Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Swim Cap, with Kimberly Clark

Episode Date: July 4, 2024

This week we welcome back writer, comedian, and amateur roller skating enthusiast Kimberly Clark to JJGo and engage in a civil conversation about laser tag, swim caps, and mall baptisms.  Head to FACTORMEALS.com/jjgo50 and use code jjgo50 to get 50% off your first box plus 20% off your next month.Jordan Morris is doing a book tour for Youth Group! See him at the OC Book Fair on July 13th, or see him in Sacramento at the Wild Sisters Book Company July 19, or see his panel at SD Comic Con on July 26 from 1pm-2pm. Come see Judge John Hodgman: Road Court  live in a town near you! Jordan and John will be all over the country so don't miss your change to see them. Check the events page to find out where!Get your tickets to see Kim Clark in Seattle at the Here-After on July 12Listen to producer Matt Lieb's brand new podcast about Israeli propaganda. It's called Bad Hasbara: The World's Most Moral Podcast.

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys, and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy, detective. Happy summer to you, sir.

Happy summer to you, sir. I did some grilling. I did some grilling. Oh, tell me everything. What'd you grill? How hot did you grill it? Grilled some grilled vegetables. I got a griddle out and I cooked some cheeseburgers on the griddle on the grill. Classic.

Put the griddle on the grill. You get the flat surface plus the heat of the flame. Sounds amazing. How were they? How'd they turn out? They came out great. Great. They came out great. Medium, medium rare? Well, these were thin smash burgers. Ooh, okay, very hot, very in.

Yeah, well, you know, I like to make my own little burger sauce. Was this a pop-up? Yeah, this was a pop-up selling candles. Okay. And then I made burgers for the staff. That's really nice of you. Yeah. Congratulations.

Let's talk about toppings. You said homemade burger sauce? Yeah, I like to make a burger sauce, combining some mayonnaise, some tomato ketchup, Okay. some sweet pickle relish, and usually a little bit of apple cider vinegar.

That sounds great. Sounds like that'd give it a nice tang. It does give it a nice tang. I like to use American cheese on a skinny burger. It's a great kind of cheese, melts great. If it's a thicker burger, I'll use a more flavorful cheese sometimes, like a cheddar cheese or something.

But yeah, I mean for those smash burgers, good old slice of American, nothing wrong with that. You want a little gooey. White American? I did not have, I mean. I know I'm asking you about your background. Yeah. Well, I have some Native American ancestors. Oh, interesting, interesting.

Yeah, I use. Fascinating. I use Trader Joe's yellow American. I happen to be stopping into Trader Joe's. Hard to find white American here in Los Angeles. Oh yeah, I have it all the time. Oh really? Yeah, I just kind of get it sliced up there at the Kroger.

Oh. Yeah, I've got it on hand pretty regularly. Okay, well, call it, I'm a fucking asshole then. No, no, no, I just want you to have the cheese that you want. Yeah, I mean I would love to have the white American cheese, I guess I don't go to the right Kroger.

Yeah. They don't have it at mine, they have a lot of nice marinated taco meats at the grocery store by my house, the Superior. Superior Grocers. Oh yeah, okay. And they got that New Orleans section. We've talked about that before. We have talked about the New Orleans section.

So it seems like you're kind of kicking my ass summer-wise, man. You're out there grilling. You would think. I haven't done shit. You would think. I've got long pants on. You would think. Like some sort of winter dude. You would think that I wasn't done shit. You would think... I've got long pants on. You would think...

Like some sort of winter dude. You would think that I wasn't an autumnal man. Which obviously I am. Sure. But yeah, I think I've got your ass whooped. I mean, you went to that punk rock concert in a sleeveless shirt with John Ross Bowie, but besides that... Oh yeah.

Besides that, you're really... That gives me two points. Yeah. I think you really need to get your act together. I mean, it helped for me. My in-laws were in town, along with my brother and sister-in-law, and they...

That's a nice way to stoke out the in-laws. They rented a house with a pool, so I did some grilling. I mean, hell yeah. My brother-in-law grilled some pineapples, some spiced pineapple. That's where the real action is at. Do you get in the pool?

Oh, yeah, I get in the pool? Oh, yeah, I fucking love the pool. What do you do in there? You float around, take a piss? I mean, that's two of the top five activities I do in there for sure. I like to go under way underwater and then swim across the pool

and then come up at the other side. As a dad? Yeah. You still throwing a handful of change in there and the kids are getting it? You know, my kids... Or is it all Bitcoin now? Anyway, when I was a kid. My kids have such complicated relationships-

Is there an NFT in the pool? My kids have such complicated relationships with the pool. It's not working? It's really like, one of my kids, my seven-year-old will not blow bubbles even. Oh. Like truly, they love the pool. They love to go to the pool, will not even put their face in.

Okay. Then. It's like that smell of chlorine. Yeah, it's just, you know, when it comes to autism, Jordan, the watchword is asynchronous development. You never know when shit's gonna go down, developmentally speaking.

At some point, they just all of a sudden can swim, and you just are like, great, I'm glad that that happened, even though it didn't happen on my time. That's why you have the handful of change on hand. I know. And then when it happens, tossing it in, everybody's having the time of their fucking life. At all times.

Yeah, no, I love the pool. I just found out our friend Ben Harrison from Greatest Generation, Greatest Track, just got himself an above ground pool. Hey, okay. I'm pretty excited about this. I haven't seen an above ground pool in forevs. I know, I couldn't be more excited

about going to Ben's backyard and jumping in his above ground pool like I was some kind of fucking millhouse. Hell yeah, that's great. Congratulations to Ben and to you. Thank you. Should we find out if our guest has been doing any Summerboy activities?

I'd love to hear about this. Our guest is one of our favorite pals, a brilliant stand-up comedian with a brand new record just around the corner called Junior, Kimberly Clark. Hi, Kim. Hey, what's up? You know it's funny, you guys are talking about the swimming pool.

I was thinking about my friend, Keisha, because she didn't like to go underwater either. And so she used to take her pinky, and she would use her pinkies to pinch her nose, and her thumbs to plug her ears, and she would go underwater like that. And I just kept getting that image of Keisha. Exactly, just like that.

Like a weird version of the hand sign for I'm talking on the telephone right now. Yes, but she used the thumbs for her ears and the pinkies to plug her nose. And that's how she would go underwater. She just wanna make sure all the holes are accounted for. At that point, when you're plugging the holes, when you're doing the complicated hand motion

to plug the holes, and people are gonna make this sexual, and I think they're disgusting. Yeah, frankly. If you're out there, get your mind out of here. If you're out there and you think I'm talking about anything other than swimming, shame on you. Same, same. Why you keep looking at me? Shame on you.

I wasn't even thinking that. You're staring at me while you're saying that. You're right there on the other side of the window, Matt. But he was staring at me when he said that. You were just talking about Keisha before we went on. Yeah, I know, but I wasn't talking about whatever disgusting thing Jordan was implying. You said you just wanted to be friends with Keisha,

but it seemed weird that you brought that up, because I didn't know Keisha. I'm not weird. So wait, Matt. What? You're jacking off. What are you jacking off to? Something completely different.

Something completely not- The window is fogged up. None of your business, but not that. Something normal. Hey, you're fogging up the window Titanic style out there. Oh my god. Somebody find Kate Winslet. Jeez Louise, she's good in everything. OK.

Films. Films, yes. And HBO mini series. Probably plays. I'd love to see her out there on the stage. Anyway. All the world's a stage, if you ask me. Jesse.

Or William Shakespeare or Kate Winslet. It's not. It's not? No. We are not merely players. No, sorry, man. Oh, OK. Wow.

Big adjustment for me, but. You're going to have to get rid of all your t-shirts that you got at the Red Fair. Can we get back to Keisha, please? Yeah, my question was... Yes, your question. If you're going through the complicated motions to plug the holes, thumbs, pinkies, nose, ears, why go underwater at all?

I know. Just don't. That's how she used to do it, and it would crack me up every time. My main issue pool-wise these days, well, I mean, I'm not a super strong swimmer. I think I'm going to try and, at the pool by my house, the Lincoln Park pool, you can get them to teach you, you know, they have children's swimming lessons. But then if you're just a local dad that's got $25,

they'll teach you a swimming lesson. Hell yeah. I think I might. Thinking about a public pool. I think I might do that, because I'm not a super, I mean, I'm like not a, I can swim in the deep end and everything, but.

You haven't drowned. Yeah, but I have a hard time with side breathing. Wait, hold on. Dude just dropped fucking deep end. Okay, all right. Sorry, sorry. Deep end. I passed the deep end. You're not. Deep end. I passed the deep end.

You're not standing, huh? I passed the deep end test at Balboa Park Pools, circa 1993. Okay, okay, all right. But yeah, I... Check out Greg LeGanis with the lingo, sorry. Ah. I've been doing a lot of cupping, too.

That's my other big serving thing, doing a lot of cupping too. That's my other big serving thing, doing a lot of cupping. Cupping. Okay. Ask Keisha, she'll explain it. I'll ask her. I have a problem which is, outdoors in the pool,

I don't know what to do about being bald. So in all, I've been, like, I've had very short hair for, what, 10, 15 years, something like that. So, like, in most areas of my life, it's under control. You know what I mean? Like, I know about being bald and how to handle it. It's not a concern for me. But in the pool, I don't know what to do

because your head is right, the sun is the first, your head's the first thing the sun hits. Wear a swim cap. Really? My mother used to make me wear swim caps because I used to take swimming lessons. Was your hair always this voluminous? Yeah, it was real thick as a kid.

And I had a perm though. So the thing is, if I had my hair in the chlorine with a perm, money down the drain and my hair would get very damaged. So my mom used to make me wear a swim cap, which I resented because everybody else got to dip their head in the cold water. You know how my wife reads.

And then I'm like in here looking like Esther Williams or whatever. Like I'm about to do some, you know. I've always thought, I've always thought. She's gonna do it any day. You're like, no I'm not. I have like the chin strap around my. Daisies, daisies all over the swim cap.

On top of your head was a sparkler. Nobody else in the swimming pool had one on, but I was only one with the swim cap on, just sweating underneath it. Jordan, did you ever wear a swim cap? Because we've discussed on this show, you're an enthusiastic swimmer, and your hair changes color from the swimming.

You get much blonder. Yeah, boy, I cannot find a swim cap that fits me. I'm sure it's out there, because obviously people with a ton of hair wear swim caps, and I have a lot of hair, but not like so much hair that I shouldn't be able to find a swim cap. I just kinda gave up, and I'm kinda fine with the color change, I think it's kind of fun and cool.

Yeah, and I'm not like so, like I've resigned myself to like, so I swim on a little team and there are speeds. Oh, you're on a team? I know, yeah. Yeah, yeah, I'm not the only, Jesse's not the only one who goes in the deep end, if you know what I mean. It's Jordan, Greg Lug what I mean. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

It's Jordan, Greg Luganis. Luganis. Uh-huh. Michael Phelps. Yeah, I was gonna say that. And Jaws. That other guy besides Michael Phelps. Yes.

Remember there was Michael Phelps and then there was another dude. And the other guy. I do. Yeah. Nobody knows his name, though. Nobody knows his name, though. Lost to history.

Tony Hawk? Yeah. I think maybe. I don't know him. That sounds. No one knows his name, though. Lost to history. Tony Hawk? Yeah, I think maybe. I don't know. That sounds right. Yeah. Ryan Lochte. Ryan Lochte. That was the other swim guy.

There it is. You got it. And he was kind of the himbo, you know? He was kind of fun. He was kind of the Channing Tatum of the crew. Yeah. Anyway, so there are lanes dedicated to speeds. I am in the slowest lane, and I'm fine there.

I have my little friends, we adjust the times so we can swim at our own pace. And I'm like, you know, the cat might shave off some time, but why, right? Come on, I'd have to leave the lane with my little friends. And I'm sure that's the only thing keeping me in the slow lane, by the way. It's not general weakness, and I'm sure that's the only thing keeping me in the slow lane, by the way. It's not general weakness.

Right. Which I like, I do that. I call that swim cap. I don't think I get it. You have to know what cap's. Yes, you're right, you're right, yes. Yeah, see, if you guys were just as young and hip as I am, and had the same broccoli haircut,

right, you would have understood how good that swim cap joke was. Wow. Matt? Yep? Wasn't mid. It wasn't mid. It wasn't mid.

Yes. It was in fact, god-tier? Yeah, on god it was. S-tier, I believe it was S-tier. So what is your specialty in terms of like, what are your elementary backstroke? It's a great question. Getting out there and having a great time.

OK. OK. Showing off. OK. I get it. Something that I like about the pool by my house, the public pool by my house, which I'm having a love affair with right now, is there are, I would say broadly,

three constituencies. Okay, there is young teens in a swimming class. So, you know, they're jumping off the diving board and whatever, these are local teens. You know, local Lincoln Heights teens. 13 year olds to 15 year olds, I would say. Great age to hang out at the pool. Yeah.

Then there is children and their parents of many tattoos. So there was a mom at the pool, I may have mentioned this, but there was a mom at the pool last time I was at the pool who had a very large tattoo, two half, two thirds of her back that was a Raiders logo framed with marijuana. Yay!

Yeah, so it's different. You really get a good sense of who in the community is dead and well remembered from these tattoos. And you learn what happens if you talk shit. You get hit. Yeah, exactly. There's like, parents with a, there's a lot of head tattoos in the shallow end

of the pool. Just if you ever wanna see just the most adorable dad in the world who also has tears tattooed on his face, that's gonna be at the Lincoln Park pool. And then there's just like a lonely 51 year old white man swimming super fast laps. Oh boy. And you just, I don't know where this guy comes from.

Like what part of town, like where does he drive in from? And he has like a bicycling guy vibe. Yeah, you know what I mean? But the thing about it is that unlike even a bicycling guy, like the bicycling guys, I admire that as a hobby very much. A wonderful way to stay fit and healthy and improve your cardiovascular health, as well as get out and see the city.

But like, it doesn't matter how lonely and dorky and out of place one of these swimming guys is at the pool. Because they swim all the time, they have the most extraordinarily beautiful body that it is intensely intimidating. Just like a 53 year old with like a V-shaped body, they're just as bald as me, just as much of a doofus as me,

but just perfectly shaped and fucking cutting through the water like a dolphin. And you're like, I don't know why you came here and paid four dollars why aren't you in some kind of swimming thing you know but like God bless that person yeah an extraordinary display Kim you still capping in the water these days I haven't been swimming in a long time oh my gosh what are your summer activities? Roller skating. Oh, that's right, yes. I feel like the 51 year old man at the roller skating rink when I go to, what's the place called?

I can't even think of it. The Midnight Rollaway? In Glendale, yeah, Moonlight. Moonlight Rollaway, there you go. Yeah, cause I go in the daytime sometimes at like 10 o'clock in the morning. Oh, who's there? Who is there? Yeah, cause I go in the daytime sometimes at like 10 o'clock in the morning. Uh-huh, oh. On Saturdays. Who's there?

Who is there? A bunch of little kids and a bunch of birthday parties. Okay, yeah. And it's like, I look crazy being there. Like, sometimes I'm like, I shouldn't be here, cause. Are you in like a- I don't have a kid. Are you in like a spangled jumpsuit? No, not at all.

Okay. No, not at all. We should probably get one. Are there still like, because I know that we talked about this a little bit before, but like the dominant roller skater in my mind, 100%, and I don't know if it's just because I'm a San Franciscan, but it's like a,

a disco gay guy from the disco era who's like super roped and wearing like cut off jean shorts and no shirt and just looks like, like you lay eyes upon them and you're just like, I wish I could live this way. Like this is the most beautiful expression of joy I've ever laid eyes upon. Yeah.

But those guys, I mean, in my mind, that's 25 years ago probably that I'm imagining these dudes. These dudes are now 75 or something. And they're out there sometimes. I used to see them more at the other place that was off of La Brea, on Venice, World on Wheels. You would see more old school. What happened, did World on Wheels go on? They closed it twice, World on Wheels. You will see more old school. What happened? Did World on Wheels gone?

They closed it twice, actually. Yeah. Is skating just a summer thing for you, or is it... Do you skate year-round, or is it like... I do it year-round. I do it... You did specifically ask for summer activity. But I mean, that's a great one.

Do you ever do it in a plaza in the park? Because I'm also... In is going, in my mind, all of this is taking place, like no offense to the roller rink. Yeah. All of this is taking place in a plaza in the park. I go to basketball courts sometimes, and I'll skate. You're not, you're really not.

It says no skateboarding, but I'm like, it doesn't say roller skating. Nobody is. Nobody's pulled me over for it yet. Nobody is giving a ticket to Kimberly Clark. Okay. They're charmed. That part.

Those basket boys are excited about it. Sometimes I share the basketball court, like they'll play half court basketball and I'll be half court on my wheels. I- It's cute. Beautiful. It's cute. I took my kid to the basketball court today

and she was, she's been super basketball obsessed lately. Really? Yeah, completely incensed because there was spillover pickleball happening in the basketball court. We've addressed the hordes of people who have arrived at the park by my house to play pickleball. This is a different park, this is not Lincoln Park, Jordan. Yeah, when did that happen and why? I definitely started hearing about pickleball. This is a different part, this is not Lincoln Park, Jordan. Yeah, when did that happen and why?

Because I definitely started hearing about pickleball. Was there a catalyst? On this show, Jordan, maybe two years ago, I came in here wondering what the fuck these white people were doing at the park by my house. Because they had just appeared all of a sudden and you and maybe like Alison Becker or something, said pickleball to me, I had never heard of it in my life.

That was not that long ago. How old is pickleball? I think pickleball has existed a very long time, but I think it's only become popular in the last few years. I think it's one of these things, I feel like I remember a time when bocce ball came back, very briefly, and that is probably still around in bocce communities. What about racquetball?

Yeah, my siblings used to play that. Comes and goes, racquetball. I'll tell you what, my godfather lived in Washington DC. One time I went and stayed with him for a night and he was a, he was both a psychiatrist and a medical, like a general practitioner. And also we found out had, my wife and I found out when she started going to law school,

had gone to law school and graduated from law school for fun. He was very high achieving man, but very small and quiet, very sweet. And he took me to the racket club, and we played squash, which is where you put on goggles and you're in a weird white box that feels like it's from a Stanley Kubrick movie.

And then you smash the shit out of this ball that is so small and heavy and hard and can really kill you. And it is so fucking fun. I was like, it is really intense, but it was so fucking fun. And I was like, I immediately saw the appeal of being like an athletic club member,

intense, rich guy. Which is not a lifestyle that I'm well suited for. I'm not capable of generating that amount of meeting your gaze and shaking hands firmly. But like, it was fun as shit, but it is intense. Did you get hit with the ball? Hell? Yeah I hurt like a motherfucker. Okay, which is worse that or paintball? I never I Kimberly

Imagine me Imagine me out at the paintball range Imagine me I've driven go-karts, but I have not ever paintballed Imagine me, I've driven go-karts, but I have not ever paintballed. Oh God. Jordan, you must have paintballed at some point. Yeah, I went a couple times in high school and was very scared and hurt and didn't like it.

I heard it hurt. Yeah, it really does. I just heard the stories, I never went paintballing. Yeah, and there's like, I remember being out there as a 13 year old or something, and then there being very intense, drunk adults that are shooting at us. Yeah, I think they don't.

There's not a kids' time. It's like, oh, these are guys who do this. No nerf versions of paint walls. Yeah, yeah, exactly. So yeah, it was not my thing. First of all, I think it's fair to say that Jordan and I are both laser tag men. Ooh, yeah, exactly. So yeah, it was not my thing. I think it's, first of all, I think it's fair to say that Jordan and I are both laser tag men. Ooh, yeah.

Oh, laser tag. Those were the days. That I've done too. I wonder if it's gotten more precise. That was always my complaint there, is it's like, once the initial rush of being in the laserium leaves you, you're like, I think I'm shooting someone, but nothing's happening.

I wonder if a modern laser tag gun is more accurate. So this is what, this is my suggestion here. There's a lot of us who are grown adults, who like shooting at stuff, but abhor violence and more importantly, pain. Yes. And I think for those of us in this community, and Matt and Stephen sitting outside our studio,

I'm projecting this upon you, but. Yeah, I hate pain. Okay, great. And Kimberly, I don't know how you feel about this, so you can let us know in a moment. But I think there needs to be a step above the laser tag with which we are familiar from the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk, but below getting hit with a paintball.

Right. So I want something larger, more elaborate, but below getting hit with a paintball. Right. So I want something larger, more elaborate, and possibly you're allowed to run. You don't have to walk super fast, which is the most embarrassing part of laser tag by a wide margin, much more so than wearing a laser vest. Right.

Is that you have to do super fast walking. Music's pretty bad too. Yeah, the music is really awful. Yeah, like what if there was a large scale, running aloud, laser tag venue. Right, set to the music of Billy Joel. Thank you, this is what I'm talking about. Thank you.

We all finished that sentence together. Realistically, maybe like, you know, run the jewels. Probably just run the jewels. That'd be great, sure. That's what dads like, right? That's what gets dads pumped, run the jewels. Yeah, I mean, if you're looking for our age group, absolutely. Nothing will get them out there quicker.

Yeah, so that's what I want to see. I don't know, Kimberly, how you feel about running in public or... Running is fine. It's dark in there too, right? That's what I remember, it being dark and there's a maze. Did you have a home laser tag court growing up? Not really, no. But I just remember doing it a couple of times. You barnstormed?

Hilarious. Stop. No, but you're saying like the punishment or when you get shot, there should be something in between, right? Well, how about this? You want to get shot with a crayon. A crayon? You want a gun that shoots crayons.

Dull crayons. I mean, dull crayons. Honestly, I would be fine with... I would like to see the laser. That's one thing that I would like to be able to see the laser. And I don't need to get hit with an actual projectile. Maybe there's a more violent shaking. What if it's a popper like a confetti comes out? Like an amyl nitrate.

That'd be fun. Yeah. It'll be pretty, too. Or a loud piercing sound. What if there's a popper and then you take a laser up the rear? How about that? It'll loosen you up for the laser.

Got to be loose for the laser. OK, let's take a quick break. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jesse Goh. Oh my god. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you. It's Jordan and Jesse Goh. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.

Jordan Morris, boy detective. Every episode of Jordan and Jesse Goh brought to you by you, the members of Maximum Fund. Thank you for being a member of Maximum Fund. When you become a member of Maximum Fund, you support Jordan and Jesse Goh directly. That is the way that we pay the bills. We're so grateful to you.

If you're not yet a member, go to maximumfund.org slash join. If you are a member, make sure you're catching up on Gracie's Gaming Gauntlet, the new members only exclusive show. And of course, Stash Rules Everything Around Me, our Burt Reynolds recap podcast. Those are only for members of Maximum Fund. Maximumfund.org slash join. Lots of fun stuff up there in that member feed. Tonight at dinner, my daughter Gracie, who I think sometimes, Gracie introduces the games to us.

She's not a co-host of the show, but she let me know that I need to be plugging her upcoming film, Frederick and Hockey Mask Guymore. This is her. Yeah, you've kind of been slacking on that, Jesse. Mm-hmm. This is her. Yeah, you've kind of been slacking on that, Jesse. Yeah, I feel bad about it. We were just shooting the other night, and of course, that shoot featured special guest star

Dan Hossfeld. That's my brother-in-law. Wow. He came out of acting retirement, huh? Yeah, he did. So, yeah, keep an eye on the horizon for Frederick and Hockeymask guy. Wow. Peacock? Well, we haven't made the deals yet, but that's my presumption, yes, is that it will be peacocking.

It's only gonna play well on Peacock, I think. I just don't want to sell it to Max, because you never know what that guy's gonna do. Yeah, of course, he's just going to cancel it. Anyway, we're also supported this week by the folks at Factor. It's summertime. You want to be eating fresh food. And Factor's meals are fresh, never frozen,

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That's JJGO50 at factormeals.com slash JJGO50 to get 50% off your first box plus 20% off your next month while your subscription is active. And can I mention one more thing too? Please. If you like me, Jesse Thorne, and you live in America, or certain part of Canada, being Vancouver, British Columbia, I would encourage you to come out

to the Judge John Hodgman Road Court Tour. Yes, we did create an entire Roadhouse style poster that does have my dog, Junior, on it. Cool. But we are headed out to cities across this great nation, including ones we've never been to before. Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. We're going to be in Turner's Falls, Massachusetts.

We're going to... all the Burlington, Vermont. We're going to be in lots of different places across the country, up and down the West Coast. New York and L.A., of course. The Midwest. Ann Arbor, Michigan. We're going to be in lots of different places across the country, up and down the West Coast, New York and LA, of course, the Midwest, Ann Arbor, Michigan. I hope that everybody will come out and see us. Tickets as you hear this will be on sale now, so go to maximumfund.org slash events and see if your city is included there.

It's a great time. You don't have to be a Judge John Hodgman listener to enjoy the show. It is self-explanatory. Bring a friend. It is a real show. There's fucking music and comedy stuff and very few inside references that your guest won't get or you won't get if you're not a Judge John Hodgman listener.

It's a great time. Please come out because it's very hard for me to fly on airplanes, so I want to make it worth it. I'm tall and I get migraine headaches too. Yeah, no, those are tough. I like traveling, I just don't like being on airplanes. I get it, you know, it's a pain in the ass. I'm excited to go to Pittsburgh,

I've never been to Pittsburgh before. Oh yeah, but that's gonna be fun. Yeah, it's the city of three rivers. Wow, three. Yeah, the Allegheny and the Second and Third River. Wow, three. Yeah, the Allegheny and the second and third river. Wow, three. Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. I wish I could see three of something.

I know, well, come out to the Judge John Hodgman tour, you'll see me, John Hodgman, and of course, comedy. Wow, three. MaxWombFund.org slash events is the way to find that info. Okay, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Goh. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, Boy Detective. Kimberly Clark. I La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la You got it. Thank you. The chair recognizes Jordan. Thank you. The honorable man from Michigan, yes.

Our representative from Altadena. Yes, thank you. Representing beautiful Altadena. Because the forthcoming album is named Junior, what about Kim Junior-Clark? Okay. Does that work? Okay. Do you wanna like to, Jesse?

You wanna do it? Let's do it again. We'll do it again and you can, sorry. I mean, if there's a better idea. I'm not, I'm not. I like that. I was gonna pitch Esther Williams, but it's fine. Oh yeah, sure, sure, sure.

Yes, that's even, I like that better. Do that, do that. Okay, cool. Okay, I'm Jesse Lorne Americas' radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, Boy Detective. And I'm Kimberly Clark, AKA Esther Williams. There you go. There we go, that's fun. I'm Kimberly Clark, AKA Esther Williams. There you go. There we go.

I'm glad you didn't just say Esther Williams to people who would have been confused why we're not talking about the golden age of Hollywood. Or I'm Kimberly Clark, AKA Esther Rowe. Um, so Jordan, what's going on? I heard you've been using the internet lately. I have been using the internet, and I used it to pluck us a nugget for our segment.

I read it online. You're a real nugget plucker. I've always said. Oh, no, you've always said I'm a motherfucker. Nugget plucker. That sounds nasty. Right. It sounds like something like a Christian dad says about another dad he doesn't like.

I'm sorry, he's a nugget plucker, I'm sorry. This is the segment where we read messages we've run across on the internet that suggest magical and confusing worlds to us. Yes. You feel free to share yours with us at jjgoatmaximumfun.org. Yes, I think as I mentioned a couple of episodes ago,

I had a really nice experience on the San Diego subreddit, trying to find a good, like, happy hour bar to meet friends at for Comic-Con. Right. San Diego showed up, huge, great response, only some weird Reddit shit, but overwhelmingly cool, nice people suggesting good things. I mean, I would expect nothing less from San Diego,

a city with residents including the late Tony Gwyn, the San Diego chicken, and I don't know any others. I'm sure there's one or two more, probably. Probably some more. Who are the most famous San Diego people? Let us know, DJ Goh. Nick Cannon lived there. Nick Cannon lived there?

And so there's probably about 40 or 50 cannons there now. Oh, Nick Cannon's kids, who's the most famous? Does he have any? Does he have any famous children? I have Mariah's kids. Yeah, Mariah's kids. So I think because of that, because I spent some time over there in the San Diego subreddit,

Reddit is just suggesting Southern California subreddits to me. And I'll take a peek. r slash chula vista. So I got something recently for r slash Irvine. Oh, that's nice. This is in Orange. Have you been to Irvine, Kim?

Maybe you've done the Irvine Improv. I had a cousin that lived there for a second. Kim. And I actually did do the Irvine Improv at one point. Did you take the opportunity to visit the shore that only sells things that glow in the dark? No, I did not. So, funny you mention that, Jessie.

Yeah. Because this Reddit post has to do with the Irvine Spectrum. Wow. Irvine Spectrum. Wow. The giant mega mall in Irvine, a pretty, you know, nice but bland Southern California place. But they have a giant mall. It opened up when I was a kid. We were very excited.

There was a big movie theater. You go there, you meet other teens, you get a hot dog on a stick. Fun night. Yeah, this is a place that has a wizard store that has things that go in the dark store. I bet the glow in the dark store's probably still not there. My guess. The drop in foot traffic from malls across America

must be affecting the Irvine spectrum. I'm sure, yeah. So now I think they've, I think the last time I was there was when I went to visit my sister in the hospital after she had her baby, and then me and my mom went to P.F. Jenks, we had a great time. That is really nice. But I think it has kind of been taken over by the like, what's that category of like restaurant that's like,

it's not Panera, it's sweet green, right? Like it's a little. Like an upscale. Like a fast casual, well no, Panera's a fast casual. Yeah, so it's like it's not Starbucks, it's Phil's. You know, it's that. It's elevated. Yeah, it's a lot of that now.

And good old P.F. Chang's fucking hitting a home run every time. It's not a wizard store, it's Gandalf's. Sure. Yeah, exactly. It's, yeah, it's a Amazon branded Lord of the Rings experience. Not to interrupt you, exactly. It's, yeah, it's a Amazon branded Lord of the Rings experience. Not to interrupt you, but-

Interrupt me, please. But I saw something really brilliant on TikTok where someone said that they should turn all the malls in America into adult living facilities for Gen Zers, which I think is brilliant. Like, I totally would love to grow older tomorrow. Wouldn't that be lovely? All the orange Julius you could drink.

Listen. Yeah. Okay, so this Reddit post from r slash Irvine, keep in mind we now know what the Irvine spectrum is. Okay, so this is the title of the post. Okay. Has anyone been approached at the spectrum asking if you want to be baptized? One day I had it happen three times

I've always politely declined but it's very jarring to be grabbed by a stranger and immediately asked to be baptized It's getting harder and harder to be nice about it, though I've tried asking what church they're from and they will never tell me the name of the church. It's all very bizarre to me. I Have a real font of questions here. So do I. Would they do the baptism like in the fountains, in the mall? That's the primary question, Kim.

That's what I wanna know. That's what it seems like to me. I'm gonna be honest with you guys. I'm gonna be frank with you. If I'm gonna be baptized at the mall, I'm gonna wanna be baptized at the Americana Ed brand in the Dancing Waters. Yes.

Yes. Luck be a lady plays. The Seth MacFarlane. Not at, what you call it? The one over by the CBS. What's that, the Grove? The Grove, you won't wanna be baptized at the Grove. I prefer the Americana Ed brand, because you can park there

at the Glendale Gallery. That's right. Parking is the party at the Glendale Gallery. I don't feel like I'd be as pure at The Grove either. I feel like my spirit would feel more pure at the Americana, for sure. Yeah, I think that's a really good point. It's the purer of the two malls.

The purer of the two. Yeah. And it's got a Din Typhoon. Yeah. Oh, it's good there. Matt, would you Google to see if the Irvine spectrum does actually have a water feature that looks like? Could you do a Google Maps search or something? Thank you.

And let us know what you come up with. Also, find out if there's still a glow in the dark store. Oh, yeah, that too. Please, yeah, find out if there's a glow in the dark store. But if there isn't a glow in the dark stuff store, don't fucking crush my heart, man. Just make up a lie.

I'm going to lie about all of this. Whoa, cool. So it's clear. I forgot your question. I googled Jordan asked something, and I'm hoping Google can tell me. You want to know if there's a fountain at the Irvine spectrum is, I believe, what the question was.

Yes, thank you. Yeah. There's gotta be. Why does Matt right now have his pinky fingers on his nostrils? His thumbs quilling his ears closed. It's not weird, and I'm not masturbating to that. I'm doing that and masturbating.

Is he masturbating underwater? Yeah, Esther Williams style. Well, hey, let us know if you've been baptized at a local mall. JJGo at MaximumFun.org. Jordan, where would you like to, if you could get baptized anywhere other than a normal place to get baptized,

such as with a baptismal font, or in a river with a bunch of people gathered on the shore Or in a river with a bunch of people gathered on the shore in white gowns of some kind in a movie. Where do you think you might like to be? The beautiful Blue Danube? What's that? It's a river in Europe from music. Okay.

Yeah. Ooh, a musical river. That sounds pretty good. I mean, I do have them all on the brain. I mean, is there a nicer decor? Lake Winnetaca. Oh, that sounds like a nice lake. Oh, good.

I was gonna say the Cheesecake Factory. If they had a water feature, if they had a pool. Look, I'd like to be baptized by Apollonia, if you guys know what I mean. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Okay. Mm-hmm. What about in some fondue?

She can duck me under whatever. Oh, fondue! Get baptized in fondue. That would be fantastic. Chocolate or cheese? Yeah, my religion is chocolate. Mm-hmm. Ha ha!

Okay, so I found out about this spectrum. Yeah. I found a website. Okay. And, well, it's a medium, you know, it's a medium article, I found out about the spectrum. I found a website. Well, it's a medium article, and the title of the article is the many fountains of the spectrum center. So there are multiple fountains here. This person needs to make the transition

from medium to sub-stack. This sounds like a sub-stack to me. I mean, I'd pay for it. If you're asking, this is great information. Is there any Nazi shit in there? Because if so, definitely a sub stack. This sounds like a sub stack to me. Yeah, I mean, I'd pay for it. If you're asking, I mean, this is great information. Is there any Nazi shit in there? Because if so, definitely a sub stack. Oh, definitely a sub stack. There's Nazi stuff.

That's how you make that money. They're chill about Nazi stuff at sub stack. Yeah, so there is a fountain that has multiple settings, spray settings. There's one that's just like a one little fountain in the middle. But then there's also, I don't know if it does music, but it does spray water,

so that's where I'd go if I were in Irvine. Yeah, and you wantin' to get saved. Yeah. Sounds really beautiful. What about the glow in the dark story? Did you find anything about that? Nothin', I mean, yes, I found it. It's still there.

Wow! You can get a glow in the dark. Filter it. You can get a glow in the dark sub Feel trip. You can get a glow in the dark sublime sun. Man. And 40 ounce to freedom. Yeah. Yeah, it's a pretty cool album.

Man. Hope it glows in the dark. There's nothing sadder than a dry fountain. Yeah, tell me about it. Oh, it's so depressing. My, when I was a kid, probably my house on 24th Street in San Francisco, there was a store called Star Magic. Star Magic sold like,

you know those kind of fucking magic wands that are full of sparkly stuff and juicy stuff and you spin it around? And then like glow in the dark things that go on your ceiling. Oh cool. And then like CDs of whale songs. And like, oh, what a cool store Star Magic was.

That's all, I just reminisced. Maybe about crystals, pan flute music? It was not, it was like, I got, okay, Crystal. How about Geode? Yes, Geode, yes. Okay, thank you, that's where I was going. Thank you, yes. And like, I don't know if you guys remember

White Wing's brand paper gliders, but it was like a beautiful paper glider kit you could get with like spectacular, like paper gliders that like look like spaceships but really flew really well and like it was a whole thing. Oh god. Beautiful. Yeah let's go there right now. Hey we're at the part of the show where we talk about momentous occasions. You're going on tour that's a momentous occasion. Thank you Jesse fucking laying it up here it comes. Yes I've, I've got a little book tour coming up, which is pretty momentous. Your book is called Youth Group.

It's called Youth Group. It's pre-orderable right now and about to be released almost immediately. That's right. July 16th, Art by the Great Bowen McGurdy. Here are the first three stops in the hyper-mega four or five stop youth group book tour. Wow. You ready for the first three?

Watch out our friend Elizabeth Gilbert, Jordan's on nipping at your tail. That's right. Four or five, four or five. Thank you everyone who joined in the chant. 7.13, July 13th, I'm gonna be at the OC Book Fair in beautiful Tustin, just a hop, skip, and a jump away from the Irvine spectrum.

Do you think if somebody came up to you and invited you over to the P.F. Chang's, what do you think you'd say? Oh, fuck yeah! Yeah. What's your order, what do you get at P.F. Chang's? Oh, well me and my mom like the lettuce wraps, we always share the lettuce wraps.

Nice. And yeah, and then you know, a fragrant chicken dish. Maybe add a noodle. Yeah. Yeah. That sounds nice. It is nice. Do you have a P.F. Chang's order?

I do like the lettuce wraps. Me too. The sauteed spinach is delicious. Is it? Yeah, I love it. Next trip, we're getting it. Mm-hmm, get it. And if it's bad, I'm gonna be such a fucking bitch.

As you should. Oh, I'm gonna be a bitch. Percival Francis Changs. 713, the OC Book Fair. I'm gonna be there, gabbing it up with Megan Fitzmartin from DC Comics, Carol Brown Ahmed from Archie Comics, and Elliot Cailin from Cailin Publishing. That's right.

From Cailin Publishing? From Cailin Publishing. That's right. Um. From Cailin Publishing? From Cailin Publishing, yes. Elliot from the Flophouse is coming down. No time's available yet, but you can find out that information at theocbookfair.org, that's on July 13th. Elliot really is his own universe. Certainly is.

A cinematic universe unto himself. On 7-19, I'm gonna be at the Wild Sisters bookstore in Sacramento and on 726 July 26 I'm gonna be there at San Diego Comic-Con doing a panel with Gene Luen Yang Lian FAM and others That's July 26th 1 2 p.m. Serious heavy hitters fucking heavy hitters. That's July 26th, 1 to 2 p.m. That's some serious heavy hitters, Jordan. Some fucking heavy hitters, that's right. That's right, we're hitting heavy. To be frank, heavier hitters than you. Yeah, I know. Damn.

You have a light hitter in there. I think Gene has a MacArthur Genius Grant. Yeah. And maybe a Peabody? Might have a Peabody, too. Yeah. I'm just going to sneak on stage and yell, Baba Booey. I haven't been invited.

This is for, you're promoting your book, American Born Orange County. Yes, exactly. So yeah, come on out to all that. I'm stoked about Youth Group. I hope folks check it out. It's one of my favorite things I've ever been involved with. So come on out and see me in one of those cities.

And if you can't do that, please check out the book Anywhere You Buy Books. And I've got a couple more stops. Something for LA, something for LA, something for San Francisco to be determined. And look, I bet that listening to this right now, we often joke that the only people that listen to us are librarians and graphic designers. But if you're in the book biz or you're a librarian,

I bet that Jordan would be down to come do something. Oh my God, I would love to do something. I'll do a virtual, I'll do an IRL, if you're not in some place I can't get to, yeah, hit me up, please. JJGo at maximumfun.org. Book Jordan for your fucking fest. You gotta fest. Book me for your fest.

I know you got a fest, I know you got events at the store you work at, I know that Jordan's getting out there. He's out there, he's available, book him. Don't have a lot else to do book him Dan. Oh, yeah. Thank you What's that from I wonder? Something our dad said yeah, get a laugh. Yeah sure um Okay, when something momentous happens to you give us a call two zero six nine eight four four fun Or just drop us a line at JJ go at maximumimumFun.org with a voice memo, short

for memorandum of course. That's what this person has done right now. Hey Jordan, hey Jesse, hey producer Matt, hey special guest. I'm going to guess Guy Fieri. Oh, smooth. McKenna, they, them from Chicago here, calling in with a monumentous occasion with some strong Summer Boy vibes. I was getting off work downtown earlier this afternoon and across the street I saw a golden retriever carrying a ripstick in its mouth, which I can only assume he wasn't riding

because the sidewalk was really crowded and otherwise would be unsafe. But it's great to see that the spirit of Air Bud is alive and well. Anyway, love you. Bye. We love you too, McKenna. Yeah. Nothing in the rule book says a dog can't carry a ripstick in its mouth. So first of all, I know what everyone out there is thinking.

What is ripstick? Obviously, it's either a type of drugs we haven't heard of or a live firework. It's the kind of drug they do on Riverdale. Yeah, or it's a firework that is being shot off while the dog holds it. Matt was kind enough to explain to us before we went on the air for this segment. A ripstick is that thing that is sort of like a skinny skateboard with a one roller blade wheel at either end and a hinge in the middle, and you move your feet back and forth

to push yourself forward. A pain in the ass to ride. It does seem- I've never tried it. Have you given it a shot? One of my nieces had one, and I just, I didn't try it, but she wasn't even,

she didn't look like she was having fun on it. It looks like a nightmare. Yes, it just looks like a pinning ass. I wouldn't. You have to wear a cap to do it, then you can put a cap on. So you don't mess up your perm. But it's a chinch strap.

Right. Kimberly, what's your number one roller skate trick? Number one. Can you skate backwards on one foot? I can, not on one foot. Okay. I can do dribblesbbles where it looks like, it kinda looks like you're moonwalking.

Oh. Yeah, I could double dribble a little bit too. Yeah. There's classes you can take now, you know, on North Hollywood. There's a dance studio that. Wow. So I've been trying to up my trick game.

That is exactly the place you go for roller skate lessons. Yes. If there's one neck of the woods. North Hollywood. North Hollywood. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You go there to see one person's shows

and get roller skate lessons. You want one of those two things. Also, a lot of tiki bars now. A lot of tiki bars. You've heard of the NoHo Arts District. Now there's the NoHo Skate District. Chessy. Roller skate, that is.

Chessy, shut up. Shut the fuck up. I won't, I won't do it. I have a problem. All right. Terrible. I have a huge emotional hole that I'm trying to shovel words into.

Are there names of like roller, like you say Dribble. Is there like a, it's the... There's Crazy Legs, that's another, that's another roller skating trick. Crazy Legs. Nice. The only fake trick name I could think of was Twinsies. Twinsies? That sounds like a good... Right? I mean it's's close. It's close.

Do you know how to roller skate? No. You ever try? I had a pair of roller skates as a kid. Okay. But was never particularly impressive on them. Okay. But I showed up and I had fun.

That's all that matters. Did you have like skates? Thank you. Did you have quad skates? Yeah. Oh. Not blades? Oh, did I have roller blades in the great blade?

I don't know. I was a pretty, I was a cowardly child. And a cowardly man, I grew up to be a cowardly man. I was pretty scared of like, wheeled things. You're not a cowardly man. You don't like pinch your nose when you go underwater. That's true, I can go under all by myself. There you go.

Keep talking about it. Yeah. I mean, Jordan, sometimes you gotta pee. Sometimes I gotta pee, and that's when I go right underwater, a little Mona Lisa smile on my face. I gotta tell ya. That's right.

Oh, sorry. And then there's a blue chemical in the pool so everybody knows I did it. Everyone knows I did it. I haven't had roller blades since the height of rollerblades in 1993. Blade mania.

Yeah. But if you told me that near my house, I wouldn't go very far, but near my house, there was a place I could go where nice people were playing roller hockey, it would be hard for me to keep from buying new rollerblades because that shit is so fun. Like, I don't care about hockey. I definitely don't want to play sports with mean grownups, okay?

Only friendly grownups. But, like, fucking riding around on rollerblades was so fucking fun. But, like, doing it on the street is way too much work Like I'm not interested in going over a sidewalk and rollerblades But on a fucking basketball court like that's where we go to the means fine me and Pete Fraunfelder We go to the tennis we go to the tennis court at Dolores Park bring hockey sticks and a tennis ball Just go ape shit. That's fine. Fun as hell. I like rollerblading too. I mean I just quad.

Oh! I do quad and I rollerblade. Oh wow. Okay. Triple threat. Comedy. I am. Quad skating.

Inline skating. I would never mix the three. Yeah. It kind of felt like, it felt like there were, I feel like I remember a moment where it's like are rollerblades trying to come back? I did see a lot of casual rollerbladers. Did it happen or are we still in it? Where are we on that?

You still see people on the paths, like the Chandler Path. It happened but it didn't pickleball out. I think the natural fun of rollerblading that really is there. Sure. And it's not hard like skateboarding is. Like you can just put them on,

it's pretty straightforward. Right. It's definitely not ripboard or whatever it is. No, ripstick. Like, I think the shame faded, but it never truly lit up again. Right. I think. But I do think shame faded, but it never truly lit up again. Right. I think.

But I do think there was a five years ago, I would say. Like that feels like. Yeah, I kind of remember that. It's kind of like cassette tapes. I feel like roller blades are like cassette tapes. Sure. Yeah, you can copy them inexpensively and sell them at gigs.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Well, hey, you want to copy some roller blades and then come back for a little bit more? We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jessica. La la la la la la la la la la la Somewhere in an alternate universe where Hollywood is smarter And the Emmy nominees for Outstanding Comedy Series are

Jet Pakula Airport Marriott, Threeple, Dear America, We've Seen You Naked, and Allah in the Family. In our stupid universe, you can't see any of these shows, but you can listen to them on Dead Pilot Society, the podcast that brings you hilarious comedy pilots that the networks and streamers bought, but never made. Journey to the alternate television universe of Dead Pilot Society on MaximumFun.org.

The following is a promo for Beef and Dairy Network podcast. Hello, hello, please, you have to help me. I was kidnapped and bundled into the back of a van. I was taken to the docks and beaten with chains and tied up inside a shipping container and then I was forced to listen to episode after episode of a podcast called Beef and Dairy Network. And I absolutely loved every second of it. Please, you have to tell me where I can listen to more episodes. The Beef and Dairy Network podcast is a multi-award-winning comedy podcast and you can find it at maximumfun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. It, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.

Jordan Morris, boy detective. And Kimberly Clark, white American cheese. You melt so well. It just melts great. Kimberly, when can we anticipate this record? Because you just recorded it a few weeks ago. Yeah. What are we looking at?

Well, it's been a couple months. Has it really? Yeah, time is flying by. I'm hurtling toward the grave about you guys. Look at me, I'm getting so big. Look how big I've gotten. I would like to put it out in the fall. Yeah.

Yeah, I think fall would be a great time. We need laughs in the fall. Yeah. The people need to laugh. Especially when the seasons are changing, people get that seasonal depression. Yeah, sure. Yeah, you know, why not?

However, if people don't wanna wait till the fall and they live in the Seattle area, from what I hear, Kimberly Clark's entertainment value may be available to them. It will, it will. I'll be at the Here After in Seattle, Washington. I believe it's at the Crocodile Theater. I guess Kurt Cobain and all those kids

used to perform at that place. Wow, I always wondered where he got started in stand-up. I don't know if he started there. Where did he do stand-up for the first time? Yeah, but that's why. He was hilarious. He would just go up there with a newspaper and riff. Yeah.

I'll be there July 12th, though. Hey, OK. Show starts at 7. Can I tell you this, Kimberly? Yes. We have a lot of listeners in the Seattle area. You do? Yes. We have a lot of listeners in the Seattle area. You do, okay. And I'm looking at you Seattle area listeners,

and not just you, Paul Allen, but all Seattle area listeners, not just you, Detlef Shrimp, former Seattle supersonic. I'm looking at all you John Moe's up there. John Moe. Get there. John Moe. Get your ass out to fucking Kim, what the fuck are you doing that's so great?

Throwing fish back and forth? Yeah. Going to that nice library? Going to the first Starbucks? Yeah. Get your fucking ass, get your ass out to fucking Kim Clark's show. Thank you.

Yes. You're gonna have a great fucking time at Kimberly Clark's show. You know why? Kimberly Clark's a great fucking stand-up comedian. She's super hilarious. You're gonna have a great time. Great fucking time. And then go up and shake her hand and say,

I heard you on Jordan Jesse Goh. I decided to come. I love it. You love it? Period, as the kids would say. Period. Poo, period. Are they saying that? Yes, they say that after.

How would you use it? It's like an exclamation or like if you make Period, as the kids would say, period, poo, period. Are they saying that? Yes, they say that after. How would you use it? It's like an exclamation or like if you make a declaration and then they say period. Sure. Period. Like if you're saying, I had a great time on this episode, period.

Or if you're like reading someone and being like, and another thing, da, da, da, da, da, da, and then another person would be like, period. I love language. I love language. I love it. It's always changing. You didn't know about that? No, I didn't.

This is the first time I've heard about that. See, I'm hip too. Just like a cap. That was really cool hearing about period. Just like cap. Yeah, it's the same. Cap. I knew about mid.

That was cool, how I knew about mid. Jesse knew about Detlef Shrimp. There you go. We all know about cool stuff. Detlef Shrimp. We're all ready to move into a mall together. I call the Pacific Sunware. I'll be in Seas Candy.

I'll be in the Brookstone. Oh fuck, that's the one to live in. Shit, fuck, shit. So fucking relaxed. I'll be in the Brookstone You would have all your neckties available to you at any time You would never have to do any fucking work at all I know I fucked up, okay I know I'm being hard on myself you don't have to be hard on me yeah just come see me at Trevor image the Z the Z gallery is still available I'm sorry Jordan if you want to blow off some steam we can go to the Spencer's gifts and stare at some glow lights. There it is. Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

There you go. A lot of stuff to jack off to in there. Ah! Oh God. Matt Lieb is the producer of Jordan Jesse Goh. He's joined this week by Stephen Ray Morris who will become the producer of Jordan Jesse Goh. Matt, your own podcasting career has become too successful

for you to produce other people's podcasts. My schedule has gotten too busy. And you know, the albatross around my neck of Jordan Jesse Goh. Trying to figure out what this show is. Trying to figure out when it's recorded. What anyone's talking about. Get left shrimps and stuff.

Google a mall you've never been to. Google a mall I'm talking about. So yeah, and that's what producing is. Yeah, producing this show has been a blast. I will still be around for a few more episodes, but I will soon be leaving you guys, but I'll still, you know, I'll still be here. People can find you not just,

you're sticking around with Free With Ads. Yeah, I'm sticking around with Free With Ads. The other show that you produced with Jordan. You're also gonna be on your own podcast. Yes. You wanna take this opportunity to plug those? Sure, I'll plug those. I mean, I do a TV rewatch podcast called

Pod Yourself a Gun, which is a Sopranos rewatch and The Wire rewatch and very soon to be a Mad Men rewatch podcast. Oh! Yes, yes. I like that. I was just talking about rewatching Mad Men, maybe I'll do it, I'll do it.

Maybe it's time to do it. And then my new podcast is called Bad Hasbara, the world's most moral podcast. And that's one in which I talk about Israeli propaganda. So if you're into politics and stuff, that one's a lot of fun. So check that one out. Maybe you and I should start a satire podcast. I would love that. I've been trying to think, I've been thinking about taking on these fucking clowns and conches.

You know, that's the thing about this is like,'s this I was gonna call it these clowns and the Knesset but I Decided against it and went with the world's most moral way and you want to do a rewatch podcast with me Do you remember Rocco's modern life? I do remember it. I was a big fan Let's let's start more podcasts Never sleep baby dies. No, my baby's fine. But yeah, no, I'll be around for a bit,

but soon there will be a transition, and I'll miss you guys. Yeah. We'll miss you too, and we're very glad to be welcoming Stephen Ray Morris to the program. Stephen has many years of podcasting production experience on shows.

We're a real step down for him. He's made some bad mistakes in his life. And this doesn't even rank. I mean, I got to assume that some way bigger ones led to this smaller, medium-sized one. But we're very grateful to have him on board. And to get rid of some of the confusion, I know Steven and I have the same last name.

Jesse, I'll be taking your name. Ah. You know what? I'm old-fashioned like that. Sorry if it's not modern. I'm gonna be going by Jesse Lieb-Clark. Okay. I like a hyphenated name.

That is nice. And our theme music, Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. You can find us on Instagram at Jordan David Morris, where you can find those tour dates for Jordan's brand new book. Yeah. You can find me on Instagram at Jesse Thorne,

Very Famous, where you can find my fucking tour dates with Judge John Hodgman. We're going all over everywhere on the road court tour this fall, so we hope that we will see everybody in all of those places. And you can find us on Reddit, maximumfun.reddit.com. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan and Jesse Go.

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Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Maximum fun.

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