anal early September

Yeah, I don't know where I'm going that's within a couple weeks watch out for Detroit many at all over the place That's all I do. I'm just a comic now. This is oh, that's what I want to do This guy's living in Oregon traveling the nation providing people with laughs You know somebody's got to be a traveling salesman somebody's got to be the travel you you're providing people with laughs. You know, somebody's gotta be the traveling salesman. Somebody's gotta be the traveling, you're providing people with laughs and vacuum cleaners. You got a combo now, it's tough out there. High quality knife sets.

Everyone has to, yes, you gotta have a side hustle. I'm also with Cutco. And you know I'm coming back. Stay sharp forever. Yeah, I'm gonna come back through in a year, upgrade your set, anything breaks, I'll replace it, next time I get a date, that's no. call your local comedy party. Get me back in there What's that you need brushes? Well Kyle canades your local fuller brush representative

Look out farmers wives Canades on the road Look out farmers Is your husband home, ma'am? Keep a respectful distance out here on the porch. Stephen Ray Morris is the producer of Jordan, Jesse, Go. Brian Fernandez, our producer emeritus. Our theme music is Love You by The Free Design,

courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. Find us on social media at Jordan Jesse Goh Pod on Instagram, at Jordan David Morris, and at Jesse Thorne, very famous. We are also on Twitter at Jordan Jesse Goh. We are on Facebook at facebook.com slash Jordan Jesse Goh. I hope that we will see you out on the road as we go out on the road, Jordan. Still got some more cons around the corner and I'm headed out there on the judge John Hodgman Road Court tour

So as this airs, I hope I will be seeing you in the northeast and in the central Midwest I believe is the next stop after that. I believe we will be in Madison in Minneapolis in other places around there. The greatest of Plains. Yeah, maximumfun.org slash events is where you can find all that info. And we will talk to you next time on Jordan Jessico. You love you.