Jordan, Jesse, GO! - The City of Winners, with Mike Glazer

Episode Date: February 27, 2025

On this week's episode, we welcome back comedian Mike Glazer to chat about his new show (High in the Sky), his roller hockey career, the NoHo Arts District, and more!Justice for migrants. Please consider donating to Al Otro Lado this holiday season. Pre-order Jordan's Godzilla vs. Los Angeles comic to benefit Wildfire Relief Charity!Pre-order Jordan's Spider-man comic! Be sure to get our new ‘Ack Tuah’ shirt in the Max Fun store.Or, grab an ‘Ack Tuah’ mug!The Maximum Fun Bookshop!Follow the podcast on Instagram and send us your dank memes!Check out Jesse’s thrifted clothing store, Put This On.Go see Free With Ads and Judge John Hodgman LIVE at SF Sketchfest!Come see Judge John Hodgman: Road Court  live in a town near you! Jesse and John will be all over the country so don’t miss your change to see them. Check the events page to find out where!Follow brand new producer, Steven Ray Morris, on Instagram.Listen to See Jurassic Right!

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris Boy. Detective. Jordan, I have an update. Oh, good.

I've revisited the corridor of legal billboards in roughly city of industry California. Yes, yes. So, there's a stretch of highway in Southern California where you see just lawyer billboards for 20 exits. We're talking Sweet James. Of course, I mean, I don't think we've mentioned the legend Accidentes. No, Accidentes is a guy, a law firm, featuring photographs. It's an attorney who has his own firm, but the advertisements always say Accidentes and have a big picture of his face. I believe it's called the Dominguez firm if I remember correctly. The Dominguez firm, you're right. And he looks a little bit like Will Ferrell and famously, at some point, Will Ferrell

and Adam McKay took out an option to adapt the billboards into a film. Those guys. Those guys having fun. Having fun and taking the former vice president down a peg. So, I was in the Dick Cheney the movie. Right. Dick Cheney origins. Cheney rise of a veep. I was in this part of Los Angeles which is a series of small cities that are part of the greater constellation that constitutes Los Angeles.

These cities are all warehouses, tax dodges of various kinds, city councils constituted exclusively to defraud people, this kind of town. Yeah. Shipping containers not near the sea. Yeah. There's inland shipping containers is one of the categories. There's a new attorney on the block. Oh. Drake the lawyer. I've seen billboards for Drake the lawyer. The ads for Drake the lawyer, I don't know how long Drake the Lawyer,

do you remember when the first time you saw Drake the Lawyer was? Honestly, Jesse, I think I maybe noticed Drake the Lawyer for the first time today. Okay, great. So, maybe it's relatively recent, but right. Drake the Lawyer, online of course at drakethelawyer.com. We of course, by the way, if you're in an accident, we recommend hiring one of these firms. These are high quality firms. That's why they got the billboards. Okay. So, Drake the Lawyer. Drake the Lawyer has two slogans between Long Beach and Los Angeles. One of them is, Drake the lawyer, injured? Well, there's two okay. One of them is, Drake the lawyer, other law firms are not like us. Stan Okay.

James And then the other one says, Drake the lawyer, injured? Question mark? Squabble up! Exclamation mark. So, I think what happened is, Drake the lawyer bet on the wrong horse and he's trying to switch teams. So, he's trying to like, look, I get it. I like Kendrick Lamar more too. Yeah. Well, wait, I mean, can you imagine what it was like in the Los Angeles office of Drake the Lawyer? Right. 18 months ago or two years ago when this shit started to go down. Right.

They built their whole identity around celebrated semi-rapper Drake. Sure. Who now has a hit song about how he's a pedophile. Yeah. Not by him, by someone else. So, they figured instead of changing it to Thompson Attorneys or whatever. Yeah. If Drake, okay, if Drake is his first name, he has a last name. It is Weinstein, unfortunately. It's M-E-Y-E-R. Yeah.

But if Drake is his last name, he has a first name. Yeah, just switch, right? Although it seems like maybe he's having fun with it, maybe that strategy will work, you know? Yeah. I was really impressed at the chutzpah of Drake the attorney to not just steer away from Drake the musician, but to pretend that he was essentially always aligned with Kendrick Lamar.

Like, say some more Kendrick Lamar stuff, we'll put it in here. Sure. I lose cases on purpose to shame Drake. That's how much I'm on Kendrick Lamar's side. I will throw a case. Have you seen the Law Brothers? No, what are the Law Brothers? I don't think I've seen a Law Brothers billboard, but I've definitely seen a lot of Law Brothers commercials and they are too- Is this when you were-

Can I ask, is this when you were watching Family Feud Marathons on over the air television? Yeah, it is on K-Cell 9. For new listeners, Jordan did buy an antenna for his television specifically so that he could watch Family Feud more. Sure. And CBS Mornings. Okay, and CBS Mornings.

And Sunday Mornings. Yeah. Jane Paulie, Gayle King. These are my girls. And yeah, so during these, during, but specifically during family feud marathons on K-CAL 9, you'll see a lot of the Law Brothers and there are two buff brothers who scream, we're the Law Brothers. And then they will be like walking toward camera while like very bad green screen explosions go on behind them. They're both buff? They're both buff. How can you? I think And then they will be like walking toward camera while like very bad green screen explosions go on behind them.

They're both buff? They're both buff. How can you say they're wearing business suits? They are they're wearing business suits, but they're you know, they're tailored. So you know. Do you think that they are attorneys themselves or mascots for attorneys? Jesse, that's an amazing question. Are the Law Brothers lawyers?

I posted my own show, my own public radio program for 25 years. I mean, I guess I just assumed that they were lawyers, but could someone have the time to practice law and get cum gutters? Yeah, that's a really good question. I don't know. I mean, I'm not saying a lawyer can't be in good shape, but these guys are so jacked. Maybe I'm questioning it. I don't know.

I mean, maybe they just have access to really good supplements. That's true. And maybe the, yeah, maybe the technology that's being used to, you know, green screen them in front of explosions is being used to, you know, add some gutters. You know what I think is- Define the gutters. So, they're showing the gutters? No, but you can tell. You can tell. Do they have like a crank area cut out in their business suits?

They do, yes. We're the law brothers, the only brothers from Dimension X. Step inside the technodrome if you've been injured. On the job. We know Rocksteady and Bebop. Well, they're friends. Yeah, they're all friends. They all work together to destroy the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. It could be a situation where, you know how there's these stories, our old friend Jim Rael, the master of would you rather, when he was learning Jeet Kune Do, the martial art invented by Bruce Lee. I remember he used to tell me stories about how Bruce Lee, when

he was making breakfast in the morning and holding his baby, would be doing curls with his baby and the gallon of milk. Do you think the Law Brothers might be just be doing curls with all their big fat law books? Sure. Oh yeah, they got it. You've seen these things. I'm gonna put a picture of the law brothers in the chat here. Jesse, if you want to take a peek at the law brothers. How would you compare them to other brothers like the Kelsey brothers or Tom and Ray Maliazzi from Car Talk?

They, I, listen, I don't know. These are the main brothers, right? What would you say at the top? I think, I'm gonna go ahead and say I don't think you can name a pair of brothers that the law brothers could not kill. I don't think you can. I think the law brothers could kill any other pair of brothers. So many attorneys have, you know, my wife graduated from law school and passed the bar examination. Right. She's pretty jacked. Oh, my wife, Teresa, she's fucking yoked. Yeah.

Teresa can dead squat like 620. Amazing. Yeah. I don't know what a dead squat is. Yeah. And they're not gonna give you the units on that. I don't know what would be an appropriate unit for 620. We don't have time. Listen, we got a full show.

So the Law Brothers have the look of some of the people. My wife went to a good law school. Not a great law school, but a good law school. She went to Loyola Law School in Los Angeles. Yeah. Religious in nature? Loyola? Yeah, I believe it is, yes. And I mean, you know, those Franciscan attorneys are always the Jesuit attorneys, Jesuit attorneys. And, you know, there was like, there was a woman in her class at one

point who was Miss California or something and she would, once my wife came home and said Miss California was sitting in front of me in class signing 8x10s during the lecture. Right. Her sash got caught on the chair and called think they were all the custodian to get her off. I think there are a lot of super smart and interesting lawyers in the world. Our friend, look, our past guests on this program, Linda Holmes and Guy Branham, both went to law school.

That's two of the smartest, funniest people that we know. Your sister. I think a lot of people end up in law school because they think they should do something, but they have no interests. And that's what the law brothers look like. The law brothers look like two men with no particular interests. Two men who felt like they should get some kind of job that would get them super white teeth, but they did not want to go into dentistry because they didn't think they could do the science stuff.

Yeah, but they do, I think they do love killing other sets of brothers. Is there, does it primarily target other brothers? Yeah, I would think so I would think if you wanted to like, you know, you're you're advertising yourself just like you know Drake's leaning into it the law brothers are leaning into the fact that they're brothers I would think To establish supremacy you would want to be Battling other brothers, right? I mean the good news is that the only brothers are the Kelsey brothers and Tom and Ray Maliazzi Sure car talk the tap click and clack the Tappet brothers because otherwise these guys Would be murdering people left and right only there's there's only two sets of brothers. So we don't have to worry about that

That's a good thing. That's a good thing. That's a good thing. I mean watch out Kelsey brothers. Yeah You may be They're like the world's most popular podcasters now like they've usurped I mean, watch out Kelsey Brothers. Yeah. You may be. They're like the world's most popular podcasters now. Like they've usurped, you know, like Rogan and Kristen Bell's husband, that shepherd. Yeah, from Up A Creek. Yeah, that's the one.

Kristen Bell's husband from Up A Creek. Without a paddle, is it called Up A Creek or without a paddle? Up A Creek was the sequel The prequel right? Oh, yeah sure Without a paddle origins, you know like up a creek, you know what I like about interviews conducted by Celebrity podcasters. Let me get let me just say some things I love about them You can tell me if it's what you love about them.

First of all, they go off the rails. These celebrities never met a tangent they didn't like. Number one, these things go off the rails. Yeah. What else? Real raw and uncensored. I love that they're raw and uncensored. They could say any word, even swears.

It's not just plugs, you know? No. I'm sick of these interviews that are all plugs. Not just a plug-a-thon. Interviews are just a plug-a-thon. Ooh, my new project. Here's why I did it. Here's the things I have about it. I'm an artist. Here's some insight about a project that I did. Yeah. I want to know about your pets names. Right.

I want to hear too much time devoted to childhood and then like 10 minutes about career because they talked about childhood for 45 minutes. You know what? I would say the number one best thing. We'll introduce our guest. Are those the things you love about celebrities? That's number two and three. For me, number one has to be, celebrities aren't good at

interviewing and that really makes them relatable. That makes me feel like I'm a celebrity. You know what I mean? I would do. Yeah, I'm like, this person really doesn't know about this other person. I don't either. That's what we have in common. I'm just like... I also haven't done the research. I'm also married to Kristen Bell. Sure.

I don't know. I've never heard that guy's show. He's good on Parenthood. My wife watched Parenthood for a while. Kristen Bell's husband was good on that, I thought. Our guest on the program is stand-up comic and comedy writer. He's also the host of the brand new podcast, High in the Sky. Mike Glazer. Hi Mike. I was born in St. Louis, Missouri to a mother and father, Wendy and Steve, a younger brother named Matthew and you know, sure we were a nuclear family, traditional American. Seems like you got it all.

But I got to tell you, under the surface. There's so much to unpack and talk about. Yeah. Unpack. All right. Whoa. You know, that's not the whole story. Excuse me. Unpack. Hold on. The white picket fences of suburbia, they're what they seem, right? They're what they seem? Behind there is what you would expect. Behind the fences. Nothing dark is happening. It's light back there, right? There's light behind the white picket fence. Well, are you expecting family eating dinner together, macaroni and cheese, hot dogs, talking

about school, talking about work? Yeah, yeah, sure. Behind the white picket fence. That's behind every white picket fence. Every white picket fence has that behind it. The hot dogs, the macaroni and cheese, talking about it. I gotta tell you, it's nothing like that. Whoa!

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Oh no! My worldview! Oh, ouch! My worldview! Oh Ouch my worldview. Oh, we just went up my butt. Oh, I took it right in the worldview. I have a fissure My worldviews in my dick. Oh This is awesome to see you. Thank you for having me to hang Dax who? Yeah, yeah, take a seat Dax. Kelsey Brothers who?

Yeah, Kelsey Brothers. I was aching to interrupt. Have you talked about Jacob the lawyer yet? No. Have we seen? We've covered Veronica's insurance. Not a lawyer, but a billboard weirdo. Yeah, we've talked a lot. And her dog, she's married too. Yeah, we've talked a lot about the fact that, what's the main guy?

Sweet James? Yeah, we've talked a lot about the fact that Sweet James got a vagina stack for his birthday. And they showed it on Real Housewives, not the stack. They showed that he was getting that. They said his wife, who's on a a real housewives said she was getting him a Vagina stack for his birthday, which apparently you can say on Bravo Whoa, and he's got his engine in his house Interesting and I think it's what it sounds like. I think it's a yeah

I'll see does his commercials in front of a wall of guitars now Yeah, so we've covered all that shit, but we haven't gotten into Carl Jacob. Carl Jacob is one of the many local attorneys who has various sports hats photoshopped onto his head. Yes, exactly. It's a Lakers hat in certain areas of East Los Angeles, or Dodgers hat rather. He's wearing a Dodgers hat in East Los Angeles. He's wearing a Lakers hat downtown. He's, yeah, he really works the sports angle in ways no one else is doing. Yeah, these attorneys, I mean, we've talked about lemondaddy.com which is where that white

guy from the Lakers tells you how to get your car repaired or whatever. But it really like, I just, I really find myself wondering as a like, I really like sports. Yeah. And I find myself wondering what exactly is the value of being the official something or other of the Los Angeles Angels? Right. The official yogurt. Yeah. Like it's one thing to some extent I can in my mind, I think, okay, the official physical therapy group, right? You're like, oh, well sure. I rolled my ankle. It's good enough.

Clayton Kershaw goes down there to get his elbow exercised. Yeah. Or whatever. Dead squats and elbow exercises. This dude's a sports nut. I'm crazy about sports. I'm a regular fucking law brother. But if it is like the yogurt or whatever, And, but if it is like the yogurt or whatever, who is at the grocery store looking at the cold case and thinking to themselves, well, Chobani, I think that's the king's yogurt. Go down and they're like, well, but Yo Play is the Dodgers yogurt. Have you, I mean, Jesse, as a Giants fan, have you ever bought a product because the Giants were affiliated with it? I could see myself.

So sometimes when you go to the grocery store and you buy a bag of peanuts in their shell, this bag has the logo of your baseball team on it. I would imagine that I could go right now into a Vons or something here in Southern California. I could go to the nut aisle and I could grab a big plastic bag, you know, the big bag of peanuts in their shell and it would be Dodger blue and say Dodgers on it. If I needed peanuts in the shell and I was at the grocery store in San Francisco, I would choose the one that had the Giants logo on it. Okay.

I can't think of any other products. But it doesn't extend to where you go to get a lube job. No, because you know that I go to the official lube job place of Steph Curry of the Golden State Warriors. Of course. Yeah. The Giants preferences there. That guy's car is moist. He's oily as fuck.

Oh, yeah. You know that guy's car. Steph Curry. Mike, do you have a sports team? I love the New Jersey Devils. I grew up with the St. Louis Blues and St. Louis Cardinals. I was in Chicago for the heyday of Jordan Pippen, Phil Jackson, the Chicago Bulls. And I love that I am not allegiance to any of them.

I just love being in the city of winners and that is where I like celebrate my time. So... So... Mike, can I? I genuinely don't follow hockey close. I mean, look, I love sports. Jordan, do I love sports? I love sports.

Guys, yeah, sure. I said dead squad earlier. I don't follow hockey closely enough to know what is a good hockey team in any context other than NHLPA on the Sega Genesis. Sure. Do you root for the New Jersey Devils because the New Jersey Devils are good or because of the rugs in the comedy theater that Kevin Smith owned for a while that had New Jersey Devils rugs on the floor. Great question. It's that Kevin Smith to New Jersey Devil pipeline that we're all aware of that really gets us.

I say rugs, wall to wall carpeting. I want to be clear wall to wall. It was wall to wall. Also, may I note that the NHL Sega Genesis games were so fun because you could go and do a wrap around the back of the net and then as you came in front, shoot it to the far corner every single time and score a goal. It was one of the greatest games to play. Terrible, terrible AI. So many good tricks to score goals in that game.

But I grew up loving the Devils because they had a goalie, I think the best goalie of all time named Martin Brodeur. Oh, sure. That's a hockey name. That's a hockey name. I imagine there's a lot of fun being a hockey fan and enjoying the names. You can't seriously think this guy's better than Patrick Wa spelled R-O-Y. He's my second favorite. I'm out of goalies now. Dominic Hasek? Does that ring a bell?

I can name a couple. I mean, you could just be saying hockey type stuff. Like if you type hockey name type beat into YouTube, you would get Martin Brodeur. Without a doubt. Jean Puck. You would get Martin bro doer without a job John puck No, so you do know Yeah, Jordan is John puck your favorite or do you really like I mean have you always loved John puck or is that just like You know ever since he signed with the Canadians. Listen, I'm a puck boy, you know Yeah, sure can't tie me down

Except for if it's jaunt with Jean puck my favorite hockey player Jean Chrétien. Mmm Absolutely. Oh, what about Daniel Ballou? Sure What Wolfgang? Amadeus net Sure why not? Should we still say things? I don't know. Is this still a podcast? Dax who?

So Mike, how did you end up on the New Jersey Devils? Because the reason being that a lot of people live in New Jersey in environs. Huge numbers of people live in the suburbs and exurbs of New York City more generally. A lot of people live in New Jersey and environs huge numbers of people live in the suburbs and exurbs of New York City more generally. And New Jersey also includes a big part of the suburbs and exurbs of Philadelphia.

But it's not like it's not an aspirational geographic location. Exactly. Yeah. Like if in hockey terms, the people who root for the New York Yankees are also New York Ranger fans, you know, they don't mess with the Mets. They don't, you know, it's like we only hang out with winners and the Rangers would be that team. The New Jersey Devils won a bunch of cups, had a defender named Scott Stevens. I was a hockey goalie for my first 25 years of my life. I looked up to Martin Brodeur. I got him to sign my stick. I have a picture of him signing my stick. The guy, I'm about to get new tattoos

and I kind of want to get his leg pad design on the back of my calves, which would be, I don't know, good. Wait, on the back of your calves? Yeah. Like he has a design from his goalie pads and it's these flames that are in this very specific design that if you know them, you know them. And I thought that would be fun to get on the back of my calf, not the front, because then I feel like I'm wearing goalie pads all the time.

But a little- This would be like those women that have the like the ribbons from their ballet slippers tattooed on the back of their. Yes, the retired people who still dream about the glory years when I was making glove saves and playing in the and training at the Olympic Training Center. I got to be the best goalie in the country. I was number one in the country, but it was for roller hockey. So, I don't really talk about it too much. I would talk about it all the time. Yeah, that's all I want to talk about from here on out, Mike. We already covered billboard lawyers the most important topic so let's get into this

So I I would actually I'll share like a quick story about it because it's fun But remember a couple minutes ago when we were talking about the deep Dark underbelly of st. Louis nuclear families. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so this is gonna be vulnerable Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So this is gonna be vulnerable, but we're here to share and you've made this such a safe space. So thank you for that. That's what we do. That's what we pride ourselves on. That's why I get raw and real here. Really proud about that. I also haven't prepared. Yeah. Well, I'm just going with the flow and you're making it so easy. Yeah, we're gonna go on a tangent.

Tangents welcome. But when I was 13, 14, 15 years old, I was on a roller hockey team in St. Louis, Missouri called the St. Louis Guns and we had AR. AR? What? Gun? The mascot was just gun. Just a gun. I remember, this would be right around this because when the San Jose Sharks were invented in San Jose, that was the Bay Area's hockey team, they were originally going to be called

the San Jose Blades after Skate Blades, but it was rejected for being associated with gangs. Gangs love, Jordan, just so you know, gangs love ice hockey. Well, and so they changed the name to the Sharks, other than the Jets, the most famous gang. Exactly, the most famous gang in America. The most famous gang to ever tangle with the Jets.

Yep. You should have seen the way these guys talk back to Officer Crumkey. I know. Yeah, when they were in formation, right? They couldn't be messed with. Yeah. Exactly. But you were on the guns.

I'm on the guns. I'm the goalie for the guns, 13, 14, 15 years old. And we were sponsored, thanks to our captain, by two strip clubs in East St. Louis called Diamond Cabaret and PTs. And so I am 13. I'm wearing a jersey with an AR. What are they? AR 15, 14, some number. AR 15 is that's the correct number of AR.

Yeah. Yeah. Totally. All 15 ARs across my chest, two patches for strip clubs. And all of our fans while we were playing were strippers so that any time another the other team got the puck, they would all lift their shirts and try and distract the other team so that we could win. And then we would win the game. And then I would sneak into the champagne room with them afterwards and drink like ginger ale and hang out in the strip club until I could

get go home. Marshall. Mike, you're describing an Adam Sandler movie, not a real thing. That's so funny. Yeah, yeah. Adam Sandler would knock this out of the park. Charlie. You were 13, 14 and 15 years old you said?

Yeah. What time frame are we talking about? I would, because I'm going to put the peak of roller hockey at 1994. That's so reasonable. I was born in 83, so I'm going to be 42 in March. So whatever, so what would that be? 30, almost, no, almost, no, yeah, like 28 years ago. So let's, yeah, let's call it like late 90s.

Yeah, 96, like 28 years ago. So let's yeah, let's call it like late 90s. Yeah, 96 like a 96 Yeah, Wayne Wayne's world right kind of loosely correlated with Wayne's world. I'm sure 100% 100% The and that the caveat or not caveat that kind of punchline to all this is the rink where this is happening And everyone can look it up. I don't think it needs another punchline Saints roller wink it was. It's called Saints Roller Wink. It's called Saints Roller Wink where they also had an underground music studio because of course the roller rink managers also own a music studio and are music managers. That just goes hand in hand. Sure.

And that's where Nelly and the St. Lunatics recorded country grammar. And so I'd be playing roller hockey and Nelly would be recording country grammar. And so, I'd be playing roller hockey and Nellie would be recording country grammar in the underground music studio at the other side of Saints. Didn't one of the St. Lunatics wear goalie equipment at some point? Oh, maybe so. How fun is that? Possibly spray painted gold. I only have very vague memories of this situation. When the strippers would lift up their shirts, were there bras underneath or was it no bra? No bra. Oh my gosh.

They came, hold on. Tits out at the teen hockey game? It's not even the tits out part. It's that they came. What were they doing there? They know, they they came and supported. And then we were. You shouldn't say it opens it opens at eight or nine. Right. You have your afternoons and evenings free.

You can come to a go to the roller hockey game. Yeah. When you said, OK, I was the best in the country. How how did that how did you get that title? Like, what's the governing body that judges roller hockey goalies? I went from being on the guns to being on a team called the tour bandits, which were nationally ranked,

national tournaments traveling all over. We won everywhere. And then I got asked to start training at the Olympic Training Center in Lake Placid, where the miracle on ice is. And then I got asked to start training at the Olympic Training Center in Lake Placid where the miracle on ice is and Once I started training at the Olympic Training Center. I was the goalie for the Pan Am games where we played against Canada Mexico and South America and So I was on team USA and I don't know how else to quantify being the best in the country besides playing for Team USA.

Works for me. And this was still roller hockey? Yeah. Well, so we were going to be a summer Olympic sport. Oh, by the way, to answer your question, all the strippers came to the Pan Am Games when we played Canada. Like we were just this roving caravan of strippers and young adults, so don't worry about that. The Olympic Committee flew them out as a part of the fandom. Great.

We were gonna be an Olympic sport until the time that we were gonna be possibly a summer game. They chose, the Olympic Committee chose mixed doubles badminton instead of roller hockey as a summer game. Fucking mixed doubles badminton instead of roller hockey as a summer game. Fuckin' mixed doubles badminton. Fuckin' mixed doubles. You know, this is what happens when you- Mixed doubles badminton.

When you start letting men and women play badminton together, that's when everything goes to, I'm gonna say it, HE double hockey sticks. Oh boy. Wow, you went there. I went ahead and said it. Yikes, yikes. Okay, maybe Stephen bleeps that out. I'm not sure.

Did you? At any point, so were you playing roller hockey in the summer and ice hockey in the winter? Or you focused on wheels? No, well, yes and no. It's because if you grow up in St. Louis, you can't really afford ice rink equipment. You can't afford like practice. So, you play in the church parking lot. You play in the streets and then slowly but surely the roller hockey moves from the streets to a roller rink. But you don't need as much equipment as ice hockey. So it's way more affordable and accessible to people like myself. And then you just slowly get sponsored and get free equipment.

And then you're playing at a level of roller hockey that is like, to give you an example, there's a guy who was on my team named Pat Maroon. And now Pat Maroon has won five Stanley Cups. He won with the Blues. He won two with the Tampa Bay Lightning, maybe four Stanley Cups. But we were playing at that level. It just so happens he transitioned into ice hockey

and I transitioned into loving the insane clown posse and following that dream. Okay, great. So I guess at some point we should get into talking about your work, but I'm going to focus on the childhood here for now. Yeah, let's really do 45 minutes on the childhood. So you played roller hockey until you were 25. We're getting into the ICP in a moment.

You played roller hockey until you were 25. Yeah, right about there. Did you play it in? Are there college roller hockey teams? Yeah, college roller hockey was massive. They tried to make it a thing like ice. It's just not ice hockey, which is why it's not, you know, it's not a viable career, exactly, to be a great roller hockey player. You could maybe coach or work for one of the manufacturers, but you're not going to make

a career out of roller hockey. What would happen is, it's not like podcasting. You can't be making $5 million, 5 million, 10 million, 15 million dollars like Jason Bateman or somebody like that, you know? And not familiar with him, but we've made more than that. So, oh man. I got a bank statement here. I'll hold it up to the zoom. Let's see it baby. Yeah. And so like- I just got a residual check for over $7.

Ooh. Holy cow. Yeah. And so like, I just got a residual check for over $7. Ooh. Holy cow. Yeah. Okay. Sag eligible Jordan. Nice. Sag eligible. So why are you getting those residgies? Are you going to play both sides of the street for a while? Do a little eligible, a little non-union, a little union. Oh, I thought you meant, well, my plan was to play both sides of the street by doing a little sag stuff and then a little after stuff.

A little sag stuff and then a little after stuff So, you know, I think what I think how you really play both sides Do a little sag stuff. You do a little porno. You do a little sag stuff. You do a little porno. Sure Yeah Yeah, north hollywood's calling so, um, i'm not sure what the question was But yeah, my childhood was dark and it was messed up and everything about it was twisted as hell So you twisted sounds fucked up Okay, so you played roller hockey then you continued to play roller hockey is after College when you were at Lake Placid

Yeah, sorry, they're not laughing at your life, but it's insane. It's so like yes,. I'm sorry that I'm not laughing at your life. But it's insane. So like, yes. So I'm playing in college. I'm going to the second of three schools I'm transferring to in Missouri because I'm not a big fan of college. So I'm transferring around and I'm playing roller hockey for my college and I get the call. But again, not ice hockey. Not ice hockey. I tried to play ice hockey and I was really good at high school. Too cold.

It's just too freaking cold, man. Yeah. It's frigid out there. You know? I was good at ice hockey in high school, but roller hockey was so fun. I'm like going to Vegas and I'm going to Toronto and I'm like being flown everywhere. And it's like, okay, I'm just going to do this. I'm really good at it. There's a lot of strippers in ice hockey, Jordan, because the weather is a lot colder. Yeah.

I mean, they, you know, there are strippers, but they're just kind of bundled up, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Dump them in, they say. Dump them in. To these cozy coats. Dump them in, they say. Dump them in. To these cozy coats. Dump them in, zip them up. And so, I get mentioned to somebody and they fly me out to, I think there's an Olympic

training center in San Diego and they're doing tryouts for Team USA. And I'm one of the youngest guys there. It's a bunch of like people who I'm like, oh, I know who you are. You're, you know, CJ Yoder, one of the greatest roller hockey players of all time. And so it's not, I assumed you were going to say that it was of famous. Like there was a period where there was a period where former Cleveland baseball star and former San Francisco giant Cory Snyder was in his like mid-30s, he had washed out of the major leagues and he was playing professional fast pitch softball.

That's what I assumed. I assumed you were going to say, oh, I got to the tryouts and it was a bunch of 37 year old guys who had gotten, who were, you know, had been in the NHL. But now they weren't anymore and they couldn't play minor league hockey because nobody wanted them because they were too old. So they had switched to roller hockey. But this was legends of roller hockey. Legends of roller hockey. Did you have the roller hockey cards?

I mean, are we talking about guys whose roller hockey cards you had? Yeah, I i'm trying to play cool, but i'm like, holy holy cow You know you're uh, i'm trying to think of another great name pool for people who are deep into roller hockey lore Like a lot of people are really yeah Dude on bets a lot of people are yelling at their radios right now Yeah on bets. A lot of people are yelling at their radios right now. Yeah. JP Bilstein, you know, people like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just big heavy hitters. And I did, I just rocked those tryouts. Like I was the best there, but I was also the youngest and they were like, we can't have you on Team USA. Like this is crazy. But I killed those tryouts. So, I went home being like

I did the best I could. I destroyed everybody. Nobody scored on me. It was awesome. And then I went back to college and that was a heck of an experience. It was mostly weed, opium, beer bongs like your classic college experience until I got a call from... Opium? Yeah, black and red opium. Yeah, weed and beer bongs tracked, but... So you're describing sort of a combination of a classic college experience and Sherlock Holmes, the dissolution of a man's life in 1910s San Francisco

Yes a laborer falling apart in 1890s Baltimore yes, so yeah, so I guess I could I should say I had a cane a top hat a cloak Right riding around in my carriage at Southeast Missouri State in Cape Girardeau smoking my opium Yeah, yeah, you said you were playing roller hockey. Yeah Cliche roller hockey rock bottom story And so I remember getting a call from the Olympic Committee and they were like We'd love for you to play in the Pan American games for Team USA. Just peeing this cop.

Dude, the most terrifying moment of the whole thing was taking that drug test. Having another man look over your shoulder at the Olympic Training Center, you trying to pee one with a man resting his chin on your shoulder basically was a lot. That was hard. But then also the amount of like drugs and then I had to get clean from all of them. Like it was scary, but I was fine. We did it. I stopped, if you can believe it, I just stopped smoking opium and it all worked out. How many colors of opium are there? There's a couple. Okay. Red and black were the ones I was selling and I had a lot of access to.

Red rock you kind of like, it's crumblier. Black is a lot more sticky. Black you can roll in the weed and then you can smoke that. And the red, the red opium makes Superman more powerful, right? Yes. That's correct. Exactly. And don't tell me what happens with Red Hulk because I haven't seen it yet.

Jordan, all opiums are good for Superman. Right. Come on. Shows it out. It's euphoric. Yeah. And then I went to the Olympic Training Center and we trained. And the really cool thing about that was-

Oh, but no, no, no. I'm sorry. I have another opium question. When you say access to, were you, did you have a grow op? My, I'm not going to say his name. No, I can say his name. Yeah, Dr. Opium guy. It's Jim.

His name was Jim. I haven't talked to him in years. He was across the hall from us in Southeast Missouri state and he was going to southeast Missouri state to go back to school but also he was doing a tattoo and piercing apprenticeship at one of the local tattoo shops and to make money to pay for college, he would sell, you know, opium, weed, like kind of everything. And I helped him sell the opium. Oh, the fun thing about him You're really getting me to unpack this childhood

was The first time we met he put his alligator he had a because this is st. Louis, Missouri He had a three-foot came in named at va named after some science fiction character named at va in the dorm in the dorm and he had a huge aquarium for his caiman and he- Wow. A dorm gator. A dorm gator. This is so insane but it's all true.

He had a dorm gator and he was my opium plug. And you're like, this guy I gotta get to know. Yeah. I guess if you are looking for opium, find the guy with the gator. Yeah. And if he's not the guy, he'll know the guy. Absolutely. And he's the guy.

What if it was actually... Would you still have trusted him as your plug if you had found out that it was not a caiman, but instead a gar? Hmm. Great question. Great question. Thanks, George. I didn't prepare for this, so that's what makes it so great. Right. He's going off the dome, shooting from the hip. No script. Didn't do research.

Knows a lot about gars, though. Knows a lot about Gars though. So how nice that came up. Good Gar-Pole. Okay, so you're at the Pan-American game. You've got the shakes. Everyone in the crowd has their tits out. Is there any other pieces of this mosaic that we're missing? Everyone everyone in the crowd has their tits out Is there any other pieces of this mosaic that we're missing so we're we're playing

in the Pan Am games in Mar del Plata, Argentina and We're we're playing and I hurt my hip playing against Argentina. Mmm, we're tied 5-5. I go into the championship game against Canada. It doesn't work out for my hip and after we win the gold medal with Team USA in the Pan American Games and they announce that Mick Stub mixed doubles badminton is Going to the Olympics instead of us. I get hip surgery and Hang up the helmet and retire Wow, and I have a scar on my hip Probably the size of a remote like a good size universal remote because they popped my hip bone out shaved the sides of both sides so it fit in the hip socket properly and then stable me shut and then I laid in

bed for like a month with a machine and embolism stockings on because it's so that you don't get blood clots and it just moved my leg back and forth for about a month to to make sure that I had mobility and then did physical therapy after that. And it was good, it was either that or get a hip replacement and I'm not going to do that at 25. And so that was kind of the end of the career. Can I ask you how you chose the physical therapist? Jacob the lawyer. Okay.

Reach out. Got it. Got it. Got it. Okay, now at what point did the Insane Clown Posse, ICP, Shaggy 2 Dope and... Violent J? Violent J. Oh yeah. Violent J. And our friend Colt Cabana, how did you get involved in that?

There was a guy on the team named Joe who before every game he would listen to something and get really pumped up. And I was like, you're cool, man. You wear like heavy combat boots and a chain on your shorts and your shorts are long and baggy and what's your deal? Oh yeah, the longer the shorts, the cooler the dude. This guy actually sounds pretty twisted. Yeah. Also a great name of a insane clown posse band.

Twisted. Very nice. Was that intentional? I was actually talking about Haystack. Haystack. It's a different insane clown posse rapper, Jordan. It seems like there's a lot of these guys. A lot of evil rapping clowns out there. Yeah.

Yeah, and there's some drama in the community right now, but we don't have to talk about that. The whole point is, so he turned me on to Riddlebox, the Insane Clown Posse album Riddlebox, and that is one of the all-time classics. It's got chicken hunting on it, like just banger after banger. I think it's fair to say that what, like Americans disagree about a lot of different things, right? Like Americans disagree about politics, about social convention, about faith. They disagree, look, they disagree about what the best fast food chicken sandwich is.

It's really hard. It's Popeyes. Jesse, it's Popeyes. It's really hard to get everybody on the same page. But I think if you went out and asked a hundred Americans the same question, you wanted to get 100 of the same answer, the question would be, are the insane clown posse good at making music? And everyone would say, yes, they are. The music is good, they would say. Yes, without a doubt. And everyone would say, like, ask me something hard, right? Yeah, exactly. What are we talking about? Don't waste my time. Yeah. That wouldn't make it onto Jordan's antenna because it would be such a bad family feud question. Right. A terrible family feud.

We just go, 100. Right. It'd be like an easy question they give to celebrity family feud so they can win the charity money at the end. Exactly. On the celebrity family feud, you know, you want them to win the money for charity. So you know, when it's like Flavava Flav and his nine sons out there. Nine of his 24 sons. Nine of his 24 sons.

Beautiful sons. Do you ever feel jealous? Do you ever feel jealous of Flava Flav? I know, because I got to get a son. I'm working on it. Okay, great. We'll explain that during the break, Mike, or not. Go ahead, Jordan. There will always be like a little question in the fast money where they just, you know,

no matter how out of it the celebrity is, no matter how like out of touch the celebrity is, it'll just be like, name something other than peanut butter that goes in a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. And like once in a while a celebrity will say something like, you know, air. Bananas. Yeah. Bananas, yeah. Sure. But yeah.

I'd go jelly? You'd be right. You've won the money for the Boys and Girls Club. Flavs Kids. For Flavs Kids. For Flav's kids. For Flav's kids. I do have a serious question about that though. Are you grape or strawberry when it comes to that peanut butter and jelly sandwich?

Really glad you brought that up. Great question. Great question. We're on tangent time, you know. Yeah. Are we talking sandwiches now? I thought we were talking hockey. How do we get here?

Guys, just take a minute. How do we get here? Guys, let's take a minute. How did we get here? How did we get here? Jesse, for the folks listening to this, Jesse is making a DreamWorks character face. Like, yeah, I just farted. Get over it. Yeah, I just farted. Get over it. Yeah, I just farted. Strawberry.

I'm a grape guy. If I'm- you listen, I think there's a lot of wonderful jams and jellies out there. I'd like to try them all. But if you're saying Jordan, you want to make that classic after school PB&J, a little handful of chips, serve it up on a paper towel, watch yourself some Animaniacs. I'm going grape! I just you know, it was the jelly of my family and it's such a you know, it's such a nostalgic treat.

I'm probably gonna go grape. Jordan, I'll say this right now. Strawberry jelly, grape jello. Okay. Strawberry for your jello, jelly grape for your jello. Yeah. Mike? Strawberry. And then when you said about the chips on the paper towel, I had a beautiful vision

of a Cool Ranch Dorito right next to that sandwich and got real excited. Yeah. Real excited. Let's take a quick break. I gotta eat some Doritos. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.

Jordan Morris, boy. Detective. You know, every episode of Jordan Jesse Goh is supported by the members of Maximum Fund. Max Fund Drive is right around the corner. That's gonna be fun. Jordan, we're gonna do that thing again where we do a little livestream every day. Oh yeah, make sure you're up to date on all your Jordan, Jesse Goh social media follows so you can see us go live.

We're gonna go live. We're gonna go so live. We're gonna go live, baby. Real, raw, uncensored. If you have a favorite subreddit, by the way, send it to us at jjgoh of maximumfun.org because that's gonna be the topic of our lives. It's going to be. All the finest subreddits.

And don't just send us fucking the one about how birds are a conspiracy or some shit like that. I want something premium. Yeah. I want dogs on roofs. No, no, yeah. No, no, no top of the dome stuff. Go premium. Yeah. I want dogs on roofs. No, no, yeah, no, no, no top of the dome stuff. Go deep.

Yeah. And no self-conscious joke ones. I want real passion. Thank you. I want to see real passion. We don't just want to read jokes that you like. That's not show. No, that's not show.

That's not show. But do send us, if you are into magnet fishing or whatever, send it to us and tell us what the dope magnet fishing post was that we need to get into. We want to hear about it. JJ go at maximumfund.org. And look, if you're not already a member of Maximum Fund, you're going to have a chance to join during the Max Fund Drive. It's going to be fucking great. You're going to be getting thank you gifts left and right. You're going to be getting new shows, new special shows just for members. We're going monthly with the BondCon. We are. Okay. We're also supported this week by the good folks at Stash. This podcast is brought to you in part by Stash. Are you still

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Offer is subject to T&Cs. Jesse, while we're yakking about stuff... The future of business? The future of business? The future of business. Can I talk about an investment people can make in signed comic books, which are almost guaranteed to appreciate in value? Yeah, I mean, at the end of the day, it's almost a guarantee. There's no such thing as a guarantee.

No, no, no, but almost a guarantee. But yeah, if you're trying to retire, you definitely want to put your money into signed comic books. Yes, if you want a- Well, by premium creators. By premium, of course. Don't just go, you know- Todd McFarlane or whatever. Sure. Get the good shit.

Get the good shit. A comic book signed by me. I am signing copies of our wonderful new Spider-Man anthology, Web of Spider-Verse New Blood. I'm going to be signing at Arsenal Comics in Newberry Park on March 5th, 5 to 6.30 PM. Jesse there. I'm going to be joined by past guest Alexis Quasarano, who writes Deadpool now? Anyway. Oh, wait. What? Yeah, I know. She'll be there signing Deadpool's Alex Ferrier and Daniel Cablesmith, who write Rick and Morty will be there signing those books. On March 9th, I'll be at Golden Apple Comics in Hollywood, 1 to 3 p.m.

And on March 15th, I'll be at Cape and Cow comics in Oakland, 1 to 3 p.m. with the great Derek Kirk Kim, who does a great series called The Last Mermaid. And I hope to see folks there. All right. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jessi Goh. It's Jordan Jessi Goh, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Roller hockey stripper, Mike Glazer.

So you branched out, so you're saying that you ended up... Stripping. You ever go to the gathering of the Juggalos? We were gonna go one year. I was actually gonna go with a bunch of friends and I didn't. My only thing was growing up going to their concerts at the pageant and a couple of other places and I got a bottle of moon mist I got a Faygo 2-liter That I wrestled out of another guy's arms and I carried home and I wish I still had my Faygo moon mist

What's moon mist? It's the Faygo Flavor for Mountain Dew. Okay. Oh, so Faygo the official regional soda The Insane Clown Posse and Moon Mist is their knockoff dew. Yes. Beautiful. And they sprayed it all over us and then threw the bottles down and I wrestled with a guy to get a two liter from that concert.

Is this like when you go see KRS-1 and he throws tennis balls into the audience and if you catch it, it means you have to change your life? Yes. Only if you go, if you catch the moon mist, it means you have to try PCP. You have to like get really into doing it all the time. You have to steal your stepdad's car. Yeah. Oh, man. Yeah, yeah.

It's- Oh, man. Yeah, yeah. They still do, the gathering of the Jugglers is still an ongoing concern. Yeah, I think it is as far as I know. Every time Colt comes on here, he's created a new wrestling character that he does there. It's not just Officer Colt Cabana or whatever it was called. Let's do this. Let's play a call. We'll talk about the call. While we're doing this, producer Stephen Ray Morris, can you look up the lineup of the most recent gathering of the Juggalos?

Then after we play the call, we can hear it? Yes. I want to know what hip hop legends, what esteemed hip hop legends have been kneecapped to the point in their lives where they are playing at the gathering of the juggles. It's gonna be like Masta Ace is gonna be there. Mm, Tech 9 maybe? Maybe Tech 9.

Tech 9 is definitely gonna be there. Tech 9 is gonna be there. Easy peasy lemon squeezy. Kansas City zone. Tech Nina? Absolutely. Who would you say is your favorite Kansas City rapper of all time, Jordan? Mine's Tech 9.

No, I don't know any. Hard to say. Hard to come up with others. Yeah, sorry. Yeah. What about Atmosphere? Where's Atmosphere from? They're from Minnesota, aren't they? Oh. From Minneapolis, I think.

Yeah, I think they're from Minneapolis. Okay, let's hear this first momentous occasion call. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, and guests. Longtime listener, first time caller. So I got out of jail just before Christmas. Don't worry, nonviolent offense, just served 30 days, misdemeanor, no big deal. But I wanted to make sure I had a Christmas gift for my girlfriend to open on Christmas morning.

So I commissioned a guy inside to make a t-shirt. And I told him to go wild with it. So he made a yellow tie-dye t-shirt with a hand-drawn Tom from Tom and Jerry staring and drooling at Tweety Bird from Looney Tunes. And in beautiful script around the shirt, it says, I want to taste your putty tat so I got out I wrapped it up and my girlfriend opened a Christmas morning and laughed so hard she almost peed she loved it so much she brought it to her families the next day at one of their family functions to show it off keep doing what you're doing hard as a rock rock, wet as a river. Love you guys.

Stay out of jail. Love you too. This is... I'm gonna go out on a limb here, Jordan, if you don't mind. Because I'm gonna speak for both of us. Hey, if you go out on a limb, I'm gonna go off on a tangent, all right? Fair enough. Is anyone watching Shogun?

Yeah. I'm gonna say that this is why we created the segment Momentous Occasions. It is. We knew this was coming. This is why you majored in world literature and I majored in American studies so that we would be prepared to explicate a text such as this. Rich, a rich text. A rich text.

First of all, this guy says it's no big deal to go away for 30 days for a misdemeanor. Unless it's Missy Misdemeanor Elliott, Jordan. First of all. First and foremost, that's a big deal. That's all I got. I think it's a, I think it's all I got. I think it's a I think it's I just want to say it's great. I mean, I I'm just shocked we have a jailbird listener. Someone who listens to our show went to jail. I could see now you say you're shocked we have a jailbird listener. I could see the

birdman of Alcatraz listening to our show. Sure. Like the ultimate jailbird. It's also that he got out by Christmas. Like that's a nice, that's nice. And she was waiting and like they're in a really, like I loved everything about this call. I'm gonna be honest.

I could see the shirt. I could see the- Beautiful. Yeah. Yeah. And he also commissioned someone there. Like so someone else got paid and somebody else got to make their artwork to go live out in the world. I think it's pretty this was a really good call. And I mean and it suggests a thrilling multiverse where Tom from Tom and Jerry can

interact with Tweety Bird from Looney Tunes. I'm checking out a few of the common misdemeanors. I got driving on a suspended license. Okay. Yeah, maybe our listener did that. I could see that. But not a first offense. 30 days on a first offense, that sounds rough. That sounds like a mean ass judge. Yeah. Petite theft? Well, we don't know this is his first offense. True. Okay. Maybe how many licenses get suspended? I don't know. I don't know. Petite theft. What about that one? That's

where you steal from the particular department of the department store, I think. Is that correct? Yeah, juniors. I got busted for plus size theft once. Sure. Oh, was that 60 days? Big and tight. Thank you. Right. Okay. Petite theft is cute. That's a cute one. That is cute. A wee little theft. Public intoxication.

It seemed like it would be tough. You'd really have to ask Jacob. You'd have to call Jacob if you wanted to get 30 days for public intoxication. Yeah, I have been that drunk and I have peed outside and you never want to roll those dice. I think it's a real dice roll to like pee outside hammered anywhere. Can I tell you? Can I tell you today? Yesterday, my sibling Brendan is visiting and me and them went to the Amundsen Theater in downtown Los Angeles

because we're very classy. We're a pair of very classy type folks. Culture vultures, they say. Yeah. And I bought us a spur of the moment, I bought us some tickets to see Bernadette Peters in Stephen Sondheim's Old Friends. Bernadette Peters is in town? Jordan, I'm gonna get to the point of this anecdote in a moment, but let me first say this show was fucking spectacular. The best thing I've seen in a theater in Los Angeles- I mean, Bernadette doing Sondheim?

It was Bernadette Peters- Yeah, no shit, it's great. In a cast of like 13 people, all of whom were as good as she was in the show. There was no- God. There were no- Is this thing still running? I got to go now. Yeah, there's a few weeks left and Jordan, I'm not fucking around when I say you definitely should

go see this. It was fucking great. It was great. Okay, anyway. It's just wall to wall songs and I thought it was going to be like a, truly in my head, I thought it was going to be like a Les Mis in concert situation and I thought, well, I don't love Les Mis, but I love Stephen Sondheim. It'll be good and Bernetta Peters will be great. You know, that's what I figured. No, it turns out this thing is fully staged. There's sets, there's costumes, it's wall-to-wall songs, everybody's spectacular, it's all your favorites plus a few you haven't thought about in a while. It's showstopper, showstopper, showstopper, showstopper, but they keep doing the show. Okay, anyway. We get to the, it's at this place called the Center Theater Group, this sort of set of theaters. There's like a big dance theater, there's a big outdoor theater,

and then there's the Amundsen Theater all in downtown Los Angeles. And you usually you park underneath there. And we got there maybe 15, 20 minutes later, 20 minutes early, went in there. And it was one of those things, I don't know if you've ever had this experience where you're in an underground parking garage and you're just driving and driving and driving and driving forever. And you don't know where you are anymore or who you are anymore or what driving is. Maybe you have a submarine, you're not sure, right? Right. And there's just a little screeching sound every time you turn. A little worrying. Yeah, exactly. I mean, Mike wouldn't be worried about it because he knows all about those kind of surface wheel interactions from his time as a...

Oh, the bearings, the shafts. Sure, sure, sure. But don't let me slow down the story. Mike, did you ever have a sponsor? Bearing, shaft, you know the rest. Anyway, so we're driving, I mean, we literally were driving through this parking lot with different people directing us in vests for 15 straight minutes. We, I think, eventually went to a different underground building through an underground passageway. Well, cool. Yeah. We finally parked the car or escaped.

We get out. There's a few other people getting out of their cars where we are. One of them is a woman, pretty lady, about 40 ish, wearing kind of like company holiday party clothing, you know, like tasteful, a tasteful attire and like a black leather jacket, but like a modest black leather jacket and like a scarf, you know, going out clothes, going to see Bernadette Peter garb. Right. Mm-hmm.

A lot of good scarves in that audience probably, right? Yeah, I look over and there's this group of four people, the women are wearing boots with platforms that are a solid eight inches. And I would say it's a shaky eight inches of skirt that they're wearing, might be seven. And I'm trying to figure out what the fuck is going on. What are these women wearing these clothes to the Bernadette Peters concert for? And who are these creepy dudes that are with them? We're trying to find our way out of this parking garage.

It's really not clear where or if there is an exit. And as we're walking up this long incline in what I would describe as a car area, not a walking area, one of the dudes just takes his dick out and starts pissing. Oh my god. Incredible. Anyway, it turns out there was a rave there right next to the Bernadette Peters. Wait, the rave started at the same time as the Bernadette Peters thing? It was going. These guys were so drunk that they were pissing while walking in a parking garage before the Bernadette Peters concert started. This was only 750 or so. Sure.

Wow. Wow. What's that? I just think of raves to start. I mean, I've never been to one, but I think of them starting after midnight, right? You know? Yeah. Huh.

I mean, apparently not if they're in Grand Park in Los Angeles, right between City Hall and the Center Theater Group. Anyway. Home by 10. Yeah. Oh, those early raves, you can still get home for Love Island, you know. Sure. Something incredible.

I did look over- Use me, piss in public, head home for Love Island. Something about an outdoor civic rave. Did the sound of the rave intrude upon the Bernadette Peters concert? Oh no, this venue is, this Amundsen Theater, this thing is locked tight. Yeah, this thing is gorgeous. The sound in here, clear as a fucking bell. You can hear there's an orchestra. Jordan, you gotta get tickets to this thing. Yeah, I must. As someone who loves raves and has gone to a lot of raves, if I accidentally walked into a Bernadette

Peters concert, it would be the best choice So great, right so yeah, the Molly the Molly just hits what you sing and send in the clowns Just you're just fucking you're listening to ladies who lunch waiting for the fucking drop. Then when it hits, boom. Oh, wop wop wop wop. A piece of mauler from assassins. Wow. I feel like I'm going into the woods. The thing that really struck me as I was walking between walking with my fellow,

with my brother and our fellow elderly gay men. That's who we were there with, the other elderly gay men and this one woman. But then there were people who were very conspicuously dressed for the rave. I don't like, I don't go to raves and I don't go to a lot of nightclubs, but something that always strikes me is like, people are wearing their boldest, skin showing-est, most intensely sexual clothing that they own and then they turn their face to you and their face is such a hard mess of angles and lumps and broken dreams. It's like such a harsh turn that it takes as it goes from their go-go boots to their like tear streaked mascara outside the civic rave. The glitter on their cheeks is not hiding the sadness behind it. Yeah. Mike, what time does a rave usually start? Is this weird or is when you're raving,

what time are you showing up? I'm showing up around seven or eight. I'm getting out of there around 4am. I'm bringing a couple cans of Progresso soup because there's always a little donation box where you get in for half off if you bring a couple canned foods. That's nice. That's really nice. Bravers give back. Bravers give back. You know, and then I'm going into the bathroom stall.

It's sort of like Stevie Wonder's annual Christmas concert for presents for the kids. Exactly. Except there, I'm also putting Molly up my butthole in the bathroom before hanging out with friends. And you save a can to hurl at your enemies. 100%. Oh yeah. You can kill an enemy with soup. But don't you love a glow stick, Jesse?

Are you a fan of a glow stick being waved in your face? J. There was a dude, okay, so Grand Park in Los Angeles is like a big public plaza and it's on a hill. So, it's sort of graded upwards and at the bottom of the hill was the rave and at the top of the hill was the crosswalk to cross to the theater area where Bernadette was. She and I are on a first name basis. And there was a man at the top of that hill and again, this is all like, this is all cement, you know, this is a plaza. He's at the top of the hill at the base of the crosswalk and he has those lights on sticks that a guy directing an airplane would have.

Oh yeah. Or a guy directing people to cross the crosswalk or holding traffic for people to cross the crosswalk. And he was also wearing a safety vest. But he was doing a rave dance. And I couldn't tell if he was a safety minded raver or a rave minded safety officer. Either way, somebody's gonna get killed. Someone will be killed because of this. Anyway, I appreciate that our caller gave us that story because I think it teaches a really important lesson. Which basically is if you're going to hire a designer, you are paying them for the revisions. So, if you want them to love you or you don't have a ton of money to give them,

just tell them I trust your vision and then trust their vision. You can't note them to death. Right. They're the designer. They know what's going to work. Yeah. Don't like nitpick that, you know, Tom and Tweety burn aren't from the same universe. No Just enjoy the pussy that you're about to eat. Thank you we should we do have a break to get to but we also have a Insane clown posse. Yes festival lineup Nice. Thank you. Can you tell us when when was the when was the last gathering and who were some of the highlights?

Can you see the lineup or the poster? Yes, we can. Maybe enlarge a little bit, but we can see that it's down there. So this is the poster. It was Friday. Oh, it was like, yeah, almost a year ago. Okay. So maybe we're coming up on 2025.

Yeah, the 2025 lineup, but yeah, we've got the Cottonmouth Kings. There's got to be a podcasting tent there by now, right? Oh, yeah. There's got to be, right? I'm taking a look at it here. You've got Insane Poetry. I presume that's the ICP slam jam. It's got to be, right?

I'm a killer clown in Zion is what they say. Sivegang666 of course. Yes. Hurstboi, Boi. Young Mosh, Molly Gruesome. So far there is a real shortage of, there was a period where these lineups were mostly down on their luck genuine hip hop legends. Right. Mm-hmm. I do have some breaking tech nine news.

Okay, great. Oh, sure. With the Juggalos. Mike? Yeah. I apologize to interrupt, but it is breaking and I'm reading it as it's unfurling in the community. Tech Nine and the Juggalos and ICP no longer speak. Oh wow. Tech Nine was on Hot 97's morning show with

Ebro in the morning. And Tech, who had first connected with ICP in the early 2000s while touring was asked by Ebro if there's any similarities between him and ICP and the answer he gave did not sit well with the Juggalos. Oh wow. I mean one similarity is they're both great at rap and making music. There you go. There we are. I do see on the lineup, is this kind of the thing you're talking about,

Jesse? I do see on one of the days is lazy bone of bone thugs in harmony. They got one bone thug. They got one bone thug. Then they got Slim Kid Trey from the far side. They couldn't get any of the other far sides. Pep Love. Pep Love will be there. They got Pep Love, yeah, from Hieroglyphics, Jordan. They got Pep Love, so that's nice. Oh my gosh, well, that's nice.

They're getting part of a super group. I believe the Wicked Menace is gonna be there. Dr. Giggles, Milky Rotten, HB the Grizzly, Monster Wolf, King Wicked, it just goes on and on. Bam Bam the Voodoo Child, spelled with a seven, Salamander X. Is vampire militia? This is like bazooka sharks. They're just using a name generator for these, right?

There's a juggalo name generator. Ninja God. Oh, that's an awesome name. Wait, Darby O'Trill? Yeah, that's a solid one. Okay. We'll be back in just give us a quick if you have a momentous occasion, give us a call at 206-984-4FUN or email us at jjgo at maximumfun.org. Just send us a voice memo. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jess, la. Walking About is the podcast about walking.

It's a walkumentary series where I, Alan McLeod, and a fun friendly guest go for a walkabout. You'll learn about interesting people and places and have the kind of conversations you can only have on foot. We've got guests like Lauren Lapkus. I figured something out about this map, like how to read it. Betsy Sodaro.

I had no clue. That's awesome and nuts. John Gabras. This is like great first date for like broke 20 something, you know? And more. Check out Walking About with AlanLeod on Maximum Fun. Hello, Podcast Recommendation Service. Hello there, young man. I'm looking for a new podcast to listen to.

Something amusing, perhaps. Oh, what about Beef and Dairy Network? Something surreal and satirical. Well, I would suggest Beef and Dairy Network. Ideally, it would be a spoof industry podcast for the beef and dairy industries. Yes, Beef and Dairy Network. Ideally it would be a spoof industry podcast for the beef and dairy industries. Yes, Beef and Dairy Network. Maybe it would have brilliant guests such as Josie Long, Heather Ann Campbell, Nick Offerman and the actor Ted Danson.

Beef and Dairy Network. I don't know, I think I'm going to stick to Joe Rogan. The Beef and Dairy Network podcast is a multi-award winning comedy podcast and you can find it at maximumfun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. It's Jordan Jesse Goh, I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy, detective. Hatchetman, Mike Glazer. August 16th, 2024, day three of the 2024 Gathering of the Juggalos, Rakim.

There it is. Literally the greatest rapper of all time, Rakim. He is second on the build to Weegee Mack. Oh, geez, that's dark. First build is Weegee Mack. Right. Second build, Rakim. Third, of course, Kim Dracula.

Rakim opening for Machete Taint. Wow. We got to go. We all got to go. You guys will do it. Jordan and Jesse go there. We'd love to. We've said it before. We'll say it again. If they have a podcast tent,

we'll do it for a tent. I don't know if there's camping, but if you have a pot, if we can have a tent on the grounds to sleep in, I'm there. Yeah. Mike, your new podcast is called High in the Sky. It's about aliens and conspiracy theories, is that correct? 100%. Do you have a top conspiracy theory about what you're excited? I actually do. I mean, first of all, I want to take a time out and acknowledge that conspiracy theories have led to the dissolution of our democracy.

Yes. That said, let's get back to sad. But there's some fun ones. Let's get back to laughing. Yeah, let's get back to laughing. There's some fun ones. Yeah. Once Comet Pizza was proven, you know, everything went down from there.

Sure, yeah. Yeah. I loved researching the moon landing, and I kind of don't think we landed on the moon. Oh no. Okay, okay. I really, I hate to be that guy Stanley Cooper directed right I mean I'm gonna Mike this might surprise you Jordan but I'm gonna agree with you no way I am I am I think it was Buzz Aldrin what are the other guys I just don't think it was Neil Armstrong and Michael Collins.

Yeah, I think it was those guys. Yeah, it was us on the podcast. We did that. Like I truly believe if you think about when this all happened, we're in the middle of the Cold War. We're in a space race with Russia. We're coming off the heels of World War II, which was horrific. Although some people seem to think it was pretty cool as it turns out in this country. Yeah, basic cable programmers is who you're talking about. Yeah. But it's the space race and we're also maybe heading towards another war with Russia. And I kind of believe that the technology wasn't there yet, but for the morale of this country, it didn't matter. We just needed something to get America

to feel like America again, to unite all of us as Americans. And if that means landing on the moon before Russia does and dissolving the idea of another war, well then let's shoot it in North Hollywood and with Stanley Kubrick and a bunch of guys signing NDAs and get all of us to feel proud of our country again. Was it specifically North Hollywood and if it was, if yes, follow-up question, was it in the NoHo Arts District?

Great question. I believe it was North Hollywood and as far as the NoHo Arts District, I'm not sure. I pull that because I was a P.A. on a sci fi film where they rented out a porn studio to shoot some pickups. And so I know that they have like a lot of options out there, whether you want to shoot a pickup in a spaceship or shoot something for brazzers. Like anything's possible in North Hollywood. That's what they say in the NoHo Arts District. Anything's possible.

Anything's possible in the NoHo Arts District. I think ultimately, if they hadn't faked the moon landing, well, they would have done that in the NoHo Science District. Right. Yes. Okay. Before it was defunded, huh? Yeah, before they defunded the Noho science district, Jordan. I saw some great one-person chemistry demonstrations in that district. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. A lot of little black box chemistry labs in that district to see some bad chemistry demonstrations Absolutely, you remember when Bill Nye was just getting started and he was doing the whole I was there man. Were you there? I was there Me and a little you know, and it was packed but 50 seats That's what Gary Marshall did with all of his money from funding. Mr. Wizard Right because he has a theater hat, he's dead now, he has a theater in North Hollywood and he used his money from Happy Days on.

Then his Mr. Wizard money he used on a science theater. Science theater, yeah. So, Gary Marshall, creator of Happy Days, of course. In this situation, it would be that he also created Mr. Wizard, science show, and he took that money. This all makes sense. This all makes sense. What did he do? Roll it into Beekman's world? Like, is that what he was doing? He's just funding shows left and right. It was a roll up, yeah. He was trying to put together a roll up for a streamer.

Mike, in the world of conspiracy theories, do you have any info on the status of Bigfoot? Are people still into Bigfoot or is Bigfoot yesterday's news? Because if we're talking fun conspiracy theories, which there's, you know, limited, Bigfoot's still kind of fun, right? Are people still looking for this guy? Can I say a quick Bigfoot thing before you give us the big foot lowdown? I had a meeting recently regarding my public radio program with a public radio executive. Very nice man gave me some very valuable feedback about my show. One thing he mentioned several

times was that he was not trying to big foot me. And afterwards, a colleague of mine texted me, saw his notes, noticed it said, not trying to bigfoot you. Maybe he confused bigfoot with big time? Maybe. Oh, okay. I don't know. I'm not trying to bigfoot this guy. Was he trying to make it seem like you possibly don't exist?

Right. What's the deal here? I'm not trying to get you to live in the woods in the Pacific Northwest. Very helpful meaning. Sounds really helpful. I believe Bigfoot exists. There are still Bigfoot hunters out there and not just on TV, but people like a guy named Rodney Adams in Louisville, Kentucky who will take you out so that you can search for Bigfoot in the forests of Louisville.

And he and others like him swear they have seen a Bigfoot. Is there only one? Is there many? I don't know. But people are still out here trying to find the truth. And the truth is Bigfoot is out there. Is Bigfoot different from Sasquatch? No, it's just- I had no idea that Bigfoot lived in Louisville, Kentucky. Yeah.

I thought he lived in like Bend, Oregon or something. I know, I always thought of Bigfoot as a Pacific Northwest critter. Maybe that's where Sasquatch is, but Bigfoot is- Sure, it's a regional thing. It's like a hoagie grinder thing. Jordan, you know where the Yeti lives? Taos, New Mexico, Jordan. Taos, he's into crystals and shit.

Oh, do I? I don't think I get that. Yeah, Yeti, he lives in Taos, New Mexico. Okay. Are you saying a place that the yeti's from? Yeah, that's where the yeti lives. Okay. Good.

Is he wearing like turquoise? Things like that? He's really into turquoise, adobe. Yeah, he's wearing turquoise, got a cool wolf shirt, got a common law wife. They don't need a piece of paper. Sort of. What do you call that? Sprinkle painting things?

It's like where you put some paint on a paintbrush and then you know what I'm talking about. Oh, so he has a TikTok account too. Got it. Oh, yeah. Yeah Yeah, this guy's totally on TikTok. He's got a really careful he wears a lot of denim over shirts Sounds like a pretty cool guy. He got all those with wolves on him Oh his brother and of course, yeah, you got to support other artists in the area like the wolves Oh his brother and of course, yeah, you got to support other artists in the area like the wolves Mm-hmm. Yeah the there's actually the our most recent episode on YouTube is about the skinwalkers and Skinwalker ranch and those are pretty cool because skinwalkers are a Tangent to bigfoot. They're huge 400 pound wolves

impenetrable by bullets hunting and haunting this New Mexican ranch forever. So many. Penetrable by this hard diddick. Yeah, I fucked a skinwalker. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, man. That's pretty cool. Nice, nice. I think that like, that's the fun of the show is like doing this deep dive into research and being like, yeah, it's just more fun to believe. It's just more fun to believe. And whether it's having sex with a skinwalker, which I'm immensely jealous of.

Because you know what? You can't fuck it if you don't believe in it. There you go. For a long time I thought roller hockey was a myth. Sure. Then you were camping one night and roller hockey players. Fuck with your tent. Do either of you have alien encounters before we wrap up? Have you seen an alien ship?

Like my girlfriend is from northern New Jersey and we were there over Christmas and that's where all those drones were, so we were trying to get the lowdown on if they were alien drones and things like that. Do you have any alien experiences? Mike, I have only seen shit that can be explained. Everything I've seen can be explained. I would love to see something that can be, that couldn't be explained. Everything I've seen has a fucking explanation and it's a goddamn bummer.

It sucks. I wish I lived in a world of wonder and majesty. I just don't. I live in a world of fucking explanations. 43 years I've been on this earth. I've had so many experiences, Mike. Every type. I mean, from a thing that happened to me in San Francisco that I've talked about on this show to a second thing that happened to me in San Francisco that I've talked about in this show. And of course, whatever it was that I talked about on this show today. The thing that all of those experiences have in common is their sheer explicability. Just the raw explicability of everything that's happened from, for example, the guy that pissed in

the parking garage. Well, he was on his way to a rave. Yeah, he was on his way to a rave. He didn't want to have to piss at the rave. He didn't have to want to have to wait to visit the rave, certainly. The billboard, someone put it up. Yeah, exactly. Someone rented the space from an outdoor advertising company. You know, not sure which one, but. So the sex with the skinwalker was just chemistry, a natural feeling.

We met at a club. Like I said, I don't go to clubs often but I do go once in a while. You know, I'm not always in sneakers and a jersey. And I met this skinwalker at a club. She was looking- You and your wife have a hall pass for cryptos, right? Cryptids. Sorry, cryptids.

Well, cryptid cryptos. Cryptid cryptos. I'm allowed to have digital sex with the blockchain if its theme is cryptid related. Sure, yeah. Yeah, that's fair. That's all makes sense Did you choose the New Jersey Devils because New Jersey Devils are a cryptid? Oh my gosh, they are yes Okay, great It did not experience that's actually what they make Taylor pork roll out of guys Jersey here for you.

There's a great pull. East Coast. East Coast. Or Taylor Ham, depending on where you are. Sure. She's from Taylor Ham country. There you go. The skinwalker?

Yes. Yeah. I've only met one through a hole in a stall. So it's cool that you really got the full experience. They love to hide behind those holes. one through a hole in a stall. So it's cool that you really got the full experience. They love to hide behind those holes. You were in a stall and it had a hole that said, stick your dick in here and a skinwalker will suck it. Definitely not a creepy dude, it said underneath in parentheses. Yeah, it was a lot of writing. It was worth reading though. Creepy slash lonely dude. Okay, well Mike, it's been a joy.

Your podcast is called Hi in the Sky. You have like an Emmy or something, right? Who cares? Tragically, who cares? Our theme music is Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. Our producer is the great Stephen Ray Morris. You can find us on Reddit at reddit.com slash r slash maximum fun. You can find us on Facebook at Facebook.com slash Jordan Jesse go. You can find us on Instagram at Jordan Jesse go pod. Jordan Jesse go pod or no just Jordan Jesse go on blue

sky. What if that's the only thing Steven did on our show was once in a while he just went work here is done sure okay uh we're on instagram at jesse thorne very famous and at jordan david morris and we will talk to you next time on jordan jesse go Love you